Original subtitles

Shh.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I don't care how shiny they are.

We're on a mission here.

I thought we were past petty theft, Quill.

We are, Gamora, but this--

Um, what are we stealing again, Drax?

A Xandarian music vase. A Xandar-- Yeah.

Which is going to the Collector,

who's always trying to capture us. Ugh.

It's karmically neutral at worst.

Yeah, but if you wanna actually get the vase,

you're gonna have to keep your krutackin' mouths shut!

Inside, this baby has a sound-sensitive alarm.

One loud noise, and we're caught.

So keep it down!

♪♪ [female voice vocalizing]

[coos]

♪♪ [vocalizing continues]

Oh, so that's why it's called a music vase.

[sighs] I am Groot.

[phone beeping]

[all] Quill! I am Groot!

[beeping continues]

Bad enough listening to your lousy ringtones.

Now it's cost me units and revenge-- my two favorite things!

Not to mention the entire ship to our presence. Turn it off!

[grunting]

[grunting]

I'm trying. Why does this thing have so many pockets?

[Rocket grunting]

'Cause you got no flargin' fashion sense! [grunts]

[phone beeping]

[beeping continues]

Okay, this is not my phone. [beeping stops]

Huh. Well, guess they hung up.

[both groan]

[Quill] Okay, a butt dial from the Avengers

must mean Earth's in trouble.

But on the bright side, my spare jacket still fits.

These Avengers got no manners. First, they wreck our heist

with a distress signal, then they don't leave no message,

and now they won't pick up the krutackin comm!

Somehow I doubt it's just that.

Something spooked them enough to put this entire place on lockdown.

Humies ain't even thought about inventing tech that can keep me out.

Hmm?

Ain't you done enough damage touching things you shouldn't?

I am Groot! [computer] Access granted.

[chuckles] Show-off.

[Drax] Clearly there was a battle here. We missed it!

Hello? Avengers!

Anyone wanna jump out and yell "surprise"?

[electricity arcing] Tony?

That's Iron Man!

He's unconscious. [Rocket] The Ant guy is too.

Hey, humie!

Wake-- Whoa!

How many times I gotta tell ya to keep your branches to your-- Whoa!

I am Groot! [gasps]

[groans] Tony...

[trilling]

Don't worry. He's stable.

His chest thingie's fluctuating a bit, but,

[chuckling] I mean, how important could that be?

[scoffs] If a humie made it? Not.

Now hold still. I gotta fix your shrinkie sui--

Whoa!

Oh...

[grunts] Stupid Earth tech!

[size continues changing back and forth] Why...

[Ant-Man] Just pull the... grounding wire! [Rocket yelling]

They all look like...

grounding wire!

[yells]

Can we focus on what happened here?

Why did you send a distress signal?

[grunts] I know we're not exactly besties,

but the other Avengers are off on active duty,

and I think whatever attacked us might be up your alley.

We possess know alley.

I mean it came from space.

As in Thanos' Sanctuary Asteroid.

Tony and I were knocked out before we could get a good look at it.

Our security cams might've caught something.

With this many angles, it'll take days

to compile the footage into anything useful.

Uh, that's 'cause you're a humie with lam-o humie tech.

We, on the other hand...

Whoa.

Yes, it's all very awe inspiring, even in flargin' monochrome.

Now tell us what we're looking at.

Tony and I were scanning the rock when there was an energy surge.

I tried to call you guys, but whatever was in that rock

broke out and hit us before I got through.

[Quill] Oh, that's not good.

[roars]

[hissing]

[Ant-Man] Any idea what it was?

A symbiote! It's not behaving like any symbiote I've ever seen.

Why didn't it try to bond with either of you.

Bigger question: why was Thanos

keeping a pet symbiote inside his rock recliner?

Well, maybe we should ask him. Oh, wait. We can't.

He's buried somewhere at the center of the Earth.

If a symbiote is loose on this planet, then we must destroy it.

Glorious combat at last!

That was not me. No, no, no, no, no, that was Tony!

His Arc Reactor isn't fluctuating! It's on the verge of a meltdown!

I am Groot!

Oh, you definitely ain't touching that!

It's complicated, but I can fix it.

Although... there's a chance he'll explode.

Okay, new plan.

You focus on that. We'll nab your symbiote.

Don't worry. I got this.

We believe in you, Ant-Man.

Okay, everybody walk faster.

And we're back in the Big Apple,

which is both out of Iron Man's blast radius

and right on top of the symbiote on our scanners.

[beeping] Although why that thing

would want to come to this dump is beyond me.

Signal's coming from underground.

Subway station means civilians. This needs to be a stealth job.

