All language subtitles for Sex.With.The.Stars.1981.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Since the beginning of
time, man has gazed upwards at

the heavens and speculated
upon their cause and purpose.

What is man's place in infinity?
Where is he going and why?

Sorry, what did you say your name was?

Clara. I mean, that's
the name of my column.

Clara looks at the
stars. Peter, Peter Bates.

Oh yes, you're the last
one. We've interviewed all the

staff of Happy Home since
we took over and you're the last.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Don't know. Depends which way you
look at it, I suppose. The rest got fired.

What's he like, this Mr. Terson?

He's all right.
He just eats people like you for breakfast.

Yes?

Who's my first appointment?

Clara.

Clara.

Oh sorry, Clara.

Who the hell's she?

She's the he, Peter
Bates. He writes the

Clara looks at the stars
column in Happy Home.

You mean he used to.

Shall I send him in now?

Yeah, might as well.

Okay.

You're Clara?

Well actually,
Peter Bates. It's Clara.

Clara's just the name of
my column. Clara's my aunt.

Sit down, Peter. Relax.

Right, Peter. You know we've made
a few changes since our group took

over this crummy magazine, so
I want to lay it on the line to you.

I don't believe in
beating about the bush.

You got something to
say, say it. That's my motto.

Good. I can see we think alike.
That's what I like to have around me.

People who think like me. Pull
together and go, go, go. That's my motto.

Go, go, go.

I'll be honest with
you, Pete. I've got to get this

magazine back on its feet. And
why, Peter? Frankly, it stinks.

It's like when I took
over wife and family.

Crap. Sheer, unadulterated
crap. Three months.

That's all it took for me to get it
back on its feet. Three months.

What did I do? I fired everybody,
changed the title to John Thomas Weekly.

And wham, up went the
figures. You see, that's

the title of the '80s.
John Thomas Weekly.

And I'll tell you something,
Peter. You've got to offer the

public what it wants. That's
why I'm so successful. Why?

You offer the public what it
wants. Right? You guessed it.

But don't take my word for it, mind.
Go check the figures. Figures don't lie.

Yes, indeed. Now I'm landed
with this load of crap.

What am I going to do with it? I'll
tell you. What makes a happy home?

A happy family. Right. Well, half
right. Let me put it another way.

Happy sex. Happy sex. Good.
I'm glad you agree with me, Peter.

It shows insight and
intelligence. Now what people are

interested in is sex, right?
We've established that.

So if you're going to tell them
their fortune, what they want to know

is are they going to get it, how
often, and when. How's that grab you?

Yes, I'm grabbed. Well, tell
me if you don't like the idea.

I'm a great believer in people saying what
they think as long as they think like me.

I can always fire them if they don't.
No, no. I'm grabbed. I'm terribly grabbed.

Good. What I mean is cut
out the tall, dark stranger stuff.

Be specific. If you mean a
Jamaican bus conductor, say so.

Well, Mr. Terson, there are
problems in being quite so specific.

Well, scrub around
them. I'm not trying to write

you column for you.
That's what I pay you for.

Assuming I go on paying you, that is.
It depends on what you come up with.

Well, I suppose the characteristics of the
Zodiac could have a sexual connotation.

That's it. That's the
angle. Every issue, a

different sign, your
personal sexual horoscope.

I've got no more to say
now, Pete. We've cracked

it. Now I want research,
first-hand interviews.

Go out and meet the man
in the street. Better still,

meet the woman in the
street. That's our public.

Oh, take your time, Peter. Research
in depth takes time and dedication.

So just come and see
me whenever you're ready.

Tomorrow will be fine. Make an
appointment with Susie when you go out.

Excuse me, please. I'm interviewing
people about their star signs.

Star signs?

Ah, yes. Zodiac.

Yes. Do you think that in any way
your star sign in any way

influences your sex
life or people's sex life?

Yes, I do.

You do?

No. It's fantastic.

I'm taurean.

Taurean? Do you think your star sign
influences your sexuality or your sex life?

I really don't know much about her.

My sex life's only influenced by
the availability of contraceptives.

I need a woman every day.

Oh, I'm a Scorpio.

Scorpio? Do you think your star sign has
influenced your sexuality in any way?

That's the story of my life, actually.

