All language subtitles for Green Acres - S03E20 - Arnold Ziffel, Boy Hero.eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,484 [ Oliver ] ♪ Green Acres ♪ 2 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,786 ♪ Is the place to be ♪ 3 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,657 ♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪ 4 00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:29,762 ♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪ 5 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:33,498 ♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪ 6 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:37,602 [ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪ 7 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:41,774 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪ 8 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:45,277 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪ 9 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:48,446 ♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪ 10 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,984 ♪ The chores ♪ 11 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,019 ♪ The stores ♪ 12 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,990 - ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪ 13 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:02,427 - ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪ 14 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:06,198 [ Together ] ♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪ 15 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,817 What do you say, Eb? Are they ripe? Tell you in a minute. 16 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,252 That one is. 17 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,089 So is that. 18 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:35,594 Eb, will you stop eating them? We can't sell used apples. 19 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,030 - How else am I gonna tell if they're ripe? - Let me have one. 20 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:47,306 - That one sounded a little mushy. - That was my head. 21 00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:50,308 - Well, that's ripe. - Come on down. 22 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,677 Yes, sir. 23 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,413 I think the apples are ripe enough to pick. Good. 24 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,949 And so are the bananas. The what? 25 00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,785 I found it growing right next to the oranges. 26 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:04,956 What oranges? The ones on the branch below the hard-boiled eggs. 27 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,525 Will you-- Is it all right if I eat my lunch now? 28 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,729 Later. Hey, maybe I can find a papaya. 29 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:14,666 Yes. Maybe you can find another job. I'm not lookin' for one. 30 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:18,903 - Well, you keep bugging me, and you will be. - I'm sorry. 31 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:22,006 - Okay. Now, the next thing-- - I don't mean to keep bugging you. 32 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,910 - Well, then don't. Tomorrow-- - I'm just tryin' to cheer you up. 33 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,746 And just why do I need cheering up? 34 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:32,885 Well, if I had a crop of apples like this, I'd be depressed too. 35 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,088 - Look, Eb, did you get the pickers? - No, sir. 36 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,490 - Why not? - I don't know what kind to get: 37 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,759 apple pickers, hard-boiled egg pickers, 38 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,730 orange pickers, banana pickers or coconut pickers. 39 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,367 Where did that come from? I guess George threw it down. 40 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:52,670 You can come down now, George. George? 41 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:58,009 - Holy smoke! My monkey escaped! - What monkey? 42 00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:01,713 That one. Hey, George, you came back. 43 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,982 [ Chittering ] 44 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:08,553 Hey, you're not George. What happened to George? 45 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:13,725 Oh, I forgot. It's George's day off. 46 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,466 Hi, Mr. Douglas. I'd like to talk to ya. 47 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,968 Well, I'm in kind of a hurry. I just want to ask you a question. 48 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,905 -What is it? -That's not the question. Would you like to ask something else? 49 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,475 You're the one who had the question. 50 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,945 I did? What is it? Oh, no, that was your question. 51 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,981 - Look, I'll-- - Now I know. 52 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,885 - Have you seen a monkey running around here? - A monk-- Oh, you mean George! 53 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,321 No, Clarence. It's George's day off. 54 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,957 You see, he works for us down at the agricultural lab. 55 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:50,295 He works for you? Yeah. You see, the chief had this great idea. 56 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,998 Well, it wasn't great. He hadn't had a great idea since-- 57 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:57,635 - No. That wasn't such a great idea either. - Look, Mr. Kimball, I have to-- 58 00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,505 You know, there's a shortage of fruit pickers, and the chief's idea... 59 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,674 was to train monkeys to become pickers. 60 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,678 They learn easy and work for peanuts. 61 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,015 - That was a chief joke. - Whose joke are you? 62 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,686 Well, uh-- You'd be happier with another county agent. 