All language subtitles for JAG.S03E23.DVDRip.XviD-TOPAZ.eng

- This way.
- Okay, let's go.

- Yeah, what about us?
- Let us out of here.

Come with me.

How does the other guy look,
lieutenant?

Major.

- She doesn't look as bad as he does.
- She?

- It's a long story, ma'am.
- Well, it better be a good one.

And what's your excuse?

Well, you wouldn't believe me
if I told you.

Bud, you're getting married
in a few hours.

I really appreciate you coming
down here, major. I owe you one.

One? You two owe me a million.

Do you have any idea what the admiral
is gonna say when he hears this?

Oh, I think he'll understand.

Following in his father's footsteps
as a Naval aviator,

Lieutenant Commander
Harmon Rabb Jr.

Suffered a crash while landing
his Tomcat

on a storm-tossed carrier at sea.

Diagnosed with night blindness,

Harm transferred to the Navy's
Judge Advocate General Corps,

which investigates, defends
and prosecutes the law of the sea.

There, with fellow JAG lawyer
Major Sarah MacKenzie,

he now fights in and out
of the courtroom

with the same daring and tenacity
that made him a top gun in the air.

I can't believe
they detained you, admiral.

- That makes two of us.
- Have you seen Harriet, ma'am?

I need to explain to her
what happened.

I'd skip the explanation, Bud,

and throw myself
on the mercy of the court.

- What exactly happened?
- I have no idea.

I think it started a couple of days ago
when Rabb made the headlines.

Believe me, admiral, it wasn't me.

"A Naval Aviator ran amok

at Washington's
ultra hip club Vertigo last night.

Bringing new meaning
to the old song,

'What do you do
with a drunken sailor? '

The dashing top gun
was last seen mooning police officers

before disappearing into the night
in full afterburner."

What are you guys
looking at me for?

You're the only lieutenant commander
I know with wings

and JAG insignia
on the shoulder boards.

It does kind of look like you, Harm.

What do you think, Carolyn?

Oh, guilty as charged.

It wasn't me, admiral.

For one thing,
I was here with the lieutenant

until 2230 last night
working on the Holbarth case.

He was, sir.

Yeah, and I don't even have
my dress whites at the moment.

They're at the cleaners.

Harm Rabb.

R-A-B-B.

I don't see your name, Ham.

- Harm.
- Ham.

I've been bringing my uniforms here
for three years, Mr. Marvel.

Then you should be in the computer.

Maybe they are under
your wife's name?

I'm not married.

Neela.

This handsome young man
who is very single has lost his uniform.

No, I didn't lose my uniform.

You lost my uniform, sir.

- Do you have a ticket?
- No.

Why do you think
we give you a ticket?

It's Lieutenant Commander
Harmon Rabb.

- Service dress white naval uniform.
- My daughter works too hard.

I keep saying
she should go out more.

She's young.
She should have some more fun.

What do you think, Ham?

I think that you should find
my uniform, sir.

I have a wedding on Saturday.

Nine sixty-five.
Next time bring your ticket.

- This is not my uniform.
- Oh, yes it is.

Naval dress white uniform.

These are Ensign bars.
This is not my uniform.

Look.

What's wrong with this picture?

I can do alterations.

Bud, are you ready to go over
that Crothers file?

Yes, ma'am.

- Is this part of the Crothers file?
- No, no.

That's a personal file
I'm just gonna get rid of.

Are you okay, Bud?

I'm fine, ma'am.
I'm just a little nervous.

You know, first case and all.

It couldn't have
anything to do with the fact

that you're getting married
in three days,

two hours and 36 minutes?

May I?

Is this you?

Yeah. I wanted to be a cowboy
when I grew up.

What is all this?

It's just my future file.

Pictures of stuff
that I wanted to do in life.

You wanted to be a rabbi?

I wanted to go to the Holy Land.

Cruise across America.

I guess I don't need that
now that I have Harriet.

So why are you throwing it all away?

I'm probably not gonna get a chance
to do any of it

now that I'm getting married.

Why not?

Marriage isn't about
losing your freedom,

despite what you may have been told
by JAG's bachelor brigade.

Being married is about having
someone to share your dreams with.

I know Harriet loves to travel.

And I bet she'd look pretty hot
on the back of a motorcycle.

Yeah.

