Original subtitles

Nanu-nanu.

Shazbot!

Orson calling Mork.

Come in, Mork.

Orson calling Mork.

Come in, Mork.

Mork, activate your receiver mode

and come in, please.

Orson, you never call me.

What's up, sweetheart, darling, baby?

I have something very important to tell you, Mork.

Oh, don't tell me you've got some heavy news.

Mork,

I'm calling to tell you

you're about to have a birthday.

Uh-oh. My first?

Now don't panic.

Everything will be just fine

if you do what I say.

Why'd it have to happen to me?

Couldn't someone else have had my first birthday?

Calm down!

Thanks. I needed that.

Every Orkan has to go through this.

Mork, meet your gleek.

Gleek?

Now, on your birthday,

you'll begin to run down.

You'll speed up, you'll slow down.

You'll have trouble talking.

You'll act weird... uh, uh, excuse me.

You'll act weirder.

Don't shake the gleek!

You'll deactivate the chemicals.

Sorry, Your Fattitude.

That gleek must be in perfect working order

when you hit it against your head

to recharge yourself.

No problem, Your Immenseness.

I'll guard it as if my life depended on it.

Mork, your life does depend on it.

Whew! No pressure.

Well, sir, I've got to be going.

I've got a new job at a place called a kennel.

It's populated with creatures

just like Venusians, only smarter.

Lucky you speak Venusian.

Ah, you bet.

I just can't believe it.

It's so good to see you again.

I know.

Three months is too long

for friends like us to be apart.

Did you know that if we were snails, we'd already be dead?

So much has happened, Joyce.

Yeah.

Like my name isn't Joyce anymore.

It's Rainbow.

Do you want some coffee?

No, I never drink caffeine.

Oh, well, how 'bout a soft drink?

Mindy, sugar is suicide.

Can you drink water?

It's got fluorides in it.

Well, what can you drink?

Do you have a beer?

Doesn't beer have chemicals in it, too?

Yeah, but after a six-pack, who cares?

Good point.

Mindy.

Oh, Mork.

Oh.

Hi, other person.

Mork, I want you to meet my good friend, Rainbow.

Rainbow, this is Mork.

Oh, and double it.

Nanu-nanu.

I like him already.

You know, I get so tired of that hippie handshake, you know,

and those people who keep saying

the same boring clichés.

So, by the way,

what's your sign?

I think Mork's a moon child.

Oh, come on, Mindy, you know moon children are only this big

with mold on their heads and terrible acne.

Oh, how'd your first day at the kennel go?

Oh... I don't know why

they call it work, it was so easy.

They told me to take the dogs for a walk, and I could see

they could walk by themselves, so I let them out.

I told them to be back by midnight.

Mork, they'll never come back.

Oh, yes, they will. They promised.

Well, Mork, you might as well not go back to work

at the kennel tomorrow.

He's been having a hard time finding a job.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, I run a health food store,

and I've been looking for a revolutionary

moon child stock boy.

How would you like to try it?

Whoa. Does a Martian have eight legs?

Whoa. I still respect you.

Ah, none for you until you finish

that bologna sandwich I gave you the other day.

When I think of all the starving plants in Asia.

What? You don't eat meat?

Oh, you're a humanitarian.

What? Then I'll fix you a salad next time.

Oh, sorry. Might be somebody you know.

Shh. Shh.

There's the phone.

Shut up! I know what it was! Give me a chance!

I don't know who that is. Get him off.

Whew! I'm okay. I'll get it.

Everybody off! Everybody off!

Hello.

Good-bye, hello, good-bye.

Jive turkey.

I know. I need my recharge.

I need my gleek.

Gleek, gleek.

Ah. Whew!

Oh, my little gleek.

Gleek, don't fail me now.

What's wrong, are you dumb? Hmm?

No, it's not time to recharge yet.

I've got two more hours.

I'd better set my watch.

Ankle watch, set, set.

Ankle watch still ticking.

Gleek, I can't let you out of my sight today.

If I do, I'd be up the Milky Way without a paddle.

Mindy, get the phone.

I told her. Be quiet!

Hello?

There's nobody there.

Same thing happened to me.

Phone again.

Shut up! I heard it!

Get at the phone. I will!

Listen, dirtball, I've had it up to here with you.

Oh, yeah?

To you, too.

Mork, will you stop kidding around?

