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1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,548
Na-no, na-no!
2
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,274
Okay, attention, everybody.
3
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I would like to propose a toast
4
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,877
to Mr. Bickley on his birthday.
5
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,804
Well, thank you.
6
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,688
Happy bickday, Birth!
7
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,889
Yeah, um... Well...
8
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,357
my colleagues and
moi have created
9
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,592
the world's first Mork-o-gram,
10
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,360
utilizing the letters
of your name.
11
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,928
Ready?
12
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:03,967
♪ "B" is for The buddy that ♪
13
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,069
♪ You've always been To me ♪
14
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,705
"I" is for the illusions
you've shattered,
15
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:12,063
like when you told me the
Easter bunny has rabies.
16
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,779
"C" is for cake. When do we eat?
17
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,082
Why isn't this working
out like I planned?
18
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,884
All right, Morkettes. Plan B.
19
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,487
♪ Da-da, da-da Da da ♪
20
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,678
Happy 50th, Bickley!
21
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,695
That's terrific.
22
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,631
Would the Morkettes
like a piece of cake?
23
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,099
No, thanks, Mindy.
24
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,102
The moment was enough for me.
25
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,570
Well, come along,
little munchkins.
26
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:41,605
I'll bring some cake to you
27
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,173
at the day-care
center, tomorrow.
28
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,974
You'd better, buster,
29
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,167
or I just may forget I'm a lady.
30
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,381
That was really sweet
of those little girls.
31
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,782
Thanks, Mork.
32
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,752
I didn't have the heart
to tell them I was only 49.
33
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,288
Forty-nine? Wait a minute.
34
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,790
We called your son Tom,
and he said you were 50.
35
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,959
Oh, he confuses me
with Paul Newman.
36
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,430
Hey, look, I'll show
you my driver's license.
37
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,065
That will prove conclusively
38
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,668
that I'm really
only... There, you s...
39
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,505
Oh, my God. I am 50.
40
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,041
Well, welcome to
the half-century club.
41
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,209
So we're 50. So what.
42
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,943
At 50, our lives
are just beginning.
43
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,445
No, but... Yes. If
you were a tortoise,
44
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,446
you'd be just a baby.
45
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,781
Mm-hm. If you were an elephant,
46
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,015
you'd be a teenager.
47
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,006
And if you were a
dog, you'd be dead.
48
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,590
I-I feel like
49
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,958
I've lost a whole year.
50
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,661
I mean, I'm 50.
51
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,962
All those things
I've never done.
52
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,064
What kind of things?
53
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,166
You know, stuff you put off.
54
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,935
Like, well, I've never
read the entire Bible.
55
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,770
I've never seen the Grand Canyon
56
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,173
or Niagara Falls.
57
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,209
You know what really gets me?
58
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:55,812
I never told my
son the facts of life.
59
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,347
How old is he?
60
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,216
Twenty-seven.
61
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,350
He's probably still up.
62
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,641
Give him a call.
63
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,922
I'll bet he's with some girl,
64
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,425
wondering what to do.
65
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,228
Nobody ever had to
tell me the facts of life.
66
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,596
Guys know. Right, Mork?
67
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,665
Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
68
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,966
Yeah, thanks.
69
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,202
Let's face it, I'm an old man.
70
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,803
So many things I
should have done
71
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,373
and didn't do.
72
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,941
Opportunity raced by
73
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,777
and left me
sniffing its exhaust.
74
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,079
Oh, come on, Mr. Bickley.
75
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,081
Don't be so hard on yourself.
76
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,750
I mean, regrets have
nothing to do with age.
77
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:34,951
We all have them.
78
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,253
You know, things we didn't do,
79
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,621
things we should have done.
80
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,690
Oh, regrets. I've had a few.
81
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,492
But I've... I've
handled them my way.
82
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,929
Oh, what could you
possibly have to regret,
83
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,531
you little pixie pants?
84
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,699
Well... Ooh, bless you.
85
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,003
Well, the fact that...
Well, that my foot
86
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,573
doesn't have a thumb.
87
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,142
That my ears don't
spin in the wind.
88
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,767
That I never found out
who Rula Lenska was.
89
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,618
Hey, you know what might
be really interesting tonight?
90
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,254
If we all shared our
regrets with everybody else.
91
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,055
It'll help Mr. Bickley,
92
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,458
and we'll all get to know
each other a lot better.
93
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,059
Oh, please say yes.
94
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:21,063
I'm for anything that will
help poor old Mr. Bickley.
