All language subtitles for Hell Squad (1986)

This the cow.

You know that last steak was a horse.

What in the hell happened to them?

Just disappeared into
the atmosphere.

Can you dig this,
a complete elephant wiped out.

That'll sure add to the smog up there.

What are they trying to prove
with this new bomb?

That they can destroy humanity
but leave the buildings.

Maybe we can sell the idea
to a paint commercial?

The entire race wiped out but
Chevron paints didn't even peel!

Let's get back to the base.

We're not supposed to be spending any
more than fifteen minutes in this radiation.

Damn it dad!
I can't believe they actually did it!

I mean until now the Neutron Bomb
was just an idea.

I can't believe they actually tested one.

And not just any one but that
goddamned ultra neutron bomb!

But a 'UN Bomb' as the president calls it.

What kind of sick brain can
invent a device

that kills all life
within a certain radius

but doesn't even singe a newspaper?

People make wars, Jack,
not property.

Some of us in government position
believe the UB Bomb is a blessing.

What's happening, Dad?

You're starting to sound just
like those mushheads in Washington!

Come here son, I want to show you something.

Look out there, son.

See what war can do to a city.

The people out there may never be
able to rebuild what was once theirs.

If America should engage in a nuclear war,
I'd rather we be hit by a bomb that will

leave our cities intact for
future generations.

Why should all their descendants
have to live like rats,

grovelling through rubble and debris

just because a handful of their
ancestors wanted to kill each other?

Use the ultra neutron bomb and there
won't be any descendants to worry about!

I'm sorry, Dad.
This whole thing stinks to high hell.

When I get back to the States
I'm going to use my name

and my influence as the son of an
American Ambassador,

and I'm going to tell the people
about this...this horror!

Jack! Son! Wait!

- Hello Jack.
- How are you?

- Leaving so soon?
- Got to go.

Ready to take that dictation now?

Yes, sir.

Can we go any faster?

The sooner we get out of here
the better I'll feel.

We may have no choice unless
those are your friends.

Hey, here we are.

C'mon!

Come on! Get the hell out of here!

C'mon man, speed up!

Take him over here.

Hey...where are we?

How long have you been here?

Hey?

I want you to connect me with the
American Ambassador, Mark Stewart.

At the American Embassy.

This is a call of great urgency.
Do not screw it up.

Hey! Hey!

Where are you taking me?

Jack's got to be alive!

Otherwise we would have
found his body too.

And he wouldn't send this!

It adds up, Mark.

I've seen this scenario before.

It won't be the last time an American
Dignitary's son or daughter's kidnapped.

If only the abductors will make contact!
This damned waiting is...

Ambassador Stewart speaking.

Yes, it arrived today.

You must tell me...is Jack...alive?

Here, say hello to your daddy.

Dad, I'm alive and okay.

Don't worry about me.
Don't do anything rash!

What do you want?

I'm a man of wealth, influence.
I'll pay any price to...

- What?!
- You heard me, Stewart.

Use your political influence
and great wealth,

to get us the second phase fuel
formula for the Ultra Neutron Bomb.

Or by Allah your son will be
returned to you organ by organ!

How much time do I have?

I see.
And whom am I dealing with?

Never mind... Let's take a walk...

Thirty days! And we don't even know
the identity of Jack's kidnappers.

Well, one thing's certain...

We can't meet their demands.

The UN Bomb is a dangerous enough
weapon in the hands of sane people.

I've got to do something, Jim.
he's my son!

I understand.

If only we hadn't been arguing!

That's the last memory of Jack I'll have
to carry with me the rest of my life!

Maybe it won't be,
if we can pull a rescue.

- I have an idea.
- Look, don't bullshit me!

I've already been refused
help by the Israelis.

Even our own government!

Too many political problems involved.

I'm not talking about any
government sanctioned rescue.

Then what?

Mark, I'm not only your assistant,
I'm your friend.

- So trust me, okay?
- What choice do I have?

Remember what I did before you hired me?

I have a lot of connections.

I heading over to the
airport right now.

Have Anna call and get me on
the next flight back to the States.

Las Vegas.

Girls looked great tonight, Jen.

You did a terrific job with them.

Should be a good show tonight.

Thanks Geoff.

Hello there.

- We know there's something going on.
- Want a drink, gentlemen?

- I want you to take a walk.
- What are you talking about?

I said take a walk!

I'll get security, Jen.

For strong boys I thought I was
supposed to be the weaker sex!

