Original subtitles

Nanu, nanu!

Hey, how'd you enjoy your first tennis game?

Well, my favorite part was jumping over the net.

The winner jumps over the net, Mork.

That's why you collided with Mr. Clayton.

Yeah, but tennis is different all over the universe.

For example, on Sperious 4, everyone has 16 arms,

and tennis elbow is the number-one killer.

I didn't know they had tennis on other planets.

Only where there's gravity. Imagine no gravity?

Service.

Also, on the asteroid, the winner gets to eat the loser,

and the bad players keep rice pilaf in their pockets.

Talk about your "sudden death."

Oh, look, a telegram. Gee, I wonder who it's from.

Well, in Ork, we always sign on the inside.

We do the same thing on Earth.

Wow, parallel evolution.

First, fire. Then the wheel.

Now this.

Let's see. "Set two extra places at dinner tonight.

And remember, I hate carrots. Love, Dad."

Mork, Dad and Grandma are coming in!

Hazzah! Massah Fred and missah Cora done come home!

Teppie, Gubie, everyone come in from the field!

Mork, we haven't seen them in about eight months.

It's 2.9% of our life so far.

Yeah. Boy, I miss them.

I miss them too.

Oh, remember how Dad used to take us bowling?

Oh, yeah, he'd always want me to rest my head

in the ball return.

He did. We got to get this place cleaned up.

Let's see, I'll go to the store and buy some flowers.

I can make my favorite dish for dinner, wieners tartare.

We can have it medium.

No, I think I'll fix dinner.

Let's see, I'll go to the flower store,

and then the grocery...

Uh, do you think you could do the dishes for me?

All right, I'd like to start by doing my impression

of an art deco teapot.

Now crystal stemware.

And a Crock-Pot waiting for some chicken.

Where's the chicken?

Where is the chicken?

I'll see you a little later.

Bye, Mindy.

I thought it was funny.

You know, I just can't believe Dad and Grandma are coming in.

I'm just so excited I can hardly sit still.

You want me to tie you up?

Oh!

Dad! Surprise!

Oh, Daddy!

Mindy. Oh, honey, oh.

Granny, is that a new dress?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Kids, this is Cathy. She's with the orchestra.

Hi, Mindy. Hi, Mork.

I feel as though I know you both already.

Oh, a psychic and a clairvoyant with ESP.

Yeah, close. She's a good listener.

I've talked her ear off about my little girl

and my little, uh, Mork.

Where's Grandma? She couldn't come?

Oh, she's visiting your uncle in Boston.

Oh. Well, how is she?

How are you? How's everybody?

Come on in.

We'll catch up on things during dinner.

First, Cathy and I want to tell you the news.

Oh, what news?

We were married yesterday.

Wow!

Well, congratulations.

I'm sorry I don't have any rice,

but, here, Doritos are forever.

Well,

you did tell me he was different.

Yeah.

Is something wrong, honey?

Oh, no, no.

It... It... I mean, it's just such a surprise.

Well, honey, we didn't mean to leave you out,

but it all happened so quickly with Cathy and me.

There just wasn't time.

How did it happen?

Well, for six months, I was just another woodwind.

Then we, uh, both started to realize

how perfect we are for each other.

So it's not as if we're strangers.

Well, I'm really happy for you.

It's, uh... It just caught me unprepared.

I mean, I didn't even get a chance to buy you a present.

Honey, if you're happy for us,

that's the best present we could get.

So, what do you do in the orchestra?

Oh, I play the flute.

Well, if you got it, flout it.

You know, I feel like a million dollars.

I've got a great job and a terrific wife

and a beautiful daughter.

Lovable me.

The cloud around my silver lining.

Mindy, I hope you and Mork will think of Cathy

as part of the family.

Oh, mama.

Oh, che faccia.

Che dita. Che ballard.

Oh, Mind, now that I have a mom,

I can do all those wonderful things.

You can cut my meat and take me to the barbershop,

and you can buy me little shirts and socks and things.

Mork!

No, that's okay.

Mind, now we have a real mom.

A new stepmother.

What's the difference, Mind?

