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1
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,789
So what happened after that?
2
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,757
I was attacked.
3
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,193
I am so sorry.
4
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,927
By a mountain lion.
5
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,562
Oh my God.
6
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,164
Big, muscular guy.
7
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:34,268
The park ranger said he was
attracted to my perfume.
8
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,270
You know, I smelled that
when you came in.
9
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,539
It was very unusual.
What is it?
10
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,341
Mountain lion urine.
11
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542
Oh.
12
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,312
Have you ever been taken from
behind by a mountain lion?
13
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,815
I cannot say that I have.
14
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,250
It wasn't half bad.
15
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,988
We're going to need a lot
more sessions.
16
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:57,091
This changed me, Corey!
17
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,561
He dragged me to his cave!
18
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,831
I've had worse dates.
19
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,833
So, two times a week?
20
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,236
I never knew it could
be like that.
21
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,704
His tongue was like sandpaper.
22
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,841
He polished me down there.
23
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,677
Like a bowling ball.
24
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,647
Let's make it three.
25
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:27,188
* * *
26
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,853
[Locks door]
27
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,088
Oh yes, yes!
28
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,259
[Moaning]
29
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,634
Almost, almost... yes! Yes!
30
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,637
Was it worth the wait?
31
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:58,379
Here - buy yourself
something pretty.
32
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,050
Oh - but hurry home, sweetie.
33
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,918
I don't want to miss
"Housewives."
34
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,389
Yes, dear.
35
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,903
Excuse me - may I help you?
36
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,409
I'd like to make an
appointment.
37
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,646
* * *
38
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,215
Change!
39
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,619
Hey, buddy, you got a
little change?
40
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,621
Actually, I gave at
the office.
41
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,823
Really, coffee
business is that bad?
42
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,191
Are you finally gonna do it?
43
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,394
I have the rings right here.
44
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,729
You've been carrying them
around for three months!
45
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,632
What are you waiting for,
man-opause?
46
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,135
I'll do it before I'm 30!
47
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,137
Three more months? Whatever!
48
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,139
It's got to be perfect!
49
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,074
I actually have it
all mapped out.
50
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,175
As usual!
51
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,244
Kelse, this is a
once-in-a-lifetime thing.
52
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,113
Not for our parents.
53
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,581
Well, thank God I'm
not our parents!
54
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,417
You're right, our parents
would never wear...
55
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,619
ZEBRA-STRIPED THONGS!
56
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,886
Shut up!
57
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,355
Poor little baby zebra,
58
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,724
Oh, I bet his mommy misses it!
59
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:20,394
I actually freed the zebra,
about an hour ago.
60
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,831
At the office?
Dirty little whore!
61
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,633
I know, it's unprofessional,
62
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,468
But my heart was in
the right place.
63
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,470
Yeah, that's not your heart.
64
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,472
I believe it's
connected to my heart.
65
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,007
This "perfect moment" thing
has gone on long enough!
66
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,710
If you don't ask him tonight,
I'm going to ask him for you.
67
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,212
Don't, please, you're
going to mess it up.
68
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,714
I will if you make me!
69
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:41,549
Ow, seriously?
70
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,551
I'm going to call
him at 6:00 AM.
71
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,319
Either I'll say
congratulations,
72
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:47,120
Or I'm popping the question.
73
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:50,057
Okay! I'll ask... him.
74
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,060
I'll ask him!
75
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,062
Tonight? Pinky swear!
76
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,864
Don't wait for the
perfect moment.
77
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,300
Sometimes love happens when
you're making other plans.
78
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:07,475
I don't, uh...
believe in zebras.
79
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,577
Thongs, I don't wear...
80
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,682
I hooked dad up with some
stuff to take care of it...
81
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,817
Babe, I'm home!
82
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:26,159
Yeah mom, I'll tell him...
Yeah, I'll tell him.
83
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:29,397
Mom says to tell you that
she loves you.
84
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,332
And that the housewives are
shameless hussies.
85
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,302
Well, you tell that hussy
I love her too.
86
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,404
And dad!
87
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,472
He loves you, too. And dad.
88
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,175
Yeah, dad, just as a friend.
89
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,077
[Hangs up]
90
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,148
Hey, where's dinner, I thought
you were going to make
91
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,550
That French cuisine thing.
92
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,852
Pigeon... foie gras!
93
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,522
The market was fresh out of
pigeon.
94
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,456
And I made brownies.
95
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,560
What are you, like, 15?
96
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:02,362
From scratch, I'm
not a savage!
97
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,664
There's an order to the
food universe.
98
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,366
Brownies are reserved for
special occasions.
99
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,368
Parties, birthdays...
100
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,038
Well, we'll party on your
birthday, then.
101
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,040
I've got soccer practice,
7:30.
102
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,141
Dinner!
103
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,943
Relax - mama
ordered us a pizza.
104
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,145
Well, I'm starving.
It better get here soon.
105
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,113
I've got something you
can snack on.
106
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,115
Oh, baby!
107
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:26,386
[Sheep ringtone]
108
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,888
I have to take this.
109
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,090
I've got something you
have to take...
110
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,091
Give it a rest, this
is a client!
111
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,726
It's always a client.
112
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,894
Five minutes.
113
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,467
Hello? Okay, calm down...
114
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,269
No, it's fine that you called.
115
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,437
Baby!
116
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,941
Woah, slow down!
Deep breaths...
117
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,978
Tell me what happened...
deep breaths...
118
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,247
Okay, go to your happy place,
somewhere tropical...
119
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,348
Pizza!
120
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,651
My wallet is in my
coat pocket!
121
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,754
Alright, where are you?
Keep breathing...
122
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,556
[Knocking]
123
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,558
- No it isn't!
- Yes it is!
124
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:08,395
Keep breathing... Positively
fantasize, good.
125
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,063
And call me back in
five minutes.
126
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,765
Alright, okay, bye.
127
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,966
[Knocking]
128
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,267
You gonna get that?
129
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:17,605
Oh, shoot, I'm sorry, I know
you hate it when I do that.
130
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:21,475
My wallet's actually
right here, in my...
131
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,643
Pants.
132
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,178
Hey! Jumbo extra sausage?
133
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,614
Yes, please!
134
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,550
You're not the regular guy.
135
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,218
Yeah, Jimbo hurt his back.
136
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,119
I can see why.
137
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,688
Do I smell brownies?
138
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:37,424
Yeah - just, how much is this
gonna cost me?
139
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,460
It's all good, bro, I just
need to see the card.
140
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,600
Alright, thank you guys so
much.
141
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,101
Have a good night.
142
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:48,969
[Door slams]
143
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,672
"It's all good, bro?"
What an asshole!
144
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,973
What's gotten into you?
145
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,708
I'm more worried about who's
getting into you.
146
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,710
Why are you always flirting
with these straight guys?
147
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,712
I wasn't flirting, he just
wasn't what I expected.
148
00:07:58,746 --> 00:07:59,913
I put the tip on the card.
149
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,348
What were the ones for,
a lap dance?
150
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,883
Woah, are you jealous?
151
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,685
Of the pizza guy?
152
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,788
I'd better get to practice, I
want to get an early start.
153
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,890
There's some new plays I
need to learn, and...
154
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:14,494
But we had plans - it
was date night.
155
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:15,896
You had plans.
156
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,571
* * *
157
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,620
Keep that coming, my man!
158
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,169
I hate these places.
159
00:08:57,204 --> 00:09:01,208
A friend told me I should
get out more often.
160
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,110
You know, be more social.
161
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,148
With a rack like that, you
don't exactly look
162
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,050
Like you have a hard time
making friends.
163
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,151
Wow.
164
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,389
If you were hitting on me,
that's not a good open.
165
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,157
Sorry.
166
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,961
It's been a long time
since I've, uh...
167
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:28,501
- Fifteen years.
- Fifteen years?!
168
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,137
Jeez!
169
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:32,773
Fifteen years ago, I
was like still...
170
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,207
Okay, I'm going to stop you
171
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,611
Before you tell me how old you
were when Kurt Cobain died.
172
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,279
Who's Kurt Cobain?
173
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,416
Look at you!
174
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,418
I asked for that.
175
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,021
Let's start over.
Let me buy you a drink.
176
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,098
- They're real.
- What?!
177
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,905
Jesus, where have you been,
in prison?
178
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,641
In a relationship that
didn't involve boobs!
179
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,843
Yeah, me too!
180
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,111
Awesome!
181
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,215
- Boom!
- Boom!
182
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,651
- Boobs!
- Boobs!
183
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:22,756
And then, I got...
I got married.
184
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:26,894
When I was 23. Biggest
mistake of my life.
185
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,700
I mean, he seemed perfect.
He was a musician.
186
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,802
He had lots of money.
187
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,738
And I was so hot!
188
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,640
And now, I'm alone, and...
189
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,743
And you're still hot!
190
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:49,649
I'll bet you say that to
all the girls.
191
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,651
You'd be surprised.
192
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:55,255
Okay... sailor!
193
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,124
Surprise me!
194
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:04,031
* * *
195
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:09,970
[Moaning]
196
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,707
Oh my... what?!
197
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,310
[Car horn]
198
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:26,119
Hey, slow... Jesus Christ!
199
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,456
I'm not a grudge fuck!
200
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,230
Where'd you go?
201
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,401
Where were you just now?
202
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,571
Usually you look into my eyes,
it's my favorite thing.
203
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,407
It's when I feel most
connected to you.
204
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,809
I'm sorry, it...
205
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,811
Are you still made about
the pizza guy?
206
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,813
God no, I'm sorry for
being such a prick.
207
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,247
No - it was all me.
208
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,785
All the pheremones, and the
brownies, and...
209
00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:00,087
The sausage fumes, I
just lost my head.
210
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,089
Look, this was a
trainwreck night.
211
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:05,492
- Let's forget it happened.
- Definitely.
212
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,060
[Text message tone]
213
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:18,171
I think I know something that
might make it better.
214
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,874
There's something I
need to tell you.
215
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,210
- Corey...
- Jon...
216
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,346
- Will you marry me?
- I think I'm bisexual.
217
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,850
What? You're... wait.
218
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:34,822
You think you're - oh honey,
why would you think that?
219
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,795
What did you do?
220
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,565
It's more of a "who."
221
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,900
You cheated?!
222
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,869
Calm down, it's not like I
planned it, it just...
223
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,737
Happened, and she was there...
224
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,306
SHE?! You put your... in a...
225
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,809
There is no way, there is
no fucking way.
226
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,811
Come on, you know I dated
girls in high school.
227
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,379
Bullshit!
I date girls in high school.
228
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:00,447
We watched Buffy,
229
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,715
And french-kissed posters of
James Van Der Beek.
230
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,517
Yeah, well on my dates, we
didn't watch Buffy!
231
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,886
How are you bi?
232
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,555
You're like the least curious
person I've ever known.
233
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:09,857
Would you just listen?
234
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,892
No, I have literally no idea
who you are right now!
235
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,995
And who is this woman, that
you allegedly fucked?
236
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,764
And does she know you're gay?
