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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:19,751 [ Oliver ] ♪ Green Acres ♪ 2 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,120 ♪ Is the place to be ♪ 3 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,991 ♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪ 4 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:30,094 ♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪ 5 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,832 ♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪ 6 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,936 [ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪ 7 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:42,107 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪ 8 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,610 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪ 9 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,781 ♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪ 10 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,318 ♪ The chores ♪ 11 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,354 ♪ The stores ♪ 12 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:58,323 - ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪ 13 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:02,761 - ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪ 14 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,331 [ Together ] ♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪ 15 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,171 [ Grunting ] 16 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,010 [ Grunting Continues ] 17 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,483 Hello there. 18 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,486 You ought to use a different complexion cream. 19 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,988 Your skin is very oily. 20 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:33,191 Get me something to wipe this off with. 21 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,194 Here. What happened? 22 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:39,731 I was trying to tighten the bolt and it broke off, and-- 23 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,067 This is my sweater! 24 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,569 It was the only thing that was handy. 25 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,405 Couldn't you have found something else? 26 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,574 Well, I could have used my petticoat, but I'm not wearing any. 27 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,576 You see, this dress doesn't need one. 28 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,578 I'm not interested in your dress. 29 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,582 Well, you should be. It cost you $300. Three hundred? 30 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,018 It would have cost you more with a petticoat, but I don't-- 31 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,020 This is the last straw. 32 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:05,089 I'm gonna take this stupid tractor back to Haney and get my money back. 33 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,159 You ought to get your money back for some of the other things he sold you. 34 00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,595 I intend to. 35 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,201 [ Cranking ] 36 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,010 [ Whistling ] 37 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,012 Take cover! 38 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,852 [ Whistling Continues ] 39 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,223 [ Explosion ] Ooh! 40 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,363 What the-- 41 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,068 It's okay, Lisa. Nothing happened. 42 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,241 [ Ratcheting ] 43 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:01,313 Oh, that miserable Haney! 44 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:05,016 And the wheels fell off. The radiator came apart and the engine fell out, 45 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,018 and whatever was left collapsed. 46 00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:10,522 Outside of that, Mr. Douglas, how is the tractor running? 47 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:15,527 It's not running. Did you check to see if there's any gas in it? 48 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:19,030 Mr. Haney, you don't seem to understand. 49 00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:22,867 The tractor is ruined. It's nothing but a pile of nuts and bolts. 50 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,037 And you'd like to buy a repair kit. 51 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:29,207 Well, I've got a fine three-dollar repair kit. 52 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:32,377 I don't want a repair kit. I want my money back. 53 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,879 I can't give you your money back... 54 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,382 'less you have a legitimate complaint. 55 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,384 I told you my complaint. 56 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,887 It has to be in writing. In writing? 57 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:48,727 Now, what we need is complaint form number G-654321. 58 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,696 [ Blows ] 59 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:56,501 [ Choking ] I just want my money back. I don't want to fill out a form. 60 00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:02,507 Mr. Douglas, are you familiar with the state retail code, section 12, paragraph 4? 61 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,809 No, I'm not. 62 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,513 Be glad to sell you a copy of the code for six dollars. 63 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:13,051 Mr. Haney-- It has to be filled out in six-triplicate. 64 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,520 That's double triplicate. 65 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,190 That's, uh, one copy for you, 66 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,192 one copy for me, 67 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,194 one copy for the state, 68 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,196 one copy for the county, 69 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,865 one copy for the Fair Trade Commission... 70 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,403 and the last copy to see if the carbon will make that many copies. 71 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,872 - Look, I-- - Now then, Mr. Douglas, 72 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,375 what seems to be your trouble? 73 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,912 The tractor you sold me-- I want my money back. 74 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,916 - Would you be satisfied if I replaced it? - Yes. 75 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,719 In that case, we're using the wrong form. 76 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,721 What we need... 77 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:54,059 is replacement form number G-271532. 