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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,784 [ Oliver ] ♪ Green Acres ♪ 2 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,154 ♪ Is the place to be ♪ 3 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:26,024 ♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪ 4 00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,128 ♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪ 5 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,866 ♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪ 6 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:37,970 [ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪ 7 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,140 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪ 8 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,644 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪ 9 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,814 ♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪ 10 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,352 ♪ The chores ♪ 11 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,387 ♪ The stores ♪ 12 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,357 - ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪ 13 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:02,795 - ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪ 14 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:06,365 [ Together ] ♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪ 15 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,722 See what we got here. [ Chuckles ] 16 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,626 "Arnold leaves for Hollywood today... 17 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:38,930 to star in picture for Boris Fedor." 18 00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:42,167 [ Laughs ] That's my boy. 19 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,536 Arnold? 20 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,671 Arnold. 21 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,809 Arnold? Your picture's in the paper. 22 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:54,112 [ Squealing ] 23 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,248 [ Grunting ] 24 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,456 What do you got your roller skates for? 25 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,791 You ain't gonna have no time to skate in Hollywood. 26 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,094 Don't you know that? You'll be too busy acting. 27 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:19,036 And you got only one sports shirt. You better get another one. 28 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:22,940 And hurry up about it. The Douglases'll be here in a half an hour to pick you up. 29 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,282 I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. 30 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:34,352 Well, whether you believe it or not, we have to pick Arnold up in a half an hour. 31 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:38,790 Lisa, w-we're not really gonna take Arnold to Hollywood, are we? 32 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,459 Of course we are. We promised Mr. Ziffel. 33 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:46,398 - But-- - Oliver, do you want Arnold to miss his big chance? 34 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:50,368 - What big chance? - To become a movie star. 35 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,837 [ Scoffs ] He's not going to be a-- 36 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,707 Oliver, when I called Boris Fedor, 37 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,611 he said he was going to make Arnold a movie star. 38 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,080 All he said was that if Arnold is ever in Hollywood... 39 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,450 to drop in to see him, he'd be glad to talk to him. 40 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,821 Well, how can Arnold drop in to see him in "Hollywoods" if he isn't there? 41 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,823 That's why we got to take him. 42 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:15,994 You didn't even tell your Hungarian producer friend that Arnold was a pig. 43 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,330 Well, what difference does it make? 44 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:21,166 A star is a star, no matter what shape he's in. 45 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:24,068 Nobody is going to put him-- 46 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,138 There have been other animal stars who have been in pictures, 47 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,576 and none of them got the kind of reviews like Arnold got for the play he was in. 48 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:34,212 Oh, those stupid reviews. 49 00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,614 Well, how many pigs do you know... 50 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,183 who were compared to Laurence Olivier? 51 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,053 None that I know. 52 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:45,290 Oliver, if you don't want to go, you don't have to. 53 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:49,194 Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world. 54 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:52,331 Well, if you do, then you better start and pack. 55 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,566 I am all packed. 56 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:58,036 Is this all you're going to take? It's all I need. 57 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:02,040 As soon as your friend sees what Arnold is, we'll be back on the next plane. 58 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,379 [ Car Approaching ] 59 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,817 Hello, Mr. Ziffel. Good morning, Mrs. Douglas. You're early. 60 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,953 Yes, uh, we've got a long drive to the airport. Is Arnold ready? 61 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,623 Uh, yeah, just about packed. Arnold! 62 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,329 [ Car Door Opens ] 63 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:34,739 Now, Arnold, you're going away from home, and I want to tell you a few things. 64 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,975 I want you to mind Mr. and Mrs. Douglas and do everything they tell ya. 65 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,011 [ Grunting ] 66 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,782 And be a good boy, and I don't want you to get mixed up with them Hollywood pigs. 67 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,419 [ Grunting ] 68 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,355 - Mr. Ziffel, we'd better get-- - And another thing. 