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1
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:05,875
2
00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:09,574
- "Abby's" is filmed in front
of a live outdoor audience.
3
00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:12,273
- Guys! You are never gonna
believe this.
4
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,231
- Okay, but before we dive in,
are we really
5
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,841
never gonna believe
this or did you, like,
6
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:18,148
meet the guy who invented
cell phone antennas?
7
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,846
- Martin Cooper?
Psh. I wish.
8
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,805
You know he does live
in the Del Mar area,
9
00:00:22,848 --> 00:00:25,634
and I have loitered outside
his house a couple of times.
10
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,854
Once I saw the top of his head,
which, if you think about it,
11
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:31,422
is the antenna of his body.
12
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:34,034
- See, this is exactly
what we were afraid of.
13
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:36,166
- All right, look, I know I've
had some duds in the past,
14
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:39,082
but I'm telling you
this story is the one.
15
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,258
I just need your faith
for a few minutes.
16
00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:43,695
Take my hand and join me
on this journey.
17
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,610
I promise you
you will not regret it.
18
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,003
- Guys, guys!
19
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,961
There's a police chase
happening down the street.
20
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:51,703
- Gah! My journey.
21
00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:53,444
- They were chasing this guy
up Fern Street
22
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,185
and then he got out of his car
and started running.
23
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,534
- I can't believe that.
- That's what I--
24
00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,319
- I opened with that.
C'mon.
25
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,060
You've got to give me co-credit
for this story.
26
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,888
It counts, right, just chalk
a half one up for Bill.
27
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:05,065
- Bill, you're being
so thirsty.
28
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:08,720
Did I use it right?
- You did.
29
00:01:08,764 --> 00:01:10,940
So did they get him?
- Hey, ba-ba-ba-ba.
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00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,637
Let me do this part.
31
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,945
Damn it, I don't know.
32
00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:19,079
- No, they didn't get him.
He disappeared into the canyon.
33
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,819
- What can--that canyon?
34
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:24,345
The canyon I can see clearly if
I stand up on my tippy toes?
35
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,912
Now I'm terrified.
Thanks a lot, Rosie.
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00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,871
- [clears throat]
- And Bill.
37
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,916
- Yeah! That's my story.
38
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,789
[upbeat music]
39
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:38,272
40
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:41,101
[cheering, laughter]
41
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,667
- Forgot to buy
dishwashing detergent.
42
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,365
We're almost out
of clean glasses.
43
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,410
- Don't worry about it.
These people are animals.
44
00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:49,848
When Sophia wants water,
she drinks from the hose.
45
00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,720
- I just don't want to lose
any customers tonight.
46
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,722
I heard Nemo's is having
a 2-for-1 drink special.
47
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,463
[all groan]
- Wait, Nemo's?
48
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,029
Is that that dive bar
down the street?
49
00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:58,248
I've been in there.
Everybody's like
50
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,511
a million years old.
That being said,
51
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,819
a very fun vibe,
a lot of character in there.
52
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:07,388
I talked to a Hell's Angel
with an oxygen tank, nice guy.
53
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:09,390
- I used to drink at Nemo's
a couple of times a month
54
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,261
before Abby's opened.
I was the youngest one
55
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,263
in there by 15 years.
56
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:15,135
They used to call me "Junior."
57
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,224
They'd say, "Look at Junior
with his original hips
58
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:20,140
and his non-orthopedic shoes."
I liked it.
59
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,706
- Abby took
all their young customers
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00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,578
and there's been bad blood
ever since.
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00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:26,624
One time Nemo gave me a dirty
look at the grocery store.
62
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:30,019
Not the Albertson's.
The Ralph's.
63
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,455
- Why does that matter?
64
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:34,850
- 'Cause Ralph's
where I go to feel safe.
65
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,547
- Abby, I saw we were running
low
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00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,375
so I bought some
dishwashing detergent.
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00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:39,855
- Yes! Rosie.
68
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:41,683
- I also took the garbage
out to the driveway
69
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,294
and I picked all the bagel
chips out of Fred's bar mix.
70
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,817
- Bagels are for breakfast.
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00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,906
That's all I have to say
about that.
