All language subtitles for Greek S02E18 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

Previously on Greek:

- You're leaving.
- Yeah.

I love you.

Rebecca, this is Robin Wiley,
my big sis.

I do have feelings for Robin.
I'm gonna call her.

I have an announcement.
Fisher and I are dating.

- And I'm a lesbian.
- So, where's Evan?

- We broke up.
- Oh, uh...

Yeah, well,
we didn't exactly...

...bring out the best
in each other.

Once upon a fraternity,
this house was full of kleptos.

I know you have
our founder's bust.

- Haven't seen it.
- We'll give you 24 hours

to return it
or we'll take it.

Why do you always
have to go to extremes?

The Kappa Taus could be
in some big trouble.

- If you know something...
- I don't.

All right, let's go, boys!

I know you guys
went to the wedding.

Did anything happen?

- I kissed her.
- What?

- Let me explain...
- I don't wanna hear.

- Wanna hit me?
- I'm not gonna hit you.

- Please, hit me.
- Dude, would you shut up?

He can start his 50 hours
community service next week.

- We can still be friends.
- Might be better if we weren't.

This whole fraternity thing,
it's not for me.

- Tell me why your brother quit.
- Because I kissed Jordan.

Wow, Spitter. I thought
you were better than that.

Get me some nachos.
But, remember, no...

Cilantro!

Nice!

Same time next week, when we'll
discuss the Kappa Tau founders

as told through
the art of kabuki theater.

Excellent puppeteering,
guys.

Where's your bro?
He missed the pledge meeting.

You didn't hear?
Andylicious de-pledged.

- Seriously? Why?
- Um...

He just felt that football took
up too much of his time, and...

And Rusty scammed
on his girlfriend.

Spitter. Didn't think you were
capable of such a douche move.

I guess we ought to watch out
for Spitter's douche moves, huh?

Guys, it was not like that.
There were a lot of reasons.

- Like you being a douche mover?
- No. Cap, come on.

Hey, you move douchily,
we call you out on it.

That's how it works. It's all
part of the brotherhood.

OK, as long as you guys
don't really think I'm a jerk.

- No. You're a good guy.
- No.

- You're Spitter.
- I like your shoes.

- You're good.
- Good stuff.

- Beer pong, anyone?
- Mm-hm.

OK.

Oh, darn.
I'd love to stay,

but I have that community
service to fulfill.

Thanks to that
stolen football.

Oh! That's why Andy tried
to nail you with the football.

It was 'cause you
scammed on his girl.

Thanks.
I can't hear that enough.

Bye-bye,
Douche Mover!

You're not busy,
right?

I'm just emailing Max.
What's up?

Normally I'd ask Ashleigh,
the one with style.

But since she's away
with Fisher, you'll have to do.

Which outfit is better for my
first lesbian date with Robin?

Oh. You're really going
on a date with Robin?

Yes, that's why I just said
I'm going on a date with Robin.

No, I just... Wow.

I didn't realize
you were so sincere

about this lesbian thing.

I just thought
you wanted attention.

I don't need to consult everyone
I know when I make a decision.

Except when it comes
to deciding what to wear.

Funny. I don't even know
why I asked.

Hey, wait a minute.

I can call Robin
and see what she's wearing.

Dating a girl has
so many hidden benefits.

Ah. Did you forget
you don't live here anymore?

Yes.

We wanna leave Iota Kappa
and come back to ZBZ.

Oh.

Frannie petitioned
Panhellenic for membership
weeks ago

and we haven't
heard anything.

Which means we won't get to do
anything for homecoming.

I had so many float ideas.

OK. And...?

Like a fairy float.

Or butterflies.
Or dragonflies.

Maybe all kinds of things
that fly. Birds.

Look, I'm sorry for you guys,
but no one forced you to...

Casey, please! Joan,
the landlady,

likes to wander
into our beds

and spoon with us
when she's drunk.

She's drunk a lot.

And some of the pledges
Frannie recruited are...

How do I say this without
sounding mean? Pathetic.

One of them barfed up all over
my Laura Ashley bedspread.

And she was doing it
with my boyfriend at the time.

