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1
00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:04,870
Nanu, nanu.
2
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,746
Okay, the customer wants
a salad with bean sprouts
3
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,783
and alfalfa sprouts on a
bed of shredded lettuce.
4
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:50,120
Is he here to eat
lunch or graze?
5
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,756
I don't care if he smokes it
as long as he pays the check.
6
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,959
Well, ask him if he'd
like me to put it on a plate
7
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,217
or in a feedbag, okay?
8
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,475
Butu, Kimbe, stay
with the caravan.
9
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,873
All right. All you germs,
bite the dust. Come on.
10
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:14,344
Die, you little buggers. Die.
There you go. Come on. Yeah!
11
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,179
You with the hamburger,
freeze right there.
12
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,647
Drop it. Drop it.
13
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,817
Spread those buns.
Spread the buns.
14
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,785
All right, I have a right
to read you your rights.
15
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,754
You have a right to remain
bacillus... Hey, hey, hey!
16
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:25,855
Hey, hey!
17
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,324
You saw him. That
germ pulled a gun.
18
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,092
Come on, what are you doin'?
19
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,927
Will you cut it out?
20
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,996
Mindy's going in the
hospital. I have to kill germs.
21
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,098
Don't! Don't! Don't!
22
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,301
Hey. You behind the
gherkin, freeze it. Ha-ha!
23
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,504
There's another streptococcus.
I bet the small one.
24
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,508
I'm sorry. You can't
leave yet. Hold on.
25
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,143
Uh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
26
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,845
There aren't any germs in here.
27
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,014
Of course there are no
germs after my "spritz-krieg."
28
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:54,083
Ha-ha! In the name
of Louis Pasteur, I...
29
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,652
Wait a minute.
30
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,421
I've just committed germicide.
31
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,525
Oh, you must have millions
of little germs at home going...
32
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,693
"Where's Daddy?"
33
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,162
Hey, Mork,
34
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,463
what'd you do to your hair?
35
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,597
I cut off all the germy parts.
36
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,621
It was cheaper than
having it cleaned.
37
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,370
Is it safe yet?
38
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,138
What is going on here?
39
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,040
I am going to
have my tonsils out,
40
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,942
and Mork has been running
around driving me crazy.
41
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,678
Mindy, Mindy. Mindy,
you shouldn't talk.
42
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,946
You should rest your tonsils
for the coming-out party.
43
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,482
I'll translate for you.
44
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:28,051
You're going into the
hospital? Mindy, Mindy.
45
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:31,555
It is true that Miss McConnell
46
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,623
is going into the hospital
47
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:37,227
for a treatment of
the neck infection,
48
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,397
but soon she'll be back
to her old, uninfected self,
49
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,065
and back being so
cute and adorable
50
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,867
and shiksa-like.
51
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:48,171
Well, Mindy, ha-ha, there's
nothing to worry about.
52
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,772
A lot of people
have their tonsils out.
53
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,308
Yeah, I had mine
out in the first grade.
54
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,692
Yeah, he was only 14.
55
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,646
So I was old for my age.
56
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,848
Did you put 'em under the
pillow for the tonsil fairy?
57
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,318
No. I don't
believe in that stuff.
58
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,719
I just put 'em in a jar.
59
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,223
Well, actually, getting your
tonsils out, it's a breeze.
60
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,157
That's right. It's a
very simple procedure.
61
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,059
Yeah, most of the doctors
know what they're doin'.
62
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,296
Most of the doctors?
Mindy, I'll handle this.
63
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,832
Most of the doctors?
64
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,201
You see, they got
losers in every profession.
65
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,437
Like I had an electrician
out here six times
66
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,805
to fix that lamp,
and it's still broken.
67
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,074
Now, imagine if
that was your heart.
68
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,444
Thanks, Remo. JEAN:
You know, Remo, uh,
69
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,112
I don't think she
wants to hear all this.
70
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,248
Oh, come on. You come
home from med school
71
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,515
with all those funny stories.
72
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:33,883
Tell 'em the one
about the doctor
73
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,219
who left the instruments
inside the patient.
74
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,387
It's great.
75
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,155
That really happened?
76
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,624
Well, uh, they never found out
77
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:41,958
but the guy goes disco dancing
78
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,060
and gives himself
an appendectomy.