72
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,082
- Man, you have been
crushing it lately.
73
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,084
Thank you.
I owe you one.
74
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,564
- Really?
Because there's something
75
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:55,218
I've been working up
the courage to ask you.
76
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,307
No big deal, just been psyching
myself up in the mirror
77
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,483
every morning and in other
reflective surfaces.
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00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:01,964
Gave myself a pretty long pep
talk in some toilet water--
79
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,183
- Rosie.
80
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:06,186
Just ask me.
- Okay.
81
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,623
You know how I want to be a
musician and I'm in a new band
82
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,494
and if you really want to do me
a solid can my band play
83
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:11,626
at the bar tonight?
Never mind.
84
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:13,018
Uh-oh. You're looking at me.
85
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:15,760
This is stupid.
- No, no, Rosie.
86
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,546
Yes, sure, why not?
Yeah.
87
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:22,680
- Yes! I knew talking to myself
in that toilet would work.
88
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:27,729
89
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,864
- Guys, guys.
90
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:35,389
Could that be the suspect
from the police chase?
91
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:37,391
He matches the description.
- Oh, yeah.
92
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,393
Medium height white guy
with brown hair.
93
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,830
What are the odds?
94
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:44,093
- James, you're letting
your imagination run wild.
95
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,616
Like the time you made me come
over your house
96
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,314
with baseball bat
'cause you were afraid of
97
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,707
what turned out to be
a stop sign.
98
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,187
- I thought it was
a very skinny man
99
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,276
with a very big head.
100
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,714
[instruments playing
disjointedly]
101
00:03:57,628 --> 00:04:01,023
- Oh, God. This is awful.
- They're just warming up.
102
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,373
This is what all musicians
sound like when they warm up.
103
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:07,464
- Fine, I'll try to have
a positive attitude.
104
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:11,294
Eh, didn't take.
Going back to the other thing.
105
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,556
- Hey, you guys look great
up there.
106
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,862
I can't wait to hear a song.
107
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:15,342
- What do you mean?
That was a song.
108
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,474
It was two, actually.
"Free Brick #12"
109
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:20,390
and
"Bohemian Rhapso-die-die-die."
110
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:23,698
- Oh. What genre of music would
you say that is?
111
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,744
- Uh, I'd say it's like
Post Noise Art Rock.
112
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:29,747
We call it
"Aggressive Confusion."
113
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,706
- Huh. Apt.
114
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,751
Can't wait to hear some
of your other stuff, you know?
115
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,058
Maybe some more
of your more music-y music?
116
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:39,844
Like, maybe "Free Bricks"
numbers 1 through 11?
117
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,585
- You want to hear
the old stuff?
118
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:42,804
I mean,
it's way more aggressive
119
00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:45,328
and way more confusing,
but sure.
120
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,722
121
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:49,941
.
122
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,726
[upbeat music]
123
00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:53,510
- Abs, you gotta tell
Rosie she's bad,
124
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,121
or when the bar fills up later,
she's gonna embarrass herself.
125
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,906
It'll be like when Fred
thought he could pull off
126
00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,343
wearing a turtle neck.
127
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:03,520
- And I still think I--
- And you're still wrong.
128
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,957
- I can't tell Rosie she's bad.
She'll be crushed.
129
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,219
- Abby, I'm confused.
130
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:08,917
Usually you love
being brutally honest.
131
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,093
Just yesterday you told me
my arms are too long
132
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,922
for my body, and now
that idea is in me forever.
133
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,489
- Well, I mean it's true.
You look like
134
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,752
one of those inflatable mascots
at a car dealership.
135
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:20,015
- [laughing] Oh, yeah!
136
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,843
Put your arms up to the side
and wiggle them.
137
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:24,236
- Okay, I do not look like--
- See?
138
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,283
[laughter]
139
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
The point is...
140
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,374
Why can't you just be honest
with Rosie?
141
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,290
- Because it's Rosie, you know?
We have a bond.
142
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,901
She looks up to me.
She's--she's my Zellweger.
143
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,512
- Ah, well put.
- It's true.
144
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:41,123
She is your Zellweger.
