Original subtitles

[disembodied voice] You're doomed! Doomed!

[moody music]

[thunder clap]

[thunder clap]

[music stops]

[music resumes]

[whispers] Arbor Day.

[Raymond] [clears throat]

[Nurse] Arbor Day...

Hmmm?

I wonder what he meant by "Arbor Day"?

[knowingly] Arbor Day.

I can tell you about Arbor Day.

It happened a long time ago.

In color.

It started out

just like any other day.

[heavy breathing]

[Dad] Honey, honey, please wait.

Whew!

[Elmer] Do you think we’ll find a swell place to plant our tree, Daddy?

Sure Elm.

The woods are full of great places to plant trees.

We’ll look for the best one, and we’ll plant that baby!

Gee, Arbor Day sure is neat, Dad!

[Dad Laughs]

Well as a botanist, I think it’s pretty neat, too.

Honey, honey... would you like me to take over?

Oh no dear. I’m feeling as strong as an ox.

[Dad] Damn E-R-A.

[Elmer] Daddy...

What is it, Elm?

[reluctantly] Why does mommy have so much hair on her face?

[sighs] You should see her pits.

[gasping for air]

[Dad] I’ll be alright, really, really I’m OK.

[Mom] Alright, relax.

I’m gonna be OK. I’m gonna be alright.

[Mom] I told you not to wear long sleeves

[Dad] [gasping]

Ohhhh boy.

[Mom] Deep breaths...

[Dad] [gasping]

[Mom] Alright...

[Dad] [gasping]

I’m gonna be OK. I’m gonna be alright.

[Mom] Well maybe next time you won’t fill your pockets so heavy

you didn’t need your wallet

you didn’t need your keys

and you don’t need spare change in the forest!

[slap]

[gasps]

[Beatnik] Hey cats, you dropped your bags.

Happy Arbor Day!

[Dad] Thanks!

Wow, this must be our lucky day.

[pick sound]

This sucks.

[bird tweets]

I gotta work on fucking Arbor Day!

I hate this fucking job.

[bird squawk]

Bingo!

[muttering]

[bird tweet]

[bird squawk]

Bingo.

Ah shit.

[sizzle sound]

[demeanor change] Howdy folks!

[Elmer] Hi Mr. Forest Ranger! Happy Arbor Day!

[Ranger] And a happy Arbor Day to you, too!

Say that sure is a beauty!

You know when I was your age

me and my daddy planted a tree just like that one.

You know that tree’s still standing there today.

Sometimes I go back and look at that tree...

It’s like a piece of my past.

How come you’re not planting trees today?

[Dad] Well Elm,

Mr. Ranger has a very important job.

He has to make sure the forest the forest is safe

for all the campers.

[Ranger] Speaking of safety, you folks remember

we share this forest with our animal friends.

Respect the woods, and it’ll respect you.

[Mom] Thank you Mr. Ranger, bye!

Bye bye now, and you folks have a happy Arbor Day.

Assholes.

[Dad] There.

That oughta do it.

You know Elm, I think we picked a perfect location.

There’s rich topsoil, ample sunlight & plenty of water.

All the ingredients necessary for a plant to grow up healthy.

Wow! Our tree’s gonna last a hundred million, zillion years!

Ha ha ha.

Well Elm, I don’t know if it will be here that long

But it should be here for years for us to come and enjoy it.

[growl]

Look Daddy, a man in a bear suit!

[Bear sighs]

[slap]

[whispers]

Look Daddy, a GRIZZLY BEAR!

[Bear snarls]

[Dad] [kissing noises]

Come here, lil’ fella. Cmon...

I’ve got a nice fig newton for ya.

Good boy! [kissing noises]

Here ya go [kissing noises]

C'mon. [kissing noises] C'mon. That’s good.

Please Daddy I'm scared!

Relax Elmer, it’s only a little bear.

[kissing noises]

What do you think a bear is doing in this part of the woods?

He’s probably just a little hungry.

[00:08 07.23]Hey you know, it is mating season

He’s probably hungry for a little love.

[chuckles]

Honey, not in front of Elmer.

Please Daddy, please!

Ah Elm, this guy’s been around humans so long

he’s probably tame as a kitten.

Please daddy! Please, please!

Relax Elmer.

