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[ Oliver ]♪ Green Acres ♪
2
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,954
♪ Is the place to be ♪
3
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,824
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me ♪
4
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide ♪
5
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:33,665
♪ Keep Manhattan Just give me that countryside ♪
6
00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:37,770
[ Lisa ] ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay ♪
7
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:41,940
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
8
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:45,444
♪ I just adore a penthouse view ♪
9
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:48,613
♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue ♪
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00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,152
♪ The chores ♪
11
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,187
♪ The stores ♪
12
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:58,156
- ♪ Fresh air ♪ - ♪ Times Square ♪
13
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:02,594
- ♪ You are my wife ♪ - ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
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00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:06,164
[ Together ]♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
15
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,349
Eb?
Eb, what the--
16
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,351
[ Loud Honk ]
17
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:32,291
Oh, Mrs. Ziffel.
What are you cry--
18
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,293
[ Deep Honk ]
19
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,597
- What the--
- [ Grunting ]
20
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,869
Lisa, what's
all the honking about?
21
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,539
It's Arnold.
What's the matter
with him?
22
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,308
He's in love.
[ Squeaky Honk ]
23
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:53,378
Will you stop
that honking?
So he's in love?
24
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,814
Who's the lucky girl?
Her name is Cynthia.
25
00:01:56,883 --> 00:02:00,685
Cynthia? That's a pretty
fancy name for a pig.
26
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,421
That's what
all the honking is about.
27
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:06,458
She isn't a pig.
She's a "basket" hound.
28
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,660
A basket hound?
29
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:12,497
You know, with the long ears
and the sad eyes.
30
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,467
Oh, a basset hound.
31
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,437
Isn't that sad?
What's so sad
about it?
32
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:22,240
A stupid pig falls in love
with a basket h--
uh, a basset hound.
33
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,243
Arnold isn't stupid.
34
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,346
He's the only pig in school
with an "A" average.
35
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:31,149
Then he oughta be
smart enough not to
get involved with a dog.
36
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,752
He isn't involved.
37
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,389
He's in love.
And Cynthia
is in love with him.
38
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,825
Fine. When they get married,
we'll send them
a wedding gift.
39
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,827
It's not that simple.
40
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,197
Mr. Ziffel is trying
to break it up.
41
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,932
He doesn't think Cynthia
is good enough for Arnold.
42
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,102
Oh, no, no.
He likes Cynthia.
43
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,405
It's her father
he doesn't like--
Mr. Haney.
44
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,040
Oh, boy.
45
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:58,110
- Isn't that terrible?
- What's for dinner?
46
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,145
How can you think of food
at a time like this?
47
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,415
Lisa, I've gotta
keep my strength up.
48
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,685
I have a feeling
this is gonna be
a long, hot summer.
49
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,920
[ Ship's Horn Blows ]
50
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,593
[ Howling ]
51
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:19,264
[ Squealing ]
Now, Arnold, get away
from that door.
52
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,266
You ain't a-goin' out.
You hear me?
53
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:24,036
Fred,
stop yellin' at Arnold.
It's all her fault.
54
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,970
[ Howling ]
55
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,540
Cynthia Haney,
you go on home.
56
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:32,043
- Arnold ain't a-comin' out.
- [ Squealing ]
57
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,045
Fred, do you think you're
doin' the right thing?
58
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,047
Maybe you oughta
let Arnold go out and--
59
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:40,285
No pig of mine
is gonna run around
with any kin of Haney's.
60
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,620
[ Squealing, Grunting ]
61
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,890
Arnold, now, like I told ya,
you go on to your room.
62
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,226
[ Squealing ]
63
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:52,063
And tomorrow night, no supper
and no television.
64
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,232
[ Barking ]
65
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,234
Did you hear that?
66
00:03:56,302 --> 00:04:00,004
Why, that hussy has taught him
to bark like a dog.
67
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:04,041
Well, it doesn't hurt
for somebody to know
another language.
68
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,043
Well, I don't know
another language,
69
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,580
and I got along pretty well.
70
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,815
Now you go on to your room
like I told ya.
71
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,817
[ Whimpering ]
72
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,187
And stop that dog-sobbin'.
73
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,189
[ Howling ]
Aroo!
74
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,292
How's anybody gonna sleep
with a lot of racket
like that?
75
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:24,096
Cynthia Haney! You go home,
or I'll have the law on you.
76
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,898
[ Howling ]
77
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,370
Mr. Douglas, do you
mean to tell me...
