Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Cousin, cousin, cousin.

I've got some amazing news. You better sit down.

I am sitting.

Well, then stand up.

All right, now sit down.

I had been waiting and waiting to find just the right time to tell you.

Do you know how Ms. Lydia is always wanting

exciting new scripts for her theater group?

Mmm-hmm. Oh, don't tell me you gave Lydia my play!

Okay, I won't tell you, but then I won't have any news.

You wanna make popcorn or...

Balki, I can't believe you gave her my script without my permission.

My play, Wheat, is still a work in progress. Oh, I'll be humiliated!

The theater group will hate it!

I'll be a laughing stock!

They've been rehearsing for weeks.

Everyone loves it!

Well, cousin, I've never actually read it

that the stage is brilliantly managed by me.

I'm the stage manager!

They forgot my name!

I've been practicing in the shower all week.

Cousin, cousin, come on. I'm gonna give you...

I'm gonna give you a complete tour of the theater.

Now, this is the stage.

And, and these... These are the chairs.

And that's just about it.

Oh, hi, Larry! I love your play! (CHUCKLES)

I bet you were really excited when Balki told you we're doing it?

I sure was. (LYDIA CHUCKLES)

I based the character of Lawrence on, well, me.

Cousin! Cousin, cousin, look! Look! See them two guys?

The guy on the left, he's the director, Trevor McNeil.

And the guy on the right is the star of the show, Brad Oliver.

You've seen him before!

I have? Yes!

He was our waiter.

Now, Brad, your character of Lawrence is, is basically a buffoon.

So your underlying motivation is...

(STUTTERS) Buffoonery?

Bravo, Brad! Yeah! (CHUCKLES)

Thanks, Trevor, I'm depending on your guidance

to help make this Lawrence character a complete bonehead. (LAUGHS)

Good, good. And look, don't let the words get in your way.

We can always change them later, huh?

Ho...ho...whoa, whoa, no!

No. No, no, no, you, you can't change the words. The words are sacred.

Who are you? I'm Larry Appleton. The author of Wheat.

And Wheat is perfect as it is.

Every word is in its proper place.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

This is your first play, and you think you've written a masterpiece.

Well, I'll tell you what. If you work real hard,

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Just a minute. Cousin Larry happens to be a published writer.

He fills in the bubbles for the cartoon Dimitri's World.

Ooh, that's very impressive.

Now be a good little playwright and get off my stage.

(STUTTERS) I bet you thought that The King And I

was the story of Elvis and Priscilla!

You mean it's not?

I don't need this aggravation, huh?

I don't need this play! I quit!

Well, good! Who needs him?

I do! He's my ride.

I quit!

(STUTTERS) Well, you still want to put on this play, don't you?

Boy, I'm guessing Trevor has a van.

Larry, I just ran into Trevor in the hall!

I cannot believe that you made him quit!

Well, then, so, you'll get another director. (SCOFFS)

You know, that, that would really help me out a lot.

It would give me time to perfect my curtain-closing.

Every time I practice in the shower,

someone's in it and they scream and ruin my timing.

Well, I suppose we could postpone,

but I don't know if Clive Rich will be available in two months.

Clive Rich... Cli... Clive Rich?

The Clive Rich was going to review my play?

He was going to be here on opening night,

No, wait, Lydia! Don't, don't call anyone.

You know the old show business saying?

Feed a cold, starve an actor?

I will be the director and I, Larry Appleton, will star in Wheat.

All right, all right, everybody!

I know it's only a few days until we open,

but I've been up all night rewriting Wheat.

So that the five of us can handle it, all right?

Now, I will play Lawrence, the lead role and narrator.

Balki, you will be my brother Billy.

Jennifer, Lois.

Mary Anne, Bobbi Sue.

And Lydia, the Apple Lady.

Larry, we have never acted.

We're gonna make fools of ourselves!

The only thing I ever acted in was the sixth grade hygiene pageant.

