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Previously on "American Princess"...
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00:00:02,407 --> 00:00:03,765
And you can shred your Black Card.
3
00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:05,226
- Mom's cutting you off.
- You know what?
4
00:00:05,251 --> 00:00:07,281
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
5
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,814
- I'm getting a job here.
- You're what?
6
00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:10,840
You're hired.
7
00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:12,407
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
8
00:00:12,656 --> 00:00:14,578
Huzzah for the tipper!
9
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,716
Look, I'm beyond sorry
that what I did upset you.
10
00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:19,345
Are you on our honeymoon?
11
00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,443
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
12
00:00:21,468 --> 00:00:22,939
Oh. Hi!
13
00:00:23,406 --> 00:00:24,611
I just spoke to Brett.
14
00:00:24,636 --> 00:00:27,422
- How's rehab?
- MORGAN: Lexi, she's not in rehab.
15
00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:30,052
- That's just what we're saying.
- I know this is a weird time,
16
00:00:30,077 --> 00:00:32,866
but are you reimbursing us
for the bridesmaid dresses?
17
00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:34,342
What? No.
18
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,059
[SOBBING]
19
00:00:37,084 --> 00:00:39,716
How can you have known me for one day
20
00:00:39,741 --> 00:00:41,309
and be nicer to me than the people
21
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:43,473
who were supposed to be in my wedding?
22
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:46,053
The man who broke your heart
was back to rub your nose in it,
23
00:00:46,395 --> 00:00:47,395
publicly?
24
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:50,342
He's such a dick. Always was.
25
00:00:52,413 --> 00:00:54,589
[WATER RUNNING]
26
00:01:06,372 --> 00:01:11,372
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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- [DELILAH MOANING]
- [VIBRATOR BUZZING]
28
00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,905
[LAUGHING]
29
00:01:17,930 --> 00:01:20,659
[BANGING]
30
00:01:20,684 --> 00:01:23,121
[MOANING CONTINUES]
31
00:01:26,646 --> 00:01:28,300
- [SIGHS]
- [BUZZING STOPS]
32
00:01:28,859 --> 00:01:29,859
Morning.
33
00:01:32,397 --> 00:01:35,978
[YAWNS]
34
00:01:36,003 --> 00:01:39,647
35
00:01:40,804 --> 00:01:41,979
Ew.
36
00:01:44,216 --> 00:01:45,522
[SIGHS]
37
00:01:45,547 --> 00:01:49,857
38
00:01:49,882 --> 00:01:50,882
Huh?
39
00:01:50,907 --> 00:01:53,605
[WATER RUNNING]
40
00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:02,434
Oh.
41
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:05,077
[GROANS]
42
00:02:08,202 --> 00:02:11,248
[MAGGIE SOBBING]
43
00:02:11,273 --> 00:02:16,171
44
00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:25,387
Hi.
45
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,139
Uh, excuse me.
46
00:02:28,756 --> 00:02:31,194
Do you think I could
maybe borrow some shampoo?
47
00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:35,283
[WATER STOPS]
48
00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:39,660
49
00:02:39,685 --> 00:02:42,688
Ooh! [GASPS] Excuse me.
50
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:45,305
Hey. Are you okay?
51
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,941
- It sounded like you were...
- Upset?
52
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,438
Yes. I saw a spider,
53
00:02:51,086 --> 00:02:54,086
but it was washed down the
drain before I could rescue it.
54
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:55,999
Nature is a bitch.
55
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:57,783
Well, maybe when the sun comes up,
56
00:02:57,808 --> 00:02:59,655
it'll climb up the spout again.
57
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,328
You're not supposed to be in here.
58
00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:04,928
I thought this was a communal shower,
like at Camp Mischpocheh.
59
00:03:04,953 --> 00:03:06,514
This is my private shower time.
60
00:03:06,539 --> 00:03:08,202
You can reserve private shower time?
61
00:03:08,227 --> 00:03:10,524
- Where's the sign-up sheet?
- There is no sign-up sheet.
62
00:03:10,549 --> 00:03:14,170
There is seniority and time
spent and a position earned.
63
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,696
- But I-I guessed...
- Out.
64
00:03:15,721 --> 00:03:18,828
65
00:03:19,524 --> 00:03:21,328
So, she's the queen
of the bathroom, too?
66
00:03:21,353 --> 00:03:22,633
She's the queen of everything.
67
00:03:22,658 --> 00:03:24,789
Well, she sure ain't
the queen of waxing salon.
68
00:03:24,814 --> 00:03:27,281
I just can't shake the
visual of her hair-ea.
69
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:28,789
I'm not saying everyone
should get a Brazil,
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00:03:28,814 --> 00:03:30,430
but they should at least
get out of Romania.
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00:03:30,455 --> 00:03:32,844
I once let my armpit hair grow
out to see if I could braid it.
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00:03:32,869 --> 00:03:33,875
[CHUCKLES] Could you?
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00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:35,531
I couldn't. It kept curling up.
74
00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:38,086
- So, Maggie was mad?
- She wasn't happy.
75
00:03:38,111 --> 00:03:39,914
- Oh. That's not good.
- Why not?
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00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:43,134
Because. Maggie's approval
means everything.
77
00:03:43,159 --> 00:03:46,134
It means better shower time.
It means more beer tickets.
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00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,462
Oh, and if she really likes you,
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00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:51,204
she'll let you take a nap on
the sheepskin rug in her tent.
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00:03:51,823 --> 00:03:53,751
[SNIFFS, GASPS]
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Honeysuckle.
Oats and grapefruit gobblers.
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00:03:57,510 --> 00:04:00,181
Oh, Fairemily breakfast.
83
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,206
Oh!
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00:04:02,569 --> 00:04:04,266
Sorry. So sorry.
85
00:04:04,317 --> 00:04:05,423
Stick.
86
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,494
87
00:04:08,519 --> 00:04:10,695
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
88
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,376
Oh, hey, Sugar Shack.
89
00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:17,205
- Hey.
- Omelets. Awesome.
90
00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:18,298
Are there onions?
91
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,431
And I'll have whatever
cheese you've got, but light.
92
00:04:20,456 --> 00:04:22,806
Too much dairy is... Well, you get it.
93
00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:24,212
Yep. I got it.
94
00:04:24,237 --> 00:04:26,447
Oh, leave that flame so I get it.
95
00:04:27,836 --> 00:04:30,908
We cook for ourselves with the
food we buy ourselves, princess.
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00:04:31,307 --> 00:04:33,072
That's "pub wench" to you.
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00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,103
What, you only know
how to make reservations?
98
00:04:35,128 --> 00:04:38,361
- Rude and vaguely anti-Semitic.
- How about this?
99
00:04:38,386 --> 00:04:41,337
I will make a double-sized
cheddar-and-ham for myself,
100
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,009
and I'll give you half on credit.
101
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:45,337
Thank you. No ham in mine, though,
102
00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:48,384
unless you can assure me that
the meat is sustainably farm...
103
00:04:49,078 --> 00:04:50,572
- Ham is fine.
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:50,597 --> 00:04:53,653
And I'm guessing that there
aren't any egg whites?
105
00:04:53,678 --> 00:04:56,486
Got it, no. Cool. It's co... It's cool.
106
00:04:57,671 --> 00:05:02,361
Oh! Look at you all dressed in clothes.
107
00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:04,689
Amanda said you were
crying this morning.
108
00:05:04,714 --> 00:05:07,804
[SIGHS] When I get sad,
I think about fish.
109
00:05:08,289 --> 00:05:10,626
Don't focus on the plastic they eat.
110
00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:14,175
Think about their adorable faces.
111
00:05:16,885 --> 00:05:19,058
- Ugh. I'm off to Faire workshop.
- You're going to that, too?
112
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:21,261
- Great. I was gonna maybe stop by.
- Ugh.
113
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:25,986
Uh, FYI... Maggie teaches the workshop,
114
00:05:26,178 --> 00:05:28,956
- and it's mandatory for newbs.
- Even for pub wenches?
115
00:05:28,981 --> 00:05:30,628
We mainly just pour beer and jiggle.
116
00:05:30,653 --> 00:05:33,558
We like our peripheral
employees to stay consistent
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00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,550
with proper Elizabethan dialect,
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00:05:35,575 --> 00:05:38,425
syntax, behavior as best they can.
119
00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:41,269
- Peripheral?
- Superfluous, extraneous, nonessential.
120
00:05:41,294 --> 00:05:44,722
- I know what peripheral means.
- Well, you should shine, then.
121
00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:46,527
Do you sleep in that?
