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Synced corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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Previously on "American Princess"...
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00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:11,990
We like our peripheral
employees to stay consistent
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00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:14,191
with proper Elizabethan
as best they can.
5
00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:15,951
Huzzah for the tipper.
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00:00:16,327 --> 00:00:17,343
We'll work on it.
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00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:19,084
- [WOMEN SHRIEKING]
- Miss you, bitch.
8
00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,782
- How's rehab?
- Lexi, she's not in rehab.
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00:00:21,807 --> 00:00:24,250
- That's just what we're saying.
- It's not Amanda's fault that
10
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,633
- that hooker bit off her own tongue.
- ERIN: It might be.
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00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,528
HELEN: [LISPING] I know you think
I'm here to stab you to death,
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00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:30,760
but the truth is, Amanda, we're square.
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00:00:31,057 --> 00:00:32,228
My mom paid you off.
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00:00:32,253 --> 00:00:34,564
Now I can travel
the circuit in a tour bus.
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00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:41,956
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00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:45,197
AREOLA: Huzzah for the tipper!
17
00:00:45,222 --> 00:00:47,050
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
18
00:00:47,283 --> 00:00:49,635
Huzzah for the tipper
19
00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:52,074
It needs work. [SIGHS]
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00:00:52,099 --> 00:00:54,532
[DIGNIFIED BRITISH ACCENT]
Blanchett, Cate Blanchett. No.
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00:00:54,557 --> 00:00:56,016
[ROUGH COCKNEY ACCENT] Cate Blanchett.
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00:00:56,059 --> 00:00:57,365
Pray thee. Pray... Pray thee.
23
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,401
Pray thee.
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00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:00,846
Pray thee tell.
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[SIGHING] Oh.
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00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,534
Huzzah for the titties.
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00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:08,979
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
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- [GASPS] Oh!
- Good morrow, dear cuz!
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00:01:11,118 --> 00:01:14,462
- [SIGHS]
- Whoo! Oh, whoa. What's that?
30
00:01:14,487 --> 00:01:16,042
This is for Cyril.
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00:01:16,688 --> 00:01:19,260
Cyril, I made you a scoby-thingy,
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00:01:19,285 --> 00:01:21,073
and the kombucha is turning out great.
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00:01:21,098 --> 00:01:23,448
I'd like to think it's because
I fermented it in the sun
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00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,151
and not in horse shit.
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00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,042
- Thanks?
- You're welcome.
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00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,313
And this is pineapple juice,
for your cough.
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00:01:31,338 --> 00:01:32,879
I know it was a little
better last night,
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00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:35,602
but the natural bromelain in it
will nip it in the bud, I swear.
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00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:38,673
You've totally embraced
the spirit of faire-mily!
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00:01:38,753 --> 00:01:40,625
But I don't have a cough.
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00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:42,323
Yes, you do.
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00:01:42,348 --> 00:01:44,039
- You were up the last two nights.
- [BOY COUGHS]
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00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:45,438
That was Lil Boy.
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00:01:45,463 --> 00:01:46,526
Wh-What?
45
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:49,065
This little boy slept
in our room last night?
46
00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:50,959
- Where else would he sleep?
- With his parents?
47
00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:52,706
[LAUGHING] I'm his parents!
48
00:01:53,337 --> 00:01:55,122
- You have a kid?
- You knew about him.
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00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:57,497
I really truly very much did not.
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00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:58,612
Really?
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00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,393
Well, this is Lil Boy.
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00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:03,188
Yes, I can see that he's a little boy.
53
00:02:03,213 --> 00:02:05,253
No, that's his name. Lil Boy.
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00:02:05,278 --> 00:02:06,946
Until he's old enough
to choose his own name.
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00:02:06,971 --> 00:02:08,938
- Fartbox!
- Okay, not old enough yet.
56
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,188
Why don't you check
the fridge for Mommy?
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00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,424
This isn't quite cold enough.
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00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,356
He's been sleeping in
our room this whole time?
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00:02:15,381 --> 00:02:17,818
Sometimes. Lulu home-schools
the faire brats,
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00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,291
so a lot of times,
he crashes with her kids.
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00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:21,029
Wait, hive parenting.
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00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,598
I read about this
in Vanity Fair, I think.
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00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:24,888
Or a Buzzfeed listicle.
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00:02:24,913 --> 00:02:27,449
LIL BOY: One of the gasket
retainer screws is loose.
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00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:29,545
I need Lee's Allen wrench.
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00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:33,670
- Okay.
- He does seem skilled.
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00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,177
Certainly better here with me
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00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:37,073
than back home with my crazy parents.
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00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:38,857
Your parents are strict, too, huh?
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00:02:39,215 --> 00:02:42,053
My mom made me take French and Mandarin.
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00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,646
Merci for nothing, Chairman Mao.
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00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:46,920
Evangelical Christians.
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00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:48,668
I wasn't even allowed to read
"The Giving Tree"
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00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:51,302
when I was a kid, because
"If it can give you an apple,
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00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:53,263
it can touch you
in your bathing suit area."
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00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,338
Wow.
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00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,938
Yeah, this is a much better
place for him. And you.
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00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:58,658
And all of us!
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- Boobs look great.
- Thanks, babe.
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00:03:03,302 --> 00:03:05,250
It'll hold like this for a bit,
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00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,399
but the gasket needs to be replaced.
82
00:03:07,456 --> 00:03:09,135
Will do. Thanks, kiddo.
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00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:12,291
All right. Three Wet-Naps,
two matchbooks,
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00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,033
and some toothpicks.
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00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:15,885
Pleasure doing business with you.
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00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,916
- You, too, Fartbox.
- Unh-unh. Not Fartbox.
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00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,127
Good advice, man.
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00:03:20,152 --> 00:03:22,135
Adding more plant-based
proteins to my diet.
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00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:24,530
And I'll keep in mind
the spirit of the turkey.
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00:03:24,555 --> 00:03:26,557
[BOTH LAUGH]
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00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:27,955
You coming around, baby.
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00:03:29,368 --> 00:03:32,400
Ah. The showers are all taken?
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00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,078
[WATER RUNNING]
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00:03:34,609 --> 00:03:35,609
Yep.
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00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:37,971
Hey!
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00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:39,986
Same body wash.
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00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:42,548
Got to love that Mountain Mist.
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00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,017
Great minds.
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00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,771
Then again, we do differ in our choices
100
00:03:47,796 --> 00:03:50,353
of toothpaste flavor.
101
00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:53,541
What kind of person uses wintergreen?
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00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:54,666
[CHUCKLES]
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00:03:55,813 --> 00:03:57,650
What can I say? I'm a wintergreen guy.
104
00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:01,189
Well, I also heard that wintergreen
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00:04:01,462 --> 00:04:02,916
was the flavor...
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00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:05,986
used by Hitler.
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00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,405
108
00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:09,635
[CLEARS THROAT]
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00:04:10,179 --> 00:04:15,439
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00:04:15,930 --> 00:04:18,106
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
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00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:20,108
[ETHEREAL NEW-AGE MUSIC PLAYING]
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Good morrow, Your Majesty.
113
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,642
You're late.
114
00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,398
You missed the Stanislavski warm-up.
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00:04:24,423 --> 00:04:25,511
Jumping right into mirror.
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00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:26,760
Thank you, mirror.
117
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,620
118
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,383
Apologies for being late, but I just had
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00:04:32,408 --> 00:04:35,314
a rather awkward incident.
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00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:38,049
I ran into Juan Andr?s,
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00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,862
you know, the man I sort of like,
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00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,401
in the restroom.
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00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:47,244
We were in line for the showers.
124
00:04:47,378 --> 00:04:50,007
I, you know, thought
I'd strike up a conversation,
125
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:53,042
but it went poorly.
126
00:04:53,067 --> 00:04:55,534
Five, six, seven, eight.
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00:04:56,768 --> 00:04:59,704
I made a very bad joke... about Hitler.
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00:04:59,737 --> 00:05:00,712
- Zip.
- Zap.
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00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:01,366
- Zop.
- Zip.
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00:05:01,391 --> 00:05:02,245
- Zap.
- Zop.
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00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:04,760
I'm sure it was fine.
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00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,026
And lift.
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00:05:08,064 --> 00:05:09,940
- And scene.
- And scene.
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00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:12,185
135
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:14,456
How do I show him that I like him?
136
00:05:15,013 --> 00:05:16,251
Invite him over for a Hefeweizen
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00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:17,745
and a light chapter of "Mein Kampf."
