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Previously on Greek...
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00:00:01,276 --> 00:00:03,367
- Are we in the wrong house?
- I'm Lizzi.
3
00:00:03,581 --> 00:00:06,206
I'm gonna be here until ZBZ nationals
determines that you girls are back
4
00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:07,537
on the straight and narrow.
5
00:00:07,557 --> 00:00:10,880
I'm sure we'd be doing a lot better
if Lizzi hadn't made us dress like this.
6
00:00:10,994 --> 00:00:12,570
We're intentionally being shunned.
7
00:00:12,891 --> 00:00:14,333
Get outta my squad car!
8
00:00:14,427 --> 00:00:16,264
100 hours of community service.
9
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:19,938
Decide this is going to be a great
new semester, and it will be.
10
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:21,528
You think I can do that?
11
00:00:21,578 --> 00:00:23,402
We discussed it at
the last chapter meeting.
12
00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:25,221
That's right.
You weren't there.
13
00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:27,394
- Where's the snow machine?
- I'm so sorry.
14
00:00:27,516 --> 00:00:30,562
It's bros and cheesaritos
before hos.
15
00:00:30,919 --> 00:00:31,669
I'm gay.
16
00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:33,506
- You know, I can work with that.
- You can?
17
00:00:33,545 --> 00:00:35,752
Vitamin and prayer regiment
can cure that.
18
00:00:36,089 --> 00:00:38,002
Things have changed, Casey.
19
00:00:38,689 --> 00:00:40,279
You have to accept that.
20
00:00:42,093 --> 00:00:43,968
So you believe we have
a future together.
21
00:00:44,030 --> 00:00:46,564
In a world where there's
no Casey Cartwright.
22
00:00:50,661 --> 00:00:52,930
Check out the yummy boy buffet.
23
00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,571
I don't have much of an appetite.
24
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,563
Casey, we are two
newly-single college girls
25
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:03,153
in a room full of boys
and two-for-one drinks.
26
00:01:03,287 --> 00:01:05,199
It will never get better than this.
27
00:01:06,013 --> 00:01:07,966
Please, god, don't let that be true.
28
00:01:07,992 --> 00:01:10,186
Come on, a little flirtation
might do you some good.
29
00:01:10,223 --> 00:01:13,548
I'm just not ready to dive
back into the cru dating pool.
30
00:01:13,703 --> 00:01:17,022
Not to mention the water's
pretty icy for ZBZs.
31
00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:18,266
Okay.
32
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,399
But I can be a great wing woman.
33
00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:26,093
The goose to your Maverick.
34
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,410
Well, lock and load.
We got two bogeys at 12:00.
35
00:01:31,236 --> 00:01:32,670
What are you doing?
36
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,394
I am waving at cute boys.
37
00:01:34,545 --> 00:01:37,732
There are two guys over there.
One of them will have to talk to me.
38
00:01:38,456 --> 00:01:40,739
Okay, Goose,
I'm about to eject you from the cockpit.
39
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:43,089
And I just got this top,
so I'm gonna take it for a spin.
40
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:45,836
Hey, ladies,
these are from the guys at the bar.
41
00:01:46,244 --> 00:01:49,035
Well, thank you very much, forever 21.
42
00:01:49,155 --> 00:01:50,674
We can't accept these.
43
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,146
Wing woman. Right.
44
00:01:55,138 --> 00:01:56,317
Sorry. My mistake.
45
00:01:56,378 --> 00:01:58,064
These aren't for you.
46
00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:05,272
Looks like they've got the top guns.
47
00:02:08,888 --> 00:02:09,934
Roll call!
48
00:02:10,065 --> 00:02:12,184
All those present,
say aye.
49
00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:14,535
- Aye.
- Great. Okay.
50
00:02:14,795 --> 00:02:16,370
First order of business.
51
00:02:16,588 --> 00:02:19,377
There appears to have been
an unfortunate incident
52
00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,890
in the upstairs bathroom
that involved corn.
53
00:02:21,936 --> 00:02:23,924
We're gonna need a
pledge to clean that up.
54
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:26,179
Spitter, hey, thanks for volunteering.
55
00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:28,574
I didn't volunteer.
I'm just the only one here.
56
00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:31,219
Wherefore art thou pledges?
57
00:02:34,595 --> 00:02:36,976
- Tell me you've come bearing gifts.
- Sorry, cap.
58
00:02:37,019 --> 00:02:40,167
No gifts. However,
we did bring flowers.
59
00:02:41,587 --> 00:02:43,930
From the Omega Chi front yard!
60
00:02:49,145 --> 00:02:51,001
Well, impressive feat, pledges.
61
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:53,779
- Wade, I think they're ready.
- Time to take it to the next level.
62
00:02:53,819 --> 00:02:54,819
Initiation?
63
00:02:54,931 --> 00:02:57,669
Hey, slow down there, Spitter.
You're talkin' at the speed of crazy.
64
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,621
We meant your pledge project.
65
00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:02,433
The hot tub,
the back porch, even Vesuvius.
66
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:05,367
These were all built
by prior pledge classes.
67
00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:09,705
This is your chance to write your own
chapter in the Kappa Tau history book.
68
00:03:09,865 --> 00:03:12,190
Preferably one with lots of pictures
for those of us who don't
69
00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:13,743
care to read too much text.
70
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,022
Can you handle this?
71
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,088
- Yeah...
- I said...
72
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,884
- Can you handle this?
- Yeah!
73
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:22,018
There ya go!
Hands in!
74
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,131
Kappa...
Tau!
75
00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:26,067
Yes!
76
00:03:41,717 --> 00:03:44,751
So please remember that
showers longer than three minutes
77
00:03:44,873 --> 00:03:48,937
are strictly prohibited, as Lizzi
has so thoughtfully reminded us.
78
00:03:49,124 --> 00:03:51,371
Water's the earth's most precious gift.
79
00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:54,103
And finally,
Lizzi also reminded me that
80
00:03:54,145 --> 00:03:55,855
this week is national
81
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:58,333
ZBZ big sister,
little sister week.
82
00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:01,340
Apparently, someone forgot
to put it on the calendar.
83
00:04:01,472 --> 00:04:03,346
This week is gonna be so...
84
00:04:03,959 --> 00:04:05,553
- Tense.
- Girls,
85
00:04:06,391 --> 00:04:09,749
few relationships are more precious
than the one between a big
86
00:04:09,918 --> 00:04:11,061
and her little.
87
00:04:11,262 --> 00:04:13,987
It's like a delicate, fragrant orchid.
88
00:04:14,132 --> 00:04:17,010
And this week, ZBZs across
our great Nation
89
00:04:17,201 --> 00:04:18,810
will be pruning their orchids
90
00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:20,501
so they'll blossom forever.
91
00:04:20,809 --> 00:04:21,945
So
92
00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:25,826
tomorrow, we'll be volunteering
in pairs at the animal shelter.
93
00:04:25,929 --> 00:04:28,176
Thursday is our
double date dash at Dobler's,
94
00:04:28,629 --> 00:04:31,161
and Friday will end the week
with a celebratory tea.
95
00:04:31,561 --> 00:04:32,798
Meeting adjourned.
96
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:42,585
We're not actually going to
be participating in this crap, are we?
97
00:04:42,901 --> 00:04:44,725
I keep my orchid pruned.