122
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,565
DAVID: Whoa, all garbed up?
123
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:49,909
I thought you were
going to a radio station.
124
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:53,152
- Thanks.
- I am. To be on the radio.
125
00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:56,089
I am representing the Faire
as William Shakespeare.
126
00:05:56,342 --> 00:05:58,566
It's fun for the disc jockeys.
127
00:05:59,513 --> 00:06:01,917
[CHUCKLES] Well,
I love the school spirit.
128
00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:04,746
You go knock 'em dead, son. I shall.
129
00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:08,487
- You going to Maggie's workshop?
- Can't.
130
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,612
Me and Shart are gonna paper
the town with Ren Faire fliers,
131
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,253
you know, drum up the locals?
132
00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:15,870
Radio gigs and fliers... really
leaning into this Dark Ages
133
00:06:15,895 --> 00:06:18,112
- branding in every way.
- You know, the Dark Ages
134
00:06:18,137 --> 00:06:19,791
was actually a few
hundred years before the...
135
00:06:19,816 --> 00:06:21,073
- The Renaissance. I know.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:06:21,098 --> 00:06:22,447
I was being nonliteral.
137
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,159
I'll be on the air in 47 minutes...
138
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:30,730
in case you want to hear how it's done.
139
00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:33,670
[DOOR CLOSES]
140
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:36,058
Shakespeare wore a smartwatch?
141
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,753
Eh, man was fastidious about
his 10,000 steps a day.
142
00:06:39,134 --> 00:06:40,597
I do.
143
00:06:40,622 --> 00:06:42,058
ALL: I do.
144
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,302
Thou dost.
145
00:06:43,327 --> 00:06:44,800
Thou dost.
146
00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:46,058
Huzzah!
147
00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:47,348
Huzzah!
148
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:50,473
Now, I couldn't help but
overhear multiple examples
149
00:06:50,498 --> 00:06:52,500
of dropped Elizabethan
phrasing last weekend.
150
00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:55,981
Whether you are serving
food or fitting corsets,
151
00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:59,923
you are part of one cohesive
show here, people... our show.
152
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,879
- For instance...
- Hey, Natasha...
153
00:07:02,904 --> 00:07:05,570
It is not a smartphone,
it is a tiny, portable...
154
00:07:05,595 --> 00:07:06,911
- Did I miss anything?
- No.
155
00:07:06,936 --> 00:07:09,460
Just Elizabeth telling us
we suck at Elizabethan.
156
00:07:09,485 --> 00:07:13,924
Good day, mistress.
How gracious of thee to join us.
157
00:07:13,949 --> 00:07:16,254
Sorry. There was a crazy
line for the privies.
158
00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:18,020
- And who do I...
- As I was saying,
159
00:07:18,045 --> 00:07:19,903
I've noticed some slacking.
160
00:07:20,371 --> 00:07:21,371
Ow.
161
00:07:21,396 --> 00:07:23,247
- You okay?
- Cramps.
162
00:07:23,272 --> 00:07:25,153
Oh, I'm sure someone
around here has ibuprofen.
163
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,762
- Oh, no, babe. I don't do pills.
- She doesn't do pills.
164
00:07:27,787 --> 00:07:29,301
I'm saying, "Natasha doesn't do pills."
165
00:07:29,326 --> 00:07:30,326
That's right.
166
00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,708
It is our responsibility
to live, breathe,
167
00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:37,068
- and speak British history.
- Ooh.
168
00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:39,247
I know a ton about British history
169
00:07:39,272 --> 00:07:40,969
and the East London club scene.
170
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,271
- Awesome.
- As townsfolk of Shropshire,
171
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:45,927
seeing the Queen Elizabeth in person
172
00:07:45,952 --> 00:07:47,543
would be the greatest
honor you could ever have.
173
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,621
- [COUGHS]
- And you must pay
174
00:07:49,646 --> 00:07:51,847
the appropriate respect.
175
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:54,551
The only person I bow down
to in real life is Beyonc?.
176
00:07:54,576 --> 00:07:55,576
Slay.
177
00:07:55,601 --> 00:08:00,394
We show deference by kneeling,
by bowing, by curtsying.
178
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,144
- Who's first?
- Ooh!
179
00:08:02,169 --> 00:08:04,475
Cardio Barre has me
curtsying like a boss.
180
00:08:05,879 --> 00:08:09,480
Natasha, maker of
the pockets of pork, come forth.
181
00:08:09,505 --> 00:08:11,254
Defer to your queen.
182
00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:16,046
Ow.
183
00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,636
- [APPLAUSE]
- MAGGIE: Most excellent.
184
00:08:20,183 --> 00:08:23,418
Callie, nurturer of horses.
185
00:08:23,829 --> 00:08:26,472
I mostly brush and ride, but okay.
186
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,553
- [APPLAUSE]
- Lovely.
187
00:08:34,019 --> 00:08:36,238
Very, very lithe.
188
00:08:37,722 --> 00:08:41,261
Juan Andr?s, purveyor of fine flagons.
189
00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:43,549
Hail and well met, Your Majesty.
190
00:08:43,574 --> 00:08:45,004
- What the fo...
- [LAUGHTER]
191
00:08:46,922 --> 00:08:49,925
One punch takes out
the both of you. One.
192
00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:54,317
[SIGHS]
193
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,898
Okay, you. Beguile us.
194
00:08:57,923 --> 00:08:59,930
- Actually, I was thinking...
- Oh, f...
195
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:03,031
You know how the queen would
literally never cross paths
196
00:09:03,056 --> 00:09:04,805
with a pub wench in an open-air bar
197
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:07,485
where they serve cocktails like
"Gimlet, Prince of Denmark"?
198
00:09:08,011 --> 00:09:10,603
So how fun would it be if, instead,
199
00:09:10,628 --> 00:09:12,056
one of the queen's guards,
200
00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:15,275
or whatever, fell in love
with the pub wench
201
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,728
and he invited her to serve
the queen at her throne?
202
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,615
Fun, right? Oh, and...
203
00:09:23,624 --> 00:09:25,939
Like a palsied seal.
204
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:28,175
- Moving on.
- W-Wait. What about my idea?
205
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,675
Let's stick with the scenarios
we already do, all right?
206
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,441
I pass. You lower yourself.
207
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,136
We give our guests
the immersive experience
208
00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:35,728
of a queen and her queendom.
209
00:09:35,753 --> 00:09:37,581
- But...
- Shh. That's enough.
210
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,128
Sit.
211
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:43,708
Damn, girl. You sassed Beyonc?.
212
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:46,528
Lord Mason, prostrate thyself.
213
00:09:46,956 --> 00:09:48,919
- Did she say "prostate"?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
214
00:09:48,944 --> 00:09:50,075
Mason, bow!
215
00:09:50,918 --> 00:09:55,996
216
00:09:56,037 --> 00:09:57,822
Bravo.
217
00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,700
And that's how we do it.
218
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:08,911
Drew sleep out of mine eyes,
blood from my cheeks,
219
00:10:08,936 --> 00:10:11,067
musings into my mind,
220
00:10:11,599 --> 00:10:14,442
and finding little comfort
to relieve them.
221
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:16,153
- [SNORING]
- Uh-oh. She's out.
222
00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:18,224
[BOTH LAUGH]
223
00:10:18,296 --> 00:10:21,762
I thought it princely
charity to grieve them.
224
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:25,504
[HEAVY METAL VERSION OF
"GREENSLEEVES" PLAYS]
225
00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:27,401
- Ooh!
- Ah!
226
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:28,520
More cowbell!
227
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,329
- [RIM SHOT]
- [LAUGHTER]
228
00:10:30,354 --> 00:10:33,188
Oh, man. Good radio. Well done.
229
00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:35,028
Yeah, that rhymes.
230
00:10:35,053 --> 00:10:39,405
Oh, for all of you who think
you accidentally tuned to NPR,
231
00:10:39,537 --> 00:10:42,231
it's worse than that...
We're talking the Ren Faire.
232
00:10:42,256 --> 00:10:44,824
- Ooh!
- No offense, Mr. Shakespeare, Bill,
233
00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:47,635
if I may, Billy, uh,
but that was boring.
234
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,903
That was really,
really boring. Am I right?
235
00:10:49,928 --> 00:10:52,887
I mean, that was more boring
than a one-woman improv show.
236
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:55,145
- Excuse me. I did improv.
- Yeah, and then I...
237
00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:57,841
I rescued you from that,
and now you do radio.
238
00:10:58,084 --> 00:11:00,739
Your poem made me dry down thur.
