All language subtitles for Greek S02E14 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

Previously on Greek:

I hate to ask this,
but I need a rent check.

- For the house.
- Of course.

- Where's your car?
- I guess it got stolen.

- What's going on?
- Call you tomorrow?

- Evan?
- I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm Fisher,
the new hasher.

There's something
you should know.

I got fired from the last
three sororities.

He said when he walked in he
knew this was the place for him.

All in favor of Rusty's
golden boy Andy?

- I'm Jordan.
- I met a girl. She's beautiful.

- Does she want to join ZBZ?
- Casey, this is Jordan.

Spitter, where you going?

- To make my move.
- Nice!

Hey, did your girl
ever show up?

Oh! Tough break.

Man, I just met this
awesome chick.

Chapter meeting.
Three minutes.

That means adioso los pledge-os.

Come on. Let's go.

Thanks for cleaning.
There's plenty more.

Later.

- Andylicious!
- My two favorite actives!

What are you guys up to?

We showed up early so we don't
have to sit on the floor.

Ooh! Dibs on the
Comfy Duct Tape chair!

Yeah. He really loves
the chair.

So, when's our next ZBZ mixer?
I had a blast the other night.

I saw that. I saw that.
It's great.

That girl I was telling you
about. She said she knows you.

- No. Not me. Very doubtful.
- Really?

Damn, because man,
I think I really like her.

I was hoping you could
talk to her.

See if she likes me back.

- Pledges out!
- You better go, Andy.

We have a very full agenda
tonight, so please, pipe down.

Thank you, Luigi.

My friends, once again
we are heading into

the heart-warmingest few days
of the Greek calendar year.

It's Big/Little weekend,
everybody!

You promise to guide

and support him through
every step of pledging.

You'll help him learn
his Kappa Tau history.

You'll make sure they wear
appropriate eye protection

when we use them for the
Paint Ball Target Practice.

You guys remember
what happened last year.

Now each pledge has selected
their first choice

and two alternates.

So, let's do this!

For his Big Brother,
Pledge Cue Ball has chosen,

Wade, Beaver
and Jeremy. Wade?

I'm already pledge
educator, Cap.

If I do do both...

You said Doo-doo.

- You did say it.
- I pass.

I'll take him.
Let me.

Uh, Beav?
Sure you want to do that?

No. I'll pass.

Jeremy? You cool with Cue Ball?
Done. Jeremy takes Cue Ball.

Yeah, Jeremy!

Uh, up next. Andy!

Please don't pick me. Please
don't pick me. Please don't...

Andy has chosen Spitter,
Beaver, and Ben Bennett.

This should be a no-brainer,
right? Spitter?

Yeah. Sure. I'll take him.

Spitter takes Andylicious!

All right.
Who's next?

We need new
recycling bins.

- I ordered them yesterday.
- You're amazing.

Hang on.
I'm just gonna grab a snack.

- Hey, Ash.
- Hey, you!

Have we been out of Fruity
Spindles for like a month?

I wouldn't know.
I don't eat those things.

Oh, yeah. Forgot they
give you the toots.

No! No, they don't.
That's Erica.

I just don't eat them.

I love you, Ash.

But if you keep doing
what you're doing

some of the girls are really
going to lose respect for you.

- I'm not doing anything.
- That's what I'm talking about.

The pantry is totally empty.
We're down to Saltines, Ash.

Saltines. If that cupboard goes
bare they will turn on you.

Hell hath no fury like a ZBZ
jonesing for her Cheesaritos.

Food! Got it. Thanks, Case.
I'll look into it.

Just looking out for you.

And as president,
I recognize the problem

and I am on top of it.

Ooh!

Hey. Thought we cancelled
the Tri-Pi Grunge mixer.

Very funny.

I'll let that slide since you're
loaning me your car. Thanks.

You wanna talk about what
happened the other night?

Look, I'm sorry
I dragged you into that, man.

And I'm sorry I've been
such a jerk lately.

Yeah, man.
Sorry isn't good enough.

First, you blow me off,

then you call me to pick
your ass up.

Who was she?

Just a girl I met in town
a few weeks ago.

- We started hooking up.
- What about Frannie?

You know, I mean it is
about her, but it's not.

Mostly, Cal, it's just boring
rich kid trust fund stuff

you wouldn't understand
or care about.

