Original subtitles

Na-no, na-no!

Can I talk to you guys

about something personal?

You got a tattoo.

No.

No, it's about Mork.

Is he still lighting a candle every day

in memory of Edith Bunker?

Yes,

but that's not the problem.

No, the problem is

I met this guy through work,

and he asked me out to dinner,

and I don't know whether I should go or not.

Well, what's the problem? You and Mork are just friends.

Well, yeah, we are, but we really haven't

dated anyone in the last year,

and it just kind of worked out that way.

Well, then live, Mindy.

Grow. Expand your soul.

Humanity is the palette

from which you color your relationships.

Huh?

Well, I mean, if you go out and meet new people,

it can enrich and ennoble

your attitudes towards each other.

In other words, Mindy,

fool around.

You know, Glenda may be right.

Meeting new people could be a lot of fun

for both you and Mork.

Really? Yeah.

What good advice.

Thanks, now you tell Mork.

No, it's true,

and Mork should meet more people.

I mean, after all, that's why he came to this planet...

Place... Why he came to this place.

Oh, gosh. Well, I hate to eat and run,

but I have to burn off this cake.

Come on, Jeanie.

Oh, enjoy it, lips,

before it winds up on hips.

Well, bye-bye. Bye.

Listen, if you end up going out with this guy,

why don't you see if maybe he has a friend.

You know, brother, cousin,

nephew, uncle,

grandfather.

Bye.

Mork,

can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, sure, Min. Here I come.

Catch me! Whoa!

Now I know who not to call in case of a fire.

Ah, here I am, Min, preparing early

for our usual Saturday-evening

television marathon! Ha-ha!

We're gonna boogie 'till the test pattern!

Here we are,

one regulation snuggle sack.

My regulation snuggle snack also.

Hold on here,

and the best surprise of all,

a little bag of popcorn.

Mork. Min.

How would you feel if I told you

I wasn't gonna watch television with you tonight?

Well, I'd say that Mork and Mindy

have reached a new level of intimacy.

I'll go upstairs and put on my see-through suspenders,

and we'll snap 'till dawn.

No, what I mean is

I'm not gonna be here tonight.

I have a date.

You?

Ar-ar-ar!

Yeah, me!

No, I... Tsk.

I've been thinking about it,

and I think it would be healthy for us

to go out and meet other people.

Well, Mind, have I...

Have I stopped you from meeting other people?

Well, no, but I haven't exactly

helped you meet them either.

And I've been so busy trying to graduate from college

and trying to find a job,

that we've sort of closed ourselves off in a cocoon.

Ooh! Oh.

Well, that's... That's co-crazy, mind.

I mean,

I came to Earth to observe people.

I mean, you should be able to observe people too.

Oh, really?

Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way.

You know, to tell you the truth, I was a little nervous

about bringing the whole thing up.

Are you kidding, Mind?

This conversation has changed my life.

I'm going out right now and break new ground,

meet new people.

I'm gonna get out there right now and...

Wait, there's somebody right now.

Hey, you! Fella!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you in the hardhat!

Why don't you come on up tonight?

I've got an empty snuggle sack!

It's open!

Hiya, Mork.

Hi, Remo.

Here's that pizza you ordered.

It's your usual.

Everything but tomato and cheese.

Where's Mindy?

Oh, she's out with some guy having her horizons expanded.

She's got a date?

Yes, she says with these experiences,

she'll enrich her life, and that way we'll have

something to share in our golden years.

You bought that?

Yeah, and the watch too.

Look, you're a single guy, all right?

Yeah. This is Saturday night!

Get out the little black book.

Oh, little black book? You mean, Roots?

No, that address book.

Oh!

Idiot moi.

Oh, boy, look at this.

You got a chick for every night of the week.

"Lola,

"Stephanie

Marcie."

Give them a call. Oh, I can't.

They're asleep right now. They're kids from day-care.

Well, you must know some women

with their permanent teeth.

Let's think. Look,

think of someone, anyone. Just give me a name.

All right, um... Well, there's your sister Jeanie.

I don't think so.

Oh, yeah.

Um... Glenda Faye.

Glenda Faye, that's perfect.

She's single.

She lives in one of those singles complexes.