All right creeps, want any more?
Come and get it!

That's enough, Jen!

- You've passed the test.
- Jim?

- What's going on?
- Sorry about that.

I had to see if you still had it.

- Well?
- Obviously you still do.

Look who shows up back in my life
every two years like clockwork.

- How long is this episode going to last?
- I've been out of the country, Jen.

Now I need your help.
Let me explain.

I have an offer that can make
you and your girls more money

than they'll ever make in Las Vegas.

Give details...

It's not going to be easy.

Where are the girls?

C'mon, let's go.

Wait in the car.

Now don't be so negative, sweetie.
Please don't get mad.

We've been rehearsing and
performing for months now.

Pick it up on this.
Shaking our butts and for what?

Not for the money or for
the fame. That's for sure!

When did you ever worry about money?

Now, baby.

Sometimes I think mom was right.

At least if I'd stayed home
I wouldn't be broke all the time.

For sure!

I'm with you. The more I
think about it the less I like it.

Who wouldn't like you?

I really like being with you.

Geez, what is this,
Grand Central Station?

Sorry about the intrusion girls,
but we have to talk.

This is Jim Radder,
an old friend.

And he needs some volunteers.

- For what?
- Well, we all know what's legal in this town.

No, nothing quite like that.

Jen here tells me that you all came out
here for, money, fame, excitement.

Even one would be nice.

- Jim can get you all three.
- If you qualify.

You don't think we qualify?

It'll take more than some T & A.

It'll be tough and dangerous.

What do we have to do?
Rob Caesar's Palace?

Nothing quite that simple.

- Think about it. Well...if you're interested...
- Think what?

You haven't told us a thing yet.

You'll find out everything as soon as
all the qualified volunteers are selected.

I will tell you one thing though...

I'm paying $500 per week,
while you're training...

and $25,000 on your return.

- Twenty-five grand?!
- Hey, wait a minute. Return from where?

Working here, it would take me
how long to make that much?

- About seventy-five weeks.
- Wow!

- That's a long time.
- Well, what do you think, Gail?

I think...oh...

What do we have to do
for so much money?

You'll find out everything as soon as all
of the qualified volunteers are selected.

- Now are you in or out?
- I'm in.

Sounds exciting to me.

I'm in.

For a week I get
myself a boob job!

- Wow, unbelievable.
- Move it! Move it!

Sheesh! Would you look at that!
What's the military coming to, sergeant?

I often wonder about
that myself, sir.

It's hot out here.

The officer's bar closes in an hour.
Get my drift, sergeant?

Sound like a bunch of chipmunks.

So, this is the secret training centre.

This was used as a special
CIA training camp.

Well, Beth, you said you wanted
to be on the bus in the morning.

Yeah, but they're sure
leaving all these playing fields.

Can't exactly call it dreams either,
but for twenty-five grand...

Hey, what are you going to do
with that twenty-five grand, Dottie?

She hasn't got it yet!

Are you going to let them
keep us here all day, sergeant?

All right ladies, let's settle down.

All right, you're all here
because you volunteered.

We promised you money and excitement.

But I'm warning you,
it's not going to be easy.

I'd like to introduce you to
your commanding officer...

Colonel Balin.

This is your drill instructor,
Sergeant Hart.

We have less than ten days to
transform you from Las Vegas showgirls

into expert commando fighters.

During that time some of
you will be dismissed.

Some will quit.

Some, if you don't listen to
every word I say,

could be seriously injured.

And I'll tell you this...

Those of you that do make it through
are going to be the best fighters

that ever came out of this camp!

And the richest!

If you're having any second thoughts
about this, now's the time to speak up.

The bus hasn't left yet.

Any questions before we start?

Good! Move them out, sergeant.

Right away, sir.

We'll move down to the obstacle course, now.

When I blow this whistle,
I want you to move through this course

as if you were going
through a minefield.

Imagine if those tyres were mines
and you touch one of them.

You could lose both legs.

This guy's got a fertile imagination.

Girls!

- Let's move it out.
- Let's go! Come on!

Ladies, an ordinary piece of wood,
but you can if you think about it.

Remember that saying?

I want you to come up...
Each of you can do this, but Jen,

I want you to come up.

I want you to concentrate

on putting your fist right through
this wood, right into my chest.

You can do that. Now take your
time, and concentrate.

See your hand going all the way through.

Let's go.

Okay, now how did Bruce Lee do this?

