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1
00:00:02,661 --> 00:00:06,130
Dre: You know what truly
makes America great?
2
00:00:06,198 --> 00:00:07,832
Community.
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,778
Americans understand
that it takes teamwork...
4
00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,337
to make the dream work.
5
00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:15,273
This country is a giant
melting pot of people...
6
00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:17,041
who are committed to building
7
00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:18,810
a better life for everyone.
8
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,145
And even though we may have
different mind-sets...
9
00:00:21,213 --> 00:00:24,115
we all agree that if our
community survives...
10
00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:25,783
this country survives,
11
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,386
only if everyone does their part.
12
00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:32,790
And that's what truly makes
America great.
13
00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:34,492
[Elevator bell dings]
14
00:00:43,769 --> 00:00:44,869
[Elevator bell ding]
15
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:47,438
♪ ♪
16
00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:57,239
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
17
00:00:58,117 --> 00:00:59,550
Stevens: Mm, mm, mm.
18
00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:01,085
The horror.
19
00:01:01,153 --> 00:01:02,687
The horror.
20
00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,055
Mm.
21
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:06,658
I can't believe you
abandoned a 3-year-old.
22
00:01:06,725 --> 00:01:07,926
I think she was 4.
23
00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,827
You monster.
24
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,195
If you watch closely,
25
00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:14,198
you can actually see her
tiny spirit being crushed.
26
00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:17,068
Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity.
27
00:01:17,136 --> 00:01:20,452
Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity.
28
00:01:20,472 --> 00:01:22,674
That is how serial killers are born.
29
00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:24,375
Okay, look, I know it looks bad,
30
00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:26,244
but that is a little white girl.
31
00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:27,679
And as a black man...
32
00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,681
No!
33
00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:30,915
No.
34
00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:33,677
You do not get to play
the race card today.
35
00:01:33,697 --> 00:01:35,213
Not with that.
36
00:01:35,788 --> 00:01:37,088
Charlie: Sorry I'm late.
37
00:01:37,156 --> 00:01:39,337
There was a little
snowflake on the elevator,
38
00:01:39,357 --> 00:01:40,657
so I had to take the stairs.
39
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,392
- Me too.
- Careful, Dre.
40
00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:44,361
Someone's out there setting traps.
41
00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:45,429
I don't understand.
42
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:47,698
Why are you two so afraid of a baby?
43
00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:49,800
We don't have the luxury
of being helpful
44
00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:52,369
because we're instantly seen as threats.
45
00:01:52,437 --> 00:01:53,870
Well, that's just common sense.
46
00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:56,206
I see any adult male as a threat.
47
00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:58,175
The point is, we can't get away
48
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,476
with half the stuff that you guys do.
49
00:01:59,544 --> 00:02:02,379
[As Ralph Kramden]
One of these days, Alice, pow!
50
00:02:02,447 --> 00:02:03,747
Right in the kisser.
51
00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,682
["Dragnet" theme plays]
52
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,219
How is it all right
for Ralph Kramden to say that?
53
00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:11,499
- Pow! Right in the kisser?
- It's so fun.
54
00:02:11,519 --> 00:02:14,491
America's favorite
TV character's catchphrase
55
00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:16,526
is to punch his wife in the mouth
56
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,861
if she says another word.
57
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,097
Yeah, but he was a lovable Teddy bear.
58
00:02:20,164 --> 00:02:21,419
What?
59
00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:23,573
If I was a TV character,
my catchphrase would be,
60
00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,041
"Oowee."
61
00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:27,143
In the show, my wife name would be Wee.
62
00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:29,079
And every week, she'll go
one step too far,
63
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:30,180
and I'll punch her in the mouth.
64
00:02:30,247 --> 00:02:31,443
Stop.
65
00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:33,983
- Ch-Ch-Charlie.
- Relax. It'd be a cable show.
66
00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:35,452
Look, I'm sorry I'm late, boss.
67
00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,687
There's a little white
girl in the elevator.
68
00:02:37,755 --> 00:02:39,055
Almost had me.
69
00:02:39,123 --> 00:02:41,324
I saw my freedom flash
right before my eyes.
70
00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:44,160
So, some of my co-workers didn't get it,
71
00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:47,163
but I knew my family would.
72
00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,098
Mm-hmm.
73
00:02:48,165 --> 00:02:50,118
I married a monster.
74
00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:53,685
To be fair, as a black man,
we can never be too careful.
75
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:54,804
- Mm-hmm.
- [Sighs]
76
00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:57,894
I remember my first little
white girl in an elevator.
77
00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:02,512
[Inhales sharply]
78
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,247
Well...
79
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,515
You did the right thing, son.
80
00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:06,560
- Dre: Mm-hmm.
- I'm proud of you.
81
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:08,047
- You're proud of him?
- Damn proud.
82
00:03:08,115 --> 00:03:09,215
Okay, this is insane.
