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[MATCHBOX TWENTY'S "REAL WORLD"]
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♪♪
3
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Good morning, sunshine!
4
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Come and get your Java, sleepyhead!
5
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♪ I wonder what it's
like to be a rainmaker ♪
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Happy anniversary, squeezy bear.
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Oh, is this for me?
8
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"Whitlock teacher of the year".
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Oh, I love it so gol-darn much.
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And I can put my Java in it! [LAUGHS]
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Look inside.
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- [BELL DINGS]
- There's already Java in it!
13
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- [GIGGLES]
- Now, wait, snugglebuggle.
14
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I got you something too.
15
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[GASPS]
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- BOTH: Mommy got a vacuum!
- Kids!
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- BOTH: Mommy got a vacuum!
- Hey, Jack?
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Aren't you glad you gave up
that silly philosophy book
19
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so we could just settle down in Toledo?
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Best decision of my life.
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Yeah.
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- [BABY LAUGHS]
- Another kid! [LAUGHS]
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
24
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- Oh!
- Your best friend is here
25
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,488
to take you to work.
26
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Hey, hey, there he is!
27
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Oh, no!
28
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We both wore the ties
we bought together.
29
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- Again.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
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♪♪
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[MUSIC INCREASING IN VOLUME]
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[ALL LAUGHING MANICALLY]
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[SCREAMING]
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[ALL SCREAMING]
35
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Ah! Ah! Ah!
36
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Oh! Oh, God!
37
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[SIGHS]
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- Oof.
- One, two, three, four!
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♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
40
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
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♪ A.P. Bio 2x13 ♪
Kinda Sorta
42
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
43
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Oh, God, it was... it was awful.
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I had... I had so
many fat Toledo babies,
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and I was teacher of the year.
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Yuck, that nightmare
was a horrifying reminder
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that I need to stay
laser-focused on my plan
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to get out of Toledo.
49
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It's like I've been on
an escalator, you know?
50
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:51,780
And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get
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00:01:51,804 --> 00:01:53,275
my shoelaces caught in that escalator.
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It's gonna pull me in
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and it's gonna grind me into a pulp.
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[SIGHS]
55
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Sarika, why the hell are you so happy?
56
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The Whitlock college fair is this week
57
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and the Harvard admissions
officer will be there.
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Do colleges have communal showers?
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I'm scared guys will
make fun of my flat butt.
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I did my research,
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00:02:10,719 --> 00:02:13,272
and if the Harvard recruiter
flags my application
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I have a 17% better
chance of being accepted.
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00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,367
Which should be no
problem with your help.
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[LAUGHS] Hard pass, Sarika.
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- Come on, you know that.
- Heather?
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[CLEARS THROAT] If you can
get Sarika into Harvard,
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00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:28,878
she'll give your shiny
new manuscript to her aunt,
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00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,848
who just so happens to be one
of Dean Koontz's publishers.
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Yes, you heard me right.
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00:02:33,451 --> 00:02:35,953
Dean Mother[BLEEP] Koontz.
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I punched it up a little bit.
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I'm sorry, Sarika, why
am I just now hearing
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00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:44,493
about this powerful aunt?
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00:02:44,518 --> 00:02:46,061
Because you've never
had anything I've wanted
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00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:47,229
this much before.
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00:02:47,658 --> 00:02:49,865
- And why have Heather read it?
- She's your favorite.
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It wouldn't have worked
if it was Marcus or Caleb.
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I'm the second worst after Marcus?
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Uh-huh.
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Good.
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This is good. This is good.
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Getting my book published
is exactly what I need
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00:03:00,405 --> 00:03:01,731
to get the hell out of Toledo.
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Guys, we're gonna help
Sarika get into Harvard.
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[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION MUSIC]
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[SLURPING]
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00:03:08,852 --> 00:03:11,019
A fruit smoothie for lunch, Stef?
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[LAUGHS] So cool.
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Feel like I'm eating next to
a fancy Hollywood celebrity
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00:03:15,393 --> 00:03:17,559
with body dysmorphia.
[IMITATES CAMERA SHUTTER]
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00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:19,060
Uh, this is straight-up cough syrup.
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00:03:19,062 --> 00:03:21,062
I woke up with a tickle
in my throat this morning
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00:03:21,064 --> 00:03:23,531
and I cannot be sick
for the college fair.
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00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:26,167
Ooh, someone's Navy recruiter boy toy
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is coming in again this year.
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Yes, every year we
have a whirlwind romance
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and he cleans my house.
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Ooh, I see.
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00:03:35,612 --> 00:03:37,778
"Cleans my house" is like a sex term.