That's what happens
when you only have

beer and boys
to lure new pledges.

And Frannie can't kick them out
because she needs their dues?

I am so glad you understand.

Oh, I totally understand
why you wanna come back.

But that doesn't mean
we're going to let you.

Look, that place is getting
worse than the Kappa Tau house.

I got back
with my creepy ex-boyfriend

just so I could use his shower.

Jared? With the teeny-tiny...

Look at who I've become,
Casey.

You've got to get us
out of there.

Even if I wanted
to let you back in,

which I'm not sure if I do,

I'm not president anymore
and Ashleigh is out of town.

Well, when she gets back,
can't you just convince her?

- Please?
- I'll see what I can do.

Dale, I'm supposed to be
cleaning up the area.

And I didn't ask
for you to keep me company.

You didn't have to ask.
I could tell you wanted it.

Remember last year?

We were so young and innocent.

We took for granted how
new and exciting everything was.

- Our relationships...
- Whoa! Speak for yourself.

I appreciate my Sheila
every day.

Now everything just kind of
sucks. Cappie's even mad at me.

He did seem a little moody
on the phone this morning.

He called?

Not for you.
We chat occasionally.

Well, did he mention to you
anything about Andy de-pledging?

He seems to be taking it
personally for some reason.

No, the subject never came up.

He did tell me
to keep you away from Sheila.

- As if you had a shot.
- Great.

Me and Cap did have
a long talk

about which sense
we could lose the easiest.

Like, everybody says smell,

but we agree
that hearing is overrated.

What are you looking at?

Don't look at that.
Did you touch it?

- Did your hands burn?
- What is it?

It's pretty elaborate
for graffiti.

It's the symbol of the Amphora
Society, CRU's secret cult.

Kind of like the devil's 666,
you know?

They put the symbol around
campus to signal they're
about to tap new members.

Really? Like one of those
ultra-elite secret societies?

Like Skull and Bones? Is this
where they meet or something?

I don't mess around
with any of that stuff.

It's bad enough I let Sheila
read me my horoscope.

- It's kind of cool.
- Hey, avert your eyes.

Hey, wait up!

So... how are you?

Rebecca, do you even know
my last name?

It starts with a T.

N? R?

One lesbian kiss and you're just
one of the gays, huh?

Not just a kiss. Robin and I
are going out tonight.

Oh, and I came out to everyone
at the ZBZ house,

and they reacted with such
acceptance and understanding.

- Seriously?
- I know it seems fast.

But I'm really excited
about this date.

Well, then,
good for you.

I haven't been excited about a
dating prospect since last year.

Maybe I should be a little bit
more open, get back out there.

- Maybe you're being too picky.
- I'm not gonna date girls.

Well, I'm enjoying
my expanded dating pool.

Well, just don't
go too fast.

These things take a little while
to figure out, process.

Oh, Cal, not every gay person
has to go through

a self-loathing shame spiral
before coming out.

Well, then,
welcome to the team.

Our uniforms come in lavender
for boys and denim for girls.

Your last name starts with an S.

- No.
- Are you sure?

Oh, yeah?
What are you wearing right now?

A sweater? I should have known.
You always get chilly.

Dale, this is crazy.

All these CRU message boards
are devoted

to finding the hidden lair
of the Amphora Society.

In 1926,
it was started as a place

for CRU's greatest minds
to debate philosophy.

Now they recognize
ten students per year

for contributions
to the university.

Their rituals have resisted
discovery for over 80 years.

I think I just got goose bumps.

All right, Sheila, I gotta go.

Rusty's right on the verge
of another dangerous obsession.

Stay warm.
No, you hang up.

You hang up first.
You hang up first. You...

- Hey, Dale.
- Yeah?

Listen to this.
The Amphora Society

is named for the ancient Greek
two-handled urn.

People have been trying
to find their lair for decades.

Some people think
it's in a deserted bomb shelter

near the library, or in the
underground maintenance tunnels.

Oh, my God.
One of the Amphora hunters,

the guy with
the maintenance tunnel theory?

Last posting three years ago.
Screen name Cappie.

Never would've expected him
to be so weak-minded.

