Original subtitles

Start the clock.

How you doing?

Thank you very much.

Thank you, people. How are you?

Thank you very much.

So great to see you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Right back at you. And I appreciate you being in a good mood

because, you know, you're going to have to live with the government without the

government for a while.

Why are we laughing at that?

I feel like we do this every fucking year, this story.

Government shutdown, government shutdown, and Trump is devastated about

know how much he loves the government.

He said, next you're going to tell me Wendy's is all out of salad.

Yes.

Government's closed. I'm going to have to play more golf.

Luckily, he's negotiating calmly and in good faith.

I'm joking, of course.

He said today, tweeted out, that the Democrats are the party of hate, evil,

Satan. Good faith.

Which is so ridiculous. If they ran Satan, they would have won Florida.

I kid Florida. I love Florida.

But now, Trump knows how to negotiate this. We're going to get over this.

You know how you do it? You get everybody in a room, preferably a

you say, nobody's leaving here until you check out these cherubs.

These, these not.

It is, uh, oh.

Sheriffs, this is a manly administration.

I don't know if you saw the other big thing that happened in Washington this

week. Our defense secretary, Pete Hegseth, he called in from

all over the world the 800 highest ranking service people we have, the

and the admirals from all over the world. Did you see that room? Oh, my

there was more crew cuts than in a lesbian bar.

But, um...

Because that is the thing you want to do most.

You want to get your most critical people in the command structure all

in one room.

Hopefully with the doors locked from the outside.

And then Pete gave them a TED Talk about how much he is hatted with the

military, which is too gay, too woke, too sloppy, too badly groomed, too

He's not wrong about that last one for sure.

Well, no, these are facts. Almost 70 % of the military, did you know this, is

overweight. The song the Marines sing now is from the halls of Montezuma to

tours of Triple X.

Well, you know, come on.

But he says that shit, and now we are changing our motto from Semper Fi to No

Fat Chicks.

By the way, I love this. He included the generals in this. There's too many fat

generals and admirals walking around the halls of the Pentagon. Are you kidding?

This was supposed to be an exercise in morale building.

Because nothing pumps you up like taking a 22 -hour flight to be yelled at by a

Fox News dry drunk about your love handles.

I love this. And you know, a few weeks ago they changed the name of the Defense

Department to the Department of War. So that's how we started. He said, welcome.

The War Department is now the Department of Defense.

No, the other way around. The Department of Defense is now the Department of

War, you fucking hippies.

And he called them and said,

He said, no more beardos. I'm not kidding. He used that word. I'd never

that word. Apparently a combination of weirdo and beard.

No more beardos. And they did his shaving private Ryan hunk.

It's funny. Half the speech was about a warrior ethos that we want and manly

men. And the other half was grooming tips.

Really?

Because...

Nothing says warrior ethos like, what products do you use?

So, to recap, no gays, just buff, hairless men.

And no beard. That's when Lindsey Graham went, what, no

beard?

are here.

But first off, oh, I've wanted him on for a long time. An Emmy Award winning

writer, actor, director, and comedian with his forthcoming novel now, Ingram,

comes out November 11th. Louis C .K.

All right, I think I will let that standing ovation speak for itself.

Sure, thank you. And get right to

the book, because, Louie, you're a

novelist now. You've worn so many hats, and now you're wearing the hat of a

novelist. I just want to know why.

You know, I looked at some of the stats about how much novels sell. Yeah. In a

country of, I think, 340 million people, if they sell 10 ,000, it's like a hit.

It's incredible. So you're doing it for the money.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah. But really, why get into a dying art form like that?

Well, I love fiction and I love writing. And I wanted to be a novelist when I

was a kid. That's what I wanted.

But in high school, I did a lot of drugs.

And I kind of ran my brain dry.

And so then I got into comedy and TV, which is a little easier.

than writing novels but i think i regenerated more brain cells i don't

it is but i got into it i got into writing short stories a few years ago

then this one just turned it just kept going i didn't expect it to be one i

didn't outline it or anything it just kept coming well i i told you i called i

said it reminds me a lot first of all of dickens oh dickens he was a novelist he

was

Because the kids don't make them read anything anyway. And a great one. And

Mark Twain, a little bit. It's very Huckleberry Finney. I mean, it's so

interesting because, I mean, why don't you tell basically what it is. It's

called Ingram, and it's the story of a boy in the Depression. Just give me the

skinny of it. Yeah, so there's this boy who's sitting on the porch outside his

house, and there's like a pig sleeping next to him, and that's his life. Like,

he's never been to school.

His parents have very little, and they're struggling.

And one day his father says, I'm going to sell the horse, and tells his mother

to slop all the animals and take care of stuff. And he never comes back.

Him and his mother are kind of like starving. So his mother just tells him,

should go because I can't help you. So he's like nine and he just hits the

And he's never seen a highway.

He's never been anywhere. So it's him discovering the world. And everything is

through his first person eyes. Yeah. What reminded me of the Dickens thing.

he doesn't even know what pavement is. So he calls it like hard gray dirt.

