Original subtitles

Nanu-nanu.

Shazbot!

Mork, where are you?

Are you...?

Oh, hi.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Are you just getting up now?

Oh, I've been up for several hours.

I had to make my report to Orson.

Huh... all that time, huh?

Well, he put me on hold.

Oh.

Then you don't know.

Look, it's snowing outside.

Shazbot! The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

Mayday! Mayday!

Take evasive action.

You get under there with the baby.

You don't have a baby... too bad.

They were going to scoff at Chicken Little,

but they're not laughing now.

That little sucker's gonna make

a lot of money off this.

I've got to call him, I've got to call...

Just my luck... he's unlisted.

Mork, calm down.

It's just snow.

It's perfectly harmless.

It is? Yeah.

Boy, do I feel like a flake.

Hey, where'd you learn that story

about "the sky is falling"?

Well, I was baby-sitting for Eugene, and, uh,

he told me that story just before I fell asleep.

Oh, well, if you'd heard that story all the way through,

you would have understood the point.

See, Chicken Little thought an acorn dropped on his head,

and because of that he thought the sky was falling,

and that means that he was gullible.

That was the point.

Oh, therefore, if I think the sky is falling,

ipso facto, I am gullible.

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Like yesterday, when you heard that TV commercial

that said to run out and catch a bus,

and you started building a trap.

Oh.

I would've caught one, too.

I was going to use a segregated school as bait.

Well, I have a surprise for you.

Oh, surprise, surprise!

Don't tell me, oh, don't tell me.

Let me guess.

Cuff links!

Come on.

Come on, you know what's in there.

You gave me the money to buy it for you yourself.

Hey, don't rain on my parade.

Let's see, let's see, let's...

Boy, a coat!

Just what I've always wanted.

Oh...

Come on, you should put it on

and get dressed and go out

and observe the snow.

It'll be a whole new experience.

Are you sure those sky flakes won't bash my brains out?

I promise you it's perfectly safe.

Come here, I want to show you something.

Okay.

Don't be afraid.

Look.

Whoa. It's cold and beautiful.

Yeah.

And not housebroken.

Dad, Dad,

he's become very responsible lately.

Y-Yeah, he was responsible for that.

He-He was responsible for that, too, yeah.

Now, that wasn't his fault, Dad.

Well, it was an old cat, anyway.

Oh, I got to go; somebody's at the door.

Okay, okay, yeah, I will.

All right, bye-bye.

Mork!

Oh, what happened?

Where have you been?

Dashing through the snow.

Oh...!

Oh, ah, oh...

Oh, come on in; you're frozen.

Sit down and warm up.

Shazbot, I'm frigid!

Ow! Ah, uh, oh, I'm melting!

Mork, what happened to your new coat?

I gave it away.

What?! You gave away your brand-new coat?

Well, the man I gave it to didn't have any, and I have two.

Besides, I had to pay him back.

He gave me a sip out of his paper bag.

Oh, Mork.

Look, you shouldn't give away your belongings like that.

Monty Hall does.

Oh...

I saw him give $1,000 to two sweaty avocados.

That's a game show.

Don't you see, that man

took advantage of your generosity.

Mork, you've got to learn how to say no.

Do you understand?

No!

Just practicing.

I'll get it.

No! Nein! Mm-mmm!

No way, baby, not me, mm-mmm.

Hiya, mister.

Would you like to buy some cookies?

No!

How was that?

That was deplorable.

Thank you.

Mork, how could you slam the door

in that poor little girl's face?

Well, she was selling cookies, and I didn't want any.

Mork, nobody wants those cookies.

But you don't, you don't slam the door

in a little girl's face. Oh...

Okay, buster,

so much for the soft sell.

Look, chump, this is for charity, you know.

If you don't buy,

some sweet little kid doesn't go to camp...

Namely me.

And we don't make diddley on these crackers

unless we sell volume.

And we need big bucks.

Am I getting through to you, Bright Eyes?

I'll take a box.

Not good enough. Two boxes.

