Original subtitles

Look at me, right?

And look at the Queen.

I was never a fan until it occurred to me how much me and Ma'am have in common.

Bringing up kiddies, you can't remember the names of.

I know she's not a single parent, but she might as well be.

Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck to our guns,

her, literally sometimes, and flagshipped a dying breed.

Admired and despised equally.

Not for never lifting a finger, no, for setting examples through extremity.

And whether you're a bigwig on her end or a bigwig on mine,

you've still got all your dickheads in the middle to deal with,

snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.

I mean, she can't not be looking at me and thinking, "What's your secret, Frank?"

I got shot of my kids yonks back,

whereas she's yet to see the back of a single one.

Fine!

I've had to get out of bed on occasion to make ends meet,

whereas she, she's done the whole thing from a chair.

Oh, and a drink for the lady.

Oh, sure, there's perks.

But look at her lot. Brian May prancing about on her roof.

Now, look at my lot,

we know how to throw a proper fucking pa-a-rty!

[instrumental music playing]

[Kelly] Cheer up, there's people worse off than you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the single most useless piece of platitude

anyone can ever give you, ever.

'Cause it doesn't make you feel any better, does it?

All it ever does is make me wonder

where down this never-ending line of "worse off people" I fall?

Of course, there's people worse off than me.

So what?

I don't want to be comparing myself to them.

I want to be looking at the people above me.

I want to be saying, "I'll have some of what she's having, please."

I want bumping up the fucking list a bit.

[footsteps pounding]

Is that too much to ask?

Morning, love.

Morning.

Y'all right?

Ooh, like your jammies.

Ta.

[dog barks in distance]

[door closes]

[fridge door closes]

[funky guitar strum]

I'll square you later.

I know I might look like Geldof!

[door closes]

[wood creaks]

[glass breaks]

[Lillian] Oops! Hiya, love.

Fuck's sake, Lillian!

[footsteps]

Where are you going?

School.

Problem with a teacher letting the side down.

The headmaster has personally asked me to sort her out.

And how are you going to do that?

Tactfully.

And if that don't work, violent intimidation.

Here y'are! Look what I've found.

It's a feather.

That's fucking good, that.

See if you can learn the names of some other things whilst I'm out.

[door opens]

[door slams]

[bird chirps]

A party?

A house warming for you and Letitia.

Thought it would be nice.

And you're telling me now?

This is my 13th birthday all over again.

I assume I can invite some of my mates, since it is for me, an' all?

If you like.

Just thought you're after meeting some new people.

So... But of course, you can.

Thought we might make it a girls'-own.

What do you say?

Mum, you could have done a bit more bacon.

I didn't have any more bacon.

We're a little light on grocery funds this week.

That, and the stuff I bought for the party.

I never asked for a party!

[dog barks]

And I will sort out the housekeeping. You'll have it Monday.

Mary-Mae! Don't embarrass your Auntie Avril!

She doesn't want charity.

Do you, Avril?

She's still got her dignity.

[crunches]

Lillian, what are you blithering on about? What's it got to do with us?

I keep some money in there.

Did I not mention it?

I probably should have started with that.

You keep the takings in a railway locker?

Well, why shouldn't I? They're very secure, them lockers.

Probably that's why the drug dealers use 'em.

And that's probably why they're always getting raided!

You've got to help me, Kelly.

I can't go to prison, not with this face.

I'd be catnip for all them lezzies.

I'd get it meself, but...

Yeah, how've you done that anyway?

Boweling.

-Bowling? -No, love.

Boweling!

[rock music playing]

[kids shouting]

Right.

You.

A word.

[coins clank]

[guitar playing]

How much of a cut?

Well, she reckons there's upwards of three grand in there by now.

She never counts it.

Says we can have 200 for picking it up.

'Cause of the risk and that.

See, that's the bit that's bothering us.

You're as bad, is it?

Do you really think someone's staking out the bloody lockers?

The daft mare watched Bourne Ultimatum on Sunday, that's all!

This big raid of hers is probably just one bloke and a sniffer dog.

[sighs]

Right.

[spooky flute music playing]

[announcement over radio]

[breathing heavily]

I mean, I suppose we could watch for a bit.

Let's watch for a bit!

