Original subtitles

Na-no, na-no!

Do you think the mail's here yet?

I'm expecting something important.

If it's important, say no more.

Neither wind nor sleet nor slush shall stop me.

I'll fetch it.

Boy, that was quick.

Oh, hi, Glenda Faye.

Hi, Mindy.

Why was Mork scratching his ear with his foot?

Oh, well, when he fetches the mail,

he does it with total commitment.

Oh.

Well, how about a little morning jog?

Oh, I don't know. How far are you going?

Denver. Denver?

No thanks, Glenda Faye.

I think that maybe some other time.

I wish I could stop by more often.

You know, I really don't have too many people to talk to

since my husband passed on.

Well, you know, I was sorry to hear about your loss.

There will never be another Randolph.

That's why every day I wear something black

in memory of him.

Denver is pretty far.

How about a doughnut?

We could go to the House of Holes.

No, I can't.

I'm waiting for the results of a scholarship exam

I took for journalism grad school.

Oh, I hope I get it.

Well, I'm sure you did.

You were always so smart in high school.

I envied you.

You envied me?

Well, you were the one that was out having all the fun.

Well, I envied you between the fun.

Don't worry, Mindy.

You're gonna get that scholarship.

Oh, I wish I could be as positive as you.

Well, hasta la vista.

That wasn't a new vase, was it?

No, no, it's been in the family for generations.

Oh, good.

Now, don't you worry, I'm gonna replace it.

Bye, boy.

Have Mindy give you a little treat later.

Mail call!

Let's see here. McConnell, Mindy!

Is there anything in there about my scholarship?

I don't know, nothing really smells scholastic.

Let me see. Let me see.

Nothing.

I should have heard by now.

When are those guys gonna let me know?

Oh, there's something in here for you. Here.

Oh.

"Grav nee rose a vot."

"De maka hume. Can you come visit me?"

Oh, "Your friend, Pe..."

It's from Peter, my pen pal.

He wants me to come and visit him.

Come on, he only lives just outside of Boulder.

Can you go? Come? Hm, maybe?

Hi, ho, hi, hm, maybe, hm, huh, huh?

Oh, Mork, maybe some other time.

I don't think I'd be too much fun today.

Oh, Mind, maybe your scholarboat will come tomorrow.

That's "scholarship."

Oh, I guess I'm just a little "dinghy," huh?

Is Mork here yet? Anybody seen my pen pal?

No, and we never will.

Come on, that guy ain't gonna show up.

When are you gonna face facts and grow up?

Mork will come. I trust him.

Come on. You can't trust anybody.

Look at me, my wife is in real estate.

One day she said she found the perfect home for me.

I've been here ever since.

Peter, guess what.

My friend Mork is here.

That's very good.

See, Sid, I told you he'd show.

I'll get the confetti.

Mork?

Peter?

Mork.

Peter.

Mork-o!

Pedro!

Oh, my old pen pal, quill buddy, paper mate.

Oh, this is some swell kind of place.

They gave me a tour. It was incredible.

I mean, that rubber wallpaper, how convenient.

And those coats too.

You can hug yourself all day.

It's wonderful. Look at that:

industrial-strength screens.

You must have some big-sucker mosquitoes out there,

the type that are on steroids,

going, "Here, I'm coming."

That's wonderful!

Hey, this is my kind of town.

Is this guy crazy?

He belongs in this place more than I do.

Aw, gee, thanks.

I think your friend really likes me.

I'm not his friend, and I don't like you.

It's okay, Mork, Sid's a little depressed.

Hey, hey! Let's play some games.

We've got cards, checkers, hey, we can even play some jacks.

Oh, I love playing jacks, especially Jack Nicholson.

"We took a vote and I wanna see the damn World Series."

Oh, Sid, come on, join us.

It's fun.

Buzz off.

Oh, Mork, it's so sad.

You know, people don't wanna play around here anymore.

But I'm working on him.

Oh, yeah. My friend Mindy's like that too.

She's been real sad recently.