239
00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:03,592
- [LAUGHS]
- Whoa! No. You did not just go thur.
240
00:11:03,617 --> 00:11:05,974
- Love you, mean it.
- [AS BORAT] She's my sister.
241
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,865
She's number-four prostitute
in all of Kazakhstan.
242
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:09,928
Nice.
243
00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:11,607
[LAUGHTER]
244
00:11:11,632 --> 00:11:14,724
Um, actually, I-it's not a poem.
245
00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:17,107
It's a scene from "Pericles,
Prince of Tyre,"
246
00:11:17,132 --> 00:11:18,917
who flees Antioch...
247
00:11:18,942 --> 00:11:21,115
- [MUSIC RESUMES]
- Whoo!
248
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,055
[LAUGHS]
249
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,389
Oh!
250
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,006
Ooh, uh, quick question.
251
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:30,662
On a serious note, does Pericles
have both of his testicl-ees,
252
00:11:30,687 --> 00:11:33,092
or is that a different
"Shakespeare story"?
253
00:11:33,117 --> 00:11:34,420
Great question. Uh...
254
00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:36,818
He has two balls or not two balls?
255
00:11:36,843 --> 00:11:38,967
- [LAUGHS]
- That is the castration.
256
00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:40,849
I-I-I don't believe...
257
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,881
[AS VITO CORLEONE] I'm gonna
make an offer he can't refuse.
258
00:11:42,906 --> 00:11:45,038
[LAUGHTER]
259
00:11:45,063 --> 00:11:46,498
He is killing me today.
260
00:11:46,523 --> 00:11:47,904
Was that "The Godfather"?
261
00:11:47,929 --> 00:11:49,452
- How you hung down there, Willy?
- Ooh.
262
00:11:49,477 --> 00:11:51,131
[AS AUSTIN POWERS] Yeah, baby.
263
00:11:51,156 --> 00:11:53,740
Uh, I-I-I'm sorry. I-I-I don't know.
264
00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:54,959
T-T-That's actually a good question
265
00:11:54,984 --> 00:11:56,459
because anybody that dresses like that
266
00:11:56,484 --> 00:11:58,810
has got to be pretty confident
in other areas, right?
267
00:11:58,835 --> 00:12:00,670
Ooh. Careful there, Bacon.
268
00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:02,724
You're makin' my tinklebox sizzle.
269
00:12:02,749 --> 00:12:06,709
Oh, snap, Chode. She said "sizzle."
270
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:09,467
- [SIZZLING]
- Oh, Schnapps shots.
271
00:12:09,492 --> 00:12:11,818
ALL: [CHANTING] Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
272
00:12:11,843 --> 00:12:14,654
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
273
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:16,451
- Schnapps.
- It's 9:52 in the morning.
274
00:12:16,476 --> 00:12:17,678
It is somewhere, right?
275
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,482
[AS JOHN KIMBLE]
Stop whining. Stop whining.
276
00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:21,631
Who knew Shakespeare
was so uptight, huh?
277
00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:22,779
Maybe it's his tights.
278
00:12:22,804 --> 00:12:24,771
They're squeezin' on those testicl-ees.
279
00:12:24,796 --> 00:12:27,217
- [LAUGHTER]
- His testi... Are the tights tight?
280
00:12:27,242 --> 00:12:30,068
- On your... On your balls.
- Boo-yah!
281
00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:32,617
Mmm! All right. Let's take some calls.
282
00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:34,818
No one from nowhere,
you're not on the line.
283
00:12:34,843 --> 00:12:37,201
We've lost all of our listeners.
They're all gone.
284
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:40,732
[LAUGHTER]
285
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:47,224
ALL: Sister, help to trim the sails
286
00:12:47,755 --> 00:12:53,568
Hallelujah
287
00:12:53,593 --> 00:12:56,029
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
288
00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:58,295
Ah! [LAUGHS]
289
00:12:59,223 --> 00:13:00,974
[LAUGHTER]
290
00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:03,068
I'm okay!
291
00:13:03,303 --> 00:13:07,818
[LAUGHING] Whoo! Oh, my hero.
292
00:13:07,843 --> 00:13:09,357
It's a hot dog on a stick.
293
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:11,459
Get it? Stick?
294
00:13:13,412 --> 00:13:14,974
It's a veggie dog.
295
00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:16,470
Meat is murder.
296
00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:19,288
You talk?
297
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:22,249
- You've heard me talk.
- I've heard you say "stick."
298
00:13:22,658 --> 00:13:25,031
I mean, everyone here
does such amazing things.
299
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,953
What's with the stick shtick?
300
00:13:26,978 --> 00:13:29,981
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
301
00:13:35,212 --> 00:13:37,078
Oh! Wha?
302
00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:39,843
You should do more of that.
303
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:42,070
First I must master the stick.
304
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:45,812
Hey, man. You got any
more of that oregano oil?
305
00:13:45,837 --> 00:13:48,448
When I can't hit the high C,
I know I got a cold coming on.
306
00:13:48,558 --> 00:13:50,005
- Totes.
- Yeah.
307
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:54,239
Milady.
308
00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:57,308
My debt to you is growing.
309
00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,099
Aye, tell me more.
310
00:14:00,365 --> 00:14:03,731
Oh. Mmm. I needed this.
311
00:14:04,470 --> 00:14:07,091
- I mean, I don't needit. It's...
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:14:07,466 --> 00:14:08,771
... just refreshing.
313
00:14:08,796 --> 00:14:09,796
Uh-huh.
314
00:14:10,771 --> 00:14:12,075
Stick can talk.
315
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,888
- You've heard him talk.
- I... But...
316
00:14:15,904 --> 00:14:17,153
Never mind.
317
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,317
Where's Callie?
318
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,380
Oh, she's teaching G-Spot Awareness
319
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,419
to Shart's wife and a couple other gals.
320
00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:27,364
You're a lucky man.
321
00:14:27,389 --> 00:14:29,169
Yeah, it's 'cause
I never walk under ladders.
322
00:14:32,751 --> 00:14:34,271
Maggie hates me.
323
00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:36,896
No. She just hates all
the things you do and say.
324
00:14:37,261 --> 00:14:40,294
The normal response would
be, "No, she doesn't."
325
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,083
I just don't get it.
People always like me.
326
00:14:45,108 --> 00:14:47,481
I have the most-watched Insta
stories of all my friends.
327
00:14:47,506 --> 00:14:49,044
- [CHUCKLES]
- What?
328
00:14:50,528 --> 00:14:55,413
Uh, you do tend to...
To "No, but" a lot.
329
00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:58,256
This is more of a-a "Yes,
and" kind of place.
330
00:14:58,281 --> 00:14:59,935
No, I don't. But I...
331
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,030
Wait. What?
332
00:15:04,055 --> 00:15:05,389
You're in Maggie's house.
333
00:15:05,844 --> 00:15:07,702
You just gotta take your
shoes off at the door.
334
00:15:07,727 --> 00:15:09,116
Even if they make the outfit?
335
00:15:10,132 --> 00:15:12,350
What, so I'm just supposed
to kiss her ass?
336
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,444
Just play along,
like what we do in the faireground.
337
00:15:16,313 --> 00:15:17,584
I don't know what you're talking about.
338
00:15:17,609 --> 00:15:19,733
Ah, okay. Okay.
339
00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:21,825
- My sweet lady.
- Oh!
340
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:23,243
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
341
00:15:23,268 --> 00:15:25,030
- [ALL CHEER]
- I love this part.
342
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,230
Do it. Do it. Do it.
343
00:15:26,255 --> 00:15:27,821
Thou art a vision.
344
00:15:27,846 --> 00:15:29,749
Um, okay.
345
00:15:29,774 --> 00:15:31,311
When last I did see thee,
346
00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:34,280
ye were portly and covered in warts...
347
00:15:34,305 --> 00:15:36,524
- and hairs.
- [CHUCKLING] Oh!
348
00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:39,108
And thy stench was... whoa.
349
00:15:39,133 --> 00:15:42,136
- [LAUGHTER]
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
350
00:15:42,161 --> 00:15:43,161
Uh...
351
00:15:43,186 --> 00:15:45,188
- But now...
- [LAUGHS]
352
00:15:45,907 --> 00:15:47,701
... I see thee hast transformed...
353
00:15:49,572 --> 00:15:52,618
into a most beauteous
and wondrous creature.
354
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:57,772
Thy tresses, thy lips, thy cheeks...
355
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,483
Ye must have paid a great
wizard quite a price
356
00:16:01,508 --> 00:16:03,866
for such a strong spell
of boundless beauty.