Fortunately my brother lands
in half an hour at the airport.

If there's anyone in the world
that will get it, it's him.

But, I do appreciate
your concern and your car.

Thanks, little bro.

Hey, Ash?
We're out of ketchup.

What? We can't be.

It says right here
we have a case.

This is the last bottle.

It sounds like Rusty
having an asthma attack.

We need to order more tissues
to make bouquets for the Brunch.

Seriously? We're out?

So, this Big/Little Brunch
thing.

That's where you blindfold us
and make us eat dog food, right?

Yeah, who told you?

No. This is the weekend you all
find out who your Big Sister is.

OK. I don't get it.
According to this inventory

we should have twenty boxes
of tissue in the store room.

There's nothing in there but
spider webs and glitter pens.

- I'll go check the garage.
- Thanks, Jordan.

When was the last time you
did inventory?

Um, hi! I'm doing it now?

- Wait. We don't have a garage.
- This is the first inventory?

- What have you been doing?
- I don't know. Stuff.

You know,
I know what the problem is.

We live in a house
full of thieves.

Between late-night treats and
snacks for the walk to class,

every girl here uses this pantry
like their personal snack cart.

- But who would take ketchup?
- Or tissues?

Well, we're soon
going to find out!

As President, I'm going
to take my master key

and search every room
until I find out.

I don't know about that.

She's right. If you go
all Minority Report

you'll lose every friend
you have in the house.

OK! Then how about this?

The most important thing is
that we find all the stuff.

How about I have
an Amnesty Day?

Anyone who finds something
can drop it off no questions.

Oh, like they do with orphans
at the police station?

Exactly! Just not as sad.

So, where is the garage?

Where's Dale? Finally had enough
of the babes, blood and boobs

that make up Art History?

He thought he saw Jesus' face
in a pile of lawn clippings

so he ran home
to call the news.

Wow. I've always wondered what
kind of people do that stuff.

Now I find out they're
exactly like I imagined.

Hey, so, Andy picked me
to be his big brother.

That's great. I know how much
you like him. Liked him?

The problem isn't whether or not
I like him.

It's whether or not
she likes him.

If I keep feeling the way I felt
after seeing them make out,

I don't see myself being
the best big brother to Andy.

Trust me, having to second-guess
your big brother sucks.

- Problems with Bing?
- You know what...

I promised that I'd never talk
about Evan in front of you.

But, if I hadn't, I'd say he's
really messed up right now.

Despite all of his screw-ups,
he's still my big brother.

He's been there for me.

I have to be there
for him any way I can.

If you can't make
that same promise for Andy,

you've got to find
someone who can.

I stood up in front
of the whole house

and told them to take
a chance on this guy.

If I say I'm not into him
all of a sudden,

Cappie and everybody else
will think I'm a flake.

Maybe she's not
even into him.

And maybe he was just
using his tongue

to help her get popcorn
out of her teeth.

Come on. A party kiss
doesn't really count.

- It doesn't?
- No way.

You can't tell me
you've never

kissed a random guy at a party
just for the fun of it.

- I've not had that experience.
- You know what I mean.

These things happen
and they're not a big deal.

But, if I were you,

I would make sure before it cost
me a great little brother.

- Hey, guys!
- Hey.

- Excuse me.
- Hey, Jordan.

And a really hot
girlfriend.

- Folks. Move it out.
- What do you want me to do?

Does your brother always give so
little notice before he visits?

Sometimes he just shows up.

He's a great guy.
You're gonna love him.

From all the things your
mother's told me, I can't wait.

Prodigal son,
squandered inheritance.

How often do you talk
to my mother?

Mim and I have become text
buddies. And, you should know

she only refers to Patrick as
a quote-unquote black sheep.

Well, Mim doesn't like
my brother

because he turned his back
on her rules and her values,

and had the nerve to do fine
without them.

By the way, he goes just by
B. Sheep these days.

Well, he's got you in a good
mood, which is great for me.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

And it's good timing...

With Iota Kappa's application
turned in to Pan Hellenic

all I have to do is fill out
this utilities deposit and...

- I'm all yours.
- Wait. You need another check?

- What about the girls' dues?
- That went to the actual bills.

I didn't expect the phones
and cable would be so high.

With all the food they eat,
you think they'd bulk up

and generate enough body heat
to turn the furnace off.

