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[ Oliver ]♪ Green Acres ♪
2
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,786
♪ Is the place to be ♪
3
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,657
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪
4
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:29,762
♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪
5
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:33,498
♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪
6
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:37,602
[ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪
7
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:41,774
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
8
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:45,277
♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪
9
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:48,446
♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪
10
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,984
♪ The chores ♪
11
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,019
♪ The stores ♪
12
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,990
- ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪
13
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:02,427
- ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
14
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:06,198
[ Together ]♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
15
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,817
What do you say, Eb?
Are they ripe?
Tell you in a minute.
16
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,252
That one is.
17
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,089
So is that.
18
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:35,594
Eb, will you stop eating them?
We can't sell used apples.
19
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,030
- How else am I gonna tell
if they're ripe?
- Let me have one.
20
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:47,306
- That one sounded
a little mushy.
- That was my head.
21
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:50,308
- Well, that's ripe.
- Come on down.
22
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,677
Yes, sir.
23
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,413
I think the apples
are ripe enough to pick.
Good.
24
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,949
And so are the bananas.
The what?
25
00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,785
I found it growing
right next to the oranges.
26
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:04,956
What oranges?
The ones on the branch
below the hard-boiled eggs.
27
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,525
Will you--
Is it all right
if I eat my lunch now?
28
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,729
Later.
Hey, maybe I can
find a papaya.
29
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:14,666
Yes. Maybe you can
find another job.
I'm not lookin' for one.
30
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:18,903
- Well, you keep bugging me,
and you will be.
- I'm sorry.
31
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:22,006
- Okay. Now, the next thing--
- I don't mean to keep
bugging you.
32
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,910
- Well, then don't. Tomorrow--
- I'm just tryin'
to cheer you up.
33
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,746
And just why
do I need cheering up?
34
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:32,885
Well, if I had a crop
of apples like this,
I'd be depressed too.
35
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,088
- Look, Eb,
did you get the pickers?
- No, sir.
36
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,490
- Why not?
- I don't know what kind
to get:
37
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,759
apple pickers,
hard-boiled egg pickers,
38
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,730
orange pickers,
banana pickers
or coconut pickers.
39
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,367
Where did that come from?
I guess George
threw it down.
40
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:52,670
You can come down now, George.
George?
41
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:58,009
- Holy smoke!
My monkey escaped!
- What monkey?
42
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:01,713
That one. Hey, George,
you came back.
43
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,982
[ Chittering ]
44
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:08,553
Hey, you're not George.
What happened to George?
45
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:13,725
Oh, I forgot.
It's George's day off.
46
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,466
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
I'd like to talk to ya.
47
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,968
Well, I'm in kind of a hurry.
I just want
to ask you a question.
48
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,905
-What is it?
-That's not the question. Would
you like to ask something else?
49
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,475
You're the one
who had the question.
50
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,945
I did? What is it?
Oh, no, that was your question.
51
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,981
- Look, I'll--
- Now I know.
52
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,885
- Have you seen a monkey
running around here?
- A monk-- Oh, you mean George!
53
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,321
No, Clarence.
It's George's day off.
54
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,957
You see, he works for us
down at the agricultural lab.
55
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:50,295
He works for you?
Yeah. You see, the chief
had this great idea.
56
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,998
Well, it wasn't great.
He hadn't had a great idea
since--
57
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:57,635
- No. That wasn't
such a great idea either.
- Look, Mr. Kimball, I have to--
58
00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,505
You know, there's a shortage
of fruit pickers,
and the chief's idea...
59
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,674
was to train monkeys
to become pickers.
60
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,678
They learn easy
and work for peanuts.
61
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,015
- That was a chief joke.
- Whose joke are you?
62
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,686
Well, uh--
You'd be happier
with another county agent.
63
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,423
- Yes, I would.
- Well, you don't have to
make up your mind right now.
64
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,858
- Think it over.
- Mr. Kimball,
65
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,496
I was just on my way
into Hooterville to see if
I could hire some apple pickers.
66
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:28,433
Just a second.
Ben Miller.
67
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,802
- What about him?
- 'Bout who?
68
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,305
- Ben Miller.
- Where did I hear that name
before?
69
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,375
You just mentioned him.
70
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,444
Gee, I wonder why.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
71
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:43,215
Now I remember.
