Original subtitles

Nanu, nanu!

Oh, Mind, I'm so excited.

You are?

Yes, can't you tell?

Hey, nonny nonny, and a ha-cha-cha.

Sit down and tell me all about it.

Oh. I just finished talking to Orson about vacations.

I really need to get away.

Yeah, you have been kind of dragged out lately.

Like yesterday when you fell asleep jogging.

Observing your planet is really hard work.

I've worn out two pairs of eyes already.

I'm glad you don't do that when we have people over.

It's been so long since I've had a real vacation.

Well, what about that time at the lake?

Uh, I guess that wasn't so hot, was it?

No, it wasn't very much fun.

But I did learn and important lesson though.

Oh, yeah? What was that?

That I can't breathe underwater.

Gave me a lot of admiration for Shamu.

Why are all our vacations so full of surprises?

I don't know.

I thought going to Exidor's cabin would be nice.

I mean, who knew it didn't have any windows?

Or walls. Or a roof.

A distinct disadvantage in a blizzard.

That's why I took you to the desert, to thaw out.

Yeah. To that nude ranch.

Dude ranch.

At least the rooms were nice.

Yeah, the weather was nice too.

Come to think of it,

that was the nicest vacation we ever had.

I guess I never should have taken you

horseback riding, huh?

It was lots of fun, Mind, really,

except for when I fell off the horse

and he dragged me for two miles.

Why didn't you let go?

Well, at $12 an hour, it didn't seem right.

I just wish he hadn't dragged you through the cactus.

Yeah, me too.

Aah, aah. Ah-ha-ha.

I guess we didn't get 'em all.

Ohh.

Oh, believe me, Mork, this is supposed to be

one of the finest vacation spots in New Mexico.

Aah, ahh!

I believe you, Mind.

I mean, two million scorpions can't be wrong.

I just feel so bad for you.

Look at you. You've been bruised, battered, beaten...

Ow! Ahh!

I forgot about sunburned. Let me look at it.

Ohh. Ahh.

Well, it's better than yesterday.

Mind, I was once on the sun

and didn't get this badly burned.

Honest, Mork, people usually have a great time

when they come to a place like this.

Mindy, can I ask you one question? Sure.

How?

Oh, come in.

Howdy, buckaroos!

I'm Ricky Day, activity director here

at the old lazy Hacienda.

You know what's coming up in 10 minutes?

Shuffleboard!

Whoa, yay, shuffleboard!

What's that?

Oh, you're gonna love it, cowpoke.

We just need two more for the big tournament.

Oh. How many do you have now?

None.

Then at 3:00, it's a long hike out into the desert.

You know what you're gonna see there?

The bones of yesterday's hikers.

And then it's a quick jog back

for the chili-eating contest,

and then an even quicker jog

over to the arts-and-crafts center.

Wouldn't you like to make a lanyard?

Oh, Lordy!

I guess it's a lot better than buying one.

I made this one for my wife.

Sure takes the pressure out of holiday gift-giving.

Gee, Mr. Day,

these things sound like a lot of fun...

They do?

But right now I think Mork and I would like to rest.

Rest? On vacation?

Oh, ho-ho. Hey, I got you.

Well, you have fun resting, Mork.

Aah!

Ha-ha-ha-aahh!

Oh, uh, say, folks,

if you can rouse yourself up,

don't miss the big slide show

in the rec room tonight,

Dale Evans, the Early Years.

Well, Mind, I'll be a good sport.

I'll shuffle boards with you.

I'll make you an ashtray.

Oh, Mork, what do you want to do?

Aah.

Go home.

I thought you'd never ask.

Mind, I finally figured out

why that vacation was gopher gunk.

I didn't go far enough away from where I work.

Mork, we drove all the way to New Mexico.

No, I mean really away. I mean, I've talked to Orson,

and I've gotta go to another planet

far, far, far away.

You're gonna leave Earth? Where are you gonna go?

Well, I've written up a little itinerary.

The planet Murrowr?

Well, they say it's got a great nightlife.

Planet Hmm-Hmm-Hmm?

Yep, yep, yep. It's a party planet, Mind.

The fun and frolic never stop there,

and the atmosphere is 98 percent nitrous oxide.

I'm sorry I can't take you along, Mind.

Well, I have to go to school anyway.

And I guess it's more important that you

go on the vacation that's right for you.

Oh, thanks, Mind.

Oh. Oh.

Take good care of my body.

Your body?

Well, yes. See, when we Orkans go on trips,

our mind and spirit leave and we leave our body behind.

Wait a minute.

You mean you're saying that your body's gonna stay here,

and the rest is going somewhere else?

Yes, we Orkans like to travel light.

Wait, you mean you're going on vacation,

and what I'll have here is an empty shell?

No, no, only until my mind

checks into another body on another planet,

and his mind checks into my body.

It's kind of like house swapping.

That's incredible. You mean I'm gonna have

some creature from outer space living here with me?