[woman crying]

Fuck's sake, you're a grown woman! Pull yourself together.

I don't want to be fired.

This job is all I've got!

Well, Banbury told me

you're one of the best teachers the school's ever had.

So, what happened?

'Cause from what I just saw, Year 5 could've been having a Roman fucking orgy,

and you wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

[sniffles]

It's not that I don't care.

I do, but...

It's just after everything I've been through,

everything that's happened.

What do you mean?

Why, what's happened?

My husband left me.

[sobs]

Open this door right now!

[door creaks]

A fella?

That's what this is about?

A fucking fella?

[announcements over PA]

He's been at it ages.

It's like he's adjusting a radio or summat.

He's scratching his arse.

No!

Is he?

He's getting fair stuck in, if he is.

Sometimes you have to.

[both make strained noises]

Oh, for fuck's sake.

We're being as numb as she is.

There's nobody watching them, let's just get it over with.

[breathing heavily] All right.

Which one is it?

[keys rattling]

What exactly are you doing?

Trying to cover you so no one can see what you're up to.

Do you know what it looks like you're doing?

What?

Trying to cover me so no one can see what I'm up to!

Got to do this sort of thing subtle.

[key rattling]

Shitting hell!

Well, stand in front of us!

Thought they'd be in a bag or something.

Did you? Good though!

'Cause I naturally assumed they'd be stuffed in like Paxo!

Fucking help us!

[sighs]

What do you think? For the party?

The party that's two days away?

Yeah, I just wanted to make sure it still fits.

And you know what? It does.

It's nice.

I used to have one like that.

Mine was red.

No good for Monday though.

It's a DAYHOP party.

"Dress As Your Husband Or Partner".

I'm sure I said?

Parties have to have a theme these days, Avril.

It's not like back when...

Well, back when you last wore that dress.

Hang on.

"Dress as your husband or partner"?

Oh, right! Yeah.

Well, let's just say if you don't have a husband or partner, you can...

I don't know, come as your dad?

[laughs teasingly] Excuse me!

Doesn't really matter, just a bit of fun.

Breaks the ice.

You are not serious.

Marty, is it just me,

or did that look like a lot more than four grand?

Kind of exciting, though, weren't it?

We were like Laverne and Shirley!

Who?

Is that not right?

Were they not the gangsters?

[fridge door opens]

Where's the milk?

I dunno. Marty, come here, will you?

I've counted 12 grand, and that's just this lot.

She's rich?

Who knew, right?

I mean, not her, obviously.

All she's expecting is a couple of stacks.

What are you saying?

I'm not saying anything.

Why? What did you think I was saying?

[tensed] I don't know.

[sighs]

Mmm.

It smells like a bank, don't it?

All them notes...

all the hands that have touched them, the places they've been.

Yeah, it does.

There's something... sexual about being in a bank, isn't there?

Like libraries, the whole, "look but don't touch thing."

[gasps]

It's a big tease.

We're not in a bank, though.

No.

We can, touch it all we want.

[bills rustling]

Wah!

Yeah.

[fast rock music plays]

-[thud] -Hey!

-You been sat there all day? -No.

Maybe.

Been researching.

Well, you can clear off out for the evening

'cause I've got a dinner guest.

What? Who?

Mrs. Tattersal.

Ew, Twat-ersal? Is she still there?

Mrs. Twat-ersal to you!

And she's coming here

for a home-cooked meal and advice of the heart.

What, from you?

Yeah, from me!

I'm a very fucking caring person!

Well, can't I stay?

Oh, that's a good idea.

Maybe you could show her your feather?

Oh, I could, couldn't I?

She'll probably know what...

[sarcastically] Ha-ha, I get it.

Party at mine.

I mean, round our Patreesha's, but it's for me.

Ladies only, I'm afraid.

Pfft!

[Lillian] Karen, have you seen me glasses?

No.

"Dress As Your Husband Or Partner"?

Not my idea.

Sounds good.

Hey, you finally get to see me dressed up as you!

Hope you brought enough.

Lillian.

Here.

What's all this about?

Party on Monday.

Ask some of the girls, if you like?

Oh, thanks very much.

Got a big family, has she?

Yeah.

[Mrs. Tattersal] Thank you so much for inviting me round, Mimi.

