Original subtitles

Ooh.

to go, Mark.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, or whatever you Orkins do for luck.

Oh, look at all the flowers.

Mark, the room looks beautiful.

I know, man, and not a single mint fly in the bunch.

Oh, Mark.

Titter, titter, blush, blush, blush.

This is so sweet of you to do this for me. But I think you're a little

premature. I'm not even going to know about the newscaster job until this

afternoon. But thanks.

Oh, Mark,

down boy, down boy.

Go ahead, tell her. No, I can't. Oh, tell her, tell her.

Oh, come on, tell her. Oh, I'm cramping up emotionally.

Mark,

I'm going to have to wait for the dramatic conclusion. Oh, wait, just tell

Tell her it's okay.

My three hearts in your two hands.

Don't forget to put it in the oven.

All that love for a hunk of

meat.

I blew my big moment.

I was there.

posed to her. What did she say?

Put the roast in the oven.

So that's where it goes.

Look, you can join me on my crusade.

I'm going to take golf from the rich and give it to the poor.

We'll play in the streets with real hazards, like gang violence and movies.

You've got to help me, please. I mean, you know everything. I mean, you even

know the color of Ronald Reagan's real hair.

Please. How do I propose to Mindy?

Ditch the skirt, Mark.

Dexter, I love Mindy.

Isn't marriage the ultimate commitment, the eternal bond, and besides a wicked

tax break?

Yeah.

It's a blessing. It's barbaric. It's fulfilling.

It's a candy man. It's a Bethany. Oh, stop.

You're both right.

Dexter, please, please, pull out your putter and drive me out of the sand trap

of life under the fair way of love.

Mark.

to propose.

B,

the old -fashioned way.

You charge into our life on a fiery white stallion.

Toss the tomato on the back of the saddle and ride off into the sunset.

I guess the old -fashioned way is always best.

Except when you're having a heart transplant.

Well, then you're stuck with C.

I don't mean to pry, but what's C?

Hmm? C?

Oh, C.

Well, look, I must say that it's a boring choice, but it worked for Prince

Charles. And I look a lot less like Howdy Doody than he does.

This may shock and even nauseate you.

It's all right.

I subscribe to the National Enquirer.

Handsomest man, or the brightest, or the wealthiest man in the world.

But I've got his phone number.

Okay.

Okay. Is he coming yet? Hold on.

Okay.

Mark?

26 ,802 hours. Well,

I didn't get the newscaster job.

But am I bitter?

No.

Mr. Sternhagen said it had nothing to do with my being a woman. It's just that

he needed a short stop for the station's softball team.

Oh,

I've got to get my mind off this.

Lionel, let's go do something fun.

Want to play tennis?

Or we'll do anything you want to do. Oh, I'd love to play Space Invaders. Then

we can go for some pizza and maybe get married.

No, we had Italian food last night.

the greatest attention span.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

You die.

Min,

you know, I've traveled all around the galaxy and I never thought I'd fall for

an earthling.

And, you know, I don't think I know a nicer or kinder being than you.

I love you very much.

Will you marry me?

Men.

Don't check out without the baggage. Men.

Men.

Little pooter.

Men.

Hello, everybody.

Grams, all I did was ask her to marry me, and boom, she's got the personality

lint.

Marry?

Yes, sir.

Marry my daughter? Oh, yes. Thank you for your blessing.

Blessing? I'll give you a blessing.

You wouldn't have a house standing behind a woman wearing glasses, would

Married. You know, I think that we three should have a talk right now. Okay.

I don't think we should neglect Mindy like this.

because basically we're a unit, right?

Okay. Since we're almost family, I can make one exception.

Now, honey, let me see if I can... I can say this

tactfully. Mork is an alien.

He's an extraterrestrial being.

A UFO with legs.

Calm down, Fredzo. You don't mind having that alien sit on your television so

you can bring in 20 extra channels.

A television antenna is one thing. A son -in -law is another.

Don't talk to me about a son -in -law.

Come on, you two.

All right. Technically, we all know Mork isn't exactly human.

But he has a lot more humanity in him than anyone I've ever met.

He's charming. He's sensitive.

And I love him.

Mindy, you loved Oliver, too, but you got over him.

Oliver was a goldfish.

He went belly up.

Will you talk some sense into him, please?

Oh, Mindy, dear, we all love Mort.

Yes, and we don't mind if he still likes to chase cars or sit on his face.

mustn't let love spoil your judgment.

Mindy, any mixed marriage is rough. Yes, but I'm afraid this one is impossible.

Mindy, look at the facts. Mork can never support you.

So I'll be the breadwinner. I want a career.

And what happens to your career if he's transferred to another planet?

I'll commute.

Mindy, think.

Mork is an orcan, and he's aging backwards.

You'll be on Medicare, he'll be on Pavlo.

Dear, you will never be able to have a normal life.

And what about having a family?

The chances are you can't. Oh, Mindy, we don't like to see you cheated out of

having something as precious as children.

Honey, it's your decision.

And we just want you to be realistic.

And sometimes that's the hardest thing in the world.

You know, I always thought my life would be like a Doris Day movie.

Not Barbarella.

How do I weigh what I feel against what I know is logical?

Honey, I think you know exactly what has to be done.

You folks talk a little louder. I can't hear a word you're saying.

This is going to be a lot harder than it was to flush Oliver down the toilet.

She said yes. Oh, hunker, hunker, hunker, hunker.

Me, me, me, me. Oh, yes, me, me, me. Look.

It's a beautiful ring.

Look at the jewels. They're sparkling.

Uh -huh.

They're glittering. Mm -hmm.

They're moving.

Those are little eyes. He's blinking.

Him? It's a lie? Yep.

