All language subtitles for Greek S02E09 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

- Previously on Greek:
- Speed dating
at Dobler's?

This whole thing reeks
of desperation if you ask me.
No offense.

- So, what now?
- All I know is, I'm in college
and I had fun with you.

- What about Michael?
- What do you want?

I just think
that we should break up.

Our new ZBZ president
is Ashleigh.

- What?
- How is that possible?
You weren't even in the running.

I had great ideas
for this house.

Did you?
'Cause I didn't hear any.

You played
the politics perfectly

but great politicians
are supposed to inspire people,

not just be better
than the alternative.

- I can't believe I lost.
- You may not be president,

but that doesn't mean
you can't lead the house.

Oh, good morning, prez!
You all set for your
first officers' meeting?

- I guess so.
How are you doing?
- Good.

You know, I'm going to have
some free time now so I thought
I'd get a head start on finals.

OK, Case, I know you better
than that.
This is crazy awkward, right?

I mean, you should be president,
not me. I didn't even run.

I have no business
being president.

You know, I'm just going to
announce my resignation at
the meeting and appoint you.

- I... I can do that.
- You can't do that.

Really? See?
No business.

You should've won.

I was so preoccupied
with beating Frannie,

I never considered
what the house really wanted.

You won the election,
they want you.

So, we'd better get a move on.

How would it look
if you were late
to your first officers' meeting?

- Pretty bad, right?
- Oh, I just...

I pass this on to you
in the meeting. It's a ritual.

It's in he book
of rules and rituals.

OK, then, we'd better
follow the book.

Which I'll give you
at the meeting, too.

Yeah.

Two more weeks left in
freshmen year, isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

Which means we only have
two more weeks

to do all the things
we wanted to do in the dorm.

Such as?

We always talked about
sleeping overnight
in the laundry room dryers.

Or sneaking up onto the roof.

No, I've got too much respect
for law and country

and not enough time
for shenanigans.

I gotta find my new dorm
for next year.

I'm leaning toward Appleby
and Wohlford, but the bathroom
situation is not ideal.

I mean, come on.
Low-flush toilets?

That's not gonna get
the job done.

- I thought you'd just
stay here.
- I can't.

My new roommate's not
in honors engineering.

You already have a new roommate?

Well, you're shipping off
to Kappa Torrid,

and I couldn't just wait around
and see what kind of nutbag
the school stuck me with.

So who's the lucky guy?

Uh, my old
purity pledge bro, Kirk.

- The one who goes
to Bob Jones University?
- Went.

Bob Jones is in South Carolina
and the climate wreaked havoc
on his adenoids,

so he's transferring.

But he's more or less
the coolest dude I know.

You don't mind if he stays
with us for a few days, right?
Just to get our routine down.

Uh... of course not. When are
you planning on him coming here?

I don't know exactly.

Kirk!

My god, you're crazy.
How long you been hiding
behind my bed?

- Four and a half hours.
- Good one!

You're stealthy, man.
I always said
you should be a sniper!

Oh, I appreciate that, Dale!

- Hi, I'm Rusty.
- Right.

So, here's what we do, get
lunch, take a tour of Appleby,
then go to the chapel.

Welcome everyone
to our first post-elections
officers meeting.

So, I know this past week was...

...surprising for everyone.

But it's time for all of us

to look ahead as we transition
to our new regime.

So in the spirit
of passing the torch,

I'm proud to pass on
the presidential gavel

to my best friend and fellow
sister, Ashleigh Howard.

Sorry, sticky fingers.

Anyway, your newly-elected
president will now
tell you what we,

uh, she, has coming this Friday.

Well, this Friday at 7:30,

Casey's... we...
have booked Dobler's

for a night of sister bonding
and fun before the end
of the year!

Actually, since
I'm the new social chair,

shouldn't I be the one
making that announcement?

Oh, right, yes.
I'm sorry.

- It's OK.
- Excuse me, point of order!

- Yes, Laura? Hi!
- Hi.

Uh, shouldn't we look ahead
to next year's Rush
instead of Dobler's?

