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1
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:05,737
Nanu, nanu.
2
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,213
Hey, you know,
Jeanie, I was thinking,
3
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,948
uh, this deli would do
a little more business
4
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,383
if you had some
kind of promotion.
5
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,252
Maybe you could give away
gasoline with every sandwich.
6
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,253
Ha!
7
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:53,590
They already get
gas with the chili.
8
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,925
No, no, no.
9
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,794
I mean, something that
would be like a reward
10
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,430
to, uh, your few
loyal customers.
11
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,199
Say, a discount on the food.
12
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,667
Oh, Mr. Bickley thinks we
should give him a discount.
13
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,869
Yeah, say, 10
percent off the top.
14
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,260
Oh. You got it.
15
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,685
Maurice, keep
the engine running.
16
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,507
Here's $100. Buy
yourself a cigar.
17
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,011
Here's $200. Buy
yourself a haircut.
18
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,024
Love you.
19
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,226
Hey, what's going on here?
20
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,361
Hey, Bick, here's
$20 for that card
21
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,929
I bought from you
last Christmas.
22
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,231
Love you, darling.
23
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:37,000
What is this? It's
Monopoly money.
24
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:40,803
I know. I don't want to pay you
with that useless U.S. currency.
25
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,140
Wow. How'd you
get to be so rich?
26
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,642
Well, it's a long story.
27
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,477
I'll make it real short.
28
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,045
I played Mindy in
Monopoly last night,
29
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,580
and I beat the chance off her.
30
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,145
I cleaned out her
community chest.
31
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,287
Always inspiring to
see a good winner.
32
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,289
Gosh. What are you gonna
do with all your money?
33
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:02,159
Maybe invest it. I don't want
people to know that I'm loaded.
34
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,383
I had the same problem.
35
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,865
Remo, do you have any
place where I can hide this?
36
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,300
Oh, I've got the perfect place.
37
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,792
Where I hide all my valuable
potato peels and coffee grounds.
38
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,861
Oh, excuse me, Daddy Warbucks.
39
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,209
I have a customer.
40
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,566
Here you go.
41
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,547
Well, now that I've
got all this money,
42
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,183
I don't know whether I should
build a tax shelter, you know?
43
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,450
I bought this book
by Bert Lance:
44
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,514
Having Fun With
Other People's Money.
45
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,112
With all this scratch, I've been
itching to go to Crab Nebula.
46
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,693
Well, I hope you have fun.
47
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,827
Well, who knows.
48
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,862
You know, I've all those hotels,
49
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,333
I built all those houses,
but it's all so plastic.
50
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:46,636
I don't know whether to invest
in maybe, uh, public utilities
51
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,137
or buy a railroad.
What do you think?
52
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:52,409
If you really want to know
what to do with all that money,
53
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,065
why don't you pay for my dinner?
54
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,968
♪ La-la-la ♪
55
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,861
Ahem.
56
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,930
Ahem.
57
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,320
A... A hem and a sleeve.
58
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,169
What's wrong? I mean,
the service is slow,
59
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,673
but don't let it bum you out.
60
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,542
It's not just the service.
61
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,677
It's... It's my whole life.
62
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,512
I'm a horrible failure.
63
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,249
Well, maybe I can
make you a better failure.
64
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,652
Well, thanks, but
there's no hope for me.
65
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,388
I came to Boulder
to become a star.
66
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,823
I wanted to sing
and... And to dance
67
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,259
and to make movies.
68
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:45,695
You came to Boulder
to become a star?
69
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,964
Now I'm here. I'm all alone.
70
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,466
Got no money.
71
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,900
Got no friends.
72
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:55,093
Hey, if you want a sugar
daddy, I'm hypoglycemic.
73
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,499
Hey, listen, I've got more money
than J. Paul Getty put together.
74
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,613
Hey, I'll be your friend.
75
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,650
Really? That's wonderful.
76
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:07,850
Could we start right away?
