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1
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:05,015
Na-no, na-no.
2
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,105
You were great last night, Dad.
3
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,174
You know, that benefit
concert was really terrific.
4
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,809
Yeah, and the reviews aren't
too bad, either. Here, look.
5
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,512
There's even a picture of
me conducting the orchestra.
6
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,348
That's a wonderful likeness
of the back of your head.
7
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,387
Well, you certainly
are in a jolly mood.
8
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:51,654
Yeah, well, why not?
9
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,959
One critic called me the
bald Bernstein of Boulder.
10
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,295
On top of that, we
raised over $30,000
11
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,464
for the new Boulder
children's hospital.
12
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,165
Boy, I wish I was
doing that well.
13
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,866
I promised to raise $1,000,
14
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:07,270
but looking for this new job,
it's just taking up all my time.
15
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,938
Yeah, well, you can
always rent Mork out
16
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,663
to a research laboratory.
17
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,177
I'm really gonna
have to buckle down
18
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,779
this next couple of days to
raise the money I pledged.
19
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,785
Maybe I'll dress
up as a Girl Scout
20
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,387
and go door to door.
21
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,145
Well, it worked when I was 12.
22
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,629
What are you doing?
Huh? What...? Ooh.
23
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,664
I... I think I was
sleep-jogging, and I locked...
24
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,233
I locked myself out.
25
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,267
How did you do that?
26
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,935
Well, I guess kind of like this:
27
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,726
ready, set, dream.
28
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,543
Idiot delight.
29
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,238
Déjà vu. Door ja vu.
30
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:57,454
Oh, no. It's Boulder Pops.
31
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,489
Oh, what a wonderful
evening. That was incredible.
32
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,324
I mean, Beverly Sills
singing everything.
33
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,059
Couldn't you tell it was
me in the back going,
34
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,094
"Whoa! Get down, mama!"
35
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,964
Oh, boy, you know, sometimes
I can really be irrepressible.
36
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,754
I don't know why.
37
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,702
Whoa!
38
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,103
Oh, look, it guessed my weight.
39
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,413
Ah, well, I really
should be going.
40
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,149
I've got to show my
picture to the rest of Boulder.
41
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,852
Mm, and I'll keep making
phone calls for donations.
42
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,355
I haven't even raised enough
money to pay my phone bill.
43
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,457
Oh, don't worry, honey. Mwah.
44
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,892
You'll raise the money somehow.
45
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,260
I hope so.
46
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,396
I'll have to disguise
the back of my head
47
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,264
so I can slip by the groupies.
48
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,833
Ah, oui.
49
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,704
Alors. Alors.
50
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,839
Min. Min, Min, Min. Oh, what?
51
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,575
Why didn't you tell me
that you needed money?
52
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,343
You can have anything
I own, except for my lips
53
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,644
because those are rented.
54
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,279
That's sweet, but the
money's not for me.
55
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,703
It's for the new
children's hospital.
56
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,383
Min,
57
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,752
you mean you can get
money just by asking for it?
58
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,387
Well, some people
donate money to others
59
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,988
if they think the cause
is worthy enough.
60
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,524
Oh, like Abscam?
61
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,559
Senator, do you really believe
62
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,194
that, uh, you took
this as a loan?
63
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:14,698
No, I just thought it
was a Christmas gift.
64
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:18,368
No, not quite. See,
it's called charity.
65
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,002
People raise money
in different ways,
66
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,070
and then they donate it
67
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,706
to people who they
feel are in need.
68
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,841
Like remember the telethon
we saw the other night?
69
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,943
That was wonderful,
especially when Monty Hall sang,
70
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,311
♪ Bess, you is my woman now ♪
71
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,880
Yeah.
72
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,416
Well, people were donating
money to that charity.
73
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,686
Oh, Min, I'll never
understand you Earthlings.
74
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,221
Boy, I mean, sometimes
the lights are on
75
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,956
and nobody's home,
you know what I'm saying?
76
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,020
You've got one wheel
in the sand, there.