Well, I'm Pisces born
under the moon of Scorpio.

Oh a water sign.
What are you doing tonight?

Tell me, do you think your star
sign influences your sex life in any way?

Well, I suppose you could say that, yes.

I suppose it would be quite sexy
and appealing.

But I don't know whether it works. You
see, my boss... What are you doing tonight?

Well, I am rather busy.

Really? So am I, actually. But...
Fantastic. Eat sex, toute. Fantastic.

I know you're a man
who appreciates honesty,

Peter, and I'm going
to be honest with you.

This is all bullshit.

I thought you were going to
get me some first-hand research.

I didn't want you to
audition for a TV chat show.

I'm disappointed in you, boy.

I thought you were going to bring me
some real hot stuff, something of today.

You know what I mean?

Permissive, lascivious.

You want to keep working for me, boy?
It's got to be go, go, go.

You got to get stuck right in.

Do you have any problems, Peter?

I mean, you're not a
poof or anything, are you?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm glad to hear it, son, because
I have a lot of faith in you.

You got to get up and get on the job.

Twelve different birds,
a first-hand account

of the twelve different
sexual characteristics.

And I do mean first-hand, so no cheating.

You know, a lot of young men would
pay me for an assignment like this.

When I was a junior reporter, I had
to cover garden parties, baby shows.

I'd have given my right
arm for a job like this one.

Do I mean my right arm?

Anyway, that's progress, right?

Right.

Right.

Oh, incidentally, I've got a
new name for the magazine.

Instead of Happy Homes, try this for size.

Horny Homes. Do you like it?

Yes, it's very progressive.

Peter!

We think alike.

See you soon, son, and just relax.

Remember, this is your last chance.

I'm going to take a snooze over lunch hour.

OK.

And now I'm going to have
a drink and a sandwich.

Want to join me?

Who, me?

Well, there's nobody else here, is there?

Yes, thank you.

OK. Come on, then.

Twenty five pence please.

Thank you.

Go, go, go, eh?

Hmm. Go, go and find another job.

But who the hell wants an astrologer?

And not a very good one.

How did you come to write
the column in the first place?

The original Clara was my aunt.

And when she retired, I'd just left school.

I'd always wanted to work in Fleet Street.

But you must have
studied for it, surely?

Oh, no.

I just used to freshen up her old copy.

Of course, I've learnt a
bit about the subject since.

Well, you can get by, obviously.

But what about the other side of it?

What did the Terson want?

Oh, but that's ridiculous.
I mean, I couldn't.

I mean, I'd have been professional.

Did you sort of draw
on your own experience?

Oh, yes. I mean, I could, of course.

Partly anyway?

Quite.

Peter?

Yes?

Are you a virgin?

Peter, are you?

Please.

I only asked a question.

- Well... - Well?

Sort of.

What do you mean, sort of?
Either you've had it or you haven't.

I mean...
- No, I don't think that counts.

You see, my father's a local vicar.

My aunt, Clara, she was
a Seventh-day Adventist.

You've got a problem?

Well, I know I may be a bit immature,

but I can't say that I've ever seen it as
anything more than an emotional block.

Peter, I'm not getting at you.

It's just that you've been
given an assignment

that will make a raving
sex maniac hesitate.

I mean, you've got a problem.

I'm not exactly prepared, no.

Yeah, well, this is something
we'll have to talk about.

Look, why don't you go
and get us another drink?

I'll try and sort something out.

What?

Darling, I don't believe you.

- But it's true. - Poor lamb.

And that horrible boss of
mine, I could choke him.

He sounds like a right nutcase.

Oh, he's got his head screwed
on when it comes to making money.

It's just that he turns into a kind
of hatchet man, I suppose.

And now he's chopping your Peter.

Oh, he's not my Peter. Not yet, anyway.

Goodnight, Cheryl.

I hope he comes before I go out.
I'm dying to meet him.

If he does, don't start taking the mickey.
He's so sweet.

24 and never been done.
I wonder how you managed it.

Darling, you were a virgin once, remember?

I know. It was lovely.

It was a long time ago.
Life hasn't been the same since.

There he is. Now, remember, no poaching.

- Hello.
- Hello, Peter

Ooh.

Oh, this is my flatmate, Shirley.
She's just going out.

