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1
00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:29,390
Christina Walters?
2
00:00:30,037 --> 00:00:32,623
God, l haven't heard that name in ages.
3
00:00:32,789 --> 00:00:35,276
The kind of woman
who can get any guy she wants.
4
00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:37,323
That's Christina Walters.
5
00:00:37,749 --> 00:00:41,905
We dated briefly,
but she's not the commitment type.
6
00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:45,546
She's a player. She just likes to have fun.
7
00:00:45,716 --> 00:00:48,564
l met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass.
8
00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:52,464
Totally hit it off. All night long we dance.
l buy her drinks.
9
00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:55,629
At the end of the night, she just splits.
10
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,700
l lay down all that groundwork for nothing.
11
00:01:00,372 --> 00:01:01,866
Lesbian.
12
00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:06,188
She gave me her number. lt's been three days.
13
00:01:06,356 --> 00:01:08,778
l saw Swingers. l know how these things work.
14
00:01:08,948 --> 00:01:11,948
Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone.
15
00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:15,694
l stay up nights trying to figure out
why she said she'd call and didn't.
16
00:01:16,148 --> 00:01:20,458
Maybe she wanted to call and that's why
she said she was going to call, but....
17
00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:22,413
''Christina
18
00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,608
''Christina''
19
00:01:27,444 --> 00:01:31,884
You know, there ought to be
some kind of a signal...
20
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:36,786
...to let us guys know
when we are talking to a lesbian.
21
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,562
So we don't waste our time.
22
00:01:40,947 --> 00:01:44,460
Prolonged impotence is very common
after a breakup.
23
00:01:44,628 --> 00:01:46,450
Lots of men suffer from it.
24
00:01:46,611 --> 00:01:51,248
They just don't talk about it.
Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab.
25
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:54,193
But, even still,
because she said she was going to call...
26
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,488
...she should've called
to say she wasn't going to call...
27
00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,171
...and l would've thanked her for calling--
28
00:02:00,594 --> 00:02:02,253
All right. Okay.
29
00:02:02,579 --> 00:02:05,262
l apologize for saying she was a lesbian.
30
00:02:05,394 --> 00:02:06,736
lt's not true.
31
00:02:07,891 --> 00:02:11,469
My male ego got bruised and l lashed out.
l'm sorry.
32
00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:15,053
l'm not used to being blown off, that's all.
33
00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:18,382
l'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose.
34
00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:23,889
l know deep down inside she's scared
and lonely just like everyone else.
35
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:28,017
She'll settle down though,
once she finds the right man.
36
00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:29,867
Or woman.
37
00:02:30,322 --> 00:02:33,039
Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y.
38
00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:38,191
Jeez, l'm sorry. Did l say it again?
You're goddamn right l said it again.
39
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:41,454
Why don't you shave your head, Christina,
and take up women's golf?
40
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:45,515
Why don't you go to the Depot.
Lots of carpet you can munch on there.
41
00:02:51,793 --> 00:02:55,503
At least l don't get that dizzy,
head-spinning nausea as much as l used to.
42
00:02:55,569 --> 00:02:56,846
Hooray!
43
00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:02,792
Like l said, l'm doing fine.
44
00:03:02,865 --> 00:03:04,938
l am fan-fucking-tastic.
45
00:03:31,025 --> 00:03:32,934
-Christina.
-Valerie!
46
00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:34,794
Shake it if you've got it.
47
00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:38,824
Miss Courtney.
48
00:03:38,992 --> 00:03:42,124
Hello, Miss Christina.
How you doing? What you doing?
49
00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:44,268
Dancing too much. How you doing?
50
00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:47,019
Same thing. How was your day?
51
00:03:47,152 --> 00:03:48,581
Pretty good.
52
00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:52,202
l got a new account designing
a campaign for a sports line.
53
00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:54,411
They got the right girl, didn't they?
54
00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:56,430
Thank you.
55
00:03:56,752 --> 00:03:58,028
So, what's up?
56
00:03:58,192 --> 00:04:02,251
The usual. Defending the rights
of my broken-hearted clients.
57
00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:06,125
Trying to squeeze every penny
out of their miserable, cheating spouses.
58
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,459
You go get them, woman.
59
00:04:08,752 --> 00:04:11,272
l'll order a pizza and stay in tonight.
60
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,440
Okay, but if we do that,
you know what will have to happen.
61
00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:18,437
Girl, l've been shaking my ass
all the way up this hill.
62
00:04:18,703 --> 00:04:19,816
Which track?
63
00:04:19,888 --> 00:04:21,676
Track three. Oh, yeah!
64
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,421
Koochie!
65
00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:41,190
ls your granny here? What's going on?
66
00:04:41,359 --> 00:04:43,814
lt's Jane. She loves this song.
67
00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,000
Jane, what's up?
68
00:04:52,047 --> 00:04:53,607
He dumped me.
69
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:55,877
Kevin dumped me.
70
00:04:56,686 --> 00:04:59,948
lt was just three days
before our one-year anniversary.
71
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:03,241
-Baby.
-Maybe he just freaked out.
72
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:07,399
He will call up tomorrow when he realizes
what a huge mistake he made.
73
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:09,639
-He's probably going through that whole--
-No.
74
00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:12,619
He says he's been wanting this for six months.
75
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,647
He says he's been dying inside
ever since l brought over my garment bag.
76
00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,710
-Honey.
-What?
77
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:25,032
We're all guilty of it.
You made yourself too available.
78
00:05:25,198 --> 00:05:27,499
lt's a classic mistake, sweetheart.
79
00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:30,214
-Yeah.
-Not according to this.
80
00:05:30,893 --> 00:05:32,486
''Commandment four.''
81
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:35,434
''True Love: The Ten Commandments.''
82
00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:39,654
''Commandment number four:
Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities.
83
00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:42,058
''Boundaries are the enemies of love.''
84
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:46,348
Sweetie, you know what?
This book is relationship propaganda.
85
00:05:46,605 --> 00:05:47,881
Listen to me.
86
00:05:48,302 --> 00:05:52,044
Dating is all about boundaries.
87
00:05:52,205 --> 00:05:54,114
Honey, you have to protect yourself.
88
00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:57,416
We've all had our heart stomped on
one too many times...
89
00:05:57,549 --> 00:06:00,364
...because we served it to them
on a big old platter.
90
00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:03,620
A good defense is the best offense.
91
00:06:03,789 --> 00:06:05,796
l am so tired of playing games.
92
00:06:05,869 --> 00:06:09,316
This is not about playing games.
This is about self-preservation.
93
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:13,442
You can't throw yourself out there
all exposed and vulnerable every time.
94
00:06:13,613 --> 00:06:15,304
That is how you get smacked down.
95
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:16,867
Do you understand?
96
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:21,221
Don't go looking for Mr. Right.
Look for Mr. Right Now.
97
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:25,415
And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day...
98
00:06:25,997 --> 00:06:29,990
...that ''now'' part is just going to drop away.
99
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:31,618
Naturally, you know?
100
00:06:31,948 --> 00:06:34,665
Meanwhile, you're just
going to have fun together.
101
00:06:34,732 --> 00:06:38,344
Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit.
102
00:06:38,508 --> 00:06:41,541
Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out.
103
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:46,249
We are taking you out.
You are going to have a good time.
104
00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:47,848
No.
105
00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:51,584
Oswaldo!
106
00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:54,690
Hey, Christina. Courtney.
107
00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:57,672
-Jane.
-Hello, Jane.
108
00:06:58,316 --> 00:06:59,810
-Welcome.
-Thank you.
109
00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:04,196
Shut up!
110
00:07:12,139 --> 00:07:14,310
Okay, girls, let's go.
111
00:07:19,275 --> 00:07:20,966
This is it, Jane.
112
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,805
Go, baby!
113
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,695
-Right here, baby.
-Oh, my God.
114
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,510
Look at the shoulder, baby.
Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby.
115
00:08:26,889 --> 00:08:28,613
What's your name, baby?
116
00:08:29,289 --> 00:08:32,136
Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love!
117
00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:38,696
We're going to go now.
118
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:42,889
Bye-bye.
119
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,894
My God. lt's like Siegfried & Roy or something.
120
00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:58,853
Martinis, ladies.
121
00:08:59,593 --> 00:09:02,942
-Compliments of the gentleman at the bar.
-Which one?
122
00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:08,447
Thank you, Leather Coat Guy.
123
00:09:09,097 --> 00:09:10,657
Cheers.
124
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:15,239
Leather Coat Guy is looking good.
125
00:09:15,464 --> 00:09:16,773
Shotgun!
126
00:09:17,704 --> 00:09:18,652
Cheater.
127
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,095
What's up?
128
00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:28,384
Nothing. What's up with you?
129
00:09:29,576 --> 00:09:30,786
Nothing.
130
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:33,281
What's up with you?
131
00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:36,711
Nothing. What's up with you?
132
00:09:38,407 --> 00:09:39,301
Nothing.
133
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:39,431
You know, l am having the best time.
134
00:09:39,431 --> 00:09:42,563
You know, l am having the best time.
135
00:09:42,632 --> 00:09:43,679
Are you, sweetie?
136
00:09:44,135 --> 00:09:47,648
My boyfriend dumped me. l'm at this club
where no one wants to talk to me.
137
00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:50,021
-l want to go home.
-No.
138
00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,668
No. Christina, l can't do this.
139
00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,808
Yes, you can. lt's really very easy.
140
00:09:56,391 --> 00:09:57,798
Observe.
141
00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:02,500
l just pinched his ass.
142
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,908
l'm sorry. Hi.
143
00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:06,724
-Hi. What's your name?
-Peter.
144
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:09,693
Peter, this is my friend, Jane.
Jane would love to dance.
145
00:10:11,271 --> 00:10:15,199
l don't mean to be rude,
but l have some friends waiting for me.
146
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:16,992
Nice to meet you, though.
147
00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:21,792
-He hated me. l suck.
-You don't suck. That guy was a dick.
148
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:25,604
l'll make sure that you have fun tonight
if it's the last thing....
149
00:10:25,991 --> 00:10:27,518
What did you call me?
150
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:33,883
You just called me a dick. l heard you.
Why am l a dick?
151
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:36,958
Because l didn't like the way
you treated my friend.
152
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,883
l didn't do anything to your friend.
153
00:10:39,686 --> 00:10:41,726
You barely gave her the time of day.
154
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,218
You tried to pawn me off on her
and l didn't go for it.
155
00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:49,665
You should be so lucky to even talk
to someone as hot and sweet as Jane.
156
00:10:49,766 --> 00:10:50,813
Excuse me.
157
00:10:50,886 --> 00:10:55,108
l wasn't suggesting you get married.
l just thought you could get it on.
158
00:10:55,174 --> 00:10:57,148
What? Get it on?
159
00:10:57,318 --> 00:11:00,187
You know nothing about me.
What if l'm some psycho serial killer?
