All language subtitles for My Name Is Earl - 1x02 - Quit Smoking.en

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,367 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:07,406 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:11,739 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me... 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,313 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,780 Karma. 6 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,182 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,089 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done... 8 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,159 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,228 I'm just tryin'to be a better person. 10 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:31,889 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,233 The tough thing about having a list... 12 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:37,735 of over 200 things you've done wrong to people... 13 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:41,204 is choosing which one you're gonna make up for next. 14 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,366 Should I do number 73- 15 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:46,377 always took a penny, never left a penny? 16 00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,879 Count that up and see if I've got any change coming back. 17 00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,685 [ Earl Narrating ] Or should it be number 86- 18 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,353 stole a car from a one-legged girl? 19 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:06,396 You said you loved me! 20 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,467 [ Ricochet ] 21 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,139 [ Earl Narrating ] Or should I tackle one of the many things on the list... 22 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,141 that involve my ex-wife, Joy? 23 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,539 I still can't believe that son of a bitch won the lottery right after I divorced him. 24 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,550 Half that money should be mine. 25 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,552 Look at my bicep when I do this. 26 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,986 See how it pop out right there on the side? 27 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,990 That's new. 28 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,117 I'm gonna get me that money. 29 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:42,497 - What's this? - I got you something to help you with your list. 30 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,400 It's a quit smoking tape. Remember number 102- 31 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,474 harmed and possibly killed people with second-hand smoke. 32 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,673 Oh, yeah. Where'd you get it? It's got jelly on it. 33 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,771 I showed Catalina where the good yard sales are. 34 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:59,181 I got a foot massager for two dollars. All it needs is a new motor. 35 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,612 [ Earl Narrating ] Ever since the first time Catalina cleaned our room... 36 00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:07,124 Randy's been making any excuse to spend time with her. 37 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:10,856 Hey, how much for this tape that helps you quit smoking? 38 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,831 [ Synthesized Voice ] Forty cents. 39 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,699 - How about 25? - Thirty-five. 40 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,829 - Thirty? - Thirty-two. 41 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:24,103 Deal. Hey, say "Luke, I am your father." 42 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,644 Luke, I am your father. 43 00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,714 [ Randy ] So, you gonna quit? 44 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:32,808 Yeah, yeah, I am. I just wanna finish this pack first. I don't wanna be wasteful. 45 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,387 Number 49 on my list- I've been wasteful. 46 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,547 So what's next on your list? 47 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:41,184 - I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. - Can I pick one? 48 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,819 Yeah. Why not? I gotta do 'em all anyway. 49 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,898 How about- [ Vocalizing ] 112- 50 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,832 "let Donny Jones serve jail time for a crime I committed?" 51 00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,029 Oh, man. Donny Jones. 52 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,969 [ Earl Narrating ] A few years ago, I robbed a doughnut shop. 53 00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:00,511 To be honest, I shouldn't have been out... 54 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,309 because I had a pretty bad cold, and I could've spread it around. 55 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:07,853 [ Sneezes ] Uh-oh. 56 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,684 Fortunately for me, the security camera couldn't see my face... 57 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,624 and I had stolen this shirt from a friend named Donny Jones. 58 00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:17,855 Unfortunately for Donny, he had a checkered past... 59 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:20,194 and no alibi for the night of the robbery. 60 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,701 Number four, step forward. 61 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:27,671 [ Earl Narrating ] And most unfortunate for Donny, he had also caught my cold. 62 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,106 That's him. Number four. 63 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,110 What? 64 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:38,015 A jury found Donny guilty, and he served two years in prison. 65 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,354 I'm not doing Donny Jones. 66 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:43,786 - Why not? - I just don't want to. 67 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,790 I don't even know where he lives. 