I was so sure the head had sent you to fire me.

[snorts]

Do you know what they call you in the staff room?

What do they call me?

Banbury's hit woman.

So, do you not get out much these days, then?

Oh, no.

[wine sloshes]

Me and Clive used to go out once a month, for a meal.

[sighs]

But now...

[sobs]

I'm sorry.

Eh, we'll have none of that for a kick-off!

Them kiddies need a good teacher.

You need to get your head back in the game.

[sighs]

Get some scran down you.

And then you and me will go out for a few.

Oh, I... I...

I don't know, I've never been much for that sort of thing.

I find it hard to let myself go.

Don't worry about that.

Stick with me, I'll make a new woman of ya.

[glasses clink]

[chuckles nervously]

[giggles]

[giggles]

[laughs nervously]

This note this one right here.

I earned that for her.

The things I did for that note, for all of them.

[inhales sharply]

Some people don't appreciate what they've got.

All right, I'll say it.

Don't. Please, don't!

I've always wanted you to have a better life.

It's wrong!

We could just get out of here, our own place...

-She's a friend-- -...our own actual home.

She's more than a friend.

She won't even know it's missing, won't even know it's gone.

And, if you think about it, it's a victimless crime.

No! It's not, Marty.

It's only victimless if you don't think about it.

Then we don't think about it.

[laughter in distance]

[balls striking]

Black ball, there.

[gasps]

Fucking hell!

We used to have a table.

I've never seen that before. Did you see that?

So, Ches, fancy a game?

Yeah?

Wouldn't mind trying me luck with Hurricane Mae, here!

Oh.

OK.

Sure.

Go easy on us, yeah?

I've never been here before.

Is this your local? I don't go out much.

I've never been in here before.

Hello, William!

Sorry, Miss. I mean, you all right, Miss?

Shall I join you?

What do you think?

If she was after a chimps tea party, I'd have taken her the fucking zoo.

[giggles]

How did you do that?

I could never even get him to stop fiddling with himself in class!

[laughs sarcastically]

How do you know him anyway?

Mimi, party on Monday, if you're interested?

[chuckles]

Hello!

Hello.

She's with me. She's a teacher.

Oh. Right.

Ooh! Party!

[giggles]

[sarcastic laugh]

[dog barks]

[siren wails]

Shane, look. I found this.

I think it's off a duck.

Reckon it must be nesting round here somewhere.

Right.

I tell you what, you see if you can find some more,

I'll organise a press conference.

Dick.

[duck quacking]

Shane!

[playful orchestral music plays]

[ducks quacking]

[water splatter]

Y'know what?

I want something a bit classier, I'm with a teacher.

I'll have a couple of them Jagerbombs.

[Avril] There you go.

You get to dress up as your fella.

Lucky me!

So, how's it going, anyway?

I've moved in with my big sister.

Not quite the way I envisaged my life turning out.

Tell me about it.

[slurred voice] Party!

-[paper rustles as Avril grabs] -Girls only, Frank.

What kind of party's that?

The kind that involves bras and panties and pillow fights, of course.

S'all right, I'll sit in the corner quietly.

You won't even know that I'm there!

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music playing]

[suddenly conscious of chatter]

A victimless crime?

Long as we don't think about it.

[glass clinks]

[laughter in distance]

[kids shouting out]

All right, love?

What are you doing here?

[television running]

I went down the station.

Oh, I'd forgotten all about that.

Forgotten?

[turns off television]

Lillian, for fuck sake!

You can't be this casual about money.

What you earn is more than some people see in a life time.

Means nothing to you, does it?

And if you don't keep track of it, people...

people might take advantage.

Did you get it?

[whispers loudly] Yes, I got it.

[plastic bag rustles]

Look, Lillian, I have to say.

There was a lot more there than you thought.

Oh?

[plastic bag rustles]

Four thousand.

Blimey!

For you, and a little extra.

Oh. No, Lillian...

Please, please.

Thank you.

[plastic bag rustles]

[groovy music playing]

He said I'd changed,

I don't make the effort any more, he said I was like my mother.

[Frank grunts as he falls]

Bastard!

That's what he is!

[raised tone] Never used to be like that, never used to ask me to do...

do those sort of things in the bedroom!