77
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,428
I mean, we Orkans ask
for money, right away, bang!
78
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,564
Right in the institution in
a little rubber room going,
79
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,400
"Boink! Boink! Ha-ha!
I'm okay! Boink! Boink!"
80
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,703
Well, caring people
here like to help others.
81
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,104
Oh, Min, I care
and want to help.
82
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,406
Well, I wish you could, Mork.
83
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,642
I've got to have those
donations in by Friday.
84
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,144
I've got to start making
phone calls right now.
85
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,446
It shouldn't take that long.
You won't have to raise much.
86
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,348
You're just building
a children's hospital.
87
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,932
It only has to be
about this high.
88
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,058
Welcome to our
marathon for Mindy's kids.
89
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,628
Come on. I'm gonna stay on
the air till you give, give, give.
90
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,029
Come on, now.
Come on, little Tommy.
91
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,364
Why am I here?
92
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,565
What are you doing to me?
93
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,066
No, let's go, now.
94
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,835
Here we go. I'd like you
to meet my first guest.
95
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,504
Hi, hi, hi.
96
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,105
Don't be afraid of me.
97
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,873
You know, but these kids...
98
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,909
Can I say one thing?
99
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,911
Here's my first guess.
100
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,646
Let's bring her out to
you wonderful people,
101
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,247
but how much money
have we raised?
102
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,705
Diddly. Okay, let's keep going.
103
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,420
And now, let's bring out
another wonderful act,
104
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,821
the famous Biblini's.
105
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,856
Thank you, it's nice to be here.
106
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,258
I want now to do the
famous midget juggling.
107
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,293
Thank you, very much.
108
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,561
And now, please...
109
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,563
No, please, let go.
110
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,965
Hey! Hey!
111
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,402
Yay! Ho... No, don't
touch me there. Don't...
112
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,603
Put me down.
113
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,238
Thank you, thank... Ah!
114
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,642
Hey. Uh...
115
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,410
We'll be having a telethon
116
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,612
for them in just about an hour.
117
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:10,913
Let's keep going right now.
118
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,749
I just want to thank all
of you, but first... Hey!
119
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,718
A little heart and soul,
here. Let's bring him out.
120
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,486
These young kids.
Let's bring them out here.
121
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,187
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
122
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,824
We are The Confusions.
123
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,258
We can dance better
than we can sing.
124
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,293
I'd like to introduce you to
the members of the band.
125
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,063
Larry. Proud Aquarius.
126
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:30,500
Tom. Mooning Encino,
I don't know why.
127
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,968
Billy Bob. I don't
know what the hell.
128
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,269
My agent got me this job.
129
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,507
Well, that's it. Let's thank
all these young people, there.
130
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,175
Thank you. Thank you,
very much. Thank you.
131
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,277
We'll be coming right
around, now, collecting money.
132
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,479
Thank you, oh, thank you.
133
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,382
Hey, how about that,
huh? Isn't he terrific?
134
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,816
Mork, what are you doing?
135
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,852
I'm doing a telethon to
raise money for Mindy's kids.
136
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,787
Oh, that's... That's real nice.
137
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,321
You're scaring
away my customers.
138
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,558
If you keep this up, Mindy's
gonna be raising money for me.
139
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,026
Oh, oh, I'm sorry about that.
140
00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,285
Here, I'll turn in my tie.
141
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,054
Um, I... I...
142
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,492
Whew!
143
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,539
Excuse me, sir.
144
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,575
Do you mind if I mope here,
or is this a no-moping section?
145
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:16,546
No, kid, sure. Sit
down, sit down.
146
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,047
Hey, you know something?
147
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,082
You got a great
approach there, kid,
148
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,852
but you sure got a lot to
learn about fundraising.
149
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,554
You know how to raise money?
150
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:27,123
Oh, I'm a professional
from back east.
151
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,492
I raised money
every day of my life.
152
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,160
You do? How?
153
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,562
Give me a quarter
and I'll show you.
154
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,319
Oh, sure.
