All language subtitles for Greek S03E17 It 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

Previously on Greek:

Look, I realize
this is awkward.

You said you liked me,
and I didn't remember you.

Then I asked you out
and you blew me off.

Now I see why it's awkward.
For you.

I convinced Rebecca to come
to our Valentine's party.

I want to show the girl who
claims she doesn't believe
in love

how much she means to me.

- Is that from Evan?
- I've decided I like it.

He thinks he
has a future with you.

Don't you think you're
giving Evan the wrong idea

when you don't
feel the same way?

I don't want to get
serious with him.

- How about we go upstairs?
- Oh, my God.

- What about law school?
- I thought about law school,
but it was for a boyfriend.

Maybe you should
consider it for yourself.

If I get into CRU Law and
you find a major that you love

then maybe we could end up
graduating at the same time.

I'm just not sure I'm ready
to graduate and leave here.

- What about you and Casey?
- I don't really know.

- Hmm. Morning.
- Hmm.

Good morning!

Looks like you have
a new Jeremy on your hands.

Right on time, Dumper.

Mardi Gras breakfast beer?

It has zero essential
vitamins and minerals.

Right. Mardi Gras. I'd love to,
but I'm taking the LSAT today.

Are you sure you need that
to get into law school?

The Law School Admission Test?
Yes, I'm sure.

- That will be all, Dumptruck.
- Thank you, sir.

Aw. I remember when you were
a pledge you used to say,

"One day, someone will
wake me up with beer."

- It's as special as I'd hoped.
- We've come a long way.

I'm taking the LSAT, you're
getting beer brought to you

and declaring a major.
We're practically grown up.

- Yep.
- So...

...did you? Fill out your
major declaration form?

- Uh... yes.
- Really?

With three majors. I got so
excited I couldn't stop writing.

At least you're narrowing
down the choices. What are they?

Um, if I tell you,
then they won't come true.

Cap, are you not taking
this seriously?

I swear I am. But today
is about you and your test. OK?

- How are you feeling about it?
- I'm taking your advice.

I'm trying to clear my mind

- and not think
about it too much.
- Always worked for me.

And then you can come by the
Mardi Gras Spectacular

and forget all about it.
Speaking of Mardi Gras,

- there's this tradition
where...
- No way.

It's time for the first
parade of the day!

Go play
with your friends.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Oh, hey,
good luck on your test!

- Remember, don't be nervous.
- I won't be.

Rusty, we're working
in the lab later, right?

Yeah, but I have to leave a
early to help Kappa Tau

set up for our
Mardi Gras party.

Right, your frat world.

Here's hoping you have both
eyebrows in the morning.

I will because I have
a date for the party.

- I'm actually on my way
to meet her.
- Oh, what's her name?

Her name...
Wait a minute.

Is this weird for us
to talk about this?

- Why?
- Because of the whole
nerd auction thing

when you liked me and hated me
all in one conversation.

We're past the
"will they/won't they" hump.

Now we know we won't, it clears
a path for us to be friends.

I guess. I've just never
had a girl friend before.

- That doesn't surprise me.
- I mean a girl, pause, friend.

That doesn't surprise me,
either.

But you should
give it a try.

Sure, why not?
OK, girl-pause-friend,

I'm gonna introduce you
to my date.

You can tell me
what you think.

Let me guess.
Vapid sorority girl?

No. Not exactly.
Hello, Katherine.

Rusty, hi.

- Whatcha reading?
- The latest Franka comic strip.

She's a Dutch sleuth who
takes on the likes of shady
businessmen

- and pirates and smugglers.
- Ooh.

I would share but the
humor doesn't translate.

Katherine, this is Dana.

She is my lab assistant on
my project. And my friend.

- She's also a Space Plasma
Physics major.
- Oh, good for you.

Yeah, I'm fascinated with
the Kinetic Molecular Theory.

- Oh!
- So, Rusty, I picked up
some Mardi Gras masks.