No, two of them.

Yeah, but what if they're strange? Like an alien?

What, you mean like:

Yeah, like that.

No, Mind. I'm only going to Earth-like planets,

and nothing in the brochure said anything about Mindavores.

Mork, I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you too, Mind.

I hope you have a good time.

Why, I'll try.

I've written up a little inventory of my body here

so none of the guests can run away with the good parts.

Check once in a while and make sure nothing's missing.

Especially that one.

Yeah.

Um, well, when are you leaving?

Now. Bye.

Wait. How long are you gonna be gone?

Mork? Mork?

Oh. This is very weird.

Darn cats.

It sounds like it's coming from in here.

I don't believe it. He went to a cat planet?

Planet Murrowr.

Murrowr.

Oh, that's right. Great night life.

Oh. Well, uh,

welcome to Boulder, kitty. Yeah.

No, no, bad, bad.

There...

Hey, you're kind of cute.

Ooh.

I hope you don't shed.

I used to have a cat when I was a kid.

It wasn't this big, though.

You must be tired from your trip.

I'll get you something to eat. You like some milk?

Whoa, whoa, down, down.

Okay, never mind.

There.

Nice kitty.

Yeah.

Oh.

I'd like to play with you some more,

but I've got an early class, and I've gotta get ready.

Boy, are the neighborhood birds in for a surprise.

Well, I guess it saves on soap.

What do cats like? What do cats like?

Warm. So I'll turn up the heat.

Oh, I know.

Sure am glad I saved this box.

Kitty, right there. Good. Good.

Okay, so I guess I'll see you a little later.

Be good.

Yeah. Hmm. Bye.

Anybody home?

Mork, I'm late for work, so I've gotta make this quick.

I didn't wake you up, did I?

Sorry.

You know, Mindy told Jean and I to tell her

when our mom was coming in town from New York

'cause she wanted to have us all over for dinner, and...

We'd like to make it tonight.

Wow, it's hot in here, huh?

Hey, I'll open a window, okay?

Um, hey, Mork,

don't forget to tell Mindy about dinner tonight.

Yeah, I'm that way in the morning too.

Hi, I'm back.

I got you the biggest one I could find.

Mork.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Oh, no!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Here, kitty, kitty!

Oh.

Not you, Irving. Go home.

Oh, what am I gonna do now?

I can't call the police. They're gonna think I'm crazy.

Who can I get to help me?

It's worth a try, I guess.

Uh, Mindy calling Orson.

Mindy calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Yo, your fattitude!

I didn't think it would work.

Oh, Mork, I hope that's you.

Hi, are you Mindy McConnell?

Uh-huh. This is the place.

Oh.

A dog chased him up a tree.

Man, I wish I could climb like that.

He hasn't moved in 20 minutes.

That poodle sure must have scared him.

We found this note in his pocket.

"Property of Mindy McConnell."

That's me, and at the right address.

Well, thanks, you guys. I was really worried about him.

Where do you want him?

Oh, right there's fine.

Well, goodbye, Miss McConnell.

Bye. Oh, can I give you boys anything?

Oh, no, thank you.

Just cut his nails before you let him out next time.

He likes to scratch.

Is this your boyfriend?

Uh, yeah.

Gee, and you seem like such a normal girl.

Goodbye.

Oh, Mork, are you all right?

You look all right.

Oh, boy, Mork, I know how much this vacation meant to you,

but I wish you could have taken your body with you.

Oh, hi. Are you dangerous?

You tell me.

Whoa! Oh, you got it.

Wait.

Oh, oh. Let go of me.

Oh, I know you may find me a little grotesque

in my present form, but where I come from,

I have six arms and a propeller.

You, uh...

You must be from the planet Hmm-Hmm-Hmm.

No, that's: Heh-Heh-Heh.

Oh. Whoa.

You know,

I came here to have a good time.

Yeah? Well, great.

You can call me 12.

Twelve?

On a scale of one to ten, I'm a 12.

Oh-ho-ho.

I'm glad you feel...

Yeah. - -welcome on your trip,

but I'm not one of the tourist attractions.

Oh, uh...

Uhh. Yeah.

Mmm.

Oh, no. Shh! Shh!

There's so little time and so much to sniff.

Yeah.

Oh, will you look at these grotesque

body wrappings? Eww!

Do you have anything else I can wear here?

Uh, there's a lot more upstairs, but they all look like that.

Oh! No wonder they say

never swap bodies with an Orkan.

Come here. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Mwah! I told you to stop that.

You're lucky.

I only used one lip.

Oh, please be Mork.

Hi, we're here.

Oh, you are? Oh, you are.

I'd like you to meet our mom. Oh.

Oh, It's nice to meet you, Mrs. DaVinci.

Call me Rosa. Okay.

Don't they hug in Colorado?

Oh, sure. Yeah.

Mama has to get her Italian hug quota in for the day.

I'm starving. When's dinner?

Dinner?

