All language subtitles for Greek S03E07 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

Previously on Greek:

Just putting some of these
things in storage.

You know, until me and God
work some of our issues out.

You talked to Cappie?
What about?

You.

We're looking for a new usher,
if you know of anyone.

I know a guy.

Hey, I'm Lana.

How do you two
know each other?

Fight Club.

Well, before Nate left,
he told me that you

and some guy in an Iron Man Audi
told him to stay away from me.

Evan has an Iron Man Audi.

I'd be more likely
to hang out with Iron Man.

- She offered me an internship.
- In New York.

I can't believe
that you're really going.

I'm sorry.

Well, I'm sorry too.

"What are you wearing,
Lord Doom?"

"My imperial cloak
of darkest evil.

Commando style. And you?"

So that's when I said,
"Polymer? I barely know her."

Good one, Rus.

Rusty? And... Jordan?

Oh, hey.

For a second I thought Jordan
realized what a horrible mistake
she made quitting school...

- Is that Dale?
- Hey, Jordan!

- I thought you two broke up.
- We did.

We're just catching up.
Oh, cool.

Isn't technology great?

I, myself, may have actually
started a little cyber liaison
dangereuse of my own.

It was getting
pretty NC-17 in there.

OK, Dale.

Jordan, as an atheistic former
virgin, I'm free to pursue every
urge and desire.

It's practically expected of me
to be loose with my morals and
my genitals.

Can you please not talk about
your genitals in front of my
girlfr... My friend, Jordan.

It's OK. I have to run,
go get lunch with people.

Bye, Jordan.

People? Who?

Some people I met
in my building.

You've been there a week and
you already made friends?
That's great.

Yeah, they're so much fun.
Marci is a film student.
She's super creative.

And Kelly is an intern
at a PR firm. And there's Eric.

Oh and Kelly's roommate
Jane is in urban planning.
She's hilarious.

That's great.

So Eric...

Is he like, the fun gay guy
in the group?

No, Eric's straight.

Is this weird? Do you not want
to hear about this stuff?

No, it's fine. It's not like
this is a long-distance
relationship.

I said that wouldn't work
and you agreed.

OK, so do you wanna
do this again, like next week?

Uh, sure.

Next week's great.

It's great, yeah.
All right, bye.

Wow, sounds like somebody's
having a good time.

Speaking of a good time,
Vampira69 awaits.

The coffee dates have been
great. I think we're in
a good place now.

That's exciting! So Fisher's
officially off probation?

Once again, he is a full
citizen of the United States
of Ashleigh!

It's like the whole kissing
Rebecca thing never even
happened.

I'm happy for you guys,
it's so great when...

There he is!
Get down! Get down!

What?!

Is that Cappie with him?

That's Sam from Theta Pi.

OK, so can we please take
a break from our daily stalking?

- Staking-out.
- Stalking of Cappie and Evan.

Why do you care
so much anyway?

How could I not?
It's Cappie and Evan.

If they're hanging out
and protecting me from
Nate-types, I wanna know.

Do you think they
could be friends again?

Well, if they are, why did
Cappie say that Nate was wrong?

Why all the secrecy?

That's what I'm trying
to find out.

Wait, where did Evan go?
We're on the move! Let's go!

Do you even take classes
here anymore?

Hey, Evan,
Are you heading out

with cleaning supplies?

Uh, no. Uh-uh. I'm staying in.
Getting a jump on spring
cleaning.

Isn't that what
pledges are for?

It is, yes. But we...
we're teaching by example.

"Cleanliness is next
to Godliness."

And you don't want
to piss off God!

Uh, anyway,

I've been thinking lately.
A lot.

Do you remember
Dry Weekend?

Barely, yeah. Did we really eat
Cheesaritos and whipped cream?

We sure did.

Do you remember how you said
that you and Cappie talked
about me?

Oh, uh...

Case, like I said before,

- I really didn't mean
to mess you guys up.
- I know.

I'm just wondering
how it all happened.

