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1
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,784
[ Oliver ]♪ Green Acres ♪
2
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,154
♪ Is the place to be ♪
3
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:26,024
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪
4
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,128
♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪
5
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,866
♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪
6
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:37,970
[ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪
7
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,140
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
8
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,644
♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪
9
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,814
♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪
10
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,352
♪ The chores ♪
11
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,387
♪ The stores ♪
12
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,357
- ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪
13
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:02,795
- ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
14
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:06,365
[ Together ]♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
15
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,722
See what we got here.
[ Chuckles ]
16
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,626
"Arnold leaves
for Hollywood today...
17
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:38,930
to star in picture
for Boris Fedor."
18
00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:42,167
[ Laughs ]
That's my boy.
19
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,536
Arnold?
20
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,671
Arnold.
21
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,809
Arnold? Your picture's
in the paper.
22
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:54,112
[ Squealing ]
23
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,248
[ Grunting ]
24
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,456
What do you got
your roller skates for?
25
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,791
You ain't gonna have no time
to skate in Hollywood.
26
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,094
Don't you know that?
You'll be too busy acting.
27
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:19,036
And you got
only one sports shirt.
You better get another one.
28
00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:22,940
And hurry up about it.
The Douglases'll be here in
a half an hour to pick you up.
29
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,282
I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.
30
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:34,352
Well, whether you believe it
or not, we have to pick
Arnold up in a half an hour.
31
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:38,790
Lisa, w-we're not
really gonna take Arnold
to Hollywood, are we?
32
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,459
Of course we are.
We promised Mr. Ziffel.
33
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:46,398
- But--
- Oliver, do you want Arnold
to miss his big chance?
34
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:50,368
- What big chance?
- To become a movie star.
35
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,837
[ Scoffs ]
He's not going to be a--
36
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,707
Oliver, when I called
Boris Fedor,
37
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,611
he said he was going to make
Arnold a movie star.
38
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,080
All he said was that if Arnold
is ever in Hollywood...
39
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,450
to drop in to see him,
he'd be glad to talk to him.
40
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,821
Well, how can Arnold drop in
to see him in "Hollywoods"
if he isn't there?
41
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,823
That's why we got
to take him.
42
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:15,994
You didn't even tell
your Hungarian producer friend
that Arnold was a pig.
43
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,330
Well, what difference
does it make?
44
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:21,166
A star is a star, no matter
what shape he's in.
45
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:24,068
Nobody is going to put him--
46
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,138
There have been
other animal stars
who have been in pictures,
47
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,576
and none of them got the kind
of reviews like Arnold got
for the play he was in.
48
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:34,212
Oh, those stupid reviews.
49
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,614
Well, how many pigs
do you know...
50
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,183
who were compared
to Laurence Olivier?
51
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,053
None that I know.
52
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:45,290
Oliver, if you don't want to go,
you don't have to.
53
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:49,194
Oh, I wouldn't miss it
for the world.
54
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:52,331
Well, if you do,
then you better start and pack.
55
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,566
I am all packed.
56
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:58,036
Is this all
you're going to take?
It's all I need.
57
00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:02,040
As soon as your friend sees
what Arnold is, we'll be
back on the next plane.
58
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,379
[ Car Approaching ]
59
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,817
Hello, Mr. Ziffel.
Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.
You're early.
60
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,953
Yes, uh, we've got a long drive
to the airport. Is Arnold ready?
61
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,623
Uh, yeah, just about packed.
Arnold!
62
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,329
[ Car Door Opens ]
63
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:34,739
Now, Arnold, you're going
away from home, and I want
to tell you a few things.
64
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,975
I want you to mind
Mr. and Mrs. Douglas and do
everything they tell ya.
65
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,011
[ Grunting ]
66
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,782
And be a good boy, and I don't
want you to get mixed up
with them Hollywood pigs.
67
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,419
[ Grunting ]
68
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,355
- Mr. Ziffel, we'd better get--
- And another thing.
69
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,691
Don't be a know-it-all.
70
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:56,994
Listen to what the director says
and be sure and know your lines
in the picture.
71
00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,999
- [ Grunts ]
- Mr. Ziffel--
72
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,935
Be sure and write every day
and call once a week.