98
00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:46,563
The events are mandatory.
99
00:04:47,647 --> 00:04:48,843
Rebecca, listen,
100
00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:50,081
I know
101
00:04:50,201 --> 00:04:51,808
we started our relationship
102
00:04:51,998 --> 00:04:54,792
off on the wrong foot. Mostly because
you started out in the wrong bed.
103
00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:57,571
- You really need to get over that.
- May I finish?
104
00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:00,300
But you did help out with
the prohibition party last week.
105
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:02,642
Plus, with Evan and Frannie
106
00:05:02,695 --> 00:05:05,090
out of the picture,
hating you seems less necessary.
107
00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:07,070
And since we have to spend
this week together,
108
00:05:07,188 --> 00:05:09,101
I was thinking we might try and be.
109
00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:09,974
Friends?
110
00:05:10,966 --> 00:05:12,749
I was going for non-enemies.
111
00:05:12,886 --> 00:05:14,480
See you at the shelter tomorrow.
112
00:05:21,515 --> 00:05:22,821
Hey, Fellas.
113
00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:26,422
- You need help?
- No.
114
00:05:26,962 --> 00:05:28,725
Go show your pledge brothers
how to hack.
115
00:05:30,308 --> 00:05:31,920
I don't know how to hack.
116
00:05:40,409 --> 00:05:41,271
Nice.
117
00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:48,556
Dude...
118
00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:53,714
All right.
119
00:05:54,383 --> 00:05:55,583
Gather around the porch.
120
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,599
All right, before you embark
on your pledge project voyage,
121
00:05:58,922 --> 00:06:01,548
me and the Wadester got a little,
special treat.
122
00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:02,890
A gift, if you will,
123
00:06:03,010 --> 00:06:05,706
that we think will get you pumped
about your journey.
124
00:06:05,819 --> 00:06:06,678
Wade?
125
00:06:15,012 --> 00:06:17,562
In the pantheon of kt greats,
126
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:20,078
one man but stands alone.
127
00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:22,870
I'm proud to call him my big brother.
128
00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:24,670
That's right.
You guessed it.
129
00:06:24,726 --> 00:06:27,838
Here he is.
Egyptian Joe!
130
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,171
Touching stuff, cap.
131
00:06:36,478 --> 00:06:38,885
Wade, if you could
turn down the music a hair.
132
00:06:39,005 --> 00:06:40,467
I still wanna hear it, though.
133
00:06:40,781 --> 00:06:42,318
This song slays.
134
00:06:42,821 --> 00:06:43,665
So...
135
00:06:44,883 --> 00:06:46,214
In'99,
136
00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:49,661
40 years of pledge project sweat
137
00:06:49,781 --> 00:06:52,402
culminated in
Vesuvius.
138
00:06:52,524 --> 00:06:55,733
A pyrotechnic marvel so sublime
that it birthed
139
00:06:55,845 --> 00:06:57,868
this school's sweetest rager.
140
00:06:58,695 --> 00:06:59,707
You know...
141
00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:03,562
The volcano wasn't
the only thing blown that night.
142
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:05,997
We blew minds.
143
00:07:06,266 --> 00:07:07,512
Melted hearts.
144
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:11,291
And in the hot, hot heat of legendary
accomplishment I became.
145
00:07:13,945 --> 00:07:14,789
Right.
146
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:16,500
So...
147
00:07:16,872 --> 00:07:19,104
After we made Vesuvius,
148
00:07:19,224 --> 00:07:22,614
my pledge bros and I forged
the ultimate bond.
149
00:07:23,588 --> 00:07:24,465
Maybe
150
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,906
you can enjoy a bond like that too.
151
00:07:27,371 --> 00:07:29,808
But nobody expects
you to equal Vesuvius.
152
00:07:29,934 --> 00:07:31,116
I mean, I don't.
153
00:07:31,257 --> 00:07:33,319
We expect you to top it!
154
00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:36,066
Yeah!
155
00:07:42,814 --> 00:07:44,089
My answer is yes.
156
00:07:44,566 --> 00:07:46,553
Was the question...
157
00:07:47,135 --> 00:07:48,534
Wanna get naked?
158
00:07:48,904 --> 00:07:50,704
You asked if I'd go on a date with you.
159
00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:52,871
I've given it some thought, and
160
00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:55,213
I'm ready.
Let's take this public.
161
00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:56,395
Way public.
162
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,892
Like, let's go outside
and make out on the ZBZ lawn.
163
00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:02,796
Oddly arousing, but
164
00:08:02,974 --> 00:08:04,624
methinks there are
165
00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:06,677
ulterior motives afoot.
166
00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:15,289
I want you to know that the way I feel
about you has nothing to do with Casey.
167
00:08:15,439 --> 00:08:18,225
Who, by the way,
did something really scary today.
168
00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:20,809
- What?
- She was...
169
00:08:21,371 --> 00:08:22,308
nice.
170
00:08:23,516 --> 00:08:24,470
To me.
171
00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:29,596
- Un-freaking-believable.
- Will you be serious?
172
00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:30,957
What's the big deal?
173
00:08:31,006 --> 00:08:32,912
If you and Casey sign a peace treaty,
174
00:08:33,032 --> 00:08:35,612
it will be so much easier for us
175
00:08:35,803 --> 00:08:37,537
to have diplomatic relations.
176
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:41,263
Maybe you're right.
I'm being stupid.
177
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:44,567
I know. Why don't you make nice
with Evan Chambers?
178
00:08:44,602 --> 00:08:45,958
Point taken.
179
00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:49,364
I just didn't want people to think
that I was dating you to get to her.
180
00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:52,337
Now she's all nice and smiley.
Once she finds out about us,
181
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,057
she's gonna hate me again, restoring
peace and harmony to the universe.
182
00:08:55,695 --> 00:08:57,307
You are such a romantic.
183
00:09:02,906 --> 00:09:04,006
Trust me.
184
00:09:04,537 --> 00:09:07,875
I'm so ready to walk out that door
instead of climbing out the window.
185
00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:11,324
Bu-bu-bu... well, okay, before we.
186
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:15,224
Before we face the paparazzi,
I need to tell Casey.
187
00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:16,759
I owe her that.
188
00:09:17,225 --> 00:09:19,700
I know you wanna make her hate you, but
189
00:09:19,996 --> 00:09:21,159
I don't.
190
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:23,690
You're the one who suggested
we stop hiding.
191
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,409
Casey and I have a past.
192
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:27,959
But we...
193
00:09:29,998 --> 00:09:31,098
We have a future.
194
00:09:31,932 --> 00:09:32,757
Fine.
195
00:09:34,576 --> 00:09:36,995
But this is the last time
I'm doing this, Rapunzel.
196
00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:50,067
- Calvin?
- Hey.
197
00:09:51,189 --> 00:09:52,275
Two questions.
198
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,125
One, is Rusty here, and two...
199
00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:56,946
You knit?
200
00:09:57,149 --> 00:09:59,140
Two answers.
No and yes.
201
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:02,827
Knitting increases hand-eye
coordination and requires complex math.
202
00:10:03,265 --> 00:10:05,721
Okay. Just tell him I stopped by,
all right?
203
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:08,142
Hey, have you given any more
thought to my offer?
204
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,084
Your offer?
205
00:10:09,121 --> 00:10:11,877
To guide you back to the
warm embrace of heterosexuality.