This is how I can get back
in Cappie's good graces.

We can hunt for this together.

We'll bond, and the awkwardness
will disappear.

- And you have to come with me.
- Absolutely not.

Come on, please. He's pissed
at me, but he likes you.

You guys are phone buddies now.

You have to convince him to do
it. Aren't you even curious?

They're all about pagan rituals
and controlling the government.

They're insidious.
They're like the ACLU.

Whoa! I haven't heard you
so fired up since U-SAG.

This is a way bigger enemy
than your little Greek system.

And you're really comfortable
just letting them be?

I'd rather see them exposed and
discredited, of course, but...

It's always my sense of duty

that comes back to bite me
in the bottom like this.

Darn you, Rusty.

Let's get Cappie, find
these fools and shut 'em down.

Hey, I couldn't believe my luck
when I saw you,

a fellow Detroit Lions fan

brave enough
to show his face in public.

What can I say?
We're a special breed.

I don't know what's worse,
their quarterback situation

or their defense.

I'm gonna go a tie.
I'm Jess, man.

- Calvin.
- Calvin.

With the Detroit Lions shirt.

And the completely
shredded pecs.

Oh, thanks. You're
in pretty good shape yourself.

I've got nothing on you.
I need to work on my chest.

What do you think?

Yeah, it's, uh, it's good.

Really good.

Um, you know, the Lions are
actually playing tonight.

We could go watch at Dobler's
and drown our sorrows.

- Sure. That sounds great.
- Great.

- Watch out for the...
- Yeah.

Just gonna do a little bit of...

Run, gazelle, run!

Oh!

Natural selection
wins out every time.

Douche Mover.

Daley.

Ah!

To what do I owe
this interruption?

Cappie, I have something
behind my back

that's going to
make you very happy.

Sounds like Heath's department.

The Amphora Society.

That's a name I've not heard
in a long, long time.

A long time.

I watched my youth slip away
searching for them.

Don't you get enough secular
ritual at the Kappa Tau house?

Why join what's essentially
another fraternity?

Oh, please. The Amphoras
are far from a fraternity.

Fraternities are about parties
and meeting girls.

The Amphoras are about, uh...

I don't know, because they're
secret. That's what's so cool.

They have their own lair. Who
wouldn't wanna meet in a lair?

So the three of us
can find it together.

Yeah, isn't that just perfect?
No, thanks, Spitter.

Yes, I once hunted Amphora.
Some say I came closer

to finding them
than anyone ever did.

But I left that fruitless quest
behind my freshman year.

But we need your amazing
instincts and street smarts.

No, we don't.
We're geniuses.

But please help us.
I'm practically useless.

I got no sense of direction.
I get lost in the apartment.

Yes, that is true. It's almost
like a learning disability.

OK, let's...

Plus, what could be
more fun

than friends
solving a mystery together?

We'll have an amazing adventure,
a time we'll never forget.

Spitter, I understand
what you're trying to do.

- I'm not interested.
- Come on. Please, Cap?

Just as a favor.

I'll tell you what.
My research is all yours.

Other then that,
you're on your own.

Some things you just
gotta let be, OK?

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm late for my workout.

- You work out?
- Survival of the fittest.

It's a jungle
out there, Spitter.

- Hey, Becks. How's your soup?
- What do you want?

OK, look, something major
happened and I need some advice.

I can't get in touch with
Ashleigh, Max is on London time.

And you've gone through the 999
people on your advice list.

- It's not that long of a list.
- Uh-huh.

Well, if it's boy advice, that's
not really my thing anymore.

Yes, I know you haven't been
into boys for the past two days.

It's about girls.
IKI girls.

A bunch of them
wanna come back to ZBZ.

Isn't that crazy?

I mean, like we'd even
let them darken our doorstep

after what they did,
right?

When you ask for advice, is it
an excuse to hear yourself talk?

Sorry. I guess
I'm looking for your opinion.

Of course we should let them
back in the house.

A foolproof chance to vanquish
Frannie once and for all.

You'd be crazy
not to decimate her house

the way she tried
to decimate ours.

I guess I just feel,
I don't know,

kind of sorry for Frannie?