69 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,691 Don't be a know-it-all. 70 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:56,994 Listen to what the director says and be sure and know your lines in the picture. 71 00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,999 - [ Grunts ] - Mr. Ziffel-- 72 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,935 Be sure and write every day and call once a week. 73 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,937 [ Grunts ] 74 00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,840 - We'll see that he does. - Could we please get-- 75 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,910 And, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas, be sure that he watches his diet, will ya? 76 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,713 And keep him away from sweets. He breaks out somethin' terrible. 77 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:20,118 - We'll watch him. - Look, we're gonna be late! 78 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,688 Well, I guess this is it. 79 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,057 - This is good-bye. - Yes, good-bye! 80 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,960 - Good-bye, my boy. - [ Squeals ] 81 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,463 - See ya in the movies. - Good-bye! 82 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,466 [ Arnold Squealing ] 83 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,655 Yes. May I help you? 84 00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:00,525 We have a reservation. [ Clears Throat ] The name is Douglas. 85 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,594 Douglas? 86 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,231 Oh, yes, here we are, Mr. Douglas. 87 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:10,335 A suite for you and your wife and a single for Arnold Ziffel. 88 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:13,705 - That's right. - Is, uh, Mr. Ziffel with you? 89 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:17,175 Here we go. Take it, Lisa. 90 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,411 Yes. Mr. Ziffel is here. 91 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,048 [ Grunting ] 92 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,685 - That's a pig! - [ Grunting ] 93 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,755 - What did you expect? - Well, I-- 94 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,626 - Uh, may we have our room? - Yes, you can have your room, 95 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:38,230 but I'm afraid we can't give Mr. Ziff-- him a room. 96 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,698 - [ Squeals ] - Why not? 97 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,468 Well-- [ Scoffs ] Madam, we have rules. 98 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,937 May I see them? 99 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,473 Well, I don't have them right-- Surely you understand, sir. 100 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,876 No, I don't understand the whole thing. 101 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,747 Well, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. 102 00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,916 There is something we can do. We can protest. 103 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,319 Oh, one of those, huh? 104 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:06,591 Well, you go right ahead and protest just as much as you like. 105 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,160 Okay, Arnold. 106 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:12,263 [ Squealing Loudly ] 107 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:17,669 Will you please quiet the-- the pig? Madam, he's disturbing our guests. 108 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,672 Well, he couldn't if he was in a room. 109 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,508 [ Squealing Continues ] Very well. 110 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,510 [ Bell Rings ] 111 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,580 Take these... people to 527. 112 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,598 He's got a head like a sieve. 113 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,841 [ Gunfire On TV ] 114 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,179 Arnold, will you turn that darn thing down? 115 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,884 [ Grunting ] [ Volume Decreases ] 116 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,654 Thank you. 117 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,524 Oliver, I wish you wouldn't yell at Arnold. 118 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,859 He's very sensitive. 119 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,195 He's sensitive? Yes. 120 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:20,732 So he'll never be a football. Oliver! 121 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,201 Lisa, why are you unpacking? 122 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:27,439 Well, we are going to be here for a few months while Arnold is making his movie. 123 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,107 Look, do me a favor. Call your friend here. 124 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:35,246 Have him meet Arnold, and I guarantee you and I will be on our way home tonight. 125 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,716 I wonder what would've happened... 126 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,284 if Mickey Rooney's father had talked that way. 127 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:44,322 [ Gunfire On TV ] What has that got to-- 128 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:48,326 Arnold, will you turn that thing down? 129 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,663 Call your friend. [ Volume Decreases ] 130 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:56,033 Hello? Would you please connect me with the Master-Arts Studios? 131 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:03,107 Look, you are talking to Boris Fedor, a poor Hollywood producer. 132 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,011 I can't give your client a $5,000-a-week raise. 133 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,949 I don't care if he is the best horse actor in pictures. 134 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,519 I can't afford it! 135 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,455 Now look, the picture starts in two weeks. 136 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,392 He better be on the set, or else! 137 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:28,766 Next time I do a picture, it's going to be with human-being actors. 138 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,637 Mr. Fedor, the woman who called last week is on the phone-- Mrs. Douglas. 