Original subtitles

How was work

making the world a better place one toilet at a time.

Then

i'm hungry

smells good

just boiling water.

Where's it coming from.

Oh wait i got bbq sauce on my show when you

eat lunch does any of it go in your mouth

i have thirty minutes to eat forty five minutes

worth of food there's bound to be shrapnel.

Size.

I want to be nice to me.

No way.

Ac DC concert floor seats how'd you get these

some loser at work had a baby.

She says she can't go to the concert she's going to be home with a newborn.

CDC fan.

Should i take

should i change

i have the ticket

it'll take me take me.

Yes i want to go to dinner beforehand you want to have sex after the cancer

after the concert you're no ac DC fan.

Hi.

Dad

if you have a minute

can i have a word with you

as long as that word isn't pregnant.

Don't be ridiculous i would have read about that in her diary.

Hardly ever have a serious conversation with you sorry what's on your mind honey.

Hi.

Concerning the Saturday evening

concerning the Saturday.

Go ahead.

Concerning this Saturday.

How do you find a way to make

you laugh.

Alright

sorry yes concerning this Saturday evening.

Well Tiffany's older sister is a cheerleader she's having a party on Saturday

I've been invited.

There's can be boys there and possibly beer but i

promise i won't drink or do anything bad

i have your permission to go

on her parents'

going to be there.

No but i will conduct myself responsibly.

I would like to start attending parties and that's why i'm telling you all this

i want to show you that you can trust me

because i'm honest.

While we respect that you came to us it was a very mature thing to do you've

obviously grown up a lot during the past.

Quipped.

Then she got all excited.

Marines were not being unreasonable we can't possibly

let you go to a party where there's boys and beer

there is such a double standard in this house i'm

sure Brian's invited now but you'll let him go

right to where

we will not let him go

let me go where.

Well because as a cheerleader party

and then he's a cheerleader all his friends are going to be there.

All my friends were having a party.

Trying would have to ask us if he could go

and we would tell him no just like we told you

yeah right when

she got invited.

White Brian you are not going to that party what party.

In my room

and there is no way that you can go to some

boy girl cheerleader beer bash and that's fine.

That.

That's real mature real mature.

What

party.

Five minutes ago everything was fine now doors are slamming.

I have no idea how to deal with daughters and their girl problems.

They invite me to the party i'm a cheerleader.

As our sons and their girl problem.

Choreograph that entire halftime show that we did

whose idea was it to go urban

mine.

Who loved it

everyone.

I'm sure they did son.

I don't get it

why don't i ever get invited to these parties.

I'll be right back.

Sun

there are a million things you're going to ask my advice about

and most of what i tell you will be pure nonsense.

That's where your old man shines

that's because you probably got invited

not at first.

When i was a freshman i wanted to get in with the football players because

man those guys were getting a lot of tales to tell the next day in school.

Anyway they had a party i went along pretended i belonged and

i got a little tale i can't ever tell your mother.

Knew you weren't invited didn't they kick you out

i laid low i just hung out in the kitchen

i made a pyramid out of empty beer cans and when

the guys came in they assumed i drank all that beer

bam a legend was born.

Then i started living the legend and that's why

you'll need grants and loans to get through college.

So you're saying when you were my age you're a loser like me

Brian Miller i don't ever want to hear you talk like that.

I was not a loser.

And neither am i.

Oh yeah.

Thanks a lot dad glad to help.

Daddy ask your question.

Well

that is very hungry so as long as it's quick

is god.

Three.

I

just came over to spend some time with my favorite nieces and nephew.

Did you hear on guard duty while mom and dad go to

the concert so i don't try and sneak out to the party.

Not true i'm here because i love you.

Atlanta.

Brands are allowed to go either and he's not acting off crabby

that's because he wasn't invited okay

with

your brother i'm sure he was invited.

I wasn't.

Well.

If Brian knew these people i'm sure they would have invited him

there all my friends.

Maybe.

I know what it's like when you can't go to a party

because you're too young or you're not invited or.

You're breaking out because that dermatologist is too expensive thank you mother.