Ohh! Ohh!

Give her a call...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, just relax, all right?

W-w-what... What do I say to her?

Well, just, "what are you doing tonight, Glenda?"

And, uh, whatever you do, don't sound hard up or lonely.

Okay. It's rang two times.

Hello? Glenda?

Hi, it's me, Mork.

That's all, it's just Mork.

Yes, hi? What am I doing?

Well, whatever it is,

I'm not hard up or lonely.

Well, actually right now I'm having a party

with all my friends.

Yes, what are you doing?

Oh...

Oh, you're having a Japanese dinner party.

That's wonderful. That's wonderful.

Sure, I can come.

Whew! Oh, yes.

Glenda, I have one question, um...

When you eat sushi, do you eat it with the fingers,

or do you eat the fingers separately?

Come in!

Hi, Morky-san.

Hayakawa, Glenda Faye.

These flowers are for you.

Aw, how sweet.

Oh, no, they're not. I tasted them.

You are such a kidder.

Hey, how about a little sake.

Oh, make it two; one for each footy.

Mork, I'd like you to meet all my friends.

Oh, thus begins my growth experience.

Hey, everybody,

this is Mork!

Hi.

Hello, uh... Hi.

Well, that's that. Thank you all.

I have a lot to share with Mindy. Good night.

Get back here, sillykins!

Come on.

Stay awhile and just mingle a little.

Mingle? Mingle.

Oh, you mean like la-la-la-la?

Okay.

Sure.

Na-no.

Would you like to mingle?

Sure.

I'll try anything once.

Are those bell-bottoms?

Why, are my cuffs ringing?

Excuse me.

I think we have to stop seeing each other.

Uh-huh.

Party chatter, party chatter,

party chatter.

Excuse me, are you on something?

Yes, this lovely, plush-pile carpet.

Ar-ar-ar!

Whew.

I'll go over here and...

motivate.

Wonder if I have flower breath.

Mork, are you having a nice time?

Oh, yeah.

I don't think your friends like me very much.

I feel kind of out of place. Like Nancy Reagan

at a soul-food parlor.

Just kind of loosen up a little.

Tell a joke.

No, no, no, Glen...

Ooh, okay, everybody,

Mork is going to tell a joke.

He is such a funny man.

Oh, no... Okay, Mork.

I-I only know one joke.

Oh, great, tell it.

Okay, thank you, no pressure.

Well, you see, these two Venusians walk into a bar,

and one Venusian says...

No, don't spoil it, you know the ending.

One Venusian says:

And the other Venusian says:

And then the bartender says:

Gafornick? I can't even drink the water.

Oh, la-la-la.

Oh, dear.

Oh...

Glenda, can I go sit in the other room with the coats?

Oh, Mork...

Shh, it's all right. I can talk to a mink.

It'll be okay.

You know, it's really hard meeting new people

for the first time.

Gee, hardly anybody fits in right away.

Just do me a little favor

and stay for a little while longer.

Oh, Glenda, I feel like a fur ball

in the throat of life.

There's this great guy coming over for dinner tonight,

and I want you to meet him.

Everybody loves him.

He's the life of the party... A regular Mr. Fun.

You could really learn a lot from him.

He's more fun than Mister Rogers?

Oh...

Benihana!

Goldfish sushi!

Mork...

this is Todd Norman Taylor.

My friends call me TNT,

'cause I'm a dynamite kind of guy.

Go to it, TNT.

Relieve the tensions of the '80s.

You're a cra-a-zy lady,

you know that? She's a cra-a-zy lady!

Hi, I'm Pepper.

Whoa, what's shakin', Pepper?

Let's sit and talk travel.

You know, I've been to all 27 Club Meds.

Ooh...

What a week that was!

Well, talking travel...

If he... If he only knew where I came from...

Hi, handsome.

Oh, what's your name?

Sheri. Sheri?

Whoa, what's cookin', Sheri?

Would you hold it against me

if I told you you had a great body?

Whew! I'm on a roll!

Excuse me, Mr. Fun.

May I talk to you?

What's the matter, guy?

Run out of wallflower seeds?

Excuse me, ladies.

Hey, guy. Oh, w-w-what?

