All language subtitles for Mork and Mindy S04E09 Alienation.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.PRMNT

Na-no, na-no.

All right, you've seen
what we did to him.

Now, tell me where
the others are hiding.

Somehow that
makes me so excited.

Hold on. There we go.
And the crowning touch.

Finished at last.

More than one way to
make a child eat healthy food.

Today a vegetable snowman,
tomorrow a liver collie.

Oh, Mearth, Mearth, look what
Daddy made especially for you. Yes!

Oh, sweetheart, stop
crying, it's all right.

No, it isn't all right.

It isn't. I don't
have any friends.

None at all. Nobody
will play with me.

I feel just like
George Steinbrenner.

Son, wait! Wait, you haven't even
seen what happens when I add the gravy.

Poor little guy.

He was having such a good
time in the park on the sled hill

- and then he tried to get on toboggan...
- Wait a minute.

You went to the sled hill
and you didn't take me?

Will you let me finish please?

He tried to get on the toboggan,

and when he did, the
parents pulled all their kids off.

They thought he was a man.

Oh, Mork, you should've
seen the look on his face.

He's starting to
realize he's different.

You're right, Mind.

I guess he doesn't buy our story
about being just big-boned, huh?

Well, it's time to tell
him that he's half-Orkan

- and half an Earthling.
- Wait a minute.

He still might be too
young to accept it, Mork.

Let's just wait till he's older
or younger. Or... Whatever.

Oh, come on now,
Mind, he can accept it.

He's half a superior being. I
mean look at me, I'm an alien

and I have made a remarkable
adjustment. You see...

Do I smell salad burning?

Probably.

Oh, I forgot to baste it.

It's not a pretty picture, but,
you know, it's homemade.

I should never
cook on medication.

Oh, Mork.

Let's just try to protect him for
a while longer. He's just a child.

Daddy, could I borrow one
of your new razor blades?

The reason I ask is mine are all
dull from trying to sharpen my crayons.

Oh, surely, son.

See, I wanna
get this real clean,

so that I can play with the kids,
or they in turn will play with me.

You know, solitaire is a
game, but it's not a way of life.

- Maybe now is the time to tell him.
- You're right, Mind.

This is a very
delicate situation.

We have to choose
the words very carefully.

What's that?

Well, the title is Rejection
Descending a Staircase.

It's my blue period.

Oh, don't feel that
way, sweetheart.

You have Mommy and Daddy.

Not just Mommy and Daddy,
it's Mommy and Daddy and...

Señor Goodnews.

Señor Goodnews has something he
wants to tell you, doesn't he, Daddy?

He sure does, Mind.

What about that, Señor Goodnews?

Why should I? He's your
child. Take responsibility.

Oh-ho-ho.

- One of you tell him.
- All right.

Tell you what, let's take a
vote. What do you vote for?

I vote for the shiksa queen.

Me too. It's unanimous.

Are you chickening out?

You got it, sweet shorts.

Mearth, sweetheart,
have you ever noticed

that you aren't exactly
like all the other kids?

Of course.

For instance, the
other day in the market,

I was the only kid that
couldn't get in the wire basket.

Mearth, sweetheart,
the reason is, you see...

The reason is, son, me.

You see, I'm not
exactly a hometown boy.

I'm not even in the
ballpark, as they say.

I'm from another planet.

No!

Stop that, Daddy.
Stop it, you mustn't...

You mustn't kid
around like that with me,

especially when
I'm your only child.

Sweetheart, Daddy isn't kidding.

Maybe Mommy
can explain it better.

Look over here, Mearth.

See, Mommy's using visual aids.
She's telling the story really well.

That's the letter O.

This is the planet Earth.

You were born here and so was I.

And way over here, millions
and millions of miles away,

- is the planet Ork.
- Yes, you see.

Ork, the "Show Me" planet.

I flew all the way from
Ork back here to Earth.

I don't know. I just don't like
the tone of this conversation.

Son, you see, I was
sent here to observe.

Si? Yes, si, observe.

And I met your mother

and she couldn't keep her hands
off me, and the rest is history.

