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1
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:09,591
Nanu-nanu.
2
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:20,850
Shazbot.
3
00:01:26,703 --> 00:01:29,487
Welcome, friends,
to the temple of suds.
4
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,501
If you're ready now,
throw down your forks
5
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,636
and come forward and
have your soul cleansed
6
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,427
in the Joy to come.
7
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,307
I've got some good
news and some bad news.
8
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,697
First, the bad news.
9
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,765
This sucker's hot.
10
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,334
But now the good news.
11
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,214
Tonight we'll be
having a jacuzzi.
12
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,221
Yea, yow...
13
00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:48,390
Yea, yea.
14
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:50,492
Every single time.
15
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,593
Oh, man.
16
00:01:52,963 --> 00:01:56,098
Mindy, why are you
mad at your coat?
17
00:01:56,133 --> 00:01:57,799
Because my watch stopped.
18
00:01:57,834 --> 00:01:59,746
Ah, and you suspect
your coat? No.
19
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:02,404
My watch stopped
and I got a ticket.
20
00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:03,783
Oh, on Ork when
our watch stopped
21
00:02:03,807 --> 00:02:05,084
we only get a warning
22
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:07,186
and they take away
Mickey's hands.
23
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,661
See, I was parked in this
no-parking-after-6:00 zone
24
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,274
with my jeep and I got back late
25
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,664
because of this stupid watch.
26
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,715
I got a $15 ticket.
27
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,528
Oh, that doesn't
sound fair. It's not.
28
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,630
Then don't pay the ticket.
29
00:02:16,654 --> 00:02:19,031
We're with ya. Right on, mama.
30
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,534
I've got to, it's the law.
31
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,057
Who made that law?
32
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:25,538
I don't know, the town
council or something.
33
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,895
Who said they could do it?
34
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:29,280
The people that
voted them into office.
35
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,382
What people?
36
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,450
You know, the
people of Boulder...
37
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,652
Dad, Grandma, me, you know.
38
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,639
Boy, that's stupid, you
voted to give yourself a ticket.
39
00:02:37,675 --> 00:02:41,042
Yeah, I guess
indirectly I did, didn't I?
40
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,062
See, in a democracy,
everybody votes
41
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,329
and then the majority wins.
42
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:48,132
Oh, I vote we
adopt Dolly Parton.
43
00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:52,120
Do I win?
44
00:02:52,156 --> 00:02:54,906
No, with two people,
you can't have a winner.
45
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,208
Oh, sounds like
democracy will never replace
46
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,610
bobbing for French fries.
47
00:03:01,198 --> 00:03:02,513
Look, Mork,
48
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,076
I'm not an authority
on these things.
49
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,978
If you have questions,
you really should go out
50
00:03:06,002 --> 00:03:07,797
and ask other people
and get other opinions.
51
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,866
May I ask you just one
more question? Sure.
52
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,290
Why didn't I win with one vote?
53
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,858
Well, that's because you need
at least three people to vote.
54
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,122
That way you've always got
somebody to break the tie.
55
00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:17,595
What if someone votes twice?
56
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,264
No, in a democracy
you can only vote once.
57
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,633
What a primitive system.
58
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:23,613
On Ork, we have a much
more sophisticated way.
59
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,648
If somebody wants to
be President, we just say,
60
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:26,872
"Sure, go ahead, it's cool."
61
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,649
Grandma! Pops!
62
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:38,783
Still no luck, eh?
63
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:39,985
No.
64
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,604
Mindy, I finished
my observations
65
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,522
of the migration of the
North American wino,
66
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,824
which was easy because
he didn't move very far.
67
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,126
I can take you home now.
68
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,272
Oh, Mork, I can't.
69
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,840
Susan Taylor invited
me by her shop.
70
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,575
She's gonna have a
makeup demonstration.
71
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,510
And she wants
me to be the model.
72
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,151
Oh, like the ones in Playboy.
73
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:58,103
Hi, my name is Candy.
74
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,138
My hobbies are body
surfing and neutron physics
75
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,874
and I hope to one day know
the entire Los Angeles Rams.