That

is when you make your own fun that's why i brought party in the back.

I got Phil fattal and

mad libs and ooh he wants to play truth or

dare jenga and learn a little bit more about.

Project due on Monday.

At most you'll want the taste of the bacon he's

physically.

Concert remembered no one leaves this house Lauren

until i meet a boy with the card the name so god.

Honey please don't threaten us with peace and quiet.

Okay okay you know the rules no smoking no fireworks no borrow in the car.

Where are you going

mommy and daddy are going to drink from the

fountain of youth called a c lightning bolt.

Tina

have fun with your Atlanta

and went up grandma was going to be rocking all night long

did you bring your vice-Dean near.

The.

Lock and load baby.

Woman trying to be eighteen again

at halter top and halting anything anymore

i take out the guy with the rainbow tattoo there's

nothing but a Potter old at the end of that.

At least we're still cool.

What are they going to open these doors.

Ready to roll.

Cheese barely fourteen what is she doing

combined duties snuck after your first ac DC concert when you were forty.

Nobody leaves this half Jody.

Trusted me the wolf.

I was so clueless.

Though you don't think Lauren which

be Judy don't go there floor seats.

Oklahoma makes you should try anything stupid.

She'll be fine lenders with

my

god

are we think.

Hello.

Hey Linda is Lauren there.

She went to bed at seven thirty

don't worry i checked on her like half an hour ago she's air cooled.

Yes i'm sure.

Okay.

Now go upstairs to her room and throw it as

hard as you can at the lump in the bed of.

Does your mother know your hair.

I yeah give an old person that thing or that.

Series has gone.

Lauren.

Belt.

Snuck out

well she better enjoy the next three hours because as soon as this conference over

pulling her out of that party and she is dead

you.

Are.

Here right.

On the floor give her hell.

At

two on the floor.

He just.

Finds out we're here looking for should take off after.

You check upstairs all.

Are you Tiffany staff.

Yes.

I like to provide a love

for underage kids drink and make out.

Midnight i'd get a big prize to Chicago stupidest high school student.

Got a real shot this year.

So.

Dropped your cell phone.

Dude

dropped yourself on.

Wow

well

let's see i know.

Drop yourself on.

Beer camp here.

I am.

Then what are you doing

you kidding me dude

i heard this was a total blow out of the semester.

I'm just here because you told me have to wait for an invitation

i wasn't talking about this party let me spell your break.

You've been drinking coffee

yeah i figured this party go with us at that time.

Two three four five six i dunno.

Didn't drink any beer

know but i'm flying.

Fly home before your mom gets down here

mom's here

if she's upstairs look at the law

Lawrence not here

don't neither are you now go hope don't you dare

let your mother know it was my idea to look who i.

I look at his

eyes

how many cups of coffee is he halfway to think you

could sneak out of the house and crash the party

the truth is i don't want to hear his coffee dub version of the truth the more

important thing is to get Bryan home and find Lauren

please don't embarrass me

okay

and i are going to call the cops you head for the front door walk home.

They should be cool that's

cool.

You've turned us from hard rockers into cap Colin parents that is so bogus young.

Believe Lauren would do this to me you know i mean i'm the arabs.

I'm a fun one i'm the one you're supposed to tell your secrets to.

Island

my god i lost another.

Where have you been

i was at a party.

You better grip stairs right now because your parents aren't

home hey

though i caught trying to sneak out.

Party and told him to come home.

Look at

trying to sneak.

In.

Morning

no but look Tina's still here

so

why didn't you go to bed it's way past your bedtime

i want it to be aunt Linda kept

okay yeah find it take you up scares.

I have never had children.

Thank

you to all.

Destinies i'm going to try Ashley's

find you are in so much trouble you are so granted go upstairs

i only did what dad

their son i don't want.

Second what you say Brian

it was do that led him to.

Father tell you could go to this party.

No he didn't.

Bryant said it would make me cool off.

That doesn't make you cool knocking on your dad.

Nice work bill now let's see what stories did you tell

Lauren anything about happen to freight car and seen america.

