All language subtitles for Mork and Mindy S02E15 The Mork Syndrome.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.PRMNT

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,870 Nanu, nanu! 2 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,278 This is gonna be fun. 3 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,979 I haven't had home-cooked Chinese food 4 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,681 since Uncle Chin Ho came to visit. 5 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,916 I didn't know you had an Oriental... 6 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,452 You don't? 7 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,554 It's a joke? 8 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,822 Yeah. Ha-ha. 9 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,125 Oh, hi, Mork. You're home early. 10 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,515 Oh, I'm sorry. 11 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,798 I'm back later. 12 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,166 Hello, Min. Hi. 13 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,234 Hello, my little knish. 14 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,702 Well, Min, 15 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,037 wish me bon voyage, bon chance, 16 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,706 et bon appétit. 17 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,908 I'm on my way. I wanna become a globetrotter. 18 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,744 Oh, you're too short and too pale. 19 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,846 No, no. No, I wanna become a world traveler. 20 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,216 I mean, I'm talking jet-setter, one of the beautiful people. 21 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,951 I'm talking terminal Gucci, daiquiris at dawn. 22 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,286 Ah. 23 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,222 So that's what all those brochures are for, huh? 24 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,524 You bet your airfare. 25 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,494 The world's my oyster, I'm gonna pry that little sucker open, 26 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,230 shell out a few clams, and go looking for my pearl. 27 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,298 Oh, yeah? And where are you gonna dig up enough clams 28 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,733 to be able to travel? 29 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,034 I'll write a book entitled, 30 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,270 "How to Make $6 Million in a Month." 31 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,973 And I'll have to read it eventually, but... 32 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,542 Oh, listen. I've also got a plan. 33 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,676 I'll sell spot remover. 34 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,944 Here's how it works. 35 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,078 Here, Spot, come here. 36 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,152 Mork, uh... 37 00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,787 Oh, Min, look at the wonderful places I can go to, though. 38 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,524 Visit Tibet, and "Dalai" with the Lama. 39 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,827 Visit Moscow and see the future stars of the New York Ballet. 40 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:08,587 Visit Encino, home of rayon. 41 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,434 Why the sudden urge to travel? 42 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,037 Well, Min, I'm reading the news, and you know there's 43 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:17,840 ♪ Bombing in Bombay, hey Chaos in Colombia ♪ 44 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,543 ♪ Terrorism in Tehran ♪ 45 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:22,011 ♪ I want to see the world Or what's left of it ♪ 46 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,880 ♪ Today ♪ 47 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,948 That makes sense. 48 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,350 Yeah. 49 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,652 Mm. 50 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,054 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 51 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,022 Boy, something smells real good. 52 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,892 When Remo comes, we'll have an authentic Chinese dinner. 53 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,828 Ah. Uh-uh, no Peking. 54 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,397 Well, Min, I know. 55 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,031 I know you're hungry, and I want to travel. 56 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,866 Let's combine the two. Like, we'll go to China. 57 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,602 I know this incredible kosher delicatessen 58 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,305 in downtown Shanghai. It's called "Haimy's." 59 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:51,208 We'll go there and have moo goo kreplach. 60 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,076 I'm afraid that still takes 61 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,044 a little more money than you have, Mork. 62 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,280 You're right. I haven't got enough to make it to the couch. 63 00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,749 Well, I do, but I haven't got enough to get back. 64 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,384 Well, you know, 65 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,487 there are ways of traveling without spending too much money. 66 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,055 Well, tell us, Miss Consumer Advocate. 67 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,658 Lay a few on me. 68 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,294 Well, there are clubs that give you discount rates. 69 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,030 And in some situations, you can even work off your passage. 70 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,366 Yeah. I'll work my passage till it falls off. 71 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,067 Oh. I can imagine myself on a boat right now. 72 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,337 I'll haul some keel. I'll batten down those hatches. 73 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,171 I'll cheer up the stern, I'll drink some port 74 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,928 and list to starboard. 75 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,677 Oh, nuts. I forgot the bamboo chutes. 76 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,178 Okay. Why don't I run down to the market 77 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,447 and get some for you? 78 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,715 Tell you what. I'll go with you. 79 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,218 I could use a little break from Morko Polo here. 80 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,143 We'll be back in about ten minutes, Morko. 