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00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:18,776
[CHUCKLES]
139
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:21,120
Really, Maggie, I need your help.
140
00:05:21,145 --> 00:05:23,432
Oh, good God, you're obsessed.
141
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,328
What's his profession? Janitor?
142
00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:27,964
He sells handmade wares.
143
00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:30,190
Then show an interest
in his art or something.
144
00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:31,860
What time is it, anyway?
145
00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:33,823
I need to Nair my widow's
peak before breakfast.
146
00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:36,078
I'm starting to look like Count Chocula.
147
00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:37,862
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
148
00:05:37,887 --> 00:05:39,541
All right, everybody, listen up.
149
00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:41,518
We got a couple things on the agenda.
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00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:45,837
There will be no more 25% employee
discount on meals purchased
151
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,189
- on the grounds during Faire Days.
- What?
152
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,666
- Lee!
- What?
153
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,328
Ticket sales dropped opening weekend.
154
00:05:50,353 --> 00:05:51,789
We got to pick up the slack.
155
00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:53,381
So eat less, and it won't affect you.
156
00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,323
I can survive on a cup
of raw spinach a day.
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00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:58,031
Okay, moving on.
Uh, the Queen's Royal Tea
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00:05:58,056 --> 00:06:00,995
will now become
the Queen's Royal Pub Crawl.
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00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,588
- WOMAN: Oh!
- Profit margins are higher with booze.
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00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,084
And, uh, Callie,
no more nip slips at the joust.
161
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:09,026
We had some complaints from the parents.
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00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:11,501
Actually, no, just the moms.
The dads were fine with it.
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00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:13,071
Free the nipple!
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00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:14,358
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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Nips!
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00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,753
No more moms!
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00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,619
All right, let's take
this energy outside
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00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:22,690
and show these people
what the faire is about.
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00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,761
Now, how about three
cheers for the faire?
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00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,495
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah.
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00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,652
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah.
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00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:31,214
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah!
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00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,120
Come on, guys! Let's do it!
174
00:06:34,615 --> 00:06:36,356
- Come on, come on, get up.
- Yeah!
175
00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:38,253
- All right, everybody.
- Let's go, freaks!
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00:06:38,278 --> 00:06:39,932
MAN: All right, everybody,
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00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:42,438
let's go out there and make some money!
178
00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:44,595
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Oh, God.
179
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:47,429
- Yes, Maggie?
- The Queen's Tea is a tradition.
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00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:49,586
I've led it every Faire
Day here since taking on
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00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:50,870
- the role of Elizabeth.
- Uh-huh.
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00:06:50,895 --> 00:06:53,739
The little girls sit and
converse with the Queen.
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00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:56,104
It is vital to show them how
upper-class women behave.
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00:06:56,129 --> 00:06:59,100
I'm sorry, but we got to pick
up cash wherever we can find it.
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00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,729
I will not besmirch the
legacy of the great Queen
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00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,315
simply to put a couple of
extra shekels in your pocket.
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00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:08,107
I figured you'd say that,
so I am prepared.
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00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:09,799
"It is said that Elizabeth I
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00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:12,787
drank at least two pints
of ale every day.
190
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,457
In 1593, the royal
household went through
191
00:07:15,482 --> 00:07:18,354
approximately 600,000 gallons of ale,"
192
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:19,681
signed the Internet.
193
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,167
The Queen drank beer, yes,
194
00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:23,508
but in the refined company
of her ladies-in-waiting.
195
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,753
She never rubbed elbows with
drunken bachelor parties,
196
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,363
nor hairy men in ironic t-shirts.
197
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,714
Your ladies-in-waiting
will be there with you,
198
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,699
so it will be completely
historically accurate.
199
00:07:33,845 --> 00:07:36,519
Just think of it like
a royal girls' night out.
200
00:07:36,544 --> 00:07:37,980
I don't believe in girlfriends.
201
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,456
Bitches be haters.
202
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,644
All done?
203
00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:45,661
Why, thank thee, fine sir.
204
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,706
WOMAN: I should get
a dress like that, right?
205
00:07:49,342 --> 00:07:51,284
Your pitcher, m'lords.
206
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,520
Thank you, m'lady. A tip for you.
207
00:07:53,545 --> 00:07:55,061
Just the tip?
208
00:07:55,086 --> 00:07:56,784
Frankly, sir, I'd prefer the whole hog.
209
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,247
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh!
210
00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:01,459
- Hey, Amanda.
- No more free beer, Friar.
211
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,574
- Lee would have my head.
- I'm not here for the booze.
212
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,963
Ophelia, the empty kegs got to move.
213
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,980
On it. Friar!
214
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:09,989
- Listen, can you do me a favor?
- Is it sexual?
215
00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:12,050
Because geriatric alcoholics
aren't really my type.
216
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,097
No, no, no, what? Listen,
217
00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,212
Natasha usually does my show
218
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,412
at 4:00, but she... she got
a ribbon burn on the May pole,
219
00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:18,027
and now she needs to ice her palms.
220
00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,925
- So can you fill in?
- Okay, okay, fine, I'll do it.
221
00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,831
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- If you move, please.
222
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:22,870
All right. Thanks.
223
00:08:24,699 --> 00:08:26,784
Oh, nice muscles.
224
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:30,549
Duh. I'm in wedding shape,
which is scientifically proven
225
00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:33,019
to be the hottest moment
of any woman's life.
226
00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:35,566
SoulCycle and kettle bells.
Plus, I cut out grains.
227
00:08:36,831 --> 00:08:38,260
Such a city lady.
228
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,019
- Hey!
- Uh, you are.
229
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,777
It's okay, but you are.
230
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,720
Hmm. Well, could a city lady do this?
231
00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:47,745
I can smell your French
disease from here.
232
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:49,551
Back across the channel
233
00:08:49,576 --> 00:08:52,361
- with you, pagans!
- Hey! Oh, fie, Puritan!
234
00:08:52,386 --> 00:08:55,606
Go jack your beanstalk
onto a communion wafer.
235
00:08:55,631 --> 00:08:57,894
- [CHUCKLES]
- It'll release some frustration.
236
00:09:01,756 --> 00:09:04,522
You know, the high fives were
a little bit anachronistic,
237
00:09:04,547 --> 00:09:05,983
but, I mean, you're getting there.
238
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:07,777
You'll blend in, eventually.
239
00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:11,137
I'm blending in just fine.
240
00:09:11,162 --> 00:09:15,371
241
00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:17,702
All done? Aye.
242
00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:21,134
Patrons, pay attention,
for this man has given me
243
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:24,107
what every woman desires... Multiples!
244
00:09:24,132 --> 00:09:25,481
[LAUGHTER]
245
00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:27,203
Huzzah for the tipper!
246
00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,839
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
247
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:31,867
[LAUGHTER FADES]
248
00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,552
Yo, clock in when the mood strikes
249
00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:37,537
I do what a boss likes,
slowpokes, they look twice
250
00:09:37,562 --> 00:09:40,173
Cold... I'm a Klondike...
boys get curved tough
251
00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,852
- No. Way.
- When a girl gang, gang roll up
252
00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:43,300
Make a beeline for the green room
253
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:44,988
I get money to show up
254
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,434
Break, break, break, break
255
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:47,714
Ugh.
256
00:09:49,262 --> 00:09:50,481
- Ew.
- Ew.
257
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:51,594
Ew.
258
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,163
Oh, my God.
259
00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:58,495
- Hi!
- Hi!
260
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:00,210
Wow.
261
00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:01,381
- You guys!
- This.
262
00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:02,580
What are you doing here?
263
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,128
- We came to check on you, babe.
- I mean, did you think
264
00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:05,782
we forgot about you?
265
00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:07,218
Oh, kind of.
266
00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:09,282
- No.
- You guys!
267
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,632
Uh, c-come sit down?
268
00:10:10,657 --> 00:10:12,456
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Okay.
269
00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:18,335
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
270
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,841
Two secs, you guys.
I am dying to catch up.
271
00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:22,277
Yeah. Okay.
272
00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,081
What in the dorky hell
has gotten into her?
273
00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:25,759
It's like she's been
kidnapped by those drum circle
274
00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:27,090
mole people in Union Square.
275
00:10:27,115 --> 00:10:28,911
- Uh-huh.
- Those titties, though.
276
00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:31,068
Yes, girl, those titties.
277
00:10:31,093 --> 00:10:33,274
Lexi, can you actually
stop calling me "girl"?