76
00:04:08,098 --> 00:04:09,297
Not exactly.
77
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,876
She's only working
from the chin up.
78
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,045
Oh. Anyway, I'm
gonna get a new face.
79
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,569
A new face.
80
00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:16,382
Well, can I have your old one?
81
00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:19,052
Listen, I'll see
you at home later.
82
00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:20,653
Ciao. Bye, everybody.
83
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,327
One... two...
84
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,682
We can play democracy.
Come on, everybody's doing it.
85
00:04:24,714 --> 00:04:27,481
Do the vote!
86
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,679
We've got three of us.
We can vote on something.
87
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,502
But we have nothing to vote on.
88
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,083
Well, we can vote
to adjourn then.
89
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,107
All in favor, say "ear."
90
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,558
That's "aye."
91
00:04:36,593 --> 00:04:38,204
Oh. Well, that's
two. That's a majority.
92
00:04:38,228 --> 00:04:40,828
We win. Let's pack it in.
93
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,481
I don't want to play.
94
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,160
Oh, come on, we'll
let you vote first.
95
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,624
We have enough to
break your majority.
96
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,803
Republican.
97
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,040
Want to have some fun?
98
00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:54,959
You can file these
classical albums.
99
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,245
I'll be in back if you need me.
100
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,682
Well, let's see, albums
would be under "A."
101
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:06,020
That was easy, but not fun.
102
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,839
No, no, no, no, no, no,
you don't understand.
103
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,541
We don't fix cellos
here, we sell 'em.
104
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,642
This is a music store.
105
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,794
Da, you keep cello.
106
00:05:12,829 --> 00:05:14,474
Look, I know where
you can get it fixed.
107
00:05:14,498 --> 00:05:15,597
What's wrong with it?
108
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:17,899
Nothing. That's why I
think you could handle job.
109
00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:20,168
Well, look, if you
change your mind,
110
00:05:20,203 --> 00:05:21,881
here's the address
of the repair shop...
111
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:22,971
and good luck.
112
00:05:23,006 --> 00:05:25,657
Oh, very much, thank you.
113
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,692
You're welcome.
114
00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:32,330
Nanu-nanu.
115
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,816
Oh, you speak English!
116
00:05:34,852 --> 00:05:37,285
You speak lousy.
117
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,221
Is because I'm not
from here around.
118
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,706
I am from very far away.
119
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,742
I am alien.
120
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,010
Leapin' lizards, so am I!
121
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,612
Mork from Ork. Nanu-nanu.
122
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,130
Sergei from Slavisgrad.
123
00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:51,683
Slavisgrad. Is that
near Alpha Centuri?
124
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,301
No.
125
00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:55,136
Ork, is that near Minsk?
126
00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:58,206
No, you got me
by the shorts there.
127
00:05:58,241 --> 00:06:00,241
Unless that's the
one with eight moons.
128
00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:02,455
Well, where are you living now?
129
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:04,062
I do not yet find place to live.
130
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:05,397
That's why I leave cello here.
131
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,831
Sleeping in park is okay for me,
132
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,594
but not for cello. I
know what it's like.
133
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,103
It was pretty hard for me
when I blew into town, too.
134
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,383
Do you have to make reports
of what you observe here?
135
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:17,158
Spy? No, I am
magician and student.
136
00:06:17,193 --> 00:06:18,693
I play in the sympathy.
137
00:06:18,729 --> 00:06:21,713
But I don't get first
paycheck for couple weeks.
138
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,130
Oh, you're lucky.
139
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:26,067
I have to report back to
this fat dude named Orson.
140
00:06:26,102 --> 00:06:27,447
He's the one that
made me come here.
141
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,155
Oh, no one make Sergei
Krushnev come here.
142
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,374
I wanted to be part
of this democracy, ja.
143
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,992
You know about democracy?
144
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,838
Oh, ya, I study this, mm-hmm.
145
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,478
Mindy and I are
forming a democracy.