77
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,085
Hey, even sooner.
78
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,287
Oh, great.
79
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,121
Maybe you could come
over to dinner at my house,
80
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,856
say, like, around 7-ish?
81
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:14,991
How about now-ish?
82
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,192
Oh, that's great-ish.
83
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,596
Hey, Mork.
84
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,063
You want your 5 grand back?
85
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,832
No, keep it. It's just paper.
86
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,267
Ooh. No, better than that.
87
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,003
Throw it away. It's wrinkled.
88
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,171
The other day
89
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,306
I bought a huge car and said,
90
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,207
"Throw it in the river.
I want to see it sink."
91
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,548
Mm, that was a
wonderful meal, Kathy.
92
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,505
I love a good pork butt.
93
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,721
Well, thanks for
the chow, and ciao.
94
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,255
Oh, no, you can't go yet.
95
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,091
Um, I've hardly
gotten to know you.
96
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:50,827
Why don't you come
over here on the couch?
97
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,250
Oh, dokey-okey.
98
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,353
Whoa...! Hup-ho!
99
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,722
Five-point-0.
100
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,436
You know, Mork,
101
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,837
my heart really went out to you
102
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,906
when I heard about your
burden of having too much money.
103
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,343
You know, it made my
problem seem so small.
104
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,367
Having no money.
105
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,570
Oh, thank you. Mm, nice wine.
106
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,050
Oh, and a good week too.
107
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,019
Well, you know, a dollar
doesn't go as far as it used to.
108
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,363
Probably can't afford the gas.
109
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:20,579
Wah...!
110
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,093
You have a very kind face.
111
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,229
Oh, and you have
kind of a face too.
112
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,597
Hoo-hoo!
113
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,533
And your hair,
ooh, it's so soft.
114
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,403
That's because I
gargle with lanolin.
115
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,937
Would you like to dance?
116
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,473
Oh, I'd love to.
117
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:45,014
Adorable, Oh.
118
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,584
Uh, why don't you put
your arms around me?
119
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,319
Oh, sure thing, Kimosabette.
120
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,320
See?
121
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,322
I never even touched you.
122
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,792
You know, I can
also stand on my lips.
123
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:56,816
That's...
124
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,284
That's swell.
125
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,330
Oh, you know,
126
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:05,435
I'm getting so tired.
127
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,836
Oh. Oh.
128
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,337
Oh. Oh.
129
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,306
Oh. Ah.
130
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,008
Maybe you should
go to bed, then.
131
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,877
But I'd be so lonely.
132
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,141
Oh, I'm sorry. Is there
anything I can do to help?
133
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,116
Mork, think about it.
134
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,019
I mean, I'm a woman,
135
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,253
you're a man.
136
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,555
Right. Oh.
137
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,345
And this is a dove.
138
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,314
And here's a chicken.
139
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,562
And this is a little lizard.
140
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,432
Boy, this is getting
fun. Your turn.
141
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:40,236
Well, I know something
that's a lot more fun, okay?
142
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,472
Why don't you take
off your suspenders.
143
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,441
All right.
144
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,145
Hey, that's no fun. I
do that every night.
145
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,680
Oh! Oh, it's getting
so hot in here!
146
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,848
Well, you know, when I get hot,
147
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,005
I like to sit on a
good cold Fudgsicle.
148
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,808
Doesn't everyone?
149
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,121
Mork,
150
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:03,125
I want you to
spend the night here.
151
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,549
Why?
152
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,531
Because I'm all alone.
153
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,367
I need somebody here.
154
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,224
All right, I'll do it.
155
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,841
But do you have an attic?
156
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,642
I don't have an attic.
157
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,478
All right. I'll rough it here,
158
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,312
right on Mr. Couch.
159
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,981
But what about my Mr. Bed?
160
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,650
I don't think there's
room for the couch.
161
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,508
Well... Besides,
where would you sleep?
162
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,320
Fine.