78
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,006
you can't get
an injunction against
this basket hound?
79
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,976
You see?
He said basket hound.
I don't care what he said.
80
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,779
- I thought you was a lawyer.
- I am a lawyer.
81
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,416
And I tell you
you can't get an injunction
against a basket hound.
82
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,718
Uh, b-basset. Ba--
Uh, basset.
83
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,555
Well, why not?
That mangy-lookin' Cynthia
is drivin' us nuts.
84
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,691
[ Squealing ]
85
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,892
Just for that, you don't
get your allowance.
86
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,461
[ Squeals ]
87
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,463
It's your fault, Fred.
88
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,500
You know how he feels
about her.
I don't care how he feels.
89
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:06,004
Mrs. Ziffel,
it isn't good to fight
in front of a child.
90
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,140
He's not a child!
He's a pig!
91
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,941
Oliver!
92
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,545
Mignon, take Arnold in
and let him turn on the TV.
93
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,813
[ Yaps ]
94
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,916
[ Barking ]
95
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,185
Did Arnold just--
[ Fred ] Yeah.
96
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,554
That Cynthia's got him
talkin' like she does.
97
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:25,523
- [ Whimpering ]
- Go on, Arnold.
98
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,928
Shut the door.
99
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,298
Folks, please,
will you sit down?
100
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,136
Mr. Douglas, I'm goin'
outta my mind.
101
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,939
Is there anything legal
that can be done
about this hound?
102
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,575
You could call
a dogcatcher.
103
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:47,345
You don't know anything
about love, do you?
104
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,582
Well, I'm not
an expert at it.
105
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,151
I have looked
at Peyton Place
a couple of times.
106
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:57,289
If Mr. Ziffel
would call a dogcatcher,
Arnold would never forgive him.
107
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:02,226
He'd probably run away
and marry Cynthia
just out of spite.
108
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:05,630
Look, we are talking
about a dog and a pig,
aren't we?
109
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,699
If you're in love,
110
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,335
what difference does it make
who you are?
111
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:14,506
Well, you can--
When I fell in love with you,
nobody said anything,
112
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:17,108
even though they knew
what you were.
113
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,477
What do you mean
what I were?
114
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,979
Do I have to say it
in front of your friends?
115
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,182
That's the most
ridiculous crack I--
116
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:29,254
Mr. Douglas, if we'd a-want
a-listen to a fight,
we'd a-stayed at home.
117
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:32,724
What we want to know
is how to get rid
of this Cynthia...
118
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,759
and break it up
between her and Arnold.
119
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,761
Why don't you go over
and see Mr. Haney...
120
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,263
and ask him
to keep his dog away?
121
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,433
No, no.
I don't talk to him.
122
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,402
- They been feudin'
for 10 years.
- What about?
123
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,371
Oh, I forget.
But it must've been
somethin' pretty terrible...
124
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,574
to make me
remember it this long.
125
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,810
Well, that makes
about as much sense...
126
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,146
as anything that's
been said here today.
127
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,450
Mr. Douglas, now we don't
want any sarcasm.
128
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,452
What we want is advice.
129
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,789
You want advice.
All right,
I'll give it to you.
130
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,459
You wanna break it up,
send Arnold back east
to military school.
131
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:11,796
Well, we thought of that,
but we couldn't afford it.
132
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:16,167
Look, Mr. Ziffel,
I wouldn't worry too much
about this if I were you.
133
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,903
These things have a way
of working themselves out.
134
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,773
Pretty soon,
a little blonde sow
will come along--
135
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,775
Arnold will forget
all about Cynthia.
136
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,411
You just hold
a good thought.
137
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,958
There it is, Cynthia.
138
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,960
After you win again
Saturday,
139
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,329
it's gonna be yours
permanent.
140
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,399
She hasn't been entered yet.
141
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,801
There's still a matter
of a two-dollar entry fee.
142
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,371
Ain't you
paid that yet?
No, she hasn't.
143
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:57,241
Well, uh,
she'll pay you tomorrow.
She forgot her purse.
144
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,377
Well, Mr. Haney.
145
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,646
- Mr. Drucker.
- Oh, hello, Mr. Douglas.
146
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,749
Mr. Douglas, I want you
to meet Cynthia.
147
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,051
Oh. So that's
Cynthia, huh?
148
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,221
Well, congratulations.
When's the wedding?
149
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,458
Oh, you've heard
about her and Grover.
