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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:29,390 Christina Walters? 2 00:00:30,037 --> 00:00:32,623 God, l haven't heard that name in ages. 3 00:00:32,789 --> 00:00:35,276 The kind of woman who can get any guy she wants. 4 00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:37,323 That's Christina Walters. 5 00:00:37,749 --> 00:00:41,905 We dated briefly, but she's not the commitment type. 6 00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:45,546 She's a player. She just likes to have fun. 7 00:00:45,716 --> 00:00:48,564 l met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass. 8 00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:52,464 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance. l buy her drinks. 9 00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:55,629 At the end of the night, she just splits. 10 00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,700 l lay down all that groundwork for nothing. 11 00:01:00,372 --> 00:01:01,866 Lesbian. 12 00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:06,188 She gave me her number. lt's been three days. 13 00:01:06,356 --> 00:01:08,778 l saw Swingers. l know how these things work. 14 00:01:08,948 --> 00:01:11,948 Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone. 15 00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:15,694 l stay up nights trying to figure out why she said she'd call and didn't. 16 00:01:16,148 --> 00:01:20,458 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why she said she was going to call, but.... 17 00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:22,413 ''Christina 18 00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,608 ''Christina'' 19 00:01:27,444 --> 00:01:31,884 You know, there ought to be some kind of a signal... 20 00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:36,786 ...to let us guys know when we are talking to a lesbian. 21 00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,562 So we don't waste our time. 22 00:01:40,947 --> 00:01:44,460 Prolonged impotence is very common after a breakup. 23 00:01:44,628 --> 00:01:46,450 Lots of men suffer from it. 24 00:01:46,611 --> 00:01:51,248 They just don't talk about it. Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab. 25 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:54,193 But, even still, because she said she was going to call... 26 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,488 ...she should've called to say she wasn't going to call... 27 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,171 ...and l would've thanked her for calling-- 28 00:02:00,594 --> 00:02:02,253 All right. Okay. 29 00:02:02,579 --> 00:02:05,262 l apologize for saying she was a lesbian. 30 00:02:05,394 --> 00:02:06,736 lt's not true. 31 00:02:07,891 --> 00:02:11,469 My male ego got bruised and l lashed out. l'm sorry. 32 00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:15,053 l'm not used to being blown off, that's all. 33 00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:18,382 l'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose. 34 00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:23,889 l know deep down inside she's scared and lonely just like everyone else. 35 00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:28,017 She'll settle down though, once she finds the right man. 36 00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:29,867 Or woman. 37 00:02:30,322 --> 00:02:33,039 Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y. 38 00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:38,191 Jeez, l'm sorry. Did l say it again? You're goddamn right l said it again. 39 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:41,454 Why don't you shave your head, Christina, and take up women's golf? 40 00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:45,515 Why don't you go to the Depot. Lots of carpet you can munch on there. 41 00:02:51,793 --> 00:02:55,503 At least l don't get that dizzy, head-spinning nausea as much as l used to. 42 00:02:55,569 --> 00:02:56,846 Hooray! 43 00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:02,792 Like l said, l'm doing fine. 44 00:03:02,865 --> 00:03:04,938 l am fan-fucking-tastic. 45 00:03:31,025 --> 00:03:32,934 -Christina. -Valerie! 46 00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:34,794 Shake it if you've got it. 47 00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:38,824 Miss Courtney. 48 00:03:38,992 --> 00:03:42,124 Hello, Miss Christina. How you doing? What you doing? 49 00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:44,268 Dancing too much. How you doing? 50 00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:47,019 Same thing. How was your day? 51 00:03:47,152 --> 00:03:48,581 Pretty good. 52 00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:52,202 l got a new account designing a campaign for a sports line. 53 00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:54,411 They got the right girl, didn't they? 54 00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:56,430 Thank you. 55 00:03:56,752 --> 00:03:58,028 So, what's up? 56 00:03:58,192 --> 00:04:02,251 The usual. Defending the rights of my broken-hearted clients. 57 00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:06,125 Trying to squeeze every penny out of their miserable, cheating spouses. 58 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,459 You go get them, woman. 59 00:04:08,752 --> 00:04:11,272 l'll order a pizza and stay in tonight. 60 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,440 Okay, but if we do that, you know what will have to happen. 61 00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:18,437 Girl, l've been shaking my ass all the way up this hill. 62 00:04:18,703 --> 00:04:19,816 Which track? 63 00:04:19,888 --> 00:04:21,676 Track three. Oh, yeah! 64 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,421 Koochie! 65 00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:41,190 ls your granny here? What's going on? 66 00:04:41,359 --> 00:04:43,814 lt's Jane. She loves this song. 67 00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,000 Jane, what's up? 68 00:04:52,047 --> 00:04:53,607 He dumped me. 69 00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:55,877 Kevin dumped me. 70 00:04:56,686 --> 00:04:59,948 lt was just three days before our one-year anniversary. 71 00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:03,241 -Baby. -Maybe he just freaked out. 72 00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:07,399 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes what a huge mistake he made. 73 00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:09,639 -He's probably going through that whole-- -No. 74 00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:12,619 He says he's been wanting this for six months. 75 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,647 He says he's been dying inside ever since l brought over my garment bag. 76 00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,710 -Honey. -What? 77 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:25,032 We're all guilty of it. You made yourself too available. 78 00:05:25,198 --> 00:05:27,499 lt's a classic mistake, sweetheart. 79 00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:30,214 -Yeah. -Not according to this. 80 00:05:30,893 --> 00:05:32,486 ''Commandment four.'' 81 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:35,434 ''True Love: The Ten Commandments.'' 82 00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:39,654 ''Commandment number four: Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities. 83 00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:42,058 ''Boundaries are the enemies of love.'' 84 00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:46,348 Sweetie, you know what? This book is relationship propaganda. 85 00:05:46,605 --> 00:05:47,881 Listen to me. 86 00:05:48,302 --> 00:05:52,044 Dating is all about boundaries. 87 00:05:52,205 --> 00:05:54,114 Honey, you have to protect yourself. 88 00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:57,416 We've all had our heart stomped on one too many times... 89 00:05:57,549 --> 00:06:00,364 ...because we served it to them on a big old platter. 90 00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:03,620 A good defense is the best offense. 91 00:06:03,789 --> 00:06:05,796 l am so tired of playing games. 92 00:06:05,869 --> 00:06:09,316 This is not about playing games. This is about self-preservation. 93 00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:13,442 You can't throw yourself out there all exposed and vulnerable every time. 94 00:06:13,613 --> 00:06:15,304 That is how you get smacked down. 95 00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:16,867 Do you understand? 96 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:21,221 Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. 97 00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:25,415 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day... 98 00:06:25,997 --> 00:06:29,990 ...that ''now'' part is just going to drop away. 99 00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:31,618 Naturally, you know? 100 00:06:31,948 --> 00:06:34,665 Meanwhile, you're just going to have fun together. 101 00:06:34,732 --> 00:06:38,344 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit. 102 00:06:38,508 --> 00:06:41,541 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out. 103 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:46,249 We are taking you out. You are going to have a good time. 104 00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:47,848 No. 105 00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:51,584 Oswaldo! 106 00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:54,690 Hey, Christina. Courtney. 107 00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:57,672 -Jane. -Hello, Jane. 108 00:06:58,316 --> 00:06:59,810 -Welcome. -Thank you. 109 00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:04,196 Shut up! 110 00:07:12,139 --> 00:07:14,310 Okay, girls, let's go. 111 00:07:19,275 --> 00:07:20,966 This is it, Jane. 112 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,805 Go, baby! 113 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,695 -Right here, baby. -Oh, my God. 114 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,510 Look at the shoulder, baby. Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby. 115 00:08:26,889 --> 00:08:28,613 What's your name, baby? 116 00:08:29,289 --> 00:08:32,136 Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love! 117 00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:38,696 We're going to go now. 118 00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:42,889 Bye-bye. 119 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,894 My God. lt's like Siegfried & Roy or something. 