278
00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:34,570
It's starting to feel minimizing.
279
00:10:34,595 --> 00:10:36,440
Oh, my God. I would never,
ever want you to feel that.
280
00:10:36,465 --> 00:10:38,660
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
281
00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:40,052
I'm mean, I'm just really grateful
282
00:10:40,077 --> 00:10:41,836
that I could share my truth with you.
283
00:10:41,992 --> 00:10:44,328
- Love you, bitch.
- Love you, too, bitch. Mwah.
284
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:47,233
- Sangria. On me.
- Ooh. Thanks, sweetie.
285
00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,686
So, is this, like, your jobjob, or...?
286
00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:49,985
I mean, it's part of it.
287
00:10:50,227 --> 00:10:52,064
Basically, we're all sort of performers
288
00:10:52,089 --> 00:10:53,485
in a larger production.
289
00:10:53,831 --> 00:10:56,766
We all live communally,
so it's kind of like a kibbutz.
290
00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:58,244
It seems more like Rajneeshpuram.
291
00:10:58,269 --> 00:10:59,420
- Yeah.
- Ma Anand Sheela
292
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:00,968
- is a feminist icon.
- Tea.
293
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,062
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
294
00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:03,087
- Yes!
- Cheers.
295
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,133
Oh, no.
296
00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,194
So, what's news with you guys?
297
00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:08,037
Um, well, Nick hit 10k on Instagram.
298
00:11:08,062 --> 00:11:10,779
And Rachel Zoe retweeted me.
299
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,485
Yeah, and Lexi's on
a new antidepressant.
300
00:11:13,023 --> 00:11:15,131
So, and then, with me, you know,
work is work, same thing.
301
00:11:15,156 --> 00:11:17,194
80 hours a week,
Postmates for every meal,
302
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,320
totally worth it.
303
00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:20,914
- That's amazing, you guys.
- Yeah.
304
00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,469
God, you look so cute,
by the way, Amanda.
305
00:11:23,494 --> 00:11:26,229
I mean, you are really serving,
like, pure Coachella realness.
306
00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:27,342
- Yeah, you do.
- Honestly, you guys,
307
00:11:27,385 --> 00:11:29,242
I feel amazing.
308
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,782
309
00:11:32,807 --> 00:11:34,373
Wow. [CHUCKLES]
310
00:11:34,398 --> 00:11:36,586
It's just such a shock seeing you here.
311
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,483
Faire virgins. I hope your first time
doesn't hurt too much.
312
00:11:39,508 --> 00:11:40,852
Hon, look, we're not here to judge.
313
00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:42,102
I mean, with everything
you've been through,
314
00:11:42,127 --> 00:11:43,159
it makes sense that you would run off
315
00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,273
and do something... different,
316
00:11:45,298 --> 00:11:46,822
um, as you recover from the stress.
317
00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:48,320
- And humiliation.
- Yeah.
318
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,827
LEXI: And we're also here to check
319
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,550
that you aren't totally mentally ill.
320
00:11:51,575 --> 00:11:53,212
Lexi, that was car talk.
321
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,016
- We told you.
- Like four times.
322
00:11:55,196 --> 00:11:57,141
[LAUGHS] Sorry. It's the new meds.
323
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,469
Oh, my God.
324
00:11:59,809 --> 00:12:02,875
Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale.
325
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,991
You won't find a better
pair of jugs, milady.
326
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:07,836
And make sure you tell your friends.
327
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,340
Fill it to the top with mead,
328
00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:11,039
and you'll need a carriage ride home!
329
00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:14,031
Well met, Juan Andr?s.
330
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,164
Uh, hi.
331
00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,531
Come, get your flagons!
332
00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:22,406
My, what beautiful wares.
333
00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:25,195
What are these made of?
334
00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:27,899
Cow horns.
335
00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:30,391
Makes sense. Aah.
336
00:12:30,753 --> 00:12:32,538
Flagons, tankards, milady.
337
00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:34,688
Oh! And pray tell,
338
00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:37,978
what about this, uh, gorgeous
339
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,633
suede-like canteen?
340
00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:43,331
Suede.
341
00:12:43,374 --> 00:12:44,941
Suede?
342
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:47,030
Suede.
343
00:12:47,074 --> 00:12:48,728
- Milady.
- Milord.
344
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:52,035
Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale!
345
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:55,833
Oh, this... Now, this is so lovely.
346
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:59,441
I can imagine pouring myself
a Montepulciano, or...
347
00:12:59,466 --> 00:13:02,524
some other Old World
red in one of these.
348
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:05,334
Are you, mayhaps, also a wine-drink...
349
00:13:05,359 --> 00:13:06,752
- [CERAMIC SHATTERS]
- Oh.
350
00:13:06,777 --> 00:13:08,810
Oh, fie.
351
00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,619
I-I-I am so sorry.
352
00:13:10,644 --> 00:13:12,297
I-I will pay for all of these.
353
00:13:12,322 --> 00:13:14,106
It's okay. I make these myself,
354
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:16,232
so it's just lost time.
355
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,490
You make all these
ceramic mugs yourself?
356
00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:21,629
Out of...
357
00:13:22,892 --> 00:13:23,892
Clay.
358
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,286
Clay.
359
00:13:27,405 --> 00:13:29,458
Welcome, my countrymen,
360
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,876
to the Queen's... Pub Crawl.
361
00:13:31,901 --> 00:13:34,425
As you toast the monarchy,
you may approach
362
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,489
and ask any questions you'd like
363
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:39,169
about our daily lives in the court.
364
00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:42,365
Is it true you guys,
like, never took showers?
365
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,154
Did the Queen have to poop in a bucket?
366
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:46,108
- [LAUGHTER]
- Please, let us keep the questions
367
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,222
related to our courtly life.
368
00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:51,374
For instance, can you guess
how many ladies-in-waiting
369
00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:53,818
I did host in my time as queen?
370
00:13:54,377 --> 00:13:56,118
- 69!
- 69!
371
00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,872
[LAUGHTER]
372
00:13:58,897 --> 00:14:01,117
Ah, hear ye, hear ye.
373
00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:04,493
Uh, the Queen commands that
whomever can consume their beer
374
00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:07,433
with the most haste shall
be made lady-in-waiting
375
00:14:07,458 --> 00:14:08,590
- for the day.
- Wow.
376
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,070
And you can be a guy.
377
00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:12,420
Or however you may identify.
378
00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,709
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
379
00:14:14,734 --> 00:14:17,607
Yes, what a civilized idea.
380
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,990
On my count, drink.
381
00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:23,060
One, two, three.
382
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,497
- Yeah!
- Yes!
383
00:14:28,522 --> 00:14:30,437
- Oh!
- Whoo-hoo!
384
00:14:30,462 --> 00:14:33,372
I suppose I must declare a tie
385
00:14:33,397 --> 00:14:36,487
between these two, um, spirited wenches.
386
00:14:36,512 --> 00:14:39,167
- Um, please, join my court.
- Yes!
387
00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:41,175
- Sweet!
- And as our first duty
388
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,799
on the Queen's court, we're doing shots.
389
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,080
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
390
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:46,425
No, no, no, I shan't.
391
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,083
Chug it, your horniness.
392
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,544
- Chug it, your horniness.
- Chug it, your horniness.
393
00:14:49,587 --> 00:14:51,154
ALL: [CHANTING] Chug it, your horniness.
394
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:54,182
The Queen drank. And shots cost extra.
395
00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:56,332
Come on. What would Daniel Day-Lewis do?
396
00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:57,521
He'd retire.
397
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,336
- Chug it, your horniness!
- Chug it, your horniness!
398
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,145
- Chug it, your horniness!
- Chug it, your horniness!
399
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,651
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
400
00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:07,396
401
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,458
I shall get some more.
402
00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:15,561
I feel like this is my new summer drink.
403
00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:17,242
- Morgan.
- It's honestly, like, disgusting.
404
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:18,811
- Oh, my God.
- It's di... Uh...
405
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,224
Oh, my God.
406
00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:23,280
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
407
00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:26,044
Okay, who are those shiny people?
408
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,339
They're my friends from home.
409
00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:29,740
Oh, my gosh! Fun! I'll go
spray 'em with bubble water.
410
00:15:29,765 --> 00:15:30,765
No!
411
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,966
They're not those kind of people.
412
00:15:33,153 --> 00:15:35,416
- I'm actually really nervous?
- How come?
413
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,356
It's the whole mixing-worlds thing.