And that means that you're
half-Orkan and half-Earthling.

Is that why I'm different
from the rest of the kids?

Well, just for a little while.

But pretty soon you'll look
like them because you see,

the Orkan part of you is aging
backwards so you're getting smaller.

And the older you get,
the younger you'll look,

just like Lena Horne.

See how unique
you are, sweetheart?

I'm not unique.

I'm a freak.

Kids call me Butchie,
the dog-faced boy.

Oh, sweetheart, don't
you ever think that.

You know, on Ork, all
the kids look just like you.

And someday Daddy's
gonna take us there.

Well, why can't he
take us there now?

Well, we can't go
there now, sweetheart,

because you live here with
us and Grandma and Grandpa.

And me with these little,
stupid balls on my head.

Why me? Why do I
have to be different?

Well, being different isn't bad.

Come on now, son, look.
Look at the good side.

You'll never have to do jury duty,
you'll never have a vaccination mark.

And you can do wonderful
neato things like this. Watch.

- No, no. Stop it. Stop it. No.
- Mork, you're scaring him.

Mearth, sweetheart, I know it's
hard for you to understand now,

but later you'll see
that you're very unique

and there's no one else like
you in the whole universe.

Yeah. We love you,
little half-and-half pint.

I don't know. This has all gotten
terribly heavy for me all of a sudden.

I have to be alone, that's
all. I have to be alone.

Okay, well, we'll be downstairs
if you need us, all right?

Okay.

Poor Mearth.

Probably harder for him to understand
than an episode of Hill Street Blues.

Don't.

Mind, I love it when
you wear just the hat.

Animal.

Oh. Mearth, breakfast time!
Come and get it, come on now.

- Mind! Mind, he's not there.
- What? What?

He's gone. This was on his bed.

Oh, no.

Mork, I knew we shouldn't
tell him he's an alien.

- Mearth's run away.
- Let's be calm now.

I'll go out and look for him and you
stay here in case he comes back.

- How you gonna know where to look?
- Be brave, little "pooter."

We Orkans have an incredible way
of communicating with each other.

Don't you worry about a thing.

Mearth!

Mearth!

Where the hell are you?

No one's ever gonna be
able to fill my kid's shoes.

If they had these on the Titanic,
four more people would have lived.

Oh, Mork, we've
looked everywhere.

We just can't find him.

- We're gonna have to call the police.
- Oh, no way, Mind.

If they find out he's our
child, they'll lock us up.

And I'm not that eager to
see a Johnny Cash concert.

Did you find him?

- Yes and no.
- What do you mean?

The airport, I saw
him at the airport.

If he wandered in the coffee shop,
he's probably still waiting for service.

- Come on, Mind, let's go.
- No, no, no.

He's with those cult
people in the black robes.

The Utopians?

Yes, they wouldn't
let me speak to him.

A cop told me Mearth was a grown
man and could do whatever he wanted to.

Next thing I knew, they were
driving him away in a van.

Mind, come on, let's
put the pedal to the metal,

hop in the Jeep
and go find Mearth.

Mork, it's not
gonna be that easy.

Remember when I did
that piece on the Utopians?

Yes, and they'll brainwash people
until they'll give up everything.

Even their identities.

Oh, sounds like a cult we had
on Ork called the Rosorryians.

They try, but they can't get the
stains out of your dry cleaning.

Well, if we can't call the
police, what are we gonna do?

We're gonna take action

because nothing's gonna
stop me from finding my child,

except for one thing, I
don't know where he is.

The Utopians have a retreat up in
the mountains not too far from here.

But it's protected like a fortress
with barbed wire and guard dogs.

Sounds like it'd be easier to get
James Watt into the Sierra Club.

The only thing we can do is to
try and break him out ourselves.

Mindy, that sounds dangerous
and I'm gonna go with you.

No, Dad, you'd really be better
if you'd stay here by the phone.

He might call.

And if we're not back by
midnight, turn off the Crock-Pot.

All right, Mind,
haul tush, haul tush.

Utopians, welcome
our new brother.