I mean, I get you were social
chair and all but what's going
on with fraternity Pref?

Have the Omega Chis
asked us yet?

Uh... I don't think so.
Maybe?

The Omega Chis haven't
officially Pref'd us yet,
that's true.

But, I... we... she...

has no reason to believe
they won't.

Who the Omega Chis pick
for their first mix
is critical for us.

It tells the incoming freshman
we're the best.

Pref sets the social stage
for the entire year.

If we don't begin Rush with the
number one fraternity on campus,

we could be screwed socially.
We need this invite.

I don't mean to jump in, but
it's a really simple solution.

I can talk to Evan and we'll
have that invite in no time.

That won't be necessary,
Frannie. It's under control.

Moving on.

Right. moving on.

OK, I got one.

Helen Mirren or Judi Dench?
Who would you rather?

Hm, Helen Mirren is
the obvious choice,

but Dame Judi won an Oscar
for 13 minutes of screen time.

- Imagine what she could
do to me in an hour.
- You gotta choose.

When the choice is that
difficult, there's really only
one clear solution... both.

- You can't,
it's against the rules.
- Oh, come on.

I'd love to be a part of that
Queen Elizabeth sandwich.

C'mon, you know
you're a one-woman man.

- I beg your pardon.
- It's no big deal.

You've just kinda turned into
a serial monogamist.

- Whoa, Beav, where'd you
even learn that phrase?
- Wikipedia.

Cap, it's not a big deal. So
you like to have one girlfriend.

Hey, I also like to have sex
with hot chicks. Which I met
a few during Speed Dating.

- Speed dating, Cap?
- I went with Spitter
for moral support.

Look, Wade means
that when people call you
a serial monogamist...

Hold on! People call me that?

- All the time.
- Yeah.

Really?
This is worse than I thought.

Serial monogamist is
just a stone's throw away
from being "the marrying kind."

I need to re-establish
my reputation as
the Titan of Tawdry.

- I need a threesome.
- You can't just make
a threesome happen, Cap.

Oh, yes, I can.
And guess what? I will.

This Saturday night. But I'll
need help from both of you.

Don't flatter yourselves.

I've got the pepperoni.

More 'zah!

Thursday's usually
our 'zah day, Dale.

Oh, I totally forgot.
God, I'm sorry.

I figured you were eating
most of your meals
at the frat house by now.

- That'd be next year.
- You're in a fraternity?

Can you believe it?

Your buddy Dale has lived a year
with a liberal fornicator.

As opposed
to the conservative kind?

- Hey, why are there chess pieces on my bed?
- - Oh, well,

I figure, since we're going our
separate ways, with you choosing
to live in that petri dish

and me taking the high road...

Kirk, you OK?

I figured we should divide up
the community property.
Amicably, of course.

I just don't know how
to split up the chess board.

I don't know if we cut it
in half, or just divide up
the red and black squares?

I could hold onto it until next
year, so we could play then?

Fight me for custody of
the board? You're not gonna
play it at the frat house.

They're more
the Chutes and Ladders crowd.

I can actually taste
the fennel in the pepperoni.

This pizza is fennelicious.

Fennelicious?

That's funny, right?

Kirk's always had
a very healthy appetite and
quite a facility with language,

kind of like James Joyce,
with the making up new words.

And whatnot.

Oh! It is fennelicious.

See?

So, a four-hour meeting
wasn't a good sign, right?

The house is definitely divided

and the Frannie faction seems
intent on making your life hell.
So does Frannie.

She just can't give up.

Well, I can ask Frannie for help
just this once, right?
She's still a sister.

No! She's ingratiating
herself again.
She's using Evan as her weapon.

The first rule of a good
president is never let someone
else tell you what to do.

That makes sense.

So here's what
you're gonna do...

I'm just moving across campus

and Dale seems to think
I'm going to the moon.

And the guy he's
planning on replacing me with?

"Kirk." Is it just me, or
is that a really stupid name?

You can never tell
if he's saying Kirk or Kurt.
It's so annoying.

He also does this play-by-play
of every bite of food
that he chews.