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00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,014
Well, then I should
tell you that last night
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00:03:40,016 --> 00:03:43,884
my husband, Keith, Swiffered
the dust under the couch
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for the first time in ten years.
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No, Michelle, I mean literally.
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He literally cleans my house, okay?
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He's such a disciplined military man
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that he wakes up so early
he just can't help himself
107
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but get up and start cleaning,
and if he knows I'm sick,
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00:03:58,034 --> 00:04:00,101
he will not come over
and start cleaning.
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00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:03,037
That's what I meant.
Our house is dirty too.
110
00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:05,439
He's like a strong, sexy Mary Poppins.
111
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- [LAUGHS]
- Ooh, yes, Admiral Poppins.
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- I'll salute you.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
113
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Ooh, careful, Michelle, you just durbed.
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[SIGHS]
115
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I'm... I'm sorry, did you
just say, uh, "durbed"?
116
00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:19,120
Yeah, as in "durbing".
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00:04:19,122 --> 00:04:21,319
You know, when the stuff
glops out of a sandwich.
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00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:23,557
But that's my... my name.
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00:04:23,559 --> 00:04:24,591
- I'm Durbin.
- Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:24,616 --> 00:04:26,783
Yeah, exactly. We named it
after you three years ago
121
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,429
when one of your meatball subs
blasted out onto your shirt.
122
00:04:29,647 --> 00:04:32,232
You've been saying this for three years?
123
00:04:32,234 --> 00:04:33,734
Whoop, careful,
Michelle. You're durbing.
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00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:34,801
Oh.
125
00:04:34,803 --> 00:04:37,003
But... J-Jack knows this too?
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00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:38,505
Well, don't be offended.
127
00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,807
Excuse me, I'll go eat
this out in the hall.
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00:04:40,809 --> 00:04:41,924
- Wh...
- Oh.
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00:04:42,844 --> 00:04:44,645
Hey, ladies, um, I just wanted
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00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:47,013
to give you a chance
to drink this up, okay?
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00:04:47,015 --> 00:04:48,915
'Cause it might be your last chance.
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00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,651
- Pass.
- Uh, nope.
133
00:04:50,653 --> 00:04:53,086
- Return it.
- Okay, yeah, chuckle it up.
134
00:04:53,088 --> 00:04:55,489
But it looks like my book
might be getting published,
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00:04:55,491 --> 00:04:58,591
which puts me on the next train
out of this miserable dump.
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00:04:58,593 --> 00:05:01,160
Aww, come on, Jack. You
know you don't mean that.
137
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:03,195
Trust me, ladies, there
is nothing in this town
138
00:05:03,197 --> 00:05:05,631
- I'll miss, okay?
- Okay.
139
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:08,834
[TENSE MUSIC]
140
00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:10,935
Well, he clearly hasn't
been to the Toledo Zoo.
141
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,639
Aww. Girl, he would definitely miss you.
142
00:05:13,641 --> 00:05:15,775
Oh, it's fine. It's totally fine.
143
00:05:15,777 --> 00:05:17,943
It's just... it's...
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♪♪
145
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I was at the zoo when
a panda gave birth.
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00:05:23,518 --> 00:05:26,619
Yep, I saw a little baby panda
durb right out of the mama.
147
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:27,986
BOTH: Aww.
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00:05:27,988 --> 00:05:29,955
[GIGGLES]
149
00:05:31,269 --> 00:05:32,372
I can't believe this is working.
150
00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:35,106
My, oh my, oh my, aren't we
boisterous this morning?
151
00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,941
Gonna need some extra
shutting-up today.
152
00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:40,244
All right, guys, let's focus
on getting Sarika into Harvard
153
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:43,179
and getting me the hell out
of Toledo holding two sacks
154
00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:45,215
of that sweet, sweet Koontz cash, right?
155
00:05:45,217 --> 00:05:46,583
Now, these days,
156
00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,277
good grades aren't enough
to get into Harvard,
157
00:05:48,301 --> 00:05:50,047
so we're gonna have
to trick this recruiter
158
00:05:50,072 --> 00:05:52,973
into thinking Sarika
has what she lacks most:
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00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,758
charm and personality.
160
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,760
Sarika, pop up. Go to the back.
161
00:05:56,762 --> 00:05:58,095
Face me, I want to show you something.
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00:05:58,097 --> 00:05:59,170
[SIGHS]
163
00:05:59,195 --> 00:06:00,873
Now, you need to make a
really good first impression,
164
00:06:00,897 --> 00:06:03,439
and that starts the moment
that the recruiter sees you.
165
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,998
So I'm the recruiter.