He's got a couple apple pickers
pickin' pippins,
72
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,950
and as soon as he's through,
I thought I could send him
over here to you.
73
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:49,421
Oh, that'd be fine.
I need them badly.
Now, you won't forget?
74
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:53,091
Forget what?
The apple pickers!
75
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,129
Oh, no, sir.
I'm gonna make a note of that.
[ Exhales Forcefully ]
76
00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,298
[ Clears Throat ]
Two apple pickers
for Mr.--
77
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:03,335
- uh, Mr.-- uh--
- [ Snorting ]
78
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,206
- Oh, hello, Arnold.
- [ Snorting ]
79
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,675
I thought
that was Joey's paper route.
What happened to him?
80
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,877
[ Snorting ]
81
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,980
Oh, he's sick, huh?
That's too bad.
82
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:18,550
Well, see you around.
83
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,528
Lisa?
[ Knocking ]
84
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,530
What?
Excuse me. I've gotta
answer the door.
85
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:35,467
Why?
What did it say?
It didn't say anything.
86
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,902
Then why bother
answering it?
Lisa, look.
87
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,972
I got enough trouble
without--
[ Knocking Continues ]
88
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,208
There's somebody
at the door.
Yes, I know.
89
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:46,178
- Then why don't
you answer it?
- That's what--
90
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:50,749
It isn't polite to stand here
and talk to somebody when you've
got a knocker at the door.
91
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,721
Yes? What the--
92
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,758
How did you knock
on the door?
93
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:04,095
Thank you, Arnold.
See you tomorrow.
94
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:09,133
What was that all about?
Arnold took over
the paper route from Joey.
95
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:12,870
He wants
to save up enough money
to buy a color TV set.
96
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:16,441
A color TV?
He's tired of looking at
the world in black and white.
97
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:20,979
Yes, I can see
where that would be
a big hang-up for him.
98
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,982
Mr. Ziffel said he already
saved up five dollars.
99
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:29,220
- Ooh. That's fine.
- Of course, that's not enough
to buy a color TV set.
100
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:33,758
Look, why doesn't he go
to Las Vegas with the five
and see if he can run it up?
101
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:37,762
Arnold doesn't gamble anymore
since he lost all that money
playing the horses.
102
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,998
- Playing the--
- This time,
Mr. Ziffel is going...
103
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,234
to make him
open up a bank account.
104
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:49,874
Howdy. Are you the fellow
that I'd talk to about
opening an account?
105
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,944
Yes, sir.
Won't you come in?
Thank you.
106
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,181
Will you
have a seat, please?
Thank you.
107
00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:00,418
- Your name, please.
- Ziffel. Fred Ziffel.
108
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,254
- Is that the way
you want the account to read?
- No.
109
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:06,691
- I want it to read
"Arnold Ziffel."
- Arnold?
110
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,494
- My boy here.
- Oh.
111
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:13,297
- [ Snorting ]
- We can't open an account
for a pig.
112
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,700
[ Squealing ]
113
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,802
Oh, now, Arnold,
don't get upset.
114
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,672
Remember? I've told ya
that the world is full
of prejudice.
115
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:27,378
- I didn't mean any offense.
- Okay, everybody. Freeze.
This is a stickup.
116
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,481
Get the cash.
Move!
117
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,549
Oh.
Slip the money
in there, mister.
118
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,552
- Now, just a minute.
You can't--
- Sit down.
119
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,855
- Just relax, pop.
How you doin'?
- Okay. Let's go.
120
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:42,694
Just a minute.
Okay. Let's have it.
Let's have it, will ya? Come on.
121
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:45,062
[ Squealing ]
Knock it off.
Knock it off.
122
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:50,468
Okay. Now, don't nobody
try to follow us,
or youse'll get hurt.
123
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,480
Hello? Hello!
Get me the sheriff,
quick.
124
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:05,383
Calling all cars.
Calling all cars.
125
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:08,987
Be on the lookout
for a 1952 gray coupe.
126
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:12,857
This car was used
in a bank robbery in Pixley.
127
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:18,696
Approach with caution.
The two occupants are armed
and believed dangerous. 10-4.
128
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,299
[ Siren Wailing ]
129
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,975
Hold it, Barney.
What's the matter now, Clyde?