357
00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:08,631
MAN: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
358
00:16:08,656 --> 00:16:10,701
- Got it.
- Oh, wow.
359
00:16:11,358 --> 00:16:12,756
That was thick.
360
00:16:13,217 --> 00:16:14,217
Ah!
361
00:16:14,242 --> 00:16:16,941
[ALL CHEERING]
362
00:16:16,966 --> 00:16:18,264
- All right.
- Bravo!
363
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,702
If I said any of that to Maggie,
364
00:16:20,727 --> 00:16:22,053
she'd think I was hitting on her,
365
00:16:22,078 --> 00:16:23,233
and she's not really my type.
366
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:25,530
I mean, there was this one time
367
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:27,459
that I kissed my friend Lexi
after prom, but...
368
00:16:27,484 --> 00:16:28,850
Boy, do I want to hear this story,
369
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,944
but let's just focus on this.
370
00:16:30,969 --> 00:16:34,592
Um, what's the first thing
that you think of
371
00:16:34,617 --> 00:16:35,922
when you look at me?
372
00:16:35,947 --> 00:16:36,999
- Your body.
- Your body.
373
00:16:37,239 --> 00:16:40,553
- [LAUGHTER]
- All right. All right. Okay.
374
00:16:40,578 --> 00:16:42,694
- MAN: It is.
- All right. Well, uh, let's try that.
375
00:16:43,484 --> 00:16:45,131
- Try your body?
- Yes.
376
00:16:45,156 --> 00:16:47,241
Try to endow my body. Oh.
377
00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:49,051
- Endow it? But... Well, how specific
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
378
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,551
- do I have to be?
- I am waiting.
379
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,841
Okay. Okay. Geez.
380
00:16:52,866 --> 00:16:55,520
[ALL "OOHING"]
381
00:16:55,545 --> 00:16:56,966
[MAN TRILLS TONGUE]
382
00:16:56,991 --> 00:16:58,514
Okay. Okay. Okay.
383
00:16:58,747 --> 00:16:59,896
Use your hands.
384
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:02,388
Uh...
385
00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:04,029
Put your whole body into it.
386
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:05,084
Woo me.
387
00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:06,732
[LAUGHS]
388
00:17:06,757 --> 00:17:08,130
Thy...
389
00:17:08,370 --> 00:17:09,521
Louder!
390
00:17:09,999 --> 00:17:14,873
Wouldst that I were the sun
glistening upon thy back?
391
00:17:15,253 --> 00:17:17,896
- Ah.
- Ooh!
392
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:19,879
[CHATTER INTENSIFIES]
393
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:21,310
[LAUGHTER]
394
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:24,005
But not for too long because...
395
00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:26,443
melanoma?
396
00:17:26,835 --> 00:17:29,201
- [LAUGHTER]
- It's a strong start.
397
00:17:29,226 --> 00:17:31,161
Okay. All right.
398
00:17:31,449 --> 00:17:33,277
- It's the first go.
- Strong... Strong start.
399
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,716
In sooth? No.
400
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:36,373
- Oh.
- MAN: Boo.
401
00:17:36,592 --> 00:17:38,377
It... It fell off there at the end.
402
00:17:38,402 --> 00:17:39,920
How about Tulum?
403
00:17:40,147 --> 00:17:42,671
There was just a mass murder there,
so it'll be dirt cheap.
404
00:17:43,245 --> 00:17:44,858
Are you scrolling through resort porn
405
00:17:44,883 --> 00:17:46,030
to take your mind off Colin,
406
00:17:46,055 --> 00:17:47,217
or are we actually going on this trip?
407
00:17:47,242 --> 00:17:50,662
Because if we are,
it's Dusseldorf or bust.
408
00:17:50,687 --> 00:17:53,334
Colin has been blocked and deleted.
409
00:17:56,679 --> 00:17:58,951
- Are we elitist?
- Oh, God, yes.
410
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:00,678
It's one of the things I love about us.
411
00:18:00,703 --> 00:18:04,098
No. I-I mean in... an insufferable way.
412
00:18:04,123 --> 00:18:05,483
Blue cheese olive?
413
00:18:05,874 --> 00:18:08,268
One blue cheese
and one regular on the side.
414
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:10,469
And being elitist isn't a bad thing.
415
00:18:10,494 --> 00:18:11,866
Societies need a pecking order.
416
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,452
Otherwise, we'd peck
each other to death.
417
00:18:13,477 --> 00:18:15,392
[CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
418
00:18:15,417 --> 00:18:18,022
Ugh, fools.
419
00:18:19,147 --> 00:18:20,483
Should we go out there?
420
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,546
Why?
421
00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:25,692
Maybe we're missing out.
422
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:27,671
Have you been using the weighted blanket
423
00:18:27,696 --> 00:18:29,350
I bought you with that podcast code?
424
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,986
- Could be fun.
- Oh, we have fun.
425
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,710
Remember when we drank fuzzy navels
426
00:18:33,735 --> 00:18:35,650
and watched "Call Me By Your Name"?
427
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,061
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
428
00:18:38,086 --> 00:18:41,358
[SIGHS] Those idiot deejays today
429
00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:45,061
made me feel like I was back
in a high-school locker room.
430
00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:48,587
"Oh. There's Brian,
the Pillsbury Doughboy."
431
00:18:48,864 --> 00:18:50,858
I liked the testicl-ees joke.
432
00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:52,186
[CHUCKLES]
433
00:18:53,545 --> 00:18:55,194
You know, I once got locked overnight
434
00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:56,874
in my high school's equipment shed
435
00:18:57,217 --> 00:18:59,219
after hiding there during P.E.
436
00:18:59,244 --> 00:19:02,029
- I detest sheds.
- It was terrifying.
437
00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:04,358
But I did finish "The Canterbury Tales."
438
00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:05,602
I had a penlight.
439
00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:07,889
Oh, "Canterbury Tales,"
440
00:19:08,107 --> 00:19:10,389
the original "Fifty Shades."
441
00:19:10,414 --> 00:19:12,249
[SCOFFS] And I have
another promo tomorrow.
442
00:19:12,274 --> 00:19:13,616
It's all I can think about.
443
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:17,186
The original "Fifty Shades."
That's funny. [CHUCKLES]
444
00:19:17,211 --> 00:19:20,374
Ugh. Why didn't you tell me
I had lipstick on my teeth?
445
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:24,671
I'm going out there.
446
00:19:27,228 --> 00:19:28,522
A poppy seed?
447
00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:34,038
Thy sensational smile doth shine
upon thy heaving bosoms...
448
00:19:34,063 --> 00:19:36,225
- Oh, my....
- just as said bosoms
449
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:40,132
do sit like clouds for angels' bottoms.
450
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:43,639
Oh, Pizzle. Oh,
I'm gonna write that down.
451
00:19:43,664 --> 00:19:45,797
Did you mean both bosoms
or just the left one?
452
00:19:45,822 --> 00:19:47,288
I mean, 'cause it's the crowd favorite.
453
00:19:47,313 --> 00:19:48,350
Lefty Louie.
454
00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:49,983
[CHUCKLES]
455
00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:53,646
Well done, Master Pizzle. [CHUCKLES]
456
00:19:58,744 --> 00:20:01,054
Oh, light teal... Too risky.
457
00:20:01,663 --> 00:20:07,444
So, what's going on
here with you... guys?
458
00:20:07,469 --> 00:20:10,554
David's teaching me how to be
performatively nice to people.
459
00:20:10,579 --> 00:20:12,155
Yeah. Hey, uh, do me next.
460
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:15,952
Oh! Thy most bountiful
and glorious belly.
461
00:20:15,977 --> 00:20:17,125
[LAUGHTER]
462
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,515
How many weeks before
we may expect little Shart?
463
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:22,594
- Yeah, third trimester, y'all.
- Oh, my God!
464
00:20:22,619 --> 00:20:23,758
Congratulations.
465
00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:25,812
- I can feel him kicking.
- [LAUGHTER]
466
00:20:25,837 --> 00:20:28,508
Now, what you got for Maggie?
467
00:20:28,533 --> 00:20:31,555
N-Nothing that reminds you of your
high-school girly-girly action.
468
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:32,914
DELILAH: Ooh. [LAUGHS]
469
00:20:32,939 --> 00:20:34,586
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What is it? What is it?
470
00:20:34,611 --> 00:20:37,080
No, no, no. I can't say.
It's too embarrassing.
471
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,120
What, like Shart's gut?
472
00:20:38,145 --> 00:20:40,651
Hey! That's my baby
you're talking about!
473
00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:43,753
Just take the embarrassing...
and make it good.