- Thanks, major.
- You're welcome.

Oh, but you might have to give up
the swimsuit model.

Right.

You've been blessed
with the Beaumont cleavage.

It's a crime to hide it.

Mother,
I want something old-fashioned.

This is a wedding, Harriet.
Not an antique show.

Now turn around, darling.
Let me see.

It's her wedding.
And she knows what she wants.

- She has since she was 6.
- And look where it's got her.

Mother.

I like the one you tried on first,
honey.

Why do you always agree
with Harriet?

Just once I would like for you
to agree with me.

I agree with you, Lydia,
when you're right.

Thank you, Dad.

I am just trying to keep her
from making any more mistakes.

And what was my first mistake,
Mother?

Never marry a man
named after a dog.

Dad!

In Roth v. Higgins,
it defines the elements for desertion.

I think it really gives us
something to go on.

Have you considered
going for the lesser charge?

- Unauthorised absence?
- Yes.

Major, I have an iron-clad case.

The penalties are almost the same,
Bud, and it's easier to prove.

You don't think I can do it.

Bud, Harm and I were the ones
who told the admiral

that you were ready
to be trial counsel.

Maybe you were just being nice.

Okay, let's go for desertion.
What have you got?

I have all the elements to prove
intent to shirk important service.

Seaman Crothers
was assigned to garbage duty

when he absented himself
without authority.

Well, it's my intent to argue

that all service is important service
no matter how trivial.

- Sir, did you find your uniform?
- No.

Sir, the wedding's in three days.

- I know, Bud.
- And you're my best man.

- Bud...
- Sir, it's a military ceremony.

If you're not wearing dress whites,
I don't know if you can go.

Lieutenant! Relax.

I'll have my dress whites.

Everything will run like clockwork.
It's all gonna be fine.

I'm sorry, sir.
I'm just not acting like I usually do.

Yeah, you are.

It's natural for the groom
to be nervous.

But you've got nothing
to be worried about.

Harriet's got this wedding planned
better than Desert Storm.

What could go wrong?

Buddy!

Dad, please!

Hey, Bud.

Mikey, look at you.
You've grown, little brother.

- You too.
- Look at you.

Hey, hey, hey.

Are you gonna introduce your father
or do I have to do it?

Lieutenant Commander Rabb,
Major MacKenzie, this is my...

Buddy's old man.

Master Chief Roberts, USN. Retired.

- Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.
- I've heard a lot about you.

And you too, major.

Too bad about your guy getting shot,
but the world's gone all to hell.

Nice to meet you, master chief.

Hey, let's not stand on formality.

My friends call me Bud. Big Bud.

And this is my brother, Mikey.

Sir, ma'am.

- Shake hands while you can.
- Sorry, sir.

- You won't be able to once you enlist.
- Yeah.

So where is Henrietta?

Harriet. She's getting
her wedding dress altered.

Taken in or taken out?

Hey, this isn't
a shotgun wedding, is it?

No.

I just wondered
if you took after your old man, son.

- I'm kidding.
- It's not funny, Dad.

So, Mikey, your brother tells us
you're going to art school.

Well, I hope to, sir.

The Navy taught me
all I ever needed to know

and it'll do the same for you.

Bud, we have a witness to interview.

- Bud's trying his first case tomorrow.
- I'm prosecuting.

You're no lawyer.

Any commissioned officer
is qualified to prosecute

in a special court-martial,
master chief.

Especially since Bud passed
his mid-year law finals with honours.

Well, I guess it's...

Prosecuting is a lot easier
than defending, huh?

I guess we'd better get going, major.

- Mikey, it was great seeing you.
- Hey, will I get to see you later?

- Absolutely.
- Maybe you will, maybe you won't.

I'm taking Mikey down to Norfolk
to show him what the real Navy is like.

- In fact, I may enlist him.
- No, you won't, Dad.

Yeah? Why not?

Because I'm in the wedding,
right, Bud?

Right.

Nice to meet you, master chief.

That's what they all say, major.

That reminds me,

Friday night, I'm throwing
this little bon voyage party for Buddy.

A couple of my ex-shipmates
will be there

and I'd like to invite you
and Admiral Chugawagon.

- Chegwidden.
- Yeah.

Well, I'd be delighted to come.

Thank you, sir.
I'm sure the admiral would too.