414
00:15:37,381 --> 00:15:39,115
You know when you
introduce your yoga friends
415
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,222
to your Pilates friends,
416
00:15:40,247 --> 00:15:42,022
and the vibe is just super different?
417
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:43,936
[SIGHS]
418
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:47,265
I need for them to like it.
419
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:50,206
Oh, they're like you were
three weeks ago...
420
00:15:50,231 --> 00:15:53,888
A newborn baby possum,
blind and small-headed.
421
00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:56,611
But then you grew up
to be a warm, smushy,
422
00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:58,866
sighted woodland creature.
423
00:15:59,429 --> 00:16:00,624
This pertains how?
424
00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:02,592
Show them the faire through your eyes.
425
00:16:02,617 --> 00:16:03,811
Then they'll be sold.
426
00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,343
I vote more alcohol.
427
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:07,513
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Good idea.
428
00:16:07,538 --> 00:16:08,538
Yeah.
429
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,983
I feel like we've been
here for 500 hours.
430
00:16:12,956 --> 00:16:14,505
- More sangria?
- [GASPS] Yes, please.
431
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,214
- Yes, Mom.
- Fun, right?
432
00:16:16,239 --> 00:16:18,968
I mean, yeah, if by "fun,"
you mean super offensive.
433
00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:20,131
- Thank you.
- What is with all
434
00:16:20,156 --> 00:16:22,307
the horny nerd humor?
It's like, I feel like
435
00:16:22,332 --> 00:16:23,757
the only girl in, like,
a Fortnite chat room.
436
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,746
Oh, come on. It's 1585.
437
00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:27,033
Things were different back then.
438
00:16:27,058 --> 00:16:28,618
Um, well, but it's not back then.
439
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,538
It's now pretending to be back then.
440
00:16:30,563 --> 00:16:33,218
Actually, it's a super
empowering place for women.
441
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,191
It's super inclusive and
non-judgey and body positive.
442
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:38,522
- Like the Trevor Project.
- No.
443
00:16:38,653 --> 00:16:39,976
Fine wenches,
444
00:16:40,976 --> 00:16:43,640
you all look delicious.
445
00:16:43,689 --> 00:16:46,854
I wish I could give each of
you a long, steady ride
446
00:16:46,879 --> 00:16:48,147
on my horse.
447
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,535
- A rose, milady?
- From you? God, no.
448
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,649
I'd literally rather get a
rose from Arie Luyendyk...
449
00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,929
ALL: The most hated
Bachelor of all time.
450
00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,783
[LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
451
00:16:59,181 --> 00:17:01,444
- But you should take...
- I'll take a flower, sir.
452
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:05,577
453
00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,186
[ALL GASP]
454
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,865
Oh!
455
00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:12,861
[ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
456
00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:15,192
457
00:17:15,255 --> 00:17:16,929
[ALL GASP]
458
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:18,483
MORGAN: Ugh.
459
00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:21,757
Meet me at the joust at 2:00 and 30.
460
00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:24,280
I'll ride for thine honor.
461
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:26,092
[MUSIC STOPS, APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE]
462
00:17:26,117 --> 00:17:27,466
[NICK WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
463
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,624
LEXI: It's so hot. [SIGHS]
464
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,311
Lexi, what just happened to me?
465
00:17:32,054 --> 00:17:34,179
Amanda, you were just assaulted.
466
00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:35,685
Totally.
467
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,146
I feel triggered.
468
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,365
I'm fine. Like I said,
469
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:41,212
things are different here.
470
00:17:41,237 --> 00:17:43,718
There's a familiar vibe
between performers.
471
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:45,835
He just made out with your neck.
Do you even know him?
472
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,718
Yeah, I've seen him around.
He's like a jouster.
473
00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:49,288
Like from "A Knight's Tale"?
474
00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:51,440
- Heath Ledger was my sexual awakening.
- Oh, my God.
475
00:17:51,465 --> 00:17:53,162
- Oh, my God. Me, too.
- Hashtag "MeToo."
476
00:17:53,187 --> 00:17:54,530
Stop it! That is not a joke!
477
00:17:54,555 --> 00:17:56,038
Ow. [SNICKERING]
478
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,411
Amanda, this is your workplace, okay?
479
00:17:59,436 --> 00:18:00,554
You need to stand up for consent.
480
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,349
Okay, okay, fine,
but can we just take a beat
481
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,174
and appreciate this faire?
482
00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:07,476
It's super fun, I swear.
483
00:18:08,862 --> 00:18:09,862
Hmm.
484
00:18:10,092 --> 00:18:11,485
[SINGSONG VOICE] There's shopping!
485
00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,654
- [GASPS] Yes!
- Okay. Grab my drink.
486
00:18:13,679 --> 00:18:14,772
Okay, can you put it up?
487
00:18:14,797 --> 00:18:16,265
- Like here?
- 'Cause that's not a good angle.
488
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:17,379
- Yeah.
- Like that?
489
00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:18,840
WOMAN: Huzzah!
490
00:18:18,884 --> 00:18:21,974
491
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,194
[RETCHES]
492
00:18:24,256 --> 00:18:26,475
I'm sorry to be, like, that person,
493
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,763
but do they have anything
that's paleo here?
494
00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,069
Cucumber mint water?
495
00:18:30,112 --> 00:18:31,548
What about turkey legs?
496
00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:34,632
Yes, bitch. Pure lean protein.
Thank you.
497
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,337
[CLEARS THROAT] Who's a city lady?
498
00:18:37,362 --> 00:18:41,540
499
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,970
MAN: Take dead aim!
500
00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,344
Try your luck.
501
00:18:44,369 --> 00:18:48,939
502
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:51,190
- I see you, Legolas!
- Whew.
503
00:18:51,416 --> 00:18:53,818
Orlando Bloom wishes
he looked this good.
504
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,896
Tankards and flagons! Show me your jugs,
505
00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:57,768
- and I'll show you mine.
- Seriously?
506
00:18:57,793 --> 00:19:00,416
Would it hurt you to trynot
to commodify women's bodies?
507
00:19:01,158 --> 00:19:04,190
[LAUGHING]
508
00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:05,377
It's fine.
509
00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,012
510
00:19:07,148 --> 00:19:08,473
[GIGGLES]
511
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:09,978
- Yes!
- You. Guys.
512
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,308
- This...
- Mean.
513
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,335
- Much.
- It's you. Literally you.
514
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,232
Do you guys take AmEx black?
515
00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:16,862
[LISPING] You bet your ass they do.
516
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,161
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]
517
00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:27,596
- Who was that?
- No one.
518
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:29,971
No one.
519
00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:34,283
- Wait, wait, you have to try this on.
- Yes.
520
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:39,480
This faire is full of debauchery
and disgusting behavior!
521
00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,955
Oh, my God. Thank you. Yes.
522
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,423
The wanton whores should
be drawn and quartered,
523
00:19:45,448 --> 00:19:47,755
lest they corrupt young men
524
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:50,044
- seeking virgin wives.
- Oh, wait.
525
00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:52,039
No. Women are... are not property.
526
00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,562
- You're missing it. You're...
- A woman's value
527
00:19:53,587 --> 00:19:55,067
lies in her maidenhead.
528
00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:56,789
Disgusting!
529
00:19:56,814 --> 00:20:00,122
Ooh, aye! Here's a
bunch of filthy peasants!
530
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,526
Aye! Come back to the washer
wench show at 3:00 and 30,
531
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,245
where getting clean never felt so dirty.
532
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,981
- [GRUNTS, HUMS]
- I'm sorry.
533
00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,555
Did you guys just call yourselves
"washer wenches"?
534
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,669
A wench be a working girl.
535
00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:15,391
- Aye, aye.
- Okay, but don't you think
536
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,635
you could have come up with,
like, a more woke name
537
00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:19,629
- than that?
- More woke?
538
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,330
"Woke" being a culturally black term
539
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,715
recently appropriated
by mainstream America?
540
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:29,731
Just want to make sure I'm
hearing you correctly... Becky.
541
00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:33,700
Uh...
542
00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:37,895
Hello? Oh, yeah.
543
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,418
I'm so sorry about her
and her Becky-ism.
544
00:20:42,004 --> 00:20:44,743
Nay, nay, good mistress Ophelia!
545
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:46,988
Have thee a pleasant day!
546
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,364
- Mm!
- Aye.
547
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,190
Oh, actually, actually,
548
00:21:02,215 --> 00:21:04,745
I did sleep with many
men out of wedlock.