206
00:10:12,035 --> 00:10:15,169
- Yeah... no.
- I got a lot of free time on my hands.
207
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:18,026
I could read up on the latest
methods of conversion therapy.
208
00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:20,672
Just, just let me help
you choose a better path.
209
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:23,351
- And I'm not judging you.
- So I chose to be gay.
210
00:10:23,486 --> 00:10:25,451
I know that sin can be very seductive.
211
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:27,672
Thus my three pop-up blockers.
212
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:30,905
So you think because
I'm gay I wanna be straight?
213
00:10:31,925 --> 00:10:35,262
See, with that sense of humor, you're
gonna be very popular with the ladies.
214
00:10:35,770 --> 00:10:37,439
Just let me fix you.
215
00:10:38,884 --> 00:10:40,040
Okay, Dale.
216
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,033
If you think you can fix me,
I'll let you.
217
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,279
All right. My room, 6:00 tomorrow.
Your journey begins.
218
00:10:45,429 --> 00:10:47,412
Our journey begins, my friend.
219
00:10:48,109 --> 00:10:49,140
Our journey.
220
00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:56,035
Don't worry.
I can cure you of that.
221
00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:59,393
What about Warren?
222
00:10:59,548 --> 00:11:01,419
He eats like a caveman.
Zach?
223
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,532
Republican.
224
00:11:02,757 --> 00:11:05,190
My phone's spent.
Isn't there anyone you're into?
225
00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:07,076
There is this hot foreign exchange
226
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,288
student that winked
at me today in class.
227
00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:11,774
Hopefully,
that's not an insult in his culture.
228
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,836
Where's he from?
229
00:11:15,264 --> 00:11:17,082
Hotmanistan.
230
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:20,976
You're way zen about the date dash.
Because I'm going solo.
231
00:11:20,994 --> 00:11:23,169
I've got way too much
on my plate running Zeta Beta.
232
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:25,344
The last thing I need to worry
about is finding a date.
233
00:11:25,382 --> 00:11:26,610
Evening, ladies.
234
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:27,783
Cappie!
235
00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:29,577
What timing.
236
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,053
Okay, I'll see you back at the house.
237
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:38,032
- Nice vest.
- Yeah, makes me feel official.
238
00:11:38,201 --> 00:11:39,458
Actually, I was...
239
00:11:39,624 --> 00:11:43,016
I just finished up with my community
service, and I was hoping we could chat
240
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,518
about dating.
241
00:11:45,619 --> 00:11:47,228
I think I know where this is going.
242
00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:50,809
Listen, Cap, I totally owe you
for the party last week.
243
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:53,657
You were a really good...
friend.
244
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:54,932
Thanks.
245
00:11:55,302 --> 00:11:56,796
And as friends,
246
00:11:57,504 --> 00:11:59,300
I just wanna let you know that...
247
00:11:59,604 --> 00:12:00,767
I'm dating someone.
248
00:12:01,185 --> 00:12:02,235
You are?
249
00:12:04,644 --> 00:12:06,950
S, so, who's the Lucky lady?
250
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:09,222
Rebecca.
251
00:12:09,907 --> 00:12:10,969
Rebecca who?
252
00:12:11,445 --> 00:12:12,463
Rebecca Logan.
253
00:12:16,326 --> 00:12:17,676
My little sis...
254
00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:20,269
That's.
255
00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:22,508
Fantastic.
256
00:12:23,015 --> 00:12:25,056
- Are you cool with this?
- The coolest.
257
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:26,454
I. I'm like a...
258
00:12:26,771 --> 00:12:27,747
Polar ice cap.
259
00:12:28,065 --> 00:12:31,140
I mean, Rebecca,
she's just so warm and Fuzzy.
260
00:12:31,257 --> 00:12:33,100
Like global warming.
261
00:12:33,242 --> 00:12:35,002
You know, look at the time.
262
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,271
I. I gotta run.
263
00:12:36,308 --> 00:12:38,294
Can't... can't miss to catch a predator.
264
00:12:38,463 --> 00:12:40,767
It's really good to stay informed.
265
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,959
- Casey, are you sure you're.
- So excited... for you.
266
00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:46,841
So excited.
267
00:12:50,902 --> 00:12:53,246
Okay, guys, pledge class project.
268
00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:54,461
Any ideas?
269
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,447
- Got one.
- Pickle.
270
00:12:57,093 --> 00:13:00,322
All right. We could wire
the Tri-Pi showers with web cams?
271
00:13:00,899 --> 00:13:03,868
And end up defending ourselves
to Nancy Grace? Don't think so.
272
00:13:04,858 --> 00:13:05,829
I got an idea.
273
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,665
We could make
274
00:13:08,905 --> 00:13:10,986
a Kappa Tau video game.
275
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:14,541
We can design different characters
for each brother
276
00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:17,061
- and maybe put in a few Easter eggs.
- Dude,
277
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:20,537
none of us know anything about computer
programming or video game design.
278
00:13:20,597 --> 00:13:21,385
But...
279
00:13:21,517 --> 00:13:23,213
But... brad, I could teach you.
280
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:27,343
Gonzo's got a good point, Spitter.
The project sounds a little ambitious.
281
00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:29,551
Gonzo? When did you get that nickname?
282
00:13:29,723 --> 00:13:32,428
When we watched muppets
take Manhattan in the hotel.
283
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,257
On our pledge trip
to the mall of America.
284
00:13:36,369 --> 00:13:37,644
You went on a pledge trip.
285
00:13:39,629 --> 00:13:40,648
Without me?
286
00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:41,817
Yeah...
287
00:13:41,936 --> 00:13:44,611
We tried calling you,
but you dealing with some Jen K.
288
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:48,190
Cris by dropping singles
at a strip club with the brothers.
289
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:52,741
Now, what I was thinking was
290
00:13:52,861 --> 00:13:54,244
what can we do,
291
00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:56,136
minimum amount of effort,
292
00:13:56,273 --> 00:13:58,838
that will produce maximum fun?
293
00:14:00,462 --> 00:14:01,558
Two words.
294
00:14:02,035 --> 00:14:03,604
Tire swing.
295
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,727
Yeah, man.
296
00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:09,635
I, that's. I don't.
297
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,703
I don't think that's
what Cappie was talking about.
298
00:14:15,641 --> 00:14:17,499
Never mind.
Never mind.
299
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,642
Hey, Casey.
300
00:14:25,403 --> 00:14:28,525
I'm having a bad day.
Could we just skip to the tender moment?
301
00:14:29,177 --> 00:14:31,557
- Forget it.
- Fine, fine.
302
00:14:31,728 --> 00:14:34,724
We'll do the whole thing.
What's wrong?
303
00:14:36,105 --> 00:14:37,943
My entire pledge class hates me.
304
00:14:38,943 --> 00:14:40,274
Okay, you know what?
305
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,191
Have a seat on your throne,
drama queen.
306
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,018
I'm serious.
307
00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:48,964
It wasn't until we started
working on this pledge project
308
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:51,908
that I realized they have
this whole life going on without me.
309
00:14:52,215 --> 00:14:54,052
They pull pranks on omega chis.
310
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:56,154
- They went to the Mall of America.
- Okay,
311
00:14:56,293 --> 00:14:59,486
so you're not Mr. Popularity.
