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[ Oliver ]♪ Green Acres ♪
2
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,120
♪ Is the place to be ♪
3
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,991
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪
4
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:30,094
♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪
5
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,832
♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪
6
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,936
[ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪
7
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:42,107
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
8
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,610
♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪
9
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,781
♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪
10
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,318
♪ The chores ♪
11
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,354
♪ The stores ♪
12
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:58,323
- ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪
13
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:02,761
- ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
14
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,331
[ Together ]♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
15
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,171
[ Grunting ]
16
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,010
[ Grunting Continues ]
17
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,483
Hello there.
18
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,486
You ought to use
a different complexion cream.
19
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,988
Your skin is very oily.
20
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:33,191
Get me something
to wipe this off with.
21
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,194
Here.
What happened?
22
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:39,731
I was trying
to tighten the bolt
and it broke off, and--
23
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,067
This is my sweater!
24
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,569
It was the only thing
that was handy.
25
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,405
Couldn't you have found
something else?
26
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,574
Well, I could have
used my petticoat,
but I'm not wearing any.
27
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,576
You see, this dress
doesn't need one.
28
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,578
I'm not interested
in your dress.
29
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,582
Well, you should be.
It cost you $300.
Three hundred?
30
00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,018
It would have cost you more
with a petticoat,
but I don't--
31
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,020
This is the last straw.
32
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:05,089
I'm gonna take this stupid
tractor back to Haney
and get my money back.
33
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,159
You ought to get your money back
for some of the other things
he sold you.
34
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,595
I intend to.
35
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,201
[ Cranking ]
36
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,010
[ Whistling ]
37
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,012
Take cover!
38
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,852
[ Whistling Continues ]
39
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,223
[ Explosion ]
Ooh!
40
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,363
What the--
41
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,068
It's okay, Lisa.
Nothing happened.
42
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,241
[ Ratcheting ]
43
00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:01,313
Oh, that miserable Haney!
44
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:05,016
And the wheels fell off.
The radiator came apart
and the engine fell out,
45
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,018
and whatever was left
collapsed.
46
00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:10,522
Outside of that,
Mr. Douglas,
how is the tractor running?
47
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:15,527
It's not running.
Did you check to see
if there's any gas in it?
48
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:19,030
Mr. Haney, you don't seem
to understand.
49
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:22,867
The tractor is ruined.
It's nothing but a pile
of nuts and bolts.
50
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,037
And you'd like to buy
a repair kit.
51
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:29,207
Well, I've got a fine
three-dollar repair kit.
52
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:32,377
I don't want a repair kit.
I want my money back.
53
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,879
I can't give you
your money back...
54
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,382
'less you have
a legitimate complaint.
55
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,384
I told you my complaint.
56
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,887
It has to be in writing.
In writing?
57
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:48,727
Now, what we need
is complaint form
number G-654321.
58
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,696
[ Blows ]
59
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:56,501
[ Choking ]
I just want my money back.
I don't want to fill out a form.
60
00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:02,507
Mr. Douglas, are you familiar
with the state retail code,
section 12, paragraph 4?
61
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,809
No, I'm not.
62
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,513
Be glad to sell you
a copy of the code
for six dollars.
63
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:13,051
Mr. Haney--
It has to be filled out
in six-triplicate.
64
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,520
That's double triplicate.
65
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,190
That's, uh,
one copy for you,
66
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,192
one copy for me,
67
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,194
one copy for the state,
68
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,196
one copy for the county,
69
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,865
one copy for
the Fair Trade Commission...
70
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,403
and the last copy to see
if the carbon will make
that many copies.
71
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,872
- Look, I--
- Now then, Mr. Douglas,
72
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,375
what seems to be
your trouble?
73
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,912
The tractor you sold me--
I want my money back.
74
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,916
- Would you be satisfied
if I replaced it?
- Yes.
75
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,719
In that case,
we're using
the wrong form.
76
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,721
What we need...
77
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:54,059
is replacement form
number G-271532.
78
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,228
Oh, for--
79
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,897
Now, your name, please?
80
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,500
Mr. Haney--
"Haney."
81
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,768
First name?
82
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,770
I've had about enough.
83
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,772
"I've had about enough."
84
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,242
Middle initial?
85
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,044
Just when did the tractor
break down?
86
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,680
- This morning.
- Oh, well.
87
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:20,985
We gonna need
daylight form
number 654 G-27.
88
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:23,188
And it looks like
we're in trouble,
89
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:26,391
because we're all out
of daylight forms.