79
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:51,401
You know, occasionally
accidents do happen
80
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,237
but not often, not
enough to let it upset you.
81
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,973
Thank you very much.
82
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,841
I think I'll go check
myself into the hospital
83
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,577
before you two change my mind.
84
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,146
Good luck. Don't
worry, we'll visit you.
85
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,081
Well, kid, break a larynx.
86
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,516
Ha! Thanks. Don't worry, Mindy.
87
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,851
When your tonsils are out,
I'll whittle you wooden tonsils,
88
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:12,088
and put a scarecrow on your
tongue to scare the woodpeckers.
89
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,624
That'll work. Hey.
90
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,792
If it doesn't, you'll talk...
91
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,260
like this.
92
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,232
Seven thousand and forty-seven,
93
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,802
seven thousand
and-forty-eight...
94
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,236
What are you counting?
95
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,172
I'm timing to see
how long it's been
96
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,974
since I buzzed for the nurse.
97
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,345
Well, there's gotta be some
way to get a nurse in here.
98
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,680
Yeah, sure. Just fall asleep
99
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,270
and she'll come in
and wake you up.
100
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,584
Min...
101
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:42,752
Hiiii.
102
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,490
How're you
feelin'? Oh, all right.
103
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,226
I brought you a little somethi"
to show I was thinkin' of you.
104
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,684
Look, a brain. Heh!
105
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,567
No, actually, it's
a flower. Heh-heh!
106
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,268
It's the biggest
one I could find.
107
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:02,439
It is a big one. Hope
you have a short, fat vase.
108
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,407
Either that or you could
wear it behind your ear.
109
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,075
Argh, argh, argh! Ha-ha-ha!
110
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,199
Thank you.
111
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,881
Well, uh, are you fixed yet?
112
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,852
Is that what you're in here for?
113
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,721
I had my cat fixed,
114
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,889
and he's never
been the same since.
115
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,859
No, I'm only having
my tonsils out.
116
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,884
Well, that's what my mother
said they were doing to the cat.
117
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,733
The operation
isn't until tomorrow.
118
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,034
Oh, Susie, this is Mork. Hi.
119
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,592
Nanu, nanu, bite-sized person.
120
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,439
The hospital's low on space,
121
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,841
so they put me in
the children's ward.
122
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,844
Oh, I couldn't tell. Ha-ha!
123
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,613
Well, honey, are you
ready for your tests?
124
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,615
I thought I was supposed to
have 'em over an hour ago.
125
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:46,916
Oh, sorry.
126
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,619
I'm the only nurse
working three floors tonight.
127
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,620
You're the only nurse?
128
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,355
Yeah, a lot of
nurses are out sick.
129
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,357
I guess there's
something going around.
130
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,225
Yeah... well, I gotta go, Mork.
131
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,694
I gotta get some
more blood tests.
132
00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,196
Well, good luck,
Min. I hope you pass.
133
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,798
Don't let anyone cheat
over your shoulder
134
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,033
and see your corpuscles.
135
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:07,404
Oh, I bet you I know
what ward he's from.
136
00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:08,872
Oh, he's just visiting.
137
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,339
Oh, then you
ought to be leaving.
138
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,341
Visiting hours are almost over.
- Oh.
139
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,710
Bye. Bye, Min.
140
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:16,094
Good luck. Be careful.
141
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,082
Well, well, actually, I'm
not really worried at all.
142
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,385
I mean, she told me
she had the best doctor.
143
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,721
Well, my mom told me
I had the best doctor.
144
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,523
Oh...
145
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,824
if everyone has the best doctor,
146
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,860
then where do all the
dead people come from?
147
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,165
I don't know. Maybe
the stork brings 'em.
148
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,865
Is this your first
time in the hospital?
149
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,200
No, it's my second.
The first time I was born.
150
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,469
What are you in for now?
151
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,038
I did a dumb thing. I
swallowed my bubble pipe.
152
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,106
How'd you do that?
153
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:48,177
Well, you see, it's like this. I
was jumping rope and then...
154
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,601
It wasn't a pretty picture.
155
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,816
Now I'm all full of bubbles.
156
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,951
If you push my stomach,
you could probably feel 'em.
157
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,675
No, no way. I saw Alien.