Right. And so I just took him. He was in my head and I just kind of dictated.

Usually they say, write what you know.

Yeah. This didn't seem like that.

No.

I just was like, why? I didn't know what the book was when I got it. I was like,

wow. Is this Louis' childhood?

Well, I mean, I had, my dad wasn't around, but my mom worked really hard

raised four kids. But you knew pavement.

Sure, I knew pavement, yeah. I knew it really well, actually.

I used to eat gum off of pavement. I'm not even, I did.

In the summer, it gets warm and you can get it off.

But I grew up in a suburb of Boston, and my mom was working all day, so I was

alone a lot. I had sisters, but they were living their own lives, and I used

to... Being a boy can be really lonely, you know? Now, I had a great mother.

So Ingram is like me without a mom, you know, in Texas, I guess. I mean, you

must have done so much research, though, because... No?

No, nothing. No, I just... Yeah.

But like they were in an oil refinery at one point. Yeah, it gets really deep

into the details of an oil refinery. How did you know? I've never been on one. I

have no idea.

I've never read about one or watched a movie about one. I just imagined how

must do it, and I made it up.

The other thing is because of Ingram's innocence, we're only seeing the way he

saw it. Do you know what I mean? Right. I just asked him to tell me what was

going on. I never felt in control of the story. He just was telling me what he

saw, you know. And some of it gets really weird. He sees some things that

not sure what they were, so I don't know. I mean, it's so moving because he

has this cycle of life where he keeps thinking it's going to get better, and

then it's three steps forward, two steps back. Yeah. And he keeps trying to

connect with people, and they always seem to abandon him. He finally does

make... one friend, this character Bart.

Yeah. And then they're roommates at this, I guess this oil refinery. Yeah.

life. Yeah. And they're in the same small room.

And I noticed you go into one, he kind of loses this friend because one night

Ingram discovers masturbation. That's right.

And kind of pays a high price for that.

Yeah. Where do you get your ideas?

Well, like you said, write what you know.

Well, I read

the book carefully. I really loved it.

So you're going to Saudi Arabia. I am. You're part of this big festival over

there. Yes.

What do you think about the fact that we have a schism here in the comedy

community? Now, I'm going to throw my cards on the table here. Sure.

I have mixed feelings about this, but I basically think it's a great idea to go

anywhere like that. Mm -hmm.

purists bug me because they think change has to happen overnight.

Change doesn't ever happen overnight. There are restrictions on what you can

because this is the first time. But somebody has to go the first time and do

your act. You're not allowed to talk about religion or the royals. Well,

is the government and religion. Without that, I would have no act. Right.

Right.

I still think the people who are doing it are brave, and apparently the ones

over there are enjoying it. Yes. What I'm talking about are the comedians that

have been there, and they've been really surprised by what's going on. There is

a woman who's a lesbian and Jewish who did a show there, and she got a standing

ovation. And so there's stuff going on that's unexpected in this thing.

And people have been playing Saudi Arabia for years. Like, comedians have

going and playing Arab countries.

There was a film festival there recently like it's kind of opened up, but I've

always said no to Arab countries Doing I do shows everywhere like this show. I'm

playing in India. I'm playing in Turkey I'm playing in Bangkok Hong Kong all

over the world this year and when this came up

they said there's only two restrictions, their religion and their government.

I don't have jokes about those two things. It used to be when I got offers

places like that, there'd be a long list. And I just say, no, I don't need

But when I heard its opening, I thought, that's awfully interesting.

That just feels like a good opportunity.

And I just think comedy is a great way to get in and start talking.

And there's Saudi Arabian comedians there.

And I'm going to a comedy club in Saudi Arabia the first night I get there to

just see what's going on. I love stand -up comedy, and I love comedians. So the

fact that that's opening up and starting to bud, I want to see it. I want to be

part of it. I think that's a positive. I think so, too.

Dave Chappelle said that he was in the press today saying that you can speak

more freely over here than in America.

I don't know if that's true. Oh, it's not true.

No, no.

Do your hunk on Muhammad, Dave. Yeah.

Well, he's a Muslim, David.

I understand.

So it depends on who you are and what you want to talk about. Now, if you go

there, there's a pre -decide, like there's the thing you buy into. Do you

to work here? Then don't talk about these two things.

Other than that, my act is pretty offensive to most people.

So it's going to be interesting.

to see how that feels.

To me, that's just an opportunity.

Your act is not offensive. It's edgy.

It's offensive.

You wouldn't be nearly as popular as you are. No, definitely.

It's worthy.

I think the whole discussion is worthy.

I'm glad these guys brought this stuff up. I'm glad that people are challenging

this thing because you shouldn't just pretend it's something it's not. So

fool yourself.

I'm grateful to the comics that brought it up.

David Cross and Marc Maron. It's funny because David and I were roommates when

we were 19 years old. We lived together in Boston. And we were just scrappy

young guys. And Marc was there too. He was a dishwasher at a place called The

Coffee Connection. And we were just kids trying to be comics in Boston.

David had this bit about shaving the Pope's pussy. That was one of his bits.