63 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,423 - Yes, I would. - Well, you don't have to make up your mind right now. 64 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,858 - Think it over. - Mr. Kimball, 65 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,496 I was just on my way into Hooterville to see if I could hire some apple pickers. 66 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:28,433 Just a second. Ben Miller. 67 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,802 - What about him? - 'Bout who? 68 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,305 - Ben Miller. - Where did I hear that name before? 69 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,375 You just mentioned him. 70 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,444 Gee, I wonder why. [ Snaps Fingers ] 71 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:43,215 Now I remember. He's got a couple apple pickers pickin' pippins, 72 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,950 and as soon as he's through, I thought I could send him over here to you. 73 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:49,421 Oh, that'd be fine. I need them badly. Now, you won't forget? 74 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:53,091 Forget what? The apple pickers! 75 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,129 Oh, no, sir. I'm gonna make a note of that. [ Exhales Forcefully ] 76 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,298 [ Clears Throat ] Two apple pickers for Mr.-- 77 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:03,335 - uh, Mr.-- uh-- - [ Snorting ] 78 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,206 - Oh, hello, Arnold. - [ Snorting ] 79 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,675 I thought that was Joey's paper route. What happened to him? 80 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,877 [ Snorting ] 81 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,980 Oh, he's sick, huh? That's too bad. 82 00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:18,550 Well, see you around. 83 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,528 Lisa? [ Knocking ] 84 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,530 What? Excuse me. I've gotta answer the door. 85 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:35,467 Why? What did it say? It didn't say anything. 86 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,902 Then why bother answering it? Lisa, look. 87 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,972 I got enough trouble without-- [ Knocking Continues ] 88 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,208 There's somebody at the door. Yes, I know. 89 00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:46,178 - Then why don't you answer it? - That's what-- 90 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:50,749 It isn't polite to stand here and talk to somebody when you've got a knocker at the door. 91 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,721 Yes? What the-- 92 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,758 How did you knock on the door? 93 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:04,095 Thank you, Arnold. See you tomorrow. 94 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:09,133 What was that all about? Arnold took over the paper route from Joey. 95 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:12,870 He wants to save up enough money to buy a color TV set. 96 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:16,441 A color TV? He's tired of looking at the world in black and white. 97 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:20,979 Yes, I can see where that would be a big hang-up for him. 98 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,982 Mr. Ziffel said he already saved up five dollars. 99 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:29,220 - Ooh. That's fine. - Of course, that's not enough to buy a color TV set. 100 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:33,758 Look, why doesn't he go to Las Vegas with the five and see if he can run it up? 101 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:37,762 Arnold doesn't gamble anymore since he lost all that money playing the horses. 102 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,998 - Playing the-- - This time, Mr. Ziffel is going... 103 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,234 to make him open up a bank account. 104 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:49,874 Howdy. Are you the fellow that I'd talk to about opening an account? 105 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,944 Yes, sir. Won't you come in? Thank you. 106 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,181 Will you have a seat, please? Thank you. 107 00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:00,418 - Your name, please. - Ziffel. Fred Ziffel. 108 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,254 - Is that the way you want the account to read? - No. 109 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:06,691 - I want it to read "Arnold Ziffel." - Arnold? 110 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,494 - My boy here. - Oh. 111 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:13,297 - [ Snorting ] - We can't open an account for a pig. 112 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,700 [ Squealing ] 113 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,802 Oh, now, Arnold, don't get upset. 114 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,672 Remember? I've told ya that the world is full of prejudice. 115 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:27,378 - I didn't mean any offense. - Okay, everybody. Freeze. This is a stickup. 116 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,481 Get the cash. Move! 117 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,549 Oh. Slip the money in there, mister. 118 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,552 - Now, just a minute. You can't-- - Sit down. 119 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,855 - Just relax, pop. How you doin'? - Okay. Let's go. 120 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:42,694 Just a minute. Okay. Let's have it. Let's have it, will ya? Come on. 121 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:45,062 [ Squealing ] Knock it off. Knock it off. 122 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:50,468 Okay. Now, don't nobody try to follow us, or youse'll get hurt. 123 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,480 Hello? Hello! Get me the sheriff, quick. 124 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:05,383 Calling all cars. Calling all cars. 125 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:08,987 Be on the lookout for a 1952 gray coupe. 126 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:12,857 This car was used in a bank robbery in Pixley. 