- You guys know perfectly well
145
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,995
that I have no idea
what you're talking about.
146
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:46,258
In fact, I think you all
are a bunch of sickos
147
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:48,304
who get off on having
an outsider around who has to
148
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,088
ask you what you're
talking about all the time.
149
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:52,308
- Oh, Bill, relax.
- Yeah, man.
150
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,311
Try not to get your arms
all tied up in a knot.
151
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,400
[laughter]
152
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,534
- Rosie is my Renée Zellweger
like in "Jerry Maguire."
153
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:03,014
When I left my old job,
I made this big speech,
154
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,189
and I said,
"Who's coming with me?"
155
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,713
And she was the only one
who did.
156
00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:07,758
She looked out for me then,
and I wanna look out
157
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,630
for her now, no matter what.
158
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,327
- That is so special.
159
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,417
- Oh, whatever.
I'm nice sometimes. Shut up.
160
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,201
- We all love Rosie,
but I don't know
161
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:19,161
if I can believably fake
enthusiasm for this music.
162
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,815
- Eh, it's not that bad.
163
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,947
Honestly, faking enthusiasm
for your kids
164
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:25,863
is like 90% of parenting.
165
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,996
When they're in a pool,
every ten seconds
166
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,651
they'll be like,
"Mommy, mommy, watch this."
167
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,000
And then you watch
what they do,
168
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,828
and it's just garbage,
you know?
169
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:36,047
Big bag of nothing.
170
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,701
Then you say,
"Yay, great swimming,"
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00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:41,575
or whatever, and they're not
smart, so they believe you.
172
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,533
- Beth's right.
We just have to bob our heads
173
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:46,275
to the music and think of
something that brings us joy.
174
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,885
- Then I'll think
about the time that I served
175
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:52,542
as the grand marshal of the
St. Patrick's Day parade.
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00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,979
Not officially.
177
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,504
And not legally.
178
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,549
And not for very long.
179
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:03,858
180
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,250
- Our potential fugitive,
181
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:07,339
sipping a beer
and keeping to himself.
182
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,819
Exactly the type of behavior
183
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,952
you'd expect
from someone hiding out.
184
00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:14,172
- Yeah, or someone in a bar.
185
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,262
So the plot thin-ens.
186
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,048
What's all that?
- Well,
187
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,876
I just figured
since the police are combing
188
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:23,051
the neighborhood looking
for that suspect
189
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,618
we should probably prepare
190
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,447
in case they stumble upon
our super illegal bar here.
191
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:31,102
So, if the cops do come,
we're not an illegal bar.
192
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:34,541
We are having
a backyard wedding, huh?
193
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:37,239
- As much as I would like
to give you a hard time
194
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:41,417
that is a very good idea.
Well done.
195
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,811
See, the bad thing is
that his thing being good
196
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:47,336
makes your thing seem
even dumber.
197
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817
- I'm telling you.
He could be the suspect.
198
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,601
Look at his eyes.
They're furtive.
199
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:54,865
Look at him just furtin'
left and right.
200
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,737
- He's just a regular guy.
201
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,173
- As head of Bar Security,
202
00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:01,481
it's my duty to investigate
a potential threat.
203
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,573
Now come with me and do most
of the talking.
204
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,754
- Ah, hey, buddy.
Mind if we sit down?
205
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,277
- Hey.
- My name's Fred.
206
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,149
This is--
- Ramón.
207
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,368
- Hi, I'm Clark.
208
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,674
- What brings you in here
tonight?
209
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:22,284
- Oh, a friend of mine told me
about the bar.
210
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,851
I figure I'd have to
stop in for a drink.
211
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:26,418
- Oh, I know most everybody
that comes in here.
212
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,595
What's your friend's name?
- Uh, Mike.
213
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:31,032
- Mike.
Tall Mike or medium Mike?
214
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,382
Maybe average Mike?
- I'm sorry.
215
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:37,386
Medium Mike and average Mike
are different Mikes?
216
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,954
- No, they're not.
Well played.
217
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:43,348
Earlier I noticed you were
a little out of breath.
218
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,568
Is that from running
from someone or something?