- He described his gum as a
minty fresh piece of paradise.
- That's a little weird.

Yeah. And Dale seems to think
he's the second coming.

You know what he does for fun?

He hides in weird places
then he jumps out of them
to scare the crap out of Dale.

Last night, I got home, I
reached into my clothes hamper,
and Kirk jumped out.

He'd been hiding in there
for an hour.
I almost had a heart attack.

- I mean, who does that?
- Apparently, the second coming?

- No, I'm serious.
- No, I'd say you're jealous.

- Of Dale?
- No, of Kirk.

I mean, you're upset
that Dale's replacing you.

But you've replaced him
with an entire fraternity.

No, I'm not moving out
for another two weeks,
and I'm not replacing anybody.

Living in the house will not
affect my relationship
with Dale.

Once you become permanent
at Kappa Tau, everything's
supposed to stay the same?

Come on, Rusty.

Circumstances change,
relationships change,
life changes.

You know, if you want to stay
friends with Dale,

you gotta just suck it up
and get used to Kurt.

Kirk.

Remember, keep it casual
and only between you,
Evan and Dino.

- OK, what are you going to do?
- I'm just going to sit here
in case you get in trouble.

OK. Sounds like a plan.

Oh, here they come.

Good evening, gentlemen.
Thank you both for joining us.

- Now, let's talk about Pref.
- I'm gonna go grab a drink.

- Text me if you're in
over your head.
- All right, thanks.

- Wow, guess you guys are
all transitioned, huh?
- Yeah.

Some more than others.
Hey, um, sorry to hear
about your loss, Case.

- I mean, what an upset, huh?
- I'm just here for support.

So, Evan, I was wondering
when we might expect
the Omega Chi Pref invite?

Well, sorry to break it
to you gals, but my brothers
and I have decided

to, you know, shop around
a little before committing this
year. It's nothing personal.

When do you think
you might come to a decision?

Because we're not going
to wait forever.
We're shopping around, too.

- If you had to guess?
- It's hard to say when.

Come on, Evan, you guys Pref
with us every year. Just cut to
the chase, set it, and move on.

Well, we've been getting
a lot of attention
from other sororities.

Even though
your girlfriend is a ZBZ?

As presidents, we have
to put the house first.

Oh, that's right. I keep...
Sorry. I keep forgetting you're
no longer president, Case.

We're done here.

Or I'm done here.

Ash, are we done here?

No. I...

OK, yeah, I guess
we're done here.

I can't believe we had to sit
in the first row. I don't think
my neck will ever recover.

I kinda liked it.
It felt like we were right there
in the action.

- Thanks, Kirk! It felt like
we were inside the screen.
- I know. That's crazy, right?

Oh, darn it, I forgot
my cardigan. I'll be right back.

- Hey, get me some more popcorn!
- OK.

Dude, you gotta try this.
This is delicious,

with artificial butter flavor,
the right amount of salt, and
a bit of mustard just for fun.

No one ever eats Titan popcorn.
It's probably been sitting out
since 2001, the year.

Well, I, uh...
I guess that's why
I came prepared.

I'm totally baked right now.

- Baked?
- Yeah, but I'm actually
kind of running a little low.

I was wondering if maybe you
could, you know, help me out?

Help you out? With what?

Can you score me some herb?

Kirk, this popcorn sucks.

Give me this. You probably
didn't put enough butter on it.

He's so demanding
when he's hungry.

Hey, uh, Dale.
My battery's dead. Can I borrow
your phone for a sec?

Yeah, sure thing.

Hey, how about a little
Trivial Pursuit, Bible Edition?

OK. "Eve in garden.
Tempts man with apple
and lady parts." What book?

- Uh, maybe later, Dale.
- Genesis. It was Genesis.

- Hey, who are you writing to?
- My mom.

Cool.

Hey, how about
a little Bible Boggle?

Remember at Youth Group,
when you spelled Leviticus

and Harvey Brubauer
started crying?

Oh, man.

- Dale, your pajamas flew out the window.
- - Hey, what gives?

Huh. Must be
the lightweight cotton.