And I just loved him because he was so, you know. And then later, David Cross

wrote an open letter to Larry the Cable Guy telling him to quit comedy. You can

look that up because he hated him. So he's an opinionated guy.

These guys were my friends. I used to hang out with them constantly.

And what brought us together was that we were comedians and we loved comedy.

And they're on the other side of the divide. Yeah, they're on the other side

the debate. And we've drifted as friends, and I miss them. But it's just

to me. Today I was thinking about that, that all this crazy thing going on,

those two guys.

And then I walked by a car that didn't have a driver. And I was like, it's the

future now.

And life is so weird that my roommate and I are in this weird, you know what I

mean? But I'm grateful for what he said, because you should say that side too.

I think everything that's being said about it, that's a worthy discussion.

When are you appeasing? When are you engaging?

And I have mixed feelings about it, too. I struggled about going once I started

hearing what everyone was saying.

No, you're doing the right thing. But, well, I don't know.

There's some.

There's some good in it, maybe some bad in it, but I think for me it cuts

towards going.

And that's my decision, and I know where it's coming from because I can see

right inside myself.

And everything is about the future.

What do you think about the future? Let me ask you one final question. AI. I'm

so curious about where you are on AI, because I feel like maybe this is just

because we're comics and I love us.

So I think that we are like the last thing AI can do. I think if AI could do

what you could do, then the world is over.

Because what somebody like you does is...

think of things that have never been thought of before.

That's why it's a bit. If anybody had ever thought of it, it wouldn't be

It wouldn't be a bit.

And AI can only look into the past and whatever on the Internet forever.

I don't think it can ever do what we do.

Well, I think AI can imitate us really well. AI can probably listen to me and

make a bit that sounds like me. But it can't come up with a new comedian.

Like I have a friend who's an editor and editors are getting wiped out by AI

because AI can see the rhythm of editing and it can imitate it. But the problem

is those new jobs for editors and writers, the schleppy jobs, that's where

editors and writers come from. The training ground is doing the early.

small position jobs, and then having an idea, what if you did it this way? The

reason that art keeps growing is because there's weird people with unpredictable

ideas, like mutating it. But I think the problem, AI will be so efficient that a

lot of companies will do it, but it'll freeze. It'll freeze the progress.

But that'll just be for the companies that do it. Somebody else will go, we're

doing natural art.

And they'll end up winning because people like to connect with other

is about connecting with people.

So, all right, well, there's a funny thing

going on where if you want to write a letter to somebody, you can write the

bullet points, and then AI will write the letter.

And then the person who gets it can get AI to read it and give you bullet

points.

So what the fuck is that?

Right. All right.

Well, if you're still enjoying 20th 19th century stuff, Louis' book is called

Ingram. I loved it. He's the new Mark Twain. All right, Louis C .K.

We'll see you, pal. Be careful over there. All right. I'll see you soon.

Time to meet our panel.

Okay. Hey, guys.

All right, he is a political commentator for CNN and the founder of DreamMachine

.org and Rapport .co. Van Jones! Yeah, Van the man.

Back with us, looking good as always. He's a best -selling author and three

-time Pulitzer Prize -winning reporter and columnist for The New York Times.

Friedman, Tom.

It's been way too long since I've seen you.

And, uh...

The comedy and media gods have blessed us because you were here on the perfect

night because it's Friday here in Los Angeles and October 3rd. And it looks

maybe peace is at hand, as Henry Kissinger once said about another war in

Middle East. I don't know. This is just, again, what we're getting today as of

October 3rd.

Trump said he believed Hamas was ready for a lasting peace, demanded Israel

the bombing.

Hamas said they are ready to release all the Israeli.

Hostages. After they killed

almost all of them.

Let's not get too excited about that. Based on field conditions, I don't know

what that means, but this peace plan, you called it a smart plan in your

yesterday. You say yes. Qatar say yes. Where are we?

Well, Bill, this was a very important day, obviously. And the key thing was,

what would Trump say?

to Hamas's response, which was a yes, but basically.

Would Trump say, sorry, yes, unconditionally to everything I laid

Or would Trump say, love it, work with it, going with it? And Trump said, love

it, work with it, going with it, which means we're at the beginning of another

really long negotiation.

Yeah, I mean, here's the sticking point. Gaza will be governed under this plan.

This is one of the points of their 20 -point plan by a technocratic,

Palestinian committee.

And there's lots of those over there.

I mean, if it's one thing I've always heard about the Middle East, it's

are low.

They run low.

What does that mean?

Can anyone?

Look, I'll take hope wherever I can find it at this point.

Any country would have fought back hard if people had done what was done on

October 7th. We've got to remember that.

It's the equivalent of 40 ,000 Americans being murdered on one day. And so you

are going to fight back. You're going to fight back hard. But revenge is not a

strategy. And the problem you have now is that this war has gone on so long

80 % of Israelis want it to wind down. They just want the hostages back.

So I'm glad that Trump is trying.

