Original subtitles

TRAFFIC CONTROL: 41 Heavy, this is LAX tower. Do you read me?

This is 41 Heavy, go ahead LAX tower.

41 Heavy, commence descent and await further landing instructions.

Roger, traffic control.

Philo, I'm having a party tonight.

You have a party \h\hevery night, George.

Yeah, but this is different. Tonight, some people are actually gonna show up.

Really? Why is that?

Why is that?

Well, I'll tell you why.

I... I sort of promised everyone that you'd be there.

George!

TRFIC CONTROL: 41 Heavy, this is LAX tower.

41 Heavy Later.

you're cleared for landing on runway Aplha-Zulu-one at zero-niner-four.

Roger, traffic control. Aplha-Zulu-one at zero-niner-four.

(MHANICAL WHIRRING)

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you had a pleasant flight on Blue Sky Airlines

and enjoy your stay in Los Angeles.

What a beautiful sight.

It sure is.

Are you of yound? t downorge!

Wellu don'unders. have to me to party.

I don't think you're fully are of the gravity of the situation.

All right, I'll go. Just sit down!

Or I'll lieown. You want me to go lie down?

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGeorge! Sorry.

\h\h\h\hBut you will come? Yes!

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGeorge! CKLIN(GRUS) My ntacts!

(GROS)at pull up.

HaPull up! Pl up!eft!

(SEAMING, shit

MALE V: me of ct, 1 PM.

Population, classification code: 4. Maximum density.

Congratulations.

You assholes just wiped out half of Los Angeles.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, come on i We' rol.

George! GeorgW's Phle.

'm godown et himht now.

If you're not back in five minutes with Philo, we're lving.

What? Girl'm hurt.

I'm genuinely hurt.

Has George Bunkle ever lied to you?

BOTH: What about the Michael Jackson party?

Hey, he was very insulted that you didn't believe it was him that night.

BOTH: Five minutes, Bunkle.

\h\h\h\h\h\hWhat else would you expect Talkutfrom anyone who lives yoorinin this building?

(FARTING LOUDLY)

(ALL COUGHING)

(COUGHING)

Ma gotta off \hpork d rice

ROANIN Ph

Philo?

Yo, Philo.

Hello?

Philo?

Philo?

Where the hell are you?

(GASPS)

What are you trying to do, put me in an early grave?

I'm okay.

(GROWLING)

You id (STRAINING) It's not my fault you wear glasses.olee!

(PANTS) No.

It's my fault.

(BONESCKING)

\h\h\h\h\hEvybody has me ontheir limitations. t a gShit, even me.

t's calml examthe siion.

No what have we got?

We got two bright, enterprisin young men like ourselves?

You kidding? There's a million things we can do.

\h\hright, right. I'dmit ts o Give me a break, George. Ita ifle dark right now.

But, o what?

Besides, you know me. Don't I always come up somethi?

All my le

all I ever wanted to do was fly.

(SCREAMING)

(PHILO CRASHING)

ilo?

Oh, there you are.

Philo! I've got it.

it tilu hears ideaThis i.

Whatpened ?

If I ever see you again, \hGeorge, it's gonna be too soon.

No, no, u're gon love this. You ready?

ardessool.

You're totally certifble, George,

and I'm gonna sign the papers!

at a gredea.

Think of it, Philo.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(EXCLAIMS) Breakfast aris.

nner ime.

\ht to mon (EXCLAIMS) \h\h\hthe inible w Brewere goneet.

D CHEW

Mr. Pellino. \h\h\h\h\hCall me Snake.

Mr. Snake.

You seem to have some influence over our daughter.

Beer!

I wonder if I could interest you in a little pposition.

(BLONG NOSE UDLY)

SNAKE: Big chunks.

WJe?er.

Sir.

Holy shit!

What a bike!

Thank you, sir.

Wow.

What gives?

If you'll excuse us for a minute, dear?

Why?

Beat it!

So, what's the deal?

Well, I was just wondering if you might be...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Thenicked righin thee! at giv

Oh, Mr. Snake and I decided

it would be in your best interests if you went back to school.

You're a pisser, Dad.

(OSTRAL C PLAYGHING)

Shit.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

(GASPS) Whoa!

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

Ow.

(BELL DINGING)

Now, remember, if I catch either one of youse two

biting or scratching, I'm gonna toss youse out.