Did he approach you?

Did you approach him?

I hope you're not over-analyzing
this whole thing

'cause, God, I really wish
I hadn't said anything.

It just seems like an awfully
personal conversation

to have between two guys
who hate each other.

Well, you know,
Cappie and I were really drunk.

You know how booze works.

One minute you're fighting, the
next minute you're best friends.

The minute after that you're
puking and then back
to fighting again.

And that's it?

And that's it.
Sorry, Case.

I really need to show
these pledges

how to use a broom,
so...

Oh, yeah, well, OK.

Um, yeah, happy sweeping.

She already
has friends in New York?

What, do they sit around
Central Perk and talk about
what to name Rachel's baby?

Stop torturing yourself. You're
the one that ended it because
of the long-distance thing.

I know. It was
the right decision.

Yeah, well, maybe you should
stop talking for awhile.

You're just making it harder
for yourself to move on.

Any relationship over
a computer is not real.

Tell that to Lord Doom.

Hey, my virtual relationship
with Vampira69 is real.

No relationship's perfect.

Look at you and Grant.

Oh, why? Because we're gay?

No, not at all.

I'm an atheist now,
I say, do 'em if you got 'em.

I meant the sneaking around.
That's not exactly ideal.

I don't really like it,
but at least we took our
relationship to the next level,

if you know what I mean.

Do 'em if you got 'em.

How about you both get out there
and meet some real live girls?
Let's go out tonight.

I guess it is my duty
to bump uglies in r.l. now.

That's "have sex
in real life."

Yeah, I got it. Thanks.
C'mon, Rusty.

Yeah, let's drop it like
it's hot with some shawties.

All right. Let's do it.

When did you become T-Pain?

I'm going through
a lot of changes.

So... what do you wanna
do tonight, boyfriend?

Well, I don't know, what do you
want to do, girlfriend?

That sounded weird, didn't it?

- Yeah, it did a little bit.
- Mm-hm.

It has to be something awesome
for our first date as
a back-together couple.

Mm-hmm.

How about the Ohio River
Comic-Con, in Cincinnati?

Yeah, yeah,
that sounds like fun.

Oh, I was kidding.

Comic books
and Cincinnati?

Nah.

Well, we could...
go ice skating?

We could, but I just went with
some of the sisters last week.

- Oh, right. Yeah, I knew that.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God. Clueless
is playing at the Titan.

I've never seen it
in a theater!

You hate that idea.

No. No, I've actually
never seen it.

You've never seen Clueless?
And you're a film major?

I thought
CRU had a good program.

You're right.
We should go. Let's go.

OK! Great. So should I just
meet you at the theater?

Or I could
pick you up here.

That's what we used to do
before, right?

Oh, right. Duh.
Just like it used to be.

Yep.

We might have a problem.

I know, you missed
a spot, Chambers-maid.

We can't pay our respects
tomorrow night

to the cremated remains
of the original Amphoras
in a dirty lair. Apparently...

No, no,
I'm talking about Casey.

I think she's
onto our secret friendship.

- She talked to you
about that, too?
- Yeah.

She tried that on me
at Dobler's.

So, what should we do?

Do you think we should just
tell her things are different
between us?

Down here they are.

Down here?
"Down here it's our time."

Ah, Goonies, nice.
That line holds up.

Wow. I can see myself in your
200-year-old walnut.

Well, you know what they say:
"Cleanliness is next
to Godliness."

And you don't wanna
piss off God.

Oh, was that supposed
to be a joke?

Yes, I took a well-known
phrase and I spun it...

Explaining it doesn't
make it any funnier.

Anyways, these Amphoras seem
to take this whole secret
society thing really seriously.

- They will kick us out.
- Rules are rules. Right?

- We just keep denying. Casey'll
have to give up eventually.
- OK.

It's a text
from our mutual friend.

"Evan told me everything.
Meet me at the Stairs
at eight to discuss."

She'll give up eventually?