163
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,691
Fine, fine. But you
know where I am
164
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,526
should you need me.
165
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,994
I'll just whistle.
166
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,354
Well, thanks a lot, Jeanie.
167
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,690
If you see him, will
you tell him to call me?
168
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,992
Yeah, I... I won't.
169
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,749
Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.
170
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,363
Mork, it's you!
171
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,399
You're right! Johnny Olson,
tell her what she's won!
172
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,568
Thanks, Carl. She's just
won a Naugahyde wig.
173
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:21,325
Yes, Naugahyde, the
wig of the champions.
174
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,141
Well, where have you been?
What have you been doing?
175
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,297
Nothing.
176
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,412
Nothing?
177
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,147
You were gone all night.
178
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,983
Well, I met a lonely actress.
179
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,051
And?
180
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,315
Well, she asked
me over for dinner.
181
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:39,522
Did you go?
182
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,826
Sure. I was hungry.
183
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,528
So, what happened after dinner?
184
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,564
Nothing.
185
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,548
We just sat on the
couch, that's all.
186
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:53,002
That's all? Oh,
pretty much, yeah.
187
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,537
There was a little
dancing and then, uh,
188
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,838
I put my arms around her.
189
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,206
Oh, you did, did you?
190
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,975
Yeah. And then I took
off my suspenders,
191
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,443
and she got a little overheated.
192
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,178
She took off her
top, and then, boom,
193
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,935
she wanted to go to bed.
194
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:07,951
Well?
195
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,151
Nothing.
196
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,820
I just spent the night
with her, that's all.
197
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:11,884
Bye-bye.
198
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,034
Mindy, what's wrong?
199
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,469
Nothing.
200
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,892
Good.
201
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,602
Entre nous.
202
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:41,383
Kathy.
203
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,219
Mork.
204
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,954
You know, I'm a
little disappointed.
205
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,856
I thought you were
gonna be my friend.
206
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,158
One evening, and I don't
see you for two weeks?
207
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:52,150
Well, I... I thought you only
needed a friend for one night.
208
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,099
You're forgiven.
209
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,800
You know, somehow I imagined
210
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:02,005
your place would be, well,
more expensive-looking.
211
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,469
Well, it's not mine. It
belongs to the girl I live with.
212
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,475
A girl, huh?
213
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,647
And does this girl know about
the night you spent with me?
214
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,281
Oh, yes, I told
Mindy all about it.
215
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,117
Good.
216
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,085
Very good.
217
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,920
You know, Mork,
218
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,757
I've been thinking about you
a lot these past two weeks,
219
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,659
and that night we spent together
220
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,061
had a lot of meaning for me.
221
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,863
What did it mean to you?
222
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,397
Mm, let's see...
223
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,721
Pork butt.
224
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,456
Good dancing, lumpy sofa.
225
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,371
Are you trying to
say you love me?
226
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,828
I don't think so.
227
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,575
Okay, Mork, ahem,
228
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,743
I wasn't gonna bring this up,
229
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,945
but you have torn it out of me.
230
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,013
Will you marry me?
231
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,397
This is so sudden!
232
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,285
Hi.
233
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,720
Well, who's this?
234
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,955
Remember I told you about
that girl I spent the night with,
235
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,924
the one with the bad thermostat?
236
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,726
Mindy, this is Kathy.
237
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,661
Hi. Hi.
238
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,297
Uh, Mork and I were just
talking about getting married.
239
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,066
Ah-ha-ha! You were?
240
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,355
No, she were.
241
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:09,305
Uh, Kathy, um, I don't
think you understand.
242
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,707
You see, uh,
243
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,441
Mork and I have
been living together
244
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,676
for quite some time now,
245
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,978
and Mork sometimes doesn't grasp
246
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,447
the complexities of
personal relationships.
247
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,549
Now, I'm sure
you're a very nice girl,
248
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,818
but somewhere along the way,
249
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,920
I think you've gotten
your wires crossed.