How would you like me to pull your little wee wee off?

Wait for the bel

You'reead meat.

\h\h\h\hMAN: You're a scumbag, \h\h\h\hgo die! Get away, wimp!

l righou, \h\h\hwant yname!

EOPLE TING)

I' get you, asshole.

Whe is he?

's of pu \hMahe co't \hsh theurnstile

Oh, there he is. I thinhe'nna t

Wandanda!

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMen n't may Oh, theWhen are women wrestlers.

CuddleYles.seeferent.

ddles?

(GUFFAWING)

\h\h(BELL DINGS) (CROWD CHEERING)

(YELLS)

\h\h(BELL DINGS) LL CHEERING)ING)

MAN: Ger, Waa!

Kill! her n Wanda!

CREAMI

LING)

CHEER

(CACG HYSTALLY)

CROWD: Wda! \h\h\h\hnda! W! Wanda!

Wand Wanda! Wanda! Wanda!

I wonder if they have communaowers.

n't abouis, Ge.a! Wanda! Wanda!

Phil don'believu. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hSiwe gotown \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hof flischool

you'lown band fo \h\h\h\h\hto Diegotimes.

So? \h\h\h\h\hdon'ow \h\h\h\h\hody in Diego

I can't help \h\h\h\h\hI k bett whe'm fl. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\ht.

GE: Sogo tow scho

\h\h\hWe graduat \h\h\ha joth yotle het out.en can

ybe y'll ghis session out of . You, for ile th I tht that George

st wanto goto steschool jusso \h\h\hcould women

Pleagive mme cre T's a le more lifethan w.

littl

(BOTH LAUGHING)

There it is. That's the Philo I know and love.

You idt!

So, what's the verdict?

Why don't you go park this boat

and I'll get us a room with a view.

Now you're talking, dude.

All right.

'm nojinx, I'm not a jinx, \h\h\hI'm not a jinx.king, dude.

Yeah, and I'm not in this for my health, lady.

That's $14.75 with the toll.

thanksort.hange.

I'll get your ggage. What tha?

gotta ch \hnleade

You weuppose get the otside.

Well, you should have posted a sign.

It was on the door!

\h\h\hdon'you thk . I can do it self?)

Hey, no problem.

(GS)

(GRUNTS)

I'm sorry.

(GROANS IN DISCOMFORT)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Go morni \h\h\hMog.

certaiam gla yourher't v

to see what you've turned his school into.

What Ie turnthe oldger'schoolo

a proble inution.

Oh, yes, by lowering the standards

so that anybody could get in.

s, Har, All ri sugar H. stewardess sool?

Is that the best you could do for me?

Hey, sugar, I'm your probation officer,

noploymegent.

Lien, suga this a real opportunity for u to change yourhole le around.

Yeahyeah, sure, Harry.

I'm agog with anticipation.

(SIGHS) So how long am I in for anyw?

You are enrolled for four weeks.

Then you can get a job on an airline.

Gee.

I've never done it on an airplane before.

Now, look, I'm warning you,

if they catch you turning one more trick,

they gonna put your behind away for a long, long time.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, so long, Harry.

Don't take any wooden pickles.

(CHUCKLING)

Hi. Am I the only boy?

Let'e.

(CHECK IN LA SCRndy Adams.

Room 12, second floor.

OMAN SMING)

I'm gonna miss you.

(BURPS LOUDLY)

(SEAMING)

I'm ie Pol

. Joleinters.

And is myher, \h\h\h\h\h\hd my gmother

Hello! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHello!

Hello. It's nice to meet you.

This is a big day for the Polk family.

Oh, really?

Three generations tews.

(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) No kidding.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h♪ We'll wine you 'll fou to skies ♪ you

(GIGGLES)

Well, good afternoon.

My name is Ms. Grummet,

and I will be supervising all of your activities

while you are here with us.

I expetrictcompli with rules.Buo \h\h\h\h\h\he ruled list

I would like to take this opportunity

to introduce our chancellor, Mr. Weidermeyer.

He will giving a brief, ten minute welcoming address.

Mr. Weidermeyer?

(APPLAUSE)

Good afternoon.

You certainly are a fine looking group.

Welcome to the Weidermeyer Academy.

This academy was sired by...