Oh, maybe we should get
a personal trainer.

- Add that to the wish list.
- Ah, well...

Oh, right. We're gonna go.
We are moving.

Is that any way to say hi
to your older brother?

- Patrick!
- What's up, buddy?

How you been?

- Good to see you.
- You too, man.

Well, hello. Patrick Chambers.
Code name the Black Sheep.

- Let's go, man.
- All right.

Erica, wait.

I thought you couldn't
eat Fruity Spindles?

Ah, ah, ah! No questions asked
on Amnesty Day. Thanks, Erica.

No problem.

- Amnesty Day is a success.
- Barely.

This is small stuff!
Where are the big ticket items?

Like the twenty pounds
of jumbo shrimp

we got for Big/Little
shrimp cocktails.

If that does turn up in
a closet, I say let it go.

Nobody is snacking
on jumbo shrimp.

Maybe it's Frannie
and the Ickies!

Yeah, I thought of them.

I changed the codes
to the locks.

There's no sign
of any break in.

Well, if it's not
someone outside,

I guess the next thing
to do is

start looking at the new girls
who moved in this semester.

Or boys.

Art History's
baffling to me.

Like, why are they called
Pre-Raphaelites

even though they came
200 years after Raphael?

Don't ask me. Every time
Summerfield says Raphael,

I immediately think Ralphie
Wiggums from The Simpsons.

I love Ralph!

"Me fail English?
That's unpossible."

What did you think of the
KT party the other night?

Oh, God. Can we please
not talk about that?

- I am so embarrassed.
- Embarrassed? Why?

You know how sometimes
at a party,

you'll kiss somebody
just for the fun of it?

- Yeah, I mean, who hasn't?
- I haven't. Ever.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

But then at the mixer
I had two drinks

and like an idiot
I kissed one of your pledges.

For all I know he's told your
house what a slutty lush I am.

Not that I could deny it.
I was a slushy.

He didn't say you were a slushy.

- So he was talking about it?
- What?

If he didn't say I was a slushy,
it means he said something else.

- What did he say?
- Uh.

Did he say we did it?

Because we did not do it!
That lying dirt...

- No. He didn't say you did.
- Then what?

He said he likes you.

- He did?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God! That rules.
OK. What else did he say?

- Tell me everything.
- Uh...

Ash, I'm just saying.
In my house growing up

if something went missing
the first suspect was the help.

He does have the codes to the
locks. He's new to the house.

It's not a good idea
to accuse someone of stealing

just because he's the new guy.

That's called
reverse discrimination.

Or reverse sexism or reverse
something else we shouldn't do.

She's right, Becks.

If he was a thief
Ash would have heard

about it when she checked
his references.

You did check
his references?

- Kind of.
- You're joking, right?

What's the point
of calling references

if they're going to lie about
bogus reasons for firing him?

Fired?

The whole house
doesn't have to know.

- Why was he fired?
- Because he's so handsome.

He was sexually harassed and
they didn't want to get sued.

But who told you that if you
never talked to them?

He did!

What are you doing?

Waiting for you to realize just
exactly how crazy that sounds.

The Beaver Bowl XXI!
Beaver on Beaver.

Beaver shoots.
He scores right away!

OK. Ball's back in play.

Other team Beaver
setting up for a score.

Come on.
Get over there!

Nice save.

So, Beav, since you were
Andy's second choice,

I was wondering
if you'd be interested

in taking him on
as little brother.

I'd love to.

But I can't.

Because of Scooby.

Beav.

- Who's Scooby?
- Mickey "Scooby" Skubella.

One of the most
promising pledges

ever accept a bid
from Kappa Tau.

He was smart, funny,
a great athlete.

He was Beaver's first
and last little brother.

They were perfect
for one another.

In fact, they won or placed in
every event during Greek Week.

Scoooby!

Only to be disqualified
by a horrific doping scandal.

- He was on steroids?
- No. Actual dope.

Scooby was a reefer fiend.

A problem Beaver did not
help him see the dangers of.

He told me he was
a Rastafarian with cataracts!

After that, it went downhill for
Scoobs. Dropped out of school.

Which is why, one day
he hitched a ride from some guy

selling speakers out of his van
and was never seen again.

- He was kidnapped?
- No, he went to Florida.

- University of Florida?
- No. He worked at the airport.

