All language subtitles for Masters of Sex S03E06

Previously on Masters Of Sex...

Joy: He showed me
three apartments just today.

We talked about this, Libby--
our dissatisfaction.

Libby:
Yes, but it was just talk.

Paul: It's Joy.

She... She collapsed.

"Catastrophic" was the word
they kept using.

Johnny:
I don't want to talk about it.

William: Well, what you want
isn't the issue.

Johnny: I just said,
so shut up about it!

Libby:
This is not about you, Bill.

This is about our son,
and our son needs help.

Apparently, this Dennis has been
picking on him for weeks.

You swung these knuckles
into my son's face.

I know you're smart enough
to know that if a doctor--

if a doctor threatens you,

no one can protect you.

Edna: Pawning off this poor baby
to some babysitter

when you're going off
to do your sex work.

Harry: I know you feel
your mother's hard on you,

but it's because she worries.

Virginia:
She doesn't worry about me.

Edna:
I underestimated you.

Virginia: You did?

Edna:
All you've got to do

is get him to leave his wife
and marry you.

Dan: Are you all right?

Virginia: How would you like
to take me to dinner sometime?

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Holly: The Marshfield fair.

Virginia: I'm sorry?

Holly: Candy apples.

It reminds me
of when I was little,

and my dad would buy them for me
at the fair.

They had this rich,
crackly, toffee coating.

I'm practically drooling
just thinking about them.

Virginia: Not exactly the
lubrication we were looking for.

Dan: Mnh-mnh.

Virginia: Thank you, Holly.

Feel free to get dressed now.

Dan: So, smells elicit emotions
rather than arousal,

leaving us... nowhere.

Virginia: That is
the general vicinity.

Dan:
And even if we wanted emotion,

every reaction is unique,

meaning we'd have to customize
a specific scent

for each customer,
which would be like

moving the French Riviera
one grain of sand at a time.

Virginia: Do you know anything
about gypsy moths?

Dan: Their natural habitat
is not the French Riviera.

Virginia:
No, "Nature" magazine

published a piece
on gypsy moths recently,

about this substance
that they secrete,

called pheromones,
an aphrodisiac of sorts,

secreted by the female moths
to attract the males

at great distances.

Dan: The length
of a crowded barroom?

Virginia: Try 30 miles.

And the strangest thing
about pheromones

is that they're not something
that you smell.

They're sensed.

Dan: If we can bottle the human
equivalent of pheromones,

we could have exactly what
I've been looking for all along.

A "love potion," essentially.

Virginia: Except
there's no conclusive evidence

that human pheromones
even exist,

never mind are ready
for packaging.

Dan: Oh, they exist.

For example, inexplicably,

a few weeks ago,
you asked me out to dinner.

It was as if some unseen force
compelled you,

because every time
I've brought it up since,

you've managed
to worm your way out of it.

Virginia: No, I have not
wormed my way out of it.

Dan: Then have dinner
with me tonight.

Fine. Then drinks down
the street at the tap room.

Virginia: Can I just
be honest with you?

I have no idea why I asked you
out that night, but...

it was wrong.

So why don't we have
a cup of coffee,

downstairs, in the lobby, and--

and we can use the time
to strategize

about how we might go
about... procuring pheromones.

Dan: We can strategize.

But now let me be honest
with you.

You're a woman who deserves
more than coffee in some lobby.

You deserve, well...

what we might call
a proper courtship.

William:
[ Breathing heavily ]

Paul: You're running like you've
got the devil on your tail.

Is everything all right?

William: I was just, uh...

I was just thinking...

about how sometimes
people seem to just...

They'll be slipping away.

Paul: Who's "people"?

William: Uh...

just my son, John, for example.

I just asked him this morning

if he wanted to come see a
Cardinal/Bears game next Sunday.

Paul: You got nothing, huh?

- Wilam: Yeah.
- Paul: That's funny.

'Cause I was just talking
to a former Cardinal,

a friend, Al Neely.

William: Al "The Ape" Neely?

Paul: Yeah, we played together
at Nebraska.

He, uh-- he married that
actress, Isabella Ricci?

Well, anyway,
she's been twisting his arm,

trying to get him
to go see somebody

about their bedroom problems.

They'd heard of you
and, uh... about flipped

when I told them
we were neighbors.

They wanted me to put in
a good word, you know?

Maybe-- maybe you'd see them.

William: You don't have
to put in a good word.

Just have them call the office.

Paul: All right, I will.

William:
You're still coaching, right?

- Kids' football?
- Paul: Yeah.

William:
You need an assistant coach?

Paul: You?

William: Why not?

You know...
why not try?

If you don't try...
nothing happens.

Or... things happen
that you don't want to happen.

Anyway, uh, Johnny could run out
for the team.

I could help you coach.

So, what do you say?

Libby:
I think it's a terrible idea.

William: Well, I was already
playing football at his age.

It'll be good for him.

Libby: He will be in there
with boys twice his size.

He could easily be injured.

William: You can't mollycoddle
the boy, Libby.

Libby: Who is mollycoddling?

I'm simply saying
he is not a football player.