[cheers]

I like this song, what is it?

["Bad Romance" playing]

I just miss him so much!

[sobs]

How many of these have I had?

We've only been here five minutes!

Oh, I better get us some more then.

[pills bottle rattle]

[pills rattling]

Do I want to know?

It's called educational reconstruction.

[shouts] Barman!

[door opens]

Off. I need to make that into a bed. We've got a house guest for the weekend.

[sighs] Why?

'Cause I'm not done with her yet.

[thud]

[sighs]

[plastic bag rustles]

So, if that's OK with you, I'll pop round and see you later then, love.

See ya.

[door opens]

[siren wails in distance]

Er, I mean... Goodbye, Miss.

Always were an ill-mannered little scrote, weren't you, Tutton?

[crunches]

[both grin]

What have you done to her?

Liberated her, Billy.

I've liberated her.

But she's just like you now.

So? I'm fucking liberated, aren't I?

[sighs]

[door closes]

[chuckles gently]

I don't wanna see it.

What if someone comes round?

Who's coming round?

What if someone breaks in?

No one's going to break in. Not round here.

You don't steal from your own, do you?

We just want a better life. That's all.

That's not a crime, is it?

No, Marty.

[scoffs]

Wanting something isn't a crime.

But stealing 50 grand from your best mate,

I'd say that were pretty fucking borderline, wouldn't you?

[knock at door]

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

[bills rustling]

[whispers loudly] It's all right, it's all right, just a thingy.

[laughs nervously]

[panting]

I want it gone.

If it were gone, then...

Hmm?

We should take it, take it all now, go down to the estate agent and just...

Just what?

[inhales sharply]

Jesus Christ, Marty! What the fuck are we doing?

We can't sort out a mortgage with your barrow load of spunk-stained notes.

Oh, no, they're all right, I wiped myself off--

Think, Marty!

They're going to ask us questions, like, "Where's it from?"

Well...

You launder it, don't you?

-Oh, do you, now? -Yeah!

And what the fuck do either of us know about that?

I can sort this.

[sighs]

Kelly!

[door opens]

Kelly!

[Marty] Mimi!

-Mimi. -I'm in a bit of a rush.

I only need a minute. I wanted to ask a bit of a favour.

Well?

Well, you see, it's a bit delicate.

[shouts] Up your fucking arse!

Sorry.

See, I reckon you could be the one to help.

Well, spit it out before you have a fucking stroke.

[pants]

Me and Kelly have come into a bit of money.

Ripped it off! [shrieks]

You what?

We need to make it a coup de la.

Clean, legit.

You want to launder some money?

Shh! Yeah.

[pants]

And I figured since you're a...

Since I'm a what?

[stutters] A business woman.

You calling me a fucking villain?

No.

I'm on the PTA, I am.

I have respected pillars of the community round for dinner.

I wear dress suits!

[dogs barking in distance]

Can you sort it or not?

Yeah, course I can.

Oh, good.

[pants] Only not a word to anyone.

Keep it on the down-low.

[shrieks]

Coup de la?

Down-low?

Mmm.

You two suddenly Bonnie and fucking Clyde?

[shouts] That's them!

Who the fuck are Laverne and Shirley?

Dressing up as our Brendan tonight, need something to shove downstairs.

Packed quite the moose's knuckle, our Brends.

[door opens and closes]

Twenty royals, please.

Hiya, flower.

[bills rustling]

[billing machine clatter]

Oh, very propitious.

Still owe me for the milk, you know?

Fucking here!

And the sugar.

[door closes]

[coins rattle]

That should be mine.

Rent money.

[thump and coins rattle]

[kids laughing]

I tell you, I've been like a whirling dervish all morning.

I've even signed back up to some of my old non-curriculars.

Mmm.

I feel like a new woman again, I really do.

Like, it's like I'm...

Liberated.

Liberated, yes.

Er... Are you wearing make-up?

No, Miss.

Don't lie to me. Take it off now.

Well, as I'm here, I better stop at Banbury's,

pick up the keys for the storeroom.

Told him last week I'd keep on top of supplies and that.

-[pills rattling] -Oh, there's no need.

I've already volunteered.

Like I said, back to all my old duties again.