83
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,316
What do you think would have happened
84
00:03:10,384 --> 00:03:11,617
if you'd helped the little white girl?
85
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:14,053
I'm gonna help you find your mom, okay?
86
00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:15,888
All right, do you know
what floor she's on?
87
00:03:15,956 --> 00:03:16,723
[Elevator bell dings]
88
00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:18,291
- So, Andre...
- Huh?
89
00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,727
What were your plans here today?
90
00:03:20,794 --> 00:03:22,028
Rainbow: No, okay, I get it.
91
00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:25,732
You had to be guarded
to survive the N.W.A. '80s,
92
00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:27,800
but it is Drake Summer '16.
93
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:29,002
You don't have to be guarded anymore.
94
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:30,336
Whatever.
95
00:03:30,404 --> 00:03:32,071
All right, I'm not gonna let you
take this away from me.
96
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:34,173
- Pops is proud of me.
- Damn proud.
97
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:37,510
♪ ♪
98
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,088
Guess what, guys.
99
00:03:40,108 --> 00:03:41,998
Pbbt. I'm off tonight!
100
00:03:42,066 --> 00:03:43,566
Yes! [Chuckles]
101
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:44,901
Cool.
102
00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:46,269
And if I don't have to work,
103
00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:49,472
that means you get to spend
some time with Bomby.
104
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:52,108
[Laughs] You get it?
105
00:03:52,176 --> 00:03:54,410
I'm a bomb mommy. Bommy.
106
00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:55,978
[Laughs]
107
00:03:56,046 --> 00:03:57,447
Jack's been calling me that.
108
00:03:57,514 --> 00:03:58,981
I never ca... I never called you that.
109
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:01,517
Yes, you did. Okay, listen, guys.
110
00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:03,353
I just want you to understand
111
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,421
that these are some of the last moments
112
00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:07,757
that, you know, you're
gonna get to spend with me
113
00:04:07,825 --> 00:04:09,459
because when the new baby comes,
114
00:04:09,526 --> 00:04:12,528
I'm gonna disappear
until you're, like, grown up.
115
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,097
Well, come on, new baby.
116
00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:16,599
Okay, well, listen.
117
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,702
You guys either get
to spend time with me,
118
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,838
or you go to your rooms.
119
00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,674
- Okay. Cool.
- [TV turns off]
120
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,069
- Zoey: Bye, Bommy.
- She...
121
00:04:27,089 --> 00:04:29,312
I see you found their kryptonite.
122
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,447
- You.
- [Both laugh]
123
00:04:31,515 --> 00:04:32,648
- No.
- Yes.
124
00:04:32,716 --> 00:04:34,311
- Nuh-unh.
- Mm-hmm.
125
00:04:34,331 --> 00:04:37,019
No, I'm... We're... We were
playing hide-and-go-seek.
126
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,288
- Oh.
- Yeah. 97...
127
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:40,823
- 9...
- Um... you need to stop.
128
00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:41,991
You want me to stop hide-and-go-seek?
129
00:04:42,059 --> 00:04:43,178
'Cause they're expecting me
to come find them.
130
00:04:43,198 --> 00:04:46,462
They don't want you around
because you reek of neediness.
131
00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,207
- What?
- Now, I could help you win them back
132
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,795
with just a few simple techniques
133
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:50,962
that I use on the ladies.
134
00:04:51,030 --> 00:04:53,198
No. No, Earl. Okay?
135
00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:57,812
I am not going to use
your pimp game on my children.
136
00:04:57,832 --> 00:05:00,238
No, I'm fine. [Chuckles]
137
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:01,640
100!
138
00:05:01,707 --> 00:05:05,343
Ready or not, here I come!
139
00:05:05,411 --> 00:05:07,124
[Rich Homie Quan's
"Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)" plays]
140
00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:09,147
Coming to find you!
141
00:05:09,215 --> 00:05:11,316
Sad.
142
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:13,185
So sad.
143
00:05:13,252 --> 00:05:16,024
♪ Walked in 30,000 in my pocket ♪
144
00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:18,223
Hey, Uncle Johan, how come I can't find
145
00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:20,258
any of your spoken-word poetry?
146
00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:22,427
Mm, They Call Me Johan.
147
00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,590
Yeah, I searched for Johan.
148
00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:27,566
No, my poet name is They Call Me Johan.
149
00:05:27,633 --> 00:05:30,402
So, technically, I guess
they call me They Call Me Johan.
150
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:33,238
♪ And now she screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh" ♪
151
00:05:33,306 --> 00:05:34,339
♪ How much you made?
152
00:05:34,407 --> 00:05:36,341
♪ Made $2 million off a mixtape ♪
153
00:05:36,409 --> 00:05:38,210
- [Volume decreases]
- Hey, hey, come on.
154
00:05:38,277 --> 00:05:39,644
We were listening that.
155
00:05:39,712 --> 00:05:41,913
Hey, we are in Sherman Oaks,
where it's illegal to jaywalk
156
00:05:41,981 --> 00:05:44,683
and illegal to scare the Caucasians.