Your father wouldn't feed the bear if it wasn’t safe.

C’mon Elm, he’s probably more afraid of us then we are of him

You watch this...

[splat] [dramatic music]

[scream]

[spit]

ELMER! RUN!!!!!!!

[ferocious roar]

[Mom] [gasping] [menacing growls]

No!

[growls and heavy breathing]

Please!!!

[Bear growls] [Mom whimpers]

[tearing sound] [scream]

[roaring sound] [frightened moans]

[blood curdling scream]

[Doctor] Strange case with this Jacob’s boy.

As a youth he witnessed his parents being mauled by a bear.

His father was decapitated.

And they found traces of bear semen

in his mother's mutilated body.

God! What a horrible story!

Poor child.

Yes, and to add to the tragedy

the event occurred on Arbor Day

[dramatic bells]

making the holiday unbearable.

Poor kid.

Imagine...

not being able to celebrate Arbor Day.

[contemplating] No, no.

Oddly enough the only day of the year that his brainwaves

show any change is on Arbor Day.

The rest of the year he remains in a catatonic trance.

What the HELL is that?!?

It’s the New York Mets, Doctor.

"It’s the NY Mets, Doctor." The NY Mets.

And tell me missy,

Who are the mets playing their next home game, hmm?

The Cubs.

Who?

The Cubs, Doctor.

"The Cubs, Doctor."

The Cubs, Doctor.

[louder] The Cubs, Doctor!

And I take it you intend to remind poor Elmer

of his early childhood trauma, hmm?

Why don’t you just run up to him and say,

"Look out Elmer, there’s a bear behind you!"

[growling sounds]

[snorting & roaring]

Don’t you realize the mere mention of the word bear

can prolong poor Elmer’s recovery?

Now exercise your sensitivity

and change that channel!

[click] [roar]

[click] [old piano music]

[click] It’s soft and luxurious

[click] helping to create a fire danger level that is elevated

[click] press conference with George Bush. That's better.

[TV] We now return to our regularly scheduled program

So you’re saying that the only day that Elmer's brainwaves

show any change is on Arbor Day?

[savage roars]

Yes, yes I did say that.

Well, correct me if I’m wrong doctor but

isn't tomorrow Arbor Day?

[dramatic bells]

Why yes. Yes it is.

We better prepare some type of restraint

as a protective measure.

It pains me to have to have to chain up

such a poor human being like this.

[Briggs] Well if you ask me

all these freaks should be chained up

just like animals

'cause that’s all they are.

They ain’t no human beings.

Mr. Briggs

I thought I told you to mop up all of C-Section.

Maybe you should attend to your job

or I'll attend to it for you.

When you’re through with that

then you may return and clean Mr. Jacob’s room.

Have it done by midnight.

Yes, sir.

Oh and Briggs

In the future I’ll thank you

to keep your uneducated comments to yourself.

You know, he hasn't been the same

since he had his neck slammed in that car door.

Well some just don’t understand

that crazy people are people too

they just need someone to look out for them

and take care of them.

It’s two o'clock, doctor.

Ooh I'm late.

[eerie music]

[door opening] [keys jingling]

[door closing]

[Briggs] Well if it isn't the freak.

Hi Freaky.

Whatcha starin' at?

Huh?

What’s the matter? Bear got your tongue?

I know all about you freaky

And I bought you a present

Yeah, a surprise.

Look here.

[growls]

You like it?

Happy Ar-Bear Day Freaky

Awwww.

Looks like your Daddy wasn't the only one

who lost his head that day, huh, Freaky?

And I bet your momma loved when that bear...

[clock chimes]

[ropes tearing]

[threatening music]

[choking sounds]

Hey! I was only kidding!

I really didn't think your momma enjoyed it!

I swear!

Hey, I'm sorry. I’m sorry. I didn't mean it.

I swear! I’m sorry!

Hey, Elmer...

[choking sounds]

[music intensifies]

[squish] [groans]

[squishes & screams]

[splat]

[more squishes & groans]

[splat]

This is really taking a lot out of me.

[squishes/screams]

[howls] [squish]

Ewwwwww.

[splat]

[squish, splat, screams etc.]