You never were in high school.
312
00:14:59,993 --> 00:15:03,092
This should feel comfortable,
like putting on an old, musty sweater.
313
00:15:03,296 --> 00:15:06,839
Casey, these are my pledge brothers.
Right now it's like we're a boy band...
314
00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:09,063
And I'm the fat one.
315
00:15:10,225 --> 00:15:12,137
It's pronounced "fa-tone".
316
00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:16,365
If I were one of your pledges,
what would you tell me to do?
317
00:15:16,538 --> 00:15:17,847
Well,
318
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:20,097
I would encourage you to
319
00:15:20,193 --> 00:15:22,800
try and make a good impression...
Perhaps by
320
00:15:22,947 --> 00:15:24,278
giving a handmade gift.
321
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:29,589
People are always impressed
when you take the time to personalize.
322
00:15:29,705 --> 00:15:31,224
Casey, I'm in a fraternity.
323
00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:34,404
You wouldn't be if you were one
of my pledges. Now, I'm crazy late.
324
00:15:34,657 --> 00:15:35,889
Listen, just
325
00:15:36,241 --> 00:15:38,522
make a sincere effort, and I'm sure
326
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,369
they'll give you a second chance.
327
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:54,285
Calvin, welcome to a very
special purity pledge meeting.
328
00:16:02,516 --> 00:16:05,027
You'll have to excuse Sanjay.
He's never seen a...
329
00:16:05,147 --> 00:16:06,652
Gay in the wild before.
330
00:16:07,304 --> 00:16:08,177
I have.
331
00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:12,138
My mom's in real estate.
332
00:16:13,934 --> 00:16:15,547
So what are you guys doing here?
333
00:16:15,722 --> 00:16:18,380
Well, communication is
key to the conversion process.
334
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:19,598
This is a safe room
335
00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:22,992
where everyone's comfortable talking
about their deepest, darkest yearnings.
336
00:16:23,073 --> 00:16:24,591
So let me get this straight.
337
00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:26,724
You mean let us get you straight.
338
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:29,947
Funny.
339
00:16:30,158 --> 00:16:32,765
You guys
get together every week.
340
00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:34,528
You talk about your feelings.
341
00:16:34,741 --> 00:16:36,652
And you don't have sex with women.
342
00:16:39,973 --> 00:16:41,092
Sign me up.
343
00:16:48,421 --> 00:16:50,950
Hey, little sis.
Ready to bond?
344
00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:52,459
Wait a sec.
345
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,680
- Have you talked to Cappie?
- You mean your new squeeze?
346
00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:58,329
I did.
Though he's not quite new.
347
00:16:58,467 --> 00:16:59,761
More used.
348
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:02,092
Are you guys
the Zeta Beta Zeta sorority?
349
00:17:08,782 --> 00:17:09,920
That's us!
350
00:17:14,394 --> 00:17:15,585
There's so many of you.
351
00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:17,725
I'm Jonah, your canine care specialist.
352
00:17:18,088 --> 00:17:20,160
I'm Casey Cartwright,
Zeta Beta President.
353
00:17:20,235 --> 00:17:22,073
So what do you need us to do?
354
00:17:22,205 --> 00:17:23,967
Feed them, play fetch?
355
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:27,384
Rub their teeny, tiny tummies?
356
00:17:27,805 --> 00:17:29,474
These kids are getting dewormed.
357
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:32,931
Not by you though.
358
00:17:33,209 --> 00:17:34,972
I got something even
better for you guys.
359
00:17:36,351 --> 00:17:37,495
Meet Philip.
360
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,336
Just rescued yesterday.
361
00:17:39,503 --> 00:17:42,878
He's a total softie,
but he looks like he eats babies.
362
00:17:43,553 --> 00:17:45,579
People don't adopt dogs that eat babies.
363
00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:50,027
I bet if you could get his hair
to look half as good as yours,
364
00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:52,374
he'd be adopted by today.
365
00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,453
Whew.
366
00:18:00,733 --> 00:18:03,150
Look at us...
Washing dogs.
367
00:18:04,975 --> 00:18:05,875
Hey!
368
00:18:07,196 --> 00:18:08,134
Sorry.
369
00:18:08,499 --> 00:18:09,606
Just admit it.
370
00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:12,584
The fact that I'm dating
Cappie's eating you up inside.
371
00:18:12,945 --> 00:18:14,945
I wish you both nothing but happiness.
372
00:18:15,586 --> 00:18:19,124
Thank goodness, because I'm bringing
Cappie with me to the double date dash.
373
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,160
- I didn't want it to be awkward.
- No!
374
00:18:21,661 --> 00:18:23,198
No, I, it won't be.
375
00:18:23,681 --> 00:18:24,750
Awkward.
376
00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:30,166
Cap, Joe.
377
00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:33,676
Spitter, I'm so excited,
I cannot wait for the big reveal.
378
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:36,714
It's like Extreme Makeover,
Fraternity Edition.
379
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,840
Let's do this.
380
00:18:39,963 --> 00:18:41,044
Brothers,
381
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:45,304
our pledge class has toiled nonstop
to bring you the best
382
00:18:45,565 --> 00:18:48,809
in backyard fun.
We're proud to present to you...
383
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,198
The swing-a-ling.
384
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,505
- Sweet!
- Me first.
385
00:18:58,883 --> 00:18:59,871
Yeah.
386
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:11,479
I'll be in my volcano.
387
00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:22,458
The swing-a-ling?
388
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:24,986
Yeah, catchy name for a Crappy product.
389
00:19:25,086 --> 00:19:26,730
What is this, an infomercial?
390
00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:29,010
Start over.
Do better.
391
00:19:34,336 --> 00:19:35,405
Okay, okay.
392
00:19:38,946 --> 00:19:41,552
Well, that's the most
action I've gotten in months.
393
00:19:41,608 --> 00:19:43,484
Remind me again why
I can't just hit her.
394
00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:45,674
Because you're over Cappie, remember?
395
00:19:45,675 --> 00:19:47,881
Have to float above it,
and you can't let it get to you.
396
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:49,692
I need a date, ASAP.
397
00:19:49,739 --> 00:19:51,736
She's bringing Cappie
to the double date dash.
398
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:54,162
- I thought weren't ready for dating.
- It's not a date.
399
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,000
It's... a defensive maneuver.
400
00:19:56,793 --> 00:20:00,426
Okay. Well, there's the
delta rho with the eight-pack.
401
00:20:00,605 --> 00:20:02,236
Or the Tri-Nu.
402
00:20:03,209 --> 00:20:05,833
Since the article, those houses treat us
like we're radioactive.
403
00:20:06,313 --> 00:20:08,002
Does Hotmanistan have a roommate?
404
00:20:08,245 --> 00:20:09,295
I could ask.
405
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,091
We communicate through hand gestures.
So it might take a while.
406
00:20:14,122 --> 00:20:16,949
I need someone fresh and exciting,
407
00:20:17,252 --> 00:20:21,098
a man so juicy that people'll forget
Cappie and Rebecca are at the party.
408
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,797
- This sucks, man.
- Come on, guys. We can do this.
409
00:20:45,768 --> 00:20:49,132
I think I have a solution,
but it all relies on Spitter.
410
00:20:50,398 --> 00:20:51,398
Great.