What's that? It's a rope.

What's it for?

Well, it serves a very important purpose.

I can't remember what for, though.

Are you all right?

I think so. I had trouble sleeping last night.

I tossed and turned, which is not very easy,

considering I sleep hanging from a bar.

Well, if you're tired, why don't you go crash for a while?

I'm not into pain, but I think a nap will do.

Mindy! What?

Mindy, I remember what the rope is for!

Oh.

It's an old Orkan custom.

You see, when we want to remember something,

we tie a rope around our neck.

Oh, we do the same thing, except we tie

a little string around our finger.

Oh, on Ork, that's how we used to hang cattle rustlers.

Well, terrific. Now, what were you supposed to remember?

Mm... I can't remember.

I forget. I...

I bet I know. What?

Today's your interview at the Vitamin Vendor.

Oh, thank you.

Now I don't have to get ring around the rope.

That's something very important.

Thank you for reminding me.

I know it's important to you, so good luck.

Mork, don't do tricks like that at your interview.

I'll see you later.

You can count on me.

Ciao.

Whoa. Something's wrong. I...

Wait a minute.

Either I'm sick, or I'm in Pisa.

I'm all right now.

Hold on, I must be sick.

Let me see.

No fever.

Wish I could remember what I'm supposed to do.

Play back old tape.

Plants. Head back to plants.

Plants are the clue.

You still haven't eaten that bologna sandwich

I gave you earlier.

Now, you've got to eat so you can grow up

and be big and strong like your father, Fern.

Wait! Food! Food. Gleek.

Gleek! Ah, thanks.

Oh, good for you.

Oh, if I forgot my gleek, that'd be a disaster

if I fail to recharge myself.

If I don't recharge, I might slow down,

I speed up, my memory goes.

I slow down, I speed up, my memory goes.

Wow, déjà vu.

I feel like I've been here before.

I wish I could remember what I'm supposed to do.

God, I got to remember. What am I talking about?

I don't know. Give me a chance. You signed the contract.

Ha, ha, ha. You're not going to get me

with that old phone trick.

Come in.

Thank you.

Thanks. My violin sounds a lot better now, Mrs. Hudson.

Well, I knew it would

once I shook your pet turtle out of it.

Well, the lesson's over, and I'm going to lunch.

Oh, enjoy it. Where you going to go?

That new continental cafe.

Oh, Chez Eddie?

Is that place any good?

Of course.

All the French truck drivers eat there.

Well, I guess I have to hang around here.

My mom doesn't pick me up for another hour.

Really? Well, I'll give you a ride home.

Okay, on one condition.

This time, you don't pop any wheelies.

So long, folks.

Okay, have a nice lunch, Gram.

Your grandmother is always out to lunch.

Mork, what are you doing here?

I thought I had an interview.

You do, at the Vitamin Vendor.

I don't feel too well,

especially when I left the house. I...

Well, you look fine now.

Well, it comes...

and goes.

Are you all right? Oh, certainly I'm all right.

Pull!

Daddy, I think he might need a doctor.

Uh, he's asleep standing on his feet.

Is that normal for him?

Not at all. Normally, he sleeps hanging from a bar.

Charley, I could've been a contender.

♪ Feelin' good now ♪

♪ Punchin' meat now ♪

♪ Suckin' eggs now. ♪

You know something? I think you're right.

I-I'm going to go get that doctor.

He's out here in the mall.

I'll be right back. Good.

Mork? Huh, what?

Whoa, who took my bones?

Oh, your foot's ringing.

I'll get it. Don't answer it. They'll just hang up.

It's your ankle-watch.

What's this piece of paper?

Must be a footnote.

It says, "Dear Mork, just a reminder.

"If you don't use your gleek,

"you'll be dead in one hour.

Love Mork." Whoa.

Oh!

Mork, what's a gleek?

I don't know.

Well, what did you mean when you said

you were going to be dead in one hour?

I don't know. I heard that somewhere, though.

In that note.

Why did you write that note?

What note?

Oh.

This note. Look, it's in your own handwriting.

I'm going to be dead.

Oh, I miss me.

Oh, no, I'm gonna die.

Heavy sigh. Anxiety.

Anger mixed with inner turmoil.

Oh no, I'm seeing my whole life

flash before me.

No big deal.

I've got so much to do.