127 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:18,696 Approach with caution. The two occupants are armed and believed dangerous. 10-4. 128 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,299 [ Siren Wailing ] 129 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,975 Hold it, Barney. What's the matter now, Clyde? 130 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:34,578 I'm beat. Why did we have to ditch the car? 131 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,382 You heard the radio. They had a description of it. 132 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:41,953 - What are we gonna do? - We gotta find a place to hole up in until the heat's off. 133 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,889 I know I should've never let you talk me into this heist. 134 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,859 How much did we get? Sixty-seven bucks. 135 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:52,129 You said the bank was gonna have the payroll from the sawmill. 136 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,767 - That's it. - Sixty-seven bucks? 137 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,437 - Plus the five I got from the pig. - [ Groans ] 138 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,505 Come on. 139 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:08,446 Watch it. Hey, look. 140 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,951 Holy smoke. Tobacco Road! 141 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:19,557 It's perfect, just the kind of place we're lookin' for. Come on. 142 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,298 [ Chickens Clucking ] There you are. There you go. 143 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,636 I don't hear nothin'. Then open up the door. 144 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,473 What's the matter? What you wanna break it for? 145 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,509 He didn't break it. It always comes off. 146 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,312 Who are you? I'm the lady of the house. 147 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,281 Oh, you must be the fellows Mr. Kimball sent. 148 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:48,019 You were supposed to go right to the orchid. The orchid? 149 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,789 Where they grow the apples. 150 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,124 Oh, the apple orchid. 151 00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,492 Yes, well, aren't you the apple "picklers"? 152 00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,596 Yeah, that's right, lady. We're the apple picklers. 153 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:02,433 Would you like to have some coffee before you go to work? Sure. Sure. 154 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,103 Excuse me. 155 00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,241 Hey, what's an apple pickler? 156 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:14,011 Somethin' you do in the orchid, dummy. 157 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:22,053 You know something, Barney? There's something fishy about this place... 158 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,488 and that chick in the fancy negligent. 159 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,792 I got a feeling that we should blow. What's the matter with you? 160 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:31,663 You couldn't find a better hideout than this. I don't know. I don't know. 161 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:35,266 You've done all right with me so far, haven't you? Oh, sure. Great. 162 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,803 Sixty-seven dollars. Seventy-two. 163 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:43,207 Oh, yeah. I keep forgettin' about the pig's five-spot. 164 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,777 Here's your coffee. 165 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,185 Hold it. Hold it. What is this? 166 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,187 Well, I didn't know how much water you wanted. 167 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:59,691 - Are you puttin' us on? - Putting you on what? 168 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:03,027 Lady, ain't I seen you someplace before? 169 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:07,699 - I've been there. - Used'n you to do a fan dance in Chicago... 170 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,834 under the name of Fat Mama Brown? 171 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,771 I don't think I've ever been in Chicago under that name. 172 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,775 Fat Mama used to run a bookie joint. 173 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:20,845 - Yeah. You got a horse room here? - Yes. Outside in the barn. 174 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:25,082 But the cow uses it because we don't have a horse. 175 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:28,452 [ Barney ] Hey, where you goin'? To get you some cream and sugar. 176 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,923 Look, lady, we don't need any-- [ Knocking ] 177 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:35,793 - Who's that? - That must be the paper boy. Would you let him in, please? 178 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,229 Yeah. 179 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,132 All right, kid. Let's-- 180 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,768 It's the pig! 181 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,237 [ Squealing ] 182 00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,907 - Do you know Arnold? - We never seen him before in our lives. 183 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,643 [ Snorting ] 184 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,312 Well, he seems to know you. 185 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,616 Who you gonna believe, me or the pig? Out. Out! 186 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,085 Beat it. Beat it. [ Squealing ] 187 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:05,689 You don't have to be so mean! Look, lady, we don't want any trouble. 188 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:10,661 Guess what happened in Pixley. Two guys held up the bank. 189 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,164 No foolin'. No. Here. Look at the picture. 190 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,233 Picture? 191 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:22,306 Ten bucks? You told me you only got five from him. I did. 192 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,576 The pig says 10. He's lyin' in his teeth. 