All language subtitles for The.Last.Horror.Movie.2003.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

- [Newsreader] A breakout
at a maximum security

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

correctional facility in Illinois

is this hours top news story.

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

Convicted serial killer, Harold Trattner

is believed to be amongst a
group of three death row inmates

who overpowered guards whilst on transit

from a holding cell in Angola this morning.

Sheriff John Loomis has issued
a warning to area residents

advising them not to
approach the prisoners

under any circumstance.

Harold Trattner received the
death penalty three years ago

for the massacre of six teenagers

during a summer camp vacation in Vermont.

Deputies in Houston issued an apology today

to the British holidaymaker
they arrested last week in Miami,

70-year-old Derek Lambros...

Police in Grand Rapids,
Michigan have been unable

to identify the bodies of a
young man discovered by children

in a Halloween costume store.

With their features carved away

and the man's genitals removed,

the police first identified
the victims as two women.

Sheriff Josh Schrader
refused to give details

of the goulish case

and said only that he
did have strong evidence

linking the crime to this
morning's prison break out

in neighboring Illinois.

- Hello?

Michael, are you okay?

You shouldn't be watching
that by yourself.

I told you it was scary.

Well, you'll just have to wait
till mum comes home, okay?

Keep the lights on.

Okay, bye.

Hello?

Hello?

Kelly?

Cut it out, Kelly.

This isn't funny.

- Hello, I realized this
isn't what you're expecting.

Let me explain.

The film you hired from the video store,

I recorded over it, but
don't go switching off.

You didn't actually miss very much.

The characterization was two-dimensional,

and while the dialogue
was frankly embarrassing.

I think you'll find this
much more interesting.

You're interested now, aren't you?

Go on, admit it.

Oh, you hired the horror
movie, didn't you?

Say you wanted to see
something scary, right?

Don't worry, I'll explain.

You'll understand everything, I promise.

This is where I did my first.

It's actually quite a strange
story how it happened.

It was what about five years ago now.

I was walking across
the Hammersmith Bridge

when this guy in front of
me suddenly jumped off.

Anyway, I jumped in after
him and pulled him out.

Yeah, anyway we sort of
became friends after that,

but it wasn't a particularly
healthy kind of friendship.

You see, he'd had a pretty unhappy life.

I'm not gonna go into the details.

And I don't think he was too
pleased to still be alive.

But he sort of felt he had to be grateful

and I thought I ought to be his friend,

even though he's pretty depressing company

to be perfectly honest.

It was about six months later,

and we were standing
together on this roof.

He dragged me up here
to share a few insights

about the world.

And I was standing behind him,

wishing I'd never heard
of Hammersmith Bridge.

When I just thought, A,
maybe I'd made a mistake

by pulling him out of the river
because all he ever talked

about was how miserable he was,

and, B, since I'd saved his life

I sort of had a few rights over it.

So I walked right up to
him and pushed him over.

Do you just want to get a shot
pointing down over the edge?

Of course, they all
thought it was suicide.

Anyway, that's how I got started.

I'd say I do about eight,
maybe 10 people a year.

Men, women, I don't really care.

For the first couple of
months I went kind of mental.

I think I did about 20,

but after that I calmed down a bit.

Still, I wouldn't want you
to think that's all I do.

I'd probably be a bit boring if it was..

- [Priest] I, Derrick Stephen Morris.

- I, Derrick Stephen Morris.

- Take you, emily Jane Murphy.

- Take you, Emily Jane Murphy.

- To be my wife.

- To be my wife.

- To have and to hold.

- To have and to hold.

- From this day forth.
- One, two, three

- It's actually a nice
way to earn a living.

Free food, free booze.

I mean, it's not like you're a waiter,

and it's the best place in
the world to meet women.

Look at them.

Nothing makes a single
woman feel less loved

than watching someone else get married.

I've had some pretty good times
at other people's weddings,

I can tell you.

- Oi.

Do you want to start filming us?

What d'you think I'm paying you for?

- Sure, I'm sorry.

- And who's he?

- He's my assistant.

- As long as I'm not paying him too.

- Okay, what I'm gonna show
you now is the first time

I filmed myself doing someone.

To be honest, I made
a bit of a mess of it,

I'll just warn you about that in advance.

Still, you can't just show
the triumphs, can you?

I mean, I'm not pretending I had this down

pat right from the start.