William: Well, certainly not
if he doesn't try.

Libby: Bill...

the planetarium
has a wonderful film

on the origins of the universe.

Johnny would love that.

William: Well,
I've already promised Paul

I'd help him coach.

Libby: You are gonna coach
youth football?

William: "Spend more time
with the children."

That's your constant refrain,
so that's what I'm gonna do.

Johnny will play, I will coach.
And now I'm late for my dinner.

Libby: You have a dinner?

William:
It's work, Lib, like always.

Edna:
I've told all my friends, Bill,

that we have a famous author
in our family now.

Harry: Edna keeps expecting

to see you hobnob
on Linkletter's "House Party."

[ Both laugh ]

William: Well, if by "family,"
you mean your daughter,

certainly there would be
no book at all

without her participation.

Edna: It's just
such a rare treat

to spend quality time
with you, Bill.

Harry: Time does fly,
doesn't it?

I was just saying to Edna
how eerie it is--

Edna:
We need to get a move on.

Harry: Your mother's
got this crazy idea

about taking the baby out
for ice cream.

Virginia: Mom,
Lisa is 3 months old...

Edna: A baby can't appreciate
ice cream?

[ Chuckles ] Plus, it's a nice
break for you and Bill.

You can just relax and talk
about something other than work.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Harry, please...

William:
Is she trying to set us up?

Virginia: And so subtly,
don't you think?

William: Well, how did
she come by such a notion?

Virginia: Not from me.

William: As much as I would like
to take you upstairs...

Virginia: Having my mother
arrange it is...

grotesque, to say the least.

William: How long
before they go back home?

Well, then we'll just have
to... make other arrangements.

It won't do for us to be
separated this long, Virginia.

Libby: It's true.

I lied, and I...
deceived my husband.

That is how my firstborn
came to be.

Did I never tell you this?

We'd been trying for years.

Bill let me think that
the problem was me, of course.

Anyway, I, um...

I underwent
this capping procedure

that Bill invented himself,

because Bill is... brilliant
that way.

And suddenly, I was pregnant.

I was so happy.

And then I had a miscarriage.

And Bill said, "No more."

"No more trying."

It was just gonna be the two
of us for the rest of our days.

[ Chuckles ]

So I-- I got my doctor
to secretly inseminate me

using the-- the remainder
of Bill's sperm, and...

like a gift from heaven,
it worked.

Although...

I think whatever feelings
that Bill had for me,

they died that night
that he realized I deceived him,

that he was gonna be a father
after all.

I think you could use a clip.

[ Gasps ]
You startled me.

Paul: I'm sorry.

I was just watching you
and thinking...

thank God for Libby Masters.

Libby: Oh.

Paul: You've been so kind to Joy
and beyond generous to me.

Over these past few months,

if it hadn't been for you,
I don't...

Libby: Of course.
Anything for friends.

Harry: Your mother's
rocking the baby,

humming "Chattanooga
Choo Choo"...

Honey, Lisa lapped up every last
drop of that ice cream--

Virginia: Did you know she was
going to do that tonight,

throw Bill at me in that way?

You did.

And did you also know that
she has told me to marry Bill?

Harry:
She did mention something.

Virginia: Well, I hope you
told her she's out of her mind.

Harry:
And what good would that do?

Our first date, your mother
and I went to the movies.

I showed up in shirt-sleeves,

and she wore her grandmother's
mink stole.

She's always imagined herself
being someplace better,

someplace else other than
wherever she actually is.

I think she pictured herself
going to galas

on the arm of some politician
or doctor or lawyer,

and instead,
she ended up with me.

Virginia: Please.
She would be lost without you.

Harry: And I know that.

We all need stories to tell
ourselves, and that's hers.

Betty: Well, we can probably
skip the tour.

Jane: I'm not sure two hours
a day warrants my own office.

Betty: Mm.
You're gonna need that.

Mail's up to
a thousand letters a day.

They want you to answer anything

that doesn't compare them to
Satan or damn them both to hell.

Jane: Oh, my God.
Is that--

Betty: Shh!
Lower your voice.

This is a doctor's office,
not Grauman's Chinese.

Jane: Isabella Ricci.

[ Sighs ]

Those lips have touched
Rock Hudson's lips.

They touched Perry Como's lips.

Betty: And look at my lips

when I tell you
nobody knows they're here,

which means you do not know
they're here.

Jane: Can I just
walk through the lobby?

Betty: You cannot.

Jane: Can I just say
that I have to pee?

I've had two kids.

By the time I get out there,
it'll be true.

Betty: Clickity-clack, Jane.
Clickity-clack.

Al: Paul tells me
you're a big football fan.

William:
I still remember the game

you ran 200 yards
against the Colts.

Al: 203 yards,
but who's counting, right?

Isabella: Our friend Sandy
absolutely raves about you two.

Sandra Dee.

Virginia: Oh, I don't--

I don't believe we've ever
worked with Miss Dee.

- Isabella: She read your book.
- Virginia: Ah.

Isabella: And if you ever want
tickets to any game...

What game can we get, Al?

Al: How does 50 yard line,

Unitas against
the Steelers sound?