411
00:20:52,444 --> 00:20:55,011
I know this video game could rock.
412
00:20:55,597 --> 00:20:58,475
Not the video game.
You have to get us out of this.
413
00:20:59,065 --> 00:21:02,238
- Me?
- Cappie thinks you poop pearls.
414
00:21:02,975 --> 00:21:05,401
You have to talk him
into letting us off the hook.
415
00:21:05,521 --> 00:21:08,730
I think Cappie wants us to work together
to come up with something great.
416
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,022
Yeah, and we did.
417
00:21:11,534 --> 00:21:14,277
The swing-a-ling. We need you
to convince him it was good enough.
418
00:21:16,026 --> 00:21:17,321
We're counting on you.
419
00:21:27,426 --> 00:21:29,380
How you feeling?
Any less gay today?
420
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:34,031
Still pretty gay.
In fact, you know, last night,
421
00:21:34,151 --> 00:21:36,406
I had the most vivid dream
of Anderson Cooper...
422
00:21:36,526 --> 00:21:38,722
Let's just try a new technique,
shall we?
423
00:21:41,072 --> 00:21:42,217
Macho wear?
424
00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:45,738
- Where'd you get this?
- Somehow I got on their mailing list.
425
00:21:45,858 --> 00:21:48,287
But their boxer briefs
are actually quite comfortable.
426
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:49,566
They do look snug.
427
00:21:50,363 --> 00:21:51,959
So what I need you to do
428
00:21:52,288 --> 00:21:53,685
is flip through the catalog
429
00:21:53,805 --> 00:21:55,990
and stop whenever you see a man
you find attractive.
430
00:21:57,820 --> 00:21:58,947
Sounds fun.
431
00:22:00,689 --> 00:22:02,406
My, my.
He's nice.
432
00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:05,225
What the...
433
00:22:07,288 --> 00:22:09,648
Just take a deep breath.
It's aversion therapy.
434
00:22:09,768 --> 00:22:13,340
We have to link the stink of this rotten
banana peel to your attraction to men.
435
00:22:13,601 --> 00:22:16,885
This is ridiculous. Why does
it bother you so much that I'm gay?
436
00:22:17,156 --> 00:22:19,437
Because you deserve to be happy.
How can you be
437
00:22:19,557 --> 00:22:21,515
knowing you're not going to heaven?
438
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,935
So you know for a fact
gay people aren't on the invite list.
439
00:22:26,373 --> 00:22:28,559
They teach you that
the first year of bible school.
440
00:22:28,679 --> 00:22:31,734
It says in Leviticus "You shall not lie
with a male as one lies with a female".
441
00:22:31,988 --> 00:22:34,278
- I've read Leviticus.
- You have?
442
00:22:34,707 --> 00:22:36,155
- Have you?
- Of course.
443
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:39,616
Then you know that it prohibits people
from getting tattoos, right?
444
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:42,619
And from eating shellfish,
from wearing clothes with mixed fabrics.
445
00:22:43,397 --> 00:22:45,873
Call me crazy, but that shirt looks
like a poly/cotton blend.
446
00:22:47,389 --> 00:22:49,710
I don't have time
to debate the scriptures with you.
447
00:22:49,973 --> 00:22:52,730
But I'm gonna leave this here
for you to practice.
448
00:23:02,409 --> 00:23:04,091
So how did you two meet?
449
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,050
I strooped him.
450
00:23:08,685 --> 00:23:11,893
The stroop task. It was a psych test.
She was my proctor.
451
00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:13,141
I see.
452
00:23:13,451 --> 00:23:15,986
- First we played proctor, then...
- Could you...
453
00:23:16,971 --> 00:23:19,069
excuse me for a moment?
454
00:23:25,753 --> 00:23:27,470
Save me from Frankencouple.
455
00:23:28,788 --> 00:23:30,038
How's your date?
456
00:23:30,314 --> 00:23:32,544
- He's très romantique.
- So he's French?
457
00:23:33,548 --> 00:23:36,650
- He definitely kisses that way.
- Maybe he's carrying his passport
458
00:23:36,770 --> 00:23:38,050
in that fanny pack.
459
00:23:38,573 --> 00:23:41,608
I think it's cute.
Plus, it keeps his hands free.
460
00:23:43,338 --> 00:23:44,788
I'm such a horndog.
461
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,604
I am so, so sorry I'm late.
462
00:23:58,454 --> 00:24:00,604
It was really busy at the shelter.
463
00:24:02,630 --> 00:24:04,326
We rescued this litter of kittens,
464
00:24:04,729 --> 00:24:06,870
and I had to bottle-feed them dinner.
465
00:24:08,890 --> 00:24:11,265
Saving kittens.
Isn't Jonah amazing?
466
00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:12,878
Amazing.
467
00:24:16,543 --> 00:24:20,201
Speaking of kittens, I saw this video
on YouTube where this...
468
00:24:20,579 --> 00:24:24,013
this cat just would not stop
sucking on this guy's nipple.
469
00:24:29,558 --> 00:24:31,882
Internet's insane.
Thank God.
470
00:24:35,385 --> 00:24:38,487
Greetings from
your friendly neighborhood party patrol.
471
00:24:38,607 --> 00:24:41,029
I'm gonna need to see some ids
before I let you have those beers.
472
00:24:44,069 --> 00:24:45,534
It's for your own protection.
473
00:24:51,473 --> 00:24:52,473
Name?
474
00:24:52,722 --> 00:24:55,028
- Jonah Perkins.
- Eye color hazel.
475
00:24:58,459 --> 00:24:59,776
And beautiful.
476
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:04,701
- And an organ donor.
- Of course.
477
00:25:08,209 --> 00:25:09,267
Enjoy.
478
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:17,625
Refreshing.
479
00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:30,878
You down here?
480
00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:37,544
You gotta knock, man.
481
00:25:38,586 --> 00:25:40,923
Well, come on in.
Hang out for a bit.
482
00:25:45,625 --> 00:25:46,770
Grab a bag.
483
00:25:50,059 --> 00:25:53,007
"Fro-Below.
Shampoo for your privates."
484
00:25:53,528 --> 00:25:54,778
I'm an inventor.
485
00:25:56,580 --> 00:25:58,230
How's that workin' out?
486
00:25:58,635 --> 00:25:59,985
It's a good life.
487
00:26:00,105 --> 00:26:02,012
All purple mountain majesty.
488
00:26:02,239 --> 00:26:05,781
A lotta guys my age are anchored to,
like, family or rent payments.
489
00:26:06,122 --> 00:26:07,272
I go wherever.
490
00:26:08,061 --> 00:26:09,223
Tropics...
491
00:26:09,726 --> 00:26:11,616
Deserts.
Back to Kappa Tau.
492
00:26:11,772 --> 00:26:13,940
Have fun, share my wisdom.
493
00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:17,026
Check in on my Vesuvius.
Speaking of...
494
00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:21,328
Who installed
the atmospheric destabilizer?
495
00:26:24,258 --> 00:26:25,316
Me.
496
00:26:25,836 --> 00:26:27,068
Nice.
497
00:26:29,051 --> 00:26:30,472
Can I make you a sandwich?
498
00:26:31,565 --> 00:26:33,615
That's okay.
I'm not really...
499
00:26:36,125 --> 00:26:37,925
What are you doing down here?