I wanted you to try them on to
make sure they don't overpower
your small head.

- Oh, thanks.
- OK.

- What do you think?
- Well, she's not vapid.

She's great! Great.

There you are!

Are you coming to Dobler's
for Mardi Gras tonight?

Evan is going with Rebecca
and Pete is meeting me

after he gets back from his
lacrosse game in Chicago.

Don't you just love Mardi Gras?
It's the perfect holiday.

It doesn't have the
added romantic pressure

of Valentine's Day or the
unflattering color palette
of St. Patty's Day.

But sometimes you
have to take the LSAT.

Oh, my God!
Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm blabbing on
about parties and boys

when you've got the most
important test of your life.

- Well, not of my life.
- No, you're right.

So just relax. It's like any
other test, only four hours
longer.

Why the hell have I been
designated sober sister
on Mardi Gras?

Because you were the only person
not at the meeting when we did
the vote.

If your meetings weren't
so stupid, I might attend.

Dale, you take such wonderful
care of us here at ZBZ.

- Thank you.
- We would like
to show our thanks

by making you our honorary
ZBZ sober sister tonight.

No can do. I'm going to the
KT Mardi Gras party tonight.

But you don't drink.
Or have fun. What's the point?

It's a perfect opportunity to
show people you can have fun
without drinking.

You saying that
makes me want to drink.

I don't know why
I thought I could study here.

No, but I made you
a study snack.

A fish medley, with blueberries.
It's brain food.

Thanks, but my brain
is already full. Of knowledge.

- Want me to put it
in a to-go box?
- No, no.

I'll eat it.

Hey, Cap. So...

We want to make this Mardi Gras
tradition called a king cake.

You bake a plastic baby
into a cake,

and whoever gets the slice
with it has a lucky year.

- Do it.
- Yes!

This is gonna be a great
Mardi Gras party.

I know. First beads
and now cake.

And I'm bringing
Katherine as my date.

What? I like her. I know,
she's a little strange,

but she's really pretty under
those head bands and pearls.

Have a seat.
Come here.

Spitter, do you know
what Mardi Gras is?

It's French for Fat Tuesday
which is a culmination

of a carnival period beginning
with the Twelfth Night.

Wrong. It's a time when we try
to get girls to show us
their boobs for beads!

- I don't think Katherine's
that type of girl.
- Exactly.

Mardi Gras is about debauchery.
And sex.

You only bring a girl if you
know there's going to be both.

- That's why I'm bringing
your sister.
- I got it.

If you bring a date to this
party, you can't throw beads
at any other girls.

You don't want the first time
you see your date's snack trays

to be the first time
everyone else sees them, too.

I think Katherine
will really love this party.

- She really likes jazz.
- Jazz?

You don't deserve these.

That necklace looks
great on you.

- Are you trying
to get me back upstairs?
- Yes.

See you tonight.

Cal!

Look, I know you're pissed
at me. I don't blame you.

But it's not gonna
happen again.

I pawned my laptop
to pay back the house.

Hmm. What are you
gonna pawn next?

I'll just take on
some more work.

That sucks.
I'm sorry.

Thanks.
It's not that bad.

I made 50 bucks
last night catering.

I'm practically
rolling in it.

Regardless, I just
wanted to apologize.

- Cool?
- Yeah, cool.

Oh, gosh! Oh, goodness.

- Need these?
- Joel! Hi.

What are you
doing here?

Standing around with napkins
waiting for a spill.

- And getting coffee.
- Well, you've come
to the right place for both.

- Thanks.
- Oh, God, this book.

For a while, this was
the bane of my existence.

- How are your nerves?
- Um, you know,
my mind is clear.

Feeling calm, trying not
to think about it too much.

That's impressive. I was such
a mess the week before the LSAT,

I couldn't sleep
or eat for a week.

Me either. People keep
telling me not to be nervous,

and I'm trying to
take their advice.

That'd be nice, but I
don't see how you could.