68 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,793 They got big yellow books to find that stuff out, Earl. 69 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,693 I'll quit smoking, all right? I'll do that one. 70 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:55,063 - Look, I quit smoking. - You're scared of Donny Jones. 71 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:58,262 - I'm not scared of Donny Jones. - Why are you scared of Donny Jones? 72 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,464 I'm not scared of Donny Jones. 73 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,473 [ Earl Narrating ] That was a lie. 74 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:07,478 There aren't a lot of people on this earth that I'm afraid of, but Donny- 75 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,480 Well- 76 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,254 Oh, it is on. 77 00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,984 [ Earl Narrating ] Donny is crazy. 78 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,493 [ Grunts ] 79 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:26,156 [ Pounding Continues ] 80 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,427 Look, I'd love to take care of Donny... 81 00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:31,059 but I can only do one thing at a time. 82 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:34,571 I'm gonna focus on quittin' smoking. 83 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:37,074 [ Earl Narrating ] I was gonna focus on quittin' smoking... 84 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,542 but it turns out quittin' smoking is stressful. 85 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:42,206 - And when I stressed out, I smoke. - Hey, Earl. 86 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:45,148 Hey, how's it goin'? 87 00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:47,549 - We found Donny Jones. - What? Why? 88 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,452 It was Catalina's idea. She said you needed a push. 89 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:54,617 When someone's scared, they need a friend to push them to overcome that fear. 90 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:57,890 Yeah, you know, like throwing somebody in the ocean who's afraid to swim... 91 00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:00,090 or puttin' a snake in a young girl's bed. 92 00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:03,464 I don't need a push. I'm not scared, all right? 93 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,799 I'm occupied. I'm busy quitting smoking. 94 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,601 We're just trying to help. 95 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,972 [ Men Chattering, Burping ] 96 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,341 That was there when I got here. 97 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:20,345 Quittin' is hard, Randy. I didn't smoke for a whole hour, and I started to shake. 98 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:25,152 My system's used to runnin' on more tar. 99 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,158 [ Sighs ] 100 00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:33,923 [ Earl Narrating ] I knew cigarettes could kill me, but so could Donny Jones. 101 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:37,196 Besides, as far as me livin' a long life was concerned... 102 00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:39,635 I should have been more worried about my ex-wife. 103 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,310 Oh, snap. 104 00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:59,517 Darnell, run down to the Video Hut and rent me a VCR! 105 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,463 [ Woman ] Oh, my God! Aunt Millie's walking! 106 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:10,502 Look! Aunt Millie's walking! It's a miracle! 107 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,503 [ Joy On Video ] Next time you steal a camera... 108 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,835 have the common sense to steal the directions. 109 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,000 - I think I got it on. - Oh. 110 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:24,243 [ Joy On Video ] I love you, Earl, and I love all this stuff you stole. 111 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,547 [ Earl On Video ] I love that you love me and love all this stuff I stole. 112 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,019 I want to document this. 113 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:37,723 If I ever die, I want this woman right here to have everything I own. 114 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,422 Everything. 115 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:43,127 Oh, baby, that's so sweet. 116 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:48,133 What do you think of that? 117 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,210 Rewind it. I wanna see that old lady walk again. 118 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,744 [ Earl Narrating ]Joy knew that video was the only thing... 119 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:55,746 close to a will that I have. 120 00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:58,874 Normally she's not that violent, but money makes people crazy. 121 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,453 I'll take this. 122 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,715 There's a three-day waiting period for guns. 123 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:06,257 Land of the free, my ass. 124 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,328 Fine. What can I walk outta here with today that'll kill somebody? 125 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:13,092 - Anything in aisle four. - Oh, thank you. 126 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,259 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy took Catalina to another yard sale... 127 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,837 to look for a motor for her foot massager... 128 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,930 so I had some time to focus on quittin' smoking. 129 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:26,240 [ Man On Tape ] I am not a smoker. 130 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:29,212 I am not a smoker. 