166
00:06:05,738 --> 00:06:07,471
Show me your approach, come on.
167
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:13,904
This is what I'm talking about.
168
00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:15,711
So rigid, so closed off, you know?
169
00:06:15,713 --> 00:06:16,828
No. No, no, no, no.
170
00:06:16,853 --> 00:06:19,126
Can somebody in this
room please show Sarika
171
00:06:19,151 --> 00:06:20,583
how to walk with confidence?
172
00:06:20,585 --> 00:06:21,653
Marissa?
173
00:06:23,355 --> 00:06:24,722
That was confident.
174
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,276
Here we go.
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00:06:27,425 --> 00:06:30,426
[PEPPY ROCK MUSIC]
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♪♪
177
00:06:34,732 --> 00:06:37,133
Okay, Victor, don't overthink it.
178
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,834
It's just like breathing.
179
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:41,171
Oh, okay, I'm thinking
about my breathing.
180
00:06:41,173 --> 00:06:42,272
Oh, God.
181
00:06:42,274 --> 00:06:44,773
Why did you volunteer for this?
It's not your thing.
182
00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,441
Yes, this guy gets it.
183
00:06:46,443 --> 00:06:47,543
All right, keep going, keep going.
184
00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:49,744
You guys seeing this? All
right, now make a left.
185
00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:51,613
Just go all the way down the hall.
186
00:06:51,615 --> 00:06:52,683
All the way down?
187
00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:54,416
[DOOR CLOSES]
188
00:06:54,418 --> 00:06:56,451
♪ La-la ♪
189
00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:57,919
'Sup, mama?
190
00:06:57,921 --> 00:06:59,688
What up, big dog? How you doing?
191
00:06:59,690 --> 00:07:01,823
[CHUCKLES]
192
00:07:01,825 --> 00:07:03,325
♪♪
193
00:07:03,327 --> 00:07:05,327
[CLEARS THROAT]
194
00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:06,861
♪ Sweet rock and roll ♪
195
00:07:06,863 --> 00:07:08,840
Dan Decker. Honored to meet you, sir.
196
00:07:11,007 --> 00:07:12,834
Yes, well, good... yes.
197
00:07:12,836 --> 00:07:14,003
Welcome to Harvard.
198
00:07:14,305 --> 00:07:15,371
Wow.
199
00:07:16,631 --> 00:07:18,606
Wow. Sarika, did you see that?
200
00:07:18,608 --> 00:07:20,774
Now, these recruiters,
they also love humility,
201
00:07:20,776 --> 00:07:23,777
so why don't you start with
a self-deprecating joke.
202
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:26,814
Guys, what can Sarika
say to criticize herself?
203
00:07:26,816 --> 00:07:28,683
- She's a kiss-ass.
- Bad clothes.
204
00:07:28,685 --> 00:07:30,719
- She's rude.
- Yes, good. Yes.
205
00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:32,742
Okay, we have... we have
a lot of good options here.
206
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:36,223
All right, yeah, now, did...
did somebody say she's rude?
207
00:07:36,225 --> 00:07:38,493
- That was me.
- She is rude, you're right.
208
00:07:39,195 --> 00:07:40,961
This is going good, Sarika, trust me.
209
00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:42,495
What else, guys?
210
00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:44,564
- [BELL RINGING]
- _
211
00:07:44,566 --> 00:07:46,333
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
212
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:48,668
[BLOWING NOSE]
213
00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:51,671
[CHIPPER MUSIC]
214
00:07:51,673 --> 00:07:54,208
[CLEARS THROAT] Well, hello, Admiral.
215
00:07:54,210 --> 00:07:55,275
Stef.
216
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,468
Oh, I can't wait to see you later.
217
00:07:57,847 --> 00:07:59,512
- Can't wait either.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
218
00:07:59,514 --> 00:08:01,749
You okay? Your voice is a little raspy.
219
00:08:01,751 --> 00:08:02,883
Oh, I been smoking.
220
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:03,984
- Huh.
- [COUGHING]
221
00:08:03,986 --> 00:08:06,319
I read a study that says
that that can be dangerous.
222
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:07,768
You been on that boat too long.
223
00:08:08,257 --> 00:08:10,689
[LAUGHS, COUGHING]
224
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,782
[STRAINED EXCLAMATION]
225
00:08:11,807 --> 00:08:13,826
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
226
00:08:13,828 --> 00:08:16,565
[COUGHING] I'll see you later.
227
00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:18,931
[MUFFLED COUGHING]
228
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,500
- "Oberland".
- It's Oberlin.
229
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,238
I always wished I'd gone to college.