130
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:34,578
I'm beat. Why did we
have to ditch the car?
131
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,382
You heard the radio.
They had a description of it.
132
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:41,953
- What are we gonna do?
- We gotta find a place to hole
up in until the heat's off.
133
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,889
I know I should've never
let you talk me into this heist.
134
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,859
How much did we get?
Sixty-seven bucks.
135
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:52,129
You said the bank
was gonna have the payroll
from the sawmill.
136
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,767
- That's it.
- Sixty-seven bucks?
137
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,437
- Plus the five I got
from the pig.
- [ Groans ]
138
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,505
Come on.
139
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:08,446
Watch it.
Hey, look.
140
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,951
Holy smoke.
Tobacco Road!
141
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:19,557
It's perfect,
just the kind of place
we're lookin' for. Come on.
142
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,298
[ Chickens Clucking ]
There you are.
There you go.
143
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,636
I don't hear nothin'.
Then open up the door.
144
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,473
What's the matter?
What you wanna
break it for?
145
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,509
He didn't break it. It always comes off.
146
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,312
Who are you?
I'm the lady
of the house.
147
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,281
Oh, you must
be the fellows
Mr. Kimball sent.
148
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:48,019
You were supposed to go
right to the orchid.
The orchid?
149
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,789
Where they grow the apples.
150
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,124
Oh, the apple orchid.
151
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,492
Yes, well, aren't you
the apple "picklers"?
152
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,596
Yeah, that's right, lady.
We're the apple picklers.
153
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:02,433
Would you like to have some
coffee before you go to work?
Sure. Sure.
154
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,103
Excuse me.
155
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,241
Hey, what's
an apple pickler?
156
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:14,011
Somethin' you do
in the orchid, dummy.
157
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:22,053
You know something, Barney?
There's something fishy
about this place...
158
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,488
and that chick
in the fancy negligent.
159
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,792
I got a feeling that
we should blow.
What's the matter with you?
160
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:31,663
You couldn't find
a better hideout than this.
I don't know. I don't know.
161
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:35,266
You've done all right
with me so far, haven't you?
Oh, sure. Great.
162
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,803
Sixty-seven dollars.
Seventy-two.
163
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:43,207
Oh, yeah. I keep forgettin'
about the pig's five-spot.
164
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,777
Here's your coffee.
165
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,185
Hold it. Hold it.
What is this?
166
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,187
Well, I didn't know
how much water you wanted.
167
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:59,691
- Are you puttin' us on?
- Putting you on what?
168
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:03,027
Lady, ain't I
seen you someplace before?
169
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:07,699
- I've been there.
- Used'n you to do a fan dance
in Chicago...
170
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,834
under the name
of Fat Mama Brown?
171
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,771
I don't think I've ever
been in Chicago under that name.
172
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,775
Fat Mama used
to run a bookie joint.
173
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:20,845
- Yeah.
You got a horse room here?
- Yes. Outside in the barn.
174
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:25,082
But the cow uses it
because we don't have a horse.
175
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:28,452
[ Barney ] Hey, where you goin'?
To get you some cream and sugar.
176
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,923
Look, lady,
we don't need any--
[ Knocking ]
177
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:35,793
- Who's that?
- That must be the paper boy.
Would you let him in, please?
178
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,229
Yeah.
179
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,132
All right, kid.
Let's--
180
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,768
It's the pig!
181
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,237
[ Squealing ]
182
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,907
- Do you know Arnold?
- We never seen him before
in our lives.
183
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,643
[ Snorting ]
184
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,312
Well, he seems
to know you.
185
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,616
Who you gonna believe,
me or the pig?
Out. Out!
186
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,085
Beat it. Beat it.
[ Squealing ]
187
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:05,689
You don't have to be so mean!
Look, lady,
we don't want any trouble.
188
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:10,661
Guess what happened in Pixley.
Two guys held up the bank.
189
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,164
No foolin'.
No. Here.
Look at the picture.
190
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,233
Picture?
191
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:22,306
Ten bucks? You told me
you only got five from him.
I did.
192
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,576
The pig says 10.
He's lyin' in his teeth.
193
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,112
How do I know? While I was
stickin' up that teller,
194
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,514
you were puttin'
the snatch on the pig.
195
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,618
Well, I guess we know now
who the bad guys are.