You're about to take a test
that's the most important factor

- in getting into law school.
- Exactly!

- It's a really big deal!
- The biggest.

So freak out now instead
of freaking out in the test.

OK, because I've put all
of my eggs into one basket,

and if I don't get into
law school then I have nothing.

So, I am... I am
currently freaking out!

- Good for you.
- Oh... my God.

I was trying so hard
not to be nervous,

it was making me nervous.

- Thank you for the help.
- You're welcome. I gotta go.

Another trick that helped
was having a lucky talisman.

I had this sweatshirt I wore
the whole time I was studying.

It got pretty gross at the end,
but it worked.

Can I borrow it?

You don't want to go
to law school that badly.

Dana?

- What are you doing?
- I'm seeing if you need
any help.

Yeah, I'm actually the assistant
and you're the roommate.

What are you
doing here?

Rusty said I could play
with his lab equipment.

- Tell her.
- We're leaving for the
KT party soon anyway.

You can have the
whole place to yourself.

- Right, your big date night.
- Date?

Cappie didn't say anything
about a date. I don't have one

since Retainer Girl left me
emotionally and physically
scarred.

Relax, you do not
need to bring a date.

Apparently.

- OK. That's a relief.
- You can take me.

You want to go
to a fraternity party?

Why not?
As long as you don't mind.

- Why would I mind?
- Great.

Wait, hold on. I haven't
agreed to any of this.

Don't I get a say?

- Let me see your teeth.
- What?

I want to make sure you don't
have any dangerous orthodontia.

Let's see those chompers.
Come on.

No.

All right, fine.
I'll take you.

Hey. What are you
doing here?

I have a few last minute details
I wanted to discuss with you

before this evening.
May we have the room?

What?

Oh. You're serious.

- Totally.
- Yeah, I have some stuff
outside I need to work on.

- What's up?
- Well, I've spent
a considerable amount

of the last four years
focused on my future.

- Yeah?
- And now that I've been
accepted into law school,

and I do not start my summer
internship for two months,

I have a lot of time
on my hands.

I think you are a great person,
and we've had one relatively
successful date,

and I do not want
to go to Yale a virgin,

so I've decided to lose my
virginity to you. Tonight.

- If you're amenable.
- I-I'm flattered.

But we haven't
even kissed yet.

Or learned how to
greet each other.

Clearly, we are
two very smart people.

I am confident that
we can figure it out.

Now, I don't have
any experience in the area,

so I will defer the choice
of prophylactic over to you.

Oh.

OK, let's get
this keg in the truck.

Remember, lift with your back
on the count of three.

- One...
- ...two...

...three!

You got it? You got it?

So, did you figure out that,
uh, Mardi Gras date problem?

Uh, sort of.

- Talk to you for a second?
Just a little thing.
- Yeah. Sure.

Katherine
wants to have sex.

Hey! That's great!
Wait, with you, right?

- Yeah, with me.
- Hey! That's great!

You found the exception to the
"No Date On Mardi Gras" rule:

the "Sure Thing
On Mardi Gras."

Oh, yeah. Sure thing.
It's just that...

- ...she's a virgin.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- You know what?
I actually get that.

It's only our second date and
she already wants to have sex.

If she's a virgin, is she gonna
want to get married by the
third one?

What is it with you
Cartwrights

and your obsession
with the future?

Being here
at school is like Mardi Gras,

and the rest of your life
is like Lent.

You gotta get it all out
before you give it all up.

But I've never been
anybody's first before.

What if I "give it all up" and
I don't meet her expectations?

Are you kidding me?
She's never done it before,

so she has nothing
to compare it to.

I've never thought
about it that way.

Not only do I have a chance
to be her first, I'm guaranteed
to be her best.

You'd have to screw it up
pretty badly not to.

- Real bad.
- Trust me,
this is a good thing, OK?

In fact, I have a little
something for you in honor
of this occasion.