81 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,023 Oh. How'd you know I was here? 82 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,682 I didn't. Wow, Noja vu. 83 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,496 Well, we're just gonna run to the store 84 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,231 so dinner will be ready in about half an hour. 85 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,999 Remo, don't start without us. 86 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,034 And it's the Patriots' ball now. 87 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,870 Johnson handing off... 88 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,672 Yo, Remo. 89 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,839 No time for niceties now. 90 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,308 I got ten bucks on this football game, 91 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,743 and I can't watch it at home. 92 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,943 Why, is your TV broken? 93 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,044 No, it's got a slight case 94 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,547 of beer bottle in the picture tube. 95 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,583 Yesterday's game. I got the guy coming tomorrow 96 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,485 to de-Schlitz it. 97 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,819 You got any beer? 98 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,076 No, I guess you'll just have to throw some wine. 99 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,257 Remo, 100 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,159 I've got a problem. I wanna travel. 101 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,194 Yeah, yeah. Go! Go! Go! 102 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,764 That's easy for you to say, but how do you do it? 103 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,165 How do you do it without airfare? 104 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,966 Run, you meatball, run! 105 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,436 I don't think so. I mean, China's a long way. 106 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,905 If the distance doesn't get you, the tariffs will. The sharks... 107 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,895 Ah, timeout. All right. 108 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,144 Come on, come on, come on! 109 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,646 All right, what I was trying to ask was 110 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,715 how can you work and travel at the same time? 111 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,982 Do what I did. Join the Air Force. 112 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,050 The Air Force? 113 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,419 Yeah, they don't pay you very much, 114 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,753 but you get to see everywhere. 115 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,722 They pay you? Oh, that's wonderful. 116 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,223 I gotta talk to them and join that club. 117 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,858 Yeah, you join up, the next thing you know, 118 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,293 you're in the wild blue yonder. 119 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,797 If they send you to L.A., you're in the wild brown yonder. 120 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,164 Touchdown! Ha-ha-ha! 121 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,356 Yea! Whoa! Yea! 122 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,072 Why are they spanking that guy? 123 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,941 They're not spanking him. They're pattin' him. 124 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,909 That's congratulations. You know, man stuff. 125 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,567 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 126 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,650 Snap to the center, here's the snap, 127 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,851 the hold, kick... It's good. 128 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,185 Extra point's good. 129 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,855 The Patriots are killing the Oilers. 130 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,090 It serves the Oilers right for charging more than a dollar 131 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,426 for a gallon of gas. 132 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,168 Nah. 133 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,337 Slogan. 134 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,828 Air Force slogan. 135 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,768 "Do it in the clouds." 136 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,871 No. 137 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,074 I've got it! 138 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:54,591 "May the Air Force be with you." 139 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,893 Eeh-h-h-h. Ugh. 140 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,295 I've got to come up with a recruiting slogan. 141 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,463 What was your old one? 142 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,465 The brass just didn't like my old one. 143 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,466 What was it? 144 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,391 "The Air Force isn't so bad." 145 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,539 Well, you convinced me. I wanna join. Yeah? 146 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,274 Yeah, I wanna walk on the wild side. 147 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,910 I wanna meet places and go people. 148 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,211 I can see it all now. 149 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,380 Playing tennis in Monaco. Seeing Princess Grace going: 150 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,449 "Is my sister here?" 151 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,384 I'll goof-off in Guam. All those things. 152 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,152 You sound like real officer material. 153 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,655 No, I don't want an office. I just want an application form. 154 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,890 No, no, no. I'm not a recruiter. 155 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,825 I'm a lieutenant in public relations. 156 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:29,893 Are they fun? 157 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,494 Oodles. 158 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,929 This is an Air Force base. 159 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,764 The recruiting office is in downtown Boulder. 160 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,433 Just bring them your birth certificate, 161 00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,435 driver's license and your social security card. 162 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,870 Well, the only card I got was from a guy downtown 163 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,194 that said, "Live Lady Mud Wrestling. Call Lumpy." 