139 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,840 Douglas? She said her maiden name is Gronyitz. 140 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,910 Oh, Lisa Gronyitz. Why didn't you say so? 141 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:42,046 - Hello, Lisa, darling. - Hello, Boris! 142 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,515 - Where are you? - In Hollywood. 143 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,650 I brought Arnold out here to see you. 144 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,453 - Who? - Arnold Ziffel. 145 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,522 Remember the actor I told you about... 146 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,992 who got better notices than Laurence Olivier? 147 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:57,295 - Oh, yes, yes, yes. - When can you see us? 148 00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,164 Well, uh, how about next week? 149 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,400 3:00 today would be better. 150 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,303 - But I-- - See you at 3:00. 151 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,206 Ah. He's going to see us at 3:00. 152 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,775 You still didn't tell him that Arnold is a pig. 153 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:13,511 He'll probably notice that when he meets him. 154 00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,682 Sweitzer, you are my publicity man. 155 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:21,018 You ought to be able to figure out a story why we have to postpone the picture. 156 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,020 Why don't you tell them the truth-- 157 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:25,724 that the horse wants more money and you don't want to pay him. 158 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,059 What are you trying to do, make me look cheap? 159 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,295 Mr. Fedor, Lisa Gronyitz is here for her 3:00 appointment. 160 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,933 Oh. No, no, no. Sit, sit. I'll get rid of her in a minute. 161 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,935 Send her in. 162 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,337 You may come in now. Thank you. 163 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,340 Oh, Boris. Lisa, darling. 164 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,811 How are you? Fine. So good to see you! 165 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,046 And you must be Arnold Ziffel. 166 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,783 Uh, no, I-- 167 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,785 So you want to be in pictures. 168 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,454 Lisa tells me they compare you with Laurence Olivier. 169 00:10:56,523 --> 00:11:00,858 No, no, no. He's my husband. They don't compare him to anybody. 170 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,061 Oh. Where is Arnold Ziffel? 171 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,331 He's outside eating your secretary's lunch. 172 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,902 - What? - Uh, well, I'll get him. 173 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,370 Arnold, you can come in now. 174 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,707 [ Grunting ] 175 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,011 Boris, this is Arnold Ziffel. 176 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,981 [ Squealing ] 177 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,650 He's a pig. 178 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,552 You're right. He did notice. 179 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,723 - When is Arnold going to start to work? - Well, he-- 180 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:35,259 My husband is a lawyer, and he can take care of all the contracts. 181 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,929 Oh, yes. I-- I do all of the legal work... 182 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:40,932 for some of the biggest pigs in Hooterville. 183 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:46,037 Um-- Well, Lisa, you see, it's, uh, not so easy. It's-- 184 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:49,540 Of course. I understand. First you have to give him a "scream" test. 185 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,111 A scream test. Well, yes, of course. 186 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:56,648 You know it takes a little time to prepare for that, so I have an idea. 187 00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,251 Why don't you take, um, Mr. Ziffel back to the hotel, 188 00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,520 and I'll call you as soon as we got it set up. 189 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,757 Fine. We'll wait for your call. Good. 190 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:08,126 Nice to have met you, Mr. Gronyitz. 191 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,128 Douglas. 192 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:13,497 Okay, Doug. You can call me Boris. 193 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,833 Well, you'll be hearing from me. 194 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:19,470 - Arnold, come on. - [ Grunting ] 195 00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:23,307 Bye. 196 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,589 That's all I need-- a pig. I don't have enough trouble with a horse. 197 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,791 A scream-- uh, screen test. 198 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:43,327 Wait a second, boss. Wait a second. 199 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,563 You got a great idea. I have? What is it? 200 00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:50,368 Give the pig a screen test. Then when the horse hears about it, it'll shake him up. 201 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,770 He'll think that he's being replaced by a pig, 202 00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:56,107 and he'll forget about the raise and come crawling. 203 00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:58,109 Well, I did it again. 204 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,678 Now you see why I am a producer and you are working for me. 205 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,585 [ Oliver ] "Fedor to test Pig." 206 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:11,655 "Fedor to replace horse with pig." 207 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,726 I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. 208 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,129 Oliver, we're going to be late. Lisa-- 209 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:22,666 Arnold has to be in the studio on the set to make his scream test at 10:00, 210 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,003 and he has to go to Wardrobe, Makeup and Hairdressing. 