You have to work these things

Okay, take one.

This is Tim.

Say hello, Tim.

Tell them what you do, Tim.

Tim's suffering from a bit
of stage fright just now.

He's an assistant manager
at a high-street retailer

of consumer durables.

I'm not going to say which one,

as they don't pay me for advertising.

He was getting along nicely, weren't you?

- No, no, no please.

- It's not your lucky day, is it?

- No, please!

- Well, like I said, it was
the first time I filmed one.

Of course, I'd probably
be right in thinking

you don't approve.

Me evil, you good, you know?

- That's fine, I can take criticism.

I'm not sure what you
mean by evil, though.

Or maybe you think it isn't my fault.

Maybe I watched too many violent films

when I was a child?

I mean that one always makes me laugh.

As if there weren't people like me before

films were even invented.

And what about everybody who saw

'The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre' and didn't go out

and buy meat hooks?

No, take it from someone who
knows, it ain't the movies.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not mad either.

- Usual Max?

- Ah, thank you Joe
that would be splendid.

Do have one yourself.

- Is he making a film?

- As a matter of fact, I am making a film.

- What is it about?

Well, it's about life, really and death.

Life sucks, death's
not much better either.

- Would you like to do
an interview with us?

- So your name is?

Bill.
- Bill what?

- Mullins.

- So, it's three o'clock
and your shitfaced.

- Yes.
- Regular occurrence?

- When I've got the money.

- So life didn't work out.

- No.

- Do you consider yourself
one of life's casualties?

- What?

- What if I said I could
end all your troubles, now?

- How?
- With this.

- Well, if I shot you in
the head, for example,

that would be an end to your suffering.

- Is this for the film?

- All I'm asking is, why go on living?

- Well...

- You said it yourself life sucks.

So, why stay alive?

Look, I don't want any trouble.

Who said anything about trouble?

I'm just asking you a question.

In fact, I'm offering you a service.

It's just something I'm
trying to understand.

Why cling on to something
that makes you miserable?

You think I killed him.

I didn't kill him,

it was only a replica gun, anyway.

To tell you the truth, I
actually felt sorry for him.

I just wanted to ask him that question.

I want to ask a lot of
people that question.

I mean, you see people all the time,

going around looking totally miserable,

and you wonder why they go on.

It's like relationships,
well, a lot of them.

You've got two people who
can't stand each other,

or at least were totally
bored with each other,

which is probably worse....

and they just cling no, like parasites.

I think a lot of people
don't want to accept that,

which is understandable,
but what they ought to.

Are you waiting for your mommy?

- Yes.

- Well she told me to
come and pick you up.

Do you want to be part
of our film as well?

- Okay.

- Yeah, you want me to carry your bag?

- No I'm fine.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

- You want to hold my hand?

I've got my car just down here.

- There you are.

Where have you been?

- He wanted an ice cream.

- Brilliant, now he won't want his tea.

- Hey, Nico, wooooooo

- You're still doing
that wedding stuff, then?

- Yes.

- When are you going to get a real job?

- Do you want to explain
what you mean by a real job?

- I don't know something
with a future at least.

- Oh yes, a future.

I've always wanted one of those.

Can't you take anything seriously?

My older sister Sam is, as you can see,

concerned that I'm wasting my life.

- Whatever, do what you want.

- I am doing what I want to do.

- Are you doing what you want?

- What?

- Well, all this, the house,
the husband, the kids.

- Is it really satisfying?

- I'm not gonna have this discussion

for the benefit of your film, Max.

- Oh, go on.

- You're staying for dinner or what?

- I think we should eat Nico

You have to smash out
the meat fairly brutally

to make it nice and tender.

Oh, don't worry it's
just a little wood pigeon

I'm preparing for a friend of mine.

I just a little the stock.

Then a little bit of wine.

You just wanna come in a little closer.

Yeah, we'll just let that cook for a bit,

and then we'll have some cream later.

- Max, that looks absolutely delicious.

- Tuck in.

Isn't your friend going to join us?

He's not my friend, he's my assistant,

and he's here to help me make my film.

Now have some potatoes.

- What are you planning
to do with this film?

- Oh, probably nothing.

It's just a personal project.

- No, what's the point?

- Well, that is the point.

- Only you could be mad enough
to have someone constantly

following you around the camera.

- Thanks, great.

- Drive carefully.