164 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,309 Well, You gotta have those things, 165 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,811 or they're not gonna let you in. 166 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,513 Won't they let me in just on my personality? 167 00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:51,881 I can do an audition piece for them. 168 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,016 This is Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire 169 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,285 as Tonto. 170 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,678 I've always been accustomed to the kindness of rangers. 171 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,762 I'm afraid not. 172 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,896 Oh. 173 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,264 You gotta let me in. I wanna travel. 174 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,699 I wanna join your club. Please. 175 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,067 Sorry. Rules are rules. 176 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,302 I know that. 177 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,438 If you're gonna be snooty, you won't get any business. 178 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,840 Look, this is my lunch hour. 179 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,608 Why don't you take a couple of these pamphlets 180 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,209 and read up on the Air Force? 181 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,445 But I'm telling you right now, they're not gonna let you in 182 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,780 unless you have the right papers. 183 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,047 Even if I'm a hard worker? 184 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,583 I'm also a nice guy. 185 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,585 That's it! 186 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:32,410 The Air Force needs a few nice guys. 187 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,630 All I have to do is convince them 188 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,265 that I'd be a lot of fun on one of their Air Force trips. 189 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,156 ♪ Up in the air Junior bird ♪ 190 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,937 Eh. 191 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,806 I don't know. 192 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,173 Hey, hey, hey. 193 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,709 Ha-ha. Heh-heh. 194 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,544 Ow. 195 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,178 I know what I can do. 196 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,548 I'll show them how good I look in one of their club costumes. 197 00:08:58,572 --> 00:08:59,816 Oh, this is wonderful. 198 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,284 Oh, look. And it comes with a little disco bag too. 199 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,358 Ooh! 200 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,183 I feel like Frosty the Snowman, only darker. 201 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,098 You guys want some coffee? 202 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,957 You call that brown stuff coffee? 203 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,845 You know, that green stuff we had for lunch today 204 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,881 was worse than the green stuff we had last week. 205 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,684 Yeah, that's because last week it was Jell-O. 206 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,787 Today it's meatloaf. 207 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,355 Well, at least we won't have to worry 208 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,990 about mess hall tonight. 209 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,860 I wonder where they're sending us. Everything's so hush-hush. 210 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,228 Wherever it is, let's hope it's close to a McDonalds. 211 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,919 Give me five. 212 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,367 Hi, there, jet-setters. 213 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,791 Attention! 214 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,872 You're right. 215 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,774 No, there's too much tension as there is already. 216 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,308 Now, come on, let's relax, let's relax. 217 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,077 Send your shoulders down. Here we go. 218 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,046 First of all, do a little of these. Go, "Whoa." 219 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:06,049 Now let the shoulders go. Let 'em go, let 'em go. Relax. 220 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,485 Bad energy out! Bad energy out! 221 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,221 There. Now that we're relaxed, what's happening? 222 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,057 We're being mobilized, sir. 223 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,358 Oh, punctual me. I'm right on time. 224 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:17,827 Do you know where we're going, sir? 225 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,662 I give up. Where? 226 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,565 I think he's been at peace too long. 227 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:26,469 Well, I'm tired of being kept in the dark. 228 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,838 They never tell you anything. I hate that. 229 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,740 You know what I hate? I hate it when you always get 230 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,374 that little piece of popcorn... You eat it, 231 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,844 and it gets way in the back... You eat it and all of a sudden, 232 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,279 your teeth stick together, and you go "Hi, how are you?" 233 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,423 It gets way back there and it's kind of like, uh, fur. 234 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,854 Excuse me, sir, if you don't mind my saying, 235 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,756 may I suggest a little R and R? 236 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:47,924 Well, if you insist. 237 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,681 Ar-ar-ar-ar. 238 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,164 Attention! 239 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,533 No, no, no. Relaxation. Once again, too much tension. 240 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,702 Try a little yoga for the mantra. 241 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,604 When you get the mantra... Lieutenant. 