You know,
not too long ago,

you came into Kappa Tau
yourself a virgin,

looking for that first
sexual experience.

And here you are, passing
that wisdom on to some other
fortunate soul.

It's the circle of life.
The circle of sex life.

Come on.

- Whoa.
- Guess what I've got.

- Uh, the new Mariah album?
- Better!

Tickets to Mardi Gras, tonight,
Gentleman's Choice!

Oh. So no Dobler's
with the rest of the house?

No way. This is my
first gay holiday.

OK, easy Captain Fabulous.

Straight people
celebrate Mardi Gras, too.

- Not like we do.
- Good point.

While I was there,
I got a proposition.

To bartend. Apparently they're
expecting such a huge crowd,

they need extra help.

I could make $500 prancing
around without my shirt on.

- Wait, did you say $500?
- Yeah.

But instead I'm choosing
to prance around you

- with my shirt off for nothing.
- Aw. That's sweet.

But just so you know,
I'm gonna keep my shirt on.

OK. But no pants.

Hey, I thought you were
off taking your test.

Uh, I need a
lucky charm for the LSAT.

I was going to bring
Pussy-Willow the Seventh,

but that seemed
unprofessional,

so I'm going with the purple
hair tie I use to study.

- As soon as I find it.
- Purple. On it.

While we're looking,
mind if I ask you a question?

- What's up?
- I was supposed to go
to Dobler's with Pete,

but the lacrosse team decided to
stay in Chicago for Mardi Gras.

I'm sad that we're not
gonna be together,

but I don't want him
to think I'm some needy girl.

I'm super bummed that
we're not gonna be together,
but I get it, so...

Casey, how do I feel?

You've only been dating
for a short time,

and up until now
he's given you no reason
to doubt his character.

How you react to this
will set a precedent.

- OK.
- A measured response is best.

Text, but don't call.
Be cool, but not cold.

Tell him your preference
is that you wish he were here,

but you understand
his situation

and hope he has
a fun time with the team

while also thinking about the
great time he could be having
with you.

If he doesn't find a way
to get back to Cyprus tonight,

- then res ipsa loquitur!
- Ooh.

- Is that Harry Potter talk?
- It's lawyer talk

- for "the thing
speaks for itself."
- Fancy.

That was the most
perfect answer ever!

I know! I am going
to ace this test

and go on to kick some
Washingtonian ass!

As soon as I find
my lucky hair tie.

Yes!

- Hey, you got a sec?
- Yeah.

- Ramen noodles?
- I used to judge people
for eating this stuff.

But it's delicious
and in my price range.

OK, what would you say
if I told you

I knew of a way
for you to make

a whole lot of money
for one night's work.

I'd say you want
to harvest my organs.

No. Gentleman's Choice needs
a little extra help tonight.

Oh. You want to
harvest that organ.

I understand if
you're not interested.

No, it's that I told Rebecca
that we'd hang out tonight.

I'd feel bad if I just bailed
on her, last minute like that.

You could make enough
to buy back your laptop.

- In one night?
- Gays spend money on Mardi Gras
like grandmas at Christmas.

All right,
yeah, I'm in.

- All right.
- Just do me a favor,
let's keep this between us.

Rebecca does find it charming
that I don't have any money,

but her opinion'd probably
change if she found out
that I stole from the house.

That'll be between you, me
and all the gay men of Cyprus.

OK.

Coming through!

Hey! Got your message
about your hair thing.

I told the guys to
pretend like you're not here

so you can go about your
business in peace and
get out of here sober.

Thanks, Cap. I'm actually
feeling pretty good,

even though it's one of
the biggest days of my life.

It's kind of a big day
for both Cartwrights.

- Why? What's Rusty doing?
- Nobody.

Rusty?

Did you tell her
about Katherine?

- No. But you just did.
- What's going on
with Katherine?

- Nothing.
- Did you do something lame
to piss her off?

No. Even if I did,
it's none of your business.

Russell Alan!