Lighten up. Party, party.

Oh, I-I-I'm sorry.

I'm just a, uh... I'm a loser.

I'm a... I'm a social misfit.

Oh, you forgot dud.

Hey, I understand.

I've been washed up on shy beach before.

I couldn't surf.

I couldn't ski.

I couldn't even ride a mechanical bull.

Let's face it, I was a pretty shallow guy.

What did you do? Oh!

Put my act together.

Props...

a little wardrobe.

But most important of all:

st-y-yle!

What's "st-y-yle?"

Well, uh... You see the way you're dressed?

Oh, yes. That's not it!

Oh.

Tell you what, guy,

you stick with the master,

and in no time, I'll make you

just like me from top to bottom.

I guess I got a good head start,

'cause my bottom looks like your top.

So how's Mork been lately?

Well, I haven't seen

much of Mork lately.

Seems I've unleashed

a singles monster on Boulder.

Oh, I thought that's kind of what you wanted.

You're seeing new people,

Mork's seeing new people.

Yeah, but we sure aren't seeing much of each other.

Well, I mean, come on, Mindy,

he can't be busy every single minute.

Oh, yeah?

Wait a minute, I'm gonna show you something.

Wait'll you see this.

What is it?

Monday.

Monday.

"8:20 a.m. breakfast.

"10:48 a.m.

"comparative lip-gloss tasting.

11:06 a.m. coed mud wrestling."

My goodness, he is busy every minute.

Oh, not again.

Hello?

No, Nicky Sue,

Mork isn't here right now.

He's at...

"the floating jacuzzi

backgammon tournament."

What?

No, no, no,

the finals are at 6:34.

Okay. Bye.

Oh, Mindy...

Well, maybe it's good for Mork.

I mean, he's getting out, he's meeting people.

So why am I so bugged?

'Cause maybe you feel left out.

Maybe I feel left out.

Well, according to this,

Mork is gonna be at Glenda's party tonight.

It starts at 8:41.

Why don't you meet him over there?

You know, kind of check out the situation?

Oh, I don't know.

I was invited, too,

along with the rest of Boulder.

But I wasn't really planning on going.

Come on, Mindy.

Now, you've got to be

just a little bit curious

to see old Mork in action, huh?

Oh, yeah, I am.

But if I go to that party, and he says to me,

"hi, there, chickie baby, what's your sign?"

I'm gonna kick him in the Big Dipper.

Oooh...

Anybody here?

Glenda...

Mork?

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da... ♪

Mind!

How are you?

The star-spangled surprise

and amber waves of joy!

Hollywood kiss! Okay...

Oh, lovely!

What an interesting party.

You having fun?

Oh, for sure, for sure.

Does Norman Lear make great jets?

Ar-ar-ar!

Oh, Mindy, I'm so glad you could make it.

Let me get you a drink.

Maybe you'd like to try the specialty of the house;

morkaritas.

Morkaritas?

Well, they're kind of named after me, Min.

It's tequila and baloney.

The mustard around the rim is optional.

I think I'll just have a meatless drink.

Okay.

Oh, Min, sorry, but I've got to go

mix and mingle right now

to look for that deep relationship you wanted me to.

We'll catch you later when the energy's right.

Whoa!

Hello, how are you?

Have you ever had deep feelings about velour?

Hey, hitman,

huddle time.

Hey, we'll do lunch one day.

We'll bag it and call each other.

Hot! Psst!

I've told you the secrets of the opposite gender.

Now's the time to...

love them tender.

Whoa! We bad!

We bad!

Ar-ar-ar!

"Hitman?"

He's a hit with all the ladies.

Maybe I will have a morkarita.

Mindy, you're not upset with me

because I introduced Mork to all my friends, are you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Well, look at him.

He's having such a good time.

You know, chickieboo,

my sixth sense tells me

that we've met in a previous life.

You were Cleopatra,

and I was Richard Burton.

Ar-ar-ar.

You know, chiclet,

I have seven cents that say that we met,

like, in a previous life.

And you were Lady Godiva,

and I was Mister Ed.

Oh...

One day we'll go to the Nautilus center

and hold our breath.

Whoa.