230
00:08:23,263 --> 00:08:25,704
I know I'm not the
traditional college applicant,
231
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,274
but I am the perfect one.
232
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:29,476
Why not?
233
00:08:29,778 --> 00:08:31,277
Here's a pamphlet.
234
00:08:31,279 --> 00:08:32,686
A pamphlet?
235
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,414
It looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus
236
00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:37,084
is going to college!
237
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:43,355
♪♪
238
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,989
Okay, so remember what we
talked about, all right?
239
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:46,707
I'm gonna say, "This is Sarika Sarkar.
240
00:08:46,732 --> 00:08:49,027
"She is our best
student, a unique talent,
241
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,357
and an even better human."
242
00:08:50,382 --> 00:08:51,397
Then you hit them with...
243
00:08:51,422 --> 00:08:52,482
Oh, he's just saying that
244
00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,065
'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
245
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,967
Yes, then we laugh for
exactly two seconds...
246
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,903
[BOTH LAUGHING]
247
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,371
Then you crush some small talk,
248
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,941
your app goes in the priority folder,
249
00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:03,873
and my manuscript gasses
it straight to Koontzville.
250
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:05,911
- Ready?
- Yeah.
251
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,014
All right.
252
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:12,384
Well, if it isn't Nasty Jack Griffin.
253
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,985
- Kate.
- [LAUGHS]
254
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,388
- Bring it in, Nasty Jack.
- Okay.
255
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,290
Oh, you smell good.
256
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,934
Oh, well, um, I gotta go,
but it was great to see you.
257
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:25,125
And, uh, great seeing you, Sarika.
258
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,768
Yeah, I... yep.
259
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:30,401
[CLEARS THROAT] He's just saying that
260
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,937
'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
261
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,839
[LAUGHS]
262
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,774
♪♪
263
00:09:38,794 --> 00:09:41,562
- What the hell?
- Uh, yeah, sorry about that.
264
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:44,398
Turns out I have a little
bit of a sexual history
265
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,766
with that particular recruiter.
266
00:09:45,768 --> 00:09:48,302
Yeah, she and I used to hook
up all the time at Harvard.
267
00:09:48,327 --> 00:09:50,571
It's a little awkward now,
though, 'cause I'm kinda-sorta
268
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,306
into somebody else a little, you know?
269
00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:53,808
That's not something you
guys need to know about.
270
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,776
- ALL: Lynette.
- We know.
271
00:09:55,778 --> 00:09:57,847
The beautiful, beautiful payroll lady.
272
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:01,114
- Knock, knock.
- Hey.
273
00:10:01,116 --> 00:10:02,982
I, uh, just wanted to let you know
274
00:10:02,984 --> 00:10:04,651
we're headed to our hotel bar.
275
00:10:04,653 --> 00:10:06,353
- Oh.
- You should pop by.
276
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:09,255
- It'll be like old times.
- [CHUCKLES]
277
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:10,534
I might even...
278
00:10:11,693 --> 00:10:15,261
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
279
00:10:15,263 --> 00:10:16,796
[BOTH GIGGLING]
280
00:10:16,798 --> 00:10:18,598
Uh, that'd be... that'd be interesting.
281
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,367
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
282
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,501
Bye.
283
00:10:21,803 --> 00:10:24,003
So they really do whisper dirty things.
284
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:26,173
- [WHISTLES]
- Looks like you have a second chance.
285
00:10:27,175 --> 00:10:29,676
If you can get this
in her priority folder,
286
00:10:29,678 --> 00:10:30,810
the deal is back on.
287
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,346
Uh, I don't think so, Sarika.
288
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:35,181
Are you really gonna ruin your chances
289
00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:37,216
at publishing your
book because of Lynette?
290
00:10:37,218 --> 00:10:39,322
A woman you kinda-sorta like?
291
00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:41,794
You're gonna be stuck in Toledo.
292
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:43,501
Forever.
293
00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:47,219
Fine, give me the
application, all right?
294
00:10:47,244 --> 00:10:49,344
I'll go do a little harmless flirting.
295
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,398
But there will be no
tequila and no banging.
296
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,901
Do you hear me, Sarika? I will not
bang that woman for you.
297
00:10:54,903 --> 00:10:55,968
Okay.
298
00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:58,170
[JAZZY MUSIC]
299
00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:00,137
Trick is, I take my right hand,
300
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:02,355
and then I firmly shove
it under the starboard edge
301
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:03,472
of the mattress.
302
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,744
Ooh, mama, I need those tight corners.
303
00:11:05,746 --> 00:11:08,714
- [BOTH GIGGLING]
- Oh, hello, everyone.
