All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 03x24 - Mister Terrific.

(music) Thank you for being a friend

(music) Traveled down the road and back again

(music) Your heart is true

(music) You're a pal and a confidante

(music) And if you threw a party

(music) Invited everyone you knew

(music) You would see
The biggest gift would be from me

(music) And the card attached would say

(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)

- Hi, Ma.
- How'd the interview go?

Terrific.
I have my choice of summer jobs.

Three interviews this week,
three offers.

That's because you're
showing more leg like I told you.

I don't think the woman at the agency
was interested in my legs.

Grow up. Don't you watch TV?

Are switch-hitters.

Ma, TV soap operas aren't real life.

I'm not talking characters.
I'm talking actresses.

Pick up an Enquirer sometime.
You'll learn something.

I am exhausted. I have spent
this entire day bed-shopping.

Have you no shame? Bed-hopping
nowadays is sexually irresponsible.

Not bed-hopping, Ma. Bed-shopping.

Yeah, right. Nice cover.

It's true. I need a new bed.
My old one is falling apart.

The prices are outrageous.
The bed I wanted cost more

than the down payment on my first house.

In Sicily, beds were dirt-cheap. Of
course it was because you slept on dirt.

If my name were Mark Twain,
you'd be writing this stuff down.

Girls, you won't believe
what happened to me this afternoon.

I met Mister Terrific!

Rose, don't be so quick to judge.
I once thought I met Mr. Terrific.

Turned out there
was also a Mrs. Terrific.

I found myself ducking a Mr. Vase.

You don't understand. I really
met Mister Terrific at the mall.

He was signing autographs
in an empty storefront

that used to be Jack Kemp's
campaign headquarters.

- Rose, he's wearing a cape.
- And a mask.

He's wearing a cape and a mask.
Wait a minute.

Is this guy an insurance salesman
named Marshall Herskovitz?

That's his costume.

Don't tell me you've
never heard of Mister Terrific.

Mister Terrific's Clubhouse?

Every weekday afternoon,
one full hour on Saturdays?

- That clown with the kiddie show?
- He's not a clown. He's a superhero.

You're thinking of Bozo.

I'm talking to Bozo.

Wait. What's this here?

"To the fairest Rose I've seen
until tonight. Mister Terrific"?

He asked me out. We're going
to dinner. Can you believe it?

No. Actually not.

You spent 30 seconds getting
an autograph. You don't know the guy.

Dorothy, he's a television celebrity.

Besides, I talked
to him for over an hour.

There weren't too many people in line.
A Mr. Whipple look-alike was next door

demonstrating the new
three-ply toilet tissue.

I better get ready.
He's picking me up at 7:00. [giggling]

Can you imagine making a date
with a guy you met at a mall?

Pretty strange.

I'll say. She didn't even know
what kind of car he drives.

Oh, Sophia, did they
deliver my new bed?

- They were here all day setting it up.
- All day? For that simple bed?

Simple? I haven't seen so much brass

since the brass-knuckle RV show
at the Palermo Hilton.

I don't believe it.
They delivered the wrong bed.

- Blanche, do you think...
- Not now.

- What's her hurry?
- That enormous thing in her bedroom.

I thought she'd stopped seeing Roger.

How do I look?

Not bad. You got another date
with Captain Marvelous?

Mister Terrific.

You didn't read many comic books
when you were a child.

We had comic books in Sicily.
My favorite was Benito the Hood.

He lived in the forest
with his band of merry thugs.

Benito was very popular.

He stole from the rich
and gave to the poor?

I said Benito the Hood,
not Benito the Idiot.

He stole from everyone
and kept it for himself.

Didn't even share it
with his band of merry thugs.

He was the idol of many
a Sicilian youngster.

That's what they did all right.
Delivered the wrong bed.

- You don't like this one?
- Oh, I think it's stunning.

I absolutely love it,
but I can't afford it.

That bed back there must cost...

exactly what I paid
for the one I ordered.

They made a mistake.
They charged me for the inexpensive bed.

Merry Christmas from Neiman-Marcus.

