All language subtitles for Mork and Mindy S02E09 Morks Health Hints.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.PRMNT

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:04,870 Nanu, nanu. 2 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,746 Okay, the customer wants a salad with bean sprouts 3 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,783 and alfalfa sprouts on a bed of shredded lettuce. 4 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:50,120 Is he here to eat lunch or graze? 5 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,756 I don't care if he smokes it as long as he pays the check. 6 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,959 Well, ask him if he'd like me to put it on a plate 7 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,217 or in a feedbag, okay? 8 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,475 Butu, Kimbe, stay with the caravan. 9 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,873 All right. All you germs, bite the dust. Come on. 10 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:14,344 Die, you little buggers. Die. There you go. Come on. Yeah! 11 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,179 You with the hamburger, freeze right there. 12 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,647 Drop it. Drop it. 13 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,817 Spread those buns. Spread the buns. 14 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,785 All right, I have a right to read you your rights. 15 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,754 You have a right to remain bacillus... Hey, hey, hey! 16 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:25,855 Hey, hey! 17 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,324 You saw him. That germ pulled a gun. 18 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,092 Come on, what are you doin'? 19 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,927 Will you cut it out? 20 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,996 Mindy's going in the hospital. I have to kill germs. 21 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,098 Don't! Don't! Don't! 22 00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,301 Hey. You behind the gherkin, freeze it. Ha-ha! 23 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,504 There's another streptococcus. I bet the small one. 24 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,508 I'm sorry. You can't leave yet. Hold on. 25 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,143 Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 26 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,845 There aren't any germs in here. 27 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,014 Of course there are no germs after my "spritz-krieg." 28 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:54,083 Ha-ha! In the name of Louis Pasteur, I... 29 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,652 Wait a minute. 30 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,421 I've just committed germicide. 31 00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,525 Oh, you must have millions of little germs at home going... 32 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,693 "Where's Daddy?" 33 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,162 Hey, Mork, 34 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,463 what'd you do to your hair? 35 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,597 I cut off all the germy parts. 36 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,621 It was cheaper than having it cleaned. 37 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,370 Is it safe yet? 38 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,138 What is going on here? 39 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,040 I am going to have my tonsils out, 40 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,942 and Mork has been running around driving me crazy. 41 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,678 Mindy, Mindy. Mindy, you shouldn't talk. 42 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,946 You should rest your tonsils for the coming-out party. 43 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,482 I'll translate for you. 44 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:28,051 You're going into the hospital? Mindy, Mindy. 45 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:31,555 It is true that Miss McConnell 46 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,623 is going into the hospital 47 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:37,227 for a treatment of the neck infection, 48 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,397 but soon she'll be back to her old, uninfected self, 49 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,065 and back being so cute and adorable 50 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,867 and shiksa-like. 51 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:48,171 Well, Mindy, ha-ha, there's nothing to worry about. 52 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,772 A lot of people have their tonsils out. 53 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,308 Yeah, I had mine out in the first grade. 54 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,692 Yeah, he was only 14. 55 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,646 So I was old for my age. 56 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,848 Did you put 'em under the pillow for the tonsil fairy? 57 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,318 No. I don't believe in that stuff. 58 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,719 I just put 'em in a jar. 59 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,223 Well, actually, getting your tonsils out, it's a breeze. 60 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,157 That's right. It's a very simple procedure. 61 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,059 Yeah, most of the doctors know what they're doin'. 62 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,296 Most of the doctors? Mindy, I'll handle this. 63 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,832 Most of the doctors? 64 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,201 You see, they got losers in every profession. 65 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,437 Like I had an electrician out here six times 66 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,805 to fix that lamp, and it's still broken. 67 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,074 Now, imagine if that was your heart. 68 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,444 Thanks, Remo. JEAN: You know, Remo, uh, 69 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,112 I don't think she wants to hear all this. 70 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,248 Oh, come on. You come home from med school 71 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,515 with all those funny stories. 72 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:33,883 Tell 'em the one about the doctor 73 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,219 who left the instruments inside the patient. 74 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,387 It's great. 75 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,155 That really happened? 76 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,624 Well, uh, they never found out 77 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:41,958 but the guy goes disco dancing 78 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,060 and gives himself an appendectomy. 