250
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:28,124
Mindy, dear, I don't
think you understand.
251
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,848
I'm having Mork's baby.
252
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,751
♪ La-la-la ♪
253
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,844
Well, I hope you're at least
gonna do the right thing by me.
254
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,578
I mean, it's gonna
take a lot of money
255
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,048
to raise our child properly
after we're married.
256
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,072
Married?
257
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,484
Oh, if I marry her,
258
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,086
can I still keep
living with you?
259
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,422
Thanks for the offer,
Mork, but I think I'll pass.
260
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,591
Well, I'd like to still
keep living with Mindy.
261
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,895
Would you take money instead?
262
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,430
What a cruel thing to say.
263
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,532
But then, life
is cruel, isn't it?
264
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:11,556
Okay.
265
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,970
Great. Here's 15 bucks.
266
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,906
Oh, that's funny. Yeah,
that's very, very funny.
267
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,674
Well, you listen, buster,
268
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,542
you're gonna have a
paternity suit on your hands
269
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,813
if I don't get
$5,000 in 24 hours.
270
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,715
Oh, listen, I'm no legal bozo.
How about a compromise?
271
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,207
Five thousand
hours to give you $24.
272
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,054
This guy's hysterical.
273
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,857
Well, before you start
talking about lawsuits,
274
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,926
you'd better be able to
prove that he's the father.
275
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,595
Oh, well, even
if I can't prove it,
276
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,764
I can make his life
miserable in court,
277
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,565
and I guarantee it
won't seem so funny
278
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,891
when his name is plastered
all over the newspapers.
279
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,674
Oh, Mork, what have you done?
280
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,178
Well, I guess I know
what you've done, but...
281
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,767
Well, Mindy, what am I gonna do?
282
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,515
Well, Mork, to
tell you the truth,
283
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:02,785
I don't think I'm the one
to advise you at this time.
284
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,954
Somehow, I just
find it a little difficult
285
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,677
to be objective.
286
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,617
Oh, I don't want to marry
somebody that's not Mindy.
287
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,166
Come on.
288
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,534
It'll help promote business.
289
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,668
Remo...
290
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,771
Please, just... Just
try on the sarong.
291
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:25,864
If it worked for Lamour,
it'll work for la less.
292
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:33,282
Remo, the flower,
yes. The sarong, never.
293
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,783
It's not like it's topless.
294
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,575
Ha! It's just tasteless.
295
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,091
But then, how can you
discuss taste with a man
296
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:45,616
who looks like he walked
out of a Don Ho nightmare?
297
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,015
You say anything, and
you're the daily special.
298
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,536
Mork!
299
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,839
Hawaii!
300
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,641
A little depressed.
301
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,333
Whoa, Remo, what happened?
Did Picasso throw up on you?
302
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,449
Thanks, it's great
to see you too.
303
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:08,684
What's the matter with you?
304
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,187
Well, I'm thinking
of getting married.
305
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,588
Oh.
306
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,790
Well, you got
troubles. Sit down.
307
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,325
And you're lucky.
Today I'm dressed
308
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,095
like a Hawaiian psychiatrist.
309
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,130
All right, what's the deal?
310
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,065
Well, I... I... I'm thinking
of getting married.
311
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,500
Well, I'm excited for you.
312
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,734
In fact, I think it's terrific,
313
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,669
and I know Mindy's
real happy too, huh?
314
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,173
I don't think she
likes the girl too much.
315
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,375
Wha...? What girl?
316
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:35,278
Well, the one that's
having my baby.
317
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,513
How did that happen?
318
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,615
Well, it was an accident. I
wish you could get coverage
319
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,339
for that type of collision.
320
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,354
Yeah, but let's be
hypothetical for a moment.
321
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,257
What would happen if, uh,
Jeanie, you know, um...?
322
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:52,028
You know, uh...? You
know, got in trouble?
323
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:54,085
I'd kill the guy! Okay.