- Why is that Beaver's fault?
- I'd love to tell you,

- but you keep asking questions.
- Sorry.

The reason it's Beaver's fault,
is he didn't look out
for his little brother.

- Scoooby!
- Oh, man.

I should go check on him.
I'll be right back.

It hurts so bad, Cap.

♪ What a waste of time ♪

♪ The thought crossed my mind ♪

Oh! I'm not gonna lie.
You're still the best.

Thank you, sir.
Oh, uh, Drink-Giver?

- Give us more please.
- Be right back.

I'm glad your girlfriend
didn't join us.

I got a very strong
vibe of disapproval.

Frannie. Yeah.
She's all right, though.
She's OK.

- That's a ringing endorsement.
- Mom likes her.

Then she's a keeper!
Oh, my God.

Come on, I don't wanna talk
about Frannie.

- I wanna talk about you.
- OK. Good choice.

- Patrick Chambers.
- Hit me.

You traded it all for a life of
sun, sand and surfboard rentals.

I gotta ask.
Do you miss the family fold?

Are you happy to be free of the
responsibilities of the power,

and prestige and the money?

No to the power.

No to the prestige and the
money was never the problem.

The problem was the ropes
attached to the money.

But the thing I regret
is not seeing more of you.

- I'm glad you're here.
- I am too.

- Chamber-Maid?
- Cappie.

No way, what the hell
are you doing here?

I live here, and I go to school
here occasionally.

- Oh, yeah, of course.
- What're you doing here?

- Hanging out with my brother.
- ♪ Was it all a joke ♪

♪ Never had control ♪

- ♪ I'm not better on my own ♪
- Have a seat.

♪ I'm not over ♪

♪ I'm not over you
just yet ♪

Oh, no. Don't tell me
you guys are on the outs.

What about all those summers
together at Camp Kitchywawa?

Those lanyard classes
mean nothing?

That was a long time
ago, Patrick.

No, no, no. I remember
it like it was yesterday.

The last time I saw
you two together

you were covered in mud
from head to toe.

The scavenger hunt
with the training bras.

I've actually modified that into
a very popular pledge prank.

Good man.

That was one of my more inspired
camp activity creations.

- I wasn't covered in mud.
- That's right.

We had to grease you up with mud

because you got stuck
sneaking into the trapdoor

under the CIT Girls cabin.

Cap, have a seat, man.
Let's get a beer.

- Chambers?
- Yeah, I'll get another round.

All right. Good.

- Good, good.
- ♪ I'm not over ♪

Hey guys.

- Cheers. Here we go.
- All right.

- ♪ Cannot hide it ♪
- Here's to old times.

Natalie, thank you for
taking the time to come over.

I'm sure as President
you're busy with your own

Gamma Psi Big/Little
preparations

so we'll keep this short.

Not at all. I love coming
to the ZBZ house.

It's so pretty.

Thanks. What we really want
to talk to you about is Fisher.

Oh, Fisher. He was the best
hasher Gamma Psi ever had.

Polite, thorough,
efficient...

Sounds like you really
had the hots for him.

Um. We were very satisfied
with his performance, yes.

When you say performance,

do you mean in the
kitchen or the bedroom?

- Excuse me?
- Ashleigh!

What she means is did he do
any other work for you?

Oh, no. He just worked
in our kitchen.

Until things disappeared.
Then we canned him.

- But you never pressed charges?
- Oh, no. We had no solid proof.

Well, that settles it.
Thank you so much, Natalie.

Like, I said,
we had no solid proof,

but I'm happy to say
since we let Fisher go,

every piece of food in our house
has been left untouched.

We know that's saying a lot
at the Gamma Psi house.

Bye, Nat.

What is going on
with you?

I'm sorry, but she is obviously
a sexual predator.

Natalie? She can't even
say the word sex.

I'm not going to ruin an
innocent guy's reputation

based on the word
of some Gamma Psi.

Especially a guy
you have a crush on.

Fisher is an employee
of the Zeta Beta Zeta house

and I am its President.

And as its President, I am
required to make decisions

that speak for
each of my sisters.

It is my belief that
my sisters would prefer

to treat our employees
with fairness and decency.

And I do not
have a crush on him!

She totally
has a crush on him.

Cappie, I'm fine!

No. You know my rule.

If the drinks are on you,
then the drunks are on me.