211 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:29,473 What's he gonna do, a scene from Porky and Bess? 212 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,542 No. Pygmalion. 213 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,979 Where's the ham bone now? 214 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,215 He's in the other room studying his script. 215 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,284 He's st-- Mmm. 216 00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,125 [ Grunting ] 217 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:54,331 I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. 218 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,909 [ Grunting ] 219 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,334 Ready for your test, Mr. Ziffel. 220 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,607 Doesn't he look cute? 221 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,844 Cute? 222 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,180 Looks like a pig in a striped sweater. 223 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,682 Come on. Let's go and watch. 224 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:55,026 Sorry, folks. Mr. Ziffel's requested a closed set. No visitors. 225 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,095 Quiet! 226 00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:00,364 I don't blame him. We'll only make him nervous. 227 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,474 Lisa, we've been cooped up in this room for three days. 228 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:13,344 Can't we go for a walk or something? I am not leaving. 229 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,546 Boris might call. 230 00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,382 If he hasn't called by now, he never will. 231 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,118 Well, he probably didn't see Arnold's test. 232 00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,955 He probably has. That's why he hasn't called. 233 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,291 Oliver, the director, the cameraman-- 234 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,095 everybody said that they thought that Arnold's scream test... 235 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,231 was one of the best tests ever made by a pig. 236 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,301 Lisa, I've had enough of this nonsense. 237 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,304 Now I came out here because I thought this whole thing was a kind of a joke... 238 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,306 but we'd have a nice vacation out of it. 239 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,243 The joke is over. Now let's pack up and go home. 240 00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,712 Oliver, you don't care about Arnold's career. 241 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,383 No, I don't, but I care about us. 242 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,452 All we've done is sit here and bicker about that stupid pig. 243 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,922 Now I want you to pack, and let's get out of here. 244 00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,258 But, Oliver-- Pack! 245 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,266 But, chief, it's not a bad test. You oughta take a look at it. 246 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,801 He really does some amazing things for a pig. 247 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,205 He's much smarter than the horse, and he really has much more sex appeal. 248 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,207 I'm not interested in looking at it. 249 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:19,243 All I'm interested is getting a phone call from the horse's agent... 250 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,645 telling me that he's on his bended knee. 251 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,948 But, chief, just take a-- [ Phone Rings ] 252 00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,183 Yes, what? 253 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,220 Put him on. It's the horse's agent. 254 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,456 Hello. 255 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,526 Fine. How's your client, the horse? 256 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:38,095 Is he ready to go to work? 257 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,331 What? 258 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,666 I told you, no raise! 259 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,902 [ Line Clicks ] Hello? 260 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,138 He hung up. 261 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,040 You and your stupid ideas! 262 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,042 Give the pig a screen test, 263 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,711 and the horse will come running with his "tails" between his "leg." 264 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,514 Well, he's got my tail between his legs! 265 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,883 - He's not going to do the picture. - He isn't? 266 00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:04,321 No. Here I am with a script all ready to shoot, and we have no star. 267 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,891 - But, Mr. Fedor, you have a star-- Arnold Ziffel. - Nah. 268 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,694 You only have to take a look at the test he made! 269 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,864 - No. - But, Mr. Fedor-- 270 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,666 I said-- 271 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:19,370 - You really think he has sex appeal? - Yes, sir. 272 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,207 Well, it, uh, wouldn't cost anything to look. 273 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:31,082 Can't we just wait another minute? No. Now come on. 274 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,285 But it's going to be very embarrassing to Arnold to go back to "Hootersville"... 275 00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:36,353 and tell everybody he was a failure. 276 00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,256 He'll live it down. Come on. Let's go. 277 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:42,059 [ Phone Ringing ] 278 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,265 Hello? Yes, Boris? [ Oliver Sighs ] 279 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,733 What? We'll be right there. 280 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,735 Lisa, will you come on-- 281 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,471 Well, Mr. Wise Guy, guess what. 282 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:57,541 Boris just called, and he saw Arnold's scream test, 283 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,944 and he's going to star him in his new picture. 