Original subtitles

Na-no, na-no.

Oh, you two would just love my new place.

Of course, it isn't decorated yet...

Not like yours, Mindy,

with all its special little touches.

You know, it's really a home.

Oh, thanks.

It's always real comfortable around here.

Oh, that's nice.

Mindy, will you help me make my place a home?

Well, sure, but I'm not a professional or anything.

Oh, that's okay.

We'll keep it real sweet and simple.

Besides, I can only spend 10 thousand.

Dollars?

Ten thousand dollars?

The kind that you get at a bank.

And not a penny more.

I promised myself.

Uhh, why don't we start by making a list.

Uhh, Mindy, would you please

get the pen and pencil out of my, uh, purse?

Sure.

Gotcha.

Glenda.

Glenda, you are just so funny.

I am going to start laughing when my heart gets started.

You know, one of the guys in my building gave this to me.

He's a regular riot.

Oh, yeah, he's a regular riot, all right.

Hey, can I borrow that?

I'd kinda like to show it to Mork.

Oh, sure, he'll probably love it.

Then I'm taking the other one for Remo.

I am starving, let's go down to the restaurant

and I'll talk him into making us breakfast.

Oh, listen, you guys go.

Mork's making me a special breakfast this morning.

I just hope that this time it doesn't jump off the plate.

Jeanie... Huh?

After breakfast, how about if we go back to my building?

We can catch the tail end of the limbo lesson.

Oh, wow. Oh, boy.

Gosh, am I hungry.

If you are, Mind, then get ready

for Tarzan of the crêpes!

Whoo-hoo!

Today...

Today we're going to fix something very special.

We're going to make huevos cosmos. Here we go.

First, let's start by putting a few pinto beans as a base...

"Pinto" from the Spanish word meaning "small car."

Now what we should do is add a little sherry.

Ooh, what a lovely shade of blur.

Now we have our main ingredient.

We must do this first of all.

Bring out your chicken.

Oh, look, this chicken is so young, it's never known love.

Oh, oh, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Oh, it's a boy!

Here we go.

Now we must dress our chicken.

First, you put your chicken in a lovely 2-piece outfit,

adopt it now just like Esther Williams.

Ooh!

And this one too, whoop!

And once again, a little more sherry.

Sherry and sherry alike.

Mmm-hmm.

And a little for the cook.

You never know when you'll be followed home by a wino.

Now for some more garnish.

For everyone here, first we add a little flour.

Once again, a little more sherry.

And some grated cheese.

Oh, you grate on me, grate, grate, grate.

Little cheese in there.

And once again, who knows.

Once again, a little more sherry.

A little more...

Oh, what a lovely day.

Hold on, one second here...

Over here, once again, a little more sherry.

Little more sherry, sherry, sherry...

Sherry!

A little salt...

a little pepper.

Remember, you can put anything in there, give it enough time.

Use your trash compactor if necessary.

Finishing up once again, you stir it up,

and one little more touch of sherry.

Wow, bon appétit, my dear, bon appétit.

Yes, Mind, come on, give it a try.

Throw caution to the wind, Mind.

I think that I'm on a diet,

but, umm, I got you a little surprise,

it's in my purse.

For me? Yes.

Oh, Mind, I love surprises more than I love freeze-dried pants.

Really? Can I? Can I?

For me?

Yes.

Go ahead.

There's nothing in there, Mind.

Mork, it's a snake.

It's supposed to jump out and scare you.

Ohh...

Oh, I get it.

No, Mork, it's a practical joke.

It's a prank, people play them on one another.

It's supposed to be funny.

I understand that, Mind. I'm a superior being.

It's a very simple concept; snake, spring, fear.

Let's add that to the dish.

Never mind. It was a dumb joke anyway.

I wasn't going to say that, Mind.

Well, listen, while you're doing whatever it is you're doing,

I'm gonna run to the store real quick

and get some decorator magazines.

Have you seen my car keys?

Sure, many times.

Do you know where they might be?

Well, I'll take a wild guess.

Number one: in the purse.