Isabella: Don Shula won't have
the access you'll have.

Any game, any time.

Al: And I have friends
at the Ice Capades, too,

in case you're interested.

Virginia:
Oh, that's... very generous.

But, uh, why don't we proceed
with why you're here?

Al: Right. So...

Explain how me
not touching my wife sexually

is gonna fix things
in the sex department.

William: We've found
that non-sexual touching

removes the pressure
and expectations

sometimes associated with sex.

We understand
that may seem incongruous

to what it is
you're trying to achieve,

but we've had a very high
success rate

with sensate therapy
in cases like your wife's.

Isabella: Just to think
the word "frigidity"

and this body could inhabit
the same universe...

Virginia:
We prefer non-orgasmic.

Frigid is pejorative,

and it suggests that
it's the woman's fault.

Isabella: I just want it fixed

so that we can go back to the
way we were in the beginning.

Edna:
What are you doing, Tessie?

Tessa: Oh. I-I'm just leaving
something out for my mom.

Edna: Hmm.

"Life And love"...
by Tessa Johnson?

You wrote this?

Tessa:
"Teen Society" has a contest,

and I entered it on a lark,

but then they told me
that I won, and I flipped.

Edna: Oh, my.
That's really something.

And will you look at this.

The perfect hairstyle for you.

Let's you and I have some fun.

I'll make an appointment.

We'll go down together, and they
will give you this hairstyle.

Hmm?

A girl can always do things

to make herself more attractive
to the boys.

Tessa: I don't think this
hairstyle suits me, grandma.

Edna: Come on.
Don't be like your mother,

always fighting me
at every turn.

Tessa: Maybe she has
good reason to fight.

Edna: Yes, of course.

She's poisoned you against me.

Your grandfather can do no wrong
in her eyes

because he always tells her
exactly what she wants to hear.

I'm sure nobody wanted to hear
"The British are coming,"

at 3:00 in the morning,
but God bless that messenger.

Tessa: I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

Edna: I know.

Look, honey,
your essay is very impressive,

but think of your mother
as a cautionary tale.

She's written a whole book,

and look at her life--
it's a mess.

Tessa: Mm.

There's some things that are...

definitely screwed up.

Edna: Just don't follow
in her footsteps, all right?

You focus
on what really matters.

[ Whistle blows ]

Children: Team, break!

Children: Ready, break!

- William: Come on, Hornets!
- Paul: Let's go, Hornets!

William: Okay, after the change
of possession, you're in.

Johnny: I don't want to go in.

I don't want to play.
I told you that.

William: Just do as your coaches
tell you, all right?

Come on, offense!

Come on, offense.
Oh!

Jesus, he just stands there
like a clay pigeon.

Paul: Well, it's not
his regular position.

He's normally a tight end,
but our starting quarterback

showed up 10 minutes late
for practice yesterday, so...

William: Is he any good?

Paul: He's got an arm
like a slingshot.

It's his attitude
I don't care for.

William: Hey, 14.

Yeah, you ready to go in
for number 12?

Paul: Hey, Bill,
the kid's got to learn.

William: I agree.

But can we figure out
some other kind of punishment

that doesn't embarrass
the whole team by losing?

Paul:
Okay. Dennis, come here.

William: Come on, Hornets!

Paul: Now, look--
you're going in.

But listen to me, son--
no more screw-ups.

No more.

[ Whistle blows ]
Billy, you're out. Come on.

- William: Go on, get in there.
- Paul: Let's go, Dennis.

William: [ Clapping ]

Eunice: The new kid's yours?

Libby: 33, Johnny Masters.
It's our first game.

Eunice: [ Chuckles ]
There is no "our" in football.

It's all about the boys,
the coaches, and the dads.

I'm in charge of snacks today.

Libby: Is there some
kind of... snack sign-up?

Eunice: Yep, and if you don't
get in the snack rotation,

you're a bad mom.

Got to show up at the games
'cause it's expected,

not that anybody cares
you're here.

But if you stay at home
and take a bath

and have five blessed seconds
to yourself,

well, then we're back
to bad mom.

But you'll get the hang
of all this.

Essentially, your job is
to be invisible...

while cheering them on.

Go, Hornets!

Dennis: Set! Hike!

William: Watch it.
That's right!

That's the way! Yes!
That's it, Dennis!

Go! Yeah!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yes! That's the way!
Well done, Dennis!

Well done!

Good team effort.
Good team effort.

Paul: 2 points.
2 point conversion, let's go.

William: So, now we've dug
ourselves out of that hole...

33 goes in?

Paul: 33 goes in.
Hey, Johnny.

Let's go. You're in.

William: Yeah.
Stay sharp, 33.

- Go, Hornets.
- Libby: [ Inhales sharply ]

William:
You kept your cool out there.

Dennis: You're an asshole.

William: You can't speak
to your coaches like that.

Dennis:
Mr. Edley's my coach, not you.

Children: Ready, break!

Paul: Come on, defense!

William: Look, Dennis...

the last time I saw you,
I, uh...

I didn't behave well.

I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry.

Dennis: Where's my football?