196
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:39,257
That's right, lady.
We're the bad guys.
197
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,493
Now, just sit down
and keep your yap shut.
198
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,429
- What's my yap?
- Sit down.
199
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,366
Well, I just asked because
I wanted to know what I have
to keep shut.
200
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,669
Down.
201
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:57,441
Wait till my husband
gets home and finds out
how you were yelling at me.
202
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,144
When your husband gets home,
we'll take good care of him.
203
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:04,381
- You wouldn't
"shoost" him, would you?
- What's "shoost"?
204
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:08,686
- What's "yap"?
- I think it means
knock him off.
205
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,223
Oh, wouldn't we?
[ Oliver ] Lisa.
206
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:17,729
That your husband?
Oh, no, no, no. That's Harry,
my next-door neighbor.
207
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:22,667
Yeah? Well, get rid of him.
And one wrong word from you,
and he gets it.
208
00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:26,270
What's the wrong word
so I wouldn't say it
so he wouldn't get it?
209
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:30,474
Just get rid of him!
[ Oliver ] Lisa,
did you hear about the--
210
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:34,546
Oh, hello there,
Harry.
I-- Harry?
211
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:38,616
How are things
on your farm next door,
Harry?
212
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:42,086
What are you talking about?
You'd better go home, Harry,
because we won't be able...
213
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,389
to do any necking this afternoon
because your wife is looking
for you.
214
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,893
Lisa.
Bye, Harry.
215
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:54,198
Lisa, is something wrong?
Yes.
We're through, Harry.
216
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:58,703
You might be through with Harry,
but I'm still your husband.
Uh-huh.
217
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,473
Husband, huh?
Who are you?
218
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,976
That's Barney,
and that's Clyde.
219
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,546
The bank robbers! I heard
about it on the radio! That's
what I came in to tell you!
220
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,717
Well, you didn't have to come
and tell me, because they were
here and I already knew.
221
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:16,888
If you want to run along
and tell anybody else--
Nobody's goin' no place.
222
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,156
Now, the both of you
sit down.
Yeah. Sit down.
223
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,626
We'd better do
what they say.
224
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,296
Did they hurt you?
Are you all right?
225
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:31,035
Well, I don't exactly feel
like singing and dancing
like Fat Mama Brown.
226
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,771
Fat Ma--
Look, what do you want?
227
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,874
We just wanna hole up
for a couple of days.
228
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:41,478
Now, if you two "cuperate"
and don't give us no trouble,
nobody'll get hurt.
229
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,948
- We won't be any trouble.
- Good.
230
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:48,219
- Lady, make us something
to eat.
- There'll be trouble.
231
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,422
- What would you like?
- Do you know how
to make hotcakes?
232
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,158
- Oh, boy.
- Make us some.
233
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,829
Uh, look, fellas.
Why don't I just
send out for a hamburger?
234
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,698
- Shut your yap.
- There goes that word again.
235
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:05,069
- If you take my advice--
- We don't need any advice
from you.
236
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,471
Somebody's bound to
find out you're here.
237
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,743
Nobody knows we're here
except you two and the pig,
238
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,012
and he ain't gonna tell nobody.
239
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,748
[ Squealing ]
240
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,584
Arnold, will you shut up?
I'm tryin' to
read my paper.
241
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,087
- What's the matter with him?
- I don't know.
242
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,090
He's all shook up
since they took his five dollars
away from him.
243
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:29,794
- [ Snorting ]
- He sounds like he's tryin'
to tell you something.
244
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:35,032
Well, whatever it is,
I ain't interested.
245
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,602
[ Continues Snorting ]
246
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,605
Nah, Arnold.
You can't use the phone.
247
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,676
Why don't you get your ball
and bat and go on out
and hit a few fungoes.
248
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,526
What makes them
"bloop" like that?
249
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:06,164
I often
ask the same question.
Will you shut up?
250
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,933
What do you got in 'em?
I'm not sure.
251
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,468
What do you mean?
It's a secret recipe...
252
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,006
that was handed down
in my family from father to son.
253
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:17,942
My father didn't have a son,
so that's how I got it.
254
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,644
Do you want to try one?
Yeah. Sure.
[ Yelping ]
255
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,713
Froze!
256
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:27,751
Lady, give him back his gun,
or Harry gets it.