That wouldn't buy my sweat socks.

Mork, don't get carried away.

I can't; all I've got is three bucks.

You'll owe me the rest.

Mork, you let that little girl trick you out of your money.

Uh-uh, not me.

I played a trick on her.

I've got a dollar left.

Shazbot, it's in my new coat.

But seriously, you know, I met a girl.

Now I'm not going to say she's incredible,

but, you know, yada-yada.

And that was just her head.

What are you doing?

My drum shtick.

Well, you can stay here and play the drum if you want.

I'm gonna beat it. Ha-ha-ha.

Humor.

I got to go to the bank,

so I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

Take as long as you want.

You're in good hands with Orkstate.

Now, that's humor.

I'll see you later.

Oh, excuse me.

Mork, help him out.

Excuse me, what're ya... what the heck you doing?

I'm helping you out.

That's the last time I ever come in here to get warm.

Hold it!

I tell you, you got the wrong guy.

That's a gross prevarication.

Put your hand through here.

I've apprehended you,

and I shall apprehend your partner forthwith.

I'm off to pursue his accomplice.

Keep an eye on this one.

What are you doing?

Keeping my eye on you.

Hey, back off.

I'm in no mood for jokes.

I've had a real crummy day.

Sorry to hear about that.

What happened?

Well, it started off pretty good.

I escaped from prison.

Everything's been downhill since then.

Oh, prison... I know about that.

That's where you get free clothes, free food, no rent.

Sounds better the way you put it.

I really didn't like being in there.

Why did you go?

Well, it's a long story.

As a kid, I was a shoplifter.

Boy, you must be strong.

No, it was mostly small stuff.

And then I started stealing cars,

and they finally caught me, and here I am.

Boy, I feel really bad.

I never stole a car, and here I am, too.

Yeah, I, uh, I wanted to get out one last time

to see my poor sick mother.

You have a mother?

Yeah. Now I guess I'll never see her again.

Choke. Gasp. Look of sincere empathy.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Well, you could get me out of these handcuffs and let me go.

Oh, I'd be glad to.

Every son should see his mother.

Wish I had one, but...

Hey, wait, doesn't that policeman

want you to stay here?

Oh, I'll be back.

Don't worry about that.

You promise?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

You're sure the policeman won't mind?

He won't give it a second thought.

Trust me.

And I'll be back by, say, uh... - 00 tomorrow.

Kay-o.

How did you do that?

It's kind of like a card trick, but I do it with molecules.

That's incredible.

Never mind, uh, uh, thanks, buddy.

Uh, see you around.

Say hi to Mom for me.

That reminds me.

I'm a little short on cash.

Could you loan me ten bucks?

Ten dollars... What do you think, I'm gullible?

Here, here's five.

Get out of here!

Mork, Mork, did you hear what's going on?

A cop is chasing a couple of escaped criminals.

I know. He brought one in here

and tried to tie him up with this metal thing.

Where is he?

I let him go. You what?

I hate to blow my own horn.

Blow your own horn?!

Well, if you insist.

Thank you, baby, thank you.

What's wrong with him?

Oh, the doctor put some drops in my eyes,

and I can't see a thing,

but I'll be back to normal in a couple of hours.

In the meantime, do you want to have some fun?

Let's let go of him

and watch him bump into the wall.

Dad, you're never going to guess what Mork just did.

Uh, do we have to notify next of kin?

A policeman caught an escaped criminal,

and Mork just set him free.

What?

A policeman caught an escaped criminal,

and Mork just set him free!

Well, why in the world

would you release an escaped criminal?

Excuse... uh...

Because he wanted me to!

Stop shouting, stop shouting.

For goodness sakes.

Mork, this is serious.

I don't know why everybody's so upset.

He said he'd turn himself in tomorrow.

He lied to you, Mork.

Oh, I don't think so.

He never lied to me before.

Besides, he said he wanted to get out of prison

to see his sick mother.

And you bought that?

I don't think he'd sell his mother.

Mork, how could you believe that?