78 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,228 Oh, for-- 79 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,897 Now, your name, please? 80 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,500 Mr. Haney-- "Haney." 81 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,768 First name? 82 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,770 I've had about enough. 83 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,772 "I've had about enough." 84 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,242 Middle initial? 85 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,044 Just when did the tractor break down? 86 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,680 - This morning. - Oh, well. 87 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:20,985 We gonna need daylight form number 654 G-27. 88 00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:23,188 And it looks like we're in trouble, 89 00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:26,391 because we're all out of daylight forms. 90 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,860 Mr. Haney, 91 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,463 obviously I'm not going to get any satisfaction from you. 92 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,465 I'm going to have to sue. 93 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,301 I don't believe you can sue a man... 94 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,404 just because he's out of daylight forms. 95 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,406 There must be something on the books... 96 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,242 that'll take care of a charlatan like you. 97 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,382 Well, that's gratitude for you-- 98 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,684 forgetting that I was the one... 99 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:56,888 that sold him that beautiful farm at such a low price. 100 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,660 What are you going to sue him for? 101 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,961 There's nothing I can sue him for. 102 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,332 - What about the tractor? - It's too late. 103 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:11,769 How can I make a case out of it after I've used the tractor for two years? 104 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,005 What about the farm, and this house he sold us? 105 00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,173 If you can't make a case out of that, 106 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:19,243 you better turn in the sharkskin you got at the law school. 107 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,312 It's a sheepskin. 108 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,915 Weren't your marks good enough to get a sharkskin? 109 00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:26,417 They don't-- [ Knocking ] 110 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,419 Would you answer that door? 111 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:33,157 If you had studied harder, instead of running around with that little blonde-- 112 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,427 That blonde was you. 113 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,429 Oh, you almost flunked out there too. 114 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,431 [ Knocking ] 115 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,934 - Answer the door. - Hmm. 116 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,108 Yes? 117 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,510 Is Mr. Haney around? Around what? 118 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,647 - I mean, is he home? - I don't know. 119 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,550 - Are you Mrs. Haney? - No. 120 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:01,486 - Well, is he here? - Well, that's a pretty fresh question. 121 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:04,356 If I am not Mrs. Haney, what would he be doing here? 122 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,491 I didn't mean-- 123 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,526 Could you tell me where I could find him? 124 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,029 Yes, I could. Bye. 125 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,568 [ Knocking ] 126 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:21,673 Hello there. Did you find him? 127 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,842 Well, no. You forgot to tell me where to look for him. 128 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,045 - Look for who? - Mr. Haney. 129 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:32,249 Oh. Well, he lives about three miles up the road. 130 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,320 State Division of Highways? That's right. 131 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,489 Well, what can I do for you, Mr. Farley? 132 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,825 According to our information, you're the last owner of record of that property... 133 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,027 about three miles down the road-- is that right? 134 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,363 - What you wanna know for? - Well, as you probably heard, 135 00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,365 the state is building a cross-state highway, 136 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,367 and that particular piece of property... 137 00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:51,369 might be an ideal spot for an interchange. 138 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:56,007 You mean you wanna concrete up that beautiful piece of farmland? 139 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,910 Naturally, we'd be willing to compensate you for it. 140 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:04,015 - How much did you figure? - I'm sure we'll be able to arrive at a fair price. 141 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,785 - Oh, I'm sure we will. - By the way, I just stopped by there-- 142 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:11,589 - You didn't say nothing about the highway, did you? - No. 143 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,125 Good, 'cause I wouldn't want to upset... 144 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:17,229 them two sharecroppers I'm letting live there. 145 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,064 - Sharecroppers? - Yeah. 146 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,867 Ain't it a sin, the way they've let that place run down? 147 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,503 The woman didn't look like a sharecropper. 148 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,439 - She had a diamond as big as-- - That's why they're sharecroppers. 149 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,943 She spent all her husband's money on frivolities. 150 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,680 Well, if we do come to some kind of arrangement, 151 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,715 you realize you'll have to evict them. 152 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:41,185 Well, that won't be easy. They've become pretty attached to the place. 