146
00:06:37,513 --> 00:06:39,331
Leaping lizards. No faking?
147
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,499
Yes.
148
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,078
And you could be a
third so we can vote
149
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,213
and I can ask you questions.
150
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,477
You can come and live with us.
151
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,248
Oh, I don't want trouble on you.
152
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,039
Oh, no trouble, no trouble.
153
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,141
Mindy'll be happy when
she finds out about this.
154
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,743
Who is this Mindy?
155
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,127
Oh, she's the girl I live with.
156
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,246
Are you married?
157
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,141
No, but don't bother
about it. Neither is she.
158
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,582
Oh.
159
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,743
Well, what do you think?
160
00:07:08,778 --> 00:07:09,944
Holy Moley.
161
00:07:09,979 --> 00:07:12,980
Such beautiful apartment.
162
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,817
You must have big
bucks, huh, Mork?
163
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,886
Bet you are American
rock star, huh?
164
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:22,640
Hey, do you, do you have
many pairs of Levis? Ja?
165
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,560
Listen, do you, do you
know the Beach Boys?
166
00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:27,595
How 'bout Chuck Berry?
167
00:07:27,631 --> 00:07:29,631
Hey... ♪ Long
distance information ♪
168
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,983
♪ Give me Memphis,
Tennessee ♪ Hey!
169
00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:35,536
Oh. Who's your friend?
170
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,839
Mindy McConnell,
meet Sergei Krushnev.
171
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,757
Mindy, Sergei, Mind, Serg,
172
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:43,228
Mi, Se, Mm, Ss.
173
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,729
Nanu-nanu.
174
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:47,966
Oh, I see you've spent
some time with Mork here.
175
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,301
Oh, yes, he show
me so many things
176
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,603
about your customs, you know?
177
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,091
Sergei,
178
00:07:57,127 --> 00:07:58,410
Sergei, lighten up.
179
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:01,746
So, what do you think?
180
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,582
How do you like my new face?
181
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,794
Oh, boy, what great country.
182
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,768
You don't like face,
you get new one. Ha.
183
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:10,421
Same face, new paint job.
184
00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:12,841
Yeah, I knew it'd
knock your socks off.
185
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:15,510
So, what do you do?
186
00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:17,506
Oh, I am student and
cello player, mm-hmm.
187
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,546
Oh.
188
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,259
Sergei's going to be
part of our democracy.
189
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,349
Oh, that's great.
190
00:08:21,384 --> 00:08:23,485
Listen, you're going to
love living in this country.
191
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,131
No, I mean our democracy.
192
00:08:25,155 --> 00:08:27,233
Sergei's gonna be our
third, so we can vote.
193
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,367
He's gonna live with us.
194
00:08:28,391 --> 00:08:30,158
Ja.
195
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,796
Can I talk to you for a moment?
196
00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:35,813
I think we should vote on that.
197
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,032
I vote no, what do
you think, Sergei?
198
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:40,785
I'm with you, Mork.
199
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,471
Two to one, you lose.
200
00:08:43,507 --> 00:08:45,317
I want to talk to you.
201
00:08:45,341 --> 00:08:47,892
We just voted on that.
202
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,305
Now...
203
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,929
Oh, that's a different story.
204
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,764
Please to excuse me,
205
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,066
where may I find
laboratory please for me?
206
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,686
Oh. You mean the restroom.
207
00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:59,137
It's right through there.
208
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,974
Oh, a bed!
209
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,443
I never saw a restroom
where you could really rest.
210
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,812
Boy, this America,
really out of state.
211
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,798
What have you done?
212
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,228
I got us a third for democracy.
213
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,502
You just can't invite
anyone to come live here.
214
00:09:14,537 --> 00:09:15,581
I know that. We'll vote on it.
215
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:17,005
Oh, no, we won't.
216
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,756
I pay the rent and
I say he can't stay.
217
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,272
Oh, I see. The one with
the money controls the votes.
218
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,683
That's not it.
219
00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:29,934
Mindy, you don't understand.