Pesky times
call for pesky measures.

- I'm so ready for this.
- We're gonna tear it up!

Guys, no.

Uh-oh, check it out.
Streetwalker fishnets,
at your nine o'clock.

I thought I felt
some hungry eyes.

It's just 'cause I'm gay. Trust
me, gay guys go over bigger than
glow sticks in the club world.

No offense, R-man, I think
you're cramping my style.
I'm gonna go in, OK?

- Excuse me, fellas.
- Get out of here.

I don't know
about this, Calvin....

- Hi.
- Your friend over there
said I should come say hi.

Oh, Calvin?
He's my gay friend.

I'm not gay, though.
I love girls. And I can
prove it to you.

No, thank you.

Impressive.
So I guess you got my text?

Case, you can't tell anybody.

I knew it!
Why all the secrecy?

If our enemies find out
that me and Evan are
vigilante crime fighters

who protect the people
of Cyprus from the dark forces
of evil and corruption,

we'll be so screwed.

You're messing with me.

Ah, there's my partner now.

Reclusive boy billionaire
Evan Chambers. Hey, Chambers!

He's so good at pretending
he's mad at me, I almost
believe it myself.

Tell Casey that we're
a stealth crime fighting team.

Wha...? Hey!

That is hilarious. Really.
Did you put him up to this?

OK, I get it.

Evan, come on, she knows.

Let's use that. She could be the
Gwyneth to our Robert Downey!

The Michael Caine slash Morgan
Freeman slash Katie Holmes

slash Maggie Gyllenhaal
to our Christian Bale!

You can stop now.

Yeah, get out
of my way, Crappie.

Guys, come on!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Oh, my gosh!

Uh, guys...

Guys, hey!

Cappie!

Uh-oh.

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

Get off!

Oh!

- You guys!
- Get off me.

Hey! Go, go, go, go!
Come on.

Come on, guys!

- Help me.
- Stop!

So, what'd you think?

Are you kidding?
What'd you think?

Well, I'm just
gonna say it.

I think Clueless is one
of the greatest movies
in the history of movies.

That's is what
I was thinking.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.

The music and the clothes

and the... make-overs,
come on, it's a classic.

I have the greatest idea.

You should show it
at your film club.

At my film club?

Clueless,
it's a great idea.

Yeah, I could pitch it
at tomorrow night's screening.

We're watching this old
Ingmar Bergman classic,
Wild Strawberries.

Oh! Hey, you should totally
come. Only if you want to.

Oh. OK. No, I love old movies.
I've seen Tootsie, twice.

So, what do you
wanna do for dinner?

- I could go for some pizza.
- Anything but pizza.

- Let's do pizza. Oh, yeah.
- Are you sure?

- Absolutely. I love that idea.
- OK, me, too.

OK.

So maybe Electric Rage
was the wrong step

into the single world
for you.

- I'm not so sure
there's a right step.
- Come on, we just...

We gotta keep getting you out
there and you'll be moving on
from Jordan before you know it.

What was that?

Vampira69 just told
a Twilight joke

that would make
your ears bleed.

Dale, I thought it was
your duty to have sex.

You can't have sex
with a computer.

Not real sex,
face-to-face.

It's pronounced "F2F".
And I know, but that's
about to change.

Vampira69 just told me she
wants to meet in person tonight,

at the, uh, Ohio River
Comic-Con in Cincinnati!

Tonight?
Well, let's all go.

Maybe the problem with the club
was it just wasn't your crowd.

Dude, comic book conventions
are crawling with hotties.
Everybody knows that.

Yeah. No, they don't.

We're talking skin-tight
cat suits, man.

Skin-tight.

With great power,
comes great responsibility.

See? Dork talk.
They are gonna love you.

It was like
the most polite date ever.

At one point, I thought Fisher
was gonna take off his sweater
and cover a puddle for me.

Didn't you take him
off probation?

I did. So why does it
feel so off?

You guys will find
your rhythm. Don't worry.