[rip, squish, tear, scream]

[splat, tear, squish, scream]

[clank]

[last gasp]

[body crash]

[rattling]

[silence]

[rock music] [Arbor Day Theme]

Every year when the leaves turn green

You wanna blow off school, you wanna let off steam.

Cause you hate your job and you hate your old man

they don’t wanna ROCK! They don’t understand

that it’s ARBOR DAY

A time to grow

'Cause it’s Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

My fruit is ripe and my branches strong

And I'll plant anybody who does me wrong.

Now I got some beer and I got some weed

What better day to plant my seed

than on ARBOR DAY

A time to grow

'Cause it’s Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

[smoking guitar solo]

[whizzing down the frets]

[guitar melting finale]

Sometimes you gotta stand up

for the things that you believe

Stand as tall as trees

Kill the enemies like weeds!

So I prune a bush in my baby's park

and my stem is hard, I want to make her bark.

'Cause she cuts my roots and she sets me free

She taps my sap like a maple tree.

And it’s ARBOR DAY

A time to grow.

'Cause its Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

Arbor Day

[slow music fade]

[Stacey] Hey Pitbull

how much longer 'til we reach this place?

[Pitbull] Jeeze Stace, I dunno.

Last time I was out here I was so high on angel weed

It seemed like it only took ten seconds.

[Jen] Well we better get their soon

because my feet are killing me and I’m starving.

Well hey Jen, I got some nuts...

[rattle]

[boing]

Charlie you’re such an asshole!

[Charlie] [bad Spanish accent] What’s the matter?

Can’t you take ze joke?

[irritating laugh] Good one!

Hey Stacey, chuck on some tunes.

[click]

[radio] We interrupt regular programming

for a special bulletin.

A crazed lunatic has just escaped from the South Oaks

insane asylum. Police warn he is extremely dangerous

and was last seen heading towards

[click] God!

All they play is news and commercials these days.

[Jen] Hey Stace what's with those two?

They’re so creepy and they don't talk to anybody.

Just leave them alone. They’re ok, they're just shy.

Look, sis!

A perfect specimen of Salt-spray Rose!

Ooh that’s a beauty, Bobby.

And look at the symmetry of the veni-structure!

Now that’s a marvel of vegetive nutritional transport.

We'll have to put this one in the scrap book.

C'mon you two, join the party!

Hey we gotta be close.

I remember bumping into this stump last time.

Eureka!

This way dudes!

[Charlie] Boy, Pitbull

the way you sniff out drugs you should work at the airport.

[All] [laugh]

I’m telling you, Detective

we’ve got to find this boy and quick!

In his mental condition

there's no telling what he might do.

Yeah, I'm inclined to believe you, Doc

after what he did to the attendant.

What was his name? Briggs?

[squish]

Figures I gotta spend my Arbor Day

tracking down some psycho.

Please hurry, Detective.

I'm afraid he might be in some danger.

Suicidal tendencies are quite common around the holidays.

Well no offense, Doc

but I’m a little more worried

about the other 4 billion people out there.

Voila!

I told you I'd find this place.

This place is awful.

Yeah, it’s kind of creepy.

I dunno, I kinda like it.

[bad accent] It makes me feel right at home.

[laughs]

Don't worry, Sunshine.

After a few lines of my mystical guru powder

this place will look like the Taj Mahal.

I don’t know guys, this place doesn’t look too safe

the floors could be rotten. We could all get hurt.

Are you kidding, sis?

This building is at least fifty years old.

It must have been built

according to the old building codes.

I bet it's still as solid as a rock.

What's this kid know anyway?

You can believe him

He’s a whiz at calculus, biology, physics...

Not to mention mechanical engineering

psychology and chemistry.

Chemistry?

The only thing I remember about chemistry is that time

I brewed up some wicked mushroom dust

for the Ted Nugent concert.

C'mon, trust me.

Hey you kids! RUN! RUN!

It's not safe!

The place is evil!

You'll all perish!

You're doomed! DOOMED!

Yeah!

And a Happy Arbor Day to you too, pal!

I’m starting to have second thoughts about this place.

C'mon Smiley Face. There's nothing to worry about.

Holy Shit!

Look at this!

Jacobs? Who's that?

Wasn’t that the guy that invented

blackjack moon rocks?

No.

But I remember that name from one of my history text books.

As I recall, it had something to do with Arbor Day.

Bingo, kid!

