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1
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:18,620
How dare you?
2
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,000
How dare you put your hands on me,
you filth?!
3
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:25,040
When my associates get word
of this brutality,
4
00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:27,590
you'll find yourself on the wrong end
of a disintegration beam.
5
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:28,800
You can count on that.
6
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,920
Fifty and 60.
7
00:00:32,550 --> 00:00:33,880
Pleasure doing business with you.
8
00:00:33,970 --> 00:00:37,850
Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it.
You hear me? This is your lucky day!
9
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:44,440
Damn it!
10
00:00:49,110 --> 00:00:52,440
I bet you never thought
you'd see this face again, did you?
11
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:55,530
You are correct because
I have never seen you before in my life.
12
00:00:55,610 --> 00:00:58,870
Wait, did you try and sell me
a used shuttle last year?
13
00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:00,160
No!
14
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,040
Tevrin Krit?
15
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,000
You slept with my sister
16
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,920
and stole my family's sacred cudgel.
17
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,670
Mr. Krit, with all due respect,
18
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:11,000
I haven't the foggiest idea
of what you're talking about.
19
00:01:11,090 --> 00:01:15,760
That cudgel was passed down
by my ancestors for over a hundred years.
20
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,090
I was going to give it to my son.
21
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:19,390
A "cudgel"? Is that...?
22
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:23,220
Yeah, are you... Are you saying "cudgel"?
I've never heard of that.
23
00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:26,390
- Is that some sort of kitchen implement?
- It's a hand weapon
24
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,230
used for close-quarters combat!
25
00:01:28,310 --> 00:01:30,980
I have never seen nor heard of a cudgel.
26
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:32,570
You're getting your humans confused.
27
00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:34,490
No, I am a gentleman
of the highest caliber.
28
00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:38,070
Wherever you go,
people sing the praises of Harry Mudd.
29
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,780
We must all look alike to you,
which is an easy mistake
30
00:01:40,870 --> 00:01:43,240
to make for a gentleman su... Oh.
31
00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:44,950
Harcourt Fenton Mudd.
32
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:48,250
Wanted by the Federation
on 30 counts of smuggling,
33
00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:50,540
20 counts of attempted homicide,
34
00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:52,750
one count of attempted regicide...
35
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,710
Regicide.
36
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,300
He was a duke. Hardly counts as regicide.
37
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:59,720
What are we attempting to murder now?
Accuracy?
38
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,760
Transportation of stolen goods,
39
00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:03,350
and one count of...
40
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,100
penetrating a space whale?
41
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:10,810
You kind of had to be there.
42
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:18,700
Sounds to me like you pissed off
the wrong planetary alliance.
43
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,280
They slapped a hundred thousand-credit
bounty on your head,
44
00:02:23,370 --> 00:02:26,080
and I'm so, so glad
45
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,370
that I'll be the one to profit
off your downfall.
46
00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:32,340
Something to think about
during our journey.
47
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:36,380
This has all been a big misunderstanding.
What do you say we talk this out,
48
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:40,180
combine forces,
and locate your cudgel together?
49
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,560
I'm sure you're used to worming your way
out of these situations like this.
50
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,720
But not today.
51
00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:50,310
I assure you, I have never been
in a situation like this before.
52
00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,190
How dare you?
53
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,650
How dare you put your hands on me,
you filth?!
54
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:02,370
When my associates get word
of this brutality, they'll...
55
00:03:03,030 --> 00:03:04,870
You better hope these bindings hold,
56
00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:08,910
or I'll carve off your skin
like a suckling targ.
57
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,370
No, no, wait, not my face.
58
00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:15,460
Well, maybe I have been falsely accused
once or twice.
59
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,670
I can't help it
if my reputation precedes me.
60
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,470
I am a memorable man.
61
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:22,890
It's all scuttlebutt and hogwash,
I assure you.
62
00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:31,850
Oh, great.
63
00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:33,150
Oh, wait a minute.
64
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,980
A dim memory is bubbling
to the surface of my consciousness.
65
00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:41,700
Of course, Tevrin Krit.
66
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,700
With a... With a T, Tevrin. I was thi...
67
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,330
I had a romantic encounter
with your sister.
68
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:49,870
Yes, how could I ever forget?
69
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,620
A forbidden tryst.
70
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:55,880
Oh, her tusks prodded my face,
71
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,460
her stubble grazed my lips.
72
00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:03,510
Oh, it was overwhelmingly seductive.
73
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:07,220
Yes, and in a fit of passion,
I absconded with your cudgel
74
00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:10,930
to keep as a memento of our secret love.
75
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,770
And I'm not proud to say that...
76
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,110
I sold it.