William: Uh... I have it.

I'll-- I'll give it back
to you.

I'll bring it next game.

Dennis,
you're a hell of a player.

You know,
I can see that already.

So I really hope
you stick with this.

I mean it.

You could be playing
for Nebraska one day,

like Coach Edley.

Boy: Hike!

[ Whistle blows ]

William: Hey, ref, come on!

That's clipping!
Wake up!

Come on.

Okay, 33, that's it.
Get up.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Vincent: Geez. Sorry.

I-I-I was just coming in
to turn off the gas,

since I assumed
no one was moving in.

Libby: Oh, well, I, um...

I took my time with the moving,
but now I'm here.

Vincent: You being...?

Libby: Mrs. Edley, of course.

Joy Edley.

William: So,
your marital problems started

about a year ago.
Is that correct?

Al: Give or take.
[ Sighs ]

Truth is,
Isabella overthinks things.

I tell her
I want steak for dinner.

She thinks
I hate her pork chops.

It's just the way she works,
always overthinking.

You see two dogs?
There's no thinking.

There's no "How are you feeling?
What am I feeling?" stuff.

William: I understand
that could seem applicable

if we were nothing more
than domesticated dogs.

Al: But aren't we?
I mean, really.

William: I'm afraid that's not
only an oversimplification

but a dangerous one.

Al: Can I ask you something?

William: Of course.

Al: If you were me,
would you be concerned...

with being asked to open up
a gorilla exhibit?

William:
I don't think I'm following.

Al: It's why we're here.

I got asked to open
a gorilla exhibit at the zoo.

There's that famous ape,
Gil the Gorilla...?

William: I fail to see
how this has anything to do

with you and your wife.

Al: I get paid double
if she appears with me.

So, she said
she'd go to the ape house

if I... agreed to come here.

William: Mr. Neely...

the only reason
I care you're here

is because of you and your
wife's current sexual situation.

Anything outside of that
is not my concern.

Al: Point taken, Doc.

But in the spirit
of not pulling punches...

I'm not the one
with the problem.

Isabella:
The problem is Al.

He's the lowdown,
ass-sniffing dog.

Virginia: Mrs. Neely,
when you asked for our help,

the problem you presented
was sexual,

but these allegations
of infidelity,

- they make it more difficult--
- Isabella: "Allegations"?

My husband will screw anything

that walks, winks,
or sits to pee.

When I was filming "Johnny Reno"
with Jane Russell,

I didn't have to buy perfume
for eight weeks

'cause whatever she was wearing
ended up all over our sheets.

Then there was Natalie Wood when
we were shooting "Penelope,"

Shelley Winters
in "Patch Of Blue"...

- Hell, even you.
- Virginia: I'm sorry?

Isabella: You haven't seen the
way he's been looking at you?

Virginia: We have had great
success with struggling couples,

but that's only when
both partners are committed

to each other
and to the program.

Isabella: I'm committed.
We're committed.

When we first met, there wasn't
any place we wouldn't make love.

He once had me in a fountain
in Rome at 3:00 in the morning.

Sober.

All those coins
shifting under my feet...

It was like we were gods, and
we could do whatever we pleased.

Just the scent of him
and I would climax.

But now...

Now we can't go out for a burger

without some waitress
leaning over his plate

as though her tits
were on the menu.

You want to know the real reason
that I can't come?

Those other women.

Why does he need them
when he has me?

Do you know how many men would
give their right arm to have me?

God, and I'm not talking

about the Johnny Lunch buckets
of the world,

but princes,
leading men, directors.

And yet somehow, I'm the one

who's made to feel like
some shriveled, old crone.

I am asking you, right now,

who on God's green earth
wouldn't want to fuck this?!

Virginia: The problem is,
she's insane.

William: I'm not saying
this case isn't a challenge...

Virginia: Landing on the Moon
is a challenge.

William: Virginia,
we can't choose cases

based on degree of difficulty.

Virginia: That's not true.

We've rejected couples
in the past.

William: Based on a wide array
of circumstances

outside our expertise,
but frigidity is our expertise.

Virginia: And I feel strongly
that there are core problems

between this couple that
are beyond our skill set,

meaning our time could be better
spent doing anything

rather than going down
with this sinking ship.

William: It is not a good idea
to alienate this community

by dumping these patients.

Virginia: What community?

The one that gets you
50-yard-line tickets?

William: The community
that pays $3,000

for two weeks
of our expert advice.

Virginia:
They agreed to that number?

William: Betty's
already cashed the check.

[ Knock on door ]

Dan: I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?

- William: Yes, actually...
- Virginia: Not at all.

Dan: Anyway, I'm ready
in the exam room.

Virginia, whenever you're ready.

William: Actually, um,
I'll join you two today.

You can... bring me up to speed.

You know, there is one problem
I've managed to solve.

Chancery Park Plaza Hotel.
9:00.

Dr. and Mrs. Holden have
returned after a long absence.

Virginia: All right.

I'm going to take
another reading.

Lester: You gonna make me keep
pedaling until I pass out?

Virginia: We need as much sweat
as we can gather, Lester.