Founded by my father in 1949

and we have a long and impressive

listgraduate

As you can see from the people seated behind me,

we offer the finest in flight instruction training.

And you can be assured...

\hwill ne nipp and de...VOUSLY)

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Nickle and dime you on your education.

Your instructors are firm but fair.

ou getittlebehindyour wk,

theyon' hard ou.

(WEIDERMEYER CLEARS THROAT)

theyo(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Well, I guess that's about it from old Roger Weidermeyer

So, once again,

weome.

Ms. Grummet.

(APPLAUSE)

I'll just stand here till you're finished.

That's disgusting.

Now, if you'll all pay attention tothe foowing ru

I'm sure we'llll get along just fine.

Mmm. Just like Mom ner mad

$3.50.

That's very reasonable considering your gourmet selection.

Thank you.

Roommate, shall we? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYes.

. Hi.

Oh! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRoommate, shall we? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYes.

, God. \h\h\h\h\h\hOw!

Oh, God.

you su Please. Please sit.

I live for danger.

Okay.

Uh, Kelly Johnson, resident klutz.

ilo Henderson, unfuilled dreamer.

Ugh. \h\h\h\h\h\hSo, what was \h\h\h\h\h\hthe final headcount?

Forty six. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hExcellent.

That makes nine more students than last time.

Yes, and I can tell you just which nine they are.

Relax, Ms. Grummet.

You will be able to start weeding them out soon enough.

(CHUCKLES)

(ALARM RINGING)

Oh!

Geor Ge, wake T's a .

George!

NORING)

ilo, yotta dmethin abouat ala.

Get up, George. There's a fire. \h\h\h\h\h\hWhat?

re!

Get up, George. Ther! Firef(ALAINGIN) \h\h\h\h\h\hWhat?

((ALARMTOPS)RING)

\hmorni my ltle chns.

Welcome to stewardess school.

Now, to begin with,

I would like to make one thing perfectly clear.

To be a stewardess means toe on cl 24rs a d

\hThat means you must be \hin top physical condition anight alert.,

\h\h\h\h\h\hTo be a stewardess cause ou mistoone to duu will.. \h\h\h\h\h\h24rs a d

Dismd! \h\hNorab yoweats

and report to the compound in five minutes.

Five minutes!

Let's move it, move it, move it

Move it, Bunkle.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Alght. Wll stathis mng andry mor

with atle fiile ort Va Hill.

Duis, Winters reportto the doc'e Alght. Wll stathis mng andry mor for physical.

The rest of you move out.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Good luck, chubby.

Thanks \h\h\hMot, mov, move

ARS TH) Hi.'ree for physic

SuDubois and Joleaninters

Have a seat.

m on at, I' lost t poun

I'm sure the doctor will take that into consideration.

I think you look terrific.

You do? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYeah, sure.

(PHONE BUZZES)

Wham I kidding? He's gonna flunk me.

You mef you d't \hss this ysical they \hcould kick you out of here?

That's right. I'll be history.

Yeah. You can go in now, Ms. Dubois.

Good luck. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThanks.

With you in a moment.

Do you want me to take my clothes o?

Well, I don't think that

would be bad i

Gosh, hope you don't have cold hands.

Come on, let's move it, move it, move it!

Only two more miles to the top!

at is a plea woman \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(DOOR OPENS)

You can go in now, Winters.

Doctor?

(MUMBLES) Sit.

(SIG

(EXHALES)

(PUMPING SOUND)

Holy shit!

Doctorackie?

What aut me?

Yo

My physical?

\h\h\hYou passed! I passed?

Go.

I passed!

Bitch.

The are, uh, really thick glasses.

On a clear day I can see Moscow.

Oh, God, \h\h\h\hit mWell, I've developed \h\h\h\har w acute sense of touch.

(KNOCK

Philo! Wait.

(ALLLING)

\h\h\h\h\h\h's toy blin withhis g. It's o's Keit's okay.

Hi.Hi, con.

Right this way. Here you go.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYou okay? Great. Thanks.

(GASPS)

(SCATTING)

Communal showers.

That's amazing. How would I know that?

Hey, girls, at'shaking?

SCREA)

What?

What?

What?

(EXCLA

And stay out!

To fly,

to soar with the eagles. Tp

this magficenthine

high above the earth.

inal conbe

the liv and dtinies

of hundreds of people.