79 00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:51,401 You know, occasionally accidents do happen 80 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,237 but not often, not enough to let it upset you. 81 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,973 Thank you very much. 82 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,841 I think I'll go check myself into the hospital 83 00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,577 before you two change my mind. 84 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,146 Good luck. Don't worry, we'll visit you. 85 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,081 Well, kid, break a larynx. 86 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,516 Ha! Thanks. Don't worry, Mindy. 87 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,851 When your tonsils are out, I'll whittle you wooden tonsils, 88 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:12,088 and put a scarecrow on your tongue to scare the woodpeckers. 89 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,624 That'll work. Hey. 90 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,792 If it doesn't, you'll talk... 91 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,260 like this. 92 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,232 Seven thousand and forty-seven, 93 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,802 seven thousand and-forty-eight... 94 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,236 What are you counting? 95 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,172 I'm timing to see how long it's been 96 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,974 since I buzzed for the nurse. 97 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,345 Well, there's gotta be some way to get a nurse in here. 98 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,680 Yeah, sure. Just fall asleep 99 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,270 and she'll come in and wake you up. 100 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,584 Min... 101 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:42,752 Hiiii. 102 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,490 How're you feelin'? Oh, all right. 103 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,226 I brought you a little somethi" to show I was thinkin' of you. 104 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,684 Look, a brain. Heh! 105 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,567 No, actually, it's a flower. Heh-heh! 106 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,268 It's the biggest one I could find. 107 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:02,439 It is a big one. Hope you have a short, fat vase. 108 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,407 Either that or you could wear it behind your ear. 109 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,075 Argh, argh, argh! Ha-ha-ha! 110 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,199 Thank you. 111 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,881 Well, uh, are you fixed yet? 112 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,852 Is that what you're in here for? 113 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,721 I had my cat fixed, 114 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,889 and he's never been the same since. 115 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,859 No, I'm only having my tonsils out. 116 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,884 Well, that's what my mother said they were doing to the cat. 117 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,733 The operation isn't until tomorrow. 118 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,034 Oh, Susie, this is Mork. Hi. 119 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,592 Nanu, nanu, bite-sized person. 120 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,439 The hospital's low on space, 121 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,841 so they put me in the children's ward. 122 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,844 Oh, I couldn't tell. Ha-ha! 123 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,613 Well, honey, are you ready for your tests? 124 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,615 I thought I was supposed to have 'em over an hour ago. 125 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:46,916 Oh, sorry. 126 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,619 I'm the only nurse working three floors tonight. 127 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,620 You're the only nurse? 128 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,355 Yeah, a lot of nurses are out sick. 129 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,357 I guess there's something going around. 130 00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,225 Yeah... well, I gotta go, Mork. 131 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,694 I gotta get some more blood tests. 132 00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,196 Well, good luck, Min. I hope you pass. 133 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,798 Don't let anyone cheat over your shoulder 134 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,033 and see your corpuscles. 135 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:07,404 Oh, I bet you I know what ward he's from. 136 00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:08,872 Oh, he's just visiting. 137 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,339 Oh, then you ought to be leaving. 138 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,341 Visiting hours are almost over. - Oh. 139 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,710 Bye. Bye, Min. 140 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:16,094 Good luck. Be careful. 141 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,082 Well, well, actually, I'm not really worried at all. 142 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,385 I mean, she told me she had the best doctor. 143 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,721 Well, my mom told me I had the best doctor. 144 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,523 Oh... 145 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,824 if everyone has the best doctor, 146 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,860 then where do all the dead people come from? 147 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,165 I don't know. Maybe the stork brings 'em. 148 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,865 Is this your first time in the hospital? 149 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,200 No, it's my second. The first time I was born. 150 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,469 What are you in for now? 151 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,038 I did a dumb thing. I swallowed my bubble pipe. 152 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,106 How'd you do that? 153 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:48,177 Well, you see, it's like this. I was jumping rope and then... 154 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,601 It wasn't a pretty picture. 155 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,816 Now I'm all full of bubbles. 156 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,951 If you push my stomach, you could probably feel 'em. 157 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,675 No, no way. I saw Alien. 158 00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,789 Mind if I make myself at home here? 159 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:00,890 Sure. H-hey. 160 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:06,028 Back from where I come from, we don't have hospitals. 