219
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:48,310
- Oh, actually I have
a condition called COPD.
220
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,094
It's chronic--
both: Obstructive
221
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,053
pulmonary disease.
- Are you kidding?
222
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,837
I have COPD too.
- Wow.
223
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,622
- Do you use the blue inhaler
or the yellow one?
224
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,275
- I use the yellow one
because the blue one
225
00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:58,929
both: Makes my mouth dry.
226
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,627
- Exactly!
- Get out of here!
227
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,846
Hey, I'm gonna get a beer.
Anybody want anything?
228
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,456
- Yes, please.
- No, thank you.
229
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:08,417
We don't accept drinks
from strangers.
230
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,245
- Okay.
231
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,942
- James, I love you,
but never come
232
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:15,511
between me
and a free drink again.
233
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,121
- Okay, everybody, we have got
234
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,036
a special treat
for you tonight.
235
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,692
A little music from
our very own Rosie Khansari
236
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:26,000
and this guy!
237
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,524
His name is Brandon.
- Hi!
238
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,005
- Sorry. Brandon!
239
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,573
We hope you enjoy the show.
240
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,966
We demand it.
241
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,969
Anyway, please give it up for--
what's your band's name?
242
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:42,625
Dynamic Intrusion.
243
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:46,455
Give it up for Rosie
and Brandon.
244
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,109
[applause]
245
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:51,025
- I know someone named Donna.
246
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,244
I know someone named Donna.
247
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:56,204
Her name is Donna Jankewitz.
248
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,858
[disjointed chords]
249
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,686
- Hey, man, enjoying the music?
250
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:03,167
- Not really. It makes me feel
confused and aggressive.
251
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,648
- That means it's working.
Just clap, dude.
252
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,737
- She's my aunt.
253
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,565
[applause]
254
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:10,784
- Whoo!
255
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:14,483
256
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:17,225
- I was pretty nervous, but I
think around the fourth song
257
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:18,705
we really hit a groove.
- Oh, yeah.
258
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:22,317
- You sounded really good.
- Yay, great swimming.
259
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,014
- Seriously,
this was so much fun.
260
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,060
Thanks, Abby.
- Oh, of course.
261
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,539
- And, uh,
since it went so well,
262
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,673
who says it has
to end tonight?
263
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,370
- Good question. Abby?
264
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:36,853
Does anyone want to say it
has to end tonight?
265
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,681
- It's just that my parents
have been really down on me
266
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,683
since I quit med school
to become a musician
267
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,077
and two years in I haven't
had a steady gig.
268
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,514
What better way to show my
parents that I can do this
269
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:48,778
then to perform in front of
this amazing crowd every week?
270
00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:51,825
- Wow. Every week.
271
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,653
All the weeks.
272
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,699
So if it's a week,
we're doing this.
273
00:10:56,743 --> 00:11:00,747
Am I saying the right number
of weeks?
274
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,880
- Huh, yeah, what better way
to show your parents
275
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:06,753
you can do this then to perform
here every week. Huh.
276
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,799
Let's just--just think about
that for a second, everyone.
277
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:12,715
Let's just think if there's
a better way, you know?
278
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,849
Let's think about it
with our brains.
279
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,112
- [clears throat]
- Hm.
280
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,548
Well, can't think of anything,
281
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,376
so I guess you have yourself
a gig at Abby's.
282
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,465
- Yes! This is amazing!
283
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:26,076
Brandon's gonna be so excited.
He might eat food.
284
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,688
285
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:31,125
.
286
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:33,518
[upbeat music]
287
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,216
- Okay, it's time
to get serious.
288
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,044
Maybe we can get away
with lying to Rosie once,
289
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,567
but every week?
290
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,830
- There's 50 people here
most nights.
291
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,397
One of them is gonna slip up,
292
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,617
either because they forget
or because they're James.
293
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,969
- She's right.
There's a high possibility
294
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,798
I'm gonna blow this.
295
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,451
You gonna have to tell
Rosie the truth.
296
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,758
- I can't. I don't want to
break Rosie's heart.
297
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,673
You know, she's young,
and she has a dream.