160
00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:03,360
What if Jane was the girl of your dreams,
but you'll never know?
161
00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:05,151
That is the sweetest thing.
162
00:11:05,221 --> 00:11:08,255
l never thought l'd meet her
by having somebody grab me and say:
163
00:11:08,326 --> 00:11:12,548
''Man, l have good woman for you.
She is very hot and sweet.
164
00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:15,330
''Jane! Dance for the man!''
165
00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:17,338
-Maybe that's your problem.
-What?
166
00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:20,348
Maybe if you didn't play it so safe,
Mr. Safety-Poo...
167
00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:23,268
...you might meet a girl you could have fun with.
168
00:11:23,493 --> 00:11:27,388
This brilliant love advice comes
from one who loves to play games with men.
169
00:11:27,461 --> 00:11:30,810
Always in control.
That way, she never has to get too close.
170
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,281
Nice manners, by the way.
171
00:11:37,092 --> 00:11:40,027
Where the hell did that guy.... Jane?
172
00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:42,402
What's up with you?
173
00:11:44,132 --> 00:11:46,685
Nothing. What's up with you?
174
00:11:48,197 --> 00:11:50,782
l can't believe he brought that bitch
to our bar.
175
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,786
-This is our bar.
-Forget her, she's a skeev.
176
00:11:54,852 --> 00:11:58,114
-But is she prettier than me?
-Of course not, you're beautiful.
177
00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:00,962
Oh, my God, you fucking bitch!
178
00:12:01,476 --> 00:12:03,386
l can't believe you grabbed his ass.
179
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,907
He comes right into my face
and starts telling me all this stupid stuff...
180
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:11,235
...about how l like to play games
and be in control so l never get too close.
181
00:12:11,299 --> 00:12:13,209
Can you believe him?
182
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,754
-What?
-Nothing.
183
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,683
-l've never seen you act like this before.
-Act like what?
184
00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:20,123
They're fake.
185
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,745
All bah-jiggity about some guy.
186
00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:24,505
-Bah-jiggity?
-Yeah.
187
00:12:24,612 --> 00:12:26,684
l'm sorry. l didn't mean to stare.
188
00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:29,144
lt's cool. lt's why l got them.
189
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,771
-l'm not bah-jiggity.
-You are so bah-jiggity.
190
00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:33,436
They look real.
191
00:12:33,539 --> 00:12:35,426
Thank you. You can touch it if you want to.
192
00:12:35,492 --> 00:12:36,474
No.
193
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:40,472
-Touch it. She likes it.
-Go ahead. lt feels real, huh?
194
00:12:40,547 --> 00:12:44,703
lf l'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter,
it's because you're telling me l am.
195
00:12:44,899 --> 00:12:47,233
-Oh, my God.
-What?
196
00:12:47,459 --> 00:12:48,801
You've named the puppy.
197
00:12:48,931 --> 00:12:50,971
-l did not.
-You just called him Peter.
198
00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,495
-l did?
-You've got to feel these things.
199
00:12:54,115 --> 00:12:56,536
l'm psychic and l knew his name was Peter.
200
00:12:57,507 --> 00:13:00,092
-Knock your socks off.
-So soft.
201
00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:01,918
Un-fucking-believable.
202
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:03,486
Fuck.
203
00:13:04,419 --> 00:13:06,273
l am so getting a pair.
204
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:09,239
That's why chicks
always go to the bathroom together.
205
00:13:09,474 --> 00:13:13,304
lt's so obvious that you like this guy.
Why are you being such a pussy about it?
206
00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:15,517
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
207
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,903
lf you haven't noticed,
there's plenty of guys out there.
208
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,527
See you later.
209
00:13:24,162 --> 00:13:27,511
-What's your problem?
-What's your problem?
210
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:32,922
-Hi.
-Hi.
211
00:13:34,946 --> 00:13:36,091
Hey, Peter.
212
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,543
-Eric!
-Be right there.
213
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:46,048
You don't have to do this.
214
00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:50,039
l know, but l want to. l spilled your drink.
Can l buy you another one?
215
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,158
Okay.
216
00:13:51,713 --> 00:13:53,818
l want to apologize.
217
00:13:53,889 --> 00:13:57,534
l shouldn't have been impolite to your friend.
lf l was, l didn't mean to.
218
00:13:57,601 --> 00:14:02,074
My brother is waiting for me
and l got nervous, l guess. l don't know.
219
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:05,024
l mean, otherwise, l'd be all over your friend.
220
00:14:06,881 --> 00:14:09,663
l'm the one who should apologize. l was rude.
221
00:14:09,824 --> 00:14:13,916
No, l understand. You were protecting
your friend. Anyone would've done that.
222
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:15,446
l thought that was sweet.
223
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,494
Jesus.
224
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,322
-We good now?
-Yeah.
225
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:24,437
Good.
226
00:14:25,121 --> 00:14:26,844
l should get back to my friends.
227
00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:28,503
Okay.
228
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,878
Thanks for the drink.
229
00:14:31,264 --> 00:14:33,533
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
230
00:14:34,944 --> 00:14:36,570
-Have a good night.
-You, too.
231
00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:47,925
Can you take this? l'm a total loser.
l just struck out with this guy.
232
00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:49,369
One more thing.
233
00:14:49,535 --> 00:14:53,529
Should l be upset that my ex-girlfriend
has her tongue down that guy's throat?
234
00:14:54,304 --> 00:14:55,449
Oh, my God!
235
00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:58,239
-Jane!
-l guess l blew my chance.
236
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,909
-That could have been you.
-lf l wasn't such a dick.
237
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:06,200
-Was l really a dick?
-Yeah. You were a dick.
238
00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:11,067
We should start over. Why don't l walk by,
and you grab me like before?
239
00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:13,023
-l didn't grab you.
-You grabbed me.
240
00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:15,226
You grabbed me right on the ass.
241
00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:18,143
l don't grab, okay?
242
00:15:18,303 --> 00:15:19,318
Pete!
243
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:22,452
Excuse me.
244
00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:25,045
Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting.
245
00:15:25,119 --> 00:15:28,763
After-hours party back at the hotel.
These two pigs are good to go.
246
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:32,308
Did l mention that we have
the Freddie Mercury Suite?
247
00:15:33,855 --> 00:15:35,545
She puked on him!
248
00:15:35,711 --> 00:15:39,705
Again? God, she's like a hose.
Go help her, please.
249
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,207
Or not.
250
00:15:41,534 --> 00:15:44,087
She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick?
251
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:46,905
-She is hot. Bring her.
-What?
252
00:15:47,102 --> 00:15:50,583
Fuck me. You have so much....
253
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,206
You've got to come. Let me tell you why.
254
00:15:53,374 --> 00:15:57,019
You'll never find anyone better than my brother.
He is the greatest--
255
00:15:57,183 --> 00:16:00,052
That hurts me. Just look at him.
256
00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,839
Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now.
257
00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:06,238
He is the shit and that's why
he's in my wedding on Saturday.
258
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:07,674
-No.
-Yes.
259
00:16:07,838 --> 00:16:10,140
-No.
-Just trying to help out.
260
00:16:11,294 --> 00:16:12,242
'Bye!
261
00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:18,807
Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402.
You're invited, you're invited.
262
00:16:18,973 --> 00:16:20,282
All right, l'm leaving.
263
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:24,022
-That's my brother.
-He's special.
264
00:16:24,189 --> 00:16:26,393
Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me.
265
00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,668
When is the wedding?
266
00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:32,471
Saturday afternoon up in Somerset.
That's where we live.
267
00:16:32,637 --> 00:16:33,685
That's nice.
268
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,119
Peter! lt's looking like now.
269
00:16:37,277 --> 00:16:38,903
You're pinching my arm skin.
270
00:16:39,774 --> 00:16:43,319
l better go. But for real this time.
271
00:16:43,485 --> 00:16:46,867
-lt was nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you. l had a great time.
272
00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:48,444
Me, too.
273
00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:50,328
Come by the party if you want to.
274
00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,789
-Really?
-Definitely. lf you want to.
275
00:16:52,861 --> 00:16:55,283
l'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by.
276
00:16:55,357 --> 00:16:59,066
l really hope l see you. But in case
l don't see you, have a nice life.
277
00:17:00,573 --> 00:17:01,620
You, too.
278
00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:14,548
Chris, it's Court.
I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy.
279
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:17,522
I was checking in to see
if you were listening to your messages.
280
00:17:17,596 --> 00:17:22,266
If you are, that means you were
too chicken to hook up with Peter...
281
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:26,871
...which therefore means you are a loser.
You are a loser. A--
282
00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:28,401
Thanks, Court.
283
00:17:29,468 --> 00:17:31,443
''I'm a big loser.''
284
00:17:31,964 --> 00:17:35,226
What's up, you bitches and hos and losers?
285
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,216
Too late now.
286
00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,931
He was kind of cute.
287
00:17:58,779 --> 00:18:00,023
Funny.
288
00:18:03,611 --> 00:18:05,204
Really funny.
289
00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,426
Cute boy.
290
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,484
My God, you're so good at that.
291
00:18:34,682 --> 00:18:38,031
l'd like to do that every hour,
on the hour, for the rest of our lives.
292
00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:40,692
-Of course, go ahead.
-Thank you.
293
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:44,120
Don't worry about returning the favor.
Men don't really like oral sex.
294
00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:45,134
Right.
295
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,952
l'm serious. lt's just a bad rumor
that was started sometime in the '50s.
296
00:18:49,018 --> 00:18:52,084
l had no idea. l need to tell all my friends.
297
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:56,112
Please, do.
Someone needs to put an end to this madness.
298
00:19:01,178 --> 00:19:04,822
God, l'm so glad l came back to the hotel room.
299
00:19:05,401 --> 00:19:06,678
Me, too.
300
00:19:07,642 --> 00:19:09,976
l never thought l'd see you again.
301
00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:16,053
-Room service.
-Right on time.
302
00:19:16,217 --> 00:19:18,999
-lce cream?
-Only the best for our VlPs.
303
00:19:20,057 --> 00:19:22,577
l had them remove all the calories for you.
304
00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:25,776
You are good.
305
00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:27,790
All right!
306
00:19:28,282 --> 00:19:31,794
l said l wanted to do it to you every hour,
on the hour, but l can't wait.
307
00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:33,426
Can l do it again now?
308
00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:36,114
Okay.
309
00:20:19,192 --> 00:20:23,764
San Francisco, California, please,
for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks.
310
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,200
Great dream.
311
00:20:31,255 --> 00:20:35,630
Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite?
312
00:20:36,728 --> 00:20:40,175
Good. Can l have it? Thanks.
313
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:43,504
Really?
314
00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:45,140
Already?
315
00:20:46,487 --> 00:20:48,659
Have a great day. Thanks. 'Bye.
316
00:20:53,015 --> 00:20:54,640
What am l even calling for?
