All language subtitles for Mork and Mindy.S04E05.Mama Mork, Papa Mindy.DVDrip.c00t.en

I don't believe it.

Our baby is a full-grown man.

Things like this just don't happen
in the Midwest.

I know. I'll call Dad.
He'll know what to do.

Oh, no, he won't.

That child is astounding.

Absolutely phenomenal.

This is the first time a baby
has ever given me a perfect footprint

for the birth certificate.

Look at that beauty.

Not a smudge on it.

Great, Exidor.

That's Dr. Exidor.

Now, I know you have a lot
of questions for your pediatrician.

This has got to be
the most bizarre thing

that's ever happened
in my entire life.

Don't you think that baby
is unusually large?

Baby? What baby?

Why wasn't I consulted?

I'm talking about our baby.

The distinguished-looking gentleman
in the diaper.

Oh, him.

Rather unique.

MINDY:
He seems so alien.

I wonder if there's anything Earthling
about him.

Why do new parents
always ask that question?

Your baby is half-Orkan.

That means he's aging backwards,

and he has three hearts.

But he does have
some human characteristics.

For instance,
he seems to enjoy a good story.

What?

Oh, Mind. Mind, I'm a mother.
Huzzah, huzzah!

Here, have one.
They're Tiparillo lights.

Oh, I couldn't have done it
without you.

I couldn't have even lifted him
without you.

This has just all happened so fast.

I really think we need
to talk about this.

Alone.

I suppose I'm not invited to dinner
either.

Well, I've got to finish my paper
for the medical journal.

Anyway, I'm going to be the best
dance critic they ever had.

Oh, Mind, I have to admit,

he's the most beautiful child
you've ever seen.

Mind, wait till you see
the little overalls I got him.

He looks just like Lester Maddox
on steroids.

Yeah, he's cute, Mork,
in a mature sort of way,

but our baby isn't exactly
what I was expecting.

Oh, we'll have a girl next time, Mind.

No, that's not what I meant.

Mork, he's different.

I mean, he has the body
of a 50-year-old

and the mind of an infant.

Well, you said you always liked
Jerry Lewis.

Mork, having a child is difficult
under normal circumstances,

but, Mork,
rhinos have smaller babies.

Mind, do I sense
a little note of trepidation there?

Now, come on, now,
he's a little helpless innocent child.

- Well…
- Come, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Let's go. Come on.
No, he's just a little nooter.

[MINDY GASPS]

Mind. Mind. Mind, he can walk.

Mork, he can destroy.

MORK: Oh, isn't it amazing?
Isn't he magnificent?

I mean, who ever stood
after being only an hour old?

Black Beauty.

MORK: There you go. Come to Mama.
Come on, there we go.

Another one for Baby News.
One more, there we go. There's one.

There… One for Parents' World.
There's another.

There. Now, a little nother one.
There we go.

Oh, good, good. There we go. There.

Playboy. One for Playboy.
There we go.

Oh, that's okay.
After Dark. One for After Dark.

[MORK SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, little pooter, little pooter.

Neener-neener-neener. Ha, ha.

Oh, Mind.
Oh, isn't he the most beautiful?

Oh, little pooter,
come on, now, pucker up.

Come over here. Oh, there we go.

Whoa!

Oh, Mind, isn't he beautiful?
I mean, he's got your eyes

and Charles Bronson's beard.

Yeah.

MORK:
Now, make nice, make nice. There.

Hi there.

I'm your, uh, father. Heh.

Oh, that's nice.

MORK: I think I've thought
of a name for him, Mind.

- Oh… Ow!
- No, no.

Here's the name. Here's the name.

You combine Mork, Mindy and Earth
equals Mearth.

Mearth. Mearth McConnell.

- Well, it is unusual.
- Right.

But then, so is he. Heh, heh.

[MEARTH CRYING]

There you go.

[MEARTH BABBLES]

No, you have to bite off the tip first.

No! No, he'll choke on that.
No, Mearth.

Mearth, Mearth, Mearth,
look over there.

Mearth, look.

[MEARTH BABBLING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

No, no, no.

He hasn't eaten since he arrived.
What do you think he eats?

I don't know. He's got all of his teeth.
Maybe a little beef jerky.