Yeah. Didn't Mork tell you?

Oh, yeah, he did,

but I haven't put it on yet.

I mean, it's still at the store.

I mean, Mork's shopping, okay?

I told Mama here that you and Mork

were our two best friends in Boulder.

This Mork. He lives here too?

Don't worry, Mom. Mork's a nice guy.

Remy, the commandments don't say

it's okay with a nice guy.

Listen, you have to forgive me, Mindy,

but you see, I've been worried about my kids getting mixed up

with a bunch of beatniks out West.

You know, Jerry Brown and that gang.

Mork?

This is Mr. Nice Guy?

Yeah.

He's been taking dancing lessons.

I'm back, babe.

Yeah, Mork, but...

Mwah. Not now.

Mork. Mork.

Where'd you get the, uh...?

Toys "R" Us.

Mork.

I'd like you to meet our mother.

Oh, hey.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

You know your eyes are like two smoldering pits?

Come on, now, let's get some sauce and barbecue.

Wait till I tell your father's grave.

Oh, come here, my little pasta.

♪ Volare ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪ Save me!

Aah!

Mork, put her down.

Oh, down? Let's party! Ow!

Party! Ow!

He's so vulnerable.

I never had this much fun when I went out with lawyers.

Heh-heh. Come, let's go upstairs

and we'll play habeas corpus.

Hey.

Maybe Mork needs some help up there.

One move and I'll break your legs.

Oh, Ma!

I never knew Mork was quite like this.

Fun, isn't he?

Maybe you all should come back tomorrow, and we'll...

We'll try this agaibe differ.

I promise. I hope.

Nice suit he's wearing.

He'll be the best-dressed guy in hell.

I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life.

Oh, Mork, if you only knew what you were missing.

Boy, what a dud he turned out to be.

Yeah, just another jerk in a white suit.

Have a nice day.

Mork.

Twelve?

Well, I guess it's just you and me again,

even though you're not all there yet.

Well, I hope you have a nice trip back.

Mork, are you all right?

I hope you didn't break anything.

Who am I talking to?

Oh! I'm back, Mind.

Oh, I'm glad.

Sorry I was late. I got hung up in turbulence over Saturn.

I think I kind of blew my mind.

Oh, boy, did I miss you.

Oh, I missed you too.

Mind, have you been playing dress up with my body?

No, it was one of the visitors.

Oh, I think I can guess which one.

I hope they didn't cause too much trouble.

Well, let's just say I learned to appreciate you a lot more.

Did you have a good time?

Well, It was nice but I'd rather be in New Mexico with you.

Really? I thought you hated that place.

Oh, at least I was with you, though.

Oh, that's nice.

I learned a lot about vacations, Mind.

I've learned that you can go to all the interesting places,

but unless you have someone you care about with you,

it doesn't mean as much.

You've got to turn to someone and say,

"Hey, Mind, did you see that fire-breathing dragon?

"Oh, I guess you did. Your eyebrows are missing

and your hair is curled."

So you like it better right here in your own body, huh?

Yeah, there's no place like Mork, Mind.

I brought back some slides to show you though.

You did? Well, let's see them.

All right.

There's me on the planet Murrowr.

There's me picking fleas out of my tail.

Here's me meeting the catnip dealer.

Um, do you happen to, uh...

Do you happen to have any pictures

of your vacation on the planet Heh-Heh-Heh?

No, I had to burn those, Mind.

Why?

Well, who wants to see pictures of me going:

Yeah, right.

Besides, it wasn't a very nice trip anyway, Mind.

I spent the entire time in my room

because I couldn't get my propeller started.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Is this thing on? Oh.

Attention, vacationers, Pedro and Yolanda

will be giving mambo lessons poolside, 3:00...

Well, Mork. Sir.

How was your vacation?

Well, not bad, sir. Except I would have liked

to have taken along someone that I really cared about.

I understand, Mork. Thank you, sir.

Next time I'll go with you.

Well, actually, Your Astrodome-ness,

I would have rather taken along Mindy.

Not that I don't want to travel with you, sir,

except she'd be less dangerous in an upper berth.

Your report, Mork. Yes, sir.

I've discovered that Earthlings come back from a vacation

much more exhausted than when they left.

Why is that?

Well, I think they treat a vacation like a job.

They try and cram in every activity

except for that which is most important: relaxation.

I thought the main purpose of a vacation

is to get away from it all.

Well, that's what Earthlings say too, sir,

except they pack it in eight suitcases

and bring it all with them.

Strange.

What's even stranger, sir, is they say they can't wait

to get away from all their friends,

but they spend all day writing postcards saying:

"Wish you were here. Send money."

It sounds like Earthlings

would be better off without vacations.

Well, the problem is

that they try and cram all of their happiness

into only two weeks out of the year.

Why shouldn't all of life be a nice trip, sir?

Nanu, nanu, little buckaroo.

Scenery is here. Wish I was beautiful.

♪ Happy trails ♪