I'm glad he's putting pressure on the different parties. But what we know for

sure is that the but is bigger than the yes right now. They said yes to get the

headline, but there's a whole bunch of buts here that we're going to have to

work our way through.

My concern is that you have about a billion young people on planet Earth.

who only heard one thing about Israel in their entire lives, and that's that

Israel is hurting the Gazans.

They live through TikTok. That's all they see. That's all they know. And my

concern is I think some of my friends in Israel think they've got a hard power

military problem against local bad actors.

That's true, but they also have a soft power global information war problem

a whole generation that just thinks that they're doing bad stuff. So if they can

stop the bombing, which Trump called for, and give people a chance to look at

what's going on, we can put the focus back on the hostages and maybe get this

thing wound down.

You said in your column Netanyahu can declare with some justification Israel

defending Western democratic values by defeating the Islamofascist Hamas in

Gaza.

What could be more important than that? I mean, if you agree with that, and I

agree with that, aren't we burying the lead? Isn't that the story of this war,

clash of civilizations?

And whose side are we on?

The problem for Israel, Bill, is that that has been true on that front with

Hamas. And at the same time, Israel in the West Bank has been engaged in a

Western -style colonial enterprise.

And the problem was it didn't want to... Always or are you saying recently?

Recently. I mean, with this government in particular, this is the first Israeli

government that came in with a mandate to annex the West Bank.

So that's been the problem for the very beginning.

My view on the war was that Israel was fully justified in responding.

But this was a very different enemy, Hamas, because it had...

basically stationed itself in tunnels under all these civilian hospitals and

homes, etc.

So there's always going to be a lot of civilian casualties.

It seemed to me the key thing for Israel was to make clear, we're going to go

after these people, we're going to do what we have to do. There are going to

civilian casualties, but it's for the purpose of changing Gaza and producing a

different Palestinian government there. Unfortunately, Netanyahu fought this war

for two years now without ever committing himself to any endgame,

negotiation with a different... Palestinian authority, or a different

Palestinian government.

And that's what's hurt to Van's point, that when you're fighting a war, and

there's no endgame, clear, it just starts to look like killing. Well, what

the endgame be? I don't know. I mean, they gave Gaza back in 2005.

They unilaterally gave it back.

They have offered... Bill, you know, let me just say that, you know, we can get

into this debate, what would the endgame be, but this is my reaction to that,

okay? The endgame, if you, you can win that debate, But what you win as Israel

is you win 7 million Jews governing 7 million Palestinians in perpetuity in

age of TikTok.

And that's a losing strategy. It is. And so all I've been about is trying to,

from the very beginning, figure out how to end this thing in a way where there

is a Palestinian partner and you have a real alternative to Hamas. Otherwise,

Israel winning, you win Gaza forever.

And that's a bad, bad thing if you care about the future of the Jewish state. I

agree that's a bad...

Look, I just don't know what the better look is.

I mean, it's like when you deal with suicide bombers, it's very hard, or

who uses suicide attacks, it's very hard to win and negotiate with someone who

doesn't care if they live.

And let's be honest, Hamas is a kind of a death cult.

They have to be defeated. But you have to keep working for an alternative

because if you don't, that is the default. You end up owning Gaza. And

really bad thing. One thing about Bibi Netanyahu, who is not my favorite

politician at all, is that he could just take a W at this point. I agree with

you. Trying to figure out how to get all this stuff worked all the way through

is difficult.

But Hezbollah is essentially decapitated.

That's a win.

The Assad regime is gone.

Iran has been pushed way back.

Hamas definitely is no longer, if they think they can do it October 7th again,

they're probably going to reconsider it. So there is a victory here on the hard

power side.

I think the problem is now on both sides.

How do you begin to reestablish Israel as the beacon?

for the young people around the world. In 10 years, the young people right now,

in 10 years, they'll be in parliament. In 10 years after that, they're going to

be prime ministers.

And right now, they don't get the joke. They've lost the plot.

And so I think I'm much less concerned about figuring out what's happening

inside a Palestinian society than global youth society, and that's where we're

losing the plot.

But isn't part of that because we had to fold everything into critical race

theory, and somehow the Middle East became part of, you know... I see it

differently. And I love this conversation because I think people,

who went to college, give a lot more credit to college courses for how the

works than I do. This is not about critical race theory on college

This is about Iran.

Iran and Qatar have come up with a disinformation campaign that they are

through TikTok and Instagram that is massive. If you are a young person, you

open up your phone and all you see is dead Gaza baby, dead Gaza baby, dead

baby, bitty.

Dead guys evading, dead guys evading.

That's basically their whole theme.

So that's not DEI. That is a geopolitical adversary that is

deliberately trying to divide the West against itself. That view is not, but

idea that, I mean, you're talking about young people. A lot of them seem to know

one thing. White people did some very bad things in this world, and they

certainly did.

But there are other things to know. Yes.

Including the fact that in Sudan right now, which nobody is talking about, you

have... Arab militia murdering people by the wheelbarrow, including the fact

that Africa right now is being overrun by Islamist terrorists, including Boko

Haram, with no conversation about that at all. I did it last week.