161 00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,064 We just have a little building you drive up to and you... 162 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,766 You tell your ailments into a clown face 163 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,400 and out comes a pill, heh. 164 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,069 A Doc in the Box. 165 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,604 You betcha. Heh-heh! 166 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,507 So how are they gonna get that bubble pipe out of you? 167 00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,943 Beats me. I guess they'll have to cut me open. 168 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,745 Cut you open. 169 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:25,782 Seriously, how are they gonna get that bubble pipe outta you? 170 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,049 No, really. 171 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,451 They'll cut me open and take out 172 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,919 whatever's giving me trouble. 173 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,921 Cut you open. Heh-heh-heh! 174 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:35,291 Pfft! Ah-ah-ah! Ah-ha-ha-ha! 175 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,760 I should stay here and protect Mindy. That might be good. 176 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,029 Either that or she'll have her insides on the outside. 177 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,613 She might get her liver caught in her pantyhose. 178 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,267 No, no, no. 179 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,304 I'm sure they'll put back everything important. 180 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,873 Besides, it won't hurt. 181 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,040 They knock you out first. 182 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,510 Who does? The guys with the masks. 183 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:56,412 Masks? Whoa, kemosabe. 184 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,714 Why do they do that? 185 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,949 Maybe they don't like you to see who goofs up. 186 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,384 Oh. 187 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,220 Oh, are you still here? 188 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,722 Uh-huh. You're right. They are goofy. 189 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,226 I'm here and she doesn't even know it. 190 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,693 Visiting hours are over. 191 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,829 No, no, no, I'm gonna stay here and protect Mindy. 192 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:16,533 Well, I've seen a lot of strange things happening in this place. 193 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:21,237 I assure you that Mindy will get excellent treatment. 194 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,406 You're not gonna cut her open and auction off her innards? 195 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,908 I've seen the little bottles. 196 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,509 No, you have my word. 197 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,645 All right, well, it's just 'cause I care for her. 198 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,013 I mean, she's like a brother to me. 199 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,814 Oh, don't worry. 200 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,149 Your brother Mindy will be fine, 201 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,719 just as soon as she comes out from under the knife. 202 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:37,987 Knife... 203 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,689 knives, masks. 204 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,190 What's the name of this hospital, 205 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,615 Our Lady of Central Park? 206 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,998 I've gotta go. All right. 207 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,006 Dr. Newman, please. 208 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,863 Please report to Pediatrics. 209 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,279 Min. 210 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,816 Mind, it's moi, Mork. 211 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,686 Still in one piece? Argh! 212 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,287 I think she's sleeping. 213 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,245 Susie, boy, you've been through some changes. 214 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,626 Oh... 215 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,094 Mind. 216 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,196 Mind. Heh-heh! 217 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,966 Mind, wake up, you don't wanna sleep through your operation. 218 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,901 Heh-heh! 219 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,102 Uh-oh. 220 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,304 You're not Mind. 221 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,672 What happened to Mind? I mean... 222 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,907 What's going on here? 223 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,909 Mind? Who's Mindy? 224 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,277 You're a strange man. 225 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,314 Not as strange as the people who work in this place. 226 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,650 Oh, Mind. First Susie and then... What happened? 227 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,118 What's going on here? This is strange. 228 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,586 What are you talki" about? 229 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,210 Well, don't you understand confused babble? 230 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,360 What are you doing here? 231 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,394 Where's Mindy? 232 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,263 There's no Mindy here. 233 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,132 Uh, you must be in the wrong room. 234 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,834 No, she's gotta be here. 235 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,535 I mean, she was here yesterday. 236 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,671 Oh, well, I wouldn't know. 237 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,340 I broke my wrist yesterday. I had to go out and get it fixed. 238 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,675 Why didn't you have it fixed here? 239 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:06,976 Here? 240 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,682 You gotta be kidding. Ha-ha-ha! 241 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:13,950 This has gotta be the same room. 242 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,417 There's the flower I brought her. 243 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,186 Oh. Well, okay. 244 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,721 What's her name and her age? 245 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:22,792 Uh, Mindy McConnell, age 23. Ehhh. Ha-ha! 246 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,994 Um, well, she has two good arms, sorry, um. 247 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,495 You see, that's where you went wrong. 