Ladies, this is a killing instrument.

It's the M16 rifle, now being used around
the world in more wars than we need.

You take care of it...
and it will take care of you.

Now when we get out on the range
you will be getting four rounds of ammo

to zero your weapons in.

Never! I repeat, never,
point your weapon at anyone

unless you intend to kill them.

An unloaded gun has
killed a lot of innocent people.

Always keep this weapon pointed downrange.

Any questions?

No, sir!

All right then. Let's move out.
Red team first.

Now move, move, move,
move, move, move.

Now remember, squeeze
those rounds off slowly.

Okay, on your shoulders.

Ready on the left.
Ready on the right.

Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

- What's the problem here?
- I can't seem to get it right, officer.

Ah, well...
Ah...

Try if from the hip.

Commence firing!

Cease fire!

I told you never to point that
weapon anywhere but downrange!

You understand?!

You don't do a thing until
you're instructed!

- Do you understand?! Huh, do you?
- Yes, sir!

All right. That's enough for today.

Ladies, I, ah, got permission to
use the, ah, officer's swimming pool.

I want you all to
change into your swimwear.

In a few minutes we'll call you
back out and tell you

who has been selected.
All right.

Fall out!

Come on in.

Hey Jen, when will we know
who's selected?

Yeah, and who turns back
into a showgirl?

Hey, you'll all be a better showgirl
for the

'bang two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight'!

Yeah, but it's really you getting
our new number!

Huh! Especially the target practice!

Oh well, it was a nice vacation.

A nicely paid vacation
if nothing else.

Well, I had a wonderful time at it.

Oh, and it had a wonderful
time with you!

Yeah, those guys can't keep
their eyes off you!

I hope them watching you made them
overlook our mistakes.

Well, you might have served
a useful purpose after all.

I always serve a useful purpose.

Yeah, a couple of 'em!

I'm kinda sorry it's all
over with, you know.

Now that I got my body back
in shape, now what do I do?

Oh, you can always join the real army
if this one won't take you.

Jen if we're not selected can we
still get our old jobs back?

With all this training, if they won't
give us our old jobs back,

we'll just go in and take 'em back!

Yeah!

I sure hope I'm one of the
lucky girls who gets elected!

After what we've been through,
I wonder if it's the lucky ones

who get turned down!

Hey, I'm going to be really pissed
if I don't get picked!

You've already got that twenty-five
grand already spent.

Yeah!

You can earn the rest in the
bump and grind crowd!

- Yeah.
- You call that a rest?

Where's your handout?

All right ladies,
let me have your attention.

Quiet down, girls,
he's going to read the list.

Quiet!

Because of the delicacy
of this mission,

I'm going to read the selected girls
by their first name only.

Of course Jen, you'll be the leader.

Oh yay!

- The next are...Gilly...
- All right! Come on!

- Beth...
- All right, Beth.

- Gail...
- All right!

Oh, wow!

Tina...

Meagan...

Whoa...or nothing!

- Chrissy...
- Well of course! I knew that!

- Karen...
- Oh!

Those of you not selected
we want to thank you,

with a bonus of $1,000 a piece,
and of course the possibility

of selecting some or all of you
on our next mission.

I can't understand why they
passed me by?!

Neither can I, Mary.
Neither can I!

Yeah, hi Mr. Ambassador.
How was the flight?

I'm in Las Vegas, aren't I?

Yeah, well, I hope the hotel's
treating you right.

Never mind that.

I want to know what sort of progress is
being made in your scheme to rescue Jack?

Well, everything's going well so far.

Just give me one more day and
I'll be able to show you the entire plan,

and then you'll be able to
see our secret weapon.

- I see.
- Right.

♪ Hell Squad, Hell Squad we're the best
Hell Squad, Hell Squad we're the best

Don't ever put us to the test
Don't ever put us to the test

We're a hell of a fighting machine
We're a hell of a fighting machine

We are tough and goddamned mean!
We are tough and goddamned mean!

The Hell Squad girls got a lot of sas
The Hell Squad girls got a lot of sas

If you mess with us we'll kick your ass!
If you mess with us we'll kick your ass!

If you want a job well done
call for Hell Squad, we're number one!

According to the Geneva Convention
we are obligated to give you

food and water once a day.

So here's your food...
and here's your water!

Ha! Bon apatite!

What is this, some kind of cruel joke?

You bring me a handful of
Las Vegas showgirls and you tell me

- they can get my son out?
- Look, it's no joke.