73
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,937
[ Grunts ]
74
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,840
- We'll see that he does.
- Could we please get--
75
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,910
And, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas,
be sure that he watches
his diet, will ya?
76
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,713
And keep him away
from sweets. He breaks out
somethin' terrible.
77
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:20,118
- We'll watch him.
- Look, we're gonna be late!
78
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,688
Well, I guess this is it.
79
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,057
- This is good-bye.
- Yes, good-bye!
80
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,960
- Good-bye, my boy.
- [ Squeals ]
81
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,463
- See ya in the movies.
- Good-bye!
82
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,466
[ Arnold Squealing ]
83
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,655
Yes.
May I help you?
84
00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:00,525
We have a reservation.
[ Clears Throat ]
The name is Douglas.
85
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,594
Douglas?
86
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,231
Oh, yes, here we are,
Mr. Douglas.
87
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:10,335
A suite for you and your wife
and a single for Arnold Ziffel.
88
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:13,705
- That's right.
- Is, uh, Mr. Ziffel with you?
89
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:17,175
Here we go.
Take it, Lisa.
90
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,411
Yes. Mr. Ziffel is here.
91
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,048
[ Grunting ]
92
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,685
- That's a pig!
- [ Grunting ]
93
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,755
- What did you expect?
- Well, I--
94
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,626
- Uh, may we have our room?
- Yes, you can have your room,
95
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:38,230
but I'm afraid we can't give
Mr. Ziff-- him a room.
96
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,698
- [ Squeals ]
- Why not?
97
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,468
Well--
[ Scoffs ]
Madam, we have rules.
98
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,937
May I see them?
99
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,473
Well, I don't have them right--
Surely you understand, sir.
100
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,876
No, I don't understand
the whole thing.
101
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,747
Well, I'm sorry.
There's nothing I can do.
102
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,916
There is something we can do.
We can protest.
103
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,319
Oh, one of those, huh?
104
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:06,591
Well, you go right ahead
and protest just as much
as you like.
105
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,160
Okay, Arnold.
106
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:12,263
[ Squealing Loudly ]
107
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:17,669
Will you please quiet
the-- the pig? Madam,
he's disturbing our guests.
108
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,672
Well, he couldn't
if he was in a room.
109
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,508
[ Squealing Continues ]
Very well.
110
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,510
[ Bell Rings ]
111
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,580
Take these... people to 527.
112
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,598
He's got a head
like a sieve.
113
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,841
[ Gunfire On TV ]
114
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,179
Arnold, will you turn
that darn thing down?
115
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,884
[ Grunting ]
[ Volume Decreases ]
116
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,654
Thank you.
117
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,524
Oliver, I wish you wouldn't
yell at Arnold.
118
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,859
He's very sensitive.
119
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,195
He's sensitive?
Yes.
120
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:20,732
So he'll never be
a football.
Oliver!
121
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,201
Lisa, why are you unpacking?
122
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:27,439
Well, we are going to be here
for a few months while Arnold
is making his movie.
123
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,107
Look, do me a favor.
Call your friend here.
124
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:35,246
Have him meet Arnold,
and I guarantee you and I will
be on our way home tonight.
125
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,716
I wonder what
would've happened...
126
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,284
if Mickey Rooney's father
had talked that way.
127
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:44,322
[ Gunfire On TV ]
What has that got to--
128
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:48,326
Arnold, will you turn
that thing down?
129
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,663
Call your friend.
[ Volume Decreases ]
130
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:56,033
Hello? Would you please
connect me with
the Master-Arts Studios?
131
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:03,107
Look, you are talking
to Boris Fedor,
a poor Hollywood producer.
132
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,011
I can't give your client
a $5,000-a-week raise.
133
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,949
I don't care if he is
the best horse actor
in pictures.
134
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,519
I can't afford it!
135
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,455
Now look, the picture
starts in two weeks.
136
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,392
He better be on the set,
or else!
137
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:28,766
Next time I do a picture,
it's going to be with
human-being actors.
138
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,637
Mr. Fedor, the woman
who called last week is
on the phone-- Mrs. Douglas.
139
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,840
Douglas?
She said her maiden name
is Gronyitz.
140
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,910
Oh, Lisa Gronyitz.
Why didn't you say so?
141
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:42,046
- Hello, Lisa, darling.