But don't worry, Mind, don't worry.

Allow moi. Pardon moi.

Oh, no, a purse.

Oh, oh!

Oh! Oh, my heart, Mind.

Ow, ow, ow.

You take the house.

Well, this is my place.

Wow, neat!

Where's the refrigerator?

Not now.

I see it.

If the rest of you children don't want to eat...

let's all sit down here for a moment

and share a problem with Uncle Mork here.

Well, the basic problem is

that I have a heavy case of confusion.

Let us be your beacon through the fog.

Thanks, Lola.

Hey, what's wrong with this refrigerator?

I can't see anything in here.

I took the bulb out, Stephanie. I knew you were coming.

Go suck a lemon.

You know, Stephanie, there's free food

down at Jack in the Box is you stand next to the clown.

Well, basically, my problem is that, well, I want to play

a practical joke on Mindy, and I don't really know any.

I know one!

I went to Jake's Joke Shop and bought a bar of trick soap.

When my brother washed with it, his hands grew black.

Oh, that sure beats bussing, doesn't it?

It's just, I'm in a desperate situation.

Is there anything else you know?

Mork, there's tons of 'em... Itching powder...

Ooh.

Sneezing powder... pepper gum...

Ooh, ahh.

Fly in your ice cube.

Wait a minute.

Oh...

Oh, great expectations,

I'm gonna scare the dickens out of Mindy.

"Great expectations"? Dickens?

You know, big fella,

you're a lot deeper than you look.

Bless you, Lola.

Have you cleaned the refrigerator out yet, Stephanie?

Shh, don't spoil it, Dr. Atkins. Now, come on.

Boy, did that diet work.

Hi.

How was your day?

Oh...

Not baa-a-d.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I don't know, Mind, I guess I'm just

kind of a mildly mischievous kind of guy.

Why don't you put your coat in the armoire?

You never know what might be in there...

maybe a skeleton or a hokey pokey man.

What?

Oh, maybe you have a bone to pick.

I'm going in the closet.

Oh, no, no, no. No, no.

No, no.

Now, that's funny.

Well, seeing that, Mind,

don't you really want to fatten up?

Let's go to the fridge. Come on.

Shh. Wait. Ha ha.

Wait, wait, Mind, Mind, Mind.

I hope this doesn't alarm you,

but there might be some bell peppers in there.

Titter, titter, chortle, chortle.

Bell peppers?

Oh, Mork, I'll tell you, you're a clever guy.

Listen, Mork, we need to have a little talk.

Look, for a practical joke to work,

you're not supposed to know what's going to happen.

The surprise is what makes it funny.

You're kidding.

What other symphony conductor dresses like this?

Since you're going fishing, come on in.

Maybe you need some worms for your fishing trip.

Worms?

Yeah, they might be in there.

I had a few, I don't know.

Worms in there?

Yeah, give it a shot. Here, hold onto this.

Industrial-strength worms.

This way, you can catch the big suckers.

Mork, that was a pretty good prank.

It was a prank, wasn't it?

I hope.

Pretty good, my boy, pretty good.

But it pales by comparison with some of the exploits

of pranky Franky here.

Pranky Franky?

I'm being dressed by pranky Franky?

You've heard of the old car-in-the-living-room stunt.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's... Oh, yeah.

Oh, who hasn't heard of it?

I haven't.

Mork, it's when you take a car apart

and put it back together in somebody's living room.

When I was in college, we did that

to Professor Franklin's '51 Studebaker.

Oh, heavy.

Yes, but well worth the hernia.

That prank made me what I am today...

a legend.

A legend... a tornado in the windmills of my mind.

Hang on, Toto. Hang on.

Well, maybe I don't look so bad in this outfit,

I don't know.

Nobody's going to see but the fish,

and who are they going to tell

except a few waterlogged gangsters?

That's the spirit, Fred.

Those fish don't have a chance.

He really does look pretty funny

in that outfit, doesn't he?

Ah, a chance to become a living legend.

I'll be up there on Mount Rushmore.

I'll be with Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson,

Roosevelt, and all those other wide receivers.