I will, bye.

Petra is one of my oldest friends.

We actually had a bit of
a thing with each other

a few years ago, but now we're just mates.

I think it's a good
thing we're not going out

with each other anymore,

We'd probably kill each other.

Oh here, do you want some of this?

That was good work, well done.

Do you want to give me a hand here?

- But I'm filming.

- Just put the camera
down and give me a hand.

Come on!

I wonder how long it will take
before they find that one.

Come on.

Come on, get the camera, let's go!

Generally, I try to mix things up a bit.

Victims, weapons, methods,
location, circumstances.

Also, if you take some money and stuff

they think the motive is robbery.

Now obviously, this means you have to keep

using your imagination,

but it also means that they
can't build up a profile.

I mean as far as I know,

they haven't even
connected up any of mine,

and I've done at least 50 so far.

The problem is, you don't
get a lot of coverage.

You don't get to really make a statement

and that's why I decided
to make this film.

I suppose, you'd be thinking
I've exposed myself,

but don't worry.

I've thought of the solution to that too.

- You may now kiss the bride.

- I can't believe you
did it mate, you wanker!

- Give us another one of them, will you?

- How are you feeling?

- Mad!

- Are you happy to be married?

- Yeah, I suppose.
- You suppose?

- Well, I dunno.

I did it to shut her up.

- Ritchie!
- All right!

Duty calls.

- I'm trying to make this
film not just about me,

but about life in general.

I mean, you could look at
me and say the predator.

And then the question is,

what makes some people the lions

and others the wildebeast?

Who decides that?

When are you gonna do one?

- I don't know.

- You still want to, don't you?

- Yes.

It's important that you
participate fully in this project.

We discussed this, didn't we?

- Yes.

- You don't want to stay
a wildbeast, do you?

Do you?

- No.

- Good.

- Yes?

- Hello?

- What's all this?

- He's making a film with me.

- Film?

- Yes

- Oh!

Tea for you, young man?

- Please.

- Milk?
- Please.

- Sugar?
- One please.

- So, how are you?

- How am I?

What's to tell?

There's nothing to tell.

I am fine.

Is your tea all right?

Oh, it's fine thank you grandma.

- And yours?
- Fine.

So, when was it I last see you?

Ah, let's see now...

- You never come round
to see your Grandma.

And what are you up to these days?

- Well, I'm still doing my filming.

Making any money at it?

I get by.

Still doing, what is it, the weddings?

That's right.

Your father was exactly the same,

never could settle to anything.

You think it's a family trait Grandma?

Family trait?

I don't know.

It didn't come from my side
of the family that's for sure.

- What the f..

What the fuck are you doing
out there, get in here!

Brilliant.

You almost missed everything.

Now go down and get a good shot of her.

I am not gonna say anything
flippant or ironic to you.

I know you will not understand,

but I am going to explain
a couple of things

to you anyway.

You see that there?

We are making a film of this.

We are tryna do something
that has not been done before.

Well, I have never heard
of it being done before.

We are trying to make an
intelligent film about murder,

while actually doing the murders.

Now I know that doesn't help you,

and I know it doesn't
justify what I've done,

but at least it's interesting
you see, that's the point.

That's the point.

You see.

To try to do something interesting.

The problem is,

it looks like you can't
do anything interesting

unless you give people a shock,

and you can't give people a shock unless

you do something really horrible.

No, wait, wait, wait.

I haven't finished.

I was hoping to get some
sort of reaction from her.

I mean, that would be
something wouldn't it?

To get someone to see the point of this

while actually being part of it too.

Now you really hate me, don't you?

That's fine.

But before you condemn me,

you ought to be able
to answer one question:

How much is a human life really worth,

compared with doing something
that has not been done before?

Everything?

Well, let's put it this way:

If you sold your TV

and gave the money to
some aid organisation,

some child in Africa would live
a bit longer, wouldn't they?

But you're not gonna
sell your TV, are you?

So human life isn't quite
worth everything, is it?

I mean, it is not worth as
much as your TV for example.

Now, would you have sold your
TV to save that woman's life?

Given the option?

Well If you think yes, thwen
why not for the African child?

If you think no,

then what are you giving
me a hard time for?

It's about this woman who
discovers she can listen in

on other peoples thoughts.

And at first she thinks it's really cool,

and she starts listening
in on all her friends,

and she works out all these
ways of making money from it.