150
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,695
Grover?
Yeah, her fiancé.
151
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,699
He's a well-to-do basset hound
over in Crabwell Corners.
152
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,501
- Oh. I thought Cynthia was--
- [ Murmurs ]
153
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,302
You thought what?
154
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:28,473
He thought that,
as long as she's engaged
to such a wealthy fella,
155
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,443
that he might lend her
the two dollars
for her entry fee.
156
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,778
That's a good idea, Sam.
157
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:38,015
Come on, Cynthia.
Let's go over
and sweet-talk Grover.
158
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,421
I'm sorry I shushed you,
Mr. Douglas,
159
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,857
but Haney don't know
about Cynthia and Arnold.
160
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:50,127
- Why?
- How do you tell a man his dog
is runnin' around with a pig?
161
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,764
Yeah. Yeah, I can see how--
162
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,199
Sure ain't easy
raisin' kids these days.
163
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,436
Uh, no. No.
164
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,438
Look, Mr. Drucker.
I'd like to order--
165
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,675
[ Dog Barking ] Whoa, Quincy! Whoa! Whoa, Quincy! Whoa!
166
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,777
Get down! Please![ Muttering ]
167
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:08,145
Go away. Wait.
Get down.
168
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,282
He's waiting for you
to kiss him.
I'm not gonna kiss him.
169
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,852
- Don't you like Irish setters?
- He sure seems
to like you, Mr. Douglas.
170
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:18,222
Yeah. He usually
doesn't take to people
on the first lick.
171
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,992
Have you got
any Irish in you?
No.
172
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,862
Then it must be
your green complexion.
173
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,931
Look, I just--
Course, he isn't
really from Ireland.
174
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,100
Although, he has a cousin
that lives in Dublin.
175
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,268
Quincy writes to him
every week.
176
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,471
Well, he doesn't
write to him.
I write to him.
177
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,541
Quincy dictates to me.
Yes, very good,
Mr. Kimball.
178
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,844
- Now could I order my--
- You gonna enter him
in the trials, Hank?
179
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,313
I sure am.
Oh, he's a smart dog.
180
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,315
Yeah, great hunting dog.
181
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,719
You ever see a dog
point like that?
182
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:52,724
Yes, if they were
hunting pickle barrels,
he'd win hands down.
183
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,861
Well, not hands down,
Mr. Douglas.
184
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,697
Paws down.
[ Chuckling ]
185
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,367
- Yeah. Now, Mr. Drucker--
- I never saw a dog point
at a pickle barrel before.
186
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,737
See, Quincy was born
in a cucumber patch.
187
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,273
Every time
he sees a pickle barrel,
he thinks it's his mother.
188
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,275
That's logical.
Uh, now--
189
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,411
That sure was confusing
when he was a pup.
190
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,413
I thought he was
a pickle pointer.
191
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:18,049
But when he grew up,
turned out to be
an Irish setter.
192
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:21,118
- I was hopin' he'd--
- Do you mind
if I order my food?
193
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,589
Oh, no. Go right ahead.
Thank you very much.
Now--
194
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:28,693
If you fellas are planning on
betting on the field trials,
put your money on Quincy.
195
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,896
- Think she can beat
Haney's dog?
- Hands down.
196
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,065
Well, not hands down.
Paws down.
197
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,067
I don't know why you
keep saying that,
Mr. Douglas.
198
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,302
I don't keep saying it,
Mr. Kimball.
199
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,138
Now--
Have you heard the way
Cynthia's been carrying on?
200
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,841
- Oh, yeah. We--
- Dog can't expect
to win a field trial...
201
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:47,511
if she's gonna break training,
run around all night
howling at a pig.
202
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:49,614
Hah! Now,
you take Quincy.
203
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,716
In bed every night
at 9:00.
204
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,351
No girls, no drinking.
All business.
205
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:58,656
Good for old Quincy. Now--
Even if he wasn't
in training,
206
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:01,593
I don't think
I'd let my dog
run around with a pig.
207
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,795
Would you let your dog
run around with a pig,
Mr. Douglas?
208
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,998
I don't care
who my dog runs around with.
209
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,101
Oh. That's the kind of stuff
they taught you in Harvard?
[ Scoffs ]
210
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,103
What's Harvard
got to do with it?
211
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,105
Do with what?
With my--
212
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,107
Look, please,
could I order?
