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1
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,870
Nanu, nanu!
2
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,278
This is gonna be fun.
3
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,979
I haven't had
home-cooked Chinese food
4
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,681
since Uncle Chin
Ho came to visit.
5
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,916
I didn't know you
had an Oriental...
6
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,452
You don't?
7
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,554
It's a joke?
8
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,822
Yeah. Ha-ha.
9
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,125
Oh, hi, Mork. You're home early.
10
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,515
Oh, I'm sorry.
11
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,798
I'm back later.
12
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,166
Hello, Min. Hi.
13
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,234
Hello, my little knish.
14
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,702
Well, Min,
15
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,037
wish me bon voyage, bon chance,
16
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,706
et bon appétit.
17
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,908
I'm on my way. I wanna
become a globetrotter.
18
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,744
Oh, you're too
short and too pale.
19
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,846
No, no. No, I wanna
become a world traveler.
20
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,216
I mean, I'm talking jet-setter,
one of the beautiful people.
21
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,951
I'm talking terminal
Gucci, daiquiris at dawn.
22
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,286
Ah.
23
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,222
So that's what all those
brochures are for, huh?
24
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,524
You bet your airfare.
25
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,494
The world's my oyster, I'm
gonna pry that little sucker open,
26
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,230
shell out a few clams,
and go looking for my pearl.
27
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,298
Oh, yeah? And where are
you gonna dig up enough clams
28
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,733
to be able to travel?
29
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,034
I'll write a book entitled,
30
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,270
"How to Make $6
Million in a Month."
31
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,973
And I'll have to read
it eventually, but...
32
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,542
Oh, listen. I've
also got a plan.
33
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,676
I'll sell spot remover.
34
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,944
Here's how it works.
35
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,078
Here, Spot, come here.
36
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,152
Mork, uh...
37
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,787
Oh, Min, look at the wonderful
places I can go to, though.
38
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,524
Visit Tibet, and
"Dalai" with the Lama.
39
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,827
Visit Moscow and see the
future stars of the New York Ballet.
40
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:08,587
Visit Encino, home of rayon.
41
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,434
Why the sudden urge to travel?
42
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,037
Well, Min, I'm reading the
news, and you know there's
43
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:17,840
♪ Bombing in Bombay,
hey Chaos in Colombia ♪
44
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,543
♪ Terrorism in Tehran ♪
45
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:22,011
♪ I want to see the
world Or what's left of it ♪
46
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,880
♪ Today ♪
47
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,948
That makes sense.
48
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,350
Yeah.
49
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,652
Mm.
50
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,054
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
51
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,022
Boy, something smells real good.
52
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,892
When Remo comes, we'll have
an authentic Chinese dinner.
53
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,828
Ah. Uh-uh, no Peking.
54
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,397
Well, Min, I know.
55
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,031
I know you're hungry,
and I want to travel.
56
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,866
Let's combine the two.
Like, we'll go to China.
57
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,602
I know this incredible
kosher delicatessen
58
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,305
in downtown Shanghai.
It's called "Haimy's."
59
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:51,208
We'll go there and
have moo goo kreplach.
60
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,076
I'm afraid that still takes
61
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,044
a little more money
than you have, Mork.
62
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,280
You're right. I haven't got
enough to make it to the couch.
63
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,749
Well, I do, but I haven't
got enough to get back.
64
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,384
Well, you know,
65
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,487
there are ways of traveling
without spending too much money.
66
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,055
Well, tell us, Miss
Consumer Advocate.
67
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,658
Lay a few on me.
68
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,294
Well, there are clubs that
give you discount rates.
69
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,030
And in some situations, you
can even work off your passage.
70
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,366
Yeah. I'll work my
passage till it falls off.
71
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,067
Oh. I can imagine
myself on a boat right now.
72
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,337
I'll haul some keel. I'll
batten down those hatches.
73
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,171
I'll cheer up the stern,
I'll drink some port
74
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,928
and list to starboard.
75
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,677
Oh, nuts. I forgot
the bamboo chutes.
76
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,178
Okay. Why don't I
run down to the market
77
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,447
and get some for you?
78
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,715
Tell you what. I'll go with you.
79
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,218
I could use a little break
from Morko Polo here.