Fine. If you must know,
Katherine and I

are gonna have sex tonight.
Happy?

No! I am not happy. And frankly,
I'm feeling a little sick.

You two are allowed to date,
be cute, maybe hold hands,

- but no sex.
- First of all,
that's not up to you.

Second, it wasn't even my idea.
She came to me.

Apparently she's a virgin
and wants me to be the one who,

- you know, changes that.
- That is not a good idea.

If it goes badly, she's gonna
want to talk to me about it

and then I'll have to
cut off my ears.

It's not gonna
go badly because

she doesn't have
anybody to compare me to,

so there will be
no expectations.

- I taught him that.
- No expectations?
Are you two crazy?

She's had 21 years to
build up her expectations.

She's not some normal girl
who only learns about sex from
teen vampire movies.

We're talking about Katherine.
She reads.

You're competing with Robert
Pattinson and Lady Chatterley's
Lover.

Oh, I read that book.

All right, I saw
it on Skinemax.

You know, I don't have time
for this. I'm about to
step into my future.

So, if I were you,
I'd seriously rethink this.

Yes!

This will commence the Logical
Reasoning portion of the test.

You have 35 minutes,
starting now. Good luck.

It's OK to be nervous.

"The government chose not to
require warnings on products

containing caffeine because
if the findings were refuted,

the government would
lose credibility.

Which of the following
is suggested by the above?

A) A warning that applies
to a small population
is inappropriate?

B) Few people drink more than
six cups of coffee a day?

Or C) Cappie won't
declare a major?"

Focus, Casey!

Why hasn't Cappie
declared a major?

I mean, I knew what
I was getting into,

but is he ever
going to leave CRU?

Why would he lie to me?
And, oh, my God,

why is that guy tapping
his foot?

Hey! The next parade
theme is...

...people with cups!

Follow me! Whoo!

You may not
be aware of this,

but Mardi Gras originated
in Mobile, Alabama,
not New Orleans.

In 1830 by the Cowbellion
de Rankin Society.

Nobody likes
a know-it-all, Dana.

Looks like somebody's shirking
their sober sister duties.

Excuse me for a minute.

What's that?

- Oh, um, it's silly.
- I just find I'm at my best

when I have a schedule made
for the day's activities.

- Is "have sex" on there?
- There's a window.

You know, I read somewhere that
a woman's first time is never
really the best.

In CosmoGirl? Yes.

I have been doing
this research, too.

Albeit in magazines geared
toward a younger demographic.

Apparently most people
my age are no longer virgins.

I just wanted to make sure

that we have the same
expectations about that.

- In terms of positions?
- No, I mean...

...who did you imagine when
you pictured your first time?

Well, I always thought
Al Gore was very hunky.

Al Gore? Really?

I know he's not really
an option. He's married, and...

...he has a very busy
speaking schedule.

What?
So I like smart bad boys.

Well, at least it
wasn't Robert Pattinson.

Who?

I can't believe
we're here.

We'll just stay long enough to
congratulate Casey on her test.

- Mardi Gras!
- Yes, thank you.

I was supposed to be
at Dobler's with Pete.

And I was supposed
to be with Evan.

Aw, look at you,
all lovey-dovey.

It's ridiculous that he has
to work an emergency medical
conference on Mardi Gras.

- What do you say, ladies?
- Go ask a Tri Pi!

Whoa! Oh, oh!

Rebecca, you look
really great tonight.

- Was that too far?
- No. It was really nice of you.

I was gonna suggest
we go up to my room,

but I didn't because
that would be going too far.

And you expecting me to have sex
with you as a reward for not
going too far

is going too far.

- So we're not having sex?
- Bye, Beav.

Yes, these lovely and elegant
beads can be yours...

- We're outta here.
- We can congratulate
Casey later.

OK, well, we'll talk.
All right? Yes!

I thought you said
I'd make a lot of money.

Maybe the guys are getting
a straight vibe from you.

What?