At least you weren't beating
the crap out of each other.

Oh, right,
the big KT-Omega Chi brawl.

Give me details.
I heard someone pulled a shiv.

There was no shiv-pulling
or pushing.

Wait, what's a shiv?
Whatever.

All my sleuthing made them
hate each other more.

I'm like the worst
detective ever.

Oh, stop it.
Remember Inspector Gadget?

He needed a dog
and a ten-year-old girl
to solve anything.

I just really wanted it
to be true.

Why?
Is this about Cappie?

It's clear there are
still feelings there

since every time you're around
him you turn into the female
Hugh Grant.

How I feel about Cappie
is kind of irrelevant

since he's off
with that Fight Club girl.

- And what about Evan?
- We're friends.

And that's what I wanted all
of us to be, like freshman year.

When Evan and Cappie and I
hung out together, it was...
everyone was happy.

And my Ugg boots
were still in style.

It was a good time.

Maybe someday you three
will get that back.

Hmm. Regardless, I owe them both
a wildly humiliating apology.

Hey, Dale. There's a Q&A via
satellite with Q from Star Trek.

Not bad, Cincinnati.

Is that the guy who reads
the Bible to you before
you go to bed?

I'm excited for Q. Not God.

Are you nervous?

I'm just going over
some opening lines

so I'm ready
when I meet somebody.

Hey.

Yeah, we're just on the road.
I'm here with Rusty and Dale.

Rusty, say hi to Grant.

Hey, Grant.

Hey.

Aw, that's sweet.

Yeah, I miss you too.

♪ Share the secret
that won't stand by ♪

♪ When touching you
is nothing new ♪

♪ What goes on
behind those eyes ♪♪

Me?

Are you going to Comic-Con?

Yeah. Are you?

Uh, guess it's pretty obvious.

Find me there, OK?

Lord Doom is ready
for Comic-Con!

Oh, yeah! Comic-con, baby!

Case, got your text.

Just making sure there's
no Omega Chi waiting
to ambush me this time.

I think you're safe. I got you a
beer to make up for my meddling.

Well, in that case, Case,
meddling forgiven.

How're you feeling?

Nothing a little
drinking won't heal.

I'm sorry, Cap. I can't believe
that I thought you and Evan
could be friends again.

Yeah, a little bit of a
hair-brained scheme there, Lucy.

Me and Chambers? Not gonna
happen. Way too much baggage.

It would've been nice,
though, if I were right.
Don't you miss freshman year?

The three of us, hanging out
in the dorm. It was fun.

It was pretty fun.

But, the past is the past.

You can't change it,
and you can't go back.

I guess so. You gotta keep
moving forward, right?

How are things with Lana?

- ♪ None of which
are real at all ♪
- Lana? Oh, um, good.

- She's cool.
- She seems cool.

I'm happy for you.

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ Look at me,
I'm getting older ♪

Well, thanks for the beer.

You off?

To sweep some chimneys?

I was just doing a little
tidying up at the KT house.

Cleaning? At KT?
Has that ever happened before?

First time for everything.

"Cleanliness is next
to Cappie-ness."

And you do not want
to piss off Cappie.

See ya, Case.

Oh, my God.

- Nice.
- That's how it's done.

Hey, guys. Everyone decent?

Ashleigh,
to what do we owe this...

...obscenely large
fruit basket?

We are delivering fruit baskets
to every house on campus.

Just a little ZBZ goodwill
for what seems like
the longest semester ever.

No Cheesaritos?

No. Sorry, Beav.

Enjoy!

Thank you.

Do we just play around it?

- Like putt-putt?
- Yeah.

- Yeah. Uh.
- Ah.

- Hey.
- Shhh.

I really can't believe you
talked me into this.

Corner pocket is your
home, seven. Go to your home!

What makes you think they're not
gonna look inside the basket?

The only fruit the KTs
consume is used to flavor vodka.

Can you believe
I fell for that fight?

They must've told their
houses to fake the fight
to throw me off the scent.