158
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,789
Mind if I make
myself at home here?
159
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:00,890
Sure. H-hey.
160
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:06,028
Back from where I come
from, we don't have hospitals.
161
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,064
We just have a little building
you drive up to and you...
162
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,766
You tell your ailments
into a clown face
163
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,400
and out comes a pill, heh.
164
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,069
A Doc in the Box.
165
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,604
You betcha. Heh-heh!
166
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,507
So how are they gonna get
that bubble pipe out of you?
167
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,943
Beats me. I guess they'll
have to cut me open.
168
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,745
Cut you open.
169
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:25,782
Seriously, how are they gonna
get that bubble pipe outta you?
170
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,049
No, really.
171
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,451
They'll cut me open and take out
172
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,919
whatever's giving me trouble.
173
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,921
Cut you open. Heh-heh-heh!
174
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:35,291
Pfft! Ah-ah-ah! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
175
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,760
I should stay here and protect
Mindy. That might be good.
176
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,029
Either that or she'll have
her insides on the outside.
177
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,613
She might get her liver
caught in her pantyhose.
178
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,267
No, no, no.
179
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,304
I'm sure they'll put back
everything important.
180
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,873
Besides, it won't hurt.
181
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,040
They knock you out first.
182
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,510
Who does? The
guys with the masks.
183
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:56,412
Masks? Whoa, kemosabe.
184
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,714
Why do they do that?
185
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,949
Maybe they don't like
you to see who goofs up.
186
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,384
Oh.
187
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,220
Oh, are you still here?
188
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,722
Uh-huh. You're
right. They are goofy.
189
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,226
I'm here and she
doesn't even know it.
190
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,693
Visiting hours are over.
191
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,829
No, no, no, I'm gonna
stay here and protect Mindy.
192
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:16,533
Well, I've seen a lot of strange
things happening in this place.
193
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:21,237
I assure you that Mindy
will get excellent treatment.
194
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,406
You're not gonna cut her open
and auction off her innards?
195
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,908
I've seen the little bottles.
196
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,509
No, you have my word.
197
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,645
All right, well, it's just
'cause I care for her.
198
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,013
I mean, she's like
a brother to me.
199
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,814
Oh, don't worry.
200
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,149
Your brother Mindy will be fine,
201
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,719
just as soon as she comes
out from under the knife.
202
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:37,987
Knife...
203
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,689
knives, masks.
204
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,190
What's the name
of this hospital,
205
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,615
Our Lady of Central Park?
206
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,998
I've gotta go. All right.
207
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,006
Dr. Newman, please.
208
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,863
Please report to Pediatrics.
209
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,279
Min.
210
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,816
Mind, it's moi, Mork.
211
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,686
Still in one piece? Argh!
212
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,287
I think she's sleeping.
213
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,245
Susie, boy, you've been
through some changes.
214
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,626
Oh...
215
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,094
Mind.
216
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,196
Mind. Heh-heh!
217
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,966
Mind, wake up, you don't wanna
sleep through your operation.
218
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,901
Heh-heh!
219
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,102
Uh-oh.
220
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,304
You're not Mind.
221
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,672
What happened to Mind? I mean...
222
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,907
What's going on here?
223
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,909
Mind? Who's Mindy?
224
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,277
You're a strange man.
225
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,314
Not as strange as the
people who work in this place.
226
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,650
Oh, Mind. First Susie and
then... What happened?
227
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,118
What's going on
here? This is strange.
228
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,586
What are you talki" about?
229
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,210
Well, don't you understand
confused babble?
230
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,360
What are you doing here?
231
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,394
Where's Mindy?
232
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,263
There's no Mindy here.
233
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,132
Uh, you must be
in the wrong room.
234
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,834
No, she's gotta be here.
235
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,535
I mean, she was here yesterday.
236
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,671
Oh, well, I wouldn't know.
237
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,340
I broke my wrist yesterday. I
had to go out and get it fixed.
238
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,675
Why didn't you
have it fixed here?
239
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:06,976
Here?
240
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,682
You gotta be kidding. Ha-ha-ha!
241
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:13,950
This has gotta be the same room.
242
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,417
There's the flower
I brought her.
243
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,186
Oh. Well, okay.
244
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,721
What's her name and her age?