237
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,399
Or maybe, like...
flexi-sexual.
238
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,902
I'm not sure yet!
I don't want to define it!
239
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,570
Oh Jesus, no, that would mean
you'd have to make
240
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,804
A commitment!
241
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,173
And there it is - you have
been pressuring me,
242
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,608
And nagging me, and
suffocating me...
243
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,510
So this is my fault?
I turned you bi?
244
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,845
I was upset!
245
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,882
I was drunk, and upset, and I
had... these feelings!
246
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,416
Oh God no, feelings!
247
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,586
And these rings, and the pizza
guy, and you're always busy...
248
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:46,159
Woah... rings?
249
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,862
You knew?
250
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:52,432
- Baby, I love you...
- Don't touch me.
251
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:56,970
You knew I was going to
propose to you.
252
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,972
And you did this.
253
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,640
I've got to hand it to you,
mister.
254
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,142
That is the most
creative fucking way
255
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,144
I've ever heard of
avoiding a proposal.
256
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,914
They are going to love this at
the gay bridal shop!
257
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:10,250
I was scared, okay?
I found them and freaked out.
258
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,786
Everything just started
closing in on me!
259
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,788
Oh God, save me
from happiness!
260
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,790
Christ, I'm only 27!
261
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,360
I'm not ready to become my
goddamn parents,
262
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,694
That's not what I want.
263
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,263
Then what do you want?
264
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,397
I don't know!
265
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,399
I don't have to fucking
know every moment!
266
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,535
Every second of the rest of my
doesn't need
267
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,203
To be planned out already!
268
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,205
Well maybe you should
try it some time!
269
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,975
If you planned harder, maybe
you wouldn't be some...
270
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:38,011
Part-time, low-rent
gym trainer,
271
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,147
Who tripped and fell
into some pussy
272
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,716
On the most important
night of his life!
273
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,685
- Yeah, maybe it is.
- What?
274
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,755
The most important night of my
life, the night I woke up.
275
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:52,659
To your love of seafood?
276
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,795
- To you.
- Just go!
277
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,830
You want out, you
get your wish!
278
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,032
I'm going.
279
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,034
Good - and take that AC/DC
bullshit with you.
280
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,436
And don't come back until
you're gay again!
281
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,939
Don't hold your breath.
282
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:10,877
[Door slams, rings clattering]
283
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,814
[Alarm clock]
284
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:45,778
* * *
285
00:15:45,812 --> 00:16:15,675
Asshole!
286
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:21,448
Come in...
287
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,684
[Doorbell]
288
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:31,691
Come innnnn...
289
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:49,809
Come innnnnn!
290
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,311
Veggie Delight?
291
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:55,282
More like veggie despair!
292
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:58,851
Oh. No brownies this time,
huh?
293
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:02,689
I gave them up.
They're bad for me.
294
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,491
I'm on a cleanse.
295
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,060
Pizza cleanse?
I want in on that.
296
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,062
[Sniffling]
297
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,232
I'm sorry, I'm a
bit of a mess.
298
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,967
No, don't worry -
this one's on me.
299
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,337
Oh, you don't have to do that.
300
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,539
No, I know. But I want to.
301
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,274
I mean, hey - we're
practically buds,
302
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,809
It's the least I can do.
303
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,445
I do deserve a break today.
304
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,447
Bon appetit!
305
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:43,096
Feel better, okay?
306
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,365
I always hated that douche.
307
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,367
For two years, you've
been telling me,
308
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,669
"Jon is so great!
You should totally marry him!"
309
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,138
And now he's a douche?
310
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,140
Whatever! Fuckin' "Jon."
311
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,475
J-O-N. Where's his
fucking "H?"
312
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,777
Never date a guy who doesn't
know how to spell
313
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:58,945
His own name.
314
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,747
You loved him, and
you know it.
315
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,450
Don't remind me!
316
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:04,551
What?
317
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,587
Are you eating a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?
318
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,555
Here we go.
319
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,822
I am allergic!
320
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,659
You're not allergic, you just
hate it, there's a difference.
321
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:15,262
If I get around peanut butter,
I'm going to swell up
322
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,498
Bigger than Precious!
323
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,033
Crisis averted.
324
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,836
I just wanted it to
be perfect.
325
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,573
The white picket fence... the
onyx dishwasher...
326
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,976
The brushed aluminum gourmet
vintage melon baller.
327
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,112
You know what?
Love is a delusional state.
328
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,149
Oh God, dial it back,
Black Swan.
329
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,618
Life is a delusional state.
330
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,621
It's been a week, he should
be home by now.
331
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,623
I didn't actually think he
was going to leave.
332
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,625
- When you kicked him out?
- Shut up.
333
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,060
If he doesn't come back,
I'm moving in!
334
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,062
Fine, okay, whatever.
335
00:18:50,096 --> 00:19:06,513
* * *
336
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:10,082
I'm so glad you made it in,
finally.
337
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,084
It's been two months!
338
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,086
I thought you moved.
339
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,088
I don't even know
where to begin!
340
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,758
I mean, it's been...
such a whirlwind!
341
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,560
A good whirlwind, I hope?
342
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:24,096
- I met this guy...
- Excellent, tell me.
343
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,367
Yeah - I took your advice!
344
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:32,138
I went out with the girls, and
we ended up at a bar.
345
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,875
He was so awkward, you know?
And like... cute!
346
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:39,078
Muscly! And, um...
347
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:42,014
He was really into me.
348
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:45,618
Melissa, how did that
make you feel?
349
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:48,655
Amazing.
350
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,992
You don't know what it's like
to be alone, and then...
351
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:57,029
Suddenly be wanted.
352
00:19:57,063 --> 00:20:02,902
Well, tell me about him.
353
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,504
He's younger.
354
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,039
Okay.
355
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,041
He's a personal trainer.
356
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:13,212
He's an athlete.
An amazing cook!
357
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:22,154
God, he makes the most
unbelievable brownies!
358
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,557
Corey?
359
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:27,059
Corey?
360
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,061
- Corey!
- Hi. Corey.
361
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,331
- Yes!
- Melissa. Hi.
362
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:36,669
I was, I was... just lost in a
thought, for a moment.
363
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,671
Boy, this guy sounds like
quite a catch!
364
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:43,343
You sure there's not someone
else in his life?
365
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:46,313
Oh, no - God, believe me!
366
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:49,716
We talked, about everything.
367
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,250
He's very open.
368
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,553
Actually, the other night
he told me he'd
369
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,222
Been with both boys and girls.
370
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,224
So he's bisexual?
371
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,427
Um, he didn't want to
call it that, no.
372
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,296
He said something like...
"sexy flexible?"
373
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,764
"Flexi-sexual?"
374
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:08,034
- Yeah!
- Oh! That didn't bother you?
375
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,369
- No!
- Just a little?
376
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:10,770
- No!
- Just a little bit annoying?
377
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,773
Why would it bother me?
I mean, we all have a history.
378
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,142
I experimented with
girls in college.
379
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,378
Now you're not - we'll
get back to that.
380
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:21,314
Now, you're not worried
that he's, in the future,
381
00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:24,351
Just going to up and leave
you for another guy?
382
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:26,886
I'm not worried
about anything.
383
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:29,922
For the first time in my life.
384
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:34,193
He's really into me.
And I'm really into him.
385
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:37,497
That's all I need for now.
386
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:43,235
You even said: stop obsessing!
And live in the moment!
387
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,237
That's really good advice.
388
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,907
- I like my boobs now!
- That's great.
389
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,276
Yeah, because, um, well...
390
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:53,713
- He's a boob man!
- No he's not... is he?
391
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,147
He loves boobs!
392
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:57,884
He's probably an ass man, too.
393
00:21:57,917 --> 00:22:00,387
I told her I was glad
I could help.
394
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,389
She needs me, she's
so vulnerable.
395
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:04,391
She needs me for support.
396
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:06,693
You just want to pump her
for information.
397
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:10,430
Okay, okay, I'll refer her to
another therapist.
398
00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:12,432
I'll be out of town until
they break up.
399
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:15,868
What if they don't?
400
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,670
So, who is this guy?
401
00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:20,907
Online Love Match.
I have three matches!
402
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,709
Three? I'm surprised!
403
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:25,011
You're surprised I could
get three matches?
404
00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:28,114
I'm surprised there are three
guys using onine dating.
405
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:31,183
The guys at the cafe all use
that smartphone gaydar.
406
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:34,854
Oh, Grindr?
I don't need Grindr.
407
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:38,491
I have three smokin'-hot guys
on the hook already.
408
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:41,093
When are you seeing all these
smokin'-hot guys?
409
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:42,361
Today.
410
00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:45,765
What, all at once?
You're not that limber!
411
00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:46,799
Not all at once.
412
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:48,801
I've scheduled them in 30
minute increments,
413
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:50,236
10 minutes apart.
The site recommended it,
414
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:51,404
They said it's very...
415
00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:53,406
- Crazy!
- Efficient.
416
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,476
I just want to kiss someone
on my birthday!
417
00:22:56,509 --> 00:22:58,478
One of these guys has
to work out.
418
00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:00,913
Which reminds me - what do you
want for your birthday?
419
00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:02,949
I mean, besides cock.
420
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:03,916
What?
421
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,453
It sounds so wrong coming
out of your mouth.
422
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:08,621
So, who's the first guy?
423
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:12,191
25. Gorgeous. Male model.
424
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,392
Oh, you should see his
picture.
425
00:23:13,426 --> 00:23:14,661
Very glamorous.
426
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:17,129
Liberace took that photo
of me by his pool
427
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:19,599
At his villa in Palm Springs.
428
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:22,435
Your profile said you were 25?
429
00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:26,606
Yes, I was 25! When Liberace
took that photo.
430
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:29,442
Of course, now I deal
in antiques.
431
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:31,944
You do like antiques,
don't you, Corey?
432
00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:33,546
I... am not sure.
433
00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:35,548
Oh, well you should, dear boy!
434
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,984
I mean, just today, I took in
a fine Chippendale
435
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:39,418
That's centuries old!
436
00:23:39,452 --> 00:23:42,088
Of course, the drawers
are sagging a bit,
437
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:44,090
And the poor, dried-out knobs!
438
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:45,892
Practically falling off.
439
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,194
But there's nothing
quite as satisfying
440
00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:50,763
As spending hour after hour
441
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:54,567
Lovingly polishing old wood.
442
00:23:54,601 --> 00:24:00,039
Working the moisture into
those musty cracks.
443
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:04,644
So, when your profile said
"twice the man..."
444
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:07,179
Identical twins. Yeah.
445
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:08,948
We'll have you
coming and going.
446
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,950
Well, fellas...
447
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:13,986
Plural.
448
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:15,822
This is a lot to take in.
449
00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:21,360
Oh, don't worry.
We'll make it fit.
450
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,330
Ouch.
451
00:24:24,363 --> 00:24:26,132
Wow, you're really great.
452
00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:28,801
This is a relief - to go out
with a normal guy
453
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,170
Who actually looks like his
profile picture.
454
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:34,373
Oh my God! Tell me about it.