Hello, Peter. I mean, hello, goodbye.

- You've got to go.
- I'm afraid I do, yes.

Come in.

Bye, Peter.

Goodbye.

I'll probably be gone
by the time you get back.

Yeah.

- Darling, he's juicy.
- He ought to be.

Oh, you're so lucky.

I know. Take your time
coming back, won't you?

Oh, this is only my second date, you know.

Really?
Why should it be different from the first?

- I'll see you later. Bye.
- Bye.

Right, now, Peter, did you do what I asked?

Yes. It really is very nice of
you to help in this way, but...

I'm sure we'll never
be able to fool Terson.

Who said we were trying to fool him.
Have you got it?

Yes.

The essential characteristics
of a Sagittarian. Why?

- Because I'm a Sagittarian.
- Oh, are you?

- That's nice.
- Why?

- Why? - Why am I nice? Tell me.

Oh, Sagittarians are generally
nice people, you know, good-natured.

- Don't you find it warm?
- Yes, a bit.

Well, take your jacket off, then.

- Tell me more, Peter.
- About your start.

Well, you see, it depends on
which decan you were born.

Come again?

Well, you see, this is the
first, second and third decans.

If you were born under
the influence of Jupiter,

that's between November
the 22nd and December the 1st.

- That's right.
- Well, that's very good, you see,

because your planet is really Mercury
and Jupiter brings out the best in Mercury.

Right.

Well... Anyway, as I was saying,
it gives you an optimistic nature.

And you're purposeful?

I always knew how accurate our stars are.

You have a quickness and an aptitude.

Well, I try.

And can think what
characterises this period?

And the preparation of plans?

Right.

Well... What on earth are those?

Well, I was thinking of
taking up mountaineering.

Well, I hope it's kept you
in peak condition, darling.

Tell me, Peter.

Well, being on the cusp.

Cusp?

With the influence of Mars still present.

Those plans that I mentioned
will soon result in action.

Oh!.

I don't know what bloody sign you are,
but can I have some action from you?

What do I do?

Come on.

Dear Mr Terson, Sagittarius or
the sign of the bowman.

Activity is the key note of this sign.

Persons born under
it have the faculty of

concentrating very much
on the matter in hand.

Like bowmen, they aim for
their target and usually score.

However, a feverish excitement
often accompanies their work.

Wait, wait.

Sagittarians often wear themselves
out in their anxiety to get things done.

She didn't, did she?

She did.

I like it, Peter. I like it.

I mean, this bit about her
body moving in an urgent

manner, that Sagittarian
need for fulfillment.

I mean, this bit about her orgasm, that
really got me right here where it hurts.

In fact, I wouldn't mind
meeting her if you don't mind.

Oh, Mr. Terson, you're not asking
me to reveal my source of information.

You've got what it takes, Peter.

I like a man who is
conscientious on the job.

Well, another level
of reports like this one,

as far as I'm concerned,
you've got it made.

Well, I thought that maybe for next month I
- What are you talking about, boy?

We always work 12 months in advance.

In this game, you haven't
got time to stand around.

You've got to get in there and bang it out.
That's the only way.

Yes, but.
I thought you were a fast worker.

Don't disappoint me, boy.

I like you, but you have to play it
straight with me all along the line.

Yes, I'm-- So let's see now.

Today's the 8th.

How about, uh, 22nd.

How's the 22nd suit you? Do you
think you can get me everything by then?

But that's only a fortnight.

I'd never be able to do 11 more.

Why not?

That gives you one a day, even
gives you three days to spare.

Three days to spare.

Then you can screw for pleasure.

But always put business first, Peter.

Always business first.

Good-bye.

What are you trying to tell me? That you
want to knock off a few of my friends?

Well, no, it's just that
I've got this problem.

Well, it's your problem. I've helped you
out once, and I'll do it again any time.

But I'm certainly not pimping for you.

Of course not.

It's just that, well, I don't
know how to go about it.

You did okay last night.

With your help.
Sagittarians are generous and good-natured.

They'd always help a lame dog in distress.

I can't say I ever saw you as a lame
dog when I was a... Well, never mind.

Still, you've touched on my good nature.

I suppose I'll have to help.

Will you really, Susie?

I'll be so grateful.

