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1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,764
MORK:
Na-no, na-no.
2
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,228
You know, I love this part of the day.
3
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:46,997
When we get a few hours
to ourselves.
4
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,333
Yeah.
5
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:51,341
You know what would make it
really perfect, little pooter precious?
6
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:55,103
- Not again.
- Oh. Come on.
7
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,680
We came so close last time.
8
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,681
- Oh, all right.
- Oh, yay.
9
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:06,286
I want you to know this is the third time
since the 11:00 news.
10
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,188
Oh, yeah.
11
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,120
Oh, heh-heh.
12
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,365
Alrighty.
13
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:19,303
Okay. At a four-way stop,
who has the right of way?
14
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:23,542
Let's see.
Any vehicle driven by a teamster.
15
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,980
No. Now, Mork, with answers like that,
you're never gonna get your license.
16
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,348
I'll get served in restaurants
where the maître d' goes:
17
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,041
"You wanna sit down now?"
18
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,065
Can you be serious for a minute?
19
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,949
- Certainly.
- Okay.
20
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:45,430
Mommy and Daddy, I can't sleep.
21
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,324
The neighbors are so noisy.
22
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,765
By the way,
what does "cheap floozy" mean?
23
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,695
Never mind.
Why don't you lie down next to Daddy?
24
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:57,536
- Come on, Daddy.
- I don't wanna lie down next to Daddy.
25
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,907
Teddy, what do you see, Teddy?
Teddy always see something.
26
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,071
[GIBBERING]
27
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,047
Over there, Teddy.
Here we go, Teddy.
28
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,483
You little sniffer. What is it?
29
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:12,557
Teddy sees cookies.
Yes, maybe I will lie down with Daddy.
30
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,557
Mearth, you've got two choices.
31
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,891
We can finish the story we started
at naptime and you can go to bed,
32
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,794
or you can just go to bed.
33
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,728
I think the choice is pretty obvious.
34
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,269
All right, while you kids have fun,
I'm gonna work out
35
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:31,966
why half the people on the road
found it and the other half never lost it.
36
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:35,504
Let's see, hand signals, we have a…
Let's see, right turn, left turn,
37
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:41,484
ethnic neighborhood, right on,
for sure, totally, maybe we don't know.
38
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:42,916
- Let's see.
- Okay.
39
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:46,058
U-turn, not me. U-turn…
40
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,486
Okay, sweetie, here we go.
41
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,394
- Are you ready?
- Yes, Teddy's listening too.
42
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,058
"The maiden told Rumpelstiltskin
the king would behead her"
43
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,035
if she didn't spin all the straw
into gold by dawn.
44
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:04,905
"Rumpelstiltskin offered to save her
in exchange for her firstborn child."
45
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,241
You know something, Mommy?
I've heard this story so many times.
46
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:12,817
That's where the maiden
remembers Rumpelstiltskin's name
47
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,249
and marries a prince. End of story.
48
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,321
That's not how it ends, is it, Mind?
49
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,889
- I'm afraid so.
- Muh!
50
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,960
You ruined that story for me.
51
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:24,460
And now,
you wanna know something?
52
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,030
Wanna know what I know
about Santa?
53
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,791
- Mork.
- He's…
54
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,298
All right, Mind. All right.
55
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,903
I wanna tell you something,
Mommy, very honestly.
56
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:35,302
These fairy tales are for babies.
57
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:40,076
I really think I've progressed
to Joseph Wambaugh.
58
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:45,615
Mearth, you know, when I was a girl,
I couldn't read enough fairy tales.
59
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,276
I used to dream
that I could spin straw into gold
60
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,979
so that I could be a princess
and live in a big castle.
61
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:54,183
Get ready for a real winner now, son.
62
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,426
It was a beautiful castle.
63
00:04:57,597 --> 00:05:01,260
I had my very own white stallion
named Snowball.
64
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:03,527
Or… No, no, Snowflake.
65
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:06,001
Or something like that,
something to do with winter.