Baba Swell has taken his first
steps to a life of eternal devotion,

which reminds me,
our love is strong,

but candle sales,
they're slipping.

Now I want everyone
to go their separate ways

and meditate on the color green.

You know something,
Baba Hope, you talk pretty.

Now, Baba Swell,

it is time for you to rid yourself
of all your worldy possessions.

Jewelry, money,
second-trust deeds?

I really don't have any of
those things, but I have Bonzo.

He's thin. That's because I stepped
on him about a half a dozen times.

- Is that all?
- Not quite.

I have a half a yo-yo.

It's a yo.

Never mind.

You go, continue training
with your love broom.

Eventually you'll get your full heart
and graduate to busboy on steak night.

I don't believe I
caught your name.

My name is Baba Gentle.

I knew it.

Baba Gentle. Bye-bye, Bonzo.

Bye-bye, yo.

Some outsider tried to interfere
with us taking him at the airport.

To avoid any trouble, we're shipping
him out tonight to our Oregon retreat.

We have a worker convert
and we're keeping him.

Mork, come on. I'm in.

I can't, Mind, I've got my
hem caught in a sprinkler head.

Ow!

Why couldn't we have gotten those
designer robes with the slit up the side?

Shh!

Let's just find Mearth
and get out of here.

You check up the stairs
and I'll look through here.

Mind, Mind. I've
got a better idea.

You check down here
and I'll hide under your robe.

I'm just as scared as you are,
but we gotta think about Mearth.

- Right. Who?
- Somebody's coming. Shh.

So that's what happened
to our old anchorman.

Let's get these robes back or there's
gonna be one judge looking real casual.

You sweep up in here.

I will go feed the
love attack dogs.

Goody, goody, Baba Gentle.

And say hello to Baba
Bow-wow for me, will you?

Mearth, don't scream, it's us.

Mommy and Daddy,
I'm not Mearth anymore.

No, I'm Baba Swell.
Everybody here loves me.

I went out to the airport, you see,
to try to get some flights to Ork.

There were no flights.

Who came along but
the Babas to save me.

They were good to me.
This place is like Utopia,

you understand,
except the food. Ugh.

All right, sweetheart, Mommy
knows all about this place

and it's not what you think.

Come on, we're taking you home.

I can't, I can't. I can't go. I can't.
You see, I'm Baba's love child.

Oh, no, Mork. They've
gotten to him. What will we do?

It's all right, Mind. I
can deprogramme him.

So Baba Love loves you, huh?

Well, where was Baba Love
when you had that cold, huh? Hmm?

Did Baba Love take you
to the park and teach you

how to eat string cheese
and, enh, like that?

- No.
- Shh. Come on, it's time to go now.

I can't. I want you
meet my friends.

Wait, wait, I want you
to meet my friends.

- No, we can't.
- Mearth, Mearth!

- What's going on here?
- Anybody order a Zen pizza?

He was trying to take
me home and I just...

Outsiders. Seize them!

Easy, easy, please, be
gentle with them, be gentle.

- Let go!
- Ow!

Is this the way you treat
emissaries of Baba Love?

If you're emissaries, why are
your robes different from ours?

Well, these are
our away uniforms.

This is an outrage! We bring you a
special message from Baba Love.

Yes, yes, ditto.

Children, perhaps this is the dental
plan we've all been chanting for.

- What is it?
- What is it?

Yes. Tell them
what it is, Baba Loo.

Thank you, thank
you, Baba Pooter.

Baba Love sends his love

and so does his brother Bubba,
who plays for the Green Bay Packers.

You know, Baba Love not only sends
his love because Baba Love is love.

Score now, love-love.

I want to talk about
love just for a moment.

We know that love is a wonderful
thing. It is a powerful thing.

And sometimes it is
misspelled by girls dancing

at Grateful Dead concerts,
going "Love, look it love."

We know... We know that this
can be a meaningful experience.

But love is no
substitute for recreation.

What Baba Love wants to
plan for the 80s is a new concept:

Play!

Yes, let's put the fun
back in fundamentalism.