153 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,889 But since it's in the interest of progress-- 154 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:48,560 Well, I'll check back with you in about a week. Good day. 155 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,561 That'll be fine. 156 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,531 I'm sure that by then I'll have found a way to ace them-- 157 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,367 Er, to ease them out of there. 158 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,473 Ah, Mr. Douglas. [ Laughs ] 159 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,310 Mr. Haney, get off of my property. Now, Mr. Douglas. 160 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,147 You've got a nerve, coming over here. 161 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,816 Well, I come over about the tractor that I sold you, 162 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,818 but I see I'm too late-- 163 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,987 You've bought a new one. 164 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,623 New one? This is the mess you sold me. 165 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,494 It is? And you're not happy with it? 166 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,896 Obviously not. 167 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,665 Well, some people are never happy with nothing, 168 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,667 but that's your problem. 169 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,404 My problem is to make amends for the wrong I've done you. 170 00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,940 The wrong you've done me? 171 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:40,244 Yes, Mr. Douglas, and they have been many. 172 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:45,783 - They certainly have. - You ain't making this any easier on me. 173 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,920 - Not making what easier? - My change of heart. 174 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,590 Mr. Douglas, I've finally seen the light. 175 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:56,127 While the light's still good, take a look at this tractor. 176 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,031 Well now, that's exactly why I'm here. 177 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,366 I'm gonna give you back your money for it-- 178 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:08,106 - Exactly what you paid me, $25. - I paid you 35. 179 00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,109 Oh, excuse it, please. 180 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:14,879 After so many years, it's only natural I'd fall back into my old ways. 181 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,117 Now if you say I owe you $35, then that's what I owe you. 182 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,385 Will you take a check? 183 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:26,224 You realize you can get into a lot of trouble, passing bad checks. 184 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:31,229 Mr. Douglas, this check is as good as my intentions-- 185 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,231 Pure gold. 186 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,235 I just can't believe it. Why not? 187 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,406 What's wrong in putting chocolate syrup on chopped chicken liver? 188 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,576 Why would he suddenly give me my money back? 189 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,745 Well, maybe it's true what he said. 190 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:52,083 I read a book the other night about this fellow who saw the light. 191 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,085 What was his name? 192 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,087 Oh, yes, Thomas Edison. 193 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,657 Yes, it's possible-- Thomas Edison? 194 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:03,828 You know, the man who invented the "electrisical" company. 195 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:08,199 Now there are two things I don't understand-- Mr. Haney and you. 196 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:11,535 Well, isn't it possible for a man to change? 197 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,537 Not Haney-- 198 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,539 and not just like that, overnight. 199 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,541 Well, my uncle changed overnight. 200 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,211 One day he was bald, and the next day he had hair. 201 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,246 Everybody said it was a miracle, 202 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:26,350 and that's what it was-- a miracle toupee. 203 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,352 You can tell me about it later. 204 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,889 I wanna run into Drucker's and get this check cashed before Haney changes his mind. 205 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:34,058 While you're there, here are a few things I need. Oh, fine. Yes. 206 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,060 See you later. 207 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,235 You put chocolate syrup on chopped chicken liver? 208 00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:47,071 And, uh, two bottles of chocolate syrup. 209 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,741 Your wife making chicken livers again, Mr. Douglas? 210 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,909 Incidentally, I've got a check from Haney here. 211 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,612 Would you cash it for me? Oh, you too? 212 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,282 That's the third check of his I cashed this morning. Got one from Newt. 213 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,886 Yeah, Haney sold him a one-legged chicken, then bought it back. 214 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,522 - A one-legged-- - Yeah. Poor thing. 215 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:08,325 Every time it tried to lay an egg, it fell over. 216 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,896 Haney's been buying back all the old broken-down things from everybody. 217 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,465 Wish he'd make me an offer on Doris. 218 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,135 You mean he's buying back all that junk he sold everybody? 219 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:22,273 Yeah. He gave Arnold back the money for the bicycle he sold him. 220 00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:25,877 - [ Squeals ] - Well, you couldn't ride it nohow. 221 00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,945 You need a three-wheeler. 222 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,148 - [ Snorts ] - It just ain't like Haney. 223 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,151 No, it isn't. 224 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,219 He must be up to something. 225 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,393 Oh. Hello, Mr. Haney. Mrs. Douglas. 