298
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,762
Don't you remember what it's
like to have a dream?
299
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,069
I mean, I wanted to train
killer whales at SeaWorld
300
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,767
but then you know Blackfish.
- Yeah.
301
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,335
- I wanted to design apps.
- Hey, really?
302
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:08,945
You know, James,
I'm a decent coder.
303
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,208
In fact, I've written several
of my own applications.
304
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,427
- Not those type of apps.
305
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,559
I mean like
buffalo chicken blasters
306
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:17,780
or baked potato blasters.
307
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:21,044
But they already discovered
all the good blasters.
308
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,524
- I always dreamed of
being a man
309
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:26,093
who could pull off
a turtle neck.
310
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,051
And you know what, I still co--
all: No.
311
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,705
- You can't.
312
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,054
- When I was practicing law,
313
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,490
I wanted to start a nonprofit
314
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:35,145
for people displaced
by natural disasters.
315
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,800
Then I was so tired on
Saturdays, it was just like,
316
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:41,064
"Eh, they'll be fine."
317
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,805
- I wanted to just
be married once.
318
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:46,113
- Oh.
- For crying out loud.
319
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:48,289
- Guys, look at Rosie
right now.
320
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,812
She's telling her parents
that her dreams
321
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:50,944
are about to come true.
322
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,946
I can't take that
away from her.
323
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,425
So what do we do?
324
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:57,167
- Why don't we get her a gig
at Nemo's?
325
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,560
- Huh.
- Think about it.
326
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,344
It's a bigger venue.
They have a stage.
327
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,042
And actual sound equipment.
328
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,218
Yeah, the audience is old,
but they're the kind of old
329
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:06,829
where if they don't like it,
it's a compliment.
330
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,788
It's weirdly perfect.
331
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,529
- Yes, and also real bands
used to play there.
332
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,662
Back in the day for five bucks
you could get a beer
333
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,360
and an STD
from someone really famous.
334
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,276
- It's not a bad idea.
335
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,365
- But why would Nemo help us?
336
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:24,673
Did y'all not hear
my Ralph story earlier?
337
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:26,588
I got a look, Abby.
338
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,764
A dirty look.
339
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,505
- I'm just gonna have
to make a deal.
340
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:31,985
It'll be the hardest thing
I've ever done,
341
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,030
but, Beth, set it up.
342
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,727
- Wait a second.
Making a deal with Nemo
343
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,686
is gonna be the hardest thing
you've ever done?
344
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,644
- No, man, I was a marine,
but if I start talking
345
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,516
about how I blew up a bridge
with a hand grenade
346
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:42,865
then everyone
would get turned on
347
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,998
and we don't have time
for that.
348
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:48,044
349
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,437
[both laughing]
350
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,005
- Listen to this.
They walk over to the door.
351
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,571
They turn around
and look back at me.
352
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,965
And I knew that
I would never see
353
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:58,838
Chuck Norris or Fran Drescher
ever again.
354
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,277
- That is an amazing story.
355
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,192
- It sure is, Clark.
It--
356
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,541
Looks like you about done
with that beer.
357
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:07,890
Mind if I take that empty
off you?
358
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,718
- Oh, sure.
Thanks, man.
359
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,855
Oh, we're very serious
about our dirty dishes
360
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,030
here at Abby's.
361
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,509
- Ramón.
362
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,642
I think it might be time
to relax a little.
363
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,209
- You got some mud
on your shoes.
364
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:23,601
Wanna tell me
how that happened?
365
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:24,472
- Oh [clears throat]
366
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,082
I'd rather not talk about it.
367
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:27,910
- I wonder why. Hm.
368
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:31,000
Just tell us, Clark.
Just tell us the truth.
369
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,046
Why is there mud on your shoes?
370
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,178
- [exhales sharply] Okay.
371
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:37,572
[sniffles] I buried
my dog today.
372
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,357
- Oh.
- Yeah, his name was Romper.
373
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,055
[sobbing] He was a good dog.
374
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,013
- Oh, wow.
- I'm gonna miss him.
375
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,928
[crying]
376
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:49,279
- It's okay, buddy.
- Here's a picture.