This is going to make Mindy love us forever, Beeb.

Oh, boy, I can't wait til she sees this.

Mind...

Mind, wake up. It's morning.

Can't you hear the little birdies singing outside?

Mork, it is 5:00 in the morning.

How... Mork, how did you...

Why would you...

When did you get this thing up here?

Mind, take your time now, I know these type of compliments

don't just fall trippingly off the tongue.

Mork, get this jeep out of here now.

Oh, yes, and?

And get this jeep out of here now!

Morning, Mr. Bickley.

You're sure you're all right, Mr. Bickley?

Just a second before,

I was sitting in that chair.

I got up to fill my thermos with coffee.

I owe my life to Joe DiMaggio.

Well, don't worry about that hole, Mr. Bickley,

I'll spackle it over.

Don't worry, I think my insurance should cover this.

I'll just have to check on a technicality.

If my apartment is covered for collision.

Well, apart from the obvious physical and emotional trauma,

is there any latent appreciation for what I've achieved here?

I see.

Well, excuse me. I'm going fishing.

I've got to get out of here.

I don't know what I'm going to tell my maid.

She won't even do windows.

Mind, look at the bright side.

It's always good to have friends you can drop in on.

Mork, listen to me.

Don't hit me, don't hit me.

What you did was not funny.

We can't even go into our apartment because of that,

and I don't even want to think

what might have happened to Mr. Bickley,

much less how much this is going to cost to fix.

It was a stupid and dangerous prank,

you should have been more careful.

I was careful, Mind. I set the hand brake.

You set the hand brake.

Yeah...

You set the hand brake?

My jeep falls through my floor,

and you say you set the hand brake?

I can't take any more of this, Mork.

I'm getting out of here.

Great, Mind. Where are we going?

We're not going anywhere.

You're staying here,

cleaning up this mess, and getting that jeep out.

I'm going to Glenda Faye's.

Mind, Mind... Oh, Mindy.

Well, this is the last box.

Oh, Glenda, I just keep thinking about it.

I mean, a jeep falling through my floor.

How many years can a normal person

put up with that kind of stuff?

Four?

I mean, when I first met Mork,

I knew he was different, but...

You know, I noticed that too,

but I never said anything.

You see, I was brought up to laugh behind people's backs.

All I know is, if this kind of stuff keeps up,

Mork's going to have to find another Earth...

Uhh, roommate.

Oh, my, this is serious, isn't it?

Well, listen, Mindy, you're welcome to stay here

until you work things out.

Besides, we'll have a ball. This is a singles apartment.

Thanks.

Hi, Derrick.

Far out.

Farther out.

Hey, guys, glad you came by.

I'd like you to meet a friend of mine.

Mindy, these are my neighbors.

Derrick...

Hi, Derrick.

And this is...

Todd Norman Taylor, but you can call me T.N.T.

Kind of a dynamite guy, you know?

Hi.

Great personality.

Say, look, I'm kind of new in town.

How do I get to your place?

Glenda, is there something I could help you with

in the kitchen?

Oh, no, no, no. Now, you just sit.

I'll get us all something to drink.

Just yell if you need anything else.

Okay.

I think I have everything I need right here.

Cheese puffs?

No, I just ate.

Oh.

I have heavier chains for when it snows.

I bought them out of my slush fund.

But serious time now...

Have you ever really listened to Manilow?

No.

Happy hour... strawberry margaritas.

Whoa, cowabunga!

Say, why don't we share a margarita?

You go right, I'll go left.

We'll have a salt lick race around the rim.

I don't believe this.

She loves me.

Is this fun or what?

You're a crazy lady, you know that?

Isn't she a crazy lady?

Yeah, she's crazy.

So, look, uh, maybe you'd like to take

a nice warm dip in my jacuzz?

Fabulous.

Sure, we can fill it up with club soda

and bob for lemon slices.

Let me go change.

Meet you downstairs in 20 minutes.

Better make that 25.

I have to Scotchgard my chains.

Brenda...

Cindy.

See you later, lady-gators.