257
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:31,588
- Harry, what do you think?
- Give him back his gun!
258
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,860
- His may not be loaded.
- Give him back his gun!
259
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:38,830
Don't you want
to try and jump him?
260
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:41,565
Will you please
give him back his gun?
261
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,836
Well, here you are.
262
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,970
- You try that again, and I'll--
- You touch her, and I'll--
263
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,241
Sit down.
264
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,010
Dish out them bloopers.
265
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,685
Mr. Douglas, did you hear
about the two bank robbers
that held up the--
266
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:06,457
Hey, you caught 'em.
If I caught 'em, how come
they've got the guns?
267
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:11,562
Oh. Well, as long
as you're having lunch,
I'll be runnin' along.
268
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:14,765
- Kid, sit down.
- No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
269
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,402
- Sit down!
- Eb, you'd better do
what they say.
270
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,737
He's got
itchy finger triggers.
271
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:24,708
No, ma'am. You mean
itchy trigger "figgers"--
uh, "fringen tiggers."
272
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:28,446
Will you two knock it off?
You, sit down.
273
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,914
You, keep cookin'.
274
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:34,485
So you're the two big men
that stole the $20
from Arnold.
275
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:38,089
Twenty?
It was only five.
276
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,324
Arnold said it was 10
in the paper.
277
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:44,295
I don't care what he said.
Who's gonna listen
to a stupid pig?
278
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:55,506
- Arnold, what are you doing
in here?
- [ Snorting ]
279
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,742
- Get away from that phone.
- [ Continues Snorting ]
280
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,980
If you wanna make a call,
it'll cost you 10 cents.
Have you got it?
281
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:06,117
- [ Snorting ]
- No I.O.U.s.
282
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,587
Why don't you go home
and use Fred's phone?
283
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,056
Now, git.
284
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:18,696
My phone bill's high enough
without pigs comin' in here
and makin' calls.
285
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:23,634
Hello. Sarah?
Who was Arnold trying
to call?
286
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:28,972
Now, who does he know
in Philadelphia?
287
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,609
[ Squealing ]
288
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,512
That's right. Block off
County Road, then send a couple
of men to Simpson's Swamp.
289
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:38,782
And then you'd better--
Wait a minute. Will you please
be quiet?
290
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:42,119
- [ Continues Squealing ]
- We'll get your five dollars
back...
291
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:45,188
as soon as
we catch those two crooks.
292
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,292
Go cry
on somebody else's shoulder.
293
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,999
Sorry, Jack. Now,
you'd better station a car...
294
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:58,235
at the junction
of Highway 6 and 14,
295
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,505
then station
another one around 9,
by the railroad--
296
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,979
These are good, just like
my mother used to make.
297
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,482
No wonder you turned out
the way you did.
298
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:15,852
- What do you mean by that?
- Will you finish? I'm starved.
299
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:20,624
Okay, okay. Sit down.
Let's have a stack
of them things, huh?
300
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:32,136
Hold it.
Did you hear something?
301
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,372
No. I didn't
hear anything.
302
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,008
I'm not talkin' to you.
[ Eb ]
I didn't say anything.
303
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,810
I'm not talkin'
to you either.
304
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:45,416
Hey, Barney,
did you hear anything?
No.
305
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:48,252
I thought I heard a kind
of a grunting sound.
306
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,554
[ Snorting ]
307
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,102
Yeah. Yes. Thank you.
308
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,339
Just got a tip on a couple
of suspicious-looking characters
over at Crabwell Corners.
309
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,842
Now, I want you
to take a couple of men and
get over there as soon as you--
310
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:16,714
[ Snorting ]
Look, I thought I told you
to-- What is that?
311
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:24,054
It's the money from the bank.
Where did you get this?
312
00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:26,457
[ Squealing ]
313
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,394
Follow that pig!
314
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,838
All right. All right.
Where's the bag?
315
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,741
- What bag?
- That bag with the loot in it.
316
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:48,912
If somebody stole your bag,
maybe I ought to go
and call the police.
317
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:53,084
You ain't callin' nobody.
Now, which one of youse
took it?
318
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:56,720
- We haven't got your money.
- Well, no one else was here.
319
00:20:56,789 --> 00:21:00,691
Look. Look, Barney.