I do love you, Susie.

Well, that's probably just
first time, love, but we'll see.

Anyway, let's stick to the problem.

You'd better call round at
the flat tonight. I'm going out.

Why am I going round?

'Cause Shirley will be washing her hair.

Leave me alone with Shirley.

I wouldn't know what to say.

If I know Shirley, you won't
have to say anything. Just hold on.

Hold on.

Won't be a moment.

I don't get it.
She definitely said she wasn't going out.

She must have forgotten her date with you.

Yes.

That's not like Susie.

No. Sagittarians generally
have very orderly minds.

Oh, yes.
You do this stars column, don't you?

That's right.

Bloody thing. It won't work.
What a swindle.

I'm going to take it back to the shop.

Perhaps you ought to
switch it on at the plug.

These things are so
complicated, aren't they?

Now, what were we talking about?
Oh, yes, the stars.

What star sign do you think I am, then?

Gemini, I should think.

Peter! What? Never.

Well, then, Geminis
have a duality of nature.

They generally jump rapidly
from one emotion to the other.

Do I?

Well, I think so.

Oh, well, that must be true, then.

Here you are. You have a go.

You're very adaptable.

And great to grasp situations.

Oh, this is tight.

Oh, that's better.

What were you saying?

Well, you have a very
affectionate and generous nature.

That's nice.

Peter, what are you doing?

Oh, well, sorry.

Turn it off my hair is dry now

Thank you. Come on.

Gemini people will often act
on the spur of the moment.

If they feel in the mood, they will
enter into a sex situation readily.

They are also extremely versatile.

And this can lead to all
kinds of experimentation.

At any given moment, they know
exactly what they want and go after it.

But their main trouble is
that they find it difficult to keep

up their enthusiasm, and that
boredom tends to set in quickly.

Hey, I must get a move on.

- Hmm? -Going out.

- What? -Party.

Well, I really enjoyed it, Shirley.

Good.

- I had hoped... -Yes?

...that we might go out
to dinner or something.

Sorry.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Oh, come on.

Well, it's just that I know you, you see.

Know what?

I know what Geminians are like.

Once they've made a conquest,
they want to move on to pastures new.

I tell you what, you can come with me.

You sure I wouldn't be in the way?

Handsome young males are never
in the way where Brenda's concerned.

Who's Brenda?

The hostess.

Tell me more about this Brenda.

She's young, beautiful and rich.

Gosh'.

What star sign is she? Do you know?

Don't you ever give up?

Excuse me.

- Okay, see you later.
- Hello, Shirley.

How are you?

All right, thank you.

- I'm fine.

- How are you? -Yeah, this is Peter.

- Hello. -Brenda.

- Hi. -It's ages since I've seen you?

Must get together and have a litte chat.

Maybe this evening some time?

- How's the cat? -Oh, he's grown, beautiful.

- Oh, he's lovely.

Thank you.

- Shirl.
- Oh, hello. How are you doing?

- Okay, let's go and dance. -Great.

- See you later. -See you later.

Bye.

You seem lost.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't apologise.

It's not my scene either.

Well, it's your party.

I know but people are always
inviting me to their parties,

so I thought it was about
time I had one of my own.

I hate crowds.

You must be Aquarius.

Aquarius as well.

Yeah, how did you guess?

I knew.

Peter.

What the hell do you want Peter for?
You got me?

I kind of feel responsible for him.

Well, everybody's gone.

Oh, Peter's gone too.

Hey.

You're the last one.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't keep apologising for everything.

Sorry.

- Have you got a car?
- No.

Well, I'll get you a cab.

No, I haven't got enough money.

Well, I can lend you some.

It's all right. I'll walk.

How far is it?

Oh, it's only about 12 miles or so.

I'll buy it. You can stay.

That boy must be really tired.

I really do think that birth
signs influence the character.

I mean, my birth sign's water.

Water?

Rivers. Lakes. I love swimming.
Water skiing. Any stretch of water.

Aquarians have a mild
disposition that can be

extremely responsive when
their passions are aroused.

You're so beautiful.

I wish the alignment would stay.

Perhaps I ought to go.

Help'. Ride the waves honey.

A waterbed.

Aquarians are dedicated people, always
seeking to advance the cause of humanity.

They often become teachers.