I don't know why people are unhappy

when there's so many clowns in government.

Mm.

They're unhappy because they grew up.

But you have to grow up so you can feel guilty and be an adult.

You may have to grow tall, but you don't have to grow up.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

You know that...

Does he have one wheel in the sand?

Well, what's your secret?

I'm Peter... Pan.

Peter Pan?

But you sign all of your letters "Peter Panofsky."

Oh, that's just a cover.

Nobody's left out there that believes in Peter Pan.

Why not?

See, I'm the real Peter Pan, you know?

Oh, wait one millibleam.

You mean the Peter Pan who could fly

and who lost his shadow, who was chased by Captain Hook,

who got swallowed by the alligator

who had the clock in his stomach for 50 years?

What's not to believe?

Oh. Oh, Mork, you believe in me.

You believe in me.

Oh, wait.

Wait one minute, there,

I'm not just some shucker.

Come on, now. Wait a minute.

Peter Pan was a boy who never grew up.

Oh, that's me.

Little guy's still inside.

Oh, and it sounds like he's got gas.

Oh, Mork, you've made my day.

Oh, who am I kidding? You've made my life.

Somebody believes in me.

Oh, no, where I come from, everybody believes in you.

Oh, where's that? Well, it's...

I come from a place far, far away,

where the plants are as intelligent as the people,

and the sky is yellow and brown.

Pittsburgh?

What would you say if I told you...

I come from a planet called Ork?

I'd say, "Welcome."

At last.

You know, where we come from,

though, we say, "Na-no, na-no."

Oh, what does that mean?

Well, it's a lot nicer than the old greeting.

Which was? "Yo, lizard thighs."

I love laughter.

You know, I try to get everyone

to laugh here at least once a day.

Sid's two years behind.

My friend Mindy's the same way.

She's so depressed recently.

So that's why I came and got you,

so we could both make her happy.

It's been a long time since I've been out there, Mork.

You know, it's scary.

Don't you worry. You're with me. I'm your pen pal.

We'll fight 'em off with a couple of quills.

You're right. Okay, let's go.

Oh, jose, hosanna-dan. Rach-cha-channi,

and a ha-cha-cha.

♪ Da-da, dee Dee-dee, dee ♪

Peter.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

What's the matter, Pete?

I'm sorry, Mork, I can't go home with you.

Why not? I mean, the house is pretty clean

and I make a great hot-fudge tortilla.

You don't understand. I can't leave.

It's against the rules.

Okay, everybody, it's time.

Pete, you gotta come.

I'm... But... Shh.

Leave it to me. Peter.

Ma'am, you don't understand.

Peter has to come home with me and see my friend Mindy.

Oh, I'm sorry, but this is where he belongs.

Gee, Mork, I'd...

I'd like to help Mindy, but I can't.

Will you come visit me soon?

Sure.

Ma'am...

how come he can't get out?

You have to understand, Mork,

they must be locked in at night... for safety.

Oh, so they don't bump their wings.

Uh, yes, this, too, is true.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Julie.

What?

You got a scholarship?

Well, how sweet and thoughtful of you to call and tell me.

Anybody else get one?

Both the Ribozo twins?

Well, that makes me twice as happy.

Gee, Julie, thanks for calling me

and giving me all the good news.

Thanks, bye.

Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Ribozo.

And congratulations to the twins.

Yeah, two heads are better than one.

Oh, how are we feeling?

Terrible. I seem to be the only one

who hasn't heard about the scholarship.

It's not looking good, Mork.

No. How was your day?

Did you have fun with Peter?

Oh, not bad.

Mind, I have a question I'd like to ask you.

Yeah?

Why do they lock some people up?

Why do you ask?

I don't know.

Why are you paranoid? I'm not paranoid. Are you?

Well, I'm just a little curious about Earth customs, that's all.

Well, they usually lock people up because they commit crimes.

Well, what if they didn't commit a crime?

Then they should be set free.

Hm.

Wheels are turning, wheels within wheels.

A little justice must be done.

Pardon me.