Dan: It's suspected
human pheromones are secreted

via perspiration by way of the
sweat glands, in the armpits--

William: I know that's a theory.

I wasn't aware

there was empirical evidence
to support it.

Dan: We're working on it.

William: Are we?

But the work we've done so far
is more or less theoretical?

Dan: More or less.

Look, I've made a fortune

covering unpleasant smells
with lemon and perfume,

but I have no idea how to market
the smell of...

- Lester: Stink.
- Virginia: Well, actually,

what we're smelling
is Lester's bacteria.

That's what's giving off

this unpleasant
high school locker-room tang.

Lester: You're welcome.

Virginia: And what we'll be
experimenting with, hopefully,

is the subliminal scent.

Dan: The smell behind the stink.

Both:
The holy grail of attraction.

William: Or...

we can call it a "love potion."

Dan: Exactly.
Better loving through chemistry.

William: Although I'd hardly
call it chemistry.

Dan:
What would you call it, then?

William: A trick, essentially.
I mean, isn't it a trick?

You're trying
to manipulate a person

into feeling a sexual attraction

for someone whom they might not,
in actual fact,

be attracted to at all.

Dan: Or you could say

I'm developing a product
customers want.

William: I doubt many customers

want to be duped
into falling in love.

Virginia: I think
what we all want is to uncover

the essential link between scent
and human sexual response.

William: Well, that might be
what we're interested in,

Virginia, because our work is
the work of scientific inquiry,

but I think Mr. Logan
has other interests.

Dan: Yes. Yes, I do.

I want to take nature's
guidelines for pointing us

to the right mate and simply
give it a little boost.

William: Nature doesn't need
a little boost.

Dan: Nature can always be
improved upon.

William: Well, she's done
just fine for millennia

without the interference
of salesmen.

Dan: She came up with polio,

and science didn't have
a problem interfering with that.

Virginia: I think
that by taking our science

and combining it
with Mr. Logan's commerce,

what we're really doing here
is creating a happy marriage.

Lester:
I think I'm having a stroke.

William: So what you might do
in a short-yardage situation,

the quarterback takes the snap

and then dives ahead
while the line charges forward.

Okay?

Now, there's not usually
much yardage gained like that,

but Dennis did manage to get
7 yards out of it yesterday...

Where have you been, Lib?

I'm due back at work in an hour.

Libby: Oh, I had to drop Jenny
off at her friend Karen's.

Her mother was running late.

Hi, you.

What are you two up to?

William:
I was just showing Johnny

how a quarterback sneak works.

Libby: Are you playing
quarterback now?

Johnny: Um, something Dennis did
in the game yesterday.

Libby: Dennis...?

Johnny: Dennis Daughtry.

Libby: The boy playing
quarterback yesterday

was Dennis Daughtry?

William: I had no idea
he was on the team.

Johnny: Sure talked to him
long enough.

William: Well,
you're on the same side now.

And I want it to go well.

Johnny: I'm gonna go read.

William: It'll be all right.

I'll be there
to make sure it is.

[ "Take Five" plays ]

[ Sighs ]

Good evening.

Thomas:
Good evening, Dr. Masters.

I would just like to say

that we are very honored
to have you at our hotel.

The wife brought home your book
and just having it in the house

has put some real pizzazz
into things.

And Mrs. Johnson is with you.

Oh, lovely.

So, how can I be of assistance?

William:
Mrs. Johnson and I are...

uh, on our way to a symposium.

We need to pay for our drinks.
We can't locate a waiter.

Thomas:
Consider it taken care of.

William: Thank you.
That's very generous.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

We can't stay here.

Virginia: He recognized us?

Well...
Where do we go now?

William: Well, I have
to hand it to you, Virginia.

You've turned this into
a very pleasant and inviting--

Virginia: Lab.

It is a lab, Bill.

Far cry from silk sheets
and room service.

William: All right, but...

hotels are out since the book
has now made us recognizable.

We can't use your house
because your parents appear

to have taken up
permanent residence.

I guess there's always the car.

You know, the point
of this evening

was not to make you sigh--
in despair, anyway.

Virginia: It's like we've been
forced back to ground zero.

Another version of the Wash U
lab where we first had sex.

William: "Ground zero" makes it
sound unnecessarily grim.

Virginia: Starting
a relationship in a lab

is hardly a proper courtship.

William: We had a courtship.
We did.

Unorthodox, by most standards,
but we definitely had one.

Virginia: We had a negotiation.

And then we hooked ourselves up
to wires

while we talked each other
through the stages of arousal.

Nature was not
why we got together, Bill.

Work was.

William: Well, I can assure you
that nature played a part.

Virginia:
Yes, but do you ever...

Do you ever wonder
what it might've been like

if we had met differently?

At a dinner party,

sitting on opposite ends
of the table...

And how, if the whole evening,
people were talking to us,

but we were only half listening

because we were drawn
to each other.

William: That's not a courtship.

That's a schoolgirl fantasy.

Besides, I think it's unfair

that romantic
circumstances alone

define what is considered
a natural courtship.

Virginia: Let's be honest, Bill.

What we had was about as natural
as two amoeba in a Petri dish.