90
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,860
Mr. Haney,
91
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,463
obviously I'm not going to get
any satisfaction from you.
92
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,465
I'm going to have to sue.
93
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,301
I don't believe
you can sue a man...
94
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,404
just because he's
out of daylight forms.
95
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,406
There must be something
on the books...
96
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,242
that'll take care
of a charlatan like you.
97
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,382
Well, that's gratitude for you--
98
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,684
forgetting
that I was the one...
99
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:56,888
that sold him
that beautiful farm
at such a low price.
100
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,660
What are you going
to sue him for?
101
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,961
There's nothing
I can sue him for.
102
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,332
- What about the tractor?
- It's too late.
103
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:11,769
How can I make a case out of it
after I've used the tractor
for two years?
104
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,005
What about the farm,
and this house he sold us?
105
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,173
If you can't make a case
out of that,
106
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:19,243
you better turn in
the sharkskin you got
at the law school.
107
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,312
It's a sheepskin.
108
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,915
Weren't your marks good enough
to get a sharkskin?
109
00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:26,417
They don't--
[ Knocking ]
110
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,419
Would you answer that door?
111
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:33,157
If you had studied harder,
instead of running around
with that little blonde--
112
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,427
That blonde was you.
113
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,429
Oh, you almost
flunked out there too.
114
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,431
[ Knocking ]
115
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,934
- Answer the door.
- Hmm.
116
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,108
Yes?
117
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,510
Is Mr. Haney around?
Around what?
118
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,647
- I mean, is he home?
- I don't know.
119
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,550
- Are you Mrs. Haney?
- No.
120
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:01,486
- Well, is he here?
- Well, that's
a pretty fresh question.
121
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:04,356
If I am not Mrs. Haney,
what would he be doing here?
122
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,491
I didn't mean--
123
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,526
Could you tell me
where I could find him?
124
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,029
Yes, I could.
Bye.
125
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,568
[ Knocking ]
126
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:21,673
Hello there.
Did you find him?
127
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,842
Well, no.
You forgot to tell me
where to look for him.
128
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,045
- Look for who?
- Mr. Haney.
129
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:32,249
Oh. Well, he lives
about three miles
up the road.
130
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,320
State Division of Highways?
That's right.
131
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,489
Well, what can I do
for you, Mr. Farley?
132
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,825
According to our information,
you're the last owner
of record of that property...
133
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,027
about three miles
down the road--
is that right?
134
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,363
- What you wanna know for?
- Well, as you probably heard,
135
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,365
the state is building
a cross-state highway,
136
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,367
and that particular
piece of property...
137
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:51,369
might be an ideal spot
for an interchange.
138
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:56,007
You mean you wanna concrete up
that beautiful piece
of farmland?
139
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,910
Naturally, we'd be willing
to compensate you for it.
140
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:04,015
- How much did you figure?
- I'm sure we'll be able
to arrive at a fair price.
141
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,785
- Oh, I'm sure we will.
- By the way, I just stopped
by there--
142
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:11,589
- You didn't say nothing
about the highway, did you?
- No.
143
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,125
Good, 'cause I wouldn't
want to upset...
144
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:17,229
them two sharecroppers
I'm letting live there.
145
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,064
- Sharecroppers?
- Yeah.
146
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,867
Ain't it a sin,
the way they've let
that place run down?
147
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,503
The woman didn't look
like a sharecropper.
148
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,439
- She had a diamond as big as--
- That's why
they're sharecroppers.
149
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,943
She spent
all her husband's money
on frivolities.
150
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,680
Well, if we do come
to some kind of arrangement,
151
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,715
you realize you'll have
to evict them.
152
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:41,185
Well, that won't be easy.
They've become pretty
attached to the place.
153
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,889
But since it's
in the interest of progress--
154
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:48,560
Well, I'll check back with you
in about a week.
Good day.
155
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,561
That'll be fine.
156
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,531
I'm sure that by then
I'll have found a way
to ace them--
157
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,367
Er, to ease them
out of there.
158
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,473
Ah, Mr. Douglas.
[ Laughs ]
159
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,310
Mr. Haney, get off
of my property.
Now, Mr. Douglas.
160
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,147
You've got a nerve,
coming over here.
161
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,816
Well, I come over
about the tractor
that I sold you,
162
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,818
but I see I'm too late--
163
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,987
You've bought a new one.
164
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,623
New one?
This is the mess
you sold me.