304
00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:09,748
Okay.
305
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,918
A durb, a durb.
306
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,922
Ladies and gentleman,
you have all been durbed.
307
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,925
No, you cannot force a new durb, Ralph.
308
00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:21,659
Durbing is slop glopping.
309
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,661
God, can't durbing mean anything else?
310
00:11:23,663 --> 00:11:25,196
- It's so gross.
- Oh, my God.
311
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:27,365
Okay, if it bothers you so much,
312
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,624
we'll just let the universe decide.
313
00:11:29,649 --> 00:11:32,870
Okay, so the next random,
unnamed thing that happens
314
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:33,972
will be durbing.
315
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:35,773
Yes.
316
00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:37,042
- All right.
- [LAUGHING]
317
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,210
Thank you.
318
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:40,412
I'm like, "If you have to ask,
319
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:41,701
you can't afford college"
320
00:11:41,726 --> 00:11:42,730
Hey, hey.
321
00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:45,083
- Hey. [CHUCKLES]
- How we doing, Kate?
322
00:11:45,085 --> 00:11:46,951
You enjoying Toledo's finest hotel?
323
00:11:46,953 --> 00:11:48,785
Did you get the parking lot view
324
00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,120
or the mall's air conditioning view?
325
00:11:50,122 --> 00:11:51,788
Mall's air conditioning view.
326
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,891
- It is stunning.
- Ooh. Aren't we fancy?
327
00:11:54,893 --> 00:11:56,126
- [LAUGHS]
- Look at you.
328
00:11:56,128 --> 00:11:58,095
Hey, so, um, I wanted to talk to you
329
00:11:58,097 --> 00:11:59,263
about a student of mine.
330
00:11:59,265 --> 00:12:01,932
After we have some tequila.
331
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:03,069
Uh, yeah, I was afraid of that.
332
00:12:03,093 --> 00:12:05,302
Um, I'm actually sticking
to club soda tonight.
333
00:12:05,304 --> 00:12:07,137
[LAUGHS]
334
00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:09,106
Oh.
335
00:12:09,808 --> 00:12:10,808
Okay.
336
00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:12,614
Suit yourself.
337
00:12:12,744 --> 00:12:15,812
Wow, your skin's so hot to the touch.
338
00:12:15,814 --> 00:12:17,314
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
339
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,916
[COUGHING] Yes.
340
00:12:19,918 --> 00:12:22,151
[COUGHING]
341
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:25,822
No, I am very sick, and
I was hiding it from you
342
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:28,492
'cause I didn't want to ruin
our precious two days together.
343
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,094
Stef, we're both human beings.
344
00:12:31,096 --> 00:12:33,797
We have to accept each
other's flaws and weaknesses.
345
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:37,433
To be honest, I feel like I
might be coming down with...
346
00:12:37,435 --> 00:12:41,004
♪♪
347
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,305
False alarm. [SNEEZES, FARTS]
348
00:12:42,857 --> 00:12:45,475
[LAUGHING] He just sneezed and farted
349
00:12:45,477 --> 00:12:46,910
at the same time.
350
00:12:46,912 --> 00:12:48,845
[LAUGHING] Oh!
351
00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:51,114
Oh, that's the new durbing! Yes!
352
00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:54,609
No... lis... no, no, durbing
cannot be a sneeze-fart.
353
00:12:54,634 --> 00:12:56,019
That's snarting.
354
00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:57,453
I apologize for durbing.
355
00:12:57,855 --> 00:12:58,966
Please excuse me.
356
00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:03,425
Ladies, we gone.
357
00:13:03,427 --> 00:13:06,429
What about what he said about
accepting each other's flaws?
358
00:13:06,541 --> 00:13:09,308
The image of that man
washing his underwear
359
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:11,433
in the bathroom of a two-star hotel
360
00:13:11,435 --> 00:13:14,003
is enough to make me
clean my own damn house.
361
00:13:14,005 --> 00:13:15,037
- [LAUGHING]
- [COUGHING]
362
00:13:15,039 --> 00:13:16,505
- Good night, Durbie!
- Oh. Good night, Durbs.
363
00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:17,673
Snart.
364
00:13:18,175 --> 00:13:19,942
♪♪
365
00:13:19,944 --> 00:13:21,209
What up, Durbs?
366
00:13:21,211 --> 00:13:23,211
- So Lynette's here, huh?
- Yeah.
367
00:13:23,213 --> 00:13:25,781
Who's the... who's the guy she's with?
368
00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:28,017
That... that's Nico Marshak.