242 00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,372 The man said, "ten-hut!" 243 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,574 Okay! I can't hear you! 244 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,231 Okay. 245 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:15,184 What's this, your idea of a little joke? 246 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,486 No, my idea of a joke is this: 247 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,489 This chicken walks into a bar, heh... 248 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,658 What's your name? 249 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:22,959 Mork from Ork. 250 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,143 Wipe that smile off your face. 251 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,799 I suggest, Lieutenant Fromork, 252 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,267 that you start acting more in keeping 253 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,402 with the seriousness of this assignment. 254 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,637 Okay, men. 255 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,172 The truck will be here in ten minutes. 256 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,774 Then you're all going on a little trip. 257 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,875 Where to, sir? 258 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,476 You'll find out soon enough. 259 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,378 But I can tell you this much: 260 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,314 For some of us here tonight, it's gonna be full of hardship, 261 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,151 sacrifice, and great personal danger. 262 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,653 Not me. I'm gonna sign up for tennis, golf, and scuba. 263 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,364 ♪ La-da-da-da rule We'll take it ♪ 264 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,501 ♪ La-da-da-da chance We'll break it ♪ 265 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,405 ♪ We're gonna make Our dreams come true ♪ 266 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,640 ♪ Doin' it our way ♪ 267 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,542 ♪ Whoo-ooh ♪ 268 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,179 Hi, Mork, is that you? 269 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,480 Let me check. Yep. 270 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,349 Well, I'm really enjoying this day off. 271 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,318 I'm finally getting a chance to do all those things 272 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,552 I never have time to do. 273 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,454 You mean, like cleaning the pool, waxing the dog, 274 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,989 or washing the limo? 275 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,726 Uh, we can't afford a pool, a limo, or a dog. 276 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:33,029 See how inflation's such a labor-saving device? 277 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,598 Oh, Min, Min, Min, you know... 278 00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,900 Oh, no, Min! Attack of the Jolson people! 279 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,202 No, Mindy! 280 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,737 Oh, Minny! 281 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:41,971 Oh, Minny, Minny, Minny! 282 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,708 Mork, don't touch me. 283 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,410 It's just a facial, to make me look better. 284 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,101 Bad news, Min. 285 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,985 I-I think it's kind of retroactive. 286 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,254 Well, it's supposed to make me look great. 287 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,421 I don't want you looking great, 288 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,023 I like you looking back the old self. 289 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,192 Thanks. So where have you been? 290 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,228 I went to join that travel club Remo told me about. 291 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,229 What travel club? 292 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,930 USAF. USAF? 293 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,032 Yeah, you know. U period, S period, A period, F period. 294 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,056 USAF. 295 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,436 You joined the United States Air Force? 296 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,072 Lieutenant Fromork here. Oh, my... 297 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,306 Oh, not officially. 298 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,075 But I just tagged along on one of their trips. 299 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,342 I can't believe this, Mork. 300 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,378 What do you mean, you tagged along on a trips? 301 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,913 Well, I'm not supposed to tell you. 302 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,603 It was all done on the Q-tip. 303 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,351 Mork, it's against the law 304 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,953 to pose as a member of the military. 305 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,655 You go to jail for that. 306 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:33,790 Now, where did you go? 307 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:34,824 They didn't want us to tell. 308 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,225 I can't blame them for trying. 309 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,294 Because it was a crummy place to vacation. 310 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,529 Will you just tell me where you went? 311 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,932 Oh, to some nuclear dump 312 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,401 about 30 miles out of town, as the Geiger counts. 313 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,069 Why would you go there? 314 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,337 They said it was an accident. 315 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,039 But when we got there, it was kind of boring. 316 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,674 I did see some guys playing a game. 317 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,309 There were these 40 guys in lead suits 318 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,012 trying to push this big cracked barrel with long poles. 319 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,213 I don't think anybody won, 320 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,215 but when they finally got into this big, lead room, 321 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,716 they all ran outside 322 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,585 like they had hornets in their pants. 323 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,421 A nuclear accident? 324 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,578 Yeah, something like that. Take care. 325 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,193 Mork? 326 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,837 Min, it was no big deal, really. 