317
00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,965
Hello? Hey, Court.
318
00:21:03,926 --> 00:21:04,875
Yeah.
319
00:21:21,686 --> 00:21:24,304
-Stop talking shit about me.
-Where you been?
320
00:21:24,374 --> 00:21:28,684
Sorry l'm late. l don't want to talk about it.
You ready? l'm starving.
321
00:21:29,270 --> 00:21:33,264
l'll meet you there. l have to drop something off
at the dry cleaners.
322
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:36,465
Can it wait, please? l'm so hungry right now.
323
00:21:36,534 --> 00:21:39,217
lsn't that Courtney's dress
that you borrowed last night?
324
00:21:39,414 --> 00:21:40,362
Yeah.
325
00:21:40,726 --> 00:21:44,239
Why are you bringing it in?
Did you get something on it?
326
00:21:45,142 --> 00:21:48,011
l'm trying to be a good girlfriend.
327
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:52,436
-l'm really sorry.
-You slut!
328
00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,509
-ls that what l think it is?
-Guilty!
329
00:21:54,582 --> 00:21:57,331
l'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone.
330
00:21:57,461 --> 00:22:00,145
-That's a lot!
-He was holding a lot!
331
00:22:00,213 --> 00:22:03,377
My God! What's this on your skirt?
332
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:06,956
l am scared enough as it is to go in there.
What am l going to say?
333
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:10,541
''Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?''
334
00:22:13,493 --> 00:22:15,020
You know what?
335
00:22:15,349 --> 00:22:19,626
-You guys suck.
-No, obviously you suck.
336
00:22:19,701 --> 00:22:22,068
-You suck.
-You suck well. l'm proud.
337
00:22:25,397 --> 00:22:27,306
No spanky-wanky.
338
00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:52,428
Hey, Jane.
339
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,119
-Hi, Mr. Martin.
-How's your mother?
340
00:22:55,668 --> 00:22:58,570
-Great. She's good. Everyone's good.
-Your grandmother?
341
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:02,610
-Everyone's great.
-That's fine. That's fine.
342
00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:04,234
What you got for me today?
343
00:23:04,308 --> 00:23:07,624
Just a dress, but l'll be back for it
in a few days, so no hurry.
344
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:10,190
-Any stains?
-No.
345
00:23:11,092 --> 00:23:12,750
-What's this?
-What?
346
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,990
This. Come here.
347
00:23:16,084 --> 00:23:17,098
Stain?
348
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,503
This is going to be a tough one.
349
00:23:22,227 --> 00:23:26,417
l didn't even notice that. l must have spilled
some soda on me last night.
350
00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:30,764
No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think.
351
00:23:31,315 --> 00:23:35,089
lf l know what it is, it's easier for me to remove.
352
00:23:38,067 --> 00:23:41,450
The field trip. Come in, children. Come in.
353
00:23:43,219 --> 00:23:45,553
-Fuck.
-Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.
354
00:23:45,714 --> 00:23:47,143
Hi, Mr. Martin.
355
00:23:48,146 --> 00:23:52,751
On today's field trip,
we are going to learn about cleanliness.
356
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:56,878
Jane?
357
00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:59,148
Jane Burns!
358
00:23:59,250 --> 00:24:04,007
Sweetheart, l haven't seen you
since l taught you in third grade!
359
00:24:07,538 --> 00:24:11,335
-Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin.
-Hello, Father Flynn.
360
00:24:13,906 --> 00:24:18,096
As l live and breathe, isn't it....
lt is little Mary Jane Burns!
361
00:24:18,994 --> 00:24:22,060
What a coincidence!
l'm having supper with your parents tonight.
362
00:24:22,674 --> 00:24:25,357
What a stain you got there, little Janie!
363
00:24:25,937 --> 00:24:27,432
So how was it? Was it fun?
364
00:24:27,538 --> 00:24:30,604
Oh, my God, l can't believe l didn't tell you this.
365
00:24:31,154 --> 00:24:34,798
Apparently, one of the guys
who was at the party flipped out...
366
00:24:34,866 --> 00:24:38,346
...was out on the balcony,
screaming at the top of his lungs:
367
00:24:38,961 --> 00:24:43,663
''Christina! Has anyone seen
my little Christina?''
368
00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:48,941
Then he jumps off and dies
because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go?
369
00:24:49,010 --> 00:24:53,133
l don't know! l was going to. l was.
l was going to, and then l wasn't.
370
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,536
And then l called him at the hotel--
371
00:24:55,633 --> 00:24:59,310
Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second.
You called him at the hotel?
372
00:25:00,944 --> 00:25:04,719
-What did he say?
-Nothing. He said nothing. Okay?
373
00:25:04,977 --> 00:25:06,733
-Why?
-He checked out already.
374
00:25:06,864 --> 00:25:09,614
Let's just sum this up real quickly.
375
00:25:10,129 --> 00:25:13,293
ln the bathroom, we hate him,
yet we call him by name.
376
00:25:13,936 --> 00:25:15,692
Then we throw beer on him.
377
00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:19,180
Then we laugh and we flirt
and we dance with him.
378
00:25:19,473 --> 00:25:23,750
Then we casually call him at the hotel.
Then we obsess about the casual call.
379
00:25:23,825 --> 00:25:27,021
Obsess? l'm not obsessing, okay?
380
00:25:27,792 --> 00:25:32,167
Could all this erratic behavior
be because this guy got under your skin?
381
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,029
-No.
-That you might really like him?
382
00:25:34,448 --> 00:25:38,222
That you regret not going because
you'll never know what might've happened?
383
00:25:38,288 --> 00:25:41,157
No, l don't regret it, and if l had any regrets...
384
00:25:41,232 --> 00:25:44,396
...it would be this conversation,
right now, having it with you.
385
00:25:44,495 --> 00:25:47,310
-Can we drop it?
-Okay. Sorry l brought it up.
386
00:25:47,696 --> 00:25:49,190
l won't mention it again.
387
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,273
Even if l did regret not going to the party...
388
00:25:55,983 --> 00:25:58,471
...it's not like l can do anything about it now.
389
00:25:59,215 --> 00:26:02,347
Sometimes you just have
to let these things go, right?
390
00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:04,554
-Exactly.
-Although...
391
00:26:05,456 --> 00:26:07,016
...if there was regret...
392
00:26:07,855 --> 00:26:10,855
...l suppose there's always something
you could do about it.
393
00:26:13,423 --> 00:26:16,718
You could show up at his brother's wedding,
because it is his brother.
394
00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:19,532
But that's only if you regretted it,
which l don't regret it.
395
00:26:19,663 --> 00:26:23,405
l just don't regret it.
Regret is such a waste of time.
396
00:26:24,110 --> 00:26:27,110
Honey will you just admit
that you regret not going to this party.
397
00:26:27,183 --> 00:26:30,282
-Okay, fine l regret not going to this party.
-You need to let it go.
398
00:26:30,351 --> 00:26:32,969
l'm letting it go. l'm over it.
399
00:26:33,231 --> 00:26:36,100
Hi, honey, how did it go?
400
00:26:36,431 --> 00:26:38,406
-Fine. No problem.
-Good.
401
00:26:39,855 --> 00:26:41,480
Did we have fun last night?
402
00:26:43,278 --> 00:26:44,707
Yes, l did. lt was great.
403
00:26:44,782 --> 00:26:47,270
You guys were right,
a transition guy is what l needed.
404
00:26:47,343 --> 00:26:48,520
Good.
405
00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:50,280
So how was he, was he good?
406
00:26:50,414 --> 00:26:53,316
He was very sweet and complimentary.
407
00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:55,818
And very into pleasing me first.
408
00:26:55,886 --> 00:26:58,187
So how was girth?
409
00:26:58,958 --> 00:27:00,387
Averag-ish.
410
00:27:00,462 --> 00:27:03,910
''Averag-ish.'' That's good.
So what did you tell him?
411
00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,019
What do you mean?
412
00:27:06,414 --> 00:27:08,967
What do we always tell them, no matter what?
413
00:27:12,174 --> 00:27:17,738
Oh, my God, your penis is so big.
414
00:27:17,806 --> 00:27:19,300
Good girl.
415
00:27:19,822 --> 00:27:22,407
Your penis is so thick.
416
00:27:24,205 --> 00:27:27,075
Your penis is just so pretty.
417
00:27:29,517 --> 00:27:33,194
You got a handsome dick!
418
00:27:35,213 --> 00:27:37,035
Your penis, it's so...
419
00:27:38,317 --> 00:27:39,594
...hard.
420
00:27:39,661 --> 00:27:43,206
Your penis is just so large.
421
00:27:43,276 --> 00:27:46,538
My body is a movie...
422
00:27:46,605 --> 00:27:50,631
...and your penis is the star!
423
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:56,806
You're too big to fit in here.
424
00:27:57,101 --> 00:27:59,948
Too big to fit in here.
425
00:28:00,076 --> 00:28:02,378
Too big to fit in here.
426
00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:13,576
''You're too big to fit in here''
427
00:28:18,124 --> 00:28:19,302
Oh, my God.
428
00:28:19,372 --> 00:28:22,121
Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now.
429
00:28:33,484 --> 00:28:35,339
''What a lovely ride
430
00:28:35,404 --> 00:28:37,411
''Your penis is a thrill
431
00:28:37,484 --> 00:28:39,524
''Your penis is a Cadillac
432
00:28:39,596 --> 00:28:41,189
''A giant Coup de Ville
433
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:44,805
''Your penis packs a wallop
Your penis brings a load
434
00:28:44,875 --> 00:28:48,934
''And when it makes a delivery
lt needs its own zip code
435
00:28:49,195 --> 00:28:51,105
-''Nine
-''Double zero
436
00:28:51,180 --> 00:28:52,107
''Penis
437
00:28:52,171 --> 00:28:56,448
''You're too big to fit in here
438
00:29:00,427 --> 00:29:04,683
''Your penis is so strong
Your penis is so smooth
439
00:29:04,747 --> 00:29:08,194
-''Your penis has got a rhythm
-''Your penis makes me groove
440
00:29:08,266 --> 00:29:12,390
-''Your penis is a dream
-''The biggest one l've seen
441
00:29:12,491 --> 00:29:14,214
''lt's oozy and it's green''
442
00:29:16,394 --> 00:29:17,321
Sorry.
443
00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:21,827
''You're too big to fit in here
444
00:29:25,227 --> 00:29:29,634
''You're too big to fit in here
445
00:29:33,674 --> 00:29:37,448
''Your penis is so big
Your penis is so thick
446
00:29:37,674 --> 00:29:41,503
''Your penis is so pretty
You got a handsome dick
447
00:29:41,578 --> 00:29:45,353
''Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
448
00:29:45,514 --> 00:29:49,474
-''My body is a movie
-''And your penis is the star
449
00:29:49,545 --> 00:29:51,912
''Starring your penis
450
00:29:52,458 --> 00:29:56,549
''You're too big to fit in here''
451
00:30:35,945 --> 00:30:38,563
-Come on.