474
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,558
- This can't be made good.
- Come on.
475
00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:47,370
- I'm sure it can.
- Come on. Come on.
476
00:20:47,395 --> 00:20:50,905
Come on. Say it. Say it.
477
00:20:50,930 --> 00:20:53,230
ALL: [CHANTING] Say it.
Say it. Say it. Say it.
478
00:20:53,255 --> 00:20:56,940
- I saw her bush!
- [LAUGHTER]
479
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,784
I'm so proud of you!
480
00:20:59,809 --> 00:21:02,159
DAVID: That's not what I expected.
481
00:21:02,184 --> 00:21:06,144
And... it... was... huge!
482
00:21:06,169 --> 00:21:08,258
[LAUGHTER]
483
00:21:08,654 --> 00:21:12,386
Dude. I like a jungle. I'm Tarzan.
484
00:21:12,411 --> 00:21:13,934
[LAUGHTER]
485
00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:17,310
Hear me now, good gentles.
486
00:21:17,425 --> 00:21:21,245
'Twas a lush and glorious bush.
487
00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:25,026
- 'Twas the most radiant shrubbery...
- [ALL CLEARING THROATS]
488
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,581
... I have ever laid eyes upon!
489
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,302
Oh, don't let me interrupt
the merrymaking.
490
00:21:31,327 --> 00:21:33,255
Just need a bit of ice.
491
00:21:35,566 --> 00:21:38,265
[ICE RATTLING]
492
00:21:43,015 --> 00:21:46,044
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
493
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,255
[LID CLOSES]
494
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,403
Ahh. I'll be up for
a little while longer.
495
00:21:52,428 --> 00:21:54,669
We could make fuzzy navels.
496
00:21:54,694 --> 00:21:55,694
Fuzzy.
497
00:21:55,719 --> 00:21:58,548
[LAUGHTER]
498
00:21:59,395 --> 00:22:01,357
Enjoy your evening.
499
00:22:02,927 --> 00:22:04,466
God save the queen.
500
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:07,247
ALL: God save the queen!
501
00:22:08,627 --> 00:22:10,028
God shave the queen.
502
00:22:10,053 --> 00:22:14,274
[LAUGHTER]
503
00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:15,997
DELILAH: Oh, no.
504
00:22:17,759 --> 00:22:22,776
505
00:22:29,010 --> 00:22:32,236
Maggie, Delilah, Amanda together...
506
00:22:32,711 --> 00:22:33,744
In a friendship wreath.
507
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,580
- Uh...
- Means that you really took some time.
508
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:37,257
- To make this extra great.
- I think Maggie is
509
00:22:37,282 --> 00:22:40,410
- more of a traditionalist.
- Oh. Whatever you think.
510
00:22:40,435 --> 00:22:42,890
I've never "Real Housewived"
the... out of anyone before.
511
00:22:42,915 --> 00:22:44,686
Well, I've never used
fruit cocktail juice
512
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:46,843
to make mimosas before, so there you go.
513
00:22:47,085 --> 00:22:48,937
Can't believe you're a "Housewives" fan.
514
00:22:48,970 --> 00:22:51,514
It's like when the one
with the pointy nose
515
00:22:51,539 --> 00:22:53,623
offended the super-skinny one
516
00:22:53,648 --> 00:22:55,787
at the charity auction for blind cats,
517
00:22:55,812 --> 00:22:57,800
but then she took her out to brunch,
518
00:22:57,825 --> 00:22:58,961
and everything was great.
519
00:23:00,140 --> 00:23:02,257
I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.
520
00:23:02,572 --> 00:23:04,172
I traded compliments for the muffins
521
00:23:04,197 --> 00:23:05,895
and a hand massage for the eggs.
522
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,148
Oh, grasshopper.
You're learning so well.
523
00:23:09,173 --> 00:23:11,219
- She's coming. It's happening.
- Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
524
00:23:16,007 --> 00:23:17,007
Mimosa?
525
00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:19,946
[SIGHS]
526
00:23:20,758 --> 00:23:22,796
- Thanks so much for meeting me.
- I didn't meet you.
527
00:23:22,821 --> 00:23:24,392
You're standing in front of my tent.
528
00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:26,007
I love your culottes.
529
00:23:26,032 --> 00:23:27,352
They're not culottes.
530
00:23:28,454 --> 00:23:30,038
They're jorts. Why are you here?
531
00:23:30,063 --> 00:23:32,133
Actually, jorts are made from denim
532
00:23:32,269 --> 00:23:34,962
- and usually from old jeans.
- Why are you here?
533
00:23:35,899 --> 00:23:37,758
I was hoping maybe we could...
534
00:23:39,188 --> 00:23:41,384
... melt the ice a little over brunch.
535
00:23:41,627 --> 00:23:42,657
Cheers.
536
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:48,538
Oh, wait. We didn't make
eye contact. It's bad luck.
537
00:23:48,571 --> 00:23:50,116
Let's... Let's do it again.
538
00:23:50,141 --> 00:23:51,141
Cheers.
539
00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:52,460
Okay.
540
00:23:52,485 --> 00:23:55,814
Can we get to the ice-melting?
I have plucking to do.
541
00:23:57,303 --> 00:24:00,758
Delilah tells me you're
one of this Faire's OGs.
542
00:24:01,164 --> 00:24:02,274
OGs?
543
00:24:02,719 --> 00:24:05,520
Original gangster.
That's the actual meaning.
544
00:24:05,633 --> 00:24:07,709
I was going for the figurative
meaning, you know,
545
00:24:07,734 --> 00:24:10,804
founding father,
or mother, in this case.
546
00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:12,901
You are the shot-caller...
547
00:24:13,249 --> 00:24:17,078
Who lives, who dies, who gets exiled.
548
00:24:18,578 --> 00:24:22,145
Oh, we are not in
the habit of exiling... anyone.
549
00:24:22,405 --> 00:24:25,022
I love how you use the royal "we."
550
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:27,959
It's... It's so authentic,
551
00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:31,272
like so much of this place,
really hands-on.
552
00:24:31,297 --> 00:24:33,334
Granted, sometimes,
those hands are on my ass,
553
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,187
but that's part of
the authenticity, right?
554
00:24:36,937 --> 00:24:41,242
I wanted to ask, how do
you decide what's okay?
555
00:24:42,156 --> 00:24:45,998
And as the queen, are you
actually the decision-maker,
556
00:24:46,023 --> 00:24:47,961
like the Great and Powerful Oz?
557
00:24:48,859 --> 00:24:50,434
I think if we put our heads together,
558
00:24:50,459 --> 00:24:52,311
we could really codify
what's appropriate
559
00:24:52,336 --> 00:24:53,820
and what's not, you know?
560
00:24:54,328 --> 00:24:55,545
Right, right.
561
00:24:56,992 --> 00:24:57,992
Let me guess.
562
00:24:58,417 --> 00:25:01,881
Mama Klein was supercritical
of little Amanda.
563
00:25:05,181 --> 00:25:07,996
Uh, she's actually a-a-a Lyons n-now.
564
00:25:08,021 --> 00:25:09,943
- Klein was my father, but then he...
- And judging by your love
565
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:12,014
of the bottle, she's probably
also an alcoholic.
566
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,857
Nothing is ever right, is it?
567
00:25:15,227 --> 00:25:17,661
Is she still trying to envision
your ears pinned back?
568
00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,707
Did she lament the backhand
you never mastered?
569
00:25:20,732 --> 00:25:23,810
My backhand happens to be
very powerful and elegant.
570
00:25:24,771 --> 00:25:27,747
- And for your information, my mother...
- No. I don't really care, sweetie.
571
00:25:28,052 --> 00:25:29,552
Thank you for cleaning this up.
572
00:25:30,146 --> 00:25:31,519
573
00:25:31,544 --> 00:25:33,539
You think you're so
insightful, don't you?
574
00:25:33,564 --> 00:25:36,417
Well, I'll have you know,
my mother is not an alcoholic.
575
00:25:36,442 --> 00:25:39,972
She's a pillhead and only
because they overprescribed her
576
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:42,661
after she got her eyelids done, so...
577
00:25:43,161 --> 00:25:44,989
578
00:25:46,935 --> 00:25:49,686
Damn it. [SIGHS]
579
00:25:51,079 --> 00:25:52,956
Don't you want to change
into your Pizzle clothes
580
00:25:52,981 --> 00:25:54,378
- before we get there?
- Nah, man.
581
00:25:54,403 --> 00:25:55,847
I'll just strip down in the car.