It's gonna be
one of those old-fashioned

crossing-the-line type ceremonies,
you know?

You have crossed the line,
haven't you, commander?

Only the equator, sir.

This is not my uniform.

One forty-seven.

One forty-seven. This is your uniform.

This is a police uniform.
Mine are Navy dress whites.

I'm a JAG lawyer.

My brother-in-law
is the Johnnie Cochran of Calcutta.

So, don't threaten me, Ham.

I'm not threatening you, Mr. Marvel.
I just want my uniform.

Look, this belongs to Joe Garvey.

I'm sure he probably has my uniform.
Do you have an address on this guy?

Yeah, he's a good customer.
He's in the computer.

- Give me his address.
- Can't do that.

Okay, Ham.
For you, I'll make an exception.

Thank you.

Don't thank me. Thank my daughter
when you take her out to dinner.

Are you ready, Lieutenant Roberts?

Yes, sir. I am.

You may call your first witness.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

The government calls
Edward Granger to the stand.

- Mr. Granger, you own Metro Fuel?
- Yes.

And you hired Robert Crothers
as a mechanic?

Yes.

When Robert Crothers filled out
his employment application,

did he tell you that he was a seaman
in the United States Navy?

- No.
- Thank you, sir.

- That will be all.
- Robby's a good worker.

Your Honour, the government
has no further questions.

Well, I don't think it's fair that
you don't let me tell the whole story.

I'm going to
give you that chance, sir.

Mr. Granger, you say that
Mr. Crothers was a good worker...

- Ensign?
- Yes, sir.

- Can I speak to you for one second?
- Speak away.

- Classified, sir.
- Classified?

- Operation Clove Hitch.
- Clove Hitch?

Tying the knot, sir.

- That will be all, Tiner.
- Aye, sir.

Ensign?

Ma'am, do you own
an apartment building

at 567th Street?

Yes.

And is Robert Crothers
a tenant at that address?

Yes, he is.

- For how long?
- Nine years.

And about how far away
from this apartment building

is Andrews Air Force Base?

About six minutes by car.

Thank you, ma'am.
No further questions.

- That's all?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Robby is my best tenant.
- Ma'am, thank you, that will be all.

Your Honour, the government
has no further questions.

Yes?

Undersecretary Jakowski's
on line one, admiral.

Take a message.

He says it's about
the Russel hearing, sir.

Tell him I'll call him back
in 15 minutes, Tiner.

I'm right in the middle of something.

I'd go with the salmon,
the avocado and the p�t�.

- What about the caviar, sir?
- Too ostentatious.

Ensign, nobody really likes
fish eggs.

And get this away from me
before I eat the whole thing.

Thank you, sir. You don't know
how much this means to me.

Glad I could help.

If you ever get tired of the Navy,

you could make a fortune
as a wedding planner.

Don't spread that around.
I'd hate to have to kill you.

And that's when you pulled
Seaman Crothers over?

Yes.

And before...

Before you wrote
Seaman Crothers a ticket

for driving without a tail light,
what did you do?

I ran his name through the database
to see if there were any warrants out.

- That is standard procedure.
- And what did you find?

That there was an outstanding warrant
for the seaman's arrest.

Then what did you do?

I placed him under arrest
and advised of his rights.

Now, at any time
did Seaman Crothers inform you

that he was an unauthorised absentee
from the Navy

or that he was even a member
of the United States Navy?

No, he did not.

Thank you, sir. That will be all.

During the 10 years
that he was absent,

Seaman Crothers did not attempt
to turn himself in,

even though he lived six minutes away
from a military facility.

He did not reveal
that he was in the service

on his employment application.

The only reason
Seaman Crothers came forward now,

was that he was arrested.

Seaman Crothers is guilty of desertion

under Article 85
of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

All rise.

Please be seated.

Is the defence ready for judgement?

We are, Your Honour.

In the case of United States v.
Seaman Robert Crothers,

United States Navy, we find
the accused guilty of the charge

and specification of desertion.

Congratulations, counsellor.

Mr. Roberts?

Sir?

The sentencing phase
of the court-martial

will begin tomorrow at 0900.

And please leave your
cheering section at home, lieutenant.

This is a courtroom,
not American Gladiators.

Yes, Your Honour. Sorry, sir.