377
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:52,500
- Oh, boy.
- This is before he was dead.
378
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,808
- Yeah, he looks alive here.
379
00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,941
See, don't worry.
There's a place where
380
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:02,379
beloved pets go when they die
called the Rainbow Bridge.
381
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,207
And I'm sure Romper's up there
playing right now
382
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:07,297
with my old dog, Ramó--James.
383
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,126
Want to see a picture?
Here he is.
384
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,433
- I got a picture too.
- Okay.
385
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:16,350
- It's my old dog, Mr. Paw-dre.
386
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:20,267
I spelled it P-A-W...
and the D-R-E is the same.
387
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:21,964
- Makes sense.
- Look at him.
388
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,575
- Well, I think if the police
do come looking
389
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,969
for that fugitive, this wedding
is gonna be a pretty good alibi
390
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,058
that we're not running
an illegal outdoor bar here.
391
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:32,105
Only problem is I can't figure
out this seating chart.
392
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,629
- It's a fake wedding, buddy.
393
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,544
- Yeah, but, you know,
my ex-wife--she didn't really
394
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,764
give me a say in our wedding,
so I'm finally getting to plan
395
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:42,463
the wedding
that I've always wanted.
396
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,639
Hey, wanna guess
the surprise wedding favor?
397
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:48,121
It's baby succulents.
I just had to tell somebody.
398
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,384
- It's time, Abby.
399
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:51,776
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
400
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,430
While I still have
you guys here,
401
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:57,260
candles in mason jars,
chic or are we over that?
402
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,870
- Hm.
403
00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,441
- Fine.
404
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:10,143
405
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,145
- Abby.
- Nemo.
406
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:13,668
- Beth.
- Fringo.
407
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,365
- Damn it, you know my name
is Teddy!
408
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,150
- All right!
409
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:20,240
Abby, I got to get back soon.
Beth said you need a favor.
410
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,372
- Yeah, I need you
to offer someone
411
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,548
a weekly gig at your bar,
a paid gig.
412
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,289
- I'm not paying someon--
- No.
413
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,769
I would pay you
so you could pay them,
414
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:30,076
but as far as everybody knows,
the gig's legit.
415
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,294
[dog howls]
416
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,035
- I might be able to do that.
417
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:36,778
But you don't get something
for nothing, Ponytail.
418
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:40,260
Teddy, give her the list
of the stuff we want.
419
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,877
- "Switch to regular toothpicks
420
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,531
"instead of the little
plastic swords.
421
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:53,403
The swords are our thing."
422
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,710
Okay, whatever.
423
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:58,234
You want us to take
Skip's brother, Kip?
424
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,454
- He's a troublemaker.
He picks fights.
425
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,543
[car door opens]
- [grunts]
426
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:05,981
Hello. Nice to meet you.
427
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:10,072
- Oh, good God.
Is he Skip's older brother?
428
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,466
Somehow?
429
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,903
Yeah, okay, fine.
We'll take him.
430
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,731
What else is on here?
431
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,473
Take little Nemo.
Who's little Nemo?
432
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:22,084
He's a mean dog that sits
in our bar.
433
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,652
Eats pennies.
434
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,436
He's mean.
435
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,482
- Abs, are you sure
436
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,571
this is easier
than telling Rosie the truth?
437
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,921
I don't want a mean dog.
- Okay.
438
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,619
If we do all that, we take Kip,
we take the mean dog--
439
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:38,709
- Sword toothpicks?
- Yes, fine.
440
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:41,277
You'll let Rosie's band play?
441
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,410
- Abby?
442
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,934
- Rosie. How long have you been
listening to us?
443
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:48,154
- Long enough.
- Look, I can explain.
444
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,243
We have a really good reason
for wanting to swap you
445
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,809
and your band
for Nemo's mean dog.
446
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,769
- Oh, my God, that's like
a million times worse
447
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,467
than what I heard.
What the hell?
448
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:01,471
449
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:04,648
.
450
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,042
[slamming glasses]
451
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,132
- I knew this whole faking
enthusiasm thing
452
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,612
was a bad idea.
- Yeah.