165
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,494
It is?
And you're not happy with it?
166
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,896
Obviously not.
167
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,665
Well, some people
are never happy with nothing,
168
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,667
but that's your problem.
169
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,404
My problem is to make amends
for the wrong I've done you.
170
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,940
The wrong you've done me?
171
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:40,244
Yes, Mr. Douglas,
and they have been many.
172
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:45,783
- They certainly have.
- You ain't making this
any easier on me.
173
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,920
- Not making what easier?
- My change of heart.
174
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,590
Mr. Douglas, I've finally seen the light.
175
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:56,127
While the light's still good,
take a look at this tractor.
176
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,031
Well now, that's exactly
why I'm here.
177
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,366
I'm gonna give you back
your money for it--
178
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:08,106
- Exactly what you paid me, $25.
- I paid you 35.
179
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,109
Oh, excuse it, please.
180
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:14,879
After so many years,
it's only natural I'd
fall back into my old ways.
181
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,117
Now if you say I owe you $35,
then that's what I owe you.
182
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,385
Will you take a check?
183
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:26,224
You realize you can get
into a lot of trouble,
passing bad checks.
184
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:31,229
Mr. Douglas, this check
is as good as my intentions--
185
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,231
Pure gold.
186
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,235
I just can't believe it.
Why not?
187
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,406
What's wrong in
putting chocolate syrup
on chopped chicken liver?
188
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,576
Why would he suddenly
give me my money back?
189
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,745
Well, maybe it's true
what he said.
190
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:52,083
I read a book the other night
about this fellow
who saw the light.
191
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,085
What was his name?
192
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,087
Oh, yes, Thomas Edison.
193
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,657
Yes, it's possible--
Thomas Edison?
194
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:03,828
You know, the man who invented
the "electrisical" company.
195
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:08,199
Now there are two things
I don't understand--
Mr. Haney and you.
196
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:11,535
Well, isn't it possible
for a man to change?
197
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,537
Not Haney--
198
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,539
and not just like that,
overnight.
199
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,541
Well, my uncle changed
overnight.
200
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,211
One day he was bald,
and the next day he had hair.
201
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,246
Everybody said
it was a miracle,
202
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:26,350
and that's what it was--
a miracle toupee.
203
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,352
You can tell me
about it later.
204
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,889
I wanna run into Drucker's
and get this check cashed
before Haney changes his mind.
205
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:34,058
While you're there,
here are a few things I need.
Oh, fine. Yes.
206
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,060
See you later.
207
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,235
You put chocolate syrup
on chopped chicken liver?
208
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:47,071
And, uh, two bottles
of chocolate syrup.
209
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,741
Your wife making
chicken livers again,
Mr. Douglas?
210
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,909
Incidentally, I've got
a check from Haney here.
211
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,612
Would you cash it
for me?
Oh, you too?
212
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,282
That's the third check of his
I cashed this morning.
Got one from Newt.
213
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,886
Yeah, Haney sold him
a one-legged chicken,
then bought it back.
214
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,522
- A one-legged--
- Yeah. Poor thing.
215
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:08,325
Every time it tried
to lay an egg, it fell over.
216
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,896
Haney's been buying back
all the old broken-down things
from everybody.
217
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,465
Wish he'd make me an offer
on Doris.
218
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,135
You mean he's buying back
all that junk he sold everybody?
219
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:22,273
Yeah. He gave Arnold back
the money for the bicycle
he sold him.
220
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:25,877
- [ Squeals ]
- Well, you couldn't
ride it nohow.
221
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,945
You need
a three-wheeler.
222
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,148
- [ Snorts ]
- It just ain't like Haney.
223
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,151
No, it isn't.
224
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,219
He must be up to something.
225
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,393
Oh. Hello, Mr. Haney.
Mrs. Douglas.
226
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:46,898
Well, don't you look
as pert as a peewee
in a peckerwood tree.
227
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:50,902
Why, you're the second person
who's said that to me
today.
228
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:54,906
Is my old friend
Mr. Douglas to home?
229
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,941
No, he had to go
in to Mr. Drucker's store,
230
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,343
but why don't you come in
and wait for him?
Thank you.
231
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,345
Would you like
something to eat?
232
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:05,016
I just made some
chopped chicken liver
with chocolate syrup.
233
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,018
Chopped--
234
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,186
It's hot in here,
ain't it?
235
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,255
Would you like some?
Uh, no thank you, ma'am.
236
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,358
No, I just had a whole
bowlful of them
for lunch.