157
00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:46,751
You're not scaring anybody. Relax.
158
00:05:46,819 --> 00:05:47,953
I know you millennials
159
00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,955
like to live in your pretend
post-racial utopia,
160
00:05:50,022 --> 00:05:52,090
but this is the real world.
161
00:05:52,158 --> 00:05:55,127
♪ $50,000 on ya bitch she wanna... me ♪
162
00:05:55,194 --> 00:05:57,762
♪ Got her screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh" ♪
163
00:05:57,830 --> 00:05:59,776
If they're so scared, why do they know
164
00:05:59,796 --> 00:06:01,099
all the words to Rich Homie Quan?
165
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,068
Yeah, dude, Rich Homie
Quan don't even know
166
00:06:03,136 --> 00:06:05,303
all the words to Rich Homie Quan.
167
00:06:05,371 --> 00:06:07,706
♪ She gon' wanna sex
every... in the set ♪
168
00:06:07,773 --> 00:06:08,940
♪ And now she screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh" ♪
169
00:06:09,008 --> 00:06:10,408
Now they're dabbing.
You're not gonna dab back?
170
00:06:10,476 --> 00:06:11,810
No, I am not dabbing back.
171
00:06:11,878 --> 00:06:12,911
Come on, Dad.
172
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:14,279
They're trying to show appreciation
173
00:06:14,347 --> 00:06:15,247
for you culture by dabbing.
174
00:06:15,314 --> 00:06:16,448
And you won't dab back?
175
00:06:16,516 --> 00:06:18,250
Seems rude... Basic dab protocol.
176
00:06:18,317 --> 00:06:19,718
I am not dabbing.
177
00:06:19,785 --> 00:06:22,254
Fine. We'll do it for you.
178
00:06:22,321 --> 00:06:25,223
♪ So I love that... the most, I do ♪
179
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:28,059
♪ I'm her big dog and she my cat
and she love it from the back ♪
180
00:06:28,127 --> 00:06:30,662
♪ Call her green 'cause she on go ♪
181
00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:32,164
Now you're the only one not dabbing.
182
00:06:32,231 --> 00:06:34,266
♪ They mad 'cause they cannot stop me ♪
183
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,834
Stop it. Stop it!
184
00:06:35,902 --> 00:06:38,303
Hey, hey. Come to my
spoken-word showcase!
185
00:06:38,371 --> 00:06:40,071
They call me They Call Me Johan!
186
00:06:40,139 --> 00:06:42,274
[Tires screech]
187
00:06:42,341 --> 00:06:44,276
♪ Then I walked in 30,000 in my picket ♪
188
00:06:44,343 --> 00:06:46,678
I'm not saying the world
stopped being racist.
189
00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:49,014
You just haven't noticed
some things are different.
190
00:06:49,081 --> 00:06:52,317
You got to listen so you can hear.
191
00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:54,186
I'm trying to teach you, Dre.
192
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:57,289
I couldn't possibly hate you
any more than I do right now.
193
00:06:57,356 --> 00:07:00,258
Look, I'm serious.
Come get blessed at my showcase.
194
00:07:00,326 --> 00:07:02,027
I spit gems on this topic.
195
00:07:02,094 --> 00:07:05,163
I stand corrected. I can hate you more.
196
00:07:05,231 --> 00:07:08,166
So, Dad, are you saying
Uncle Johan is wrong?
197
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:09,334
Yes, Junior.
198
00:07:09,402 --> 00:07:11,036
Things are just as
racist now as they were
199
00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:12,971
the first time they canceled Arsenio.
200
00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:15,240
- [Elevator bell dings]
- The second time was his fault.
201
00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:28,486
Woman: Yes, order for delivery.
202
00:07:28,554 --> 00:07:30,722
6610 Heniger Street.
203
00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:34,192
Yeah, there's a gate,
but it's never locked.
204
00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:35,894
You need my credit card.
205
00:07:35,962 --> 00:07:39,397
Uh... it's a Visa.
206
00:07:39,465 --> 00:07:41,466
3310...
207
00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:44,703
For those of you who have never
been black in America,
208
00:07:44,770 --> 00:07:48,485
trust me... This is very confusing.
209
00:07:48,505 --> 00:07:51,409
No, no, I live alone. Just me.
210
00:07:51,477 --> 00:07:53,211
And don't worry about
the security cameras.
211
00:07:53,279 --> 00:07:54,312
They're fake.
212
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:56,381
Very, very confusing.
213
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:03,924
So, if white people are scared
of you, you'd be upset.
214
00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:06,627
And now that they're not,
you're still upset.
215
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,363
Well, if you say it out loud,
anything sounds crazy.
216
00:08:09,431 --> 00:08:10,564
Dre, what's going on?
217
00:08:10,632 --> 00:08:13,100
I'm losing my identity, Bow.