You know, 'cause
my winter flannels
never have that problem.

All right.
I'll be right back.

- What's wrong with you?
- C'mon, Rusty!

Considering you're in
a fraternity, I just figured
you'd be cool with it.

Why don't you have
this conversation
with your future roommate?

Whoa, whoa.
Settle down, it's not like
I'm Mr. Wake and Bake.

At least not every single day.
I just do it to relax.

And it also comes in handy
with stale popcorn.

- But you're Dale's
purity pledge brother.
- But I'm on Rumspringa.

- Isn't that only for the Amish?
- Uh, yes, technically.

But I just think God
wanted me to take a break.

You got kicked out
of Bob Jones University,
didn't you?

Let's just say
we agreed to part company

and the only way my parents
would send me to school again
was if I agreed to come here

- and room with Dale
in the Dooby-Free Shop
- You don't plan on telling him?

Dale? No.

No, no, no.
And you can't, either.

I mean, Dale is not like us.

OK, I mean,
he's a true believer.

- He can't handle the truth.
- Where are you going?
Stop!

Hey! Give them back!

So why a 70s theme party? No one
here was alive during the 70s.

- I wasn't even alive
during the 80s.
- Ah, youth.

The 70s was when debauchery
was invented, Spitter.

And tonight I plan to carry on

in that same sordid tradition
by having myself a threesome.

Wait. Wasn't debauchery
invented in ancient Rome?

Actually, the modern concept
of debauchery

defines its origins as the pagan
spring equinox of antiquity.

Wikipedia.

- You're planning a threesome?
- You can't plan it.
That'd be sleazy.

It's best to create
a conducive world for
the impromptu ménage à trois.

It seems to me that
anytime you have three people
involved in anything

someone's always left out
though, right?

There are worse things than
than being the odd man out
in a threesome, Spitter.

Uh... yep, I'm definitely
in a fraternity house.

- Hypothetically speaking.
- Hey, Rus. You got a sec?

I'm sorry,
I don't know how to start.

I usually talk to Ashleigh about
this kind of stuff and I know
you're going to judge me.

I don't always judge.

OK, I'm pissed at Ashleigh.

Because of the election?
No, that's crazy.

- It's not like she ran against
you. She's your best friend.
- I know, Rusty!

I know you're right. I lost.
She won. She's my best friend.

But I've been working towards
this since my sophomore year.

All the things I wanted
to do to make next year amazing.

My last year. And now I can't.

I'm jealous of my best friend
and it sucks.

It's better than being jealous
of some random kid named Kirk.

Who's Kurt?

Don't even get me started.

He's an old friend of Dale's
who's bad news.

But if I tell Dale
I know it's gonna hurt him.

Like it might hurt Ashleigh if I
don't help her get through Pref.

I mean, but it's for their own
good, for us to get involved.

We should always do
what's best for friends.

Yes, even if it might appear
to favor us in some way.

Good talk, Rus.

So, how does it feel
to rule the world of Zeta Beta?

It sucks.

I think I could be great, but
this was always Casey's thing.

And now that it's my thing,

and I can't help but realize
I don't know what the hell
I'm doing.

You've gotta give yourself
some time to learn.

It's hard to learn, though,
when the only person
you ever go to for advice

wishes she was doing what
you're doing, or trying to do.

She's obviously more qualified.

Yeah, you know, maybe it'd be
best for both of you if you
didn't rely on Casey so much.

Just go with your gut.

Yeah, well, that's why I'm here.
I was sort of hoping you'd
do what you did last time.

Y'know, talk to the guys,
get them on our side about Pref

before any other sororities
got involved.

Every sorority is involved.
They've been courting us
for the past week.

I wish I could just
talk to Casey about this.

OK, look, I know you're trying
to be sensitive
to Casey's feelings and all,

but you're president,
all right?

That means you can't stand
safely behind
in her shadow anymore.

And that means you can't
take a backseat on any issue,
including Pref.

You're gonna be the one held
responsible for what happens,

so you've gotta be the one
who's driving the bus.

All right?

Hey.