I don't believe it.

They have a strong desire to instruct.

Susie'. When you come in tomorrow?
Find out where I can buy a waterbed.

Peter! Breakfast'.

Don't roll about now or you'll
roll about in your scrambled eggs.

Now, I've got to rush.
I'm sorry, but I've got an appointment.

But do me a favour and make
sure you're out of here by ten.

Because I've got an aunt
of mine and she's coming

over and I'm going to
leave her the key to get in.

I'll finish this and go.

Usually, my cleaner comes
at eight thirty, but she's got

the flu or something, so
you're lucky to get a lie in.

Oh, it was lovely last night.

Call me.

Soon.

He must be kidding.

Oh, it's only me.

You forgot your bathrobe.

Do you want it?

I'll fetch it to you.

Oh sorry.

I'm Mrs. Simmons.

There don't seem to be any towels.

I'm the cleaner.

Brenda said you had the flu.

I have, but I made the effort to
come in knowing she was expecting.

Expecting?

Her aunt

I had to stay after the party.

I don't know. You young people today.

Well, you don't look much
more than twenty-one yourself.

Well, maybe a bit
more. I like to forget my

birthday now, although
I've got one next week.

Oh, you must be a Taurus.

That's right. Taurus the bull.

It's stubborn and firm-set nature.

You can't change my mind.

I wouldn't try.
I'd better get some clothes on.

Come on. Out of it.

You all right?

The cleaner.

That's too much.

The governing planet
of this sign is Venus,

emotional and fraught
with a primitive urge.

Taurus persons are opportunists.
They make do with what comes along.

Taureans have simple tastes, but they
are genuine people and extremely liberal.

Always sharing whatever they call
kinds of sports and indoor games.

They partner well with
most others and frequently

need a strong start to
provide with an initial drive.

It's too much.

Good morning, Mrs. Simmons.
- Hello.

Oh, my God, it's Brenda's aunt

Mm hmm.

And just what do you think, young man, that
you're doing in my niece's bed? I'm sorry.

Just answer the question.

Truthfully.

Well, you'll never believe it, but she did.

Yeah.

Well, she was a Libran, you see.
They're very sympathetic and understanding.

Yeah.

That's their sign, the scales of justice.
They always balance everything to a nicety.

Peter, you just screw at the end.

Well, it was very odd.

Well, you see, I write this
column in the newspaper.

It's called, um, Clara loves
the stars with some stories.

Well, mine is a part of the story.

But, anyway, it's in a magazine
which has been taken over a bit.

Well, I wish I could get the set up.

Intuition is a guiding force with Librans.

They know whether someone
is telling the truth or not.

I think Mrs Doyle felt
quite sorry for me in a way.

Librans feel sorry for anyone
in an awkward situation.

In fact, they're very susceptible to
anyone who impresses them in any way.

Did she screw, Peter? Did she screw?

Their motives are always of the highest.

Did she screw?

They love amusement and excitement.

They love sex, as in all things.
They give themselves wholeheartedly.

She was a very mature woman.

Jesus!

Well, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Terson

Oh, sure, Peter. You must be very tired.

Well, just a little weak.

It's only natural, son.

I think I've got the flu.

I don't know why the hell I should
care whether you're ill or not.

I'm sorry.

You're always sorry.
You must feel as guilty as hell.

You're from one extreme to the other, from
Christian Surbiton to Sodom and Gomorrah.

Well, not quite.

Here you are drink this.

I'm really sorry, Susie.
I'm just trying to stay on the job.

You do that all right.

No, I'm finished now. I'm all washed up.

Serves you right.

I think I'm going to go back to bed.

Alone?

Well, unless... No, I've played nurse
for you, and that's all I'm going to play.

Good night, Casanova.

Good night, Susie, and thanks.

Yeah?

Mr. Bates on the telephone.

Yeah, put him through.

Hello, Mr. Terson

What's the matter with you, boy?

You sound terrible.

Yes, I won't be able to
come into the office today.

No, I'll have to spend
a couple of days in bed.

Well, that's all right.
So long as you're working.

No, I won't be able to carry on
with the assignment, Mr. Terson

No, it's not hygienic.

Y
Ha Ha, well, don't worry about it, son.

You're ahead of the game
anyway, by my reckoning.