193 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,112 How do I know? While I was stickin' up that teller, 194 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,514 you were puttin' the snatch on the pig. 195 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,618 Well, I guess we know now who the bad guys are. 196 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:39,257 That's right, lady. We're the bad guys. 197 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,493 Now, just sit down and keep your yap shut. 198 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,429 - What's my yap? - Sit down. 199 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,366 Well, I just asked because I wanted to know what I have to keep shut. 200 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,669 Down. 201 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:57,441 Wait till my husband gets home and finds out how you were yelling at me. 202 00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,144 When your husband gets home, we'll take good care of him. 203 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:04,381 - You wouldn't "shoost" him, would you? - What's "shoost"? 204 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:08,686 - What's "yap"? - I think it means knock him off. 205 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,223 Oh, wouldn't we? [ Oliver ] Lisa. 206 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:17,729 That your husband? Oh, no, no, no. That's Harry, my next-door neighbor. 207 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:22,667 Yeah? Well, get rid of him. And one wrong word from you, and he gets it. 208 00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:26,270 What's the wrong word so I wouldn't say it so he wouldn't get it? 209 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:30,474 Just get rid of him! [ Oliver ] Lisa, did you hear about the-- 210 00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:34,546 Oh, hello there, Harry. I-- Harry? 211 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:38,616 How are things on your farm next door, Harry? 212 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:42,086 What are you talking about? You'd better go home, Harry, because we won't be able... 213 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,389 to do any necking this afternoon because your wife is looking for you. 214 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,893 Lisa. Bye, Harry. 215 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:54,198 Lisa, is something wrong? Yes. We're through, Harry. 216 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:58,703 You might be through with Harry, but I'm still your husband. Uh-huh. 217 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,473 Husband, huh? Who are you? 218 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,976 That's Barney, and that's Clyde. 219 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,546 The bank robbers! I heard about it on the radio! That's what I came in to tell you! 220 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,717 Well, you didn't have to come and tell me, because they were here and I already knew. 221 00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:16,888 If you want to run along and tell anybody else-- Nobody's goin' no place. 222 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,156 Now, the both of you sit down. Yeah. Sit down. 223 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,626 We'd better do what they say. 224 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,296 Did they hurt you? Are you all right? 225 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:31,035 Well, I don't exactly feel like singing and dancing like Fat Mama Brown. 226 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,771 Fat Ma-- Look, what do you want? 227 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,874 We just wanna hole up for a couple of days. 228 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:41,478 Now, if you two "cuperate" and don't give us no trouble, nobody'll get hurt. 229 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,948 - We won't be any trouble. - Good. 230 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:48,219 - Lady, make us something to eat. - There'll be trouble. 231 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,422 - What would you like? - Do you know how to make hotcakes? 232 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,158 - Oh, boy. - Make us some. 233 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,829 Uh, look, fellas. Why don't I just send out for a hamburger? 234 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,698 - Shut your yap. - There goes that word again. 235 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:05,069 - If you take my advice-- - We don't need any advice from you. 236 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,471 Somebody's bound to find out you're here. 237 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,743 Nobody knows we're here except you two and the pig, 238 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,012 and he ain't gonna tell nobody. 239 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,748 [ Squealing ] 240 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,584 Arnold, will you shut up? I'm tryin' to read my paper. 241 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,087 - What's the matter with him? - I don't know. 242 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,090 He's all shook up since they took his five dollars away from him. 243 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:29,794 - [ Snorting ] - He sounds like he's tryin' to tell you something. 244 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:35,032 Well, whatever it is, I ain't interested. 245 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,602 [ Continues Snorting ] 246 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,605 Nah, Arnold. You can't use the phone. 247 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,676 Why don't you get your ball and bat and go on out and hit a few fungoes. 248 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,526 What makes them "bloop" like that? 249 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:06,164 I often ask the same question. Will you shut up? 250 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,933 What do you got in 'em? I'm not sure. 251 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,468 What do you mean? It's a secret recipe... 252 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,006 that was handed down in my family from father to son. 253 00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:17,942 My father didn't have a son, so that's how I got it. 254 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,644 Do you want to try one? Yeah. Sure. [ Yelping ] 255 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,713 Froze! 