324
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,823
I'd kill him, and I'd
force him to marry her.
325
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,496
Feel like I'm wearing a
doggy bag from a luau.
326
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,611
Jeanie, will...? Will
you cover yourself up?
327
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,915
And stay away from him.
328
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,483
Well, gladly, and why?
329
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,487
Well, um, he got a girl, uh...
330
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,489
Fat. No.
331
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,092
In the family way.
332
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,793
Yeah, I think she
wants to get married.
333
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,996
I can't believe this.
334
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,464
But if you did it, marrying her
335
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,832
is the honorable thing to do.
336
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,467
Of course, it's
your decision, Mork.
337
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,470
Yeah, I do want to
do the honorable thing.
338
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,938
I guess I'd better
marry her tonight.
339
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,473
Better start making
some phone calls.
340
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,141
I guess you have a lot
of plans to make, huh?
341
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,776
Right. You're darn tooting.
342
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,160
The first thing I want to
do is find out her last name.
343
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,015
Can you imagine? Mr. and Mrs...
344
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,230
Yoo-hoo!
345
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,120
It's me, lumpy boy.
346
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,969
Well, I'm glad you agreed
to settle things right away.
347
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,537
Now,
348
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,805
where's the money?
349
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,308
Money? What money?
We're getting married.
350
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:13,709
Getting married?
351
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,244
But on the phone,
you said that... That...
352
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,713
That you were gonna
take care of everything.
353
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,215
Well, I am, little uzzy-wuzzums.
354
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,418
I'm also gonna take care
of our little bundle de joie.
355
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:23,974
There is no little...
356
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,723
There is no reason
for us to get married.
357
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,092
With your money, I can
take care of the fuzzy bundle
358
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:31,394
all by myself.
359
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,778
I wouldn't think
of it, sugar lumps.
360
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,200
Don't call me that.
361
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,469
Why not? I mean, pretty soon
we're gonna be husband and wife
362
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:41,937
and you're gonna
be my little boojums
363
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,441
and I'm gonna be
your Uncle Squeezers.
364
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,512
Listen, I don't think
you really understand
365
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,335
quite what's going on here.
366
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,583
Mork... Mm-hm?
367
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,019
I'm not good enough for you.
368
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,087
Oh... Oh, I mean,
369
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,922
you can't throw
away your whole life
370
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:03,059
just because you
made one little mistake.
371
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,194
But after we're married, I
can sleep on the couch again,
372
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,596
and we'll have lots
of little mistakes.
373
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,198
Reconsider.
374
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,921
Reconsider. No, I...
375
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,769
Oh, you sly boots.
376
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,237
You're more anxious than I am.
377
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,039
You're already ready
to go on the honeymoon.
378
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,875
Turlock, here we come.
379
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,144
Wait a minute. This
isn't going right at all.
380
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,513
Who's that?
381
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,897
Either the pope or a
justice of the peace.
382
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,173
I'll get it.
383
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:32,854
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
384
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,390
The bus doesn't
stop at this corner.
385
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,358
Hello, I'm Mork. I'm
Justice Aaron Abbott.
386
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,694
You know, I found him at the
beginning of the telephone book.
387
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,130
He's the top of his field.
388
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,131
And this is?
389
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,032
Oh, Kathy, my
lovely bride-to-be.
390
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,337
I didn't catch
your last name yet.
391
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,826
Cumberland. Oh, like the gap.
392
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,141
Boy, I hope Mindy
gets that note I left.
393
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,476
I wouldn't want
her to miss this.
394
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,810
Mork.
395
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,913
Mork, you don't even
know what I'm like.
396
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,516
I mean, I have these
rotten, filthy, awful habits.
397
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,118
I... I drool in my sleep.
398
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,542
That's all right. I'll
wear rubber pajamas.
399
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,689
Okay, I didn't want
to lay this on you,
400
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,092
but I run around with men.
401
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,636
Uh-oh. Shouldn't jog
when you're preggers.