218
00:08:13,168 --> 00:08:16,604
Look, when the whole world
hates you, you develop armor.
219
00:08:16,671 --> 00:08:18,706
You wear sagging jeans, rock chains,
220
00:08:18,774 --> 00:08:20,908
and expensive kicks like,
"You don't like me?
221
00:08:20,976 --> 00:08:23,043
Cool. I don't care what you think."
222
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:25,646
But if I don't have that
edge, then who am I?
223
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,882
You're someone who likes necklaces
224
00:08:27,949 --> 00:08:29,884
and hoards lots of shoes.
225
00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:31,585
Oh, my God.
226
00:08:31,653 --> 00:08:34,755
I've turned into
a middle-aged white woman.
227
00:08:34,823 --> 00:08:36,657
Is this how Caitlyn Jenner feels?
228
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,993
Dre, when you get stressed
about these things,
229
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,594
I'm the one who suffers.
230
00:08:40,662 --> 00:08:42,430
You took the good sink!
231
00:08:42,497 --> 00:08:44,064
You don't get to take my struggle, Bow!
232
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:45,332
Dre, I'm serious.
233
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,235
You wake me up so you
can spend three hours
234
00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:50,971
dressing like you don't care
what anybody thinks.
235
00:08:51,039 --> 00:08:52,273
The neighbors give me the side-eye
236
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:54,108
'cause you treat them
like Russian spies.
237
00:08:54,176 --> 00:08:58,179
And I have never, ever
seen the end of "Bagger Vance,"
238
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,248
- "The Help," "Driving..."
- I don't need to see them, Bow.
239
00:09:01,316 --> 00:09:03,117
- I know how they end.
- Okay.
240
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:05,586
With Hollywood putting us
back in our place.
241
00:09:05,654 --> 00:09:07,922
Dre, you can't keep walking around
242
00:09:07,989 --> 00:09:10,024
like the enemy is around every corner.
243
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,026
It's not gonna kill you to wear
the same pair of sneakers
244
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,595
two days in a row or
to just wave at the neighbors.
245
00:09:14,663 --> 00:09:16,096
Just, like, wave at them.
246
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,998
Because if you don't change, babe,
247
00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:19,967
then they're not gonna change
248
00:09:20,035 --> 00:09:22,236
and nothing is gonna get any better.
249
00:09:24,507 --> 00:09:28,175
I think what you're saying is...
250
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:31,979
my shoe game is holding
up racial healing.
251
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:34,448
Yes, Dre.
252
00:09:34,516 --> 00:09:37,218
So why not just lead with that?
253
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,286
I don't know,
but I'm glad I said it now.
254
00:09:39,354 --> 00:09:41,889
Now we know it's your sneakers.
255
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,225
We got to bring them to the government
256
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,193
so they can fix our world.
257
00:09:46,261 --> 00:09:50,397
So I took Bow's advice and let
my guard down a little bit.
258
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:54,068
I started by wearing the same
shoes two days in a row,
259
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,404
and I tried waving
at one of my neighbors.
260
00:09:59,107 --> 00:10:01,137
Is that... Is that to me?
261
00:10:01,157 --> 00:10:03,392
You... You never wave to me.
262
00:10:03,412 --> 00:10:04,678
Don't take it personal, Janine.
263
00:10:04,746 --> 00:10:06,046
I'm not a big waver.
264
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:07,181
You always wave to the gardeners.
265
00:10:07,249 --> 00:10:09,216
Well, we go way back.
266
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:11,085
And the Vietnamese family
that delivers our newspapers,
267
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,520
you always wave to them.
268
00:10:12,587 --> 00:10:14,989
Oh, and you always wave to those
cute African-American kids
269
00:10:15,056 --> 00:10:16,257
that sell candy bars.
270
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,359
Uh, it's... it's, uh...
It's not a pattern, Janine,
271
00:10:18,426 --> 00:10:21,095
so don't try to find one.
272
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,363
Have a good day.
273
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:25,032
♪ ♪
274
00:10:30,472 --> 00:10:33,874
I see hanging out with your
children is going real well.
275
00:10:33,942 --> 00:10:35,876
Yeah, it is. [Laughs]
276
00:10:35,944 --> 00:10:37,278
- Just taking a little break.
- Mm-hmm.
277
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,380
You know, it's just...
I'm actually tired
278
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:40,915
from all the fun we've been having.
279
00:10:40,982 --> 00:10:42,082
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
280
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:45,252
[Laughs] I got Rice Krispy treats, yeah!
281
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,253
Eee!
282
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,588
- Thanks, lady.
- Oh.
283
00:10:47,656 --> 00:10:49,056
I'm... I'm more of a cookie guy.
284
00:10:49,124 --> 00:10:51,692
Oh, well... Oh.
285
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,093
Zoey: I just feel bad for her.
286
00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:55,229
Fine. Pops...
287
00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:56,297
Yes?