256 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:27,751 Lady, give him back his gun, or Harry gets it. 257 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:31,588 - Harry, what do you think? - Give him back his gun! 258 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,860 - His may not be loaded. - Give him back his gun! 259 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:38,830 Don't you want to try and jump him? 260 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:41,565 Will you please give him back his gun? 261 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,836 Well, here you are. 262 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,970 - You try that again, and I'll-- - You touch her, and I'll-- 263 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,241 Sit down. 264 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,010 Dish out them bloopers. 265 00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,685 Mr. Douglas, did you hear about the two bank robbers that held up the-- 266 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:06,457 Hey, you caught 'em. If I caught 'em, how come they've got the guns? 267 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:11,562 Oh. Well, as long as you're having lunch, I'll be runnin' along. 268 00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:14,765 - Kid, sit down. - No, thanks. I'm not hungry. 269 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,402 - Sit down! - Eb, you'd better do what they say. 270 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,737 He's got itchy finger triggers. 271 00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:24,708 No, ma'am. You mean itchy trigger "figgers"-- uh, "fringen tiggers." 272 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:28,446 Will you two knock it off? You, sit down. 273 00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,914 You, keep cookin'. 274 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:34,485 So you're the two big men that stole the $20 from Arnold. 275 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:38,089 Twenty? It was only five. 276 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,324 Arnold said it was 10 in the paper. 277 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:44,295 I don't care what he said. Who's gonna listen to a stupid pig? 278 00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:55,506 - Arnold, what are you doing in here? - [ Snorting ] 279 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,742 - Get away from that phone. - [ Continues Snorting ] 280 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,980 If you wanna make a call, it'll cost you 10 cents. Have you got it? 281 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:06,117 - [ Snorting ] - No I.O.U.s. 282 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,587 Why don't you go home and use Fred's phone? 283 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,056 Now, git. 284 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:18,696 My phone bill's high enough without pigs comin' in here and makin' calls. 285 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:23,634 Hello. Sarah? Who was Arnold trying to call? 286 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:28,972 Now, who does he know in Philadelphia? 287 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,609 [ Squealing ] 288 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,512 That's right. Block off County Road, then send a couple of men to Simpson's Swamp. 289 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:38,782 And then you'd better-- Wait a minute. Will you please be quiet? 290 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:42,119 - [ Continues Squealing ] - We'll get your five dollars back... 291 00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:45,188 as soon as we catch those two crooks. 292 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,292 Go cry on somebody else's shoulder. 293 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,999 Sorry, Jack. Now, you'd better station a car... 294 00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:58,235 at the junction of Highway 6 and 14, 295 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,505 then station another one around 9, by the railroad-- 296 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,979 These are good, just like my mother used to make. 297 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,482 No wonder you turned out the way you did. 298 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:15,852 - What do you mean by that? - Will you finish? I'm starved. 299 00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:20,624 Okay, okay. Sit down. Let's have a stack of them things, huh? 300 00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:32,136 Hold it. Did you hear something? 301 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,372 No. I didn't hear anything. 302 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,008 I'm not talkin' to you. [ Eb ] I didn't say anything. 303 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,810 I'm not talkin' to you either. 304 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:45,416 Hey, Barney, did you hear anything? No. 305 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:48,252 I thought I heard a kind of a grunting sound. 306 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,554 [ Snorting ] 307 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,102 Yeah. Yes. Thank you. 308 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,339 Just got a tip on a couple of suspicious-looking characters over at Crabwell Corners. 309 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,842 Now, I want you to take a couple of men and get over there as soon as you-- 310 00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:16,714 [ Snorting ] Look, I thought I told you to-- What is that? 311 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:24,054 It's the money from the bank. Where did you get this? 312 00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:26,457 [ Squealing ] 313 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,394 Follow that pig! 314 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,838 All right. All right. Where's the bag? 315 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,741 - What bag? - That bag with the loot in it. 316 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:48,912 If somebody stole your bag, maybe I ought to go and call the police. 317 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:53,084 You ain't callin' nobody. Now, which one of youse took it? 318 00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:56,720 - We haven't got your money. - Well, no one else was here. 319 00:20:56,789 --> 00:21:00,691 Look. Look, Barney. Why don't we forget it? I don't like this whole setup. 