237
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,694
Would you like to sit down?
Oh, thank you.
238
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:20,031
Is there any special reason
you want to see Mr. Douglas?
239
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,534
No, no.
Just a social call.
240
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:26,538
- Speaking of New York--
- We weren't speaking
of New York.
241
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,539
We weren't?
Well, why don't we?
242
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:32,643
- I'll bet you miss it,
don't you?
- Well, yes, I do.
243
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,712
Many's a time
I've said to myself,
244
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:37,882
"It's a shame to keep
a beautiful pigeon like you...
245
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,684
cooped up in a dump
like this."
246
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,355
Many a times I said
the same thing to Mr. Douglas.
247
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:48,426
I'll bet you'd
be willing to move
at the drop of a hat.
248
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:52,329
Yes, I would,
but Mr. Douglas isn't
much of a hat-dropper.
249
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,565
Don't seem right,
keeping you here...
250
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:59,837
- just 'cause he's finicky
about his fedora.
- No, it doesn't.
251
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,840
What doesn't?
252
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:06,077
Keeping me pooped up here
on account of a Finnish
Theodora.
253
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:10,681
- What?
- Oh, uh, we was just talking
about dreams.
254
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:14,852
- No, we weren't.
- No, I guess we wasn't,
because I don't dream--
255
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:18,189
mainly because I ain't been
sleeping too good lately.
256
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,457
Something's bothering me.
257
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,526
Oh, I'm sure it is.
258
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:24,528
It must be my conscience,
259
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,598
keeping me awake over
something I sold you
besides that tractor.
260
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,202
- Was it a vacuum cleaner?
- No, uh, something bigger.
261
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,038
The stove?
No, no,
bigger than that.
262
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,874
Maybe it was this house.
That's it.
263
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:41,378
That's what's been
keeping me awake.
Oh, come on.
264
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:45,616
No, that's what it is.
Mr. Douglas, sell it
back to me.
265
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,886
- What?
- Just sign this bill of sale,
266
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:53,290
- and let me get
a good night's sleep.
- I don't intend to--
267
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:56,894
I'll make the check out
for $100 more than you paid me.
268
00:14:56,963 --> 00:15:00,831
- We'll take it.
- Lisa! I'm not selling.
269
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,635
Well, then I'll sell my half.
I've got community
in his property.
270
00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:07,671
Uh, well, half wouldn't
do me no good.
271
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,942
Then I'd only be able to sleep
every other night.
272
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:14,412
Oh, boy.
Look, we're not selling.
273
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,847
Well, now, don't make
any hasty decisions.
274
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,851
I'll be back in a half hour
for the signed bill of sale.
275
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,853
It won't be signed.
276
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,855
Talk to him, Mrs. Douglas.
277
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,391
New York is calling you.
278
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,531
I'll leave the door open
in case you want
to chase after me.
279
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:38,036
Of all the--
Oliver, why didn't you
sell it to him?
280
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,038
Because he's up
to something.
281
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,707
Now why would he want
to buy this dump
back from me?
282
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,775
You finally admitted
what it is.
283
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:48,312
I didn't mean it was a dump.
I mean it was a--
284
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,281
You can't think
of another word.
285
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:56,187
- Lisa, why would he want
to buy this place?
- Maybe he turned honest.
286
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,189
Whoo!
287
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,391
A man doesn't
suddenly turn honest.
288
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:04,328
Your father did.
My father never
turned honest.
289
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,497
I mean, he was
always crooked.
290
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:10,168
A leopard doesn't
change his spats--
spots.
291
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,837
I don't know what spots
he's got on his spats,
292
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,506
but I'd sell it to him.
293
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,508
Well, there must be
some reason he wants it.
294
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,977
For all we know,
there's oil under this place.
295
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:23,347
Well, congratulations,
Mr. Douglas.
What?
296
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,517
You struck oil, eh?
Oh!
297
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,019
Oh, yeah. A real gusher.
How about that?
298
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:32,589
- And you're not even a Texan.
- Look, Mr. Kimball--
299
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,359
Oil, eh? Well, I always knew
you bought this place
for a reason.
300
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:39,163
- I knew you weren't a farmer.
- Now, see here--
301
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,165
I'm glad it turned out
this way,
302
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,167
because if you ever tried
to make a living...
303
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,402
selling those ridiculous crops
you've been growing--
304
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,039
- Mr. Kimball--
- Oil, eh?