Diabolical.

Oh,
you sucking suck-sucker!

That seems a little
needlessly complicated.

And a tad egotistical
on your part.

Hey, why are
kittens called kittens?

They're little cats. Shouldn't
they be called "cat-tins"?

So this is what fraternity guys
talk about when no one's
listening?

Hey, do you think
Ashleigh was acting a little
strange?

- Whatever.
She's hot. I'd do her.
- Aww.

Oh!
That reminds me, the other day this guy at Dobler's was telling me

that 80 percent of college kids
have sex in any given year.
Can you believe that?

One out of
every two pregnancies
in America are unplanned.

What do you expect
when half of unmarried men who
have sex never wear a condom.

Oh, God! They know!
They know! Get down!

We just sounded fancy!

Beaver,
your butt crack's showing.

- Never mind.
- Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Why don't you come with me
to Fisher's film club?

We're watching movie called
Strawberries Gone Wild,
or something.

You go. I'm gonna stay
here and wait for Cappie.

OK. Have fun
and good luck with your...

- ...crazy.
- Hey.

OK, boys.
Gotta run.

I will meet you later
at Dobler's.

- Later.
- All right.

Seventy-five bucks
for Spock ears?

Nerd-sploitation
is what that is.

I don't think I've ever seen
so many comic-obsessed fans
in one place before.

I just need to find one.

Vampira69's waiting
on Lord Doom.

I've got no intention
of disappointing a 500-year-old
blood-sucking nymphomaniac.

Should we be concerned that
Dale's taking this super-villain
thing a little too seriously?

She's wearing green alien
makeup. It can't be that hard.

Oh, hey, wait,
there she is!

Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey.

- Leopard Boy!
- Leopard Boy?

It was my favorite
TV show growing up.

His mom is human
but his dad is a leopard,

and he solves these mysteries
at this posh Caribbean resort.

They've gotta have a booth here.
I'll be right back.

Come on.

We made first contact.

- Wow! That was...
- Amazing? Bergman is a genius!

I know, the allusions to Freud
and German Expressionism in
the opening dream sequence,

it was just awesome!

What'd you think
about it, Ash?

What did I think
of the movie?

Um, I thought
it was very...

Honestly, I was so
bored for a minute I thought
I couldn't breathe.

How is that even possible?

It's probably the greatest film
in cinema history.

I wouldn't say that.
Right, Fisher?

Name one film
that even comes close.

Uh, Clueless?

- Is that Godard?
- Silverstone.

- Is she kidding?
- No. Fisher agrees with me.

We think it's one of the
greatest movies ever made.
Right, Fisher?

Uh... yeah, I think Clueless
is, uh... colorful, with
a really great... spirit,

and it has a very
interesting use of montage.

And it also evokes the, uh,

nuance, of early
screwball comedy.

Hey, who wants pizza?
I do!

I'm meeting
my Internet girlfriend here.

I mean, not really girlfriend.
More like sex partner, but...

...you know.
How much are the sticky buns?

Lord Doom,
are you ready to submit?

Vampira69, we meet at last.

Dale?

Sheila! You're Vampira69?

Is this a joke?
Did you know it was me?

No, no, of course not!

Although given
the tawdry yet imaginative
scenes of debauchery you typed,

I suppose
I should've guessed.

Maybe there's a reason
we were brought back together.

Maybe it's all part
of God's plan.

I don't really believe
in that anymore, but...

And you hurt me, Sheila.

Sorry.

Think you could find
a way to forgive me?

And if not me, Vampira69?

Um...

I still can't believe
you found me.

There's a lot
of green girls.

I'd already introduced myself
to two aliens and a Shrek.

I'm Rusty Cartwright,
by the way.

Falitza. I'm a Borgton
from the planet Lycon.

My friends call me Sally.

So where's Sally from?
I assume not Lycon.

You assume correctly, Rusty.
I'm from Adamsburg.

I go to school in Cyprus!
We're ten minutes away,
that's great.