- Hello, Boris!
142
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,515
- Where are you?
- In Hollywood.
143
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,650
I brought Arnold
out here to see you.
144
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,453
- Who?
- Arnold Ziffel.
145
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,522
Remember the actor
I told you about...
146
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,992
who got better notices
than Laurence Olivier?
147
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:57,295
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
- When can you see us?
148
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,164
Well, uh,
how about next week?
149
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,400
3:00 today would be better.
150
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,303
- But I--
- See you at 3:00.
151
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,206
Ah. He's going
to see us at 3:00.
152
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,775
You still didn't tell him
that Arnold is a pig.
153
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:13,511
He'll probably notice that
when he meets him.
154
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,682
Sweitzer, you are
my publicity man.
155
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:21,018
You ought to be able
to figure out a story why
we have to postpone the picture.
156
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,020
Why don't you
tell them the truth--
157
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:25,724
that the horse wants more money
and you don't want to pay him.
158
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,059
What are you trying to do,
make me look cheap?
159
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,295
Mr. Fedor,
Lisa Gronyitz is here
for her 3:00 appointment.
160
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,933
Oh. No, no, no. Sit, sit.
I'll get rid of her
in a minute.
161
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,935
Send her in.
162
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,337
You may come in now.
Thank you.
163
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,340
Oh, Boris.
Lisa, darling.
164
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,811
How are you?
Fine.
So good to see you!
165
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,046
And you must be
Arnold Ziffel.
166
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,783
Uh, no, I--
167
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,785
So you want to be
in pictures.
168
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,454
Lisa tells me they compare you
with Laurence Olivier.
169
00:10:56,523 --> 00:11:00,858
No, no, no. He's my husband.
They don't compare him
to anybody.
170
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,061
Oh. Where is Arnold Ziffel?
171
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,331
He's outside eating
your secretary's lunch.
172
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,902
- What?
- Uh, well, I'll get him.
173
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,370
Arnold, you can
come in now.
174
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,707
[ Grunting ]
175
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,011
Boris, this is
Arnold Ziffel.
176
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,981
[ Squealing ]
177
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,650
He's a pig.
178
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,552
You're right.
He did notice.
179
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,723
- When is Arnold going
to start to work?
- Well, he--
180
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:35,259
My husband is a lawyer,
and he can take care
of all the contracts.
181
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,929
Oh, yes. I-- I do
all of the legal work...
182
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:40,932
for some of the biggest
pigs in Hooterville.
183
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:46,037
Um-- Well, Lisa, you see,
it's, uh, not so easy. It's--
184
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:49,540
Of course. I understand.
First you have to give him
a "scream" test.
185
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,111
A scream test.
Well, yes, of course.
186
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:56,648
You know it takes a little time
to prepare for that,
so I have an idea.
187
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,251
Why don't you take, um,
Mr. Ziffel back to the hotel,
188
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,520
and I'll call you
as soon as we got it set up.
189
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,757
Fine. We'll wait
for your call.
Good.
190
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:08,126
Nice to have met you,
Mr. Gronyitz.
191
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,128
Douglas.
192
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:13,497
Okay, Doug.
You can call me Boris.
193
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,833
Well, you'll be
hearing from me.
194
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:19,470
- Arnold, come on.
- [ Grunting ]
195
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:23,307
Bye.
196
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,589
That's all I need-- a pig.
I don't have enough trouble
with a horse.
197
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,791
A scream--
uh, screen test.
198
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:43,327
Wait a second, boss.
Wait a second.
199
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,563
You got a great idea.
I have? What is it?
200
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:50,368
Give the pig a screen test.
Then when the horse hears
about it, it'll shake him up.
201
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,770
He'll think that he's being
replaced by a pig,
202
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:56,107
and he'll forget about the raise
and come crawling.
203
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:58,109
Well, I did it again.
204
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,678
Now you see why I am a producer
and you are working for me.
205
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,585
[ Oliver ]
"Fedor to test Pig."
206
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:11,655
"Fedor to replace horse
with pig."
207
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,726
I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.
208
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,129
Oliver, we're going
to be late.
Lisa--
209
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:22,666
Arnold has to be in the studio
on the set to make
his scream test at 10:00,
210
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,003
and he has to go to Wardrobe,
Makeup and Hairdressing.