-How much time we got?
452
00:30:38,633 --> 00:30:41,480
We've got three hours before the rehearsal.
Hit the ball.
453
00:30:42,856 --> 00:30:44,961
-Good shot.
-Fore!
454
00:30:45,096 --> 00:30:48,293
l'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker!
455
00:30:48,616 --> 00:30:51,005
-What are you up by, two?
-l guess.
456
00:30:51,656 --> 00:30:54,111
lt doesn't get any better than this.
457
00:30:54,184 --> 00:30:56,071
-To the marriage.
-To the marriage.
458
00:30:56,136 --> 00:30:58,885
-To the bride.
-To the bride.
459
00:30:59,464 --> 00:31:01,439
To 50 years with the same woman.
460
00:31:03,464 --> 00:31:05,057
That's really depressing.
461
00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:07,006
Sorry.
462
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,181
Saggy tits.
463
00:31:10,024 --> 00:31:12,391
Be able to use them as a belt by then.
464
00:31:13,192 --> 00:31:15,493
-Or just tuck them in her socks.
-Okay.
465
00:31:17,192 --> 00:31:22,374
God, this marriage is such a big leap.
lt's really intense, Pete.
466
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,636
-But if it's the right woman....
-l guess.
467
00:31:28,039 --> 00:31:30,112
Get up a little. Yes. Fore!
468
00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:33,915
You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me!
469
00:31:34,024 --> 00:31:35,714
You're driving right into them.
470
00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:39,361
l hear John is still AWOL
from that bachelor party.
471
00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:43,653
He showed up, missing an eyebrow,
with a tattoo on his ass that says ''Bitch.''
472
00:31:44,679 --> 00:31:47,810
-l am not an animal!
-Very good.
473
00:31:48,934 --> 00:31:50,211
Speaking of bitches...
474
00:31:50,854 --> 00:31:54,051
...what was going on with you
at the club with that hottie?
475
00:31:54,983 --> 00:31:56,838
-Nothing.
-l mean, Jesus!
476
00:31:56,903 --> 00:31:58,845
l don't know what you're talking about.
477
00:31:59,302 --> 00:32:01,375
-l think you liked her.
-No, l didn't.
478
00:32:01,703 --> 00:32:03,874
Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me.
479
00:32:04,167 --> 00:32:07,462
Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke.
480
00:32:12,390 --> 00:32:14,463
l could see it in your eyes you liked her.
481
00:32:17,798 --> 00:32:19,740
Nothing l can do about it now.
482
00:32:20,262 --> 00:32:23,425
Should have poked her in the whiskers
when you had the chance.
483
00:32:23,846 --> 00:32:25,056
What's that, Gramps?
484
00:32:26,022 --> 00:32:28,410
l met this hot young dish...
485
00:32:28,582 --> 00:32:32,160
...at the World's Fair back in 1940.
486
00:32:32,326 --> 00:32:36,352
Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven.
487
00:32:36,870 --> 00:32:38,942
l bet you really miss Grandma.
488
00:32:40,677 --> 00:32:42,238
Fuck Grandma.
489
00:32:42,726 --> 00:32:44,514
lt's Pearl l'm talking about.
490
00:32:44,806 --> 00:32:50,207
She was the love of my life.
Don't ever let these moments pass you by.
491
00:32:54,917 --> 00:32:56,094
Fucking Grandma.
492
00:32:57,317 --> 00:32:58,364
Be nice.
493
00:33:01,157 --> 00:33:02,717
Come on. 7-6.
494
00:33:06,405 --> 00:33:07,779
Fore!
495
00:33:26,564 --> 00:33:28,452
You suck!
496
00:33:28,805 --> 00:33:29,753
Damn it!
497
00:33:29,925 --> 00:33:32,794
-But you smell so minty fresh now.
-What do you want?
498
00:33:33,604 --> 00:33:35,993
l need to borrow your black Gucci bag.
499
00:33:37,156 --> 00:33:38,617
lt's in the living room.
500
00:33:38,692 --> 00:33:42,336
l don't know where in the living room,
and l don't feel like looking for it.
501
00:33:42,404 --> 00:33:45,503
Will you help me find it, please?
Come on, please.
502
00:33:45,572 --> 00:33:48,671
Since l'm up now,
and you decided to torture me...
503
00:33:48,836 --> 00:33:50,461
...l'll go and get it.
504
00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:55,004
l'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me.
505
00:33:55,651 --> 00:33:57,539
Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
506
00:33:58,372 --> 00:34:00,227
-Behind you.
-Over here?
507
00:34:05,732 --> 00:34:06,909
Thanks.
508
00:34:07,331 --> 00:34:08,608
Oh, my...
509
00:34:08,835 --> 00:34:10,264
...cock.
510
00:34:11,491 --> 00:34:13,084
Oh, my cock.
511
00:34:19,171 --> 00:34:20,665
Do you have any Advil?
512
00:34:25,155 --> 00:34:28,122
He is so cute. So stupid.
513
00:34:31,522 --> 00:34:33,464
Can l get that purse now, please?
514
00:34:33,763 --> 00:34:35,770
Yes, you can have the purse.
515
00:34:36,674 --> 00:34:38,201
Here's the purse.
516
00:34:38,435 --> 00:34:40,344
Thank you very much.
517
00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:46,589
-Where are you going?
-You and l are going to a wedding.
518
00:34:47,746 --> 00:34:51,707
-What wedding? Who's getting married?
-We're going to Peter's brother's wedding.
519
00:34:51,810 --> 00:34:52,759
Peter?
520
00:34:52,835 --> 00:34:56,446
This Somerset place where they live
is some small freak-ass town...
521
00:34:56,546 --> 00:34:59,994
...three hours north, so we have to
get on the road now to make it on time.
522
00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:02,174
-Peter.
-What?
523
00:35:02,818 --> 00:35:05,568
l'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding!
524
00:35:05,634 --> 00:35:10,336
What are you talking about? Yesterday,
you said you wanted to go, so l went....
525
00:35:11,394 --> 00:35:13,914
-l was joking.
-No, you weren't.
526
00:35:15,170 --> 00:35:16,119
Yes, l was.
527
00:35:17,122 --> 00:35:20,351
Fifty percent of what people say
when they're joking is true.
528
00:35:20,674 --> 00:35:24,416
Which means you do want to go,
but you're too afraid to admit it.
529
00:35:24,546 --> 00:35:28,255
So by making some sort of joke about it,
you get to say what you really want...
530
00:35:28,385 --> 00:35:29,946
...without being vulnerable.
531
00:35:30,241 --> 00:35:31,932
-Right?
-Maybe.
532
00:35:32,353 --> 00:35:35,833
Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00.
l refuse to be late.
533
00:35:36,321 --> 00:35:38,623
Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you.
534
00:35:40,193 --> 00:35:42,015
-That was a nice one.
-Thanks.
535
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,819
-Watch the road, sweetie!
-l am watching the road.
536
00:35:58,561 --> 00:36:00,863
Once we get off the 140...
537
00:36:01,025 --> 00:36:04,734
...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit.
538
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:08,093
We'll drive around
and we should find the church, no problem.
539
00:36:08,257 --> 00:36:09,239
Ta-da!
540
00:36:13,921 --> 00:36:16,059
-What is that?
-What is what?
541
00:36:16,512 --> 00:36:19,807
-You don't smell that?
-What? l don't smell anything.
542
00:36:19,872 --> 00:36:23,255
-You're used to it. That's what's scary.
-l don't smell anything.
543
00:36:23,328 --> 00:36:26,362
lt smells like moldy ass,
is what it smells like in here.
544
00:36:27,008 --> 00:36:30,008
Come to think of it,
l did leave some ass in the back.
545
00:36:30,176 --> 00:36:31,964
-You did?
-About a week ago.
546
00:36:32,032 --> 00:36:35,741
lt must be the ass. No, no. Sit down.
547
00:36:42,143 --> 00:36:44,248
-What are you doing?
-Jesus, Courtney.
548
00:36:44,319 --> 00:36:46,905
What is all this crap?
549
00:36:46,976 --> 00:36:49,725
Don't throw out anything l might need.
550
00:36:50,144 --> 00:36:53,973
Where is it coming from? Where?
l can still smell it.
551
00:36:55,263 --> 00:36:58,296
Maybe it's you.
Did something crawl up your poon-nonny?
552
00:36:59,327 --> 00:37:03,997
l have never, ever had any complaints
in the poon-nonny odor department.
553
00:37:04,063 --> 00:37:07,805
-You know what? Neither have l.
-High five on the clean poon-nonny.
554
00:37:07,967 --> 00:37:08,915
Bitch.
555
00:37:11,486 --> 00:37:12,435
What?
556
00:37:12,895 --> 00:37:14,521
-What is this?
-What is what?
557
00:37:14,591 --> 00:37:15,801
What is this?
558
00:37:15,999 --> 00:37:19,162
Jesus, l don't know.
l don't even know how long it's been in here.
559
00:37:19,231 --> 00:37:20,757
What is in here?
560
00:37:25,311 --> 00:37:28,245
No! That is not okay.
561
00:37:28,318 --> 00:37:32,213
lt isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig.
Do you understand?
562
00:37:32,287 --> 00:37:34,523
There was maggots on that flesh.
563
00:37:41,182 --> 00:37:43,484
l got maggot juice all over me.
564
00:37:44,798 --> 00:37:46,292
Ladies' room.
565
00:37:47,038 --> 00:37:48,445
Ladies' room.
566
00:37:50,494 --> 00:37:52,533
-Someone's in here.
-Sorry.
567
00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:54,971
-lt might be a while.
-How long?
568
00:37:55,134 --> 00:37:56,727
Let me put it to you this way:
569
00:37:56,894 --> 00:38:00,156
l had lamb curry last night
and l'm shitting out a Buick.
570
00:38:02,461 --> 00:38:04,763
Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
571
00:38:08,221 --> 00:38:09,465
Hello?
572
00:38:11,646 --> 00:38:12,823
Clear?
573
00:38:16,733 --> 00:38:19,351
l feel like l have maggots all over me.
574
00:38:19,901 --> 00:38:23,381
Don't move. You have a maggot right here.
575
00:38:25,277 --> 00:38:26,455
Stop it.
576
00:38:26,525 --> 00:38:28,794
l'm going to pee my pants.
577
00:38:29,533 --> 00:38:31,289
l'll just use the urinal.
578
00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:34,804
You want to hear some poetry?
579
00:38:34,877 --> 00:38:38,455
''There once was a man from Bandoo
Who fell asleep in a canoe
580
00:38:38,621 --> 00:38:40,955
''He dreamed of Venus
And played with his penis
581
00:38:41,020 --> 00:38:43,541
''And woke up with a handful of goo''
582
00:38:44,541 --> 00:38:46,264
Don't make me laugh!