But then it all starts to go wrong

and she finds she can't stop.

- What, well she cannot turn it off?

No, it's that she sort of
becomes addicted to it.

And...?

Well, I have not worked
out all the details yet,

but that's just the basic idea.

- Right?

Sounds really interesting.

Sounds like a nightmare to me.

Well, that' s the point.

Imagine what would happen

if we all knew what we really
thought about each other?

I'll go for it.

Oh, Bollocks you would.

No actually you probably would.

You'd have no friends.

That's only if you couldn't
take what they were thinking,

which really means only
if you can't see yourself

for what you really are.

Oh, the man of truth.

At least I'm open to it.

No, you're not.

You couldn't take what people
really think about you.

I think I could.

Are sure about that?

Look guys -
Absolutely.

All right...

You've got this idea
you're some unique artist,

when in fact you're just a cunt

who shoots wedding videos, right?

You've got this idiot following you around

filming conversations like this,

as if it was something really
fascinating and adventurous,

when it's just four drunk
people sitting around

talking bollocks, right?

Like people have always talked bollocks.

It's a total sham.

Well, you said you could take it.

Great.

That's fine, I'm really not bothered.

You're not are you?

No.

Yes, that's what I like about you, Max.

You do not give a fuck.

Actually, I do give a fuck,

but not about that.

You may say I should give a fuck

about this for example.

I've lost my wife.

My children have lost their mother.

I just...

I just want to say to
members of the public

that whoever did this is still
out there and must be ...

Yeah, yeah, yeah..

That was the woman I did in the kitchen.

Actually, I had a look around afterwards.

I saw pictures of that
guy and two children.

She was young enough to have parents,

not to mention siblings,
friends, colleagues.

That's a lot of people, all
smashed up by something I did.

Now, why don't I care about that?

I mean, I know you care about it,

that's why you think I'm a
bad person, but the thing is,

I don't care about it.

I didn't ask not to care
about it, but I just don't.

And if I don't care about it,
how can I think it's wrong?

And if I don't think it's
wrong, why shouldn't I do it?

We're gonna try a little experiment.

Just the man.

Onto the woman.

Onto me.

The question is, were you at all curious

to see what was happening?

I mean, I know you don't approve,

and I'm not trying to say you do,

but are you absolutely sure,
without a shadow of a doubt,

that you weren't craning
over a little to see?

Not even the teensiest bit?

Now did you want to see that or not?

And if not, then why
are you still watching?

All right, it's coming.

That is milk?

Yes, for you.

There you go.

He's always getting that old film out.

I mean, it was over fifteen years ago.

The funny thing is he never
comes with me to the cemetery.

Max is naughty?

Yes he is.

Hello?

Max, do the Tyrannosaurus!

Max, do the Tyrannosaurus!

Max!

Hey, guys could you just be....

Max, for God's sake.

He's worse than the both of them.

This is very good, darling.

Thanks.

What is it again?

Oxtail.

Now, Ben, that's not the way
we eat at the table, is it?

But I'm being a gecko.

You can be a gecko later,

but while you're eating
dinner you're a human being.

But Max is being a gecko.

Well, sometimes adults can be
geckos when little boys can't.

I'm not disagreeing with you,

I just think you're making too much of it.

I don't think I am making too much of it.

He's a bad influence.

Oh, he was just being stupid.

Someone else is new?

He's always being stupid.

Well, I don't need him
being stupid in my house

when I'm trying to have my dinner.

And I don't need him encouraging
disrespect in my children.

It was hardly that, John.

He disrespects everything, including us.

Look, you either sit
carping from the sidelines

like he does,

or you can get with the program

and make something of your life.

I don't want my kids
choosing the first option.

Look, he's my brother,

I can't just tell him not to come round.

I'm not saying he can't come round.

He just has to learn to
respect our rules when he does.

She's all right actually, Sam.

You may of course be wondering

why she decided to get
married to a complete wanker,

but it's not so hard to understand really.

See the thing is, she's more like me

than she likes to think.

I mean, she doesn't go around
killing people or anything,

but she's kind of, not with the program

when it really comes down to it.

Oh, you should have seen
the things she did to me

when we were kids.

The difference is, it bothers her

that she's not with the program.

That's why she married John,

but I don't think she's happy with him.

Ben and Nico, they're great.