211
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:29,473
What's he gonna do,
a scene from Porky and Bess?
212
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,542
No. Pygmalion.
213
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,979
Where's the ham bone now?
214
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,215
He's in the other room
studying his script.
215
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,284
He's st--
Mmm.
216
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,125
[ Grunting ]
217
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:54,331
I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.
218
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,909
[ Grunting ]
219
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,334
Ready for your test,
Mr. Ziffel.
220
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,607
Doesn't he look cute?
221
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,844
Cute?
222
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,180
Looks like a pig
in a striped sweater.
223
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,682
Come on.
Let's go and watch.
224
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:55,026
Sorry, folks. Mr. Ziffel's
requested a closed set.
No visitors.
225
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,095
Quiet!
226
00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:00,364
I don't blame him.
We'll only make him nervous.
227
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,474
Lisa, we've been cooped up
in this room for three days.
228
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:13,344
Can't we go for a walk
or something?
I am not leaving.
229
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,546
Boris might call.
230
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,382
If he hasn't called by now,
he never will.
231
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,118
Well, he probably didn't see
Arnold's test.
232
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,955
He probably has.
That's why he hasn't called.
233
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,291
Oliver, the director,
the cameraman--
234
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,095
everybody said that they thought
that Arnold's scream test...
235
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,231
was one of the best tests
ever made by a pig.
236
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,301
Lisa, I've had enough
of this nonsense.
237
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,304
Now I came out here because
I thought this whole thing
was a kind of a joke...
238
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,306
but we'd have
a nice vacation out of it.
239
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,243
The joke is over.
Now let's pack up and go home.
240
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,712
Oliver, you don't care
about Arnold's career.
241
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,383
No, I don't,
but I care about us.
242
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,452
All we've done is
sit here and bicker
about that stupid pig.
243
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,922
Now I want you to pack,
and let's get out of here.
244
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,258
But, Oliver--
Pack!
245
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,266
But, chief, it's not a bad test.
You oughta take a look at it.
246
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,801
He really does some
amazing things for a pig.
247
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,205
He's much smarter than
the horse, and he really
has much more sex appeal.
248
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,207
I'm not interested
in looking at it.
249
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:19,243
All I'm interested
is getting a phone call
from the horse's agent...
250
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,645
telling me that he's
on his bended knee.
251
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,948
But, chief, just take a--
[ Phone Rings ]
252
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,183
Yes, what?
253
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,220
Put him on.
It's the horse's agent.
254
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,456
Hello.
255
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,526
Fine. How's your client,
the horse?
256
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:38,095
Is he ready to go to work?
257
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,331
What?
258
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,666
I told you, no raise!
259
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,902
[ Line Clicks ]
Hello?
260
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,138
He hung up.
261
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,040
You and your stupid ideas!
262
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,042
Give the pig a screen test,
263
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,711
and the horse will come running
with his "tails"
between his "leg."
264
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,514
Well, he's got my tail
between his legs!
265
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,883
- He's not going to do
the picture.
- He isn't?
266
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:04,321
No. Here I am with a script
all ready to shoot,
and we have no star.
267
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,891
- But, Mr. Fedor, you have
a star-- Arnold Ziffel.
- Nah.
268
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,694
You only have to take a look
at the test he made!
269
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,864
- No.
- But, Mr. Fedor--
270
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,666
I said--
271
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:19,370
- You really think
he has sex appeal?
- Yes, sir.
272
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,207
Well, it, uh, wouldn't
cost anything to look.
273
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:31,082
Can't we just wait
another minute?
No. Now come on.
274
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,285
But it's going to be
very embarrassing to Arnold
to go back to "Hootersville"...
275
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:36,353
and tell everybody
he was a failure.
276
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,256
He'll live it down.
Come on. Let's go.
277
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:42,059
[ Phone Ringing ]
278
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,265
Hello? Yes, Boris?[ Oliver Sighs ]
279
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,733
What? We'll be right there.
280
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,735
Lisa, will you come on--
281
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,471
Well, Mr. Wise Guy,
guess what.
282
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:57,541
Boris just called,
and he saw Arnold's scream test,
283
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,944
and he's going to star him
in his new picture.