Wasn't that fun? Weren't they terrific?

Are you serious?

Glenda, they didn't even know our names.

But they were close.

Well, besides, what's in a name

as long as you're happy?

Oh, come on, you don't really believe that.

Sure.

Oh, look, you're going to love it here.

We'll be so busy, we won't even have time

to think about what's bothering us.

I mean you... What's bothering you.

Glenda, come on. What's really going on?

Oh, I really don't want to talk about it.

Are you sure?

Oh, Mindy, I'm not sure about anything

since my husband died.

Well, that's why I moved in here.

I just want to laugh, say hi.

No involvements and nothing personal.

Well, I can understand that.

Thanks, Mindy.

It's just that every once in a while,

I miss having somebody who really cares about me.

You are so lucky to have Mork.

I am?

Give him another chance.

A hole in your floor is a lot better

than a hole in your ceiling.

I mean, a hole in your ceiling's a lot better than...

Well, either way,

it's a lot better than a hole in your life.

Yeah.

You know, I never realized how good I had it

til I saw what was really out there.

I guess things aren't so bad at home.

You know, Bebo, a lot of people

would consider this a depressing situation.

You don't have to be one of them.

I wish that hole in the ceiling

was the only thing I had to patch up.

I really miss Mind.

Mork.

Sometimes I can almost hear her voice now.

Mork, can I talk to you for a minute?

Mind! Mind, you're here.

No, Bebo, wait! No, no, Bebo!

I'm sorry, Mind, I'm sorry to add polyester to injury.

Mork, I think there are a few things

we should straighten out.

Before you say another word,

I've already started my self-improvement plan.

I've made a list of my bad points.

There would have been more,

except the tears made the ink run.

First of all, I belch with my finger.

Second, I snore with my toes.

I chew my toenails. I sit on my face.

Oh, Mork,

nobody's perfect.

Oh, yes, Mind, you are.

I mean, you're wholesome.

In the dictionary, it says, "perfect: see 'Mindy.'"

No, I'm not.

For one thing, I don't have any patience.

I should have known you didn't mean any harm.

I mean, you were only trying to make me laugh.

Yeah, I thought it was just a joke,

but, Mind, sometimes I'm a really trying guy.

Well, that's very true,

but you also have an awful lot of good points.

I know that too. I made a list of those.

Here it is.

Oh..."Mindy McConnell is my friend."

That's all that's on here.

Well, that's all I could think of

when I was sitting here alone.

Oh...

Oh, Mork.

You know, you're crazy, weird, aggravating...

I can't help it. I'm a Libra.

Impulsive, exasperating, and frustrating.

But, you know, you're also very caring,

and that's what makes it all worth it.

Oh, you still like me?

Well, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-huh-huh.

Oh. Well, back on Ork,

we have a very special custom of making up.

What's that?

First of all, we grab each other's hands.

We look very deeply into each other's eyes.

Yeah?

That's it. That's it?

Really?

Well, on Earth, we usually do all that,

and then we kiss.

You sure you want to?

Well, I don't know... Okay.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, your Oliver Hardy-ness.

I hope I didn't call you too early.

By the way, Mork, I wanted to thank you

for the box of cigars you sent me.

Oh, no sweat, chief smoke.

I mean, I hope you got a bang out of them.

You see, sir, that's what's called a practical joke.

Nonsense. No jokes are practical.

Oh, sir, come on, now. They serve a purpose.

I mean, Jokes can fill your life with surprises.

Life isn't supposed to be surprising.

It's supposed to be ordered and predictable, Mork.

Where's the fun in that, your old fogy-ness?

If life were predictable,

no one would bother watching the Miss America Pageant,

everyone would know who's hosting The Tonight Show,

and no one would believe an actor could become president.

Imagine giving a state of the union address.

"My fellow... line."

That's unpredictable?

No, sir, that's incredible.

So is that feeling when you tell a friend a joke.

But the most important thing is to have a friend

that you want to tell a joke to.

If not, the joke's on you.

Until next week, sir, Na-no, na-no.