549
00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,983
Lord Chancellor Christopher Hatton,
550
00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,051
the second Earl of Essex
Robert Devereux,
551
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,913
Sir Walter Raleigh.
552
00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:13,381
Oh, you are such a whore, you!
553
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,406
You...
554
00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:19,169
[ALL SHRIEKING, LAUGHING]
555
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,328
Cheers to the Queen
and her breast friends!
556
00:21:22,353 --> 00:21:26,950
[ALL CHEERING]
557
00:21:27,594 --> 00:21:28,637
Oh.
558
00:21:29,384 --> 00:21:32,126
I suppose you are my best lady friends.
559
00:21:32,381 --> 00:21:34,879
Barkeep, can I have another, please?
560
00:21:35,255 --> 00:21:37,645
And one for my dear friend...
561
00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:40,586
562
00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:42,614
Who are you?
563
00:21:43,879 --> 00:21:45,195
- I'm Alicia.
- Mm?
564
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,942
We've worked together for three summers.
565
00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:51,188
Alicia, you must tell me
everything about yourself.
566
00:21:51,213 --> 00:21:55,512
Are you, as I suspect,
from a troubled home?
567
00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:58,309
You have such sad eyes.
568
00:21:58,407 --> 00:22:00,409
569
00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:02,392
What do you do with
a drunken sailor?
570
00:22:02,417 --> 00:22:04,462
What do you do with
a drunken sailor?
571
00:22:04,487 --> 00:22:09,579
What do you do with a drunken
sailor earlye in the mornin'?
572
00:22:09,604 --> 00:22:12,266
Oh. Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis!
573
00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,249
Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis
574
00:22:14,274 --> 00:22:16,102
Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis
575
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,046
Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis
576
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:20,286
Earlye in the morning
577
00:22:20,311 --> 00:22:22,008
I have one!
578
00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:23,860
Aw, man, I forgot.
579
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:27,758
Aw, man, she forgot,
aw, man, she forgot
580
00:22:27,783 --> 00:22:34,311
Aw, man, she forgot
earlye in the mornin'
581
00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:36,425
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
582
00:22:40,002 --> 00:22:42,135
I mean, look, I'm...
I'll say it... issa bop.
583
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,896
[LAUGHTER]
584
00:22:45,006 --> 00:22:47,326
Amanda, Amanda, look,
there's your assaulter.
585
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,029
Oh, Morgan, he didn't assault me.
586
00:22:50,054 --> 00:22:51,783
Oh, really? So you're just
not gonna confront him
587
00:22:51,808 --> 00:22:53,279
about his toxic behavior?
588
00:22:53,746 --> 00:22:55,887
Okay, no, yeah, no. I just, you know...
589
00:22:56,297 --> 00:22:57,950
I thought you were a feminist, Amanda.
590
00:23:01,586 --> 00:23:05,372
Hey. Um, sir, uh, Jouster.
591
00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:07,334
- Hi. Um, so...
- Hi.
592
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,801
I think that we need to define
some workplace boundaries.
593
00:23:09,826 --> 00:23:12,021
When you kissed me earlier,
I have to acknowledge
594
00:23:12,046 --> 00:23:15,170
that it wasn't something that
I technically consented to.
595
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:18,549
Uh, I didn't tell you to stop,
596
00:23:18,574 --> 00:23:20,857
but I didn't joyfully consent.
597
00:23:21,204 --> 00:23:23,075
Not that I'm saying you're
the Cat Person
598
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:24,972
from that New Yorkerpiece.
You are so not the Cat Person.
599
00:23:24,997 --> 00:23:26,818
- I'm actually attracted to you.
- Nice.
600
00:23:26,843 --> 00:23:28,497
- Not that that's relevant.
- It's not.
601
00:23:28,522 --> 00:23:31,717
Anyway... I hope that makes sense.
602
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,304
Do you need any clarification?
603
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:36,561
No. [CHUCKLES]
I don't have any allergies.
604
00:23:37,045 --> 00:23:39,221
Listen, I got to go brush my horse.
605
00:23:39,246 --> 00:23:40,740
But we should hook up sometime.
606
00:23:41,641 --> 00:23:45,514
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
607
00:23:45,576 --> 00:23:47,230
Amanda. Amanda.
608
00:23:47,255 --> 00:23:48,561
- Huh?
- Hi.
609
00:23:48,586 --> 00:23:51,067
- Oh.
- Me? Yeah. I'm genuinely worried
610
00:23:51,092 --> 00:23:52,790
about your safety here, okay?
611
00:23:52,815 --> 00:23:54,933
This is like one giant
pussy-grabbing party.
612
00:23:54,958 --> 00:23:57,146
- Morgan, you don't have to worry.
- Okay, but it's not just about
613
00:23:57,171 --> 00:23:58,770
the aggrosexual jouster, all right?
614
00:23:58,795 --> 00:24:00,181
It's this whole culture.
615
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,772
Like, women are objects here.
616
00:24:01,797 --> 00:24:03,881
- Amanda! Amanda, you're up.
- Yes?
617
00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:06,213
- Oh, right, right, right.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
618
00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:10,862
Listen, this is an amazing place
for women to feel empowered.
619
00:24:10,887 --> 00:24:12,411
I swear we're not just objects here.
620
00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:17,311
Wench auction!
621
00:24:17,503 --> 00:24:19,505
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
622
00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:23,012
Gentlemen and not so gentle ladies,
623
00:24:23,037 --> 00:24:26,590
we have some fine wenches to
be auctioned to you today.
624
00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:28,427
And you can pay fair price...
625
00:24:28,452 --> 00:24:31,318
- or not!
- [LAUGHTER]
626
00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:32,811
I'll start the bidding.
627
00:24:33,207 --> 00:24:35,931
No. With this lovely woman
628
00:24:35,956 --> 00:24:38,459
in the queer attire.
629
00:24:38,837 --> 00:24:41,415
- Bid it up, boys.
- [MEN CHEERING]
630
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,966
Now, can I start this bidding
at one plague rat?
631
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:47,098
MAN: Aye! One plague rat.
632
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:48,273
10 dead penguins.
633
00:24:48,298 --> 00:24:49,336
A sickly sheep!
634
00:24:49,361 --> 00:24:50,753
10 bales of hay!
635
00:24:50,778 --> 00:24:52,817
I bid my ex-wife!
636
00:24:52,842 --> 00:24:54,235
[LAUGHTER]
637
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,218
- That might be it!
- Two yards of wool
638
00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:57,996
- and a young lamb.
- Sold!
639
00:24:58,021 --> 00:25:00,676
To the gentleman with
questionable motives.
640
00:25:00,701 --> 00:25:03,007
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
641
00:25:05,951 --> 00:25:07,997
Ah, they're made for each other.
642
00:25:08,022 --> 00:25:09,763
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
643
00:25:09,922 --> 00:25:10,942
Huzzah.
644
00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:14,492
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
645
00:25:14,517 --> 00:25:19,153
Next up, the faire's
own dirty pub wench,
646
00:25:19,478 --> 00:25:21,872
Ophelia Feelsgood!
647
00:25:21,897 --> 00:25:23,413
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
648
00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:25,832
- Come on, Ophelia!
- Whoo!
649
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:26,935
Shut up.
650
00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:31,954
I'm so glad to be
participating in this event,
651
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:33,667
because I love participating in events
652
00:25:33,692 --> 00:25:35,208
where women support other women.
653
00:25:37,384 --> 00:25:39,200
Show us your tits!
654
00:25:39,225 --> 00:25:41,575
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
655
00:25:45,721 --> 00:25:48,158
Yo, band nerds, drop a beat.
656
00:25:48,202 --> 00:25:51,031
[LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
657
00:25:51,056 --> 00:25:52,981
- What's happening?
- Women supporting women?
658
00:25:53,475 --> 00:25:55,489
Huh? Whoa. [SCREAMING]
659
00:25:55,514 --> 00:25:57,254
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
660
00:25:57,279 --> 00:26:02,544
661
00:26:04,758 --> 00:26:06,216
Whoo!
662
00:26:07,177 --> 00:26:08,755
- Oh.
- Yas!
663
00:26:09,814 --> 00:26:11,642
Whoo!
664
00:26:13,205 --> 00:26:18,098
665
00:26:19,407 --> 00:26:23,324
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
666
00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:26,005
Now, folks, that surely is worth a bid.
667
00:26:27,241 --> 00:26:29,330
I bid a shepherd's pie
668
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,109
and my ax!