77
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:21,900
Your cudgel is now in parts unknown,
and I am so very sorry.
78
00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:25,820
You'll be even sorrier
when I hand you over to Starfleet.
79
00:04:25,910 --> 00:04:26,950
I had to sell it.
80
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:29,700
We were low on capital.
81
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,830
I really shouldn't be telling you this,
but I'm a member of the resistance.
82
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:36,460
The Federation won't stop
83
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:39,300
until they've consolidated power
across the entire quadrant.
84
00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:43,720
Sure, they blather and prevaricate
about peaceful exploration,
85
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,720
but what they're really after
is total hegemonic supremacy.
86
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,060
I've never heard of any resistance.
87
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,640
That's because it's a secret resistance.
88
00:04:55,230 --> 00:04:58,230
Nobody knows about it
except the resisters,
89
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:02,190
which I am one of them.
90
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,030
Look, we're not so different, you and I,
91
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:07,200
both forced to fight for scraps
on the fringes.
92
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:12,040
Heh. If only there was a way
that we could work together. Hm?
93
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:14,290
Pool our resources.
94
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:15,870
- Take control of our destiny.
- Yes.
95
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,580
You have to see the wisdom in that.
96
00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:23,460
Has that line ever worked on anyone?
97
00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:25,470
It's a not a line!
98
00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:29,140
I'm telling you,
I see something special in you.
99
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,220
We're kindred spirits.
100
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,560
Hey. Hey.
101
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,060
I'm telling you, we're kindred spirits.
102
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,560
Stop dragging your feet.
103
00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:42,480
You are surprisingly strong
for your diminutive stature.
104
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,320
Oh, you're throwing my center off-balance.
105
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,860
I am of normal height.
106
00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:49,200
It is not my problem
you are freakishly weak.
107
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,830
Okay, okay.
108
00:05:50,910 --> 00:05:53,290
You know, we're not so dissimilar,
you and I.
109
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:56,460
Both forced to fight for scraps
on the fringes.
110
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:58,290
Maybe we could work together.
111
00:05:58,370 --> 00:06:00,130
Control our destiny.
112
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,460
Surely, you can see the wisdom in that.
113
00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:08,180
A coalition would give us more leverage
against the Federation.
114
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,640
But how can I trust you?
115
00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:14,020
We would both benefit from an alliance.
Why would I lie?
116
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,480
Because you're driven by insatiable greed.
117
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,730
Precisely.
118
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:23,230
So, unbind me now so we can turn
a bad situation into good business.
119
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,450
Is that a "no"?
120
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:31,820
- What are you looking for?
- None of your concern.
121
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,240
Have you lost track of your ship?
122
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:38,710
Maybe if you were a little taller,
you wouldn't get lost so often.
123
00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:41,580
I know exactly where I am at all times.
124
00:06:46,630 --> 00:06:48,470
What kind of bounty hunter loses her ship?
125
00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:51,430
The kind who would never be
in a partnership with you!
126
00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:52,760
All right.
127
00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:55,180
You know, the light dappling down
through those sewer grates
128
00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:57,350
accentuates your exceptional beauty.
129
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:58,560
Be silent.
130
00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,850
Are you spoken for romantically
131
00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:03,230
'cause I would love to show you
the 27 moons of Tartus IV.
132
00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:07,780
You are a much better captor.
She was far too emotional.
133
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,660
I thought you were supposed to be rich.
134
00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:14,240
Oh, a common misconception,
but I have not a jot to my name.
135
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,580
- Ha!
- No, I speak the truth.
136
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:20,250
Any fortune I may have had has been
liberated by the Federation tax man.
137
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:23,830
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere,
138
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,300
instead of being chained up
in this piece of...
139
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,050
Lovely cruiser.
140
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:31,880
I don't buy it.
141
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:35,430
- I bet you stashed away a fortune.
- Oh, no.
142
00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:39,430
Trust me.
I am the poorest man you've ever met.
143
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:44,810
I'm telling you, I'm rich.
You let me down from here.
144
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,070
I'll make it worth your while.
145
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:50,110
I'm listening.
146
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:53,110
You'll never have to set foot
in a slum like this again.
147
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,080
I'll give you so much latinum,
you'll be able to wear a cape
148
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,790
and nobody will be able to say anything
149
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:01,790
because rich people
get to do whatever they want.
150
00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:05,380
Your enemies will be positively green
with envy.
151
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:10,300
- Greener, so to speak.
- Hmm.
152
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:13,590
You'll be invited
to only the finest soirees.
153
00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:17,760
- I would look good in a cape.
- You would look amazing in a cape.
154
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,860
Hey, imbecile, you know we got a camera
in here, right?
155
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:36,620
I nearly had him tricked
into thinking that I wanted his money.