120 00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:58,853 Martinis, ladies. 121 00:08:59,593 --> 00:09:02,942 -Compliments of the gentleman at the bar. -Which one? 122 00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:08,447 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy. 123 00:09:09,097 --> 00:09:10,657 Cheers. 124 00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:15,239 Leather Coat Guy is looking good. 125 00:09:15,464 --> 00:09:16,773 Shotgun! 126 00:09:17,704 --> 00:09:18,652 Cheater. 127 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,095 What's up? 128 00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:28,384 Nothing. What's up with you? 129 00:09:29,576 --> 00:09:30,786 Nothing. 130 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:33,281 What's up with you? 131 00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:36,711 Nothing. What's up with you? 132 00:09:38,407 --> 00:09:39,301 Nothing. 133 00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:39,431 You know, l am having the best time. 134 00:09:39,431 --> 00:09:42,563 You know, l am having the best time. 135 00:09:42,632 --> 00:09:43,679 Are you, sweetie? 136 00:09:44,135 --> 00:09:47,648 My boyfriend dumped me. l'm at this club where no one wants to talk to me. 137 00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:50,021 -l want to go home. -No. 138 00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,668 No. Christina, l can't do this. 139 00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,808 Yes, you can. lt's really very easy. 140 00:09:56,391 --> 00:09:57,798 Observe. 141 00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:02,500 l just pinched his ass. 142 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,908 l'm sorry. Hi. 143 00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:06,724 -Hi. What's your name? -Peter. 144 00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:09,693 Peter, this is my friend, Jane. Jane would love to dance. 145 00:10:11,271 --> 00:10:15,199 l don't mean to be rude, but l have some friends waiting for me. 146 00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:16,992 Nice to meet you, though. 147 00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:21,792 -He hated me. l suck. -You don't suck. That guy was a dick. 148 00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:25,604 l'll make sure that you have fun tonight if it's the last thing.... 149 00:10:25,991 --> 00:10:27,518 What did you call me? 150 00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:33,883 You just called me a dick. l heard you. Why am l a dick? 151 00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:36,958 Because l didn't like the way you treated my friend. 152 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,883 l didn't do anything to your friend. 153 00:10:39,686 --> 00:10:41,726 You barely gave her the time of day. 154 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,218 You tried to pawn me off on her and l didn't go for it. 155 00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:49,665 You should be so lucky to even talk to someone as hot and sweet as Jane. 156 00:10:49,766 --> 00:10:50,813 Excuse me. 157 00:10:50,886 --> 00:10:55,108 l wasn't suggesting you get married. l just thought you could get it on. 158 00:10:55,174 --> 00:10:57,148 What? Get it on? 159 00:10:57,318 --> 00:11:00,187 You know nothing about me. What if l'm some psycho serial killer? 160 00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:03,360 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams, but you'll never know? 161 00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:05,151 That is the sweetest thing. 162 00:11:05,221 --> 00:11:08,255 l never thought l'd meet her by having somebody grab me and say: 163 00:11:08,326 --> 00:11:12,548 ''Man, l have good woman for you. She is very hot and sweet. 164 00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:15,330 ''Jane! Dance for the man!'' 165 00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:17,338 -Maybe that's your problem. -What? 166 00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:20,348 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety-Poo... 167 00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:23,268 ...you might meet a girl you could have fun with. 168 00:11:23,493 --> 00:11:27,388 This brilliant love advice comes from one who loves to play games with men. 169 00:11:27,461 --> 00:11:30,810 Always in control. That way, she never has to get too close. 170 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,281 Nice manners, by the way. 171 00:11:37,092 --> 00:11:40,027 Where the hell did that guy.... Jane? 172 00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:42,402 What's up with you? 173 00:11:44,132 --> 00:11:46,685 Nothing. What's up with you? 174 00:11:48,197 --> 00:11:50,782 l can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. 175 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,786 -This is our bar. -Forget her, she's a skeev. 176 00:11:54,852 --> 00:11:58,114 -But is she prettier than me? -Of course not, you're beautiful. 177 00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:00,962 Oh, my God, you fucking bitch! 178 00:12:01,476 --> 00:12:03,386 l can't believe you grabbed his ass. 179 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,907 He comes right into my face and starts telling me all this stupid stuff... 180 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:11,235 ...about how l like to play games and be in control so l never get too close. 181 00:12:11,299 --> 00:12:13,209 Can you believe him? 182 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,754 -What? -Nothing. 183 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,683 -l've never seen you act like this before. -Act like what? 184 00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:20,123 They're fake. 185 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,745 All bah-jiggity about some guy. 186 00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:24,505 -Bah-jiggity? -Yeah. 187 00:12:24,612 --> 00:12:26,684 l'm sorry. l didn't mean to stare. 188 00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:29,144 lt's cool. lt's why l got them. 189 00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,771 -l'm not bah-jiggity. -You are so bah-jiggity. 190 00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:33,436 They look real. 191 00:12:33,539 --> 00:12:35,426 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to. 192 00:12:35,492 --> 00:12:36,474 No. 193 00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:40,472 -Touch it. She likes it. -Go ahead. lt feels real, huh? 194 00:12:40,547 --> 00:12:44,703 lf l'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's because you're telling me l am. 195 00:12:44,899 --> 00:12:47,233 -Oh, my God. -What? 196 00:12:47,459 --> 00:12:48,801 You've named the puppy. 197 00:12:48,931 --> 00:12:50,971 -l did not. -You just called him Peter. 198 00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,495 -l did? -You've got to feel these things. 199 00:12:54,115 --> 00:12:56,536 l'm psychic and l knew his name was Peter. 200 00:12:57,507 --> 00:13:00,092 -Knock your socks off. -So soft. 201 00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:01,918 Un-fucking-believable. 202 00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:03,486 Fuck. 203 00:13:04,419 --> 00:13:06,273 l am so getting a pair. 204 00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:09,239 That's why chicks always go to the bathroom together. 205 00:13:09,474 --> 00:13:13,304 lt's so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it? 206 00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:15,517 Why are you making such a big deal out of it? 207 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,903 lf you haven't noticed, there's plenty of guys out there. 208 00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,527 See you later. 209 00:13:24,162 --> 00:13:27,511 -What's your problem? -What's your problem? 210 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:32,922 -Hi. -Hi. 211 00:13:34,946 --> 00:13:36,091 Hey, Peter. 212 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,543 -Eric! -Be right there. 213 00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:46,048 You don't have to do this. 214 00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:50,039 l know, but l want to. l spilled your drink. Can l buy you another one? 215 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,158 Okay. 216 00:13:51,713 --> 00:13:53,818 l want to apologize. 217 00:13:53,889 --> 00:13:57,534 l shouldn't have been impolite to your friend. lf l was, l didn't mean to. 218 00:13:57,601 --> 00:14:02,074 My brother is waiting for me and l got nervous, l guess. l don't know. 219 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:05,024 l mean, otherwise, l'd be all over your friend. 220 00:14:06,881 --> 00:14:09,663 l'm the one who should apologize. l was rude. 221 00:14:09,824 --> 00:14:13,916 No, l understand. You were protecting your friend. Anyone would've done that. 222 00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:15,446 l thought that was sweet. 223 00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,494 Jesus. 224 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,322 -We good now? -Yeah. 225 00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:24,437 Good. 226 00:14:25,121 --> 00:14:26,844 l should get back to my friends. 227 00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:28,503 Okay. 228 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,878 Thanks for the drink. 229 00:14:31,264 --> 00:14:33,533 -Cheers. -Cheers. 230 00:14:34,944 --> 00:14:36,570 -Have a good night. -You, too. 231 00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:47,925 Can you take this? l'm a total loser. l just struck out with this guy. 232 00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:49,369 One more thing. 233 00:14:49,535 --> 00:14:53,529 Should l be upset that my ex-girlfriend has her tongue down that guy's throat? 234 00:14:54,304 --> 00:14:55,449 Oh, my God! 235 00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:58,239 -Jane! -l guess l blew my chance. 236 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,909 -That could have been you. -lf l wasn't such a dick. 237 00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:06,200 -Was l really a dick? -Yeah. You were a dick. 238 00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:11,067 We should start over. Why don't l walk by, and you grab me like before? 