- Where is he?
- Who, Kirk?

He went to the bathroom
a while ago.

He spends a lot more time
in there than I remember.
It may be a fiber issue.

Last night after the movie,
Kirk asked me
to score him some herb.

- Basil or tarragon?
- Weed.

- Like dandelions?
- Marijuana.
He's a serious pothead.

Come on.
Good one, Rus.

That's my BFF, man.

I was there and watched him take
an oath in front of Pastor Chuck

and the entire
Baptist youth group

to stay away from illegal
substances and corrupting
influences for all eternity,

- longer if necessary.
- Look at the signs.

- He's always hungry.
- High metabolism.

- Bloodshot eyes?
- Allergies.

I told you, that's
why he transferred!

He mistook my slippers
for bunnies.

Rusty, they're bunny slippers.
It's an easy mistake.

All right, you know what,
Kirk is my best friend.

And he's my pledge bro,
and he's my new roommate.

And next year we're going to
have fun, good wholesome fun,
all year, in our room, together.

- Come on, I'm not...
- No. I don't have time.

'Cause Kirk is probably trapped
in the stall again
and I have to go help him.

Because that's what
friends do for each other.

Jen F told me that the
Gamma Mu's baked a gingerbread
replica of the Omega Chi house.

And the Pi Delta Epsilons set up
a bikini car wash.

Are they still out there?
My car's pretty dirty.

This is ridiculous.
Frannie should just
talk to Evan.

Hang on, guys.
Everyone calm down.
I have a better idea.

Hey Casey,
um, I've been thinking.

And I've decided we should
just talk to Frannie.
I really...

Don't worry, Ashleigh.
I have it covered. Trust me.

All right, girls,
it's time to get it on!

Hey, everybody,
we've got company.

The sisters of ZBZ
invite all of the Omega Chis

to a night of pleasure and pain
at Dobler's.

The pleasure will be us.

And the pain will be provided by

that really big boxing
pay-per-view

on a really, really big screen.

- Looks like you have
another front-runner for Pref.
- Great.

Y'know, there are some things
I'm gonna miss about this.

Hey, what's going on out there?

Ashleigh, or more likely Casey,
just gave us an offer
we can't refuse.

Oh, I'm not surprised,

but I'm also sure you're gonna
continue to hold off the
brothers until I make my move.

Well, if I hold off
the Pref invite much longer,

the guys may actually decide
to go with another house,
and not ZBZ.

The bikini car wash,
that was a huge hit.

Oh, please, the Gamma Psis are
almost as slutty as the Tri Pis.

Yeah, but I mean, only you and
Calvin see that as a downside.

Maybe we should Pref
with someone else.

- I mean, Casey would never
recover in the house from that.
- But neither would I.

OK, well, I can make up an
excuse to make us late tonight,

but I can't keep them
away forever.

Trust me, Ashleigh will cave.

You sure you don't have
any Chambers blood
coursing through those veins?

Very sure.

You know, I know almost
nothing about your family.

I'm not one to whine about
my tragic past. With anyone.

I'm gonna go.
I'll call you later.

- Hey, Wade.
- Hey, Rollergirl.

Far out.

- I can dig it.
- All right.

♪ I want more
So much more ♪

- Hey, Cappie.
- Hey, Rollergirl.

So, where's this friend
you keep telling me about?

I think you'll really
dig one another.

This is Cappie.

Uh, excuse me one moment.

♪ I like the way you walk ♪

♪ I like it
I get so primed
by the way you move ♪

So, I was thinking,
maybe if we just...

I'll take that
as your third and final "no."

Hey!

I tried to warn him,
but he wouldn't listen.

You know what, he deserves
the cheese weasel.

- Did you just say
"cheese weasel"?
- I'm moving on.

Next year, I'm Dale-free.

I'm just glad to be
getting out of there alive.

So, uh, which one of these
rooms is gonna be yours?

Here.

Rusty, it's a pigsty.

It's only messy
because it's Ferret's room.
He's the house slob.

- Is Ferret human?
- Once he moves out,
I'll clean it up.