It's all we've got left.

These girls are commando trained.

Each one of them is an
expert in their field:

karate, marksmanship, demolitions...

Mark, you said yourself that no-one
else would lift a finger to help us on this.

It's all we've got left.

- A bunch of showgirls or whatever?
- That's their cover.

Show me.

Hey! Hey! What's going...

How much?

Jen, can you and the girls meet me
downstairs at the antique auto show?

Yeah. So, how can we talk there?

We have plenty of time.
The place doesn't open until 09:30.

Meet you in ten minutes.

But we're not ready.

Wear what they have on.
Now move it!

- This is amazing!
- What are we doing here?

I don't know, but I'm sure
that it's very important.

Okay, by now you all know Ambassador Stewart's
son has been kidnapped by terrorists.

Our sources in the Middle East
inform us that he's being held

somewhere near the Syrian border.

The problem is we don't
know exactly where.

What do they want with the son?

Yeah, I understand snatching
the ambassador, but why his son?

To force the ambassador to give
them a secret fuel to be used

in a neutron bomb.

You see, by kidnapping the ambassador
they know our government is not going

to give into extortion,
so that would be futile.

They'd get nothing,
but by grabbing his son,

they hope to force him
to get what they want.

What if we can't pull this off,
then what?

Well, they said his son would be
sent back to us in bits and pieces.

That's a hell of a lot to expect from
a handful of Las Vegas dancers!

- Yeah, what a responsibility!
- We're not just Las Vegas dancers.

We're trained commandos.

Even so, our lives are really
going to be on the line, huh?

Suddenly twenty-five grand
doesn't look so great.

Look, we knew we weren't training
to become camp councellors

when we signed up,
so let's go on with it!

Go ahead, Jim.

Okay, you're booked as Las Vegas dancers
at a club in Kharim Shan.

Now your uniforms, vehicles and weapons
will be delivered to you by friends.

You'll receive instructions by phone
as to possible locations

where Jack might be held prisoner.

Your mission, Miss Richards, now
that you've decided to accept it,

is to take that location at any cost
and free him.

Are we going to have to kill people?

No! We just fire point blank!

If they fall down and die,
that's their problem!

Now once you get there
take the location.

If Jack is not there, you're to
pick up any vehicles, weapons,

ammunition that you can find
for future assaults.

If Jack is there, there'll
be a plane waiting for you

at an airfield just outside of Khahim Shan.

Now it's only going to
be there for four days.

On the fourth day
it leaves at 10 a.m.

What if we don't find him?

Well, I guess you'll
have to miss the plane.

- You know, Jim, you're all heart.
- Look, there's a lot at stake here.

I've got my job to do
and you've got yours.

There's not a lot of room
for compassion here.

So I've noticed.

Okay girls, come on.
Let's get our gear and take off.

- Bye, Jim!
- Goof luck. Jen...

Yes?

Good luck.

I'm bushed.

Really! What an exhausting flight!

Wow!

If I would have known hotels look
like this in this part of the world

I would have visited here long ago!

- It's the British influence.
- Otherwise we'd be staying in tents.

Ha! Don't get too enthusiastic!

This might be the only luxury
we see while we're here.

I could just sleep for days.

Wake me up when the war's over.

Don't take up too much room.
You know there's nine of us

and only five beds.

This might not prove to be
the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas,

but instead the Downtown Y!

- Aren't you guys forgetting something?
- What's that?

The bedroom!

Hey, a terror of a tub!

- All right!
- There's enough room in here for all of us.

Well , I'd rather be in there
with all men!

All men!

Hey, so what do we do?
Take turns?

Well, I read on the plane over here
that there's a water shortage.

Plenty of oil in this country
but little water.

So I suggest that we fill the tub
and all get in at once.

Hey, I've got some real sexy bubble bath!

I think I hear the telephone.

Oh, I think you're right.
It is the telephone.

- Wonder who it's for?
- It's got to be for one of us!

What if it's an obscene phone call?

Of course there is one way to find out.

Yeah, well, somebody could answer it.

Well hey, that's right.
Somebody could answer it.

Who's going to answer it?

Jen, you answer it.
You're our leader.

Not right now I'm not!

Hey, Jen, what about that hope you
made on us back in the States?

Well now you're copping out!

All right! All right!

A girl can't even get a few minutes
relaxation without you creeps needling her!

- Whoa!
- Oh, yeah.