239 00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:13,023 -l didn't grab you. -You grabbed me. 240 00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:15,226 You grabbed me right on the ass. 241 00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:18,143 l don't grab, okay? 242 00:15:18,303 --> 00:15:19,318 Pete! 243 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:22,452 Excuse me. 244 00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:25,045 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting. 245 00:15:25,119 --> 00:15:28,763 After-hours party back at the hotel. These two pigs are good to go. 246 00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:32,308 Did l mention that we have the Freddie Mercury Suite? 247 00:15:33,855 --> 00:15:35,545 She puked on him! 248 00:15:35,711 --> 00:15:39,705 Again? God, she's like a hose. Go help her, please. 249 00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,207 Or not. 250 00:15:41,534 --> 00:15:44,087 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick? 251 00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:46,905 -She is hot. Bring her. -What? 252 00:15:47,102 --> 00:15:50,583 Fuck me. You have so much.... 253 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,206 You've got to come. Let me tell you why. 254 00:15:53,374 --> 00:15:57,019 You'll never find anyone better than my brother. He is the greatest-- 255 00:15:57,183 --> 00:16:00,052 That hurts me. Just look at him. 256 00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,839 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now. 257 00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:06,238 He is the shit and that's why he's in my wedding on Saturday. 258 00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:07,674 -No. -Yes. 259 00:16:07,838 --> 00:16:10,140 -No. -Just trying to help out. 260 00:16:11,294 --> 00:16:12,242 'Bye! 261 00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:18,807 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402. You're invited, you're invited. 262 00:16:18,973 --> 00:16:20,282 All right, l'm leaving. 263 00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:24,022 -That's my brother. -He's special. 264 00:16:24,189 --> 00:16:26,393 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me. 265 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,668 When is the wedding? 266 00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:32,471 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset. That's where we live. 267 00:16:32,637 --> 00:16:33,685 That's nice. 268 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,119 Peter! lt's looking like now. 269 00:16:37,277 --> 00:16:38,903 You're pinching my arm skin. 270 00:16:39,774 --> 00:16:43,319 l better go. But for real this time. 271 00:16:43,485 --> 00:16:46,867 -lt was nice to meet you. -Very nice to meet you. l had a great time. 272 00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:48,444 Me, too. 273 00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:50,328 Come by the party if you want to. 274 00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,789 -Really? -Definitely. lf you want to. 275 00:16:52,861 --> 00:16:55,283 l'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by. 276 00:16:55,357 --> 00:16:59,066 l really hope l see you. But in case l don't see you, have a nice life. 277 00:17:00,573 --> 00:17:01,620 You, too. 278 00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:14,548 Chris, it's Court. I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy. 279 00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:17,522 I was checking in to see if you were listening to your messages. 280 00:17:17,596 --> 00:17:22,266 If you are, that means you were too chicken to hook up with Peter... 281 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:26,871 ...which therefore means you are a loser. You are a loser. A-- 282 00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:28,401 Thanks, Court. 283 00:17:29,468 --> 00:17:31,443 ''I'm a big loser.'' 284 00:17:31,964 --> 00:17:35,226 What's up, you bitches and hos and losers? 285 00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,216 Too late now. 286 00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,931 He was kind of cute. 287 00:17:58,779 --> 00:18:00,023 Funny. 288 00:18:03,611 --> 00:18:05,204 Really funny. 289 00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,426 Cute boy. 290 00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,484 My God, you're so good at that. 291 00:18:34,682 --> 00:18:38,031 l'd like to do that every hour, on the hour, for the rest of our lives. 292 00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:40,692 -Of course, go ahead. -Thank you. 293 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:44,120 Don't worry about returning the favor. Men don't really like oral sex. 294 00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:45,134 Right. 295 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,952 l'm serious. lt's just a bad rumor that was started sometime in the '50s. 296 00:18:49,018 --> 00:18:52,084 l had no idea. l need to tell all my friends. 297 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:56,112 Please, do. Someone needs to put an end to this madness. 298 00:19:01,178 --> 00:19:04,822 God, l'm so glad l came back to the hotel room. 299 00:19:05,401 --> 00:19:06,678 Me, too. 300 00:19:07,642 --> 00:19:09,976 l never thought l'd see you again. 301 00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:16,053 -Room service. -Right on time. 302 00:19:16,217 --> 00:19:18,999 -lce cream? -Only the best for our VlPs. 303 00:19:20,057 --> 00:19:22,577 l had them remove all the calories for you. 304 00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:25,776 You are good. 305 00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:27,790 All right! 306 00:19:28,282 --> 00:19:31,794 l said l wanted to do it to you every hour, on the hour, but l can't wait. 307 00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:33,426 Can l do it again now? 308 00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:36,114 Okay. 309 00:20:19,192 --> 00:20:23,764 San Francisco, California, please, for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks. 310 00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,200 Great dream. 311 00:20:31,255 --> 00:20:35,630 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite? 312 00:20:36,728 --> 00:20:40,175 Good. Can l have it? Thanks. 313 00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:43,504 Really? 314 00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:45,140 Already? 315 00:20:46,487 --> 00:20:48,659 Have a great day. Thanks. 'Bye. 316 00:20:53,015 --> 00:20:54,640 What am l even calling for? 317 00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,965 Hello? Hey, Court. 318 00:21:03,926 --> 00:21:04,875 Yeah. 319 00:21:21,686 --> 00:21:24,304 -Stop talking shit about me. -Where you been? 320 00:21:24,374 --> 00:21:28,684 Sorry l'm late. l don't want to talk about it. You ready? l'm starving. 321 00:21:29,270 --> 00:21:33,264 l'll meet you there. l have to drop something off at the dry cleaners. 322 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:36,465 Can it wait, please? l'm so hungry right now. 323 00:21:36,534 --> 00:21:39,217 lsn't that Courtney's dress that you borrowed last night? 324 00:21:39,414 --> 00:21:40,362 Yeah. 325 00:21:40,726 --> 00:21:44,239 Why are you bringing it in? Did you get something on it? 326 00:21:45,142 --> 00:21:48,011 l'm trying to be a good girlfriend. 327 00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:52,436 -l'm really sorry. -You slut! 328 00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,509 -ls that what l think it is? -Guilty! 329 00:21:54,582 --> 00:21:57,331 l'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone. 330 00:21:57,461 --> 00:22:00,145 -That's a lot! -He was holding a lot! 331 00:22:00,213 --> 00:22:03,377 My God! What's this on your skirt? 332 00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:06,956 l am scared enough as it is to go in there. What am l going to say? 333 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:10,541 ''Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?'' 334 00:22:13,493 --> 00:22:15,020 You know what? 335 00:22:15,349 --> 00:22:19,626 -You guys suck. -No, obviously you suck. 336 00:22:19,701 --> 00:22:22,068 -You suck. -You suck well. l'm proud. 337 00:22:25,397 --> 00:22:27,306 No spanky-wanky. 338 00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:52,428 Hey, Jane. 339 00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,119 -Hi, Mr. Martin. -How's your mother? 340 00:22:55,668 --> 00:22:58,570 -Great. She's good. Everyone's good. -Your grandmother? 341 00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:02,610 -Everyone's great. -That's fine. That's fine. 342 00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:04,234 What you got for me today? 343 00:23:04,308 --> 00:23:07,624 Just a dress, but l'll be back for it in a few days, so no hurry. 344 00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:10,190 -Any stains? -No. 345 00:23:11,092 --> 00:23:12,750 -What's this? -What? 346 00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,990 This. Come here. 347 00:23:16,084 --> 00:23:17,098 Stain? 348 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,503 This is going to be a tough one. 349 00:23:22,227 --> 00:23:26,417 l didn't even notice that. l must have spilled some soda on me last night. 350 00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:30,764 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think. 351 00:23:31,315 --> 00:23:35,089 lf l know what it is, it's easier for me to remove. 352 00:23:38,067 --> 00:23:41,450 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in. 353 00:23:43,219 --> 00:23:45,553 -Fuck. -Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin. 354 00:23:45,714 --> 00:23:47,143 Hi, Mr. Martin. 355 00:23:48,146 --> 00:23:52,751 On today's field trip, we are going to learn about cleanliness. 356 00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:56,878 Jane? 357 00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:59,148 Jane Burns! 358 00:23:59,250 --> 00:24:04,007 Sweetheart, l haven't seen you since l taught you in third grade! 359 00:24:07,538 --> 00:24:11,335 -Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin. -Hello, Father Flynn. 360 00:24:13,906 --> 00:24:18,096 As l live and breathe, isn't it.... lt is little Mary Jane Burns! 361 00:24:18,994 --> 00:24:22,060 What a coincidence! l'm having supper with your parents tonight. 