I'm just admiring
how great you look.

- You could just use one minor
adjustment here.
- Really?

Yeah. It's Mardi Gras.
Just go for it.

All right.
Gay men of Cyprus, look out!

Hmm-hmm.

I think I know
what my problem is.

- Oh! What are you doing?
- I'm advertising.

Can I have a beer?

This is
so much better.

No one will
objectify us here.

And look at all the cute,
shirtless gay boys!

OK, dancing.

Um, twice in one day?

- What brings you down here?
- I wanted to see how you did.

That's so nice, but you didn't
have to come all this way.

I know I didn't have to.
I wanted to.

- So?
- I did OK, I guess.

It was hard to concentrate
for so long.

Some life stuff
tried to seep into my head.

But your advice definitely
helped. So, thank you.

Good.
These should help, too.

- Oh!
- It's what I wanted
when I was done.

Thought you might be
feeling the same way.

The cookies are because
you probably haven't eaten
in a week,

and the Scotch is because
that's what lawyers drink.

- Right.
- And, well,
because it's Scotch.

- So, you got plans?
- Oh, um...

I'm supposed
to go to this party.

You know what?

The party's not
going anywhere.

Good. I was hoping
you would say that.

Hey, Spitter. It's like being
on Bourbon Street, isn't it?

Yeah.

We may need more Bourbon.

So, how's it going
with Katherine?

Really good.
We're in the "free party time"

of tonight's schedule.

She's in the parade
for people from Wisconsin.

Have you seen your sister?

No, I thought she
was supposed to be here

- after her test, though.
- So did I.

I need to talk to her
about something.

Don't worry,
I'm sure she'll show up.

- It's Mardi Gras!
- Yeah, it's Mardi Gras.

- I need to get another beer.
- Yeah!

Hey, how's it going
with you guys?

- Great.
- She's a delight.

Go for Dale.

No, you're
looking for Laura.

She's the sober sister
tonight. I'm Dale.

- What's your name?
- Dale!

- Laura gave me your number!
- What do you mean
she gave you my number?

All right, who still
hasn't seen 'em?

- Not on my watch.
- Ready?

All right, all right.
Show's over.

- So how's it going with Dale?
- Dale? Dale's great.

So what's up with
you and Katherine?

- Things are going pretty well.
- How well?

You're my
girl-pause-friend, right?

- Definitely.
- OK.

Then, I'll tell you.

Katherine and I are
gonna have sex tonight.

Wow, sex! Wow, I didn't know
you guys were that serious.

We're not. This is
only our second date.

- Oh, so you're that guy.
- What guy?

No, she came to me.
This wasn't even my idea.

She's the one who wants
to lose her virginity.

And you're taking
her virginity no less. Wow.

Is sex just some sort of
insignificant transaction
to you?

Wait a minute, she's not
making a big deal out of this.

- Why should I?
- That just proves it
right there.

You not thinking that it's
a big deal makes you a dog.

I am not a dog. She's the
one with the schedule!

Oh, then hi-five
on that, bro! That's... great.

- I didn't think I liked Scotch.
- What do you think now?

- I think I like Scotch.
- Hmm.

This is exactly
what I needed.

I know. I remember.

Walking out of that test,
I was mush.

I didn't even have the brain
capacity to count to ten.

- Now, you don't need to.
- Hmm.

Wow. I can't believe
I was able to steer clear

of all the
Mardi Gras madness.

- It's Mardi Gras already?
- Oh, right.

You're probably above all
the crazy partying stuff.

Me? Are you kidding?

Back in the day I would've
passed out, sobered up,

- then passed out again by now.
- You?

- Hmm-hmm.
- Does Congressman Paymer
know about this?

No. And she also doesn't
know that, as an undergrad,

I streaked the Michigan/Ohio
State football game.

- In November.
- No way!

Stadium cops threw me
in the football jail.

I swore that if I
ever got out of there,

I was gonna earn a law degree

and fight for streaker
rights everywhere.