My last relationship ended
because of long distance.

You're not planning on moving to
New York anytime soon, are you?

New York? No, uh...

Oh, that's not... No.
No, that's not what I'm saying.

I just mean, if this were
to progress into a relationship,

it would be really easy
for us to sleep at
each other's places.

- Do you have a car?
- Uh-huh.

Great. I don't.

My sister does, but she
hardly ever lets me use it.

She's cool though.
You'll really like her.

If you meet her.

OK, I'm not saying that...
you will meet my family.

Oh, my God.

Well, that was weird,
wasn't it?

Yeah. Sort of.

It was nice to meet you,
Rusty. Have fun at Comic-Con.

Wow, Evs. Did you walk
into a door or something?

Yeah, that really
got out of hand, huh?

It worked on Casey, right?

Yeah, I talked to her. Trust me,
she doesn't suspect a thing.

No more suspecting,
that's for sure.

I knew you were secret friends!
Oh, my God, I'm awesome!

How did you
find this place?

I followed Cappie from KT.

What? I used my
super secret sneaky route.

Yeah, and I almost puked three
times in the sewer tunnels,
but I made it!

How long have you guys
been friends?

What is this place?

- OK, you need to hide!
Casey, hide.
- Hide? From who?

Quiet, incessant question girl!
Hide now and everything will be explained.

We should get started.

- Yup.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.

We're here tonight to pay
homage to our Amphora
fore-fathers.

Amphora.

It's time to
bring out the ashes

of the original
Amphora members.

Jenna,
retrieve the burial urn.

- Ew, ew, ew...
- You don't...

- I think it...
- Um...

- Hi.
- Who the hell is she?

Uh...
I'm, uh... Casey.

You're Casey Cartwright?

He did it.

Oh, hello.

Did you know that if you're
having sex regularly and not
using contraception,

you have an 85% chance
of becoming pregnant
within one year?

Well, it's true.
You plan everything else:

Spring Break, class schedule,
what movie you're going to see.

Why not plan to use
contraception too?

- Contraception is another word
for condoms, right?
- That's right, Beaver.

Condoms are one of many
effective ways to prevent
unplanned pregnancies.

If you wanna learn more,
check out sexreally.com
or go to abcfamily.com

Who are you talking to?

Guys, you totally
broke the trust!

I can't believe this
but we're going to have
to banish you both.

Brett, no, we can explain...

Eh-eh-eh!

Sorry.
Fellow Amphora brethren.

Since you two obviously
can't handle a simple
"secrecy until death" rule...

Don't blame them.

It's not their fault.

I'm just really clever when
it comes to investigating...

Quiet!

I have no idea how we're
gonna deal with you.

She's the first intruder
in the history of Amphora.

Uh, like I said,
really clever.

- You should stop.
- Sorry.

Yeah, thank you.

Uh, certain ancient aboriginal
tribes would sacrifice

those who intruded
on a holy plot of land.

I don't think
it's come to that,

but thank you.

Amphoras,
minus the trust-breakers...

...let's consult!

So this is why you guys
were keeping it a secret.

Exactly.

Now you might get
kicked out because of me.

Don't worry about it, Case.
No way you could have known.

Yeah, but I could've stopped
trying to be Nancy freaking Drew
and minded my own business.

We won't argue with that.

I'm gonna miss this abandoned
water pumping station.

Oh.

OK, you guys.
We've decided...

- ...not to report you
to the alumni.
- Yes.

You both can stay
in Amphora.

Thank you.

As for you, Intruder,

being the first to find the lair
is an impressive feat.

We've decided to let you in
to the Amphora Society.

Wow! Really?

Are you guys OK with this?

Totally great.

- Totally. It'll be awesome.
- Yeah.

You must first perform
the Amphora Emotional Purge.

You will stand before us
and share your secrets,

your truths, everything.

Everything?

Uh, so I guess
I'll see you tomorrow?

Fisher.