362 00:24:22,674 --> 00:24:25,357 What a stain you got there, little Janie! 363 00:24:25,937 --> 00:24:27,432 So how was it? Was it fun? 364 00:24:27,538 --> 00:24:30,604 Oh, my God, l can't believe l didn't tell you this. 365 00:24:31,154 --> 00:24:34,798 Apparently, one of the guys who was at the party flipped out... 366 00:24:34,866 --> 00:24:38,346 ...was out on the balcony, screaming at the top of his lungs: 367 00:24:38,961 --> 00:24:43,663 ''Christina! Has anyone seen my little Christina?'' 368 00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:48,941 Then he jumps off and dies because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go? 369 00:24:49,010 --> 00:24:53,133 l don't know! l was going to. l was. l was going to, and then l wasn't. 370 00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,536 And then l called him at the hotel-- 371 00:24:55,633 --> 00:24:59,310 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second. You called him at the hotel? 372 00:25:00,944 --> 00:25:04,719 -What did he say? -Nothing. He said nothing. Okay? 373 00:25:04,977 --> 00:25:06,733 -Why? -He checked out already. 374 00:25:06,864 --> 00:25:09,614 Let's just sum this up real quickly. 375 00:25:10,129 --> 00:25:13,293 ln the bathroom, we hate him, yet we call him by name. 376 00:25:13,936 --> 00:25:15,692 Then we throw beer on him. 377 00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:19,180 Then we laugh and we flirt and we dance with him. 378 00:25:19,473 --> 00:25:23,750 Then we casually call him at the hotel. Then we obsess about the casual call. 379 00:25:23,825 --> 00:25:27,021 Obsess? l'm not obsessing, okay? 380 00:25:27,792 --> 00:25:32,167 Could all this erratic behavior be because this guy got under your skin? 381 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,029 -No. -That you might really like him? 382 00:25:34,448 --> 00:25:38,222 That you regret not going because you'll never know what might've happened? 383 00:25:38,288 --> 00:25:41,157 No, l don't regret it, and if l had any regrets... 384 00:25:41,232 --> 00:25:44,396 ...it would be this conversation, right now, having it with you. 385 00:25:44,495 --> 00:25:47,310 -Can we drop it? -Okay. Sorry l brought it up. 386 00:25:47,696 --> 00:25:49,190 l won't mention it again. 387 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,273 Even if l did regret not going to the party... 388 00:25:55,983 --> 00:25:58,471 ...it's not like l can do anything about it now. 389 00:25:59,215 --> 00:26:02,347 Sometimes you just have to let these things go, right? 390 00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:04,554 -Exactly. -Although... 391 00:26:05,456 --> 00:26:07,016 ...if there was regret... 392 00:26:07,855 --> 00:26:10,855 ...l suppose there's always something you could do about it. 393 00:26:13,423 --> 00:26:16,718 You could show up at his brother's wedding, because it is his brother. 394 00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:19,532 But that's only if you regretted it, which l don't regret it. 395 00:26:19,663 --> 00:26:23,405 l just don't regret it. Regret is such a waste of time. 396 00:26:24,110 --> 00:26:27,110 Honey will you just admit that you regret not going to this party. 397 00:26:27,183 --> 00:26:30,282 -Okay, fine l regret not going to this party. -You need to let it go. 398 00:26:30,351 --> 00:26:32,969 l'm letting it go. l'm over it. 399 00:26:33,231 --> 00:26:36,100 Hi, honey, how did it go? 400 00:26:36,431 --> 00:26:38,406 -Fine. No problem. -Good. 401 00:26:39,855 --> 00:26:41,480 Did we have fun last night? 402 00:26:43,278 --> 00:26:44,707 Yes, l did. lt was great. 403 00:26:44,782 --> 00:26:47,270 You guys were right, a transition guy is what l needed. 404 00:26:47,343 --> 00:26:48,520 Good. 405 00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:50,280 So how was he, was he good? 406 00:26:50,414 --> 00:26:53,316 He was very sweet and complimentary. 407 00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:55,818 And very into pleasing me first. 408 00:26:55,886 --> 00:26:58,187 So how was girth? 409 00:26:58,958 --> 00:27:00,387 Averag-ish. 410 00:27:00,462 --> 00:27:03,910 ''Averag-ish.'' That's good. So what did you tell him? 411 00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,019 What do you mean? 412 00:27:06,414 --> 00:27:08,967 What do we always tell them, no matter what? 413 00:27:12,174 --> 00:27:17,738 Oh, my God, your penis is so big. 414 00:27:17,806 --> 00:27:19,300 Good girl. 415 00:27:19,822 --> 00:27:22,407 Your penis is so thick. 416 00:27:24,205 --> 00:27:27,075 Your penis is just so pretty. 417 00:27:29,517 --> 00:27:33,194 You got a handsome dick! 418 00:27:35,213 --> 00:27:37,035 Your penis, it's so... 419 00:27:38,317 --> 00:27:39,594 ...hard. 420 00:27:39,661 --> 00:27:43,206 Your penis is just so large. 421 00:27:43,276 --> 00:27:46,538 My body is a movie... 422 00:27:46,605 --> 00:27:50,631 ...and your penis is the star! 423 00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:56,806 You're too big to fit in here. 424 00:27:57,101 --> 00:27:59,948 Too big to fit in here. 425 00:28:00,076 --> 00:28:02,378 Too big to fit in here. 426 00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:13,576 ''You're too big to fit in here'' 427 00:28:18,124 --> 00:28:19,302 Oh, my God. 428 00:28:19,372 --> 00:28:22,121 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now. 429 00:28:33,484 --> 00:28:35,339 ''What a lovely ride 430 00:28:35,404 --> 00:28:37,411 ''Your penis is a thrill 431 00:28:37,484 --> 00:28:39,524 ''Your penis is a Cadillac 432 00:28:39,596 --> 00:28:41,189 ''A giant Coup de Ville 433 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:44,805 ''Your penis packs a wallop Your penis brings a load 434 00:28:44,875 --> 00:28:48,934 ''And when it makes a delivery lt needs its own zip code 435 00:28:49,195 --> 00:28:51,105 -''Nine -''Double zero 436 00:28:51,180 --> 00:28:52,107 ''Penis 437 00:28:52,171 --> 00:28:56,448 ''You're too big to fit in here 438 00:29:00,427 --> 00:29:04,683 ''Your penis is so strong Your penis is so smooth 439 00:29:04,747 --> 00:29:08,194 -''Your penis has got a rhythm -''Your penis makes me groove 440 00:29:08,266 --> 00:29:12,390 -''Your penis is a dream -''The biggest one l've seen 441 00:29:12,491 --> 00:29:14,214 ''lt's oozy and it's green'' 442 00:29:16,394 --> 00:29:17,321 Sorry. 443 00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:21,827 ''You're too big to fit in here 444 00:29:25,227 --> 00:29:29,634 ''You're too big to fit in here 445 00:29:33,674 --> 00:29:37,448 ''Your penis is so big Your penis is so thick 446 00:29:37,674 --> 00:29:41,503 ''Your penis is so pretty You got a handsome dick 447 00:29:41,578 --> 00:29:45,353 ''Your penis is so hard Your penis is so large 448 00:29:45,514 --> 00:29:49,474 -''My body is a movie -''And your penis is the star 449 00:29:49,545 --> 00:29:51,912 ''Starring your penis 450 00:29:52,458 --> 00:29:56,549 ''You're too big to fit in here'' 451 00:30:35,945 --> 00:30:38,563 -Come on. -How much time we got? 452 00:30:38,633 --> 00:30:41,480 We've got three hours before the rehearsal. Hit the ball. 453 00:30:42,856 --> 00:30:44,961 -Good shot. -Fore! 454 00:30:45,096 --> 00:30:48,293 l'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker! 455 00:30:48,616 --> 00:30:51,005 -What are you up by, two? -l guess. 456 00:30:51,656 --> 00:30:54,111 lt doesn't get any better than this. 457 00:30:54,184 --> 00:30:56,071 -To the marriage. -To the marriage. 458 00:30:56,136 --> 00:30:58,885 -To the bride. -To the bride. 459 00:30:59,464 --> 00:31:01,439 To 50 years with the same woman. 460 00:31:03,464 --> 00:31:05,057 That's really depressing. 461 00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:07,006 Sorry. 462 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,181 Saggy tits. 463 00:31:10,024 --> 00:31:12,391 Be able to use them as a belt by then. 464 00:31:13,192 --> 00:31:15,493 -Or just tuck them in her socks. -Okay. 465 00:31:17,192 --> 00:31:22,374 God, this marriage is such a big leap. lt's really intense, Pete. 466 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,636 -But if it's the right woman.... -l guess. 467 00:31:28,039 --> 00:31:30,112 Get up a little. Yes. Fore! 468 00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:33,915 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me! 469 00:31:34,024 --> 00:31:35,714 You're driving right into them. 470 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:39,361 l hear John is still AWOL from that bachelor party. 471 00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:43,653 He showed up, missing an eyebrow, with a tattoo on his ass that says ''Bitch.'' 472 00:31:44,679 --> 00:31:47,810 -l am not an animal! -Very good. 473 00:31:48,934 --> 00:31:50,211 Speaking of bitches... 474 00:31:50,854 --> 00:31:54,051 ...what was going on with you at the club with that hottie? 475 00:31:54,983 --> 00:31:56,838 -Nothing. -l mean, Jesus! 476 00:31:56,903 --> 00:31:58,845 l don't know what you're talking about. 477 00:31:59,302 --> 00:32:01,375 -l think you liked her. -No, l didn't. 478 00:32:01,703 --> 00:32:03,874 Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me. 479 00:32:04,167 --> 00:32:07,462 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke. 480 00:32:12,390 --> 00:32:14,463 l could see it in your eyes you liked her. 481 00:32:17,798 --> 00:32:19,740 Nothing l can do about it now. 482 00:32:20,262 --> 00:32:23,425 Should have poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. 483 00:32:23,846 --> 00:32:25,056 What's that, Gramps? 484 00:32:26,022 --> 00:32:28,410 l met this hot young dish... 485 00:32:28,582 --> 00:32:32,160 ...at the World's Fair back in 1940. 486 00:32:32,326 --> 00:32:36,352 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven. 487 00:32:36,870 --> 00:32:38,942 l bet you really miss Grandma. 488 00:32:40,677 --> 00:32:42,238 Fuck Grandma. 489 00:32:42,726 --> 00:32:44,514 lt's Pearl l'm talking about. 490 00:32:44,806 --> 00:32:50,207 She was the love of my life. Don't ever let these moments pass you by. 491 00:32:54,917 --> 00:32:56,094 Fucking Grandma. 492 00:32:57,317 --> 00:32:58,364 Be nice. 493 00:33:01,157 --> 00:33:02,717 Come on. 7-6. 494 00:33:06,405 --> 00:33:07,779 Fore! 495 00:33:26,564 --> 00:33:28,452 You suck! 496 00:33:28,805 --> 00:33:29,753 Damn it! 497 00:33:29,925 --> 00:33:32,794 -But you smell so minty fresh now. -What do you want? 498 00:33:33,604 --> 00:33:35,993 l need to borrow your black Gucci bag. 499 00:33:37,156 --> 00:33:38,617 lt's in the living room. 500 00:33:38,692 --> 00:33:42,336 l don't know where in the living room, and l don't feel like looking for it. 501 00:33:42,404 --> 00:33:45,503 Will you help me find it, please? Come on, please. 