500
00:26:38,497 --> 00:26:40,147
I'm looking for Cappie.
501
00:26:40,752 --> 00:26:44,218
My pledge brothers wanted me
to talk to him about the swing-a-ling...
502
00:26:44,338 --> 00:26:45,657
Maybe sell it more.
503
00:26:45,777 --> 00:26:48,674
Me and my pledge bros
had a crap first effort too.
504
00:26:48,794 --> 00:26:50,441
So I made Vesuvius.
505
00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:54,204
You gotta step up.
That's what's wrong with the world.
506
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,185
But weren't your pledge brothers mad
that you did it without them?
507
00:26:57,305 --> 00:26:59,872
Hell, no. They loved me.
I made us legends.
508
00:27:00,916 --> 00:27:04,262
A man with a big-ass brain like yours
needs to take the wheel
509
00:27:04,401 --> 00:27:06,174
and drive 'em to the Promised Land.
510
00:27:07,415 --> 00:27:09,790
- I don't know.
- Innovators walk alone.
511
00:27:10,761 --> 00:27:13,259
Do your own thing.
Slap their names on it,
512
00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:14,808
and reap in the benefits.
513
00:27:15,059 --> 00:27:17,227
And by benefits...
I mean women.
514
00:27:20,435 --> 00:27:22,085
What about your speech?
515
00:27:22,585 --> 00:27:23,920
The forged bonds.
516
00:27:24,506 --> 00:27:26,961
Cappie asked me to throw in
some stuff about...
517
00:27:27,081 --> 00:27:28,946
bonding or blah, blah, blah.
518
00:27:29,657 --> 00:27:31,876
I love Cappie, but he's an idealist.
519
00:27:32,396 --> 00:27:34,046
You gotta be a realist.
520
00:27:34,596 --> 00:27:36,846
The pledges'll thank you in the end.
521
00:27:39,572 --> 00:27:41,022
Now eat your salmon.
522
00:27:45,176 --> 00:27:47,626
I hope to one day become a veterinarian.
523
00:27:50,759 --> 00:27:52,911
People are so concerned
about human health care.
524
00:27:56,016 --> 00:27:58,219
Did you know that dogs and humans
525
00:27:58,704 --> 00:28:01,045
are the only two mammals
with a prostate?
526
00:28:03,001 --> 00:28:04,007
Kiss me.
527
00:28:13,789 --> 00:28:15,439
How 'bout another drink?
528
00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:18,922
I gotta drive home.
529
00:28:19,221 --> 00:28:20,971
How 'bout just one for me?
530
00:28:49,910 --> 00:28:52,804
Somebody woke up on the wrong side
of the Lord today.
531
00:28:53,046 --> 00:28:55,770
- I haven't gone to sleep yet.
- Is something due?
532
00:28:55,890 --> 00:28:58,439
Relax.
I'm working on my pledge project.
533
00:28:58,717 --> 00:29:00,937
You pulled an all-nighter
for fraternity homework?
534
00:29:01,925 --> 00:29:03,191
I've designed...
535
00:29:03,936 --> 00:29:05,191
a homemade video game.
536
00:29:05,528 --> 00:29:07,253
It's called Kappa Tau-tris.
537
00:29:07,769 --> 00:29:10,905
It's like Tetris, but the shapes
are all things from the house. Try it.
538
00:29:15,492 --> 00:29:17,621
See, you just drop the keg
next to the beer bong.
539
00:29:17,903 --> 00:29:19,353
All right, I'm done.
540
00:29:19,829 --> 00:29:23,418
- Dale, I need to beta test it.
- Rusty, I'm not satan's joystick.
541
00:29:44,370 --> 00:29:46,173
Good morning, sunshine.
542
00:29:47,429 --> 00:29:49,319
Mom!
We talked about knocking.
543
00:29:50,203 --> 00:29:52,822
I know. I was worried
you were gonna be late for school.
544
00:29:53,341 --> 00:29:55,367
I didn't know you had company,
or I would have...
545
00:29:55,856 --> 00:29:57,202
brought more lucky charms.
546
00:29:58,512 --> 00:30:01,043
Hi. We haven't been introduced.
I'm Marie.
547
00:30:02,413 --> 00:30:03,644
Pretty name.
548
00:30:04,668 --> 00:30:07,544
Please, don't feel awkward. I've told
Jonah if he's going to have sex,
549
00:30:07,664 --> 00:30:10,647
- I want him to have it under my roof.
- Mother!
550
00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:13,885
Mother... That means
it's time for me to make my exit.
551
00:30:14,201 --> 00:30:16,651
We're leaving for school in 20 minutes.
552
00:30:17,476 --> 00:30:18,500
20 minutes.
553
00:30:22,696 --> 00:30:24,446
You live with your mother?
554
00:30:24,846 --> 00:30:26,523
Yeah, just until I go to college.
555
00:30:26,979 --> 00:30:28,692
Wait... you're not in college?
556
00:30:29,385 --> 00:30:31,327
But I'm taking AP calculus.
557
00:30:32,055 --> 00:30:33,842
How old are you?
558
00:30:34,466 --> 00:30:36,217
I'll be 17 in two weeks.
559
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,788
Which reminds me... My mom's letting me
have a party in the backyard.
560
00:30:39,908 --> 00:30:41,955
You should totally come.
But I gotta warn you,
561
00:30:42,422 --> 00:30:43,957
she's insisting I have a piñata.
562
00:30:44,934 --> 00:30:45,934
Listen...
563
00:30:47,379 --> 00:30:49,321
I have to go...
564
00:30:49,913 --> 00:30:52,529
My mom could drop you off
on the way to school.
565
00:30:53,118 --> 00:30:54,768
Really, I need to walk.
566
00:30:55,292 --> 00:30:58,096
- I crave my morning exercise.
- Can I call you?
567
00:30:58,361 --> 00:31:00,043
Yes. In five years.
568
00:31:10,433 --> 00:31:12,417
- Are we off the hook?
- We're still hooked.
569
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,362
This sucks.
What do we do now?
570
00:31:14,635 --> 00:31:16,057
Now we kick ass.
571
00:31:16,495 --> 00:31:18,975
Wait until they play Kappa Tau-Tris.
572
00:31:19,981 --> 00:31:21,631
You made the video game.
573
00:31:22,322 --> 00:31:24,853
- Pay up.
- It still has a few bugs.
574
00:31:25,115 --> 00:31:28,168
Go ahead and turn it in, Spitter,
and you can be the hero.
575
00:31:28,838 --> 00:31:30,694
And we... can go get fro-yo.
576
00:31:32,653 --> 00:31:35,508
I don't want to turn this in alone.
This is our pledge class project.
577
00:31:36,580 --> 00:31:38,349
This is your pledge project.
578
00:31:38,469 --> 00:31:41,937
Just like you won beer pong
and you rebuilt Vesuvius.
579
00:31:42,232 --> 00:31:44,191
And we are kinda over it.
580
00:31:44,467 --> 00:31:47,571
I don't wanna be the hero.
I wanna be part of this pledge class.
581
00:31:47,691 --> 00:31:50,523
But I haven't had much experience
being a team player.
582
00:31:50,795 --> 00:31:53,136
I was hoping maybe my brothers...
583
00:31:53,725 --> 00:31:55,236
could tell me how to do that.
584
00:31:58,410 --> 00:32:00,388
- Don't be so critical.