327 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,404 I just stood there for a couple of hours, 328 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,406 and some people relieved me from my guard duty. 329 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,574 Then I came home. 330 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,109 How was your day? 331 00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:30,913 I don't know how you can be so casual about this, Mork. 332 00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:32,715 You must have misunderstood what was going on. 333 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,617 There are so many safeguards against radiation leaks. 334 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,652 Min, I mean, it's no big deal. 335 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,487 On Ork, whenever we have a nuclear accident, 336 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,745 we just use Nuke-Away. 337 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,327 Nuke-Away? 338 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,661 Well, yeah, it comes in pine scent 339 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,195 or that exciting new fragrance, fusion. 340 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,267 I mean, it takes the worry out of being radioactive. 341 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,170 Mork, we don't have anything like Nuke-Away here on Earth. 342 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,305 Well, then how do you get rid of telltale nuclear waste? 343 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,074 We don't. Come on, Min, 344 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,876 you can't tell me people with nuclear power 345 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,610 don't have any way of disposing of the waste. 346 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,612 Come on. Hey. I mean, next thing you'll tell me 347 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,514 is you're gonna put it in cans, right? Ha-ha-ha. 348 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,016 We do. 349 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,567 You do. Yeah, yeah. 350 00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:10,619 You do? Whoa!, Min! Come on. 351 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,721 We gotta take a quick hike. We'll take the next egg out. 352 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:19,228 Don't pack. I'll get you clothes at Frederick's of Venus. 353 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,230 There are thousands of people that can be in danger. 354 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,999 I mean, we gotta tell somebody. 355 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,466 As we fly, we'll drop pamphlets saying, 356 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,201 "Trespassers beware or you'll go bald." 357 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,703 Now, let's go. Mork. 358 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,406 I gotta notify the authorities. 359 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,909 There's one minor hang-up with that, Min. s go. What? Mork. 360 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,777 Well, the Air Force is the authorities. 361 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,478 See, it's kind of like Catch-44. 362 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,980 It's like Catch-22 except twice as bad. 363 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,950 Yeah. Well, we gotta tell somebody. 364 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,452 I mean. the people have a right to know things like this. 365 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,922 They just can't get away with covering this thing up. 366 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,779 Who's covering it up? Nixon's been gone for a long time. 367 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,027 I don't know. 368 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,329 Probably the company that owns the dump. 369 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,763 Why would they want to cover it up? 370 00:15:54,787 --> 00:16:00,936 Well, they usually say they don't want people to panic. 371 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,171 Yeah. 372 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,640 I know. We'll go to the newspapers. 373 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,375 Except they'd never believe us. 374 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,277 You're a journalism student. What would you do? 375 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,280 A good investigative reporter would get all the hard facts. 376 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,284 Well, can't we just get some soft facts and let 'em petrify? 377 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,086 I know what we'll do, Mork. 378 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,455 We're gonna go back to that dump and we're gonna get evidence. 379 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,756 We'll take this tape recorder 380 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,325 and we're gonna talk to the men. Hey. 381 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,493 No chance, Lance. I can go in as an Air Force lieutenant 382 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,096 and come out as a radioactive reserve. 383 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,299 It has to be reasonably safe or they wouldn't let people in. 384 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,901 Yeah, but maybe we're just laboratory rats in uniform. 385 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:33,902 Well, I don't know, Mork, 386 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,366 but somebody's gotta do something. 387 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,008 Goodbye, Mork. 388 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,709 You know, sometimes we have to think of others 389 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,001 rather than just ourselves. 390 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,218 Sometimes you have to think of others... 391 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,719 All right, let's see. 392 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,922 Mork. Mankind. 393 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,124 Let's weigh the action. 394 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,293 Mank-i-i-ind. 395 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,728 I gotta get my scales checked. 396 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,286 Min! Mind, I'm coming! Mind, I'm coming! Mind! 397 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:07,225 Wherever you glow, I'll glow. et my scales checked. 398 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,558 Mork, how did you get this uniform? 399 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,394 Well, sometimes rank has privileges, 400 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,529 but I think the supply sergeant was a little suspicious 401 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,499 when I asked for a size seven petite. 402 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,135 Hey, it's Lieutenant Fromork. Good to see you, sir. 403 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,303 We weren't expecting to be relieved for another hour. 404 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,838 Hey, who's the guy? 405 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:46,408 Oh, it's just another dog face, flyboy, junior birdman. 406 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,878 Uh, name's, uh, Airman McConnell, 407 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,381 but you guys can call me Howard. 