502 00:33:45,572 --> 00:33:48,671 Since l'm up now, and you decided to torture me... 503 00:33:48,836 --> 00:33:50,461 ...l'll go and get it. 504 00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:55,004 l'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me. 505 00:33:55,651 --> 00:33:57,539 Can you tell me where the bathroom is? 506 00:33:58,372 --> 00:34:00,227 -Behind you. -Over here? 507 00:34:05,732 --> 00:34:06,909 Thanks. 508 00:34:07,331 --> 00:34:08,608 Oh, my... 509 00:34:08,835 --> 00:34:10,264 ...cock. 510 00:34:11,491 --> 00:34:13,084 Oh, my cock. 511 00:34:19,171 --> 00:34:20,665 Do you have any Advil? 512 00:34:25,155 --> 00:34:28,122 He is so cute. So stupid. 513 00:34:31,522 --> 00:34:33,464 Can l get that purse now, please? 514 00:34:33,763 --> 00:34:35,770 Yes, you can have the purse. 515 00:34:36,674 --> 00:34:38,201 Here's the purse. 516 00:34:38,435 --> 00:34:40,344 Thank you very much. 517 00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:46,589 -Where are you going? -You and l are going to a wedding. 518 00:34:47,746 --> 00:34:51,707 -What wedding? Who's getting married? -We're going to Peter's brother's wedding. 519 00:34:51,810 --> 00:34:52,759 Peter? 520 00:34:52,835 --> 00:34:56,446 This Somerset place where they live is some small freak-ass town... 521 00:34:56,546 --> 00:34:59,994 ...three hours north, so we have to get on the road now to make it on time. 522 00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:02,174 -Peter. -What? 523 00:35:02,818 --> 00:35:05,568 l'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding! 524 00:35:05,634 --> 00:35:10,336 What are you talking about? Yesterday, you said you wanted to go, so l went.... 525 00:35:11,394 --> 00:35:13,914 -l was joking. -No, you weren't. 526 00:35:15,170 --> 00:35:16,119 Yes, l was. 527 00:35:17,122 --> 00:35:20,351 Fifty percent of what people say when they're joking is true. 528 00:35:20,674 --> 00:35:24,416 Which means you do want to go, but you're too afraid to admit it. 529 00:35:24,546 --> 00:35:28,255 So by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want... 530 00:35:28,385 --> 00:35:29,946 ...without being vulnerable. 531 00:35:30,241 --> 00:35:31,932 -Right? -Maybe. 532 00:35:32,353 --> 00:35:35,833 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00. l refuse to be late. 533 00:35:36,321 --> 00:35:38,623 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you. 534 00:35:40,193 --> 00:35:42,015 -That was a nice one. -Thanks. 535 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,819 -Watch the road, sweetie! -l am watching the road. 536 00:35:58,561 --> 00:36:00,863 Once we get off the 140... 537 00:36:01,025 --> 00:36:04,734 ...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit. 538 00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:08,093 We'll drive around and we should find the church, no problem. 539 00:36:08,257 --> 00:36:09,239 Ta-da! 540 00:36:13,921 --> 00:36:16,059 -What is that? -What is what? 541 00:36:16,512 --> 00:36:19,807 -You don't smell that? -What? l don't smell anything. 542 00:36:19,872 --> 00:36:23,255 -You're used to it. That's what's scary. -l don't smell anything. 543 00:36:23,328 --> 00:36:26,362 lt smells like moldy ass, is what it smells like in here. 544 00:36:27,008 --> 00:36:30,008 Come to think of it, l did leave some ass in the back. 545 00:36:30,176 --> 00:36:31,964 -You did? -About a week ago. 546 00:36:32,032 --> 00:36:35,741 lt must be the ass. No, no. Sit down. 547 00:36:42,143 --> 00:36:44,248 -What are you doing? -Jesus, Courtney. 548 00:36:44,319 --> 00:36:46,905 What is all this crap? 549 00:36:46,976 --> 00:36:49,725 Don't throw out anything l might need. 550 00:36:50,144 --> 00:36:53,973 Where is it coming from? Where? l can still smell it. 551 00:36:55,263 --> 00:36:58,296 Maybe it's you. Did something crawl up your poon-nonny? 552 00:36:59,327 --> 00:37:03,997 l have never, ever had any complaints in the poon-nonny odor department. 553 00:37:04,063 --> 00:37:07,805 -You know what? Neither have l. -High five on the clean poon-nonny. 554 00:37:07,967 --> 00:37:08,915 Bitch. 555 00:37:11,486 --> 00:37:12,435 What? 556 00:37:12,895 --> 00:37:14,521 -What is this? -What is what? 557 00:37:14,591 --> 00:37:15,801 What is this? 558 00:37:15,999 --> 00:37:19,162 Jesus, l don't know. l don't even know how long it's been in here. 559 00:37:19,231 --> 00:37:20,757 What is in here? 560 00:37:25,311 --> 00:37:28,245 No! That is not okay. 561 00:37:28,318 --> 00:37:32,213 lt isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig. Do you understand? 562 00:37:32,287 --> 00:37:34,523 There was maggots on that flesh. 563 00:37:41,182 --> 00:37:43,484 l got maggot juice all over me. 564 00:37:44,798 --> 00:37:46,292 Ladies' room. 565 00:37:47,038 --> 00:37:48,445 Ladies' room. 566 00:37:50,494 --> 00:37:52,533 -Someone's in here. -Sorry. 567 00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:54,971 -lt might be a while. -How long? 568 00:37:55,134 --> 00:37:56,727 Let me put it to you this way: 569 00:37:56,894 --> 00:38:00,156 l had lamb curry last night and l'm shitting out a Buick. 570 00:38:02,461 --> 00:38:04,763 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 571 00:38:08,221 --> 00:38:09,465 Hello? 572 00:38:11,646 --> 00:38:12,823 Clear? 573 00:38:16,733 --> 00:38:19,351 l feel like l have maggots all over me. 574 00:38:19,901 --> 00:38:23,381 Don't move. You have a maggot right here. 575 00:38:25,277 --> 00:38:26,455 Stop it. 576 00:38:26,525 --> 00:38:28,794 l'm going to pee my pants. 577 00:38:29,533 --> 00:38:31,289 l'll just use the urinal. 578 00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:34,804 You want to hear some poetry? 579 00:38:34,877 --> 00:38:38,455 ''There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe 580 00:38:38,621 --> 00:38:40,955 ''He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis 581 00:38:41,020 --> 00:38:43,541 ''And woke up with a handful of goo'' 582 00:38:44,541 --> 00:38:46,264 Don't make me laugh! 583 00:38:46,973 --> 00:38:49,340 Darn it. l think l peed on myself. 584 00:38:50,653 --> 00:38:53,042 ''Follow the yellow brick road''? 585 00:38:54,589 --> 00:38:58,712 l'm following the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. 586 00:39:01,532 --> 00:39:06,649 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy. Hello, girl. 587 00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:11,860 -Oh, my God, it's on my hands! -Good girl. What you got in here? 588 00:39:13,532 --> 00:39:15,736 What you got? What's in your mouth? 589 00:39:17,212 --> 00:39:18,488 What you got in there? 590 00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:21,940 What's in there? 591 00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:24,150 Surprise! 592 00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:36,050 Goddamn it. 593 00:39:36,219 --> 00:39:39,536 How could you not know what a glory hole is? 594 00:39:39,612 --> 00:39:41,848 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe... 595 00:39:41,915 --> 00:39:45,712 ...l don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. 596 00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:50,324 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing l have ever seen in my entire life. 597 00:39:50,491 --> 00:39:55,411 l flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye. 598 00:39:55,483 --> 00:39:59,477 l'm glad you find it so fucking amusing, okay? l really do. 599 00:39:59,547 --> 00:40:03,376 Could you please have some compassion? Because l could go blind. 600 00:40:03,451 --> 00:40:05,425 You're not going to go blind. 601 00:40:06,939 --> 00:40:10,321 -Let me look at it. -l mean, l got a penis in my eye. 602 00:40:11,547 --> 00:40:12,954 Let me see. Let me see. 603 00:40:15,387 --> 00:40:16,401 All right. 604 00:40:16,699 --> 00:40:18,673 -ls it okay? -Yeah, it's okay. 605 00:40:20,218 --> 00:40:21,876 But l think you're pregnant. 606 00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:25,301 Would you please stop it, already? 607 00:40:27,802 --> 00:40:30,584 Re-dress the mannequins and check the sock inventory. 608 00:40:30,746 --> 00:40:33,910 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here, and Mr. Mooney-- 609 00:40:33,978 --> 00:40:37,906 Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boytoy, which leaves me in charge of the store. 610 00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:40,112 Somebody needs to get some. 611 00:40:50,009 --> 00:40:52,246 There's my dirty girl! 612 00:40:55,417 --> 00:40:57,392 lt's me, baby. lt's me. 613 00:40:59,609 --> 00:41:03,471 -Why are you dressed like that? -lt's my job. l work at a children's hospital. 614 00:41:08,217 --> 00:41:09,744 You look so cute. 615 00:41:11,929 --> 00:41:14,166 -l'm horny. -Me, too. 616 00:41:20,857 --> 00:41:22,744 -You'll laugh at this one. -What? 617 00:41:22,808 --> 00:41:26,638 You know l said l had to do laundry today, because l ran out of clean underwear? 618 00:41:26,713 --> 00:41:30,509 -l've only got the skanky ones left. -Tell me about it, dude. 619 00:41:32,889 --> 00:41:34,677 You are so unbelievable. 620 00:41:37,752 --> 00:41:40,567 ls that what l think it is? 621 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:45,077 -Spring break, 1994, baby. -Turn it up. 622 00:42:17,527 --> 00:42:19,916 -Oh, my God! Brain. -Jane! 623 00:42:20,184 --> 00:42:22,639 You and l are so awesome together. 624 00:42:22,839 --> 00:42:24,749 We're like two peas in a pod. 625 00:42:24,823 --> 00:42:27,060 -Like oil and vinegar-- -Shut up. 626 00:42:28,023 --> 00:42:30,292 l can't believe l'm fucking a purple elephant. 627 00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:34,259 What do you mean, she's not here? We have customers, missy. 628 00:42:34,327 --> 00:42:36,661 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. l'll check upstairs. 629 00:42:36,951 --> 00:42:39,471 l'm gone for one day, the place turns into lndonesia. 630 00:42:48,534 --> 00:42:50,803 -Are you okay? -l'm fine. 631 00:42:50,903 --> 00:42:52,561 -What is going on? -Nothing. 632 00:42:53,558 --> 00:42:57,901 l'm just frantic. l've a million things to do. And l'm dizzy. l'm so dizzy. 633 00:42:57,975 --> 00:43:01,008 Mr. Mooney is downstairs, and he is P-l-S-E-D. 634 00:43:02,294 --> 00:43:03,276 ''Pised''? 635 00:43:13,366 --> 00:43:16,497 -Where have you been? -l was upstairs taking inventory. 636 00:43:16,566 --> 00:43:18,705 Yeah, my aunt Fanny. 637 00:43:20,566 --> 00:43:22,803 -Gallini's. -Hello, is Jane there? 