320 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,093 Let's get outta here. Not without the loot. 321 00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:06,430 What loot? A lousy sixty-seven bucks? 322 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,366 It was 72, countin' the five I got from the pig. 323 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,603 Arnold said it was 10. I heard it was 20. 324 00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:16,006 If you've been holdin' out on me-- 325 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:19,976 Clyde, what are we arguing about? For cryin' out loud-- 326 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:23,380 I got an idea. Let's take the rock. 327 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,284 - That can't be real. - Yeah. That's right. 328 00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:30,053 That's just a piece of cheap costume jewelry. 329 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,023 Then why is it insured for $42,000? 330 00:21:33,091 --> 00:21:36,493 Lisa, you didn't have to tell-- 331 00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:40,397 Take it. Oliver, don't let them take my ring! 332 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:43,834 They wouldn't have taken it if you hadn't told 'em it was worth $40,000! 333 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,903 - Forty-two. - Let's go. 334 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,673 Let's go? In what? 335 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:51,675 - You got a car? - Yes. 336 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:55,679 - Let's have the keys. - Gladly. 337 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:59,016 - Let's have 'em, lady. - Never. 338 00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:02,886 Lady, that ain't Fort Knox. 339 00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:07,324 Lisa, give him the keys. No. 340 00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:12,029 What do you need keys for? If you were any kind of crooks, you'd be able to jump the wires. 341 00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:16,233 - How do you do that? - Don't you ever watch educational TV? 342 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,602 Come on! Give us the keys! 343 00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:25,076 All right. Back up. Back up. Back up. 344 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,878 All right. Drop your guns. 345 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:31,515 Sheriff, how did you know they were here? Arnold tipped us off. 346 00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,917 [ Squealing ] You said he wouldn't tell anybody. 347 00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:39,223 If you knew anything about pigs, you would know they're all squealers. 348 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,799 Oliver. Hmm? Hmm? 349 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:52,002 How can you go to sleep with what you got on your mind? 350 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,205 I haven't got anything on my mind. Good night. 351 00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:59,343 Well, some people go to sleep easier than others. 352 00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:01,812 Yes, they do, and I wish I was one of them. 353 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:07,751 Then it doesn't bother you that the pig was a hero, and you were a chicken. 354 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,954 - What are you talking about? - You just stood there... 355 00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:13,924 while the crooks were taking my ring without doing anything. 356 00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:18,128 I did something. I shook pretty good. 357 00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:22,233 Well, it's a fine thing. You were shaking while they were taking. 358 00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:24,835 Lisa, they had guns! 359 00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,805 If you spent a little more time watching television, 360 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:31,308 you would know how to handle a situation like this. 361 00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:35,479 All you had to do was kick one fellow's gun out of his hand... 362 00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:37,915 and give the other one a club with your karate. 363 00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:41,317 Yes, I would have, but I didn't have my karate with me. 364 00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:45,589 - Now may I go back to sleep? - Well, if it weren't for Arnold, 365 00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:47,725 I wouldn't have my ring. 366 00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,793 You ought to do something very nice for him. 367 00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:54,197 Yeah. I won't eat any bacon for a week. 368 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:58,469 Even though you didn't save me, I still love you. 369 00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,637 Oh, thank you. 370 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:04,708 - I don't feel as safe as I used to. - Good night. 371 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,845 Oliver, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. 372 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:10,046 I'm glad that you didn't do anything with the guns, 373 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,684 because you mean much more to me than that ring does. 374 00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:17,020 - I'm glad. - Anyway, 375 00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:22,660 the ring is insured for $42,000, so if they took it, it wouldn't be any loss. 376 00:24:22,728 --> 00:24:26,497 I told you that. Forgive me. 377 00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,799 I was wrong. I love you. 378 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:32,035 And I love you. May I go to sleep? Yes, darling. 379 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:34,905 Good night. Good night. 380 00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:38,709 Oliver? What? 381 00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,945 How much are you insured for? 382 00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:23,654 [ Lisa ] This has been a Filmways presentation, darling. 37846

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