80
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,143
We'll be back in about
ten minutes, Morko.
81
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,023
Oh. How'd you know I was here?
82
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,682
I didn't. Wow, Noja vu.
83
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,496
Well, we're just
gonna run to the store
84
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,231
so dinner will be ready
in about half an hour.
85
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,999
Remo, don't start without us.
86
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,034
And it's the Patriots' ball now.
87
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,870
Johnson handing off...
88
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,672
Yo, Remo.
89
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,839
No time for niceties now.
90
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,308
I got ten bucks on
this football game,
91
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,743
and I can't watch it at home.
92
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,943
Why, is your TV broken?
93
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,044
No, it's got a slight case
94
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,547
of beer bottle in
the picture tube.
95
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,583
Yesterday's game. I got
the guy coming tomorrow
96
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,485
to de-Schlitz it.
97
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,819
You got any beer?
98
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,076
No, I guess you'll just
have to throw some wine.
99
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,257
Remo,
100
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,159
I've got a problem.
I wanna travel.
101
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,194
Yeah, yeah. Go! Go! Go!
102
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,764
That's easy for you to
say, but how do you do it?
103
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,165
How do you do
it without airfare?
104
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,966
Run, you meatball, run!
105
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,436
I don't think so. I mean,
China's a long way.
106
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,905
If the distance doesn't get
you, the tariffs will. The sharks...
107
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,895
Ah, timeout. All right.
108
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,144
Come on, come on, come on!
109
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,646
All right, what I was
trying to ask was
110
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,715
how can you work and
travel at the same time?
111
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,982
Do what I did.
Join the Air Force.
112
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,050
The Air Force?
113
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,419
Yeah, they don't
pay you very much,
114
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,753
but you get to see everywhere.
115
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,722
They pay you?
Oh, that's wonderful.
116
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,223
I gotta talk to them
and join that club.
117
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,858
Yeah, you join up, the
next thing you know,
118
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,293
you're in the wild blue yonder.
119
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,797
If they send you to L.A.,
you're in the wild brown yonder.
120
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,164
Touchdown! Ha-ha-ha!
121
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,356
Yea! Whoa! Yea!
122
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,072
Why are they spanking that guy?
123
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,941
They're not spanking
him. They're pattin' him.
124
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,909
That's congratulations.
You know, man stuff.
125
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,567
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
126
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,650
Snap to the center,
here's the snap,
127
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,851
the hold, kick... It's good.
128
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,185
Extra point's good.
129
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,855
The Patriots are
killing the Oilers.
130
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,090
It serves the Oilers right for
charging more than a dollar
131
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,426
for a gallon of gas.
132
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,168
Nah.
133
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,337
Slogan.
134
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,828
Air Force slogan.
135
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,768
"Do it in the clouds."
136
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,871
No.
137
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,074
I've got it!
138
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:54,591
"May the Air Force be with you."
139
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,893
Eeh-h-h-h. Ugh.
140
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,295
I've got to come up
with a recruiting slogan.
141
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,463
What was your old one?
142
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,465
The brass just
didn't like my old one.
143
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,466
What was it?
144
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,391
"The Air Force isn't so bad."
145
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,539
Well, you convinced
me. I wanna join. Yeah?
146
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,274
Yeah, I wanna
walk on the wild side.
147
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,910
I wanna meet
places and go people.
148
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,211
I can see it all now.
149
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,380
Playing tennis in Monaco.
Seeing Princess Grace going:
150
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,449
"Is my sister here?"
151
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,384
I'll goof-off in Guam.
All those things.
152
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,152
You sound like
real officer material.
153
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,655
No, I don't want an office. I
just want an application form.
154
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,890
No, no, no. I'm not a recruiter.
155
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,825
I'm a lieutenant
in public relations.
156
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:29,893
Are they fun?
157
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,494
Oodles.
158
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,929
This is an Air Force base.
159
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,764
The recruiting office
is in downtown Boulder.
160
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,433
Just bring them
your birth certificate,
161
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,435
driver's license and
your social security card.
162
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,870
Well, the only card I got
was from a guy downtown
163
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,194
that said, "Live Lady Mud
Wrestling. Call Lumpy."
164
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,309
Well, You gotta
have those things,
165
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,811
or they're not gonna let you in.