284
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,950
I don't believe it.
285
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,519
I just don't believe it.
286
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:18,729
Now, before we have
Arnold's contract drawn up,
287
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,965
I want to talk
about the terms with you.
288
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,967
Don't you think that Arnold
should be here to discuss them?
289
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,970
Oh, no, no. I never
like to talk money
in front of the star.
290
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,673
Mr. Gronyitz can explain
everything to him.
291
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,876
- Douglas.
- Oh, yes, Doug.
292
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:36,080
Doug can explain
everything to him.
293
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:39,850
We are going to start him off
with a hundred dollars a week.
294
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,819
I think he ought
to get more money.
295
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,887
Now you're talking
like the horse.
296
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,558
A hundred and his own
dressing room.
297
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,461
All right. We'll take it
for the first picture.
298
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,530
Now what is it going
to be about?
299
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,598
Well, it was originally
a horse story,
300
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,901
but I had my writer rewrite
the horse's lines for the pig.
301
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,737
I'd like to
watch him do that.
302
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,074
Sorry, but you know
how writers are.
303
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,344
They don't like anybody
looking over their shoulder
while they are working.
304
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,513
Well, before we start
the picture,
305
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,849
we are going to have a big
publicity campaign for the pig.
306
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,219
Champagne party for the press,
307
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,288
pictures with other stars--
308
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,290
the usual buildup.
309
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,897
[ Grunting ]
310
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,301
Oliver, don't hold
the glass so high.
311
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,704
You're hiding Arnold's face.
312
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,441
- I'm doing him a favor.
- Shoot.
313
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:41,478
Good. Now, Oliver, take Arnold
over to the diving board,
314
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,881
and we watch him jump off.
315
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,950
How about a shot
of me pushing him off?
316
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,952
Oh, come on, Oliver.
Oh.
317
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,187
Come on. Just take him
over there.
[ Sighs ]
318
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:57,160
Okay, Arnold. Dive off.
319
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:02,165
All right.
Go ahead. Dive off.
[ Diving Board Clatters ]
320
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:09,840
Oh, you dirty--
[ Blows ]
321
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,272
Start shooting today, huh?
Good luck, Mr. Ziffel!
322
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:46,309
Two weeks ago, he wouldn't even
let Arnold in the hotel,
323
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:50,247
and now he says,
"Good luck, Mr. Ziffel"!
324
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,315
That's Hollywood.
325
00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:01,558
[ Whinnying ]
326
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,995
[ Grunting ]
327
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:43,234
- [ Whinnying Continues ]
- [ Grunts ]
328
00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:48,832
We don't need
those words anymore.
What?
329
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,937
He's been gone six hours.
Never showed up on the set.
330
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:57,340
There is one thing Boris Fedor
will not stand for--
331
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,409
an unreliable pig!
332
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:02,679
- He's fired!
- But, Boris!
333
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,416
Fired.
That's my last word.
334
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:10,321
Miss Hanson,
335
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,556
get me the horse's agent.
336
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:24,001
Arnold!
There you are.
337
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,403
I told ya he was all right.
338
00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:29,806
What happened?
Why did you walk out
on the picture?
339
00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:31,374
[ Grunts ]
340
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:35,012
Well, that doesn't seem like
a good reason to me.
341
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:39,016
Does it to you, Oliver?
Yes, yes.
I can see his point.
342
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,418
Arnold, why are you
packing for?
343
00:23:41,486 --> 00:23:44,688
- He's had enough
of show business.
- [ Grunts ]
344
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:47,558
He wants to go home,
and so do I.
Now why don't we pack?
345
00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:49,693
Oh, why don't I call Boris
just once more?
346
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:52,896
No, no, no. He's already put
the horse in the picture.
347
00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:55,032
[ Grunts ]
348
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:59,069
He seems like he's happy
to hear that.
And so am I.
349
00:24:02,475 --> 00:24:05,909
Oliver, help him
with his suitcase.
350
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,213
He's got too much stuff
in here.
351
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,983
I wonder why he walked off
the picture.
352
00:24:13,051 --> 00:24:15,852
I'm sure
he has his reasons.
353
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,921
What's he doing with this?
354
00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:59,095
[ Lisa ] This has beena Filmways presentation,darling.
30998
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