[clicks tongue]

Supplies, admin, accounts.

[keys rattling]

Good job as well, god knows who he had doing the books.

Full of holes, they were.

You don't say.

I'll give you a hand, then.

Oh, I think I can handle it, Mimi.

Besides, PTA shouldn't really do this. It's more of a staff thing.

Thanks for popping by.

[ducks quacking]

Y'alright?

I brought you some more bread.

And don't worry, I cut off all the mould.

[ducks quacking]

Nice one!

Fuck d'you find this?

[duck quacking]

No, no, no, no, no!

Where are you?

[door creaks]

[duck quacking]

Shit!

[thud]

Fuck a duck!

[shrieks]

[ducks quacks]

That's very good, Avril, you look just like him.

The grey in the hair's a nice touch.

Who are you meant to be?

My dad, apparently, who wasn't a cross dresser.

These are his cabaret trousers.

-They were a bit long... -[chuckles]

...so I took 'em up a smidge.

And by the way, Dad has a moustache.

Actually, the last time I saw him, he'd just shaved it off.

And when was that exactly?

The last time you saw him?

Mum!

-[crunching] -[door bell dings]

Get that, will you, Avril?

Bound to be one of yours if they're this early.

[spooky flute music playing]

He saw the money. I didn't know what to do!

So, you knocked him out?

With a plate?

You can't go round knocking people out with plates, Marty!

Oh, and there was a duck in here too.

It's all been go, really.

[groaning]

[glass shatters]

No!

[exhales sharply]

We'll leave him by the jacuzzi,

smash a tile next to his head or summat, I don't know.

Numb sod'll think he dreamt it.

Come on! Quickly! Before he wakes up!

[Mimi] Marty?

[knock at door]

Marty?

Oh, yeah. She said she'd help us move the money.

I forgot about that.

Did you!

[ducks quacking]

[water sloshing]

[door creaks]

[shrieks]

You all right?

[thump]

Fifteen percent as discussed.

You said ten before.

And I might say fucking 20 in a minute.

Eighteen!

[makes strained noises]

[disco music plays]

[party noises]

You know all these women, do you?

Yeah.

Are all their husbands coppers, then?

Apparently.

[door bell dings]

Oh, excuse me.

Hiya!

[squeals] Hiya!

All right?

Now then.

-Oh! -Oh, come on!

Hey! I paid for you two up front!

I'm not made of paper towels, you know!

[door slams]

Jamie.

Nicky.

Now then, Yoko, John's not about, I'll pass it on.

Never joke about Lennon.

[scoffs]

[thump]

I don't have those sort of contacts any more.

It's for Kelly and Marty.

And for what we're charging 'em, you can make some new ones.

I'm gonna check on Cilla.

[sighs]

Contacts?

Don't worry about it.

Maybe I can help?

Cleaning up some money, that's all.

Like I said, don't worry about it.

And like I said, maybe I can help.

I thought you were on the level?

There's levels and there's levels.

You do realise that this is...

What do they need it for?

To get a mortgage.

Oh, there you go then.

It's a bit of white-collar fiddling, that's all.

You think the suits on the top floor aren't playing roulette

with everyone's accounts?

Why should it be just them? Huh?

Look, we all have the same resources

and if the Martys and the Kellys want a slice and I can help, why not?

It's practically a public service.

All right.

[keypad beeps]

-[ducks quacking] -[tiles rattle]

Least I got her back down to 16, so that's good.

Why are we doing this, Marty?

[inhales sharply]

Were we really that unhappy?

This is all of it?

Everything you kept back?

[bills rustling]

We were unhappy, you know.

Supposed to say we weren't. I know.

Supposed to say we had each other, and that's all that counted.

Didn't matter if we lived in a squat.

Didn't matter...

if you made a living sleeping with other men.

That's what I'm supposed to say, right?

-[shrieks] -[sighs]

I... I guess so. Yeah, that's what you're supposed...

Well, I can't.

I hate it.

All of it.

I hate living like this.

I hate what you do.

And I hate that I can't make it better for you,

'cause you deserve better.

You do.

We both do.

And no one's ever going to give it us.

Never.

[shrieks]

[dog barks in distance]

Everybody takes something, sometime. Don't they?