I played Little Miss Gingivitis.

There is nothing to worry about. I will guide you through.

I know everything there is to know about the theater.

In college, I was the head ticket taker.

Larry, I just read the description of Lois.

a nice long discussion about why you think your wife should play your mother.

(STUTTERS) We'll talk about it later.

Why don't you go with Lydia and Mary Anne

learn the lines for the wheatfield scene

and Balki and I will start rehearsal on stage.

At least in this play I won't be washed off the stage by a giant Waterpik.

Cousin, um, I have two small problems.

I'll give you the big one first.

If I play your brother Billy

how am I gonna still be able to pull the curtain?

I've got a lot of time invested in that.

Really? Okay. Yes.

Now, what's your second problem?

(STAMMERS) Why not?

Well, because Billy in the script is a mean, angry person,

and I don't think I can be someone mean and angry.

It's too different from what I am.

So, um, I was thinking

maybe if Billy was an immigrant mail boy

who now draws a cartoon... Mmm-hmm.

Balki, you don't have to be a mean person

to act a mean character in a play.

See, you just, you just have to think of a mean person

and then you become that person.

So just, just think of somebody who is really mean.

I don't know anyone really mean.

Sure you do. (STUTTERS) Wait, oh, wait.

He used to always steal your lunch

Uh, Brunos.

I can't talk about that, cousin.

You don't have to think about what he did to you. (EXHALES)

Just, just think about who he was.

Just describe him. Hmm?

Well...

(SMACKS LIPS)

He was as big as an ox. Mmm-hmm.

He was as strong as an ox. Mmm-hmm.

He smelled like an ox. Mmm-hmm.

(STUTTERS) Wait a minute.

(MUMBLING)

Brunos. Think of Brunos. Think of Brunos.

Oh. (SIGHS) Yeah.

I got him. I got him. Okay, all right, all right.

When he talked, it was like thunder.

Mmm-hmm. Okay, okay. How did he move?

When he walked, the whole island shook.

He wasn't invited out very often.

He wasn't invited out very often?

No. Why not?

Because he was big and smelly and scary.

Angry! Mmm-hmm.

Angry! All right. Good! Good!

Become Brunos!

(SCREAMS)

It's Friday night and I'm all alone. (CHOKING)

And I smell bad!

Great! Great! You're doing great!

You're doing great! Oh!

All right, all right. Now, come on, let's just...

Let's just try it with the lines, okay?

Okay. All right, all right. Here we go.

Angry, angry. Angry!

Good! Okay, okay. All right. (SIGHS)

Billy... Uh, yeah.

"I did. What are you going to do about it?"

No, no, no. You lost the anger.

You lost the anger. It all went right out the window.

All right, what you have to do...

You have to retain the anger when you say the lines.

All right, all right, what we need is a word

that will help you to become Brunos.

A key word that will set off your memory of Brunos

when he was at his meanest.

Uh... Well, uh, when I was on my way to school.

You'd be on your way to school.

I'd have my lunch, and I'd be crossing over the bridge.

Path to school. Okay, all right.

(SNAPS FINGERS) I've got it. Lunch.

Bridge.

All right... (MUMBLING) School. (SIGHS)

Bridge.

Bridge!

Bridge! Bridge!

I've got it. Bridge!

(SCREAMING)

Great! Great! You're doing great!

Yes! Yes! Yes! All right! All right!

Every time you hear that word, you will become Brunos! Yeah.

Now, we can put that word anywhere in the script!

All right, come on. Let's try it with the lines. Okay.

Here we go. Here we go.

Yeah. Okay. Ready? All right, here we go.

I did! What are you gonna do about it? (GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SHUSHING)

Wheat.

Miles and miles of wheat.

In an era of depression and hardship,

there emerged a young man struggling to save his family

from a failed wheat crop and economic decline.

All while trying to realize his dream of becoming an author.

I'm Lawrence, and this is my story...

Wheat.

This is my mother. Ma.