166
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,513
Won't they let me in
just on my personality?
167
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:51,881
I can do an audition
piece for them.
168
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,016
This is Blanche Dubois from
A Streetcar Named Desire
169
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,285
as Tonto.
170
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,678
I've always been accustomed
to the kindness of rangers.
171
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,762
I'm afraid not.
172
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,896
Oh.
173
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,264
You gotta let me
in. I wanna travel.
174
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,699
I wanna join your club. Please.
175
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,067
Sorry. Rules are rules.
176
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,302
I know that.
177
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,438
If you're gonna be snooty,
you won't get any business.
178
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,840
Look, this is my lunch hour.
179
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,608
Why don't you take a
couple of these pamphlets
180
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,209
and read up on the Air Force?
181
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,445
But I'm telling you right now,
they're not gonna let you in
182
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,780
unless you have
the right papers.
183
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,047
Even if I'm a hard worker?
184
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,583
I'm also a nice guy.
185
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,585
That's it!
186
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:32,410
The Air Force needs
a few nice guys.
187
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,630
All I have to do
is convince them
188
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,265
that I'd be a lot of fun on
one of their Air Force trips.
189
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,156
♪ Up in the air Junior bird ♪
190
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,937
Eh.
191
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,806
I don't know.
192
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,173
Hey, hey, hey.
193
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,709
Ha-ha. Heh-heh.
194
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,544
Ow.
195
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,178
I know what I can do.
196
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,548
I'll show them how good I look
in one of their club costumes.
197
00:08:58,572 --> 00:08:59,816
Oh, this is wonderful.
198
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,284
Oh, look. And it comes
with a little disco bag too.
199
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,358
Ooh!
200
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,183
I feel like Frosty the
Snowman, only darker.
201
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,098
You guys want some coffee?
202
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,957
You call that
brown stuff coffee?
203
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,845
You know, that green
stuff we had for lunch today
204
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,881
was worse than the green
stuff we had last week.
205
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,684
Yeah, that's because
last week it was Jell-O.
206
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,787
Today it's meatloaf.
207
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,355
Well, at least we
won't have to worry
208
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,990
about mess hall tonight.
209
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,860
I wonder where they're sending
us. Everything's so hush-hush.
210
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,228
Wherever it is, let's hope
it's close to a McDonalds.
211
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,919
Give me five.
212
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,367
Hi, there, jet-setters.
213
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,791
Attention!
214
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,872
You're right.
215
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,774
No, there's too much
tension as there is already.
216
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,308
Now, come on,
let's relax, let's relax.
217
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,077
Send your shoulders
down. Here we go.
218
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,046
First of all, do a little
of these. Go, "Whoa."
219
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:06,049
Now let the shoulders go.
Let 'em go, let 'em go. Relax.
220
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,485
Bad energy out! Bad energy out!
221
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,221
There. Now that we're
relaxed, what's happening?
222
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,057
We're being mobilized, sir.
223
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,358
Oh, punctual me.
I'm right on time.
224
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:17,827
Do you know where
we're going, sir?
225
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,662
I give up. Where?
226
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,565
I think he's been
at peace too long.
227
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:26,469
Well, I'm tired of
being kept in the dark.
228
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,838
They never tell you
anything. I hate that.
229
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,740
You know what I hate? I
hate it when you always get
230
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,374
that little piece of
popcorn... You eat it,
231
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,844
and it gets way in the back...
You eat it and all of a sudden,
232
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,279
your teeth stick together,
and you go "Hi, how are you?"
233
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,423
It gets way back there
and it's kind of like, uh, fur.
234
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,854
Excuse me, sir, if you
don't mind my saying,
235
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,756
may I suggest a little R and R?
236
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:47,924
Well, if you insist.
237
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,681
Ar-ar-ar-ar.
238
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,164
Attention!
239
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,533
No, no, no. Relaxation.
Once again, too much tension.
240
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,702
Try a little yoga
for the mantra.
241
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,604
When you get the
mantra... Lieutenant.
242
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,372
The man said, "ten-hut!"
243
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,574
Okay! I can't hear you!
244
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,231
Okay.
245
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:15,184
What's this, your
idea of a little joke?
246
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,486
No, my idea of a joke is this:
247
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,489
This chicken walks
into a bar, heh...
