Original subtitles

[ Gulls crying ]

Beach!

Beach!

[ Crash ]

Beach!

[ Both gasp ]

[ Sizzle ] Beach!

Beach!

[ Splashing ]

Beach?

Beach.

[ "Get Lite" by The Beatards playing ]

Oh We get lifted

We get light

Hey We get weightless

Oh We satellites

We get lifted

Oh We get light

Hey We get weightless

Oh We satellites

Hey

Sunday to Saturday

We fightin' gravity

And if you stuck on the ground

Stop gettin' mad at me

Sunday to Saturday [ Both giggle ]

We fightin' gravity

And if you stuck on the ground

Stop gettin' mad at me

Get lifted [ Laughing ] Aah! Ha!

Get light Ha! Ha!

Throw your hands up in the sky

But we can still get lifted

Get light

[ Gulls crying ]

Hm, I wish these weren't so salty.

Steve! Steve-Steve!

Steeeve!

You. Me. Water-rocket boots.

Everyone else -- eyes like these.

[ Ting! ]

You know I don't go in the ocean.

I've got a shark phobia.

You're afraid of sharks? That ridiculous.

Just look at you. You're too afraid to be in the sun.

You're too afraid to go in the water.

Oh, let me guess, you're too afraid to eat sand?

Not really afraid...

Fear is a mental prison.

Behold, the power of the mind!

Jesus, Dad!

[ Weakly ] And this...is what...

a free man looks like.

[ Bucket thuds ]

[ Thud ] [ Groans ]

Wow, you're not afraid of anything.

Are you afraid of little kisses?

Mwah!

How about a little kiss on your chin?

Mwah!

How 'bout your belly?

Mwah!

And what's this? Oh, hello!

Mwah!

Good morning, U.S.A.

I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky has a smile on his face

And he's shinin' a salute to the American race

Oh, boy, it's swell to say

Good -- Good morning, U.S.A.

Aah!

Good morning, U.S.A.

Sorry about that whole

"going down on you at the beach" misunderstanding.

Here's a free Bloody Mary.

But with SpaghettiO sauce and a Twizzler instead of celery.

Alcoholic drinks for kids are an untapped market.

No one ever thinks of the children.

I can't stop thinking about a child.

My child.

The Steve-child.

Cool. So I guess we're done with what I was talking about?

Steve's shark phobia is just the start.

If he continues to be a slave to his fears,

he's gonna miss out on life.

Hey! Maybe Dr. Penguin could help him work through it.

Oh, Stan. Dr. Penguin died.

Did you not get invited to the funeral?

It was a tiny, little thing...

at the Spearmint Rhino.

Super intimate. Are you finished?

There wasn't a dry thigh in the --

Roger! What do I do about Steve?

Well, as my mentor, Dr. Penguin --

RIP, one love, gone but not forgotten --

used to say, "When you're forced to confront a fear,

that fear loses its power."

Yeah! That sounds like a thing!

It sure is.

And I happen to have another persona

that could help with Steve's problem.

Just get him in the ocean, and I'll do the rest. Great.

Wow, so Penguin died, huh? What happened?

It came out of nowhere.

He saw a movie he liked at Sundance,

just walked off into the forest.

Danuta, I can't wait

to hear all about your semester in Chile.

Girl, I bet you learned to fry up

a badass bloomin' onion.

Not Chili's, Mom. Chile.

It's a country.

Ah, you girls keep me young. [ Door opens ]

So, my Saturn's officially a piece of shit.

I had to take it to the shop again,

so I'll be catching the bus for the next week.

The one positive is that riding with all those low-lifes

is a real confidence booster.

I feel like freakin' JFK on there.

Guess that makes the homeless guy whacking off in the aisle

my Jackie O.

What's his deal?

He's...kinda hot.

Klaus? [ Retches ]

Yeah, he seems funny.

I mean, if he's even available.

Uh, he goes to the DMV "just to chill."

I think he's available.

Hook it up, then.

Enough about Klaus.

Our girl's back in town.

So, what else have you been up to, Danuta?

Start at birth

since this is the first time we've ever met.

How ya likin' old Francine so far?

Ahh.

[ Bang, clatter ]

[ Wood creaking ]

[ Thud ]

[ Clang ]

Oh, my God!

Ahoy there! [ Sizzle ]

Can I dog ya, my man?

Where am I?!

Uh, the ocean?

A percentage of the world is covered in it.

Just ribbin' ya, son.

I know you're confused

because of my unnecessary trick.

Did you feel like a giant in there?

The whole room was 7/8th scale.