131 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:32,250 Smoking is bad. 132 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,842 Smokin' is bad. 133 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,048 I don't want to die. 134 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,921 I don't wanna die. 135 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,355 Damn it. 136 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:49,265 - You, and you alone, are in control... - [ Horn Honks ] 137 00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:52,269 of your destiny. 138 00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,271 Shoot. 139 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,672 Hey, I was just listening to your tape. Good stuff. 140 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:03,010 We got some Krazy Straws at the yard sale. 141 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,777 - Wanna go get some Slush Puppies? - Yeah, why not? 142 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,820 Nice, sugary drink might get my mind off cigarettes. 143 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,287 Man, I hope these straws don't have the flu in them. 144 00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:15,690 [ Burps ] Oh, hey, whoa. Where'd that come from? 145 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:18,491 I haven't smoked all day. 146 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,113 - Why are we stoppin'? - I think we got a flat in the back. 147 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,205 Yeah, I heard it too. 148 00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:41,548 Damn it. I just got those tires five years ago. 149 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,519 What are you doin'? 150 00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:46,751 - That's Donny's house. - What? 151 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,487 It's Donny's house. Face your fears. 152 00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:52,029 [ Horn Honking ] 153 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,830 This isn't funny. Open the door, Randy. 154 00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,531 It's for your own good, Earl. This is your snake in the bed. 155 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,369 I don't want a snake in my bed. 156 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,534 You can't finish your list if you're scared. 157 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,578 We're doing this because you're our friend. 158 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,443 - Donny! - Stop it! Let me in! 159 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,044 [ Horn Honks ] 160 00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:19,055 - [ Horn Honks ] - Randy, open the door. 161 00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:23,959 Earl? Earl Hickey? 162 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,704 Donny Jones! Hey, buddy. 163 00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,638 Donny Jones! Hey, buddy. 164 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:37,470 [ Laughs ] We should, uh, catch up sometime. 165 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,875 You know, when I don't have to- 166 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,641 [ Tires Screeching ] 167 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,784 Or now. 168 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,753 [ Earl Narrating ] Have you ever heard the expression "crazy eyes"? 169 00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:53,484 - Well, Donny had 'em. - Earl Hickey. 170 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,460 - Donny Jones. - You look good. 171 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,122 You look good. Look real good. 172 00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,290 What are those, new pants? 173 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,834 No. I had 'em a while. 174 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:07,303 Mmm, they still look new. Nice crease. 175 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,170 I should, uh- I should get me a pair of those. 176 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:16,313 Hard to find good pants. [ Chuckles ] 177 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:21,114 So, your brother and that little Mexican lady told me you wanted to talk to me about some list. 178 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:25,088 Did they now? All right. Good. 179 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,091 Yeah, they can be very helpful. 180 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:31,061 [ Sighs ] All right, here's the deal, Donny. 181 00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:36,834 I'm on, uh, kind of a mission. 182 00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:40,997 Wow, these are long... and sharp, huh? 183 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,940 They're my mom's. She likes to knit. 184 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:48,605 Good for you, sweetheart. Nice to have a hobby. 185 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:54,112 Anyway, uh, Donny... 186 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,314 um, I've recently discovered karma... 187 00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:01,086 and I've written a list of all the bad things I've done in my life... 188 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:03,388 and I'm trying to make up for 'em. 189 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,158 I think I know what you're gettin' at, Earl. 190 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,134 - You do? - Yep. 191 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:14,536 You had an awakening. Same thing happened to me in the joint... 192 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,972 when I found Jesus. 193 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:21,307 - Wow. - Nice, huh? 194 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:25,214 I also got Moses partin' the Red Sea on my bottom. You wanna see that? 195 00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:29,014 - No, no. M-Maybe later. - Okay. 196 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:35,449 So, anyway, about a month into my sentence... 197 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:39,759 I started readin' the Bible, and it really kept me out of trouble. 198 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,765 - [ Alarms Blaring ] - [ Men Shouting ] 199 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:45,394 Hey, hey, we're gonna gang-stomp the guard in the cafeteria. You in? 200 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,701 Sorry. I'm busy stompin' the devil out of my heart. 201 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,402 But thanks for thinking of me. 202 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:55,139 Ever since I found the Lord, I really turned my life around. 