And we don't want to be unhygienic.

This is a family magazine, right?

Right.

So let's keep it clean.

I don't publish anything that's not wholesome
and decent and productive, like sex.

Okay, Peter, you take it easy, but not for
too long, or you'll fall behind schedule.

And you know something, boy?

I kind of like you.

I kind of feel like you're my own son.

So don't let me have to fire you, boy.

Just turn the goods.

Bye, kid.

Bye, Mr. Terson

Pig

Good night, Susie.

Good night.

Pig

Morning.

Oh, hello. How are you?

Oh, fine.

Oh, good. Got over your flu.

Yes, I found a new cure for it.

Oh, what's that?

Would you cough, please?

He needs to get his temperature down.

Yes.

Don't worry, he's given me
something that'll make you better.

I know what I need to make me better.

What?

You.

This will put him right.

He seems like a strong young man.

He is.

He'll be back on the job before too long.
- He will

He's in bed, and then he
could get out and about again.

Oh, I still feel terrible.

I wish Susie were here.

Let's go, go, go, boy.

Jesus.

I don't feel I could go with
anything at the moment.

Suppose I'm gonna get the sack

I could always be
a bus conductor.

But would Susie want to
go out with a bus conductor?

Scorpio people are extremely blunt.
They need to control their tempers.

But when the need demands, scorpions
are bold. They have great self-confidence.

And when they feel
they're in control of a

situation, they can move
into action immediately.

Once roused to action,
they are swift and determined.

Sometimes, however, the scorpions'
fine traits will give way to selfishness.

And their forceful
determination can be

applied in many ways
which are not admirable.

Such as in the extraction of
money for services rendered.

The success of unions with Scorpio depends
greatly upon the individuals involved.

This boy's performance record is incredible.
Almost unbelievable. He wouldn't try to

pull the wool over my eyes now. Or would
he? I'm going to follow him and find out.

What on earth happened to
you? You were right this morning?

I took a walk in the park.
- Fresh air should have done you good.

It should have, but it didn't.
- I told you to

keep yourself well wrapped up.-
I meant to.

You're hopeless. What
are we going to do with you?

Anyway, it's too late now. I'm
never going to get it done on time.

Yes, you will. Get better by Thursday.
- What happens on Thursday?

Well, it's against my better nature,
but I know how determined you are.

What?
- I'm so kind and good and tolerant, it

almost kills me. But look
what I found. On page 27.

No, it's no good. My eyes are watering.
A novelty dance, my pet.

And what's the novelty,
you ask? A zodiac evening.

Oh, I didn't see that. Hell, I've
already done that. Brenda's aunt.

Do you have a lighter, young lady?

Thank you. Would you care for a drink?

A lot of nice girls here.

Excuse me. You haven't
seen a girl walking around

here at all, have you,
in the last hour or so?

No, nobody except me. I'm not waiting
around for that idiot much longer.

Only, I'm a bit late, you see.
What does she look like?

Well, I remember it. She had
blonde hair and she's a Leo.

Oh, I'm a Leo. I
haven't got blonde hair.

Why? You wouldn't care to
go for a little walk, would you?

Leo is the sign of
exuberance and it takes its

brilliance from its
governing planet, the sun.

They are high minded
and can be high handed.

Problems can arise for them, however,
if they ever fall from their pedestals.

They love outdoor life.
They like everything that is active.

And whatever they do, they
do with an inherent vigor.

They seek appreciation and
affection as quickly as they give it.

Cancerians are fond of domestic
peace, tranquil, traditional earth mothers.

They are home loving, fond of family life.

But they do enjoy adventure as well.

They succeed in love
and for them quality counts.

And now, is there a
Greek bird in the house?

You know something about
you, you've all got such big egos.

Let's hear some of that Greek chorus.

Oh, no, you didn't want
somebody else, young lady.

No, no, we can't go up there, there's
somebody I don't want to see out there.

In spite of their analytical ability,
virgos can bog themselves down in detail.

Leaving important
questions right to the end.

Imagine rules the Virgo mind,
making them fearful of accidents.

Of illness and financial problems.

They are much given
to intellectual pursuits.

Virgos often stick very
close to their name.

Oh, well, can't win them all.

What do you want? Applause?