155
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,597
See? I just raised a quarter.
156
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,393
Oh!
157
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,473
Vroom!
158
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,376
Boy, you're slicker than
a Teflon banana peel.
159
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,548
Oh-ho, boy. I didn't
even know I was had.
160
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,349
It was already in my ear.
161
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:57,086
No... Oh! Ooh! Sha!
Oh! Aw! Oh! Ho-ho!
162
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,888
Wow! How do you
get a job like that?
163
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,824
Ah...
164
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,425
I admire your thirst
for knowledge, kid.
165
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,126
I'll tell you what:
166
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,729
in exchange for a percentage
of everything you rake in,
167
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,097
I teach you everything I know.
168
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,468
Oh, really? Oh, that's
a great deal, Lucille!
169
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,570
No, the name's
Godfrey. What's yours?
170
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,938
Oh, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
171
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,108
I wasn't born yesterday
off some turnip truck.
172
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,711
Come on, now. If you want my
name, it's gonna cost a quarter.
173
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,209
All right, my name's Mork,
and here's your quarter.
174
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,118
Ha, ha, ha! Boy, I'm
hotter than a whip, aren't I?
175
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,256
The Aspen, Grand Junction
176
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,960
and Salt Lake City
bus is now loading.
177
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,028
That's the Aspen, Grand Junction
178
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,230
and Salt Lake City bus.
179
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,166
Last call for Aspen,
Grand Junction
180
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,302
and Salt Lake City... Hey.
181
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,937
This is one of my
favorite spots, you know.
182
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,305
Lots of people coming through.
183
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,196
Now, the first thing we
do, we check petty cash.
184
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,313
Nothing in those.
185
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,348
Nothing in mine, either.
186
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,050
Attention!
187
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,775
Assume the fundraising position.
188
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:05,522
Perfect.
189
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,756
Now, show me what you learned.
190
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,212
Oh, got you. Watch this.
191
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,994
Excuse me, Hare
Krishna, Hare Lama.
192
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,662
My name is Mork. I'm
trying to raise money...
193
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,952
Who cares?
194
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,721
Excuse me.
195
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,802
Was it...? Was it
something I said?
196
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:22,338
No, it's a rat race
out there, kid.
197
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,874
You want to raise funds,
you got to give a performance.
198
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,532
Here, watch a
master at work, okay?
199
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,787
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
200
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,156
Could you please
spare just a few pennies
201
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,891
for a poor, destitute soul
202
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,694
who is trying to stave
off the bitter bite of winter?
203
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,328
It is not for myself,
you understand,
204
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,130
but for my son, who is...
205
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,365
Oh, bless you!
206
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,289
Bless you! Bless you!
207
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,808
Oh, Godfrey!
208
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:02,211
Godfrey, I didn't
know it was that bad!
209
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,846
Here, take this.
It's all I have.
210
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,190
It's a picture of Robert Conrad.
211
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,253
It's... It's a picture...
212
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,589
It's when he was real young.
213
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,133
He didn't have a battery
on his shoulder then.
214
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,795
Oh, thank you very much, son.
215
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,663
I was just acting.
216
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,765
Oh! Ho!
217
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,801
Oh, whoa, De Niro move over.
218
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,302
Raging bum!
219
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,370
Yeah.
220
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,772
Well, I tell you,
221
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,141
maybe it's better for you
to use the flattery approach.
222
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,876
Oh. Butter them up.
223
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,460
Ooh, yeah, sounds
kinky, but I'll give it a try.
224
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,016
Hello, baby, how are you?
225
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,184
My name is Mork Jordan. I
would like to design your jeans.
226
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,920
Someone sprayed
those on you, obviously,
227
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,955
but you look beautiful.
228
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,957
You know, you are a
very, very beautiful woman.
229
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,759
All I can say is that
you must be so sweet.
230
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,628
So, so sweet that I would
bake a cake in your name.
231
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:52,962
You know what I'm saying?
232
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,564
How are you? How are you?
Very, very nice to have met you.