Looked like Bud
did a good job in there.

He had a good teacher.

And he probably got a few pointers
from you too.

Nothing changes.

I never met an officer
with a sense of humour.

I thought you were taking Mikey
over to Norfolk?

And miss you playing Matlock?

You did a really good job, Bud.

- Mom would have been proud.
- Proud of what?

Screwing up some poor guy's life
who isn't hurting anybody?

- Don't listen to him, Bud.
- Watch it.

So when are we gonna meet
this girl of yours?

Well, we're having dinner
with her tonight.

- How's my hair?
- You got your mother's hair.

But the Navy's gonna take care
of all that.

Cut it all off in boot.

- It looks great, Mikey.
- See you later, bro.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

First time I told Bud
about the birds and the bees, he cried.

Thank God he was leaving
to go into the Navy the next day

and I didn't have to listen to him.

He's just kidding.

Buddy's never had much luck
with the opposite sex.

And you think Harriet has?

Hey, I think he did a pretty good job.

Thank you, Mikey.
You're okay in my book.

So, Rollo, I hear you have a yacht.

- Well, a small yacht.
- It is not that small, Roland.

Big enough for Mikey and me
to take a little shakedown cruise?

- Dad...
- Any time.

I'm gonna take you up on that,
Roland.

So what are your plans
for the future, Michael?

Well, my dad wants me
to go into the Navy.

Well, the Navy has always been
very good for your family.

What do you want to do, Mikey?

You want to draw
on the back of menus?

No, I want to be a cartoonist.

Can you beat that? Cartoons.

Can you make a living doing that?

Oh, Charles Schulz, Scott Adams,
and Gary Larson do.

You need something steady
to fall back on like welding.

I think Mike should do
what he wants to do.

- Follow his bliss.
- His bliss?

I'll give him bliss.

I'll blister his behind
if he doesn't go into the Navy.

- Oh, no, you're not, Dad.
- Oh, yeah?

What are you gonna do about it?
Sue me?

He just might.

I understand you won
your first case today.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you, sir.

I'm sorry.

No, I am sorry.
My mother is completely out of control.

Well, at least your dad isn't throwing
you a bachelor party at a strip club.

I know. Will you still marry me?

If you back out on me now,
I'm going to kill you.

Dad, you've had too much to drink.

What, are you
telling me how to drive?

You've had a lot to drink,
let me drive.

Yeah? Well, I think you should shut up
and get in the car or you can walk.

It was nice to meet your brother
and your dad today.

The master chief's
a real colourful guy.

Yeah, he's colourful, all right.

You spend enough time with him
and you end up black and blue.

He's abusive?

Let's just put it this way.

His idea of tough love
is bouncing your head against the wall.

If you feel this way about him, Bud,

why did you invite him
to your wedding?

He's my dad. You know how it is.

- Harriet thought he should be here.
- Does Harriet know he's abusive?

No. No, you can't tell
something like that to your fianc�e.

I think you might be wrong
about that one, Bud.

Abused kids
become abusive parents.

I'm afraid that she'll think
that I'll want to hit our children.

I think Harriet knows you
a little better than that.

Have you tried
talking to him about it?

He only talks about three things.
The Navy, baseball and women.

I'm worried about Mikey.

Well, maybe it's time
to take some action on this.

Bring it out in the open.

I spent a whole lifetime
trying to get away from all that.

I don't know
if I could go through it again.

Seaman Crothers, you have the right
to submit evidence

on your behalf
in extenuation and mitigation.

Your Honour, I'd just like to apologise
to the Navy

and to my unit members
for what I did.

I was young, stupid when I went UA,
and I didn't know how to fix it.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Roberts, do you have any
argument to make on sentencing?

Your Honour, given Seaman Crothers'
conviction of this offence,

desertion for 10 years,
as well as the manner

in which his absence
was terminated,

the government submits that his
military service was not honourable

and requests
a bad conduct discharge.

The government further recognises

that since Seaman Crothers
committed that offence,

he's been an upstanding citizen,
an excellent employee,

and a good provider
for his young family.

It is not the government's desire
nor intent

to cause his family to suffer
for Seaman Crothers' youthful folly.

Therefore, the government requests

that there be no forfeiture of pay
or confinement.

Your Honour, I concur
with Mr. Roberts' statement.