Her life seems
so pathetic right now.

Pathetic? Please.
It's an act.

Don't tell me you're falling
for it again.

Trust me, I saw it
when I was a mole.

When she starts playing
"nice Frannie," brace yourself.

She seems kind of sad.

I'm sure Osama bin Laden
cried when his cat died, Casey.

But that doesn't mean you
should get in a cave with him.

Please tell me you're not
still trying to decide.

I can't believe you're
still going through with this.

If we can tell Cappie
we found the lair,

he'll be so blown away,
he'll have to forgive me.

At least he gave us his
Amphora notebook. It's amazing.

If he devoted himself this
thoroughly to his studies,

he'd probably be valedictorian.

It says pass
the "Proceed with Caution" sign

and then go ten more yards.

He apparently followed
some rumored

Amphora member
named Lynn Martin here.

He also notes that
she has an excellent butt.

So much for valedictorian.

He called me Spitter
instead of Douche Mover.

Did you notice?

How exactly does
one move douche?

But then he dissed us.

Wait.

Did you just hear
something?

I think
we're getting close.

I can definitely smell
the cultish evil, you know?

A little pig's blood.

It's holy water.

I know it's Catholic but,
you know, just in case.

- Dale!
- Just in case.

- It's in my eye.
- You'll see no evil.

Just try and get me now,
Mr. Cheetah!

This gazelle is halfway
to the watering hole.

That's good.

I got him.
I got him.

Jeez, I can't believe you went
through that with your dad.

And with all the publicity?

I have to admit, I did see
your spring-break video

before we met.

- You did? Oh, my God.
- Had some nice moves.

Seriously, though,
don't worry about it.

When my mom had an affair
with my Spanish teacher,

I shaved my head.

An affair
with your Spanish teacher?

While he was your teacher?

Sí. And the whole school
found out about it.

There was a silver lining,
though.

My grade went from a D
to an A in like a week.

Wow. I haven't met
anyone else

who's gone through
quite the same humiliation.

Oh, no!

A stain stick! Thanks.

You're my... heroine.

I stole one of these
from the ZBZ laundry room.

I used to do that too!

Do not be afraid.

We do not wish you harm.

We are your friends.

James Earl Jones?

Silence!

You have been picked
for the most elite honor

a Cyprus-Rhodes student
can achieve.

You have been permitted
to enter the lair

of the Amphora Society.

Those of you
who stand before us

have distinguished yourselves
in various ways on campus.

But now you are about to be
joined together as one for life.

This is so awesome!

And now it's not.

Excuse me. I know we don't
know each other very well,

but my boyfriend and my best
friend are both out of town.

So could you give me
some advice?

I hope those were
all new supplies you used.

I don't want that disgusting
Paula Abdul nail fungus.

Speaking of fungus...

They really need another
nail salon in Cyprus.

It's fine.
I can leave if you want.

- Why would you do that?
- You're trying to relax.

So you're being nice?

Well, after the wedding,
I thought that...

I'm not gonna get in your cave
this time. Ow!

I don't even care
if your cat died.

Ow. Dammit!

What are you talking about?

I can't believe
I didn't see this.

You sent those defecting Ikis
to be moles in the ZBZ house.

You're keeping me from
being suspicious by being nice.

That's so your MO.

OK. Again, what?

Or, no, you want me
to think they're defecting

so I'll let my guard down,
convinced your house

is falling apart
and no longer competition.

Thinking we'll feel so sorry
for you and help you get
into Panhellenic. Or...

Wait. Who stopped by ZBZ?

Brenda, Beth,
and the other ex-sisters.

You didn't send them over
pretending to be leaving I-Kap?

OK, seriously, I don't think
I have any skin left.

The fumes must be
getting to you.

There is no way any of my I-Kaps
wanna come back to ZBZ.

Oh, come off it,
Frannie!

- I can't believe this.
- Wait. You didn't know?

Or you did.

Or you're trying to
make me think you didn't know.

But I know!

What?

I have to leave.

The Lions have dug themselves
yet another big hole.

- It's unlikely...
- To the Lions of Detroit.