We don't even know what's happening!

Hello? Yes, This is she.

- Kasmal.
- The jeeps will be where?

Oh, yes, I understand.

Could you spell the name
of that last city for me?

- K S M A L. At 5 a.m.
- 5 a.m. in the morning?

- Understand?
- Yes. We'll be there, ready for battle.

- Good luck.
- Right.

Jen, who was it?

It was this rich oil sheik who
wanted to take us all to dinner

and give each one of us
a diamond necklace,

if we met him downstairs in five minutes!

Isn't she cool?

Hey, hey! It was just
a little Arabic joke, girls.

Oh well, this is just a little
sprinkler joke!

Why are we entering the fire exits?

Because we can't go through
the middle of the hotel

with our uniform on.
Can we?

Come on! You know what I want?

A cold drink and a hot bath!

Oh, I'd kill for a glass of wine.

You know, if it wasn't for knowing
that somewhere that they're holding

and maybe even torturing
the ambassador's son,

I just couldn't keep on shooting men.

I could.

I could close my eyes and
pretend I'm in a shooting gallery,

like the one we used to have back home.

You girls just don't know
how to handle a fight.

Isn't this our cue to jump in
a bath full of men?

- Yeah, that's gross.
- God I'm dirty!

If I didn't know that tub was
waiting for me when I got here!

You know, that's just the life
of a commando.

Yes, this is she.
No. No sign of the son.

Where?

Well, I hope we have better luck
locating Jack tomorrow.

All right. yes, I have it.

Right. Tomorrow, 5 a.m.
We'll be there.

Right! This isn't anything like
the tank we trained on.

- Now what?!
- Don't worry. I figure this thing out.

Like rotate left.

Okay. I've got them in my sight.

Okay, make a big bang.

I always do.

A direct hit!

Let's go!

There's a jeep.
Go that way!

Watch out!
You're driving on the ammo dump!

Look out!
Watch where you're going!

All right! Okay!

It's a good thing you
didn't hit that outhouse!

Yes, this is she!
Look, whoever you are,

we've raided and killed dozens of Arabs
and none of them seemed to be terrorists!

Nor do they have any idea
of where Stewart's son is.

That's too bad.

No, we can't go back!

We have to cancel the club.
They're already getting suspicious.

All right. I'll wait for your call,
and the directions better be right!

Nice to see you.

I guess I better start
greeting the little bastards!

You had better watch
what you say.

One day, one might understand you.

They're just words of endearment,
my little darling.

Besides, we always talk like that
to one another in the States.

I just bet you do.

We, how are you tonight,
you rancid sacks of suet?

Oh, we got a great show for you
lame-brained idiots tonight!

Right.

Ah! Let's drink up!
Drink up, you scum bums!

I need all the money I can get so I
can get out of your stinking country!

Nice seeing you.

Oh, I'll drink to that!
Yes, sir!

You know, in a finale number, it's a
kick, part of a right, and then a turn.

No, no, no! It's a kick, a ball change,
and then two turns.

A kick, a ball change
and then two turns...

Don't worry! Nobody's looking
at your team anyway!

Oh, what a bother!

Hello?

Be at Lebanon Heights at 12:00.

- I want to make a toast.
- All right.

Here's to Hell Squad!

♪ Hell Squad, Hell Squad
We're the best

♪ Hell Squad, Hell Squad
We're the best

Don't ever put us to the test
Don't ever put us to the test

Roll up!
Roll up!

Hello Jen. Follow my
directions precisely.

- Be there.
- We'll be there.

- Oh yes.
- Are you kidding me?

Raja.

Em chi.

I want to thank you all
for visiting me today.

Visiting you? You slob! You kidnapped
us at gunpoint out of our hotel.

How you got here isn't important.

You're here...and now, I suppose, you
want to know why you're here...yes?

Because I want to know
why you are in my country.

I don't believe you are only dancers!

I want to know what you
are doing here. Spying?

Cat got your tongues, heh?

Well, that cat is going to get
more than your tongues

if I don't get answers.

Oh...

Oh!

Release one of them
and bring her over here.

This cat eats once a week...
Tuesdays.

- And what is today?
- Saturday!

No! It's Wednesday! Wednesday!

- Now who sent you?
- Joe sent us.

Joe?

No, Joe Hastings from the
William Morris Agency sent us here.

We're dancers.

We dance at the Ed Al Casino every night
at the 9 p.m. dance show.