[MORK SPEAKING IN BABY TALK]

MINDY: Oh, no, I think he'd rather eat
my comforter. No, no.

MORK:
No, no. No, Mind, Mind, Mind. No.

No, Mind, I think he wants the flowers
in the comforter, not the comforter.

- Are you sure?
- I know my own son, Mind.

[MORK SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

Here we go. Look.

[SINGING] Hare Krishna, Hare Lama
Hare Krishna

Hey there… No.

Ah, ha, ha. Oh.

BOTH:
Mm.

Let's hope there are no bees
on there.

[BEE BUZZING IN MOUTH]

- Mm. Mm.
- Ah. Ah.

Bathe the baby, bathe the baby.

I told Mork he wouldn't fit
in the sink.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Who is it?
FRED: It's me, honey.

Oh, hi.

Look at you.

Well, I'm just on my way
to play a little Dixieland.

- Oh, yeah?
- So how's the new bride doing?

Oh, great. Heh, heh.

Oh, that's an interesting piece
of sculpture. Is it a wedding gift?

Oh, no, it's not a present.

Actually, it's a piece
of a great big eggshell.

What was in it, a Buick?

Close.

Well, I guess there's no putting this off
any longer.

I've got something to tell you.

And I think you better take this
sitting down.

Well, okay, honey, fire away.

Okay.
Let's see, how should I put this?

Remember when I was 11

and you told me
where babies came from?

Yes.

You lied.

Well, now, Mindy,
I may have glossed over

a few major details, but I never lied.

Right, that's true.

We've always been truthful
with each other,

so I'm just gonna lay this right out.

See, for some strange
Orkan reason,

Mork got pregnant, laid an egg,
and now we're parents. Heh.

Boy, I'm glad that's over with.

Uh, are you trying to tell me
that I'm the grandfather of a chicken?

No. No, no, no, it's a baby.

It's a 6-foot 225-pound
middle-aged baby named Mearth.

Are you serious?

Dad, don't fall apart on me. You're
the only one I can talk to about this.

- Are you serious?
- I know it's a shock. It was for me too.

I mean, where am I gonna find
size 46 Pampers?

Where is he?

Oh. Oh, um, uh…

Mork took him to the park for lunch.

They're grazing in a flower bed. Heh.

Good. Come on.

- To the park?
- No, we're going to the airport.

By tomorrow morning,
you can be in Brazil.

Dad, I'm not gonna run away.

I mean, he's my son.

I know it's kind of weird now,

but I'm sure in enough time,
I'll grow to love every hair on his chest.

Won't I?

Well, honey,
if that's what you wanna do.

Oh, sure, you will, honey.

Now, you never were afraid
of new experiences.

I mean, you married an alien
and you went to another planet,

and you were the first girl in Boulder
to play Little League baseball.

Thanks. I hope you're right.

MORK: You have to realize that most
squirrels don't normally fly like that.

My God, it is true.

Say hi to Grandpops.
There we go. Say "Hi, Grandpa."

There you go. Neener-ner.

Quick, Mindy, call Air Brazil.

[MEARTH CRYING]

Well, there he goes again,

every hour, on the hour,
just like clockwork.

Yep. Well, I'll give him his bottle.

But this time, you burp him.
I think I threw my shoulder out.

Oh, no.

Look, Mork,
he tossed out his bottle again.

Here's your bottle.

There you go.

[MEARTH BABBLING]

Powdered.

Powdered? It's not powder, it's…

MORK & MINDY:
He spoke!

Oh, Mind, he's a genius.

Our little baby can talky-awky.

Don't patronize me.

Where would he learn
such big words?

Well, William F. Buckley was hosting
The Muppets this evening.

[AS BUCKLEY]
Let me see the quality,

the porcine and porcupine quality,
of the tiny bubbles

as the hands motivate the motion.

Mearth, watch Daddy.

Mearth, what's Daddy bouncing on?

- What is it?
- Tush.

I was shooting for bed,
but he's right.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Of course he is,
Mind. He's half a superior being.

What…? All right. And who are you?

- Who are you?
- Mearth.

[MINDY GASPS]

- And who am I?
- Mommy.