I sense that you're mad at me.

Yes, you're getting warmer.

Oh, Mork,

I'm not mad at you.

It's, it's just that you're too trusting.

And that's bad?

It is.

Trust me.

Mork, you see, you let an escaped prisoner get away.

Why, uh, that's a crime.

His cohort got away,

but I presume one jailbird in the hand is worth...

Where is he?

Now, where's who?

The prisoner I had handcuffed right here.

Oh, why, uh, he got away.

Uh, Mork had nothing to do with it.

And I'm an eyewitness to that.

I can understand what you're trying to do.

You're trying to protect me, but I can't let you

take the coat for me.

The rap.

Your planet.

I let your prisoner go.

Young man, what you did wasn't nice.

You released my suspect.

Boy, am I perturbed.

I should strike you about the head and shoulders.

What're you going to do?

I'm taking him in for aiding and abetting

an escaped prisoner.

Oh...

You need these.

Oh, you've been there before, huh?

Don't worry, Mindy. It'll be all right.

He'll come back. I know he will.

Oh, Mork. He was real happy when he left.

Mork,

the judge'll be ready for your preliminary hearing

in about a half an hour.

Thanks, Officer Bob. Sure.

Come on, fellas.

The judge is ready to give you guys your sentences now.

I have a sentence for you.

Uh, vamonos, meshuggeners.

I hate to tell you guys this,

uh, but you got the hanging judge,

and he's in a bad mood.

Have a nice day. Thanks, Mork.

Don't push!

We're going, we're going.

Come along, my brothers.

He's a non-believer.

All we can do is forgive him.

You're going to crowd all of us in this one tiny cell?

Ciao.

Exidor, is that you?

Mork? Is that you?

Where are you?

I'm over here!

Step aside! I can't see!

Ah!

There you are.

Mork, my old friend.

Exidor, why are you in jail?

Religious persecution.

Why are you here?

I set a criminal free.

Why did you do that? That's against the law.

Well, he said he had to get out to see his sick mother,

and he promised he'd be back today.

Excuse me, Mork.

As my dear father would say, you're a pea brain!

But I know he'll come back. He promised.

Mork, the man lied to you,

just as those crummy Venusians lied to me.

I know. You can't trust a man with four lips.

All you get is double-talk.

They promised me they were

coming down to destroy the Earth on Labor Day.

They let me down.

Bummer. Sorry to hear that.

It was then I realized that my faith had been misplaced,

and I began my quest for truth.

I tried Buddhism, Catholicism, Judaism,

Punch and Judaism...

but nothing worked for me

until... I found...

Him! Who?

Mork... I worship...

O.J. Simpson!

Isn't he a football player?

A football player?

Mork, he is the football player.

Tell me, did you ever see the Reverend Ike

streak down the sidelines untouched?

Did you ever see Billy Graham snake over from the two?

Did you ever see Oral Roberts

juke a linebacker out of his socks?

Sure, Moses walked across the Red Sea,

but could he have done it on Astroturf?

Mork, I believe in the Juice.

You, too, can be a born-again Simpson.

Let O.J. show you the way.

Just look at my followers.

Look at the peace and serenity in their eyes.

There's Isaiah... Hi.

Merlin... Howdy.

Too Tall... Whoa...

Bubba... My man.

These, Mork, are my conversions.

Conversions... good for one point.

You know, Mork, before I found O.J.,

I couldn't laugh this easily.

He can do the same for you as he's done for me.

Join us, Mork. Follow us to the Promised Land.

San Francisco?

Yea, verily, Candlestick Park.

Oh, I see... believe, and ye shall bear oranges.

Praise Anita!

Yes!

Mork, I want you to renounce your sins against football.

Exidor, I watched the World Series.

Oh, blasphemy!

The World Series? Baseball is pagan.

Do ten Hike Marys.

And I look up to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Ah, do a hundred push-ups.

And I hate to say this...

I like Howard Cosell.

Let us pray.

Hut, hut, hut!

Amen.