288
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,684
Will you teach me your pimp game?
289
00:10:58,165 --> 00:11:00,367
As you know, my résumé
speaks for itself.
290
00:11:00,435 --> 00:11:02,469
I have loved many women
291
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,638
and been loved by even more.
292
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:05,806
Instantly regretting this.
293
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,875
Your problem is
you try too hard, Rainbow.
294
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:09,476
But I have three moves
295
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,211
that will make you seem less desperate.
296
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:12,212
Okay.
297
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,548
First...
298
00:11:22,157 --> 00:11:23,290
What?
299
00:11:23,358 --> 00:11:25,292
Make them wait.
300
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,160
Sh...
301
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,127
Mm-hmm.
302
00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:28,662
- That is good.
- That's right.
303
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,331
- Yes!
- You feel me?
304
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,800
Oh, my... [Laughs] That's so good.
305
00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:35,169
Second, make them jealous.
306
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,303
Jealous.
307
00:11:36,371 --> 00:11:37,504
Now, your strongest move
308
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,406
would be to get another family,
309
00:11:39,474 --> 00:11:40,474
but that's not for everyone.
310
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:42,109
[Laughs]
311
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,147
Oh, you... Oh, you were serious.
312
00:11:47,215 --> 00:11:48,415
You're serious.
313
00:11:48,483 --> 00:11:52,286
♪ ♪
314
00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:54,488
I waved at a bunch
of white people today,
315
00:11:54,556 --> 00:11:56,774
- and nobody called the cops.
- Oh, my God.
316
00:11:56,794 --> 00:11:59,074
But the real victory...
I wore the same shoes
317
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:02,363
I wore yesterday
and still got three compliments.
318
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,865
I really love the way you
keep things in perspective, Dre.
319
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,102
And one of our neighbors said
there's an HOA meeting tonight.
320
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,937
So not miss out on a moment,
321
00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:12,272
- I think I'm gonna go.
- Hmm.
322
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:14,808
Uh, if you want some company,
I'm happy to go with you.
323
00:12:14,876 --> 00:12:16,644
Oh, that sounds like fun.
That's a good idea.
324
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:20,114
He just wants to go pass out
his slam poetry fliers.
325
00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:23,117
I'll bring them along just in
case somebody wants to get woke.
326
00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:28,288
So, I went to the HOA, and I
saw how much I'd been missing.
327
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,624
In one night,
I picked up some golf tips,
328
00:12:30,692 --> 00:12:34,461
learned a new handshake, and
made an adorable new friend.
329
00:12:34,529 --> 00:12:37,831
So, I see you've met Mr. Biscuits.
330
00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:38,899
What are you doing here?
331
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,801
I never miss an HOA meeting.
332
00:12:40,869 --> 00:12:43,337
How do you think that tree
over our pool got cut down?
333
00:12:43,405 --> 00:12:44,505
Oh.
334
00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:46,306
Ah, Delores.
335
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:50,177
We need to talk about
bringing in those trash bins.
336
00:12:50,245 --> 00:12:53,514
I got to admit, attending
the HOA meeting made me feel
337
00:12:53,581 --> 00:12:56,684
how Columbus must have felt
when he discovered America.
338
00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:57,885
Minus the genocide.
339
00:12:57,952 --> 00:13:00,320
Okay, okay, we're all...
We're all friends here.
340
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,222
We can just be honest.
341
00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:04,224
So, you know, the Persian
family down the street.
342
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:05,926
Well, they're putting in columns,
343
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:10,064
which I'm afraid
makes it look a little...
344
00:13:10,131 --> 00:13:11,165
too Persian.
345
00:13:11,232 --> 00:13:14,268
[People murmuring]
346
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,303
You know what I mean, Dre.
347
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,443
Well, it doesn't exactly fit
into the neighborhood aesthetic.
348
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,713
Yeah, right? Told you guys he was cool.
349
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:28,382
And even though the website
clearly says no guests,
350
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,350
I'm so glad you brought
They Call Me Johan
351
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:33,053
because I've... I got
to hear his poetry.
352
00:13:33,121 --> 00:13:34,054
Here we go.
353
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:37,458
I got a telescope for my third eye.
354
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,728
Guess you heard I... came
to Sherman Oaks
355
00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:43,030
to stay with my sister's folks.
356
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:45,299
I eat egg whites with my toast.
357
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,602
Too much cholesterol in the yolks.
358
00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:50,204
They call me Johan.
359
00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:52,106
- [Laughs]
- I don't.
360
00:13:52,173 --> 00:13:55,743
We should carpool to his
showcase and get French toast.
361
00:13:55,810 --> 00:13:57,044
- Why?
- What was I talking about...
362
00:13:57,112 --> 00:13:59,254
Oh-sidosies. [Laughs]
363
00:13:59,274 --> 00:14:01,215
Well, looks like Janine's "not problem"
364
00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:03,417
is rearing its ugly head again.