I find it both just
and compassionate.

Will the defendant please rise?

Seaman Robert Crothers,
I hereby sentence you

with a bad conduct discharge
and no further punishment.

This court-martial is adjourned.

Had a change of heart?

I think you were right, major.
I shouldn't have gone for desertion.

It's a lot more
than a law school exercise.

I'm impressed, Bud.

Come on, I'll buy you
a celebratory cappuccino.

Do you mind if I take a rain cheque?
I just wanna sit here for a minute.

Sure.

Hi. I'm looking for Joe Garvey.

Why?

There was a mix-up
at the dry cleaners.

I wound up with his uniform
and I think that he has mine.

But he doesn't live here anymore.

Are you a pilot?

Sometimes.

- What airline?
- The United States Navy.

I hear they're good.

You wouldn't happen to know
where I might find Joe, would you?

Well, if he still has a job,

he'll be working 9 to midnight
at the Rocket Man.

It's an alley club off Bedford.

Okay.

By chance, did he leave
a set of dress whites here?

I hope not.

I gave all of his stuff
to the Salvation Army.

I don't care
what my mother ordered.

I don't want a mermaid.
I want a swan.

No, no, you listen to me!
Listen, no, no!

I am getting married
in less than 24 hours,

so don't tell me
about pressure, okay?

I'm about this close to going bridal.

Now, if I don't see an ice swan
on my buffet table tomorrow,

somebody's gonna find you
floating face down in a bouillabaisse.

- Are you okay, ensign?
- Just peachy, major.

I think that you need to try to relax
and enjoy this, Harriet.

Why don't you let me take you out?

We can have dinner,
maybe a few laughs?

Well, that would be fun,

but my mom's planning
that stupid girls' night out.

Oh, right.

Could it get any worse than that?

You are still coming with me,
aren't you?

I know it's a lot to ask
and everything.

I am your maid of honour, Harriet.

I'm also a Marine.
I think I can handle your mother.

Are you sure you want to go through
with this, admiral?

No.

Admiral, commander.

Sorry, I had no idea
it was gonna be like this.

Don't worry about it.

Sir, thank you for coming.
It really means a lot to me.

Oh, it's the least we could do, Bud.

Every condemned man
needs his last hurrah.

You're joking, right, sir?
I mean, about the condemned part?

Of course we are, Bud.

Marriage is the greatest institution
on earth.

We're envious of you.

Well then, sir? Sir, sir?

- Why are you both still single then?
- Envious, not stupid.

- Please, go ahead.
- No, thanks.

- Take it.
- I don't like beer, Dad.

You don't like beer?

What do you want,
a pineapple with an umbrella in it?

- I got a soda.
- Hey, it's time you became a man.

Now, you either take this beer
or you're going...

Hey! He said
he didn't want the beer.

Lucky for you, Buddy,
this is your bachelor party.

Because I'm gonna cut you
some slack.

Come on, Mikey.

- You don't have to follow him.
- It's better that I do, Bud.

Okay.

Bud, I gotta disappear for a while.

Got to talk to a guy
about my uniform.

You still don't have
your dress whites?

Sir, the wedding is tomorrow.
You're my best man.

If you don't have your dress whites,
I don't know if you can come.

Admiral, will you order
the lieutenant to relax?

- Relax, lieutenant.
- Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, are any of you guys
Joe Garvey?

He's on stage.

Get down, get loose and
get an eyeful of Commander Joe.

Hey, this area is off limits.

This uniform belongs to me, buddy.
I just want the uniform.

- Wrong answer.
- Hey, pal.

I don't want any trouble, all right?

I've got a wedding in the morning.
I need the uniform.

Look, I'm warning you right now.
I'm a black belt.

- Don't make me hurt you.
- And I'm warning you right now.

I'm a lawyer.
Don't make me sue you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You ever handle
any sexual harassment suits?

What?

The owner here has got a bad habit
of pinching me every time I walk past.

It's kind of humiliating.

Thanks.

- Commander!
- Hey.

Commander, I thought
you'd abandoned ship on us.

Hey, girls!

Come on
and meet Commander Rabb.

Hey, where's Bud?

Oh, the last time I saw him

he was moving towards the head
with one of the gals.

I didn't think he had it in him myself.

I'll go get him. Excuse me, ladies.