583
00:38:46,973 --> 00:38:49,340
Darn it. l think l peed on myself.
584
00:38:50,653 --> 00:38:53,042
''Follow the yellow brick road''?
585
00:38:54,589 --> 00:38:58,712
l'm following the yellow brick road.
Follow the yellow brick road.
586
00:39:01,532 --> 00:39:06,649
Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy.
Hello, girl.
587
00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:11,860
-Oh, my God, it's on my hands!
-Good girl. What you got in here?
588
00:39:13,532 --> 00:39:15,736
What you got? What's in your mouth?
589
00:39:17,212 --> 00:39:18,488
What you got in there?
590
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:21,940
What's in there?
591
00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:24,150
Surprise!
592
00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:36,050
Goddamn it.
593
00:39:36,219 --> 00:39:39,536
How could you not know what a glory hole is?
594
00:39:39,612 --> 00:39:41,848
Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe...
595
00:39:41,915 --> 00:39:45,712
...l don't usually spend much time
in men's public bathrooms.
596
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:50,324
Goddamn. That is the funniest thing
l have ever seen in my entire life.
597
00:39:50,491 --> 00:39:55,411
l flew across that room.
And you got fucked in the eye.
598
00:39:55,483 --> 00:39:59,477
l'm glad you find it so fucking amusing, okay?
l really do.
599
00:39:59,547 --> 00:40:03,376
Could you please have some compassion?
Because l could go blind.
600
00:40:03,451 --> 00:40:05,425
You're not going to go blind.
601
00:40:06,939 --> 00:40:10,321
-Let me look at it.
-l mean, l got a penis in my eye.
602
00:40:11,547 --> 00:40:12,954
Let me see. Let me see.
603
00:40:15,387 --> 00:40:16,401
All right.
604
00:40:16,699 --> 00:40:18,673
-ls it okay?
-Yeah, it's okay.
605
00:40:20,218 --> 00:40:21,876
But l think you're pregnant.
606
00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:25,301
Would you please stop it, already?
607
00:40:27,802 --> 00:40:30,584
Re-dress the mannequins
and check the sock inventory.
608
00:40:30,746 --> 00:40:33,910
Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here,
and Mr. Mooney--
609
00:40:33,978 --> 00:40:37,906
Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boytoy,
which leaves me in charge of the store.
610
00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:40,112
Somebody needs to get some.
611
00:40:50,009 --> 00:40:52,246
There's my dirty girl!
612
00:40:55,417 --> 00:40:57,392
lt's me, baby. lt's me.
613
00:40:59,609 --> 00:41:03,471
-Why are you dressed like that?
-lt's my job. l work at a children's hospital.
614
00:41:08,217 --> 00:41:09,744
You look so cute.
615
00:41:11,929 --> 00:41:14,166
-l'm horny.
-Me, too.
616
00:41:20,857 --> 00:41:22,744
-You'll laugh at this one.
-What?
617
00:41:22,808 --> 00:41:26,638
You know l said l had to do laundry today,
because l ran out of clean underwear?
618
00:41:26,713 --> 00:41:30,509
-l've only got the skanky ones left.
-Tell me about it, dude.
619
00:41:32,889 --> 00:41:34,677
You are so unbelievable.
620
00:41:37,752 --> 00:41:40,567
ls that what l think it is?
621
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:45,077
-Spring break, 1994, baby.
-Turn it up.
622
00:42:17,527 --> 00:42:19,916
-Oh, my God! Brain.
-Jane!
623
00:42:20,184 --> 00:42:22,639
You and l are so awesome together.
624
00:42:22,839 --> 00:42:24,749
We're like two peas in a pod.
625
00:42:24,823 --> 00:42:27,060
-Like oil and vinegar--
-Shut up.
626
00:42:28,023 --> 00:42:30,292
l can't believe l'm fucking a purple elephant.
627
00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:34,259
What do you mean, she's not here?
We have customers, missy.
628
00:42:34,327 --> 00:42:36,661
Sorry, Mr. Mooney. l'll check upstairs.
629
00:42:36,951 --> 00:42:39,471
l'm gone for one day,
the place turns into lndonesia.
630
00:42:48,534 --> 00:42:50,803
-Are you okay?
-l'm fine.
631
00:42:50,903 --> 00:42:52,561
-What is going on?
-Nothing.
632
00:42:53,558 --> 00:42:57,901
l'm just frantic. l've a million things to do.
And l'm dizzy. l'm so dizzy.
633
00:42:57,975 --> 00:43:01,008
Mr. Mooney is downstairs, and he is P-l-S-E-D.
634
00:43:02,294 --> 00:43:03,276
''Pised''?
635
00:43:13,366 --> 00:43:16,497
-Where have you been?
-l was upstairs taking inventory.
636
00:43:16,566 --> 00:43:18,705
Yeah, my aunt Fanny.
637
00:43:20,566 --> 00:43:22,803
-Gallini's.
-Hello, is Jane there?
638
00:43:23,446 --> 00:43:26,129
-Yes, she is.
-Have a lovely day.
639
00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:30,161
-Hello?
-JanieI
640
00:43:32,086 --> 00:43:34,835
Sorry, l can't talk right now.
l'm really busy.
641
00:43:34,902 --> 00:43:36,527
We were wondering:
642
00:43:43,350 --> 00:43:44,298
Shit.
643
00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:04,114
Oh, shit.
644
00:44:04,436 --> 00:44:08,211
l dropped the thingy to my lip gloss.
Could you get it for me?
645
00:44:08,276 --> 00:44:09,225
l'll get it.
646
00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:13,802
lt's too far over. l'll get it.
647
00:44:14,452 --> 00:44:17,005
Hold on to it. Keep steering.
648
00:44:17,076 --> 00:44:18,832
l got it. Don't worry.
649
00:44:20,724 --> 00:44:22,383
Beneath the....
650
00:44:33,716 --> 00:44:34,763
Yeah, baby!
651
00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,597
-Oh, yeah, right there.
-No, that's not it.
652
00:44:43,891 --> 00:44:45,647
You like that?
653
00:44:48,468 --> 00:44:51,151
Yeah. Let me have some of that.
654
00:44:51,219 --> 00:44:54,318
-Oh, yeah. Don't stop.
-l'm not going to stop.
655
00:45:20,307 --> 00:45:23,569
l found it. l almost got smothered down there.
656
00:45:23,635 --> 00:45:24,911
Shit.
657
00:45:25,203 --> 00:45:26,151
Are you okay?
658
00:45:28,146 --> 00:45:30,634
-You good?
-Yeah, l'm good. Never better.
659
00:45:32,338 --> 00:45:36,561
Let's get on the same page about what we'll say.
Game plan.
660
00:45:36,627 --> 00:45:39,922
Walk up to him and be like, ''Peter, is that you?
661
00:45:39,986 --> 00:45:44,907
''My friend Courtney, that hot babe?
She and l went to college with the bride.
662
00:45:44,978 --> 00:45:48,971
''That is unbelievable.
l can't believe that. lt's unbelievable.
663
00:45:49,042 --> 00:45:50,417
''Freaky.''
664
00:46:20,465 --> 00:46:22,156
Afternoon.
665
00:46:27,793 --> 00:46:31,655
-Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us.
-Plenty of crap.
666
00:46:31,729 --> 00:46:34,380
-We don't have time for this.
-Okay, let's go.
667
00:46:35,185 --> 00:46:39,342
-Welcome to my store. Can l help you?
-No, we were just browsing. Thank you.
668
00:46:42,225 --> 00:46:43,915
You don't like my store, do you?
669
00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:47,721
No, that's not it at all. lt's really a lovely store.
670
00:46:47,793 --> 00:46:50,159
We were looking for something....
671
00:46:50,321 --> 00:46:54,117
The next dress store is 20 miles from here.
672
00:46:54,352 --> 00:46:55,367
20 miles away?
673
00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:59,883
-We'll miss the wedding.
-Judy Webb's wedding?
674
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,894
l know all about it. l dressed half the guests!
675
00:47:03,985 --> 00:47:05,741
When l was 22...
676
00:47:06,352 --> 00:47:09,549
...my breastices were, like, right about there.
677
00:47:10,512 --> 00:47:11,941
Nice and perky.
678
00:47:12,112 --> 00:47:14,796
Gravity has taken them to there.
679
00:47:15,472 --> 00:47:17,893
lt's like, 22, 28.
680
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,942
22, 28.
681
00:47:21,264 --> 00:47:23,206
Buy some new ones.
682
00:47:24,303 --> 00:47:28,133
Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this?
683
00:47:30,352 --> 00:47:35,174
-What is that, though?
-That, again, is gravity.
684
00:47:36,047 --> 00:47:39,113
-Knock, knock. Are you decent?
-Yeah.
685
00:47:40,143 --> 00:47:43,492
You're going to love this stuff. lt's our latest line.
686
00:47:43,759 --> 00:47:46,508
lf you need other sizes, just holler.
687
00:47:47,215 --> 00:47:48,742
Thank you, Vera.
688
00:47:50,223 --> 00:47:51,684
Excellent.
689
00:47:51,983 --> 00:47:53,358
Jesus.
690
00:47:54,031 --> 00:47:56,267
-Look.
-That's nice.
691
00:47:56,655 --> 00:48:00,932
Wait a minute.
Do we have time for a movie montage?
692
00:48:01,742 --> 00:48:03,531
Well, you know....
693
00:49:03,693 --> 00:49:06,082
-Thank you so much.
-You look sensational.
694
00:49:06,477 --> 00:49:08,517
Thanks to your styling, Vera.
695
00:49:08,589 --> 00:49:09,701
Thank you.
696
00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:11,974
Would you like to be on our mailing list?
697
00:49:12,077 --> 00:49:15,044
Sure. Right here?
698
00:49:19,533 --> 00:49:21,737
Just send it there.
699
00:49:21,965 --> 00:49:23,721
That's sweet.
700
00:49:24,749 --> 00:49:28,262
lt sure is. Thank you. 'Bye.
701
00:49:28,429 --> 00:49:28,652
-We've got to go.
-Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing.
702
00:49:28,652 --> 00:49:31,718
-We've got to go.
-Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing.
703
00:49:31,884 --> 00:49:34,470
-Take little steps.
-Bondage.
704
00:49:34,637 --> 00:49:36,579
We don't have time, sweetie.
705
00:49:38,444 --> 00:49:39,556
My God!
706
00:49:42,764 --> 00:49:43,975
Oh, my God.
707
00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:47,110
These are the days of our lives.
708
00:49:49,164 --> 00:49:52,328
-This is not discreet.
-No, it isn't.
709
00:49:52,396 --> 00:49:56,225
-We can't walk into a wedding--
-Come on. lt's very LaToya Jackson.
710
00:49:58,252 --> 00:50:00,772
l mean, really. Look at all this....