669
00:26:31,134 --> 00:26:32,134
Only?
670
00:26:32,159 --> 00:26:33,290
[LISPING] My ovaries.
671
00:26:33,315 --> 00:26:35,665
A grande iced mochachino!
672
00:26:35,690 --> 00:26:37,027
A bucket of dead skin!
673
00:26:37,052 --> 00:26:38,227
Thick stick!
674
00:26:38,252 --> 00:26:39,514
A dozen sheep!
675
00:26:39,539 --> 00:26:41,279
Some of 'em with four legs.
676
00:26:41,304 --> 00:26:42,914
You can do better than that, Pizzle.
677
00:26:42,939 --> 00:26:45,713
And tat for two from Zabar's.
678
00:26:45,738 --> 00:26:48,341
- Ooh.
- Stick.
679
00:26:48,508 --> 00:26:50,278
A castle in France!
680
00:26:50,303 --> 00:26:53,741
- Okay, we're done. Come on.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
681
00:26:53,869 --> 00:26:55,614
Sold! [LAUGHS]
682
00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:58,263
Let's go.
683
00:26:58,288 --> 00:27:00,022
You're taking this
too seriously, Morgan.
684
00:27:00,047 --> 00:27:02,251
Oh, really? You were just
mock-sold for sex. Okay?
685
00:27:02,276 --> 00:27:03,799
So, you're welcome, B-T-dubs,
for making it stop.
686
00:27:03,824 --> 00:27:05,591
Obviously, it was just for fun.
687
00:27:05,616 --> 00:27:07,226
Well, what if a bunch
of little girls saw you?
688
00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:08,475
What kind of message are you sending?
689
00:27:08,507 --> 00:27:10,259
Maybe if little girls saw me,
690
00:27:10,284 --> 00:27:12,348
they would see that it
isn't negative to be sexual.
691
00:27:12,373 --> 00:27:13,809
There's a difference
between being sexual
692
00:27:13,834 --> 00:27:15,278
and being sexualized.
693
00:27:15,303 --> 00:27:19,981
Fair maiden, you were
positively fantastic.
694
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,706
We always present this to
our favorite at the auction.
695
00:27:22,731 --> 00:27:25,168
- Uh-oh.
- And you were far and away
696
00:27:25,193 --> 00:27:27,021
the... Drumroll, please...
697
00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:28,918
[BOTH IMITATE DRUMROLL]
698
00:27:28,943 --> 00:27:31,032
- Wenchiest Wench!
- Wenchiest Wench!
699
00:27:31,057 --> 00:27:33,364
- Oh.
- [BOTH IMITATING FANFARE]
700
00:27:33,389 --> 00:27:35,783
Oh, no. Oh, wow.
701
00:27:35,808 --> 00:27:37,765
[BOTH CONTINUE IMITATING FANFARE]
702
00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:39,487
[SIGHS] Guys.
703
00:27:39,512 --> 00:27:40,904
[CHUCKLES]
704
00:27:40,929 --> 00:27:42,856
Thank you so much.
705
00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:44,411
[CHUCKLES]
706
00:27:46,811 --> 00:27:49,167
You're not really gonna wear that thing.
707
00:27:49,192 --> 00:27:51,661
Oh, Morgan, can you just relax?
708
00:27:51,686 --> 00:27:54,085
"Just relax"? [SCOFFS] Wow.
What a privileged concept.
709
00:27:54,110 --> 00:27:55,503
Yeah, I wish I could just relax,
710
00:27:55,528 --> 00:27:57,268
but unlike your horny,
little fantasy camp,
711
00:27:57,293 --> 00:27:59,778
the real world has consequences
for sexual harassment.
712
00:28:01,716 --> 00:28:04,763
Morgan's in the middle of a
lawsuit against her ex-boss.
713
00:28:04,788 --> 00:28:08,083
Yeah, he groped her. A lot.
714
00:28:08,769 --> 00:28:11,276
Oh, my God. Morgan, I'm... I'm so sorry.
715
00:28:11,301 --> 00:28:13,005
- I had no idea.
- Exactly.
716
00:28:13,271 --> 00:28:15,498
Exactly. You have no idea what
anyone is going through,
717
00:28:15,523 --> 00:28:18,302
yet you're 100% convinced that
all of this objectification
718
00:28:18,327 --> 00:28:21,417
and toxic masculinity
is just for fun, okay?
719
00:28:21,442 --> 00:28:23,444
So, yeah, go win Wenchiest Wench
for the patriarchy.
720
00:28:23,488 --> 00:28:25,286
- Or for losers like them.
- Hey!
721
00:28:25,311 --> 00:28:27,989
What? They are part of the problem.
Everyone here is.
722
00:28:28,014 --> 00:28:30,799
People like them, anyone who comes here,
723
00:28:30,824 --> 00:28:32,317
can say what works and what doesn't.
724
00:28:33,062 --> 00:28:34,755
I'm sorry it's upsetting to you.
725
00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,172
And I'm sorry about what
you're going through, truly.
726
00:28:37,197 --> 00:28:38,565
But you can't take it out
727
00:28:38,590 --> 00:28:40,722
on good, kind people like Bo and Jenny,
728
00:28:40,747 --> 00:28:43,576
who are trying to just get
away from the real world
729
00:28:43,601 --> 00:28:45,950
and find someplace where they
feel like they can belong.
730
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:49,476
So...
731
00:28:50,793 --> 00:28:53,560
If you don't like it here,
then you should just leave.
732
00:28:58,697 --> 00:28:59,697
[SCOFFS]
733
00:29:00,696 --> 00:29:02,591
I don't even know who you are right now.
734
00:29:03,067 --> 00:29:05,005
God. What the hell am I
gonna tell your mother?
735
00:29:05,674 --> 00:29:07,371
Why do you have to tell her anything?
736
00:29:10,433 --> 00:29:12,903
- Did she send you here?
- It's... She... I...
737
00:29:12,928 --> 00:29:14,756
Would you guys have even
come if she hadn't?
738
00:29:14,781 --> 00:29:16,124
- Yes.
- Of course we would have.
739
00:29:16,149 --> 00:29:18,028
- She lent us her 'Cedes.
- Oh, stop it.
740
00:29:19,021 --> 00:29:22,111
741
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:25,307
Listen, I... I love you, Amanda.
742
00:29:25,332 --> 00:29:27,731
I do. I really do, okay?
743
00:29:28,049 --> 00:29:29,192
But this?
744
00:29:30,163 --> 00:29:31,224
I can't.
745
00:29:32,996 --> 00:29:35,278
- Hello?
- Okay.
746
00:29:36,448 --> 00:29:38,668
Look, you should totally
bone that jouster.
747
00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:40,608
And if he's good,
just give him my number.
748
00:29:40,633 --> 00:29:42,199
- Mm-hmm.
- He reads bi.
749
00:29:42,224 --> 00:29:43,224
[CHUCKLES]
750
00:29:44,013 --> 00:29:45,669
I like dressing slutty.
751
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:47,646
Love you, Amanda.
752
00:29:49,635 --> 00:29:52,203
[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
753
00:29:52,228 --> 00:29:54,317
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE]
754
00:29:54,342 --> 00:29:58,868
755
00:30:01,573 --> 00:30:04,932
[INDISTINCT]
756
00:30:04,957 --> 00:30:06,222
[SOBS]
757
00:30:06,247 --> 00:30:08,437
Should I text him?
I should text him, right?
758
00:30:08,462 --> 00:30:10,469
Actually, I think it's time to move on.
759
00:30:10,494 --> 00:30:13,627
Oh, how wise. It is time to move on.
760
00:30:13,652 --> 00:30:16,053
No, it's time for us to move on
761
00:30:16,078 --> 00:30:17,819
to the next stop on the Pub Crawl.
762
00:30:17,844 --> 00:30:19,802
We paid 60 bucks for this.
763
00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:21,493
- Fine.
- Bye.
764
00:30:21,518 --> 00:30:23,172
Fair thee well.
765
00:30:23,197 --> 00:30:24,720
Rest you merry.
766
00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:26,657
Mm...
767
00:30:29,056 --> 00:30:31,581
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
768
00:30:31,852 --> 00:30:33,941
I think you've had enough,
Your Highness. Let's trade.
769
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,445
Ah, Lee.
770
00:30:35,470 --> 00:30:37,508
Lee, Lee.
771
00:30:37,709 --> 00:30:40,117
What is this life, huh?
772
00:30:40,843 --> 00:30:42,859
You and me know the truth, right?