233
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:58,134
A bientôt. Ooh, merci bien.
234
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,769
Bless you, madame. Bless you.
235
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,770
Enchanté.
236
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,972
Enchant-toe-toe-tay-tay.
237
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,140
What'd you get?
238
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,141
Her phone number.
239
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,609
I'll take that.
240
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,978
I guess the best
thing for you, kid,
241
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,081
is just to kind of be
yourself, you know?
242
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,383
Say nothing. Just look pathetic.
243
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,840
All right. Okay.
244
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,342
Perfect. Perfect!
245
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,305
What's the matter, brother?
246
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,107
You down on your luck?
247
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,310
Hey, could you use a little
something to tide you over?
248
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,737
Here, don't be ashamed.
249
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,042
No nukes.
250
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,123
What'd you get? How'd you do?
251
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,792
Kid, you were just great.
252
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,626
You got what it takes.
253
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,495
Now I'll take what you got.
254
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,597
That's for tuition. Oh, whoa.
255
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,632
Does that enroll me in the
school of hard knocks, now?
256
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,967
You betcha.
257
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,635
This is just the
beginning, too, remember?
258
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,636
Oh, boy.
259
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,205
Is Mindy gonna be proud of me.
260
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,639
Oh, I'm gonna
build that hospital
261
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,741
right from the bottom up.
262
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,280
Oh, I hope asking for
donations in the mail
263
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,851
works a lot better for me
than it did for John Anderson.
264
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,086
Who?
265
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,688
See what I mean.
266
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,990
Glenda, would you like
to switch again or what?
267
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,559
No, hon, I'm fine.
268
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,963
You know, maybe this would
be easier if I'd use a sponge.
269
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,565
Oh, sorry. Mork took all
our sponges down to the river
270
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,668
and set them free.
271
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,406
You know, he's really
got sort of an offbeat
272
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,843
sense of compassion, doesn't he?
273
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,344
Now, don't you worry, Mindy.
274
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,446
You've been putting so
much into this fund drive,
275
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,248
it's bound to be a success.
276
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,551
In fact, I'd like to make a
contribution to the hospital.
277
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:56,819
Oh, thanks, Glenda.
278
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,821
I've been meaning
to give this to you.
279
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,457
Oh, that's really thoughtful.
280
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,793
But didn't you put a few too
many zeros in this number?
281
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,328
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a very worthy cause.
282
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:10,499
Besides, I'd only blow
the money on T-bills.
283
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,034
Uh, Glenda, you know,
284
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,669
I don't mean to sound
forward or anything,
285
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,938
but would you adopt me?
286
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,007
Isn't she adorable?
287
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,142
Oh. She sure is.
288
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,643
Oh, gee, we've got to run.
289
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,411
It's almost time
for racquetball.
290
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,148
Do you think I'm gonna like
this as much as I did bowling?
291
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,506
Oh, it doesn't matter.
The clothes are a lot cuter.
292
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,553
Oh, boy. Whoo!
293
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,389
Bye, you guys. Thanks
a lot for your help.
294
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,957
Goodbye. See
you later. Bye. Bye.
295
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,093
Okay.
296
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:40,584
Well, back to work.
No rest for the perky.
297
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,690
Eureka, Min!
298
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,875
Min, what's wrong?
299
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,376
I just swallowed a stamp.
300
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,681
Well, quick, swallow a letter.
301
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,114
Where...?
302
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,249
Where did you get those
clothes? Oh, Bowery Brothers.
303
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:03,119
It's a little boutique
on Skid Drive.
304
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,620
Oh, Min, boy, you're
gonna be so happy.
305
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,588
Not only are we gonna
build a wing on that hospital,
306
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:09,132
we're gonna build
a wing and a thigh.
307
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:10,916
Look.
308
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,633
Mork, what earth concept have
you misunderstood this week?
309
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,102
No, I didn't misunderstand, Min.
You're gonna be so proud of me.
310
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:23,239
I've mastered fundraising.
Watch this, watch this.
311
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,096
Give me a dollar.