711
00:50:00,844 --> 00:50:04,259
l may as well strap a sign on my ass
that says ''stalker.''
712
00:50:05,676 --> 00:50:10,084
l'm not going there wearing this outfit.
Can we please just go?
713
00:50:10,187 --> 00:50:12,457
-Yes. Let's go home.
-Really?
714
00:50:13,804 --> 00:50:17,448
We've driven for three and a half hours
and everything.
715
00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:19,719
-But, no, let's go.
-Please.
716
00:50:19,787 --> 00:50:23,617
-Really. Let's go.
-Don't reverse psychology me right now.
717
00:50:23,691 --> 00:50:25,601
l'm not reverse psychologing you.
718
00:50:25,676 --> 00:50:28,937
You're so good at it,
you don't even know you're doing it anymore.
719
00:50:29,739 --> 00:50:31,332
All right, maybe a little bit.
720
00:50:31,403 --> 00:50:35,461
-Court, this is crazy. This was really crazy.
-What the hell were we thinking?
721
00:50:35,819 --> 00:50:38,853
l wish there were some sign from God...
722
00:50:38,923 --> 00:50:41,311
...that you and Peter Donahue
should be together.
723
00:50:41,387 --> 00:50:43,973
How do you know his last name is Donahue?
724
00:50:44,459 --> 00:50:46,215
Because you're sitting on his face.
725
00:50:49,835 --> 00:50:52,650
-My God, it's him! He's so cute!
-Yeah, l know.
726
00:50:52,811 --> 00:50:54,534
Cute? He's adorable!
727
00:50:54,602 --> 00:50:57,636
And look at this.
''Everything he touches turns to sold.''
728
00:50:57,707 --> 00:51:01,154
-He's funny! He's funny, too. See?
-l know.
729
00:51:04,587 --> 00:51:05,797
Church bells.
730
00:51:29,097 --> 00:51:31,486
What do you think? Bride or groom's side?
731
00:51:31,562 --> 00:51:33,504
l have to go to the bathroom, l think.
732
00:51:33,897 --> 00:51:38,436
-Did you misplace your bladder today?
-l'm wearing the tightest skirt ever.
733
00:51:38,697 --> 00:51:40,934
Go to the bathroom. l'll find seats.
734
00:51:41,258 --> 00:51:44,389
-Could you tell me where the restroom is?
-lt's right outside.
735
00:51:55,145 --> 00:51:56,355
Hello?
736
00:52:01,449 --> 00:52:03,521
-l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
-l can't breathe.
737
00:52:03,945 --> 00:52:07,720
Really? Okay.
Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay.
738
00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:09,439
Are you okay?
739
00:52:10,505 --> 00:52:13,025
-You'll be fine. You'll be okay.
-Water!
740
00:52:15,432 --> 00:52:16,381
Okay.
741
00:52:17,193 --> 00:52:20,422
-Thank you.
-l'll leave you alone for a second, okay?
742
00:52:22,504 --> 00:52:24,446
-Judy!
-ln a minute, Dad.
743
00:52:30,377 --> 00:52:33,922
l don't want to go in the deep end.
l don't want to go in the deep end!
744
00:52:36,745 --> 00:52:37,759
Flowers!
745
00:52:40,328 --> 00:52:42,500
l look like a magazine bride!
746
00:52:42,568 --> 00:52:46,594
No, you don't. You look really beautiful.
Like the perfect bride.
747
00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:48,606
Why don't l feel good?
748
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,280
Well, l'm sure that you're just really nervous.
lt's a big day, right?
749
00:52:53,352 --> 00:52:55,588
lt's what every girl dreams of, but...
750
00:52:56,936 --> 00:52:58,529
...how do you know it's real?
751
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,855
l don't know.
l can't answer that for you, really.
752
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:06,562
But l'm sure the two of you
will be really happy together.
753
00:53:07,623 --> 00:53:10,819
And if you're not,
you can always just get divorced.
754
00:53:11,912 --> 00:53:14,367
-Yeah!
-Yeah, see? lt'll be okay.
755
00:53:14,439 --> 00:53:16,195
Right. You're so right.
756
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:20,101
So just get yourself together.
You look smashing.
757
00:53:20,167 --> 00:53:22,054
-l look beautiful!
-You look amazing!
758
00:53:22,118 --> 00:53:25,566
-l look beautiful.
-You do. Amazing.
759
00:53:25,927 --> 00:53:27,749
-Now, get off my dress.
-l'm sorry.
760
00:53:29,415 --> 00:53:30,625
l'm getting married!
761
00:53:37,126 --> 00:53:38,173
Hi.
762
00:53:53,734 --> 00:53:56,549
-l bet you miss Grandma.
-Grandma.
763
00:53:59,302 --> 00:54:00,350
Where is she?
764
00:54:15,558 --> 00:54:17,052
Turn around.
765
00:54:27,846 --> 00:54:29,918
lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
766
00:54:32,390 --> 00:54:34,495
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
767
00:54:40,997 --> 00:54:42,753
Okay, boys. We're on.
768
00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:46,595
-All right. Straight?
-Big moment.
769
00:54:46,661 --> 00:54:48,962
-You look nice, too.
-Don't stress.
770
00:54:49,093 --> 00:54:50,881
A little slap. Slap me.
771
00:54:52,453 --> 00:54:56,250
Don't be gay in God's house.
Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it.
772
00:55:00,612 --> 00:55:01,889
Shit.
773
00:55:11,940 --> 00:55:12,988
Chris?
774
00:55:14,244 --> 00:55:16,993
-l'm okay.
-My God! Honey, are you okay?
775
00:55:17,284 --> 00:55:20,633
-What are you doing?
-l got locked in.
776
00:55:20,708 --> 00:55:22,530
-You all right?
-Yeah.
777
00:55:24,516 --> 00:55:25,945
-You okay?
-Yeah, l'm good.
778
00:55:26,436 --> 00:55:29,632
We don't have to lie anymore
because l made friends with the bride.
779
00:55:35,011 --> 00:55:37,979
No. You cannot lock the door.
Goddamn it!
780
00:55:38,052 --> 00:55:39,710
Hello!
781
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,368
Oh, please, God.
782
00:55:49,955 --> 00:55:51,777
Suki, sukiI
783
00:55:57,443 --> 00:55:59,231
lt's already started.
784
00:56:07,267 --> 00:56:08,674
l bet you miss Grandma.
785
00:56:10,114 --> 00:56:14,337
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
786
00:56:15,011 --> 00:56:17,629
...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
787
00:56:18,275 --> 00:56:20,031
...of Judith Katherine Webb...
788
00:56:20,803 --> 00:56:22,297
...and Peter Donahue.
789
00:56:23,075 --> 00:56:24,318
Peter?
790
00:56:26,050 --> 00:56:27,643
Jesus Christ!
791
00:56:28,803 --> 00:56:30,363
Peter? Shit!
792
00:56:32,354 --> 00:56:33,302
She did it.
793
00:56:37,250 --> 00:56:40,959
This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it?
794
00:56:42,594 --> 00:56:45,726
-Moishe, are you here? No?
-Come on, Sharon, let's go.
795
00:56:45,858 --> 00:56:46,806
Mazel tov.
796
00:56:47,010 --> 00:56:48,635
-Christina?
-The hottie.
797
00:56:48,706 --> 00:56:49,819
Shalom!
798
00:56:54,850 --> 00:56:56,988
That's the strangest thing l've ever seen.
799
00:56:57,954 --> 00:56:59,547
There are no Jews in Somerset.
800
00:57:01,186 --> 00:57:03,073
Shit. Shit. Shit.
801
00:57:04,610 --> 00:57:05,984
-Shall we proceed?
-Sure.
802
00:57:10,721 --> 00:57:12,063
Dearly beloved...
803
00:57:12,897 --> 00:57:15,166
...we are gathered here today...
804
00:57:15,969 --> 00:57:19,231
...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
805
00:57:19,873 --> 00:57:24,543
...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue.
806
00:57:28,577 --> 00:57:30,650
Which is an honorable estate...
807
00:57:31,425 --> 00:57:34,458
...instituted of God, signifying...
808
00:57:34,752 --> 00:57:36,727
...unto us the mystical union...
809
00:57:37,089 --> 00:57:38,747
...that is between Christ...
810
00:57:40,352 --> 00:57:41,814
-...and...
-Peter.
811
00:57:41,984 --> 00:57:43,195
...Saint....
812
00:57:47,904 --> 00:57:50,141
-l'm having reservations.
-Where?
813
00:57:51,296 --> 00:57:52,573
And is commanded...
814
00:57:52,929 --> 00:57:53,911
About this.
815
00:57:53,985 --> 00:57:55,294
-Really?
-Yeah.
816
00:57:58,848 --> 00:58:00,025
...of Saint Paul....
817
00:58:00,352 --> 00:58:02,262
-Me, too.
-Really?
818
00:58:02,464 --> 00:58:03,544
Yep.
819
00:58:07,296 --> 00:58:11,070
And therefore, is not by any to be entered...
820
00:58:11,136 --> 00:58:14,583
-l mean, l love you.
-But l'm not in love with you.
821
00:58:14,911 --> 00:58:15,893
...lightly.
822
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:17,108
Anymore!
823
00:58:18,496 --> 00:58:20,122
-You're ruining it.
-But....
824
00:58:20,192 --> 00:58:21,435
We're still friends.
825
00:58:24,032 --> 00:58:26,966
-l don't want to get married.
-l don't want to get married.
826
00:58:27,871 --> 00:58:31,581
No. No kiss. l haven't married you yet.
827
00:58:32,736 --> 00:58:34,459
We're not getting married!
828
00:58:37,344 --> 00:58:38,489
Miguel?
829
00:58:40,255 --> 00:58:41,204
Dad!
830
00:58:41,823 --> 00:58:46,296
But we are having the party.
Exit in the back. lt's to the left.
831
00:59:12,478 --> 00:59:14,420
-How you doing?
-Okay. Are you okay?
832
00:59:14,494 --> 00:59:16,120
Yeah, no. l'm okay.
833
00:59:16,191 --> 00:59:18,776
-You owe me $30,000 for this wedding.
-Daddy, please.
834
00:59:19,902 --> 00:59:22,291
-You know what l'm thinking of doing?
-What's that?
835
00:59:22,366 --> 00:59:26,708
l'll cash in the honeymoon tickets,
fly to Bali, and go scuba diving.
836
00:59:26,782 --> 00:59:29,531
-l'll rip your face off, peckerhead.
-Daddy, stop.
837
00:59:31,134 --> 00:59:32,443
-Sweetie?
-Yes?
838
00:59:32,862 --> 00:59:36,277
-l have a confession to make.
-l have a confession to make. You're dead.
839
00:59:36,350 --> 00:59:39,219
Dad. l met someone.
840
00:59:40,126 --> 00:59:41,751
-You met someone.
-Online.
841
00:59:42,494 --> 00:59:43,476
Online.