220
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,881
You see, Sergei's
sleeping outside on a bench
221
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,322
and he's got a violin
with a gland condition.
222
00:09:34,357 --> 00:09:38,075
Well, Mork, you can't
just go and... Mindy,
223
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,905
I don't think our
democracy's working too well.
224
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,507
Let's have a dictatorship
instead, okay?
225
00:09:41,531 --> 00:09:43,425
I'll be the tyrant and
you'll be the peon.
226
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:44,610
Huh? Huh? Can I be the tyrant?
227
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:46,634
Huh? Can I be the
tyrant? Come on, now.
228
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:51,956
Yeah, this is wonderful country.
229
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:55,393
In Russia, I have to
sleep with 11 brothers,
230
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,828
but tonight, three in one bed.
231
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,012
Is too much, I tell you.
232
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,661
What are you doing down
here in your pajamas?
233
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,006
Well, I slept in the guest room
234
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,575
so Sergei could
have the penthouse.
235
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,733
Can I talk to you for a
minute about Sergei?
236
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,579
♪ You asked for it, you got it ♪
237
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,403
♪ I'm listening. ♪
238
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,106
Look, Mork.
239
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,474
Sergei seems like a
nice guy, but you just...
240
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,944
you just can't go inviting
your friends to live here.
241
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,856
Well, you told me to go out
and ask people questions.
242
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,465
Not questions like, "Do you want
to come home and live with me?"
243
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,511
Oh, I get it.
244
00:10:51,535 --> 00:10:52,583
You feel left out.
245
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,163
Well, you can ask one
of your friends home.
246
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,232
Then there'll be four of
us. But then it wouldn't work.
247
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,966
I guess democracy only
works with odd numbers.
248
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,191
That's not the point.
249
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,626
He's a stranger.
250
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,322
But I was a stranger and
you brought me home.
251
00:11:03,346 --> 00:11:05,730
Yeah, you're even stranger now.
252
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,298
Anyway,
253
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,328
that was a special case.
You really needed help.
254
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:10,835
Well, Sergei needs our help.
255
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,047
You're right. Yes, he does.
256
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:13,982
And you can help
him find an apartment.
257
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,339
Show him around Boulder.
258
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:16,741
Make him feel like he belongs.
259
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,688
Oh, be sort of an
extraterrestrial welcome wagon.
260
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,812
Yeah.
261
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,759
I'll take some money
out of my savings account
262
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,949
and lend it to Sergei
until he gets on his feet
263
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:26,846
and then he can pay me
back whenever he can.
264
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:28,881
Oh, you know something,
Mindy? You're a real wurble.
265
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,404
Thanks...
266
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:31,939
I think.
267
00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,307
Anyway, if you
have any problems,
268
00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,942
you can reach me
at the store. Okay?
269
00:11:34,978 --> 00:11:36,677
Kay-o. There won't
be any problem.
270
00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:38,212
We're like two
fish out of water.
271
00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:40,648
Yes, you are.
I'll see you later.
272
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,640
Come and get it 'fore
I slop it to the hogs!
273
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:53,611
♪ Rocky Mountain High ♪
274
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,746
♪ Cincinnati ♪
275
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,817
Oh, is time for vittles, ha-ha.
276
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,286
Howdy, partner.
277
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,787
You like cowboy movies, too?
278
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,966
Oh, yes.
279
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,424
Where I come from we
love all American movies.
280
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,193
Have seen Citizen Kane,
281
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,594
When the Wind is Leaving,
282
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:12,764
In Front of on the Water,
283
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:16,717
uh, but, but my favorite
is this Lonesome Ranger.
284
00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:19,704
I would give anything
to meet Mr. Ranger.
285
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,872
Ah, look, Kemo sabe,
286
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,275
something strange,
buckboard on its back.
287
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,677
Ay, Tonto, you're right.
288
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,445
500 people tied
up with dental floss.
289
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,358
Help me, Masked Man.
290
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,959
Help me, Lone Ranger.
291
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,384
Where'd you get that ugly Injun?
292
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,831
Why did they not
gag that meshugena?