305
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,207
Well, hope it doesn't
go to your head--
306
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:54,045
but if it does,
I know a great shampoo
for oily heads.
307
00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:56,046
I'll bet you do.
308
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,582
Mr. Kimball,
there is no oil here.
309
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,718
Oh, Oliver.
Oh, hello, Mr. Kimball.
310
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:04,255
Oliver, I can't get the oil
out of your sweater.
311
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,524
Well, send it
to the cleaner.
312
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,893
No oil, eh?
313
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:13,064
Please, Mr. Kimball,
no matter what you think--
314
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,833
Well, I guess that
now you've discovered no oil,
315
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,236
you won't be selling this place
to the highway commission
after all.
316
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:22,807
- The highway commission?
- As if you didn't know.
317
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,977
- Know what?
- No oil, eh?
318
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,113
What was that about
the State Highway Commission?
319
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,182
I thought they made you
an offer for the place.
320
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,985
They're talking about putting
the cross-state highway
through here.
321
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,020
Oh!
322
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,690
That's what he was up to.
323
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,858
Who was?
324
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,695
Uh, Mr. Kimball,
325
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:48,365
you know, if the news got out
about there being oil here,
326
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,367
there might be a stampede,
327
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:54,037
so I wouldn't mention it
to anybody,
328
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,873
especially Mr. Haney.
329
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:58,875
Don't worry.
330
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:02,480
Your secret is my secret.
[ Chuckles ]
331
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,316
What was
your secret again?
332
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:09,052
Not to mention
that there's oil here
to Mr. Haney.
333
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,160
[ Knocking ]
334
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,330
How are you, Hank?
Oh, fine.
335
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:22,299
Just fine.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, not fine.
336
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:25,937
I'm carrying a big secret
around in here.
Oh? What's that?
337
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,440
I'm sorry, but you're
the one Mr. Douglas
told me not to tell.
338
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,843
Well, if he told you
not to tell me,
then I wouldn't want you to.
339
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,946
How would you like
a little glass of hard cider?
340
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,015
Oh, no, thank you.
341
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,684
You know how cider
loosens my tongue.
342
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,686
Well, it doesn't
loosen it.
343
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,688
It just sort of
flaps around and, uh,
344
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,824
well, in no time at all,
I'd be telling you
all about the oil.
345
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:50,861
Oil?
Oh, you knew about it?
346
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,798
I wonder why Mr. Douglas
didn't want me to tell you
that he has oil on his farm.
347
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,568
He has oil on his farm?
348
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,639
Yes, Haney, looks like
somebody finally put one
over on you.
349
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:10,314
Doggone.
It just shows it don't pay
to be Mr. Nice Guy.
350
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:13,985
So Mr. Kimball
heard me mention to you
there might be oil here.
351
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,820
We're rich.
No, we're not rich.
352
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,990
Well, if there is oil,
we are.
353
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:22,826
I bet that's why Mr. Haney
was trying to buy this place.
354
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,296
Oh, no, he was trying
to buy it because
he heard...
355
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,498
the state might build
a highway through here.
356
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,833
Well, if they're going
to build a highway
and there is oil,
357
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,336
won't that be slippery?
358
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,838
Lisa, there is no oil.
359
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,508
[ Knocking ][ Haney ]Mr. Douglas?
360
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,944
But there's a fella
who thinks there is.
361
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,946
Coming.
362
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:48,519
Stand up tall, fellas.
I'm giving you
to a beautiful lady.
363
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,521
Well, Mr. Haney.
364
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,024
Oh, thank you.
365
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,026
Wouldn't you like
to come in?
366
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,861
Oh, no.
I just stopped by
to deliver the posies.
367
00:19:57,931 --> 00:20:01,498
- Oh, speaking of good luck--
- I don't believe we were.
368
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:05,136
Well, why don't we?
I wanna congratulate you
on your good fortune.
369
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,572
Oh, you mean about
discovering gold here.
370
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,242
Gold?
I thought it was oil.
371
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,744
I thought it was
the state highway.
372
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,214
Let's not fence around
the bush, Mr. Douglas.
373
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:20,417
Mr. Kimball told me
about the oil.
374
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:24,655
Oh. And after I asked him
not to mention it.
375
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,058
Well, those things
have a way of slipping out.
376
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:31,895
Now, I'll probably
start drillin' next week.
377
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:36,032
- What do you mean,
you'll start drilling?
- Well, it's my oil.
378
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:39,269
- Your oil?
- That's right.