God forgive me, I do love it so.

Now, where was I?

ALL: To y, to soar with the eagles.

To fly...

Whoever nts pi \hcos to Larry's room.

Wante?

No thanks, I'm on a diet. I just came to sniff.

\hOh, ge canays ll a gwine be \ht of a, I swto God Peppi.

OkayOkay, evybody, a toas

To a bright new future \h\h\h\hin t airlineustry!

What's the matter?

Everybody's future doesn't look as bright as yours. You're not a klutz.

Yeah, Anu alwayseemlim and ato know to do.

You actually seem to like this bullshit.

I know you all think that I'm pretty and pert,

and kind of terrific.

t you kn, sometis whenple e getting to know,

for some strange reason they wanna choke me.

(GIGGLING)

Come on, it's not as bad as all that.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

When the going gets tough the tough get going.

Yeah, when in doubt whip it out.

ILO: Ge. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hre of ch.

(SRTING)

Now, behind this curtain

we have assembled a group of professional passengers.

That is passengers who wi test your skill at dealing with

common but difficult situations.

Oh, yes, uh,

I will be servin and grg your nduct rdingl

The key gonext te vk \hNo, no, no, no, no.

I am srvous.just know I'm gonna scup.

Hey, rax.

After \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhre they nna do bite

t toweadam?

(GROWLING)

t toweadam? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hNow, Poofy, don't you \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbe a naughtyirl.

I'm sorry, madam, but you'll have to put your Poofy in the box.

Aw.

Perhaps you'd do it for me.

(SNARLING)

What are you, high, lady?

Please?

Pes late after she's had her. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(BARKING)

Pillow, Poofy?

(SNARLING)

Maybe no Later

(BARKING)

And what can I get our little man for dessert?

A hot fudge sundae.

Ooh. That sounds delish.

Would you like whipped cream on top?

Yup.

And sprinkles? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYup.

And a cherry on top?

Yup.

d how would you like your nuts crushed?

How would you like Uh(EXCLAs shot off?

Somethinto dri?

I know you.

You're Bubba Brock, fullback for the Broncos.

I got cut.

Oh, I'm sorry. Injury?

No. Bad atti, ass brth.

Ex me, y man.

Yes, madam. yhelp.

My seatbelt is stuck.

Oh.

If 'd cao stup a minute..

I didn't pay to stand .

Oh, Miss. \h\h\h\h\h\hs, sir?)Oh.it down

I'd like a scotch and water, please.

I have to begin in the rear of the aircraft

but I'll be right back to serve your drink.

ink I it.GASPS)

(G) Excue, sir

The captain does have the no smoking lht on.

Well, I'll just run back and turn that little light off.

Ladies and gentlemen

the can has inrmed m that we're ready to land

Plse put youtrays up

and your sea in the upright position.ank yo.

And I hope you' all been welserviced.

Heou! Tray up, seat back,

\h\hAnd I hope you' loose cigar.lserviced.

Yes, 'am. \h\h\h\hss...

Polanski. \h\h\h\h\h\h\hPonski, yes.

Hi. I thk yourelivery \h\h\h\h\h\h\hneeds a little work.

Try not to be so firm.

With the passengers, not so direct.

Not so firm and not so direct.

Right.

Yoo- Wake up, wake up.

(GASPS)

ROANIN \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMuch bette

(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYING)

Geor \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hWh

Do mfavor.

eep one fireape tonit.

It's the old multle colognerick.

Keeps 'em off their guard.

He's kinda cute. I think he's gonna ask me out.

You wanna ay hi the salami?

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI s a blob' out of the. Gross.

WANDA: What do we do now?

ow. w abougame oivia?

I hatevia. out ofe. Me, .

What'the prm?

\h\h\hWell, there's a party we all wanna go to

but we've got no way to get there.

Hobad do you wanna go?

On a scale of one to ten?

Prettyad.

(SCREAMING)

Yahoo!

(ALL WHOOPING)

Oh, look who's here.

Yes, yes. Kent Arnd.

'd liou to \h\h\hmynce, An HanoThe Hars of nw?

South Port. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hp draw, DF.

Much. (CHUCKLES)

(MOTORCYCLES REVVING)

What iazes \h\h\h\hgoinghere?

nt, checthat, you? Pimmie?