That was the second part of my trick.

Here's the third part. Aaaaaah!

[ Splash ]

Aaaaaah!

Don't trick me back, Steve.

I can dish it out, but I cannot take it.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Aaaah!

Shark-shark-shark-shark-shark- shark-shark-shark-shark!

[ Screaming ] Come on, ya little wuss.

Hit me so I can get out of here.

[ Whimpering ]

[ Smack ] [ Yelps ]

[ Yelping ]

Oh, my God, Steve! [ Panting ]

You were just face-to-face with a shark.

I -- I was terrified.

But I was splashing around

and -- and bopped him on the nose,

and I think I scared him.

I'd say he was probably more afraid than you were.

I kicked his ass.

I just kicked that shark's ass!

I made that shark my bitch!

Looks like tuna isn't the only chicken of the sea.

See? Nothing to worry about. You're right.

'Cause I dominated a friggin' shark.

Up top!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Bone crunches ]

Aaaaaaaaah!

[ Both scream ]

[ Blood trickles ]

[ Splat ]

Thank God, the bleeding stopped.

I think I'm out of bloo...

You're gonna be okay, son. Stay with me.

There. There's my angel's smile.

Holy hell, Roger. How could you bite Steve's arm off?

Now he's gonna be afraid of his own shadow.

What you're forgetting is the very important lesson

I did teach him --

don't talk shit about sharks.

Just give me back his arm so the doctor can reattach it.

[ Gagging ]

[ Splat ]

Should be good as new --

My stomach runs about 10° Fahrenheit.

It comes in very handy.

Did you know I'm the number-three

Carvel franchise in the state of Virginia?

Want me to puke you up a sundae

in one of those cute little baseball helmets?

Who's your team, Stan?

Hope you're a Marlins fans!

[ Gagging ]

Steve?

I brought you a little something

to say sorry about what happened.

I'm not sorry it happened.

Wha-- What?

I came face-to-face with my greatest fear,

and I made it out the other side.

You were right.

I've wasted my whole life living in fear.

Well, I'm finally free.

No more closing my eyes in the cereal aisle

for fear of seeing Boo Berry.

And I'm gonna wear this stump as a badge of honor --

a reminder to not be afraid of anything.

No even the dread pirate, Captain Crunch.

Wow. Really?

I thought you'd be...

Now, what'd you bring me?

Uh...

Hey! I brought you this Dikembe Mutombo jersey.

Can I help ya, buddy?

I'm just trying to talk to my deformed son,

and you're just standing there,

binge-watching the whole conversation.

Put the jersey on, Steve.

That jersey looks real good on ya, Steve.

Buying that jersey for you

was one of the great joys of my life.

Roger: Your ice cream.

I'm so jacked up to go rocket bootin'!

I don't think I want to do this...

[ Sighs ]

I knew losing your arm wouldn't change you.

...because I'd rather do that.

Aah!

Aww!

Aah! This is amazing!

I'm lovin' the new Steve.

Stump-bump it!

Maybe after it heals.

[ Audience booing on television ]

You know, after hearing both sides,

I'm kind of with these deadbeat dads.

Hey, Klaus, you remember my friend Danuta, right?

Of course.

Bangin' bod. Super long fingers.

Total smoke show.

Well, the other day, she said you were "kinda hot."

You wouldn't be interested, would you?

Yeah, baby! It's on!

Nothing like a sure thing.

She's fine as hell, and I'm...

gonna blow it.

I can't bag a dime like Danuta.

Agh! She's too hot!

Agh!

Wait, are you messing with me?

I will kill you!

Relax! I'm not messing with you.

Call her. Right now. Prove it.

I don't really think that's necessary.

[ Growling ] Do it.

Okay, okay!

[ Cellphone beeps, ringing ]

Danuta: 'Sup, whore?

What up, 'Nutes?

So, um...

who was I supposed to set you up with again?

Klaus. He's kinda hot.

[ Moans ]

What's that noise?

Uh, Wendy Williams is benching 300 pounds on her show!

Oh, my God, she's really doing it!

Bye! [ Cellphone beeps ]

There you go. Believe it now?

Ohhh, that broad was built to bang!

You really shouldn't let her call you a whore.

I-I know it's a joke, but it's just kind of bad

for women in general, you know?

Oh, and tell Danuta to get fully waxed.

But not the butthole.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

Damn. We high up.

Didn't even notice.

You know, I think all my fear was in that arm.

You guys should really consider cutting yours off.

Hey, how cool is the view?

Think that's cool? Check this out.