453
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:15,268
Maybe it works on kids
but not on adults.
454
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,185
This is why I've never faked
my orgasms.
455
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,925
What, I'm gonna take off
my clothes
456
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,840
and put on a little play
for somebody?
457
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,016
Pfft, who has the time?
458
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,106
You come to my bed,
you're there to work.
459
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,933
Get it right or I'll make
a sandwich.
460
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,935
What do I care.
461
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:33,938
- Okay.
462
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,638
- Rosie, will you please
just talk to me?
463
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:39,683
- Well, you hate my music so
much, I'd thought I'd play it
464
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:42,338
safe and never make sounds
with my mouth ever again.
465
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,384
You were gonna trade me
for a mean dog?
466
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:47,082
To avoid hearing me sing you'd
rather be bitten by a mean dog.
467
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,823
- No, not bitten.
468
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:51,347
It was just gonna, like,
be here.
469
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,175
I didn't know what else to do.
470
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,829
- Oh, right,
you know what they say.
471
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:57,527
When in doubt, swap out
your friend for a mean dog.
472
00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,922
- No, Rosie, I didn't do all
of that to get rid of you.
473
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,403
I did it because I care
about you.
474
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,622
I didn't want to crush
your dreams.
475
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:09,713
I feel like you look up to me,
and I wanted to protect you.
476
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,454
You're my Zellweger.
477
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,195
- Abby, I look up to you
because you're honest
478
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:15,110
with people, including me.
479
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,546
I'm tough enough
to take criticism,
480
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,375
so just treat me
how you'd wanna be treated.
481
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,638
Honestly.
482
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,510
- Okay.
483
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,555
Rosie...
484
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,906
Your music is very bad.
485
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:31,648
- Okay, I respect your opinion.
486
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,737
Go on.
487
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:37,741
- I think it might be awhile
before I can enjoy music again.
488
00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:40,048
- Seems like we're veering away
from "honesty"
489
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,616
and into "brutal truth,"
but this is good.
490
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:45,358
Keep going.
- Look, how about this?
491
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:48,404
You can play here once a month
while you get better,
492
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,494
and if I don't like it,
I will boo.
493
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845
- Deal, and seriously you
don't have to like my music.
494
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:58,501
People of your generation don't
really get millennial stuff.
495
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,504
- What--Rosie,
we're the same generation.
496
00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:03,637
- Okay, yeah, sure.
People my age
497
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,118
definitely get your
"Jerry Maguire" references.
498
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,034
- But you just got it.
499
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:13,386
[upbeat music]
500
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:15,126
[laughter]
501
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:16,780
- I can't believe
we're gonna do this.
502
00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:19,435
- I mean I've always wanted a
reason to go deep sea fishing,
503
00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:22,786
and now I got two:
Bean Pole and Ramón.
504
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,135
- It's gonna be great.
505
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,572
We're gonna load
the boat with supplies,
506
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,617
we'll pump Ramón full
of Dramamine,
507
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:30,272
and then we head for my secret
spot off the coast of Mexico.
508
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,231
- You know, Clark,
I feel so dumb about it now.
509
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,928
When you first got here,
510
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:36,147
I was so scared to go talk
to you.
511
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,627
I'm scared of a lot of things,
512
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,803
but I don't want to live
my life like that anymore.
513
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,240
I really wanna--
- Oh, crap!
514
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:43,242
It's the cops!
- Suspect in sight.
515
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,635
Officers in pursuit.
516
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,768
["Bridal Chorus" plays]
517
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:50,684
- Stupid fence. Give me a sec.
[bell rings]
518
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:53,643
- Everyone, to our bride...
519
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:57,430
Beth and Randro,
520
00:20:57,473 --> 00:21:01,564
from all of us here in
this legal, normal backyard,
521
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,393
we wish that you find happiness
every single day.
522
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:07,004
Chin-chin, everyone.
- Sorry, folks.
523
00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:08,876
Congratulations.
- Thank you, Officer.
524
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:12,009
Feel free to grab a
baby succulent on your way out.
525
00:21:12,053 --> 00:21:16,100
526
00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:18,364
[upbeat music]
39642
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