It just means Cathy's not Mindy's biological mother.

Yes, I guess I'm a replacement.

Oh, like sizzlean.

Cathy and I are honeymooning in Acapulco,

but we wanted to stop here for a few days

so you two could get to know each other.

Oh.

So other than getting married, what have you been doing?

Well, I've been keeping your grandmother out of trouble.

That is not easy, she has a crush on the entire

string section.

Oh, sex and violins.

Well, how is the orchestra biz?

Oh, great, great.

And I'm getting rave reviews on my interpretation

of the Boléro.

Ah, if it's Ravel, it's swell.

So, what do you two have planned

while you're in Boulder?

Uh, well, uh, the first thing I would like to do

is see the house.

Oh, yes, yes. I'm glad it hasn't sold yet.

Uh, we're thinking of moving back here for good.

That way, you and Cathy could be

like a real mother and daughter.

That's great.

It's, um, terrific.

Um, why don't we all have dinner?

Din-din.

Oh.

Din-din.

Mind, I'm gonna sit next to Mom, if you don't mind.

You don't mind if I call you "Mom," do you?

No, no. That's okay.

Just don't ask me to push you around in a shopping cart.

"Shopping cart." Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar!

Uh, Mom, what are the chances

of my getting a baby brother?

Come on in.

It's okay. You all right?

Yeah, I just thought I'd come in here and think a little.

I'm too excited to sleep, Mind.

It's not every day an orphan gets a mother.

A stepmother, Mork. A real mother's the first one

you ever have.

Cathy is the first mother I've ever had.

I know.

I've been looking through all your gift catalogues

Frederick's and Spiegel,

trying to find a wedding present for him.

Well, I'm sure you'll find something nice.

Can't be just nice, Mind, it's got to be super-nice.

I mean, it's for our folks.

Well, good luck.

I'll talk to you in the morning.

You know, I want to get something for the both of them.

Maybe a negligee built for two.

They'll like that. Good night.

I'm so happy, Mind, I want to buy a box of cigars,

that says, "It's a Mom."

Good night.

Or maybe I'll buy them a wire-haired terrier.

It's a great pet and besides, they do the dishes with it.

Mind?

Mork?

Good night.

Daddy, I'm hungry. I want waffles.

Good morning, honey.

I'll go fix you some.

Mommy makes them better.

Honey...

come on over here and sit down next to Daddy.

Now, Mindy...

you know how Mommy's been sick,

and... And how she hasn't always been able

to play with you?

Well...

the angels felt bad that Mommy was sick,

so... They came and they...

took her to a place

where she won't have to feel sick ever again.

When they bring Mommy back,

tell her I want waffles for breakfast...

and some for Mr. One Eye.

Mommy can't make you waffles. She's in heaven.

I'm waiting in Mommy's chair

until they bring her back.

Why don't you call the angels and tell them I'm hungry?

Sweetheart...

I know this isn't easy,

but you have to understand.

Mommy isn't coming back.

It'll be all right.

I'll go fix you some waffles

and some for Mr. One Eye.

I want my mother.

I want my mother!

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy.

I want my mommy.

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

Mind? I want my mommy!

Oh! Oh, Mork!

Mind, it's all right.

Shh.

It's all right. I'm here.

I'm here.

Shh, shh.

Oh, Mork, it was just awful.

I remember exactly how I felt the day my mother died.

Mind, that was a long time ago.

Now you have a perfectly good mom

just waiting to be used.

I mean, I don't understand why you're not happy.

I want to be happy.

I am. I'm happy for my father.

But it just seems awkward

to have somebody walk into your life and say,

"Well, here's your new mom, just as good as the old one."

I don't think your father was saying

Cathy could take your mom's place.

I think your father has a need for someone in his life,

and he wants you to like her.

I know. I'm just being stupid.

You don't have to be an idiot to see what this is all about.

What's this all about, Mind?

Well, they say sometimes, when a father remarries,

that the daughter feels threatened by the other woman.

Why, 'cause she's wearing exploding underwear?

Fruit of the boom?

Not that kind of threatened.