You know what I'm saying?

Because now, we're going to have

the first annual Baba
Love Scavenger Hunt!

They're lying!

Utopians don't go
on scavenger hunts.

You dare doubt the
word of Baba Love?

Oh, make two lines now.

Let's put together a
little human car wash.

Okay, ladies, there we are.

We must decide what we are going
to look for on our scavenger hunt.

Okay? Here's a list of
things we'll all be looking for.

Number one, one burning
or badly-charred bush.

One... Also, one partially hidden
truth, some new or used karma,

anything else you can find,

one copy of The Prophet
autographed by Shaun Cassidy,

uh, one pair of Naugahyde
women's panties.

Now, first couple back
wins a dinner for two

at Baba Love's House
of Prayer and Ribs.

So good luck, happy hunting and
be here now, if not, get there later.

Don't move!

Whoa. You're really generating
some negative energy here.

I think what you need is
a sign from Baba Love.

Whoa!

Heh.

You got it.

All you Baba's, A
through M, follow me.

The rest are on your own.

- Wait a minute, Mearth.
- I'm going on a scavenger hunt.

Bup-bup-bup.

Mearth, we just wanna
talk to you for a minute.

But I wanna catch up with
them. I don't wanna be left behind.

Mearth, Mearth, why
did you run away?

Well, because I was an alien.

The kids wouldn't play
with me and I finally...

I finally found a place where
everybody was the same.

So you wanna be just
like everybody else, huh?

Well, Mearth, that's
an easy thing to do.

That's very safe.

But being different, well,
that takes a lot of courage.

All right, you can stay here
and never have to think,

or make a decision for yourself.

Or you can go out
and go to the real world

and have joyous
confrontations with hypocrisy,

violence, nuclear holocaust,
and over-bearing sales people.

Yes, Daddy's right.

There are a lot of bad things, but
mostly there's good in the world.

Oh, please come home, Mearth.

No one could ever
love you as much as us.

We love you for who you are.

- That's right.
- Yes, but who am I?

You're Mearth
McConnell, our son.

You want me to
come home? For sure?

- Yes.
- Okay, can I keep the robe?

- Yes.
- Can I go on the scavenger hunt?

- No.
- No.

Just testing.

Bye-bye, broom.

Boy, it's sure good to be back
in my little warm egg again.

Good night, sweetheart.

And remember, if you ever have
problems, you can come to us.

You don't have to run
away. We're your family.

Thank you, Mommy.

Good night, son.

Oh.

Oh.

- Go to sleep.
- I will.

Oh, Mork, it's so
nice to have him back.

And it's great to
be a family again.

Oh, Mind, it's so nice now
that he knows he's an alien too.

Think of all the wonderful
things I can teach him.

I mean, teach him to sit on
his face, drink with his finger,

the old Orkan songs.

Mommy hates to be a killjoy,
but it's too late for Orkan stereo.

Good night, Mearth. Big kiss.

Why'd you cut us off, Mind? There
was a part for you in the musical.

Mork calling Orson,
come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson,
come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson, come
in, O Pudgy Potentate.

Mork, is that who I think it is?

Oh, yes, sir, it's the universe's
one and only Mearth McConnell.

Sir, it's been a very
difficult week for Mearth

because Mindy and I had to try and
explain the truth about his heritage.

He must have been devastated

to find out he
was half-Earthling.

Oh, no, sir, au contraire, it's
the other way around, you see.

Finally he learned to accept
his birthright and his heritage

and the fact he can't order
off the children's menu.

- Very commendable, Mork.
- Thank you, sir.

Now, let me say
na-no to the little fellow.

Oh, cèrtainement, sir.

Mearth, come down here and say
hello to your godfather, the big O.

Na-no, sir. It's an
honor to meet you, sir.

Na-no, Mearth.

I see you make up in
manners what your father lacks.

You better believe it, Fatso.

What?

Pardon me, sir. It's nap time.
We'd better be running along.

Until next week, Thunder Thighs,
Mork and Mearth signing off.

Na-no.

Na-no.

- Fatso?
- I called that guy...