369
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:29,384
He plays hockey for the Walleyes
370
00:13:29,386 --> 00:13:32,054
and he's the face of Muscle Milk.
371
00:13:32,056 --> 00:13:33,454
Are they, uh...
372
00:13:33,456 --> 00:13:35,698
Oh, they are a great-looking couple.
373
00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:37,892
I'm gonna get a picture of
them for my vision board.
374
00:13:37,894 --> 00:13:40,795
♪♪
375
00:13:40,797 --> 00:13:42,363
Cheers. [CHUCKLES]
376
00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:44,165
Oh, yeah. You know what?
377
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,233
Um, I think I changed my mind.
378
00:13:46,235 --> 00:13:47,835
I'm gonna do a tequila shot after all.
379
00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:49,303
Yes! Take mine.
380
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:50,483
Oh, okay.
381
00:13:50,508 --> 00:13:53,107
By the way, did I mention
that this place has a hot tub?
382
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:57,510
[LAUGHING]
383
00:13:57,512 --> 00:14:00,413
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION MUSIC]
384
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,817
[BOTH LAUGHING]
385
00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,592
How can you stand Toledo?
386
00:14:06,617 --> 00:14:07,631
Ugh.
387
00:14:07,656 --> 00:14:09,822
By my count, there are
12 KFCs in this town.
388
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,286
Well, actually 14 if you count
389
00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:12,955
the combination KFC and Taco Bells,
390
00:14:12,957 --> 00:14:14,084
which I definitely do.
391
00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:15,776
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, it's crazy, man.
392
00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,576
It's a lot of... lot of fried...
393
00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:21,530
Hey, I uh... I can't
even get a taco these days
394
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:23,065
without ordering a side
of mashed potatoes...
395
00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:24,425
- Oh...
- And gravy.
396
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,483
- Gravy.
- Yeah.
397
00:14:25,508 --> 00:14:27,069
Which is not bad, I mean, you know,
398
00:14:27,071 --> 00:14:29,138
that way, you're bringing
the two cultures together.
399
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,605
You know, Mexican food and...
400
00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:33,041
No, no.
401
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:34,709
Wait... [STAMMERS]
402
00:14:34,711 --> 00:14:36,344
Okay, wait. Kate, Kate, Kate.
403
00:14:36,946 --> 00:14:38,013
I can't.
404
00:14:39,115 --> 00:14:40,948
I got... I'm sorry, but it's a no.
405
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:43,051
It's a... it's a no-go.
406
00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:44,302
"It's a no-go"?
407
00:14:45,155 --> 00:14:47,621
- Seriously?
- [SIGHS]
408
00:14:47,623 --> 00:14:48,724
Okay.
409
00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:52,126
You're not as fun as I remember.
410
00:14:52,128 --> 00:14:54,295
[MELLOW MUSIC]
411
00:14:54,297 --> 00:14:56,297
I'm sorry... [STAMMERS]
412
00:14:56,299 --> 00:14:58,166
- I, uh...
- Whatever.
413
00:14:58,168 --> 00:14:59,635
I'm gonna go kill a Toblerone.
414
00:15:00,737 --> 00:15:05,173
♪♪
415
00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:06,535
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
416
00:15:06,678 --> 00:15:09,443
We came here to make sure
you have her my application,
417
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:11,184
which you didn't.
418
00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:13,080
You ever need any tips
on how to seal the deal,
419
00:15:13,082 --> 00:15:14,122
just let me know.
420
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,617
You were close, my man. Proud of you.
421
00:15:16,619 --> 00:15:19,687
- Yeah, what happened?
- Can't you see he's heartsick?
422
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,692
His soul mate is on a date
423
00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:24,258
with a strong, handsome milk celebrity.
424
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:25,593
Look, Sarika, I'm out, okay?
425
00:15:25,595 --> 00:15:27,361
I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't do it.
426
00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:29,162
But you can still get your
application into her folder.
427
00:15:29,164 --> 00:15:30,306
I mean, at this point,
you guys should know how
428
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,099
to accomplish a mission
like this on your own.
429
00:15:32,101 --> 00:15:34,602
I mean, we're... we're in a hotel, okay?
430
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,604
There's a million uniforms
you could use as disguises.
431
00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:39,106
There's a... there's a computer
that literally prints keys.
432
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:41,475
I found pool chemicals and a net.
433
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,110
Grace, what are you gonna do with that?
434
00:15:43,112 --> 00:15:44,644
We're not dissolving anybody.
435
00:15:44,646 --> 00:15:46,813
This wouldn't fully dissolve a body.
436
00:15:47,501 --> 00:15:49,701
All right, look, you guys,
437
00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:51,395
you can do this on your own, okay?