Kent

Let me introduce everybody.

This is Jolean, Wanda, Cindy,

and these are our chaperones for the evening.

Snake, Scuzzball, River Rat, and Bones.

Pimmie, I'm sorry, but they can't come in.

Ci

Cindy s?

Hello, Kent.

Breatht?

Quaade.

\h\h\h\h\hbut mysin You naur is littletrange.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

All ri

Kentat is meanin of tneandel i?

All ri I's CiAdams.r fathers chai of board ofhe stoxchange.

Mmm.

Excuse me, muffin, I'll be right back.

ss A.t?

I'm Duarnswo

Buzzff, needle dick.

, muff

All ri

What is this shit?

Fruinch.

Tastike par piss

All t. \h\h\hEverody drk up.

I said drink party!

(ALLCREAMING

How did you find this place?

Oh, one of the local kids told me about it.

It's spectacular.

Look.

It's been a long time It's been a long boy ine front . sinckissed a boy, period.

I think it's my sworn duty

to make up

r all the lost kisses.

Oh, ilo.

No, no, no, no. The hook's in front.

(KELLY MOANING)

Oh, Philo.

Sorry about that. It's hormonal.

I guess it's in my jeans.

I'll say it is.

Wanna dance, mama?YING)

Fineis oug to bterest

Would anyone care for a chse snack?

You're reaod, ba

I kn

Ohat'me set muffieh, Sn

(GING)

!

(JAZZ C PLAY \h\h\h\h\h\h\h(MED GROG)

What?

Uh, nothing.

\h\hNomorrow, we' be deg with volumewo in mylogy,

\h\h\h\h\h101 More Ways to Make \h\h\hr all, 't feelgers Feel tter wyou feafe?lly Safe.

I know I do.

(CHUCKLES)

Class!

This morning I'm going to give you a little lesson

on how to deal with terrorists.

Of course,

one of the main weapons

in dng witese \h\h\h\harthy s

is sure! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(SCRNG)

(GING)

I took a course.

What you're about to go through

is a simulated ditch drill.

You will be given actly ree minu

downhe chu and the lraft \h\h\hto get the passengers safetf the plane,

Wake up, Harpo.

Time is of the essence here.

\h\hIf youon've tho people offe exactlyhree mes,

well, you've all flunked the exercise.

PIMMIE: Ladies and gentlemen,

in any you nle.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(ALL CLAMORING Just move to the back of plane quiKeep it going.u.

Come on.

(WHOOPING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

By

se, well hav exitediately

is is emergency.

Darling, wdid not pay for first class tickets

is is emergency. \hslide down a moldchute into a raft.

I can't go without my rubber ducky.

LL LAUING)

Follow me!

w! Row

I lohis. t of gstuff.

Row!

(PASSENGERS HING)

nety sds lef

t, then't e.

You'ot goio make it.

What's the problem?

Beat mhip memake mite bad ecks,

but please join us for a glass of bubbly.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Go on, I'll take care of this.

Ok, I'm gonna check the galley, I' be rit behind you.G)

Check.

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

LL CHEERING)

PHILO:did it \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(A CHEERG)

it a me. W's Jole?

ALL: Jean?

Geronimo!

, if t's noing ellthI'ke to .

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yes. CRETAR Sir.

Mr. Stromboli would like to know if you'd be much longer.

He has a plane to catch.

Ask Mr. Stromboli to come in, please.

Roger, how are you?

Last time I saw youy, y.

ve grown

Won't you sit down? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThank you very much.

Well, wh can Ifor yo

The thing is that now I have this government inspection coming around

and if I don't get high grades in all areas of passenger service

they're gonna pull the rug from under me, Roger.

I'll be out of business.

Do I take it that you would like me to provide you

with a top flight crew from our graduating class?

Exactly, Roger. Yes!

If I can pass the inspection,

then I can add another fght at the end of the year,

and this way I can give the competition a run for their money.

Shall we say 500 bucks a head?

500? That's blackmail!

It wice eing ygain, Carl.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm really awfully busy.

Roger, I can give you 250. That is all I have.

350, aot a p less!

But, I'll throw in a pilot.

And so, it is with great pleasure

that as of, um,

10:15 this morning,

you are all...

(PHONE BUZZING)

Grummet!

Yes. What?