- Don't showboat.
585
00:32:00,508 --> 00:32:02,901
- Don't call me Brad.
- And help us
586
00:32:03,175 --> 00:32:06,383
brainstorm another project
that we can all be a part of.
587
00:32:06,698 --> 00:32:07,698
Done.
588
00:32:09,154 --> 00:32:12,128
So what are some things
every brother in the house enjoys?
589
00:32:13,142 --> 00:32:15,449
- Beer!
- Reruns of cops.
590
00:32:16,264 --> 00:32:17,264
Chicks.
591
00:32:17,791 --> 00:32:19,177
We can build chicks!
592
00:32:20,353 --> 00:32:21,596
What's wrong with you?
593
00:32:23,613 --> 00:32:25,087
Casey, over here!
594
00:32:25,954 --> 00:32:28,304
I was hoping my big sis could make it.
595
00:32:29,888 --> 00:32:33,066
Aren't those the same clothes
you were wearing last night?
596
00:32:35,762 --> 00:32:36,889
I'm concerned.
597
00:32:37,409 --> 00:32:39,920
Me too.
About the environment.
598
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:42,808
Which is why I like to wear
all of my outfits
599
00:32:42,928 --> 00:32:44,678
twice before washing them.
600
00:32:44,944 --> 00:32:46,913
Water is the Earth's most precious gift.
601
00:32:48,131 --> 00:32:49,675
Excuse us a moment.
602
00:32:54,565 --> 00:32:56,965
At least one of us
got our passport stamped last night.
603
00:32:57,249 --> 00:32:59,260
Jonah is 16.
604
00:33:02,781 --> 00:33:05,557
Isn't that illegal?
You might be on to catch a predator.
605
00:33:05,850 --> 00:33:09,211
I saw Cappie and Rebecca making out
and I lost it.
606
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,647
I got drunk,
and I hooked up with some random guy.
607
00:33:12,889 --> 00:33:15,176
Correction.
Random boy.
608
00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:18,329
The point is...
609
00:33:18,728 --> 00:33:22,678
I let it get to me, and that's exactly
what I didn't want to happen.
610
00:33:28,995 --> 00:33:32,292
You're looking very straight today.
You ready for the next lesson?
611
00:33:32,841 --> 00:33:35,530
You can't make me straight, all right?
These lessons are useless.
612
00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:37,299
Listen, you can't lose faith, okay?
613
00:33:37,419 --> 00:33:39,883
Today's is the best of the bunch.
All about attraction.
614
00:33:40,228 --> 00:33:43,402
Now just look at this parade
of female flesh walking by us.
615
00:33:43,710 --> 00:33:45,847
- This is absurd.
- Listen, you gotta learn
616
00:33:46,089 --> 00:33:49,277
to appreciate the female form,
the... slope of the neck,
617
00:33:49,706 --> 00:33:51,250
curve of the back.
618
00:33:51,770 --> 00:33:53,320
The heft of the bosom.
619
00:33:53,930 --> 00:33:55,975
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
620
00:33:57,099 --> 00:33:59,149
Now, who do you find attractive?
621
00:34:03,668 --> 00:34:04,882
She's cute.
622
00:34:05,728 --> 00:34:09,378
See? She is attractive.
I knew you'd have an instinct for this.
623
00:34:10,307 --> 00:34:13,708
What is she doing with him?
She must like guys with personality.
624
00:34:15,610 --> 00:34:17,295
He doesn't look that hideous to me.
625
00:34:18,506 --> 00:34:21,174
- You find him attractive.
- Well, he's got good bone structure.
626
00:34:21,575 --> 00:34:22,575
Wait.
627
00:34:23,309 --> 00:34:25,259
- It all makes sense.
- What?
628
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:29,136
Have you ever thought that the reason
you're trying to turn me straight
629
00:34:29,256 --> 00:34:31,944
is because deep down inside...
You might be gay?
630
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:34,720
- Ridiculous.
- Let's just look at the evidence.
631
00:34:34,957 --> 00:34:37,508
You don't have sex with women.
You like to knit. You...
632
00:34:37,628 --> 00:34:39,378
Appreciate the male form.
633
00:34:39,587 --> 00:34:42,501
And I've seen you run.
It's a little bit swishy.
634
00:34:43,393 --> 00:34:44,989
I don't like what you're implying.
635
00:34:45,474 --> 00:34:47,408
If you ever need to talk,
I'm here for you.
636
00:34:49,114 --> 00:34:51,464
Until then, you might wanna use this.
637
00:34:57,150 --> 00:34:59,770
The world is full
of hot senator's daughters, right?
638
00:34:59,890 --> 00:35:02,578
That's the attitude.
Dime a dozen, right?
639
00:35:03,407 --> 00:35:04,407
Come on.
640
00:35:05,245 --> 00:35:06,268
Come here.
641
00:35:09,927 --> 00:35:12,277
All right, I'll see you later, buddy.
642
00:35:21,419 --> 00:35:23,674
You're a good friend to Beav, Cap.
643
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:26,781
I'm sorry I haven't been
a very good friend to you.
644
00:35:28,059 --> 00:35:29,394
More friendly fire.
645
00:35:32,499 --> 00:35:36,328
Friends are supposed to warn each other
when they're making mistakes.
646
00:35:36,448 --> 00:35:39,275
Look, I understand
why you dislike Rebecca.
647
00:35:40,350 --> 00:35:43,256
- But I've seen a different side of her.
- Rebecca only has one side,
648
00:35:43,376 --> 00:35:46,926
and it's covered in scales. She's just
toying with you to drive me insane.
649
00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:49,762
So seeing me with someone else
is driving you insane?
650
00:35:50,014 --> 00:35:51,540
Seeing you with her is.
651
00:35:52,321 --> 00:35:53,516
You and I are done.
652
00:35:53,956 --> 00:35:56,769
You made that very clear last semester.
So why do you care?
653
00:35:57,043 --> 00:35:59,021
If you say
it's because we're friends, I swear,
654
00:35:59,141 --> 00:36:01,816
I will vomit
into your ridiculously small purse.
655
00:36:03,577 --> 00:36:05,427
I still care about you, Cap.
656
00:36:14,351 --> 00:36:15,701
I care about her.
657
00:36:16,730 --> 00:36:17,749
Really.
658
00:36:18,869 --> 00:36:20,162
Is it her winning smile
659
00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:23,505
or the fact that she's the one person
on campus you knew would drive me crazy?
660
00:36:23,625 --> 00:36:25,465
What is it, exactly, you see in her?
661
00:36:27,475 --> 00:36:28,925
She likes me for me.
662
00:36:44,568 --> 00:36:47,590
First, we gave you the swing-a-ling,
which ended with a broken Beaver.
663
00:36:49,060 --> 00:36:51,850
So today, we're going to heal him
and this house
664
00:36:51,970 --> 00:36:54,556
- by giving you the thing he likes best.
- You made chicks?
665
00:36:56,166 --> 00:36:57,166
Better.
666
00:36:59,357 --> 00:37:00,380
We made...
667
00:37:00,710 --> 00:37:03,519
beer with our brand-new brewery.
668
00:37:09,905 --> 00:37:12,714
I have not been this impressed
669
00:37:12,992 --> 00:37:15,160
since Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls.