455
00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:39,579
So, Kyle - tell me
about yourself.
456
00:24:39,612 --> 00:24:43,616
I saw on your profile
you have a son?
457
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:48,788
I do.
Would you like to meet him?
458
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,024
Sure - I mean, definitely,
yeah, at some point.
459
00:24:52,058 --> 00:24:55,327
Well, I mean I ordinarily like
to take it slow,
460
00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:58,230
But I don't know, this
just feels...
461
00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:00,232
Right.
462
00:25:00,266 --> 00:25:03,235
Why wait?
463
00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:08,875
Corey, meet Gary.
464
00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:10,142
Gary?
465
00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:13,913
Are you gonna be my new daddy?
466
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:20,386
I'm a growing boy, and I need
a strong male role model.
467
00:25:20,419 --> 00:25:22,589
Wow, okay, so you're
a puppeteer!
468
00:25:22,622 --> 00:25:25,391
That is so great.
469
00:25:25,424 --> 00:25:28,895
Puppeteer?
470
00:25:28,928 --> 00:25:33,065
It's happening again.
He's just like all the others.
471
00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:35,234
He doesn't think I'm real.
472
00:25:35,267 --> 00:25:40,306
You know how ANGRY I get when
people don't think I'm real...
473
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,308
I get all STABBY!
474
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:43,643
[Gary screaming]
475
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:45,077
No, Corey's not like
all the others!
476
00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:45,945
Are you, Corey?
477
00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:48,147
No no, I'm not like
all the others!
478
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:57,690
[Screaming]
479
00:25:57,724 --> 00:26:01,393
This has been really nice -
you're so good with Gary.
480
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:04,196
I'll call you!
481
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:05,998
Dammit.
482
00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:07,600
He was so cute.
483
00:26:07,634 --> 00:26:10,169
Do you suppose I could get
conjugal visits?
484
00:26:10,202 --> 00:26:13,773
With him, or the puppet?
485
00:26:13,806 --> 00:26:17,543
I am officially destined to
be alone forever.
486
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:22,414
For the love of - would you
give me your phone?
487
00:26:22,448 --> 00:26:26,719
Gimme!
488
00:26:26,753 --> 00:26:29,588
Is your password still
"Dongmaster82?"
489
00:26:29,622 --> 00:26:32,659
Wow, just tell the whole
world, why don't you?
490
00:26:32,692 --> 00:26:36,562
Here you go.
Welcome to the 21st Century.
491
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,564
Have fun!
492
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:41,167
Have fun with what?
493
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:58,117
Oh! Oh...
494
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:01,320
Maybe... yes!
495
00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:03,723
Ooh, a fireman!
496
00:27:03,756 --> 00:27:06,625
I'm 200 feet away
from a fireman!
497
00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:09,228
I bet I got some matches
around here somewhere.
498
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:11,563
Do not set fire to my cafe!
499
00:27:11,597 --> 00:27:13,565
Okay, buzzkill.
500
00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:20,472
No, no... ooh, maybe.
501
00:27:20,506 --> 00:27:24,476
No, no!
502
00:27:24,510 --> 00:27:27,079
Oh, yeah... oh my God, yes!
503
00:27:27,113 --> 00:27:27,814
What?
504
00:27:27,847 --> 00:27:29,816
It's him, it's him! He's gay!
505
00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:31,217
- And single.
- Who?
506
00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:34,253
I have to go, he's 100 feet
away, on the move!
507
00:27:34,286 --> 00:28:00,179
* * *
508
00:28:00,212 --> 00:28:02,381
I zigged, when I
should've zagged.
509
00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:04,383
Did you catch the fireman?
510
00:28:04,416 --> 00:28:05,517
Better!
511
00:28:05,551 --> 00:28:07,686
What's better than a fireman?
512
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,521
A pizza guy.
513
00:28:09,555 --> 00:28:13,359
Did you hit your head
or something?
514
00:28:13,392 --> 00:28:14,660
It says he's looking for
515
00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,662
"Friendship, love,
or whatever."
516
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:18,664
That's very specific.
517
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:20,666
Hey - I know this guy! Pete!
518
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,668
Triple Venti soy
caramel macchiato!
519
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:25,337
He comes to Thursday
night Poetry Night.
520
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:26,873
He's a great read.
521
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:29,541
- Well I love poetry!
- You? Since when?
522
00:28:29,575 --> 00:28:31,610
Since... what time is it now?
523
00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:38,717
People look at me like being a
lesbian is a fashion craze,
524
00:28:38,751 --> 00:28:43,022
When being a lesbian
is my TRUTH!
525
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:47,059
I lick vagina, and I LOVE IT!
526
00:28:47,093 --> 00:28:48,861
[Bongos]
527
00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:52,464
My aching sadness
echoes endlessly,
528
00:28:52,498 --> 00:28:57,236
Like the DRIP, DRIP, DRIP of
the raindrops flow.
529
00:28:57,269 --> 00:29:01,340
My bitter tears bleed, down in
the puddles
530
00:29:01,373 --> 00:29:04,210
Of the cruel, cracked streets!
531
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:09,681
[Grindr message tone]
532
00:29:09,715 --> 00:29:13,352
My heart... MENSTRUATES
533
00:29:13,385 --> 00:29:16,222
Looooong and loney
534
00:29:16,255 --> 00:29:20,226
Under the hangdog
moon BELOOOOW!
535
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:26,665
[Grindr message tones]
536
00:29:26,698 --> 00:29:31,237
My lithe loins birth
a pale horse.
537
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:36,108
[Grindr message tones]
538
00:29:36,142 --> 00:29:43,449
Born of bitter PAIN
and WOOOOOEEEE!
539
00:29:43,482 --> 00:29:45,451
[Grindr message tones]
540
00:29:45,484 --> 00:29:53,525
[Corey and Pete laughing]
541
00:29:53,559 --> 00:29:57,263
MOTHER GAIA, LET MY PEOPLE GO!
542
00:29:57,296 --> 00:30:03,335
[Snapping]
543
00:30:03,369 --> 00:30:04,837
That's my sister!
544
00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:06,372
- Kelsey?
- Yeah
545
00:30:06,405 --> 00:30:07,806
Oh man, she's really cool.
546
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,208
She taught me how to read.
547
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:12,578
My first book was "Our Bodies,
Ourselves."
548
00:30:12,611 --> 00:30:14,580
Where are you going?
549
00:30:14,613 --> 00:30:17,049
And now, everybody,
here's Pete!
550
00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:19,651
Here's Pete, everybody!
Thank you.
551
00:30:19,685 --> 00:30:28,895
[Snapping]
552
00:30:28,928 --> 00:30:31,397
There is a place
beyond desire,
553
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:33,665
Beyond wanting and need.
554
00:30:33,699 --> 00:30:39,505
We join, man to man,
hand to hand,
555
00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:42,741
Strength to strength.
556
00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:47,713
Forever in you, forever in me.
557
00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:49,381
Thank you.
558
00:30:49,415 --> 00:30:51,783
[Snapping]
559
00:30:51,817 --> 00:30:53,019
YES!
560
00:30:53,052 --> 00:31:00,159
[Corey claps, then snaps]
561
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,361
I've never seen you at
this thing before!
562
00:31:02,394 --> 00:31:03,829
Are you a poetry lover?
563
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:07,099
Well, I... not exactly.
564
00:31:07,133 --> 00:31:09,101
I'm a little behind
on my reading.
565
00:31:09,135 --> 00:31:11,103
Why, what's the last
thing you read?
566
00:31:11,137 --> 00:31:13,772
"Poor Little Bitch Girl,"
by Jackie Collins.
567
00:31:13,805 --> 00:31:17,476
- So you're into the classics.
- Definitely.
568
00:31:17,509 --> 00:31:21,813
I'm just a lit nerd, I've
always got my face in a book.
569
00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:24,050
- I even write a little bit.
- Nice!
570
00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:26,452
Not what you expected?
571
00:31:26,485 --> 00:31:28,187
Well, when it comes to you,
572
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:31,357
I'm learning to expect
the unexpected.
573
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:33,359
My uncle actually owns
the pizzeria.
574
00:31:33,392 --> 00:31:37,096
Once his heart started going
bad, I had to help out.
575
00:31:37,129 --> 00:31:40,332
Besides, grad school's a
little pricey.
576
00:31:40,366 --> 00:31:42,334
I had no idea.
577
00:31:42,368 --> 00:31:44,436
Hey, do you think you'd
want to go to...
578
00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:46,238
[Phone ringing]
579
00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:50,809
Oh, duty calls!
I've actually gotta run.
580
00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:53,312
But, I'd love to talk
some more sometime.
581
00:31:53,345 --> 00:31:58,084
Yeah - you know
where to find me.
582
00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:01,687
Sure do!
Alright, I'll see you soon.
583
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:19,271
I'm... Corey.
584
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:22,708
- She's pretty.
- Yeah, she was.
585
00:32:22,741 --> 00:32:25,311
What's her name?
586
00:32:25,344 --> 00:32:28,314
Ask me a question I
can answer.
587
00:32:28,347 --> 00:32:48,400
Um, your name?
588
00:32:48,434 --> 00:32:51,403
So, you bag that
poetic Paisano yet?
589
00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:55,507
Who, Pete? No. I...
590
00:32:55,541 --> 00:32:58,610
He wouldn't be interested
in me, not really.
591
00:32:58,644 --> 00:32:59,845
Are you kidding me?
592
00:32:59,878 --> 00:33:01,580
I saw the way he
looked at you.
593
00:33:01,613 --> 00:33:03,782
Yeah, and you also saw what
happened with Jon!
594
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,384
How do I know this
guy's even gay?
595
00:33:05,417 --> 00:33:07,886
He's on Grindr!
He's gay enough.
596
00:33:07,919 --> 00:33:12,091
Get on that thing and grind!
597
00:33:12,124 --> 00:33:17,196
So, the divorce is
finally taken care of.
598
00:33:17,229 --> 00:33:23,069
So how are you doing with the,
um... boyfriend?
599
00:33:23,102 --> 00:33:25,404
I'm surpised I can even walk.
600
00:33:25,437 --> 00:33:26,438
What?
601
00:33:26,472 --> 00:33:29,808
I pulled a hamstring.
We went hiking.
602
00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:34,846
How, um... how is he?
603
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,315
What do you mean?
604
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:40,819
What do I mean? I mean...
605
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:44,523
I mean, how is he
with... all of this.
606
00:33:44,556 --> 00:33:49,095
Oh, well - he's the best
I've ever had.
607
00:33:49,128 --> 00:33:52,831
He is like... one of
those army knives.
608
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:55,134
Of sexual positions.
609
00:33:55,167 --> 00:33:57,503
I meant more feelings, but...
610
00:33:57,536 --> 00:34:01,073
I literally had no idea some
of these sexual positions
611
00:34:01,107 --> 00:34:02,474
Even existed.
612
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:08,614
The Tokyo Swirl.
613
00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:11,250
The Slap Chop!
614
00:34:11,283 --> 00:34:13,952
God, that was a scary one!