There's only an hour left. Wait.

Wait. At last, a cure for acne.

I'd like to thank the Academy.

No one helped me get this award. I...

Mork, what are you doing?

I've only got an hour left, Mindy, and I...

I want to reach for all the gusto I can.

Oh.

Mork, oh.

Oh, if only there were an hour and ten minutes.

Oh.

Mindy, what are you doing after the funeral?

Oh, Mork, stop.

No, don't stop me now.

I'm full of real zest for life!

Oh.

Listen, sit down.

Daddy went just across the mall.

He's getting a doctor, so...

Why, is he sick?

No, you're sick.

Oh, I can't be.

I've got to go to that interview.

Forget that interview.

Forget what?

Here he is.

Oh, good.

Hi, there. I'm Dr. Ducky.

Where's my little patient?

That is not a child.

What kind of a doctor did you say you were?

I'm Dr. Benton Phillips,

uh, pediatrician.

It was either him or the foot doctor.

Oh, no.

Don't worry, Miss.

I am a professional.

I'll just take his temperature.

Open for Mr. Mercury.

You die, bwana.

What do you think's wrong with him?

Well, he's obviously very hyperactive.

And somewhat sluggish.

63 degrees.

That's not possible.

What's that?

Oh, it's Benny the Bunny

and his magic stethoscope.

I use it on the children.

But don't worry,

it works just like a real one.

You see what I mean?

Either I have a defective bunny,

or this man's heart has stopped.

Mindy, I guess it's time we told him.

Daddy, we can't. We pro...

Well, we have to, Mindy. It's his life.

Tell me what?

Doc, well...

You see, Doctor, he hasn't been here long.

He's a...

He's an alien from another planet.

Let me get this straight.

You're trying to tell me

that I have been examining a man

with no heartbeat

who has a temperature of 63 degrees

and comes from another planet, hmm?

You got it.

I've got no time for practical jokes.

I don't know how you tampered with my instruments,

but my Mr. Mercury and my bunny were working

before I came here.

And nobody makes a fool of Dr. Ducky.

Daddy, what are we going to do?

Oh honey, now take it easy, take it easy.

Everything is going to be all right.

I'll think of something.

Well, I guess the only thing left is...

we'll just call an ambulance.

See, I told you I'd think of something.

Now honey, everything is going

to be all right.

The ambulance will be here

in one minute, and don't worry about a thing.

They'll run through every red light in Boulder

to get here.

Hello, this is an emergency.

A man is dying.

Yes, I'll hold.

Oh, no, he's gone!

What? That-that's ridiculous.

Where did he go?

Well maybe he went back to the apartment.

Right. Let's check it out.

Or he might have gone to that interview at the Vitamin Vendor.

Well, why would he go there?

He's only got an hour to live.

Daddy, his mind isn't working right,

and he's dying to get a job.

Oh, why did I say that?

Will you look at me?

Look, if you can't handle drugs, don't do them, okay?

What do you mean, I don't give a hoot?

It's just...

Oh. we'll rap later.

Hi, Mork.

Here about the job?

No. What are they saying?

I can dig your whole essence.

I can get right into your space

where you're coming from and where you're at.

Whoa.

Is it quitting time?

I don't feel too well.

Maybe it's a nutrition thing.

Like, maybe your potassium is in an imbalance

with your blood sugar.

You know, when that happens to me,

I go straight for a Snickers bar.

There's a customer.

Now I want to see you wait on him.

How long should I wait?

Time is money, and money is relative.

Just see what he wants.

Wow, reality... what a concept.

What do you want?

Uh, do you have any wheat germ?

I hope not.

Everybody off!

My doctor says that I need to get more iron.

Now, what do you suggest?

Eat your car keys.

Uh, do you have any clover honey?

Oh, I'll check, sweetheart.

Never mind.

I'll-I'll just get some vitamins.

Um, I need some "A."

Aay!

Uh, B-l2. Oh.

Too big for this store.

Uh, Miss?

I'm sorry.

My friend's biorhythms are the pits today.

Look, could, uh, I just have a bottle of Vitamin "A"?

Sure. Mork, will you go over there

and get the bottle with the green pills?

K.O.

So, anyway, I feel that in addition to vitamins,

a person should get a lot of exercise.

Like, I'm into transcendental tennis.

Transcendental tennis?