I'm not drunk. This place
just has too many stairs.

That's right.
We'll get those removed.

Hey, man. Thanks for
helping me with him.

Are you kidding?
It was good to see him again.

Right.

I should go. I got that
Big/Little party tomorrow, so...

Oh, yeah. You should at least
try to start those sober.

I should try.

- I'll see you.
- OK.

- Have a safe flight back.
- Later, Cappie!

For a second there I thought
you guys were going to kiss.

I can't believe Cappie and I
spent two hours together

- and no one threw a punch.
- I knew we forgot something.

No, no, no. I need to talk
to you. It's about a girl.

Definitely break up with her.
She's just like mom.

- It's borderline oedipal.
- No, it's not about Frannie.

I guess it's a little bit
about Frannie.

I've been cheating on her.

With a townie
that I met in a bar.

She doesn't know my real name
because I don't want her to.

The other night, I parked
my car a few blocks away

so she wouldn't see that
I had money and it was stolen.

That's what God made
insurance for, right?

Look, ever since
I took my trust...

Ever since I signed my life away
to the Chambers International,

I've become this person.

I buy my way out of everything.
I treat my friends like crap.

You'll get used to it.
Look at Dad.

I don't want to be like Dad.
When I was sitting in the bar

I was thinking I should
just chuck it all away

and move to Costa Rica with you.

- Bad idea.
- Why?

Because without you here, I'd
never find a sympathetic ear.

- Why would you need sympathy?
- Grow up, Ev.

It's a cold world out there.

When the fire goes out,

it's nice to know someone
with a match.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

- How much do you need?
- Not that much.

- Just some getting by money.
- How much?

Fifty grand.

Large coffee. Black.

It's a myth that caffeine
helps a hangover.

Nice sales pitch. Why don't
you try pushing the croissant?

I hate my job.

So, Joni.
What do you do for fun?

Besides debunking
caffeine myths

and lighting up this world
with that glorious smile?

- OK, forget it.
- I'll get his.

Everyone else is getting some.
Why not you?

I'll have one large cappuccino,
please.

You know I had
a dream last night.

We were hanging out at Dobler's
and you weren't an ass.

Did you know how to say
thank you in your dream?

- Still an ass.
- And an idiot.

I was really looking
forward to seeing Patrick.

I thought that we had this
brother telepathy thing.

He'd know when I
really needed him.

First of all, I think

you have to be twins for that
telepathy thing to work.

And second, I think you've
got the wrong big brother.

Yeah, why's that?

As much as I enjoy
hanging out with Patrick,

he's never done anything without
having something in it for him.

Even the Training Bra Scavenger
Hunt was just a diversion

so he could score
with Tammy Summers.

The Camp President?
Who told you that?

She did. She had
the softest lips.

Hey, drunk guy's friend.
Your order's up.

- He's not my friend.
- He's not my friend.

First rule of avoiding
disappointment...

Lower your expectations.

Hey! Another killer party.
Huh, Rus?

Rock and roll!

So, a little birdie told me you
had a talk with Jordan about me.

I just said you liked her

and we spent
the next hour deciding

whether she should slip a note
under your door or text you.

Good choice.
Thanks, Rus.

♪ I'm begging you please now ♪

♪ Tell me that you want me ♪

Nice. Pledge Cue Ball!

♪ Tell me 'cause
I'd like to know ♪

For the next hour, feel
the bonds of brotherhood

with your new big brother...

Who is it? Who is it?
Who is it? Who is it?

Jeremy!

♪ Everybody knows the way
the eye goes ♪

♪ Moving like a curtain
closes over the finale ♪

♪ From your head down
to your toe ♪

Hey, Ben.
We have to talk.

Look how nervous the pledges
are. That's hilarious.

- That was us last year.
- I love being an active.

So nobody chose you
for big brother, right?

Don't rub it in.

I was a couple guy's second
choice and some thirds too.

How'd you like to be
somebody's number one?

Wait, who?

Pledge Andylicious!

♪ Won't you take it easy ♪

- ♪ Tell me 'cause
I'd like to know ♪
- For the next hour

enjoy the physical bond
of brotherhood

- with your new Big Brother...
- Wait!

I'm a righty.

Come here.

Spitter!

Seriously? Who?

Who is it?
Is he here now?

Just tell me later.

- Three more shots please.
- You got it.