[MINDY GASPS]

Oh. Mind, I feel just like Anne Bancroft
in The Miracle Worker.

And now the big question,
no pressure, though.

- Who's this?
- Mm…

- Shoe.
- Shoe?

Hey, isn't that wonderful, Mind?
His first non sequitur.

- Mork, he called me "Shoe."
- Funny, you don't look Shoeish.

[MORK CHUCKLES]

Oh. Come on, now. Come on, now,
my little Mearth, my little whiz kid.

Say "Daddy."

Daddy.

Tired.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Mind, he's bilingual.

Great, he's bilingual.

You're Mommy and I'm Shoe.

Don't worry about it, Mind.
He still loves you.

Besides, he'll be up again
in another hour and we'll try again.

- Good night, hon.
- Good night.

Night, Mearth.

MINDY:
You know, Mork, now that he's talking,

we're gonna have to be careful
no one finds out he's an A-L-I-E-N.

If anyone should find out that…
Whoa!

[THUD]

Mind, what are you doing
on the floor?

Looks like I got squeezed out.

- I just wanted to cuddle.
- Aw.

He's just afraid, Mind. We saw
The Shining today, remember?

[IN CREAKY VOICE]
I don't wanna go now.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, that's all right.

There's not room for the three of us.
I'll sleep on the couch.

Oh, no, no, no, you do the honors.

I'll be more comfortable
on the couch.

- Night, Mork.
- Night, Mind.

- Night, Mearth.
- Night, Shoe.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Mork, what happened?
Have you been robbed?

No, Mearth and I
were just playing Morkie Dearest.

Three-hundred-dollar dress
on a wire hanger?

- Let me untie you.
- No, no, no, that's all right.

It's the only way
I can sit through Phil Donahue.

I see.

You know, Mork, little Mearth…

I mean, big Mearth
kind of took me by surprise,

but the bottom line is,
I am his grandfather.

He's my grandson, so it's about time
I started spoiling him.

- Oh, football. He's gonna love that.
- No, Mork, it's baseball.

I knew that. That's what you do before
you start selling coffee machines.

Well, okay. So where's the bride?

Oh, Pops, you'll be so proud of her.

Perfect American father.
She comes home late,

never plays with the kids,
and brings in the paycheck.

Uh, Mork, I don't think you understand
what a good father is.

You see, good fathers wanna be there
as much as they can be.

- Oh.
- It's wonderful

to watch your children grow up,
and it's…

It's wrong that she's missing it.

Oh. On third thought, Pops,
I guess you're right.

If it wasn't for Mr. Sternhagen
forcing her nose down

to the grindstone,
she'd be here right now.

- What are you talking about?
- He asked her to work the night shift.

Oh, well, no, he didn't, Mork.

Didn't Mindy tell you that
she volunteered for the night shift?

Oh.

I feel like I've gotta sit down.

Oh, you are sitting.
Just bend your legs.

How convenient.

Oh, Mindy asked
to work the night shift?

- Do you know what that means?
- I'm afraid I do.

Will you tell me?

All right, Mork, I'll try. Uh…

I think Mindy is confused
and apprehensive

about being a parent to Mearth.

What she needs is time
to be close to the child,

and then love will take care
of the rest.

Oh. You're right, Pops.

No house of mine's
gonna become a broken home.

No way.

[MORK GRUNTS]

[MORK GASPS THEN CHUCKLES]

Whoa, Houdini, watch out.

Mearth, come on, now.
We're gonna go find Mindy.

Well, give me a head start.
It's gonna take me a while.

Uh, Mork, you're not gonna let him
go out like that.

Oh, you're right.
Mearth, go put on your jacket.

Well, isn't this an exciting feature?

We'll be back after this commercial
to the KTNS Science Fiction Festival

and the dramatic conclusion
of It Came From Diablo Canyon.

[SINGING SPOOKY TUNE]

Here we go, come on in.
Mind, I got here as fast as I could.

Mork, what are you doing here?
And why is Mearth up so late?

I have to make a report
to O-R-S-O-N.

- About what?
- Sagittarian women.

What? Wait.

- Mind, I can't talk.
- You can't leave him here like this.

Take care of him. Take care of him.
I'll be right back.

Hi, Mearth. Heh.