It was your idea, sweetest.

Yes, I know, I wish I could curb my
bloody, happy, cheerful disposition.

Oh, well, that comes from
Jupiter, your governing planet.

I know that.

Sorry.

Right, what's the score now?

You shot Virgo home after the dance?

And then it was loving the
haystacks with Leo the next day.

Not the haystacks?

You know what I mean, spare
me the sordid details, please.

Yesterday was domestic bliss on a barge.

Oh, I'm lost, how many
more have we got to go?

Capricorn, Pisces, Aries.

What about Scorpio?

I've done that one

You've done what?

Oh, I forgot to tell you, it was
when I got up after flu in the past.

So that's how you got your second dose?

Flu, yes.

Scorpions are very dominant.

You rat.

What?

I only agreed to help you if you
took me into your confidence.

Well, I did.

You cheated.

While I was at work worrying over you, you
were playing bloody jackrabbit in the park.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry? Well, I'm sorry, too.

But we're finished.

Look after yourself.

You were nothing when
you came into my office.

And look at you now, look at you.

Bloody sex crazed maniac

Susie'.

Susie's right.

I'm no good to myself or anyone else.

I used to think it was bad
enough when I had a quiet wank.

But now, well...
I'm a sex maniac.

Perhaps I should go and pray.

It wouldn't help.

I may be a hypocrite.

I know what I'll do.

I'll drown myself.

It's very quick and
it'll be over in no time.

I'll wait until it gets quiet.

Then just swim out as far as I can go.

Then when I'm tired, just
turn on my back and drift.

I shall stay very calm.

Very peaceful.

I only hope no idiot tries to save me.

I won't leave a note.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

With a bit of luck, they
won't even find my body.

Then no one will know.

Not that I'm likely to be missed.

In any case, who's going
to miss a rat like me?

Perhaps I ought to leave a note for Susie.

Susie, I'm sorry I failed you.

Remove all constrictive clothing.

Pisces.

What are you doing?

I've got to do artificial
respiration, just in case.

It's all right, just relax.

The governing planet, Jupiter,

has endowed Pisces people with a nature
so generous that it becomes over-trustful.

Pisces people must beware of this weakness,

believing at all times others
know better than they do.

Modest and unassuming persons of this sign
fail to realize their own possibilities.

Are you sure this is
artificial respiration?

Quite sure.

They rely upon the promises of
other people and are easily duped.

They bear the brunt of
their own trusting natures.

They can be the victims of subtle
plots, which they never even suspect.

The less said about
this situation, the better.

I was actually picked up by this woman.

In the most undignified situation.

But she says she's a Capricorn

Capricorn is a scholarly
and intellectual sign.

Its people are calm and
deliberate in method and action.

They approach new
subjects in a scholarly fashion.

They're always trying to
increase their range of knowledge.

Good organizers and philosophers,
they like to work things out in privacy.

This is the influence of
satire, the love of solitude.

It's like a terrible trap.

Except that bastard
Terson was somewhere up

there guiding me, but
waiting for me to fail.

Want a nice time, deary?

Well, it depends on what star sign you are.

Virgo, what else?

No, thanks. I've done that one.

Well, tomorrow's Monday.

I've failed.

What was it you said, Mr. Terson?

That you put your faith in me.

Well, I've failed.

I've let you down.

I've let myself down.

I've let Susie down.

Susie, darling, come in.

Uh, exercises.

Just popped in for the rent, dear.

If it's convenient.

Yes.

I've only got one week, I'm afraid.

Never mind.
I'll put that on next week's arrears.

Thank you.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm just tired, overtired.

I had to do a research project.

Oh, yes. Did it go well?

No.

I couldn't find an Aries.

Go on. Is that what you were looking for?

Yes.

I'm an Aries. Can I help?

I don't mind what I do.

I've always wanted to
know more about the stars.

No, thanks.

Are you sure?

Sure.

I know the minute that I was born.

It's not that sort of project.

Not a horoscope?

No.

Well, if you change your
mind, if you want anything...

Thank you very much. Thank you.

You know where to come.

Thank you.

And get it.

You're very kind. Thank you.

I've finished, Mr. Terson?

Except one.

One?

If I could have just maybe a day or two or
- When we say

we will do something, we
deliver there and then on schedule.