You're sure this is
the best way to handle this?

Absolutely. It's the only way
to save Ashleigh from herself.

Until she can admit her crush
on Fisher she won't see

it's getting in the way of her
responsibilities to the house.

And believe me, a drunk
Ashleigh, is an honest Ashleigh.

Case! I can't believe
you wanted to do shots.

Usually, you're such
a fuddy-duddy drinker.

That's pretty honest.

- To Ashleigh!
- To me!

Oh, my god.
I'm so drunk.

She really is.

Believe me,
I would know!

Did you steal that shirt
from Blues Clues?

- So, Ash?
- Yes.

We want to ask you
about Fisher.

Can you believe
that girl Natalie?

What a slaggy-slag-slag.

- No. She's horrible.
- She is horrible.

That's a good point.

You're sure you don't
have a crush on Fisher?

Scout's honor.

But ask me
if we're doing it.

So, when does ZBZ
do Big/Little?

Tomorrow.
We're having a Brunch.

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Yeah!

I don't think it'll
be as fun as this.

I'm sure you'll have
a cool Big Sis.

She is cool.
It's Rusty's sister, Casey

This Rusty?

That's awesome!

Rock and roll.

Spitter and Andy.

You have completed your
mandatory hour of bondage...

Bonding. I mean.

We do not need those rumors
around campus again.

So, congratulations.

The night is yours

to bask in the glow of fraternal
impossibilitment.

Sorry, I stayed out later
last night than I should have.

Enjoy.

- ♪ Waiting for the buzz ♪
- Congratulations.

♪ Pure and pale and innocent ♪

♪ Not yet wearing the scars ♪

♪ And your face consumes
all the attention ♪

♪ Your shape
is collecting gazes ♪

I'm going for a hamburger.

- You guys good?
- Yeah.

I better hold off. I've got
early practice tomorrow.

♪ Drink to think that
I've accomplished something ♪

Ah!

I'm so happy you
brought me here, man.

So, what do I do next?
Your my Big Bro, Right?

♪ Drink to think that
I've accomplished something ♪

- How are your Beer Pong skills?
- Terrible. I suck at it.

Well, follow me,
Little Bro!

The key to Beer Pong

is you have to practice
the fundamentals.

Boom!

Remember Andy...

Keep that elbow in
and hold the follow through.

Is this a normal KT thing?

A true Kappa Tau must
learn how to compete

on every level of sobriety.

Oh!

Andy, follow through.

Oh!

Set 'em up. One more match.
I'll play left handed.

Come on, Andy.
You're OK.

Ash, I think you're one

of the best Presidents
that ZBZ has ever had.

Unfortunately, if you
want to stay one,

- you have to fire Fisher.
- Why?

But I really like him, Case.

You guys have no idea what it's
like to go through college

without a boyfriend.
I mean, you went from Cappie

to Evan to Max.

And then you went from Evan
to Cappie to...

If she says Max I will cut you.

I just don't get why I should
have to give up this boyfriend

- if we don't have any proof.
- She's right.

- We need proof.
- I totally agree.

OK, then this is what we do.

Ash, you text Fisher.

Tell him there's groceries
that need to be put away.

Then if all the food is there
in the morning...

We'll know he isn't the thief.
That's a great plan.

I love it!
I love it.

- OK. Let's get your phone out.
- Can you get it?

OK. Nice.

- OK.
- Down. Yeah, F. Under F.

Press it.

Come on. Typey-typey.

- What if he is the thief?
- Then at least you'll know.

And we'll help you find
somebody better.

Why am I the only one
who's drunk?

- I guess this is it.
- Yeah, I guess.

You gonna make me
beg for it?

No. I wouldn't do
that to you.

I need you to answer
one question.

Yes, I stole your toothbrush.

Would you still tell me
to stay the course

if you didn't need me
to be your bank?

Why does everything have to come
with strings attached?

There's no strings.
It's a question.

Think you'd enjoy living
in a foreign country

working your ass off
to pay rent?

- Do you think I would?
- What does it matter?

Your my big brother and you
should want what's best for me.

And help me when I really
don't know what to do.

People got to look out
for themselves.

It's not personal.
It's just life.

That's it?

Come on. Ev.

You've really got to relax.

Why don't you come visit
some weekend?

Seriously!
Get yourself a tan.