[ Television playing ]

Tessie...

Your hair looks like...

Tessa: It exploded?
I know.

Grandma.

The hair spray's
making me nauseous.

Virginia: Well, then you
should wash it out, honey.

Tessa: I don't know.

This whole thing
seems so important to her.

Edna: My goodness,
Mary Virginia,

the hours you keep

I thought Tessa
was exaggerating,

but apparently not.

I'm just wondering
if Bill kept you out so late.

Because if that's so, then may--

Virginia: How dare you give
Tessa that preposterous hairdo.

What did you tell her?

That she looks pretty--
prettier?

Edna:
I think she does look pretty.

Virginia: She looks
like a stovetop scrubber.

Edna:
She looks like Miss America.

And what's wrong with that?

You certainly were one for
the pageants back in the day.

Don't talk to me about those pageants.
I hated those pageants.

Edna: Well, if that's how you
choose to remember it, fine.

All I'm doing is trying to have

a relationship
with my granddaughter,

which is what that girl
really needs.

That's why I'm here, honey.

I'm here to take care of you
and Tessa and--

Virginia:
But you don't take care of me!

You belittle me!
And you criticize me!

Edna: You know what?

Whether you like it or not,
I am your mother.

And Tessa is our chance
to finally get this right.

Virginia:
Don't you bring Tessa into this.

Edna: You don't mean that.

Virginia: I have never meant
anything more.

Edna: Mm.

Virginia: Don't you know

that all I've ever wanted
was... your approval?

For you to just be proud of me
with no strings attached?

But you can't do it, can you?!

That's fine.

Because it's too late for us,

but I will not let you
take my daughter and twist her

into some version of herself
that she will come to loathe.

Edna: Oh.
I make you feel horrible?

Isn't that a little bit like
blaming the messenger, hmm?

I can love you, Mary Virginia,

and I can still
tell you the truth.

Why is it you can't hear it?

Libby: It's a small leak,
but it's steady.

Vincent: Uh-huh.

Libby: Do you want some coffee?
I just made some.

Vincent: I'm good, thanks.

Libby: It's funny.

For years, I've been making
coffee for two,

and I haven't quite mastered
the half pot.

Seems obvious, you know?

Half the water, half the coffee,

and yet it's either too weak
or too bitter.

Yet somehow the highlight
of my day is this kitchen table,

this chair and that first sip.

Washer's bent.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to
grab another one from dowtairs.

So, you and the hubby
are split, then?

Libby: Uh... yeah,
I'm, uh... I'm afraid so.

Vincent: Yeah?
You have any kids?

Libby: Um, yeah.

I do. I have three
beautiful children.

Vincent: Yeah, that's what I
most regret about my divorce--

what happened with my kids.

Libby: Nothing bad
is gonna happen to my kids.

I have made sure of it.

Well, you are a miracle
worker then.

Oh, yeah.
I checked up on your lease,

and you're paid up
for six months, so...

enjoy your stay here...
Mrs. Edley.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Virginia: You need to re-do
these forms, Mr. Neely.

Your one-word, perfunctory answers
are not going to cut it.

Al: I was never very good
with tests.

Always got distracted
by girls like you.

Virginia: Right.

Start with number 12, please.

Mmh.

What form of contraception
have you used?

You wrote "Television".

Always 100% effective.

Virginia: I will be back
to collect your answers shortly.

It's warm.

William: Well, we find
it makes penetration easier.

And you watch?
From behind the glass?

William: I do.

We just want to rule out
any physical problems

that may be preventing you
from achieving orgasm.

Isabella: Then I guess I'll just
wait for you to yell, "Action."

William:
Good. Let's get started.

Anything?

Thoughts? Feelings?

Beth: I need to pick up
some tide on my way home?

Virginia: You're sure?
No arousal or...?

Beth: Sorry.

[ Sniffs ] Smells like
my old boyfriend's hamper.

Virginia: All right.
Thank you, Beth.

Dan: Lester's sweat
strikes out again.

I'm starting to lose hope.

Virginia: Well, I wouldn't yet.

See these spikes?

Dan: Mm-hmm.

Virginia:
Her mouth's saying, "No,"

but her vagina says, "Yes."

How did I do?

William: You achieved orgasm
at 54 seconds.

54 seconds?

So I'm not frigid after all?

Skin flush, blotches apparent
on the neck and back,

nipples erect and

the beginnings
of vaginal lubrication.

Dan: Yet they all insist
that they're not aroused,

that they find
Lester's smell repugnant.

Virginia: There's something
in that stinky sweat

that keeps drawing
these women in.

Dan: Mm.

William: Obviously,
being alone in here,

minus distractions,

allowed you to relax,
let nature take its course.

Isabella: You are leaving out
one very attentive...

and handsome variable.

William: Uh...

that, uh... "Variable" is what's
commonly known as transference.

It's a perfectly normal
phenomenon that can occur

during the course
of a therapeutic relationship.

Rest assured, what you felt can
easily be explained by science.

Isabella: Dr. Masters...

what you call science,
most would call chemistry.

Paul: You feel that?
Not bad, though, right?