It's finally our turn.

But I still need to do this.

And then...

[exhales deeply]

And then we can be happy.

[shrieks]

♪ ...for just one second You'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now, go Walk out the door... ♪

Oh, fuck me!

Billy, is that you?

Yeah. Funny. "Dress as your husband".

He's only got two sets of fucking togs.

Cheer up, you look good.

Anyway, your mate's here.

Eh?

♪ I will survive For as long as... ♪

[Karen] She's proper good.

[Mimi] Yeah, proper.

["I Will Survive" playing]

Lillian!

Going to the party.

I'm our Brendan.

You not going?

The party? Clean forgot.

I was just on me way to see you, actually.

See, when we picked up your money, we carried it back in this rucksack

and we were just putting it away tonight and there's still some in the bottom,

underneath the flap thing?

So, we didn't see it.

But, anyway...

[sniffles]

here you are.

Must be another two grand there?

It's lucky, wasn't it?

Glad I caught you anyway. Enjoy the party.

Was there anymore?

In the bottom of the bag?

Under the flap?

Are you robbing us?

Why didn't you fucking count it, Lillian?

You had no idea, had you?

Means nowt to you, does it?

Practically fucking wallpaper.

Do you know how many blowjobs I would have to give to get even a 12th

of what you're just stuffing away in railway lockers?

[sobs]

We just want a better life.

Say something.

Shout at me, call me a thieving cunt.

[crying voice] Tell me how I've broken your heart.

Say something!

I don't think me and you's got anything to say to each other anymore.

Do you?

Lillian...

[sobs loudly]

♪ Dancing queen Feel the beat from the tambourine... ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[laughter]

♪ You can dance... ♪

[music stops]

♪ You... ♪

What do you think you're doing?

She's your guest, let her sing.

Yeah, she's my guest,

which is probably why you and your mates are stood over there laughing at us.

Laughing?

It's called having a good time, Avril.

You should try it.

If I wanted tea in the zoo, I'd have... fucked a... chimp.

More educational reconstruction?

I'll give her fucking reconstruction, all right.

That's another one gone, then.

You don't half drive 'em away, don't you?

Mates! Husbands...

[gnashes] Oh, shut up!

At least I don't strut about like a...

a black Cher!

A what?

At least when I lose someone, I leave them lost.

Avril, he's not lost.

You know exactly where he is.

I'm sure the brewery'll give you that woman's address if you ask them nicely.

She still works for 'em, doesn't she?

-[drink splashes] -[groans]

-Hey! -Fuck off.

Your mum started it, being a bitch.

-Don't you call my mum a bitch! -[drink splashes]

[screaming and shouting]

[muffled shouting]

[taps pills bottle]

Oh, god!

Sorry, Mimi, but dressed like that for a second there,

I thought you were our Clive.

You what?

How many of them you had?

They're just herbal. See?

You're the spit of him in that tracksuit.

Bastard. Do you know what I wish?

I wish I'd had the guts to tell him just what I thought

when I still had the chance.

Make him sorry. Make him say sorry.

Then why don't ya?

Tell me, I mean.

If I look so much like the twat, pretend I'm him.

Get it all off your chest.

And I'll respond as Clive.

[funky guitar strum]

[dramatic music playing]

[tiles rattle]

[laughs]

[heated argument] I always tried to be a good wife but you never...

A good wife?

[shouts] Late home every night, wasting time staying on all hours

to do the school accounts, the admin!

[deep slow voice] Not even thinking about my needs.

[voice transitions to Clive's voice] About a man's needs.

Any wonder I start looking elsewhere, eh?

[scoffs] A cook in the kitchen? My arse.

Like a lump of dead meat in the bedroom.

Sitting around in your long fucking nightie,

looking more and more like your pig ugly mother every day.

I'm sorry, Clive.

I am. I... I can change.

[pants] I swear I can change.

I'll even let you do that thing you wanted to try with that dental chair you got.

The what?

Mimi?

[muffled shouting]

Right!

[shouts] That's it!

Out!

Everybody, out!

You miss him, don't you?

I do.

[inhales deeply]

I really do.

Then maybe you should go to him and ask him to take you back.

Don't be too proud to beg.

And I'll help ya.