Twenty years ago, Elmer Jacobs watched

his parents being mutilated

by a grizzly bear.

Now, he’s a basket case in the looney bin at South Oaks.

Every year on Arbor Day his power grows.

And one day he'll escape

and come back to the only place he knows.

This house.

And he'll come back

for revenge.

He’ll come back

TO KILL!!!

Charlie you IDIOT!

[Charlie laughs]

C'mon guys, let's go in the house

before that nut comes back.

[phone ring]

Hello.

Yeah hi Honey, it’s me.

Listen, I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta work late tonight.

But Honey, it’s Arbor Day.

I just put the turkey in the oven

and Junior’s been waiting to plant that tree all day.

I know Honey. Don’t you think I’d rather be out planting a tree

with my son than chasing after some whack job?

I'm sorry, dear.

It’s just that Arbor Day has always been so special to us.

Yeah I’m sorry too, Honey.

But sometimes a man’s job has gotta come before

his turkey dinner

Even turkey with stuffing and brown gravy

on a bed of corn niblets in butter

and mashed potatoes with pearl onions

and tender glazed green beans

smothered in Hollandaise sauce

and a hot peach cobbler

with a scoop of french vanilla ice cream and cool whip.

I also maid some triscuits and cheese whiz.

Well, maybe just a little nibble.

[door opening]

[Pitbull] Holy horror show, man.

[Charlie] [bad accent] Aye caramba

they neeed 'ze new cleaning lady.

[Stacey] Uhh, this place is a mess.

[Jen] Oh my god.

[door closing]

[Pitbull] Whoa, the maid’s on vacation.

[Charlie] This is NOT the Taj Mahal.

You can say that again.

[Rachel] Stop it, don’t touch anything.

This is disgusting.

This place is filthy

[click, click]

And the lights don’t work.

Pitbull, why did you drag us out to this shack?

Don’t worry, Jen.

In just a few minutes,

you'll be able to see by the light of my silvery bong.

Hey Pitbull, why don't you try one of these beauties?

Whoa! Mintoid, Dude!

[boom]

Whoa!

[Charlie] [irritating laugh]

[Rachel] Charlie!

Maybe I'll just go look for the circuit breaker.

Considering this house is over 40 years old

it would be safe to assume a fuse box

would be located in the basement.

Well thank you Thomas Alva Edision.

This kid’s a regular Whine-stien.

He’s just trying to be helpful.

Yeah Charlie, lay off!

Alright, look kid

I’m sorry.

I'm not such a bad guy.

Let’s shake.

[buzz]

[Charlie] [irritating laugh]

[Charlie] [bad accent] Aye caramba, Charlie

Aye yai yai yai aye.

[Charlie] [irritating laugh]

I guess I'll check the cellar.

[Charlie] irritating laugh]

[door opening]

[door closing]

[eerie music]

[door opening]

[creak]

[door closing]

[door opening]

[creak]

[creaking steps]

[door opens]

[heavy footsteps]

[Stacey] Fuses! My lucky day!

[clank] [splat]

[squishes]

[splat]

[squish]

[splat]

[squish]

[splat]

[squish]

[splat]

[squish] [splat]

[squish, splat]

[splat]

[sad music]

No one understands poor Elmer

No one understands.

Beneath that whacko killer

There’s a frightened,

gentle man.

Denying people the love they need

is a selfish thing to do.

If we're not sharing

and not caring

Perhaps we're killers too.

Behind every killer

There’s a heck of a guy.

Heck of a guy

And behind every cloud

There’s a bright blue sky.

After coldest winter

comes the warm thaw of spring

warm thaw of spring

So take that troubled bird

underneath your wing.

So to criticize poor Elmer

is unjust and unfair.

Besides your parents were not

killed by a grizzly bear.

So there.

[music fades]

[Bobby] I’m telling you she’s dead!

It was horrible!

Her viscera was smeared all over the basement.

Stacey always had a lot of guts. [laughs]

Charlie, this is serious.

OK if you don’t believe me

come downstairs and see for yourselves!

[Rachel] Bobby!

[mocking] If you don’t believe me

Come downstairs and see for yourselves.

[door opening]

[Charlie] Na na na na!

Let Charlie P.I. investigate!

[laughs]

I'm not going down there.