379
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,739
Mr. Douglas,
when I sold you this farm,
380
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,741
I retained
the mineral rights.
381
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,244
- It's in the fine print.
- Haney--
382
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,747
You're a lawyer.
You ought to know
about the fine print.
383
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,416
And the way things
look right now,
384
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,419
that print is mighty fine.
385
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,754
Uh, Mr. Haney,
386
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,424
you may own
the mineral rights,
387
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:05,028
but to get to the minerals,
you've got to cross this land,
right?
388
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:08,031
- Uh, right.
- And I own the land.
389
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,203
So just how do you think
you're gonna cross my land
to get to the oil?
390
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,873
I'm glad you left that
up to me.
391
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,876
Now, being the oil is mine,
and the land is yours,
392
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,379
I think you ought to get
a little something...
393
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,547
for letting me cross
your land.
394
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,883
Well, that's
very generous of you.
I agree.
395
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,885
Now shall we say, uh,
396
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:33,390
you get one-third
of one-half
of one percent?
397
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,894
Naturally,
that's on the net,
after taxes and expenses.
398
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,164
That way I'll wind up
owing you.
399
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,166
Oh, don't worry,
Mr. Douglas.
400
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:45,602
You can take
as long as you want
to pay me back.
401
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:51,074
Haney, the only deal
I'm prepared to make
is 50-50.
402
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:55,612
- 70-30 is fine with me.
- 50-50.
403
00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,748
Well, if you're gonna be
narrow-minded about it,
404
00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:00,951
let's say, uh, 60-40.
405
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,854
Haney, it's 50-50,
406
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,657
or you don't set foot
on this land.
407
00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:11,161
I'll start drilling
tomorrow, partner.
408
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:14,698
You hear any gurgling,
Mr. Douglas?
Not yet.
409
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:18,201
Oh, it won't be long now
before that black gold...
410
00:22:18,271 --> 00:22:21,838
comes a gushin'
out of the ground.
I can hardly wait.
411
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,841
I'll have millions.
412
00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,843
We'll have millions.
413
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,878
Who are you?
414
00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:30,046
I'm your partner.
415
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:33,884
Mr. Douglas, you ain't
gonna hold me to that
silly little agreement?
416
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:36,219
I certainly am.
417
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:41,057
Mr. Douglas, maybe this
ain't such a good spot
to drill.
418
00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:43,059
Oh, it's a very good spot.
419
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:45,061
It's right close
to the house, and--
420
00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:47,097
[ Rumbling ]
Shh!
421
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:50,667
Here it comes,
Mr. Douglas.
Here it comes!
422
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,038
Millions and millions!
423
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:58,909
Millions and millions,
barrels and barrels!
424
00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:02,179
All over the place.
425
00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:07,017
Mr. Haney--
Yachts, limousines,
mansions--
426
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:11,522
Mr. Haney--
Look at it, Mr. Douglas,
just look at it.
427
00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:14,024
I am looking at it.
428
00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:16,527
Did you ever see oil
that color?
429
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:19,196
It's white oil.
That's even better.
430
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:22,366
Mr. Haney, that's water.
431
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:24,868
Water?
Yes.
432
00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:27,371
And I want to thank you.
433
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,373
Ever since
you sold me this place,
434
00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:31,375
you've promised
to drill me a new well,
435
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:34,211
and you finally
got around to it.
436
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:43,387
Oliver, that wasn't
a very nice thing
of you to do to Mr. Haney.
437
00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:46,557
He thought he was going to be
a big oil typhoon.
438
00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:49,393
Don't feel sorry
for Mr. Haney.
439
00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:51,795
It's about time
somebody taught him a lesson.
440
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:55,799
[ Machinery Running ]
What the--
441
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:06,843
Mr. Haney!
Oh, Mr. Douglas, I hope
I ain't disturbing you.
442
00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:11,014
What are you doing?
I just went
into a new business.
443
00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:15,819
There's big money
in pure spring water.
444
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,355
Oh, all right.
445
00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:20,858
As long as I get
half of the profits.
446
00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:24,862
Mr. Douglas, you fouled up
on the fine print again.
447
00:24:24,930 --> 00:24:27,698
The contract
specifically says...
448
00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:31,034
that you get half
the profits of oil.
449
00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:33,370
It does?
450
00:24:33,438 --> 00:24:38,709
Yeah, and if we find
any oil in that water,
you can have half of it.
451
00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:19,249
[ Lisa ] This has beena Filmways presentation,darling.
40488
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