Well, it is important
to have dreams.

Hmm.

So, no more wild days
like that?

I guess at some point
you realize you've
been there, done that.

And you start to find
other things interesting.

Oh.

- King cake?
- No, thank you.

I don't eat at
fraternity parties.

But it's got
a baby in it!

- Hey!
- This is gonna be my
third trip to the ZBZ house

- since Laura's gone wild.
- Let me ask you something.

Do you resent Sheila
for taking your virginity?

Uh, I don't think so.
I mean, I know it ended badly,

but I think, on some level,
I wanted it to happen.

- But you gave up God.
- True, but in the end
I came back to him.

Here come the weeble-wobbles.
Let's get you girls home.

Hey. What are you
still doing here?

Thought you were
on a sex schedule?

Or, should I say,
a sexedule?

I don't know what
I'm doing anymore.

You're preparing to have sex.

Do I need to walk you
through this again?

Does taking Katherine's
virginity make me a dog?

On the contrary.
It makes you a college student.

A very lucky
college student.

This evening, tonight,
is what college is all about.

Look around you.
This is a magical place.

It's not gonna get
any better than this.

Look, all you have to
think about is whether or not

- it feels right to you.
- Hmm-hmm.

Don't let other people
get in your head about it.

Just be your own
moral compass.

- Beads! Beads!
- Wait a second.

There's no way Anthony
Hopkins should have
more beads than me!

Oh, you don't
think I'll do it?

I will do it! Whoo!

Whoa, too far! Too far.
But thank you.

Oh, dude! You look just
like my friend... Ashleigh!

You thought I was
a drag queen, didn't you?

No.
What are you doing here?

We were at the KT house,
but got tired of getting
ogled by frat guys.

- Uh, nice.
- Yeah, I'm getting my gay on.

- It's about time!
- Wait a minute, you said "we."

- Who are you here with?
- Rebecca. She's over
at the bar.

Yo, dance with
Ashleigh for a second.

Yeah!

Excuse me. I'm not just saying
this because it's Mardi Gras,

but you are hot.

- You know I'm a girl, right?
- And I'm straight.

Hey, man! Look at this!

All it took was a little
blatant nudity. Who knew?

Yeah, well, you might want to
cover up because Rebecca's here.

- I guess the jig is up.
- What are you gonna do?

Have a little fun on Mardi Gras.

What's your name?

- Stranger in a bar.
- Oh, no complications, huh?

Why not?
It is Mardi Gras.

- What can I get you guys?
- Two cosmos.

What are you doing?

Oh, hey, thanks
for the party, dude.

See you in the lab.

Hey, I don't know what your
problem is, but I am not a dog.

I've been navigating
by my own moral compass.

- If you say so.
- I do.

- Why do you even care, anyway?
- Because I like you. Duh.

Again? But you told me at
the nerd auction you don't.

I tried to ask you out
and you turned me down.

You know, for a smart guy
you sure are dumb.

I mean, look at all the signs
I've been giving you.

Like insulting my character?
Calling me a dog?

No, like getting dressed up,
putting make-up on.

Do you know that I even
wore these stupid heels

because I calculated
our height difference,

and knew these would
facilitate eye-to-eye contact.

Your math was perfect.

After all the time we've
spent together in the lab,

how can you not see it?

We have a great time,
we have so much in common.

We just make sense.

So you don't want to be
my girl-pause-friend?

Never mind.

- Dana!
- Rusty?

It's time.

I used to be able to
put away a whole bag of these.

- Oh, right.
- No, seriously,
I was a fat little kid.

Well, you certainly
grew out of that stage.

So the test. There were a lot
of really tough questions.

Hmm, it's over now.
Next stop, law school.

And you didn't even have
to streak a football game.

I know. Oh! Oh!
I almost forgot.

My lucky talisman.

I was going to go with
Pussy-Willow the Seventh,

but they won't even let you
bring a phone, so...