293
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,271
Behind you! Varmints. Look!
294
00:12:37,307 --> 00:12:39,418
I don't have to show
you no stinkin' varmints!
295
00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:47,782
Well, that shows
them, Tonto. Onward.
296
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:49,662
Who was that masked man?
297
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,286
He stole my teeth.
298
00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:54,289
I need them for the bullets.
299
00:12:54,324 --> 00:12:56,090
Hi-ho, Silver!
300
00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:02,797
Whoa. Whoa.
301
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,065
Whoa, Big Fella.
302
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,067
Whoa, Big Fella, there.
303
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:07,502
Sorry about that, Big Fella.
304
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,655
You should be TV star.
305
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,190
Oh, no, too much pressure
and you have to get up too early.
306
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:19,647
Oh, everything going
so wonderful for me.
307
00:13:19,683 --> 00:13:21,927
I have new friend,
place to live...
308
00:13:21,951 --> 00:13:24,001
Uh, Sergei, I have to
talk to you about that.
309
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,131
You see, Mindy says we
only have room enough for two
310
00:13:26,155 --> 00:13:27,967
and we have to find
you a place of your own.
311
00:13:27,991 --> 00:13:30,107
My own?
312
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,160
You mean I can
live alone if I want to?
313
00:13:32,195 --> 00:13:33,644
Sure, why not?
314
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,247
Well, where I come
from, no one lives alone.
315
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:40,051
Sharing a room with 60
people is solitary confinement.
316
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,120
Must be a long
line for the shower.
317
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,399
Shower.
318
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,623
Oh, so many things to learn.
319
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,991
So many new
experiences for me...
320
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:51,261
disco dancing, dirt bikes,
321
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:54,398
uh, burritos,
registering as an alien...
322
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,885
You have to
register as an alien?
323
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,169
Oh, all aliens must
do so by January.
324
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:01,488
I didn't know there
were that many of us.
325
00:14:01,524 --> 00:14:04,208
Oh, is thousands,
maybe millions.
326
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:06,227
Whew, then it's no
big deal being an alien.
327
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,480
Is big deal if you
don't register.
328
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,760
It is the law, you must.
329
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,344
Wonder why Mindy
didn't tell me that.
330
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:13,634
Is she alien?
331
00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:14,669
No, Caucasian.
332
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:19,201
Well, then she wouldn't know.
333
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:22,376
It is big law, you must do this.
334
00:14:22,411 --> 00:14:24,323
Do you think they'll
kick me off the planet?
335
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:27,064
Oh, I don't know if
they would go that far.
336
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:29,233
But they could arrest you.
337
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,228
I'm not supposed
to get in trouble.
338
00:14:31,254 --> 00:14:34,355
Orson'll be really T.O.'d.
339
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:36,819
I saw two men get picked up
340
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,520
by the immigration authorities.
341
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,245
They were aliens without
proper identification.
342
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,741
Where do I get
proper identification?
343
00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:44,348
Immigration Bureau.
344
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,494
Well, I better go to the...
345
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,819
Immigration Bureau.
346
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,187
I'll leave Mindy a note.
347
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,888
Do you know where it is?
348
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,206
No, I haven't written it yet.
349
00:15:13,463 --> 00:15:15,174
Are these people all aliens?
350
00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:17,331
Well, they must
be... They're here.
351
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:20,184
Excuse me, are you
from Romny Five?
352
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,852
Ah.
353
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,754
No second nose... I guess not.
354
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,773
Next.
355
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:27,825
I'm here to
register. I'm an alien.
356
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,528
Fill this out and
bring it back to me.
357
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,464
No sweat. Nanu-nanu.
358
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,501
Sergei, psst.
359
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,149
It didn't even phase him
when I told him I was an alien.
360
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,523
Oh, he sees hundreds
of aliens every week.
361
00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:44,708
Wait'll Orson hears about this.
362
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,877
Whoa, check this out.
363
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,046
The ten most popular people.
364
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:50,814
Real nimnulls.
365
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,149
Those are criminals!