438
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,970
There's someone I need to go talk to.
439
00:15:54,389 --> 00:15:57,290
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
440
00:15:57,292 --> 00:16:00,293
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
441
00:16:00,295 --> 00:16:03,032
♪♪
442
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,001
[PANTING]
443
00:16:09,003 --> 00:16:10,370
♪♪
444
00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:12,148
Hey.
445
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:15,207
- Lynette.
- Jack, what are you doing?
446
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,209
Uh, did... did your hockey guy take off?
447
00:16:17,211 --> 00:16:19,144
- Did he leave?
- Yeah, he just left.
448
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,212
Oh.
449
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:24,349
Uh, so it's been a
crazy couple days, huh?
450
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,818
I had this, uh, weird dream
451
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,588
where, uh, you and I had these
four fat Toledo babies together
452
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:31,189
and, uh, you were super excited
453
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,224
because I'd gotten you a vacuum cleaner.
454
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,227
And I thought maybe I didn't want that,
455
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:39,039
uh, but maybe now I think
that it's not so bad.
456
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,668
Ew. I-I don't... I don't... mm-mm.
457
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,369
I don't want any of that. [LAUGHS]
458
00:16:44,519 --> 00:16:46,820
I don't even know your middle name.
459
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,508
No, I know, I... [CHUCKLES]
460
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:50,515
It's Carson.
461
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,144
That's kind of cool.
462
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,212
You should go by Carson.
463
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,047
Lynette, I'm trying...
I'm trying to be serious.
464
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,383
Jack, I heard you say
there's nothing you'd miss
465
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:00,518
if you left Toledo.
466
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,318
I would miss you.
467
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,458
Think I'm just... I'm
afraid that if I admit
468
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,361
to liking anything in
Toledo I'll get pulled
469
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,397
into the escalator gears
and ground to a fleshy pulp.
470
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,402
I... I like you and I'm... [STAMMERING]
471
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,237
Glad I met you, and I don't know.
472
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,595
I don't know, you just... you
make me happy to be in Toledo.
473
00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:24,851
I'm just saying I don't
want to date anybody else.
474
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,877
I actually feel the same way.
475
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,317
- You do?
- Yeah.
476
00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:38,621
That's why I-I just ended
things with Nico, so...
477
00:17:38,623 --> 00:17:39,760
You did?
478
00:17:41,426 --> 00:17:43,092
Have you guys been
dating this entire time?
479
00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:44,461
Not the whole time.
480
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:46,262
Oh! [SCOFFS]
481
00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:47,731
We were not exclusive.
482
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,332
Wow. No, I know.
483
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:51,025
Were you not dating other people?
484
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:52,903
No.
485
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,235
- Lame.
- Okay.
486
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,341
God.
487
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,609
- Oh, my hero.
- Yeah.
488
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,577
- That's sweet.
- You're turning blue.
489
00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:03,279
[IRON & WINE'S "FRECKLED GIRL"]
490
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:05,614
♪ Someday soon ♪
491
00:18:05,616 --> 00:18:09,185
♪ I'll just live over yonder ♪
492
00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:11,287
[GRUNTS]
493
00:18:11,289 --> 00:18:13,289
[CHUCKLES]
494
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:14,580
Love wins.
495
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:17,126
♪ Crossword puzzles to ponder ♪
496
00:18:17,128 --> 00:18:21,264
♪ And I hope you're well ♪
497
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,464
[BELL RINGING]
498
00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:24,166
[LAUGHTER]
499
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:25,701
Oh, look at this.
500
00:18:25,703 --> 00:18:29,638
This sub just durbed
all over my work shirt.
501
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,474
What, now you want glopping
to be known as durbing?
502
00:18:32,476 --> 00:18:33,651
I don't have any kids.
503
00:18:33,676 --> 00:18:35,443
I... I can't have my only contribution
504
00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:37,445
to the Durbin legacy be a snart.
505
00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:39,547
Oh, are you kidding me?
506
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:42,617
They are gonna name this "GD"
high school after you someday.
507
00:18:42,619 --> 00:18:44,452
There are two people in this world
508
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:47,222
that I would take a bullet
for: you and Gus Wakiama.
509
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,411
He's my neighbor, and
he took a bullet for me.
510
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,627
Well, took a bullet from me
'cause I was cleaning my gun.
511
00:18:52,629 --> 00:18:54,562
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Feels like I owe him.
512
00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:57,165
- Jeez.
- Ah, dang it.
513
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,834
- Oberland rejected me.
- ALL: Aww.
514
00:18:59,836 --> 00:19:01,836
They said I don't have
a high school diploma.