Hello, Peter.

Hello, Arthur.

How's Clara?

Dying, I think.

Oh, dear. Sorry to hear that.

How's your gardening column?

I've switched to advice on contraception.

You've got to keep up
with the times, you know.

It would be a waste of
your fertile imagination.

I know. Bye.

Are you Clara?

I was.

Was?

Well, they're changing it all.
Scrapping the column

Unless... What?

When's your birthday?

April the 20th.

You're on the cusp.

I am?

The Martian carry over from
Venus gives his cusp an impetuosity.

Really?

Yes.

One that is both powerful and dangerous,

with a stubborn and
self-willed nature of Taurus.

You don't say.

They're ringing for the lift, you know.

Venus is an emotional,
pleasure-giving planet.

I'm sure.

Where are we going?

Down.

Can I borrow your typewriter?

Oh, I suppose so.

Oh, I only work here.

Persons born under the sign of Aries are
keen, creative, impulsive and headstrong.

The sign of Aries is the ram.

He's here.

OK, send him in.

They have an ambitious and active nature,

and the governing planet
adds an aggressive touch.

Come in, Peter, come in.

Well, have you got it for me?

Just, Mr. Terson, just.

Aries people enjoy
entertainment of all kinds.

I like it, I like it.

Great, fantastic.

Aries people make friends quickly
and promote harmonious situations.

I can't believe it.

You mean you met her
in the lift coming here?

Well, Aries is a sign you can have
a good deal of confidence in her.

You mean you actually knew?

Jesus, and across the bottom of a car'.

My cart.

Well, I'm sorry, I didn't
know it was your car.

Oh, oh, you're welcome, you're welcome.

Hello.

Mr. Terson.

Yeah?

Your wife's here.

My wife?

Oh, I won't be long.

He won't keep you long, Mrs. Terson.

Oh, that's all right.

My fault for being late.

I, uh, got stuck in some traffic.

My wife?

I'm very sorry, Mr. Terson, I didn't know.

Out.

You're fired, unemployed, understand?

Not that door!

I don't want you to
contaminate my wife again!

What are you, some kind of sex maniac?

Is it anybody important with him?

No, not at all.

A very junior employee, in fact.

Oh, well, in that case, I think I'll go in.

OK.

I try not to be.

Oh, hello, darling. Sorry
to interrupt, I... Oh, hello.

Morning.

Listen, what the hell do
you think you're doing?

Susie'.

For the love of God, a
glass of water, please.

Thank you.

What you don't seem to realise is that I
own 60% of the shares in this corporation.

You only sit at this desk
because I allow you to sit here.

It's all been an absolute disaster.

Oh, why couldn't they let
me just carry on being Clara?

What's wrong with Clara, anyway?

I like Clara.

And so do tens of thousands of
ordinary housewives, just like me.

We believe in the concept of happy home.

Yes, dear, I take your point.

You don't take anything.

You're just a mean and
grubby-minded, sexually-orientated male

that believed women
were born slaves to men.

Oh, no, I don't think that.

No, I think that...
- I'm fired, Susie.

After all that, I'm fired.

I wouldn't mind if I
hadn't lost your respect.

And I'll probably suffer
eternal damnation as well.

Oh, shut up, Percy.
I'm sick of your bitching.

Now you're the one that's fired.

Oh, now, don't let's be hasty, dear.

Oh, don't you think I can replace you?

That kid out there can
do your job just as well.

You know what he's got? He's got spunk.

Well, thanks for everything, Susie.

- I'd just like to say that...
- Yes?

I'm really sorry.

- Hey, you'.
- Me?

Yes, what's your name?

Oh, Peter... Peter Bates.

- You're hired again.
- Fired?

No, hired!

Peter, let's talk about this'.

Oh, you shut up!

You shut up!

Susie, now I've got my job back.

Will you marry me?

That depends on what job you've got back.

Oh, Aries set high and worthy standards.

I'm sure we'll be back to happy home.

Are you sure?

I'm the expert.

That's just as well, because I'm pregnant.

So that is where babies come from.

In marriage, Sagittarius is
often called the bachelor side.

Because these freedom-loving people
can get along quite well on their own.

Because they are so
cheerful and considerate,

they become good
marriage partners, too.