248 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,165 No, sir, this is the children's wing. 249 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,969 We have no big people staying here. 250 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,004 Well, if she's not here, then she... She's lost. 251 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,673 Oh, now, please don't worry. 252 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,108 Even if she is, she's bound to turn up sooner or later. 253 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,544 I hope it's soon because she needs a tonsillectomy. 254 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,945 Oh, dear. 255 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,115 Well, I hope she hasn't been confused with... 256 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,450 With somebody else. Why? 257 00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:50,653 Well, if that's what has happened, 258 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,354 there's a good chance she might get 259 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,656 the wrong operation. 260 00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,461 No, no, no, no. 261 00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,130 No. 262 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,066 Oh, not again, not after last week. 263 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,667 No. Oh, no. 264 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,238 Boy, this is certainly a crazy place to work. 265 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,824 Yes, sir, I'll try to help you with the problem. 266 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,425 Ah, yes, sir. 267 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,927 Yes, we do have a number of nurses 268 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,195 who don't speak English. 269 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,562 So just be patient 270 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,932 and point to where you're bleeding. 271 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,901 Yes, Miss Chayefsky. 272 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,904 Uh, Mr. Burnett, there's a gentleman to see you. 273 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,395 He seems very upset. 274 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,543 You gotta help me. You gotta find Mindy. 275 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,178 Is this him? Mm-hm. 276 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,246 Are you the administrator? 277 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,680 Yes, I am. 278 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,315 Well, here it is. You want it, you got it. 279 00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,350 A dollar bill? 280 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,818 I talked to everyone in the hospital. 281 00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,286 They say the buck stops here. 282 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,487 Sir... 283 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,422 Calm down. We're not going to get anywhere 284 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,759 if you don't speak slowly and clearly. 285 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:07,130 Yes, I think you're right. 286 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,365 Yes, of course. Now, what seems to be the problem? 287 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,801 Wait, wait, wait. 288 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,903 I don't know what you're talking about. 289 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,571 Oh. Well, I brought my friend Mindy here 290 00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,873 for a simple operation 291 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,207 and now she's gone. 292 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,644 Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 293 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,646 I'm sure we did all we could. 294 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,215 Well, no, she hasn't gone belly-up. 295 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,349 Sh-she's just gone. 296 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,085 She's disappeared, lost. 297 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,821 We lost a patient? 298 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:36,058 Well, heh, she must be somewhere in the building. 299 00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,294 How far can she get in bare feet and a gown 300 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,562 that opens down the back? 301 00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,331 I'm sure everything will be fine. 302 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,267 Really? Oh, really, yes. 303 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,669 Miss Chayefsky, when you get time, 304 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,138 would you just get our lawyers on the phone? 305 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,007 Why don't you just say 306 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,064 the eagle has landed. 307 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,212 Again? 308 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,547 Ixnay. 309 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,917 Aren't you gonna do something? Organize a posse, 310 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,585 get out the tonsil-sniffing dogs, things like that? 311 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,755 Oh, in good time. Uh, but before we get started, 312 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,893 there is a little paperwork to, uh, take care of. 313 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,295 Oh, here. 314 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,597 Would you just sign this form, please? 315 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,200 What is this, a missing persons form? 316 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,735 Well, not exactly. It's just a formality 317 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,171 which basically says that, uh, 318 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:26,542 no matter what's happened, the hospital isn't held responsible. 319 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,711 But you are responsible. She didn't lose herself. 320 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,146 Uh, well, 321 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,381 I don't blame you for being upset, 322 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,617 but these things happen. I mean, this is a very big place. 323 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,653 We have a lot of halls... Oh, you're not kidding. 324 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,155 A lot of wards. I mean, it's like a maze. 325 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,124 Here a ward, there a ward, everywhere a ward ward. 326 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,461 And there are pages: "Calling Dr. Fine." 327 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,696 He doesn't answer his calls. The doctors are missing too, 328 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,631 aren't they? Now, son. 329 00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,567 Try to see this from my point of view, will you? 330 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,237 They don't give me enough staff, they don't give me enough money. 