Yeah, we don't believe in actually hitting the ball.

We just kind of relate to the...

Look, could you please hurry it up?

Okay...

Shut up, Amy!

I don't know if it was my fault!

Here's one.

No, no. If this is what vitamins do to you,

I'm going back to junk food.

Thanks. Come again.

Mork, I think there's something really wrong with you.

Oh, no, nothing's wrong with me.

You see, everything's...

Oh, no. Gleeks!

Everything's brown gleeks!

Everything's Brown Gleeks...

That's my favorite Rod McKuen album.

Gleek! Recharge! Gleek!

Mork.

Mindy. Rainbow.

Gleek.

Oh, help me get him to the car.

He's really sick.

Okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not the Vitamin Bender, the Vitamin Vendor.

Yes, that's "V" as in "vendor,"

"E" as in "ender," "N" as in "nn-der."

Oh, I've been trying to reach you.

Why did you bring him here?

I thought you'd take him straight to the hospital.

He insisted on coming home.

He says he has to find something.

Something called gleek or...

Gleek! Gleek!

Oh, oh. Got him? Yes.

All right, let's get him to the couch. Easy.

Oh... Right on the couch.

Gleek. Need gleek.

We've got to find out what a gleek is.

Right. What time is it?

Uh, it-it's almost 1:30.

Oh! Oh!

If we don't find out in ten more minutes,

he doesn't stand a chance. Chants? On, no.

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna...

Uh, Mork, come on now.

Come on, settle down.

Take it easy, Mork.

Mork, remember you're sick.

Come here. Okay.

Oh, no, there goes my sense of direction.

Oh, no.

Grab him.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I saw this once in a TV show.

Oh!

It worked.

Mork,

you've got to help us.

What is wrong with you?

It's my birthday.

Oh no, it's his birthday!

What's wrong with having a birthday?

I don't know.

What is wrong with having your birthday?

On Ork, a birthday comes only every 2,000 zymes.

When it does, our bodies go shazbot,

and we get the gorgles.

Gorgles?

Are these gorgles contagious?

On, no. There just like what you earthlings call dying.

Mork, you have got to tell us what a gleek is.

Energy source.

Oh.

Recharge.

Mork, what does it look like?

Oh, no.

Now his voice is going.

Mork, you've got to tell us

what a gleek looks like!

Give us a clue. How big is it?

I think he's trying to tell us something.

Yeah, I feel like I'm in a Lassie movie.

A-A gleek is a-a chicken?

It's a bald chicken.

A bald chicken.

N-No, no.

An egghead. It's an egghead!

It's an egg.

A gleek is an egg.

It's an egg.

I know. I found an egg...

I found an egg on the counter this morning,

and I put it in the refrigerator.

Okay, now Mork, Mork, look, don't worry.

After you get your gleek, your gorgles will be gone.

I can't believe I said that.

Mork, which one is it?

Yeah, come on.

Uh, gleek.

Oh!

Gleek. Let me get something straight.

He's from a more advanced society?

Gleek!

Gleek! Gleek!

Gleek! Oh!

Mork. Gleek!

Gleek!

Gleek!

Gleek!

Mork?

Oh, Mork.

Greetings.

Any calls for me while I was out?

Oh!

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Did you make it through your birthday, Mork?

Oh yes, sir, but they threw a very strange ceremony for me.

You see, Mindy made me a cake, and then it caught on fire.

What did you do?

You know me, sir, semper paratus.

I stomped that sucker right out, boy. Ha, ha!

Good work, Mork.

Thank you, sir.

Well, now that you're getting older,

you're going to have to settle down.

Since I've been on Earth, I'm not a bleemager anymore.

Does that mean I have to get boring?

Not boring, Mork, just more like me.

Well, I'd better keep having those zeppelins

for breakfast then.

I mean it.

Stop acting like a child.

You have to start calming down.

Au contraire, Mon Grandiose.

The dullest people on Earth are the ones

who think that they have to calm down

and set a pattern for themselves as they grow older.

And that pattern dictates what they should be.

It gives them very little freedom to be who they are.

But everyone knows that as you grow older,

you become more serious.

Ah, but isn't it true, sir,

no matter how many years you have,

you have to keep just a touch of the child in you?

A little bit of the "mondo bozo."

And you never feel old.

So until next week, this is Mork signing off.

Nanu-nanu.