284 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,950 I don't believe it. 285 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,519 I just don't believe it. 286 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:18,729 Now, before we have Arnold's contract drawn up, 287 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,965 I want to talk about the terms with you. 288 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,967 Don't you think that Arnold should be here to discuss them? 289 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,970 Oh, no, no. I never like to talk money in front of the star. 290 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,673 Mr. Gronyitz can explain everything to him. 291 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,876 - Douglas. - Oh, yes, Doug. 292 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:36,080 Doug can explain everything to him. 293 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:39,850 We are going to start him off with a hundred dollars a week. 294 00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,819 I think he ought to get more money. 295 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,887 Now you're talking like the horse. 296 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,558 A hundred and his own dressing room. 297 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,461 All right. We'll take it for the first picture. 298 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,530 Now what is it going to be about? 299 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,598 Well, it was originally a horse story, 300 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,901 but I had my writer rewrite the horse's lines for the pig. 301 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,737 I'd like to watch him do that. 302 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,074 Sorry, but you know how writers are. 303 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,344 They don't like anybody looking over their shoulder while they are working. 304 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,513 Well, before we start the picture, 305 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,849 we are going to have a big publicity campaign for the pig. 306 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,219 Champagne party for the press, 307 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,288 pictures with other stars-- 308 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,290 the usual buildup. 309 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,897 [ Grunting ] 310 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,301 Oliver, don't hold the glass so high. 311 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,704 You're hiding Arnold's face. 312 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,441 - I'm doing him a favor. - Shoot. 313 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:41,478 Good. Now, Oliver, take Arnold over to the diving board, 314 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,881 and we watch him jump off. 315 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,950 How about a shot of me pushing him off? 316 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,952 Oh, come on, Oliver. Oh. 317 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,187 Come on. Just take him over there. [ Sighs ] 318 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:57,160 Okay, Arnold. Dive off. 319 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:02,165 All right. Go ahead. Dive off. [ Diving Board Clatters ] 320 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:09,840 Oh, you dirty-- [ Blows ] 321 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,272 Start shooting today, huh? Good luck, Mr. Ziffel! 322 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:46,309 Two weeks ago, he wouldn't even let Arnold in the hotel, 323 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:50,247 and now he says, "Good luck, Mr. Ziffel"! 324 00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,315 That's Hollywood. 325 00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:01,558 [ Whinnying ] 326 00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,995 [ Grunting ] 327 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:43,234 - [ Whinnying Continues ] - [ Grunts ] 328 00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:48,832 We don't need those words anymore. What? 329 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,937 He's been gone six hours. Never showed up on the set. 330 00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:57,340 There is one thing Boris Fedor will not stand for-- 331 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,409 an unreliable pig! 332 00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:02,679 - He's fired! - But, Boris! 333 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,416 Fired. That's my last word. 334 00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:10,321 Miss Hanson, 335 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,556 get me the horse's agent. 336 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:24,001 Arnold! There you are. 337 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,403 I told ya he was all right. 338 00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:29,806 What happened? Why did you walk out on the picture? 339 00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:31,374 [ Grunts ] 340 00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:35,012 Well, that doesn't seem like a good reason to me. 341 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:39,016 Does it to you, Oliver? Yes, yes. I can see his point. 342 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,418 Arnold, why are you packing for? 343 00:23:41,486 --> 00:23:44,688 - He's had enough of show business. - [ Grunts ] 344 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:47,558 He wants to go home, and so do I. Now why don't we pack? 345 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:49,693 Oh, why don't I call Boris just once more? 346 00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:52,896 No, no, no. He's already put the horse in the picture. 347 00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:55,032 [ Grunts ] 348 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:59,069 He seems like he's happy to hear that. And so am I. 349 00:24:02,475 --> 00:24:05,909 Oliver, help him with his suitcase. 350 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,213 He's got too much stuff in here. 351 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,983 I wonder why he walked off the picture. 352 00:24:13,051 --> 00:24:15,852 I'm sure he has his reasons. 353 00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,921 What's he doing with this? 354 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:59,095 [ Lisa ] This has been a Filmways presentation, darling. 30998

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