615
00:34:13,985 --> 00:34:20,692
The Bird of Paradise.
616
00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:23,795
One-Legged King Pigeon.
617
00:34:23,829 --> 00:34:25,063
From the side!
618
00:34:25,097 --> 00:34:27,065
I... I don't need to...
619
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:31,103
Downward-Facing Dong.
620
00:34:31,137 --> 00:34:34,273
One time, we even did
it on my desk.
621
00:34:34,306 --> 00:34:34,973
Desk?
622
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:36,775
I know, right?
623
00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:39,778
I'm starting to get a little
bit of a migraine.
624
00:34:39,811 --> 00:34:41,580
[Text message tone]
625
00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:44,250
Ooh, I think that's him!
Speak of the devil.
626
00:34:44,283 --> 00:34:46,152
Oh, he wants tacos.
627
00:34:46,185 --> 00:34:47,286
[Text message tone]
628
00:34:47,319 --> 00:34:50,656
No, wait - hot dogs!
He can never decide!
629
00:34:50,689 --> 00:34:52,458
Yeah, listen -
630
00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:54,693
I am going to be really
booked-up
631
00:34:54,726 --> 00:34:56,094
For the next few weeks.
632
00:34:56,128 --> 00:35:01,367
There's a... conference.
633
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,270
So my colleague is going to
fill in for me.
634
00:35:04,303 --> 00:35:06,272
All you have to do
is call her.
635
00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:09,175
Her number's right here.
636
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:16,748
And she's going to take
great care of you.
637
00:35:16,782 --> 00:35:18,750
Well, I'll try.
638
00:35:18,784 --> 00:35:21,487
But after being with you,
639
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:29,995
Anybody else is a pretty
poor substitute.
640
00:35:30,028 --> 00:35:32,164
Looks like your
ball's hurting.
641
00:35:32,198 --> 00:35:36,001
You don't know the half of it.
642
00:35:36,034 --> 00:35:43,975
Ahh!
643
00:35:44,009 --> 00:35:45,911
Woah, collision!
644
00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:48,447
Oh, the humanity!
645
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,649
Man, I did not expect
to see you here.
646
00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:52,451
Yeah, obviously.
647
00:35:52,484 --> 00:35:55,454
I sent your goodies
flying everywhere.
648
00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:59,458
So sorry - wow, this is a
lot of pretzels!
649
00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:02,361
204 - not that I've counted.
650
00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:03,995
Two hundred and...?
651
00:36:04,029 --> 00:36:05,797
Four.
Each time, every time.
652
00:36:05,831 --> 00:36:07,999
If there's less than that,
I take them back.
653
00:36:08,033 --> 00:36:11,002
What if there's more?
654
00:36:11,036 --> 00:36:12,971
Just hold tight - I'll
grab another bag.
655
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:22,714
I'll be right back.
656
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:27,653
I just lost count - what
number am I on?
657
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,755
78.
658
00:36:29,788 --> 00:36:31,290
112.
659
00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,692
Down the hatch, 78!
660
00:36:33,725 --> 00:36:36,562
[Grindr message tones]
661
00:36:36,595 --> 00:36:37,829
Popular!
662
00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:42,301
Yeah, you know me, Mr. Love.
663
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:45,337
It's probably just my sister
punking me again.
664
00:36:45,371 --> 00:36:47,339
I've actually met a lot of
cool people on that.
665
00:36:47,373 --> 00:36:50,342
Mainly I just use it to
connect with friends,
666
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:52,010
And people I care about.
667
00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:54,580
What about you?
Do you hook up often?
668
00:36:54,613 --> 00:36:56,382
Me? Uh, me?
669
00:36:56,415 --> 00:36:58,350
You know, like once
or twice a...
670
00:36:58,384 --> 00:37:00,919
- day?
- decade. Day-cade.
671
00:37:00,952 --> 00:37:03,422
- Yeah right!
- What about you?
672
00:37:03,455 --> 00:37:07,459
I guess I'm just a little
bit of a romantic.
673
00:37:07,493 --> 00:37:09,461
I just want to allow
things to happen.
674
00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:14,032
Besides, love can't be
planned, right?
675
00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:17,403
Right? Right! Me too.
676
00:37:17,436 --> 00:37:22,441
Planning, pshh!
I don't even believe in that.
677
00:37:22,474 --> 00:37:24,943
Like for example, my
birthday's coming up
678
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:25,977
In a few weeks,
679
00:37:26,011 --> 00:37:27,779
I'm super casual about it.
680
00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:30,181
I'm not even going to
celebrate it.
681
00:37:30,215 --> 00:37:32,150
Oh, come on!
You have to celebrate!
682
00:37:32,183 --> 00:37:33,385
Nope.
683
00:37:33,419 --> 00:37:36,254
Well, if it's not too forward,
do you want to do
684
00:37:36,288 --> 00:37:44,630
Something together?
685
00:37:44,663 --> 00:37:46,998
Please tell me you don't
have a puppet.
686
00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,034
- What?
- Or a twin.
687
00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:52,003
I'm an only child, and puppets
kind of give me the creeps.
688
00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:55,474
Me too... now.
689
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:58,143
You're sure you're really gay?
690
00:37:58,176 --> 00:38:02,080
I checked... really
thoroughly.
691
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:03,482
See, you're funny, too!
692
00:38:03,515 --> 00:38:05,751
Why aren't you married,
or taken,
693
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,854
Or being ravaged by 100
guys a night?
694
00:38:08,887 --> 00:38:12,358
I doubt I could keep up with
100, but I don't know.
695
00:38:12,391 --> 00:38:14,360
The first day or two
would be fun!
696
00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:19,465
- But after that...
- Shut up.
697
00:38:19,498 --> 00:38:22,534
- You want the truth?
- Yeah.
698
00:38:22,568 --> 00:38:24,235
I just really
haven't had time.
699
00:38:24,269 --> 00:38:28,474
My uncle requires a
lot of care.
700
00:38:28,507 --> 00:38:30,476
Relationships can
just be so...
701
00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:38,183
- complicated.
- Oh yeah.
702
00:38:38,216 --> 00:38:41,252
I'll give you a dollar if you
can catch this in your mouth.
703
00:38:41,286 --> 00:38:44,089
Bring it on!
704
00:38:44,122 --> 00:38:49,528
Ahh, no!
705
00:38:49,561 --> 00:38:52,197
So, Bill was pouring the rum,
706
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:53,999
And I said to him,
707
00:38:54,032 --> 00:38:59,104
"Well yes, I would like a
little Captain in me."
708
00:38:59,137 --> 00:39:03,274
So he rolled me over, bent me
over that big space chair,
709
00:39:03,308 --> 00:39:06,344
And we went at it -
warp speed ahead!
710
00:39:06,378 --> 00:39:07,979
Completely out of the blue?
711
00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:09,481
Completely out of the blue.
712
00:39:09,515 --> 00:39:12,250
Some of the best times
I've ever had
713
00:39:12,283 --> 00:39:14,420
Are completely out
of the blue.
714
00:39:14,453 --> 00:39:18,189
You've got to roll
with the changes.
715
00:39:18,223 --> 00:39:21,026
Leap before you
look sometimes!
716
00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:26,364
Bone a spaceman or two!
717
00:39:26,398 --> 00:39:28,900
So, what's my penance?
718
00:39:28,934 --> 00:39:33,371
Millie, we've been over this.
You know I'm not a priest.
719
00:39:33,405 --> 00:39:35,907
Besides, there's no crime in
giving yourself over
720
00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:41,680
To the love of... a starship
captain... commander.
721
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,014
All of them!
722
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:44,516
That's a relief.
723
00:39:44,550 --> 00:40:01,132
You should hear what I did to
Dr. Spork!
724
00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:03,902
Wow!
725
00:40:03,935 --> 00:40:05,704
All this for lunch?
726
00:40:05,737 --> 00:40:08,640
My cleaning lady's a klepto.
727
00:40:08,674 --> 00:40:10,642
Sure you're not just
addicted to work?
728
00:40:10,676 --> 00:40:13,344
Hey, I'll do the analyzing
around here, mister!
729
00:40:13,378 --> 00:40:16,414
- Where are we going?
- That's a surprise.
730
00:40:16,448 --> 00:40:19,685
I'm not super-big on surpises.
731
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:31,262
You're going to like this one.
732
00:40:31,296 --> 00:40:34,500
Wow... so this is lunch?
733
00:40:34,533 --> 00:40:37,703
It's no fancy restaurant,
I know.
734
00:40:37,736 --> 00:40:40,271
But I wanted to share
this with you.
735
00:40:40,305 --> 00:40:43,241
Oh God, It's beautiful!
736
00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:44,543
Epic!
737
00:40:44,576 --> 00:40:50,649
And I cannot stand that word,
but this is truly...
738
00:40:50,682 --> 00:40:53,118
Epic.
739
00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:54,553
It's my refuge.
740
00:40:54,586 --> 00:40:58,056
It makes me feel centered.
741
00:40:58,089 --> 00:40:59,758
No matter what's going on,
742
00:40:59,791 --> 00:41:06,164
Everything's going
to be alright.
743
00:41:06,197 --> 00:41:11,169
I need to feel that.
744
00:41:11,202 --> 00:41:14,139
Look, I know you've been hurt,
and I don't want to...
745
00:41:14,172 --> 00:41:21,613
That was all in the past.
746
00:41:21,647 --> 00:41:26,284
I was with my ex for
a long time.
747
00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:30,589
I knew it was over
before he did.
748
00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:34,359
When a man loves you, it's
right there in his eyes.
749
00:41:34,392 --> 00:41:36,361
When he looks at you,
750
00:41:36,394 --> 00:41:44,335
You can tell you're like
breathing to him.
751
00:41:44,369 --> 00:41:46,337
Hey, let's chow down!
752
00:41:46,371 --> 00:41:48,339
I've got some great
food for us.
753
00:41:48,373 --> 00:43:01,446
* * *
754
00:43:01,479 --> 00:43:04,315
So...
755
00:43:04,349 --> 00:43:08,486
Yeah.
I should probably get going.
756
00:43:08,519 --> 00:43:11,589
Yeah.
757
00:43:11,623 --> 00:43:47,558
I might want to be too...
758
00:43:47,592 --> 00:45:44,709
* * *
759
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:46,845
A three-layer birthday
ice cream cake
760
00:45:46,878 --> 00:45:49,347
That says, "Happy
Birthday Corey."
761
00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:51,116
Big old letters!
762
00:45:51,149 --> 00:45:54,019
No, no, that's "Corey,"
with an E-Y.
763
00:45:54,052 --> 00:45:56,321
Okay, Friday? That's perfect,
764
00:45:56,354 --> 00:46:06,697
Yes, I'm sure Corey's going to
be very surprised.
765
00:46:06,731 --> 00:46:10,235
Look at you, the hot
mess express!
766
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,503
Yep!
767
00:46:12,537 --> 00:46:14,039
I'm so proud of you!
768
00:46:14,072 --> 00:46:15,740
You've come so far from the
tight-ass lunatic
769
00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:16,774
I grew up with.