I hope it worked.

- I can't.
- Oh.

- No, it's just...
- You've got a boyfriend,
don't you?

I'm sorry, Casey. I wouldn't
have done that if I'd known.

No. No, it's my fault.
I should've been more up-front.

It's OK.
I should get going.

I do have one last logical
reasoning question for you.

Why would a girl spend
an evening with a guy

and not tell him
she has a boyfriend?

Good thing
that wasn't on the test.

Goodnight, Casey.

- That was weird.
- Not what I imagined your
medical conference to look like.

Uh, no, I meant you kissing
a guy right in front of me.

Come on. He was a
gay guy in a gay bar.

- It's not a big deal.
- It's a big deal to me.

- I want to be
exclusive with you.
- Why?

That's not exactly the
response I was expecting.

Because I care about you,
that's why.

I care about you, too.
But that doesn't mean

- we need to be exclusive.
- Well, what does that mean?

Wait a minute. You mean
you haven't been exclusive?

When? With who?

- Was it Cappie?
- No.

- Well, then who was it?
- It doesn't matter.

- Look, Evan, I'm sorry...
- I can't believe this!

Do you have any idea
why I'm working here?

To pay back money that I stole
from my own house to buy you
that necklace.

I never asked you
to do any of that.

I've always been
honest with you.

I'm not the kind of girl
who's gonna have

an ordinary relationship.

That's something
you've talked yourself into.

Love doesn't work.

And you trying to force this on
me is what's screwing this up!

No, you screwing this up
is what's screwing this up!

You can hide behind
that crap all you want to,

but we both know that
it's just a lame excuse!

You're afraid!

This is why we should've
just been a one-night stand.

Want to know why you
don't believe in love?

Because you're heartless.

Hey, what's going on?
Is everything OK?

Yeah, take her home.

Hello.

- Wow.
- I watched 9 1/2 Weeks.

Apparently men find it erotic
when women wear dress shirts.

I am prepared
to dance for you.

You know what? Maybe we
should just get comfortable.

OK. OK.

I can't believe I'm
finally getting this over with.

Oh.
OK, did it already happen?

"Get this over with?"

That sounds like
some sort of transaction.

Well, I suppose,
in a way, it is.

I'm not so sure
I want to be

someone you just
get this over with...

- ...with.
- Are we not doing this?

I wish I was a bad boy.
I wish I was Al Gore.

But I'm not. I'm sorry.

Thank you, Dale.

You are the best
sober sister ever!

I know. Remember to
vote for my raise

at the next
chapter meeting.

- What are you doing?
- I want you to have something.

- Show your butt. Nice.
- Those are my favorites.

Let's go.

Dale... and Laura?

- Hey.
- Hey!

You're just in time for
the final parade of the evening.

Mardi Gras!
Parade, Pledge! Parade!

Hey. Oh, get that
girl some beads!

There were better ones.
So, how'd the test go?

Um, OK. There was one logic
question that tripped me up.

Oh, what was it?

I saw the form.

Why did you lie to me?
Why didn't you tell me that

you're nowhere close
to picking a major?

I just didn't want to distract
you before your test.

Well, that didn't
really work out.

OK, I'm sorry,
I screwed up.

But the truth is, I didn't
fill it out because...

...I'm not ready to graduate.

I didn't tell you because
you've been putting so much
pressure on me.

I don't want to pressure you,
but this changes things.

I thought we were past this,
and I could finally see

some sort of future together,
but instead you lied to me?

Even though we said we could
talk to each other
about anything.

I almost kissed
another guy tonight.

What?

Yeah, Joel came to see
how I did and he brought Scotch

because that's what
lawyers drink, and...

...but nothing happened. I just
don't know what your plan is,

so I don't know what my plan is,
and it drives me crazy.

I don't want a plan. I just know
I'm not ready to graduate.

- Ever?
- Maybe.

I'm gonna stay
at the ZBZ house.

Happy Mardi Gras.