638 00:43:23,446 --> 00:43:26,129 -Yes, she is. -Have a lovely day. 639 00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:30,161 -Hello? -JanieI 640 00:43:32,086 --> 00:43:34,835 Sorry, l can't talk right now. l'm really busy. 641 00:43:34,902 --> 00:43:36,527 We were wondering: 642 00:43:43,350 --> 00:43:44,298 Shit. 643 00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:04,114 Oh, shit. 644 00:44:04,436 --> 00:44:08,211 l dropped the thingy to my lip gloss. Could you get it for me? 645 00:44:08,276 --> 00:44:09,225 l'll get it. 646 00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:13,802 lt's too far over. l'll get it. 647 00:44:14,452 --> 00:44:17,005 Hold on to it. Keep steering. 648 00:44:17,076 --> 00:44:18,832 l got it. Don't worry. 649 00:44:20,724 --> 00:44:22,383 Beneath the.... 650 00:44:33,716 --> 00:44:34,763 Yeah, baby! 651 00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,597 -Oh, yeah, right there. -No, that's not it. 652 00:44:43,891 --> 00:44:45,647 You like that? 653 00:44:48,468 --> 00:44:51,151 Yeah. Let me have some of that. 654 00:44:51,219 --> 00:44:54,318 -Oh, yeah. Don't stop. -l'm not going to stop. 655 00:45:20,307 --> 00:45:23,569 l found it. l almost got smothered down there. 656 00:45:23,635 --> 00:45:24,911 Shit. 657 00:45:25,203 --> 00:45:26,151 Are you okay? 658 00:45:28,146 --> 00:45:30,634 -You good? -Yeah, l'm good. Never better. 659 00:45:32,338 --> 00:45:36,561 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say. Game plan. 660 00:45:36,627 --> 00:45:39,922 Walk up to him and be like, ''Peter, is that you? 661 00:45:39,986 --> 00:45:44,907 ''My friend Courtney, that hot babe? She and l went to college with the bride. 662 00:45:44,978 --> 00:45:48,971 ''That is unbelievable. l can't believe that. lt's unbelievable. 663 00:45:49,042 --> 00:45:50,417 ''Freaky.'' 664 00:46:20,465 --> 00:46:22,156 Afternoon. 665 00:46:27,793 --> 00:46:31,655 -Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us. -Plenty of crap. 666 00:46:31,729 --> 00:46:34,380 -We don't have time for this. -Okay, let's go. 667 00:46:35,185 --> 00:46:39,342 -Welcome to my store. Can l help you? -No, we were just browsing. Thank you. 668 00:46:42,225 --> 00:46:43,915 You don't like my store, do you? 669 00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:47,721 No, that's not it at all. lt's really a lovely store. 670 00:46:47,793 --> 00:46:50,159 We were looking for something.... 671 00:46:50,321 --> 00:46:54,117 The next dress store is 20 miles from here. 672 00:46:54,352 --> 00:46:55,367 20 miles away? 673 00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:59,883 -We'll miss the wedding. -Judy Webb's wedding? 674 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,894 l know all about it. l dressed half the guests! 675 00:47:03,985 --> 00:47:05,741 When l was 22... 676 00:47:06,352 --> 00:47:09,549 ...my breastices were, like, right about there. 677 00:47:10,512 --> 00:47:11,941 Nice and perky. 678 00:47:12,112 --> 00:47:14,796 Gravity has taken them to there. 679 00:47:15,472 --> 00:47:17,893 lt's like, 22, 28. 680 00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,942 22, 28. 681 00:47:21,264 --> 00:47:23,206 Buy some new ones. 682 00:47:24,303 --> 00:47:28,133 Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this? 683 00:47:30,352 --> 00:47:35,174 -What is that, though? -That, again, is gravity. 684 00:47:36,047 --> 00:47:39,113 -Knock, knock. Are you decent? -Yeah. 685 00:47:40,143 --> 00:47:43,492 You're going to love this stuff. lt's our latest line. 686 00:47:43,759 --> 00:47:46,508 lf you need other sizes, just holler. 687 00:47:47,215 --> 00:47:48,742 Thank you, Vera. 688 00:47:50,223 --> 00:47:51,684 Excellent. 689 00:47:51,983 --> 00:47:53,358 Jesus. 690 00:47:54,031 --> 00:47:56,267 -Look. -That's nice. 691 00:47:56,655 --> 00:48:00,932 Wait a minute. Do we have time for a movie montage? 692 00:48:01,742 --> 00:48:03,531 Well, you know.... 693 00:49:03,693 --> 00:49:06,082 -Thank you so much. -You look sensational. 694 00:49:06,477 --> 00:49:08,517 Thanks to your styling, Vera. 695 00:49:08,589 --> 00:49:09,701 Thank you. 696 00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:11,974 Would you like to be on our mailing list? 697 00:49:12,077 --> 00:49:15,044 Sure. Right here? 698 00:49:19,533 --> 00:49:21,737 Just send it there. 699 00:49:21,965 --> 00:49:23,721 That's sweet. 700 00:49:24,749 --> 00:49:28,262 lt sure is. Thank you. 'Bye. 701 00:49:28,429 --> 00:49:28,652 -We've got to go. -Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing. 702 00:49:28,652 --> 00:49:31,718 -We've got to go. -Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing. 703 00:49:31,884 --> 00:49:34,470 -Take little steps. -Bondage. 704 00:49:34,637 --> 00:49:36,579 We don't have time, sweetie. 705 00:49:38,444 --> 00:49:39,556 My God! 706 00:49:42,764 --> 00:49:43,975 Oh, my God. 707 00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:47,110 These are the days of our lives. 708 00:49:49,164 --> 00:49:52,328 -This is not discreet. -No, it isn't. 709 00:49:52,396 --> 00:49:56,225 -We can't walk into a wedding-- -Come on. lt's very LaToya Jackson. 710 00:49:58,252 --> 00:50:00,772 l mean, really. Look at all this.... 711 00:50:00,844 --> 00:50:04,259 l may as well strap a sign on my ass that says ''stalker.'' 712 00:50:05,676 --> 00:50:10,084 l'm not going there wearing this outfit. Can we please just go? 713 00:50:10,187 --> 00:50:12,457 -Yes. Let's go home. -Really? 714 00:50:13,804 --> 00:50:17,448 We've driven for three and a half hours and everything. 715 00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:19,719 -But, no, let's go. -Please. 716 00:50:19,787 --> 00:50:23,617 -Really. Let's go. -Don't reverse psychology me right now. 717 00:50:23,691 --> 00:50:25,601 l'm not reverse psychologing you. 718 00:50:25,676 --> 00:50:28,937 You're so good at it, you don't even know you're doing it anymore. 719 00:50:29,739 --> 00:50:31,332 All right, maybe a little bit. 720 00:50:31,403 --> 00:50:35,461 -Court, this is crazy. This was really crazy. -What the hell were we thinking? 721 00:50:35,819 --> 00:50:38,853 l wish there were some sign from God... 722 00:50:38,923 --> 00:50:41,311 ...that you and Peter Donahue should be together. 723 00:50:41,387 --> 00:50:43,973 How do you know his last name is Donahue? 724 00:50:44,459 --> 00:50:46,215 Because you're sitting on his face. 725 00:50:49,835 --> 00:50:52,650 -My God, it's him! He's so cute! -Yeah, l know. 726 00:50:52,811 --> 00:50:54,534 Cute? He's adorable! 727 00:50:54,602 --> 00:50:57,636 And look at this. ''Everything he touches turns to sold.'' 728 00:50:57,707 --> 00:51:01,154 -He's funny! He's funny, too. See? -l know. 729 00:51:04,587 --> 00:51:05,797 Church bells. 730 00:51:29,097 --> 00:51:31,486 What do you think? Bride or groom's side? 731 00:51:31,562 --> 00:51:33,504 l have to go to the bathroom, l think. 732 00:51:33,897 --> 00:51:38,436 -Did you misplace your bladder today? -l'm wearing the tightest skirt ever. 733 00:51:38,697 --> 00:51:40,934 Go to the bathroom. l'll find seats. 734 00:51:41,258 --> 00:51:44,389 -Could you tell me where the restroom is? -lt's right outside. 735 00:51:55,145 --> 00:51:56,355 Hello? 736 00:52:01,449 --> 00:52:03,521 -l'm sorry. l'm sorry. -l can't breathe. 737 00:52:03,945 --> 00:52:07,720 Really? Okay. Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay. 738 00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:09,439 Are you okay? 739 00:52:10,505 --> 00:52:13,025 -You'll be fine. You'll be okay. -Water! 740 00:52:15,432 --> 00:52:16,381 Okay. 741 00:52:17,193 --> 00:52:20,422 -Thank you. -l'll leave you alone for a second, okay? 742 00:52:22,504 --> 00:52:24,446 -Judy! -ln a minute, Dad. 743 00:52:30,377 --> 00:52:33,922 l don't want to go in the deep end. l don't want to go in the deep end! 744 00:52:36,745 --> 00:52:37,759 Flowers! 745 00:52:40,328 --> 00:52:42,500 l look like a magazine bride! 746 00:52:42,568 --> 00:52:46,594 No, you don't. You look really beautiful. Like the perfect bride. 747 00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:48,606 Why don't l feel good? 748 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,280 Well, l'm sure that you're just really nervous. lt's a big day, right? 749 00:52:53,352 --> 00:52:55,588 lt's what every girl dreams of, but... 750 00:52:56,936 --> 00:52:58,529 ...how do you know it's real? 751 00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,855 l don't know. l can't answer that for you, really. 752 00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:06,562 But l'm sure the two of you will be really happy together. 753 00:53:07,623 --> 00:53:10,819 And if you're not, you can always just get divorced. 754 00:53:11,912 --> 00:53:14,367 -Yeah! -Yeah, see? lt'll be okay. 755 00:53:14,439 --> 00:53:16,195 Right. You're so right. 756 00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:20,101 So just get yourself together. You look smashing. 757 00:53:20,167 --> 00:53:22,054 -l look beautiful! -You look amazing! 758 00:53:22,118 --> 00:53:25,566 -l look beautiful. -You do. Amazing. 759 00:53:25,927 --> 00:53:27,749 -Now, get off my dress. -l'm sorry. 760 00:53:29,415 --> 00:53:30,625 l'm getting married! 761 00:53:37,126 --> 00:53:38,173 Hi. 762 00:53:53,734 --> 00:53:56,549 -l bet you miss Grandma. -Grandma. 763 00:53:59,302 --> 00:54:00,350 Where is she? 764 00:54:15,558 --> 00:54:17,052 Turn around. 765 00:54:27,846 --> 00:54:29,918 lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 766 00:54:32,390 --> 00:54:34,495 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. 767 00:54:40,997 --> 00:54:42,753 Okay, boys. We're on. 768 00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:46,595 -All right. Straight? -Big moment. 769 00:54:46,661 --> 00:54:48,962 -You look nice, too. -Don't stress. 770 00:54:49,093 --> 00:54:50,881 A little slap. Slap me. 771 00:54:52,453 --> 00:54:56,250 Don't be gay in God's house. Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it. 772 00:55:00,612 --> 00:55:01,889 Shit. 773 00:55:11,940 --> 00:55:12,988 Chris? 774 00:55:14,244 --> 00:55:16,993 -l'm okay. -My God! Honey, are you okay? 775 00:55:17,284 --> 00:55:20,633 -What are you doing? -l got locked in. 776 00:55:20,708 --> 00:55:22,530 -You all right? -Yeah. 777 00:55:24,516 --> 00:55:25,945 -You okay? -Yeah, l'm good. 778 00:55:26,436 --> 00:55:29,632 We don't have to lie anymore because l made friends with the bride. 779 00:55:35,011 --> 00:55:37,979 No. You cannot lock the door. Goddamn it! 780 00:55:38,052 --> 00:55:39,710 Hello! 781 00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,368 Oh, please, God. 782 00:55:49,955 --> 00:55:51,777 Suki, sukiI 783 00:55:57,443 --> 00:55:59,231 lt's already started. 784 00:56:07,267 --> 00:56:08,674 l bet you miss Grandma. 785 00:56:10,114 --> 00:56:14,337 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 786 00:56:15,011 --> 00:56:17,629 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 787 00:56:18,275 --> 00:56:20,031 ...of Judith Katherine Webb... 788 00:56:20,803 --> 00:56:22,297 ...and Peter Donahue. 