245
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:22,792
Uh, Mindy McConnell,
age 23. Ehhh. Ha-ha!
246
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,994
Um, well, she has two
good arms, sorry, um.
247
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,495
You see, that's
where you went wrong.
248
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,165
No, sir, this is the
children's wing.
249
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,969
We have no big
people staying here.
250
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,004
Well, if she's not here,
then she... She's lost.
251
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,673
Oh, now, please don't worry.
252
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,108
Even if she is, she's bound
to turn up sooner or later.
253
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,544
I hope it's soon because
she needs a tonsillectomy.
254
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,945
Oh, dear.
255
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,115
Well, I hope she hasn't
been confused with...
256
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,450
With somebody else. Why?
257
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:50,653
Well, if that's what
has happened,
258
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,354
there's a good
chance she might get
259
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,656
the wrong operation.
260
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,461
No, no, no, no.
261
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,130
No.
262
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,066
Oh, not again,
not after last week.
263
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,667
No. Oh, no.
264
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,238
Boy, this is certainly
a crazy place to work.
265
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,824
Yes, sir, I'll try to help
you with the problem.
266
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,425
Ah, yes, sir.
267
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,927
Yes, we do have
a number of nurses
268
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,195
who don't speak English.
269
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,562
So just be patient
270
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,932
and point to where
you're bleeding.
271
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,901
Yes, Miss Chayefsky.
272
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,904
Uh, Mr. Burnett, there's
a gentleman to see you.
273
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,395
He seems very upset.
274
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,543
You gotta help me.
You gotta find Mindy.
275
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,178
Is this him? Mm-hm.
276
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,246
Are you the administrator?
277
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,680
Yes, I am.
278
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,315
Well, here it is. You
want it, you got it.
279
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,350
A dollar bill?
280
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,818
I talked to everyone
in the hospital.
281
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,286
They say the buck stops here.
282
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,487
Sir...
283
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,422
Calm down. We're not
going to get anywhere
284
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,759
if you don't speak
slowly and clearly.
285
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:07,130
Yes, I think you're right.
286
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,365
Yes, of course. Now, what
seems to be the problem?
287
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,801
Wait, wait, wait.
288
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,903
I don't know what
you're talking about.
289
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,571
Oh. Well, I brought
my friend Mindy here
290
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,873
for a simple operation
291
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,207
and now she's gone.
292
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,644
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
293
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,646
I'm sure we did all we could.
294
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,215
Well, no, she
hasn't gone belly-up.
295
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,349
Sh-she's just gone.
296
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,085
She's disappeared, lost.
297
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,821
We lost a patient?
298
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:36,058
Well, heh, she must be
somewhere in the building.
299
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,294
How far can she get
in bare feet and a gown
300
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,562
that opens down the back?
301
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,331
I'm sure everything
will be fine.
302
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,267
Really? Oh, really, yes.
303
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,669
Miss Chayefsky,
when you get time,
304
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,138
would you just get our
lawyers on the phone?
305
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,007
Why don't you just say
306
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,064
the eagle has landed.
307
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,212
Again?
308
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,547
Ixnay.
309
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,917
Aren't you gonna do
something? Organize a posse,
310
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,585
get out the tonsil-sniffing
dogs, things like that?
311
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,755
Oh, in good time. Uh,
but before we get started,
312
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,893
there is a little paperwork
to, uh, take care of.
313
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,295
Oh, here.
314
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,597
Would you just sign
this form, please?
315
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,200
What is this, a
missing persons form?
316
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,735
Well, not exactly.
It's just a formality
317
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,171
which basically says that, uh,
318
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:26,542
no matter what's happened,
the hospital isn't held responsible.
319
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,711
But you are responsible.
She didn't lose herself.
320
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,146
Uh, well,
321
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,381
I don't blame you
for being upset,
322
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,617
but these things happen. I
mean, this is a very big place.
323
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,653
We have a lot of halls...
Oh, you're not kidding.
324
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,155
A lot of wards. I
mean, it's like a maze.
325
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,124
Here a ward, there a ward,
everywhere a ward ward.
326
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,461
And there are pages:
"Calling Dr. Fine."
327
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,696
He doesn't answer his calls.
The doctors are missing too,
328
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,631
aren't they? Now, son.