365
00:14:03,485 --> 00:14:04,918
Whose turn is it to drive her home?
366
00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:07,454
[People murmuring]
367
00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:11,458
♪ Oh, my God.
368
00:14:11,526 --> 00:14:13,627
You know what, guys? I'll do it.
369
00:14:13,695 --> 00:14:15,162
Glad to lend a helping hand.
370
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,830
Why? Because we live in a...
371
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,098
Thanks, Dre.
372
00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:19,266
Oh. [Chuckles]
373
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:20,734
Ow.
374
00:14:25,173 --> 00:14:27,074
Uh, what's for dinner?
375
00:14:27,142 --> 00:14:28,142
Give me a second, guys.
376
00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:29,309
I'm... I'm actually...
377
00:14:29,377 --> 00:14:31,745
I'm playing "Candy Crush," so...
378
00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:36,235
_
379
00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:40,254
Should we order something or...
380
00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:45,406
_
381
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,960
Mommy, I'm starving.
382
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:51,813
_
383
00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:53,433
You know what, guys?
384
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:56,336
I just realized I got to...
I got to go run some errands.
385
00:14:56,404 --> 00:14:57,771
I'm gonna...
386
00:14:57,839 --> 00:14:59,039
I'll be back.
387
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,841
But...
388
00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:01,842
♪ Do do do ♪
389
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:03,143
♪ Do do-do do do do ♪
390
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:04,478
♪ Do do do Junior, do the dab. ♪
391
00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:05,546
Johan, do the dab.
392
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:06,480
Janine, do the dab.
393
00:15:06,548 --> 00:15:07,548
This is corny.
394
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,550
Siri, play N.W.A.
395
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,885
♪ Straight outta Compton,
a brother with his finger... ♪
396
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,353
Siri, please don't.
397
00:15:13,421 --> 00:15:15,556
All right, today has been very chill
398
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,524
and very unaggressive.
399
00:15:17,592 --> 00:15:19,193
Well, I hate to say
I told you so, but, uh...
400
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:20,360
Oh, well, you know what?
401
00:15:20,428 --> 00:15:22,529
I'm a man that can admit
when he's wrong.
402
00:15:22,597 --> 00:15:26,161
As soon as I put my guard down
and went to my first HOA meeting,
403
00:15:26,181 --> 00:15:28,626
got to participate
in some casual racism...
404
00:15:28,646 --> 00:15:31,038
- Ha.
- And now I'm driving a semiconscious
405
00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:32,539
white woman home in her car.
406
00:15:32,607 --> 00:15:33,974
Life is good.
407
00:15:34,042 --> 00:15:35,542
[Siren wails]
408
00:15:36,305 --> 00:15:38,093
I blame myself.
409
00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:40,330
I can't believe I listened to Bow.
410
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,584
BBD clearly said,
411
00:15:41,652 --> 00:15:44,175
"Never trust a big butt and a smile."
412
00:15:44,195 --> 00:15:46,068
Dad, nothing's gonna happen.
413
00:15:46,088 --> 00:15:47,889
And if it does, I have pre-paid legal.
414
00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:50,982
And I can't believe I listened
to these two idiots.
415
00:15:51,002 --> 00:15:52,400
They got me to drop my guard
416
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:54,388
and ignore 400 years of instincts.
417
00:15:54,456 --> 00:15:56,724
Anybody seen my wallet? I need my I.D.
418
00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:59,527
For what? We're just going
up the street.
419
00:15:59,547 --> 00:16:00,694
Let's roll.
420
00:16:00,762 --> 00:16:02,897
And I wouldn't even have run
into Janine this morning
421
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:05,299
if I had taken my usual 30 minutes
422
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:08,702
to eloquently respond to racist
YouTube comments.
423
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:12,706
- [Keyboard keys clacking]
- Dear K-K-Kevin...
424
00:16:12,774 --> 00:16:14,375
[bleep] you.
425
00:16:14,442 --> 00:16:15,643
What am I gonna do?
426
00:16:15,710 --> 00:16:17,578
People lose their licenses all the time.
427
00:16:17,646 --> 00:16:19,880
Just tell the officer
you made an honest mistake.
428
00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:21,248
Mm.
429
00:16:21,316 --> 00:16:24,318
Funny story, I just started
wearing skinny jeans,
430
00:16:24,386 --> 00:16:26,487
and my wallet doesn't fit in my pants.
431
00:16:26,555 --> 00:16:28,480
[Cell door slams]
432
00:16:28,757 --> 00:16:29,790
Damn it!
433
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,326
Janine, where's the registration?!
434
00:16:32,394 --> 00:16:33,861
Black lives are at stake!
435
00:16:33,929 --> 00:16:37,231
Dad, can't you just tell
the officer whose car this is?
436
00:16:37,299 --> 00:16:39,199
I'm sure they'll believe you.
437
00:16:39,267 --> 00:16:41,402
The registered owner of the car
438
00:16:41,469 --> 00:16:42,736
is this passed-out white woman.