For only trailing the Packers
by 14 at the half.

Cheers.

You're good to drink water.
I gotta ease up on this beer.

When I drink, you can hardly see
any kind of six-pack.

Oh, no, there's still
a lot to see there.

Thanks, man.

Change the channel!

Oh, man!
I guess we really are

the only two people in the world
who care about the Lions.

This way we get
to talk more.

Or...

Whoa. What was that?

Uh, I... I don't know.

I think you've got
the wrong idea. I'm straight.

But you said "or."
You said we could talk "or..."

Yeah, as in or I could get
my phone out of my jacket,

call my buddy
and watch the game at his house.

Oh, really? Yeah.
'Cause that makes sense, too.

I don't know
what I ever saw in guys.

That was so much fun.
I wasn't nervous.

I actually ate.

It's like we skipped
right over

all the crazy nerve-wracking
first-date stuff.

Well, we don't have to skip
over all the first-date stuff.

Oh. Right.

So...

So...

- Hey!
- Ow!

Guys act so weird
when they see two women kiss.

Uh... So...

I'll call you.

OK.

In ancient Egypt,

King Tutankhamen
brought to his tomb

36 amphoras of wine,

thinking he would enjoy them
in the afterlife.

These bore the name Kha'y,

Tutankhamen's royal vintner.

Sip the wine, then toast
the vintner Kha'y.

Kha'y.

As the wine
passes your lips,

so your immortal soul
passes to us.

Kha'y.

Kha'y.

I think I'll pass.

- Pass?
- That's right.

I have no interest
in joining a group

who wants this guy as a member.

This has never
happened before.

May we have
just a moment?

Hey, what are you doing?

I thought things were cool.
The past couple of weeks...

You've taken time off
from being a jackass.

I don't wanna pass
my immortal soul with you.

Are you crazy? You've wanted
this since freshman year.

You're gonna turn it down
because of me?

I wanted a lot of stupid things
freshman year.

Hey, you in the hood!

- Hooded guy who was speaking?
- Yes?

Listen, don't worry about,
you know,

me giving away
any of your immortal secrets.

If you just get me out of here,
we'll forget this ever happened.

Has anyone seen my keys?

Rusty?!

Are you covered in soot?

I'm meeting Dale
at this orchard

by the agricultural
sciences building.

According to the Book
of the Amphora,

beneath the tenth apple tree

there's this crypt visible
when the moon fully rises.

The Book of Amphora. That's
a name I haven't heard in a..

Long time, long time.
I know.

Talk about a blast
from the past.

Sometimes it hits me
how weird it is

that Cappie and Evan
don't speak anymore.

What does Evan
have to do with this?

They wrote this book together.
Evan did all the maps.

So Cappie and Evan searched for
the Amphora Society together?

They were obsessed.
It kind of annoyed me.

It was one of many things Cappie
spent more time on than me.

- And then...?
- Then Cappie and I broke up.

Ending their friendship

and their search
for the Amphora Society.

I'm surprised
Cappie didn't burn this.

That's why he's so pissed
about the Jordan situation.

Cappie thinks
I'm just like Evan.

I gotta go. The moon
fully rises in ten minutes.

No knock? What if I'd been
entertaining a young lady,

as I'm wont to do?

Or entertaining myself,

as I'm also wont to do
from time to time.

- Knock it off, Cap.
- Right here, in front of you?

Stop joking around!

I'm not the one
who kissed Casey.

Yes, I did do something
that might qualify

as a half-douche move to Andy,
not to you.

Don't tell me
you've never made a douche move.

Sorry, Dr. Phil,
you lost me at the point

where it sounded like you
made out with your own sister.

Casey and Evan both
broke your heart freshman year.

OK, Spitter,
let's not be melodramatic.

They broke your heart!
Admit it.

They did something that sucked.

It sucked so much
that you can't get over it,

and you're taking
your anger out on me.

I just happen to think the way
you handled the Andy thing

was kind of lame,
and, yes, a bit Evan-nescent.

Andy's side
is easy to understand.

There's another side
to the story.

I met Jordan first.

I fell for her first.
She ended up with another guy.