's culousI stro proteNo way \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGrummet!

Perhaps you'd like to stop by my office

and discuss an early retirement?

You wouldn't put me on the beach, would you?

Let me say once again

how very proud I am of all of you.

This has been a record year for student placements in the airline indtry.

If you will check the announcement board

This has been a record year fohe maill latacements inwe whave pde indtry.

the s of \h\he variairlin

and of stude \h\h\h\h\h\hth have invited

to cfly wihem. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hInclusio

I would just like to leave you with one thought.

(MAN SNORING) \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRemember,

en you go out there,

you are representing the Weidermeyer Academy.

So whatever you do,

do it with dignity.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Thank you.

Here we go. Breakfast in Paris.

Dinnern Rome.Di.

l right, ude. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hre we go

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hTWA. Stmboli Aies?

(CHUCKLING)

Well...

ROANS)

Weyou ge what paid \h\h\h\h\h\h\hMm

Hey, come on. I mean, it's not as bad as it all seems.

Yeah, Philo's right. Grummet made us all feel like we were no good.

Well, she's wrong!

\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYeah, Philo's riYeah! \h\h\h\h\h\h\hGrummet made us all feel ! like we were no good.

\h\hYeah, t noneyou re terllI .l.

(WHISPERING) She's under.

That's amazing.

Could you make her bark like a al while I pretend to give her a fish?

George. \h\h\hWhat?

Kelly Johnson.

Yes.

You are the most greful pn on e.

I am?

\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYes. Of course I .

You have the skill \hof a ballerina,

the hands of a surgeon,

the dexterity of

a Japanese sushi chef.

Now, hen I sny finger

you will wake up \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfeeling like the great \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hnew person you are.

This place looks a lot like the Bates Motel.

\h\hI arl Stoli, Wown thace.lcome.

The dr will ta care \h\h\hof your luggage, so please \h\h\hdo follow me. Thank you.

rry ab nice to you. \hthghts b off, seu.

but I have to cut do on expenses anywhere I can

to keep the airline going.

This way, please.

Oh, wow.

: Afteu.

Oh, look ais.

Hey. n't d on conies,

sit down. Come on, make yo.

\h\hThanyou, but it'my wifrah.eally nice.

e's thone withe goaste in the f.

, ladies and gentlemen, ease

I want you to say hello to my dear wife Sarah.

ALL: H Sarah.

Wow. Real food.

(CHUCKLES) Fst eat we' getw \hotherer.

That's right. Now, don't be shy. Dig in, comen.

Come on, come on, let's eat.

Oh, fu it.

Corn. . Thanu.

Anme pots.

\hyou cee whyis next ight o impot for

Every nickle I have is tied up in this plane.

And every nile I n't have.

What am I worried?

've g the crew around.

ally? When can we meet tm? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHuh?

George, he's talking about us.

Well, one thing's for sure Mr. Stromboli,

we'll make certain that the FAA inspector is happy.

ah, th'Weer do.It coulde an. but yosee, 'll never know who it is.

Somes theyn useprofesal pasr \h\h\hIt could be a man, frour sc.n.

I'm not worried. You know why? Because you are the ones

who gruated in the first o.

tomorrow's run will ba snap for you.

ALL: Tomorrow?

dies andentlemen,

and welcome to Stromboli Airlines

Flight 106, non stop to Atlanta.

We are now ready to board.

For those passengers needing special assistance

you may now step forward at this time, please.

Thank you.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGo to your right. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) you.

Y: Eases it.There yogo.

Hi. Right this way.

This way, sir. Let me help you. Ow!

ve a.., oh, oh.l.Hi. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAllow me, sir.

Take your hands ofme, you ol!

PaMajor .ROANING)

JOLEAN: \h\h\hssengers seated \h\h\hin rows 17 t26,

Georwhat aou doi Thers blSpecial obse ing alerfrom acade

I know the way.

Terrific.

nd You married?

Oh, yeah. You?

No, no, no.

Captain Biff likes to keep his runways clear.

\h\h\h\hMorning. Morning.

Oh, morning.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHi, doll. Captain Biff?

You're our pilot?

That's right. e you impressed?

Here we go, George. Close her up.

You got it.

sten yseatbe \h\h\hWhre youind?

What? Hmm?

Ladies and gentlemen,

please fasten your seatbelts and put your chairs back for take off.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking.