Why don't we forget it?
I don't like this whole setup.
320
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,093
Let's get outta here.
Not without the loot.
321
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:06,430
What loot?
A lousy sixty-seven bucks?
322
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,366
It was 72,
countin' the five
I got from the pig.
323
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,603
Arnold said it was 10.
I heard it was 20.
324
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:16,006
If you've been
holdin' out on me--
325
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:19,976
Clyde, what are we
arguing about?
For cryin' out loud--
326
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:23,380
I got an idea.
Let's take the rock.
327
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,284
- That can't be real.
- Yeah. That's right.
328
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:30,053
That's just a piece
of cheap costume jewelry.
329
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,023
Then why is it insured
for $42,000?
330
00:21:33,091 --> 00:21:36,493
Lisa, you didn't have to tell--
331
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:40,397
Take it.
Oliver, don't let them
take my ring!
332
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:43,834
They wouldn't have taken it
if you hadn't told 'em
it was worth $40,000!
333
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,903
- Forty-two.
- Let's go.
334
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,673
Let's go? In what?
335
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:51,675
- You got a car?
- Yes.
336
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:55,679
- Let's have the keys.
- Gladly.
337
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:59,016
- Let's have 'em, lady.
- Never.
338
00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:02,886
Lady, that ain't
Fort Knox.
339
00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:07,324
Lisa, give him the keys.
No.
340
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:12,029
What do you need keys for?
If you were any kind of crooks,
you'd be able to jump the wires.
341
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:16,233
- How do you do that?
- Don't you ever watch
educational TV?
342
00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,602
Come on!
Give us the keys!
343
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:25,076
All right. Back up.
Back up. Back up.
344
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,878
All right.
Drop your guns.
345
00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:31,515
Sheriff, how did
you know they were here?
Arnold tipped us off.
346
00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,917
[ Squealing ]
You said he wouldn't
tell anybody.
347
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:39,223
If you knew anything
about pigs, you would know
they're all squealers.
348
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,799
Oliver.
Hmm? Hmm?
349
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:52,002
How can you go to sleep
with what you got
on your mind?
350
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,205
I haven't got anything
on my mind. Good night.
351
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:59,343
Well, some people
go to sleep easier
than others.
352
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:01,812
Yes, they do, and I wish
I was one of them.
353
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:07,751
Then it doesn't bother you
that the pig was a hero,
and you were a chicken.
354
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,954
- What are you talking about?
- You just stood there...
355
00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:13,924
while the crooks
were taking my ring
without doing anything.
356
00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:18,128
I did something.
I shook pretty good.
357
00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:22,233
Well, it's a fine thing.
You were shaking while
they were taking.
358
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:24,835
Lisa, they had guns!
359
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,805
If you spent a little more time
watching television,
360
00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:31,308
you would know
how to handle a situation
like this.
361
00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:35,479
All you had to do was
kick one fellow's gun out
of his hand...
362
00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:37,915
and give the other one
a club with your karate.
363
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:41,317
Yes, I would have,
but I didn't have my karate
with me.
364
00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:45,589
- Now may I go back to sleep?
- Well, if it weren't
for Arnold,
365
00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:47,725
I wouldn't have my ring.
366
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,793
You ought to do something
very nice for him.
367
00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:54,197
Yeah. I won't
eat any bacon for a week.
368
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:58,469
Even though
you didn't save me,
I still love you.
369
00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,637
Oh, thank you.
370
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:04,708
- I don't feel as safe
as I used to.
- Good night.
371
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,845
Oliver, I don't want you
to get the wrong idea.
372
00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:10,046
I'm glad that you didn't
do anything with the guns,
373
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,684
because you mean much more
to me than that ring does.
374
00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:17,020
- I'm glad.
- Anyway,
375
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:22,660
the ring is insured
for $42,000, so if they took it,
it wouldn't be any loss.
376
00:24:22,728 --> 00:24:26,497
I told you that.
Forgive me.
377
00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,799
I was wrong.
I love you.
378
00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:32,035
And I love you.
May I go to sleep?
Yes, darling.
379
00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:34,905
Good night.
Good night.
380
00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:38,709
Oliver?
What?
381
00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,945
How much
are you insured for?
382
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:23,654
[ Lisa ] This has beena Filmways presentation,darling.
37846
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