248
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,658
What's your name?
249
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:22,959
Mork from Ork.
250
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,143
Wipe that smile off your face.
251
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,799
I suggest, Lieutenant Fromork,
252
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,267
that you start acting
more in keeping
253
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,402
with the seriousness
of this assignment.
254
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,637
Okay, men.
255
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,172
The truck will be
here in ten minutes.
256
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,774
Then you're all
going on a little trip.
257
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,875
Where to, sir?
258
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,476
You'll find out soon enough.
259
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,378
But I can tell you this much:
260
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,314
For some of us here tonight,
it's gonna be full of hardship,
261
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,151
sacrifice, and great
personal danger.
262
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,653
Not me. I'm gonna sign up
for tennis, golf, and scuba.
263
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,364
♪ La-da-da-da
rule We'll take it ♪
264
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,501
♪ La-da-da-da
chance We'll break it ♪
265
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,405
♪ We're gonna make
Our dreams come true ♪
266
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,640
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
267
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,542
♪ Whoo-ooh ♪
268
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,179
Hi, Mork, is that you?
269
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,480
Let me check. Yep.
270
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,349
Well, I'm really
enjoying this day off.
271
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,318
I'm finally getting a
chance to do all those things
272
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,552
I never have time to do.
273
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,454
You mean, like cleaning
the pool, waxing the dog,
274
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,989
or washing the limo?
275
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,726
Uh, we can't afford a
pool, a limo, or a dog.
276
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:33,029
See how inflation's such
a labor-saving device?
277
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,598
Oh, Min, Min, Min, you know...
278
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,900
Oh, no, Min! Attack
of the Jolson people!
279
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,202
No, Mindy!
280
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,737
Oh, Minny!
281
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:41,971
Oh, Minny, Minny, Minny!
282
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,708
Mork, don't touch me.
283
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,410
It's just a facial, to
make me look better.
284
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,101
Bad news, Min.
285
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,985
I-I think it's kind
of retroactive.
286
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,254
Well, it's supposed
to make me look great.
287
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,421
I don't want you looking great,
288
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,023
I like you looking
back the old self.
289
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,192
Thanks. So where have you been?
290
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,228
I went to join that travel
club Remo told me about.
291
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,229
What travel club?
292
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,930
USAF. USAF?
293
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,032
Yeah, you know. U period,
S period, A period, F period.
294
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,056
USAF.
295
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,436
You joined the United
States Air Force?
296
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,072
Lieutenant Fromork
here. Oh, my...
297
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,306
Oh, not officially.
298
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,075
But I just tagged along
on one of their trips.
299
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,342
I can't believe this, Mork.
300
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,378
What do you mean, you
tagged along on a trips?
301
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,913
Well, I'm not
supposed to tell you.
302
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,603
It was all done on the Q-tip.
303
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,351
Mork, it's against the law
304
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,953
to pose as a member
of the military.
305
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,655
You go to jail for that.
306
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:33,790
Now, where did you go?
307
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:34,824
They didn't want us to tell.
308
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,225
I can't blame them for trying.
309
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,294
Because it was a
crummy place to vacation.
310
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,529
Will you just tell
me where you went?
311
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,932
Oh, to some nuclear dump
312
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,401
about 30 miles out of
town, as the Geiger counts.
313
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,069
Why would you go there?
314
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,337
They said it was an accident.
315
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,039
But when we got there,
it was kind of boring.
316
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,674
I did see some
guys playing a game.
317
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,309
There were these
40 guys in lead suits
318
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,012
trying to push this big
cracked barrel with long poles.
319
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,213
I don't think anybody won,
320
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,215
but when they finally got
into this big, lead room,
321
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,716
they all ran outside
322
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,585
like they had
hornets in their pants.
323
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,421
A nuclear accident?
324
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,578
Yeah, something
like that. Take care.
325
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,193
Mork?
326
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,837
Min, it was no big deal, really.
327
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,404
I just stood there
for a couple of hours,
328
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,406
and some people relieved
me from my guard duty.
329
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,574
Then I came home.
330
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,109
How was your day?
331
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:30,913
I don't know how you can
be so casual about this, Mork.
332
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:32,715
You must have misunderstood
what was going on.