You can move it.

Libby: Johnny, what happened?

Paul: Well, the game ended,
and you weren't there,

so I took Johnny home myself.

Libby:
But what happened to his leg?

Paul: He just ended up
on the wrong end of a pile-up.

He strained his ankle is all.
He's fine.

Johnny:
Got two tackles today, mom.

You missed it.

Libby: Two tackles,
and now you're hurt.

- Where is your father?
- Johnny: He missed it, too.

Paul:
Apparently, Bill had to work,

so I was coaching alone today.

Libby: So no one was paying
attention when Johnny got hurt?

Paul:
It's a contact sport, Libby.

It's how it works.

Here, stand up, Johnny.
He's all right.

Johnny: I'm fine.

Paul: There, see?
He's fine.

It's just a bruise--

Libby: He's not fine!
He is limping!

Paul: And soon, he won't be.

Libby: I'm gonna have a doctor
look at him.

Paul: Libby,
he doesn't need a doctor.

He just needs to walk it off,

and tomorrow morning,
he'll be fine.

Johnny: Mom, I'm okay.

Libby: That's it.
There is no more football.

Johnny:
But I have a game tomorrow.

Libby: And you won't be in it.

You are retiring, starting now.

Why are you looking
at Coach Edley?

Johnny: Because I want to play.

Libby: And I am your mother,

and I am telling you,
you are done with playing.

Paul: Uh, Johnny,
why don't you go get cleaned up,

give your mom and me a moment?

Can I be honest, Libby?

You can't smother a boy
like that.

And I'm sure Bill would agree.

Libby: Oh, so now
you and Bill both think

that I am "smothering" my son.

Paul: Well, he did mention

that you weren't keen
on Johnny joining the team.

But it's good for him.

And I'll tell you
what's not good for him

is you yanking him away
from the game,

depriving him of the chance
to work through the pain,

to learn how to be a man instead
of you mollycoddling him.

Libby: Oh. You don't believe
in mollycoddling.

Paul: No, I absolutely do not,

and I strongly urge you
to change your position here.

Libby: So you think everyone

should just take their medicine
straight, is that it?

Or is my "mollycoddling" you
the exception?

Me? What do I have to do
with any of this?

Libby: I'm talking about
your wife, how she was drowning,

how suffocated she felt
by your life together--

how unhappy she was.

Paul: Libby,
if this is some sort of--

Libby: Joy had an apartment.
She was one foot out the door.

As far as she was concerned,
your marriage was over.

There.

No more mollycoddling
for anyone.

Paul...

[ Door closes ]

William: Mrs. Johnson and I
have been talking,

and we have pinpointed
some possible impediments

to your treatment here.

Virginia:
Infidelity, for starters.

A certain lack of commitment
to our process.

William: A propensity on both
your parts to focus on others

as potential
romantic attachments.

Al: We're public figures.
We're paid to be charming.

Isabella: That doesn't mean

we're not committed
to fixing our marriage.

Virginia: All right.

Let's talk about one particular
question on our intake forms.

"What attracted you most to your
spouse when you first met?"

William: What did you write
for that, Mrs. Neely?

Isabella: That I was attracted
by Al's smile and body and...

the way he came up to me
at the Brown derby--

didn't even know me--
and said, "I want you."

Virginia: And how did you answer
that question, Mr. Neely?

Al: I don't know.
Probably some smart-ass answer.

Virginia:
That's what I thought, too.

At first.
But then I reread it.

"What attracted you most?"

And you wrote,
"She was 20 feet tall."

Al: I told you.
It's a smart-ass answer.

Isabella:
But what did that even mean?

Al: Nothing.

Just...

the first time I met Isabella...

I was sitting in a dark theater
with a bunch of other men...

watching... lusting...

knowing that was as close
as they'd ever get to her.

But for me,
Isabella was within reach.

I knew that woman up there
on that screen,

on all those magazine covers...

the one that did Perry Como...

I knew she didn't have to vanish
when the lights went up.

I could have her.

Isabella: Al, I was more
than some... conquest.

I felt it.
I was there, too.

Al: And that first night
at the derby,

all I wanted was to have you
right then and there.

Isabella:
Yes, that's how I felt, too.

Virginia:
And then what happened?

Al: After we'd...
been together awhile...

I started thinking about...
that woman up on the screen...

wishing that I had her...

and not the real version
sitting beside me.

Isabella: Al...

why are you being so cruel?

Al: What's cruel...

is that I never told you that.

William: Well, you were right.

They were doomed the moment
they came in.

[ Elevator stops ]

Virginia:
You've got to be kidding me.

William: Why not in an elevator?

Or in a car?

Or in the middle of a damn
field, if we feel like it...

Virginia: Do you feel like it?
After that?

William:
None of this would be an issue

if you'd just ask your parents
to leave.

Virginia: I did.
They'll be gone by tomorrow.

William: Look, wait.
It wasn't just work.

Your dinner?
The crowded table?

The intoxicating conversation?
We had that.

The moment you walked
into my office.

I will never forget the first
time I ever saw you, Virginia.

I was standing by the elevator
in Maternity.