670
00:37:16,096 --> 00:37:17,899
You totally came through!
671
00:37:18,506 --> 00:37:21,756
Let's have our president
taste the first batch of beer.
672
00:37:22,286 --> 00:37:25,060
- We're calling it Cappie-weizen.
- Nice touch.
673
00:37:25,501 --> 00:37:26,796
Let's let the love flow.
674
00:37:32,090 --> 00:37:34,483
- Is it clear beer?
- Just wait.
675
00:37:57,877 --> 00:38:00,455
Silly me!
This is not about how the beer tastes.
676
00:38:00,755 --> 00:38:03,079
This is about you guys working together!
677
00:38:03,547 --> 00:38:05,543
Brothers, let's hear it for our pledges!
678
00:38:10,678 --> 00:38:11,928
I'll drink that.
679
00:38:13,696 --> 00:38:16,922
- We're still working on the formula.
- Way to go, Spitter.
680
00:38:17,042 --> 00:38:19,163
I just worked on the fermentation.
681
00:38:19,283 --> 00:38:21,133
Pickle's uncle imports hops,
682
00:38:21,659 --> 00:38:24,062
and Jake made these coasters.
He's now known as...
683
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,705
- Woodchuck.
- It's good.
684
00:38:27,208 --> 00:38:30,122
I mean, it's no Vesuvius,
but... still.
685
00:38:33,495 --> 00:38:36,356
He really loves that volcano.
He's just a little...
686
00:38:37,119 --> 00:38:38,247
Endearing.
687
00:38:38,905 --> 00:38:41,575
- Sure.
- Look, I know Joe seems a bit crazy,
688
00:38:41,697 --> 00:38:44,207
but we've been though a lot.
If it weren't for this house,
689
00:38:44,449 --> 00:38:47,591
we probably never would
have even talked to each other.
690
00:38:47,711 --> 00:38:50,348
But that's the beautiful thing
about brotherhood.
691
00:38:50,468 --> 00:38:52,983
It makes you bond with different people
692
00:38:53,249 --> 00:38:54,968
outside of your comfort zone.
693
00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:57,762
Speaking of bonding
with different people...
694
00:38:58,004 --> 00:39:00,898
- We're making a pancake run to IHOP.
- I'll be there in a second.
695
00:39:01,018 --> 00:39:04,243
- I'm just gonna finish...
- Go celebrate. You've earned it.
696
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:19,909
Spring cleaning?
697
00:39:20,174 --> 00:39:22,495
I'm removing every speck of gay
from my life.
698
00:39:23,850 --> 00:39:25,689
- Tim McGraw.
- His jeans are too tight.
699
00:39:25,809 --> 00:39:27,559
It draws the eye downward.
700
00:39:28,118 --> 00:39:30,341
You realize I was just joking, right?
701
00:39:30,461 --> 00:39:32,922
- You're not gay.
- I know, but that's what you gays do.
702
00:39:33,174 --> 00:39:35,175
You indoctrinate.
If I don't stay vigilant,
703
00:39:35,759 --> 00:39:38,136
sooner or later I could end up
with my own Bravo TV show.
704
00:39:38,378 --> 00:39:40,763
That's ridiculous.
No one can make you gay.
705
00:39:41,309 --> 00:39:43,725
Just like no one can make me straight.
It's not a choice.
706
00:39:44,047 --> 00:39:45,226
I can't accept that.
707
00:39:46,632 --> 00:39:49,406
- Why not?
- 'Cause it's not what I believe.
708
00:39:49,857 --> 00:39:53,109
Well, isn't that what college is for...
Challenging our beliefs?
709
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:56,275
Pretty sure it says that
in the brochure.
710
00:39:57,708 --> 00:39:59,032
What do you want from me?
711
00:39:59,274 --> 00:40:02,979
I want you to accept that I'm gay
and happy about it.
712
00:40:09,872 --> 00:40:11,831
All right.
Accepted.
713
00:40:13,635 --> 00:40:14,658
Thank you.
714
00:40:18,906 --> 00:40:21,854
Next time, we're gonna talk
about that flag, okay?
715
00:40:26,034 --> 00:40:27,784
Okay, Tim.
You can stay.
716
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:40,981
Nice tail lights!
717
00:40:46,038 --> 00:40:47,388
That's my sister.
718
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,050
We'll save you seats.
719
00:40:57,999 --> 00:41:01,849
Let's pretend that never happened
and deal with it later in therapy.
720
00:41:04,394 --> 00:41:06,008
So where are you running to?
721
00:41:06,128 --> 00:41:08,508
Correct question
is what am I running from?
722
00:41:08,628 --> 00:41:11,334
- What do you mean?
- Cappie didn't tell you?
723
00:41:11,454 --> 00:41:14,125
- He's dating Rebecca Logan.
- They're dating!
724
00:41:17,990 --> 00:41:19,932
Maybe we could put a hit on her.
725
00:41:20,052 --> 00:41:22,657
I think she regenerates
like the Terminator.
726
00:41:24,405 --> 00:41:25,405
You okay?
727
00:41:27,194 --> 00:41:29,952
I know I don't have any claim on him.
It's just...
728
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:34,080
Cappie's always been there for me.
Deep down, I felt better knowing that.
729
00:41:35,333 --> 00:41:37,130
It's like a safety net.
730
00:41:37,837 --> 00:41:38,843
I guess so.
731
00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:41,384
And now he's gone, and...
732
00:41:42,727 --> 00:41:45,667
- It's scary.
- Can I give you a piece of advice?
733
00:41:48,174 --> 00:41:50,586
The reason people get scared
734
00:41:51,351 --> 00:41:55,131
when their safety net is gone
is that they begin to doubt themselves.
735
00:41:55,251 --> 00:41:58,609
They think they can't do what they did
before because that net's not there.
736
00:41:59,004 --> 00:42:01,398
I'm just saying
that I wish I was as good as you are
737
00:42:01,518 --> 00:42:03,448
walking the tightrope that is college.
738
00:42:04,431 --> 00:42:06,681
You're really into this net analogy.
739
00:42:07,223 --> 00:42:10,173
- If you fall...
- If you say I will catch you...
740
00:42:10,469 --> 00:42:11,831
This conversation is over.
741
00:42:12,828 --> 00:42:15,186
That's fine.
I'm late for pancakes.
742
00:42:15,984 --> 00:42:16,984
Thanks.
743
00:42:20,248 --> 00:42:21,248
Wait up.
744
00:42:28,175 --> 00:42:29,215
Running.
745
00:42:29,646 --> 00:42:31,768
Good idea.
You were looking a little puffy.
746
00:42:34,935 --> 00:42:36,513
Listen, Rebecca,
747
00:42:37,390 --> 00:42:39,616
even though I question your motives,
748
00:42:39,736 --> 00:42:43,237
I'm staying out of your relationship
with Cappie. I want no part of it.
749
00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:45,997
Sounds like you're moving on.
Good for you.
750
00:42:46,117 --> 00:42:48,368
I mean, really...
It's been two years.
751
00:42:52,356 --> 00:42:54,176
Just... one more...
752
00:42:54,385 --> 00:42:55,385
thing.
753
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,783
If you hurt him,
754
00:42:58,425 --> 00:42:59,656
I will hurt you.
755
00:43:01,966 --> 00:43:05,035
This is what big sis, little sis week
is all about.
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