408 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,116 McConnell, what's wrong with your voice? 409 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,773 Eh, football injury. 410 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,689 Know anything more about what we're not supposed to know? 411 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,024 Just what we knew before. 412 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,427 Oh, really? I kind of forgot. I had a football injury too. 413 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,395 Could you kind of tell me again, word by word? 414 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,064 Ah, you don't wanna hear about that again. 415 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,731 Hey, Let me tell you about Angela, huh? 416 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,300 If they hadn't called this emergency, 417 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,535 I'd be with her right now. 418 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,119 Wait a minute. Who's Angela? 419 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,441 Here she is being crowned Miss Rocky Mountains. 420 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,009 Whoa. Whoa. 421 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,733 I can see why. 422 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,014 Yeah, well, I like 'em curvy. 423 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,349 Say, how do you like 'em, Howard? 424 00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:30,819 Oh, I like 'em intelligent. 425 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:34,723 Just how serious was that injury? 426 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:35,924 Don't worry about McConnell. 427 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,468 He's got everything that a woman wants. 428 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,329 Listen, we're gonna take our leave. 429 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,598 We'll see you later, all right? 430 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,388 See you guys, huh? 431 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,669 Hey, way to go, way to go. 432 00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,071 What is this? 433 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,272 It's man stuff. 434 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,907 Well, I'll let it go this time, 435 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,675 but just remember I am a woman. 436 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,377 Is my mustache on straight? 437 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,778 Is it supposed to go up and down? 438 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,081 No! Then it's on right. 439 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,850 Mind, at least we passed the first test. 440 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,452 They believed that you were a man. Yeah. 441 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,677 See, I told you the mustache would work better than steroids. 442 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,758 Well, what do we do now? 443 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,094 Well, we wait until somebody who knows something comes in, 444 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,829 and then we get them to answer some questions 445 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,964 into the tape recorder. Do you have it in a safe place? 446 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,966 It's in my pocket. Good. 447 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,935 Do you think we're in any danger here? 448 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,737 I don't know, but if my knees knock any louder, 449 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,607 I'm gonna look inside my pants and see who's there. 450 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,708 I'll bet you that's where they're keeping 451 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,810 the leaking container. 452 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,045 The recorder. 453 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,046 Right in my hip pocket. 454 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,310 Why did you put it back there? Shh! 455 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,918 Ten-hut! 456 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,789 At ease, men, I'm just checking to make sure the area's secure. 457 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,047 How's the situation look, sir? 458 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:45,461 What's your name? 459 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,696 Airman McConnell, sir. 460 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,097 Are you new? 461 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,767 About 23 years old, sir. Ar-ar! 462 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,758 Why don't any of our men defect? 463 00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:00,142 Exactly how bad was the accident, sir? 464 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,777 Nothing to worry about. 465 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:05,769 By the way, was your voice normal when you came here? 466 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,185 Sir, I think we have a right to know why the Air Force 467 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,619 was called in, don't we, sir? 468 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,522 We were the closest military unit that was able to respond. 469 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,591 Respond to what, sir? 470 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,793 We were ordered in here to protect the public. 471 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,429 You see, we store a lot of radioactive waste here. 472 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,597 Now, most of these containers, 473 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,166 well, they're just perfectly safe. 474 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,669 However, some of them, well you... 475 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,026 You might as well keep 'em in Tupperware. 476 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,707 What are you doing? 477 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,131 I'm right behind you, sir, all the way. 478 00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,580 Just how bad was the accident, sir? 479 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,583 Well, the problem is, 480 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:45,221 atomic wastes have a half-life of 240,000 years. 481 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,988 Now, fortunately, the spill 482 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,258 was confined to a relatively small area. 483 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,926 We're keeping the canister in question 484 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,695 in that lead-filled room. 485 00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:55,231 It doesn't look like anybody's health's 486 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,099 gonna be in jeopardy. 487 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,735 Well, uh, when will we know for sure, sir? 488 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,425 1996. 