Ma was a hard-working woman who paid the price of pioneer life.

Her face was as dry and cracked as the drought-ridden earth.

She was 40, but looked 60.

Every afternoon, Ma summoned me to supper

with her pleasant, almost melodic voice.

But she wasn't feeling well today.

(STUTTERS) But no matter how she felt

Ma was always waiting there to greet me with a hug.

Except Tuesday.

There was no hugging on Tuesdays.

We always used to enjoy-- Hello, Lawrence.

It is I, your brother Billy! (STUTTERS) Not now!

Get off the stage! Not now! Go, go, go, go! Go away! Go away!

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

(YELLING INDISTINCTLY) (OBJECTS CLATTERING)

We always used to enjoy a visit from...

From the Apple Lady.

One of the Apple Lady's favorite activities was to gossip.

Once she started talking, there was no stopping her.

So, Apple Lady, what's new?

Well...

So, Apple Lady, what's new?

Lydia. Lydia.

One of the Apple Lady's second favorite activities

was to come into a room and stand there like a stone.

Mary Anne?

Hello, Lawrence! It is I, your brother Billy!

Not now, not yet! No, no! Get Mary Anne!

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Some of my fondest memories were of my sweetheart love

Bobbi Sue. Hi, Bobbi Sue!

Hi, Lawrence!

Bobbi Sue was very considerate.

She always brought over a bottle of fresh milk from her cow Bessie.

I couldn't find the milk.

Lawrence, may I pour you a tall, cold glass of...

Oh, now that doesn't work at all, does it?

And so Bobbi Sue and Ma

moved to the big city.

And they took the Apple Lady with them

to use as a doorstop.

(STAMMERS) And with Ma and the rest of them gone...

I was able to spend time alone with my brother Billy.

My brother Billy!

Hello, Lawrence, it is I, your brother Billy!

On the surface, Billy was a... Oh, God!

On the surface, Billy was a...

(INDISTINCT MURMURS)

On the surface, Billy was a good kid

but underneath, there lurked a time bomb waiting to explode.

So, Billy...

Who parked the thresher down by Old Creek Bridge?

I did! What are you gonna do about it, huh?

Nothing! Nothing! I'm sorry I asked!

You're doing great!

Sure, Billy had his problems.

Heck, we all had our problems

but he was able to bridge that gap.

Sometimes, Billy could be an understanding

kind, thoughtful and filled with compassion.

A caring brother.

Whose only thought was the happiness of his family.

Wherever Billy went there was only love.

(CHOKING) Shut up and give me your lunch!

(SCREAMING)

(CLATTERING)

I guess today's the day that Billy goes off to college!

Bye, Billy! Write!

He never will.

(STAMMERS) So, where was I? Oh, hmm...

Wheat.

Aha!

Spring break already?

Calm down, Balki.

Billy had trouble adjusting to college.

And like many struggling freshman,

he developed a bizarre furniture throwing disorder.

Sure, sure, there were barriers between us.

But Billy was always able to tear 'em down! Oh, God.

Now you're going off the bridge!

(SCREAMING)

WOMAN: Curtain!

Curtain? That's my job.

LARRY: (GROANS) Yeah. All right. Now let's get you comfortable.

Cousin, I'm... Cousin, I'm sorry I threw you off the stage.

I'll never forgive myself for causing you to black out

and miss my curtain closing. (GRUNTING) Yeah.

Oh!

(GROANS)

No, no, Mary Anne, Mary Anne, that's the good cushion, don't do that.

Oh!

Okay. Oh!

(GROANING AND GRUNTING)

(SIGHS) I know, I know. I did it again.

I couldn't leave well enough alone.

If I hadn't taken over the play

Oh, now, come on, cousin. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Larry? LARRY: Uh-huh.

Oh, no, no, please.

(STAMMERS) I mean, I'm just glad the whole thing is over and done.

Oh, as far as I'm concerned, it's just all water under the bridge.

(SCREAMS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)