Sophia, she can't keep that bed.
That'd be like stealing.

It's only stealing if they find out.

The bed's in my bedroom.
Who's gonna know?

Everyone who knows the bunt sign
on the New York Yankees.

[Doorbell rings]

Look, everyone. Mister Terrific.

Rose, please. You're embarrassing me.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's just
I get such a kick out of your slogan.

That's a slogan?
"Look, everyone. Mister Terrific"?

Twenty-two years next fall.

You must be Sophia.

I'm Blanche Devereaux.
A pleasure to finally meet you.

Oh! You watch the show?

Why? I already know
how to brush my teeth.

Good for you. Then you won't be
rounded up by the Cavity Cops.

Oh. Dorothy, I'm glad you're here.
Meet Mister Terrific.

Oh, Mister Terrific, meet
Mrs. Severely Depressed.

Dorothy, what's wrong?
- I found out my great job at the camp.

Head of Arts and Crafts.
I'll be spending the entire summer

gluing macaroni to construction paper.

Dorothy's a high school teacher
looking for summer work.

Really? I might be able to help you out.

My producer's been looking for someone
with education credentials

to act as a consultant on the show.

It sounds like it could be interesting.

Oh, I doubt it.

The only really interesting job
on the show is being me.

But I'll be glad to see what I can do.
Rose, we better get going.

If you can do anything to help,
it would be really...

Terrific?

Nice meeting you.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye and thank you.

Don't count on that job, Dorothy.

Many women have had their hopes dashed
by smooth-talking TV sharpies.

Dave Garroway told me
if I treated him right,

I'd be his sidekick on the Today Show.

I said no
and he ended up with a monkey.

Draw your own conclusions.

(music) T-E-double-R-l-F-l-C

(music) Shove a "Mr." in the front
And you've got me (music)

Okay, boys and girls, it's time
to learn about our special word.

Kolak!

Tell us what today's special word is.

Splotnick.

The word for today is "hot."

"Hot" has a lot of meanings,
boys and girls.

Coffee is hot.

A stove is hot.

Angie Dickinson is hot.

Very funny, Mr. Stage Manager.

And now, boys and girls,
we're going to...

[crashing]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

My... My super-terrific hearing
detects a visitor.

It's Mr. Policeman!

Disguised as Mr. Mailman.

Why? Why?
Why don't I find out why

while you boys and girls watch
another very special adventure

of Ricky the Flying Turtle.

See you in a few minutes.

Clear!

Freddy. It's been 16 years.
When are you going to learn?

Tuesday, it's Mr. Policeman.

Thursday, it's Mr. Mailman.

And he wonders
why he can't have his own series.

[Gibberish]

Dorothy, I read your memo.
I like the way you think.

Well, thank you, Mr. Hastings.
Thank you.

You've got modern ideas
for a woman your age.

You're just saying that.

No. No. I mean it.
I really think you're old.

Dorothy, how's the show going?

Terrible.
But better than Thirtysomething.

Five, four, three, two.

Wasn't that fun, boys and girls?

[Gibberish]... Twylar.

Kolak says that I have to return

to my home planet
of Twylar immediately!

So we'll just say good-bye this time,

until next time, boys and girls,

when you turn on
your TV sets and hear...

[audience]
Look, everyone! Mister Terrific!

- [(music) organ]
- [Man] Clear!

[Sighs]

Hi, Rose. Let me change capes
and we'll be on our way.

- In my office, Terrific, now.
- Say "please," Mr. Producer.

Little twerp. He was on
my show when he was five.

He sat on my lap and peed on me.

I guess old habits die hard.

Why don't I go back with Dorothy and
you can stop by when you're finished.

- You're a terrific lady, Rose Nylund.
- Thank you.

How come you're not wearing
the Terrific Lady button I got?

Ooh, sorry. Yes. Right.

- I'm nuts about that guy.
- You'd have to be.

But it's so strange.

You have no idea what
it's like dating a superhero.

Sure I can. Why, my Stan and Superman
had a lot in common.

They were both faster
than a speeding bullet.