329
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,567
Try to see this from my
point of view, will you?
330
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,237
They don't give me enough staff,
they don't give me enough money.
331
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,371
All they give me
332
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,306
is the challenge to help people.
333
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,807
What about finding my friend?
334
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,411
Now you have a
challenge too, haven't you?
335
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,680
But before you go,
would you sign this form?
336
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,482
I can't help you until you do.
337
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,717
You're gonna leave her lost
until I let you off the hook?
338
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,887
Hey, fella, I don't
make the rules.
339
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,055
Oh, yeah? All right.
I'm taking this with me,
340
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,957
and this buck's not gonna
stop until I find Mindy.
341
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,726
You can't find her now.
Visiting hours are over.
342
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,662
Well, but rescuing
hours have just begun.
343
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:21,764
Well, what about my form?
344
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,200
Take your form and file it.
345
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,843
You're in your room,
Mrs. McDonald.
346
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,678
McDonald?
347
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:40,283
Now, let's take another one
of these little pinkie drinkies
348
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,618
and then we can rest.
349
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,121
Oh, I'm too tired to rest.
350
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,122
I don't feel good.
351
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,590
Here. Here you go.
352
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,660
Now, soon you're going
to have that brain operation
353
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:55,597
and then your headaches
will just disappear.
354
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,734
Now, you can lie back and rest.
355
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,036
Hee-hee!
356
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,204
Whew, I'm starting
to feel better already.
357
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,742
Bye.
358
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,776
Bye.
359
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,178
Don't worry.
360
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,048
Brain surgery isn't
as bad as it sounds.
361
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,705
Ooh, it is noisy, though.
362
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,659
Oh, hello, doctor.
363
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,183
Hello there, sickie.
364
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,764
Doctor, I hate to complain,
365
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,333
but nobody came
by this afternoon
366
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,800
to change my dressing.
367
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,169
Oh, dressing, are you kidding?
368
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,973
That gown is you. It goes
perfectly with that hat.
369
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,441
All you need now
is some feathers,
370
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:42,211
some rhinestones
and nine tana leaves.
371
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,947
Doctor, you have a very
funny bedside manner.
372
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,148
I believe that a good doctor
373
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:49,685
leaves his patient in
stitches. Har-har-har!
374
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,021
I used to love a good laugh.
375
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,722
Oh, doctor, you know what?
376
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,179
What?
377
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,117
Oh.
378
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,836
Mindy. Mindy, Mindy,
Mindy, you're awake.
379
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,139
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
380
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,674
Hi. Hello. Ha-ha!
381
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,977
Actually, I think this is the
best type of physical therapy.
382
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:18,214
It gives the patients
something to live for.
383
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,549
Oh, Miss McConnell, we'll
have you out of here in a "fribbet."
384
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,451
A fribbet? Yes, a medical term
385
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,287
meaning a surrey
with a fringe on top.
386
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,324
That girl's name isn't
McConnell. It's McDonald.
387
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,560
No, my dear lady, I'm a
doctor. Don't make mistakes
388
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,696
unless it's a matter of
life and death or a bill.
389
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,933
But the nurse who was just
here said that's Mrs. McDonald.
390
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,369
She's in here for brain surgery.
391
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,660
No, no, she's in here
to have her tonsils out.
392
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,964
I guess it depends
on how deep they drill.
393
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,745
Yeah...
394
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,202
Mindy!
395
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,917
Min. Hello, Mindy.
396
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,752
Mind, Mind, Mind... Woo-hoo!
397
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,189
Oh, no. They got you too.
398
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,524
Oh, Mind.
399
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,526
All my life I've been
getting you into trouble.
400
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,161
Now I've gotten you
in the biggest trouble
401
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,395
and there's nothing I can do.
402
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,330
Oh, come on, Mind. Hello.
403
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,699
Mind. Here we go, here we go.
404
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,601
Here we go. Hey. Whoa! Woo!
405
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,703
That's all physical therapy.
406
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,838
Mindy. Mind.
407
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,307
Mind, here we go. Okay.
408
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,631
Okay, whoa, make
a wish. Here we go.
409
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,744
There we go.
410
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,413
No, bad view.
411
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,215
Okay, Mind, come on...
412
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,489
Hi.
413
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,690
Mind...