66
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,799
Anyway, we would ride Snowflake,
67
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,454
or Snowball,
or whatever his name was,
68
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,133
to the neighboring castle
69
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,871
where Ricky Nelson,
who was the neighboring prince, lived.
70
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,878
Ricky Nelson and I would get
on Snowflake and go…
71
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:18,948
[MORK AND MEARTH SNORING]
72
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,217
[MORK AND MEARTH MUTTERING]
73
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,858
MINDY:
My stories aren't so bad.
74
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:39,095
I'm a riot at bridal showers.
75
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,706
MORK: All right now, son,
I want you to add one cup of faditche.
76
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,004
Put it in there, that's it.
77
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,375
Don't be too liberal with that.
78
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:50,811
And a little bit of nipgeeze.
79
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,213
There it is, a little touch
of nipgeeze there. Mm-hm.
80
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:58,346
That's it. Just a pinch.
All right, and one kosher salami.
81
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,014
Here we go, there we are.
82
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,922
Hey, Mearth.
83
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,862
Mearth, your grandpops
has done it again.
84
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,095
I got a couple of tickets
to the Ice Capades.
85
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,136
Of course, I had to go to a scalper.
86
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,901
Oh, you've been going to one
of those for years, haven't you?
87
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:19,135
[MORK IMITATES BUZZ SAW]
88
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,075
[MORK AND MEARTH LAUGH]
89
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,738
Very funny, Mork. Ver…
90
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,180
Hey, this is a pretty sophisticated piece
of equipment.
91
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:27,546
What are you two doing?
92
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,553
We're making gold for Mommy.
93
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,151
You're making gold?
94
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,557
What did I just get through saying?
95
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:42,965
You've got to learn to pay attention,
Grandpops.
96
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,602
[MEARTH WHISTLES]
97
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:48,434
But, Mearth, you can't make gold.
Nobody can.
98
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,769
That's why it's worth $400 an ounce.
99
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,411
Oh, come on now, Pops.
Four-hundred dollars an ounce?
100
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,809
If you were saying mustard or sand,
I could say, "Hey."
101
00:06:55,982 --> 00:07:00,146
But gold, that much?
Get off it there, Dad.
102
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:02,150
- I think it's ready, Daddy.
- All right.
103
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,845
Pops, can we borrow your tie,
please?
104
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:07,015
- My what?
- What did he say?
105
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:11,220
Didn't he say give him your tie?
106
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:14,833
- You just don't listen.
- All right.
107
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:18,835
I'm about to turn this
bargain-basement tie into pure gold.
108
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:23,471
Oh, ho-ho. This is gonna work.
I know it will, son. Here it is.
109
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,134
Ready? Give it five seconds.
110
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:30,612
[MORK COUNTS IN ORKAN]
111
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:34,310
Yes. Yes. Yes.
112
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,513
Yes. No.
113
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,693
Mork, you may be my son-in-law,
but think about this:
114
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,796
I've never taken a picture with you.
115
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:48,756
Come on, Mearth, let's go.
See you later, Goldfinger.
116
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,036
If there were advice I could give you,
Daddy, don't sweat it.
117
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,505
What went wrong? What?
118
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:03,945
Wait a minute.
This cheap tie is pure silk.
119
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:06,141
The recipe calls for polyester.
120
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:09,818
Yes.
121
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,479
[CHUCKLES]
122
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:15,491
Improvise. This will do it.
Put it in there.
123
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,959
You've got to do it for me. Please.
124
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,654
Or I'll lose my government grant.
125
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,665
There are no more government grants.
Who cares?
126
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,666
Yes.
127
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,399
Yes.
128
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,900
Yes!
129
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,139
I've done it.
130
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,909
They didn't believe me. I did it.
131
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:44,284
We're filthy rich.
We'll never have to pay taxes again.
132
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,216
MINDY:
You bought this mansion?
133
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:51,830
MORK: We made 3 tons of gold.
We could have bought Zambia.
134
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:55,595
Wow.