They're definitely from
our side of the family.

You can see that cunt John
trying to suck it out of them,

but they're too far gone already.

They'll only end up hating him for it,

and that'll be another battle is lost.

I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on him.

It's not his fault he doesn't understand.

He just lacks the equipment.

It's the ones who have the equipment

that have to take responsibility.

Big smiles please.

That's great.

Good evening, ladies, gentlemen,

members of Giles's stag party,

which I can assure you having
spent the weekend with them

do not come into the first two category's.

Firstly, please forgive
me, I am a little nervous.

This isn't the first
time today I have got up

from a warm seat with a
piece of paper in my hand.

When Giles asked me to be his best man,

I said straight off, no way.

He offered me ten pounds, I
said I couldn't be bought.

He offered me twenty,

I said do you really think I'm that cheap.

He offered me thirty pounds,
so good evening ladies

and gentlemen, my name is
Crispin and I am the best man.

Come on, nobody can see us.

Fiona, I just got married for Christ sake.

It didn't stop us when you got engaged.

That's different

Come on, it doesn't mean
you have to stop having fun.

What was that?

Relax.

There is somebody in the bushes.

Why are you stalking me?

- Listen.

You may be wondering
why I let you see that.

Wanna see what I did to him?

No, please.

Help!

Help!

The neighbours are over a mile away.

If you wanted to be rescued,

you should have owned less land.

Ah please, please!

Help!

Help!

Please!

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy,

but then that's the advantage
of being a psychopath.

You don't have to take
any shit from people.

No thanks.

She is really really little,

she has black black violet eyes.

No thanks.

What do you think he does
when he's not helping Max?

I'll ask him.

So, what do you do when
you're not helping Max?

You know, the things.

What sort of things?

Bits and pieces, nothing special.

Well, I hope Max is paying you for this?

What's his film about?

What's your film about, Max?

I'm not supposed to say.

Oh, come on tell us.

I bet it's really twisted.

Oh, Max!

Leave him alone you two.

Give us a beer, will you?

You're meant to be driving.

Come on.

That's one beer gone.

Of course, I could kill them all now.

It wouldn't be that difficult.

Him while he's still asleep.

Girls they are always easy.

Don't worry, I'm not going to.

They are my friends you know.

The question is, what happens
when you just think about it?

What happens when you allow yourself

to represent the possibility?

Then you have to decide,
whether to shy away

from the thought, or spend
a bit of time with it,

see how you react to it.

Do you feel appalled or do you just think,

well, that could happen?

That's always been my trouble.

How was that?

Seemed okay to me.

Yes, but was it convincing?

I don't know, I'm not an
expert on these things.

I thought it was pretty good.

Do you really?

Petra's got a lead role at last.

Duchess of Malfi.

It's only a fringe production,

but a lead is a lead I suppose.

Of course, she's now become impossible.

She had us do that scene

and then review the tape about ten times.

Still, that's the artistic
temperament for you.

No creativity without neurosis.

That's why I prefer the real thing.

It's a lot less stressful.

Just relax.

So, can you tell me why I should
consider you for promotion?

Take your time.

Well...

Obviously, we've discussed this before.

I take it you've had time

to give the matter your
fullest consideration.

Yes...

You can appreciate that it's quite a step

from holding the camera
to doing the killing.

I do very much.

You realise you'll be taking

on a considerable ethical responsibility.

I know...

Obviously, I have to ask

if there's any type of situation

you'd feel uncomfortable with.

Women or children, perhaps?
- No.

No you couldn't do them or
no it wouldn't be a problem?

It wouldn't be a problem.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna give you a shot.

What about this one?

I don't think so.

Okay, what about this one?

Looks like he could do
with a lesson in humility.

I think we could help
him there, don't you?

Could do them, cheap and cheerful.

Could try him.

You'd have to plan it
quite carefully, though.

Probably not one for a first attempt.

Ah, this one's a possibility.

Okay, let's do it.

No, no, no, no.

Like this.

Okay.

I'm sorry about this, it's his first time.

Try this.

One quick slash across
the throat, it's easy.

Right, let's go!

Go on, get hold of her hair.

What are you fucking waiting for?

I can't do it.

You what?

I can't do it.

I thought I could, but I can't.

You thought you could but you can't.

You stupid fucking idiot.

I ought to stick this in you.

Sorry.

There, how hard was that?