312
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,682
You mean you
bummed all this money?
313
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,885
Oh, not bummed,
Min. No. It's an art form.
314
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,419
Listen, I would have
brought home more,
315
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,787
except there are
holes in my pocket
316
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,122
and I had to help
some friends out.
317
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:43,359
Get them a little libation.
318
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,928
But that's panhandling.
319
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:48,472
No, Min. Panhandling is
what nurses do in the hospital.
320
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,869
I'm an individualized,
self-help fundraiser.
321
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,037
I think I'm getting a
headache real soon.
322
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,039
Oh, Min, do you want
me to bum you an aspirin?
323
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,641
Give me an aspirin.
324
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,611
Mork, begging isn't the
right way to collect money.
325
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,546
Oh, Min, but my
friend Godfrey said...
326
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,582
Oh, Mork, look at
you. I can't... Oh!
327
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,351
It's just... it's so humili...
328
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,119
It's so embarrassing.
329
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,888
I mean, now I really
have a headache.
330
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,392
I guess that means we won't
have dinner at the mission.
331
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:16,993
Oh, It's too bad, Min,
332
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,895
because I've already
selected a wonderful wine.
333
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:22,220
Look here. It says
"Mount Thunder Oiseau."
334
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,401
Oh, come on, Min. Come on.
335
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,203
I like you. You're pretty.
336
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,850
Min? Not yet, Mork.
337
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,041
Okay, Min.
338
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,993
Okay, now I'm ready.
339
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,617
Mork... Present.
340
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,254
Now, I realize...
341
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,704
I realize that you are a
creature from outer space.
342
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,340
Creature's a little
rough, isn't it, Min?
343
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,541
Not at the moment.
344
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,642
Why do I feel like I'm sitting
345
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,345
next to Mount St. Mindy?
346
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,014
Now, I realize that you are
a creature from outer space,
347
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:16,385
but there are certain things
that even the Blob wouldn't do.
348
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,055
Min, what did I do wrong? I
just wanted to raise money.
349
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,591
I know, Mork, but
begging in the bus station
350
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,493
where all my friends
could see you.
351
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,917
It wasn't all your friends,
Min. It was just six of them.
352
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,047
Besides, they were
only good for $20.
353
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,535
You panhandled from my friends?
354
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,504
Oh, I want to
crawl under a rock!
355
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,340
Well, Min, well, I mean,
you did the same thing,
356
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,941
and I was just a
little bit more creative.
357
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,710
What's the difference?
There's a big difference, Mork!
358
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,679
In the first place, I
wasn't asking for myself.
359
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,314
I was asking for other people.
360
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,648
Well, so was I.
Neh, neh, neh, neh.
361
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,738
Oh!
362
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,053
People at the bus
station didn't know that.
363
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:52,788
Well... Panhandlers usually keep
364
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,323
the money for themselves.
365
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,592
Oh, my friend Godfrey...
He's my mentor too, Min.
366
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,494
He said that you have to
take the direct approach.
367
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,728
We're gonna build a new society
368
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,163
where you don't
have a middleman.
369
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,798
Your friend and mentor is a bum.
370
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,323
Oh! Oh! Oh, shattered illusion!
371
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,605
Oh, Mork.
372
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:10,973
Oh, no more, Mindy. No more.
373
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,397
You've hurt me to the quick.
374
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,444
What I meant was,
375
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,146
what your friend
does is called begging.
376
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,082
And... And on Earth,
begging isn't exactly in.
377
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,683
I mean, only derelicts beg.
378
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,585
Oh, Min, but I thought
everybody on Earth begged.
379
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,521
I mean, in court,
you beg for mercy,
380
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,789
politicians beg the
issue, people beg off.
381
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,625
I mean... And you even
teach your dog to beg, Min.
382
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,993
Oh, Mork, it's not
the same thing.
383
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,217
Beg your pardon?
384
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,965
Look, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
385
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,168
but begging just isn't right.
386
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,703
Oh, I... I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to embarrass you.