[CHUCKLES]

So, Mearth, where did Mommy
take you for lunch today?

To a Japanese restaurant,
and I had tempura

and sashimi and bonsai tree.

MINDY:
Bonsai tree?

Oh, yeah, that sounds nutritious.

So, what do you think
of where Daddy works?

Pathetic.

I have better stuff than this
in my room.

Fake.

No, no, no, don't touch that.

[MEARTH CRYING]

MINDY:
Oh, no. Oh, Mearth. Mearth.

Daddy didn't mean to scare you.

It's just that Daddy's rocket ship
is not a toy.

When's Mommy coming back?

MINDY:
Well, soon, I hope.

Mearth, you have on your pitcher's mitt
upside down.

[MEARTH BABBLES]

Here, let me help you.

Did Mommy teach you
how to play baseball?

[MEARTH BABBLES]

No?

You put it on right… Give me your…
Here, give me your hand.

No. Mearth, look over there.

Now, give me your hand. Help me.

Want me to teach you
how to play catch? Yeah?

Okay. Come over here and Daddy
will teach you how to play catch.

Whew.

Mearth. Mearth, we're gonna…
I'm gonna throw the ball,

and you catch it, okay? Okay?

[MEARTH BABBLING]

MINDY:
Now, you keep your eye on the ball.

Mearth, watch the ball
and catch the ball.

Here you go. One, two, three.

Oh!

Mearth, look over there.

What's that?
What's that over there?

Yeah. We're gonna try this again.

[BABBLES]

Whew.

Oh, that's all right.
Tickle, tickle, tickle.

[MEARTH BABBLING]

This time I'm gonna throw it,
and you catch it in the mitt, okay?

You catch it in the mitt.
Okay? Here we go.

Watch the ball.
One, two, three. Ooh.

And they call this
the national pastime?

Mearth. This time,

Daddy knows
you're gonna catch the ball.

Put the mitt like this, okay?

Here we go.

One, two, three.

- Oh, he caught the ball!
- Oh! Ah!

[MINDY CHEERS]

Daddy.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy…

- What'd you say?
- Daddy.

[GASPS]

That's great, son.

- You did real good. Wanna try again?
- No.

[MINDY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Room for one more?

Mork, I'll bet there wasn't
an emergency at all, was there?

Yes, there was, Mind.
You didn't feel part of the family.

I guess I have been running away.

But you know what?
I'm gonna quit this night job

so I can spend all my time
with you two.

Oh, this is a wonderful moment.

We're so much happier
than the Jeffersons.

You know what would make me
really happy?

If Mearth would call me Mommy.
Mearth?

[MEARTH GIGGLES]

MINDY:
Mearth. Mommy, Mearth.

- Mommy.
- Mommy.

- Mommy.
- Mm-hm.

Daddy.

[MEARTH CHUCKLES]

Shoe.

MORK:
Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Your Grandioseness.

ORSON:
Hello, Mork.

You seem to be
in an unusually good mood.

Hitting the ginger ale again?

Oh, no, sir. I'm high on life.

Just hold on to your fish sticks.
I had a baby boy.

A baby?
What a completely outdated concept.

Oh, sir, come on, now.
I know you're gonna love him

because judging by your size,
he could be yours.

Sir, I just happen to have
a few photographs here with me.

Can I show them to you, please?
Here they go. Eh-ee.

Here he is at 2 hours old.

He seems very alert
for a child his age.

Oh, yes, sir. Eh-ee.

Here is his first piggyback ride.

And here's a family portrait. Eh-ee.

This one was snapped
just before we were airborne.

Well, Mork, I must admit,
he is rather exceptional.

Oh, sir, I'm glad you think so.

Because Mindy and I want you
to be the godfather.

Me? Absolutely not.

I am not getting involved
in your barbaric Earthling matters.

Oh, I see.

He does look a little like me,
doesn't he?

Well, sir, especially
around the equator.

Oh, a check.

Oh, thank you, godfather. Mm-mm.

[TRILLS]

Oh, sir. Oh, this will assure him
of a college education,

or at least a hamburger
and some onion rings.

Until next week, sir, na-no.

A buck thirty?

Such a big man,
and he gives so little.