770
00:46:16,808 --> 00:46:18,776
I'm pretty much
Mr. Adventure now.
771
00:46:18,810 --> 00:46:20,778
Don't get hung up on labels.
772
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:22,780
Friendship, love, or...
whatever.
773
00:46:22,814 --> 00:46:24,649
Excellent!
774
00:46:24,682 --> 00:46:25,951
Which reminds me...
775
00:46:25,984 --> 00:46:28,719
I want to talk to you about
the birthday schedule.
776
00:46:28,753 --> 00:46:30,721
I need you to be out of the
house midnight
777
00:46:30,755 --> 00:46:31,923
The night before,
778
00:46:31,957 --> 00:46:33,925
So I can get my birthday
kiss from Pete.
779
00:46:33,959 --> 00:46:35,493
The following day...
780
00:46:35,526 --> 00:46:36,761
Yeah, I'll read it over.
781
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:38,496
Please initial
where the Xs are.
782
00:46:38,529 --> 00:46:40,498
- Freak!
- I was kidding!
783
00:46:40,531 --> 00:46:44,802
I doubt it.
784
00:46:44,836 --> 00:46:51,809
I emailed you a copy.
785
00:46:51,843 --> 00:46:53,811
See you next week!
786
00:46:53,845 --> 00:46:57,148
Corey!
Hi, do you have a minute?
787
00:46:57,182 --> 00:46:59,750
Hi Melissa - no, I'm
on my way out.
788
00:46:59,784 --> 00:47:01,052
It'll just take five minutes.
789
00:47:01,086 --> 00:47:03,054
I didn't have anyone
else to turn to,
790
00:47:03,088 --> 00:47:05,790
And you're the only one that
would understand.
791
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:07,792
Come on in.
792
00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:10,361
I'm sorry to corner you
like this, it's just
793
00:47:10,395 --> 00:47:12,563
I called that
referral you gave me!
794
00:47:12,597 --> 00:47:14,565
And she wouldn't understand!
795
00:47:14,599 --> 00:47:16,134
It's my boyfriend.
796
00:47:16,167 --> 00:47:19,504
I think...
797
00:47:19,537 --> 00:47:21,306
He's cheating.
798
00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:25,810
This is the, uh...
bisexual guy?
799
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,812
- "Flexi."
- Really? Still?
800
00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:29,881
That's okay.
801
00:47:29,915 --> 00:47:33,318
Why do you think he's
being unfaithful?
802
00:47:33,351 --> 00:47:37,022
Um, I don't know if
unfaithful is the word.
803
00:47:37,055 --> 00:47:41,526
Um, I don't know exactly
HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS!
804
00:47:41,559 --> 00:47:43,328
- I just...
- Okay, slow down.
805
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,330
Take it easy.
Tell me what he did.
806
00:47:45,363 --> 00:47:50,301
We've been arguing, and he
keeps making these excuses
807
00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:52,103
To not be with me.
808
00:47:52,137 --> 00:48:01,446
He just looks at me
differently.
809
00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:02,280
Jon!
810
00:48:02,313 --> 00:48:06,117
What?
How did you know I was here?
811
00:48:06,151 --> 00:48:09,687
I... I saw your minivan.
812
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,656
I'm sorry about earlier.
Can we talk?
813
00:48:11,689 --> 00:48:21,899
Well... yeah!
814
00:48:21,933 --> 00:48:24,369
Corey, thank you, so much.
815
00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:28,073
I didn't mean to take
advantage of you,
816
00:48:28,106 --> 00:48:29,807
I appreciate you listening.
817
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:59,304
I really appreciate
our friendship.
818
00:48:59,337 --> 00:49:02,773
- Who died?
- I'll take a shot of whiskey.
819
00:49:02,807 --> 00:49:05,010
Why will no one just
order coffee?
820
00:49:05,043 --> 00:49:08,513
I've tried your coffee.
821
00:49:08,546 --> 00:49:11,316
Speaking of which, I need
to talk to you.
822
00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:14,285
I'm like, having some
cash flow issues.
823
00:49:14,319 --> 00:49:16,087
Hey! You ready?
824
00:49:16,121 --> 00:49:18,089
It's really important!
825
00:49:18,123 --> 00:49:20,625
Kelse, whatever it is, it can
wait til tonight.
826
00:49:20,658 --> 00:49:23,194
We don't need to rush off.
We can hang loose.
827
00:49:23,228 --> 00:49:25,430
No, we can't, we're
on a schedule.
828
00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:27,432
The movie starts in
a half hour.
829
00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:30,601
So we get there a little late.
What's the big deal?
830
00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:32,403
The tickets are
non-refundable.
831
00:49:32,437 --> 00:49:40,911
You know what?
Fine. Enjoy your movie.
832
00:49:40,945 --> 00:49:42,180
You didn't need to leave
her like that.
833
00:49:42,213 --> 00:49:45,216
She sounds like she
needs to talk to you.
834
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,252
Honeslty, I don't want
to hear about
835
00:49:47,285 --> 00:49:49,654
Anyone else's feelings today.
836
00:49:49,687 --> 00:49:51,656
Isn't that kind of your job?
837
00:49:51,689 --> 00:50:02,367
Yeah, well - I'm
off the clock.
838
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:04,035
It was nothing like
the preview.
839
00:50:04,069 --> 00:50:05,836
I thought it was pretty good.
840
00:50:05,870 --> 00:50:08,039
You like that highbrow stuff,
I just wanted a chick flick.
841
00:50:08,073 --> 00:50:10,041
Something simple.
No more surprises.
842
00:50:10,075 --> 00:50:11,709
What are you so wound
up today for?
843
00:50:11,742 --> 00:50:12,843
I don't know, okay?
844
00:50:12,877 --> 00:50:14,079
What can I do to
make it better?
845
00:50:14,112 --> 00:50:16,081
Just quit being so
fucking perfect!
846
00:50:16,114 --> 00:50:18,083
I'm not perfect.
I'm far from it.
847
00:50:18,116 --> 00:50:20,085
Oh my God, seriously,
what's wrong with you?
848
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:21,752
Why do you even like me?
849
00:50:21,786 --> 00:50:23,088
What kind of question is that?
850
00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:24,189
A fair one!
851
00:50:24,222 --> 00:50:26,191
You're a great guy,
with a good heart.
852
00:50:26,224 --> 00:50:27,825
Yeah and I'm really sweet,
and nice,
853
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,027
But you know what, I'm not
some Pepperoni Adonis who...
854
00:50:30,061 --> 00:50:31,429
Wait, is that how you see me?
855
00:50:31,462 --> 00:50:32,697
Trust me, that's how everyone
sees you!
856
00:50:32,730 --> 00:50:33,664
Guys like you...
857
00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,702
There's not "guys like me."
There's just me.
858
00:50:37,735 --> 00:50:40,438
I'm real. What am I to you?
859
00:50:40,471 --> 00:50:42,440
Just some empty-headed
underwear model
860
00:50:42,473 --> 00:50:44,909
Who coasts through life on
his pecs and glutes?
861
00:50:44,942 --> 00:50:50,148
I didn't say you coast.
862
00:50:50,181 --> 00:50:52,883
Come on, you're like the
hottest guy I've ever met!
863
00:50:52,917 --> 00:50:54,885
What could even see in me?!
864
00:50:54,919 --> 00:50:56,687
Don't box me into that.
That's not me.
865
00:50:56,721 --> 00:50:58,789
My entire life I've had to
deal with people treating me
866
00:50:58,823 --> 00:51:00,125
Like a piece of meat.
867
00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:01,692
I didn't expect you to do it,
too.
868
00:51:01,726 --> 00:51:05,263
Wow, that sounds really hard.
869
00:51:05,296 --> 00:51:06,631
I'm just going to
call it a night.
870
00:51:06,664 --> 00:51:07,598
Good.
871
00:51:07,632 --> 00:51:09,800
Call me whenever you get
your head together.
872
00:51:09,834 --> 00:51:23,481
Yeah, don't hold your breath.
873
00:51:23,514 --> 00:51:27,252
Lately I find myself walking
through the woods
874
00:51:27,285 --> 00:51:31,622
With a bunch of raw steaks.
875
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:32,590
Uh-huh.
876
00:51:32,623 --> 00:51:36,394
The mountain lion at the
zoo got a new mate.
877
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:39,063
I don't know what he
sees in her.
878
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:43,000
She's just some plain
Jane cougar.
879
00:51:43,033 --> 00:51:45,636
That fleabag doesn't know
what he needs.
880
00:51:45,670 --> 00:51:46,704
Uh-huh.
881
00:51:46,737 --> 00:51:50,408
Once you go lion, you
never stop tryin'.
882
00:51:50,441 --> 00:51:52,210
Sounds good.
883
00:51:52,243 --> 00:51:55,813
Hell yeah it does.
884
00:51:55,846 --> 00:51:57,815
Wait, what?
885
00:51:57,848 --> 00:52:02,520
Huh?
886
00:52:02,553 --> 00:52:03,921
On the house.
887
00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:05,923
Thanks.
888
00:52:05,956 --> 00:52:07,158
So I guess you heard?/
889
00:52:07,192 --> 00:52:09,160
He called to cry about it.
I hung up on him.
890
00:52:09,194 --> 00:52:11,162
I haven't heard him cry that
much since
891
00:52:11,196 --> 00:52:13,998
They stopped making Zima.
892
00:52:14,031 --> 00:52:15,333
You and I still cool?
893
00:52:15,366 --> 00:52:18,369
Slam poet code, dude.
894
00:52:18,403 --> 00:52:20,371
That's what I'm talking about.
895
00:52:20,405 --> 00:52:22,573
How long have you
had this place?
896
00:52:22,607 --> 00:52:24,375
Three years.
897
00:52:24,409 --> 00:52:27,278
I always wanted a place
where freaks, weirdos,
898
00:52:27,312 --> 00:52:31,249
Artists, and queers could come
get amped up on caffeine
899
00:52:31,282 --> 00:52:35,986
And inspiration, and go
take on the world.
900
00:52:36,020 --> 00:52:38,723
There's a lot of you in here.
901
00:52:38,756 --> 00:52:40,124
It's home!
902
00:52:40,157 --> 00:52:42,527
Hell, I slept in the
kitchen the first year.
903
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,396
Health Department finally
kicked me out.
904
00:52:45,430 --> 00:52:46,331
Why?
905
00:52:46,364 --> 00:52:48,466
I did this one babe
on the counter.
906
00:52:48,499 --> 00:52:49,900
Health inspector walked in
907
00:52:49,934 --> 00:52:53,471
Right before I
ground her mocha.
908
00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:55,773
I just hope I can hold on
to this place.
909
00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:59,109
I'm a people person - but
spreadsheets, ugh!
910
00:52:59,143 --> 00:53:02,947
Me too.
Money just gives me headaches!
911
00:53:02,980 --> 00:53:05,783
I like my dollars
like my women:
912
00:53:05,816 --> 00:53:10,255
Too many to count!
913
00:53:10,288 --> 00:53:15,326
So, are you gonna go over to
our place later?