It's more like being afraid that the other woman

is gonna take your father's love away from you.

Oh. Is this jealousy, Mind?

Well, I guess I am a little jealous.

Yeah.

I thought you told me once, though,

that earthlings can love more than one person.

Like, when I came into your life,

you said that you didn't stop loving your father any less.

Well, that's because you didn't marry my father.

Well, I am a little jealous,

but not enough to make me feel this bad.

I don't know what I feel.

Maybe you should have a talk with your father man to Mind.

Yeah.

I think you're right, and the sooner, the better.

Now that I have a mom,

I can do all those kid things I never got to do,

like grow a milk mustache,

stay up late at night and read comic books

under the covers with a flashlight,

go for long rides in the car and say,

"Are we there yet?

Why did the Arabs raise the price of oil, Dad?"

Falling down and skinning your knee

and having somebody tell you

there's no such thing as the tooth fairy.

Mork and Cathy really seem to be hitting it off, don't they?

Yeah, a little better than you and Cathy are doing.

Actually, I'm kind of glad they're not here right now

'cause I'd like to talk about this.

I'd really like to.

You seem to be having some problems with the situation.

Yeah, I am.

Dad, why didn't you tell me you were getting married?

Well, honey, I... I...

There were so many arrangements,

and we were so busy, and...

You could've called.

Yeah, you're right. I could have.

I'm sorry, honey.

I just wish that I had been given a little time.

Everything was just sort of thrown at me.

To tell you the truth, Dad, it was kind of like

you'd completely forgotten about Mom,

like she never existed.

Oh, honey...

I'll never forget your mother.

She was the first woman I ever loved.

I remember...

I remember the way her hair smelled,

her laugh, her voice.

Every detail about her is burned into my memory.

I remember she used to grind her teeth in her sleep,

and it drove me crazy.

After she was gone, I missed that sound so much.

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.

Honey...

never think I've forgotten your mother.

But I also never forgot what it was like to...

to be a husband, and... And...

that's what I can have again with Cathy.

I know.

Look at the two of us.

This should be one of the happiest days of your life,

and we're acting like it's a funeral.

I know. You're right. Come on.

Come on, let's get this...

Let's get this place cleaned up.

And I promise

that I'll try not to act like a jerk.

Oh, if I could only hear those words from Mork.

Dad, you like him, and you know it.

Yes, unfortunately.

Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de ho.

Where's Cathy?

She's outside parking the car.

You know, pops, I really approve of your choice.

We're three lucky people.

Uh, Mork, you shouldn't have jumped out

until I stopped the car.

I was just in a hurry to report.

Where have you been?

I was giving her a cultural tour of Boulder.

I took her to a theater in the mall.

There's no theater in the mall.

It's a little theater.

Actually, it was a puppet show.

They're doing Shakespeare's "Punch and Hamlet."

"To be or not to be,

"That is the question.

You call that a question? Whoa!"

After that, we went to see an art film.

War of the Worlds.

I meant to ask you,

why were you rooting for the Martians?

Well, they're a much-maligned people.

Well, I told you he's a little eccentric.

We went to the delicatessen.

Remo and Jeanie didn't believe that she was my mom.

What'd you do?

Mom just laughed.

"Ar, ar, ar."

That's what got us these free desserts, see?

Ah, cannoli.

I saw them, I just couldn't resist. My favorite dessert.

Oh, mine too.

My favorite is spaghetti à la mode.

Mork's on the Weight Watchers hit list.

Oh.

Don't sit there.

Oh.

Um...

it's just that that was my mother's chair.

Oh, I... I'm sorry, I...

No, no, no, no. I... I'm sorry, I...

Um... I really apologize.

Dad, um...

Mindy...

No, no, no, no.

I just have to work a few things out, that's all.

I... I... I'm sorry.

Mind?

I think she just signaled for help.

Oh, Mork, at first

I thought it was just that I was angry

because I thought my father had forgotten about my mother.

But he hasn't.

He just wants a chance for a little happiness himself.

I just don't understand

why I keep getting in the way of that.

Well, we've examined all the earthly reasons.

Maybe we should try a little Orkan psychology.