515
00:19:01,838 --> 00:19:03,471
Well, yeah, because I didn't graduate
516
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:05,083
from high school, you dummies.
517
00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:09,510
Well, it looks like Helen
Henry DeMarcus is going
518
00:19:09,512 --> 00:19:15,382
back to high school!
[HOLDING LAST VOWEL]
519
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:19,044
Good luck.
520
00:19:22,309 --> 00:19:23,309
Okay.
521
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:26,360
I got so into character as a bellhop,
522
00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:28,395
I ended up working a 12-hour shift.
523
00:19:28,397 --> 00:19:29,464
[LAUGHS]
524
00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:31,699
All I care about is that
the mission was a success
525
00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:34,234
and my application ended
up in her priority folder.
526
00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:36,270
And since it was technically your idea
527
00:19:36,272 --> 00:19:38,238
to have us disguise
ourselves as hotel staff,
528
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,874
I still passed your
manuscript along to my aunt.
529
00:19:41,362 --> 00:19:42,876
- Y-you did?
- Yeah.
530
00:19:42,878 --> 00:19:44,611
She liked it, and actually wants
531
00:19:44,613 --> 00:19:45,847
to meet with you on Tuesday.
532
00:19:46,349 --> 00:19:47,396
In New York.
533
00:19:48,517 --> 00:19:49,617
Here's her card.
534
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,395
- Oh, my God.
- [GASPS]
535
00:19:51,553 --> 00:19:52,886
Way to go, Boss!
536
00:19:53,589 --> 00:19:55,555
Maybe you'll get a big
book deal and leave,
537
00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:57,724
and we'll get a real teacher
in time for the AP exam.
538
00:19:57,726 --> 00:20:00,527
Getting out, JG!
539
00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,863
[ALL CLAPPING]
540
00:20:02,865 --> 00:20:05,564
This is very cool.
Very, um... yeah, very...
541
00:20:05,566 --> 00:20:07,467
Very fast. F-faster than I had planned.
542
00:20:07,469 --> 00:20:09,402
But, uh... which is good, it's good.
543
00:20:09,404 --> 00:20:10,471
[LAUGHS]
544
00:20:10,496 --> 00:20:12,986
So are you in?
545
00:20:13,608 --> 00:20:15,208
Am I in? Yeah... well, yeah.
546
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,300
Yeah, absolutely. I mean,
pretty much definitely.
547
00:20:17,324 --> 00:20:19,045
I just gotta make sure
that I'm free on Tuesday.
548
00:20:19,047 --> 00:20:20,146
I'm pretty sure I am.
549
00:20:20,171 --> 00:20:21,780
I just gotta check my...
I have a calendar at home.
550
00:20:21,782 --> 00:20:24,884
That's my... sort of my master...
I keep everything on there.
551
00:20:24,886 --> 00:20:26,752
So let me just, you
know, give it a look-see.
552
00:20:26,754 --> 00:20:29,254
But, uh, yeah, no, looks
like I could be, um...
553
00:20:30,558 --> 00:20:31,824
looks like I could...
I could be out of here
554
00:20:31,826 --> 00:20:32,925
very, very quickly.
555
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:33,960
Yeah.
556
00:20:34,962 --> 00:20:37,596
- Mr. Griffin.
- Huh?
557
00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:39,297
We have a new student for you.
558
00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:40,344
Uh, yeah, no, I know.
559
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:41,833
She's been fitting in really well.
560
00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:42,853
Yeah, great job, new kid.
561
00:20:42,878 --> 00:20:44,579
I've been here the whole time.
562
00:20:44,604 --> 00:20:46,405
Ah, you keep saying that.
563
00:20:46,407 --> 00:20:49,263
No, but Jack, this is
somebody completely new.
564
00:20:49,943 --> 00:20:51,309
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
565
00:20:51,311 --> 00:20:53,778
- Hiya, teach!
- Have fun.
566
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,514
[SQUEALS] Hi, guys.
567
00:20:55,516 --> 00:20:57,282
Oh, uh... wait, Ralph,
I'm... [STAMMERING]
568
00:20:57,284 --> 00:20:58,583
[LAUGHS]
569
00:20:58,585 --> 00:21:01,819
Advanced Placement Biology. [LAUGHS]
570
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:04,523
Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom,
and it's an emergency.
571
00:21:04,525 --> 00:21:07,426
Excuse me, oh boy. It's called nerves.
572
00:21:07,428 --> 00:21:09,428
Plus the spinach quiche.
573
00:21:10,763 --> 00:21:13,830
[CURIOUS MUSIC]
40950
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