Hey, baby, how would you like

to go up to my place for a nightcap?

Hey, sweetheart, how would you like

to go over to my place for a night crawler?

I live at your place, Mork.

Oh, wow! Xanadu!

I got a live one!

Whoo-oo-oo!

We bad.

Yeah!

Why do I feel like I should be wearing

a "yech" button?

Hi.

I couldn't help overhearing,

because I was listening,

but are you and the hitman living together?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, but it's not what you think.

Oh!

You'll have to tell me.

I'm not into thinking.

You see, he and I are just friends.

Ohhhh... friends.

In that case...

hitman?

I think she likes me, Min.

Isn't she nice, huh? For sure, for sure,

isn't she really gnarly?

You know, Mork...

maybe it's time

I got into the swing of things.

You mind if I mix with your friends?

Oh, sure, Min. Go for it.

Will you hold this?

Uh-huh. Thanks.

Hey, TNT,

wanna have a megaton of fun?

Hey, baby, I'm here for the takin'.

Mmmmm!

Whoo! You get the Jell-O,

I'll bring the birdcage!

Whew!

Min, what are you doing?

Just tryin' to mix and mingle,

'cause I'm single.

Party's movin' to my place!

Party's at Pepper's!

♪ Wouldn't you like to be ♪

♪ At Pepper's too ♪

Come on, foxy.

Jump on the silver streak to singledom!

♪ Doo-boo boo-boo boo boom ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da ow! ♪

Come on, Min!

You can be the caboose if you can get loose!

I don't think we're on

the same track, jack.

After this commercial message,

we'll be back with

Night Owl Theater.

Hey, cra-a-zy lady!

Hey, hitman, you're home early.

It's only 4:15.

Now, Min,

you wanna know why I came home from roamin'?

Mmm, you had to change

for the predawn donut dunk?

No, I...

I saw that you left the party,

and I came to bring you back.

Why did you leave, Min?

Oh, I wasn't in the mood for a big party.

But looks like you were having a good time

with all your new friends,

especially that girl, Pepper.

Pepper?

Yeah, the girl who kissed you.

Oh. Oh,

a lot of girls kissed me, Min.

I guess they're just load testing their lips.

You know, this is the first time we sat together on this couch

in over a week.

Yeah, it feels pretty good.

Mork, I'm glad you found

a way of life you can really enjoy.

Are you happy?

Sure.

I mean, it makes me happy to make you happy.

And you wanted me to meet new people.

Yeah, but not as a career!

Oh, Mork, I thought making new friends

would help us grow together,

not grow apart.

Yeah, Mind, I-I really missed you.

I wanna be your cuddly little caterpillar,

not somebody's social butterfly.

Oh, Mork,

that's so nice.

Well, I'd rather be your cuddly caterpillar too.

I realized that the first time

I walked in Glenda Faye's building.

Whew.

You know, I-I like making new friends...

but you're my best friend.

Oh, I needed to hear that.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, you know what's really nice?

It's nice to have you talking to me

rather than at me. Hmm.

You know, Mork, it's really great

to make new friends, but don't forget who you are

in the meantime.

Yeah.

I promise.

I'll just be my little old bozo self.

Uh, Min, one thing.

Can I keep the new friends I made?

Sure, they're fun.

Oh, really? Yeah.

You hear that?

She likes you!

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, old jumbo jet-setter.

Please, Mork,

no fat jokes tonight.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Oh, Beebs is my best audience, sir.

He's kind of like my George Jessel.

What a lovely thing

this ball of fur can be.

Your report, Mork?

Yes, sir. This week, sir, I've been running

with a group of Earthlings who have no mates, sir.

We like to call them "singles."

You mean you left your Earthling?

Oh, sir, bite your tongue! Hush your puppies!

No, sir, actually, you see, we just met other Earthlings to...

Well, to enrich our own relationship, sir.

And now, sir, we're closer than ever,

if you know what I mean.

Mm-hmm. Interesting concept, Mork.

On Earth, you can be separate

and still be together.

Yes, sirree-doo-dah, sir.

Sir, the most amazing thing is

I found out that it's no fun to be single alone.

I guess that's why all those singles flock together.

Until next week, sir,

Na-no, na-no.