Come on. I really wanna see that viscera thing.

Really.

[door opening]

[creaky steps]

Oh my GOD!

It's freezing down here. [laughs]

I swear!

She was just here a second ago!

Hey Pitbull

I think Bobby's been getting into some of your dope.

You better check your Shangri-La pills.

See if one’s missing!

[Pitbull] Hey, major uncool, squirt.

[Rachel] This isn't very funny, Bobby.

[noise]

[Jen] What the hell was that?

[Charlie] I dunno.

But it came from over there.

[eerie music]

[footsteps on cement]

[door opening]

[Charlie] [scream] [cat screech]

[Jen] [laughs] What's the matter Charlie?

Afraid of a little kitty cat?

[Rachel] Oh he’s so cute.

[Pitbull] Hey, I’ve seen cuter pussies

in my lifetime.

[Charlie] [laughs] Good one, Pitbull!

[Rachel] I'm gonna call him Scruffy.

[Charlie] [bad accent] I'm going to call you

ze numbskull!

[Jen] Let’s go upstairs.

Stacey's probably outside somewhere.

[Charlie] Hey, the fusebox!

And fuses! My lucky day!

[Jen] Let’s go upstairs!

Stacey's probably outside somewhere!

[Charlie] What's wrong?

[Pitbull] No viscera, man.

[Jen] Uhg. C'mon already.

[eerie bells]

[door slam]

[Charlie] [annoying laugh]

Oh her viscera was smeared all over the basement.

Boo hoo hoo! [laughs]

[Jen] You gotta be kidding me.

[Pitbull] Body hunting sure makes me thirsty.

Yeah, I'm kinda parched myself.

[clears throat] [exaggerated]

Anyone want a brewski?

[Pitbull] No thanks, Champ.

I got my own.

[Rachel] Nah, I'll have a soda though.

[fizzing]

[Charlie] Here's your soda.

Thank you.

[gulping]

[screams]

[Charlie] [laughs]

[All] Charlie!

Holy smokes! What are those kids still doing there?

I warned them! The house... it's evil!

Evil is everywhere!

Upstairs, downstairs

there's even a little bit under the sink there.

What are they doing? Those kids, they never listen.

The only way they'll their lesson is

when that crazy killer comes.

Then they'll know. And don't come crying to me

when that happens cause I told you and you just

wouldn't listen.

Holy smokes, that one there is really crazy.

What’s he got on his hat there?

Look at that one with his wild hair...

he must be a Rock & Roller.

I hate those kids!

[chugs]

Those kids with their rock & roll and their

blue suede shoes

they need a good Finnegan pin

that's what they need!

[scream]

[whimper]

[choking sound]

[running water sound]

[gurgling]

[pop]

[splash]

[eerie bells]

[Detective] Hail Mary, who art in heaven

hallowed be thy father, uh.

Give us this day our daily bread

and uh, a little butter, too.

Amen.

[thud]

Ahh, thank you, Honey. This stuff looks great.

You must have been in the kitchen all day.

Oh these peas look good.

Yeah, you know you can't work a case on an empty stomach.

Thank you, thank you.

Boy this chicken looks terrific!

[hard rock music]

[music continues]

[whish, chop]

[buzz] [punch]

[roaring flame]

[clank]

[music fades]

Would you like the last piece?

I don’t know if I should.

Ah, what the hell, it's Arbor Day.

[bad accent] Gee Rachel,

Your brother is ze loco! [laughs]

I don’t know, this is so unlike him.

Something must have given him a pretty bad scare.

Well a little shot of my lightning lotus liquid

should calm him right down.

I don’t know you guys, it’s getting kind of dark out.

I wonder where Stacey is.

Yeah. And Scruffy's missing too.

Gee, I’m getting kind of worried.

I’m gonna go out and look for her.

[creaky door]

Scruffy?

Scruffy?

Scruff?

Scruffy?

[sounds to call cat]

[owl hoot]

[deep breath]

Scruffy?

Scruff?

Ya crazy cat!

Scruff?

Scruffy?

[sounds to call cat]

[music swell]

Scruff?

Where are ya?

OH GEEZE!

[drum hits]

[crash]

[small engine]

[gasp]

[engine revs]

Help!

HELP!!!

HELP!!!!!