Atlanta Traffic Control informs me we'll be having some

adverse weather condition en route, so,

we'll be flying at 35, 000 feet today

to avoid most of the turbulence. Thank you.

You must be used to flying through storms, huh, Captain?

Storms?

What's Grummet doinon boa I ght we we ugh with her.just great.

rding tohe man as an server, come and fi reporth the.

Wh. Terrific.

Shit.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hVeal and water. Veal and w.

Thank you.

Here you are, sir, your veal and water.

Thank you very much.

Could I have some peanut, too, please?

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYes. Thank you very much.

May I put that some place for you, sir?

\h\h\hIt's a present Donfor my mother.

It's very fragile.

Oh, of course, sir.

I understand.

Ladies and gentlemen,

for the safety and convenience of our unsighted passengers

we will ring our cabin bell twice when the seatbelt sign is on

for the safety and convenience of od oncen it if.assengers

Thank you.

Where'my dri

(IN -PITCHOICE) Comingight up, sir.

Well, be quick abo it.

Yes, sir. What(YAWNS)u say.

Oh, could I take that for you, sir?

\h\h\h\h\h\h. And glass Ther . Thank you, (SIGHS)

IPS TAPE)

(LIGHTNING CRASHING)

(WIND WLING)

were gonit we're in t of tnce.etty good storm. Yt

(CGHS)

Are youMytacts!

ENS CRAC)

(KNOCK \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hLet elp yo

(BEEPS)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Sit right here.

You' no goo us \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou 't se (LIGHTNING )

Are all ri

(PANTING Like this is all a dream.

You mean a nightmare.

(LAUGHNIACAL

(GASNG) \h\h\h\h\h\hYou mean a nightmare.

Whatre you mosafraid o

Confinemt.

Closed spaces.

It'awful tit in he. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(LING) \h\h\h\hIsn'CREAMS

\h\h\h\h\hI ne air!I needir! Somethg's g with.

down!

Whs this guy's lem? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI ne air!I needir! \h\h\h\h\hSomethg's gI don't know.

EAMING

The pagers a gettreallyet. Whre we a do? cannoend the rest of the flight like thi

(PASER YEL

Troubl \h\h\hEa, prune ce!

(SCREAMS)

(SHUSH

e's a be sway alm hiwn.SStside.

(SHUSH \h\h\h\h, my G \h\h\h\h\ht're iur nos

(GAS

(TICKING)

(GIGGLG) \h\h\h(PSENGERPING)

IEVED )SKS)

Okay. Okay. Ok. )

ow jobtwo wo

Gee, uh,

I didn't think it'd be this rough way up here.

Is that normal?

Don't know. This i my first flight, Capta.

Oh, yeah, right.

RORISTGHING)

l righ

Turn around real slo

Snappyt... \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hut up!

ep youhands \h\h\hwhere I see '.

Oh, boy.OLY)

ROANING) \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAlght, fface!

\hWean do hing. Only plee, nt do t Pse dont shoot .lot!

ROANING) \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hDo it t, fface!

\h\h\h\h\h\hth I' got enohere \h\h\h\h\hhang and pu Okay. en Strom Airlihands.! I ww

I'taking mreport to the ctain rig now.

\h\h\h\h\h\hth I' got enohere \h\h\h\h\hhang and pu Okay. en StBlow it ouyour a!I ww

(GASPS) I ju thinkI'll a thato \hto the ctain rig now.

(LIGHT CRASHES) \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(SMS) \h\h\h\hOILET HES) (SCREAMS)

(GET SCRNG)

O: Holl(SEAMING)ING)

GRUM Oh, Okay. ay.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(SCREAMS) (GASPS) No.

I di't do anything. I was go.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(SCREAMS) (G this a hurt

is, 't itIs it?

(GAS HISSI)

REASESSSURE)

ALES DY)(INHAL DEEPLY)

I hope you guys like ch(BEEPING) your sun..)

(WEAMS)OWLING)

Heresit do

What t. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hhappehere?

smell r.

She'eathing.

's e! \h\hIts "aut Whats the chboar on theGoeter?

All ri let'get \h\hI did a quick headount, e and the guy in 30Cs missin

He musve jum

Who d jump o \h\h\h\hof alThy in 30 f

All ri

Who d jump o \h\h\h\h\h\hwant yo star searg thee \h\h\h\hof akly anietlyf

thout ming \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hpassen.

at arelooking r?