95
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,767
Mindy, uh, it's your apartment.
Why don't you go first?
96
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,935
It's always her
apartment. I live here, too.
97
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,599
I only regret that I
don't have her clout.
98
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:33,109
Mindy, what is it that you
regret most in your life?
99
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,045
Uh...
100
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,215
Oh, I'd really
rather not go first.
101
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,250
Y-You know, kind of shy and all.
102
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,752
Yeah, would anyone
like some coffee?
103
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,211
Ooh, curiosity at
her strange evasion.
104
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,191
Well, then,
105
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,292
I'll go first.
106
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,561
Why did I say that?
107
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,730
This is going to
be embarrassing.
108
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,832
Oh, go for it, Jeanie.
109
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,567
Well...
110
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,203
what I most regret in life...
111
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,205
has to do with a man named Tony.
112
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,606
I remember him.
113
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,965
He was a big guy. Almost 5'8".
114
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,947
He really knew
how to talk to me.
115
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:14,050
I was kind of quiet
and shy, and...
116
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,053
And I really didn't think very
much of myself at the time.
117
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,789
But what I saw in Tony's
eyes was so much nicer
118
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,759
than anything I'd ever
seen in my own mirror.
119
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,327
Can you imagine...
120
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,630
having somebody make
you feel that special?
121
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,335
How long did you and
this Tony go together?
122
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,504
Two months...
123
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,806
before I found out
he was married.
124
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,499
Married. You mean
he was cheatin' on ya?
125
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,046
Now, wait a second.
126
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,230
That guy, Tony, you
dated him over a year.
127
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,351
That's my regret.
128
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:49,853
I can't believe this.
129
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:54,223
My little sister playing
Dallas, in the Bronx.
130
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,826
Mindy, would you
like to go next?
131
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,461
Oh... uh, I'd rather not.
132
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,329
You know, Nelson's
dying to go next.
133
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,598
He is? Yeah.
134
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,999
I bet the only
thing that he regrets
135
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,657
is his little pink eyes
can't stand this much light.
136
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,711
Actually, my biggest regret
is that Glenda stiff-armed me
137
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,446
at the drive-in last night.
138
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,847
Ooh. I told you,
139
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,182
that's not where
the popcorn dropped.
140
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,420
Ooh.
141
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,687
Come on now, Nelson.
142
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,689
There must be something
in that albino soul of yours
143
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,391
that you wanna let
out of there. Come on.
144
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,727
Let it out. Let it fly. Open
up, open up, open up.
145
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,530
Yeah, make us cry.
146
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,364
Well... there is something.
147
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,800
It's been haunting me for years.
148
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,367
I was 15...
149
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,759
That's a good one. Who's next?
150
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,775
And... every morning,
I'd take the bus to school.
151
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,911
The number 26 bus.
152
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,112
One morning, she gets on.
153
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,049
She had the prettiest
blond hair I'd ever seen...
154
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,485
besides my own.
155
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,854
She took my breath away.
156
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,756
I watched her as she sat down.
157
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,691
About the same distance
as Mork is sitting now.
158
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,894
Oh, really? Kind of like this?
159
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,898
Couldn't take my eyes off her.
160
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:12,435
I kept staring at her, thinking,
161
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,203
"I've gotta meet this person."
162
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,038
But before I could think
of how to approach her,
163
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,974
the bus stopped, and
she got up to leave.
164
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,142
Ding.
165
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,411
She passed in front of
me on the way to the exit.
166
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,947
Mork:: Excuse me.
167
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,684
She smiled politely and...
168
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:28,708
got off the bus.
169
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,656
My heart was pounding.
170
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,560
I wanted to meet her and
get to know her so bad.
171
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,628
All I had to do was
follow her off the bus
172
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,096
and say, "Hello."
173
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,365
But I just sat there.
174
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,267
The bus pulled away.
175
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,731
I watched her
through the window.
176
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,342
I saw her grow
smaller and smaller
177
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,645
in the distance.
178
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,381
There went my dream.
179
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,718
All right. Well, now,
who's gonna go next?
180
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,052
Mindy?
181
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,420
Oh, I'd really like to,
182
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,389
but I have to get the
ice cream for the cake.
183
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,446
I'll go warm up the ketchup.
184
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,229
Min, Min, Min, I sense
a certain aversion
185
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,230
to airing your regret.
186
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,532
I mean, am I right? Am I wrong?
187
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,166
Why do I ask another question?
188
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,168
There, I did it again. But...
189
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,603
Oh, Mork, it's
just that it's just...