213
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,043
I just want a few--
Oh, no. You go
right ahead, Mr. Doug--
214
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,480
Quincy and I have to do
our roadwork anyway.
215
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:24,482
Come, Quincy. [ Yelps ]
216
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,519
Come. Heel.
217
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,423
Mush! Oh, stay there.
218
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,730
Gonna be real proud
of your son.
219
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,435
[ Gunfire ]
[ Whooping ]
220
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,036
[ Grunting ]
221
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:47,639
Arnold.
What are you doing here?
222
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,373
[ Grunting ]
223
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:52,476
Do you have to play
that thing so darn loud?
[ Volume Decreases ]
224
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,155
[ Volume Increases ]
225
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,059
Uh, Lisa, uh--
226
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,995
Oh, Oliver,
I wanted to tell you
we have a houseguest.
227
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,130
A houseguest?
Oh, Arnold.
228
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:16,267
What's he doing here anyway?
He's sitting in there
like the lord of the manor,
229
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,269
watching on my television set.
230
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:20,438
Well, you see--
231
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,941
Ah.
232
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,943
Who is the redhead?
233
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,945
Redhead? Oh.
234
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:30,648
Oh. That was an Irish setter
who was... kissing me.
235
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:35,720
I don't suppose
you bothered to tell her
that you are married.
236
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:39,891
Lisa, she was a dog.
Ah. Just like a man.
237
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,527
She lets you kiss her,
then you go around telling
everybody that she's a dog.
238
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:46,698
That's the way we are.
Now about Arnold.
239
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,366
First I want to hear more
about the Irish "settler."
240
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,436
Setter.
It's a hunting dog.
241
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,840
- And they go around
kissing people?
- Yes.
242
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:59,711
You know,
when you make up a story,
it sure is a "cockamammee."
243
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,280
Lisa, could we
get back to Arnold?
244
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:06,417
Mr. Ziffel asked me if he
could keep Arnold here
for a couple of days.
245
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:10,855
- What for?
- So when Cynthia comes around
the Ziffel house howling...
246
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:15,426
and Arnold isn't there and
she doesn't know where he is,
she'll forget about him.
247
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,629
At the same time,
if Arnold is here...
248
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,899
and he doesn't
hear Cynthia howling,
he'll forget about her.
249
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,467
That's a very good theory.
It has one flaw.
250
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,469
What is that?
251
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,139
Arnold is not
gonna stay here.
Oliver!
252
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:32,110
If he wants to take a love cure,
tell him to go to a sanitarium.
253
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:35,947
He doesn't do any harm.
All he does is sit there
watching television.
254
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:39,651
- I don't care what--
- [ Grunting ]
255
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,962
I guess
there's a commercial on.
256
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,465
I'm surprised he didn't
get a can of beer.
257
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,668
Oh, Oliver.
Lisa, call Mr. Ziffel
on the phone...
258
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,737
and tell him
to come over here
and get his pig.
259
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,206
I am not
going to do it.
260
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,842
Lisa.
No!
261
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:08,012
All right. If that's
the way you want it.
262
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:11,783
Just remember, you're the one
who sent me back to the arms
of the Irish settler.
263
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,785
Whoa.
264
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,092
[ TV Playing ]
265
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,427
[ Gunfire ]
[ Whooping ]
266
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,097
[ Grunting ]
267
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:30,034
Arnold, will you
turn that off?
I can't sleep.
268
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,004
Will you stop yelling,
"Turn that off.
I can't sleep"?
269
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,873
Because I can't sleep
if you keep yelling,
270
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,109
"Turn that off!
I can't sleep!"
271
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,345
I'm sorry,
but that set
is going off.
272
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,982
- [ TV Clicks Off ]
- [ Squealing ]
273
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,285
Well, you just made
another enemy.
274
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,055
Fine. Arnold, out.
275
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,991
- [ Squealing ]
- No back talk.
276
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:58,395
Well, he's just asking you
if he can take
the television set with him.
277
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,964
- Beat it!
- [ Squealing ]
278
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:09,807
[ Loud Squealing ]
Now what?
279
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:13,677
You better turn the light on.
He's afraid to sleep
in the dark.
280
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,447
That miserable--
[ Squealing Continues ]
281
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,751
[ Squealing Stops ]
Nighty-night.
282
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:24,055
Well, I've never seen
such "inhospitutily."
283
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:27,224
That's my middle name--
inhospitutily.
284
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,393
Watch it.
285
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,395
Good night.