I didn't know Orkans used psychology.

Well, normally, we like to use peanut brittle,

but this calls for drastic measures.

Stretch out on the couch.

On Ork, you lie on couches too?

No, we usually have them strapped to our back.

All right.

We're gonna start off with a little free association.

Okay.

When I say "night"...

I say "day."

I say "Black"... "White."

"Red." "Yellow."

Wrong!

That's one for me.

Now, Mind, we continue on.

Tell me everything you remember about your mother.

Well, that could take hours. Give me something more specific.

Ooh, uncooperative patient.

Well, what did your mother look like?

Okay, let's see. Her hair was brown.

That's a safe bet, Mind.

And she was tall. How tall?

Taller than a tabletop.

Ah, a furniture fixation. Good.

And her eyes were blue like mine.

Mm-hm. Let's see. What else?

Patient can't remember what mother looks like.

I'm not so crazy about your Orkan psychology.

Oh, lucky you. It's almost over.

Now, Mind, what do you remember most about your mother?

Well, I guess the thing I remember most

is the terrible pain I felt when I finally realized

that she was never coming back.

Maybe that's why you're afraid to test-drive a new mother.

You think that could be it?

See, when I was a little boy, I had this electric chicken,

and I tried to pet it with wet hands.

It shocked the shazbat out of me,

and I never wanted to do that again.

Mork, there's a big difference

between electric chickens and mothers.

No, I don't think so, Mind. We both got burned.

I guess you could be right.

Maybe I don't want another mother

if she's gonna be taken away from me.

See, I never had a mom, Mind,

and I'm sure not gonna blow my chance now,

even if I have to give her up one day.

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Yeah, but you and Cathy have a lot of time.

Yes, we do.

You know, there is one thing I remember about my mother.

Whenever I had a problem or I hurt,

she'd always put her arms around me,

and that would always make everything just fine.

Yeah, that's real nice.

You never had anything like that, did you?

It's kind of hard to cry on a test tube's shoulder.

Most of the time, you'd go, and you'd slide down.

Oh, come on in.

Hi. Oh, hi.

Um, we just stopped by for a minute.

We're on our way to the airport.

But I thought you were gonna stay for a couple of days.

Oh, well, we were, but I decided

I couldn't wait to get down to Acapulco

and soak up that sunshine and those margaritas.

Yes, actually... Uh, the fact is,

I feel that I've disrupted something here,

and maybe it's best

if Fred and I leave just a little earlier.

It hasn't been you. I've been the one disrupting things.

No, Mindy. Yes.

I mean, it's been my fault.

It's the old electric-chicken syndrome.

Mindy, maybe part of the problem

is that you're feeling pressured

to accept me as your mother.

But Mindy should feel that you're a part of...

No, Fred, I'm not her mother.

Maybe it'll be easier for you

if you just think of me as a friend.

I'll try.

If you're lucky, you can be both.

A friend and mother. A "frother."

Cathy, I just want you to know

that I'm really looking forward

to the next time you and Dad are in town.

And if you do decide to move into the old house,

I know I'll be real happy to have a whole family here again.

Oh...

Thank you, honey.

Oh.

Uh, Cathy...

I hope you can forgive me.

Oh.

Oh, just like a real mom.

Uh, Mom, before you go,

can we talk about an allowance?

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Hello, Mork. Has it been a good week?

A very interesting week, relatively speaking.

And speaking of relatives, Mindy and I have a new one.

What's "relative"?

Everything, according to Einstein,

but stay tuned and turn up your volume

because here comes the straight poop right at you.

Go ahead.

There's been a wedding in the family

and Mindy's father came home with a new wife.

It kind of caused problems for Mind.

She didn't like having a new mother?

No, she didn't like having a replacement for the old one.

You see, humans become very attached to their loved ones.

And when they're gone, I think they cling to the memories.

Sounds like earthlings place great value on their past.

It's very true, sir.

Memories are untouchable,

and humans have a need to be touched.

But the nice thing is, sir,

that sometimes you can have one without giving up the other.

On that high moral note, mein Hindenburg, nanu, nanu.