135
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,599
Yes, this is the downstairs
reading room.
136
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:02,706
Upstairs we have periodicals
and books by the Wallace family.
137
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,604
- Mork, it's huge.
- Well…
138
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:08,541
I mean, I've never seen a room
with a horizon before.
139
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,914
You're probably wondering how I get
the books down from the top shelf.
140
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,745
Uh, with our helicopter?
141
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,347
Close, but no banana. Heh.
142
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,050
[BELL RINGS]
143
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:25,456
Yo, Ms. Beasley!
144
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,964
BEASLEY: Yes, Mr. McConnell.
Perhaps a little poetry?
145
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,867
D.H. Lawrence, E.E. Cummings,
B.B. King?
146
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,636
Oh, not today. Maybe tomorrow
we'll play a little one-on-one and a half.
147
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:45,146
Well, Mind, should I show you the zoo
now or later?
148
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,985
[JET ROARING OVERHEAD]
149
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:50,479
What was that?
150
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,420
Oh, probably just the chef
taking the gardeners home.
151
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,084
- We have a jet?
- Well…
152
00:09:56,862 --> 00:10:02,095
Oh, Mork. This is just all so much
for anyone to have.
153
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,327
Why do I feel guilty
about not feeling guilty?
154
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:07,995
Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind,
my little WASPette. Heh-heh.
155
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,435
For the first time in our relationship,
156
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,671
I can provide for you and fund public
television. So just humor me, huh?
157
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:19,281
But, you know, this house is just… It's
really too big for just the three of us.
158
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,113
I don't know how I'm gonna keep it up.
159
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,448
Well, reach out and touch someone
because, you know,
160
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,488
help is just a tinkle away.
161
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,683
[BELL RINGS]
162
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,990
Yo, staff!
163
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,042
Mind, Mind, inspect them,
inspect them, honey.
164
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,646
I can't, Mork.
165
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,806
- I feel like the border patrol.
- Mind, you're the lady of the house.
166
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,646
The least you could do
is look down your nose at them.
167
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,446
MINDY:
Um…
168
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:03,561
Well, I'd like you all to know
that I'm very happy to meet all of you.
169
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:06,994
And, uh, I'm looking forward
to getting to know
170
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:11,068
each and every one of you
personally.
171
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:14,701
A court jester?
172
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:18,708
Yes. It's so hard to find one
without a hump, Mind.
173
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:22,370
He's got great references, though.
He used to work for Marshal Tito.
174
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,680
Well, thank you, everyone.
175
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,751
Everyone grab a straw
and go down to the swamp.
176
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,713
They love me, honey. They really do.
177
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:37,992
[JESTER CACKLES]
178
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,988
[MORK LAUGHS]
179
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,260
You know, it's so hard
to find good wit nowadays.
180
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:48,330
Yeah. Mork, I don't know if I'm going
to be able to get used to all this.
181
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:51,271
Oh, honey, now, come on.
We're still the same people we were
182
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,071
when we lived in that little,
tiny cracker-box apartment.
183
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,077
Mommy.
184
00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:58,409
How about a couple
of sets of tennis?
185
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,386
Mearth, where's that girl I hired
to teach you tennis?
186
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,084
Tracy? Tracy, come on in.
187
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:05,416
Come on, take big steps.
188
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,458
You hired Tracy Austin
to teach Mearth, huh?
189
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,254
Tracy.
190
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,531
Come on, I'll show you
how to blink back the tears
191
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,265
when the line calls go against you.
192
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,842
You hired the number-one woman
player in the world to teach Mearth?
193
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:34,042
Well, yes, we're getting murdered
in doubles. We had to do something.
194
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,983
Come on, hon,
I've got Arnold Schwarzenegger
195
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,282
waiting in the gym
to give you a massage.
196
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,940
Okay, king me.
197
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:10,948
[QUENTIN SIGHS]
198
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,217
Excellent move, sir.
I didn't see that coming.
199
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:17,294
Oh, please, Quentin.
Are you kidding?