286
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,400
Boy, am I glad
we're not married.
287
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,206
What was
that last remark?
288
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,776
Just wishful thinking.
289
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,052
[ Loud Howl ]
290
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:03,127
[ Howling ]
291
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,564
- [ Howling ]
- [ Grunting ]
292
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,566
[ Howling Continues ]
293
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,768
[ Squealing ]
294
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,240
Will you stop that!
295
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,976
[ Howling Continues ]
Would you stop it
if you were him,
296
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:21,145
with your girlfriend
out there howling?
297
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:24,582
- How did she find him here
anyway?
- [ Howling Continues ]
298
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,284
Go away!
299
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,286
I don't think she will.
300
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:33,124
It's just like that play--
Romeo and Julius.
301
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,594
Romeo and Julius?
302
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:40,464
You know, where
these two families
try to keep the kids apart.
303
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,800
And Julius went out
on the balcony every night,
304
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,970
and she said,
"'Romeo, Romeo.
305
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:49,006
Where art forth thou?'"
306
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,175
Where art forth thou?
307
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,644
Don't you remember
when we saw that play?
308
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,347
It's the most famous speech
in the whole play.
309
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:59,751
I must have missed it when
I went out to put another
nickel in the parking meter.
310
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:03,387
Well, the scene started
with Romeo coming
into the garden...
311
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:08,692
and saying, "'But, soft,
who broke that window
with the light yonder?'"
312
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,130
Who broke the window
with the light yon--
313
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:16,200
"'It is in the east,
and Julius has a son.'"
314
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,702
I should've left
the car home that night.
315
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:21,872
- [ Howling ]
- [ Squealing ]
316
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,342
Oh, for the love of--
317
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,478
[ Grunting ]
[ Barking ]
318
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,314
What did you
do that for?
319
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,251
Far be it from me
to keep Romeo
away from Julius.
320
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,588
See if you can find out
who broke that window
with the light yonder.
321
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,025
Mr. Ziffel is going to be
very mad at you.
322
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:45,162
I don't care. I just--
Well, I am not mad
at you.
323
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,164
I'm glad you did it.
324
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:51,335
It shows that
you have a soft heart
where your head is.
325
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,438
You're finally beginning
to notice that, huh?
326
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,108
And now, uh,
may we go to bed?
327
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,115
[ Rooster Crows ]
328
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,858
[ Grunting Softly ]
329
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,362
[ Barking Softly ]
330
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,948
[ Haney ]Cynthia! Cynthia Haney!
331
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,984
Cynthia!
332
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,220
Cynthia!
333
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,125
[ Barking ]
334
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,012
[ Whimpering ]
335
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,749
Ain't no sense
in crying, Cynthia.
336
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,619
The only thing to do is
get you a good lawyer.
337
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,656
But, temporarily,
we'll have to settle
for Mr. Douglas.
338
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,059
Well, Mr. Haney--
Oh, Cynthia.
339
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:58,629
How did the field trials go?
Cynthia come in
dead last.
340
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,935
Oh. I'm sorry.
341
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:07,238
Not half as sorry
as Arnold Ziffel's gonna be.
342
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:10,841
I want you to sue him
for one million dollars.
343
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,344
But that's impossible.
You can't sue a pig.
344
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:18,749
Even if the aforesaid pig
caused the heretofore
"champeen" huntin' dog...
345
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,652
to be barred from
field trials forever?
346
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,956
Cynthia's barred?
From every kennel club
in the country.
347
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:28,725
- Why?
- Why? Speak.
348
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,061
[ Squealing ]
349
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,699
Any more silly questions?
350
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,701
Well, I-- I don't see--
351
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:42,206
- She done that right in front
of the judges' stand.
- I can see why that might--
352
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,908
I could have been spared
all that humiliatin'...
353
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,778
if Fred had a-just
kept Arnold in the house.
354
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:52,216
- Maybe I oughta sue Fred
for one million dollars.
- [ Squealing ]
355
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,217
I'm afraid that--
Darling, is Arnold here?
356
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,887
Uh, no.
I thought
I heard him talking.
357
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,256
Uh, no, ma'am.
That was Cynthia.
358
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,258
Cynthia?
Speak.
359
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:05,262
- [ Squealing ]
- Isn't that cute?
360
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,264
Arnold must have
taught her last night...
361
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,067
when you sent him out
so they could play
Romeo and Julius.
362
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,503
- Uh, Lisa--
- You let Arnold out...