333
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,617
There are so many safeguards
against radiation leaks.
334
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,652
Min, I mean, it's no big deal.
335
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,487
On Ork, whenever we
have a nuclear accident,
336
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,745
we just use Nuke-Away.
337
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,327
Nuke-Away?
338
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,661
Well, yeah, it
comes in pine scent
339
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,195
or that exciting new
fragrance, fusion.
340
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,267
I mean, it takes the worry
out of being radioactive.
341
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,170
Mork, we don't have anything
like Nuke-Away here on Earth.
342
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,305
Well, then how do you get
rid of telltale nuclear waste?
343
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,074
We don't. Come on, Min,
344
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,876
you can't tell me people
with nuclear power
345
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,610
don't have any way of
disposing of the waste.
346
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,612
Come on. Hey. I mean,
next thing you'll tell me
347
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,514
is you're gonna put it
in cans, right? Ha-ha-ha.
348
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,016
We do.
349
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,567
You do. Yeah, yeah.
350
00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:10,619
You do? Whoa!, Min! Come on.
351
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,721
We gotta take a quick hike.
We'll take the next egg out.
352
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:19,228
Don't pack. I'll get you
clothes at Frederick's of Venus.
353
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,230
There are thousands of
people that can be in danger.
354
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,999
I mean, we gotta tell somebody.
355
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,466
As we fly, we'll drop
pamphlets saying,
356
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,201
"Trespassers beware
or you'll go bald."
357
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,703
Now, let's go. Mork.
358
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,406
I gotta notify the authorities.
359
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,909
There's one minor hang-up
with that, Min. s go. What? Mork.
360
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,777
Well, the Air Force
is the authorities.
361
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,478
See, it's kind of like Catch-44.
362
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,980
It's like Catch-22
except twice as bad.
363
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,950
Yeah. Well, we
gotta tell somebody.
364
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,452
I mean. the people have a
right to know things like this.
365
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,922
They just can't get away
with covering this thing up.
366
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,779
Who's covering it up? Nixon's
been gone for a long time.
367
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,027
I don't know.
368
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,329
Probably the company
that owns the dump.
369
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,763
Why would they
want to cover it up?
370
00:15:54,787 --> 00:16:00,936
Well, they usually say they
don't want people to panic.
371
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,171
Yeah.
372
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,640
I know. We'll go
to the newspapers.
373
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,375
Except they'd never believe us.
374
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,277
You're a journalism
student. What would you do?
375
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,280
A good investigative reporter
would get all the hard facts.
376
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,284
Well, can't we just get some
soft facts and let 'em petrify?
377
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,086
I know what we'll do, Mork.
378
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,455
We're gonna go back to that
dump and we're gonna get evidence.
379
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,756
We'll take this tape recorder
380
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,325
and we're gonna
talk to the men. Hey.
381
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,493
No chance, Lance. I can go
in as an Air Force lieutenant
382
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,096
and come out as a
radioactive reserve.
383
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,299
It has to be reasonably safe
or they wouldn't let people in.
384
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,901
Yeah, but maybe we're
just laboratory rats in uniform.
385
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:33,902
Well, I don't know, Mork,
386
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,366
but somebody's
gotta do something.
387
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,008
Goodbye, Mork.
388
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,709
You know, sometimes
we have to think of others
389
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,001
rather than just ourselves.
390
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,218
Sometimes you have
to think of others...
391
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,719
All right, let's see.
392
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,922
Mork. Mankind.
393
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,124
Let's weigh the action.
394
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,293
Mank-i-i-ind.
395
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,728
I gotta get my scales checked.
396
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,286
Min! Mind, I'm coming!
Mind, I'm coming! Mind!
397
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:07,225
Wherever you glow, I'll
glow. et my scales checked.
398
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,558
Mork, how did you
get this uniform?
399
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,394
Well, sometimes
rank has privileges,
400
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,529
but I think the supply
sergeant was a little suspicious
401
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,499
when I asked for
a size seven petite.
402
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,135
Hey, it's Lieutenant
Fromork. Good to see you, sir.
403
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,303
We weren't expecting to
be relieved for another hour.
404
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,838
Hey, who's the guy?
405
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:46,408
Oh, it's just another dog
face, flyboy, junior birdman.