No. See, Mork, sometimes life on Earth isn't always fair.

Oh, you mean like earthquakes demolish cities,

floods wipe out homes.

The Ribozo twins get the scholarship.

I think I'll go lie down

and count the sparkles in my ceiling.

Oh, poor Mind.

Adult life can really be tough sometimes.

If only Peter Pan were here.

Wait a minute.

This is a job...

for "Morkibell."

Hyah.

Ho, ho, ho.

Mork, Mork, maybe I shouldn't.

You know, it's against the rules.

No, come on, see? We're gonna break outta here, see?

You ain't goin' chicken on me, see?

We're gonna go over the wall, see?

We're gonna get outta this big house. Come on.

Mork, Mork, Mork, no, Happy Valley isn't a prison.

It's, you know, a... A funny farm.

You mean a place where they grow jokes?

No, no, it's a place where they put people who are different,

and people out there really think I'm different.

I don't know, maybe leaving isn't such a good idea.

Oh, no, come on. Mindy needs you.

The world needs you. Even Disneyland needs you.

What if she turns out to be like all the others?

You know, I put myself in here years ago

because people didn't believe in me.

Why should she be any different?

Oh, she'll believe in you.

I mean, she believed that I came from outer space in an egg.

She bought that? Yeah.

Come on. Come on, Mindy needs you.

Let's go.

Wait a minute.

You're going out there?

You won't get more than 50 feet

before some fink will rat on you.

Who would do a thing like that?

Me. You see? You can't trust anybody.

I trust you, Sid.

Aw, Pete...

you make it hard on a fink.

Maybe it's time I started

trusting people out there.

Well, you mean you're gonna do it?

Let's go.

Aw, I love ya, you big pixie.

Mork, Mork, what about the grill?

Oh, step back.

Eeeeeeeeeeee!

Wow!

Big deal.

Let's go.

It might be faster if we flew.

With me.

Now, think lovely thoughts and...

fly!

I think that fairy sold you some bum dust, Pete.

Mork, what is it?

Oh, Min, Min.

Don't worry about your troubles.

They've been tackled for a sack by Mean Mork Green.

Mork, what are you talking about?

I haven't even heard about the scholarship yet.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I've got something even better than a scholarship.

Peter. Come on down.

Peter? Your pen pal spent the night?

Yeah, and he's here right now.

Eeeeee.

What are you doing?

Shh. Quiet, Mind. He understands.

Mindy McConnell... meet Peter Pan.

Oh, Peter Pan.

Why, any relation to the real Peter Pan?

Actually, I am the real Peter Pan.

Oh, and, uh, I bet you live in Never-Never Land.

No, I moved.

I now live in Happy Valley.

Happy Valley.

You mean the me...?

Uh, the asy...?

Yeah.

Uh, Mork, can I talk to you for a minute?

Pardon me.

Mork, we've got big trouble here.

Right here in river city?

Mork, Peter...

Peter has got to go back to Happy Valley.

But, Mindy, you said some people don't have to be locked up.

No, you misunderstood.

Peter Pan isn't real. It's just a fairy tale.

I knew she wouldn't believe.

Oh. Oh...

Give her a chance, Pete.

Come on, Mind, you believe in me.

Why don't you believe in him?

Because you really are Mork from Ork,

and he's... right here in my apartment.

Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.

Problems only seem big if that's all you look at in life.

Yeah, but...

Crow.

Crow?

Yes, in Never-Never Land,

whenever we're feeling really good inside,

we crow like a rooster.

Colonel Sanders, watch out, huh, Mind?

Come on, Mind. Don't be all cooped up.

Take a flying chance.

No, Mork, I don't think that I could possibly...

Oh, come on, Mindy.

You'll forget your worries in no time.

Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, I do...

Uh, uh, I have to answer the phone.

It's no use.

Hello?

Oh. It's school.

Yes, this is Mindy McConnell.

Oh...

no, well, I see.

You only have so many scholarships.

Right. Maybe I'll try again next year.

No, no, no, I'm... I'm... I'm not upset.