What, are you outta your d'ast mind? It's a symbiote.

We need to go in blasters blazing!

[sighs] Okay, you can come, too,

but you're gonna have to blend.

[people chattering]

This ain't my idea of blending.

So what if a few humies get hurt?

[Quill] Shh!

[quietly] Cats don't talk on Earth.

♪♪ [whistling]

What did you call me?

[quietly] Quiet. We're almost there.

No one puts me in no box!

And no one calls me a flargin' cat! [cocks weapon]

If you shoot me, you'll have to explain to a planet full of stupid humies

what a talking raccoon is doing down here with a glob of living space gunk!

Fine. I won't shoot.

Good.

[blow lands] Ow! [groans]

[communicator beeps] Gamora, which way to the symbiote?

The signal's coming from just ahead of you.

A few steps, and you should see it.

Um, how many steps is a few?

Quill, it's right there! Shoot!

[yells] Rocket!

[muffled shouting]

Is it just me, or are these subway rats getting huge?

Okay, who are you, and what pajama party do I return you to?

Low blow. What, you don't recognize

your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

I know your cousin, Ant-Man. Now drop the raccoon.

[grunts] I ain't no raccoon!

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna agree with the raccoon.

And Ant-Man is not my cousin.

This thing, however, is clearly some type of genetic experiment.

Well, [sighs] when you put it like that-- Rocket, get down!

Is that supposed to surprise me?

What's next, you gonna yell "psych"?

Okay, now, that surprised me.

I'm full of surprises, bug boy.

It's "Spider-Man." The webs kind of give it away.

Just like your name must be "Freeze Blast Dude"?

This thing does more than just freeze.

And it's "Star-Lord." Who?

Star-Lord. Who?

Star-Lord, Star-Lord, Star-Lord!

Okay, okay. Sheesh!

You're not the only one with tech, high-tops.

Hey! No fair! I can't see!

[grunts] Rocket, where are you?

Psych! Whoa!

[grunts] Dude, we just went over that.

We-- We went over what now? [grunts]

Wait. Are you taking it easy on me?

Well, duh. I don't wanna hurt you, kid. I just want my partner back.

Still not feeling the trust, Grandpa. Whoa!

[grunting]

Hurry up!

Ugh! This stuff tastes like dried Spartaxian dung beetles!

And how do you know that that tastes like?

[groans] Long story.

[grunts]

[grunts]

As adorable as this is, let's get back to--

[rumbling] Huh?

[grunts]

[yelling]

Friends of yours? Define "friends."

We heard your screams.

Where's the symbiote? Where's the vicious creature that attacked you?

[both grunting]

That would be me.

[Drax laughs]

What? He's tougher than he looks.

Got that right! [grunting] [grunting]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[frustrated sigh] [grunts]

[Drax yelling] [grunting]

[yells]

Okay, I'm guessing you guys aren't from around here.

Long Island, maybe? [yelling]

I am Groot!

And I am stuck. [Gamora yelling]

[grunts]

If you know what's good for you, Terran, you will stay down.

[rumbling]

Yeah, about that...

[grunts]

[all screaming]

[all grunt]

[Spider-Man, Gamora groan]

I am Groot?

[groans] We're fine.

We just... [hissing]

[roars]

Oh, I am not drinking tap water anymore.

[growling]

[grunts]

Copycat move. I'll take it.

[grunts] [screeching]

We found the symbiote.

I am Groot!

Oh, I'd love to help.

I'm just a little tied up. Again!

[grunting]

[Rocket grunting]

Point taken. What say we call a truce until--

[Gamora] Peter, look out! [grunts]

[both] Thanks.

Wait. Your name's Peter too?

What? No! Who said that?

Well, [grunts] whoever you are,

better leave this one to people who actually have experience.

Hey, I fought one of these slimeballs before.

Ooh, you fought one whole symbiote.

We fought a whole planet of 'em!

I was taken over by one.

[laughs] Raise your hand

if you ever escaped a symbiote bonding.

Fine.

But I still know these goo-balls, and this one's weird.

You are correct. [grunts]

It is the wrong color! [grunts]

And it's still not trying to bond with anyone.

[grunting]

[all grunt]

[grunts]

[grunts, yells]

Groot!

I am Groot!

Okay, weird or not weird,

if there's one thing that always stops symbiotes, it's tunes.

Rocket, pump up the volume!

You're gonna attack a monster from outer space with that antique?

That's the beauty of space tech, kid.

It makes even Earth tech awesome. Groot, get down!

♪♪ [static, music blaring] I am Groot!

♪♪ [static, music blaring continue]

[yells]

I am Groot!

Would you rather I let you get snapped like a twig?