203 00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:57,545 Prison turned out to be a blessing in disguise. 204 00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:02,451 So... you're not mad that you were mistakenly incarcerated... 205 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,719 for a crime some... unknown person committed? 206 00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:09,761 I didn't rob that store, Earl, but we both know I was a sinner. 207 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:14,094 Besides, as the good book says... 208 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,794 forgiveness is the way to salvation. 209 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,029 - [ Grunts ] - [ Cushion Deflating ] 210 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,306 Wow. That's a big Bible. 211 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,876 It's my mom's. Large print. 212 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,969 - Ah. - She refuses to wear her readin' glasses. 213 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,277 [ Whispering ] She thinks they make her look old. 214 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:37,686 "Do not drink wine when... 215 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:43,418 "thou goest into the taber- 216 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,666 nacle of the Lord." 217 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,835 So, you're all churched up then, huh? Good for you. 218 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,636 Givin' up all that hurtin' people. 219 00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:01,304 - I turn the other cheek now. - And you got a tattoo of the Red Sea to prove it. 220 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,813 - Wanna see it now? - Ooh, not- 221 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,816 I'm still gonna pass on that. 222 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,318 But I do need to tell you something. 223 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:12,789 Uh, something I did to you that's on my list. 224 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:16,623 Something that turned out to be good for you but, all the same... 225 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,289 something that was wrong. 226 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,369 I was the one that, uh, robbed that doughnut store. 227 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,400 - What? - It was me, Donny. 228 00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:34,502 I was wearing a- a shirt that I stole from you. 229 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:37,411 I- I'm the reason you went to prison. 230 00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:39,677 [ Hits Table ] 231 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,952 Then found the Lord. 232 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:50,528 Went to prison and found the Lord. 233 00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:55,463 [ Earl Narrating ] Even though Donny had changed, I was still scared... 234 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,036 'cause no matter who he was now- 235 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,129 [ Laughing ] I got your gun. 236 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,538 I got your gun, dummy. I got your gun. 237 00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,837 What are you gonna do? [ Laughing Continues ] 238 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,879 [ Earl Narrating ] Donny used to be crazy. 239 00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,619 [ Whispering ] What would Jesus do? 240 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,334 [ Whispering ] What would you do? 241 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,904 Okay. 242 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:41,939 - I forgive you. - Really? 243 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:46,450 Like I said before, Earl, prison changed my life. 244 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,919 I mean, even if you hadn't have done what you did... 245 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:52,547 I probably would've ended up there anyway. 246 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:55,718 Cross me off your list. 247 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,956 All right. Thank you. 248 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:02,033 I will. Thanks, Donny. 249 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:05,934 Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go help a prayer buddy in the garage. 250 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:10,304 When he showed up, I thought he was speaking in tongues, but he's just back on the stuff. 251 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,843 Hey, don't worry. I'll let myself out. 252 00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,970 [ Earl Narrating ] And there it was- 253 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,310 Thanks to Randy and Catalina's push... 254 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,510 I faced my fears, and everything turned out fine. 255 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,758 Ow! What the hell? 256 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,330 You put my baby in prison for two years! 257 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,422 Take it easy! He forgave me! 258 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,263 Well, maybe he forgave you, but I don't! 259 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,938 [ Screams ] Help! Help! 260 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:48,810 You took my baby away! I'll never get those years back! I should be on your stupid list! 261 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:53,442 [ Screams ] Okay, okay, okay. Okay. I'll put you on. 262 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:58,888 Took Donny away from his mother for two years. 263 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:03,087 All right. You're on it. Now what do I have to do to get you off it? 264 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:06,323 - Get me the two years back. - You know I can't do that. 265 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,662 Aw, I guess you're screwed. 