Thanks, little brother.

Oh. Sorry.

If Fisher is a criminal,

would you guys hate me
if I kept seeing him?

Be smart.
Like Anne Hathaway.

I'd keep dating him.

You would not.

I wouldn't leave him alone with
my purse, but come on? He's hot.

Touch him and I'll cut you
even faster than she would.

- Freeze!
- Oh, dude.

You're busted, Fisher!

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

- Kenny?
- Hey, Ash.

- You know him?
- He's Fisher's roommate.

And he's a thief.

Coming up.

Is it a miracle or a smelly
old pile of compost?

Meet a local CRU student
who claims he found Jesus

in a pile of grass clippings.

After the break!

Dale.

Did you learn nothing
from the Scooby story?

Scooby!

Scoob!

I didn't mean for him
to get that drunk.

He's just really bad
at Beer Pong.

I guess I got a little
carried away.

Anyone can become a Big
Brother, Rus.

It's how you act afterwards
that defines you.

I didn't really want
to be his Big Brother, OK?

- Why not? Because of the girl?
- No. What girl?

Sit down. Sit down.
You think I'm blind?

If there's anyone who
understands

how a girl can change the way
you feel about a friend...

It's your Big Brother. Mostly
because of your big sister.

Good god this campus
is incestuous.

He hooked up with her before I
could even tell her I liked her.

They're all into each other
and I want to puke around them.

I was going to ask Ben
to be his Big Brother,

but I was too late
for that, too.

Why'd you say yes
in the first place?

I fought so hard convincing you
to let him in the house,

I felt like
if I changed my mind,

you'd question my judgment
as an active.

- Rus. That was stupid.
- Ben can be Andy's big brother?

I'm afraid not. That's the thing
about responsibility.

Once you take it on,
there's no getting out of it.

I can't believe out of all
the people on campus,

you're the one teaching me
about responsibility.

And apparently, a little
something about irony.

Andy. There you are.

Come on, buddy. You got football
practice. Twenty minutes.

Yeah, I thought you would feel
that way.

But I wasn't sure
what you would need more.

A little jolt of caffeine?

Or electrolyte replacement?

What do you think?
OK. Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Rise and shine.

Come on, buddy.

OK. Come on.
Oh, yeah! Yeah, open those eyes!

Yeah. Oh, yeah!

This is unpossible.

Hey, Ash.
Are you, OK?

Yeah. Just a little
hangover-induced vertigo.

It'll pass. I hope.

Sorry, Ash. Next time we'll go
easier on the truth shots.

I'd do a hundred shots to find
out Fisher wasn't the thief.

- How did he take the news?
- He felt terrible.

He also promises never to get
a roommate off of Craigslist.

Of course, you know as
his employer,

you still have to keep your
relationship a secret.

Well, a secret boyfriend is
better than no boyfriend, right?

Right.

You OK with that, Fisher?

- Anything for Ashleigh.
- Great.

Hey. I've been trying to get
a hold of you all night.

- Where've you been?
- Saying goodbye to my brother.

Turns out he didn't
come here for the fun

He just wanted to ask me
for some emergency cash.

Oh, Evan.

I think your mom was right.

You're such a better person
than your brother.

- What's this?
- This?

I guess this is
your emergency cash.

Plus a little extra
for that personal trainer.

That is so not fair, Evan.

I'm surprised you and Patrick
didn't hit it off.

You have so much in common.

You offered to help me with
the house. This was your idea.

You know I'm not Patrick.

Do I?

♪ A song of sisterhood ♪

- Evan?
- ♪ Oh, I find the answer ♪

- ♪ And the answer is good ♪
- Hey.

♪ Over the years I sing ♪

♪ Of a bond that holds true ♪

- Let's go.
- OK.

♪ Hand in hand for... ♪

What the hell
are you doing here?

Checking in on you.
That's what big brothers do.

All right.

- Is that our boy?
- Yep.

Well done, Spitter.
Well done.

This might not be as hard
as I thought.

It's not Andy's fault that
Jordan likes him instead of me.

Look at him.

Any guy that can make it
to football practice

after losing four
straight sets of Beer Pong

has probably got a good amount
of Kappa Tau in him.

At least he used to.

You want to get
breakfast?

Sure. Pumpkin pancakes?

You love those.

- Ohio special?
- Yeah, sounds good.