It'll be good as new.

Guys, I found something
we can put the extra beer in!

- Stop it, Beav!
- - What are you doing, Beav?

And what does one have to do
to be labeled the house slob
of Kappa Tau?

I said "freeway!"

- Lisa Lawson!
- Cappie Cappie!

Just the girl I'm looking for.
Really.

Do you by any random chance
happen to remember
a conversation

you and I had last year
at the Cinco de Mayo party?

Mm...
I would love to have a threeway.

No better time than now.
Meet me upstairs.

I'll find a ménage
for our trois.

- Beverage?
- Thanks.

You look far-out.
I'll take that.

So, how are things with you?

I'm OK. I'm single now.

- Which is kinda how I like it.
- I totally know how you feel.

So, uh, it's cool
if we're just friends?

How about we're friends that go
to Gentleman's Choice together?

Ah, good call.

There's too many straight
horny people around here.

Great idea, huh?

Nice costume.

I'm not wearing a costume.

Dyn-o-mite!

Hey, Cap.

Dale? What are you doing here?

Well, you know, Kirk kind of
sensed that there was
some tension between us,

and, being
the peacemaker that he is,

he insisted we come find you
and clear the air.

- Oh.
- You know, he once
brokered peace

- between a Presbyterian
and a Methodist.
- Hey, I wanna dance!

All right.

See, he's so happy that we're
talking again that he's dancing
to evoke joy.

And you know, it's like a fever.
It's catching on. I don't know.

I'm feeling it, too. Let's all
just dance our anger away.

You know?
Right, Kirk?

All right, is there anything
else you want to say to me?

No.

- Glad you came by.
- Oh, good, good.

Good, good, good.
Well, you know,

I'm probably gonna grab Kirk
and head back to the dorm, then.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

We're taking a tour
of Benson Hall.

Their salad bar has
garbanzo beans and pine nuts.

He wants to sample both of them.

You've seen his appetite.
I don't have to tell you.

Uhhh...

Um, they're coming.

In certain cultures,
like Spain or Los Angeles,

- 20 minutes late is early.
- And we're in Ohio.

Which is exactly why there's
nothing to worry about.

Clearly this wasn't
your idea, Ash.

- Did Evan say anything
to you about coming?
- I'm not sure.

He did say some of the guys
thought the invite
was kind of desperate.

But whatever.
It's not your fault.

You listened to Casey.
Are you sure you don't want me
to at least call him? Text Evan?

Everything's handled, Frannie.

- Maybe we need to ask her...
- Don't worry,
the Omega Chis will show.

Evan doesn't have
that much power. See!

Just here for my shift.

That's it, Case.
I gotta go with my gut.

I'm just gonna ask Frannie
to call Evan. It's fine.

Ash, don't open that door.
You've seen what she did to me.

- But I'm not you.
- Trust me,
it's a really bad idea.

As bad as this one?

- So, you're taking her side?
- I'm taking our side.

The house is tired
of all the politics
and your fight with Frannie.

This is a sorority,
not the Middle East.

They just want peace and a Pref
invite from the Omega Chis.

I'm trying to help you.

And I'm president,
and I'm making my first
executive decision.

Are you sure you want to do
this? I mean, a lot of guys
would be nervous with two girls.

Trust me, that wouldn't even
begin to describe
what I'm feeling right now.

- Lisa, I want you to meet
the third member...
- You?

- You?
- Me?

- Skank-monster stole
my boyfriend last year.
- I didn't steal him.

- I just had sex with him.
- Girls, girls, come on.

I think I speak for all
red-blooded males here

when I say
let's just kiss and make up.

This is too weird, Cap.
Sorry.

- Well, that's a mood killer.
- Actually, I really want
to get back at my ex.

- I'm still in.
- Mood's back!

- My sister, Janette,
is downstairs.
- Sister?

Sorority.
She's mentioned wanting
to do this before.

- Thank God for sororities.
- I can get her.

Oh, and risk losing you both?
Uh-uh. Chrissy, you stay
right here.

- I'll go get Janet.
- Her name's Janette.