414
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,358
Doctor, what are you doing?
415
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,083
I was just checking for lumps.
416
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,032
Okay... We have to get this
patient out of here right away.
417
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,902
Nonsense, that patient is
having brain surgery in two hours.
418
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,304
You haven't done
anything to her yet?
419
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,573
Of course not. I just
came in to shave her head.
420
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,740
Oh, no.
421
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,142
Don't you shave
one hair on her chin.
422
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,177
Mindy, Mindy...
423
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,567
Hello. Mindy, Mindy.
424
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,350
No, Mindy is me.
425
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,734
What's up, doc?
426
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,290
Min. Mind. Mind... Oh.
427
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,259
Oh, Mind, Mindy. It's me, Mork.
428
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,661
I dressed like this 'cause
I was looking for you.
429
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,863
Well, I think that
I'm over there.
430
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,734
Very fun, Min.
431
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,869
Let's get out before they
turn your head into a planter.
432
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,971
Come on, let's go.
433
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,475
They wouldn't do
that to old Mindy...
434
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,776
What's my last name again?
435
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,977
McDonald.
436
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,546
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
437
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,849
Ah. Why, she's
a little delirious.
438
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,184
I just gave her a sedative.
439
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,286
Her name isn't
McDonald, it's McConnell.
440
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,955
You know, you
look very familiar.
441
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,823
You assisted me last
week in that lip transplant
442
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,892
for Mick Jagger, remember that?
443
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,562
Well... Well, I've
re-diagnosed this patient
444
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,130
and her brain has
cleared up, heh.
445
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,365
See you later. Let's go, Mind.
446
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,867
No, Mind. Woo!
447
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,471
Ahhh. Wow. That's a great ride.
448
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,306
Since I usually get
sick on ferris wheels.
449
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,308
Oh, that's wonderful.
There we go.
450
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,543
Mind, I think I can
take you home.
451
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,077
I'll take those
tonsils out there.
452
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,112
Let's go. There we go.
453
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:07,983
Let's go, Mind.
454
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,985
You dance divinely.
Do you come here often?
455
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:10,986
Well... Ow!
456
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,343
Woo!
457
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,856
Hello. Hi.
458
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,592
Hello.
459
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,260
What is going on here?
460
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,095
I can hear you
halfway down the hall.
461
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,531
Oh, Dr. Roland, I'm
so glad you're here.
462
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,235
That doctor is
behaving very strangely.
463
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,271
Doctor, I think you should
put that patient down.
464
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:31,073
No, she's mine.
465
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,774
Oh, doctor, please.
466
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,544
Give Mrs. McDonald back to us.
467
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,580
No, it's not McDonald,
it's McConnell.
468
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,114
McDonald.
469
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,650
Over 30 billion sold.
470
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,687
Wanna see my arches?
471
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,255
I knew I should
have been a plumber.
472
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,890
Look, uh, nurse. I, uh...
473
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,992
think I'm gonna need your
assistance here, all right?
474
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,462
Min...
475
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,231
Mindy, come on, let's go.
476
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,966
Wait! Hey, no, no, don't, don't.
477
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,568
Don't you realize
you're up six stories?
478
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,103
Oh, I love stories.
479
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,138
Whoa! Mindy, Mindy!
480
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,073
Get back! Back! I have
a thermometer here
481
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,297
and you don't know
where it's been.
482
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,246
Mindy.
483
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,715
I'd like to thank
you all for coming
484
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:16,084
and I promise I'll make a
darn good Miss America.
485
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,721
Be careful. There's a
lot of gravity down there.
486
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,723
Come on, jump.
487
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:21,957
No.
488
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,158
You jump.
489
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:24,293
Mind...
490
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,927
We'd better get
them before they fall.
491
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,029
No, stay back. Stop! Stay back!
492
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:30,432
Bruce Lee lives. Wahhh!
493
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,134
Wahhhh!
494
00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:33,302
Wahhhh!
495
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:35,271
Whoa!
496
00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,175
He bit me!
497
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,946
Oh, there you are. Mr. Burnett.
498
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,715
Yes, I had a feeling
you were on this floor
499
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,384
when we found
Dr. Brody in the closet
500
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,787
wearing underwear
and striped suspenders.
501
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,021
Do you know this maniac?