I haven't had
a decent night's sleep in weeks.

Every time I climb into bed,
I feel guilty.

Take down the video equipment.

I'm talking about the brass bed.
I shouldn't have kept it.

- Rose was right. It's like stealing.
- Call the store and return it.

I've had it over three weeks.
They won't take it back.

How much wear can you give a bed
in just three weeks?

I see your point.

Hi.

I thought you had
a date with Mister Terrific.

He'll be over. The producer had to have
an important meeting with him.

I have a feeling it was to discuss
the recommendations that I made.

I hope you recommended
he do some exercise.

A man shouldn't wear tights
unless he's got a butt like Baryshnikov.

- [Doorbell rings]
- There he is.

Dorothy, what do you think
I oughta do with my bed?

Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche.

It has more miles on it
than the Spirit of St. Louis.

I am serious. What do you think?

You know the difference
between right and wrong.

Please. In bed, she only knows
the difference between right and left.

Honey, why are you still
wearing your costume?

- I couldn't wait to get out of there.
- Why? What happened?

They fired me! And it's all her fault!

Fired you?
How could they fire Mister Terrific?

How? I'll tell you how.

The newly hired amateur consultant

had a few recommendations
on how to improve my show.

They were only suggestions... ideas
that I thought would help the show.

Oh, like changing the theme song?

Well, I mean, frankly,
the lyrics are a bit inane.

- I wrote those lyrics.
- How did Dorothy get you fired?

They loved her ideas.
They said I should use them.

I said no. They said, "You're fired."

It was never my intention
for this to happen.

I'll go in the morning and talk to him.

Don't worry. If Dorothy
says she'll get your job back,

that's exactly what she's gonna do.

I guess it's worth a shot.

Here's where you can reach me.
Call me if you can work things out.

- I'll be there until show time.
- Fine.

- One more thing.
- What's that?

Leave by the back door.

Mr. Hastings, I need to speak with you.

I've got a show to air and no star.

- Find him yet?
- I know where Mister Terrific is.

Not Mister Terrific. Mr. Mailman.

He's our guest host,
but he's disappeared.

Oh, uh, try the ladies room.

I found him there once
when he was playing Mrs. Nurse.

- I didn't know we had a Mrs. Nurse.
- We don't.

Mr. Hastings,
when I made those recommendations,

I never intended for you
to fire Mister Terrific.

- I was merely...
- The guy is history.

People don't want
that kind of show anymore.

- But the public loves him.
- The numbers say different.

- I found him.
- Great.

You got two minutes.

I'm not going on.
No one can replace Mister Terrific.

You can say good-bye
to Mr. Policeman.

It's Thursday. I thought he
was supposed to be Mr. Mailman.

- What do we do now?
- Your star is a phone call away.

Give me the word,
and Mister Terrific will be back.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I think I've got a better idea.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Your friend couldn't work things out.
- There's still time.

I think my time has passed, Rose.

Twenty-two years,
I've been Mister Terrific.

Twenty-two years!

I was doing weekend weather forecast

when I turned an old blanket into a cape
and created Mister Terrific.

Kolak the puppet?
I made him from a sock.

Ten minutes before airtime.
It was an argyle.

Back in those days,
Kolak used to be from Scotland.

Everything about that show
came from inside my head.

- And off your foot.
- [Sighs]

Kids started tuning in in droves.

The critics called me
the next Captain Kangaroo.

Mr. Green Jeans sent me a fan letter.
I'm not going to let it end like this.

I can't believe my fans
would want it this way.

Dorothy won't let you down.
I'll bet she's on her way to a phone.

[Gasps]

So I'm Mrs. Schoolteacher.

And I'm going to be
your friend just for today.

Of course Kolak
from Twylar will also be here.

Later.

Where are you going?

Back to the studio.
There's only one thing left to do.

Who was that nut?

I don't know.
Mister Terrific usually comes in alone.

So you see, it's very important

that we eat lots of fruits and grains
and try to avoid sweets.

- Right, Kolak?
- Why don't you try to avoid sweets?