406
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,878
Uh, name's, uh,
Airman McConnell,
407
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,381
but you guys can call me Howard.
408
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,116
McConnell, what's
wrong with your voice?
409
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,773
Eh, football injury.
410
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,689
Know anything more about
what we're not supposed to know?
411
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,024
Just what we knew before.
412
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,427
Oh, really? I kind of forgot.
I had a football injury too.
413
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,395
Could you kind of tell
me again, word by word?
414
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,064
Ah, you don't wanna
hear about that again.
415
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,731
Hey, Let me tell you
about Angela, huh?
416
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,300
If they hadn't called
this emergency,
417
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,535
I'd be with her right now.
418
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,119
Wait a minute. Who's Angela?
419
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,441
Here she is being crowned
Miss Rocky Mountains.
420
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,009
Whoa. Whoa.
421
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,733
I can see why.
422
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,014
Yeah, well, I like 'em curvy.
423
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,349
Say, how do you
like 'em, Howard?
424
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:30,819
Oh, I like 'em intelligent.
425
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:34,723
Just how serious
was that injury?
426
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:35,924
Don't worry about McConnell.
427
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,468
He's got everything
that a woman wants.
428
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,329
Listen, we're gonna
take our leave.
429
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,598
We'll see you later, all right?
430
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,388
See you guys, huh?
431
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,669
Hey, way to go, way to go.
432
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,071
What is this?
433
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,272
It's man stuff.
434
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,907
Well, I'll let it go this time,
435
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,675
but just remember I am a woman.
436
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,377
Is my mustache on straight?
437
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,778
Is it supposed to
go up and down?
438
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,081
No! Then it's on right.
439
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,850
Mind, at least we
passed the first test.
440
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,452
They believed that
you were a man. Yeah.
441
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,677
See, I told you the mustache
would work better than steroids.
442
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,758
Well, what do we do now?
443
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,094
Well, we wait until somebody
who knows something comes in,
444
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,829
and then we get them
to answer some questions
445
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,964
into the tape recorder. Do
you have it in a safe place?
446
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,966
It's in my pocket. Good.
447
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,935
Do you think we're
in any danger here?
448
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,737
I don't know, but if my
knees knock any louder,
449
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,607
I'm gonna look inside my
pants and see who's there.
450
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,708
I'll bet you that's
where they're keeping
451
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,810
the leaking container.
452
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,045
The recorder.
453
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,046
Right in my hip pocket.
454
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,310
Why did you put
it back there? Shh!
455
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,918
Ten-hut!
456
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,789
At ease, men, I'm just checking
to make sure the area's secure.
457
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,047
How's the situation look, sir?
458
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:45,461
What's your name?
459
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,696
Airman McConnell, sir.
460
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,097
Are you new?
461
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,767
About 23 years old, sir. Ar-ar!
462
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,758
Why don't any of our men defect?
463
00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:00,142
Exactly how bad
was the accident, sir?
464
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,777
Nothing to worry about.
465
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:05,769
By the way, was your voice
normal when you came here?
466
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,185
Sir, I think we have a right
to know why the Air Force
467
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,619
was called in, don't we, sir?
468
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,522
We were the closest military
unit that was able to respond.
469
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,591
Respond to what, sir?
470
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,793
We were ordered in
here to protect the public.
471
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,429
You see, we store a lot
of radioactive waste here.
472
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,597
Now, most of these containers,
473
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,166
well, they're just
perfectly safe.
474
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,669
However, some
of them, well you...
475
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,026
You might as well
keep 'em in Tupperware.
476
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,707
What are you doing?
477
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,131
I'm right behind
you, sir, all the way.
478
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,580
Just how bad was
the accident, sir?
479
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,583
Well, the problem is,
480
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:45,221
atomic wastes have a
half-life of 240,000 years.
481
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,988
Now, fortunately, the spill
482
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,258
was confined to a
relatively small area.
483
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,926
We're keeping the
canister in question
484
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,695
in that lead-filled room.
485
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:55,231
It doesn't look like
anybody's health's
486
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,099
gonna be in jeopardy.
487
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,735
Well, uh, when will
we know for sure, sir?
488
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,425
1996.
489
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,642
Does this kind of
thing happen often, sir?