I tried to accept that
and I tried to move on.

And then one night he wasn't
around when she needed him,

and I was,
and we kissed.

It was lame, but it does not
make me a terrible person.

It doesn't make me Evan.

Thanks for meeting me.

So why all the secrecy?

Don't tell anyone, but...
I think I need some advice.

After one lesbian kiss, you come
out to an entire sorority,

and you're nervous
about asking for advice?

I see indecisiveness
as a sign of weakness.

But with this lesbian thing,
I'm a little in over my head.

I'm supposed to see Robin again
tonight, but I'm feeling...

...confused.

Is confusion
a sign of weakness too?

No. Stupidity. But listen.
Robin and I had a great date.

But then we kissed,
and it felt... weird.

Weird like
she's not a good kisser,

or weird like
you're not a lesbian?

Weird like I just had
the most fun ever on a date,

and I really like this girl, and
I think she's really attractive,

but when we kissed
after our date,

I didn't have
that awesome, nauseous,

never-let-this-moment-end
feeling.

But you felt
the sparks before, right?

Maybe just because
it was something new.

But I shouldn't
give up yet, right?

Worse comes to worst,
I realize I'm not a lesbian

and we end up friends.

No, no, no.
Worse comes to worst,

she's totally humiliated and
wants to die of embarrassment.

Sorry. Uh...
Me putting myself out there

resulted in me
trying to kiss

a straight dude
who's not my type.

Because he's straight.

I thought we were
out on a date.

Turns out
he's just a straight guy

that like to flirts with guys,
apparently.

Sounds like
a closet case, right?

No, I think
he's actually straight.

With metrosexuality, and
emo rockers wearing eyeliner,

and bromantic comedies,

modern times have gotten
pretty confusing for us gays.

I long for the days when

a tight tank top told you
everything you needed to know.

It's confusing
for the straights, too.

- Is that how you see yourself?
- I'm not sure.

Then my advice to you
would be figure it out fast.

You don't wanna
string the girl along.

Fine!

You really don't like
taking advice, do you?

No. But I do like giving it.

Next time you decide
to expand your dating pool,

stick to gay guys.

Ladies, I've considered
your request.

Thank you.

And I've decided
to recommend to Ashleigh

that we not let you back
into the ZBZ house at this time.

Are you kidding me?

I'd only recommend letting you
back in to spite Frannie anyway,

and I've decided
I don't want to do that.

What are we supposed to do now?

Maybe you should've thought
of that before you left ZBZ.

So, I guess,
try and make the best of it

at the Iki...
excuse me, I-Kap house.

Good luck.

Bye, Beth!

Are you mocking me?

JK! LOL.

Bye, Casey.

Hey, Jess.
Don't worry.

I'm not gonna try
to kiss you again.

- Thanks.
- Uh..

Sorry.

Look, I get it.
You're straight.

Let's just pretend
this never happened?

Agreed.

Yeah, but, I mean,
you have to admit,

you did compliment me
on my pecs.

And you showed me your abs
and your chest.

You're a teasy straight guy,
you know?

And don't try to say
you didn't know I was gay.

'Cause you knew I was gay.

OK, I knew you were gay.

OK, but why can't a straight guy
compliment a gay guy?

I thought we as a society
were past all that.

That would be fine if
you were just complimenting me

and not showing off your...
impressive... physique.

You know, you gave me
a flirty vibe, man, all right?

And talking about my pecs
is just plain gay.

OK, fine.
I've been kinda down lately.

My girlfriend
just dumped me, and...

the attention you gave me
made me feel better.

I knew it.

- Thank you.
- I'm sorry.

But I meant what I said
about your pecs.

They're completely ripped.

Damned metrosexuals.

Oh! Son of a...

You have denied
your initial chance

to become one with us.

But, as Plato said,

there are always second chances
amongst true friends.

Uh, Plato never said that.

Look, I didn't have time
to write a speech!

Are you in or not?

- Oh, come on.
- Why would you want me back?

One of your fellow initiates
convinced us

that you deserved
another chance.

I see. Would you
just give us a second?

Why would you do
a thing like that?

Temporary
hood-provoked insanity.