Why didn't you just tell me
you didn't like Clueless?

I don't know.

I guess I just feel like
I have to walk on eggshells
around you now.

I mean, have you felt completely
normal since we got back
together?

Excuse me, sorry.

Well, not completely.

But we're fine now.

Old Ash and Fisher,
picking up where we left off.

It's not that simple,
I mean, I feel like

if I make a wrong move, you're
gonna put me back on probation,

or break up with me.

I'm over what happened.

I wouldn't have taken you
back if I didn't want to.

That's great, but it just
doesn't change the fact that...

...I can't feel comfortable.

You don't feel comfortable
because you're not being
yourself.

Which sucks,

'cause the person
I want to be with is you.

The old you, the person
who wasn't afraid to say
what he was thinking.

OK?

Yeah, I just spent 40 bucks
on this hat.

- Don't judge me.
- How can I judge you?

Falitza from Borgton thought
I was too weird to have
a relationship with.

Wait, relationship?
You just met her.

- You know what I mean.
- Hey, guys.

Nice Leopard Boy hat.

Huh, from the man
in the cape.

What happened with Vampira69?

- Funny story.
She turned out to be Sheila.

Our landlady?

Yeah.

Yeah, she wants
to put her grill all...

...she wants to do it again.

Well, Rusty's hook-up didn't
go so well either.

Yeah, I'm thinking about taking
her back... and her front.

You can't get back
with the landlady.

Tell him, Rus.

What's wrong with going back?

Maybe Sheila's the only
right person for Dale.

Maybe he made
a mistake letting her go

and he should do whatever
it takes to get her back.

You've actually got
your facts wrong there, Rus.

She did me and dumped me.

He's not talking
about Sheila.

Who are you to give
relationship advice, anyway?

You can't even be honest
with your brothers about your
relationship with that Grant.

What does this
have to do with me?

This is about you being
too afraid to put yourself back
out there and date again.

I don't want to put
myself back out there!

I had the perfect girl
and I let her go.

Why? Because long-distance
can't work? Says who?

I made a mistake, and it is
not too late to fix it.

Jordan and I
can make this work.

Well, that covers
the summer after high school.

My friends and I made a pact
never to go back to Lake Galena

or that rest stop
on Route 93, ever again.

Let's see.
I started CRU in the fall.

That's where I met Evan
and Cappie at the big
KT rush party...

Fast forward!
We know about that.

OK, right,
I'm fast forwarding.

Cappie and I
started to date...

Keep it moving,
keep it moving.

I'll just skip ahead to the
night of the All-Greek Ball.

Evan and Cappie got into a fight
that ended their friendship.

And I've always
felt responsible.

They were truly great friends,
an unstoppable duo.

And I never got over the fact
that it was me who stopped them.

But we actually have a chance
to get back to what we were
freshman year.

We're three years older now,
maybe wiser and...

...well, Evan and I found a way
to get past bribery
and corruption and...

...Cappie found a way
to move on to Lana.

You know, even after Evan
told me about Cappie

at the End of the World party,
coming to see me...

What? You told her about that?

It was no big deal.

Yeah, Cap,
I did, but I was...

He was high. Totally baked.
He was trying to eat shampoo.

Yeah, man, come on,
what do you want me to say?

Nothing.
If that's even possible.

Jordan?

Hello? Can you hear me?

OK, I think
we made a mis... God!

Hello?

Hey, Jordan, I think we...

Hello? Oh, my...!

Thank you
for your patience.

We will begin shortly.

Please have video chat.

Yes!

Hi.

Rusty, hey, finally!
What's up?

Hey, Jordan, Remember before
you left I said long-distance
relationships can't work?

Yeah.

I was wrong.

A lot of people have
long-distance relationships.
And I think we can, too.

There'll be plenty of time
to rekindle our carnal flame

after we see Picard's spiritual
and sometimes malevolent
counterpoint.

Our Q&A with Q
aka John de Lancie will begin
momentarily.

just as soon as we finalize
our satellite feed.