Nigeria. I mean, this is an actual planned genocide.

Yes. I mean, they really want to kill all the Christians in that country, and

they are systematically doing it. And the fact that there's almost no response

from the global left and no attention from mainstream media is a crime

against... African people, black people, and human rights, I agree with that

100%. It turns out that there's a double standard for Jews.

That is true.

No Jews, no news.

As long as you can put the Jewish state in the conversation, it's going to be a

big conversation.

If you can't, you get no attention at all. This is a big problem.

It's a big problem. The thing is, though, when you're in a hole, quit

I would like for Israel to stop doing what it's doing now, to give people a

chance to catch up this conversation. As long as it's just bad picture after bad

picture after bad picture, we're not going to be able to get anywhere.

Your column, you said, in Washington, officials lie in public and tell the

in private.

And in the Middle East, it's the opposite. They tell the truth in private

lie in public.

What do you mean by that?

What I meant, Bill, is that when I was a reporter in the Middle East, I'll tell

you a story. I was in Israel, and Yitzhak Rabin, then the defense

talking about South Lebanese. He said, the South Lebanese don't behave and stop

doing what they're doing.

We're going to break their bones.

Happened to me that day I had an appointment with Rabin.

That's a pretty powerful quote. Went to his office.

Mr. Defense Minister, if South Lebanese don't behave the way you argue, what

will happen to them? If they don't behave the way they should, something

going to happen to them, okay?

You realize he was talking to the New York Times, okay?

So what people say to you in private in the Middle East is irrelevant.

All that matters is what they will defend.

in public, in their own language. And that's why I always listen to that. And

that's why I listen to when Netanyahu went home from the meeting with Trump.

He was much more circumspect than he was at the White House.

And look, this is going to be a really hard negotiation.

But my approach to it, to pick up on Van's point, is I don't want to win a

debate. I want to see Israel thrive.

And what Hamas wanted from the very beginning, Bill, was to get Israel stuck

the sands of Gaza forever. Because they knew in this world of social media,

that's how they could bleed them. That was the asymmetry they could use.

And all I'm saying is, you know, the history of this conflict really is the

history of war timeout, war timeout, war timeout, war timeout.

And what the history is really about is who did what during the timeout.

Israel built a pretty amazing economy, society, and country.

Palestinians didn't for a million other reasons. Get to the timeout. Don't get

stuck in their world. That's my whole philosophy.

A little of the news from the Middle East.

Apropos of our discussion about Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, I see in

Afghanistan they...

took down the Internet, and now they have put it back up.

Apparently they took it down. I read in the paper there's been some dispute

about why they did it, but apparently it was because it causes immorality. This

would not be out of custom with the Taliban. Since we pulled out in 2021,

are some of the things the Taliban has done.

Mannequins had to be beheaded.

That's not a joke.

What? Mannequins. We're too much for them.

Mannequins.

I've seen ones in department stores here that look beheaded. And that's like a

look. But here they did it.

Education for girls? No.

They couldn't go to the parks.

Couldn't go to the park.

Meryl Streep famously said it, testifying, a squirrel has more rights

girl in Afghanistan because a squirrel can go to the park.

They shut down a beauty salon.

They shut down...

Women couldn't, of course, they have to wear the full body covering, hearing

other women's voices.

So they had to, you not only can't talk, now you can't listen.

So when I saw this story about the Afghan internet going down, I said,

we used to do a thing on this show called Revealing Google Searches. And

that they're back up there in Afghanistan, we're going to do a

Afghan edition of Google Search. For

example,

fun gift ideas for celebrating 9 -11.

Where to watch tonight's beheading? Well, sure, that's...

What's the exchange rate between the U .S. dollar and my daughter?

Can a chopped off hand grow back?

Well, that's a good one.

Is Paul Rudd Jewish? Wow. Even in Afghanistan,

they do it after.

Oh, step -sister stoning videos.

What year is it?

Couldn't the NFL find someone better than Bad Bunny? Oh, even in Afghanistan?

Sidney Sweeney fully clothed.

Are videos of

women driving cars real or AI?

And of course... How to cancel Disney+. It's everywhere in the world.

Let's get to the domestic news.

OK, this is if you went to the Department of Agriculture's website

said Trump.

You got to say politically, no one can touch him due to the radical left

Democratic shutdown. OK, right away, right off the bat.

We've had so many shutdowns. Nobody ever did that. But that's how we played the

game. So if you're not following this, what's going on here is that during

COVID, they expanded the Obamacare.

credits so that people could get health care. I've never understood, by the way,

the bizarre Republican obsession with taking health care away from people.

I mean, first of all, I mean, Mitt Romney did it in Massachusetts, and it

Republican idea.

Like, people are getting free health care in the emergency room. Let's stop

that. No freeloaders. We're Republicans.

I just don't get it. How many times did they try to kill Obamacare? Then they

did get rid of the mandate.

It still survived.

But this is the only leverage Democrats have. Democrats want to restore this and

some of the Medicaid cuts. This is about health care. Democrats think this is

the one issue we have and this is the one leverage we have, which is to shut

down the government because, after all, they don't have any other power.