Charlie! Cut the shit.

It’s not funny anymore.

[engine revs]

[screams] Help me!

[screams] HELP! HELP! HELP!

[engine stops]

He ran out of gas.

[laughs] You ran out of gas!

You ran out of gas!!!!

[bad accent] He ran out of ze gas!

[annoying laughs]

[splat, squirt]

[eerie musical dirge]

I don’t know, Jen. Maybe there is something wrong.

I mean, first that weirdo

and now everybody is disappearing.

Where’s Pitbull?

We’re all alone in this deserted house.

[dialing]

Hello, Operator?

Can you get me the police?

Seventh precinct.

[threatening music] [footsteps]

[metal grind]

No, seventh precinct.

I'll wait.

Hello, seventh precinct?

[snip] [electric buzz]

[shears drop]

[Jen] It’s just the lights.

Yes, can I speak to Officer Bradley?

Hi snuggles.

[crickets]

[metal screech]

Of course.

Do you miss me?

[laughs]

Just me and Rachel.

All alone

in this dark old house

with nothing to do.

Say, what time do you get off?

You're already off?

Why don’t you and Jimmy Hamilton

slip on by here?

[hatchet on brick]

[dirt kick]

[dirt kick]

You have a date?

What do you mean you have a date?!!!!

[click] [nothing]

[click, click, click]

[dirt thrown]

What is some whore you busted out in front of the coffee shop?

No you shut up!

You wish!

[tape tear]

[click] [motor]

[muffled motor]

That’ll be the day!

I wouldn’t call for your help

if there was a homicidal maniac trying to kill me!

I hate you!!

OOH I HATE YOU!!!

[wire tear]

[Rachel] [whistles]

I think I’ll go see what Bobby’s doing.

[door creak]

Bobby?

Bobby?

Bobby?

[eerie music]

Bobby?

[whispers] Bobby?

[music builds]

Bobby?

[beeps]

[trap closing]

[Rachel] [sighs]

Help with this!

What are you doing, Bobby!

The way Stacey's organs were torn out

would indicate a creature of super human strength.

We'll need something to combat this aberration.

Stop talking that nonsense.

The only psycho here

is the one you've created in your subconscious.

Then please explain. Where is everybody?

I don’t know, they’re around somewhere.

No they're not. They’re dead! I know it!

Bobby, I promise you they're ok.

I'll go upstairs and find them right now.

Please don’t go, sis!

Alright Bobby, relax. I won’t go anywhere.

I’m gonna find the bathroom.

[motor]

[snip]

[creaky stairs]

This place gives me the creeps.

[eerie music]

Who's idea was this anyway?

Looks safe enough.

Hello? Anybody home?

[door knob rattle]

A bathroom!

[click]

with a light that works!

And a mirror.

It’s still disgusting

like everything else in this house.

[drum hits]

[music builds]

[smack] [scream]

You asshole!

[Pitbull] What’s up, Jen?

You scared the shit out of me. Where the hell you been?

I was just out back whipping up some pleasure pills.

Care to join me?

Sure.

Maybe we can whip up some pleasure of our own.

Cool.

[moans] [crickets]

[kissing]

So uh,

why do they call you Pitbull?

Because I grab on

and never let go.

[Jen] [moans]

[wheelbarrow rolling]

[kissing]

[wheelbarrow rolling]

[owl hoot]

[wheelbarrow rolling]

[owls hooting]

[wheelbarrow rolling]

Oh Pitbull.

[moans] Oh Pitbull.

Ooh, Pitbull.

[pleasure moans]

Pitbull?

Oh Jen.

Pitbull?!!

Jen!

PITBULL?!!!

Jen!

[Horrific shriek]

[Pitbull} Excellent!

[thud] [squish]

Ooh, squashed like a bug!

[television] The road to the City of Emeralds

is paved with yellow brick.

[Munchkins] It’s paved with yellow bricks.

Let Dorothy go to the city of Emeralds.

Perhaps the Great Oz will help you.

The Great Oz.

It is a long journey through a country

that is sometimes dark and terrible!

Wait a minute!

Is that Billy Barty?

[socket wrench]

[boom]

See Bobby, that must be them upstairs.

[splat]

No it’s not. It’s him!

Who?

Elmer!