Don't do that. It's a whiplash.

See, the nice thing... about is if you drop it, he'll follow you home.

Very nice ring, but I can't accept it. You don't want the engagement ring, Min?

Oh, Mark. Min?

It's not the ring.

Seymour, sometimes in life, no matter how much you dream or you wish for

something, it just can't be.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is...

I can't marry you.

Sure, Min. It's a joke, right? Like the volunteer army?

Rejection.

Okay.

You don't want to be Mrs. Mork?

Min, Min, Min.

But, Min, you give me one reason why we can't get married.

Bicker and learn to play canasta for the rest of our lives.

I can't lie to you.

And it really hurts me to have to say this.

But it's because you're an alien.

And?

And... And that's it.

Don't you see? We're from two completely different worlds.

Well, men have never affected like Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier. I mean, or

Pocahontas and John Smith or Mickey Rooney and pick a number.

I mean, come on. I'm not going to give up. No way. Like Luke, I'm stuck on you.

Oh, come on. Deep down inside, you know there's probably a barrier that

shouldn't be crossed.

You said you love me. You know, love me.

You know, L -O -V -E.

I said that and I meant it, but I'm sorry. My mind is made up. Oh, but Min,

mean, you took more time to make up your mind about your bathroom wallpaper.

I think I need more of you than that, don't I?

You do.

We'll just take some time, you know? I mean, just 24 hours.

Please, please, please, oh, please, oh, please.

All right.

Tell you what, tell you what.

It's 11 .59 now.

Tell you what, just because I like what you stand for, even when you're sitting,

I'll give you the extra minute. We'll make it midnight tomorrow night.

Okay, but I can't promise anything.

All right. All right, good night. Good night. And remember, you changed your

mind about the wallpaper.

We never had one.

Well, then I guess we're overdue.

See, I have this really important decision that I have to make in about

hours.

Now, logically, I know what the answer should be, but emotionally, I feel

exactly the opposite.

You've been around for a while.

What do you usually do?

Think with your head or with your heart?

Mindy, a lot of people think of me as...

Just old Jake the cameraman that I care about nothing except staying in focus

and going home early.

They think I don't care about anybody else's problems because nobody cares

mine. Well, you know something?

They're right.

Never did like old Jake.

you off your feet. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I mean, get ready for it. Here we go.

Whoa! Big lunch, men.

This is ridiculous.

No, it's not. It's romantic. We're going to ride off into the sunset.

The sunset four hours ago.

I guess we better haul it then.

A date like that with an Earth man.

You're right there.

Mark, it's almost midnight. I think we should sit down and talk.

There's still enough time for the grand finale.

Mark, you don't need a finale.

Oh, I sure do. Put that tape in the tape recorder down there, please.

This one, Mark, last -ditch effort?

That's it.

Mark, you've given me flowers and perfume and horses. What's left?

I got my hope.

I got the time and the place. And I've got rhythm.

All I need now is a girl to go with.

Hey.

Boy,

they really screwed this game up when they added the ball, man.

Oh, no.

I'm in love with you. Seriously, where are you from?

Yes, I'm in love.

What do I do to make you mine? You know it. Tell me now.

Is it so? Don't let me be the one you know.

Because I want to.

Did I close out of town?

Oh, Mark.

Before I met you, the biggest choice I had to make in my life was whether to

have my hair permed or fix the cat.

This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Well, maybe the decision's been made for you, Min.

I mean, think about it.

I crossed five galaxies and came to this little tiny planet, and of all those

people in the world, you found me and we fell in love.

Coincidence? I say nay.

some infinite intelligence in this cosmos as we peer out and realize that

were meant to be married in all mankind.

I wish I could believe that.

I wish you could believe that too, Mint.

I'll send by Exeter to pick up my clothes.

Why? You don't have to go.

I don't want you to go.

Well, you could go, but the lease is in your name.

Well,

just because we can't be married doesn't mean we have to end our relationship.

I mean, why can't we just go on being the way we are?

I love you.

I couldn't stay here knowing that you'll never be mine.

But it doesn't have to be like that.

Well, if it were the other way around, could you stay?

You know how easily you run down, so don't skip breakfast.

And don't forget to take your fem iron.

You don't want me to go, do you?

Read mine, too.

No. I can read your face.

If I married you, I'd be giving up any chance I might have to have a normal

life.

But if I lost you...

Will

you marry me?

This is so sudden, I'll need some time.

More calling, Orson. Come in, Orson.

More calling, Orson.

Come in, Orson.

More calling, Orson.

Come in, you barrel of the bulgeness. More.

Do you always have to report when I'm eating?

Well, sir, I can wait till you stop, but the Earth's sun does have a limited

lifespan.

After that comment, you'd better have an interesting report.

Well, sir, you're going to decorate me for this one. You see, Mindy and I have

signed up for a full lifetime term in the most noble of all institutions,

marriage. What?

Sir, do I detect a note of jealousy or are you just coughing on a bone?

Mark, no organ has entered into a marriage since our dark ages.

You've broken one of our most fundamental Orkin laws.

Correct the matter at once.

All right, sir. I'll correct the problem. I quit. I abdicate my post for

woman I love.

Mork, you can't abdicate.

I'm giving you an order. Carry it out or else.

Oh, yeah?

I'm marrying Mindy and you just try and stop me.

That's a nice try there, sir.

Don't you understand, though? On Earth, when a man and a woman love each

other... Silence!

The matter is closed.

Until next week, Mork.

Nanu.

Yeah, all right.

The old silent treatment, eh?

I am staying right on this spot until you let me marry Mindy.

I have patience.

I can wait.

I once sat through an entire Bobby Vinton concert.

Thank you.