156
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,910
You're relieved.
157
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:48,670
So, you have me wrapped in chains,
in a cell, and suspended from the ceiling.
158
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,130
Is there a word in your language
for "overkill?"
159
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,050
You seem nice. What's your name?
160
00:08:57,090 --> 00:09:00,220
Your skin is luxuriously green.
161
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:02,980
Like a delectable lime.
162
00:09:06,350 --> 00:09:09,650
You know, this may be your lucky day.
163
00:09:10,190 --> 00:09:14,280
I know the secret whereabouts
of a treasure ship, which we could...
164
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:24,120
No. Krit, no!
165
00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:27,540
This is Federation starship
De Milo. Please identify yourself.
166
00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:29,040
Oh, don't be so naive.
167
00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:32,380
Don't your people have any kind
of code of conduct?
168
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:36,090
This is Tellarite merchant vessel
D-bar seven five six
169
00:09:36,180 --> 00:09:39,800
- requesting permission to approach.
- Permission granted.
170
00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:45,180
So, do you think you've talked me
into lowering my guard?
171
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:50,820
This is your last chance to use that knife
you've got stashed in your boot.
172
00:09:57,910 --> 00:10:00,950
Do you want me to beg?
'Cause I am not above begging.
173
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:02,450
Please, no.
174
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,370
If those Federation lunatics
get ahold of me,
175
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,960
they'll skin me alive
and blow me out an airlock.
176
00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:11,590
No, I... I'm sorry about your cudgel.
That was...
177
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:15,920
Was deeply wrong of me,
but you're better than this.
178
00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:18,470
Tellarites are better than this.
179
00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:21,640
Go on.
180
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,720
Take me home with you.
181
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:25,560
I'll polish your tusks.
182
00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:29,690
I'll braid your little beard. Please.
183
00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:34,190
I'll clean the lavatories in...
On your... On this ship.
184
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:36,110
Anything,
185
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,740
but just don't hand me over to them.
Please.
186
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:44,540
Two to beam over.
187
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,750
Goddamn it, you motherf...
188
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:52,290
Curse the day
I met your pig-faced sister.
189
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,920
Welcome to the De Milo.
How can we be of...?
190
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:56,210
Oh.
191
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:59,380
Tevrin Krit,
pleased to make your acquaintance.
192
00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:02,760
More than happy to turn this sack of durf
over for the bounty.
193
00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:06,520
Officer, I apologize
for this disgusting space homunculus.
194
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,560
I'd say you get used to the smell,
but you really don't.
195
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:11,650
Follow me.
196
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:15,570
Do you transfer the latinum to my account,
or just give it me in one big bar?
197
00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:21,280
I assume you bought Mr. Mudd
from some tall, female bounty hunter.
198
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,910
It was a fair deal.
199
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:24,830
The bounty's all mine.
200
00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:27,870
True, but this is not Harcourt Mudd.
201
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:30,290
My scanner says he is.
202
00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:33,130
He is an android duplicate of Mr. Mudd,
203
00:11:33,790 --> 00:11:36,210
thinly skinned with replicant DNA
204
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,630
and programmed to distract you
205
00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:40,760
until it's too late
for you to demand a refund.
206
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:44,850
Bounty hunters have been showing up
all week with these monstrosities.
207
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,600
- Hello.
- Someone took you for a ride.
208
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,640
- Hello.
- Oh, that's excellent.
209
00:11:55,650 --> 00:11:57,150
You're very good.
210
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:01,650
- Has anyone ever told you that before?
- Just gorgeous.
211
00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:07,450
Mudd, tell him you're real.
212
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:12,710
No!
213
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,670
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.
214
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,290
...sipping jippers on a beach somewhere.
215
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:20,880
If I had any money, I'd be sipping
jippers on a beach somewhere.
216
00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:25,050
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.
217
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:28,470
- If I had any money...
- Jippers on a beach, jippers on a beach.
218
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,980
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.
219
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:34,020
Jippers on a beach, jippers on a beach.
220
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,460
Your jipper, ma'am.
221
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,730
- Thank you, Mudd.
- You're welcome, Mudd.
222
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:17,230
Watch where you're going. I'm mopping.
223
00:13:18,270 --> 00:13:19,440
Delicious jipper.
224
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,150
Incoming transmission.
225
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,490
Will you excuse me, boys?
I have to take this.
226
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:26,910
Deactivate!
227
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:34,580
Yes, I hear you're looking for Harry Mudd.
228
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:39,880
You can take him off my hands for 50,000.
229
00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:45,010
Excellent. I'll meet you there.
230
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:50,640
Oh, would you happen to be interested
231
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:53,180
in a slightly used cudgel?17388
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