Seriously.

I mean,
I was thinking,

and way back when, searching
for this place was your idea.

You wanted this first.

And I knew that you'd regret it
if you gave it up.

We used to be pretty
good friends, you and me.

A long time ago.

Long enough.

So I've been thinking,
and I just wanted to say

that I'm sorry
for the douche move.

- Which one?
- I knew you wanted her first.

And I just ignored it
and I made my move anyway.

Are you in or not?
We need to know.

I'm in.

Uh, I forgot the name
of the Egyptian guy, so cheers.

Close enough.

Uh...

I will now give you
the rites of passage.

I must remind you that all
within this lair is sacred.

When you travel
outside its walls,

you must not draw attention
to this society.

Do not alter your normal routine
in any way.

- We're getting close.
- I'm not getting any vibe.

- My instincts are dead-on.
- Dale, let's not give up.

Think how cool it'll be to tell
Cappie where the Amphoras meet.

Uh, two Cappies on one campus.
Who knew?

I'm tired. Let's just go
back to the apartment.

I need you to cut my hair again.

And now I will bestow on you

the secrets of the ancients.

Dean Bowman?

Old Man Smithers the caretaker!?
Zoinks!

Welcome to the Amphora Society.

Robin. Um...

I have to tell you something.

Is it that
you're not a lesbian?

Was it that obvious?

Let's just say
you're not the first lug

I've encountered at CRU.

Lug? That doesn't
sound flattering.

Lesbian until graduation,
or, in your case,

until the end of the week.

Do you hate me?
Did I string you along?

Please. I knew
what I was getting into.

You were curious.

We had fun. It's fine.

I guess we're just
better off as...

Girlfriends. Just not
that kind of girlfriends.

For what it's worth, I really do
wish I were a lesbian right now.

Or at least a bisexual.

Me too.

We must have dug ten
different holes in that orchard,

and all we found
were a bunch of condoms

and a pair of overalls.

Dale's been wearing them
ever since.

The overalls,
not the condoms.

Thank God.

Hey, Rusty,
I just wanted to say I'm sorry

for giving you
a hard time

and letting my baggage
come between us.

It's OK.
I understand.

To tell you the truth,
I'm starting to think

this Amphora Society
doesn't even exist.

I bet it's probably
some frat prank

to get people to try
and run around and find it.

I bet you it's those Omega Chi
douchebags who set it up.

Could be.

Speaking of
Omega Chi douchebags...

Cappie, I'm glad
we cleared things up.

I hated you thinking of me
the way you think of him.

Mm-hm.

Oh, yeah.

- You're really thorough.
- I polish every crevice.

Manual labor suits you both.
Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just coming back from
an I-Kap sisters bonding brunch.

You had it wrong. The sisters
and I just had an amazing time

and the house
couldn't be stronger.

You'll have to try harder next
time you want to undermine me.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

I still think you're crazy.
You could've stuck it to her.

And then she'd have
to stick it to me back.

And then I'd have to retaliate,

prompting her to seek vengeance
and me to...

I'm exhausted
just hearing about it!

I'm tired of it too.
And I'm not naive about Frannie.

I didn't want those bitches
back in the house.

One bitch is all
I can handle.

Hey! You got me all wet!

Well, I do reserve the right
to be a bitch.

But I've officially retired
my lesbianism.

Turns out I'm not gay.
I just had a crush on Robin.

She came along when I was...
searching for something.

- Like what?
- Like me.

Who am I now, now that I'm not
a senator's daughter?

So... I'm not a lesbian anymore,
but it was worthwhile

to see how ridiculous guys get

when girls
are even remotely intimate.

Straight guys think we do
everything for their benefit.

I know! When Ashleigh and I do
our girl-grind dance at parties,

we're always surrounded
by a slobbering horde.

I mean, hello,
straight horny dudes!

We're not doing
the girl-grind dance for you.

So, um...

How about we give
these guys a thrill?

Like do the girl-grind dance?

No. Just one kiss.

Oh, my God, Rebecca,
you are crazy.

- What, are you scared?
- Please.

I guess it would be pretty funny
to see what they would do.