You won't have to work late any more, give him more time.

That's probably all he wants.

And I'll take that silly admin off your hands, yeah?

[sighs]

Thank you, Mimi.

It's a pleasure.

[wood creaks]

[thud]

[panting]

[door opens]

[kids playing in distance]

[metal creaks]

[plastic bag rustles]

How can I even look at her now?

How can I look at anyone?

But once the money's cleared, once we're gone...

And how long's that going to take, Marty?

[sobs] Until then, I'm going to see her, aren't I?

Every second.

[stops suddenly]

About this money of yours.

[whispers] What money?

Fine, it's fine, it's all in hand.

How long?

I'll sort you out a new credit history...

should have a healthy account by Friday.

Fri... Friday? This Friday?

You mean we can put ourselves down for a mortgage this Friday?

If that's what you want, then, yes.

You can do it.

This Friday.

[both chuckle happily]

So, basically she's returning

to a loveless marriage and an abusive husband?

Sounds bad if you say it like that.

Bottom line, kiddies get a proper teacher again

and I'm back in business.

Everybody's happy.

There'll always be casualties, whatever.

She should have paid more attention to her fella, shouldn't she?

If all you do is work, work, work,

then he's bound to get a wandering eye, isn't he?

[laughter behind]

Mimi?

You go on. I'm gonna head off home.

[indistinct chatter]

A party over by 9pm?

-[plastic bag rustles] -I'll never live it down.

No one knew, you know.

About her.

Best out in the open.

Not good to keep pretending.

Oh, is that right?

[cups clink]

Yeah.

Really not good.

Do you know how much this shirt cost?

This really was like your 13th birthday.

You ruined my best top then, too.

Puked up all over it.

Yeah, 'cause you spiked my coke.

I hadn't.

I just told you I did.

You puked up anyway.

You were dead funny, so easy to wind up.

Still are.

Patreesh...

how come you let us stay here?

You're my sister.

Plus, I thought it might be a bit of company.

I'll pay for the dry cleaning.

And...

you know I said I'd have the housekeeping by today, I can't--

[interrupts] Duh.

No rush.

[Mary-Mae] Er, our maths teacher is asleep in the bath.

[chuckles] Yeah!

You're kidding!

[both chuckle]

[television running]

What you watching?

Dunno.

[sighs]

Look, I know I haven't been round much of late.

Are you wearing my tracksuit?

What?

Oh, yeah.

What I'm trying to say is, I had things needed sorting, that's all.

But it's done now.

So, I'm gonna be here more for you and Cilla.

So, I can talk to you about stuff again?

Oh, of course, you can.

That's a relief 'cause I've got something I really want to show you.

It's not a dental chair, is it?

What? No.

You ready?

[duckling chirps]

Awesome, aren't they?

Yeah, they're great.

-See the little skinny one? -[duckling trills with fear]

I named that one after you.

Oh, ta.

[ducklings chirping]

Yeah, I tell you what.

Let's go to the bedroom.

[footsteps pounding]

We could be gone by the end of the week.

Can we be happy now?

[squeals]

[crowd shouting and cheering]

♪ Absolutely soaking wet! ♪

[Kelly] So, you people, you ones who are supposedly worse off than me,

what would you give to crawl up that list?

Would you lie?

Would you steal?

Would you sell your soul?

My days down there are gone.

And maybe my soul is, too.

But so what?

Cheer up, Kelly, there'll always be people worse off than you.

What's one more?

[door opens]

Kassi Blanco?

Put your hands down my pants. I dare you.

[Jamie] You've dragged me into this shit I wanna know about it.

[Kassi] Just need somewhere to lay low for a few days.

We're looking for Dr. Martin Fisher and Kelly Ball.

Wrong house, love.

[Jamie] I want you two to do one, now.

Fuck it, let's just go.

[Karen] You told your mum yet, about them moving in?

I'm just helping them out. He's family.

Not my fucking family!

[Randall] I'm gonna fuck you like you've never been fucked before.

[moaning]

[bed rattling]

Oh, Jamie.

Oh!

Oh, Jamie!

Oh!

Ah, Jamie!

[strained voice] Jamie!

[sighs]

Oh, that was amazing.

[panting]

How was it for me?