Why should we give up
on a great relationship

just because we live
in different cities?

Rusty?

We can have Internet dates,
and cook the same meals.

Rent the same movies online
and watch them at the same
time.

Fall asleep
next to the computers.

Sounds like somebody could use
a little self-esteem.

It'll be like you
never left.

Almost.

And we will never have
to be single again.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

But, Rusty, it sounds like you
miss being in a relationship
more than you miss me.

Come on, that's not it.

Falling asleep on a keyboard?
That's not a relationship.

I don't think you want that.
And I know that I don't.

What was that?

Where are you?

Ready?
Ready to go online?

Rusty,
who's that on our screen?

What is going on here, Josh?

I told you, all problems taken
care of before I get on the
damn line!

This is an abomination!

Oh, God.

Case, look, about that night,
I was leaving the party
to come see you, but I...

It's fine. You don't
have to explain it to me.

Yeah, Cappie, that was...

That was the pot brownie
talking, it wasn't me.

I wish I could take it back.

Less talking,
more not talking.

Guys, stop.

I get this is why you were
keeping all this from me.

Because I might screw
it up and, apparently,

you were right.

I thought if the two of you
could be friends again,

then maybe we could all go back
to the way things used to be.

But I guess I was wrong.

We can't go back.

But maybe all three of us can
try to move forward together.

I can try.

Fellow Amphoras, it is time
to resume the Ancestry Ritual.

We can try. But this
is your place down here.

"Down here, it's our time." Wow,
Goonies really does hold up.

So good.

Look, I appreciate
you guys letting me in,

but I don't belong
in the Amphora Society.

OK, seriously?

I really think a sacrifice
is an effective way...

We're not gonna kill her, Jenna.
Just drop it!

You've purged all of your
deepest, darkest secrets.

If you ever reveal anything
about the Amphora Society,

it will go public.
Do you understand?

Understood.

The events of this evening
will remain secret.

Wow,
that was humiliating.

It wasn't that bad.

Jordan told me to get a life
in front of 300 people who live
in their parents' basements.

Hey, it sucks it didn't work
with you and Jordan.

- Yeah, thanks.
- She was super hot.

I tried to warn you.

I know.

I feel pretty bad about
what I said about you and...

That Grant? It's OK.

We do need to take our
relationship to the next level.

And I need to stop moving
for a little while.

I tried to turn an impractical
relationship into something
rather than start over,

just because
I hate the search.

The search is the worst.
I'm done with it.

I'm going back to what
gives me the most pleasure.

I thought you told Sheila
to take a hike?

I did. I'm talking about God.

You know, Q brought me back.

I was clinging to this notion
of me as this sexy atheist
super-villain.

But that's not me.

I mean, I'm sexy, but I'm not
an atheist and I'm not
a super-villain.

I'm Dale Kettlewell.

Let's get out of here.

I don't think I can spend
one more minute at Comic-Con.

Does Leopard Boy
have a theme song?

I don't think so.

Come on. Sing it for us.
I'll get you started.

♪ Who's got spots? ♪

♪ I got spots ♪

♪ I got spots... ♪

I can't believe he couldn't
be honest with me about
a stupid movie.

Maybe it can't be
like it was.

Maybe.

I thought you said
tailing Cappie led nowhere.

You're putting your friendship
theory to bed, remember?

I know. I am.

Cappie and Evan will
never be friends again.

Fisher? What's wrong?

You can't cook.
Leg warmers are not gloves.

And during Clueless,
I literally gagged twice

and pretended that I had
popcorn caught in my throat.

That was way harsh,
Fisher.

But you do have
really cute toes

and the most amazing laugh.

And I am gonna try
really, really hard

to make the new Ash and Fisher
even better than the old one.

Me too.

Aww.

Who you toasting?

Just raising a glass
to the party gods.

Look at those jackasses.

We should go finish
what they started.

No, easy, bro, easy.
Those douche bags aren't
worth the trouble.