Whatever.

Anyone seen a Gamma Psi
named Janet?

She's in the back.

Well, the smooth waltz
certainly has changed.

It may be an Austrian version.

Yeah, those knee slaps.
That's definitely Viennese.

What's the Hustle?
That's a dance, right?

We should totally do that!

- You know what?
This is all your fault.
- Mine? What did I do?

Five minutes
in your little den of iniquity
and you've driven Kirk insane.

Who wants chimichangas?

Oh, that's smart.
With all his dancing,

he brought an electrolyte
infused sports drink
to stay quenched.

Smell it.

- It's rather pungent.
- It's tequila!

You know, maybe one of
your KT bros planted it on him.

Dale, will you face the facts?
Kirk is wasted.

He drinks and he smokes pot
and God knows what else!

- You're making up lies.
- You're completely blind!

- You wanna take this outside,
cowboy?
- We're already outside.

- Good.
- Break it up, boys.

Is that an open container
of alcohol?

No.

It's OK. I'll handle this.
I'll handle this.

- Kirk.
- Got it.

Let's see some IDs.

You don't need
to see their IDs.

- Chrissy, I found Janet!
- Janette.

Whatever.
Hey, she... She's gone.

- Yes, but I'm not.
- No, but
we should find Chrissy.

Oh, she's probably just
grabbing a drink.

Well, uh...

Did you hear a knock
on the door? Was that us?

Fine, you big baby.

I'll find Chrissy and we'll do
your damn threesome.

Thank you.

Just come and knock on my door
when you get back.

You know, Kirk,
I think we just gotta
look on the bright side here.

'Cause now you can get clean and
sober before school starts.

We won't miss a day being
roommates. We'll never
watch the E! Channel again.

'Cause it is full of temptation.

You know, with
all the aging trollops.

Anyway, and then me
and the other PP brothers

can come down to rehab
over the summer,

and then next year we can
all sing the praises of
restraint and abstinence.

Dale! Dale! Stop! Stop!
Don't you get it?

I've changed.

I don't want to be
Mr. Goody-two-shoes anymore.

I don't want to be
your roommate and
I don't want to be your friend.

- Hey.
- I can manage
my own friendships, Rusty.

I'm not trying to tell you
how to manage your friendships.

I just want to tell this guy
that he's a douche
and he's an idiot

and you have no idea
who you're turning your back on.

You don't!

Hey, turnkey!

When're we getting sprung
from this godforsaken hellhole?

Right now.

Kettlewell and Cartwright?
You're clean and free to go.

You have a stupid name.

♪ You wanted to know me ♪

- ♪ And I made you stay
far away ♪
- Well, the guys made it.

My lemon drop and I
are happy for you.

- I do wish you luck, however.
- Why?

We got the Omega Chis.
All I had to do was ask Frannie
for a little help.

There's no asking Frannie
for a little anything.

Case, it's time to make peace
and move on.

Wars aren't over
when one side stops fighting.

Look around. Frannie's the hero.

If she's feeling generous she'll
give you back the silver platter
you served us up on.

So, now it's all my fault
Frannie's in charge?

No, it's much worse than that.

Since we base our entire
identity as a house
on the Omega Chis,

it's our fault that the new
president of Zeta Beta Zeta
is Evan Chambers.

I'm going home.

Who's ready for round two?

Round two?

Ugh.
What?

We... We didn't... You, um...

These two crazy girls
hooked up with Jeremy
in our room last night.

And every extra bed was taken.

- So we bunked here.
- Phew.

Uncomfortable moment averted.

- We didn't have round one,
did we?
- No.

- Of course not.
- Never.

- Definitely not.
- Probably not.

Excellent.

- Breakfast?
- Yeah.

Nice pajamas, Beav.

Thank you.

They floated down from the sky.

The cotton's really lightweight.

Little itchy, though.

Hey Ashleigh, I wanted
to tell you that...

Big news! Evan just called,
and the Omega Chis are
inviting us to Pref tonight.

Looks like it worked, Frannie.