789 00:56:23,075 --> 00:56:24,318 Peter? 790 00:56:26,050 --> 00:56:27,643 Jesus Christ! 791 00:56:28,803 --> 00:56:30,363 Peter? Shit! 792 00:56:32,354 --> 00:56:33,302 She did it. 793 00:56:37,250 --> 00:56:40,959 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it? 794 00:56:42,594 --> 00:56:45,726 -Moishe, are you here? No? -Come on, Sharon, let's go. 795 00:56:45,858 --> 00:56:46,806 Mazel tov. 796 00:56:47,010 --> 00:56:48,635 -Christina? -The hottie. 797 00:56:48,706 --> 00:56:49,819 Shalom! 798 00:56:54,850 --> 00:56:56,988 That's the strangest thing l've ever seen. 799 00:56:57,954 --> 00:56:59,547 There are no Jews in Somerset. 800 00:57:01,186 --> 00:57:03,073 Shit. Shit. Shit. 801 00:57:04,610 --> 00:57:05,984 -Shall we proceed? -Sure. 802 00:57:10,721 --> 00:57:12,063 Dearly beloved... 803 00:57:12,897 --> 00:57:15,166 ...we are gathered here today... 804 00:57:15,969 --> 00:57:19,231 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 805 00:57:19,873 --> 00:57:24,543 ...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue. 806 00:57:28,577 --> 00:57:30,650 Which is an honorable estate... 807 00:57:31,425 --> 00:57:34,458 ...instituted of God, signifying... 808 00:57:34,752 --> 00:57:36,727 ...unto us the mystical union... 809 00:57:37,089 --> 00:57:38,747 ...that is between Christ... 810 00:57:40,352 --> 00:57:41,814 -...and... -Peter. 811 00:57:41,984 --> 00:57:43,195 ...Saint.... 812 00:57:47,904 --> 00:57:50,141 -l'm having reservations. -Where? 813 00:57:51,296 --> 00:57:52,573 And is commanded... 814 00:57:52,929 --> 00:57:53,911 About this. 815 00:57:53,985 --> 00:57:55,294 -Really? -Yeah. 816 00:57:58,848 --> 00:58:00,025 ...of Saint Paul.... 817 00:58:00,352 --> 00:58:02,262 -Me, too. -Really? 818 00:58:02,464 --> 00:58:03,544 Yep. 819 00:58:07,296 --> 00:58:11,070 And therefore, is not by any to be entered... 820 00:58:11,136 --> 00:58:14,583 -l mean, l love you. -But l'm not in love with you. 821 00:58:14,911 --> 00:58:15,893 ...lightly. 822 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:17,108 Anymore! 823 00:58:18,496 --> 00:58:20,122 -You're ruining it. -But.... 824 00:58:20,192 --> 00:58:21,435 We're still friends. 825 00:58:24,032 --> 00:58:26,966 -l don't want to get married. -l don't want to get married. 826 00:58:27,871 --> 00:58:31,581 No. No kiss. l haven't married you yet. 827 00:58:32,736 --> 00:58:34,459 We're not getting married! 828 00:58:37,344 --> 00:58:38,489 Miguel? 829 00:58:40,255 --> 00:58:41,204 Dad! 830 00:58:41,823 --> 00:58:46,296 But we are having the party. Exit in the back. lt's to the left. 831 00:59:12,478 --> 00:59:14,420 -How you doing? -Okay. Are you okay? 832 00:59:14,494 --> 00:59:16,120 Yeah, no. l'm okay. 833 00:59:16,191 --> 00:59:18,776 -You owe me $30,000 for this wedding. -Daddy, please. 834 00:59:19,902 --> 00:59:22,291 -You know what l'm thinking of doing? -What's that? 835 00:59:22,366 --> 00:59:26,708 l'll cash in the honeymoon tickets, fly to Bali, and go scuba diving. 836 00:59:26,782 --> 00:59:29,531 -l'll rip your face off, peckerhead. -Daddy, stop. 837 00:59:31,134 --> 00:59:32,443 -Sweetie? -Yes? 838 00:59:32,862 --> 00:59:36,277 -l have a confession to make. -l have a confession to make. You're dead. 839 00:59:36,350 --> 00:59:39,219 Dad. l met someone. 840 00:59:40,126 --> 00:59:41,751 -You met someone. -Online. 841 00:59:42,494 --> 00:59:43,476 Online. 842 00:59:46,941 --> 00:59:49,494 His name is Ricky. l think he's really special. 843 00:59:49,565 --> 00:59:52,729 Fuck it! lt's go time! Son of a bitch! 844 00:59:53,534 --> 00:59:54,810 Daddy, stop it! 845 01:00:09,373 --> 01:00:12,821 Refresh my memory. Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on? 846 01:00:15,420 --> 01:00:18,235 -Yeah. -That's what l thought. 847 01:00:21,565 --> 01:00:23,190 l'm such an idiot. 848 01:00:24,732 --> 01:00:25,878 No, you're not. 849 01:00:26,525 --> 01:00:29,013 l meet a guy for two minutes... 850 01:00:29,085 --> 01:00:33,362 ...and l'm chasing after him like he's something special. 851 01:00:35,676 --> 01:00:38,425 Maybe you want someone special for once. 852 01:00:40,604 --> 01:00:44,085 Maybe you were thinking that you were tired of the game. 853 01:00:48,828 --> 01:00:50,289 Are you tired of the game? 854 01:00:53,116 --> 01:00:54,130 Yep. 855 01:00:57,116 --> 01:00:58,098 Let's go home. 856 01:00:59,323 --> 01:01:00,305 Okay. 857 01:01:17,115 --> 01:01:19,155 My God! What's going on? 858 01:01:19,867 --> 01:01:21,274 Excuse me, Officer? 859 01:01:21,979 --> 01:01:23,321 What's going on here? 860 01:01:23,483 --> 01:01:26,744 Twenty years on the force, and l've never seen something so horrible. 861 01:01:27,291 --> 01:01:29,942 -What? Where? -Where's the emergency? 862 01:01:30,043 --> 01:01:31,319 Apartment three. 863 01:01:32,379 --> 01:01:33,905 -That's my apartment! -Jane. 864 01:01:36,795 --> 01:01:38,617 Poor girl. Never saw it coming. 865 01:01:39,067 --> 01:01:40,474 Excuse me. 866 01:01:41,947 --> 01:01:45,208 -Goddamn dress! -Don't go in there. lt's not a pretty sight. 867 01:01:45,275 --> 01:01:46,681 l live here! 868 01:01:55,738 --> 01:01:59,055 -Apparently, they're stuck. -What do you mean? 869 01:02:00,186 --> 01:02:01,430 Are you okay? 870 01:02:02,938 --> 01:02:04,312 How are you stuck? 871 01:02:05,146 --> 01:02:06,324 l have a piercing. 872 01:02:08,090 --> 01:02:10,959 -l don't get it. How is she stuck? -Behind her tonsils. 873 01:02:11,610 --> 01:02:13,236 How the hell do you know that? 874 01:02:13,786 --> 01:02:17,015 -Honey, l'm going to pull you really gently. -No. 875 01:02:17,402 --> 01:02:20,020 l'm going to pull it. Gently. 876 01:02:22,106 --> 01:02:23,447 l'm sorry. l'm sorry. 877 01:02:24,313 --> 01:02:28,307 We've got the ambulance waiting outside. We have to get going. 878 01:02:29,881 --> 01:02:34,354 She could sing. You could sing, Jane. lt relaxes the throat, honey. 879 01:02:41,817 --> 01:02:43,759 Stop it! You're getting me hard again! 880 01:02:44,601 --> 01:02:45,714 Wrong song. 881 01:02:47,321 --> 01:02:48,598 Armageddon. 882 01:03:05,209 --> 01:03:06,289 Come on, try. 883 01:04:08,855 --> 01:04:09,869 What? 884 01:04:13,847 --> 01:04:17,708 She says to him, ''Girl You Know It's True changed my life.'' 885 01:04:17,815 --> 01:04:19,124 lt did! 886 01:04:19,191 --> 01:04:21,078 And this sad little tear slowly.... 887 01:04:21,143 --> 01:04:25,103 Come on. What do you want from me? l was 16 years old. 888 01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:29,845 l don't even know why l started talking to her in the second grade. 889 01:04:29,910 --> 01:04:32,976 -You thought l was the shit. -You are the shit. 890 01:04:33,046 --> 01:04:34,224 Shithead. 891 01:04:34,295 --> 01:04:36,182 -My God. -What? 892 01:04:37,175 --> 01:04:41,201 They found a donor for my patient. l've got to go. l'm sorry, guys. 893 01:04:41,271 --> 01:04:44,270 -Christina, it was great meeting you. -Nice to meet you, Greg. 894 01:04:44,374 --> 01:04:46,795 -Jane, it was great meeting you. -Great meeting you. 895 01:04:46,870 --> 01:04:49,521 So sorry to run off. l'll make you risotto tomorrow. 896 01:04:49,590 --> 01:04:50,867 lt's fine. 897 01:04:54,869 --> 01:04:58,131 -Can l just say, that was so sweet? -He's great. 898 01:04:58,582 --> 01:05:00,753 -He's so sweet. -Shut up. 899 01:05:00,854 --> 01:05:02,796 He doesn't have any piercings, does he? 900 01:05:05,270 --> 01:05:06,896 l don't know, actually... 901 01:05:06,966 --> 01:05:11,308 ...because l haven't done that with him yet. 902 01:05:11,894 --> 01:05:15,189 -So, you know.... -Honey, you really do like him. 903 01:05:15,253 --> 01:05:17,675 l don't want to talk about it, because l'll jinx it. 904 01:06:14,580 --> 01:06:17,515 -l closed on the Mahalock house today. -Great news for you. 905 01:06:18,164 --> 01:06:19,691 You don't need to do a thing. 906 01:06:21,171 --> 01:06:23,724 -What did they say about aluminum siding? -No. 907 01:06:24,980 --> 01:06:26,638 -Really? -Really. 908 01:06:26,708 --> 01:06:29,577 Be careful with those fat-free chips. They cause anal leakage. 909 01:06:30,196 --> 01:06:33,327 -You cause anal leakage. -Says so on the bag. 910 01:06:42,963 --> 01:06:47,436 What kind of marketing brainiac puts ''anal leakage'' on his product? 911 01:06:48,979 --> 01:06:50,768 How can they even sell that crap? 912 01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:53,295 -What time is your flight? -9:30. 913 01:06:54,899 --> 01:06:57,038 l can't believe you're going to Costa Rica. 914 01:06:57,651 --> 01:07:00,039 Your female problems are over with. 915 01:07:00,595 --> 01:07:02,188 -Hope so. -They are. 916 01:07:02,259 --> 01:07:04,430 You know what l hear about Costa Rican women? 917 01:07:04,947 --> 01:07:06,540 -For five pesos-- -No, Rog. 918 01:07:06,611 --> 01:07:09,742 They take your chimichanga and your pequito.... 919 01:07:09,971 --> 01:07:11,793 -No, se�or. -Listen to me! 920 01:07:13,139 --> 01:07:17,067 All l'm saying is, make nice with the concierge, okay? 921 01:07:19,346 --> 01:07:21,681 -You all right, Vera? -Couldn't be better. 922 01:07:25,810 --> 01:07:27,850 -Thank you so much. -Where do you want it? 923 01:07:27,922 --> 01:07:30,311 Put her down right here. 924 01:07:30,578 --> 01:07:33,513 Since you're going away, do you want to be on our mailing list? 925 01:07:34,450 --> 01:07:36,522 Yes, ma'am. l'd love to. Thank you. 926 01:07:38,738 --> 01:07:41,934 l've been trying to get us off that mailing list since 1982. 927 01:07:42,002 --> 01:07:43,376 Relax. 928 01:07:43,602 --> 01:07:47,758 This is the hottest chick in this store and l caught her trying to escape. 929 01:08:09,617 --> 01:08:11,243 Very strange. 930 01:08:16,881 --> 01:08:20,743 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on? What happened? 931 01:08:22,832 --> 01:08:25,996 l came to just eat my cookie and make a phone call, but.... 932 01:08:26,161 --> 01:08:29,128 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What? 933 01:08:29,329 --> 01:08:31,467 Just read this. 934 01:08:33,265 --> 01:08:36,680 ''Commandment number nine: Thou shalt love what's possible.'' 935 01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:40,750 Honey, we have gone over this. 936 01:08:40,913 --> 01:08:43,880 You did not know the guy was getting married. 937 01:08:44,464 --> 01:08:46,471 lt's all right. He wasn't possible. 938 01:08:46,544 --> 01:08:49,992 Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten. 939 01:08:50,480 --> 01:08:54,374 -''Thou shalt not fear''? -Yes. ''Thou shalt not fear.'' 940 01:08:54,448 --> 01:08:56,303 What are you talking about, fear? 941 01:08:56,592 --> 01:08:59,406 What you did was an incredibly brave thing. 942 01:08:59,632 --> 01:09:03,560 You dropped all of your boundaries and you met this guy halfway. 943 01:09:03,888 --> 01:09:06,222 More than halfway, you went to Somerset. 