Don’t be silly, Bobby. I'm going upstairs.

Don’t go!

Bobby, I’ll be right back!

[door opening]

You guys?

[door closing]

[door opening]

[door closing]

Hello?

Guys?

C'mon guys

this isn’t funny anymore.

Hello? Guys?

[eerie music]

You guys?

C'mon guys. [doorknob rattles]

[doorknob rattles]

Guys?

Guys?

Guys?

[music builds]

Guys?

C'mon you guys, I know you’re up here.

I heard you from downstairs.

It isn’t funny anymore.

Hello?

C'mon guys! Me and Bobby are gonna go home.

[sighs]

Gosh, it stinks up here.

What is that smell?

[screams]

[intense music]

[music stops]

[exhales]

[gasp] [thud]

[squish]

[eerie music]

[scream]

[shriek]

[gasp]

[thuds down stairs]

Uhg.

[grunt]

[scream]

Oh, Charlie.

Thank God it’s you.

I don’t know what’s going on.

I was just upstairs. Everybody's dead.

Charlie?

Charlie?

[scream]

[door opening] [door closing]

Bobby!

[banging] Bobby!

[snap]

[scream]

[scream]

[water spill]

[scream]

[scream]

[scream]

[driving music]

[choking]

[squish]

[squish]

[doorknob rattle]

[scream]

Come on!

[scream]

Come on!

Help!

[scream]

[scream]

[tear]

[knocking]

[scream]

[scream]

[Elmer] Ewww. Ahhrg. Yuck

Yuck.

[door closing] [music stops]

[music rises]

[orchestra hit] [scream]

[slaps]

[scream]

[banjo playing]

[Rachel] [crying]

[sobbing]

I don’t know.

I just can't figure this one out.

What’s a five letter word for bottle-cap?

I thought you were working on that case?

Ahh that’s a lost cause.

How would I know where some half-baked screwball

is gonna turn up?

[Television] There's no place like home.

There’s no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

HOME!

[sobbing]

[tense music]

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

[music stops]

[dreamlike music]

[harp]

[birds chirping]

[harp] [dreamlike music stops]

Nah.

[tense music]

[Rachel sobbing]

[machine noise growing]

[door slam]

[chimes] [heroic music]

[hoe drops]

[machine noise]

I'm gonna mulch your ass you psychotic freak!

[squish

[Rachel screams] BOBBY!

[smoke puffs out] [machine off]

[Rachel sobbing]

[falling down stairs]

[Rachel sobbing] [tense music]

[boom]

[body landing]

[sobbing]

[scary music accent]

[sobbing]

[tense music]

[scream]

[scream]

[scream]

[door opening]

[machine gun]

[machine gun]

[machine gun] [squish]

[splat]

[door closing]

[sliding]

[music stops]

[sobbing]

[more sobs]

[still sobbing]

[Detective] What’s the matter honey?

[Rachel sobbing]

Alright, come on.

[Rachel sobs]

[Detective] I’m gonna get you out of here.

It’s all over. Come on, everything's ok.

It's gonna be alright. Come on.

[Rachel sobs]

Everything's fine. It’s over. It’s over.

Relax.

[Rachel] [sobbing]

He’s dead. I’m telling you.

Damn dames.

Just get so emotional.

[music accent]

Uhhh.

Sargent Friday?

[action music]

[scream]

[Detective] [grunt]

[choking]

[Detective] [screams]

[choking]

[buzzer] [punch]

[thump]

[winding]

[ticking]

Come on, Honey, let's get out of here.

[door opening]

[ticking]

[banging]

[ticking]

[Detective] Move!

[banging]

[door opening] [Detective] Come on!

[ticking]

[explosion]

[debris falling]

[roaring fire]

[keys jingling]

[finger snaps]

Honey, you gotta snap out of it.

It’s all over now.

He’s dead.

Everything's gonna be fine.

I’m gonna take you home.

Hey, you like cheese whiz?

My wife, she makes the best cheese whiz

[choking]

[Rachel] [scream]

[choking]

[squish]

[sliding down vinyl]

[Detective] Come on! Let’s get out of here!

[car door opening]

[crickets]

[music accent]

[Detective & Rachel] [scream]

[Detective] Get out of here!

Alright looney toon

[karate music]

I’m sick of messing around with you.