366
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:55,736
Criminals, nimnulls, they
don't look too swift to me.
367
00:15:55,772 --> 00:15:59,006
Whoa, this pen's on a leash.
368
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,642
What's wrong? Did
you write a bad check?
369
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,916
Let's see, name: Mork.
370
00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:10,818
Easy. One down.
371
00:16:10,854 --> 00:16:12,687
Place of residence: Ork.
372
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,121
Two down.
373
00:16:14,156 --> 00:16:17,925
Education: P.S. one million six.
374
00:16:17,961 --> 00:16:21,362
Graduation date:
Betty Lou Zombax.
375
00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:31,622
Residence: Mindy's house.
376
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,760
And, let's see, occupation:
377
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,795
observing your primitive planet
378
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,147
and reporting back
its customs to Orson.
379
00:16:41,517 --> 00:16:42,783
Oh! Hey...
380
00:16:42,819 --> 00:16:44,864
I can't answer this
one. What should I do?
381
00:16:44,888 --> 00:16:47,437
Oh, take these to that
nice clerk over there.
382
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:48,873
Kay-o.
383
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,823
Now what do you want?
384
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,425
Oh, he told me to
take it to the nice clerk,
385
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,877
but since she's
busy, I'll talk to you.
386
00:16:57,901 --> 00:16:59,483
If I can't answer this question,
387
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,352
do I fail the exam?
388
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,482
This is an informational form.
389
00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:05,706
Even you couldn't fail it.
390
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:07,058
Whew!
391
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,321
Well, which question
is it? That one.
392
00:17:09,345 --> 00:17:11,406
"Have you had a
recent vaccination?"
393
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:12,992
No, but I'd like to
go to Miami Beach
394
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:16,167
and stay at the Fontainebleau.
395
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,535
No. Vaccination.
396
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,671
Like when they stick
you with a needle.
397
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:24,374
Oh, I get the point.
398
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,327
Where did you come from?
399
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:27,862
Over there.
400
00:17:27,897 --> 00:17:29,975
Okay, let's start
from the beginning.
401
00:17:29,999 --> 00:17:31,465
Where's your passport?
402
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:32,666
I give up, where?
403
00:17:32,702 --> 00:17:35,836
Don't you have a passport?
404
00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:37,655
No. What's a passport?
405
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,658
Don't you have
any identification?
406
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,660
Well, I have a mole right here.
407
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,373
How's that identification?
408
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,475
I don't think anyone
else has one right here.
409
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,810
This is ridiculous. I can show
you the one on my right hip.
410
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:50,513
No, that won't be necessary!
411
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,404
Now... now, let
me get this straight.
412
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,384
You don't have a green card.
413
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,707
Right.
414
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,986
No passport. Ditto.
415
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,861
No visa. Right on.
416
00:18:00,897 --> 00:18:02,295
No birth certificate?
417
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,132
Not even a note from home.
418
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,653
Legally you don't exist.
419
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,265
Oh, you exaggerate.
Therefore, I am.
420
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,617
Would you send
the guard in here?
421
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:16,476
You know, there are penalties
for being an illegal alien.
422
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,828
Hey, I resent that!
423
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,675
Even though my father
was an eye dropper,
424
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,065
he married Mom.
425
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,433
He had to.
426
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:25,730
Bob, I think we'd better
hang on to this guy
427
00:18:25,754 --> 00:18:28,083
and ask him a few questions.
428
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,324
Hi, Mork. Let's go home.
429
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,271
Miss, miss, I'm sorry,
430
00:18:32,295 --> 00:18:34,745
but I'm afraid we're going
to have to detain your friend.
431
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,398
I got your note.
What is going on?
432
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,710
I have to register as an alien.
433
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,034
Oh, no... You don't understand.
434
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:41,247
No, no, you don't understand.
435
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:42,770
I could be in big trouble.
436
00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:44,105
I know.
437
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,907
Uh, now, what seems
to be the problem here?
438
00:18:46,942 --> 00:18:49,727
He's an alien; he doesn't
have any identification.