Lifted it from my old man.

So badass!

Okay, Steve, stop messing around.

We're just having a good time. Quit it.

Seriously, man, that's not funny. What -- What are you afraid of?

A little pop gun? Cut it out, Steve!

Stop playing around, man! Pop! Pop! Pop! [ Laughs ]

Hey, Stan, just checking in.

You still think Steve's doing great? Yep.

Really? You don't -- You don't think he's

acting a bit...

reckless? No.

Just the other day, he made Toshi give him

a lower-back tattoo with a rusty paperclip.

It's a Ninja Turtle.

Yeah, Raphael.

He's the rude dude of the group.

Steve is clearly out of control.

Well, it's better than being afraid of the world.

He put his whole mouth around the water-fountain spout

at the little-league park! I saw it!

The boy's just getting it all out of his system.

He'll be fine.

[ Steve laughing maniacally ]

Argh! [ Laughing muffledly ]

[ Snake hisses ]

Classic horseplay.

[ Can hisses ]

[ Door opens, closes ] [ Sniffs ]

Francine, have you seen Steve?

Buscemi? Everywhere.

But that might be the Lemon Pledge talking.

We're looking for Steve,

the child you occasionally mother

in your more lucid moments.

Oh, he said he was going to the comic-book store

to do battle or something.

See, Roger? He's back to playing his Pokémon cards.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

He left his Bulbasaur!

He might as well be going to battle

with an army of Jigglypuffs.

Relax, I'm sure Steve has a Hoobastank

or a couple of Chumbawambas up his sleeve.

This is pretty reckless behavior if you ask me.

Fine. We'll bring him his stupid card.

Now, where was I? [ Door opens, closes ]

So, what was it like working with Tarantino?

[ Imitating Steve Buscemi ] I don't know.

What's it like being so beautiful?

[ Giggles ]

Yo, neckbeard. You seen a kid?

We're looking for Steve Smith.

Oh, thank God you're here for him.

[ Steve laughing ]

That's been non-stop.

Oh, that? The boy's a bit of a gigglepuss.

A true chuckle-nut. Guffaw-hound, really.

Probably just tickle...

fighting?

[ Laughing maniacally ]

I feel so alive!

[ Spits ]

[ Tooth clacks ]

Oh, hey, Dad.

Lose the shirt and hop in the ring.

Snot's been dying to fight you for years.

Oh, Snot will get his. But he will not see it coming.

I'm worried about you, son.

Why? I'm on top of the world.

Roger, could you give me a...hand?

[ Gagging ]

[ Splat ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Splat ]

[ Gulps ]

What the hell is going on inside you?

Is that...my arm?

Steve, Roger and I staged the entire attack.

I was the shark!

So...I never confronted anything?

All my confidence is based on a lie?

Oh, my God, is this my blood?!

Aaaah-ha-ha-ha!

We got our Steve back.

I haven't changed at all.

Chin up, buddy.

[ Laughs ] There, there.

More! More! More!

Ay, paisan, you angry?

Then why don't you tell me to fon-jewel!

[ Both laugh ]

You want in on this?

Uh -- Oh!

Look what I caught Steve doin'!

[ Both laugh ]

Come on, Klaus, just call Danuta.

Um, calling a girl is so desperate.

Can't I just draw a penis on a brick

and throw it through her family's living-room window?

Are you nervous?

No, I'm not nervous.

[ Telephone beeps ] This phone's nervous.

[ Beeping continues ]

[ Cellphone vibrates, beeps ] Hello?

[ Deadpan ] Danuta.

Who is this?

Danuta.

Who's calling?

It is me.

What?

Will you go there?

Go where? What?

Do you eat?

What the hell is this?!

I've got the money...

Danuta.

[ Bang ]

Klaus, that was...chilling.

I blacked out.

Hey, let's just take the pressure off.

M-Make it a group date.

Do you have any friends you could invite?

[ Scoffing ] Do I have any friends?

Someone's obviously forgotten about my boy Jurgen.

How could I forget about a guy

I caught stealing used Q-tips out of my trash can?

Exactly! He's unforgettable.

Knock, knock.

Any two-armed boys in here?

Would you settle for a two-armed man

who was hospitalized for eating

an entire American Girl doll?

Where'd my son go?

He said something about living a lie

and needing to conquer his fear by killing a shark.

Your bloodthirsty quest reminds me

of my childhood in Bon Temps, Louisiana.

Yes, I am from the town in "True Blood,"

but at the time, I was unawares

of any goings on of any vampire shenanigans.

Oh, that town was overrun with vampires!