582
00:25:55,958 --> 00:25:57,177
Don't want to get it wrinkled.
583
00:25:58,411 --> 00:26:00,645
Thank you, again,
for coming with me today.
584
00:26:00,790 --> 00:26:03,787
I always work better with
someone to bounce off of.
585
00:26:04,153 --> 00:26:05,550
No prob. I got you.
586
00:26:05,575 --> 00:26:08,127
I've written out some improv for us,
587
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:10,887
study that.
588
00:26:11,512 --> 00:26:13,840
Um, I thought that...
589
00:26:14,973 --> 00:26:18,338
we'd just stay loose out
there, you know?
590
00:26:18,363 --> 00:26:19,730
Keep Shakespeare from...
591
00:26:20,754 --> 00:26:21,754
What?
592
00:26:22,077 --> 00:26:25,355
... you know... boring people.
593
00:26:26,277 --> 00:26:27,299
Excuse me?
594
00:26:27,324 --> 00:26:29,480
I mean, dude, on the radio, the lady...
595
00:26:30,988 --> 00:26:32,754
said you made her dry.
596
00:26:33,730 --> 00:26:34,744
[SCOFFS]
597
00:26:34,769 --> 00:26:36,785
Like I care about dusty vaginas.
598
00:26:36,810 --> 00:26:39,346
Hey, man. Shakespeare
was for the masses.
599
00:26:39,371 --> 00:26:40,527
Why always go highbrow
600
00:26:40,552 --> 00:26:42,393
when he was also the master
of a dirty joke, right?
601
00:26:42,418 --> 00:26:44,713
Well, we know that,
but most people don't.
602
00:26:44,738 --> 00:26:47,160
Come on. Shakespeare
was a dirty bastard.
603
00:26:47,222 --> 00:26:49,996
Just, like, try going low.
604
00:26:50,355 --> 00:26:52,531
Here. Start with this.
605
00:26:52,556 --> 00:26:54,832
There's got to be E. coli in
the salads at Greasy Buns.
606
00:26:55,328 --> 00:26:56,328
[CHEWING]
607
00:26:56,809 --> 00:26:58,363
[SCOFFS]
608
00:26:59,053 --> 00:27:00,053
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
609
00:27:02,816 --> 00:27:05,291
Hmm. Well-seasoned.
610
00:27:05,316 --> 00:27:06,877
Attaboy.
611
00:27:06,902 --> 00:27:10,095
Hey, Robin Hood,
what's that dick pouch for?
612
00:27:12,676 --> 00:27:14,118
It's a codpiece.
613
00:27:14,143 --> 00:27:16,928
614
00:27:16,972 --> 00:27:18,527
Or a pouch.
615
00:27:21,126 --> 00:27:22,126
[SIGHS]
616
00:27:22,956 --> 00:27:24,542
For dicks.
617
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:25,886
[CHUCKLES]
618
00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:27,129
Funny.
619
00:27:28,464 --> 00:27:30,433
- Happy now?
- I am. Thank you.
620
00:27:37,376 --> 00:27:38,683
Can I open my eyes yet?
621
00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:41,363
- Yes, you can.
- Groceries.
622
00:27:41,388 --> 00:27:42,620
It's like when the one with the lips
623
00:27:42,645 --> 00:27:44,777
took the other one with the
lips shopping to cheer her up.
624
00:27:45,595 --> 00:27:47,339
Now you're speaking my love language.
625
00:27:47,364 --> 00:27:50,288
Come. They have almond oil.
It makes the best lube.
626
00:27:50,793 --> 00:27:52,440
- Hey, there's David.
- Oh!
627
00:27:52,571 --> 00:27:54,660
Watch me eat mud for money.
628
00:27:54,685 --> 00:27:56,948
Ah! Hey-ho, friends.
629
00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,670
Good day, gentles.
630
00:27:58,695 --> 00:28:00,667
Allo, sweet lasses.
631
00:28:00,692 --> 00:28:02,259
Hear ye, come forth.
632
00:28:03,260 --> 00:28:04,260
You there,
633
00:28:04,285 --> 00:28:06,753
come forth to
the Royal Renaissance Faire
634
00:28:06,778 --> 00:28:09,191
for Shakespeare and history!
635
00:28:09,216 --> 00:28:12,198
- A little aggro, yes?
- Yeah. We're working on the fun.
636
00:28:12,223 --> 00:28:14,167
- Hmm. Good luck with that.
- Mm-hmm.
637
00:28:14,956 --> 00:28:16,581
I'm really feeling my motivation.
638
00:28:16,606 --> 00:28:18,651
- Yes. Everyone's feeling it.
- You, sir!
639
00:28:18,676 --> 00:28:20,620
You look like you need a sonnet.
640
00:28:20,889 --> 00:28:22,503
It's all local and homemade.
641
00:28:22,528 --> 00:28:24,292
- Hey.
- Hey, Delilah.
642
00:28:24,317 --> 00:28:27,206
- Hey, friend.
- Got those, uh, AA batteries
643
00:28:27,231 --> 00:28:28,636
you're always runnin' low on.
644
00:28:28,661 --> 00:28:29,745
- Yay!
- Excuse me.
645
00:28:29,770 --> 00:28:31,417
Do you have any K?rastase products?
646
00:28:31,442 --> 00:28:33,253
Davines, even
John Paul Mitchell will do.
647
00:28:34,977 --> 00:28:37,261
- For hair.
- Oh. Yeah. Hair stuff's all...
648
00:28:37,286 --> 00:28:39,433
- right over there.
- Thank you so much.
649
00:28:39,458 --> 00:28:40,630
Thank you so much.
650
00:28:40,655 --> 00:28:42,956
- Have you ever had peanut brittle?
- No. It sounds disgusting.
651
00:28:42,981 --> 00:28:44,981
It'll break your teeth,
but it'll change your life.
652
00:28:45,006 --> 00:28:46,653
Ooh, coconut oil?
653
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,942
- Lavender? Tea tree oil?
- Mm-hmm.
654
00:28:50,967 --> 00:28:53,090
[SNIFFS] Mmm!
655
00:28:53,115 --> 00:28:55,426
- Smells like Sally Hershberger.
- Oh!
656
00:28:55,451 --> 00:28:57,453
- Mmm!
- You know your friend's hair smell?
657
00:28:57,478 --> 00:28:59,088
- What's mine?
- [SNIFFS]
658
00:28:59,113 --> 00:29:00,442
Sunshine and unicorns.
659
00:29:01,134 --> 00:29:02,715
$4.99?
660
00:29:03,418 --> 00:29:06,247
I pay like $40 an ounce
for this kind of stuff.
661
00:29:06,398 --> 00:29:09,426
Aloe, shea butter.
662
00:29:09,766 --> 00:29:11,724
All organic?
663
00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:16,044
Can I, uh, help you with anything?
664
00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:18,456
No.
665
00:29:18,959 --> 00:29:21,004
But I can most definitely help you.
666
00:29:21,416 --> 00:29:24,680
667
00:29:25,059 --> 00:29:26,919
The Royal Renaissance Festival.
668
00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:30,842
Come for the merriment,
stay for the fun.
669
00:29:31,511 --> 00:29:34,692
Hey. Hey, you giving
anything away for free?
670
00:29:35,111 --> 00:29:38,919
Uh, mayhap a soliloquy or a sonnet.
671
00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:42,489
Do you have any stickers? My stepkids
love when I bring stickers home.
672
00:29:42,514 --> 00:29:45,342
Sir William,
hast thou anything in particular
673
00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,501
to say about these beautiful women, huh?
674
00:29:48,917 --> 00:29:49,982
Yeah?
675
00:29:50,710 --> 00:29:52,834
Uh, yes.
676
00:29:52,859 --> 00:29:55,084
Yeah, yeah, I see. [CHUCKLES]
677
00:29:55,109 --> 00:29:57,553
Uh, uh, dearest ladies [CLEARS THROAT]
678
00:29:58,003 --> 00:30:01,350
some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
679
00:30:01,375 --> 00:30:04,959
and other have greatness
thrust upon them.
680
00:30:05,570 --> 00:30:07,092
Thrust. [LAUGHS]
681
00:30:07,117 --> 00:30:09,154
Loosen up. Yeah.
682
00:30:09,332 --> 00:30:12,178
Heh. Ha. Of course.
683
00:30:12,772 --> 00:30:16,858
Of course, let's not forget that I,
William Shakespeare,
684
00:30:16,883 --> 00:30:20,639
am also the master of the dirty joke.
685
00:30:20,664 --> 00:30:23,225
- Ohh!
- Risqu?.