439
00:16:42,804 --> 00:16:45,039
[Cell doors slam]
440
00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:46,373
Johan: Before you explain anything,
441
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:47,942
tell him you have a video camera.
442
00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:50,010
Good evening, Officer.
443
00:16:50,078 --> 00:16:51,078
I just want to let you know
444
00:16:51,146 --> 00:16:52,346
that I'll be videotaping tonight.
445
00:16:52,414 --> 00:16:53,681
[Gunshot]
446
00:16:53,748 --> 00:16:55,683
[Rainbow crying]
447
00:16:57,485 --> 00:16:59,398
You think it's too early
to holla at Bow?
448
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:00,488
Mnh-mnh.
449
00:17:00,508 --> 00:17:02,289
Grief is treating her so good.
450
00:17:02,357 --> 00:17:04,129
Line starts behind me.
451
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,649
- Hmm.
- Oh, God.
452
00:17:05,717 --> 00:17:06,784
I'll get in that line.
453
00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:08,485
Hell, yeah.
454
00:17:08,553 --> 00:17:10,154
[Sobbing]
455
00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:11,716
- Ooh.
- Mmm.
456
00:17:11,736 --> 00:17:15,071
You know what? I'm tripping again.
457
00:17:15,139 --> 00:17:17,607
This is Drake Summer '16.
458
00:17:17,675 --> 00:17:19,609
I'm just gonna go talk to that officer
459
00:17:19,677 --> 00:17:21,511
and give him a reasonable explanation.
460
00:17:21,579 --> 00:17:22,979
You know what? I'm gonna tell him...
461
00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:24,347
♪ Straight outta Compton ♪
462
00:17:24,415 --> 00:17:25,682
♪ A brother with his finger
on the trigger ♪
463
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,150
♪ But once I take out my... ♪
464
00:17:27,218 --> 00:17:28,618
[Siren wailing]
465
00:17:28,686 --> 00:17:29,619
Hey.
466
00:17:29,687 --> 00:17:30,687
[Clears throat]
467
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:33,590
So, your pimp moves are working.
468
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:34,658
[Chuckles]
469
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:36,251
Do you think I could feed the kids now?
470
00:17:36,271 --> 00:17:37,294
I ate their supper.
471
00:17:37,314 --> 00:17:39,196
What?
472
00:17:39,263 --> 00:17:42,452
Oh. I get it.
473
00:17:42,472 --> 00:17:45,602
You think if they're hungry,
they'll appreciate me more.
474
00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,003
- Now focus.
- Oh, okay.
475
00:17:47,071 --> 00:17:48,839
You got to make 'em jealous now, Bow.
476
00:17:48,906 --> 00:17:50,507
Then you'll have them eating
right out the palm of your hand.
477
00:17:50,575 --> 00:17:52,509
- Okay.
- But just figuratively
478
00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:53,810
'cause I ate their supper.
479
00:17:53,878 --> 00:17:54,845
Yes.
480
00:17:54,912 --> 00:17:56,046
All of their supper.
481
00:17:56,113 --> 00:17:57,280
- [Kids laughing]
- Here they come.
482
00:17:57,348 --> 00:17:58,849
Oh, shoot.
483
00:17:58,916 --> 00:17:59,883
Turn off your heart.
484
00:17:59,951 --> 00:18:02,419
Just shut it down.
485
00:18:04,188 --> 00:18:05,288
Oh, hey, you guys.
486
00:18:05,356 --> 00:18:07,057
Gosh, I didn't even hear you come in.
487
00:18:07,124 --> 00:18:09,860
So busy looking at pictures
of your cousins that...
488
00:18:09,927 --> 00:18:13,296
Oh, man, they've gotten so tall.
489
00:18:13,364 --> 00:18:14,564
Oh, wow.
490
00:18:14,632 --> 00:18:18,001
They make such insightful
comments on Facebook.
491
00:18:18,069 --> 00:18:19,636
- [Laughs]
- I'll be the judge of that.
492
00:18:20,938 --> 00:18:22,367
Wow.
493
00:18:22,387 --> 00:18:24,755
Diamond really is wise beyond her years.
494
00:18:24,822 --> 00:18:28,158
I see cousin Cha-cha's dating
an Abercrombie model.
495
00:18:28,226 --> 00:18:29,760
- Yeah.
- Good for her.
496
00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:31,361
Don't look at pictures of them.
497
00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:33,363
Look at my real face.
498
00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:35,265
Look. Look.
499
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,000
Oh.
500
00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:39,236
[Chuckles] Oh.
501
00:18:43,408 --> 00:18:44,841
Wow.
502
00:18:44,909 --> 00:18:46,443
Check out cousin Dante.
503
00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:47,611
- Dre?
- Hm?
504
00:18:47,679 --> 00:18:49,513
- What are you doing here?
- What?