Um... before we all get excited
about the Omega Chis,

I've already asked the Lambda
Sigs to come by so we can accept
their invite to Fraternity Pref.

The Lambda Sigs?
You've got to be kidding.

- They're the number two house
on campus.
- Sure, now.

- But maybe by Preffing with us,
they'll become number one.
- Yeah, that's not how it works.

- The Omega Chis are number one.
- Really?

Well, not according
to a girlfriend of mine.

- See, my friend is the one
who dictates who's cool.
- What?

Nope, it's not Casey.

You see, this friend
has never cared what
other people thought of her.

And you know what? Everyone fell
in love with her for it.

- And she lived where?
- Fantasyland?

I don't think Fantasyland
would've had her, Frannie.

See, she spent years
with a vial of blood
around her neck,

and during the biggest night
of her life, she made out
with her own brother.

Great, OK, so she's a freak too.

Why don't we rush her right
after we get done pairing up
with the Lamda Sigs?

No, we're not going to rush her,

because she is Angelina Jolie.

Ashleigh's friends
with Angelina Jolie?

No, I think she's an analogy.

Oh.
I thought she was an actress.

See, after Angelina
ditched Billy Bob,

she stopped letting guys
define her.

- She got cool, all on her own.
- And it's not because
she's with Brad Pitt.

Even though it doesn't hurt.

The fact is, we can be
like Angelina.

We can be unique
and cool and crazy and weird

and generous
and totally gorgeous too.

Ashleigh, now's not exactly
the time for an Us Weekly recap.

I want to know why
we're letting a bunch of guys
define us.

We'll choose what's awesome
and who's cool

and we'll choose
who's number one.

We can have it all, because
we can be Angelina Jolie, too!

♪ Brothers in our garden true ♪

♪ Forever in unity ♪

- ♪ Omega Chi, here we are ♪
- Hello, guys, hi.

I'm Betsy, for those of you
who don't know me.
I'm the new social chair.

Hi, Betsy.

So, we really appreciate your
invitation to Pref next year.

But we've voted and
we're going to turn you down.

Oh, and it's because
of Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie is a ZBZ?

Dale, wait.

- Why won't you talk to me?
- I'm getting used
to the sound of my own company.

- Come on. Seriously.
- No, 'cause you were
right about Kirk.

I didn't want to see it.

You were right, too.
I didn't want to think
anything would be different

when we're not
roommates anymore.
But it will be.

Yeah, I know, hence my embrace
of solitude and reinforcement
of personal space.

I'm not going to disappear,
or turn into a drug addict.

You still up for
a trip to that roof?

What about your respect
for law and country?

Come on, man,
we've already done hard time.

What's the worst
that can happen now, huh?

Oh, wow.

I was just thinking
the same thing.

- We should do something.
- Yeah.

- Something dramatic.
- OK, OK.

Let's sing
the school fight song.

All right. You ready?

Two, three, four.

♪ Far above
the hills and valleys ♪

- Shut up!
- What are you doing?

These look like hills?
These are mountains.

We should put
"learn the CRU fight song"

on our list of things to do
before we move out.

Let's just, um... let's just
put it on our list of things
to do together next year.

Let me get that,
Madame President.

I'd feel better
if we'd won the decision

to turn down the Omega Chis
by more than three votes.

Well, you won the presidency
by one vote.
Now you're up by three.

It just means
you're making progress.

It's going to be a little scary,
not being able to rely
on the Omega Chis.

Ash, you're my president.

And my best friend.
I want to help.

Sometime's it's hard
when things change

and you don't want them to.

But you're OK with it?

More than I was last week.
It's going to take
a little time.

But I promise I'll be OK.
Eventually.

OK.

Calvin Owens!
Hell Week, buddy. Let's go.

Ooh. Awkward.
Come on, let's go, let's go.

Get up, Calvin, let's go!

Come on!

Kirk?
Is that you?

Two things, Pledge.
First of all,

when you're wearing
pantyhose on your head,
never wear control top.

Second of all, welcome
to Hell Week. Your ass is mine!
Get him out of here.

- Hey, Chip.
- Hey, Dale.