And the question I'm asking is.

Who's going to win this? Can they? Because people will lose that. Kaiser

predicts premium payments in 26 will more than double if the ACA enhanced

premium tax credits expire.

Can the pain that people feel be connected to the Trump administration?

This has been the hard thing for Democrats always. Can you connect the

the people providing it?

I'm going to maybe piss off some of my Democratic friends, but I think you can

always trust our party to do the wrong thing at the wrong time for the right

reason. OK, so here's the problem.

Right now, if the Democrats don't do anything and they pass this clean

resolution, which they don't want to do, if they did it, guess what would happen

this month?

Premiums would start going through the roof this month.

By the time you get to the end of November, you would have Americans

the streets saying, I can't pay 150 % more for my insurance premiums. What the

heck is going on?

Instead, we decided to not let that happen and shut the entire government

So now people are going to be mad about the post office and 100 other things

that Republicans can then blame on us. So I'm like, I get it. The base is

The base wants us to do something. Please do something. Do anything.

But something probably shouldn't be throwing a bunch of people out of work

the federal government and crushing America's government's ability to

right before the pain was about to start. So that's my concern.

My reaction is related to your reflection about what they put on those

They did it at the Department of Education, too. Like if you got an out

-work message that came up that said, you know, basically the Democrats closed

the government. They forced people to put that on, or they just put that on

people's phone messages or email messages.

I'm actually looking more at independence.

Because the question for me is not what's happening now. What's going to

in the midterm?

Because everything to me is about the midterm.

Democrats have to get power. And I think the key...

is going to be what independents do. They really gave Trump the last

And I want to go back again to your introduction.

I think independents are looking at all this stuff, hate speech, Trump's press

conference with Netanyahu, these kinds of things. And they're sitting back and

saying, there is some crazy shit going on.

And I am not comfortable with it.

This is just really getting out of control.

My hope, my sense.

Because I'm kind of an independent myself, that that's where people are

and that's what will determine the 20th. Honestly, Tom, crazy shit has not moved

them for 10 years.

I remember being on this show the night.

of the debate when Trump was ranting about eating the dogs.

And I was like, that has gotten me.

That just was the most unhinged thing I've ever seen.

But we have had an election. I mean, take it for what it's worth. You know,

Sioux City, Iowa, these seats that have flipped.

Spanberger and Virginia now hugely ahead. I just think a lot of

looking at this and saying, this is getting, and not just... The whole

authoritarian movement is really scary stuff.

And I think that's what I'm hoping for.

There's lots of things they don't like. To your point, I mean, I look at the

list of, apparently, I didn't see this, but I'm just going by what the list of

government...

offices, departments that are affecting this the most. So I assume the Trump

administration is the one who decides when they cut off money from the

government because we have no more money. October 1st was the fiscal new

always throw a rager.

And now there's no more money, but they keep some people working. Well, like

EPA, they closed down like 89 % of the EPA.

So they're just going to close down the shit they wanted to close down anyway.

And the economy, we were going to get very, very bad job numbers today. And,

course, Donald Trump, a .k .a. the luckiest man in the world.

Now we won't have those numbers at all. But if the economy goes into shitter,

He's going to say, well, the Democrats closed down the government. That's what

did it. It was all going fine until then. I like the fact that we have this

leverage, and I just want to use it at the right time. Right.

Give it until, I would have said, and the weird thing is, I talked to Chuck

Schumer about this like three months ago, and he was kicking me in the butt.

because I had been tough on him for not allowing the government to shut down.

And he convinced me that shutting the government down is stupid. Back on TV,

he says, we're now shutting the government down. So hold on a second,

once convinced me to give him a million dollars and not shut down the grant.

Exactly. So, look, my view is the Republicans were about to let a bunch of

Americans, 15 million Americans, step on a rake called their insurance premiums

going through the roof.

That's when you shut the government down. But you do it before, and now it's

just going to be one more piece of garbage coming at the American people. I

think the timing's not that great, but look, maybe it'll work.

Okay, so you mentioned the Pete Hegsett thing I was talking about in the

monologue, and the kicker was somewhere in the middle, or maybe it was at the

end when Trump got up there.

And look, I don't know if this is a riff or this is a major policy change,

because sometimes he just riffs, and he just says something, and you go, what?

Training grounds for the enemy within was the phrase that stuck out in my

This is what he said. He said, President, I've got an idea. He said, we

should

use troops in cities,

our dangerous cities.

Troops. He's talking to the troops here.

Use them as training grounds.

In other words, in case we have to fight the homeless overseas,

we're going to use the military.

Now, again, sometimes he just says shit. I remember when, after one of the

school shootings, they were having a roundtable thing, and he said to Mike

Pence, who was the vice president, Mike, maybe we take away the guns first.

Can you...

Can you imagine if people really took him seriously, especially on the right?

Take away the guns. And then it was just forgotten the next day. Now, maybe this

will be forgotten the next day.