505
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,048
I've been here in this outfit
506
00:18:51,115 --> 00:18:52,549
looking at Facebook pictures
507
00:18:52,617 --> 00:18:54,351
all night long with you, right?
508
00:18:54,419 --> 00:18:56,453
I mean, that's the story
we'll tell the cops if they ask.
509
00:18:56,521 --> 00:18:59,322
- The what?
- Don't worry about it.
510
00:19:00,124 --> 00:19:01,525
- [Sighs]
- You're alive.
511
00:19:01,592 --> 00:19:04,327
I-I-I-I know I sounded surprised,
512
00:19:04,395 --> 00:19:08,051
but I knew he was alive
because I am a very good parent.
513
00:19:08,071 --> 00:19:10,801
- How did you get here?
- I did what you did. I ran.
514
00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:11,868
And they didn't catch you?
515
00:19:11,936 --> 00:19:14,471
Nope. Turns out it's true what they say.
516
00:19:14,539 --> 00:19:16,506
You don't have to outrun the cops.
517
00:19:16,574 --> 00:19:18,208
You only have to outrun your uncle.
518
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:19,810
[Laughs] That's my boy!
519
00:19:19,877 --> 00:19:21,712
I have never been
more proud of you, son.
520
00:19:21,779 --> 00:19:23,413
- Hold up, you guys.
- What?
521
00:19:23,481 --> 00:19:25,761
What is all this talk of cops?
And where's my brother?
522
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:27,050
- [Door opens]
- Dre: I don't know.
523
00:19:27,118 --> 00:19:28,351
Oh, my... Oh, my God!
524
00:19:28,419 --> 00:19:30,320
Johan, are you okay?
525
00:19:30,388 --> 00:19:31,922
I may never be okay again.
526
00:19:31,989 --> 00:19:33,423
After your husband took off,
527
00:19:33,491 --> 00:19:35,559
things went about as badly
as they could go.
528
00:19:35,626 --> 00:19:37,928
- Snitch.
- Dre, did you leave my brother?
529
00:19:37,995 --> 00:19:41,898
Oh, so it's my fault that his
white instincts to investigate
530
00:19:41,966 --> 00:19:44,868
is stronger than
his black instincts to run.
531
00:19:44,888 --> 00:19:46,103
I ran.
532
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:47,537
Shouldn't have gone back for the fliers,
533
00:19:47,605 --> 00:19:50,507
but I learned some very
important lessons.
534
00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:52,743
Like pre-paid legal is not a real thing.
535
00:19:52,810 --> 00:19:54,911
And also, you should not attempt
536
00:19:54,979 --> 00:19:57,280
a citizen's arrest on a police officer.
537
00:19:57,348 --> 00:20:00,751
I've also learned that we
are very, very far away
538
00:20:00,818 --> 00:20:03,487
from things being completely different.
539
00:20:05,189 --> 00:20:08,592
I think what Uncle Johan
is trying to say is...
540
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,095
it's still a crime to be black...
541
00:20:12,163 --> 00:20:16,466
- Rainbow: Oh.
- If you're Kevin Hart or Shaq.
542
00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:21,271
So mind your P's and your Q's
543
00:20:21,339 --> 00:20:25,522
unless you want to be abused.
544
00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:29,780
- They call me...
- Shut up.
545
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,548
Shut up.
546
00:20:31,616 --> 00:20:33,817
- Is that how I sound?
- Worse.
547
00:20:33,885 --> 00:20:35,696
You're a grown man.
548
00:20:36,521 --> 00:20:37,988
Now, come on.
549
00:20:38,055 --> 00:20:39,623
Let's go see what they did to Janine.
550
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:41,091
I think you were wonderful, Junior.
551
00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:43,293
- Thanks, Mom.
- You sound like your uncle.
552
00:20:43,361 --> 00:20:45,380
- Let's go.
- Don't encourage it.
553
00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:48,215
You know what truly makes America great?
554
00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:50,555
All of our different communities.
555
00:20:50,575 --> 00:20:53,944
Each one committed
to helping all of its members.
556
00:20:54,012 --> 00:20:56,714
But then we're all
still willing to change
557
00:20:56,781 --> 00:20:58,649
so we never miss a moment.
558
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,084
- Wait a minute.
- Hmm?
559
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:02,586
So, the black driver's now
friends with the old white lady?
560
00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:04,121
That's some bull[bleep]
561
00:21:04,189 --> 00:21:06,220
- I told you.
- Fine, all right.
562
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,325
Go ahead. Fast-forward to the
end of the movie "The Help."
563
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:09,893
Okay, I'm telling you right now
564
00:21:09,961 --> 00:21:12,396
if the poo pie works out,
I'm gonna lose my mind.
565
00:21:12,464 --> 00:21:13,764
Okay.
566
00:21:13,832 --> 00:21:17,434
And that's what truly
makes America great.
567
00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:18,602
What?!
568
00:21:18,789 --> 00:21:22,199
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
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