And many of the dogs I would see

I would later realize were werewolves.

Hurry, Roger! We gotta stop Steve

before he throws down with a shark.

Easy, Stan. I'm takin' ya straight to great-white country.

Just need to make a little detour.

There's a sunken wheelchair around here.

My theory? I think it fell off a boat.

Roger, my son's gonna die, and it's all my fault.

Unless...some guy wheeled it across the ocean floor?

Is that your theory, Stan?

Yes, yes, talk me through it.

I think I could be convinced.

Say something to her.

[ Clears throat ] Danuta, um...

what's, like, the grossest disease you've ever gotten?

Um...I don't know. Gingivitis?

[ Chuckles ] Oh-ho-ho. That's it?

Play your cards right,

and later I'll give you something much worse.

You're funny.

Jurgen, put me down.

Let me win shorty over here a stuffed Munion.

Someone call a doctor, 'cause my jump shot is sick!

[ Basketball bounces ]

[ Chuckles awkwardly ]

Just clearing out the cobwebs.

Tell 'em, Jurgen.

Yep.

Swish!

[ Smack ] [ Cries ]

Klaus, maybe we should move on.

I'm winning her a prize!

[ Smack ]

[ Smack ]

[ Smack ] [ Gags ]

Why don't we go on a ride?

Besides, there's someone

I'd rather cuddle with than a stuffed animal.

How can I concentrate with you jabbering in my ear?!

You keep begging me and begging me for this [bleep] Munion,

then flap your lips every time I take a shot!

I'm...sorry?

Take a lap, Danuta.

All of you! Just let me work.

[ Smack ] [ Cat yowls ]

Where are these damn sharks?

While we're waitin', can I interest you

in corn hole, some beer pong?

[ Clatter ]

No! I'm -- I'm trying to stare down death.

Why do you have all this stuff?

'Cause this here's a party boat.

I wish I could pay the bills

taking one-armed boys shark-killing

to prove how brave they are,

but, sadly, that's just not the world we're living in.

Now, are we going to buttchug some Southern Comfort or --

Shark!

This is it. Time to conquer my fears.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Yaaah!

Yes! I did it!

Oh.

Well, butter my biscuit.

You killed a cute, little baby.

Wahh! Wahh! Change my diaper!

Don't murder me!

And I'm guessin' that's his ma and pa.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Whimpers ] Did you know that sharks can have

up to 50 rows of teeth?

I'm great with trivia like that.

Ask me Lady Gaga's real name.

Stefani Germanotta.

$260, $280, $300.

Now give me the damn prize!

Finally, the Munion-shaped key to Danuta's heart.

Now, where is she?

[ Moaning ]

Jurgen... Yep.

[ Moaning ]

Danuta!

I'm sorry, Klaus.

It's my fault.

For bringing that wolf Jurgen into the hen house.

Players are gonna play,

and I, of all people, should know that.

Don't worry.

There's somebody out there for everyone.

You'll find yours some day.

What are you doing?!

I-I thought you were putting out the vibe.

Are you kidding me?

No!

[ Splash ]

[ Laughter, playful screaming in distance ]

I give up.

[ Whir, explosion ]

[ Screaming ]

Whoa! That was crazy!

Why isn't anyone reacting to this?

Because it doesn't concern me.

I'm not in the Gravitron.

I'm eating caramel corn, having the time of my life.

This is a carnival, after all.

Try smiling, asshole!

[Bleep] you!

Aah!

[ Splash ] Ferryman!

You save Steve.

I'll lead the sharks away.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Betcha can't catch --

Aah!

Steve, we have to get out of here.

No. I have to face those sharks and prove I'm not afraid.

No, you don't.

It's okay to be afraid.

Fear is what keeps us alive.

But you're not afraid of anything.

Yes, I am.

I'm afraid of losing you.

That and people finding out

I can't pronounce the word "dorktor's oyfoice."

Are you trying to say "doctor's office"?

God, it's so easy for you!

Roger: Little help?

Anyone got an Oral-B floss pick?

[ Laughs ] Ow!

We have to save Roger!

No, Steve, listen to your fears.

We have to save ourselves first.

When Roger washes up on shore,

we can take him to the emerghmancy rom.

Okay. But how do we get out of...

Wait! This is a party boat.

Maybe they have -- [ Gasps ]

[ Ting! ]

Dang.

We get lifted

Look at us, Dad!

We're finally doing it!

I'm the one friggin' doing it.

We get lifted

Oh We get light

Why y'all heading further out to sea?

Bye! Have a great time!