I am Groot.

Well, chalk one up for the Guardians.

What are you doing? Looking for the symbiote.

I tracked it here with my Venom Positioning System,

and there is no way I'm lucky enough for it to be gone yet.

Luck had nothing to do with it.

You guys have no clue how bad Spidey luck is, do you?

No. Uh, but if you want a cosmic outlook, just take the win.

Hmm. Maybe I actually...

Hold up.

[chittering]

[chittering continues]

[roaring, screeching]

That's a lot of symbiote.

Guys, the symbiote's still here! It's--

[spaceship engine roaring] Now, that's my kind of luck.

Great. The only people on the planet

who can help me take down this symbiote,

and they're flying back to outer space!

Guys, hold up!

[grunts]

Whoa! [yelling] Bad idea!

[yells, pants]

[yelling]

Rocket, the ship's dragging a little on one side.

If you tried to smuggle another half ton of duct tape--

Hey, it's not me, okay?

Just some Earth trash stuck to the ship.

I'll shake it loose.

[engine revving] Guys! Guys!

[knocks] [Spider-Man] Hey, guys.

Why do I get the feeling you're trying to get rid of me?

[wind howling]

So, what was this incredibly important thing

you risked life and limb to tell us, kid?

I'm on a spaceship. A real alien spaceship!

What's this do? [beeps]

[all yell]

Artificial gravity. [clicks teeth]

Got it. [all groan]

And this?

Is highly radioactive!

What's in here? [Drax] Occupied!

Ew!

Drax needs his private time, kid.

[toilet flushing] Okay, I get that it's your first time on a spaceship,

but did you really just risk your lungs exploding just to poke around our bathroom?

Right. Sorry. I meant to tell you the red symbiote's still out there.

In fact, it's spreading. See?

What is going on?

Nothing. I ain't turning around my ship

just 'cause some humie gizmo's on the fritz. Hey!

Ooh, ah... But we must turn around

to return the Man of Spiders, must we not?

Fine, but that don't mean he's right.

When I blast something, it stays blasted.

See, kid? Nothing there.

Because your scanners are looking

for the symbiote's original signal.

[trilling]

It's spread out now, fluctuating.

Huh. Okay.

So maybe all humies ain't as dumb as Quill.

What?

All right. You proved you can track him, kid.

Now show me you can blow him up.

Impress me.

This is like that dream I had in third grade.

Okay, we know sonics hurt it.

So sonic-ing up these weapons should give us the edge.

Already thought of it.

Great minds think alike.

[chuckles] Don't flatter yourself.

So what do we do for super-shrub?

Groot? No, he's staying on the ship.

Him and sonics don't mix.

Uh, good news, bad news:

Ant-Man's got Tony's Arc Reactor stabilized,

but he needs to monitor it for the next 24 hours.

Wait. Tony Stark?

As in Iron Man? You know him?

Well, he only called me one of the most promising

up-and-coming young scientists in the country.

Huh. I beat him up once.

Come on! Really?

With a magnet.

So now that we have no Avengers backup,

I hope you rigged up some noisemakers

to take down that symbiote for good this time.

Yeah, I just need to jigger your Element Blasters for sound.

Already done.

[grunts]

It appears we are standing on at least some of the symbiote.

Where does this tunnel lead? Only one way to find out.

Go with the flow.

We're close.

What ticked ya off?

The goo rolling uphill?

Yeah. And them.

[Gamora] Looks like the symbiotes finally bonded with someone.

[Quill] Just so they could get overtime?

I do not know what "overtime" is,

but they will not receive it! [symbiotes hissing]

Don't hurt them! There are still good people under that sludge.

Well, people at least.

[hissing]

[grunts] Wha--

[groans] [grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[body thuds]

[grunts]

[groans]

[groaning]

[Quill] And done!

Record time too.

[men groaning]

Looks like they'll be okay.

What were they digging?

And why does this place look so familiar?

I don't know.

But it's almost as if the goo's trying to dig something out.

Or someone.

[rumbling]

[Spider-Man] Uh, remember how I said I have really bad luck?

[roars]

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

As I recall, I was about to destroy you

when I was rudely interrupted.

Is that the purple guy that attacked Earth?

I saw him on TV. His name is Thanos.

And now we know why he kept a symbiote.

A failsafe, Gamora.

Though a bit delayed in its arrival.

Thanos, only you would be mad enough

to voluntarily bond with a symbiote.

Not bond, use.

It is a tool, a weapon.

And it has returned to its master, as it was programmed to do.

Allow me to demonstrate what else it can do.

[grunts]

Just gonna say it.

He looked a lot smaller on TV.

[laughing]