And at the midnight show.

Showtime! Five, six, seven, eight...
Da, da, da, da, da, da!

I don't believe you're only dancers.

Several of my men were killed
in my west tower

by a group of female commandos.

Do we look like soldiers?
Do we have guns?

I'm not wrong. I'm never wrong!

It must be you!
I am correct!

I'll feed each one of you
to the tiger.

One by one until I get the truth!

Jen! behind you!

Look out!

Tell us where they're holding
Ambassador Stewart's son!

Get this cat off of me!

You better tell us where
Ambassador Stewart's son is first.

And you better talk fast,
because I think with the next bite

she's going to take your head off!

The backhills of Amal's villa.

Amal's villa!

Now get her off of me!

Bon apatite, kitty!

I'd sell anything for a beer!

Look! There's Tyre tracks!
There's got to be a way somewhere.

Ah, so what?
There'll be no-one on it!

Probably some chariot tracks
from 200 B.C.

I just realised that we could
die of dehydration out here.

Even lack of water!

What do we do, Jen?

We've only got about six
more hours to live.

Yeah, Pauline!
Get us out of this peril!

- Okay, but we can't walk.
- I don't have a notion!

- Look, higher.
- Probably sheep.

Wonder what it is?

Déjà vu! I saw the same thin in
'Lawrence of Arabia'!

It turns out to be an Arab who shoots
the man who was watching him.

Come on!
Let's get the hell out of here!

And go where, huh?

We can't just stand here
and be slaughtered.

Can you make out what it is then?

I can see several heads
with huge bodies.

Elephants!

Out here in the desert?

They're camels!

They sure are!

How are we going to fit
nine girls on three camels?

A couple could ride ahead
and get help.

No. I think we should
all stick together.

We need a telephone.

Can they carry all of us?

Say, where can a girl get
a cold drink around here?

Is that water in that bag?

Sure it is.
Let's have a drink.

- Ooh! What is it Tina?
- It's camel piss!

This guy's taking his camels to
the doctor's with their specimens!

Give me that!

What is it?

It's only warm water in
goatskin bags.

Sure it tastes terrible,
but at least it's water!

I'd rather dehydrate!

- Can't kill ourselves.
- We will. We will!

Maybe we should follow him.
He might lead us to civilisation.

It could be days.
we can't go on much further.

A car! A car!

Stop! Stop!

Can you give us a ride?

How far is the nearest city?

We're going to the Phoenicia Hotel.

Please, take us to the city.

Yeah. Please, please!

Oh my god! Where did
these beautiful girls come from?

My goodness!

Come on over with me.
I'll take you.

I'll make a lot of money on you!
Come on, let's go!

- Right.
- Come on. We got it!

Not even undressed yet.

You better come up with
the right answer this time, buddy!

For example, where is Amal's villa?

Amal's villa?

Yeah. We think that's where they're
holding the Ambassador's son.

Amal's villa is on lake Kasbah.

Well, how do we get there?

Swim!

Do you think it's safe telling this
guy where Stewart's son might be?

What if he's not on the level
and he's using us to locate the son

so that he can grab him?

You're right.
Then we better act fast!

Come on girls, get up!
This is an emergency.

Come on, get up!
Let's get going!

We think we found out where
Stewart's son is.

Yeah,but come on!
We have to get there by morning.

Come on. Come on girls.
We have to...

Wear swimwear and snorkels.

Come on, girls!
And we've got to...

Get up! Damn it!

- Come on!
- Okay.

- What are we stopping for?
- I'm reading this huge sign.

There is no huge sign.

No shit Sherlock!
We are lost.

- What are you guys doing?
- Are we going to have to row this stuff there?

No, this isn't a public expedition!
They didn't tattoo it on my ass!

- At least we'd rather have it now.
- Yes we would, wouldn't we?

What's going on?
What did you stop for?

We are lost.

We're not lost.
We're heading in the right direction.

Well, couldn't you figure this out
that back at the hotel room?

No, I left my atlas at home.
Thank you.

Come on girls.
Let's just get going.

It's got to be around here.
It's got to be around the bend.

- We can only go anywhere. It has to be around here.
- Come on, let's go.
-

- We can't get over that mountain.
- Let's keep driving. Come on.

Come on, get your lead out!

Let's go!

Well, I don't see anything yet.

- Do you see anything yet?
- No. I don't see anything yet.

- Do you see anything yet?
- I don't see anything yet.