773
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:45,561
What's that, Maggie?
774
00:30:45,586 --> 00:30:48,094
The truth is that we're all alone.
775
00:30:48,868 --> 00:30:50,625
We'll always be alone.
776
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,767
God is dead.
777
00:31:00,006 --> 00:31:02,281
- Uh...
- Mm?
778
00:31:04,618 --> 00:31:05,766
Maggie...
779
00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:11,474
I love you. Truly.
780
00:31:11,499 --> 00:31:13,633
I've always thought you
were beautiful and dark
781
00:31:13,658 --> 00:31:15,703
and deliciously complicated.
782
00:31:16,548 --> 00:31:18,209
And hearing that you're lonely like me
783
00:31:18,234 --> 00:31:19,930
just makes me love you more.
784
00:31:21,605 --> 00:31:22,729
I think you're the perfect woman.
785
00:31:22,754 --> 00:31:24,103
And you're drunk right now,
786
00:31:24,128 --> 00:31:26,361
so I don't want this to
get all rapey, but...
787
00:31:28,008 --> 00:31:30,445
I wish you were my girlfriend.
788
00:31:36,569 --> 00:31:37,657
[VOMITING]
789
00:31:37,682 --> 00:31:38,744
Oh!
790
00:31:43,924 --> 00:31:45,839
- [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
- Is she okay?
791
00:31:45,864 --> 00:31:47,604
Yeah, just very, very drunk.
792
00:31:47,629 --> 00:31:51,533
I have to go numbers 1, 2, and 3.
793
00:31:51,885 --> 00:31:54,087
- I'll take her from here.
- Yep.
794
00:31:54,557 --> 00:31:56,822
- Do I look pretty?
- Yes, dear.
795
00:31:57,287 --> 00:31:59,502
Would you believe me if I
told you I was in my 30s?
796
00:31:59,527 --> 00:32:01,811
- Yes, dear.
- Do you think Daniel Day-Lewis
797
00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:04,836
wore his Lincoln hat while
he slept and showered?
798
00:32:04,861 --> 00:32:05,865
Yes, dear.
799
00:32:05,890 --> 00:32:07,370
You're my best friend.
800
00:32:07,395 --> 00:32:08,447
Yep.
801
00:32:11,672 --> 00:32:14,283
[GUITAR TUNING]
802
00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:18,007
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
803
00:32:18,032 --> 00:32:20,090
I know, I know... I'm drinking again.
804
00:32:20,115 --> 00:32:23,684
But if you would refrain from
mentioning anything about that,
805
00:32:23,709 --> 00:32:25,536
that would be very much appreciated.
806
00:32:25,561 --> 00:32:27,283
Actually, I was going to say
I'm impressed.
807
00:32:27,586 --> 00:32:29,360
Drinking discount cooler beer?
808
00:32:29,385 --> 00:32:30,735
Very un-city-lady of you.
809
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,110
So now you give me credit.
810
00:32:33,135 --> 00:32:34,744
Finally.
811
00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:36,587
[SIGHS]
812
00:32:37,978 --> 00:32:39,173
Tough day?
813
00:32:39,831 --> 00:32:42,485
My lady friends are a lot.
814
00:32:42,510 --> 00:32:44,487
- Spence or Brearley?
- Spence?
815
00:32:44,512 --> 00:32:46,478
[BRITISH ACCENT] How very dare you?
816
00:32:46,986 --> 00:32:48,945
[NORMAL VOICE] Brearley.
Wait, how did you know that?
817
00:32:48,970 --> 00:32:50,259
Oh, I'm from the city.
818
00:32:50,903 --> 00:32:52,644
Shut up!
819
00:32:52,669 --> 00:32:54,384
- What?!
- You shut up.
820
00:32:54,546 --> 00:32:56,418
Wh-Where? Where are you from?
821
00:32:56,443 --> 00:32:57,780
Wait, no, let me guess, let me guess,
822
00:32:57,805 --> 00:33:00,242
let me guess. Okay, okay, okay. Mm...
823
00:33:00,267 --> 00:33:02,681
- Lower East Side, artist parents?
- Unh-unh. No.
824
00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:04,178
Upper West Side,
825
00:33:04,203 --> 00:33:05,222
- journalist parents?
- No.
826
00:33:05,247 --> 00:33:06,683
No? Okay. Uh...
827
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:09,450
Greenpoint, Polish bakers?
828
00:33:09,475 --> 00:33:10,525
[IMITATES BUZZER]
829
00:33:11,079 --> 00:33:13,494
- Chelsea, two dads?
- [LAUGHING] No.
830
00:33:13,519 --> 00:33:15,276
- Where are you from?
- Hey, dude, why didn't you bid on me?
831
00:33:15,301 --> 00:33:17,564
Only one chick dressed
like Shrek bid on me.
832
00:33:17,589 --> 00:33:19,330
- It was humiliating.
- I'm sorry, man.
833
00:33:19,355 --> 00:33:21,661
But I'm sure that you're gonna
make a very handsome couple.
834
00:33:21,686 --> 00:33:23,041
- [LAUGHS]
- Well...
835
00:33:24,889 --> 00:33:26,517
You r-really hurt me today.
836
00:33:29,073 --> 00:33:31,858
Oh, man, he is a delicate flower.
837
00:33:31,883 --> 00:33:33,337
Your friends are a handful, too.
838
00:33:33,362 --> 00:33:34,842
Ah, he's just showing off.
839
00:33:34,867 --> 00:33:36,572
He likes to prove he has feelings.
840
00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:39,127
- Hey, you want another beer?
- Uh-huh.
841
00:33:39,925 --> 00:33:41,673
The more discount, the better.
842
00:33:42,808 --> 00:33:44,505
I miss you in the hot tub, baby.
843
00:33:44,530 --> 00:33:46,595
Hot tub? Who's got a hot tub?
844
00:33:46,860 --> 00:33:48,513
It's hitched to Helen's bus.
845
00:33:48,538 --> 00:33:50,224
I heard she bought it
off the tour manager
846
00:33:50,249 --> 00:33:51,517
for Country-Palooza.
847
00:33:52,077 --> 00:33:54,494
Your mom must be hella rich.
848
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,752
[LAUGHTER, CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
849
00:33:56,777 --> 00:33:58,823
Alright, new rule, guys.
You can only soak in the Jacuzzi
850
00:33:58,848 --> 00:34:01,150
if you're butt-ass naked.
851
00:34:01,267 --> 00:34:04,009
- Cool.
- Ohh, about to get so naked.
852
00:34:04,034 --> 00:34:05,705
[BOTH LAUGHING]
853
00:34:06,719 --> 00:34:09,830
Indeed. Very cool.
854
00:34:10,443 --> 00:34:13,533
Yeah, that's all on you.
That's you. Okay.
855
00:34:13,558 --> 00:34:15,162
DAVID: Damn, that's
a lot of man titties.
856
00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:16,884
- That's cool.
- Whoo!
857
00:34:16,909 --> 00:34:20,259
[ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING]
858
00:34:20,284 --> 00:34:21,821
HELEN: Are you farting?
859
00:34:21,846 --> 00:34:24,212
- Wine?
- God, yes.
860
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:27,994
Can't go wring with a
Willamette Valley Pinot.
861
00:34:28,461 --> 00:34:31,768
[HELEN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
862
00:34:31,793 --> 00:34:33,666
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm. Ah.
863
00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:37,459
[GLASSES CLINK]
864
00:34:40,596 --> 00:34:42,017
Mmm.
865
00:34:44,572 --> 00:34:46,933
What brings Shakespeare
down to the Groundlings
866
00:34:46,958 --> 00:34:49,710
- without his Royal...
- Do not say hag.
867
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:52,765
- Not nice.
- I was gonna say therapy dog.
868
00:34:53,965 --> 00:34:55,500
She's passed out.
869
00:34:55,579 --> 00:34:58,553
Got absolutely wasted
on the Pub Crawl today.
870
00:34:58,578 --> 00:35:01,007
Oh, wow. That's...
871
00:35:01,553 --> 00:35:03,070
That's kind of amazing.
872
00:35:04,485 --> 00:35:06,648
She was not very helpful to me today
873
00:35:06,954 --> 00:35:08,195
as a friend.
874
00:35:08,827 --> 00:35:09,945
You okay?
875
00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:23,156
- There's a guy.
- Mm?
876
00:35:23,181 --> 00:35:25,445
Juan Andr?s.
877
00:35:25,997 --> 00:35:29,348
And I like him.