944 01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:09,772 Guys, it was just another game. Come on. 945 01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:13,866 lf he hadn't been getting married, if he wasn't the groom, what would l've done? 946 01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:16,713 That's right. 947 01:09:18,927 --> 01:09:23,150 l would've done the same old thing. l would have hesitated. l would have... 948 01:09:25,871 --> 01:09:29,167 ...froze up. l would have kissed him and then ran off. 949 01:09:30,831 --> 01:09:32,654 Give him the wrong phone number. 950 01:09:33,615 --> 01:09:37,095 Hook that fish and just throw him right back. 951 01:09:38,575 --> 01:09:39,654 Jesus. 952 01:09:44,143 --> 01:09:45,801 l'm stuck in a rut. 953 01:09:49,871 --> 01:09:52,838 Big, fat rut. 954 01:09:54,350 --> 01:09:58,060 Guys, l don't want to be that girl anymore. 955 01:09:58,638 --> 01:10:00,427 -l know. -You know? 956 01:10:00,591 --> 01:10:02,663 l know. None of us do. 957 01:10:06,447 --> 01:10:08,170 Let's go dancing. 958 01:10:12,718 --> 01:10:14,125 So, any chance? 959 01:10:14,414 --> 01:10:17,862 Of what? No, don't even bother. She's on a mission. 960 01:10:28,910 --> 01:10:31,692 -How is it shaking, ladies? -No, thank you. 961 01:10:32,077 --> 01:10:34,663 Your body is banging. Your face is-- 962 01:10:34,734 --> 01:10:36,588 Neato. Thanks. Neat. 963 01:10:42,318 --> 01:10:44,292 What's going on, hot mama? 964 01:10:47,726 --> 01:10:51,206 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now! 965 01:10:54,605 --> 01:10:57,769 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey. Work the monkey. 966 01:10:57,901 --> 01:11:00,356 The monkey, the monkey, the monkey! 967 01:11:05,772 --> 01:11:08,642 -You're working that monkey. -You're a really good dancer. 968 01:11:08,877 --> 01:11:12,739 -You have some original moves. -Thanks, l've been working on it. 969 01:11:13,420 --> 01:11:16,006 -Have me met before? -A couple of times. 970 01:11:16,556 --> 01:11:17,571 l'm Donny. 971 01:11:22,700 --> 01:11:23,715 Christina. 972 01:11:24,140 --> 01:11:26,180 This is like Sixteen Candles. 973 01:11:28,108 --> 01:11:29,896 l'd love to take you out sometime. 974 01:11:30,221 --> 01:11:33,516 Really? Well, that's nice. l mean.... 975 01:11:34,700 --> 01:11:36,839 Give me your card, l'll call you sometime. 976 01:11:38,220 --> 01:11:39,168 Thank you. 977 01:11:40,396 --> 01:11:42,184 You seem like a really nice person. 978 01:11:42,572 --> 01:11:45,638 -Work on the monkey. -l'll work on the monkey. 979 01:12:13,355 --> 01:12:14,500 Hey, Donny. 980 01:12:15,755 --> 01:12:18,144 -Do you have a pen? -You bet. 981 01:12:22,283 --> 01:12:26,276 l'm a jerk and l wanted to apologize, because l didn't plan on calling you. 982 01:12:26,347 --> 01:12:29,446 l'll give you my number so that you can call me... 983 01:12:31,051 --> 01:12:34,596 ...because l found out something that was completely life-changing: 984 01:12:35,210 --> 01:12:37,545 lt's okay to take a chance. 985 01:12:37,642 --> 01:12:41,220 Love is crazy and that's what love is, it's taking a chance. 986 01:12:42,506 --> 01:12:46,630 My girlfriend Courtney and l went on this crazy ride for a guy. 987 01:12:46,923 --> 01:12:51,014 l went across the state, practically, to find this guy that l don't even know. 988 01:12:51,082 --> 01:12:54,977 l don't even know you, but here l am, having this conversation with you. 989 01:12:55,146 --> 01:12:59,816 And l know that if l just take a chance with you, maybe, l don't know-- 990 01:13:00,042 --> 01:13:01,351 Forget it. 991 01:13:02,250 --> 01:13:04,322 What's a guy got to do to get laid? 992 01:13:42,569 --> 01:13:43,779 -Chris? -Yeah? 993 01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:44,994 Honey? 994 01:13:47,912 --> 01:13:48,992 What? 995 01:13:52,777 --> 01:13:54,053 My God. 996 01:13:57,289 --> 01:13:58,565 What am l going to do? 997 01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:01,793 l think you can handle this one on your own. 998 01:14:02,376 --> 01:14:03,587 lt's all good, girl. 999 01:14:05,896 --> 01:14:08,798 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay. 1000 01:14:17,864 --> 01:14:19,326 What are you doing here? 1001 01:14:19,752 --> 01:14:23,013 -l came here to apologize to you. -For what? 1002 01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:26,079 For not telling you l was getting married. 1003 01:14:26,184 --> 01:14:28,966 l should have told you that and l didn't. l'm sorry. 1004 01:14:29,032 --> 01:14:31,967 You're the guy that needs the last fling before your wedding. 1005 01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:34,047 No. l'm not that guy. 1006 01:14:34,792 --> 01:14:39,494 You spilled my drink and l let you buy me a beer. That was all there was to it. 1007 01:14:42,056 --> 01:14:44,194 We had fun, we talked and that was it. 1008 01:14:45,288 --> 01:14:46,236 Right? 1009 01:14:48,039 --> 01:14:49,795 Yeah, l guess you're right. 1010 01:14:51,047 --> 01:14:52,291 l didn't get married. 1011 01:14:58,471 --> 01:15:01,602 -What do you mean? -Judy and l, we called it off. 1012 01:15:05,191 --> 01:15:09,381 l hope my.... That thing that happened didn't have anything to do with it. 1013 01:15:09,447 --> 01:15:11,454 No, it had nothing to do with that. 1014 01:15:11,847 --> 01:15:16,549 We realized we were doing the wrong thing. Two people should be in love. 1015 01:15:17,606 --> 01:15:20,705 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali. 1016 01:15:20,774 --> 01:15:24,451 She really liked you, too. Why were you at my wedding? 1017 01:15:26,310 --> 01:15:31,067 lt was just one of those spontaneous things my girlfriend and l do. 1018 01:15:31,494 --> 01:15:33,633 lt was just, really.... 1019 01:15:34,886 --> 01:15:36,675 lt just got screwed up. 1020 01:15:41,350 --> 01:15:44,132 l came here tonight because l wanted to see you. 1021 01:15:44,806 --> 01:15:47,228 l thought that maybe.... 1022 01:15:48,965 --> 01:15:50,875 Well, that night that we met... 1023 01:15:51,590 --> 01:15:55,845 ...l thought there was something, some feeling l had about us. 1024 01:15:56,965 --> 01:16:01,472 l thought that maybe you might feel that way, too. 1025 01:16:01,542 --> 01:16:04,640 ls this a mutual thing? This is not a mutual thing at all. 1026 01:16:04,710 --> 01:16:06,782 This is a very stupid thing. l'm stupid. 1027 01:16:07,269 --> 01:16:10,400 l should go. l really apologize for wasting your time. 1028 01:16:10,469 --> 01:16:13,339 And l'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. 1029 01:16:13,414 --> 01:16:17,188 Thanks. See you. l'm stupid. That's right. 1030 01:16:17,733 --> 01:16:21,792 ln fact, that's exactly what l wanted to do. 1031 01:16:23,461 --> 01:16:26,178 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well. 1032 01:16:47,140 --> 01:16:49,245 l'm not going to be afraid. 1033 01:16:55,364 --> 01:16:56,312 Peter? 1034 01:16:59,940 --> 01:17:02,624 Shit. Peter, wait! 1035 01:17:14,116 --> 01:17:15,392 Shit. 1036 01:17:31,876 --> 01:17:32,858 Come on! 1037 01:17:34,723 --> 01:17:36,316 Are you okay? 1038 01:17:37,091 --> 01:17:38,171 Yes. 1039 01:17:40,451 --> 01:17:42,338 l don't think l handled that too-- 1040 01:17:42,403 --> 01:17:45,948 l didn't handle it at all. l'm so sorry. 1041 01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:49,377 l wanted to find you so that l could tell you... 1042 01:17:50,115 --> 01:17:53,825 ...that l did come to your wedding because l wanted to see you again... 1043 01:17:53,922 --> 01:17:57,632 ...because the feeling is mutual, and you better be a really good kisser. 1044 01:18:11,554 --> 01:18:12,830 That was weak. 1045 01:18:13,858 --> 01:18:15,102 -Weak? -Yeah. 1046 01:18:17,282 --> 01:18:19,006 lt's okay. You can try again. 1047 01:18:30,114 --> 01:18:32,023 You were so much better in my dream. 1048 01:18:33,346 --> 01:18:34,687 Hold these. 1049 01:18:38,658 --> 01:18:41,276 -l thought this was mutual. -Oh, my God. 1050 01:18:41,346 --> 01:18:44,161 l'm serious. l'll call you, okay? 1051 01:18:45,505 --> 01:18:47,447 What? Wait! 1052 01:18:47,714 --> 01:18:49,536 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch. 1053 01:18:49,601 --> 01:18:51,990 l'm out of practice! l just woke up! 1054 01:18:53,569 --> 01:18:54,813 Unbelievable! 1055 01:19:02,081 --> 01:19:04,502 Christina Walters. Yep. l know her. 1056 01:19:04,673 --> 01:19:07,488 Bitch. Made my life a living hell. 1057 01:19:08,993 --> 01:19:11,841 She tries to pawn me off on her friend. She calls me a dick. 1058 01:19:11,905 --> 01:19:14,393 She hunts me down like a dog at my own wedding. 1059 01:19:14,529 --> 01:19:17,212 Then, when l try to apologize, she's like: 1060 01:19:17,473 --> 01:19:21,368 ''l don't know you. You're one of hundreds. l have no feelings for you....'' 1061 01:19:27,456 --> 01:19:29,147 ls that how l sound? 1062 01:19:36,321 --> 01:19:38,295 The movie is starting. Let's go! 1063 01:20:05,728 --> 01:20:06,840 Fuck Grandma. 1064 01:20:17,055 --> 01:20:18,942 Save yourself a buck. 1065 01:20:23,391 --> 01:20:25,398 -A girl that you lick. -Really? 1066 01:20:25,471 --> 01:20:27,326 -That you lick. -A girl that l lick? 1067 01:20:34,719 --> 01:20:36,410 Are you all right? 1068 01:20:37,214 --> 01:20:38,676 You're watching the credits? 1069 01:20:56,222 --> 01:20:59,189 -Chicks freak on this guy. -You owe me thirty.... 1070 01:21:08,670 --> 01:21:09,619 Copy that. 1071 01:21:16,510 --> 01:21:18,037 ls that what you want? 1072 01:21:23,005 --> 01:21:26,267 l think there's always time for a movie montage. 1073 01:21:36,062 --> 01:21:37,971 l hope you like how sexy l am. 1074 01:21:45,085 --> 01:21:49,820 Okay. l'm not going to be afraid. 1075 01:21:52,733 --> 01:21:54,456 l'm not. 1076 01:21:56,381 --> 01:22:00,571 lt's a very bad rumor. lt's a rumor. l'm serious. 1077 01:22:00,988 --> 01:22:02,101 Crap. 1078 01:22:08,988 --> 01:22:10,744 You really got my ass. lt's good. 1079 01:22:15,548 --> 01:22:16,497 Cut! 1080 01:22:24,220 --> 01:22:26,108 -l look beautiful. -You look amazing. 1081 01:22:26,172 --> 01:22:29,139 -l look beautiful. Thank you. -You do. Amazing. 1082 01:22:35,484 --> 01:22:37,589 We can sit here like this all night. 1083 01:22:38,075 --> 01:22:40,977 -l bet you miss Grandma. -Grandma. 1084 01:22:48,828 --> 01:22:51,217 -l'm not bah-jiggity. -You are so bah-jiggity. 1085 01:23:04,347 --> 01:23:06,419 lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 1086 01:23:10,202 --> 01:23:12,472 l guess a blowjob is out of the question? 1087 01:23:13,499 --> 01:23:14,928 That is the sweetest thing. 1088 01:23:15,035 --> 01:23:16,213 'Bye! 1089 01:23:22,779 --> 01:23:24,372 Well, that was fun. 1090 01:26:47,157 --> 01:26:50,735 -lt's over. Bye-bye, go home. -You can leave. 83178

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