842
00:59:46,941 --> 00:59:49,494
His name is Ricky. l think he's really special.
843
00:59:49,565 --> 00:59:52,729
Fuck it! lt's go time! Son of a bitch!
844
00:59:53,534 --> 00:59:54,810
Daddy, stop it!
845
01:00:09,373 --> 01:00:12,821
Refresh my memory.
Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on?
846
01:00:15,420 --> 01:00:18,235
-Yeah.
-That's what l thought.
847
01:00:21,565 --> 01:00:23,190
l'm such an idiot.
848
01:00:24,732 --> 01:00:25,878
No, you're not.
849
01:00:26,525 --> 01:00:29,013
l meet a guy for two minutes...
850
01:00:29,085 --> 01:00:33,362
...and l'm chasing after him
like he's something special.
851
01:00:35,676 --> 01:00:38,425
Maybe you want someone special for once.
852
01:00:40,604 --> 01:00:44,085
Maybe you were thinking
that you were tired of the game.
853
01:00:48,828 --> 01:00:50,289
Are you tired of the game?
854
01:00:53,116 --> 01:00:54,130
Yep.
855
01:00:57,116 --> 01:00:58,098
Let's go home.
856
01:00:59,323 --> 01:01:00,305
Okay.
857
01:01:17,115 --> 01:01:19,155
My God! What's going on?
858
01:01:19,867 --> 01:01:21,274
Excuse me, Officer?
859
01:01:21,979 --> 01:01:23,321
What's going on here?
860
01:01:23,483 --> 01:01:26,744
Twenty years on the force,
and l've never seen something so horrible.
861
01:01:27,291 --> 01:01:29,942
-What? Where?
-Where's the emergency?
862
01:01:30,043 --> 01:01:31,319
Apartment three.
863
01:01:32,379 --> 01:01:33,905
-That's my apartment!
-Jane.
864
01:01:36,795 --> 01:01:38,617
Poor girl. Never saw it coming.
865
01:01:39,067 --> 01:01:40,474
Excuse me.
866
01:01:41,947 --> 01:01:45,208
-Goddamn dress!
-Don't go in there. lt's not a pretty sight.
867
01:01:45,275 --> 01:01:46,681
l live here!
868
01:01:55,738 --> 01:01:59,055
-Apparently, they're stuck.
-What do you mean?
869
01:02:00,186 --> 01:02:01,430
Are you okay?
870
01:02:02,938 --> 01:02:04,312
How are you stuck?
871
01:02:05,146 --> 01:02:06,324
l have a piercing.
872
01:02:08,090 --> 01:02:10,959
-l don't get it. How is she stuck?
-Behind her tonsils.
873
01:02:11,610 --> 01:02:13,236
How the hell do you know that?
874
01:02:13,786 --> 01:02:17,015
-Honey, l'm going to pull you really gently.
-No.
875
01:02:17,402 --> 01:02:20,020
l'm going to pull it. Gently.
876
01:02:22,106 --> 01:02:23,447
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
877
01:02:24,313 --> 01:02:28,307
We've got the ambulance waiting outside.
We have to get going.
878
01:02:29,881 --> 01:02:34,354
She could sing. You could sing, Jane.
lt relaxes the throat, honey.
879
01:02:41,817 --> 01:02:43,759
Stop it! You're getting me hard again!
880
01:02:44,601 --> 01:02:45,714
Wrong song.
881
01:02:47,321 --> 01:02:48,598
Armageddon.
882
01:03:05,209 --> 01:03:06,289
Come on, try.
883
01:04:08,855 --> 01:04:09,869
What?
884
01:04:13,847 --> 01:04:17,708
She says to him,
''Girl You Know It's True changed my life.''
885
01:04:17,815 --> 01:04:19,124
lt did!
886
01:04:19,191 --> 01:04:21,078
And this sad little tear slowly....
887
01:04:21,143 --> 01:04:25,103
Come on. What do you want from me?
l was 16 years old.
888
01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:29,845
l don't even know why l started talking to her
in the second grade.
889
01:04:29,910 --> 01:04:32,976
-You thought l was the shit.
-You are the shit.
890
01:04:33,046 --> 01:04:34,224
Shithead.
891
01:04:34,295 --> 01:04:36,182
-My God.
-What?
892
01:04:37,175 --> 01:04:41,201
They found a donor for my patient.
l've got to go. l'm sorry, guys.
893
01:04:41,271 --> 01:04:44,270
-Christina, it was great meeting you.
-Nice to meet you, Greg.
894
01:04:44,374 --> 01:04:46,795
-Jane, it was great meeting you.
-Great meeting you.
895
01:04:46,870 --> 01:04:49,521
So sorry to run off.
l'll make you risotto tomorrow.
896
01:04:49,590 --> 01:04:50,867
lt's fine.
897
01:04:54,869 --> 01:04:58,131
-Can l just say, that was so sweet?
-He's great.
898
01:04:58,582 --> 01:05:00,753
-He's so sweet.
-Shut up.
899
01:05:00,854 --> 01:05:02,796
He doesn't have any piercings, does he?
900
01:05:05,270 --> 01:05:06,896
l don't know, actually...
901
01:05:06,966 --> 01:05:11,308
...because l haven't done that with him yet.
902
01:05:11,894 --> 01:05:15,189
-So, you know....
-Honey, you really do like him.
903
01:05:15,253 --> 01:05:17,675
l don't want to talk about it, because l'll jinx it.
904
01:06:14,580 --> 01:06:17,515
-l closed on the Mahalock house today.
-Great news for you.
905
01:06:18,164 --> 01:06:19,691
You don't need to do a thing.
906
01:06:21,171 --> 01:06:23,724
-What did they say about aluminum siding?
-No.
907
01:06:24,980 --> 01:06:26,638
-Really?
-Really.
908
01:06:26,708 --> 01:06:29,577
Be careful with those fat-free chips.
They cause anal leakage.
909
01:06:30,196 --> 01:06:33,327
-You cause anal leakage.
-Says so on the bag.
910
01:06:42,963 --> 01:06:47,436
What kind of marketing brainiac
puts ''anal leakage'' on his product?
911
01:06:48,979 --> 01:06:50,768
How can they even sell that crap?
912
01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:53,295
-What time is your flight?
-9:30.
913
01:06:54,899 --> 01:06:57,038
l can't believe you're going to Costa Rica.
914
01:06:57,651 --> 01:07:00,039
Your female problems are over with.
915
01:07:00,595 --> 01:07:02,188
-Hope so.
-They are.
916
01:07:02,259 --> 01:07:04,430
You know what l hear about Costa Rican women?
917
01:07:04,947 --> 01:07:06,540
-For five pesos--
-No, Rog.
918
01:07:06,611 --> 01:07:09,742
They take your chimichanga and your pequito....
919
01:07:09,971 --> 01:07:11,793
-No, se�or.
-Listen to me!
920
01:07:13,139 --> 01:07:17,067
All l'm saying is,
make nice with the concierge, okay?
921
01:07:19,346 --> 01:07:21,681
-You all right, Vera?
-Couldn't be better.
922
01:07:25,810 --> 01:07:27,850
-Thank you so much.
-Where do you want it?
923
01:07:27,922 --> 01:07:30,311
Put her down right here.
924
01:07:30,578 --> 01:07:33,513
Since you're going away,
do you want to be on our mailing list?
925
01:07:34,450 --> 01:07:36,522
Yes, ma'am. l'd love to. Thank you.
926
01:07:38,738 --> 01:07:41,934
l've been trying to get us off
that mailing list since 1982.
927
01:07:42,002 --> 01:07:43,376
Relax.
928
01:07:43,602 --> 01:07:47,758
This is the hottest chick in this store
and l caught her trying to escape.
929
01:08:09,617 --> 01:08:11,243
Very strange.
930
01:08:16,881 --> 01:08:20,743
Sweetie, Christina, what's going on?
What happened?
931
01:08:22,832 --> 01:08:25,996
l came to just eat my cookie
and make a phone call, but....
932
01:08:26,161 --> 01:08:29,128
You didn't want to eat the cookies? What?
933
01:08:29,329 --> 01:08:31,467
Just read this.
934
01:08:33,265 --> 01:08:36,680
''Commandment number nine:
Thou shalt love what's possible.''
935
01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:40,750
Honey, we have gone over this.
936
01:08:40,913 --> 01:08:43,880
You did not know the guy was getting married.
937
01:08:44,464 --> 01:08:46,471
lt's all right. He wasn't possible.
938
01:08:46,544 --> 01:08:49,992
Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten.
939
01:08:50,480 --> 01:08:54,374
-''Thou shalt not fear''?
-Yes. ''Thou shalt not fear.''
940
01:08:54,448 --> 01:08:56,303
What are you talking about, fear?
941
01:08:56,592 --> 01:08:59,406
What you did was an incredibly brave thing.
942
01:08:59,632 --> 01:09:03,560
You dropped all of your boundaries
and you met this guy halfway.
943
01:09:03,888 --> 01:09:06,222
More than halfway, you went to Somerset.
944
01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:09,772
Guys, it was just another game. Come on.
945
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:13,866
lf he hadn't been getting married,
if he wasn't the groom, what would l've done?
946
01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:16,713
That's right.
947
01:09:18,927 --> 01:09:23,150
l would've done the same old thing.
l would have hesitated. l would have...
948
01:09:25,871 --> 01:09:29,167
...froze up.
l would have kissed him and then ran off.
949
01:09:30,831 --> 01:09:32,654
Give him the wrong phone number.
950
01:09:33,615 --> 01:09:37,095
Hook that fish and just throw him right back.
951
01:09:38,575 --> 01:09:39,654
Jesus.
952
01:09:44,143 --> 01:09:45,801
l'm stuck in a rut.
953
01:09:49,871 --> 01:09:52,838
Big, fat rut.
954
01:09:54,350 --> 01:09:58,060
Guys, l don't want to be that girl anymore.
955
01:09:58,638 --> 01:10:00,427
-l know.
-You know?
956
01:10:00,591 --> 01:10:02,663
l know. None of us do.
957
01:10:06,447 --> 01:10:08,170
Let's go dancing.
958
01:10:12,718 --> 01:10:14,125
So, any chance?
959
01:10:14,414 --> 01:10:17,862
Of what? No, don't even bother.
She's on a mission.
960
01:10:28,910 --> 01:10:31,692
-How is it shaking, ladies?
-No, thank you.
961
01:10:32,077 --> 01:10:34,663
Your body is banging. Your face is--
962
01:10:34,734 --> 01:10:36,588
Neato. Thanks. Neat.
963
01:10:42,318 --> 01:10:44,292
What's going on, hot mama?
964
01:10:47,726 --> 01:10:51,206
Bringing it down. Bringing it up now!
965
01:10:54,605 --> 01:10:57,769
Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey.
Work the monkey.