266 00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:12,168 [ Grunts, Groans ] 267 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,533 [ Muffled Shouting ] 268 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:48,834 [ Earl Narrating ] I know this looks bad, but she refused to come on her own. 269 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,171 - Trust me. I have a plan. - Hi, Earl. 270 00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:53,005 - Hey, Crab Man. - [ Shouting ] 271 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:56,809 - Joy wanted me to bring you these poison cookies. - Huh? 272 00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:59,679 [ Earl Narrating ] Darnell filled me in on the video will... 273 00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:02,015 and Joy's intent to kill me. 274 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,985 I wasn't gonna get involved, but now she got me deliverin' poison... 275 00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,527 it just don't seem right. 276 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:14,656 - Thanks, Crab Man. - No problem, Earl. 277 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,736 [ Muffled Shouting ] 278 00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:20,100 Let me out of here right now! 279 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,833 You let me out of here! 280 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,933 Earl, how come you're taping Donny's mom to a chair? 281 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,912 - Ooh, cookies. - Randy, those are poisoned. 282 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,346 Oh, okay. 283 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:34,908 I'm taping her to the chair because she's gonna quit smoking before it kills her. 284 00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:38,456 - Now, stop kicking. - Something about this feels wrong. 285 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,458 No, it's fine. I'm giving her a push... 286 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,085 just like you guys gave me a push. 287 00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:47,222 - [ Horn Honking ] - I have to do this. You're on my list now. 288 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,562 I took your son away from you for two years... 289 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:52,136 and the only way I can give you back that time... 290 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,899 is to give you two more years on this earth. 291 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,943 Randy- Those are poison! 292 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,548 - How poison? - Put it down! 293 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,312 Look, I know it's not gonna be easy... 294 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,478 but you're not gonna do it alone. 295 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,284 I'm gonna quit with you. 296 00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,256 I know you're scared to give up the smokes. 297 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,558 So am I. We're gonna get through this together. 298 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,566 This is the sweetest, most justified kidnapping I've ever seen. 299 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,296 - How many have you seen? - Five or so. 300 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,635 I'm gonna take the gag out of your mouth now, okay? 301 00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,675 - So please don't holler. - [ Mutters ] 302 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,802 Hel- [ Coughing ] 303 00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:35,846 Hel- [ Coughing ] 304 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,145 [ Coughing Continues ] 305 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,981 Help! 306 00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:47,491 Hel- 307 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,790 [ Gasping ] 308 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,191 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out I didn't need the gag. 309 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,269 Forty years of smoking had taken away her ability to scream. 310 00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:01,305 All right, fine. I'll quit. 311 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,465 That's my girl. 312 00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:09,305 [ Earl Narrating ] Quittin' smoking is a lot like prison. 313 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:12,941 If you can get through the first three days, you've got a fighting chance. 314 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,550 First we tried the tapes. 315 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,151 [ Man On Tape ] I don't want to die. 316 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,494 - I don't want to die. - I don't want to die. 317 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,500 [ Earl Narrating ] Then we tried the patches. 318 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,039 Someone told us to try carrot sticks as a substitute... 319 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,375 but we couldn't get the damn things to light. 320 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:56,724 After some laughter, some tears and a lot ofburnt carrots... 321 00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,023 together we battled our addiction, and we won. 322 00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:14,578 And even though we started out as strangers, by the end... 323 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,740 I felt like I knew Donny's mom as well as I knew my own. 324 00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:22,343 - Thank you, Earl. - Thank you... Donny's mom. 325 00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:33,062 [ Earl Narrating ] It was hard, but it was worth it. 326 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,360 We gave each other life. 327 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:39,028 She's gonna get those extra years with her son that she wanted... 328 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,571 and I just might get a few extra years myself. 329 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:44,540 It's hard to believe we got all that in just three little days. 330 00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,648 Unfortunately, there are other things a person can get in three days. 331 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:59,388 I wrote up a new will, Joy. You can kill me, but there ain't no money in it. 332 00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:01,425 [ Sighs ] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 27749

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.