402
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,999
Who's that? Could
be the pope now.
403
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,055
I'll get it.
404
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,903
Ah, friends of the
bride or the groom?
405
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,372
Uh... Uh, the groom. Yeah.
406
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,916
Uh, can I talk to you
for a minute, Mork?
407
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,145
I know that you think you
know what you're doing,
408
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:32,181
but I know you don't really know
what you think that you know.
409
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,616
Uh, you tell him.
410
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,072
Mork, can you...?
411
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,188
Can you take a little
constructive criticism?
412
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,489
Sure.
413
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,426
This is the stupidest
thing you've ever done.
414
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,663
Oh, I guess that means you're
not bringing a wedding present.
415
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,797
Mork, Mork, Mork,
416
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,999
you don't owe that
bimbo anything.
417
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,768
You have your whole
life ahead of you.
418
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,436
You're a young man.
You've got your health.
419
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,004
You have your friends.
420
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,940
Your brains are a little shaky.
421
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,442
But it's the
honorable thing to do.
422
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,511
That's another
strike against you.
423
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,175
You tell him. Mork...
424
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,115
I am really gonna miss you.
425
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,552
Oh, Mind, I hate to
do this, but it's my duty.
426
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,620
Oh, Mork.
427
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,044
Eh... Excuse me,
can we get started?
428
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,694
Oh. Sure thing.
429
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,229
Oh, no. No, wait a
minute. Wait a minute.
430
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,664
I've been thinking.
431
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,899
Maybe we could
raise the kid for $4,000.
432
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,668
He doesn't have
to go to college.
433
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,203
I wouldn't think of it. Come on.
434
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,504
Twenty-five hundred.
435
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,905
He doesn't have
to go to high school.
436
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,807
I want to do the right
thing. A thousand dollars!
437
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,342
That's my final offer.
438
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,778
Eternal bliss and marriage to
me forever. That's my final offer.
439
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,081
Mork, you could ruin
the rest of your life.
440
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,916
Well, what about
the rest of my life?
441
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,500
Could we?
442
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:44,220
Dearly beloved... I do.
443
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,221
Not yet. I don't.
444
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,988
Okay.
445
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,424
Five hundred,
446
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,858
and you'll never
hear from me again.
447
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,160
Sounds like a good deal to me.
448
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,664
No, I buttered my bread,
and now I'm gonna lie in it.
449
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:58,900
Dearly beloved,
450
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,124
we are gathered...
Oh, this is ridic...
451
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:04,873
Dearly beloved,
452
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:07,142
we are gathered here
to witness the union
453
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,677
of this man and this woman.
454
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,847
We have come to join them in
the bonds of holy matrimony...
455
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,152
Oh, nothing kinky yet, please.
456
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,353
If there's anyone here who
would object to this marriage,
457
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,421
let them speak now or
forever hold their peace.
458
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,822
I object.
459
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:21,823
I object.
460
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,781
I object. That's three.
461
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:28,029
Fifty dollars, bus
fare, and I'm gone.
462
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:31,133
But gungabooby, I would if I
could, but I haven't got $50.
463
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,635
It's all in stocks?
464
00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:34,035
No, it's in pants.
It's in my pocket.
465
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:35,339
Fifteen big ones.
466
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,274
You're not rich?
467
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,875
Eh.
468
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:43,579
You mean I wasted all this
time, and you're not even rich?
469
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:44,880
Now I object.
470
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:47,316
Maybe I can still
catch the 8:15 bus.
471
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,950
Better have that taken care of.
472
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,174
Somebody might trip.
473
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:53,622
Whoa!
474
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,059
Well, I'll finish the ceremony.
475
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,695
Do you promise to
love, honor, and obey
476
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,639
till one of us
bites the big one?
477
00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:03,899
Will you stop it?
478
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,602
He never even laid a hand on me.
479
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:09,104
Don't they call
this "extortion"?
480
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:10,872
Eh.