686
00:30:23,250 --> 00:30:24,623
I don't think they're ready.
687
00:30:24,648 --> 00:30:26,576
- No.
- Here it comes.
688
00:30:26,601 --> 00:30:27,709
Oh?
689
00:30:28,251 --> 00:30:32,858
Oh, that she were an open arse,
and thou a poperin pear.
690
00:30:33,582 --> 00:30:37,076
Hey! Her ass is closed, man.
691
00:30:37,101 --> 00:30:40,365
Ladies, ladies,
forgive my stupid friend.
692
00:30:40,390 --> 00:30:43,389
Forgive us all, for I, Pizzle Humpsalot,
693
00:30:43,414 --> 00:30:47,723
a grotesque and lowly mud
beggar, do cry your mercy,
694
00:30:47,748 --> 00:30:49,334
for I have forgot to tell thee
695
00:30:49,359 --> 00:30:52,014
how much fun
the Royal Renaissance Festival,
696
00:30:52,039 --> 00:30:54,955
Saturdays and Sundays,
10:00 to 7:00, can be!
697
00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:57,287
Come one, come all, preferably all.
698
00:30:57,312 --> 00:31:00,826
Gather ye round, for
the Royal Renaissance Mud Shows
699
00:31:00,851 --> 00:31:02,998
work according to the laws of physics.
700
00:31:03,023 --> 00:31:04,365
What goes up...
701
00:31:04,390 --> 00:31:06,131
[ALL GASP]
702
00:31:06,422 --> 00:31:07,764
... must come down.
703
00:31:08,786 --> 00:31:11,545
Ooh! [LAUGHS] Karma, man.
704
00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:12,637
[LAUGHTER]
705
00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,098
Oh, you got a little bit right there.
706
00:31:14,123 --> 00:31:15,846
Oh, and there.
707
00:31:16,005 --> 00:31:17,348
Dead serious.
708
00:31:17,446 --> 00:31:19,754
Have you ever tried getting
your products into Barneys?
709
00:31:19,779 --> 00:31:22,613
Barney's Friday Fish Fry.
Yeah, I go every week.
710
00:31:22,638 --> 00:31:25,285
This stuff is dying
on the vine back here.
711
00:31:25,310 --> 00:31:27,277
It really needs to be in
a clear, visible path
712
00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:28,473
facing toward the door.
713
00:31:28,744 --> 00:31:30,457
- Oh, my God, beeswax.
- No, no.
714
00:31:30,482 --> 00:31:31,981
This stuff is multiuse.
715
00:31:32,006 --> 00:31:34,262
Actually, multiuse should
have its own section.
716
00:31:34,287 --> 00:31:35,715
- Miss, please don't.
- And these...
717
00:31:35,740 --> 00:31:37,012
You're mixing messages.
718
00:31:37,037 --> 00:31:38,864
Why have you got bananas
next to cosmetics?
719
00:31:38,889 --> 00:31:41,363
Lady, if I needed someone to tell me
720
00:31:41,388 --> 00:31:43,926
how I'm doing everything wrong,
I'd call my wife.
721
00:31:43,951 --> 00:31:45,949
- Okay. That's a little dramatic.
- All right. Okay.
722
00:31:45,974 --> 00:31:49,349
Hi, yeah, I love you so much,
but I'm reading the room here,
723
00:31:49,374 --> 00:31:52,458
and I'm getting the feeling
that not everybody loves you
724
00:31:52,483 --> 00:31:55,380
- as much as I do, right at this moment.
- Oh, no. No.
725
00:31:56,046 --> 00:31:57,411
Someone has got to tell him
726
00:31:57,436 --> 00:31:59,802
what an eyesore that
Shelly's Jam display is.
727
00:31:59,863 --> 00:32:01,365
Okay, so I can hear you.
728
00:32:01,726 --> 00:32:04,544
And, "A," Shelly's my sister.
729
00:32:04,569 --> 00:32:06,592
So that's actually very hurtful.
730
00:32:06,617 --> 00:32:09,092
"B," she powerlifts,
so if you want to tell her
731
00:32:09,117 --> 00:32:11,772
how you feel about
her display, be my guest.
732
00:32:11,797 --> 00:32:14,779
"C," I am going to,
for the first time ever,
733
00:32:14,804 --> 00:32:17,319
use my right
to refuse service to anyone,
734
00:32:17,344 --> 00:32:21,045
which is you, in this case,
so congrats and goodbye.
735
00:32:22,237 --> 00:32:23,287
Bye-bye.
736
00:32:23,656 --> 00:32:26,178
Who might want a muddy kiss?
737
00:32:26,203 --> 00:32:29,029
- Oh!
- [LAUGHS]
738
00:32:29,342 --> 00:32:30,648
- Oh!
- Mwah!
739
00:32:30,673 --> 00:32:32,475
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
740
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:34,990
And if you wrong us,
should we not have...
741
00:32:35,015 --> 00:32:36,647
Mud pie in thy face?
742
00:32:38,068 --> 00:32:40,592
Falling! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
743
00:32:41,003 --> 00:32:42,483
- Oh!
- [LAUGHTER]
744
00:32:43,097 --> 00:32:45,467
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
745
00:32:45,492 --> 00:32:47,342
Mayhap this be what ye want.
746
00:32:49,930 --> 00:32:53,472
[FARTING]
747
00:32:53,497 --> 00:32:56,722
Ah! [CRIES]
748
00:32:56,747 --> 00:32:58,222
[CROWD GROANS]
749
00:32:58,247 --> 00:33:01,604
[SIGHS] Are you not entertained?!
750
00:33:07,972 --> 00:33:10,646
Don't worry. You're the only one
who's never invited back.
751
00:33:10,671 --> 00:33:12,412
I'm good. [LAUGHS]
752
00:33:12,944 --> 00:33:13,944
Oh!
753
00:33:14,154 --> 00:33:16,391
I was just doing what
Marie Kondo always does...
754
00:33:16,416 --> 00:33:18,487
Clearing clutter and sparking joy.
755
00:33:18,987 --> 00:33:21,190
Sparking joy is good,
756
00:33:21,503 --> 00:33:24,526
but trying to fix things
that aren't broken is...
757
00:33:26,057 --> 00:33:28,151
- Stupid.
- Stupid?
758
00:33:28,479 --> 00:33:29,995
No, honeybee.
759
00:33:30,909 --> 00:33:35,300
But... a distraction maybe
760
00:33:36,761 --> 00:33:40,458
from what really might
need fixing, perhaps.
761
00:33:40,483 --> 00:33:42,550
I could trim those for
you if you want me to.
762
00:33:45,597 --> 00:33:48,011
Oh. Wow.
763
00:33:51,292 --> 00:33:52,776
Maggie was right.
764
00:33:52,911 --> 00:33:55,038
I pick myself and everyone else apart.
765
00:33:55,063 --> 00:33:57,322
I find what's wrong in
almost every situation.
766
00:33:57,347 --> 00:33:59,222
I thrive on negativity. I...
767
00:34:02,567 --> 00:34:04,073
I am my mother.
768
00:34:06,084 --> 00:34:07,084
[SCOFFS]
769
00:34:10,425 --> 00:34:13,542
I have never witnessed such
rapid psychological growth.
770
00:34:15,034 --> 00:34:17,526
It's beautiful...
771
00:34:19,167 --> 00:34:20,716
like a sea monkey.
772
00:34:20,741 --> 00:34:22,581
[CHUCKLES]
773
00:34:22,606 --> 00:34:25,155
I'm sorry. I'm emotionally
leaking all over you.
774
00:34:25,180 --> 00:34:27,878
That's okay. Leak away.
775
00:34:27,903 --> 00:34:30,637
I'll happily collect all
your emotional fluids.
776
00:34:30,662 --> 00:34:31,662
Ew.
777
00:34:31,718 --> 00:34:36,770
778
00:34:41,852 --> 00:34:43,255
Ah.
779
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:48,333
David?
780
00:34:48,770 --> 00:34:50,224
Oh, uh, hey, man.
781
00:34:50,530 --> 00:34:53,272
- I want to apologize.
- No. Y-You don't have to.
782
00:34:53,426 --> 00:34:55,435
Obviously, I had no intention.
783
00:34:56,747 --> 00:34:58,606
I hope you don't think
that I meant to...
784
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:01,136
I'm so embarrassed.
785
00:35:01,161 --> 00:35:02,442
I-It's all good, man.
786
00:35:02,747 --> 00:35:04,145
It's really not.
787
00:35:04,973 --> 00:35:07,464
Look, it's just about finding a balance.