- Do you see anything yet?
- No. I don't see anything yet.

Keep driving. We don't see anything yet.

- The lake! The lake!
- Where?

There it is!

Come on!

Well, where's the transportation
to get us out of here?

You're in it team.
Let's go!

I wonder if there's anything
in the water?

Good.

This'll wake us all up!

Really! We've got to try all they're
going to catch us all.

Ah! It smells in here!

Hey, it's dark inhere.

No shit, Sherlock!

Shh! Quiet!

There are rats down here.

It's wet in here.

I'm trying! My knees are hurting!
I'm just telling, all right!

What's holding you guys up?

Oh! It was a spider.
Oh my gosh.

Allah give me something in this mess!

You can't afford a payment.

Give me your other hand.

That's what I call a double-header!

Jack?

Are you Jack Stewart?

It's too late for this guy.
He's dead.

Come on, this is him.
Let's go!

Come on, come on! Hurry up!

Hurry up! Come on!

Let's go!

- Want to see another big bang?
- Aren't you supposed to light it?

Probably forgot something!

Oh, Jesus!

How are we going to go back?
[arguing]

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Come on, Jack!

The girls are here, Stewart,
uh, Mr. Ambassador.

- Show them in, please, Anna.
- All right.

Remember it's Tuesday.
Is our date on as usual?

- Of course.
- Okay. Great. Thanks.

You can go right in.

They're here.

Good show! Congratulations!
Thank you so much.

Good show! Thank you so much for
getting my son here.

Good show.
My girls are really something else!

- Did you have a good flight?
- Yeah.

Well, everything worked out fine.
Here's your money.

Not quite.

At least not if you want a repetition
of the kidnapping...or worse.

What does that mean?

Jack's back safely and your girls
have done a remarkable job.

Yeah, what's all this about, Jen?

Didn't any of you wonder how the
terrorists knew every move we made?

Well I wondered how we kept getting fake
instructions every night by phone.

Then the next day we'd go out
and wipe out a bunch of Arabs,

but they weren't terrorists!

Then we'd go back to the hotel
and get another call from 'Deep Throat'

and then we'd go out and wipe out
another group of innocent Arabs!

Are you saying that one of us
is an enemy agent?

That one of us risked all your lives?

That one of us masterminded the kidnapping?

Yes, Jim. That's exactly what I'm saying.

But why?
What would any of us stand to gain?

I don't believe there's any truth
in your accusations.

It sounds ridiculous!

It's best we leave this subject alone
and be glad everybody got back safely.

Yeah, I agree,
Now this is preposterous!

Now I know you've been under a lot
of pressure lately, and I don't blame you,

but, indicating that one of us is an
enemy agent, well, that's gone too far.

He's right, Jen.
You're going off the deep end.

Let's just take our money
and get the hell out of here!

You'd like that,
wouldn't you, Tina?

Take the easy way out.
No more scrapes, no more problems.

Just get our money
and get it over with.

Jen, you've flipped!
None of us here are the terrorists!

Ah, Anna, why don't you
call the girls a taxi.

Yes, why don't you, Ann...or Anton...
or what ever your name is!

Just back off a minute. All right!
Would you let me explain?!

Oh my god!

Jen? God!

Why, that two-faced bitch!

Oh, how did you know it was
Ann or Andy?

It had to be someone
in our immediate group.

Quite frankly, Ann or Andy,
was the only one beyond suspicion,

besides yourself, Mr. Ambassador.

- There you are Jen!
- Really. That's really great!

I'm sorry gang, but thanks to those
weird midnight phone calls

I wasn't even sure of myself.

How did you finally zero in
on Ann or Andy?

When I went to the ladies room,
right after Ann or Andre had left.

The ladies room?

Yeah! The toilet seat was up!

Well, everybody know that a man
has to lift the toilet seat

to go to the bathroom!

Listen, you girls take Ann or Anthony
downtown to police headquarters.

Come on! Let's go.

Wait a minute! What is your name?

Fred.

Don't you know you'll be
executed as a traitor?

Nobody lives forever.

Let's go. Come on.

I'm shocked!

Just goes to show you can work with a
person and never really get to know them.

How about a quiet dinner together, son,
to get better acquainted?

I'd like that, dad.

Mind if I bring a friend along?

Not at all. In fact,
let's bring a few friends along.

How about it Jen.
How about a little dinner and conversation?

Okay, but give me two years to change!

Oh, come on Jen, be reasonable...