200
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,296
Mr. Magoo would've seen
that one coming.
201
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,990
Why did you do that, Quentin?
202
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,500
- You let me win, didn't you?
- Yes, yes, sir.
203
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,969
- Why did you let me win?
- I value my job, sir,
204
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:32,702
as someday I dream of opening
my own truck-rental agency.
205
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,337
The game is over.
206
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,542
Great game.
Great game, ladies and gentlemen.
207
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,618
Good, good.
208
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:45,982
Can I get you a before-dinner
Bosco?
209
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:50,152
No, you can't get me
a before-dinner Bosco.
210
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,958
You know why?
You just like to say "Bosco."
211
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,660
To be sure.
212
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,297
I don't like him.
213
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,633
What's wrong, Mearth?
214
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:08,541
Oh, Mommy, I'm bored.
215
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,045
I've been all through this place.
216
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,049
All the rooms.
I'm tired and I miss Daddy.
217
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,645
I know, sweetheart. I do too.
218
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:19,518
But I'm gonna talk to him about
spending more time together, okay?
219
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,920
- Okay.
- Okay.
220
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:25,153
As a little backup,
I made an appointment with him.
221
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,596
As a matter of fact,
for Tuesday, in his office.
222
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,894
Gosh, I hope I can find his office.
223
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,876
QUENTIN: Madam,
there's a gentleman here to see you.
224
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:43,481
I believe he's called "Pops."
225
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,640
Oh! Oh, great, send him in.
226
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,285
Send him in.
227
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,513
Very good.
228
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,185
Pops.
229
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,555
How are you, sweetheart?
230
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,755
Where's that genius
son-in-law of mine?
231
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,957
- Mork buy you that coat?
- I guess so.
232
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:05,193
I found it in the trunk of the Rolls
he gave me.
233
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,340
Is everybody going crazy
around here?
234
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:12,807
Oh, honey, now, now, look,
I know exactly what you're thinking.
235
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:16,106
I mean, I've always brought you up
to appreciate the simple things in life,
236
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,843
but, honey, you have to understand
at the time I was poor and stupid.
237
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:24,818
Oh, no, Dad, listen to me.
This has just gone too far. Look at us.
238
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,153
Look at you and me
and especially Mork.
239
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,693
How dare you talk about Mork
that way.
240
00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,325
[HORN HONKING]
241
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,604
Thank you, Thomas.
242
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:44,106
Come back around 5.
We might need a ride to the front door.
243
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:47,844
Don't bother washing it.
We'll buy another one.
244
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:52,644
Oh, Mind, darling, how are you?
Big kiss. Mwah!
245
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,683
Poppy, how are you? How are you?
246
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:57,754
- Hello, son. How are you?
- Oh, not too bad.
247
00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:00,016
Though I lost a $100,000 today.
248
00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:03,628
- Oh, stock market?
- No, hole in my pants. Heh-heh.
249
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,560
Oh, hon, time to play
our little game again.
250
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,962
- Right hand or left hand? Come on.
- Mork, not again.
251
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,034
Oh, come on.
You know how it makes me feel.
252
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:13,932
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Okay.
253
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:18,099
- Um, the right one.
- Behold.
254
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:22,841
Oh, there we go.
Little oyster droppings here.
255
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,443
- There we are, huh?
- Oh, what a guy.
256
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:29,985
Honey, I've always told you
it's just as easy to marry a rich alien
257
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,215
as it is to marry
a poor graduate student.
258
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:36,190
- Mork. Mork, we have to talk.
- Poppo.
259
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:39,229
Look, I don't want your presents.
I want you.
260
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:42,390
Just buying things
isn't the answer to everything.
261
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,929
Neither is penicillin,
but it sure helps a strep throat.
262
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,868
Mork, I mean, look at us.
263
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,234
A minute ago I walked in here
264
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,672
and Mearth was playing
a game of human checkers.
265
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,243
Did Quentin beat him? I told him,
266
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:56,711
lose or else go back
to being Gaddafi's food taster.