914
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:16,994
You think he'd want me to?
915
00:53:17,027 --> 00:53:18,229
God yes!
916
00:53:18,263 --> 00:53:20,431
I'm sure he's hanging
by the phone,
917
00:53:20,465 --> 00:53:22,833
Counting the minutes
and the pretzels.
918
00:53:22,867 --> 00:53:24,269
204.
919
00:53:24,302 --> 00:53:26,271
God, he's got you
doing it now, too?
920
00:53:26,304 --> 00:53:28,273
Unfortunately.
921
00:53:28,306 --> 00:53:31,542
He's been planning his
midnight kiss since 1985.
922
00:53:31,576 --> 00:53:32,710
You're right.
923
00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:34,779
I have to get the
birthday kiss right.
924
00:53:34,812 --> 00:53:35,980
Yeah!
No pressure, dude.
925
00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:38,749
Game face!
926
00:53:38,783 --> 00:53:40,918
I gotta get out of here,
gotta get to the pizzeria.
927
00:53:40,951 --> 00:53:44,255
Here - take our house key.
928
00:53:44,289 --> 00:53:47,091
He loves surprises!
929
00:53:47,124 --> 00:53:53,097
Thanks, Kelsey.
930
00:53:53,130 --> 00:53:58,269
I said to Bobby, "Let's try it
missionary style this time."
931
00:53:58,303 --> 00:54:00,505
You know... "heart to heart."
932
00:54:00,538 --> 00:54:04,342
Millie, have you ever heard of
Münchausen Syndrome?
933
00:54:04,375 --> 00:54:08,579
Heard of it?
Hell, I invented it.
934
00:54:08,613 --> 00:54:14,852
I just wish I had someone
to share it with.
935
00:54:14,885 --> 00:54:18,022
I mean, I wish I had someone
special to share it with,
936
00:54:18,055 --> 00:54:20,024
For free.
937
00:54:20,057 --> 00:54:24,929
You're kind of like a
talk gigolo.
938
00:54:24,962 --> 00:54:31,268
Listen - I've got to go,
it's my big 3-0 tomorrow.
939
00:54:31,302 --> 00:54:35,540
Woo-hoo, the big 3-0!
940
00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:37,542
What is that in gay years, 85?
941
00:54:37,575 --> 00:54:38,743
Hey!
942
00:54:38,776 --> 00:54:44,281
Hey, yeah - those old hard
candies, mentholated ointment,
943
00:54:44,315 --> 00:54:48,118
Adult diapers!
They're all ahead of you!
944
00:54:48,152 --> 00:54:52,657
You know, I remember
when I was 30.
945
00:54:52,690 --> 00:54:57,495
I was so set in my ways, so
sure of everything.
946
00:54:57,528 --> 00:55:03,701
I didn't know about change.
947
00:55:03,734 --> 00:55:06,904
I didn't know how much
fun I could have.
948
00:55:06,937 --> 00:55:09,874
It's about the journey.
949
00:55:09,907 --> 00:55:14,211
The big adventure is
just ahead of you!
950
00:55:14,244 --> 00:55:22,520
Just find someone to share it
with, and you've got it made.
951
00:55:22,553 --> 00:55:25,155
Yeah.
952
00:55:25,189 --> 00:55:31,128
Of course... I do
make things up.
953
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:55,953
[Doorbell]
954
00:55:55,986 --> 00:55:57,755
Kelsey: I don't need much!
955
00:55:57,788 --> 00:56:00,625
Just a couple thousand to
get me through.
956
00:56:00,658 --> 00:56:03,961
[Knocking]
957
00:56:03,994 --> 00:56:05,195
Kelse, I gotta go.
958
00:56:05,229 --> 00:56:23,448
Kelsey: Call me back!
959
00:56:23,481 --> 00:56:25,149
What are you doing?
960
00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:30,555
I came home.
961
00:56:30,588 --> 00:56:35,059
This place is not your home.
962
00:56:35,092 --> 00:56:38,028
We had plans, remember?
963
00:56:38,062 --> 00:56:39,430
The kiss.
964
00:56:39,464 --> 00:56:41,499
I remember a lot of things.
Like, your girlfriend.
965
00:56:41,532 --> 00:56:42,800
Where is she?
966
00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:44,769
It's - it's not like that.
We have an understanding.
967
00:56:44,802 --> 00:56:46,771
Really?
That's not what she says.
968
00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:48,473
Wait - you're not still
talking to her?
969
00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:50,475
I have to, Jon! You won't.
970
00:56:50,508 --> 00:56:52,009
Jesus, Corey, that's
really unethical.
971
00:56:52,042 --> 00:56:52,910
Yeah?
972
00:56:52,943 --> 00:56:55,813
Tell me a little
something about ethics.
973
00:56:55,846 --> 00:56:58,248
Don't!
974
00:56:58,282 --> 00:57:00,618
I can't help it.
975
00:57:00,651 --> 00:57:03,353
I feel like I can't
breathe without you.
976
00:57:03,387 --> 00:57:06,056
Use your inhaler.
You always forget.
977
00:57:06,090 --> 00:57:08,826
Sometimes you don't
appreciate what you have
978
00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:11,328
Until you lose it.
979
00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:14,231
You! I didn't appreciate
what I had with you!
980
00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:20,471
I didn't realize.
981
00:57:20,505 --> 00:57:24,408
- You do now?
- Yeah.
982
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:26,477
No matter how scared I was,
983
00:57:26,511 --> 00:57:30,014
No matter how much I
wanted or needed,
984
00:57:30,047 --> 00:57:36,386
I should've never done
anything to hurt you.
985
00:57:36,420 --> 00:58:10,788
I told you not to come back,
unless...
986
00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:16,360
[Moaning]
987
00:58:16,393 --> 00:58:19,229
I have missed this!
988
00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:20,865
That was a mistake.
989
00:58:20,898 --> 00:58:23,601
A mistake?
Are you kidding me?!
990
00:58:23,634 --> 00:58:25,603
This was fucking perfect!
991
00:58:25,636 --> 00:58:27,605
You felt it too, I
know you did.
992
00:58:27,638 --> 00:58:30,908
It wasn't you.
I just need time.
993
00:58:30,941 --> 00:58:32,176
[Car horn]
994
00:58:32,209 --> 00:58:35,045
You should probably get
your clothes and go.
995
00:58:35,079 --> 00:58:36,847
Hey!
996
00:58:36,881 --> 00:58:40,017
I had Jimbo watch the shop, I
didn't want you to miss out
997
00:58:40,050 --> 00:58:40,885
On your birthday...
998
00:58:40,918 --> 00:58:42,887
What the fuck, we didn't
order a pizza!
999
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,891
Wait a minute... the
pizza guy's gay?!
1000
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:48,693
Pete! Don't go!
1001
00:58:48,726 --> 00:58:51,261
There is some old lady
outside in a minivan
1002
00:58:51,295 --> 00:58:52,262
About to lose her shit!
1003
00:58:52,296 --> 00:58:54,098
Oh fuck, my ride's here!
1004
00:58:54,131 --> 00:58:55,299
Your ride?!
1005
00:58:55,332 --> 00:58:57,301
What did you expect me to do,
walk?
1006
00:58:57,334 --> 00:58:59,303
You've got to be
fucking kidding me!
1007
00:58:59,336 --> 00:59:00,470
Kelse...
1008
00:59:00,504 --> 00:59:02,272
Hello, Jon? Are you here?
1009
00:59:02,306 --> 00:59:05,175
I've been waiting for half an
hour, I've been worried...
1010
00:59:05,209 --> 00:59:06,644
- Corey?!
- Hi.
1011
00:59:06,677 --> 00:59:07,878
What are you doing here?
1012
00:59:07,912 --> 00:59:10,080
He lives here.
Alone, from now on.
1013
00:59:10,114 --> 00:59:12,583
Jon, Corey - oh my God!
1014
00:59:12,617 --> 00:59:13,984
Liss, it's not what
it looks like!
1015
00:59:14,018 --> 00:59:16,553
It's exactly what
it looks like!
1016
00:59:16,587 --> 00:59:20,124
Corey, have you been
fucking my boyfriend?
1017
00:59:20,157 --> 00:59:23,628
Technically, you were
fucking my boyfriend.
1018
00:59:23,661 --> 00:59:25,596
- Boyfriend? Really?
- No.
1019
00:59:25,630 --> 00:59:29,033
I can't believe this, I can't
believe I trusted you!
1020
00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:31,101
- Liss, sweetie...
- I'm talking about him!
1021
00:59:31,135 --> 00:59:33,470
- Me? What about him?!
- Oh, thanks.
1022
00:59:33,503 --> 00:59:35,472
Wait a minute - he was
upfront with me!
1023
00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:37,742
He never tried to be a
saint... Hi.
1024
00:59:37,775 --> 00:59:40,678
He just told me that, um...
No! It was you!
1025
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:42,880
I... was trying to
protect you.
1026
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:45,650
Well you should've
tried harder!
1027
00:59:45,683 --> 00:59:47,317
No, Kelse, please don't go!
1028
00:59:47,351 --> 00:59:49,119
I needed you tonight, but no!
1029
00:59:49,153 --> 00:59:51,555
I've been trying to talk to
you for like, a week,
1030
00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:53,023
But you're too busy,
just like always.
1031
00:59:53,057 --> 00:59:53,891
Wait, Kelse!
1032
00:59:53,924 --> 00:59:55,325
Are you happy?
You've totally destroyed
1033
00:59:55,359 --> 00:59:56,460
My whole fucking life.
1034
00:59:56,493 --> 00:59:58,462
Looks like you did that
fine on your own!
1035
00:59:58,495 --> 00:59:59,596
Lissa, wait...
1036
00:59:59,630 --> 01:00:01,766
I bought you these!
1037
01:00:01,799 --> 01:00:03,768
I might still have
the receipt,
1038
01:00:03,801 --> 01:00:05,535
And maybe I can get that back.
1039
01:00:05,569 --> 01:00:07,672
- Baby, wait...
- Oh, I am not your baby!
1040
01:00:07,705 --> 01:00:09,674
And you are not mine!
No, you...
1041
01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:10,875
Can find a ride home.
1042
01:00:10,908 --> 01:00:12,409
Where am I supposed to go?
1043
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:13,711
I don't care!
1044
01:00:13,744 --> 01:00:19,049
You two are perfect
for each other.
1045
01:00:19,083 --> 01:00:45,209
Give me that!
1046
01:00:45,242 --> 01:00:50,014
Hey, mom...
1047
01:00:50,047 --> 01:01:41,866
* * *
1048
01:01:41,899 --> 01:01:45,335
Did you throw up on
the stairs?
1049
01:01:45,369 --> 01:01:48,305
It looks like a Banksy.
1050
01:01:48,338 --> 01:01:51,842
I go in front of the
licensing board in a week.
1051
01:01:51,876 --> 01:01:54,912
It's supposed to be
confidential, but...
1052
01:01:54,945 --> 01:01:55,980
What?
1053
01:01:56,013 --> 01:02:00,684
Melissa may have mentioned
it to a few people...