You know what kills me about that whole story, that whole event, Bill, if I

could say, is that I just came from Kiev.

I was there a couple weeks ago.

You are watching there the greatest freedom fight on the planet, okay?

And Ukraine's president inventing drones themselves.

Creeping like anything to beat the Russians back.

And Hegseth is talking about lethality and all this fighting spirit.

Meanwhile, they're not giving a dime, a dime in their new budget for Ukraine.

So what is all this lethality for? Number two, while I was over there, I

we were giving...

the money to the other European countries to get weapons to the

no, no, the other Europeans are giving their own money to buy weapons from us

give to the Ukrainians, okay?

So it's a little different.

Number one, we zeroed them out.

Number two, while I was over there, Russia sent 20 drones into Poland.

What was Rubio's, our Secretary of State's response?

Well, we're still studying. It could have been an accident.

20 drones over six hours was an accident, you know? Then they sent MiGs

Estonia. So these guys are doing this whole lethality thing, and we're

spirit and do more push -ups and get rid of your beard, okay? And meanwhile,

Putin every day is fighting a hybrid war, and we're leaving on the field the

greatest freedom fight on the planet right now.

Also, I agree 100%. But, you know, also, what a small, insecure man.

Yeah. Hex at this.

To be sitting up there complaining about how, you know, basically

girls aren't good enough and all that sort of stuff.

Nobody on planet Earth, I mean, it's just weird. Nobody on planet Earth is

sitting here saying, we used to be afraid of the United States military,

we're not because there are women in there.

Literally, we are the most feared military in the world. It's why the

as stable as it is.

And nobody's complaining about it, except this one dude who decides that he

can't stand the fact that there are women who have arms.

As the father of a daughter, I think every girl dad should be offended by

he said.

The women who are in our armed forces can kick his ass any day of the week.

When I'm depressed, what I really enjoy doing is traveling

with the U .S. military.

That's right. Because what you see is our real strength. It's our ability to

make out of many one, okay?

That's actually our real strength. And when you see them operate in the Middle

East, where people can't make out of many one, that's when you understand the

real secret of our sauce.

So headlining your paper today, top story, most voters say U .S. can't

severe divisions.

They went into the fact that five years ago, even during the pandemic and during

the George Floyd protests, even then people thought, well, we are going to

through this. And now they seem to be on the page of it's not going to happen.

What do we do? Did you see the story? Yeah, I think what's new about this

moment, one of my teachers and friends, Doug Seidman, likes to say this. We

aren't divided.

We are being divided. That's right. By companies for profit, okay?

And we have our divisions.

We always have. It always happens.

But it is now a giant, what is new in my life is it is now a giant industry to

make people stupid and angry.

And I'm not sure what happened.

Algorithms. Right, exactly.

And Facebook and all the things that these people do.

And we'd be, you know, the way I look at the world right now, we're going

through a lot of social change. We're going through a lot of technological

change. The pot would be boiling.

But then along came Mark Zuckerberg, and he turned the heat up on the pot. And

then along came Trump, and he took the lid off the pot. And he made it

permissible, popular, and profitable to say and do things to and about each

other we never did before.

And all three of those things need to be addressed.

When you talk to people, when you ask people to put the phone down for a

second, and you actually talk to people, Actually, people are not as divided.

But the thing is, at some point, you on your phone, you ordered a yoga mat or

something. Your algorithm figured out you're a liberal.

Then your neighbor looked up a truck.

You're a conservative.

And from that day forward, you got different information every day and

sent a notice.

And so now you literally think your neighbor is insane because how could

possibly think this stuff? But if you put your phone next to their phone,

in different algorithmic universes. And that is brand new and very dangerous.

All right. Thank you. Got to end it there.

Great work, guys. It's time for new rules, everybody.

Thank you.

All right.

Okay. New rule.

Children's animators must tell me why they always draw the sun with sunglasses

on.

Sunglasses are supposed to protect your eyes from the sun.

Why would the sun be wearing them? It's like when they do cartoon pigs and

they're wearing a barbecue apron.

Jesus. Why don't you just put a happy baby on a box of condoms?

New Rule, using a skincare brand called Activist doesn't actually make you an

activist.

You know what Malcolm X, Cesar Chavez, and Lech Walesa all had in common? None

of them sold an active hydration serum.

Maybe great for those fine lines and wrinkles, but I just don't see how it

to restorative justice for marginalized communities.

That said, I never go anywhere without my tube of, this sunscreen kills

fascists.

New World, someone has to explain how I can be a red -blooded, freedom -loving

American male and still want to be taken over by this Chinese all -female

brigade.

Seriously, ladies, strip me naked, put me in a tiger cage, and let's violate

Geneva Conventions.

And don't hate me if I say I'd like you to love me for a long time.

Now that there's an AI -powered necklace you can buy called Friend, that listens

to everything you say and then gives you positive feedback.

I'd just like to say to the poor, lonely people who buy this, if you think you

have no real friends now, wait till everyone sees you talking to your

New World directors have to find a better way to show that their anti -hero

doesn't give a fuck than putting him outside in a bathrobe.