267
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,873
I'll get a hold of him right now.
Don't you worry.
268
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,643
[DIFFERENT BELLS RINGING]
269
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,654
Yo!
270
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,921
Mork, this is what I'm talking about.
271
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,186
Mind, I…
272
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:13,757
Oh, yeah.
273
00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:18,335
[MORK SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
274
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:22,668
- Will you talk to him, please?
- Of course I will, honey.
275
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,809
Now, look, son,
276
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,378
you're the man of the house now,
277
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,276
and I think you should run it
any way you want.
278
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,280
Thanks, Dad.
279
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,385
Mork, we're gonna have to talk
about this later
280
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:37,283
because I gotta get changed to go
to work, but I wanna talk to you.
281
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,321
Oh, you don't have to
because I resigned you.
282
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,555
- You resigned me?
MORK: Well…
283
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,490
Well, what about my career?
284
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:46,392
Well, if it means that much to you,
I'll just have to buy you NBC.
285
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,125
Yes, and he'll do it too.
286
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,597
He bought me
the New York Philharmonic.
287
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:52,737
I knew Bernstein had a price.
288
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,732
Well, I don't want things
just handed to me.
289
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,843
I wanna work for my career,
for my success.
290
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,105
Well, once you have NBC,
you'll have to earn every penny.
291
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,677
[MORK SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
292
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,312
Olga.
293
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,358
Looking good.
294
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,925
Mork, what about Mearth?
295
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,588
You just can't raise a normal child
in this kind of an environment.
296
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:21,824
Didn't you get my memo?
297
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,093
Next week I'm sending him
to school in Switzerland.
298
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:27,329
Switzerland?
All right, now you've gone too far.
299
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,974
If that's too far,
we'll send him to school in England.
300
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:32,633
Mork. Listen to me.
301
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:35,336
Mork, I'm not happy here.
This isn't our home.
302
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:39,473
- Let's go back to our apartment.
- Well, this is our home, hon.
303
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:43,182
Well, it might be your home,
but it's not for Mearth and me.
304
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,455
Well, now, wait a minute, hon.
Where are you going?
305
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:50,186
I'm going home
to our little cracker-box apartment.
306
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,432
- Here.
- But wait, wait, wait.
307
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,626
You can't go now. J.D. Salinger's
coming over to shoot the bull.
308
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,366
[DOOR CLOSES]
309
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,870
She's gone, Pop.
310
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,634
Ah! She'll get over it.
311
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,436
Oh, Pops. Pops, reason with her.
312
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:12,175
Tell her opportunity only knocks once
unless you're Neil Sedaka.
313
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:14,950
- Excuse me, sir.
- Yes, Quentin.
314
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,645
- Will there be anything else?
- Oh, yes, yes.
315
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,654
Let's fly down to Rio.
It's Carnival time.
316
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,350
We'll put on those big heads
and try and get in the car.
317
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:23,825
[QUENTIN SIGHS]
318
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,955
I'd love to, sir, but this is the day
I spend with my family.
319
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,033
Oh, that's right.
320
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,965
Well, take care and have a good day.
321
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,900
- Good day, sir.
- Say hello to Carmelita.
322
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,370
I certainly will, sir.
323
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,814
[WHISTLES]
324
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,554
[ECHOING]
Hello.
325
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,243
Well, self-reliance is fine,
326
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:15,574
but I miss being waited on
hand and foot.
327
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,742
I miss Daddy.
328
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,611
Well, I miss Daddy too,
329
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:23,585
but even more,
I miss being waited on hand and foot.
330
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,920
That's not very nice.
331
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:29,219
I don't care if it's very nice.
332
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,760
I'm spoiled rotten. I know that.
333
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:35,892
This is no time for sensitivity.
334
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:47,838
- Shh.
- Da…
335
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:53,880
Mork.
336
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:57,613
- Mind.
- Oh, Mork, you came back.
337
00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:01,054
I knew you would.