439
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,246
We've got to ask
him a few questions.
440
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:53,915
Well, he's not an alien.
441
00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:55,916
Um, can I suggest a question?
442
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:56,884
Please.
443
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:59,403
Ask him where he's from.
444
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:00,454
Oh, from the planet Ork.
445
00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:02,000
You see, it's in the photosphere
446
00:19:02,024 --> 00:19:03,535
of the galaxy Mellow Catorius,
447
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,891
near the black hole Leon.
448
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:08,812
Oh... I see.
449
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,548
And, uh, how did you get here?
450
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,916
Boat? Plane?
451
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,069
Flying egg.
452
00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:19,090
I see. I always go by
flying bacon myself.
453
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,609
Oh, the express... The Sizzler.
454
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,963
Now tell him how you drink.
455
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,178
Oh, don't be a clone.
You know that. Well...
456
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,802
With my finger. Pfft! Eeh!
457
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,821
Okay.
458
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:36,790
Guard, would you please
escort this gentleman out
459
00:19:36,826 --> 00:19:38,459
to his, uh, flying egg?
460
00:19:38,494 --> 00:19:42,696
Uh, would you put that
desk back where it was?
461
00:19:42,732 --> 00:19:44,231
No moisture.
462
00:19:50,473 --> 00:19:52,923
Oh, this America
is country on move.
463
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,436
I tell you.
464
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,492
We're going.
465
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,972
Mindy, all these
people are aliens.
466
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,963
I know. Let's go.
Sergei, we're leaving!
467
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,698
Hello!
468
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:01,899
Hello.
469
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:03,333
Nanu-nanu.
470
00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:14,761
I don't get it. What?
471
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,558
Why did Sergei
call himself an alien
472
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:18,360
if he'd never even
been to the moon?
473
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:21,451
We call people who come here
from other countries "aliens."
474
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:22,631
Oh, that's strange.
475
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,399
Everyone on Ork
calls himself an Orkan.
476
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,702
You humans subdivide
yourself into different species...
477
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,826
Russians, Americans,
478
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:31,040
Protestants, Jews,
game show hosts.
479
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:35,099
We do. I'm afraid
that we haven't learned
480
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,901
to live together very well yet.
481
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,137
Another thing I feel
strange about is democracy.
482
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,173
Why?
483
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,851
Well, after Sergei
got his apartment,
484
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,586
he went out to get
a driver's license,
485
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,521
and because he was
an alien, it took all day.
486
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,812
Oh, I think you're
getting democracy
487
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,681
mixed up with bureaucracy.
488
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:53,984
Oh, semantic
confusion or rented lips.
489
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,222
You see, democracy is the
"one man, one vote" system,
490
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,658
and bureaucracy is the most
difficult way to get anything done.
491
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,572
Why do you have such
an inefficient system?
492
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,228
Well, we've been
working hard at it.
493
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,665
Actually, we've been
trying to streamline things,
494
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,099
but that could take years.
495
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:10,367
Why?
496
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,735
Bureaucracy.
497
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,607
Hi! Hey-hey!
498
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:17,719
What's happening, Mork?
499
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,876
Nanu-nanu. Nanu-nanu.
500
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,945
You look awfully chipper.
501
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,615
Oh, yes, I am happy because
of this great democracy.
502
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,784
Have place to live,
have driver's license.
503
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,113
Didn't it take you
all day to get it?
504
00:21:28,137 --> 00:21:30,048
Oh, yes, that's what's
so great about it.
505
00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:32,589
Because where I come
from, it would take six months.
506
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,752
Really? Oh, yes,
507
00:21:33,776 --> 00:21:35,420
and if I failed,
they make me date
508
00:21:35,444 --> 00:21:38,845
female Russian shot-putter. Oh.
509
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,898
Well, Mork and I
are really happy
510
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,367
you're adjusting to
everything so well.
511
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:44,668
Oh, very much thank you.
512
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,515
I must leave now,
but before I go,
513
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:48,450
I-I want you to have
something from me.