331 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,371 All they give me 332 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,306 is the challenge to help people. 333 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,807 What about finding my friend? 334 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,411 Now you have a challenge too, haven't you? 335 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,680 But before you go, would you sign this form? 336 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,482 I can't help you until you do. 337 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,717 You're gonna leave her lost until I let you off the hook? 338 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,887 Hey, fella, I don't make the rules. 339 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,055 Oh, yeah? All right. I'm taking this with me, 340 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,957 and this buck's not gonna stop until I find Mindy. 341 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,726 You can't find her now. Visiting hours are over. 342 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,662 Well, but rescuing hours have just begun. 343 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:21,764 Well, what about my form? 344 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,200 Take your form and file it. 345 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,843 You're in your room, Mrs. McDonald. 346 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,678 McDonald? 347 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:40,283 Now, let's take another one of these little pinkie drinkies 348 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,618 and then we can rest. 349 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,121 Oh, I'm too tired to rest. 350 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,122 I don't feel good. 351 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,590 Here. Here you go. 352 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,660 Now, soon you're going to have that brain operation 353 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:55,597 and then your headaches will just disappear. 354 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,734 Now, you can lie back and rest. 355 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,036 Hee-hee! 356 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,204 Whew, I'm starting to feel better already. 357 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,742 Bye. 358 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,776 Bye. 359 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,178 Don't worry. 360 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,048 Brain surgery isn't as bad as it sounds. 361 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,705 Ooh, it is noisy, though. 362 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,659 Oh, hello, doctor. 363 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,183 Hello there, sickie. 364 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,764 Doctor, I hate to complain, 365 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,333 but nobody came by this afternoon 366 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,800 to change my dressing. 367 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,169 Oh, dressing, are you kidding? 368 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,973 That gown is you. It goes perfectly with that hat. 369 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,441 All you need now is some feathers, 370 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:42,211 some rhinestones and nine tana leaves. 371 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,947 Doctor, you have a very funny bedside manner. 372 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,148 I believe that a good doctor 373 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:49,685 leaves his patient in stitches. Har-har-har! 374 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,021 I used to love a good laugh. 375 00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,722 Oh, doctor, you know what? 376 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,179 What? 377 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,117 Oh. 378 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,836 Mindy. Mindy, Mindy, Mindy, you're awake. 379 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,139 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 380 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,674 Hi. Hello. Ha-ha! 381 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,977 Actually, I think this is the best type of physical therapy. 382 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:18,214 It gives the patients something to live for. 383 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,549 Oh, Miss McConnell, we'll have you out of here in a "fribbet." 384 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,451 A fribbet? Yes, a medical term 385 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,287 meaning a surrey with a fringe on top. 386 00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,324 That girl's name isn't McConnell. It's McDonald. 387 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,560 No, my dear lady, I'm a doctor. Don't make mistakes 388 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,696 unless it's a matter of life and death or a bill. 389 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,933 But the nurse who was just here said that's Mrs. McDonald. 390 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,369 She's in here for brain surgery. 391 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,660 No, no, she's in here to have her tonsils out. 392 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,964 I guess it depends on how deep they drill. 393 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,745 Yeah... 394 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,202 Mindy! 395 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,917 Min. Hello, Mindy. 396 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,752 Mind, Mind, Mind... Woo-hoo! 397 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,189 Oh, no. They got you too. 398 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,524 Oh, Mind. 399 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,526 All my life I've been getting you into trouble. 400 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,161 Now I've gotten you in the biggest trouble 401 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,395 and there's nothing I can do. 402 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,330 Oh, come on, Mind. Hello. 403 00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,699 Mind. Here we go, here we go. 404 00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,601 Here we go. Hey. Whoa! Woo! 405 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,703 That's all physical therapy. 406 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,838 Mindy. Mind. 407 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,307 Mind, here we go. Okay. 408 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,631 Okay, whoa, make a wish. Here we go. 409 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,744 There we go. 410 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,413 No, bad view. 411 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,215 Okay, Mind, come on... 412 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,489 Hi. 413 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,690 Mind... 414 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,358 Doctor, what are you doing? 