I knew you'd listen to what I said
338
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:03,717
and realize that love is
what makes our world go round.
339
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:06,989
Oh, hon, well, actually,
that's real close
340
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,497
because I came back to tell you that
341
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:13,160
I'm going around the world,
heh-heh, with my new love.
342
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,374
Mind, not only is she intelligent
and well-read,
343
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:26,608
she can spike a volleyball
from here to Key West.
344
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,921
Kareem, eat your heart out.
345
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,324
[BARKING]
346
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,287
[SOBBING]
Oh, no.
347
00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:44,663
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.
348
00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:47,771
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, wake up.
349
00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:49,600
Oh, I was sleeping.
350
00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:52,505
Sleeping? You were snoring so loud
I had to have Mearth wake you up
351
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:55,306
before you blew your adenoids
across the room.
352
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,041
Mork, you're back.
I mean, you're home.
353
00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:01,310
- I mean…
- Well, why shouldn't I? I mean,
354
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:05,217
my name's on the mailbox, my clothes
are in the closet, my hair's on the soap.
355
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:08,882
Oh, you know,
I had such a weird dream.
356
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:10,959
What kind of a dream?
357
00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:13,825
Oh, I dreamed, um…
358
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:17,059
I dreamed that we lived
in a big mansion with, um, butlers
359
00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:19,863
and maids and Tracy Austin.
360
00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:21,767
And then you left us.
361
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,738
Oh, Mind, I mean, how can you
dream that? I'd never leave you.
362
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:26,673
I mean,
with you my life has meaning,
363
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:30,303
and without you, I'd just be another
alien forced to do his own laundry.
364
00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:34,308
It was just a silly dream.
365
00:22:34,486 --> 00:22:37,580
I dreamed you could
turn polyester into gold. Heh.
366
00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:39,053
Make gold?
367
00:22:39,224 --> 00:22:41,522
[MORK AND MEARTH LAUGH]
368
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,490
I mean, it's impossible to make gold.
369
00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:44,754
But diamonds are a snap.
370
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,522
Mearth, go in the garage,
get those charcoal briquettes.
371
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,760
Mindy, you warm up the waffle iron.
I'll go get my Oil of Olay.
372
00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:57,204
No, I don't want diamonds.
And I don't want gold.
373
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:59,071
MORK:
Oh.
374
00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:01,371
Well, how about some French toast?
375
00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:08,914
Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.
376
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:13,285
Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.
377
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:16,552
Mork calling Orson.
378
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,753
Come in, O Potentate of Pasta.
379
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:21,262
ORSON: Laying down
on the job again, Mork?
380
00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:24,459
Oh, no, sir. I'm just getting in my mood
for my report to you on dreams,
381
00:23:24,669 --> 00:23:26,569
a wonderful aspect
of Earth behavior.
382
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:30,401
Dreams? That's wonderful.
What are they?
383
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,941
They're little images
that appear in an Earthling's mind
384
00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:34,408
when he's sleeping.
385
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,104
For example, sir,
they come fast and furious,
386
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:39,876
and sometimes they're out
of sequence just like a Fellini film.
387
00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:41,609
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
388
00:23:41,787 --> 00:23:43,448
[IMITATES CAR]
389
00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:46,147
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN
WITH FEMININE VOICE]
390
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,815
They can take you to wonderful,
strange places.
391
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:51,519
They can haunt you: Ah!
They can thrill you: Oh!
392
00:23:51,696 --> 00:23:52,788
- I see.
- Yes, sir.
393
00:23:52,964 --> 00:23:56,297
Another frivolous Earth activity,
like marching bands.
394
00:23:56,468 --> 00:23:58,129
Oh, no, sir.
395
00:23:58,303 --> 00:24:01,898
Dreams allow one to imagine
strange and wonderful things.
396
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,631
The most precious dreams of all, sir,
397
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,743
are the ones that give you
a hope for tomorrow.
398
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:09,642
Till next week, sir, sweet dreams
and na-no, na-no.
399
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,410
[SIGHS]
31213
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