966
01:10:57,901 --> 01:11:00,356
The monkey, the monkey, the monkey!
967
01:11:05,772 --> 01:11:08,642
-You're working that monkey.
-You're a really good dancer.
968
01:11:08,877 --> 01:11:12,739
-You have some original moves.
-Thanks, l've been working on it.
969
01:11:13,420 --> 01:11:16,006
-Have me met before?
-A couple of times.
970
01:11:16,556 --> 01:11:17,571
l'm Donny.
971
01:11:22,700 --> 01:11:23,715
Christina.
972
01:11:24,140 --> 01:11:26,180
This is like Sixteen Candles.
973
01:11:28,108 --> 01:11:29,896
l'd love to take you out sometime.
974
01:11:30,221 --> 01:11:33,516
Really? Well, that's nice. l mean....
975
01:11:34,700 --> 01:11:36,839
Give me your card, l'll call you sometime.
976
01:11:38,220 --> 01:11:39,168
Thank you.
977
01:11:40,396 --> 01:11:42,184
You seem like a really nice person.
978
01:11:42,572 --> 01:11:45,638
-Work on the monkey.
-l'll work on the monkey.
979
01:12:13,355 --> 01:12:14,500
Hey, Donny.
980
01:12:15,755 --> 01:12:18,144
-Do you have a pen?
-You bet.
981
01:12:22,283 --> 01:12:26,276
l'm a jerk and l wanted to apologize,
because l didn't plan on calling you.
982
01:12:26,347 --> 01:12:29,446
l'll give you my number so that you can call me...
983
01:12:31,051 --> 01:12:34,596
...because l found out something
that was completely life-changing:
984
01:12:35,210 --> 01:12:37,545
lt's okay to take a chance.
985
01:12:37,642 --> 01:12:41,220
Love is crazy and that's what love is,
it's taking a chance.
986
01:12:42,506 --> 01:12:46,630
My girlfriend Courtney and l
went on this crazy ride for a guy.
987
01:12:46,923 --> 01:12:51,014
l went across the state, practically,
to find this guy that l don't even know.
988
01:12:51,082 --> 01:12:54,977
l don't even know you, but here l am,
having this conversation with you.
989
01:12:55,146 --> 01:12:59,816
And l know that if l just take a chance
with you, maybe, l don't know--
990
01:13:00,042 --> 01:13:01,351
Forget it.
991
01:13:02,250 --> 01:13:04,322
What's a guy got to do to get laid?
992
01:13:42,569 --> 01:13:43,779
-Chris?
-Yeah?
993
01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:44,994
Honey?
994
01:13:47,912 --> 01:13:48,992
What?
995
01:13:52,777 --> 01:13:54,053
My God.
996
01:13:57,289 --> 01:13:58,565
What am l going to do?
997
01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:01,793
l think you can handle this one on your own.
998
01:14:02,376 --> 01:14:03,587
lt's all good, girl.
999
01:14:05,896 --> 01:14:08,798
Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay.
1000
01:14:17,864 --> 01:14:19,326
What are you doing here?
1001
01:14:19,752 --> 01:14:23,013
-l came here to apologize to you.
-For what?
1002
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:26,079
For not telling you l was getting married.
1003
01:14:26,184 --> 01:14:28,966
l should have told you that and l didn't.
l'm sorry.
1004
01:14:29,032 --> 01:14:31,967
You're the guy that needs the last fling
before your wedding.
1005
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:34,047
No. l'm not that guy.
1006
01:14:34,792 --> 01:14:39,494
You spilled my drink and l let you buy me a beer.
That was all there was to it.
1007
01:14:42,056 --> 01:14:44,194
We had fun, we talked and that was it.
1008
01:14:45,288 --> 01:14:46,236
Right?
1009
01:14:48,039 --> 01:14:49,795
Yeah, l guess you're right.
1010
01:14:51,047 --> 01:14:52,291
l didn't get married.
1011
01:14:58,471 --> 01:15:01,602
-What do you mean?
-Judy and l, we called it off.
1012
01:15:05,191 --> 01:15:09,381
l hope my.... That thing that happened
didn't have anything to do with it.
1013
01:15:09,447 --> 01:15:11,454
No, it had nothing to do with that.
1014
01:15:11,847 --> 01:15:16,549
We realized we were doing the wrong thing.
Two people should be in love.
1015
01:15:17,606 --> 01:15:20,705
But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali.
1016
01:15:20,774 --> 01:15:24,451
She really liked you, too.
Why were you at my wedding?
1017
01:15:26,310 --> 01:15:31,067
lt was just one of those spontaneous things
my girlfriend and l do.
1018
01:15:31,494 --> 01:15:33,633
lt was just, really....
1019
01:15:34,886 --> 01:15:36,675
lt just got screwed up.
1020
01:15:41,350 --> 01:15:44,132
l came here tonight because l wanted to see you.
1021
01:15:44,806 --> 01:15:47,228
l thought that maybe....
1022
01:15:48,965 --> 01:15:50,875
Well, that night that we met...
1023
01:15:51,590 --> 01:15:55,845
...l thought there was something,
some feeling l had about us.
1024
01:15:56,965 --> 01:16:01,472
l thought that maybe you might feel that way, too.
1025
01:16:01,542 --> 01:16:04,640
ls this a mutual thing?
This is not a mutual thing at all.
1026
01:16:04,710 --> 01:16:06,782
This is a very stupid thing. l'm stupid.
1027
01:16:07,269 --> 01:16:10,400
l should go.
l really apologize for wasting your time.
1028
01:16:10,469 --> 01:16:13,339
And l'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now.
1029
01:16:13,414 --> 01:16:17,188
Thanks. See you. l'm stupid. That's right.
1030
01:16:17,733 --> 01:16:21,792
ln fact, that's exactly what l wanted to do.
1031
01:16:23,461 --> 01:16:26,178
Yes. Gosh, it's going so well.
1032
01:16:47,140 --> 01:16:49,245
l'm not going to be afraid.
1033
01:16:55,364 --> 01:16:56,312
Peter?
1034
01:16:59,940 --> 01:17:02,624
Shit. Peter, wait!
1035
01:17:14,116 --> 01:17:15,392
Shit.
1036
01:17:31,876 --> 01:17:32,858
Come on!
1037
01:17:34,723 --> 01:17:36,316
Are you okay?
1038
01:17:37,091 --> 01:17:38,171
Yes.
1039
01:17:40,451 --> 01:17:42,338
l don't think l handled that too--
1040
01:17:42,403 --> 01:17:45,948
l didn't handle it at all. l'm so sorry.
1041
01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:49,377
l wanted to find you so that l could tell you...
1042
01:17:50,115 --> 01:17:53,825
...that l did come to your wedding
because l wanted to see you again...
1043
01:17:53,922 --> 01:17:57,632
...because the feeling is mutual,
and you better be a really good kisser.
1044
01:18:11,554 --> 01:18:12,830
That was weak.
1045
01:18:13,858 --> 01:18:15,102
-Weak?
-Yeah.
1046
01:18:17,282 --> 01:18:19,006
lt's okay. You can try again.
1047
01:18:30,114 --> 01:18:32,023
You were so much better in my dream.
1048
01:18:33,346 --> 01:18:34,687
Hold these.
1049
01:18:38,658 --> 01:18:41,276
-l thought this was mutual.
-Oh, my God.
1050
01:18:41,346 --> 01:18:44,161
l'm serious. l'll call you, okay?
1051
01:18:45,505 --> 01:18:47,447
What? Wait!
1052
01:18:47,714 --> 01:18:49,536
Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch.
1053
01:18:49,601 --> 01:18:51,990
l'm out of practice! l just woke up!
1054
01:18:53,569 --> 01:18:54,813
Unbelievable!
1055
01:19:02,081 --> 01:19:04,502
Christina Walters. Yep. l know her.
1056
01:19:04,673 --> 01:19:07,488
Bitch. Made my life a living hell.
1057
01:19:08,993 --> 01:19:11,841
She tries to pawn me off on her friend.
She calls me a dick.
1058
01:19:11,905 --> 01:19:14,393
She hunts me down like a dog
at my own wedding.
1059
01:19:14,529 --> 01:19:17,212
Then, when l try to apologize, she's like:
1060
01:19:17,473 --> 01:19:21,368
''l don't know you. You're one of hundreds.
l have no feelings for you....''
1061
01:19:27,456 --> 01:19:29,147
ls that how l sound?
1062
01:19:36,321 --> 01:19:38,295
The movie is starting. Let's go!
1063
01:20:05,728 --> 01:20:06,840
Fuck Grandma.
1064
01:20:17,055 --> 01:20:18,942
Save yourself a buck.
1065
01:20:23,391 --> 01:20:25,398
-A girl that you lick.
-Really?
1066
01:20:25,471 --> 01:20:27,326
-That you lick.
-A girl that l lick?
1067
01:20:34,719 --> 01:20:36,410
Are you all right?
1068
01:20:37,214 --> 01:20:38,676
You're watching the credits?
1069
01:20:56,222 --> 01:20:59,189
-Chicks freak on this guy.
-You owe me thirty....
1070
01:21:08,670 --> 01:21:09,619
Copy that.
1071
01:21:16,510 --> 01:21:18,037
ls that what you want?
1072
01:21:23,005 --> 01:21:26,267
l think there's always time for a movie montage.
1073
01:21:36,062 --> 01:21:37,971
l hope you like how sexy l am.
1074
01:21:45,085 --> 01:21:49,820
Okay. l'm not going to be afraid.
1075
01:21:52,733 --> 01:21:54,456
l'm not.
1076
01:21:56,381 --> 01:22:00,571
lt's a very bad rumor. lt's a rumor. l'm serious.
1077
01:22:00,988 --> 01:22:02,101
Crap.
1078
01:22:08,988 --> 01:22:10,744
You really got my ass. lt's good.
1079
01:22:15,548 --> 01:22:16,497
Cut!
1080
01:22:24,220 --> 01:22:26,108
-l look beautiful.
-You look amazing.
1081
01:22:26,172 --> 01:22:29,139
-l look beautiful. Thank you.
-You do. Amazing.
1082
01:22:35,484 --> 01:22:37,589
We can sit here like this all night.
1083
01:22:38,075 --> 01:22:40,977
-l bet you miss Grandma.
-Grandma.
1084
01:22:48,828 --> 01:22:51,217
-l'm not bah-jiggity.
-You are so bah-jiggity.
1085
01:23:04,347 --> 01:23:06,419
lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
1086
01:23:10,202 --> 01:23:12,472
l guess a blowjob is out of the question?
1087
01:23:13,499 --> 01:23:14,928
That is the sweetest thing.
1088
01:23:15,035 --> 01:23:16,213
'Bye!
1089
01:23:22,779 --> 01:23:24,372
Well, that was fun.
1090
01:26:47,157 --> 01:26:50,735
-lt's over. Bye-bye, go home.
-You can leave.
83178
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