In the movie, one battle after another, Leonardo DiCaprio spends the whole movie

outside in a bathrobe, just like the dude in The Big Lebowski.

And Tony Soprano, and Hawkeye in MASH, and Ferris Bueller, and Brad Pitt in

Fight Club. Man, if wearing a bathrobe all day made you this cool, wouldn't Joe

Biden still be president?

And finally, new rule of all the ways America continues to divide itself.

Nowhere is it more pronounced than in gender. And until the Democrats come to

grips with that, they won't have much success winning elections.

Let's just put it out there. Women are the Democrats' base.

And men who get hit in the head for a living are Trump's.

They're the bro party, the party of car shows on the White House lawn and

breaking shit and seeing what happens and busting balls and shooting stuff

beer.

And laws.

It's been that way for a long time, the mommy party and the daddy party, the

party of pussy hats and the party of truck nuts.

But that divide is on steroids now and getting worse. In the 24 election, young

men preferred Trump by two points and young women, Kamala, by 24.

The only way Trump can appeal to women 18 to 39 is making him one of his

lawyers.

Men and women can barely date

anymore because they can't stomach each other's politics.

That's why everyone is gay now.

We're just done with each other. If you don't believe me, ask yourself, what

podcast do I listen to?

Trump bros have 50 ,000 of them about politics and protein powder.

While in the woman fear, the podcasts are all about balancing career and

motherhood until eventually true crime happens and someone gets murdered.

They like murder. We like killing people.

Here's a mind -blowing stat about the divide. 73 % of boomer men disagreed

the statement, mental health challenges are an important part of my identity.

72 % of Gen Z women said the opposite. They agreed, mental health challenges

an important part of my identity.

Okay, let's say it all together.

Women are better than men. They're smarter and kinder and make way better

firefighters. But I'm never moving past it isn't really the campaign slogan

we're looking for.

I'm sorry, Democratic women, but this is your party.

You have a special responsibility to look tough.

Senator Alyssa Slotkin seems to get that, and not just because of her

Iraq and with the CIA, but because she says things like... Democrats need to

fucking retake the flag.

Democrats have to stop being weak and woke, she says.

Good message.

Because no one's holding women back anymore.

In many ways, they're leaving men in the dust.

Women are much less likely to be unemployed now, less likely to blow a

pay on DraftKings.

Much more likely to complete college.

The only writing young men do these days is engraving their bullets.

Booing into applause.

Very rare.

America now has 14 million women -owned businesses, which generate $2 .7

trillion in revenue.

Yeah. Women launch...

Women launched 49 % of all new businesses in 2024. And the number of

-owned businesses outpaced the growth rates of every other demographic.

I'm spitting facts.

In the Barbie movie, when she storms into the Mattel boardroom, it's 12

all men.

But Mattel is a real company. And in 2023, their boardroom was actually six

and five women.

Perpetuating victimhood, especially when it's false, is not a great

advertisement for leadership.

Kamala Harris's new memoir of the 24 election is called 107 Days.

But it should have been called Everyone Sucks But Me.

107 days is a victim's title because, get it, she only had 107 days to win.

Yeah, and a billion and a half dollars, and a built -in army

of about 75 million people who'd vote for any human -adjacent life form that

wasn't Trump.

But in 107 days, nothing is ever Kamala's fault. Biden lets her down by

stepping down sooner. Pouty face emoji.

Gavin Newsom, he was asked for his endorsement but texted, hiking will call

back.

But then never did.

And then he didn't even ask her to prom.

America, America itself lets Kamala down by not being ready for the running mate

she really wanted, Pete Buttigieg.

So she's stuck with the Home Depot paint salesman.

And the rest is herstory.

Poor Kamala. We made her the star of a rom -com and didn't even give her a gay

best friend.

Kamala writes that on election night, when it was clear she lost, an aide

the words Madam President off the cupcakes before handing them out.

Oh, geez, that's like a scene from Bridget Jones Runs for President. For

Christ's sake.

Look, ladies, I know this isn't fair, but we're all always running against the

worst cliche of who people think we are.

Women Democrats can't look oversensitive or preachy or unable to laugh at

themselves. They also can't look silly.

like Gretchen Whitmer did, trying to hide in the Oval Office. They have to

brave and strong.

It wasn't a good look for the woman party that all the guys were speaking

for Jimmy Kimmel when Trump went after him, except on the woman's show, where

for five days the outspoken hosts were suddenly as quiet as a geisha.

Then on the fifth day, they rose and said, no one silences us.

No one had to. You silenced yourself.

Whoopi Goldberg continued, did you all really think we weren't going to talk

about Jimmy Kimmel?

No, I thought you would, but then you didn't.

Five days? Talk about needing extra time to get ready.

And if you can't take a breath and laugh at that, you're making my point for me.

All right, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

We're off next week, back on the 17th. I want to thank Van Jones, Tom Freeman,

and Louis C .K.

Club Random drops every Monday on YouTube, or listen when to get your

Don't go to overtime on YouTube. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.