Say, ladies,

you're not gonna charge me extra
for this, are you?

Oh, what the hell.

Commander, where have you been?

- This party is getting out of control.
- I'll say.

Have you seen the admiral, Bud?

Oh, they denied
my dad's credit card.

The admiral's talking to the
club manager, trying to work it out.

- Wow, what's wrong with her?
- I think she needs a doctor, sir.

Well, how much
did she have to drink?

Nothing.
I think it's morning sickness.

You're kidding, right?

No. I have a pregnancy test
in my purse.

I was gonna do it this afternoon,

but I had a tort final
and I just ran out of time.

- You're in law school?
- My third year at George Mason.

No way, I'm in my second year.
Do you know Professor Wilton?

- Yeah.
- He's...

I hate to interrupt this campus chat,
but I'd like to find the admiral.

- Where's the manager's office?
- Around the corner to the left.

Pardon?

- Around the corner to the left.
- Around the corner to the left.

Thanks.

- So this is your bachelor party?
- Yeah, I'm getting married tomorrow.

So who's the lucky lady?

Mother!

No, thank you. No, thank you.

Mother, we are going home
right now.

- Come on.
- Darling, I still have 60 bucks left.

How do you think your father
would look in an outfit like this?

Mother, don't even go there.
Come on.

Come on. Go.

Major, you have to do me
a humongous favour

and please take my mother back
to her hotel.

- I really need to see Bud right now.
- Sure.

Thank you.

- Where is she going?
- To see Bud.

Well, why on earth
would she do that?

Because she loves him.

Admiral.

I just gave that man all my cash
and my watch as collateral.

Three-twenty.

- I take it you're ready to leave then?
- Very.

Hi, I'm Big Bud.
Do you want to hear something funny?

Why don't we rescue the lieutenant
on the way out, sir?

- Dad, just leave her alone.
- What?

- Come on.
- No, we've gotta help Bud.

It's every man for himself
in a bar fight. Move.

My name is
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden.

Yeah, I know. Remember me?

United States Navy
v. Seaman Moska?

- Did I defend you?
- Prosecuted.

Those handcuffs aren't too tight,
are they, sir?

- Bud, what's going on?
- Harriet, what are you doing here?

Buddy, I'm pregnant.

Harriet, you have got to get a grip.

You are getting married
in less than half an hour.

- No, Mother, I'm not.
- It is not like a Beaumont to quit.

I am not a Beaumont.

I'm an ensign
in the United States Navy.

I am sick as a dog
and my fianc� got beat up

by a pregnant stripper last night.

Hello?

Just a minute.

It's your future husband.

I have no idea who that might be.

She's still getting dressed, Bud.
I'll have her call you when she's ready.

Okay.

Harriet's gonna call off
the wedding.

She said that?

No, but she won't come
to the phone.

Bud, she's probably getting ready.

Do you know how long
it takes a woman to get ready

just to go to the store to buy milk?

This is her wedding day.

I'm sure she probably started
getting ready yesterday.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I got it.

Mikey.

- Hey, commander.
- Hey, come on in.

- Where's your dad?
- I don't know, sir.

I went to the motel from the club.
He never came home.

- Come here, Mike.
- Hey, Buddy.

You know I'm sorry
I ran out on you last night.

What are you talking about?

You would have never left me alone
in the middle of a fight.

Oh, hey, come here.

Okay, look. We've got 15 minutes
to get to the chapel.

So let's get these Hollywood
sunglasses off of you and...

- It was an accident.
- The hell it was.

Okay, look, after Harriet and I get
married, you'll live with us, all right?

- You'll go to school here.
- Dad wants me to go into the Navy.

- The hell with what Dad wants.
- Hey, your brother's right, Mike.

You have talent, man.
You should pursue it.

- You're both in the Navy.
- Doing what we wanna do.

Your father was a naval aviator,
right, commander?

- Yeah.
- And isn't that why you became one?

- Yeah, probably.
- My dad's a sailor.

Why couldn't I have had a son?
I don't know why she gets like this.

She was a nice little girl,
always so well behaved.

- Mother, why don't you take a walk?
- Don't talk to me like that, young lady.

It's just nerves, Mrs. Sims.
Give her a minute to collect herself.

I don't know why you can't be
more like Major MacKenzie.