Okay, now do you want to explain to me

what happened back there?

I don't know.

I thought I could do it, but I couldn't.

I think we've already established that.

What I'm asking here is
why you couldn't do it?

I thought I'd feel different.

You thought you'd feel different.

I just didn't wanna do it.

Why didn't you wanna do it?

You wanted to up until two hours ago.

That was different.

Different how?

It wasn't real.

I'm sorry?

It didn't feel real.

I can assure you it was real.

Everything we've been doing
for the last six months

has been extremely real.

I'm not doing it anymore.

Do you really think

this is something you can walk away from?

You're committed.

You've aided and abetted the
murder of over fifteen people.

I'm not doing it any more.

You're repeating yourself again.

Do you know how boring that is.

And what do you propose to do with that?

I take it there's a point to this?

How do you like it?

Very good.

Don't talk down to me.

You're always talking down to me.

All right, take it easy.

Calm down, okay?

You've got to stop it.

What?

All this stuff you're doing.

Okay, fine, I'll stop.

How do I know you will?

Oh, you can not be serious.

I'm gonna make you stop.

If you do that, you'll
be no better than me.

You are better than me, aren't you?

Aren't you?

I honestly believe that
every so-called serial killer

who got caught either wanted to

or didn't approach his work intelligently.

Obviously, I had to be quite careful

in my choice of assistant.

I mean, it was always possible

there'd be a difference of opinion.

As far as I know, he'd been
homeless for three years

and he hadn't seen his
family in over five.

He didn't have any friends,
which won't surprise you,

given his interpersonal skills,

oh, apart from a couple of other fuck-ups

who were living under the Westway.

When I approached him I made
sure no one was watching,

and since then he's been
living here with me.

So, he's unlikely to be missed,

and anyone who does can't
possibly connect him with me.

Right, the clothes go into a bin bag,

and then into a bin.

Not mine, of course.

And it's always a good idea to wait

until just before the dustmen arrive.

The challenge of course is the body.

Here we go.

Now Ben, remember to
keep it in focus okay?

Max, that looks magnificent.

Okay, who wants what?

Grandma, you like it well done, don't you?

Oh, yes, well done for
me, yes please dear.

Max, this is great.

You may be a nutter,
but you really can cook.

Was that a compliment?

It sounded like it might be a compliment.

I can't remember the last time
you had us round for dinner.

Yes, this is very good of you.

Ah, we should do it more often.

How's yours, Grandma?

Very tasty.

John?

Its delicious.

I was wondering though,
what sort of meat is it?

Venezuelan veal.

I got it from this butcher
I go to at Smithfield.

Apparently, they feed the animals

on a special high-protein diet

and they get this distinctive flavour.

Really?

Well, it's nice to try
something exotic now and then.

Max, can you be a gecko?

I don't think I ought
to be a gecko just now.

Why not?

Well, sometimes we have to behave the way

other people think we should.

It's always been a mystery to me

why people make such heavy weather

about disposing of a body.

I mean, if you leave a severed arm

and a sackful of entrails at
the bottom of someone's garden,

of course, they're going to notice.

But if the meat has
been cut up and cooked,

and if there's only a small amount,

it just looks like a few left overs.

Of course, there's quite a lot of flesh

on the average human being,

I mean compared to a chicken, for example,

so it takes a while to get rid of.

But that's no problem, if
you've got a big freezer.

The bones you can boil and then roast,

which makes them easy to grind up.

They made quite a good stock, actually.

All very simple.

No need to draw attention
to yourself and get caught

and become everyone's
favourite hate figure.

Unless you want to, that is.

Is there anybody assembled here today

who knows of any lawful
impediment as to why this man

and woman should not
joined in holy matrimony?

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

No chance!

Bastard!

You may well be wondering
if this is in fact a joke.

Not a very tasteful joke,
but a joke nonetheless.

Well...

...it is!

Isn't it?

Max, you made it!

Of course.

How was I?

You were brilliant.

No I wasn't, I was shit.

You were brilliant, really.

Do you think so?

Yeah, you were brilliant.

You were great.

You're just saying that.

That's right, we thought
you were shit really.

Don't listen to him.

Ah, come on it's a joke?

No really, it was a joke.

Look, it was, you were brilliant.

Here you go

Thanks for helping me rehearse.

Always happy to support the
cause of art in my small way.

No, really.