514
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,874
This is some
515
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,042
Russian caviar.
Oh, thanks, Sergei.
516
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:54,578
I'm really sorry you
can't stay for dinner.
517
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:57,543
Oh, no, I have to go back and
check out my new dynamite pad.
518
00:21:58,968 --> 00:22:00,267
Dosvidanya, Tovarich.
519
00:22:00,302 --> 00:22:02,953
Hello. Bye.
520
00:22:08,844 --> 00:22:09,988
I don't understand it.
521
00:22:10,012 --> 00:22:12,057
Democracy didn't
work with three people,
522
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,725
it didn't work with two people,
523
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,383
but it works for Sergei,
and he lives all alone.
524
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:19,069
Well, that's one of the good
things about democracy.
525
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:20,638
It protects the individual.
526
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:23,073
And speaking of
protection, I think next time
527
00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:25,743
you have any questions,
you should ask me first.
528
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:27,177
I know. I'm a real nimnull.
529
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,930
You ask me to take a poll,
and I brought home a Russian.
530
00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:36,420
Whew!
531
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:39,123
That's caviar. Fish eggs.
532
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:40,858
Oh. Return to mother ship!
533
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:42,425
Yeah, back on home.
534
00:22:42,461 --> 00:22:45,362
Roe, roe, roe, roe, roe, roe.
535
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:46,764
Oh, you like it?
536
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:48,782
No way.
537
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:01,411
Mork, calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
538
00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:04,414
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
539
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:11,655
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, comrade. Hey!
540
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,218
That accent.
541
00:23:13,242 --> 00:23:14,574
It's Russian.
542
00:23:14,610 --> 00:23:16,204
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll slow it down.
543
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:17,539
Mork
544
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:18,979
calling Orson.
545
00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:20,764
Come in, comrade.
546
00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:22,365
Heyyy!
547
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:25,085
Just the report, Mork.
548
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:26,487
Sorry, Your Rotundity.
549
00:23:26,522 --> 00:23:28,901
What's happening
inside your head?
550
00:23:28,925 --> 00:23:30,658
Is your brain flaky?
551
00:23:30,693 --> 00:23:32,025
Oh, no.
552
00:23:32,061 --> 00:23:34,662
This is what
earthlings call snow.
553
00:23:34,697 --> 00:23:38,031
Uh, it's kind of like Martian
lint bombs, only frozen.
554
00:23:38,067 --> 00:23:39,533
Are they dangerous?
555
00:23:39,569 --> 00:23:40,935
Oh, no.
556
00:23:40,970 --> 00:23:43,737
If you try and light their
fuse, they turn to water.
557
00:23:43,773 --> 00:23:45,484
What else have you observed?
558
00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:47,975
Well, earthlings have a
custom called "voting."
559
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:50,560
It's so everyone can
have a voice in democracy.
560
00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:51,995
And they all vote?
561
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:53,430
No, only about half of them.
562
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:55,699
The rest have
political laryngitis.
563
00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:58,535
Maybe they just
don't like their leaders.
564
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:00,415
I think that's part
of the problem.
565
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:02,267
Too bad they don't have someone
566
00:24:02,291 --> 00:24:03,924
as well-rounded as you.
567
00:24:03,959 --> 00:24:06,087
Is that another fat joke, Mork?
568
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,295
Oh, no, Your Obesity.
569
00:24:08,330 --> 00:24:11,431
I mean, we're lucky enough
that we have someone like you
570
00:24:11,467 --> 00:24:13,166
that we can all stand behind.
571
00:24:13,202 --> 00:24:16,036
I mean, all of us,
the entire planet.
572
00:24:16,071 --> 00:24:18,116
That was a cheap shot, Mork.
573
00:24:18,140 --> 00:24:19,974
Oh, rejection. Heavy thigh.
574
00:24:20,009 --> 00:24:22,242
I mean, sigh.
575
00:24:22,277 --> 00:24:24,378
See you next week, Your Acreage.
576
00:24:24,413 --> 00:24:26,746
Nanu-nanu.
40654
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