You're gonna be okay, Harriet.

- I feel like I'm gonna puke.
- Oh, nonsense.

You're just scared.

I have every reason to be.
All my parents do are fight and bicker.

I don't want my marriage
to end up like that.

Harriet, everyone fights.
It's part of being human.

Yeah, but I want it to be really great.

I probably sound like a sap.

I guess I'd have to agree with that
assessment, ensign. You are a sap.

You have got the greatest guy
who wants to make you his wife

and you're sitting here,
afraid to get up off the couch.

Do you really think
we're gonna be happy?

I think that you and Bud
are gonna be

as happy as two people
have a right to be.

Now get in your dress,
that's an order.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you, major.

You know, if I had a sister,
I'd want her to be just like you.

Thank you, Harriet.

I think that's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

Well, dear, I'm glad to see
you've come to your senses.

- Mother, will you do me a favour?
- Anything, darling.

Don't talk to me
for the next 24 minutes.

Pardon me?

Mother, this is my day.
This is the husband that I want.

This the life that I want.

So you can either enjoy the day
and you can share in my happiness,

or you can sashay your
southern-belle butt right back home.

And there is no middle ground.

Okay, so how do I look?

Like you went 10 rounds
with Mike Tyson.

Come in.

Spoken like a true Roberts.

All right, Mikey,
let me have a look at that shiner.

Don't worry. A little cover-up makeup
will hide a multitude of sins.

- I'm gonna ruin the wedding pictures.
- Not once I'm done with you.

- Looking good, major.
- It's okay?

- There.
- Now let me see it.

- You look very handsome, Mikey.
- How's my hair?

Well, well, well.

I'd better check on Harriet.

You hit him last night.

- You tell him that?
- He didn't have to.

He was getting lippy.

That doesn't give you the right
to hit him.

It does in my book.
I'm trying to make him tough.

Like you?

There's a difference between
being strong and being a bully.

It was for your own good.
Nobody ever picked on you, did they?

Just guys like you.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm no
Mr. Father-Knows-Best.

But they don't teach
child rearing in the Navy.

You made me hate you.

You guys, you always had
food to eat.

You had clean clothes
and you had a roof over your head.

We could have gotten that
in an orphanage.

Yeah? I don't need
to take this from you.

- Mr. Big-Shot-Lieutenant-Lawyer.
- Dad, don't.

- What are you gonna do about it?
- Stop it.

- Yeah, make me.
- Dad, don't!

You shut up and keep out of this
or I'll close your other eye.

Don't you ever raise your fist
against Mikey or me again.

Come on, Mikey.

- We're getting out of here.
- It's Bud's wedding, Dad.

Yeah? Well, you have an appointment
with the Navy recruiter.

It's not your life, it's his!

Don't do it, Mikey.

Sorry, Bud.

You won't be seeing us
anytime soon.

Mikey, you'll always be welcome
in my life.

But I never want to see you again.

Dearly beloved,

we have come together
in the presence of God

to witness and bless
the joining together

of this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.

Marriage is not intended
to be entered into unadvisedly

or lightly,

but reverently, deliberately,

and in accordance to the purposes
for which it is instituted

- Bud.
- By God.

I, Bud J. Roberts Jr., take you,
Harriet Beaumont Sims, to be my wife,

to have and to hold
from this day forward,

for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,

until separated by death.

This is my solemn vow to you.

I, Harriet Beaumont Sims,

take you, Bud J. Roberts Jr.,
to be my husband,

to have and to hold
from this day forward,

for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,

for richer or for poorer,
to love and to cherish,

until we are parted by death.

This is my solemn vow to you.

This ring is a symbol of my vow,
of all that I am, and all that I have.

I pronounce
that you are husband and wife.

Hey, hey.

Officers, draw swords.

Arch swords.

Blades to the wind.

Presenting, for the first time in public,

Lieutenant J.G.
And Mrs. Bud J. Roberts Jr.

Go, Navy.

Return.

Sword. Dismissed.

- I've been waiting a long time for this.
- Oh, so have I.

Well, since everybody's
kissing the bride

I guess I'll kiss the groom.

Red light, commander.

So do I get to kiss the bride, Buddy?

I think you'd better, little brother.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Mikey.

Excuse me, sir.

Who's your friend?

Yes?

Don't ask.