788
00:35:07,489 --> 00:35:12,762
Like, fart jokes good,
actual ass explosions, bad.
789
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:15,012
- Noted.
- Yeah.
790
00:35:15,692 --> 00:35:17,903
I also appreciate your
discretion about this.
791
00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:20,090
No one needs to know.
792
00:35:20,115 --> 00:35:22,908
Dude! I heard you... your pants
at the Country Market.
793
00:35:22,933 --> 00:35:24,284
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, God.
794
00:35:24,776 --> 00:35:25,814
Epic, man.
795
00:35:25,839 --> 00:35:27,268
I mean, I never physically hurt anyone,
796
00:35:27,293 --> 00:35:29,954
but my record is clearing
like 500, 600 feet...
797
00:35:29,979 --> 00:35:31,548
- Yeah...
- on my stench-power alone,
798
00:35:31,573 --> 00:35:33,400
so congrats, man.
799
00:35:34,189 --> 00:35:36,860
I beg you to forget about this.
800
00:35:36,904 --> 00:35:38,416
No shame, friend.
801
00:35:38,622 --> 00:35:41,080
The body releases when it must release.
802
00:35:41,169 --> 00:35:44,216
Better an empty apartment
than a bad tenant.
803
00:35:44,259 --> 00:35:46,088
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
804
00:35:46,805 --> 00:35:48,760
- Hands in.
- Yeah, dude. Come on.
805
00:35:48,785 --> 00:35:51,179
Hey! Come on, join us.
806
00:35:51,223 --> 00:35:54,244
Yeah. "Fart brothers for life" on three.
807
00:35:54,416 --> 00:35:55,966
One, two, three.
808
00:35:55,991 --> 00:35:58,150
TOGETHER: Fart brothers for life!
809
00:35:59,167 --> 00:36:00,211
I'm not there yet.
810
00:36:00,236 --> 00:36:02,756
811
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:05,219
- I found your bra.
- Oh, great.
812
00:36:07,354 --> 00:36:08,998
Wouldn't it make more
sense to start the parade
813
00:36:09,023 --> 00:36:10,372
inside the fairegrounds?
814
00:36:10,397 --> 00:36:11,939
That way, people have
more time to get a beer.
815
00:36:11,982 --> 00:36:13,872
- You're doing it again.
- I'm doing it again.
816
00:36:13,897 --> 00:36:16,029
See, nothing needs to be fixed.
817
00:36:16,146 --> 00:36:17,154
Really?
818
00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:19,043
Hi. Hello.
819
00:36:19,068 --> 00:36:21,271
- Who left the damn hose on?
- I'll shut it off.
820
00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:22,554
Geez.
821
00:36:23,545 --> 00:36:27,215
[FANFARE PLAYS]
822
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:30,112
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
823
00:36:30,137 --> 00:36:35,969
824
00:36:37,131 --> 00:36:38,835
Uh, uh...
825
00:36:38,860 --> 00:36:42,459
826
00:36:42,484 --> 00:36:43,484
Your Majesty!
827
00:36:44,102 --> 00:36:45,102
Your Majesty!
828
00:36:46,498 --> 00:36:47,748
Your Majesty!
829
00:36:48,436 --> 00:36:50,630
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
830
00:36:50,673 --> 00:36:51,826
Uh...
831
00:36:52,936 --> 00:36:54,568
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
832
00:36:55,310 --> 00:36:57,133
- Aah!
- [CROWD GASPS]
833
00:36:57,373 --> 00:37:00,635
Cry your mercy, Your Majesty!
Pass not this way.
834
00:37:00,660 --> 00:37:03,213
T'would be mine honor to be sure
835
00:37:03,238 --> 00:37:05,949
thou dost not muddy thy most regal self.
836
00:37:07,386 --> 00:37:09,290
God save the queen!
837
00:37:09,315 --> 00:37:11,477
ALL: God save the queen!
838
00:37:12,956 --> 00:37:14,393
839
00:37:14,620 --> 00:37:15,639
Better.
840
00:37:23,166 --> 00:37:25,886
[LAUGHS]
841
00:37:28,242 --> 00:37:32,548
Oh, my. Show me your jugs,
and I'll show you mine.
842
00:37:32,573 --> 00:37:34,713
Oh, On these fairegrounds,
and it'd be not a crime.
843
00:37:35,237 --> 00:37:39,154
- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh, my, milady.
844
00:37:39,179 --> 00:37:40,994
Care to make a trade?
845
00:37:43,619 --> 00:37:45,408
What are you supposed to be?
846
00:37:45,544 --> 00:37:47,618
A princess?
847
00:37:48,190 --> 00:37:50,971
Nay, good sirs.
I be William Shakespeare.
848
00:37:51,237 --> 00:37:53,969
Dost thou know of any
of mine great writings?
849
00:37:53,994 --> 00:37:56,344
I want to fight. En garde!
850
00:37:56,369 --> 00:37:57,893
I'm gonna stab you in the butt.
851
00:37:59,323 --> 00:38:00,619
Pardon me, gentlemen.
852
00:38:01,323 --> 00:38:04,221
Words are but wind, ay,
853
00:38:04,495 --> 00:38:07,759
and break it in your face
so he break it not behind.
854
00:38:08,330 --> 00:38:09,643
Pbht!
855
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,841
[BOTH LAUGH]
856
00:38:13,521 --> 00:38:17,665
857
00:38:19,578 --> 00:38:21,188
[CHUCKLES]
858
00:38:45,213 --> 00:38:46,807
Aah!
859
00:38:46,948 --> 00:38:48,587
[LISPING] Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you asleep?
860
00:38:48,612 --> 00:38:50,518
Yes, very asleep.
861
00:38:51,011 --> 00:38:54,510
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.
862
00:38:55,221 --> 00:38:57,658
Sounds funny when you say it
over and over again, doesn't it?
863
00:38:58,424 --> 00:38:59,424
My name, too.
864
00:38:59,737 --> 00:39:01,987
Helen, Helen, Helen.
865
00:39:03,104 --> 00:39:06,188
Oh, my God. The real live hooker.
866
00:39:06,213 --> 00:39:07,237
Not a hooker.
867
00:39:07,767 --> 00:39:09,725
I know you think I'm here
to stab you to death,
868
00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:13,237
but the truth is, Amanda, we're square.
869
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:15,880
We are?
870
00:39:15,905 --> 00:39:17,491
I may have lost the tip of my tongue,
871
00:39:17,516 --> 00:39:20,782
but you lost your fianc?, your wedding,
872
00:39:20,807 --> 00:39:22,555
your whole life if what I hear is true,
873
00:39:22,580 --> 00:39:24,131
about you becoming a pub wench.
874
00:39:24,156 --> 00:39:26,717
Uh, how do you know all of this?
875
00:39:26,742 --> 00:39:29,823
Mama Klein and I came to a
very lucrative agreement.
876
00:39:31,530 --> 00:39:32,530
[SIGHS]
877
00:39:32,723 --> 00:39:34,901
Oh. Uh-huh.
878
00:39:35,900 --> 00:39:36,924
I get it.
879
00:39:37,674 --> 00:39:39,213
- My mom paid you off.
- Uh-huh.
880
00:39:39,238 --> 00:39:41,123
So, what, you came here to scare me
881
00:39:41,148 --> 00:39:43,204
before you move to South
America or something?
882
00:39:43,229 --> 00:39:45,743
South America? Ever heard of Zika? Nay.
883
00:39:45,768 --> 00:39:46,998
I'm here to reclaim my position
884
00:39:47,023 --> 00:39:49,362
as Lord Executioner
on Her Majesty's court.
885
00:39:49,908 --> 00:39:53,508
Now I can travel the circuit
in a tour bus with a hot tub.
886
00:39:53,807 --> 00:39:57,315
And one more thing.
Brett... small balls, right?
887
00:39:57,643 --> 00:40:00,252
Like, the shaft was good,
but the balls...
888
00:40:00,846 --> 00:40:02,338
like frozen peas.
889
00:40:02,846 --> 00:40:07,882
890
00:40:13,885 --> 00:40:15,955
[WATER RUNNING]
891
00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:19,549
892
00:40:35,575 --> 00:40:37,839
Little more on the left, no? Is it even?
893
00:40:40,597 --> 00:40:42,690
Seems a little chilly.
894
00:40:43,176 --> 00:40:44,176
Rad.
895
00:40:44,847 --> 00:40:46,565
Like, rad.
896
00:40:49,384 --> 00:40:50,831
Huzzah.
897
00:40:52,454 --> 00:40:55,854
63441
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