226 00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:46,898 Well, don't you look as pert as a peewee in a peckerwood tree. 227 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:50,902 Why, you're the second person who's said that to me today. 228 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:54,906 Is my old friend Mr. Douglas to home? 229 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,941 No, he had to go in to Mr. Drucker's store, 230 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,343 but why don't you come in and wait for him? Thank you. 231 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,345 Would you like something to eat? 232 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:05,016 I just made some chopped chicken liver with chocolate syrup. 233 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,018 Chopped-- 234 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,186 It's hot in here, ain't it? 235 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,255 Would you like some? Uh, no thank you, ma'am. 236 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,358 No, I just had a whole bowlful of them for lunch. 237 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,694 Would you like to sit down? Oh, thank you. 238 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:20,031 Is there any special reason you want to see Mr. Douglas? 239 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,534 No, no. Just a social call. 240 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:26,538 - Speaking of New York-- - We weren't speaking of New York. 241 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,539 We weren't? Well, why don't we? 242 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:32,643 - I'll bet you miss it, don't you? - Well, yes, I do. 243 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,712 Many's a time I've said to myself, 244 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:37,882 "It's a shame to keep a beautiful pigeon like you... 245 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,684 cooped up in a dump like this." 246 00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,355 Many a times I said the same thing to Mr. Douglas. 247 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:48,426 I'll bet you'd be willing to move at the drop of a hat. 248 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:52,329 Yes, I would, but Mr. Douglas isn't much of a hat-dropper. 249 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,565 Don't seem right, keeping you here... 250 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:59,837 - just 'cause he's finicky about his fedora. - No, it doesn't. 251 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,840 What doesn't? 252 00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:06,077 Keeping me pooped up here on account of a Finnish Theodora. 253 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:10,681 - What? - Oh, uh, we was just talking about dreams. 254 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:14,852 - No, we weren't. - No, I guess we wasn't, because I don't dream-- 255 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:18,189 mainly because I ain't been sleeping too good lately. 256 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,457 Something's bothering me. 257 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,526 Oh, I'm sure it is. 258 00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:24,528 It must be my conscience, 259 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,598 keeping me awake over something I sold you besides that tractor. 260 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,202 - Was it a vacuum cleaner? - No, uh, something bigger. 261 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,038 The stove? No, no, bigger than that. 262 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,874 Maybe it was this house. That's it. 263 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:41,378 That's what's been keeping me awake. Oh, come on. 264 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:45,616 No, that's what it is. Mr. Douglas, sell it back to me. 265 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,886 - What? - Just sign this bill of sale, 266 00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:53,290 - and let me get a good night's sleep. - I don't intend to-- 267 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:56,894 I'll make the check out for $100 more than you paid me. 268 00:14:56,963 --> 00:15:00,831 - We'll take it. - Lisa! I'm not selling. 269 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,635 Well, then I'll sell my half. I've got community in his property. 270 00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:07,671 Uh, well, half wouldn't do me no good. 271 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,942 Then I'd only be able to sleep every other night. 272 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:14,412 Oh, boy. Look, we're not selling. 273 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,847 Well, now, don't make any hasty decisions. 274 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,851 I'll be back in a half hour for the signed bill of sale. 275 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,853 It won't be signed. 276 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,855 Talk to him, Mrs. Douglas. 277 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,391 New York is calling you. 278 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,531 I'll leave the door open in case you want to chase after me. 279 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:38,036 Of all the-- Oliver, why didn't you sell it to him? 280 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,038 Because he's up to something. 281 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,707 Now why would he want to buy this dump back from me? 282 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,775 You finally admitted what it is. 283 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:48,312 I didn't mean it was a dump. I mean it was a-- 284 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,281 You can't think of another word. 285 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:56,187 - Lisa, why would he want to buy this place? - Maybe he turned honest. 286 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,189 Whoo! 287 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,391 A man doesn't suddenly turn honest. 288 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:04,328 Your father did. My father never turned honest. 289 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,497 I mean, he was always crooked. 290 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:10,168 A leopard doesn't change his spats-- spots. 291 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,837 I don't know what spots he's got on his spats, 292 00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,506 but I'd sell it to him. 293 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,508 Well, there must be some reason he wants it. 294 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,977 For all we know, there's oil under this place. 295 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:23,347 Well, congratulations, Mr. Douglas. What? 296 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,517 You struck oil, eh? Oh! 297 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,019 Oh, yeah. A real gusher. How about that? 298 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:32,589 - And you're not even a Texan. - Look, Mr. Kimball-- 299 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,359 Oil, eh? Well, I always knew you bought this place for a reason. 