190
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,238
It's very personal.
191
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,206
I'd really rather tell
you when we're alone.
192
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,108
Ooh. Our sense
of intimacy grows.
193
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,949
Well, ever since
I was a little girl,
194
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,951
I wanted to be a dancer.
195
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,986
I always heard music
in my head, and...
196
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,756
And my body just seemed
to want to move to it.
197
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,525
I started with ballet when...
When I was about five,
198
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,060
and I... I just
loved it so much.
199
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,796
And one day, my
father said to me,
200
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,997
"Where's the newspaper?"
201
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,466
And I said, "Over there."
202
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,670
Then I fell on my tutu.
203
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,704
Well, after the ballet,
204
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,440
there was tap and
jazz and modern.
205
00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,009
And I just felt so free.
206
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,545
And then Randolph
came into my life.
207
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,280
And you know, he loved to dance
208
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,304
just as much as I did.
209
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,417
I don't think our feet
touched the ground
210
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,519
through our entire marriage.
211
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,989
And then I was alone.
212
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,446
And I haven't felt
like dancing since.
213
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,151
It's not right to close
off a part of you, is it?
214
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,635
Glenda Faye, would
you dance with me?
215
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,004
Oh. You mean now?
216
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,572
Well, I've got the music in me.
217
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,108
Oh.
218
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,843
Oh, no. I don't think so.
219
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,444
Uh, no. Please?
220
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,648
My dad's got a barn. Come on.
221
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,649
Come on.
222
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,719
Oh, no... Music, minstro.
223
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,357
Ooh!
224
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,965
Ooh!
225
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,035
Aah!
226
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,304
Well, uh...
227
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,140
my regret is that women
only want me for my body.
228
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,404
What?
229
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,515
Wanna trade regrets?
230
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:20,917
It's not funny, Mr. Bickley.
231
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,301
It's a curse I've
had to live with.
232
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,523
Girls only see
me as a plaything.
233
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,526
I have a mind too, you know.
234
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,595
I can't believe this.
235
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,396
I mean, when I'm
on a date, all I hear is,
236
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,999
"Remo, make a muscle."
237
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:40,036
"Remo, make a muscle."
238
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,828
You know how cheap
this makes me feel?
239
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,644
Hey, look, at heart, I'm
an old-fashioned guy.
240
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,747
I don't know. These days,
all women wanna do is
241
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,117
grope, grope, grope.
242
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,551
I'm tired of being
a phone number
243
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,587
passed around at
the beauty parlor.
244
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,489
You understand, don't
you, Mr. McConnell?
245
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,091
I want a relationship.
246
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,895
I'm sorry, Remo, but
he's already married.
247
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,732
I can't help that God
built me this way.
248
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,868
You know how it feels when
a woman looks at my shirt,
249
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,469
and then whispers
to her girlfriend,
250
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,894
"I wonder if they're real"?
251
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,111
Tragic.
252
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,147
I don't know. I just
pray that, somewhere,
253
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,615
there's some woman
sensitive enough to...
254
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,317
I don't know, see beyond this...
255
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,220
classic shell of a man.
256
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,391
I wanna... I want her to
discover the real Remo.
257
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,026
To reach out for me.
258
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,929
I wanna be talked
to. I wanna be held.
259
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,498
Well, I'm sure there's someone
260
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,000
out there somewhere.
261
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,401
I just hope she's built.
262
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,828
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
263
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,479
All right. Who hasn't
spilled his guts yet?
264
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,348
Let's see, I think it's...
265
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,650
Mr. McConnell and Mindy.
266
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,486
Um, Dad, will you go next?
267
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,322
Yeah, come on. Tell about
the time you were sold
268
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,346
into bald slavery.
269
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,427
Well, there is
something I've lived with
270
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,428
for quite some time.
271
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,463
Even Mindy doesn't
know about it.
272
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,899
Really? What is it?
273
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,536
It happened November 24, 1950.
274
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,271
In Korea.
275
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,807
It was late, and
we were on patrol.
276
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:27,076
I remember trudging
through the frozen mud
277
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,146
in a miserable five below.
278
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,849
Suddenly, the sky lit
up with incoming shells,
279
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,651
and we all scattered
into the woods.
280
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,655
I'd never seen trees
broken off at the top before.
281
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,123
Or men, either.
282
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,026
Now, the shelling
stopped, and...
283
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,752
I was surrounded
by an eerie silence.
284
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,500
Just then...
285
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,903
I heard the frozen
mud crunch behind me.