502
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,590
Now, he's okay.
503
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,692
His friend Mindy McConnell
got mixed up with a patient
504
00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:58,294
named Mavis McDonald.
505
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:02,298
Oh. Her name is Mindy.
Mindy, Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
506
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:04,500
Now for my first dive:
507
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:07,303
a forward half gainer
with a full-twist summy.
508
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:08,767
Mind!
509
00:22:10,296 --> 00:22:12,808
I'm so glad you did
that. You know why?
510
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,511
Why? 'Cause I can't swim.
511
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:23,552
Here, Mindy, have
some more ice cream.
512
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:25,821
Oh, thanks, but I
think I've had enough.
513
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,045
Oh. Oh. Keep the...
514
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:30,559
You know, if you have any more,
515
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,194
we're gonna send you
home in a freezer bag.
516
00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:34,630
Ha-ha-ha! A freezer...
517
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:37,032
Freezer... Freezer bag.
518
00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:38,934
You know, Mindy should
be sore for only about a day.
519
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,402
I'll be sore for about a week.
520
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:41,737
Why are you sore?
521
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,906
Well, the nurse bit me back.
522
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,643
You know, this whole rigamarole
proves what I always say:
523
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:50,178
You gotta be sick
to go in the hospital.
524
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,279
So simple,
525
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:54,350
yet so meaningless.
526
00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,785
You know, I just can't
believe we had all that trouble
527
00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:58,554
over a typographical error.
528
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,323
Funny, there were
no typos on the bill.
529
00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:03,459
Oh, well, speaking for
my future profession,
530
00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:05,193
first I wanna apologize.
531
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,062
But despite what happened,
doctors and nurses
532
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,464
really do wanna help.
533
00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,265
I think you've probably
gotta help them
534
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,568
by keeping your eyes
open, asking questions.
535
00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,036
Especially if you
fear for your life.
536
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,006
You know, Mind, I'm glad I
saved you from that brain surgery.
537
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,842
If not, I'd be sitting here
now eating ice cream
538
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,778
with someone I didn't know
and that someone would be you.
539
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:25,447
You know, Mork, what
would I do without you?
540
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:27,583
Well, probably sitting
somewhere in front of a mirror
541
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:29,351
watching yourself drool.
542
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:43,565
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
543
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,033
Mork calling Orson.
544
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:47,469
Come in, Orson.
545
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:49,838
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
546
00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:53,776
Hello, Mork.
547
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,778
Oh, Your Corpulence,
you sound sick.
548
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,579
Very observant, Mork.
549
00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:59,448
Why haven't you gone to
one of the health clowns?
550
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:02,117
All the ones nearby
are broken. Oh.
551
00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:04,286
I've been trying
to find a doctor,
552
00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,321
but none of them can afford me.
553
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:08,089
You won't believe
this, sir, but on Earth,
554
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,659
people pay doctors. Ha-ha!
555
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,360
That's crazy. Oh, I know.
556
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:15,431
Without sick people, doctors
would have nothing to do.
557
00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:16,799
Oh, I know that, Your Lumpyship.
558
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,233
But I've learned
on Earth this week
559
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,335
that staying healthy's
like everything else in life.
560
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,571
It all depends on how
much money you have.
561
00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:24,105
Were you ill? Oh, no, no, sir.
562
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,674
Mindy was, but
she's all right now.
563
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:27,643
I had to rescue
her from a hospital.
564
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,845
What's a hospital?
Well, hospitals are places
565
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:32,047
where Earthlings are
interred while they're sick
566
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:34,115
and not released until they
give the hospital money.
567
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,984
It sounds like a jail.
568
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:38,487
Well, sort of, sir,
except the food is worse.
569
00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:41,156
I guess if you get sick
on Earth, you're doomed.
570
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:42,591
Oh, no, no, sir.
571
00:24:42,615 --> 00:24:44,693
You see, most doctors
and hospitals are quite good.
572
00:24:44,717 --> 00:24:46,862
But I also realized this week
573
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:48,129
that while it's
tough to be sick,
574
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,698
it's also tough to be a doctor.
575
00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:51,333
See, after all, to err is human,
576
00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:53,869
but most people won't
allow doctors to be human.
577
00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:55,871
Till next week, sir, nanu.
39349
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