1054
01:02:00,717 --> 01:02:02,152
Online.
1055
01:02:02,186 --> 01:02:04,688
Hello, internet!
1056
01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:08,125
Have you seen this man?!
1057
01:02:08,158 --> 01:02:10,560
Don't let him fuck
your boyfriend.
1058
01:02:10,594 --> 01:02:12,096
Cause you know what?
1059
01:02:12,129 --> 01:02:14,765
He might want to FUCK
YOUR BOYFRIEND!
1060
01:02:14,799 --> 01:02:16,767
CAUSE HE'S A BOYFRIEND-FUCKER!
1061
01:02:16,801 --> 01:02:18,936
That's what he is, he's a
boyfriend-fucker!
1062
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:21,772
So find him before he fucks
your boyfriend!
1063
01:02:21,806 --> 01:02:24,574
Wow, that's a happy lady.
1064
01:02:24,608 --> 01:02:27,144
52,000 views. Good for you.
1065
01:02:27,177 --> 01:02:30,080
Yeah, hating me has
gone viral.
1066
01:02:30,114 --> 01:02:33,583
That's what happens when they
catch you ridin' dirty, hoss!
1067
01:02:33,617 --> 01:02:35,585
Aw, don't be gross.
1068
01:02:35,619 --> 01:02:37,387
Gross? Gross is walking in,
1069
01:02:37,421 --> 01:02:40,825
Watching you work your scuzzy
ex like a Shake Weight,
1070
01:02:40,858 --> 01:02:43,760
That's gross!
1071
01:02:43,794 --> 01:02:47,932
Oh, whatever.
Oh, fuck my life!
1072
01:02:47,965 --> 01:02:50,367
What did you end up doing
on yor birthday?
1073
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:54,638
Oh, y'know, shotgunned three
boxes of Chablis
1074
01:02:54,671 --> 01:02:58,042
And a case of
Mexican-style Aerosol cheez.
1075
01:02:58,075 --> 01:03:00,677
Officially, I still hate you.
1076
01:03:00,710 --> 01:03:01,946
Okay.
1077
01:03:01,979 --> 01:03:05,382
- But unofficially...
- I'm so sorry.
1078
01:03:05,415 --> 01:03:08,152
I know you are. Dumb slut.
1079
01:03:08,185 --> 01:03:11,822
Sex with an ex, the dirty
dance of death!
1080
01:03:11,856 --> 01:03:14,859
His cock should come with
a warning label:
1081
01:03:14,892 --> 01:03:18,428
"Not to be taken internally."
1082
01:03:18,462 --> 01:03:24,501
Right up there.
1083
01:03:24,534 --> 01:03:26,871
I'm going home to Tehachapi.
1084
01:03:26,904 --> 01:03:29,907
Gonna live in a
trailer with mom.
1085
01:03:29,940 --> 01:03:32,910
Probably sit out on the porch
and play a banjo.
1086
01:03:32,943 --> 01:03:34,912
Contemplate messing
with tourists.
1087
01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:37,915
- What about the...
- It's gone, Corey.
1088
01:03:37,948 --> 01:03:42,319
The coffee bar's gone.
There's nothing left to do.
1089
01:03:42,352 --> 01:04:03,307
I'm going home.
1090
01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:24,361
Oh no.
1091
01:04:24,394 --> 01:04:25,629
[Phone ringing]
1092
01:04:25,662 --> 01:04:28,132
Voicemail: Hey, you've
reached Pete, leave a message.
1093
01:04:28,165 --> 01:04:32,102
I know, I know you
probably hate me,
1094
01:04:32,136 --> 01:04:35,705
But I want you to know
how sorry I am.
1095
01:04:35,739 --> 01:04:42,112
About your uncle, and about...
what I did.
1096
01:04:42,146 --> 01:04:47,617
God, if you were here with me,
I would just do...
1097
01:04:47,651 --> 01:04:48,818
Hey.
1098
01:04:48,852 --> 01:04:50,620
Backflips.
1099
01:04:50,654 --> 01:04:53,557
Hi.
1100
01:04:53,590 --> 01:04:56,093
I'm...
1101
01:04:56,126 --> 01:04:59,796
I'm sorry if I interrupted
your phone call.
1102
01:04:59,829 --> 01:05:03,400
Pete, I am so sorry.
1103
01:05:03,433 --> 01:05:07,437
Please listen, please listen,
please...
1104
01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:20,985
Look, whatever you have to
say, just say it.
1105
01:05:21,018 --> 01:05:23,287
I'm sorry I cheated.
1106
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:26,656
I'm sorry for being
so selfish.
1107
01:05:26,690 --> 01:05:30,360
I'm sorry about the movie.
1108
01:05:30,394 --> 01:05:33,230
I'm sorry about being so
insane about my birthday.
1109
01:05:33,263 --> 01:05:37,001
I'm sorry about hogging all
the even-numbered pretzels,
1110
01:05:37,034 --> 01:05:39,003
It's not fair when I do that.
1111
01:05:39,036 --> 01:05:44,975
I'm sorry about...
1112
01:05:45,009 --> 01:05:48,145
For the Kennedy assassination?
1113
01:05:48,178 --> 01:05:52,516
"I'm sorry about
global warming."
1114
01:05:52,549 --> 01:05:54,384
And skinny jeans?
1115
01:05:54,418 --> 01:05:57,621
Yeah. My fault.
1116
01:05:57,654 --> 01:06:03,793
"And most of all..."
1117
01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:08,665
I'm really sorry
about your uncle.
1118
01:06:08,698 --> 01:06:12,402
Yeah, he was a good man.
1119
01:06:12,436 --> 01:06:15,772
Look, just forget it.
I understand what happened.
1120
01:06:15,805 --> 01:06:19,843
Well, that makes one of us.
1121
01:06:19,876 --> 01:06:24,214
We had a good start.
We had a great start.
1122
01:06:24,248 --> 01:06:27,117
I just don't think either one
of us were ready.
1123
01:06:27,151 --> 01:06:30,820
In these crazy,
stressed-out times, it's...
1124
01:06:30,854 --> 01:06:33,857
Hard to really know
what matters.
1125
01:06:33,890 --> 01:06:38,128
- I'm leaving town tomorrow.
- What?
1126
01:06:38,162 --> 01:06:41,165
I just came her to say
goodbye.
1127
01:06:41,198 --> 01:06:44,301
To this place.
To my uncle Sal.
1128
01:06:44,334 --> 01:06:48,638
- No, you can't leave!
- I can't?
1129
01:06:48,672 --> 01:06:51,708
Give me one good reason why.
1130
01:06:51,741 --> 01:06:53,510
- School.
- School's out.
1131
01:06:53,543 --> 01:06:56,146
- Poetry reading?
- Kelsey's is closed.
1132
01:06:56,180 --> 01:06:57,447
- Pizzeria!
- Corey...
1133
01:06:57,481 --> 01:07:00,917
Hey, pizza is the
lifeblood of our community!
1134
01:07:00,950 --> 01:07:04,588
The gayborhood will
starve without you!
1135
01:07:04,621 --> 01:07:08,925
You don't want that on
your conscience, mister.
1136
01:07:08,958 --> 01:07:13,830
- What about the bears?
- The bears?
1137
01:07:13,863 --> 01:07:16,100
And the otters...
1138
01:07:16,133 --> 01:07:18,768
And the twinks... the
twinks will be fine.
1139
01:07:18,802 --> 01:07:20,870
They don't eat.
1140
01:07:20,904 --> 01:07:22,106
Think about...
1141
01:07:22,139 --> 01:07:24,441
Look, I'm going to go
to Colorado,
1142
01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:27,677
And then down to New Mexico,
maybe Texas.
1143
01:07:27,711 --> 01:07:30,380
Just, away.
1144
01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:33,817
- What does it matter?
- You matter.
1145
01:07:33,850 --> 01:07:37,421
You matter to me.
1146
01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:39,623
I might be back at the
end of summer.
1147
01:07:39,656 --> 01:07:42,092
That is so far away.
1148
01:07:42,126 --> 01:07:47,964
- Pete...
- What?
1149
01:07:47,997 --> 01:07:52,569
Have a great summer.
1150
01:07:52,602 --> 01:07:58,308
[Phone ringing]
1151
01:07:58,342 --> 01:08:03,613
Jon, seriously, I do not -
I'm not in the mood!
1152
01:08:03,647 --> 01:08:04,881
[Phone ringing]
1153
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:06,650
Jon, dammit, for the
love of God,
1154
01:08:06,683 --> 01:08:09,619
I am not going to do the dirty
dance of death with...
1155
01:08:09,653 --> 01:08:15,058
Oh. Sorry. Yes?
1156
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:20,730
No, this is Corey, her
brother, may I...
1157
01:08:20,764 --> 01:08:22,166
No, she's out of town.
1158
01:08:22,199 --> 01:08:26,570
May I ask what this is
in regards to?
1159
01:08:26,603 --> 01:08:31,808
Foreclosure auction?
Tomorrow at noon?
1160
01:08:31,841 --> 01:08:33,877
Tomorrow at noon!
Bye-bye!
1161
01:08:33,910 --> 01:08:44,854
Tomorrow at noon!
Tomorrow at noon!
1162
01:08:44,888 --> 01:08:46,356
Well, here's all this crap!
1163
01:08:46,390 --> 01:08:48,358
Got a match?
I want to burn it.
1164
01:08:48,392 --> 01:08:50,927
Well, there's that positive,
sunshine-y attitude!
1165
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:52,862
You want to save your place,
or not?
1166
01:08:52,896 --> 01:08:53,963
Yes, but...
1167
01:08:53,997 --> 01:08:55,899
Well then sit back and watch
me work my
1168
01:08:55,932 --> 01:08:57,267
Organizational magic.
1169
01:08:57,301 --> 01:09:00,737
Or, as I like to call it...
crazy.
1170
01:09:00,770 --> 01:09:03,540
This time, "crazy" is going
to save your bacon.
1171
01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:08,745
Bacon! I'm hungry,
let's order pizza!
1172
01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:15,352
Better make it Chinese.
1173
01:09:15,385 --> 01:09:17,621
I don't understand
your system.
1174
01:09:17,654 --> 01:09:19,623
The yellow ones are
accounts payable,
1175
01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:22,058
And the white ones are
accounts receivable.
1176
01:09:22,091 --> 01:09:23,360
These are all yellow!
1177
01:09:23,393 --> 01:09:25,629
I ran out of white paper,
okay?!
1178
01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,332
God, this is crazy, they'll
never go for it.
1179
01:09:28,365 --> 01:09:30,334
According to this, you're
not even broke.
1180
01:09:30,367 --> 01:09:32,302
When do you send out bills?
1181
01:09:32,336 --> 01:09:35,339
I don't like to be a buzzkill,
people pay when they can,
1182
01:09:35,372 --> 01:09:36,740
It's totally cool.
1183
01:09:36,773 --> 01:09:39,476
Bankruptcy is not cool!
1184
01:09:39,509 --> 01:09:41,278
Are you updating your Twitter?