Un I mis guess, a bo

at'azing. knew yere a say th.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGeorge! I'm gone Whatyou th

Wellthink'll bay \h\h\h\ha whil autop.

Wait.

Wellthink'll bay \here ar \hsued to ? autop.

Wait. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdon'ow. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hw about we star

at the back of the plane and work our way up?

Good idea.

(BOMB TICKING)

\h\h\h\h\hWhat the hell's Now, Mr. Bterswort?

I'll get to the bottom of this.

o's there?

Are you e pilo

Yeah. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAru a pager? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hs!

Are you e pilo \h\h\h\h\hd I de to kn whats goin he!

(PPLE SCREING)Thanks.

MAhat ist thin

Portabicrowa

MAhat isat didsay?

\hn't ody kn anythi abou? Yogot a bobby pin?

ah.

\h\h\hn't odySomedy quihi abou? No! over, age some tos.

Everybody else secure the passengers d moveward.

ChecRule 4

ALL:p smil

ChecRule 4 \h\h\h\h\h\hHo shit!

pe you're in od moo

(LIGHTNINGRASHING)

parentot.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(BOMCKING)

'm a le slo

orge! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hrry, I'new to ts.

(LIGNG CRAG) (GEOSHUSHI

Now thoblem if I che wroire, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hthingld \h\h\h\h\h\hff in oufaces.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hPhilo! airlis thi Strap him in!at td

Ok

(JULEAIMPERI

Here goes. I'll get it.

(JULN GRUNNG)

(SQULS) You it!

GHS) Is noth

(BEEPS

AST TICKG)

Yodidn'do it.

Pl? \h\h\h\h\hI think it's time \h\h\h\h\hforRuay! B.

Oh! Oh

(SCREAMING)

an! Are you all right?

It's raining out.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, man, I need a drink.

Can I get you something?

Oh, man, Foet it. drink.

Captain, pressure's back to normal. Everyo's ay.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hw if I only Oh, man, I land tbaby Foet it. a dim.

\h\h\h\h\h\hCaptain, \ha minpressure's back to normal. He 't sether?s ay.

No!

'm taki over! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(ALLEAMING

No, Mrttersw!Listenwore ges. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hu wanny them

No, I this w \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hasatism ed \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hcular on.

Wa

Hey, e. Tryse.

\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\ha min \h\h\hT's itat', ut turnmu N(AHEERIN t head! We'!

(ALL WING)

Now it's all up to the FAA inspector who was on board.

Will the bailiff please call the final witness?

They're ready for you.

Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

I do.

r, wouou ple \h\hshwith uur impions

of whappened on Flight 1?

Frankly, it was the best flight I ever had.

Case dismissed.

(ALL CHEERING)

ANING)

's amazg. I k \hheas gonna say that.

BYEITH LANDRY PLAYING)

♪ Well, I feel so good

♪ When my feet Are off the ground

♪ And before I got toeaven

'm gotoonna y Stewool, dng

♪ Fly

(UPBBLUES ING)

\h\h\h\h♪ W I fee good ♪ BefI get eavenr \ha fly worldund

I'ing tow schoDon'y and me upt

\h\h♪ Im goin stew ol ♪ You it'nnavenr \haBe rightrldund

I'ing tow schoDon'y and me upt \h\h'm g to sschool \h\hing, g get mf \h\hToge and f

\h\h\h♪ Not can sme ♪ DAnd I'maybeme \hDotPup a fi meight

♪ Steschool!stew ol! \h\hm gonnow youow

♪ Stew school! I'm gonna make it l right

♪ Well, my tank was empty Thought my soul was gonna die

♪ So I had to get back Up and running It was really fun

♪ I'm going to stew school Don't try to stop me tonight

♪ I'm going to stew school I know it's gonna be all right

♪ Well, I'm going To stew school, darling

♪onna get melf Toer and f

Don'y to sme ton

♪ I'♪ I'gonna en up \h\h\hbrTheavy l

\h\h\hI'ing tow scho No one c stop meow

en up 'm gomake il righ

tow scho I'm a makeall riow

Stew ol! I'gonna you h

tew sc! I'nna Mat all t ♪