300 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:39,163 - I knew you weren't a farmer. - Now, see here-- 301 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,165 I'm glad it turned out this way, 302 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,167 because if you ever tried to make a living... 303 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,402 selling those ridiculous crops you've been growing-- 304 00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,039 - Mr. Kimball-- - Oil, eh? 305 00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,207 Well, hope it doesn't go to your head-- 306 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:54,045 but if it does, I know a great shampoo for oily heads. 307 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:56,046 I'll bet you do. 308 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,582 Mr. Kimball, there is no oil here. 309 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,718 Oh, Oliver. Oh, hello, Mr. Kimball. 310 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:04,255 Oliver, I can't get the oil out of your sweater. 311 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,524 Well, send it to the cleaner. 312 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,893 No oil, eh? 313 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:13,064 Please, Mr. Kimball, no matter what you think-- 314 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,833 Well, I guess that now you've discovered no oil, 315 00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,236 you won't be selling this place to the highway commission after all. 316 00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:22,807 - The highway commission? - As if you didn't know. 317 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,977 - Know what? - No oil, eh? 318 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,113 What was that about the State Highway Commission? 319 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,182 I thought they made you an offer for the place. 320 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,985 They're talking about putting the cross-state highway through here. 321 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,020 Oh! 322 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,690 That's what he was up to. 323 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,858 Who was? 324 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,695 Uh, Mr. Kimball, 325 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:48,365 you know, if the news got out about there being oil here, 326 00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,367 there might be a stampede, 327 00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:54,037 so I wouldn't mention it to anybody, 328 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,873 especially Mr. Haney. 329 00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:58,875 Don't worry. 330 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:02,480 Your secret is my secret. [ Chuckles ] 331 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,316 What was your secret again? 332 00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:09,052 Not to mention that there's oil here to Mr. Haney. 333 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,160 [ Knocking ] 334 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,330 How are you, Hank? Oh, fine. 335 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:22,299 Just fine. [ Chuckles ] Well, not fine. 336 00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:25,937 I'm carrying a big secret around in here. Oh? What's that? 337 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,440 I'm sorry, but you're the one Mr. Douglas told me not to tell. 338 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,843 Well, if he told you not to tell me, then I wouldn't want you to. 339 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,946 How would you like a little glass of hard cider? 340 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,015 Oh, no, thank you. 341 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,684 You know how cider loosens my tongue. 342 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,686 Well, it doesn't loosen it. 343 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,688 It just sort of flaps around and, uh, 344 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,824 well, in no time at all, I'd be telling you all about the oil. 345 00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:50,861 Oil? Oh, you knew about it? 346 00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,798 I wonder why Mr. Douglas didn't want me to tell you that he has oil on his farm. 347 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,568 He has oil on his farm? 348 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,639 Yes, Haney, looks like somebody finally put one over on you. 349 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:10,314 Doggone. It just shows it don't pay to be Mr. Nice Guy. 350 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:13,985 So Mr. Kimball heard me mention to you there might be oil here. 351 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,820 We're rich. No, we're not rich. 352 00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,990 Well, if there is oil, we are. 353 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:22,826 I bet that's why Mr. Haney was trying to buy this place. 354 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,296 Oh, no, he was trying to buy it because he heard... 355 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,498 the state might build a highway through here. 356 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,833 Well, if they're going to build a highway and there is oil, 357 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,336 won't that be slippery? 358 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,838 Lisa, there is no oil. 359 00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,508 [ Knocking ] [ Haney ] Mr. Douglas? 360 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,944 But there's a fella who thinks there is. 361 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,946 Coming. 362 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:48,519 Stand up tall, fellas. I'm giving you to a beautiful lady. 363 00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,521 Well, Mr. Haney. 364 00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,024 Oh, thank you. 365 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,026 Wouldn't you like to come in? 366 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,861 Oh, no. I just stopped by to deliver the posies. 367 00:19:57,931 --> 00:20:01,498 - Oh, speaking of good luck-- - I don't believe we were. 368 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:05,136 Well, why don't we? I wanna congratulate you on your good fortune. 369 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,572 Oh, you mean about discovering gold here. 370 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,242 Gold? I thought it was oil. 371 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,744 I thought it was the state highway. 372 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,214 Let's not fence around the bush, Mr. Douglas. 