286
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,271
I whipped around,
287
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,773
and I saw somebody charge
at me with a fixed bayonet.
288
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:58,774
Before he could get to me,
289
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:01,878
I raised my rifle
and I shot him.
290
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:05,836
And he flew back into
a shell hole... dead.
291
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,486
Mindy, I killed a man.
292
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,488
Oh, but, Dad, you had to.
293
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,757
He would have killed you.
294
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,825
He was the enemy, Uncle Fred.
295
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,817
When he's 3 feet away,
he's another human being.
296
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,699
The look on his
face as his life...
297
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,502
left him...
298
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:30,106
There are nights
when I still see it.
299
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,775
I just wish I didn't
have to pull that trigger.
300
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:36,112
If you didn't, Fred, you
wouldn't be here with us.
301
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,881
Yeah, and you never
would have had Mindy.
302
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,784
Mork, you're right. Yeah.
303
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,409
Now I'd probably be
living with Mr. Bickley.
304
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,893
Then I'd really have a
regret to share with you all.
305
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,862
My, some of these
regrets are heavy.
306
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,464
You know, but
they've made me feel
307
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,801
so much closer to
all of you tonight.
308
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:01,170
It feels really very good.
309
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,506
I never knew exposing myself
was such a warm experience.
310
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,014
Well, it's been an
interesting party,
311
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,215
but it's past my bedtime.
312
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:14,817
Hey, wait a minute.
Mindy, you haven't
313
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,152
told us your regret.
314
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:19,088
Oh...
315
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,557
No, no, no, no.
Sh-She has no regrets.
316
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,059
She's led a perfect life...
317
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,526
thanks to me and her Remington.
318
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,798
Come on, Mindy.
319
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,069
Well, see, I... I
really can't, uh...
320
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,704
The door. Oh.
321
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:36,772
Whew.
322
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,836
Regretus interruptus.
323
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,301
Oh, no.
324
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:48,217
Mork, is that you?
325
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,651
I-It's me, Exidor.
326
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,843
No, I'm Exidor. You're Mork.
327
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:54,991
Who is that?
328
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,360
Exidor, the town loon.
329
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,129
I resent that, curly.
330
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,198
I don't live in town.
331
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,223
I'm a valley guy.
332
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,408
I bring bad news, Mork.
333
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,099
It's not going to be
easy. I'd better sit down.
334
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,951
I just got back from the doctor.
335
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:23,952
Which doctor?
336
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,776
Exactly.
337
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:34,463
He told me in Swahili, I've
only got 41 years to live.
338
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,055
Here's his note
describing my condition.
339
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,697
"your mama."
340
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,047
Uh... Uh, for goodness sakes,
341
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:54,550
Exidor, 41 years is a long time.
342
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:58,109
Easy for you to say, cue
ball. You've got your health.
343
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,113
I'm about to punch out.
344
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,261
That's why...
345
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,997
I plan to spend my
last waning moments...
346
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,999
here in this house...
347
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,035
with my dearest friends.
348
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:16,572
Imagine our excitement.
349
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,142
I'll just lie down
unobtrusively.
350
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,544
All of you vital people
351
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,368
just go on with
whatever you were doing.
352
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,209
Okay, Mindy. What
are your regrets?
353
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:41,263
Remo, there is a man
in a robe, lying on us.
354
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,100
I couldn't help overhearing.
355
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,735
What's this garbage
about regrets?
356
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,705
We're all telling each other
things that we regret the most.
357
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,940
Oh, I've got one...
358
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:57,246
besides the fact that whitey
here has got bony knees.
359
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,949
You know, Mork...
I've been feeling...
360
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,819
really down in the dumps,
since my wife left me.
361
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,321
Well, you must have
been awful shocked
362
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,865
when she bit through
the leash and got away.
363
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:13,395
I was feelin' really
low there, for a while.
364
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,865
I even let my appearance go.
365
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,301
And then, as fate would have it,
366
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,104
I became attached
to another woman.
367
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,006
Deeply attached.
368
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:28,010
My regret is that... I
haven't told her my feelings.
369
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,647
Oh, well, then, by all
means, go and tell her now.
370
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,815
Should I, Mork?
371
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,052
Should I run to her
and risk rejection,
372
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,821
not to mention mono?
373
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,691
Yes. Yes, go to her!
374
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:46,016
Let your heart fly, like
a moth into a blowtorch.
375
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,666
I love you, my sweet!
376
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,756
I wanna have your baby!
377
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,094
Oh, no. No way. Not me.