363
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,906
to play Romeo and Julius
with my Cynthia?
364
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:18,275
Cynthia was howling
all night.
365
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:22,713
Well, now I guess I know
who to sue, and it ain't
Fred or Arnold.
366
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:26,517
I'm namin' you
as the "sue-ee."
367
00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:29,786
- Sue-ee?
- [ Squealing ]
368
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:32,923
Well, you must feel
pretty proud of yourself.
369
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:35,058
Now you got her
answerin' pig calls.
370
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,396
Come on, Cynthia.
371
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,032
I'll take ya home
and slop ya.
[ Squealing ]
372
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:45,669
You know,
if I ran into one of
my New York friends...
373
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,838
and told them
this story--
374
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:49,840
a dog falls in love
with a pig,
375
00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:51,842
my wife becomes
the matchmaker,
376
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,844
the pig
teaches the dog to oink,
377
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:55,846
the dog blows
the field trials,
378
00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:58,849
and I get sued
for a million dollars--
379
00:21:58,917 --> 00:22:01,318
they'd think
I was on something.
380
00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:03,954
What are you on?
381
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,423
Lisa, I got
troubles enough.
382
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,426
If you hadn't brought
Arnold over here--
383
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,095
Well, I felt sorry
for Arnold.
384
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,532
He reminded me of you
when you were
a young pig.
385
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,534
Well, I don't mean that
you were a young pig.
386
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:19,803
Well, you know
what I mean.
No, I don't.
387
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:24,208
Well, Arnold and Cynthia
reminded me of you and me
when we first met.
388
00:22:24,277 --> 00:22:27,945
My father didn't like you,
like Mr. Haney
doesn't like Arnold.
389
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,247
What do you mean
your father didn't like me?
390
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:34,751
Well, he liked you,
but he didn't like
your credit rating.
391
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,753
There was nothing wrong
with my credit.
392
00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:39,856
Then why didn't he ever
cash a check for you?
393
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:43,760
Because he never
had any money.
How can you say that?
394
00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:46,730
Remember the dowry
I came with?
395
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:50,667
The dowry-- 25 kopecks
and a piece of old lace.
396
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:53,103
What did you do
with the lace?
397
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:55,639
I gave it to a flamenco dancer
I used to know.
398
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,542
You gave my dowry
to a "flamingo" dancer?
399
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,812
Lisa, what are we
arguing about?
400
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:06,483
About Arnold and Cynthia and
how Arnold reminds me of you
when you were a young pig.
401
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:09,220
Will you stop saying that?
402
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:12,589
But it's true.
Nobody wants them
to go out together...
403
00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:15,659
because they're different--
just like you and I
were different.
404
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:17,795
You lost me again.
405
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:21,498
Well, I was a Hungarian,
and you were a--
406
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,500
What is it you were again?
407
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,669
I was an American.
408
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:29,406
Well, whatever you were,
we didn't talk
the same language.
409
00:23:29,475 --> 00:23:31,942
Just like Arnold
couldn't talk dog-talk...
410
00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:34,177
and Cynthia couldn't
talk pig latin.
411
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,313
So they taught each other
just like we did.
412
00:23:36,382 --> 00:23:38,916
So that's what you've
been talking-- pig latin.
413
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,918
I often wondered what--
414
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:44,621
You taught me English,
and I taught you Hungarian.
415
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:48,258
And in a little while,
we communicated pretty good.
416
00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:51,261
Yes, we did.
417
00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:55,031
Would you like to try
a little communication
with me right now?
418
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:57,167
Why not?
419
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:03,306
Now, what was the first thing
I taught you to say in English?
420
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:05,308
"I love you."
421
00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:08,479
What was the first thing I
taught you to say in Hungarian?
422
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:11,047
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
423
00:24:13,051 --> 00:24:14,985
Well!
That's a nice thing to say!
424
00:24:15,053 --> 00:24:16,987
Right in the middle
of our big love scene,
425
00:24:17,055 --> 00:24:19,456
you ask me
to make you hotcakes.
426
00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:21,825
That's what that means?
427
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,994
Oh. You told me
it meant that--
428
00:24:24,062 --> 00:24:27,297
Ah.
All these years,
I've been--
429
00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:29,900
[ Whimpering ]
430
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:32,068
[ Grunting ]
431
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,972
[ Barking ]
432
00:25:15,047 --> 00:25:17,748
[ Lisa ] This has beena Filmways presentation,darling.
38926
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