415 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,083 I was just checking for lumps. 416 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,032 Okay... We have to get this patient out of here right away. 417 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,902 Nonsense, that patient is having brain surgery in two hours. 418 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,304 You haven't done anything to her yet? 419 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,573 Of course not. I just came in to shave her head. 420 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,740 Oh, no. 421 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,142 Don't you shave one hair on her chin. 422 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,177 Mindy, Mindy... 423 00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,567 Hello. Mindy, Mindy. 424 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,350 No, Mindy is me. 425 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,734 What's up, doc? 426 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,290 Min. Mind. Mind... Oh. 427 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,259 Oh, Mind, Mindy. It's me, Mork. 428 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,661 I dressed like this 'cause I was looking for you. 429 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,863 Well, I think that I'm over there. 430 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,734 Very fun, Min. 431 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,869 Let's get out before they turn your head into a planter. 432 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,971 Come on, let's go. 433 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,475 They wouldn't do that to old Mindy... 434 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,776 What's my last name again? 435 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,977 McDonald. 436 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,546 ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪ 437 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,849 Ah. Why, she's a little delirious. 438 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,184 I just gave her a sedative. 439 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,286 Her name isn't McDonald, it's McConnell. 440 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,955 You know, you look very familiar. 441 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,823 You assisted me last week in that lip transplant 442 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,892 for Mick Jagger, remember that? 443 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,562 Well... Well, I've re-diagnosed this patient 444 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,130 and her brain has cleared up, heh. 445 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,365 See you later. Let's go, Mind. 446 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,867 No, Mind. Woo! 447 00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,471 Ahhh. Wow. That's a great ride. 448 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,306 Since I usually get sick on ferris wheels. 449 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,308 Oh, that's wonderful. There we go. 450 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,543 Mind, I think I can take you home. 451 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,077 I'll take those tonsils out there. 452 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,112 Let's go. There we go. 453 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:07,983 Let's go, Mind. 454 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,985 You dance divinely. Do you come here often? 455 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:10,986 Well... Ow! 456 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,343 Woo! 457 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,856 Hello. Hi. 458 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,592 Hello. 459 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,260 What is going on here? 460 00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,095 I can hear you halfway down the hall. 461 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,531 Oh, Dr. Roland, I'm so glad you're here. 462 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,235 That doctor is behaving very strangely. 463 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,271 Doctor, I think you should put that patient down. 464 00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:31,073 No, she's mine. 465 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,774 Oh, doctor, please. 466 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,544 Give Mrs. McDonald back to us. 467 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,580 No, it's not McDonald, it's McConnell. 468 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,114 McDonald. 469 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,650 Over 30 billion sold. 470 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,687 Wanna see my arches? 471 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,255 I knew I should have been a plumber. 472 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,890 Look, uh, nurse. I, uh... 473 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,992 think I'm gonna need your assistance here, all right? 474 00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,462 Min... 475 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,231 Mindy, come on, let's go. 476 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,966 Wait! Hey, no, no, don't, don't. 477 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,568 Don't you realize you're up six stories? 478 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,103 Oh, I love stories. 479 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,138 Whoa! Mindy, Mindy! 480 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,073 Get back! Back! I have a thermometer here 481 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,297 and you don't know where it's been. 482 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,246 Mindy. 483 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,715 I'd like to thank you all for coming 484 00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:16,084 and I promise I'll make a darn good Miss America. 485 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,721 Be careful. There's a lot of gravity down there. 486 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,723 Come on, jump. 487 00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:21,957 No. 488 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,158 You jump. 489 00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:24,293 Mind... 490 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,927 We'd better get them before they fall. 491 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,029 No, stay back. Stop! Stay back! 492 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:30,432 Bruce Lee lives. Wahhh! 493 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,134 Wahhhh! 494 00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:33,302 Wahhhh! 495 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:35,271 Whoa! 496 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,175 He bit me! 497 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,946 Oh, there you are. Mr. Burnett. 498 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,715 Yes, I had a feeling you were on this floor 499 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,384 when we found Dr. Brody in the closet 500 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,787 wearing underwear and striped suspenders. 