No one's home at Ashley's house i got to go find a phone

look for a class list.

Hi.

Dad.

Yes

narc.

Thanks for embarrassing me.

Let me be clear about this you don't sneak out of this house to go to parties.

But don't you ever let anyone make you feel

like you don't belong somewhere you understand.

Yes

thanks

good.

So did you talk to any girls at the party

i was too busy building my pyramid.

No son if you ever want to get under a girl's sweater than what you gotta do.

You know what i'm in enough traffic.

Sorry to have bothered you i.

Feel it's getting late i'm

in the world keep call him will find her

find you.

Thank

god where have you been

downstairs you guys are home early house concert you were downstairs

in the basement

i was listening to some of your old records

you are listening to our old wreck

Judy if our daughter says she was downstairs

then we should trust yet yet she's warm she has.

Why did you ball up your clothing underneath your

blankets to make it look like you were sleepy

i didn't want Atlanta to know i was still awake

she put party in a bag.

Though you are home this entire time

yeah

you guys told me i wasn't allowed to go

anywhere and i give you my word that i wasn't

good because we busted your brother that party.

I

see you went to the party looking for me and you found him

you thought i had betrayed your trust relatives bright.

Lord and we made a mistake

i am sorry we misjudged you

well maybe next time that you're ready to accuse me of lying and sneaking out

you'll remember this

you're right

you have our trust from now on

thank you.

Go

to listen to some more records

pink Floyd.

That gray our daughter thinks pink Floyd rocks.

We totally got away with.

I'm mr clueless.

My wife misses

a

clueless honey.

Kids they

ran away from the other party and they

tried to hide in our basement

they told them no i am listening to music you're by myself.

That away with it right up to the pink Floyd rocks

pink Floyd doesn't rock pink Floyd is now.

Let's go inside the house kids we're gonna call your parents

oh my god we're now the parents to call other parents.

Talk tonight.

Hey

aren't you Tiffany's dare.

Okay it's official you're the stupidest kid in Chicago

in your face Donnie.

Only got to hand it to your kids this has been quite a night

guess it's inevitable

both in an age we're going to try and pull stunts like this

that you are forgetting that you're mother

and i know all the tricks for instance Lauren.

I'll bet you reached the window so it opens silently

sinead down the drain.

He crept across the backyard you'll to hear.

Quick stop no sudden movements.

Actually i went up the front stairs down the backstairs and let my friends in

but your way with the drainpipe

stop giving them.

Province China says anything you can think of

anything you try

i guarantee we've done it

and done it way better

you're playing against a championship team here

so go ahead and try but we'll catch you.

Caught me by accident okay just for that if i ever catch you at a party again i'm

going to climb up on the couch and shout hey

everybody i'm Brian Miller's dad and my fly

will be open.

If anything else

it doesn't seem fair to me that we're getting

in trouble for doing all the same stuff you did

because brine we have a lot of regrets

we did a lot of idiotic stuff and we're lucky that we never got arrested

convicted.

Sprite bill

i remember this one time i was climbing a hotel

fire escape with a twelve pack in one hand

and i fell to my death.

Point is we're not only watching you

but we are one step heady

now get up to your room and think about what we just told you.

So how's your party good how was your

cool can you to at least pretend you've just gotten.

Bill

they didn't feel bad for sick it.

I don't think they're afraid of us we are so screwed.

I thought we had a chance with a boy.

I remember when they were babies and you couldn't leave Milan for second he had to

check on him in there bears you're always throwing up.

We're back to that.

Is the plan

we hang on another few years

and the society's problem.

At

thirteen

i didn't have my first make out bash in the basement till i was fifteen.

Brian is way smarter than i was at his age.

He uses those brains for evil we're in trouble.

At your

age did you think with your brain.

Sorry i was just picturing the naked.

Third date nights

well

still a little bit of time left.

We could put on some romantic music.

See where the night takes.

Lauren pounding on my door

yeah we'll give up

and i need to make a phone call

trying to learn one stop fighting Internet.