It's not a pretty picture
from down here.

Why, Kolak, I didn't know
that you could speak English.

What you don't know
could fill a space the size of Guam.

Since you've brought up Guam,

why don't we talk
about geography for a little bit.

You wanna see some geography, lady?
I'll show you geography.

Whoa, Kolak!

You know what we call this
on the planet Twylar, huh?

Oh, Mrs. Schoolteacher,
like that's really gonna shut me up.

What'll we do now?

Why don't you tell the boys and girls
how you gave Mister Terrific the ax?

A cartoon. A cartoon.
That's right. Here we go.

- You're clear!
- That's it. I'm finished.

Dorothy, calm down.
Things are going very well.

Very well? They were trying to kill me.

They want Mister Terrific back,
and so do I.

Dorothy, how could you?
I thought you were my friend.

I am, Rose. It just happened so fast.
They were pushing me out there.

Before I knew it, I was singing
the Mister Terrific theme song.

I'm sorry, Rose.
I didn't intend for this to happen.

Explain that to Mister Terrific.
He thinks you stole his job.

- I promise. The minute I see him.
- He's right here. We... Where'd he go?

Mister Terrific's on the ledge
like he's about to jump!

Hey! Hey! Where's everybody going?
We've got a show to do.

You're on.

I'm on in five, four, three, two.

Hi, kids!

Hi there, Mister Terrific.
How you doing?

Terrific.

- Uh, why don't you come inside.
- I can't fly from inside.

That's how Superman does it.
I have to fly from the ledge.

That's how we do it
back on the planet Twylar.

- How's he doing?
- I'll be honest.

Right now, Squeaky Fromme
has a better grasp on reality.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Rose.
I can see your house from here.

- Really? Where?
- Rose!

Honey, we want you to come in
off the ledge. We're worried about you.

There's nothing to worry about.

I'm not going to jump.
That would be crazy.

- Oh, thank goodness.
- I'm going to fly.

- You can't fly.
- Mister Terrific can do anything.

Of course you can, Mister Terrific.
Rose, don't argue with him.

Mister Terrific,
I think that Lex Luthor and The Joker

are harassing
an old lady in the stairwell.

Could you come in and melt
them with your X-ray vision?

Mister Terrific
doesn't have X-ray vision.

Please, Rose! This is no time
to point out his shortcomings!

Mister Terrific, come inside.
I don't want your job.

We'll get it back for you.

There's only one way,
and that's to prove to my fans

that I deserve the name Mister Terrific.

Hello, fans!

It's me, Mister Terrific!

[People] Jump! Jump!

- There's only one way to handle this.
- Rose! Rose, no!

Rose! Rose, don't go out...
Rose, come back here!

Don't worry, Dorothy.

I was trained in psychology
back in St. Olaf.

That doesn't count, Rose.

In St. Olaf, they think
that Freud is a way to cook chicken.

- Honey, do you still think you can fly?
- Yes.

Fine. If you're gonna fly,
you're gonna have to take me.

- Do you still wanna do it?
- Absolutely.

I should've paid closer attention

during that refresher course
back at the junior college.

Oh, my God! He's...

flying.

Wait. Wasn't it dangerous
flying around that building?

Not at all. I was rigged
in a harness suspended by cables.

Yeah, but Rose wasn't.

Oh, I wasn't worried.
I know Mister Terrific's superhero code.

He'd never drop a girl.

I'm glad the publicity stunt worked,

and I could not be happier
that you got your job back.

Freddy'll be here.
We've got a lot to celebrate.

Yes. I'm still Mister Terrific,
and he's still Mr. Policeman.

I cannot sleep anymore.

I lie there waiting for the authorities
to catch up with me.

Every siren I hear is for me.

Every footstep outside my window
belongs to that obsessive detective

who will not rest
until he tracks me down!

Blanche, you are being ridiculous.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, thank God! I can't live
with myself anymore. Take me.

- Blanche!
- Dorothy, please. I know what's best.

Just slap the handcuffs on me.
The bed's this way.

You know what's funny?
I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today.