It was a big help.

By the way whereas your friend?

Who?
Your assistant.

Oh, I terminated our relationship.

What?

He'd reached the end of his usefulness.

I do wonder about you sometimes, Max.

I wonder what you're
wondering about me now

we've spent some time together?

Actually, you're not
wondering at all, are you?

I mean you know a few things
that Petra doesn't, after all.

I don't just see that look
of superiority on your face,

even though you should
have a few doubts now

if you're really going to be fair.

I wonder what sort of a conversation

we'd have if we came face to face?

I don't suppose we'll
ever find out, will we?

Wait a minute.

No, no

Bill, Bill.

It's all right, it's all right.

Calm down, I just wanna talk.

We've talked already.

This is different, all right?

Bill, I want to offer you a job.

What?

A job, Bill for me.

There how hard was that?

Hello, can you spare us a
few moments of your time?

That's you...?

That's right.

Do you mind if I and my
cameraman just came through?

What's the thing?

Oh, you'll love it, come on.

This is your place, yeah?

Yeah.
- Oh wow!

This is a joke, right?

It's not a joke.

What's your name?

Neil.

Tell me, Neil,

why exactly did you watch
that film to the end?

What?

Did you think it was real?

I dunno.

You thought it was a joke.

Yeah.

I suppose it wasn't a joke.

Do you think there'd be
something wrong with you

for having watched that film to the end?

Obviously, there'd be
something wrong with me

for having made it,

if that makes it any easier.

Okay, let me clarify things.

It was real.

All of it.

All those people were really being killed.

So, ther's definitely
something wrong with me.

What I want you to tell me

is whether there's
something wrong with you?

As you'll be aware, I recorded
this over a film called

"The Last Horror Movie,"

so in a sense it's the
title of this movie.

It's kind of an appropriate
title, if you think about it,

which is why I picked it.

I mean, I could say the title
is appropriate for this film

because in its self-

consciousness subversion of
horror-movie conventions,

it's kind of the last word in horror.

But you might think I
was a bit of a wanker,

which I probably would be

if I went around saying things like that.

But I've got a better
reason for calling it

"The Last Horror Movie."

I'll show you.

No, no, no.

We didn't get very far.

I think he found it hard to concentrate.

Seriously, though,

I had to make sure he
watched the whole film

before I showed up.

I've found in the past that
people aren't really able

to think while they're being murdered,

which is understandable, I suppose.

That's why I came up with
the video store gimmick.

If I could get people to watch it

like it was an ordinary film.

Well, not ordinary perhaps,

but without me standing over them.

They'd have a chance to
draw some conclusions,

then we could have a
meaningful discussion.

Unfortunately, Neil wasn't quite up to it.

See, I do believe the
ones who saw the film

managed to get at least a sense

of what I was trying to achieve.

Once they were able to
see their own experience

as part of the whole project,

which I think is something
of a success, really.

The problem is,

I haven't been able to
get anyone to respond

in a really interesting way.

That's understandable, I suppose.

But it would be nice if someone
came up with a few thoughts

one of these days.

How about you?

Do you think had something to say?

Have you got something to say?

I mean maybe you want to
ask me some questions.

I'd be happy to try to
answer them, really.

You probably just wanna report
me to the police, right?

Well obviously, I can't let you do that.

You understand that, at least?

I mean if you're watching this film,

you've become very dangerous
to me, as I have to you.

Our fortunes are inextricably tied.

Clearly, then, we're
going to have to meet.

Soon....

Very soon, if I've timed things right.

You don't believe me, do you?

You think this is some art-house film

that meant to look like a home movie.

You don't think this is
the only copy of this film.

You don't think I was waiting

while you hired it from the video store,

or that I followed you home.

I wonder, where are you now?

Are you standing by a window?

Maybe I'm looking at you right now.

Or maybe I'll get in just
by knocking on the door.

You know, I've done that
three times before now,

if you can believe it.

People just let you in,
it's quite extraordinary.

They all thought it was some
sort of reality-TV stunt.

And again, maybe I'll have to break in.

Maybe I've already broken in.

Go on, then, don't believe me.

That's good, it makes my job a lot easier.

But it doesn't matter whether
you believe me or not.

I've had a lot of practice at this.

A lot more than you, I suspect.

Whatever happens,

this is going to be your
"Last Horror Movie."

I'll be seeing you.