490
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,268
Old disco injury, sir.
491
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,682
Okay, I'll tell,
492
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,408
but this has got to be kept
in the strictest confidence.
493
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,257
I'm all ears, sir. Go ahead.
494
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,166
Remo, did you read
about this radiation spill?
495
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:32,534
It was only 30 miles from here.
496
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:34,603
Who cares? I've
got real problems.
497
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,806
Re... Oh, goodness,
you are right.
498
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:40,842
That apron just
doesn't go with that tie.
499
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:44,045
Why don't you just splash a
little more gravy on the tie?
500
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:47,883
Hey, I got a $30
parking ticket I gotta beat.
501
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,419
Oh, I get it. You're
gonna plead insanity.
502
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,755
No, I'm gonna try
and impress the judge
503
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:54,122
with what a nice guy I am.
504
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,057
And I brought him one
of my special sandwiches.
505
00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:58,761
Don't do it, Remo.
He'll give you the chair.
506
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:00,651
Very funny.
507
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,033
Hi, there, Big Apple-ites.
508
00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:08,170
Mork, Mindy, did you guys
see this incredible story?
509
00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,638
No, what is it?
510
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,874
There was an accident
at the nuclear dump,
511
00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:15,444
and the company
somehow forgot to report it.
512
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:16,978
How'd they find out about it?
513
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,348
Someone sneaked in with a
tape recorder and got proof.
514
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:21,383
The newspaper got
an anonymous tip.
515
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:23,040
Who from?
516
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,021
They don't know.
517
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:27,022
Oh.
518
00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:29,257
Anyhow, because of the exposé,
519
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,092
the government has
agreed to put all that waste
520
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,294
in new containers.
521
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:33,829
I wonder why they
wouldn't take credit.
522
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:34,963
They'd be heroes.
523
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,264
Well, there's an old saying.
524
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:37,933
Those who uncover a coverup
525
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,436
might get covered up themselves.
526
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,571
Or maybe the people that did it
527
00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:44,840
feel that the public's right
to know is more important
528
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,141
than being famous.
529
00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:48,009
I bet there are a lot of
people would like to meet
530
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,845
and thank the people
who got that story.
531
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:50,979
Aw, shucks, we'd prob...
532
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,415
They'd probably
say it were nothing.
533
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:54,916
Hey, you two want some lunch?
534
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,652
Yeah, what'll... What'll
you have, Mork?
535
00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:59,621
Why don't you make us a
couple of hero sandwiches.
536
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,323
Big ones.
537
00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:18,540
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
538
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:22,411
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
539
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:25,213
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
540
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,649
Hello, Mork. What's new?
541
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:29,885
Well, no, no, sir,
it's what's nuke.
542
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,220
All right, Mork, what's nuke?
543
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,890
Well, it's short for nuclear.
You see, this week, sir,
544
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,959
I-I had a job guarding a
leak at a nuclear dumping site.
545
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:39,495
Guarding it from whom, Mork?
546
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,129
Well, the people who
live near the dump.
547
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,664
It was very hush-hush.
548
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:43,899
Why was that?
549
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,334
Well, governments on
Earth like to play a game.
550
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,003
It's called "I've Got a Secret."
551
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,538
But when it comes
time to tell the truth,
552
00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,707
it's "Let's Make a Deal."
553
00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:53,709
Sounds like they don't
want to burden the public
554
00:23:53,733 --> 00:23:55,611
with too much information.
555
00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:57,546
But, Orson, how can
you prepare for the rain
556
00:23:57,570 --> 00:23:59,381
if you don't know what
the weather forecast is?
557
00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:01,249
See, I believe
people have the right
558
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,685
to know everything that
might affect their well-being.
559
00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:05,721
Maybe there's a
good reason, Mork.
560
00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:09,391
Isn't there an Earth saying
that "ignorance is bliss"?
561
00:24:09,415 --> 00:24:10,959
Not in this case, sir.
562
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:12,728
You see, it's a good
thing to conserve energy,
563
00:24:12,752 --> 00:24:14,996
but it's a bad thing to
keep people in the dark.
564
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,340
I have some specific
information I'd like to relate...
565
00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,590
Oh.
566
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:23,772
Until next week,
567
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:26,241
nanu, nanu.
39473
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