378
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,977
I see.
379
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,147
Goodbye whitey, shorty, curly.
380
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,804
You too, perky.
381
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,586
You know, Mork,
you're the only one here
382
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,810
with a normal name.
383
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,062
Well, I hate to admit it,
384
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,631
but this has been the best
50-year-old birthday party
385
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,066
I've ever had.
386
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,968
And you've all helped me
learn something here tonight.
387
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,371
Age has nothing
to do with regrets.
388
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,373
I can do all those things
I've always wanted to do,
389
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,374
starting tomorrow.
390
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,518
Who the hell is stopping me?
391
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,213
But tonight, I need my rest.
392
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:42,017
I've got 50 years of
living, starting tomorrow.
393
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,285
Come on, Frankie.
394
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,754
Let's see if we can beat
these kids to the door.
395
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,823
Well, the guest
of honor is leaving.
396
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,926
It doesn't take the roof
to fall in on my head.
397
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,994
I know the party's over.
398
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,631
Sorry I didn't get to
hear your regret, Mindy.
399
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,399
Oh, it'll keep. Thank you.
400
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,400
Thank you. Good night.
401
00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,801
Thanks for coming. Bye.
402
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,803
Thank you.
403
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,239
Real nice to have friends, huh?
404
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:04,340
Yeah. See ya.
405
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,074
Bye, Remo. Yo, yo, yo!
406
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,113
All right, Mind. You
can tell me now.
407
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,314
What was your regret? Come on.
408
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:14,182
What was your regret?
Come on, come on, come on.
409
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:17,486
Okay, okay. Let me sit down.
410
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,961
My regret is...
411
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:27,529
that my mother had to die
412
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:29,898
before she got a
chance to meet you.
413
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:33,502
See, I couldn't say that
in front of everybody,
414
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,671
because... then
I'd have to explain
415
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,873
that I wanted her to know
everything about you, and...
416
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,643
And the fact that I came from
another planet, and everything.
417
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,645
Yeah.
418
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:47,149
And that you're... as
close to me as she was.
419
00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,873
And that you're the most
important thing in my life.
420
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:52,521
Deeply moved.
421
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,358
Well, my mom would
have liked you, Mork.
422
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:58,294
I just know it.
423
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,496
I would have liked her too.
424
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,264
Yeah...
425
00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:04,232
I know what I would
have said to her too.
426
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,233
You do?
427
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:06,924
Sure.
428
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:13,975
Hello, Mrs. McConnell. Na-no.
429
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,634
That's my way of saying shalom.
430
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:18,503
Yes.
431
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,120
Um, n... Uh, no, ma'am, I...
432
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:28,123
I don't live around
here, I live here.
433
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:31,026
Well... With Mindy, yes ma'am.
434
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,861
Oh, we're very close.
435
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:35,497
No, no, no, no, no,
no. Not that close.
436
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:39,368
I don't even know what that is.
437
00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:41,269
But... you see, ma'am...
438
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,671
I'm a...
439
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:44,415
I'm a... I'm a creature
from another planet.
440
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,911
You know, like Alien.
441
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,246
E-Except that I'm cuter,
442
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,615
and I don't skitter
across the floor like that.
443
00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:56,852
Oh, um, yes, ma'am, I'm single.
444
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,187
Um, you know,
445
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,723
if it wasn't for Mindy
taking in strays,
446
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,524
I would never
have a place to be.
447
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,625
I just wanna thank you
448
00:23:03,649 --> 00:23:05,527
for bringing her
into this world.
449
00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:09,865
Do I love her?
450
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,000
Well...
451
00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,034
I want us...
452
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,403
I wanna give her
everything I have,
453
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:15,871
and spend the rest
of my life with her.
454
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,015
Is that love?
455
00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:22,544
Oh, whew.
456
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,112
You know, it's...
It's kind of funny
457
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,481
that I had to come
millions of miles
458
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,917
to find something
deep inside of me.
459
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:30,701
I wonder if she
feels the same way.
460
00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:36,091
Yeah, I-I guess you're
right. I should ask her myself.
461
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:38,093
Thank you, ma'am.
462
00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:40,796
Thank you very much.
463
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,420
I-I-I like you too.
464
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,874
That's what I would
have said to your mom.
465
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:53,375
I got a feeling you're trying
466
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,759
to say something to me too.
467
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,702
Mork, was my mother really here?
468
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,147
She told me to
give you something.
469
00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:18,989
I love you, Mindy.
470
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,793
I love you too, Mork.
32968
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