Your bark is worse than your bite.

I'm gonna chop you down to size

with my Beaver style Kung Fu.

Timber.

[karate kick]

[whooshing]

[thump]

[karate strikes & blocks]

[Detective] [exhales]

He's Kung Fu is very good.

[karate strikes & blocks]

[boxing bell]

[punch]

C'mon, right here.

You're nothing. C'mon!

[punch, punch, punch]

[Elmer] [slo-mo roar]

[impact]

[struggling]

[scream]

[dice roll] [game piece moving]

[Detective] Damn.

[dice roll] [game piece moving]

C'mon. Gimme.

[dice roll] [game piece moving]

Uhg. God damn!

Come on.

[dice roll] YES! Yes!

Two hotels on Boardwalk!

That's two thousand dollars!

Two thousand!

Come on, come on. Gimme the money!

Oh what’s the matter? You don't have enough?

Ooh, maybe you’ll have to mortgage your railroads!

Ha ha.

Ah ha ha ha.

I’ll see you in the poor house, Elmer.

[game pieces cleared] Hey! What are you doing?

You sore loser! [boom]

[scream]

[tense music]

[door slam]

[short breaths]

Where are the keys?

[scream]

[whimpering]

[window rolling up]

[squish]

[car door]

[banging on roof]

[trunk opening]

[trunk slam]

[liquid splashing]

[banging on roof]

[liquid splashing]

[banging on roof]

[match strike]

[roaring fire]

[Rachel] Detective!

Come on! Get up!

GET UP!

[breaking glass]

[scream]

[roar]

Oh boy.

He really looks looks pissed now!

[roar]

[growling

[music intensifies]

[growling] [tearing]

[growling] [tearing]

[squish] [splat]

[squish] [splat]

[roar]

[big splat]

[drum hits]

[music fades]

[crackling fire]

Whew.

Thanks a lot, Smokey.

No problem, Detective.

Valuable acres of forest are lost every year

by man’s careless handling of fire.

If people would just take the time to

make sure that their matches, cigarettes or campfires are out

we could all avoid the needless destruction

of one of the planet's most valued natural resources

the forest!

So, whadda ya say

ya give me a hand?

Uhh,

Yeah, sure.

C'mon, the fire is spreading!

[thunder]

[sigh]

Must be my lucky day.

Oh, Detective.

You must be here to see Rachel.

Yeah, is she going to be ok, Doc?

Oh.

My cd's are about to mature.

Well does that mean she's gonna be alright?

Oh, well she’s a remarkable girl.

I'm sure someday she'll be able to put this tragedy behind her.

Of course, Arbor Day will never be the same for her.

It will never be the same for me either, Doc.

Hey!

How about a quick nine?

Sounds good.

[door closing] [eerie music]

[scary bells]

[music fades]

He meant all that with those two words?

No.

I just made it up.

[both laugh]

No man could mean so much

by two words.

Excuse me, sir?

I found more stuff in the vault.

Throw it on the fire with the rest.

Ok.

[crackling fire]

[moody music]

[kettle drum roll]

[orchestral crescendo

[dramatic music]

[moody dirge]

[three note finale] [thunder]

[Arbor Day Theme]

[whoosh] [clank]

Every year when the leaves turn green

You wanna blow off school, you wanna let off steam.

'Cause you hate your job and you hate your old man

they don’t wanna ROCK! They don’t understand

that it’s ARBOR DAY

A time to grow

'Cause it’s Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

My fruit is ripe and my branches strong

And I'll plant anybody who does me wrong.

Now I got some beer and I got some weed

What better day to plant my seed

than on ARBOR DAY

A time to grow

'Cause it’s Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

[smoking guitar solo

[whizzing down the frets]

[guitar melting finale]

Sometimes you gotta stand up

for the things that you believe

Stand as tall as trees

Kill the enemies like weeds!

So I prune a bush in my baby's park

and my stem is hard, I want to make her bark.

'Cause she cuts my roots and she sets me free

She taps my sap like a maple tree.

And it’s ARBOR DAY

A time to grow.

'Cause its Arbor Day

A time to reap what you sow.

Arbor Day

[music fades]

[Detective] It's all over now, he’s dead.

[thunder]

[thunder]

[scary bells]

You're doomed! Doomed!