And I turned,
and there you were...

behind the glass.

And, granted, we were surrounded
by patients and secretaries

and the hospital loud speaker
squawking down the hall,

but just to dismiss that
as only work...

Well, that's a fairy tale, too.

We would have found each other
at that party.

We would have stayed
by each other's side.

We would have found a way
to see each other again.

Virginia: Maybe we would have.

But then again,
we'll never know.

[ Elevator starts ]

Vincent: I should warn you...

your husband is waiting
in your apartment.

Libby: Thank you.

William: Come on.
Go past--

[ TV announcer
speaking indistinctly ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

Dennis?
What are you...

- It's after 9:00.
- Dennis: I know.

I was just... wondering
why you didn't coach today.

You didn't quit, did you?

William: No.
No, I-- I didn't quit.

Does your mother know
you're here?

Dennis: My mom's out.

William: Is she working?

Dennis: Just out.

William:
Uh, I'm, uh, watching the game.

You want to come in?

Dennis:
And you can give me my football.

[ Knock on wall ]

Dan: Well, I thought you'd left.

Virginia: I had.

But then I-- I remembered--

Dan: You remembered
we had a good day

and made some real progress.

Virginia:
Well, we're not quite there yet.

That was a very small sampling.

Dan: To the love potion inside
sweat that makes poets write,

artists paint,
and turns a walk in the dark

into a moonlight stroll.

Are you hearing the zing
of your heartstrings?

Virginia: Not exactly.

Dan: [ Chuckles ]

Virginia: But then again,

I'm not wired up
to monitoring equipment,

so perhaps
I am feeling something

but I'm just unaware.

Dan: You never wired
yourself up, you and Bill?

Virginia: No.
We never wired ourselves.

Dan: Mm.

Then let's do
a little experiment.

Virginia:
What kind of experiment?

Dan: Well, I'm still having
a hard time believing

that a person's body
can respond sexually

without the person knowing.

We're not moths.

Maybe people need to be
inches away from each other,

which is why God
invented dancing.

Virginia: [ Chuckles ]

This is hardly an experiment

that would stand up
to any scientific standard.

Dan: It's a good thing
I'm not a scientist.

But do you feel anything?

Any kind of, as you would say,
physiological response?

Virginia: I don't.

Dan: Mm. Me neither.

But then again...

it's just what's happening
on the surface.

As we learned today,
we don't really know

what's happening
in the... nether regions.

Virginia:
Is that your technical term?

Dan: Your pudenda.

Virginia: [ Laughing ]
No, that's too technical.

Dan: It's really nice
to see you laugh, Virginia.

You still don't feel anything?

Virginia: No.

Dan: Mm.

Still?

Virginia: Still nothing.

William: 1933 football
stars set, mint condition.

Took me two years to put
together the whole collection.

Dennis: That is so cool.

I got a half collection
from '64 somewhere.

William: Yeah?

Dennis: Things get lost a lot
at my house.

William:
You know, I'll tell you what.

You, uh...
you pick out any card you like,

and, uh... just give me
the stats,

and I will give you a quarter
for any one I don't get.

Okay, go ahead.
Any one you like.

Just the stats.

- You got one?
- Dennis: Yes.

William: Go ahead.

Dennis: 1932,
four touchdowns...

[ Television playing ]

Virginia: Tessa...
it's almost midnight.

Tessa: Unless we're
in different time zones,

it's midnight for you, too.

Virginia: Yes,
but I'm not up by choice.

I had to work.

I like your hair.

Tessa: Took four washes
and a bottle of mayonnaise,

but I got it back to normal.

Virginia: Well, you look pretty.

You-- you look like you.

What are you reading?

Tessa: There's a really
interesting article

in "Teen Society" this month
that I wanted to show you.

Virginia: Oh?
What's it about?

Tessa: Well, I, um...

It's nothing important.

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

Virginia:
No, honey. Show me.

Tessa: Tomorrow, okay?

Virginia: Okay.

- Good night.
- Tessa: Good night.

Betty: Turns out
your Hollywood couple

wasn't a complete waste of time.

It already led to one referral.

Steve: We know it's probably
not your normal case, but, uh...

well, we just don't know
where else to turn.

I mean, it's as if he's lost
all interest in girls.

I mean,
they're animals, after all.

How hard can it really be?

Man: ♪ whoa-oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪

♪ it's a light
and tumble journey ♪

♪ from the east side
to the park ♪

♪ just a fine and fancy ramble
to the zoo ♪

♪ but you can take
the cross-town bus ♪

♪ if it's raining or it's cold ♪

♪ and the animals
will love it if you do ♪

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

♪ if you do, now ♪

♪ something tells me
it's all happening at the zoo ♪

♪ I do believe it ♪

♪ I do believe it's true ♪

♪ mm mm, mmm ♪

♪ mm mm mm, mmm ♪

♪ whoa-oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ mm mm mm, mmm ♪

♪ the monkeys stand
for honesty ♪

♪ giraffes are insincere ♪

♪ and the elephants are kindly,
but they're dumb ♪

♪ orangutans are skeptical
of changes... ♪

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