Uh, there's just one more thing, Dean Johnson:

I had a little frog in my throat.

Th-thank you for calling.

Oh, Mind, if you're ever gonna crow,

you should've done it then.

You've gotta let the little person out like this:

We should have gotten here sooner.

What's the matter, did Sid spill the peas?

No, I found your letters from Mork, Peter,

and I had an idea you'd come here.

Fly, Peter! Fly, fly!

Open the window first! Open the window!

Mork, no. No, Peter, don't jump.

I mean, don't fly away.

We need you, Peter.

You cheer people up so.

Even Sid misses you.

Sid misses me?

Mm-hm.

And you know what he said? No, what?

He said that you were his very best friend.

Oh, dear.

Mork, what should I do?

I don't know. It's up to you, kid.

Oh, I have to go back.

I mean, those people have problems,

big problems, and I can help them.

Like the old saying:

"There's no place like the home."

I'll still be your pen pal.

I'm sorry, Mork.

It didn't work.

Mindy's still sad.

Come on, Mind.

If you ever had to crow, do it now,

for yourself, for Pete.

I can't. I feel ridiculous.

You've been feeling miserable all week,

what have you got to lose?

Mork, I can't.

Mindy, why don't you enjoy what you have

instead of worrying about what you haven't?

Well...

Yeah, do it for me.

Or do it for the... Do it for the little person inside of you.

Oh, Mork.

Rr-rrr... Oh.

No, no, no. Give it some gas, honey.

Give it some gas.

Again, with feeling. Come on.

Come on, come on. Come on.

Yes. Yes.

You know, it really is crazy, but it does work.

It really works.

I told you this guy was good, huh?

I told you.

Oh, Peter...

I believe in you.

Oh, I'm so glad.

Now, don't forget your crow.

I'll practice early in the morning

so no one will get suspicious.

You know, I could teach you how to do that too.

Oh, that's awful thoughtful of you, Peter. Thank you.

Oh, Mork, thanks.

Oh, shucks.

I really do feel much better.

I really do.

Even though you didn't get the scholarship?

Well, you know, I've been thinking.

I don't need a degree to prove that I'm good enough.

I'll go out and get a job without it.

So, what if it's a little scary?

Yeah.

Oh, Mork.

I forgot to say "thank you."

Listen, I better get back.

They're looking for me around the corner.

See you next visiting day.

I don't believe it.

We're on the second floor. He flew up here.

I know.

Did you help him do that?

Do you really wanna know?

No. Me either.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

♪ Ee-ee-ee Ee-ee-ee ♪

Five, six, seven. Come on, Bebo, follow the steps.

Mork. Why are you doing the funky Orkan?

That's because I have a terminal case of "Peter-Panitis."

Peter-Panitis? What's that?

Sir, it's the only disease that's better than the cure.

I found out this week that some people on Earth

take their life too seriously. They worry too much.

That's easy for you to say, Mork.

Yes, sir.

You get to observe Earth and have fun

while I'm on Ork doing all the work.

Oh, come on, Your Grouchiness,

I mean, you can have fun anywhere.

I mean, there's a little child inside of all of us

that needs to be let out, see?

Hi. Hi. How are you?

Come on, let him out.

All you have to do is a little of this:

Come on, try this:

Ha! Yeah!

Being silly doesn't change anything, Mork.

Oh, sir, come on, give it a try, just a crow.

A little crow, "crow-quette."

Enough of this nonsense. I have work to do.

Aye, aye, sir.

That's the ancient version of "Ar, ar, sir."

Or "Aye, aye, sir."

That's the Christmas version of "Ar, ar."

But, until next week, sir, na-no, na-no.

Come on, Bebe. It's all right, we failed.

Don't worry about it.

Crowing, how ridiculous.

Hm.

I got you, sir. I knew you'd try it.

I-I-I was just coughing, Mork.

Well, sir, one piece of advice,

don't take anything for that cough.

Until next week, sir, na-no, na-no.

I knew there was a little person inside of all that fat, Bebo.