Do you mind not smoking?

This man is having a religious experience.

Are you feeling it, Mork?

No.

Do you feel it now?

No.

Do you feel it...

now?!

Whoa! Praise football!

♪ Give me that old-time football ♪

♪ Give me that old-time football ♪

♪ It's good enough for me. ♪

Sunday in San Francisco.

Some good and glorious happenings.

Can you hear it now?

Tell me, brother.

Now O.J. takes the ball

on the seven now, runs it 30 yards,

but, oh, no, clipping now, clipping now,

can you feel that clipping now? 15 yards, 15 yards.

O.J. takes the ball again, and a hole opens up before him now.

He's on the 50 now, on the 40 now,

on the 30 now, on the 20 now,

on the ten now, and he goes in!

Salvation!

Beg for mercy!

Oh, oh, Mork!

You're a true believer, Mork!

I hate to disappoint you, Exidor,

but I don't have much faith in football,

and O.J.'s just a man,

and football's just a game.

Blasphemy!

Mork... you've just fouled out in the game of life!

May you burn in Buffalo!

Oh, Mork!

Oh, Mork...

Good-bye.

Oh, we tried to bail you out,

but they won't let us until the preliminary hearing.

Bail me out... why, am I leaking?

How was your night in jail?

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Oh, what trouble?

Nobody knows.

Has he showed up yet?

Mork, that guy... He escaped from prison.

Now, why would he want to go back?

Because he said he wanted to see his sick mother.

Oh, his poor sick mother.

When it comes to trust, he's full of it!

He's crazy, you know.

But don't just take it from us.

Excuse me, I have to break up a fight.

Bubba! Too Tall! Break it up!

Huddle on the 15!

I'll be all right.

He promised he'd be back by 2:00.

Well, there's your proof.

It's after 2:30 right now.

It is? Yeah.

But he promised. I did him a favor.

Boy, I really Orked it up this time.

Oh, I guess you've proven your point.

I should never trust anyone anymore.

Sorry I'm late... Mom got thirsty,

so I knocked over a liquor store.

Just kidding. A little slammer humor.

Hi, Mork. Mom says "Hi" and "Thanks".

Oh, you're welcome.

Do I get out now?

No. You still committed a crime...

but due to the extenuating circumstances,

I'll have a dialogue with the adjudicator,

and I think you will be,

as the street people put it, extricated.

I don't understand. Why'd you turn yourself in?

I promised him.

Just because I'm a thief doesn't mean I'm a liar.

I couldn't let him get in trouble for helpin' me.

He's the only one that's trusted me...

except Mom, and she hides her jewelry.

You're late for practice, Whitey.

You know, Dad, maybe we've become too cynical.

Maybe we get what we expect out of people.

There's an old Orkan phrase about that:

"If one cannot trust oneself, then one cannot trust another."

Oh, that's nice. I'm not finished.

"And if one cannot trust another,

"then others cannot trust another,

"and then others cannot trust others,

and finally, who can one trust?"

Uh, does everybody on Ork talk like that?

Well, we don't have sex. We've got to do something.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Hello, this is Orson.

You'll have to call back later,

because I'm out of my mind right now.

If you like, you may leave a message between the two beeps.

Hi, Orson. This is Mork.

I just called to say that...

Hello, Mork. Sorry I was busy.

What were you doing? Taking a meteor shower?

Mork, will you be serious?

Sorry, O Fattest of All Living Things.

This week, I learned about a popular Earth religion.

Believe it or not, some life-forms here

worship O.J. Simpson.

The Juice? Yes, and even the Gentiles.

Is that the only religion on Earth?

No, there's several others, but the main difference

is that football services are held on Sunday afternoon

instead of the morning.

Don't Earthlings need a common belief to unite them?

Oh, they have that.

They all believe they can't trust one another.

Why do they feel that way?

I guess they're afraid of being hurt.

Too bad they don't make football pads for the heart.

This is Mork, signing off from Boulder, Colorado.

Until next week, nanu-nanu.