387
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,472
Just don't do anymore
panhandling, okay?
388
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,606
Okay.
389
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,741
Good.
390
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,725
Okay, now, I got to
get these in the mail.
391
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,912
Look, while I'm gone,
392
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:53,615
I think maybe you should glance
over your Earth manual again.
393
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,784
Only, this time, try reading it.
394
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,553
Don't just color the pictures.
395
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,926
Step right up, everybody!
396
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,194
We're giving away free money!
397
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,595
Let me give you a dollar.
398
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,065
Please, now, come
on. Free money.
399
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,832
Pardon me, ma'am. I
have a fistful of dollars.
400
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,401
Dig right in there.
401
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,705
Se habla Español?
402
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,705
Whew!
403
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,774
I can't even give
this stuff away.
404
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,966
Oh, where's a mugger
when you really need him?
405
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,614
Excuse me, sir. Do you
have any spare change?
406
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,748
No, I don't.
407
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,350
Well, now you do.
Come here. There you go.
408
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:29,918
Oh! Oh, hey!
409
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,253
Oh, gee, thanks!
410
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,321
Oh, and there's... Whoa!
411
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,556
Hey, you're a saint!
412
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,723
Oh, gee. Bless you.
413
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,267
Hey, this fruitcake is
giving away money.
414
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,566
♪ All God's children
Got bucks, bucks ♪
415
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,772
Hold it! Hold it!
416
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,608
Hold it! Hold it!
417
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,076
Wait a minute! Don't you dare!
418
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,611
You leave that...
419
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,179
What's going on here?
420
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,081
Well, I... I was just
giving the money back.
421
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,282
Isn't it beautiful?
422
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,717
Are you bonkers?
423
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,220
You're supposed to take
handouts, not give them away!
424
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,755
I know, but I've heard it's
better to give than receive.
425
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,457
Ooh... You should
try it yourself.
426
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:11,882
Never!
427
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,796
I can't understand it.
428
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,064
I did everything
I could for you.
429
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,200
I treated you like you were
my own flesh and blood.
430
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,969
I kicked you out of the
house, I threw you in the gutter,
431
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,926
and I made a bum out of you.
432
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,663
Where did I go wrong?
433
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,644
It's only money.
434
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,146
Oh, that's like an Arab saying,
435
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,469
"It's only oil."
436
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,583
Money's the most
important thing in the world.
437
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,319
Don't you understand? It's
much too valuable to give away.
438
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,854
If I'd known you
felt like that...
439
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,589
I mean, whoa...
440
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,424
Well, here, Godfrey.
This is all I've got left.
441
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:45,015
It's a McGovern-Eagleton button.
442
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,152
Kid,
443
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,189
I'm real disappointed in you.
444
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:54,792
Godfrey...
445
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,963
it's people like you that
give bums a bad name.
446
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,801
You gave the money back?
447
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,436
Oh, Min, but you said I
got the money in a way
448
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,005
that wasn't socially acceptable
to middle-class mores.
449
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,039
I said that?
450
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,330
Well, not as eloquently.
451
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,444
What I meant was, it's...
452
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,713
It's wrong to...
To beg for money
453
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,381
unless it's for a worthy cause.
454
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,350
Then it's not
begging. It's charity.
455
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,785
Whew, first I get
the money wrong,
456
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,153
then I give it back wrong.
457
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,022
Oh, Min, this place
is really perplexing.
458
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:51,627
I mean, no wonder
psychiatrists drive Mercedes.
459
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,988
Who can stay mad
at puppies or Orkans?
460
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,371
Godfrey, come on in.
461
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,235
Hiya, kid. Hey.
462
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,777
Min, it's my financial
adviser, Godfrey.
463
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,012
Yeah, I've heard a
lot about you, Godfrey.
464
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,180
Thank you.
465
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,282
Make yourself at home.
466
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,517
I'll put some
newspapers on the couch.
467
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,918
No, no, no. Don't bother.
468
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,954
This ain't gonna
take but a minute.