1185
01:09:41,311 --> 01:09:44,180
I am making you a
business plan.
1186
01:09:44,214 --> 01:09:46,650
I don't have a fucking
business plan!
1187
01:09:46,683 --> 01:09:50,153
Well, you do now, missy.
1188
01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:52,522
- Bam!
- Blam!
1189
01:09:52,556 --> 01:09:55,259
- Hey, what is this?
- Just leave it!
1190
01:09:55,292 --> 01:09:57,827
This is today!
This is in an hour!
1191
01:09:57,861 --> 01:09:59,363
Your hearing is in an hour!
1192
01:09:59,396 --> 01:10:01,365
So is your auction!
1193
01:10:01,398 --> 01:10:03,367
Call them to reschedule!
1194
01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:04,668
No, it's too late.
1195
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:06,870
I'll go down there and
deal with it after.
1196
01:10:06,903 --> 01:10:08,672
AFTERWARDS WILL BE TOO LATE!
1197
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:11,341
Wow! Then I'll learn how
to pour coffee.
1198
01:10:11,375 --> 01:10:13,743
Oh God, I'd kill myself if I
had to work with
1199
01:10:13,777 --> 01:10:14,978
You every day.
1200
01:10:15,011 --> 01:10:17,714
I mean that with love,
sweetie.
1201
01:10:17,747 --> 01:10:32,629
Come on!
1202
01:10:32,662 --> 01:10:36,032
So, who drove you this time?
My mom?
1203
01:10:36,065 --> 01:10:38,768
Funny. Today's the day, huh?
1204
01:10:38,802 --> 01:10:41,638
Yeah, this is it, time to
pay the piper.
1205
01:10:41,671 --> 01:10:47,210
I'm sorry.
I feel really horrible.
1206
01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:51,648
Hey, I'm an adult.
Today's my fault, not yours.
1207
01:10:51,681 --> 01:10:56,820
Okay, I absolve you - go forth
and sin some more, my son.
1208
01:10:56,853 --> 01:11:04,828
You know if I could do
anything to fix it...
1209
01:11:04,861 --> 01:11:06,696
That would be a miracle.
1210
01:11:06,730 --> 01:11:09,366
I gotta go, I'm going to be
late for my own hanging.
1211
01:11:09,399 --> 01:11:13,002
Kelse, c'mon!
1212
01:11:13,036 --> 01:11:54,378
Why am I the damn pack mule?!
1213
01:11:54,411 --> 01:11:56,880
So, as you can see
in Schedule C,
1214
01:11:56,913 --> 01:12:00,350
The projected revenue stream
in the first six months
1215
01:12:00,384 --> 01:12:03,252
Is consistent with growth in
small businesses
1216
01:12:03,286 --> 01:12:07,190
In the area, as foot traffic
increases the...
1217
01:12:07,223 --> 01:12:10,694
During the late...
seasonally, it's...
1218
01:12:10,727 --> 01:12:13,663
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hm. Yep.
1219
01:12:13,697 --> 01:12:17,434
I read all of it's... words.
Words!
1220
01:12:17,467 --> 01:12:19,436
There's a lot of words.
1221
01:12:19,469 --> 01:12:21,571
Did I do something wrong?
1222
01:12:21,605 --> 01:12:24,741
No, no!
It's perfect.
1223
01:12:24,774 --> 01:12:25,875
It's anal.
1224
01:12:25,909 --> 01:12:30,647
It's loan paperwork, and
banking, and it's just... ugh.
1225
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,649
It just makes me want to barf.
1226
01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:33,917
But you're a loan officer.
1227
01:12:33,950 --> 01:12:38,455
That is what I do!
That is not who I am!
1228
01:12:38,488 --> 01:12:42,091
You know who I am?
1229
01:12:42,125 --> 01:12:44,093
I'M A DANCER!
1230
01:12:44,127 --> 01:12:46,730
[Grindr message tone]
1231
01:12:46,763 --> 01:12:50,534
Oh, stop the... you gotta turn
it down, turn it down...
1232
01:12:50,567 --> 01:12:53,169
Please, please, how
do you do it?
1233
01:12:53,202 --> 01:12:55,439
Oh, that guy.
1234
01:12:55,472 --> 01:12:57,941
I know that guy -
that guy came in!
1235
01:12:57,974 --> 01:12:59,943
That guy paid off your loan!
1236
01:12:59,976 --> 01:13:01,077
WHAT?!
1237
01:13:01,110 --> 01:13:02,479
Pete paid off our loan?
1238
01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:04,080
Yeah!
He sold his business.
1239
01:13:04,113 --> 01:13:05,148
He closed his account.
1240
01:13:05,181 --> 01:13:07,150
He paid off your balance.
1241
01:13:07,183 --> 01:13:08,918
With so much money.
1242
01:13:08,952 --> 01:13:14,223
So much sexy, sexual,
erotic... money.
1243
01:13:14,257 --> 01:13:16,225
So what are we...
1244
01:13:16,259 --> 01:13:17,527
- I love money.
- Yeah...
1245
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:20,196
Sorry to interrupt - what
are we doing here?
1246
01:13:20,229 --> 01:13:22,432
I don't know what
you're doing here.
1247
01:13:22,466 --> 01:13:25,969
But I know what
we're doing here.
1248
01:13:26,002 --> 01:13:29,338
Dancing. Right? Dancing!
1249
01:13:29,372 --> 01:13:35,278
What kind of bank is this?
1250
01:13:35,311 --> 01:13:41,284
Oh, shit! I gotta go!
1251
01:13:41,317 --> 01:13:43,286
Good luck at the hearing!
1252
01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:52,028
I thought he'd never leave!
1253
01:13:52,061 --> 01:13:55,765
It's over. They all left.
1254
01:13:55,799 --> 01:13:57,767
I need to tell you
how sorry I am.
1255
01:13:57,801 --> 01:14:01,971
- I never meant to...
- I withdrew the complaint.
1256
01:14:02,005 --> 01:14:03,840
Why?
1257
01:14:03,873 --> 01:14:07,343
A friend of ours
told me a story.
1258
01:14:07,376 --> 01:14:09,345
What kind of story?
1259
01:14:09,378 --> 01:14:15,485
Well, it was a story about
this great guy,
1260
01:14:15,519 --> 01:14:18,321
Whose heart was
broken into pieces
1261
01:14:18,354 --> 01:14:21,625
By this hot, horny, dumb kid,
1262
01:14:21,658 --> 01:14:27,463
Who was just trying to figure
out what he wanted.
1263
01:14:27,497 --> 01:14:29,465
How does the story end?
1264
01:14:29,499 --> 01:14:33,970
You know, before this whole
situation happened,
1265
01:14:34,003 --> 01:14:37,907
I didn't understand how
far you can go
1266
01:14:37,941 --> 01:14:40,309
When you lose
someone you love.
1267
01:14:40,343 --> 01:14:44,313
Or sometimes... sometimes
not far enough.
1268
01:14:44,347 --> 01:14:46,850
Yeah - I see now that you were
1269
01:14:46,883 --> 01:14:48,852
Trying to get me to see
other people.
1270
01:14:48,885 --> 01:14:51,320
But I didn't!
I didn't do enough.
1271
01:14:51,354 --> 01:14:53,857
When my husband left me,
1272
01:14:53,890 --> 01:14:56,560
I did not have a friend
in the world.
1273
01:14:56,593 --> 01:14:59,262
I don't know what I would have
done without you.
1274
01:14:59,295 --> 01:15:00,463
You would've been fine.
1275
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:02,265
No. You helped me
get through it.
1276
01:15:02,298 --> 01:15:09,105
You helped me get out,
and try to rebuild my life.
1277
01:15:09,138 --> 01:15:14,744
And it cost you.
1278
01:15:14,778 --> 01:15:23,286
You know, I just hope that
some day, you find somebody
1279
01:15:23,319 --> 01:15:26,590
That helps you go
through things too.
1280
01:15:26,623 --> 01:15:31,360
Whether it be a friend,
or a love.
1281
01:15:31,394 --> 01:15:37,466
Or whatever.
1282
01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:41,004
I gotta go catch him.
1283
01:15:41,037 --> 01:15:43,707
Thank you.
1284
01:15:43,740 --> 01:15:46,309
Um, okay, so I'll
see you around.
1285
01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:47,343
Professionally?
1286
01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,345
Oh, not a chance in hell.
1287
01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:50,614
Good call.
1288
01:15:50,647 --> 01:16:10,333
* * *
1289
01:16:10,366 --> 01:16:42,632
[Crowd cheering]
1290
01:16:42,666 --> 01:16:45,134
Dammit, where is he?!
1291
01:16:45,168 --> 01:16:48,271
I think you found him.
1292
01:16:48,304 --> 01:16:51,808
My whole life, I have waited,
1293
01:16:51,841 --> 01:16:55,578
So long, for the
perfect moment.
1294
01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:59,115
The perfect,
cookie-cutter life.
1295
01:16:59,148 --> 01:17:00,216
Corey...
1296
01:17:00,249 --> 01:17:02,585
If you need to go, go.
1297
01:17:02,618 --> 01:17:03,887
Corey...
1298
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:07,991
But all I want to say, is that
when we're together,
1299
01:17:08,024 --> 01:17:13,462
Every moment is the
perfect moment.
1300
01:17:13,496 --> 01:17:14,764
So...
1301
01:17:14,798 --> 01:17:23,006
Where do you want to go first?
1302
01:17:23,039 --> 01:17:25,574
Anywhere.
1303
01:17:25,608 --> 01:17:26,910
Everywhere.
1304
01:17:26,943 --> 01:17:30,479
Right now? Right this second?
1305
01:17:30,513 --> 01:17:34,117
KELSEY, I'M RUNNING
AWAY WITH PETE!
1306
01:17:34,150 --> 01:17:36,619
And I don't know when I'm
going to be back!
1307
01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:40,589
A few weeks, or a
few months...
1308
01:17:40,623 --> 01:17:47,430
Or whatever!
1309
01:17:47,463 --> 01:17:49,665
Free drinks for all you
faggots!
1310
01:17:49,699 --> 01:17:55,571
[Cheering]
1311
01:17:55,604 --> 01:18:00,744
Ugh, smells like junior high!
1312
01:18:00,777 --> 01:18:04,547
- I love you, sis!
- Love you more!
1313
01:18:04,580 --> 01:18:08,017
Where do you want to go first?
1314
01:18:08,051 --> 01:18:13,022
Surprise me.
1315
01:18:13,056 --> 01:18:15,491
Let's go!
1316
01:18:15,524 --> 01:23:47,590
* * *
1317
01:24:03,506 --> 01:24:07,510
- Thanks for the ride.
- No, thank you.
1318
01:24:07,543 --> 01:24:09,712
For what?
1319
01:24:09,745 --> 01:24:22,291
The ride.
1320
01:24:22,325 --> 01:24:31,033
- Hey, Kyle!
- Jon! Great to meet you.
1321
01:24:31,066 --> 01:24:33,035
I'm gonna have a new daddy!
1322
01:24:33,068 --> 02:49:07,249
Did you say something?
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