489 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,642 Does this kind of thing happen often, sir? 490 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,268 Old disco injury, sir. 491 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,682 Okay, I'll tell, 492 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,408 but this has got to be kept in the strictest confidence. 493 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,257 I'm all ears, sir. Go ahead. 494 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,166 Remo, did you read about this radiation spill? 495 00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:32,534 It was only 30 miles from here. 496 00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:34,603 Who cares? I've got real problems. 497 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,806 Re... Oh, goodness, you are right. 498 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:40,842 That apron just doesn't go with that tie. 499 00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:44,045 Why don't you just splash a little more gravy on the tie? 500 00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:47,883 Hey, I got a $30 parking ticket I gotta beat. 501 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,419 Oh, I get it. You're gonna plead insanity. 502 00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,755 No, I'm gonna try and impress the judge 503 00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:54,122 with what a nice guy I am. 504 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,057 And I brought him one of my special sandwiches. 505 00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:58,761 Don't do it, Remo. He'll give you the chair. 506 00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:00,651 Very funny. 507 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,033 Hi, there, Big Apple-ites. 508 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:08,170 Mork, Mindy, did you guys see this incredible story? 509 00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,638 No, what is it? 510 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,874 There was an accident at the nuclear dump, 511 00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:15,444 and the company somehow forgot to report it. 512 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:16,978 How'd they find out about it? 513 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,348 Someone sneaked in with a tape recorder and got proof. 514 00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:21,383 The newspaper got an anonymous tip. 515 00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:23,040 Who from? 516 00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,021 They don't know. 517 00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:27,022 Oh. 518 00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:29,257 Anyhow, because of the exposé, 519 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,092 the government has agreed to put all that waste 520 00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,294 in new containers. 521 00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:33,829 I wonder why they wouldn't take credit. 522 00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:34,963 They'd be heroes. 523 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,264 Well, there's an old saying. 524 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:37,933 Those who uncover a coverup 525 00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,436 might get covered up themselves. 526 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,571 Or maybe the people that did it 527 00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:44,840 feel that the public's right to know is more important 528 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,141 than being famous. 529 00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:48,009 I bet there are a lot of people would like to meet 530 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,845 and thank the people who got that story. 531 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:50,979 Aw, shucks, we'd prob... 532 00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,415 They'd probably say it were nothing. 533 00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:54,916 Hey, you two want some lunch? 534 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,652 Yeah, what'll... What'll you have, Mork? 535 00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:59,621 Why don't you make us a couple of hero sandwiches. 536 00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,323 Big ones. 537 00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:18,540 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 538 00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:22,411 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 539 00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:25,213 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 540 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,649 Hello, Mork. What's new? 541 00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:29,885 Well, no, no, sir, it's what's nuke. 542 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,220 All right, Mork, what's nuke? 543 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,890 Well, it's short for nuclear. You see, this week, sir, 544 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,959 I-I had a job guarding a leak at a nuclear dumping site. 545 00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:39,495 Guarding it from whom, Mork? 546 00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,129 Well, the people who live near the dump. 547 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,664 It was very hush-hush. 548 00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:43,899 Why was that? 549 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,334 Well, governments on Earth like to play a game. 550 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,003 It's called "I've Got a Secret." 551 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,538 But when it comes time to tell the truth, 552 00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,707 it's "Let's Make a Deal." 553 00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:53,709 Sounds like they don't want to burden the public 554 00:23:53,733 --> 00:23:55,611 with too much information. 555 00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:57,546 But, Orson, how can you prepare for the rain 556 00:23:57,570 --> 00:23:59,381 if you don't know what the weather forecast is? 557 00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:01,249 See, I believe people have the right 558 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,685 to know everything that might affect their well-being. 559 00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:05,721 Maybe there's a good reason, Mork. 560 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:09,391 Isn't there an Earth saying that "ignorance is bliss"? 561 00:24:09,415 --> 00:24:10,959 Not in this case, sir. 562 00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:12,728 You see, it's a good thing to conserve energy, 563 00:24:12,752 --> 00:24:14,996 but it's a bad thing to keep people in the dark. 564 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,340 I have some specific information I'd like to relate... 565 00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,590 Oh. 566 00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:23,772 Until next week, 567 00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:26,241 nanu, nanu. 39473

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