878
00:35:29,373 --> 00:35:31,071
Mm. You guys would be great together.
879
00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:32,406
What's the game plan?
880
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,093
- The game plan?
- Yeah, what's next steps?
881
00:35:35,358 --> 00:35:39,100
Well, I made a fool of myself
in front of him twice today,
882
00:35:39,125 --> 00:35:40,648
so I think my next step
883
00:35:40,673 --> 00:35:43,217
is to dig a hole and go to sleep in it.
884
00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,469
Oh, come on. It can't be that bad.
885
00:35:45,494 --> 00:35:48,541
I fear that it really, really was.
886
00:35:48,566 --> 00:35:49,734
Oh.
887
00:35:52,345 --> 00:35:54,565
888
00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:56,632
Then you got to go fix it. Mm?
889
00:35:57,752 --> 00:35:59,754
- Now?
- Yes, now.
890
00:35:59,779 --> 00:36:03,046
We get so caught up
in our own limitations,
891
00:36:03,438 --> 00:36:05,695
how we think we're supposed to be,
892
00:36:06,254 --> 00:36:07,995
how people want us to be,
893
00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:10,851
but this place is teaching
me to live in the now.
894
00:36:11,539 --> 00:36:13,367
You got to be present.
895
00:36:13,392 --> 00:36:15,002
- Be in the now.
- Yeah.
896
00:36:15,027 --> 00:36:16,289
- Yes!
- Yes!
897
00:36:16,314 --> 00:36:17,843
You got to go get him!
898
00:36:18,397 --> 00:36:20,268
- Yes!
- Yes. Go ask him out!
899
00:36:20,293 --> 00:36:21,476
Wow.
900
00:36:21,878 --> 00:36:23,039
Right.
901
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,143
- Okay. Okay.
- Uh-huh.
902
00:36:25,168 --> 00:36:26,691
[LAUGHS]
903
00:36:26,716 --> 00:36:27,978
- Go!
- Wish me luck.
904
00:36:28,003 --> 00:36:30,070
G-Go get yours, Tiger.
905
00:36:30,365 --> 00:36:32,977
906
00:36:33,002 --> 00:36:35,004
[SIGHS]
907
00:36:41,662 --> 00:36:46,046
908
00:37:09,709 --> 00:37:10,709
Hi, there.
909
00:37:11,685 --> 00:37:13,081
Hello, Juan Andr?s.
910
00:37:13,408 --> 00:37:15,367
I just came by to tell you
911
00:37:15,392 --> 00:37:19,831
that I'm really very sorry about today,
912
00:37:19,856 --> 00:37:23,991
and that the reason I was
acting like such a jackass
913
00:37:24,016 --> 00:37:27,393
is that I, uh...
914
00:37:28,294 --> 00:37:29,846
I'd like to...
915
00:37:30,925 --> 00:37:32,463
be your friend.
916
00:37:34,125 --> 00:37:36,932
Would you maybe like to be my friend
917
00:37:36,957 --> 00:37:39,176
and hang out with me sometime?
918
00:37:41,498 --> 00:37:43,065
I'm watching "Seven Samurai."
919
00:37:43,408 --> 00:37:44,752
Want to join?
920
00:37:47,747 --> 00:37:48,747
Yes.
921
00:37:49,314 --> 00:37:50,445
Sure.
922
00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:52,031
I... Right now?
923
00:37:52,056 --> 00:37:54,101
- Yes. Now.
- Okay. Yeah, I'm... I'm free.
924
00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:55,143
Yeah.
925
00:37:55,581 --> 00:37:56,682
Here you go.
926
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:58,831
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
927
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,368
Okay.
928
00:38:00,393 --> 00:38:01,623
Such a classic.
929
00:38:01,648 --> 00:38:03,433
Such a classic.
930
00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:05,088
I love classics.
931
00:38:05,810 --> 00:38:08,612
Toshiro Mifune. I like him
even better in "Rashomon."
932
00:38:09,235 --> 00:38:10,497
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah.
933
00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:11,963
Yes.
934
00:38:13,686 --> 00:38:16,065
Actually, I've never seen either.
935
00:38:16,515 --> 00:38:19,257
Are they, uh, good? [CHUCKLES]
936
00:38:19,282 --> 00:38:21,321
[CHUCKLES] So good.
937
00:38:21,346 --> 00:38:23,456
Akira Kurosawa? You'd dig him.
938
00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:25,368
"Throne of Blood"
owes a ton to "Macbeth,"
939
00:38:25,393 --> 00:38:28,251
and "Ran" is "King Lear," beat for beat.
940
00:38:28,276 --> 00:38:30,659
"King Lear's" my favorite.
941
00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:33,556
I'd do it at the faire,
but it's not exactly a crowd pleaser.
942
00:38:33,581 --> 00:38:35,061
- Mm.
- If I had a nickel
943
00:38:35,086 --> 00:38:36,957
for every time I had to perform,
944
00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:40,471
"But soft, what light through
yonder window breaks?"
945
00:38:40,691 --> 00:38:43,952
"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore
art thou Romeo?"
946
00:38:43,977 --> 00:38:45,659
[BOTH LAUGH]
947
00:38:45,684 --> 00:38:47,026
Of course, they all think that means,
948
00:38:47,051 --> 00:38:49,392
"Where are you, Romeo?"
when it really means...
949
00:38:49,417 --> 00:38:51,182
- Why are you Romeo?
- Why are you Romeo?
950
00:39:08,473 --> 00:39:09,473
Brian?
951
00:39:11,067 --> 00:39:12,143
Yes?
952
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:14,760
I was so nervous around you today.
953
00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:16,198
[CHUCKLES]
954
00:39:17,010 --> 00:39:19,932
I was nervous around you.
955
00:39:19,957 --> 00:39:23,034
Every time I saw you,
I got all weird and quiet.
956
00:39:23,583 --> 00:39:25,370
I didn't know what to say.
957
00:39:25,612 --> 00:39:28,692
Uh, I made a joke about Hitler.
958
00:39:28,717 --> 00:39:31,590
I mean, you kind of
actually called me Hitler.
959
00:39:31,615 --> 00:39:35,010
[BOTH LAUGH]
960
00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:38,354
Well, I'm really happy
that we're friends now.
961
00:39:40,599 --> 00:39:43,036
I have enough friends.
962
00:39:46,534 --> 00:39:52,096
963
00:39:56,285 --> 00:39:58,635
[HORSE SNORTING]
964
00:39:58,660 --> 00:40:02,721
965
00:40:22,057 --> 00:40:23,729
- Hey.
- Hey.
966
00:40:29,129 --> 00:40:31,073
[GRUNTS, SIGHS]
967
00:40:32,844 --> 00:40:36,717
[ROOSTER CROWS]
968
00:40:36,742 --> 00:40:38,221
[SMOOCHES]
969
00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:44,694
That's right.
970
00:40:47,408 --> 00:40:50,933
So, I'm gonna go?
971
00:40:50,958 --> 00:40:53,127
Whatever. No pressure.
972
00:40:53,747 --> 00:40:55,010
[HORSE SNORTS]
973
00:40:55,651 --> 00:40:56,651
Yeah.
974
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,549
No pressure.
975
00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:03,432
Living in the now.
976
00:41:04,248 --> 00:41:05,401
Hey, Ananda?
977
00:41:06,293 --> 00:41:08,627
It's Amanda.
978
00:41:10,428 --> 00:41:11,428
Nice fucking.
979
00:41:13,013 --> 00:41:15,604
Yeah. Nice fucking.
980
00:41:16,987 --> 00:41:18,042
Ooh.
981
00:41:18,067 --> 00:41:22,550
982
00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:24,635
Ooh.
983
00:41:30,249 --> 00:41:33,339
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
984
00:41:33,364 --> 00:41:34,865
[CELLPHONE RINGING]
985
00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:38,975
[SIGHS]
986
00:41:39,343 --> 00:41:40,343
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
987
00:41:41,008 --> 00:41:43,228
Mom, I know what you did.
988
00:41:43,253 --> 00:41:45,481
How could you send my friends?
989
00:41:45,506 --> 00:41:47,116
Seriously? Nice one.
990
00:41:47,141 --> 00:41:48,670
Amanda, it's Erin.
991
00:41:49,467 --> 00:41:52,357
Mom O.D.'d. Get your ass home.
992
00:41:52,732 --> 00:41:55,623
993
00:41:55,790 --> 00:41:59,190
69079
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