501 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,021 Do you know this maniac? 502 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,590 Now, he's okay. 503 00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,692 His friend Mindy McConnell got mixed up with a patient 504 00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:58,294 named Mavis McDonald. 505 00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:02,298 Oh. Her name is Mindy. Mindy, Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. 506 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:04,500 Now for my first dive: 507 00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:07,303 a forward half gainer with a full-twist summy. 508 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:08,767 Mind! 509 00:22:10,296 --> 00:22:12,808 I'm so glad you did that. You know why? 510 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,511 Why? 'Cause I can't swim. 511 00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:23,552 Here, Mindy, have some more ice cream. 512 00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:25,821 Oh, thanks, but I think I've had enough. 513 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,045 Oh. Oh. Keep the... 514 00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:30,559 You know, if you have any more, 515 00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,194 we're gonna send you home in a freezer bag. 516 00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:34,630 Ha-ha-ha! A freezer... 517 00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:37,032 Freezer... Freezer bag. 518 00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:38,934 You know, Mindy should be sore for only about a day. 519 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,402 I'll be sore for about a week. 520 00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:41,737 Why are you sore? 521 00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,906 Well, the nurse bit me back. 522 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,643 You know, this whole rigamarole proves what I always say: 523 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:50,178 You gotta be sick to go in the hospital. 524 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,279 So simple, 525 00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:54,350 yet so meaningless. 526 00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,785 You know, I just can't believe we had all that trouble 527 00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:58,554 over a typographical error. 528 00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,323 Funny, there were no typos on the bill. 529 00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:03,459 Oh, well, speaking for my future profession, 530 00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:05,193 first I wanna apologize. 531 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,062 But despite what happened, doctors and nurses 532 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,464 really do wanna help. 533 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,265 I think you've probably gotta help them 534 00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,568 by keeping your eyes open, asking questions. 535 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,036 Especially if you fear for your life. 536 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,006 You know, Mind, I'm glad I saved you from that brain surgery. 537 00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,842 If not, I'd be sitting here now eating ice cream 538 00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,778 with someone I didn't know and that someone would be you. 539 00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:25,447 You know, Mork, what would I do without you? 540 00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:27,583 Well, probably sitting somewhere in front of a mirror 541 00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:29,351 watching yourself drool. 542 00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:43,565 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 543 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,033 Mork calling Orson. 544 00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:47,469 Come in, Orson. 545 00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:49,838 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 546 00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:53,776 Hello, Mork. 547 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,778 Oh, Your Corpulence, you sound sick. 548 00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,579 Very observant, Mork. 549 00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:59,448 Why haven't you gone to one of the health clowns? 550 00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:02,117 All the ones nearby are broken. Oh. 551 00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:04,286 I've been trying to find a doctor, 552 00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,321 but none of them can afford me. 553 00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:08,089 You won't believe this, sir, but on Earth, 554 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,659 people pay doctors. Ha-ha! 555 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,360 That's crazy. Oh, I know. 556 00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:15,431 Without sick people, doctors would have nothing to do. 557 00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:16,799 Oh, I know that, Your Lumpyship. 558 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,233 But I've learned on Earth this week 559 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,335 that staying healthy's like everything else in life. 560 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,571 It all depends on how much money you have. 561 00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:24,105 Were you ill? Oh, no, no, sir. 562 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,674 Mindy was, but she's all right now. 563 00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:27,643 I had to rescue her from a hospital. 564 00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,845 What's a hospital? Well, hospitals are places 565 00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:32,047 where Earthlings are interred while they're sick 566 00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:34,115 and not released until they give the hospital money. 567 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,984 It sounds like a jail. 568 00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:38,487 Well, sort of, sir, except the food is worse. 569 00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:41,156 I guess if you get sick on Earth, you're doomed. 570 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:42,591 Oh, no, no, sir. 571 00:24:42,615 --> 00:24:44,693 You see, most doctors and hospitals are quite good. 572 00:24:44,717 --> 00:24:46,862 But I also realized this week 573 00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:48,129 that while it's tough to be sick, 574 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,698 it's also tough to be a doctor. 575 00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:51,333 See, after all, to err is human, 576 00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:53,869 but most people won't allow doctors to be human. 577 00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:55,871 Till next week, sir, nanu. 39349

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