469
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,088
You know, kid,
470
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,624
earlier today, I was sure
471
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,092
you was the biggest sucker
I'd ever met in my whole life.
472
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,162
Oh... Oh, shucks.
473
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,465
You know, after you
left that bus station,
474
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:32,801
I got to thinking, and I saw
this little girl standing there,
475
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,036
crying because she was lost.
476
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,438
Suddenly, it hit me, you know?
477
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,607
Money... Money
don't mean nothing
478
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,543
if I can change
that little girl's life.
479
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:45,247
Right then and there, I
decided to make the big sacrifice.
480
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,982
What did you do?
I gave her a dime
481
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,006
so she could call her mother.
482
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:52,421
And I tell you, the
look on that girl's face
483
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,323
made me feel so good,
484
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:55,857
I started thinking
how good I'd feel
485
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,959
if I could help a lot
of kids, you know?
486
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,297
So, uh... Uh...
487
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,441
Uh...
488
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,267
Here. That's for your hospital.
489
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:07,002
You're making a donation?
490
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,170
Yeah.
491
00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,971
Well, thank you!
492
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,274
You're welcome.
493
00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:13,642
Godfrey, you have
to let it go now.
494
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,799
Oh.
495
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,682
Oh, this is very
generous of you, Godfrey.
496
00:22:19,706 --> 00:22:21,450
Now I can almost make my pledge.
497
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,952
Almost? What do you
mean? You're still short?
498
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:25,287
Oh, only $40.
499
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:28,912
Oh, boy, this is
gonna be painful.
500
00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:31,615
Oh.
501
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,297
This is wonderful.
502
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:38,734
Oh, yeah, a born-again
bum. Come on.
503
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,203
Don't... Don't spread
that around, will you?
504
00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:44,005
I worked too hard
to get where I am.
505
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,008
I'll be seeing you. Can
I walk you to the gutter?
506
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,210
Nah, nah.
507
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,412
Um, excuse me.
508
00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:53,081
Have you ever thought
of maybe taking on
509
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:54,550
a little responsibility?
510
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:57,786
You know, getting a
job and settling down.
511
00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,243
Getting married.
512
00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,858
Raising kids.
513
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,994
Sending them through college.
514
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,797
I did all that. That's
how I got to be a bum.
515
00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:22,966
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
516
00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:26,749
Mork calling Orson.
517
00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:28,384
Come in, my favorite
superior being.
518
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:29,951
Let's hear your report, Mork.
519
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,019
Yes, sir.
520
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,120
And in the center ring,
521
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,856
it's the incredible
shrinking dollar!
522
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,691
You can spend
it, you can save it,
523
00:23:35,715 --> 00:23:38,059
you can waste it, but
you can't take it with you!
524
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,228
No, sirree bob.
525
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,398
You've already made
a report on money
526
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:44,633
and how Earthlings
love to hoard it, Mork.
527
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,034
Oh, yes, sir, but
you see, this week,
528
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:48,704
I learned about a very
generous act called charity.
529
00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:50,372
See, sir, there's
another side to the coin.
530
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:52,073
How about that for a
nifty metaphor, huh?
531
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,042
A little Byron, a little
Keats, a little Shelley.
532
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,578
Get to the point,
Mork! Yes, sir.
533
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,079
See, sir, charity is a concept
534
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,181
whereby Earthlings with
money help those without it.
535
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:01,683
It's kind of like a
return investment
536
00:24:01,707 --> 00:24:04,085
where you may take a loss
but you reap a higher dividend.
537
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,421
I thought you told me
538
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:07,188
that a fool and his
money were soon parted.
539
00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:09,190
Well, that's one saying,
sir, but the other one is,
540
00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:10,893
it is better to give
than to receive.
541
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:12,561
That's why there's
a Thanksgiving Day,
542
00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:14,396
and not a
Thanksgetting Day, sir.
543
00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:17,866
Most of all, sir, I learned
that the buck starts right here.
544
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:20,402
Until next week,
sir, na-no, na-no.
39812
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