481
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,675
You were extorting my baby?
482
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:15,210
What a horrible way of
saying you... You love me.
483
00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:17,846
No, Mork, there is no
baby. There never was.
484
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,419
Shock, bewilderment, confusion.
485
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:24,586
Why did you want to marry me?
486
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:25,921
I think we'll let
her explain that
487
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:27,122
to the police. Come on.
488
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:29,491
You're not getting away
with this one this time,
489
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,059
Miss Honey Lumps.
490
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,260
Oh, uh,
491
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:36,031
you know, you are
a very attractive man.
492
00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:37,533
Would you like to
get a bite to eat?
493
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,435
Are you buying?
494
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:42,393
I know this place where I
can get a 10-percent discount.
495
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:47,643
Oh, Min, just when I think I
understand you Earthlings,
496
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:50,546
some weirdness comes
along and, zammo.
497
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:52,047
Oh, Mork.
498
00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:54,717
The problem is you're
a magnet for weird.
499
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:56,552
That woman
thought you were rich,
500
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,053
and she was out
to get your money.
501
00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,988
She never thought you
were gonna marry her.
502
00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:01,790
But wouldn't any
human being do that?
503
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,225
No.
504
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:04,626
See, that's one of
the other reasons
505
00:23:04,650 --> 00:23:05,994
you have so much trouble.
506
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,029
You're just not fully human yet.
507
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,298
That's also one of the
reasons I think you're so special.
508
00:23:10,322 --> 00:23:11,933
I think you're
special. I guess...
509
00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:14,169
I guess that means that
you're not fully human yet either.
510
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,438
Well, thanks.
511
00:23:16,462 --> 00:23:18,139
Oh, it's too bad about Kathy.
512
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:19,875
I had this incredible
honeymoon planned.
513
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:21,477
Now we can't go on it.
514
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:22,644
Maybe you'd like to go.
515
00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:24,713
Well, maybe I would.
Where were you gonna go?
516
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,582
Well, we were gonna
go to Three Mile Island.
517
00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:42,264
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
518
00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:46,468
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
519
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:49,104
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
520
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:51,673
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
521
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,275
Here I am, Mork.
522
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:54,777
What's been going on?
523
00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:56,545
Well, this week, sir, I
learned that on Earth,
524
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,447
things aren't always
what they appear to be.
525
00:23:58,471 --> 00:24:00,416
You'll have to explain that.
526
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,852
I will, sir. For example, the
ocean appears to be clean,
527
00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:05,287
new cars appear
to be well-built,
528
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:07,656
and Ronald Reagan
appears to have brown hair.
529
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,491
That's very complicated.
530
00:24:09,515 --> 00:24:11,927
Well, it gets worse, sir.
There's double deceptions,
531
00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:15,263
like the government appears
to be disorganized, and it is.
532
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:18,133
What does all this have
to do with your week?
533
00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:20,402
I was about to tell
you, your testiness.
534
00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:22,404
I met a woman who wasn't
what she appeared to be.
535
00:24:22,428 --> 00:24:24,105
Who was that lady?
536
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,775
That was no lady. That
was almost my wife.
537
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,610
On Earth, some humans believe
538
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:30,712
that they should be married
before they get pregnant.
539
00:24:30,736 --> 00:24:32,314
Why is that so important?
540
00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,282
Well, I don't know. It
must be too expensive
541
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:36,384
to take the children
along on the honeymoon.
542
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:39,688
Well, I'm proud of you for
trying to do the right thing
543
00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:41,690
in spite of the
consequences, Mork.
544
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:42,858
Thank you, sir. I...
545
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:44,593
I believe that I should
take responsibility
546
00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:46,462
for the things that I do.
547
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:47,796
Main problem is
548
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,631
I can't figure out
whether I did them or not.
549
00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:51,533
Ar-ar-ar-ar.
550
00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:54,157
Well, until next
week, nanu, nanu.
36655
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