373 00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:20,417 Mr. Kimball told me about the oil. 374 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:24,655 Oh. And after I asked him not to mention it. 375 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,058 Well, those things have a way of slipping out. 376 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:31,895 Now, I'll probably start drillin' next week. 377 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:36,032 - What do you mean, you'll start drilling? - Well, it's my oil. 378 00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:39,269 - Your oil? - That's right. 379 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,739 Mr. Douglas, when I sold you this farm, 380 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,741 I retained the mineral rights. 381 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,244 - It's in the fine print. - Haney-- 382 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,747 You're a lawyer. You ought to know about the fine print. 383 00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,416 And the way things look right now, 384 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,419 that print is mighty fine. 385 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,754 Uh, Mr. Haney, 386 00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,424 you may own the mineral rights, 387 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:05,028 but to get to the minerals, you've got to cross this land, right? 388 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:08,031 - Uh, right. - And I own the land. 389 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,203 So just how do you think you're gonna cross my land to get to the oil? 390 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,873 I'm glad you left that up to me. 391 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,876 Now, being the oil is mine, and the land is yours, 392 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,379 I think you ought to get a little something... 393 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,547 for letting me cross your land. 394 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,883 Well, that's very generous of you. I agree. 395 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,885 Now shall we say, uh, 396 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:33,390 you get one-third of one-half of one percent? 397 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,894 Naturally, that's on the net, after taxes and expenses. 398 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,164 That way I'll wind up owing you. 399 00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,166 Oh, don't worry, Mr. Douglas. 400 00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:45,602 You can take as long as you want to pay me back. 401 00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:51,074 Haney, the only deal I'm prepared to make is 50-50. 402 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:55,612 - 70-30 is fine with me. - 50-50. 403 00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,748 Well, if you're gonna be narrow-minded about it, 404 00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:00,951 let's say, uh, 60-40. 405 00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,854 Haney, it's 50-50, 406 00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,657 or you don't set foot on this land. 407 00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:11,161 I'll start drilling tomorrow, partner. 408 00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:14,698 You hear any gurgling, Mr. Douglas? Not yet. 409 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:18,201 Oh, it won't be long now before that black gold... 410 00:22:18,271 --> 00:22:21,838 comes a gushin' out of the ground. I can hardly wait. 411 00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,841 I'll have millions. 412 00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,843 We'll have millions. 413 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,878 Who are you? 414 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:30,046 I'm your partner. 415 00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:33,884 Mr. Douglas, you ain't gonna hold me to that silly little agreement? 416 00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:36,219 I certainly am. 417 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:41,057 Mr. Douglas, maybe this ain't such a good spot to drill. 418 00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:43,059 Oh, it's a very good spot. 419 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:45,061 It's right close to the house, and-- 420 00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:47,097 [ Rumbling ] Shh! 421 00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:50,667 Here it comes, Mr. Douglas. Here it comes! 422 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,038 Millions and millions! 423 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:58,909 Millions and millions, barrels and barrels! 424 00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:02,179 All over the place. 425 00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:07,017 Mr. Haney-- Yachts, limousines, mansions-- 426 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:11,522 Mr. Haney-- Look at it, Mr. Douglas, just look at it. 427 00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:14,024 I am looking at it. 428 00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:16,527 Did you ever see oil that color? 429 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:19,196 It's white oil. That's even better. 430 00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:22,366 Mr. Haney, that's water. 431 00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:24,868 Water? Yes. 432 00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:27,371 And I want to thank you. 433 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,373 Ever since you sold me this place, 434 00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:31,375 you've promised to drill me a new well, 435 00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:34,211 and you finally got around to it. 436 00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:43,387 Oliver, that wasn't a very nice thing of you to do to Mr. Haney. 437 00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:46,557 He thought he was going to be a big oil typhoon. 438 00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:49,393 Don't feel sorry for Mr. Haney. 439 00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:51,795 It's about time somebody taught him a lesson. 440 00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:55,799 [ Machinery Running ] What the-- 441 00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:06,843 Mr. Haney! Oh, Mr. Douglas, I hope I ain't disturbing you. 442 00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:11,014 What are you doing? I just went into a new business. 443 00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:15,819 There's big money in pure spring water. 444 00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,355 Oh, all right. 445 00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:20,858 As long as I get half of the profits. 446 00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:24,862 Mr. Douglas, you fouled up on the fine print again. 447 00:24:24,930 --> 00:24:27,698 The contract specifically says... 448 00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:31,034 that you get half the profits of oil. 449 00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:33,370 It does? 450 00:24:33,438 --> 00:24:38,709 Yeah, and if we find any oil in that water, you can have half of it. 451 00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:19,249 [ Lisa ] This has been a Filmways presentation, darling. 40488

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